Bad return address on spam 





Good Morning, ,

Thank you, Sig!

Today is Tuesday, Sept 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Crime Stoppers president charged in $3M pot bust 
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 27, in 
1825 George Stephenson, an English steem engine builder,
operated the first locomotive that hauled a passenger train. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Anybody who has doubts about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one. --- George Meany A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. --- Sir Winston Churchill I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. --- Wilson Mizner ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation. He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence. The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?" There were a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said, "My mother-in-law got a pretty good look at you." ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this delightful classic: Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one! Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on -- this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill- fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they got the boots off and he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em." Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots." ______________________________________________________ You did WHAT? ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jon-Paul Fuller, 44, Leamington, Ontario Crime Stoppers president charged in $3M pot bust The president of an Ontario chapter of Crime Stoppers was forced out of his position this week, after police charged him in connection with a large marijuana grow-operation. Windsor & Essex County Crime Stoppers voted Thursday, to remove Jon-Paul Fuller the day after Ontario Provincial Police raided greenhouses in Leamington, Ont. Police said they found more than 2,900 marijuana plants with an estimated value of $2.9 million, along with 41 kilograms of harvested marijuana worth about $180,000. “It’s difficult to accept, very shocking, but nonetheless we’re moving forward,” said Charlie Hotham, who preceded Fuller as president and was reinstated on Thursday. “We don’t want to let one person take away from the good deeds that Crime Stoppers does,” he added. Hotham said the Crime Stoppers board is not involved in the day-to-day operation of the tip line, which allows people to offer information on crimes without contacting police. Fuller is charged with production of marijuana and possession for the purpose of trafficking. Also charged is Doc Van Phan, 53, also of Leamington. Fuller had also recently been president and CEO of Aphria — a licensed medical marijuana production company based in Leamington — from February 2013 to May 2014. More recently, Fuller’s page identifies him as the president of “CAFR Corp” since July 2015. The company is described as “Assisting MMPR patients” — a reference to Marijuana for Medical Purposes Regulations. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Joyce RE: bad return addresses Dear Webby, I love my "MailWasher Pro" but lately I have been getting some of my bounced mail back again from their server saying that the return address has a fatal error. Well, we both know that it is just the spammers way of getting around my "MailWasher Pro", What I want to know: is there a way of not getting all these mail delivery failed notices, a setting that I don't have working for me or something? Thank you for your great humor newsletter, it's so informative that I can't wait to read the next one. PS. I also enjoy the humor, Joyce Dear Joyce Don't bother bouncing mail to spammers. They never use their own address anyway. They just fake an address, sometimes even yours. Bouncing spam back to you is rather silly. You can bounce email to your mother-in-law or politicians, but other than that, it's best to just send the spam to trash. Automatically, without even showing in the list. It's really cool to see an INbox, that has just the few emails, that you are going to answer. Have FUN! DearWebby While I was attending a law course, the 'Audi alteram parten' rule was explained to us. Translated it means "To hear the other party." After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule. Responded one man "My Wife."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com 7 Minute Icing By likekinds [192 Posts, 892 Comments] Prep Time: 5 min Cook Time: 7-10 min Total Time: 20 min Yield: Enough to ice two 9 inch layers Source: American History Ingredients: Here is my version. It's pretty much the standard. 2 large egg whites 1/3 cup water 1 cup granulated sugar 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract 1/4 tsp cream of tartar Notes: Mixing bowl and beaters must be immaculate. A trace of grease will ruin the icing. Also there must be no yolk in the egg whites. Cream of tartar acts as a stabilizer to the egg whites. It's effects are more pronounced in meringues than in cooked icings. I have made this icing with and without cream of tartar, and can't tell any difference. Let's call it optional. Steps: In lower half of double boiler, have and keep rapidly boiling water. In upper half, add all ingredients. Place over lower half. Immediately start beating with mixer on medium or high. Make sure the mixture near the bottom is constantly blended with the higher. Keep mixing that icing off the sides with that the inner. There is no exact time to stop beating the icing. I usually find myself beating it for about ten minutes. When testing shows the icing to have stiffness and body to your liking, remove from heat and stop beating. Allow the icing to cool on counter top for five minutes. Then mix again for about 30 seconds for extra smoothness.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, Paul finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted. "Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back."
let me in!
____________________________________________________ Belinda was complaining about her husband spending all his time at the pub, so one night he took her along. "What'll ya have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So the Bob ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one go. Belinda watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, it's nasty poison!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," yelled the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!" ____________________________________________________ Church Bulletin: "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use the large double door at the side entrance." ____________________________________________________
The two colored rivers in Germany
____________________________________________________

Today on September 27 in
1779 John Adams was elected to negotiate with the British
over the American Revolutionary War peace terms. 

1825 George Stephenson, an English steem engine builder,
operated the first locomotive that hauled a passenger train. 

1894 The Aqueduct Race Track opened in New York City, NY. 

1928 The U.S. announced that it would recognize the
Nationalist Chinese Government. 

1938 The League of Nations branded the Japanese as aggressors
in China. 

1939 After 19 days of token resistance, Warsaw, Poland,
surrendered to the Germans after being invaded by the Nazis
and the Soviet Union during World War II. 

1940 The Berlin-Rome-Tokyo Axis was set up. The military and
economic pact was for 10 years between Germany, Italy and
Japan. 

1954 The "Tonight!" show made its debut on NBC-TV with Steve
Allen as host. 

1962 The U.S. sold Hawk anti-aircraft missiles to Israel. 

1968 The U.K.'s entry into the European Common Market was
barred by France. 

1970 "The Original Amateur Hour" aired for the last time on
CBS. It had been on television for 22 years. 

1982 Italian and French soldiers entered the Sabra and
Chatilla refugee camps in Beirut. The move was made by the
members of a multinational force due to hundreds of
Palestinians being massacred by Christian militiamen. 

1989 Columbia Pictures Entertainment agreed to buy out Sony
Corporation for $3.4 billion. 

1989 Two men went over the 176-foot-high Niagara Falls in a
barrel. Jeffrey Petkovich and Peter Debernardi were the first
to ever survive the Horshoe Falls. 

1990 The deposed emir of Kuwait addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and denounced the "rape, destruction and terror"
that Iraq had inflicted upon his country. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush eliminated all land-
based tactical nuclear arms and removed all short-range
nuclear arms from ships and submarines around the world. Bush
then called on the Soviet Union to do the same. 

1994 More than 350 Republican congressional candidates signed
the Contract with America. It was a 10-point platform they
pledged to enact if voters sent a GOP majority to the House. 

2004 North Korean Vice Foreign Minister Choe Su Hon announced
that North Korea had turned plutonium from 8,000 spent
nuclear fuel rods into nuclear weapons. He also said that the
weapons were to serve as a deterrent against increasing U.S.
nuclear threats and to prevent nuclear war in northeast Asia.


2016  smiled.


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Email bunged up 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, Sept 26

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Disturbing video of a 3-year-old boy smoking marijuana 
led to the arrest of his uncle.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 26, in 
1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of Seoul
from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. --- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) Rest is the sweet sauce of labor. --- Plutarch (46 AD - 120 AD) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." "My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek." ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 ______________________________________________________ Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lamel Yancy, 17, North Little Rock, Arkansas c Disturbing video of a 3-year-old boy smoking marijuana led to the arrest of his uncle. Lamel Yancy, 17, was charged with endangering the welfare of a minor after he allegedly posted the video to Facebook, which police found while investigating him for a burglary charge, according to KTHV. The video shows Yancy allegedly passing the marijuana to the boy, who is sitting in the backseat of a car, and telling the child to “hit the blunt.” The boy, can be heard saying “weed” and coughing as he appeared to smoke the marijuana. Yancy can be heard laughing, saying to a woman in the car, “Hey girl, he about to smell, look he high already.” The female seated next to him, who police believe is the boy’s mother, can be heard objecting, but Yancy replies that he “will smoke more” with the 3-year-old later. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Eloise RE: Bunged up mail Dear Webby, Last weekend my mom had a birthday, and we gave her a Canon camera. We had hoped to get all kinds of pictures from her, but now my mail is totally bunged up and I don't get any mail anymore. It keeps trying to download, but nothing ever arrives. We are on a fairly new desktop with W10 and on rural dial-up. What can I do to fix it? Eloiese Dear Eloise You can't. Tell your mother to stop sending you batches of 12 MB pictures. Your connection simply can't handle that. Tell her to use ANY graphics program, even the built in Microsoft PAINT (START, paint ) to shrink the pictures to about 1000 wide, or smaller, and then send them one picture at a time. In the meantime, phone your ISP and ask them to dump your email. Yes, dump it, zero it. On dial-up you probably would not be able to download it all by next Christmas. Just imagine, one hundred 12 MB pictures attached to an email! Even on 20 Mbps DSL, that would take overnight or more. If you give somebody a camera, first teach them how to shrink the pictures. Don't reduce the camera setting. Leave that at UltraFine. If you want to crop just the distant corner where grampa trips over the cat, and discard the rest of the picture, you need the fine resolution, when you expand that corner to monitor size. Just crop the finished pictures to about the size of the large click-through picture in the Dear Webby Humor Letter. Have FUN! DearWebby Eric said his company sometimes abbreviates the shipping address of their customers to make them fit on the printed labels. However, the Assembly Of God Church aparently was not amused when the label on their box displayed, "Ass Of God Church".
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lemon Curd Tart I make my own curd and this is the recipe from my own recipe book. Beat 2 eggs and 2 egg yolks until frothy. Gradually beat in 1/2 cup sugar until thick and pale. Mix in 1/2 cup strained lemon juice and the grated rind of 2 lemons. Cook in a heavy saucepan over a low heat and stir constantly with a wooden spoon until the mixture thickens and coats the back of the spoon. Remove from the heat and beat in 125 g chilled unsalted butter with the wooden spoon. Place in sterilized jars and refrigerate By Tandy
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A student from MSU was traveling North on I-15 when she spotted a hitchiker. He was pretty good-looking, so she decided she'd pick him up. They started the usual chit-chat, and she turned on the charm. Things were going well and she thought sure he'd ask her on a date soon, but then somehow he let it slip that he was a convict on the run. "What were you in prison for?" she asked. "I murdered my wife and children," he cooly responded. Without a moment's hesitation, she added hopefully, "oh, so you're single...?"
Kitten massage
____________________________________________________ A Scotsman was visiting a friend in the mountains of Canada. The first morning in the cabin, he awoke and stood by the window admiring the scenery. Suddenly, he noticed a huge animal walk by. "Och, whut's thaaat?" he said. His Canadian friend looked out and said, "Oh, that's a moose." "Och! If thaaat's a moose, hoo big are yore cats aroond here?" ____________________________________________________ The shoe dealer was interviewing a potential salesman. "Suppose," he said, "a lady customer were to remark while you were trying to fit her, 'Don't you think one of my feet is bigger than the other?' What would you say?" "I would say, 'On the contrary, Ma'am, one is smaller than the other.'" "The job is yours." ____________________________________________________
The two colored rivers in Germany
____________________________________________________

Today on September 26 in
1777 Philadelphia was occupied by British troops during the
American Revolutionary War. 

1908 In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison
Phonograph appeared. 

1914 The U.S. Federal Trade Commission was established. 

1918 During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive against
the Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive on the
western front. 

1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of Seoul
from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 

1955 The New York Stock Exchange suffered its worst decline
since 1929 when the word was released concerning U.S.
President Eisenhower's heart attack. 

1960 The first televised debate between presidential
candidates Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took place in
Chicago, IL. 

1962 "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1964 "Gilligan's Island" premiered on CBS-TV. The show aired
for the last time on September 4, 1967. 

1980 The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to
end the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the
previous April. 

1981 The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA. 

1990 The Motion Picture Association of America announced that
it had created a new rating. The new NC17 rating was to keep
moviegoers under the age of 17 from seeing certain films. 

1991 Four men and four women began their two-year stay inside
the "Biosphere II." The project was intended to develop
technology for future space colonies. It was abandoned in
1993 when they were caught ordering in pizzas.

1996 Shannon Lucid returned to Earth after being in space for
188 days. she set a time record for a U.S. astronaut in
space
and in the world for time spent by a woman in space. 

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Born-Alive
Infants Protection Act. The act states that an infant would
be considered to have been born alive if he or she is
completely extracted or expelled from the mother and breathes
and has a beating heart and definite movement of the
voluntary muscles. 

2000 Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica had
won Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a runoff.
The declared runoff prompted mass protests. 

2001 In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was
stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian
protest since the terror attacks on New York City and
Washington, DC, on September 11. The US retaliated with
misiles and bombers.

2001 Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign
Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a cease-
fire and end a year of fighting in the region. 

2006 Facebook was openened to everyone at least 13 years or
older with a valid email address. 

2016  smiled.


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ALT key combos 





Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, Sept 25

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Convicted Drug Dealer Leads Police On Pursuit And 
Crashes Into Kmart
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 25, in 
1493 Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships 
on his second voyage to the Western Hemisphere. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) Money is like a sixth sense without which you cannot make a complete use of the other five. --- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965) Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. --- Mark Twain ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374?" "No, this is 223-1375." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?" ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 ______________________________________________________ >From Elsa I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. "Air- fare to Denver is $300," said a cheery salesperson. "And what about Salt Lake City?" "We have a really great rate to Salt Lake--$99.00, but there is a stopover." "Where?" I asked. "Denver." ______________________________________________________ Ukrainian Birches ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award has been earned by Anthony Barasky, 26, Philadelphia, PA Convicted Drug Dealer Leads Police On Pursuit And Crashes Into Kmart A convicted drug dealer was arrested this afternoon after fleeing from police and crashing his vehicle into Kmart in Loyalsock Township. According to State Police in Montoursville, Anthony Barasky, 26, of Philadelphia, was driving a black Dodge Durango east on High Street near Herdic Place around 12:25 p.m. September 19 while an officer was on patrol in the area. The officer recognized Barasky as being involved in a recent vehicle pursuit in the City of Williamsport in the same vehicle, and knew that he did not have a valid driver's license. The officer activated his lights and sirens in an attempt to pull over Barasky, but Barasky turned north onto Campbell Street and accelerated while passing on the left in a no passing zone toward oncoming traffic. He then turned east onto Louisa Street and traveled at speeds in excess of 80 miles per hour as he blew past several stop signs. Barasky's vehicle went airborne while he was traveling at high speeds. Due to the high rate of speed and time of the day, the officer decided to terminate the pursuit for fear of innocent people getting hurt. A second officer observed the Durango traveling at a high rate of speed at Northway Road and Northway Road Extension, and tried to pull him over but Barasky continued to flee. As the second officer pursued him, Barasky went through the red light at Four Mile Drive and Northway Road causing vehicles to scatter. Barasky then drove past Loyalsock Township High School where he allegedly disposed of 70 bags of heroin on the road in front of the school. Barasky continued the pursuit down Sheridan Street and then Homewood Avenue before crashing the front end of the Durango into a western concrete block wall at Kmart, where the children's department is located. A witness saw Barasky flee the scene on foot through the Kmart/Giant Plaza toward Staples. He disposed of nine bags of heroin in a garbage can in front of Staples while running through. Barasky attempted to jump a rear fence at Willard's on Westminster Drive and was then taken into custody in the parking lot. Law enforcement recovered the bags of heroin when canvasing the area shortly after the pursuit. At the time of arrest, Barasky had on him $500, two cellular phones and two additional cellular phones that were found in the crashed Durango. A test of Barasky's hands revealed the presence of heroin. He was charged with possession with intent to deliver heroin, fleeing or attempting to elude police, hit and run and approximately 20 other traffic summary offeneses. Barasky was arrainged before Distrist Magistrate Gary Whiteman and jailed on $250,000 bail. Barasky is on parole in Pennsylvania in connection with a drug delivery charge he was convicted on in 2009. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Scotty RE: ALT keys Dear Webby, I tried punchin on alt on my keyboard and nuthin' happened. As you can see, I am not a PC whiz Scotty Dear Scotty Hold down the ALT key, and without letting go, hit the first of the underlined keys. To for example save a file as a new file do this: ALT (hold down, don't let go) F ( File ) let go of both ALT and F A (save As) type in the new file name ENTER The same applies to all top menu items, that have an underlined letter. Have FUN! DearWebby A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor. "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something." So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir." "Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked. "Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing." That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lemon Curd Tart I make my own curd and this is the recipe from my own recipe book. Beat 2 eggs and 2 egg yolks until frothy. Gradually beat in 1/2 cup sugar until thick and pale. Mix in 1/2 cup strained lemon juice and the grated rind of 2 lemons. Cook in a heavy saucepan over a low heat and stir constantly with a wooden spoon until the mixture thickens and coats the back of the spoon. Remove from the heat and beat in 125 g chilled unsalted butter with the wooden spoon. Place in sterilized jars and refrigerate By Tandy
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "Then, why's the groom wearing black?"
the tablet - I want one!
____________________________________________________ A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot's neck. A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf whistles, and says, "I see she caught YOU, too." ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Anna for this one: My son, Mitchell, a kindergartener, practices spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: "cat," "dog," "dad," and "mom" have been proudly displayed for all to see. One morning while getting ready for the day, Mitchell bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D. "Look what I spelled, Mom!" Mitch exclaimed, a proud smile on his face. "That's wonderful!" I said. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight." That Christian education is certainly having an impact, I thought, happily. Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen. "Mom? How do you spell 'zilla?'" ____________________________________________________
Longest running battery ever.
____________________________________________________

Today on September 25 in
1492 The crew of the Pinta, one of Christopher Columbus'
ships, mistakenly thought that they had spotted land. 

1493 Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships on his
second voyage to the Western Hemisphere. 

1513 The Pacific Ocean was discovered by Spanish explorer
Vasco Nunez de Balboa when he crossed the Isthmus of Panama.
He named the body of water the South Sea. He was truly just
the first European to see the Pacific Ocean. 

1775 Ethan Allen was captured by the British during the
American Revolutionary War. He was leading the attack on
Montreal. 

1789 The first U.S. Congress adopted 12 amendments to the
Constitution. Ten of the amendments became the Bill of
Rights. 

1847 During the Mexican-American War, U.S. forces led by
General Zachary Taylor captured Monterrey Mexico. 

1890 The Sequoia National Park was established as a U.S.
National Park in Central California. It is still awesome!

1890 Mormon President Wilford Woodruff issued a Manifesto in
which the practice of polygamy was renounced. 

1919 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson collapsed after a speech
in Pueblo, CO. The speaking tour was in support of the Treaty
of Versailles. 

1956 A transatlantic telephone-cable system began operation
between Newfoundland and Scotland. 

1957 300 U.S. Army troops stood guard as nine black students
were escorted to class at Central High School in Little Rock,
AR. The children had been forced to withdraw 2 days earlier
because of unruly white mobs. 

1965 Willie Mays, at the age of 34, became the oldest man to
hit 50 home runs in a single season. He had also set the
record for the youngest to hit 50 ten years earlier. 

1973 The three crewmen of Skylab II landed in the Pacific
Ocean after being on the U.S. space laboratory for 59 days. 

1978 Melissa Ludtke, a writer for "Sports Illustrated", filed
a suit in U.S. District Court. The result was that Major
League Baseball could not bar female writers from the locker
room after the game. 

1981 Sandra Day O'Connor became the first female justice of
the U.S. Supreme Court when she was sworn in as the 102nd
justice. She had been nominated the previous July by U.S.
President Ronald Reagan. 

1983 A Soviet military officer, Stanislav Petrov, averted a
potential worldwide nuclear war. He declared a false alarm
after a U.S. attack was detected by a Soviet early warning
system. It was later discovered the alarms had been set off
when the satellite warning system mistakenly interpreted
sunlight reflections off clouds as the presence of enemy
missiles. 

1986 An 1894-S Barber Head dime was bought for $83,000 at a
coin auction in California. It is one of a dozen that exist. 

1987 The booty collected from the Wydah, which sunk off Cape
Cod in 1717, was auctioned off. The worth was around $400
million. 

1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose an air embargo
against Iraq. Cuba was the only dissenting vote. 

1991 The U.N. Security Council unanimously ordered a
worldwide arms embargo against Yugoslavia and all of its
warring factions. 

1992 In Orlando, FL, a judge ruled in favor of 12-year-old
Gregory Kingsley. He had sought a divorce from his biological
parents. 

1992 The Mars Observer blasted off on a mission that cost
$980 million. The probe has not been heard from since it
reached Mars in August of 1993. 

1995 Ross Perot announced that he would form the Independence
Party. 

1997 NBC sportscaster Marv Albert pled guilty to assault and
battery of a lover. He was fired from NBC within hours. 

2001 Michael Jordan announced that he would return to the NBA
as a player for the Washington Wizards. Jordan became the
president of basketball operations for the team on January
19, 2000. 

2002 U.S. forces landed in Ivory Coast to aid in the rescue
foreigners trapped in a school by fighting between government
troops and rebel troops. Rebels had attempted to take over
the government on September 19. 

2012 China launched its first aircraft carrier into service.

2016  smiled.


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When svchost is taking too much CPU 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, Sept 24

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
NC woman posts selfie and fatally rams garbage truck.
Post and BOOM.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 24, in 
1869 Thousands of businessmen were financially ruined after a
panic on Wall Street. The panic was caused by an attempt to
corner the gold market by Jay Gould and James Fisk. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. --- Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC) The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any. --- Katharine Whitehorn The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. --- e e cummings (1894 - 1962) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was almost over. "Why are you so late?" his friend asked. "I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game." "How long could that have taken you?" "Well, I had to toss the stupid coin about 150 times." ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 ______________________________________________________ During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signalled a car to pull over to the curb. When the driver asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him. "Does your dog have a license?" he asked. "Oh, no," the man said, "He doesn't need one. He doesn't drive on the highway." ______________________________________________________ Frost in the morning ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award has been earned by Courtney Ann Sanford, 32, High Point, North Carolina NC woman posts selfie and fatally rams a garbage truck head on. Click - BOOM Courtney Ann Sanford, a 32-year-old from North Carolina, was so excited when Pharrell William’s massive hit “Happy” came on the radio that she took a selfie and posted it to Facebook while driving. A moment later she rammed a garbage truck, head-on. Courtney was killed instantly. With her two college degrees and a promising healthcare career, she would have dedicated her life to caring for others. Instead, she will be remembered as a dead bonehead. The post that read “The happy song makes me HAPPY” was still visible on the phone’s screen when the police found it in the wreckage. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helen RE: netsvcs using too much CPU Dear Webby, I just noticed this week that 50% of my cpu is constantly being used by Microsoft netsvcs. I looked online but the answers I saw were very confusing. Is there a way to fix this? Thank you, Helen Fist scan your machine with Malwarebystes That should stop further damage. Then go to Appuals and tediously repair the damage, that has been done already. That involves downloading a few files from Microsoft, and deleting some junk files. It's not difficult and not rocket science, just a bit tedious. After that, svchost (netservices) should be way down the list and not even show on the first page. Your machine will run much faster and you won't have to reboot it every day . Have FUN! DearWebby A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chinese Shrimp and Vegetables By Jackie H. [183 Posts, 62 Comments] Chinese Shrimp and Vegetables By Jackie H. [183 Posts, 62 Comments] This is a great delicious healthy dish filled with aroma and flavor of wonderful shrimp and fresh vegetables! It is a very easy and quick dinner to make! Ingredients: 3 cups long grain white rice, cooked as directed 1 lb either fresh raw shrimp or cooked (large) 2 Tbsp olive oil or sesame seed oil 2 medium sweet onions, thick sliced 4 stalks of celery, cut diagonally 1/2 cup carrots, sliced 1 green pepper, sliced 1 red pepper, sliced 1 small head of broccoli, broken up in pieces 1 small piece of fresh ginger, peeled, grated 1 bunch of bok choy, cut up diagonally 4 cloves garlic, minced 1 pkg fresh bean sprouts or canned 1 can water chestnuts, drained Sauce 1/2 cup soy sauce 1/2 cup water 1 Tbsp lemon juice 1/2 cup brown sugar 1/4 tsp black pepper 2 tsp (heaping) ground ginger (to taste) a little more if you like spicy 1/2 tsp garlic powder 2 Tbsp cornstarch 1/4 cup water Steps: Cook rice according to package, and make your sauce ahead of time, stirring well until the sugar is dissolved very well. Set aside! Mix sauce ingredients in a cup. Clean and prepare all the vegetables. Using a deep covered skillet, add olive oil. Do not heat until all the vegetable are in the skillet. You want all the veggies crisp, or at the same doneness. When all veggies are in the skillet (except for bean spouts and shrimp), turn the heat on high only until the pan starts to sizzle. Stir constantly so the oil is coating all. You will see the veggies start to cook done. When they start to look like they are cooking, pour the well mixed sauce over the veggies, and stir well. If it looks like it could use a little more sauce, just add a 1/2 cup of water. When the sauce starts boiling turn it down to simmer and add the mixed cornstarch and water and stir rapidly, and remove from the heat. Add the shrimp, and stir well. Place the bean sprouts over the top of the mixture and cover. They will steam and stay a bit crisp. Serve over a bed of long grain whire rice. Enjoy!:)
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, "Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!" It was then he realized we'd loosened the drainpipe beneath the sink and turned the first "U" part so that it was aimed at his crotch.
could have been a love story
____________________________________________________ From Kathy: For our flight to the Far East, my wife and I checked in at the Korean Air counter at Los Angeles International Airport. As the smiling Korean woman processed our tickets, my wife asked, "Are they good seats?" "They are very good seats," the airline worker replied. "You will be sitting next to a handsome gentleman, and your com- panion will be seated beside a beautiful lady." ____________________________________________________ Leroy had gone to his secretary's apartment for some hot over-time. He was astonished to wake up and find that it was three in the morning. "My God!" he shouted, "My wife is going to kill me!" Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran out to the nearest pay phone and called his wife excitedly. "Honey, thank God !" he began, "Don't pay the ransom. I escaped!" "That's what YOU think, you fool!" She replied. "I paid them $500 to let you escape!" ____________________________________________________
If you don't have canvas I guess a hand will do.
____________________________________________________

Today on September 24 in
1789 The U.S. Congress passed the First Judiciary Act. The
act provided for an Attorney General and a lower federal
courts. 

1869 Thousands of businessmen were financially ruined after a
panic on Wall Street. The panic was caused by an attempt to
corner the gold market by Jay Gould and James Fisk. 

1915 "The Lamb," Douglas Fairbanks first film, was shown at
the Knickerbocker Theater in New York City, NY. 

1929 The first all-instrument flight took place in New York
when Lt. James H. Doolittle guided a Consolidated NY2 Biplane
over Mitchell Field. 

1933 "Roses and Drums" was heard on WABC in New York City. It
was the first dramatic presentation for radio. 

1955 U.S. President Dwight Eisenhower suffered a heart attack
while on vacation in Denver, CO. 

1957 U.S. President Eisenhower sent federal troops to Little
Rock, AR, to enforce school integration. 

1960 The first nuclear powered aircraft carrier was launched.
The USS Enterprise set out from Newport News, VA. 

1961 "The Bullwinkle Show" premiered in prime time on NBC-TV.
The show was originally on ABC in the afternoon as "Rocky
and
His Friends." 

1963 The U.S. Senate ratified a treaty that limited nuclear
testing. The treaty was between the U.S., Britain, and the
Soviet Union. 

1968 "The Mod Squad" premiered on ABC-TV. 

1995 Three decades of Israeli occupation of West Bank cities
ended with the signing of a pact by Israel and the PLO. 

1996 The United States, represented by President Clinton, and
the world's other major nuclear powers signed a
Comprehensive
Test Ban Treaty to end all testing and development of nuclear
weapons. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush froze the assets of 27
suspected terrorists and terrorist groups. 

2016  smiled.


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Fix for netsvcs using too much CPU 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, Sept 23
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Indiana woman offered meth for sale in wrong-number 
text to police officer
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 23, in 
1780 John Andre, a British spy, was captured with papers
revealing that Benedict Arnold was going to surrender West
Point, NY, to the British. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. --- Truman Capote (1924 - 1984) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward." ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 ______________________________________________________ After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse, put the green mud-pack on her face, the teeth-whitening cartridge in her mouth and proceeded to wash her hair and stick curlers into it. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel over her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that monfter ?" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture from Sweden ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shelby Eicks, 20, Indianapolis, Indiana Indiana woman offered meth for sale in wrong-number text to police officer Authorities in Indiana said they arrested a woman accused of sending a police officer a wrong-number text offering meth for sale. The Johnson County Sheriff's Office said Shelby Eicks, 20, allegedly sent a text message offering to sell and deliver meth to a number belonging to a New Whiteland Police Department officer. Undercover detectives exchanged messages with Eicks and she allegedly sold them half an ounce of methamphetamine for $575 at a fast food restaurant Sept. 10. The detectives scheduled a second meeting with Eicks for Sept. 15, and she arrived at the location with an offer to sell 17 prescription pain pills to the investigators for $135. Eicks was arrested on charges of dealing methamphetamine and dealing a controlled substance. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helen RE: netsvcs using too much CPU Dear Webby, I just noticed this week that 50% of my cpu is constantly being used by Microsoft netsvcs. I looked online but the answers I saw were very confusing. Is there a way to fix this? Thank you, Helen Fist scan your machine with Malwarebystes That should stop further damage. Then go to Appuals and tediously repair the damage, that has been done already. That involves downloading a few files from Microsoft, and deleting some junk files. It's not difficult and not rocket science, just a bit tedious. After that, svchost (netservices) should be way down the list and not even show on the first page. Your machine will run much faster and you won't have to reboot it every day . Have FUN! DearWebby The newlyweds had decided to take Amtrak's "Car Train" to Florida, so they would have the mobility of being able to use their own vehicle on the honeymoon. They settled into one of the train's upper berths together and cuddled. As the night progressed, the new bride was heard to say quite excitedly a number of times, "I just can't believe that we're finally married, Dewayne." After about the 3rd time in five minutes, a voice came out of the dark below them: "Dammit, Dewayne! Will you please CONVINCE her, so we can all get some sleep?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Peanut Butter Banana Puffed Rice Squares By attosa [244 Posts, 548 Comments] This is a little twist on a Krispie Treat. Using puffed rice, bananas and peanut butter give it a lovely velvety texture. You can substitute crisped rice for the puffed rice, if you like. This recipe also doubles perfectly, just use a bigger pan or dish. Prep Time: 2 Cook Time: 2 Total Time: 20 Ingredients: 3 cups puffed rice 1 Tbsp butter 6 oz marshmallows 1/2 banana 1/3 cup peanut butter 1/3 cup chocolate chips Steps: Lightly grease an 8 x 6 inch baking dish and set aside. In a microwavable bowl, heat up butter and peanut butter in 30 second increments until butter has melted. Mash the half banana. Add it to your peanut butter mixture. Mix well. Add the marshmallows to the bowl and return to the microwave. Heat at 30 second increments until melted. Peanut Butter Banana Puffed Rice Squares Add puffed rice. Stir well until completely coated by marshmallow peanut butter mixture. Pour into your greased dish and press in tightly. Put chocolate chips in a microwave safe bowl and heat at 30 second increments until melted. Pour on top of the pressed rice mixture. Place in the freezer for about 10 to 15 minutes to set. To avoid the dreaded dry and mealy look of the chocolate, don't overheat and wait for it to LOOK melted. Add a bit of butter to the chips and stir vigorously after 45 seconds. That way it will produce a strong, smooth and shiny cover. Have FUN! DearWebby
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny came home from school one day and said, "Mom, the teacher asked me today if I had any brothers or sisters." "And what did she say when you told her you were an only child?" his mom asked. And Little Johnny said, "Well, she just let out a deep breath and said, 'Thank goodness'."
National Anthem by Madison Rising
____________________________________________________ An analyst was listening to a voluptuous beauty with a problem of her own. "It's liquor, doctor," she sobbed. "I'm really a very nice girl, but just as soon as I've had a drink or two, I become uncontrollably passionate and I want to make love to whomever I happen to be with." "I see," the analyst said thoughtfully. "Well, suppose I just mix us up a couple of cocktails here and then you and I can sit down, nice and relaxed, and discuss this compulsive neurosis of yours." ____________________________________________________ Angus has been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face again. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches the bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. 'So, you've been out drinking again!!' 'How did you know?' he asks. 'The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.' ____________________________________________________
This creature looks like a poor dog that starved to death to me. What do you think?
____________________________________________________

Today on September 23 in

1642	The first commencement at Harvard College, in Cambridge,
MA, was held. 

1779 John Paul Jones, commander of the American warship Bon
Homme, was quoted as saying "I have not yet begun to fight!" 

1780 John Andre, a British spy, was captured with papers
revealing that Benedict Arnold was going to surrender West
Point, NY, to the British. 

1806 The Corps of Discovery, the Lewis and Clark expedition,
reached St. Louis, MO, and ended the trip to the Pacific
Northwest. 

1845 The Knickerbocker Base Ball Club of New York was formed
by Alexander Joy Cartwright. It was the first baseball team
in America. 

1846 Astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle discovered the planet
Neptune. 

1930 Flashbulbs were patented by Johannes Ostermeier. 

1951 The first transcontinental telecast was received on the
west coast. The show "Crusade for Freedom" was broadcast by
CBS-TV from New York. 

1952 The first Pay Television sporting event took place. The
Marciano-Walcott fight was seen in 49 theaters in 31 cities. 

1952 Richard Nixon gave his "Checkers Speech". At the time he
was a candidate for U.S. vice-president. 

1957 Nine black students withdrew from Little Rock Central
High School in Arkansas due to the white mob outside. 

1964 The new ceiling painting of the Paris Opera house was
unveiled. The work was done by Russian-born artist Marc
Chagall. 

1973 Overthrown Argentine president Juan Peron was returned
to power. He had been overthrown in 1955. His wife, Eva
Duarte, was the subject of the musical "Evita." 

1981 The Reagan administration announced its plans for what
became known as Radio Marti. 

1986 Japanese newspapers quoted Prime Minister Yasuhiro
Nakasone as saying that minorities lowered the "intelligence
level" of America. 

1990 Iraq publicly threatened to destroy Middle East oil
fields and to attack Israel if any nation tried to force it
from Kuwait. 

1991 U.N. weapons inspectors find documents detailing Iraq's
secret nuclear weapons program. The find in Baghdad triggered
a standoff with authorities in Iraq. 

1993 The Israeli parliament ratified the Israel-PLO accord. 

1993 Blacks were allowed a role in the South African
government after a parliamentary vote. 

1999 A 17-month-old girl fell 230 feet from the Capilano
Suspension Bridge in North Vancouver, British Columbia. The
girl had bruises but no broken limbs from the fall onto a
rocky ledge. 

2016  smiled.


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Cheap gifts that are not tacky 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, Sept 22

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Suspect's Distinctive Adams Apple Helps Lead To 
Grand Theft Arrest
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 22, in 
1792 The French Republic was proclaimed. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. --- Steven Wright (1955 - ) "The squeaky wheel doesn't always get greased; sometimes it gets replaced." --- John Peers ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Standing at the edge of the lake, a fisherman saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Another man was standing on the shore screaming for help. The fisherman ran over to the man. "Help!" the other man started, "I can't swim! My wife's drowning! I'll give you $1000 if you save her!" The fisherman jumps in the water, swims powerfully out to the drowning woman, puts his arm around her, and swims back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman coughs up water, then says, "[cough] ok, bud, where's my 'grand'?" "But, this is my *mother-in-law*!" The fisherman reaches into his pocket with a frown and says, "Just my luck. Ok, how much do I owe you?" ______________________________________________________ A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:"Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog's death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." As he was leaving, Muldoon said, "I'll go right now. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick: "STOP! Stop! Stop! Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?!" ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Landon Hall, 26, St Petersburg, Florida Suspect's Distinctive Adams Apple Helps Lead To Grand Theft Arrest An accused thief’s distinctive “man bun” helped lead to his apprehension in connection with the swiping of video surveillance cameras from a Florida business, according to a court filing. Police charge that Landon Hall, 26, last week stole four video cameras from the Villa Laundromat in St. Petersburg. Hall allegedly removed the cameras from their mounts while concealing his face with a “yellow colored pocket square” and a shirt. Hall’s efforts to hide his face were not successful, according to a sheriff’s deputy who noted that, “The defendant also had a very distinct ‘man bun.’” Seen above, Hall was identified by a cop with whom the suspect had multiple prior contacts. Hall was collared Sunday afternoon for grand theft. He is locked up in lieu of $2000 bond on the felony charge. Hall’s lengthy rap sheet includes busts for trespassing; retail theft; narcotics possession; robbery; loitering; credit card fraud; burglary; and possession of drug paraphernalia. Prior mug shots indicate that Hall’s “man bun” is a recent tonsorial touch. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Farah RE: Gifts that are not mushy Dear Webby, Do you have any tips for gifts that are not mushy? Farah Dear Farah Sure. Here are some that will be appreciated for a long time: A USB hub to cut down on the under the desk crawling, head bashing and cussing: $2 - $20 Compact Flash Memory chips for cameras and floppy replacement, depending on size: $2.95 - $250 A Compact Flash Memory reader for people who haven't got one yet: $4.95 - $20 A wrist rest: $5 - $500 By the way, you can easily make a VERY nice wrist rest yourself. Get a really soft, old leather jacket from a second hand store. As long as one sleeve is still OK, it makes no difference how bad the rest is. Cut the best keyboard +2" length section from the best sleeve. Turn it inside out and sew one end closed. Trim the other end so that you have a flap that you can tuck in. You may have to do a bit of sewing there to finish the lining and the cut. Turn it right side out again. Take an old towel and fold it so that it will slide into the sleeve and pad it up to about 2 inches. Slide the towel in with a ruler and cut it to length. Tuck in the flap and it's done. Makes a very snazzy looking and very comfortable executive wrist rest. Have FUN! DearWebby One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye. "Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked. "No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repot Herbs to Bring Inside By Donna [351 Posts, 366 Comments] I always pot some of my herbs to bring in during the cold weather, then you have fresh herbs all year long! Here's a photo of this year's herbs to come in soon!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' mess saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too."
Animals and mirrors
____________________________________________________ A woman was having a medical problem - her husband snoring. So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering." "Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down, and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras." "My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a new sports car!" "Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?" ____________________________________________________ Here is an old classic that just came back: The new preacher, at this first service, had a pitcher of water and a glass on the pulpit. As he preached,he drank until the pitcher of water was completely gone. After the service, someone asked an old woman of the church, "How did you like the new pastor?" "Fine," she said, "but he's first windmill I ever saw that ran on water." ____________________________________________________
Brilliant realistic wall murals.
____________________________________________________

Today on September 22 in
1792 The French Republic was proclaimed. 

1862 U.S. President Lincoln issued the preliminary
Emancipation Proclamation. It stated that all slaves held
within rebel states would be free as of January 1, 1863. 

1903 Italo Marchiony was granted a patent for the ice cream
cone. 

1914 Three British cruisers were sunk by one German submarine
in the North Sea. 1,400 British sailors were killed. This
event alerted the British to the effectiveness of the
submarine. 

1927 In Chicago, IL, Gene Tunney successfully defended his
heavyweight boxing title against Jack Dempsey in the famous
"long-count" fight. 

1949 The Soviet Union exploded its first atomic bomb
successfully. 

1955 Commercial television began in Great Britain. The rules
said that only six minutes of ads were allowed each hour and
there was no Sunday morning TV permitted. 

1966 The U.S. lunar probe Surveyor 2 crashed into the moon. 

1980 A border conflict between Iran and Iraq developed into a
full-scale war. 

1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and voiced a new hope for arms control. He also
criticized the Soviet Union for arresting U.S. journalist
Nicholas Daniloff. 

1988 Canada's government apologized for the internment of
Japanese-Canadian's during World War II. They also promised
compensation. 

1990 Saudi Arabia expelled most of the Yememin and Jordanian
envoys in Riyadh. The Saudi accusations were unspecific. 

1992 The U.N. General Assembly expelled Yugoslavia for its
role in the war between Bosnia and Herzegovina. 

1994 The U.S. upgraded its military control in Haiti. 

1998 The U.S. and Russia signed two agreements. One was to
privatize Russia's nuclear program and the other was to stop
plutonium stockpiles and nuclear scientists from leaving the
country. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton addressed the United Nations and
told world leaders to "end all nuclear tests for all time".
He then sent the long-delayed global test-ban treaty to the
U.S. Senate. 

2016  smiled.


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Windows10 Sleep/Wake-Up problem fix 





Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, Sept 21

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
California Man goes on cruisade With Stolen Crucifixes
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 20, in 
1792 The French National Convention voted to abolish 
the monarchy. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Find a man who ruins your lipstick, dear, not your mascara. --- Noella T Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. --- Russell Baker ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The wall clock in our philosophy lecture hall was about as old as the professor and had a very interesting trait. If it was hit with an eraser, it jumped ahead a couple of minutes. Naturally, that special feature was abused on a regular basis to shorten the philosophy lectures. The professor seemed to be in his own little world and appeared not to notice. Then came the semester exam. After everybody had picked up their copy of the exam booklet and settled down to do some serious cheating the professor walked around, collected all the erasors and sat at an empty spot near the front, and proceeded to throw erasers at the wall clock. For some reason that caused the cheat sheets to rustle a lot more nervously than usual. ______________________________________________________ A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. "How did you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said: 'Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer.' " ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Forrest Brantley, 35, Ventura, California California Man goes on cruisade With Stolen Crucifixes A California man attacked several victims with stolen crucifixes during an early morning rampage that ended with his arrest on robbery, burglary, and assault with a deadly weapon charges, cops report. According to the Ventura Police Department, Forrest Brantley, 35, broke into the gift shop of a Spanish mission early Thursday morning and stole a pair of crucifixes. Brantley, seen at right, then attempted to rob a victim of their phone in the mission’s parking lot. “When the victim refused to give Brantley the phone, Brantley hit that victim with one of the crucifixes,” police charge. Brantley then began walking down Ventura’s Main Street “and did the same thing to two more victims, striking them with the crucifix,” cops reported. He subsequently broke the car window of a 75-year-old man who was seated inside the vehicle and “struck the man, causing him injury.” After breaking into a thrift store and stealing a bicycle, Brantley “approached another victim...and battered that victim by striking him with the crucifix.” Officers subsequently apprehended Brantley and booked him into the Ventura County jail on an assortment of misdemeanor and felony charges. Locked up in lieu of $202,500 bail, Brantley is scheduled to appear in Superior Court this afternoon. The victims targeted in the crucifix attacks sustained minor injuries, said cops, who added that the 75-year-old victim was treated at a local hospital for a “moderate injury to the face.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bob RE: W10 Sleep problem Dear Webby, I am working with the free version of Windows 10 and am having a problem with the "SLEEP Mode". How do I return to my working screen without having to restart my computer? Do I hit any key on the keyboard? Do I hit the "Window Key" which has "Start" printed on it? Need your help. Daily voter, Bob Faria Dear Bob That is a fairly common bug in W10. You have to go to good old DOS to fix it: START cmd powercfg /h off That turns off Hibernation and the W10 problem with mixing up hibernation and Sleep. Now you should be able to wake it up with any key or with opening the lid. You only have to do that once to fiox it. You can also go into the control panel, power configuration, and turn off both Hibernation and Sleep, and simply hit Windows-Key D to clear your desktop from prying eyes, and Windows-Key D to restore it. Have FUN! DearWebby While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of first year medical students. "As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?" "Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chicken and Eggplant Bake By Mary Ray [14 Posts, 4 Comments] Prep Time: 20 minutes Cook Time: 1 hr. 15 mnutes Total Time: 1 hr. 45 minutes Yield: 4 servings Ingredients: 4 drumsticks 1 medium eggplant, sliced 2 eggs breadcrumbs 3/4 cup pesto 2 cups crushed tomatoes 8 oz mozzerella 1/4 cup Parmesan Steps: Microwave 4 drumsticks for 5 minutes preferably in baking dish. Slice eggplant 1/4 inch thick. Salt the eggplant. Dip in beaten eggs and breadcrumbs. Bake for 25 minutes at 350 F. Spread store-bought or homemade pesto over the chicken legs. Layer the cooked eggplant over the legs. Place sliced mozzarella and a sprinkle of Parmesan over that. Add crushed canned or fresh tomatoes, salt and pepper. Tent aluminum foil over all and seal around edges. Bake at 350 F for 45 minutes.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Lately, during a during a violent house-shaking blizzard, my neighbor was tucking her small boy into bed. As she was about to turn off the light he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" She smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said " I have to sleep in Daddy;s room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
old couple trying to take picture on computer
____________________________________________________ Finding one of her students making faces at the others on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped quickly to reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and it would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, aghast: "And you did it anyway!" ____________________________________________________ Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large city to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience. Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to omit them from their articles. One article that came out the next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that cannot be printed." ____________________________________________________
People are AWESOME!!!
____________________________________________________

Today on September 21 in
1792 The French National Convention voted to abolish the
monarchy. 

1784 "The Pennsylvania Packet and Daily Advertiser" was
published for the first time in Philadelphia. It was the
first daily paper in America. 

1893 Frank Duryea took what is believed to be the first
American built gasoline-powered automobile for a test drive.
The "horseless carriage" was designed by Frank and Charles
Duryea. 

1897 The New York Sun ran the "Yes, Virginia, there is a
Santa Claus" editorial. It was in response to a letter from
8-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon. 

1931 Britain went off the gold standard. 

1931 Japanese forces began occupying China's northeast
territory of Manchuria. 

1937 J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" was first published. 

1949 Communist leaders proclaimed The People's Republic of
China. 

1961 Antonio Abertondo swam the English Channel (in both
directions) in 24 hours and 25 minutes. 

1964 Malta gained independence from Britain. 

1966 The Soviet probe Zond 5 returned to Earth. The
spacecraft completed the first unmanned round-trip flight to
the moon. 

1973 Henry Kissinger was confirmed by the U.S. Senate to
become 56th Secretary of State. He was the first naturalized
citizen to hold the office of Secretary of State. 

1981 Belize gained full independence from Great Britain. 

1982 Amin Gemayel was elected president of Lebanon. He was
the brother of Bashir Gemayel who was the president-elect
when he was assassinated. 

1984 General Motors and the United Auto Workers union reached
an agreement that would end the previous six days of spot
strikes, and end the the profitability of General Motors.

1985 North and South Korea opened their borders for their
family reunion program. 

1993 Russian President Boris N. Yeltsin announced that he was
ousting the Communist-dominated Congress. The action was
effectively seizing all state power. 

1996 The board of all-male Virginia Military Institute voted
to admit women. 

2016  smiled.


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What size monitor to buy? 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, Sept 20

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Chicago man arrested in shooting, robbing elderly 
man who was watering lawn
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 20, in 
1519 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain to
find a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan was
killed during the trip, but one of his ships eventually made
the journey. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. --- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931) ----------------- I agree 100%. Fencing in the village dumps hurt progress more than the stopping of the moon exploration program. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young man had just graduated from Harvard and was so excited just thinking about his future. He gets into a taxi and the driver says, "How are you on this lovely day?" "I'm the Class of 2016, just graduated from Harvard and I just can't wait to go out there and see what the world has in store for me." The driver looks back to shake the young man's hand and says, "Congratulations, I'm Mitch, Class of 1969." ______________________________________________________ Diet is something most of us do religiously. We eat what we want and pray we don't gain weight. ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Antoine Davis, 30, Chicago, Illinois Chicago man arrested in shooting, robbing elderly man who was watering lawn Surveillance footage of a robber knocking down a 71-year-old man BEFORE shooting the 71 year old man on the ground and taking his wallet as he watered plants outside his Marquette Park home, spurred a family member to turn in Antonie Davis, a felon with 3 convictions, who's now charged with the crime, prosecutors said Saturday. 30-year-old Antonie Davis has been charged with one felony count of robbery and one felony count of aggravated battery. He was arrested yesterday. Police say Davis shot and robbed 71-year-old Fred LaGuardia, as he was watering his lawn in front of his Marquette Park home on Sept. 6th. The brutal attack on LaGuardia’s was recorded on a surveillance video. It shows him watering his lawn, when two men on bikes rode by. They return and one of the suspects tries to rob him. He knocks the old man down, and then shoots him and robs the wounded man. LaGuardia was taken to the hospital by neighbors, who watched the incident.. By the way, Fred LaGuardia is black too. BL&M ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dana RE: What size monitor? Dear Webby, What size monitor do you recommend? I do wear glasses, if that makes a difference. Thanks, Dana Dear Dana Keep in mind that you can never replace your eyes. Check out how much new eye glasses cost. Then get a monitor that costs the same amount. The bigger the monitor, the more your eyes and your neck move, and the longer your eyes will last as shown by longer periods between needing different glasses. If necessary, also get a video card that will allow you a resolution of at least 1920 x 1080. For every dollar you scrimp on the monitor and video card, you will spend two at the optometrist. Have FUN! DearWebby A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Ski Camp. He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked, "Why did you bring an umbrella to Ski camp?" The kid answered, "It was easier to take the umbrella than to explain high altitude weather to mother."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Better meatloaf By suz123 [2 Posts, 36 Comments] Make your meatloaf with any recipe you like best, then top with laying strips of bacon across the top. As it bakes, the juices of the bacon seep into the meat just enough to give it a real nice flavor. Use as many strips of bacon as desired. It's yummy.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Three patients in a psychiatric institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five more years. The doctor takes the three patients to the empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump in. The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms. The second patient jumps and breaks both legs. The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why you didn't jump?" asked the doctor. "Well Doc, I can't swim!" ------------------------ You gotta be nuts to go see a shrink!
old couple trying to take picture on computer
____________________________________________________ The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well-behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, a little girl said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead! We want to see how you do that." ____________________________________________________ Little Johnny burst through the front door with a smile on his face. Surprised that Johnny was home so early, his mother asked, "Why are you home from school so early?" Johnny answered, "I was the only one who could answer a question correctly." "Oh, really? What was the question?" his mother asked. "Who threw the chalk board eraser at the teacher?" ____________________________________________________
I would like to know the answer to this mystery!
____________________________________________________

Today on September 20 in
1519 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain to
find a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan was
killed during the trip, but one of his ships eventually made
the journey. 

1870 The Papal States came under the control of Italian
troops, leading to the unification of Italy. 

1884 The Equal Rights Party was formed in San Francisco, CA. 

1921 KDKA in Pittsburgh, PA, started a daily radio newscast.
It was one of the first in the U.S. 

1946 The first Cannes Film Festival premiered. The original
premier was delayed in 1939 due to World War II. 

1946 WNBT-TV in New York became the first station to promote
a motion picture. Scenes from "The Jolson Story" were shown. 

1962 James Meredith, a black student, was blocked from
enrolling at the University of Mississippi by Governor Ross
R. Barnett. Meredith was later admitted. 

1963 U.S. President John F. Kennedy proposed a joint U.S.-
Soviet expedition to the moon in a speech to the U.N. General
Assembly. 

1967 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) was launched. It
went out of service on November 27, 2008. 

1977 The first of the "boat people" arrived in San Francisco
from Southeast Asia under a new U.S. resettlement program. 

1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the U.S.,
France, and Italy were going to send peacekeeping troops back
to Beirut. 

1989 F.W. de Klerk was sworn in as president of South Africa.


1991 U.N. weapons inspectors left for Iraq in a renewed
search for Iraqi weapons of mass destruction. 

1992 French voters approved the Maastricht Treaty. 

1995 AT&T announced that it would be splitting into three
companies. The three companies were AT&T, Lucent
Technologies, and NCR Corp. 

1995 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to drop the
national speed limit. This allowed the states to decide their
own speed limits. 

2016  smiled.


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How to print or save a content list of SD cards 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, Sept 19

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
BL&M Chicago, due to police stepping back and not profiling,
a shooting every 2 hours. 3000 so far this year.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 19, in 
1777 The Battle of Saratoga was won by American soldiers
 during the Revolutionary War. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. --- Wilson Mizner ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Rod It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's performance. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!" --------------------- Awww, we are not all that bad! Some of us stick around for a smoke and a coffee, and sometimes even for breakfast! ______________________________________________________ A man was going to attend a costume party dressed in a costume of the devil. On his way it began to rain, so he darted into a church where a revival meeting was in progress. At the sight of his devil's costume, people began to scatter through the doors and windows. One lady got her coat sleeve caught on the arm of one of the seats and, as the man came closer, she pleaded, "Satan, I've been a member of this church for 20 years, but really, when you look at all the gossiping I've done, you'll see that I've really been on your side all the time." ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Chicago BLM The Black Body Count Rises as Chicago Police Step Back In 2016 nearly 3,000 people have been shot in the city, an average of one victim every two hours. Five hundred and sixteen people had been murdered. With the police stepping back to reduce claims by Black Lies & Murder of profiling and targeting blacks, gun homicides and non-fatal shootings were up 47% over the same period of 2015, which had seen a significant rise in crime over 2014. Some examples: Aug. 14, a Chicago police officer’s son had been killed in a shooting while sitting on his family’s porch, one of 92 people killed in Chicago during the worst month for homicides in the Windy City since July 1993. The August victims who survived included 10-year-old Tavon Tanner, shot while playing in front of his house (the bullet ripped through Tavon’s pancreas, intestines, kidney and spleen); an 8-year-old girl shot in the arm while crossing the street; and two 6-year-old girls. On Sept. 6, a 71-year-old man was accosted by a teen on a bike while watering his lawn. The robber demanded the man’s wallet and when he refused shot him in the abdomen, then grabbed his wallet before pedaling away. Syria sounds a lot safer by comparison. They don't have Black Lies & Murder. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gary RE: How do I print or save the contents of an SD card? Dear Webby, I agree that large SD cards are mainly for kids to brag about, and for saving tons of downloads, that they will never use. However, even with my relatively small SD cards, I wish there was a way to print a list of folders and their contents, or better yet, produce a text file of that. Is there such a thing? Thanks Gary Dear Gary There sure are a few ways to do that. I prefer the good old DOS method. I have used that since we had 360 KB 5 1/4" floppies, and no Windows yet. Hit START, type cmd and hit Enter. The scary black DOS screen appears. Yes, deep down inside there is still DOS. If you don't like the black screen, type for example: color 9e to get yellow text on blue color /? gives you all the color numbers. OK, now that you are comfortable with DOS, go to the SD card, for example F:\ (The file explorer will tell you which "drive" it is) Type: F: DOS jumps there and shows F:\> Now type dir /s the /s means including SUBdirectories. When you hit ENTER after typing dir /s, the names of the subdirectories with the files in them fly by at the insane speed, that you get only in DOS. You COULD type dir /s /p to get one page at a time, hit ENTER for the next page. That is handy for checking if you got the right card. To get all that into a usable file, type dir /s > c:\sd1.txt (or anything.txt) and hit ENTER. Huh? nothing happened? type type c:\sd1.txt (In DOS "type" means type it to the screen) It will show the file content at the same Star Wars speed. OK, so you know you got it all in a file. You can now open that text file with NoteTab, NotePad, WordPad, or even a spreadsheet like Quattro or Calc or Excel. In the spreadsheet you can sort and color files according to your plans. RED for obsolete, BLUE for moving to another card, GREEN for moving to a different folder on this card, YELLOW for asking spouse whether that file is obsolete or not, and so on. That gives you an action plan. From the spreadsheet you can of course format the whole list for printing, and send it to the printer. If you are scared of DOS, even though it is quite nice and civilized and has been around since the 80s, there are programs you can download. One is Directoryprinter at http://www.spadixbd.com/freetools/jdirp ... It lets you do almost all of the stuff, that you can do in DOS. However, I would strongly advise that you first do it in DOS. That gives you a much better understanding of what you need and what goes on. After that, mousing around with that program will make a lot more sense. Have FUN! DearWebby A surgeon came to see his patient on the morning after her operation. The young woman asked him, somewhat hesitantly, how long it would be before she could resume her sex life. "I really haven't thought about it," gulped the stunned surgeon. "You're the first patient who's asked me that question after cosmetic surgery on the nose!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Better meatloaf By suz123 [2 Posts, 36 Comments] Make your meatloaf with any recipe you like best, then top with laying strips of bacon across the top. As it bakes, the juices of the bacon seep into the meat just enough to give it a real nice flavor. Use as many strips of bacon as desired. It's yummy.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
I was just visiting some friends who have a farm. I was watching this one rooster chasing after this hen, when the friend's wife came out to feed them. The rooster stopped chasing the hen at once and ran over to begin eating. I just stood there thinking to myself, "I hope I never get THAT hungry."
which is the guilty dog?
____________________________________________________ Poor Ole was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept telling him the chickens had the right to go where they wanted. But the birds were ruining Ole's prize-winning flowerbeds. Two weeks later, a friend visited Ole and noticed his flowerbeds were doing great. The flowers were even beginning to bloom! The friend asked, "How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?" Ole replied, "Easy! One night I hid a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed, and the next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. He built a fence that morning and I haven't been bothered by his hens since." ____________________________________________________ Ages Of Women Age 8: Looks at herself and sees; Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty Age 15: Looks at herself and sees; Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty/ Movie Star, or if she is PMSing; sees pimples/ugly ("Mom I can't go to school like this!") Age 20: Looks at herself and sees; "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but she decides she is going out anyway. Age 30: Looks at herself and sees; "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but decides she doesn't have time to fix it, so she's going out anyway. Age 40: Looks at herself and sees; "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" -but says, "At least, I'm clean" and goes out anyway. Age 50: Looks at herself and sees; 'I am" - and goes wherever she wants to. Age 60: Looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore;...goes out and conquers the world. Age 70: Looks at herself and sees wisdom, laughter and ability - goes out and enjoys life. Age 80: Doesn't bother to look. Just puts on a red hat and goes out into the world. Age 90: Can't see enough to tell the difference between her Florida drivers license and her credit card. So she takes them both as she drives to the mall, and doesn't worry about it! ____________________________________________________
Look out! Sand storm coming!
I drove from Arizona up through Monument valley to Utah about eight or nine times. At least half a dozen times there was a sand storm somewhere between Tuba City and the upper end of Monument Valley. At the end of April, begin of May, when the desert blooms, you can pretty well count on a sand storm there. It is rather spooky, you drive along slowly because visibility is just about 50 feet, and suddenly a huge dark shadow appears like a ghost ship. One of the monuments. Even though they are farther away than 50 feet, when they suddenly block the sun, they turn off the light in the brown dust. DearWebby ____________________________________________________

Today on September 19 in
1356 The Battle of Poitiers was fought between England and
France. Edward "the Black Prince" captured France's King
John. 

1777 The Battle of Saratoga was won by American soldiers
during the Revolutionary War. 

1819 John Keats wrote "Ode to Autumn." 

1876 Melville R. Bissell patented the carpet sweeper. 

1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was consented to
giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote. 

1955 Argentina President Juan Peron was ousted after a revolt
by the army and navy. 

1957 The U.S. conducted its first underground nuclear test.
The test took place in the Nevada desert. 

1959 Nikita Khruschev was not allowed to visit Disneyland due
to security reasons. Khrushchev reacted angrily. 

1960 Cuban leader Fidel Castro, in New York to visit the
United Nations, checked out of the Shelburne Hotel angrily
after a dispute with the management. 

1982 Scott Fahlman became the first person to use :-) in an
online message. 

1983 Lebanese army units defending Souk el-Gharb were
supported in their effort by two U.S. Navy ships off Beirut. 

1984 China and Britain completed a draft agreement
transferring Hong Kong from British to Chinese rule by 1997. 

1986 U.S. health officials announced that AZT, though an
experimental drug, would be made available to AIDS patients.

1988 Israel successfully launched the Horizon-I test
satellite. 

1990 Iraq began confiscating foreign assets of countries that
were imposing sanctions against the Iraqi government. 

1992 The U.N. Security Council recommended suspending
Yugoslavia due to its role in the Bosnian civil war. 

1994 U.S. troops entered Haiti peacefully to enforce the
return of exiled President Jean-Bertrand Aristide. 

1995 The U.S. Senate passed a welfare overhaul bill. 

1995 The commander of American forces in Japan and the U.S.
ambassador apologized for the rape of a schoolgirl committed
by three U.S. servicemen. 

1996 The government of Guatemala and leftist rebels signed a
peace treaty to end their long war. 

2002 In Ivory Coast, around 750 rebel soldiers attempted to
overthrow the government. U.S. troops landed on September
25th to help move foreigners, including Americans, to safer
areas. 

2003 It was reported that AOL Time Warner was going to drop
"AOL" from its name and be known as Time Warner Inc. The
company had announced its merger and name change on January
10, 2000. 

2016  smiled.


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Size of SD cards 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, Sept 18

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Perverts Roundup in Florida
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 18, in 
1759 The French formally surrendered Quebec to the British.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Carter Groan Alert: why did the cow go back into the marijuana patch? It was the pot calling the cattle back. ______________________________________________________ A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, " My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays." The man thinks: " What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a Lutheran minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the minister and receives the same reply: "Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath !" Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi, a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. The Rabbi briefly ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?" The Rabbi softly speaks, "My son, if sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it." ______________________________________________________ Igyazu Falls from Rick ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Donald Hoppenjan, 52, a pastor at the First United Methodist Church of Pace Calvin James Pearson, 31, Pensacola David Oloms, 24, Pensacola Bradly Davis Jones, 46, Grayson Blanton, 18, 400 block of Roberts Avenue, Pensacola. Alexander Croyle, 22, 400 block of Roberts Avenue, Pensacola. Alfred Foster, 71, 1200 block of South Sutton Trace Court, Mobile, Alabama. Christopher Foster, 24, 10100 block of Weldwood Drive, Meridian, Mississippi. Devin Gilchris, 21, 200 block of Ruby Avenue, Pensacola. Adelardo Gonzales, 51, 200 block of Aquamarine Avenue, Pensacola. Jeff Harrison, 26, first block of East Pearl Avenue, Pensacola. Justin Hill, 28, 700 block of East Fairfield Drive, Pensacola. David Hoppenjan, 52, 5600 block of Thistledown Court, Pace. Erik Huber, 29, 300 block of MacArthur Avenue, Biloxi, Mississippi. Alex Johnson, 19, 4800 block of Chumuckla Highway, Pace. Mison Johnson, 22, 2900 block of Patch Avenue, Crestview. Bradly Jones, 46, 21200 block of Deer Circle, Lake View, Alabama. Darius Lambert, 33, 400 block of Evening Falls Drive, Pensacola. Claudio Mistri, 56, 7100 block of North Blue Angel Parkway, Pensacola. David Olmos, 24, 8800 block of Pine Forest Road, Pensacola. Calvin Pearson, 31, 300 block of West Ensley Street, Pensacola. Charles Phillips, 53, 9200 block of Bellingrath Road, Mobile, Alabama. Jose Ramirez-Magos, 51, 7000 block of West Lee Circle, Irvington, Alabama. Frank Rhobotham, 68, 1500 block of East Blount Street, Pensacola. Jackson Silliman, 21, 3300 block of Silkwood Lane, Pace. John Staples, 24, 9500 block of Hay Meadow Road, Milton. Perverts Roundup in Florida Operation Undertow was a 5-day long undercover sting operation targeting people who solicited sex with minors via the internet. The sting was conducted by multiple agencies including several in Escambia and Santa Rosa counties. Special to the News Journal Local law enforcement officials have arrested 22 people during an undercover sting operation targeting adults who used the internet to solicit sex with children. The arrests were announced at a multi-agency press conference at the Pensacola Police Department Wednesday afternoon. The individuals taken into custody were mostly from Pensacola, but the pool of suspects also included men from Alabama, Mississippi and a pastor from Pace. The sting, dubbed "Operation Undertow," took place from Sept. 7 to 11. According to the PPD, undercover agents posed as teenagers on various websites and were contacted by suspects who agreed to meet the "teens" for sex. The suspects were arrested when they arrived at the arranged meeting location. The videos of the arrests were actually quite funny. As soon as the perverts came to the door, where they expected a cooperative minor, and identified themselves, the door burst open and a bunch of big cops tackled the pervert like they were cage wrestlers, tossed them inside and piled on them after slamming them to the ground. They immediately closed the door and only the sound coming through the closed door hinted at the beating the perverts got. Same with the next one, and the next, and so on. The paperwork afterward must have been a real chore. "This effort of arresting and prosecuting these individuals helps to stop future abuse," Pensacola Chief of Police David Alexander said at the press conference. "This was five days of hard work for our officers, dispatchers, support personnel and personnel from other agencies." David Donald Hoppenjan, 52, a pastor at the First United Methodist Church of Pace. According to his arrest report, Hoppenjan allegedly traveled to two locations with the intention of having intercourse with a 14-year-old boy. Calvin James Pearson, 31, and David Oloms, 24, both of Pensacola, who allegedly traveled together to have intercourse with who they believed to be a 14-year-old girl. Oloms reportedly consented to a search of his vehicle, and investigators found "a luggage bag full of various sex equipment, bondage and sadomasochistic equipment," according to their arrest reports. Bradly Davis Jones, 46, who was allegedly carrying a baggie of methamphetamine and a glass smoking pipe when he arrived to have intercourse with a 14-year-old girl. While arranging the meeting with undercover investigators, Jones allegedly wrote, "I'm the only one who could potentially do anything illegal, but I'm not ashamed of anything I do, and I'm willing to suffer any consequences I deserve." State Attorney Bill Eddins said at the press conference that depending on their charges, the individuals arrested in the sting could face between five years and life in prison. Alexander said law enforcement agencies are still following leads, and more arrests may be forthcoming. The Pensacola Police Department, in coordination with the North Florida Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force, worked the investigation with the following agencies: Escambia County, Walton County, Okaloosa County and Brevard County sheriff’s offices; State Attorney’s Office; Florida Department of Law Enforcement; Homeland Security; U.S. Marshal’s Service; Gainesville, Tallahassee, Gulf Breeze, Panama City and Cocoa police departments; Escambia Jail; and the Naval Criminal Investigative Service. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Angela RE: Memory card sizes Dear Webby, SD cards have become quite cheap, and hold so much more than the silly CDs or the unpredictable CDR disks. What size do you recommend? Angela Dear Angela I use the cheap 2 GB chips, and occasionally 4 GB, when I can't get 2 GB. Anything bigger is too hard to inventory. What all is on card #7 ? Even if you print tiny return address labels with the main topic, it still gets confusing. Luckily it is easy enough to copy stuff back onto the computer and from there onto other SD cards. However, it scares me to think what all you could have on a 128 GB card, and then misplace it. What all was on it? Have FUN! DearWebby What is a Cat? 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable, except that they will always be scheming to make you feel guilty. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to be alone. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 8. They're moody. 9. They leave hair everywhere. 10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg. Conclusion: Cats are tiny women in little fur coats. What is a Dog? 1. Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house or yard. 2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block way, but have selective hearing when you're in the same room. 3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. 4. They growl when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to play. 6. When you want to be alone, they stalk off and pout. 7. They are great at begging. 8. They will love you forever if you pet them every day. 9. They leave their toys everywhere. 10. They can be trained. Conclusion: Dogs are tiny men in little fur coats.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using Leftover Pieces of Soap By Nana Lee [6 Posts, 3 Comments] I keep those slivers of soap in my sewing box. The skinny, thin slivers work great for marking my seam, or to make an X on the material. It washes off so easily. I've used it for crafts, or for sewing. It is also good to rub over itchy seams made by thick thread or those itchy tags. Just rub it over the itchy spot and it smooths it where it doesn't irritate your skin. By Nana Lee
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? Student: Brotherly love.
children sing - You Raise Me Up
____________________________________________________ A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin. "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great person." "Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too." ____________________________________________________ Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asketh the Lord. "He's on a snow tire, somewhere in Tasmania." ____________________________________________________
The 2016 National Geographic Nature Photographer of the Year Contest.
____________________________________________________

Today on September 18 in
1759 The French formally surrendered Quebec to the British. 

1769 It was reported, by the Boston Gazette, that the first
piano had been built in North America. The instrument was
named the spinet and was made by John Harris. 

1789 Alexander Hamilton negotiated and secured the first loan
for the United States. The Temporary Loan of 1789 was repaid
on June 8, 1790 at the sum of $19,608.81. 

1810 Chile declared its independence from Spain. 

1830 The "Tom Thumb", the first locomotive built in America,
raced a horse on a nine-mile course. The horse won when the
locomotive had some mechanical difficulties. 

1837 Tiffany & Co. was founeded in New York City. 

1850 The Fugitive Slave Act was declared by the U.S.
Congress. The act allowed slave owners to claim slaves that
had escaped into other states. 

1891 Harriet Maxwell Converse became the first white woman to
ever be named chief of an Indian tribe. The tribe was the Six
Nations Tribe at Towanda Reservation in New York. 

1895 Daniel David Palmer gave the first chiropractic
adjustment. 

1927 Columbia Phonograph Broadcasting System made its debut
with its network broadcast over 16 radio stations. The name
was later changed to CBS. 

1940 "You Can't Go Home Again" by Thomas Wolfe was published
by Harper and Brothers. 

1946 Mound Metalcraft was founded in Mound, MN. On November
23, 1955, the company changed its name to Tonka Toys
Incorporated. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush said that he would send
warplanes to escort U.N. helicopters that were searching for
hidden Iraqi weapons if it became necessary. 

1994 Haiti's military leaders agreed to depart on October
15th. This action averted a U.S.-led invasion to force them
out of power. 

1997 Ted Turner, U.S. Media magnate, announced that over the
next ten years he would give $1 billion to the United
Nations. 

1998 The FDA approved a once-a-day easier-to-swallow
medication for AIDS patients. 

2016  smiled.


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Free anti virus program 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, Sept 17

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
North Carolina Mother And Son Face Felony Incest Charges
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 17, in 
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that
expelled all Jews from France. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ He who praises you for what you lack wishes to take from you what you have. --- Don Juan Manuel (1282 - 1349) The noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it. --- Laurence J. Peter, 1919 - 1990 ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Q: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception? A: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives. Q: What is a wedding tragedy? A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money. Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves? A: Buy her a nice ring. Q: What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their wedding night? A: A last name. ______________________________________________________ A drunk goes to the doctor complaining of tiredness and headaches. "I feel tired all the time, my head hurts, I've got a sore butt, and I'm not sleeping. What is it, Doc?" The doctor examines him thoroughly and says, "I can't find anything wrong. It must be the drinking." "Fair enough," replied the lush. "I'll come back after you sober up." ______________________________________________________ Yesterday's Pictrue was indeed from and by Betty on Vancouver island. Thanks Betty! Cape Elizabeth, Maine From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Melissa Nell Kitchens, 44, Shaun Thomas Pfeiffer, 25, Weaverville, North Carolina North Carolina Mother And Son Face Felony Incest Charges North Carolina woman, 45, arrested for having sex with 25- year-old son A mother and son in Buncombe County, North Carolina, were arrested last week on charges of felony incest. Arrest warrants allege that Melissa Nell Kitchens, 44, of Weaverville, engaged in sex sometime last month with her son Shaun Thomas Pfeiffer, 25, last month. If convicted, each person could spend up to three years in jail, according to the New York Daily News. Pfeiffer was previously arrested on August 28 for various charges including indecent liberties with a child stemming from an incident that took place Aug. 13, as well as communicating threats, and being intoxicated and disruptive, according to Citizen-Times.com. Jail records show that both suspects are being held at the Buncombe County Jail. Kitchens is being held on a $5,000 bail bond, while Pfeiffer’s bail has been set at $70,500. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Evan RE: Free Virus Scanner Dear Webby, Do you know of a free virus scan that can be used quickly without a big insatallation? Evan Dear Evan There are a lot of anti virus products, that are not good enough to sell for actual money. If you don't have any credit card or financial information or anything important on you machine, try AVG. Personally, I use McAfee. With this link you get 50% off. Have FUN! DearWebby Saw a funny bumper sticker today: Womens Libbers may not be cuter but they sure are much funnier
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using Leftover Pieces of Soap By Nana Lee [6 Posts, 3 Comments] I keep those slivers of soap in my sewing box. The skinny, thin slivers work great for marking my seam, or to make an X on the material. It washes off so easily. I've used it for crafts, or for sewing. It is also good to rub over itchy seams made by thick thread or those itchy tags. Just rub it over the itchy spot and it smooths it where it doesn't irritate your skin. By Nana Lee
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The CIA loses track of one of its operatives, and so calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words, 'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in a pub in Dublin. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, who's president of our local savings bank. There's Murphy the Blacksmith, who works at the stables. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He lives right down the street. He usually doesn't come in here till around 8 PM, but he is on vacation in Honduras. Try any of the hotels in Tegucigulpa that have topless waitresses during Happy Hour."
cats - brain freeze
____________________________________________________ Gary and Bill had been called to their companys head office in New York for a pep talk and party. As they staggered out of the party, Bill started crossing the street, while Gary accidently stumbled into a subway entrance. When Bill reached the other side he turned to notice Gary emerging from the subway stairs. "Where've you been?" Bill slurred. "I don't know" replied Gary "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!" ____________________________________________________ In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous...or what?" "Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut, and don't pout when I yell at them." ____________________________________________________
The 2016 National Geographic Nature Photographer of the Year Contest.
____________________________________________________

Today on September 17 in
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that
expelled all Jews from France. 

1778 The United States signed its first treaty with a Native
American tribe, the Delaware Nation. 

1787 The Constitution of the United States of America was
signed by delegates at the Constitutional Convention. 

1862 The Battle of Antietam took place during the American
Civil War. More than 23,000 men were killed, wounded, or
missing. The Rebel advance was ended with heavy losses to
both armies. 

1872 Phillip W. Pratt patented a version of the sprinkler
system. 

1911 The first transcontinental airplane flight started. It
took C.P. Rogers 82 hours to fly from New York City to
Pasadena, CA. 

1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam,
began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV. 

1932 Sir Malcolm Campbell set a speed record when he reached
276.27 mph over a half mile. 

1939 The Soviet Union invaded Poland. Germany had invaded
Poland on September 1. 

1944 Operation "Market Garden" was launched by Allied
paratroopers during World War II. The landing point was
behind German lines in the Netherlands. 

1962 U.S. space officials announced the selection of Neil A.
Armstrong and eight others as new astronauts. 

1972 "M*A*S*H" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1976 NASA unveiled the space shuttle Enterprise in Palmdale,
CA. 

1984 9,706 immigrants became naturalized citizens when they
were sworn in by U.S. Vice-President George Bush in Miami,
FL. It was the largest group to become U.S. citizens. 

1984 Gordon P. Getty was named the richest person in the U.S.
His fortune was $4.1 billion. 

1988 Lt. Gen. Prosper Avril declared himself president of
Haiti after President Henri Hamphy was ousted. 

1991 The United Nations General Assembly opened its 46th
session. The new members were Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania,
North and South Korea, Micronesia and the Marshall Islands. 

1992 Lawrence Walsh called a halt to his probe of the Iran-
Contra scandal. The investigation had lasted 5 1/2 years. 

1995 Hong Kong held its last legislative election before
being taken over by China in 1997. 

1997 Northern Ireland's main Protestant party joined in peace
talks. It was the first time that all of the major players
had come together. 

1998 The United States government offered a reward for the
capture of Haroun Fazil for his role in the U.S. Embassy
bombing in Kenya on August 7, 1998. 

1998 The U.S. announced a plan that would compensate victims
in the Kenya and Tanzania U.S. Embassy bombings on August 7,
1998. 

2016  smiled.


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Fake lottery win 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, Sept 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Enjoy the full moon and warm fall night!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Former Ohio mayor admits raping four-year-old girl
but claims victim initiated sex and was 
willing participant.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 16, in 
1620 The Mayflower departed from Plymouth, England. The ship
arrived at Provincetown, MA, on November 21st and then at
Plymouth, MA, on December 26th. There were 102 passengers
onboard. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. --- Krishnamurti "Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders." --- Nietzsche I am not young enough to know everything. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." ______________________________________________________ A young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football. At the end of the season, he returned home. As luck would have it, he ran into his Rabbi at the airport. The rabbi asked, "Are they trying to convert you at South Bend?" The youngster said, "Of course not, Father!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Richard Keenan, Hubbard, Ohio Former Ohio mayor admits raping four-year-old girl but claims victim initiated sex and was willing participant. Richard Keenan, who has described himself as a "dedicated" Christian, confessed to abusing the girl over three years A former city mayor has admitted raping a four-year-old girl but claimed the victim was a "willing participant", it has been reported. Richard Keenan, who has described himself in the past as a "dedicated" Christian, is facing multiple counts of rape and attempted rape of a child. The case has shocked the small city of Hubbard in Ohio, United States, where Keenan served as mayor in 2010 and 2011. He is due to stand trial in April next year. But prosecutors filed documents on Monday claiming Keenan has made detailed admissions to the alleged offences to his wife, a social worker, his brother and sister-in-law. Confessing to his crimes, Keenan said the abuse took place over a three-year-period but claimed the victim "initiated" sex, the Youngstown Vindicator reports. He also spoke of the abuse during group discussions at a hospital, and later checked himself into a psychiatric clinic because he was suicidal. A judge will now have to decide whether Keenan's alleged admissions can be heard by a jury, or will be ruled inadmissable. Under local state law, a wife can testify against her spouse if he or she decides. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon RE: Lottery Win Dear Webby, I received an email today from: E.A.A.S Lottery Headquarters Euro - Afro Asian Sweepstakes Lottery an Affiliate of Watergate International Incorporation. Arena Complex Km 18 Route de Rufisque I.P.P Award Dept. Johannesburg, Africa .......... Maybe this would make a good story for the Humor Letter. Thanks ahead of time if you have an answer for my questions. Sincerely, Sharon Dear Sharon It's a scam. Just dump it. The headlines would actually be a lot more embarrassing: "SEXY AOLer GOT TOOK FOR $12.50 WHILE TRYING TO COLLECT HER $2,500,000.00 MONOPOLY MONEY WIN IN NON-EXISTENT LOTTERY!" Have FUN! DearWebby A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with fear when the pilot announced, "Two of our engines are on fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has eliminated all our visibility." The passengers were numb with fear, except for one...a retired minister. "Now, now, keep calm," he said. "Let's all bow our heads and pray." Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray...except one man. "Why aren't you praying?" the minister asked. "I don't know how to pray," replied the passenger. "Well, just do something religious!" instructed the minister. The man got up and passed his hat down the aisle, taking an offering.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Banana Oatmeal Breakfast Cups By StellaBell [183 Posts, 171 Comments] These delicious and healthy breakfast cups are perfect for someone who needs to eat breakfast on the run. They are moist in the middle with a crunchy white chocolate topping. Somewhere in between a bowl of oatmeal and a muffin. Prep Time: 10 Cook Time: 17 minutes Total Time: 1 hour Yield: 18 Ingredients: 3 cups old fashioned oats 2 Tbsp brown sugar 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon 1/4 tsp salt 2 tsp baking powder 1 cup mashed ripe banana 2 Tbsp olive oil 2 large eggs 1 tsp vanilla 2 cups milk mini white chocolate chips for topping (optional) dried cranberries Steps: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Mix dry ingredients together in a bowl. In a seperate bowl mix wet ingredients, stirring the milk in last. Add the wet ingredients into the bowl of dry ingredients. Stir well. The mixture will be really soupy and that is okay. Grease muffin tins. Scoop mixture into the muffin tins, making sure that there is a good mix of wet and dry in each tin. These will not puff up much so you can fill them pretty full. Add a layer of mini white chocolate chips to the top. At the request of my 4 year old I also added dried cranberries to some of them. Although I much prefered them without. Cook for 17-22 minutes. Let cool a bit in the tins before placing on a cooling rack to cool completely. Store in the fridge.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
To eat you can warm up in the microwave for 30 second or enjoy them cold.
Dog stealing food while looking over his shoulder
____________________________________________________ Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change." Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes." "You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes." ____________________________________________________ After years of hard work, Joe took his first vacation on a luxury cruise ship. In a deck chair, he recognized a former high school classmate, a long-lost friend from his old hometown. He crossed the deck, seized the fellow's hand and said: "Hello, Pete. I haven't seen you in years. What are you doing these days?" "I'm into politics," whispered Pete. "But don't tell mother. She thinks I'm still a pimp." ____________________________________________________
This is seriously awesome! The elephants that came to dinner.
____________________________________________________

Today on September 16 in

1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after
rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born
Prince of Wales. 

1620 The Mayflower departed from Plymouth, England. The ship
arrived at Provincetown, MA, on November 21st and then at
Plymouth, MA, on December 26th. There were 102 passengers
onboard. 

1630 The village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston. 

1782 The Great Seal of the United States was impressed on
document to negotiate a prisoner of war agreement with the
British. It was the first official use of the impression. 

1810 The Mexicans began a revolt against Spanish rule. Miguel
Hidalgo y Costilla, a Catholic priest of Spanish descent,
declared Mexico's independence from Spain in the small town
of Dolores. 

1893 The "Cherokee Strip" in Oklahoma was swarmed by hundreds
of thousands of settlers. 

1908 General Motors was founded by William Crapo "Billy"
Durant. The company was formed by merging the Buick and Olds
car companies. 

1940 U.S. President Roosevelt signed into law the Selective
Training and Service Act, which set up the first peacetime
military draft in U.S. history. 

1953 "The Robe" premiered at the Roxy Theater in New York. It
was the first movie filmed in the wide screen CinemaScope
process. 

1974 U.S. President Ford announced a conditional amnesty
program for draft-evaders and deserters during the Vietnam
War. 

1982 In west Beirut, the massacre of hundreds of Palestinian
men, women and children began in refugee camps of the
Lebanese Christian militiamen. 

1985 The Communist Party in China announced changes in
leadership that were designed to bring younger officials into
power. 

1987 The Montreal Protocol was signed by 24 countries in an
effort to save the Earth's ozone layer by reducing emissions
of harmful chemicals by the year 2000. 

1988 Tom Browning pitched the 12th perfect game in major
league baseball. 

1990 An eight-minute videotape of an address by U.S.
President George H.W. Bush was shown on Iraqi television. The
message warned that action of Saddam Hussein could plunge
them into a war "against the world." 

1994 Exxon Corporation was ordered by federal jury to pay $5
billion in punitive damages to the people harmed by the 1989
Exxon Valdez spill. 

1994 Two astronauts from the space shuttle Discovery went on
the first untethered spacewalk in 10 years. 

1998 Universal paid $9 million for the rights to the Dr.
Seuss classics "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and "Oh, the
Places You'll Go." 

2016  smiled.


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Saving files to CD 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, Sept 15

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
West Virginian put out cigarette in her boyfriend's eye
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 15, in 
1776 British forces occupied New York City during 
the American Revolution. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I say that good painters imitated nature; but that bad ones vomited it. --- Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "The Creation Story As Told By The Cat" On the first day of creation, God created the cat. On the second day, God created man to serve the cat. On the third, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the cat. On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the cat. On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might or might not play with it. On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke. On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but he had to scoop the litterbox. ______________________________________________________ Melvin was a chaplain in a university residence hall. He was supposed to uphold all of the school rules, which include a ban on pets. That changed when a kitten adopted him. The freshmen in his dorm kept his secret. They covered for him by calling the kitten "the Book," One morning as he was leaving the dorm with the kitten in a beer case, a student stopped him and asked, "Where are you taking the Book?" He exlained that he was taking the kitten to the vet. "She's getting neutered today," he told him. "Hmmm," the student responded, "no sequels." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cindy Jean Underwood, 39, St. Albans, West Virginia West Virginian put out cigarette in her boyfriend's eye Cindy Jean Underwood, the 39-year-old West Virginian is locked up on $10,000 bail after she allegedly put out a cigarette in her boyfriend’s eye, according to court records. The attack, cops say, occurred Monday as Underwood and Jeremy Hughes were arguing in the home they share in St. Albans, a city in Kanawha County. As the pair squabbled, Underwood jammed a lit cigarette into her beau’s eye, police charge. When cops arrived at the residence in response to a destruction of property complaint, they summoned an ambulance, which transported Hughes to a local hospital for treatment of an injury to his left eye. Hughes complained to police that he "did not have sight in his eye." Pictured above, Underwood--who is facing a felony malicious wounding charge--is being held at the South Central Regional Jail in Charleston. She is scheduled for a September 22 preliminary hearing. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill RE: Saving to CD Dear Webby, I have some text and some pictures that are of historical value and I would like to store them on a CD-R. What should I look for as a CD-R or they all pretty much the same? Bill Dear Bill Just about any CD burner will do for that. You can even get CD + DVD burners. Most come with pretty decent burning software included on a CD. Burning CD's used to be a bit of a nightmare and almost a gamble whether it worked or not. Nowadays you just drag stuff to the CD. Windows then spools that stuff up somewhere and when you try to remove the CD or right-click on it's title, it ask if you want to burn the files to the CD. Click OK, and it will do it. You can even use SD (camera) chips. The old ones up to 2 GB for XP machines and older cameras are often given away free as door prizes, or sold very cheaply. Bigger ones are available up to 128 GB. I find that a bit ridiculous, unless you want to back up your whole computer. For projects like yours I would recommend 2 or 4 GB chips. They last longer than CDs and DVDs and never get scratched. The downside is that the camera chips are so small and not easy to write their titles or content onto them. You have to print tiny labels and stick them on, and instead of shoe boxes full of CDs and DVDs, you now need a small business card box to store them, so that you don't misplace and lose them. Have FUN! DearWebby Bunny and Bob, two frequent users of a chat room, discovered that they had a lot in common. Eventually, they abandoned the chat room for a more intimate correspondence. After months of virtual kinkiness, the two decided to meet each other face-to-face at a small cafe. Bunny arrived a little late. One customer, a short, frail man with an eye patch, sat at the back of the cafe. "Are you Bob?" asked Bunny. "Yes I am," said Bob. "Unbelievable!" Bunny exclaimed. "You told me that you were tall, dark and handsome." "How do you think I feel?" Bob asked, his face turning red. "You told me that you were skinny, blonde, and... female!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Skillet Chicken with Barbecue Onion By Judy Pariser S. [157 Posts, 151 Comments] Prep Time: less than 10 minutes Cook Time: 25 minutes Total Time: 35 minutes or less Yield: 4 servings By Judy Pariser S. [157 Posts, 151 Comments] Prep Time: less than 10 minutes Cook Time: 25 minutes Total Time: 35 minutes or less Yield: 4 servingsSkillet Chicken with Barbecue Onion Ingredients: 4 chicken cutlets, about 4 oz each 1/4 tsp salt 1/8 tsp pepper 1 Tbsp oil 1 medium sweet onion, coarsely chopped 2/3 cup honey barbecue sauce Related Products: Steps: Season chicken with the salt and pepper. Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Cook 4-6 minutes on each side. Remove cutlets from the pan and keep warm. Add the onion. Cook and stir 5-6 minutes, or until tender. Skillet Chicken with Barbecue Onion Add the barbecue sauce and heat through. Skillet Chicken with Barbecue Onion Top the chicken with the onion mixture to serve.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained. The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?" "After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was not mine, but a different one that's cheap-looking and ugly!" "I think" explained the surgeon gently, "that means your cataract operation was a success."
AT AT's day out
____________________________________________________ Church Bulletin Bloopers *Sermon Outline: I. Delineate your fear II. Disown your fear III. Displace your rear *Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch. *If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check and drip in the collection basket. *Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club. *Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication. *Karen's beautiful solo: "It is Well with my Solo." *Congratulations to Tim and Rhonda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17. *If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. *We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. *Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford." *Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer. *Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight. *Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. *The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral. *The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church bard. *As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. *Fifth Sinday is Lent. *Thank you dead friends. *Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. *Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. *Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits. *For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit. *Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men. *Definition: Persons who are shut-in during bath weather. *Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas. *The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working... *Volunteers are needed to spit up food. *Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess ____________________________________________________ Bumper Stickers If it ain't broken... fix it 'til it is Graduate quickly . . . millions on welfare depend on you. Illiterate ? . . . write for free help. Jesus loves you.... Everyone else thinks you're an idiot. If you can read this, then you're in range. I get enough exercise just pushin' my luck. ____________________________________________________
27 hilarious animal memes.
____________________________________________________

Today on September 15 in
1775 An early and unofficial American flag was raised by
Lieutenant Colonel Isaac Mott after the seizing of Fort
Johnson from the British. The flag was dark blue with the
white word "Liberty" spelled on it. 

1776 British forces occupied New York City during the
American Revolution. 

1821 Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and El
Salvador proclaimed independence. 

1857 Timothy Alder earned a patent for the typesetting
machine. 

1858 The first mail service begins to the Pacific Coast of
the U.S. under government contract. Coaches from the
Butterfield Overland Mail Company took 12 days to make the
journey between Tipton, MO and San Francisco, CA. 

1909 A New York judge rule that Ford Motor Company had
infringed on George Seldon's patent for the "Road Engine."
The ruling was later overturned. 

1909 Charles F. Kettering applied for a patent on his
ignition system. His company Delco (Dayton Engineering
Laboratories Company) later became a subsidiary of General
Motors. 

1916 During the Battle of the Somme, in France, tanks were
first used in warfare when the British rolled them onto the
battlefields. 

1917 Alexander Kerensky proclaimed Russia to be a republic. 

1923 Oklahoma was placed under martial law by Gov. John
Calloway Walton due to terrorist activity by the Ku Klux
Klan. After this declaration national newspapers began to
expose the Klan and its criminal activities. 

1928 Alexander Fleming discovered the antibiotic penicillin
in the mold Penicillium notatum. 

1935 The Nuremberg Laws were enacted by Nazi Germany. The act
stripped all German Jews of their civil rights and the
swastika was made the official symbol of Nazi Germany. 

1940 The German Luftwaffe suffered the loss of 185 planes in
the Battle of Britain. The change in tide forced Hitler to
abandon his plans for invading Britain. 

1949 "The Lone Ranger" premiered on ABC. Clayton Moore was
the Lone Ranger and Jay Silverheels was Tonto. 

1950 U.N. forces landed at Inchon, Korea in an attempt to
relieve South Korean forces and recapture Seoul. 

1953 The National Boxing Association adopted the 10-point
scoring system for all of its matches. 

1955 Betty Robbins became the first woman cantor. 

1959 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S. to
begin a 13-day visit. 

1961 The U.S. resumed underground testing of nuclear weapons.


1971 Greenpeace was founded. 

1978 Muhammad Ali defeated Leon Spinks to win his 3rd World
Heavyweight Boxing title. 

1990 France announced that it would send an additional 4,000
soldiers to the Persian Gulf. They also expelled Iraqi
military attaches in Paris. 

1993 The FBI announced a new national campaign concerning the
crime of carjacking. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton told Haiti's military leaders
"Your time is up. Leave now or we will force you from power."


1995 The U.N. Fourth World Conference on Women was held in
Beijing. 

1997 The domain name "google.com" was registered. 

1998 Ayatollah Ali Khamenei ordered the Iranian military to
be on full alert and massed troops on its border with
Afghanistan. 

1999 The United Nations approved the deployment of a
multinational peacekeeping force in East Timor. 

2012 Legoland Malaysia opened in Nusajaya, Johor, Malaysia. 

2016  smiled.


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Digital indoor pictures appearing flat 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, Sept 14

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Woman trashed Wendys eatery over 
unsatisfactory drive-thru grub
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 14, in 
1812 moscow was set on fire by Russians after napoleon
bonaparte's troops invaded.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself. --- Sir Richard Francis Burton (1821 - 1890) Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. --- John Kenneth Galbraith ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin is involved in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your Uncle from Cork came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "Oh No, not my Uncle... he's an idiot!" She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise." "Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?" "Denephew." ______________________________________________________ This is an oldie, but nothing has changed: Thanks to Gayle for this example of typical US media style reporting: President Bush & the Pope The Pope is visiting Washington, DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac sailing on the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water. Secret service guys start to launch a boat, but President Bush waves them off, saying, "Wait, wait. I'll take care of this. Don't worry." Bush then steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Holy Father's little hat, bends over and picks it up, then walks back to the yacht and climbs aboard. He hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence. The next morning the headlines on CNN and in the AOL/New York Times, Boston Globe, Milwaukee Sentinel-Journal, Minneapolis Tribune, Denver Post, Albuquerque Journal, Los Angeles Times and the San Francisco Chronicle proclaim: "Bush Can't Swim", followed by numerous pages of what every Democratic politician has to say about that. ______________________________________________________ I think that was from Betty, a long time ago. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Chianti Gipson, 24, Seminole, Floriduh Florida Woman trashed Wendys eatery over unsatisfactory drive-thru grub A Florida woman was arrested Saturday night after storming into a Wendy’s and trashing the restaurant because she was unhappy with the food she had received at the drive-thru window, police report. Investigators say that Chianti Gipson, 24, placed an order at a Wendy’s in Seminole around 6:30 PM Saturday, but she was “dissatisfied with the food ordered.” According to court records, Gipson is a carreer criminal with a rap sheet, that includes arrests for battery on a pregnant woman; marijuana possession; aggravated assault with a motor vehicle; discharging a firearm in public; and possession of counterfeit currency. Gipson, cops say, began arguing with Scott Anthony Bui, a Wendy’s manager who eventually closed the drive-thru window while Gipson was parked outside. Seen above, Gipson then got out of her vehicle and “began verbally engaging the victim” inside Wendy’s. According to court filings, Gipson began “flipping and pushing items off the counter” and “deliberately splashed pink lemonade onto [Bui’s] face/chest area.” Gipson caused about $100 in damages to a display table and a metal iced tea dispenser, noted cops, who added that her outburst "disrupted diners and staff" at the restaurant. Gipson, a St. Petersburg resident, was arrested for battery, criminal mischief, and disorderly conduct. She was released from jail Sunday morning after posting $1000 bail on the misdemeanor counts. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Silvia RE: Flat digital pictures Dear Webby, The flash pictures from my digital camera all turn out flat and boring. What's the trick to make them look more realistic? Silvia Dear Silvia The trick is not to use the built in flash. If you absolutely have to use a flash, use a remote flash and hold the remote flash at the end of an outstretched arm. What I found better than a remote flash is a 500 Watt quartz halogen work light. They come in sturdy, weatherproof housings with a safety grill in front and cost around $12- $15. Set them up to the side and a bit higher than the camera, and set the camera to NOT use flash. The pictures have excellent contrast and a slightly warmer tone than flash, which usually is a lot more flattering than the cold hard light of a flash. Since most digital cameras don't need as much light as a film camera, you can use a regular dimmer switch to turn the brightness down to just the right mood. At about half dimmed down the effect is as if the room was lit by just candles. Have FUN! DearWebby A man answered his doorbell and greeted a friend who walked in followed by a very large dog. The dog immediately jumped up on the sofa with his muddy feet and proceeded to knock over a lamp and chew on the cushions. The outraged householder began to scold his friend, "Don't you think you should train your dog a little better?" "My dog?" exclaimed the friend, "I thought it was your dog!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Folgers' Coffee Can Christmas Art By pam munro [523 Posts, 789 Comments] Folger's has lovely holiday templates on their website for you to decorate their red canisters! There are even instructions. I can think of many more ways to use that clip art, myself!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Bob has been playing golf for years, and he has the finest equipment, but his technique has never improved a bit. As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods. "Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend asked. Bob replied: "Where do you buy old balls?"
AT AT's day out
____________________________________________________ Groan Alert: Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for the organ in the chapel; the other for one of the cars in the garage. Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse." ____________________________________________________ The U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides) as a combat vessel carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (fresh water distillers). However, let it be noted that according to her log, "On July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum." Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping." Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum. Then she headed for the Azores, arriving there 12 November. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine. On 18 November, she set sail for England. In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and captured and scuttled 12 English merchantmen, salvaging only the rum aboard each. By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless, and though unarmed, she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland. Her landing party captured a whiskey distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home. The U.S.S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February 1799, with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, NO rum, NO wine, NO whiskey and 38,600 gallons of stagnant water. It seems that instead of chaplains, psychiatrists and similar spiritual counsellors they took their spiritual counselling mostly in liquid form. ____________________________________________________
Photos you won't believe are real, especially the boys jumping into Jacob's Well.
____________________________________________________

Today on September 14 in

1812 moscow was set on fire by Russians after napoleon
bonaparte's troops invaded.

1814 francis scott key wrote the "star-spangled banner," a
poem originally known as "defense of fort mchenry," after
witnessing the british bombardment of fort mchenry, md,
during the war of 1812. The song became the official u.S.
National anthem on march 3, 1931. 

1847 u.S. Forces took control of mexico city under the
leadership of general winfield scott. 

1866 george k. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon. 

1899 in new york city, henry bliss became the first
automobile fatality. 

1901 u.S. President william mckinley died of gunshot wounds
inflicted by an assassin. Vice president theodore roosevelt,
at age 42, succeeded him. 

1915 carl g. Muench received a patent for insulit, the first
sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings. 

1938 the vs-300 made its first flight. The craft was based on
the helicopter technology patented by igor sikorsky. 

1940 the selective service act was passed by the u.S.
Congress providing the first peacetime draft in the united
states. 

1959 luna ii, a soviet space probe, became the first man-made
object on the moon when it crashed on the surface. 

1960 the organization of the petroleum exporting countries
(opec) was founded. The core members were iran, iraq, kuwait,
saudi arabia, and venezuela. 

1963 mary ann fischer gave birth to america's first surviving
quintuplets. 

1975 pope paul vi declared mother elizabeth ann bayley seton
the first u.S.-born saint. 

1984 joe kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon
solo across the atlantic ocean. 

1987 tony magnuson cleared 9.5 feet above the top of the u-
ramp and set a new skateboard high jump record. 

1989 joseph t. Wesbecker shot and killed eight people and
wounded twelve others at a printing plant in louisville, ky.
Wesbecker, 47 years old, was on disability for mental
illness. He took his own life after the incident. 

1994 it was announced that the season was over for the
national baseball league on the 34th day of the players
strike. The final days of the regular season were canceled. 

1998 israel announced that they had successfully tested its
arrow-2 missile defense system. The system successfully
destroyed a simulated target. 

2001 nintendo released the gamecube home video game console
in japan. 

2001 the fbi released the names of the 19 suspected hijackers
that had taken part in the september 11 terror attacks on
the u.S. 

2009 greyhound uk began operations as an hourly service
between london and portsmouth or southampton. 

2015 in livingston, la, and hanford, wa, the laser
interferometer gravitational-wave observatory (ligo)
detectors detected gravitational waves for the first time.
The news was reported on february 11, 2016. 

2016  smiled.


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Email warning from phony ISP 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, Sept 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Fugitive Learns The Hard Way Not To Post 
‘Wanted’ Picture On Facebook
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 13, in 
1759 The French were defeated by the British on the Plains of
Abraham in the final French and Indian War. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ One of the serious obstacles to the improvement of our race is indiscriminate charity. --- Andrew Carnegie (1835 - 1919) "Anger is one letter away from danger." ---Eleanor Roosevelt There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice: "Two years ago I insured my beautiful voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000." There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room. Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So what did you do with the money?" ______________________________________________________ There was a horrible automobile crash and the driver of the car lay on the side of the road dying. A passerby said to him kindly, "Why don't you say a prayer?" "I don't know any," said the stricken man. "Haven't you had any contact with religion?" "As a boy we used to live next to a Catholic Church!" "That's it!" said the well-wisher. "Just repeat what you heard in the church!" "Okay," said the injured man. "Under the B: 10, Under the I:25, Under the O: 64..." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mack Yearwood, 41, Stuart, Floriduh Fugitive Learns The Hard Way Not To Post ‘Wanted’ Picture On Facebook Florida cops tracked down and arrested a fugitive after he used a “wanted” poster featuring his mug shot as his Facebook profile picture. Stuart Police Department officers on Tuesday detained 42- year-old Mack Yearwood, who’d been on the lam for 11 months for violating his probation on two battery charges. “If you are wanted by the police, it’s probably not a good idea to use the ‘Wanted of the Week’ poster of yourself as your profile pic,” the department posted online the following day. On Tuesday, Stuart Police caught up with Mr. Yearwood and arrested him with two outstanding warrants. While he was taken into custody, he asked to put on a pair of jeans that were located on the floor beside him. Mr. Mack must have forgotten that his bag of marijuana was still in the pocket. Mr. Yearwood also picked up an additional charge of possession of cannabis under 20 grams. Yearwood was arrested over the two probation violations following an alleged battery incident at a Stuart home late Monday. The alleged victim identified Yearwood, who’d already fled the scene by the time the cops had arrived, as the suspect. Investigators then discovered that Citrus County Sheriff’s Office had been seeking him on the two outstanding warrants since October 2015. “The patrol guys, to look where he was and for some intelligence, they went to his Facebook page,” Stuart Police Cpl. Brian Bossio told ABC News. “They discovered that he used his wanted poster for his Facebook profile.” Police used information from his page to arrest Yearwood over the two warrants at his brother’s home. The investigation into Monday’s alleged incident is ongoing, and he has not been charged in that case. He does, however, face an additional cannabis possession charge after a bag of weed allegedly fell out of his pants during his arrest. Yearwood has not entered a plea on that count and remains in custody at the Martin County Jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bertha E RE: ISP's warning about dangerous mail Dear Webby, I received a warning from my internet provider about a new thing that's going around. It was a notice to delete this particular e-mail A.S.A.P. The only thing that was anything like an address was W32mimail.L@mm. It's supposed to get you connected to a Porn site. Do you know if this really true or not? I certainly don't wan to get involved in anything like that. Bertha E Dear Bertha Mailwasher takes care of all of that for me. Any mail telling me to delete this, that or the other thing will get deleted automatically, and instantly. I don't waste time on stuff like that, no matter who the writer pretends to be. Just dump it and don't worry about it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Shirley had 2 two red ears and went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a blouse and the phone rang -- but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?" "While I was holding the burned ear with one hand, the guy upstairs called, probably wanting to know what all the yelling and screaming was about, so I picked up the phone, ahem, I mean the iron, with the other hand."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pizza Dough Empanadas By attosa [239 Posts, 538 Comments] Craving meat and cheese empanadas the other day, with no time or ingredients to make my own dough, I grabbed some ready made pizza dough. With leftover chicken, I made these in the toaster oven. So good! Prep Time: 20 Cook Time: 20 Total Time: 40 Yield: 12 empanadas Ingredients: 1 lb pizza dough (I used Rhodes, they come in preformed mini balls) 2 cups chicken, cooked & chopped 1 small hot pepper 1 tomato 1 onion 2 tsp oil 1 Tbsp garlic salt 2 tsp ground cumin 1 tsp chili powder 1 tsp dried oregano 1/2 cup cilantro 1 cup shredded cheese flour for dusting 1 egg yolk 1 tsp water Steps: Preheat oven to 400F Cover dough with plastic while making filling. Chop onion, tomato and pepper. Add oil to pan and heat to medium high heat. Cook onion, tomato and pepper until softened, about 5 minutes. Add garlic salt, cumin, chili powder, and oregano. Add cooked chicken and cilantro. Cook for a couple minutes. Remove from heat. Lightly flour work surface and roll out dough to 1/4 inch thickness. Take a 5 or 6 inch round cookie cutter, glass or bowl, and cut the dough into circles. Flatten the disks gently with rolling pin. Sprinkle each disc with cheese and 2 Tbsp of the filling. Fold dough over in half to enclose filling. Seal the edges with a fork. Repeat on the rest of the empanadas. In a small bowl, mix together egg yolk and 1 tsp water to make an egg wash. Transfer empanadas to a baking sheet and brush the top sides with egg wash. Bake until golden brown, about 20 minutes. Cool for 10 minutes before serving.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________
Star Wars according to a 3-year-old
____________________________________________________ A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait." ____________________________________________________ Young Aaron Finkelstein came home in great excitement, saying, "Father! Father! On returning from school , I ran home behind the bus all the way and saved the fifty-cent fare." The father replied by slapping the son on the cheek as he shouted, "Spendthrift! Why didn't you run behind a cab and save $5.00?" ____________________________________________________
The best of the month of August of People Are Awesome.
____________________________________________________

Today on September 13 in
1759 The French were defeated by the British on the Plains of
Abraham in the final French and Indian War. 

1788 The Constitutional Convention decided that the first
federal election was to be held on Wednesday the following
February. On that day George Washington was elected as the
first president of the United States. In addition, New York
City was named the temporary national capital. 

1789 The United States Government took out its first loan. 

1847 U.S. forces took the hill Chapultepec during the
Mexican-American War. 

1862 During the American Civil War General Lee's Order No.
191 was found by federal soldiers in Maryland. 

1898 Hannibal Williston Goodwin patented celluloid
photographic film, which is used to make movies. 

1922 In El Azizia, Libya, the highest shade temperature was
recorded at 136.4 degrees Fahrenheit. 

1935 Aviator Howard Hughes, Jr., of Houston, set a new
airspeed record of 352 mph with his H-1 airplane (Winged
Bullet). 

1943 Chiang Kai-shek became the president of China. 

1959 The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe
to reach the moon. It was launched the day before. 

1960 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission banned
payola. 

1971 In New York, National Guardsmen stormed the Attica
Correctional Facility and put an end to the four-day revolt.
A total of 43 people were killed in the final assault. A
committee was organized to investigate the riot on September
30, 1971. 

1971 The World Hockey Association was formed. 

1977 The first General Motors diesel automobiles were
introduced. Mercedes had made Diesel cars since the 50's.

1981 U.S. Secretary of State Alexander M. Haig said the U.S.
had physical evidence that Russia and its allies used
poisonous biological weapons in Laos, Cambodia and
Afghanistan. 

1988 Forecasters reported that Hurricane Gilbert's barometric
pressure measured 26.13. It was the strongest hurricane ever
recorded in the Western Hemisphere. 

1993 Israel and Palestine signed their first major agreement.
Palestine was granted limited self-government in the Gaza
Strip and in Jericho. 

1994 U.S. President Bill Clinton signed a $30 billion crime
bill into law. 

1998 The New York Times closed its Web site after hackers
added offensive material. 

2001 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell named Osama bin
Laden as the prime suspect in the terror attacks on the
United States on September 11, 2001. Limited commercial
flights resumed in the U.S. for the first time in two days. 

2016  smiled.


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Landscape vs Portrait 





Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, Sept 12

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Ohio duo overdosed in traffic, with child in car.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 12, in 
1873 The first practical typewriter was sold to customers.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Everything starts as somebody's daydream. --- Larry Niven ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Trisha was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?" "Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!" "Oh, that's like OK, you know," Trisha called from the witness stand. "I don't, like mind, you know, like answering that question." "I object!" the defense said again. "No, really," Trisha said. "I'll, like, answer, you know." The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object." So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?" Trisha brightly replied: "I, like, you know, don't know." ______________________________________________________ >From Edna My first grade daughter and her friend both needed new boots as winter approached. The friend got in the car one morning and finally had gotten her boots. "Tina," I commented, "I see you got new boots! Where did you get them?" "At the store," she answered. "Which one?" I asked. She began looking at her new boots and after a pause said, "Both of them!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rhonda Pasek, 50, James Acord, 47, East Liverpool, Ohio Ohio duo overdosed in traffic, with child in car. Woman's son, 4, was seated in rear of SUV during traffic stop In an effort to highlight the heroin epidemic gripping the country, an Ohio police department has released photos showing an overdosed couple sitting in a vehicle while the unconscious passenger’s four-year-old son looked on from the back seat. According to a police report, a cop Wednesday afternoon spotted a Ford Explorer “weaving back and forth” across the roadway in East Liverpool, a city bordering Pennsylvania and West Virginia. When the officer subsequently approached the SUV--which had drifted to a stop--he noted that driver James Acord’s head was “bobbing back and forth” and his “speech was almost unintelligible.” Acord, 47, said that he was transporting his front seat passenger, Rhonda Pasek, to the hospital, reported Officer Kevin Thompson, who added that the 50-year-old Pasek was “completely unconscious and turning blue.” Pasek’s son was in a car seat behind his mother, who was slumped over. Acord himself “eventually went completely unconscious,” noted Thompson, who sought to “keep [Pasek’s] airway open” until rescue workers arrived. EMS workers subsequently treated Acord and Pasek with “several rounds” of the drug Narcan, which “is commonly used to reverse an opiate overdose.” The couple regained consciousness and were transported to a local hospital for further treatment. A search of the vehicle turned up a folded piece of paper containing a “pink powdery substance” that was sent to a crime lab for analysis. Acord, charged with child endangerment and driving under the influence, yesterday pleaded guilty to both counts and was sentenced to a year in jail. Pasek, who is locked up in the Columbiana County jail, is facing child endangerment and disorderly conduct/intoxication charges. Court records list separate addresses in New Cumberland, West Virginia for Acord and Pasek. Pasek’s son, who was wearing a dinosaur shirt, was placed in the custody of child welfare officials. In a statement, East Liverpool officials said that the release of the overdose photos was “necessary to show the other side of this horrible drug. We feel we need to be a voice for the children caught up in this horrible mess. This child can't speak for himself but we are hopeful his story can convince another user to think twice about injecting this poison while having a child in their custody.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: BB RE: Portrait versus Landscape Dear Webby, English is not my first language, and I have never understood what "Landscape" and "Portrait" mean, when it comes to printing. Can you explain please? Thanks BB Dear BB Those terms come actually from the ancient museums and picture galleries. A pitcure with a formal portrait of a person standing was always narrow and tall, often from floor to ceiling. A landscape picture was always wide, but not very high. Word processing, for example letters, is done in portrait mode. Accounting, because there are often many columns to show, is usually done in landscape mode. You still feed the paper into the printer normally, you just turn it sideways to read it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ From Bess My engineer husband is meticulous but mildmannered. While our new house was being built, he would leave notes for the workmen, politely calling their attention to mistakes or oversights. Two weeks before we were to move in, the floors still were not finished, the bathrooms not tiled, nor were necessary fixtures installed. I was sure that the work would never be completed in time. However, on moving day, we found that the house was ready to receive us. Curious as to how this miracle had been accomplished, I went and checked where my husband always left his notes for the workmen. Posted prominently on the living room wall was my husband's last note: "After September 1, all work will be supervised by my 5 children and my very impatient wife."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Ricotta Pancakes By attosa [238 Posts, 538 Comments] This is my version of silky, delicious ricotta pancakes without having to separate the eggs to create volume. They have become a favourite with everyone I've served them to. It's hard to go back to regular pancakes after a taste of these, and now, they're not so hard to make! Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 6 minutes Yield: 8 pancakes Ingredients: 1 cup ricotta cheese 1 cup all purpose flour 1 tsp baking powder 2 Tbsp sugar 1/4 tsp salt 3/4 cup milk 2 large eggs 1/2 tsp vanilla extract butter/oil for cooking Steps: Whisk flour, baking powder, sugar, and salt in a bowl. Mix ricotta, milk, eggs, and vanilla in another bowl until very smooth. Add the dry ingredients to the wet mixture. Stir until combined. Heat a nonstick pan over medium high heat. Melt some butter or a tiny bit of oil in the pan and swirl to cover surface. Pour about 1/4 to 1/3 cup amounts per pancake. Cook the pancakes for about 3 minutes per side. They should be golden. Serve with maple syrup. I prefer fresh lemon juice and powdered sugar.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Red for this one: Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where they belonged. Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit. Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors into the living room. We all collapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apartment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!" As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally, after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you get everything moved OK?" "Sure," he replied. "Did you run into any problems?" "No, none at all." "Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!" Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said, "Geez, you idiots, the legs unscrew!" ___________________________________________________
swans surfing in Australia
____________________________________________________ >From Ed A few years ago I went to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that enough Germans would speak English so that I could at least get around. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I just nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested. When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German. "No," I confessed. "Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train going in the wrong direction." ____________________________________________________ A young man was talking to a girl that he had just met, and asked her name. "I don't want to tell you," she said, "I'm named after both of my parents, and it's kind of embarrassing." "Well, what could be so bad about that?" the young man asked. "My mother's name is Eliza, and my father's name is Ferdinand." the girl answered. "Well, those are nice names" the guy replied. "It would be, if they wouldn't have named me FerdEliza!" ____________________________________________________
I used to roller skate. Wondering if I could do this.....NO WAY!
____________________________________________________

Today on September 12 in

1609 English explorer Henry Hudson sailed down what is now
known as the Hudson River. 

1873 The first practical typewriter was sold to customers. 

1878 Patent litigation involving the Bell Telephone Company
against Western Union Telegraph Company and Elisha Gray
began. The issues were over various telephone patents. 

1914 The first battle of Marne ended when the allied forces
stopped the German offensive in France. 

1916 Adelina and August Van Buren finished the first
successful transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted
by two women. They started in New York City on July 5, 1916. 

1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S.
Army personnel operated tanks for the first time. The tanks
were French-built. 

1922 The Episcopal Church removed the word "Obey" from the
bride's section of wedding vows. 

1938 In a speech, Adolf Hitler demanded self-determination
for the Sudeten Germans in Czechoslovakia. 

1940 The Lascaux paintings were discovered in France. The
cave paintings were 17,000 years old and were some of the
best examples of art from the Paleolithic period. 

1943 During World War II, Benito Mussolini was taken by
German paratroopers from the Italian government that was
holding him. 

1944 U.S. Army troops entered Germany, near Trier, for the
first time during World War II. 

1953 U.S. Senator John F. Kennedy married Jacqueline Lee
Bouvier. 

1953 Nikita Krushchev was elected as the first secretary of
the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. 

1954 "Lassie" made its television debut on CBS. The last show
aired on September 12, 1971. 

1963 The last episode of "Leave it to Beaver" was aired. The
show had debuted on October 4, 1957. 

1974 Violence occurred on the opening day of classes in
Boston, MA, due opposition to court-ordered school "busing." 

1974 Emperor Haile Selassie was taken out of power by
Ethiopia's military after ruling for 58 years. 

1977 South African anti-apartheid activist Stephen Biko died
at the age of 30. The student leader died while in police
custody which triggered an international outcry. 

1983 Arnold Schwarzenegger became a U.S. citizen. He had
emigrated from Austria 14 years earlier. 

1991 The space shuttle Discovery took off on a mission to
deploy an observatory that was to study the Earth's ozone
layer. 

1992 Police in Peru captured Shining Path founder Abimael
Guzman. 

1992 Dr. Mae Carol Jemison became the first African-American
woman in space. She was the payload specialist aboard the
space shuttle Endeavor. Also onboard were Mission Specialist
N. Jan Davis and Air Force Lieutenant Colonel Mark C. Lee.
They were the first married couple to fly together in space.
And, Mamoru Mohri became the first Japanese person to fly
into space. 

2009 Steve Jobs announced that Apple's iTunes had 88% of the
legal U.S. music download market.

2016  smiled.


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Restore link underlining 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, Sept 11

What did you do 15 years ago today?
I was working quietly, and had the radio going,
when they interrupted the music with the news of the
first plane hitting the WTC.
Then every phone started ringing and a couple dozen Skype
windows popped. I missed most of the news on the radio 
juggling the phones, but then the news services on the
Internet started showing video.

I realized that the world had changed.

I was supposed to fly to Nashville the next day. Well,
on Sept 12 all flights were grounded. My flight was changed
to Sept 13. I was on time, and in the plane, but the pilot
chickened and hid. They had to find another pilot for the
flight to Toronto. That caused me to miss my connection to
Nashville and I had to overnight in Toronto. So did a lot of
other people and all hotels near the airport were full. They
shipped me by cab an hour away from there to a hotel, that
did not have internet except on one machine in the lobby with
two dozen people waiting in line. So I called Earthlink for
their local dial-up number, and then got online that way.

Next day, on the flight to Nashville they did not let me take
my carry-on onto the plane. They took it from me while I was
abolut to enter the plane. Then, while I was sitting and
looking out the window, I watched as some ape swung my
carryon upside down onto the roller at the bottom of the
conveyor belt and listened for any tinking sounds. 
My laptop was on the top in the carry-on.
You can imagine how I felt about that.

When I got to Nashville I was first to get out and walk out
through an empty, echoing airport. Eery! Just my footsteps
echoing.

When boarding a plane again three days later there were
heavily armed soldiers all over the airport. I stood beside 
one at the entrance for a while. He was about 18, and scared,
and seemed to appreciate my moral support. He knew that if
something happened, it would be more than just moral support.
The world had definitely changed. And not for the better.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man assaulted girlfriend with hammer after she refuses
to let him tattoo his name on her chest
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 11, in 
2012 Agitators attacked the U.S. consulate in Benghazi,
Libya. Four Americans were killed and ten others were 
injured. US forces were close enough to help, but were held
off by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton until Ambassador
Stevens was dead and the files were burned. 
Hillary later fell on her head and could not remember a thing
about Benghazi.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "People who demand neutrality in any situation are usually not neutral but in favor of the status quo." --- Max Eastman Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy. --- Janet Long "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts." --- John Wooden ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ 17 years ago, in 1999, Microsoft announced that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901. ______________________________________________________ One day a little girl was watching her mother as she sat before her bedroom mirror arranging her hair. The little girl asked her mother what she called the things she was putting in her hair. The mother replied: "These are waves, dear." The little girl pondered that for a moment and then solemnly declared: "Poor Daddy, he's all beach." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Boggs, 28, Sioux City, IA Man assaulted girlfriend with hammer after she refuses to let him tattoo his name on her chest Police say a Sioux City man assaulted his girlfriend with a hammer Friday evening after she refused to let him tattoo his name on her chest. According to court documents, Jonathan Michael Boggs, 28, of Sioux City, was going to put a chest tattoo on a woman he had been in a relationship with for more than a month and told her he wanted to tattoo his name on her chest. After she told him no, an argument ensued. Documents say the woman attempted to leave the house several times, but Boggs stopped her, grabbed a hammer and threatened to kill her. He then assaulted her using the hammer. Police were called to the residence around 6:30 p.m. to meet the woman. Documents say police later found Boggs on the front porch with the hammer at his feet. A witness inside the house confirmed the assault to authorities. Boggs was charged with aggravated domestic assault and going armed with intent. He is being held in the Woodbury County Jail on $10,000 bond. His next court date is Sept. 13. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie RE: Underlining links Dear Webby, My dear hubby, a semi-literate mouser, somehow turned off the underlined letters in links in FireFox. How do I get them back? Delores Dear Delores That seems to be popular with semi-literate yuppies. Nobody knows why for sure. Maybe they are scared that links might overpower their self control and drag them into sites that they can't understand? It's easy to fix, though: Click on the 3 horizontal bars for the Setup menu options content fonts & colors colors (near the bottom) Put the checkmark onto "Underline Links". That fixes links usually even if the webmaster is an idiot and hides the underline on links. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother. "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and said, "I'm glad you don't do any thinking. You would look silly without your long hair."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Creative Birdbaths By ~gloria [97 Posts, 155 Comments] If you enjoy watching a robin splash about in a birdbath and want to help our feathered friends to a cool drink during these hot summer and fall days, you don't have to spend a fortune on fancy, high-priced garden store models. Keep and eye open for the bases at garage and estate sales, even thrift stores, then get creative with the bowl portion of your birdbath. Keep in mind, it's good to offer differing depths of water in the bowls for various sizes of birds. At my house, the robins like something deep and they can empty it in a day with all their vigorous splashing. While the timid chickadees and goldfinches prefer something shallow. The kitchen is one of my favorite places to find birdbath bowls. Some good choices are pie plates, casserole dishes, and serving bowls. The saucers for underneath terra-cotta pots is another great idea. I've even used a up-turned light fixture. You can get creative with the base, too. I've used an old stand for a vintage ash tray (garage sale), a large table leg (salvaged), and tree stumps. Hope this kick starts your creative juices, the birds will thank you. And you'll receive hours of enjoyment watching them. ___________________________________________________ A customer moved away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" "Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier. "We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank." "Well, ok, if you say so." answered the customer. "Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me an extra hundred dollar bill. Bye, Bye!" ___________________________________________________
Amish men moving a house
____________________________________________________ Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear ?" Mabel answered, "I have? A suppository ?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is." ____________________________________________________ "Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch, "You've got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in bed when all of a sudden three women rush in and start tearing off my clothes." The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?" "I push them away!" "I see. And what can I do to help you with this?" The patient implored, "Please,... Break my arms!" ____________________________________________________
You never know what they are going to discover in Siberia.
____________________________________________________

Today on September 11 in
1297 Scotsman William Wallace defeated the English forces of
Sir Hugh de Cressingham at the Battle of Stirling Bridge. 

1499 French forces took over Milan, Italy. 

1609 Explorer Henry Hudson sailed into New York harbor and
discovered Manhattan Island and the Hudson River. 

1695 Imperial troops under Eugene of Savoy defeated the Turks
at the Battle of Zenta. 

1709 An Anglo-Dutch-Austrian force defeated the French in the
Battle of Malplaquet. 

1714 Spanish and French troops broke into Barcelona and ended
Catalonia's sovereignty after 13 months of seige. 

1776 A Peace Conference was held between British General Howe
and three representatives of the Continental Congress
(Benjamin Franklin, John Adams and Edward Rutledge). The
conference failed and the American war for independence
continued for seven years. 

1777 American forces, under General George Washington, were
forced to retreat at the Battle of Brandywine Creek by
British forces under William Howe. The Stars and Stripes
(American flag) were carried for the first time in the
battle. 

1814 The U.S. fleet defeated a squadron of British ships in
the Battle of Lake Champlain, VT. 

1842 1,400 Mexican troops captured San Antonio, TX. The
Mexicans retreated with prisoners. 

1855 The siege of Sevastopol ended when French, British and
Piedmontese troops captured the main naval base of the
Russian Black fleet in the Crimean War. 

1875 "Professor Tidwissel's Burglar Alarm" was featured in
the New York Daily Graphic and became the first comic strip
to appear in a newspaper. 

1877 The first comic-character timepiece was patented by the
Waterbury Clock Company. 

1883 The mail chute was patented by James Cutler. The new
device was first used in the Elwood Building in Rochester,
NY. 

1897 A ten-week strike of coal workers in Pennsylvania, WV,
and Ohio came to an end. The workers won an eight-hour
workday, semi-monthly pay, and company stores were abolished.


1904 The U.S. battleship Connecticut was launched in New
York. 

1910 In Hollywood, the first commercially successful electric
bus line opened. 

1926 In Honolulu Harbor, HI, the Aloha Tower was dedicated. 

1936 Boulder Dam in Nevada was dedicated by U.S. President
Franklin D. Roosevelt by turning on the dam's first
hydroelectric generator. The dam is now called Hoover Dam. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave orders to
attack any German or Italian vessels found in U.S. defensive
waters. The U.S. had not officially entered World War II at
this time. 

1941 Charles A. Lindbergh brought on charges of anti-Semitism
with a speech in which he blamed "the British, the Jewish
and
the Roosevelt administration" for trying to draw the United
States into World War II. 

1941 In Arlington, VA, the groundbreaking ceremony for the
Pentagon took place. 

1951 Florence Chadwick became the first woman to swim the
English Channel from both directions. 

1952 Dr. Charles Hufnagel successfully replaced a diseased
aorta valve with an artificial valve made of plastic. 

1954 The Miss America beauty pageant made its network TV
debut on ABC. Miss California, Lee Ann Meriwether, was the
winner. 

1959 The U.S. Congress passed a bill authorizing the creation
of food stamps. 

1965 The 1st Cavalry Division (Airmobile) arrived in South
Vietnam and was stationed at An Khe. 

1974 "Little House On The Prairie" made its television debut.


1977 The Atari 2600 was released. It was originally sold as
the Atari VCS. The system was discontinued on January 1,
1992. 

1985 A U.S. satellite passed through the tail of the
Giacobini-Zinner comet. It was the first on-the-spot sampling
of a comet. 

1990 U.S. President Bush vowed "Saddam Hussein will fail"
while addressing Congress on the Persian Gulf crisis. In the
speech Bush spoke of an objective of a new world order "freer
from the threat of terror, stronger in the pursuit of
justice, and more secure in the quest for peace". 

1991 Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev announced that
thousands of troops would be drawn out of Cuba. 

1997 Scotland voted to create its own Parliament after 290
years of union with England. 

1998 Independent counsel Kenneth Starr sent a report to the
U.S. Congress accusing President Clinton of 11 possible
impeachable offenses. 

2001 In the U.S., four airliners were hijacked and were
intentionally crashed. Two airliners hit the World Trade
Center, which collapsed shortly after, in New York City, NY.
One airliner hit the Pentagon in Arlington, VA. Another
airliner crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. About 3,000
people were killed. 

2012 Agitators attacked the U.S. consulate in Benghazi,
Libya. Four Americans were and ten others were injured. US
forces were close enough to help, but were held off by
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton until Ambassador Stevens
was dead and the files were burned. 
Hillary later fell on her head and could not remember a thing
about Benghazi.

2016  smiled.


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How to do a DiskCleanup 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, Sept 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
KCK bank robber, 70, chooses prison over home and wife
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 10, in 
1813 The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred in
the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The leader of
the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have met the
enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William Henry
Harrison. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think. --- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?" Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?" He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this idiot out of his locker." ______________________________________________________ "Sally," asked Linda one day, "what would you do if you caught another woman fooling around with your husband?" "With George?" Sally thought it over. "Let's see; I'd break her cane, shoot her guide dog, and call a cab to take her back to the funny-farm." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lawrence John Ripple, 70, Kansas City, Kansas KCK bank robber, 70, chooses prison over home and wife A 70-year-old man charged with robbing a Kansas City, Kan., bank said he did it because he preferred a jail cell over living with his wife. Lawrence John Ripple is charged in federal court with the Friday afternoon robbery of the Bank of Labor at 756 Minnesota Ave. According to court documents, Ripple handed a teller a note that read, “I have a gun, give me money.” The teller complied. But instead of fleeing, Ripple took the money and then took a seat in the bank lobby, according to the documents. When a bank security guard approached him, Ripple told the guard, “I’m the guy you’re looking for.” The guard took the money from Ripple and held him until police arrived, which wasn’t long, because Kansas City, Kan., police headquarters is on the same block. When he was questioned later by investigators, Ripple told him that he and his wife had argued and he “no longer wanted to be in that situation,” according to the documents. “Ripple wrote out his demand note in front of his wife … and told her he’d rather be in jail than at home,” an FBI agent wrote in the affidavit filed in support of the robbery charge. ----------------------------- From 2003 A BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rudolf M, from Serbia Serbian made illegal border crossing to escape wife A Serbian man who rode off on his bicycle to Romania in anger after a row with his wife has been arrested for crossing the border illegally. The 46-year-old, named only as Rudolf M, says all he wanted was to get as far away from his wife as possible but could now face a jail term. He was arrested just after he crossed the border with Romania, roughly 20 miles from his home town of Kanjia, Serbia, local media reported. He told police: "All I wanted to do was put at least one border between me and her." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie RE: Disk Cleanup Dear Webby, can you tell me how to run Disk Cleanup? I am somewhat computer illiterate. Thanks. Bonnie Dear Bonnie Right-Click START Select Open Windows Explorer That is totally disorganized by somebody addicted to bad dope, but with a bit of searching you can find the top of the drive, that you want to clean up, for example C:\ Right-click that and select Properties Just below and to the right of the pie chart you see a button for the Disk Cleanup. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ "Daddy," the little boy asked, "what does it mean when the minister takes off his watch and puts it on the pulpit in front of him when he starts his sermons?" "Absolutely nothing," the father sighed, "Absolutely nothing." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pork and Vegetable Harvest Stew By Jess [160 Posts, 815 Comments] My weekly organics box included lots of late summer veggies like zucchini, corn and potatoes. I decided to make a hearty stew for dinner. There were various hot peppers included this week, too. I didn't know exactly what they were, so I just chopped them up and threw them in. The stew starts off with a relatively sweet flavor, but has a nice kick at the end. Prep Time: 30 Minutes Cook Time: 2 Hours Total Time: 2.5 Hours Yield: 8 Ingredients: As I was working with fresh organic veggies, I had a lot of chopping and prep involved. You could save some time by using frozen veggies instead of fresh. I also cut off a section of a pork loin that I'm planning on cooking later in the week. You could use pork chops or any other type of meat you might have handy. I did use Better than Bouillon chicken base. I like it better than bouillon cubes and I didn't have any liquid broth handy. 1-2 lb pork 3 Tbsp olive oil, divided 1 onion, chopped 2 Tbsp chopped garlic 1 lb potatoes, chopped 1 bunch carrots (5 large), sliced 5 peppers*, chopped and deseeded 2 cups corn kernels 1 qt chicken stock or bouillon 1 bunch Italian parsley, chopped 1 bunch kale, chopped salt, pepper and Italian seasoning, to taste Ingredients for Pork and Vegetable Harvest Stew *Use whatever pepper your family enjoys. I used a combination of hot and sweet ones. It would be also good with regular bell peppers. Steps: Cut pork into cubes. Brown the pork with oil in a hot stockpot or Dutch oven. Add salt and pepper. Set aside. Add more oil to the pot and cook chopped onions and garlic until they start to brown. Add corn, peppers and the cooked pork, including any juices. Add zucchini and continue to cook for a couple of minutes. Add chicken broth, carrots and potatoes and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to a low simmer and cover pot. Cook on low for 1- 2 hours, until the potatoes and carrots are soft. Add kale and parsley. Continue on simmer for 10 minutes or so. Add salt, pepper and Italian seasonings. Adjust the taste to your liking. If the soup is too sweet, add in a bit of apple cider or white wine vinegar to correct it. I also used a bit of Worchestershire sauce to add flavor. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. The minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom apparently said, "He better, if he knows what's good for him!." ___________________________________________________
The Wish Granter
____________________________________________________ A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone home. I will be back after supper." ____________________________________________________ A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'" A member of the flock snicked at the preacher's snafu, raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that." The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly, "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes." Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?" The member of the flock said, "I sure could." "How would you do it?" "With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!" ____________________________________________________
What an amazing world we live in.
____________________________________________________

Today on September 10 in
1608 John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown, VA
colony council. 

1794 America's first non-denominational college was charted.
Blount College later became the University of Tennessee. 

1813 The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred in
the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The leader of
the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have met the
enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William Henry
Harrison. 

1845 King Willem II opened Amsterdam Stock exchange. 

1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine. 

1847 The first theater opened in Hawaii. 

1897 British police arrest George Smith for drunken driving.
It was the first DWI. 

1899 A second quake in seven days hit Yakutat Bay, AK. It
measured 8.6. 

1913 The Lincoln Highway opened. It was the first paved
coast-to-coast highway in the U.S. 

1919 New York City welcomed home 25,000 soldiers and General
John J. Pershing who had served in the First Division during
World War I. 

1919 Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of St.-Germain-
en-Laye. Austria recognized the independence of Poland,
Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia. 

1921 The Ayus Autobahn in Germany opened near Berlin. The
road is known for its nonexistent speed limit. 

1923 The Irish Free state joined the League of Nations. 

1926 Germany joined the League of Nations. 

1935 "Popeye" was heard on NBC radio for the first time. 

1939 Canada declared war on Germany. 

1940 In Britain, Buckingham Palace was hit by German bomb. 

1942 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt mandated gasoline
rationing as part of the U.S. wartime effort. 

1943 German forces began their occupation of Rome during
World War II. 

1948 Mildred "Axis Sally" Gillars was indicted for treason in
Washington, DC. Gillars was a Nazi radio propagandist during
World War II. She was convicted and spent 12 years in prison.


1950 Eddie Cantor began working on TV on the "Colgate Comedy
Hour" on NBC. 

1951 Britain began an economic boycott of Iran. 

1953 Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner." 

1955 "Gunsmoke" premiered on CBS. 

1955 Bert Parks began a 25-year career as host of the "Miss
America Pageant" on NBC. 

1956 Great Britain performed a nuclear test at Maralinga,
Australia. 

1963 Twenty black students entered public schools in Alabama
at the end of a standoff between federal authorities and
Alabama governor George C. Wallace. 

1989 Hungary gave permission to thousands of East German
refugees and visitors to immigrate to West Germany. 

1990 Iran agreed to resume full diplomatic ties with past
enemy Iraq. 

1990 Iraq's Saddam Hussein offered free oil to developing
nations in an attempt to win their support during the Gulf
War Crisis. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton met with members of his Cabinet
to apologize, ask forgiveness and promise to improve as a
person in the wake of the scandal involving Monica Lewinsky. 

1998 Northwest Airlines announced an agreement with pilots,
ending a nearly two-week walkout. 

1999 A bronze sculpture of a war horse just over 24 feet high
was dedicated in Milan, Italy. 

2002 Florida tested its new elections system. The test
resulted in polling stations opening late and problems
occurred with the touch screen voting machines. 

2002 The "September 11: Bearing Witness to History" exhibit
opened at the Smithsonian's National Museum of American
History. 

2002 Switzerland became the 190th member of the United
Nations. 

2016  smiled.


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PayPal emails 





Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, Sept 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Oklahoma mother, daughter arrested after 
incestuous marriage
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 9, in 
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In the fight between you and the world, back the world. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, as soon as I get around to it. --- Procrastinatus ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Good jokes always come back, no matter how often I send them out. Thanks to Kris for this classic: A buddy of mine was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 50 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. My buddy had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the man was blind because his seeing eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. He could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said, “Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" The blind guy replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs." Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete quiet stand still when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines! ______________________________________________________ A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing. "Officer," he asks, "have you seen a man run by here? "No I haven't. What's the problem?" "The rotten bastard ran out of my shop without paying me!" "This fellow," the officer asks, "does he have any distinguishing features?" "Well, yes," the barber replies. "He's missing this here ear." ______________________________________________________ Beach Camo, from FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Patricia Spann, 43, Misty Spann, 25, Duncan, Oklahoma Oklahoma mother, daughter arrested after incestuous marriage A mother and daughter from Oklahoma are accused of having an incestuous marriage. Patricia Spann, 43, and Misty Spann, 25, were married in March 2016 in Comanche County, court records show. Police say Patricia is Misty’s biological mother. Investigators with the Department of Human Services discovered the illegal relationship in August while investigating the children who were inside the Spanns’ home. Misty and her two brothers were raised by a grandparent when Patricia lost custody of them, an arrest affidavit states. The DHS investigator told authorities that Patricia and Misty reunited two years ago. Patricia told officials she didn’t think she was breaking any laws by marrying Misty because her name is no longer listed on her daughter’s birth certificate. A warrant was issued for their arrests on Friday. Since then, Patricia and Misty have both been arrested and booked into the Stephens County Jail for incest, a detective told KFOR. Bond was set at $10,000 for each of the Spann women. They’re due in court next month. In Oklahoma, incest is a felony, and if convicted, is punishable up to 10 years in prison. Court records show this isn’t the first time Patricia has married one of her own children. She also married one of her sons in 2008. However, court records show that marriage was annulled in March 2010. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rose RE: PayPal Mails Dear Webby, How do you tell if one of those notices are REALLY from PayPal or from some slimeball? They all look so legitimate to me, no matter how hard I look. Rose Dear Rose Unless you use MailWasher Pro, the fake ones look more legitimate than the real one. WITH MailWasher PRO, the fake ones show just a few nonsense words and that there is some sort of picture. In the MailWasher Pro Preview it's so obviously spam that even your pet rock could tell at the first glance that it is spam. In MailWasher PRO there is a preview that shows what is actually hidden under legitimate looking fake text. That makes it super easy to tell if you should actually download that mail, or just nuke it up on the server. Hundreds of subscribers have written me, to thank me for nagging them into getting MailWasher. So I'll keep doing it. Nag, nag, nag! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ The Lord of the Manor had a butler called Wibble. One day he called Wibble and said, "What about running my bath Wibble." "Certainly, will there be anything else my lord?" said Wibble. "Yes Wibble, what about my dressing gown." "Certainly, will there be anything else my lord?" "Yes Wibble, what about my carpet slippers." "Certainly, will there be anything else my lord?" "No Wibble, If I require anything else I shall call you. The old Lord lowers himself into the water, and lets go a long fart. Five minutes later, Wibble returns with a hot water bottle on a silver tray. "Here you are my Lord, your hot water bottle," says Wibble. "I never asked for that," said his Lordship. To which Wibble replied, "You did my Lord, as you lowered yourself into the bath, I distinctly heard you say, 'Whadabowdawadderboddlewibble.' ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com 5 Ingredient Apple Tart By attosa [237 Posts, 538 Comments] his apple tart is so easy to make. The great thing is you don't need any fancy equipment or fluted tart pans or techniques. Just throw everything in a pan and put it in the oven! Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 40 minutes Total Time: 50 minutes Yield: 8 servings Ingredients: 5 medium apples 1/2 cup sugar 1 1/4 cup all purpose flour 1 stick cold butter 2 Tbsp milk Steps: Preheat oven to 400 F. Move oven rack to lowest position. Place flour in a big bowl. Chop up butter and use two forks or a pastry cutter to mix the two until its a sand-like texture. Slowly add the milk while you mix the butter and flour until it turns into dough. Wrap in plastic and place dough in fridge for at least 30 minutes. Pour your sugar into the bottom of the baking pan. I used a dry 5 x 8 inch nonstick bundt pan. Peel the apples, and cut into 12ths. It's best to use hard apples with the least amount of juice, similar to Granny Smith's. Place the apples in rows on top of the sugar. Stack the rows until your pan is full. Remove the dough from the fridge and while it's still in plastic, flatten it with a rolling pin until its the size of the top of your pan full of apples. Check if the sizes match by holding it over the pan. When it's about the right size, cut the plastic off. You can cut off any overhanging pieces to patch any holes. Place the dough on your apples and tuck into the sides. Bake in oven on lowest oven rack position for 40 minutes. Remove from oven. Let cool for a few minutes. While it's still warm, flip it over onto a large dish. Serve with cream, if desired. :) ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ "Periodic Elements" Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the periodic table (from Chemistry class)elements: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180+/-50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child)for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell. ___________________________________________________
difference in people's brains
____________________________________________________ One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. He deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people. The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained that he was being paged by "Lucille". He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him. "She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back," he said. After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number. "She leaves her name" was the reply. After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came on. "How does she spell her name?" the service rep asked. "L-O-W C-E-L-L" ____________________________________________________ Little Johnny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Johnny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father." ____________________________________________________
This man has some serious talent!
____________________________________________________

Today on September 9 in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle. 

1776 The second Continental Congress officially made the term
"United States", replacing the previous term "United
Colonies." 

1836 Abraham Lincoln received his license to practice law. 

1850 California became the 31st state to join the union. 

1904 Mounted police were used for the first time in the City
of New York. 

1911 Italy declared war on the Ottoman Turks and annexed
Libya, Tripolitania, and Cyrenaica in North Africa. 

1919 The majority of Boston's police force went on strike.
The force was made up of 1,500 men. 

1919 Alexander Graham Bell and Casey Baldwin's HD-4, a
hydrofoil craft, set a world marine speed record. 

1942 Japan dropped incendiaries over the Pacific rainforest
in an attempt to set fire to the forests in Oregon and
Washington. The forest did not ignite. 

1943 During World War II Allied forces landed at Taranto and
Salerno. 

1948 North Korea became the People's Democratic Republic of
Korea. 

1957 The first civil rights bill to pass Congress since
Reconstruction was signed into law by U.S. President
Eisenhower. 

1965 French President Charles de Gaulle announced that France
was withdrawing from NATO to protest the domination of the
U.S. in the organization. 

1971 Gordie Howe of the Detroit Red Wings retired from the
National Hockey League (NHL). 

1981 Nicaragua declared a state of economic emergency and
banned strikes. 

1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner that
was shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident or an
error. 

1986 Frank Reed was taken hostage in Lebanon by pro-Iranian
kidnappers. The director of a private school in Lebanon was
released 44 months later. 

1986 Ted Turner presented the first of his colorized films on
WTBS in Atlanta, GA. 

1986 Gennadiy Zakharov was indicted by a New York jury on
espionage charges. Zakharov was a Soviet United Nations
employee. 

1993 Israeli and PLO leaders agreed to recognize each other. 

1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants
a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the
flight of refugees. 

1994 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off on an 11-day
mission. 

1997 Sinn Fein, the IRA's political ally, formally renounced
violence as it took its place in talks on Northern Ireland's
future. 

1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr delivered to the U.S.
Congress 36 boxes of material concerning his investigation of
U.S. President Clinton. 

1998 Four tourists who had paid $32,500 each were taken in
submarine to view the wreckage of the Titanic. The ship is 2
miles below the Atlantic off Newfoundland. 

1999 The Sega Dreamcast game system went on sale. By 1:00pm
all Toys R Us locations in the U.S. had sold out. 

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 100 million applications
downloaded. 

2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.8 billion applications
downloaded. 

2014 Apple unveiled the iPhone 6, iPhone 6 Plus, Apple Watch,
Apple Watch Sport and Apple Watch Edition. 

2016  smiled.


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Spreadsheet problem when pasting numbers from WORD 





Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, September 8

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Burglar Doused Puppy In Purple Paint After 
Breaking Into Massachusetts Residence
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 8, in 
1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent
European settlement in North America at present-day St.
Augustine, FL. 

More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Did you ever see the customers in health-food store? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific! --- Bill Cosby. You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men. --- Max Beerbohm (1872 - 1956) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sent in by Linda: 2000 Mile Ambulance trip to die at home Ambulance brings man from B.C. to Saskatchewan to fulfil dying wish 2,000-kilometre trip from Victoria to Moose Jaw satisfies Jim Jeffery's desire to be home. ______________________________________________________ A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a fishing rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00". She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her..being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He replied, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50." ______________________________________________________ From my Lilemor I Love this orange rosebush by the kitchen window. ( a just trimmed jasmine hedge in the background). Thought I’d share. ~ Lillemor ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Felix Reagan, Oak Bluffs, Massachusetts Burglar Doused Puppy In Purple Paint After Breaking Into Massachusetts Residence After breaking into a home on Martha’s Vineyard, a Massachusetts man removed a four-month-old puppy from its crate and then doused the animal in purple paint, according to police who busted the man on a variety of criminal charges. Investigators allege that Felix Reagan burglarized a home in Oak Bluffs Saturday afternoon and later stole an automobile that he subsequently crashed. The burglary victim, Tamara Gemme-Crawford, said that a ground level window had been forced in and several items were taken from her residence. Additionally, cops noted, “the victim’s dog had been painted with purple paint.” In a Facebook post directed at Reagan, Gemme-Crawford wrote that, “you took my 4 mo. old puppy out of the safety of his crate where he was no threat to you and poured paint all over him, you put him outside in a strange area like a dirty shoe, and for That I will NEVER forgive you !!” When police received a description of the disheveled burglar from a neighbor, they immediately suspected Reagan, who was busted in June for a similar break-in. When cops located Reagan, he was in possession of “prescription pills, a driver’s license and credit cards” taken from the burglarized home. Reagan (seen above) was charged with breaking and entering, auto theft, destruction of property, cruelty to animals, narcotics possession, and assault on a police officer. In her Facebook post, Gemme-Crawford called Reagan a “cruel low life animal abuser,” and pledged, “I will be there in the court to watch you cry like a baby when you are not allowed to go home!!!!” Gemme-Crawford's dog, a border collie named Grayson, was in his crate in a closed, air-conditioned room. “He had water and his toys and he was not a threat to anyone,” she said. Gemme-Crawford surmised that the dog--who was not injured by the paint--was barking since Reagan appeared to have given the animal a bag of apple fritters before dousing him with paint found in a cabinet. Reagan, Gemme-Crawford added, then “threw him out the door.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: BF RE: Spreadsheet does not like data from WORD Dear Webby, When adding up columns in an old spreadsheet, after I pasted data from a WORD doc, I get weird results. Also, I notice that some of the numbers are not lined up the same way as the others. How can I fix that ? BF Dear BF Some of those numbers are not real numbers but just text. If there was a space in front or the back when it was pasted, then the spreadsheet treated it as text. Just highlight the cell and retype the number. That is usually faster than looking for an extra space in the front OR back. When the number lines up with the other numbers, then it will count correctly. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Cassie walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register she saw a display of caps with WWJD printed on all of them. She was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn't figure it out, so she asked the clerk. The clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would Jesus Do", and was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation. Cassie thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I don't think Jesus would pay $17.95 for one of these caps." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com WWI Spice Cake By Paige P. [3 Posts, 3 Comments] This recipe contains no eggs, milk or butter. This is an authentic World War I cake that was popular when rationing was in full force in England. It's a dense spice cake that goes with pretty much anything. Coffee, ice cream, a cold glass of milk, hot chocolate, well, you get the idea. Prep Time: 30 minutes Cook Time: 1 hour Total Time: 1 hour 30 minutes Yield: 8 slices Ingredients: 1 cup water 1/3 cup shortening 1 cup brown sugar 1 tsp ground cinnamon 1/2 tsp ground cloves 1/4 tsp ground nutmeg 2 cups flour 1/4 tsp salt 1 tsp baking soda 1/2 tsp baking powder Steps: Combine water, shortening, cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, and brown sugar into small saucepan. Bring to boil and cook 3 minutes. Allow to cool. Meanwhile, combine flour, salt, baking powder and baking soda. When cooked mixture cools, combine with dry ingredients. Mix until smooth. Pour into greased 1.5 quart baking dish or loaf pan. Bake in 350 degree F oven for one hour. Source: I found it online, can't remember when or where. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ A man goes to see the doctor because he has a sore throat. The nurse tells him to take all his clothes off and sit on the bench in the hall. The man tries to protest, but the nurse doesn't listen and just repeats the same orders then leaves the area. The man complies with her orders and joins another naked man sitting on the bench. The man starts complaining to the man already sitting there, that he only has a sore throat and doesn't understand why he has to take all his clothes off. The man who was already sitting on the bench nude, looks at the other man and says "You think that's bad, I'm just here to deliver the roofing bill." ___________________________________________________
ballerina magician
____________________________________________________ During a phone conversation, my nephew mentioned that he was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "No, no," he replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester." ____________________________________________________ Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?" "Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it." "I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?" "If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family." Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off. When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey. ____________________________________________________
Ever heard of spider frost? Gives me shivers!
____________________________________________________

Today on September 8 in
1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent
European settlement in North America at present-day St.
Augustine, FL. 

1664 The Dutch surrendered New Amsterdam to the British, who
then renamed it New York. 

1866 The first recorded birth of sextuplets took place in
Chicago, IL. The parents were James and Jennie Bushnell. 

1892 An early version of "The Pledge of Allegiance" appeared
in "The Youth's Companion." 

1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was passed by the
Legislative Council. It was consented by the governor on
September 19 giving all women in New Zealand the right to
vote. 

1935 U.S. Senator Huey P. Long, "The Kingfish" of Louisiana
politics, was shot and mortally wounded. He died two days
later. 

1945 In Washington, DC, a bus equipped with a two-way radio
was put into service for the first time. 

1945 Bess Myerson of New York was crowned Miss America. She
was the first Jewish contestant to win the title. 

1951 A peace treaty with Japan was signed by 48 other nations
in San Francisco, CA. 

1952 The Ernest Hemingway novel "The Old Man and the Sea" was
published. 

1960 NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, AL,
was dedicated by U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower. The
facility had been activated in July earlier that year. 

1966 NBC-TV aired the first episode of "Star Trek" entitled
"The Man Trap". The show was canceled on September 2, 1969. 

1974 U.S. President Ford granted an unconditional pardon to
former U.S. President Nixon. 

1975 In Boston, MA, public schools began their court-ordered
citywide busing program amid scattered incidents of violence.


1997 America Online acquired CompuServe. 

1999 Russia's Mission Control switched off the Mir space
station's central computer and other systems to save energy
during a planned six months of unmanned flights. 

2015 British researchers announced that evidence of a larger
version of Stonehenge had been located about 2 miles from the
Stonehenge location. There were 90 buried stones that had
been found by ground penetrating radar. 

2016  smiled.


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How to turn off Auto-Complete 





Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, September 7

Thank you, Michael!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman thought she set her ex boyfriend's car 
on fire, but it wasn't his.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 7, in 
1812 - Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I 
at the battle of Borodino. 

More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There are more fools in the world than there are people. --- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856) There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence. --- Henry Adams (1838 - 1918) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Coming out of church, Mrs. Smith asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?" "I didn't notice," admitted Mr. Smith. "And that dress Mrs. Davis was wearing," continued Mrs. Smith, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper outfit for a mother of two." "I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Smith. "Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Smith. "A lot of good it does you to go to church!" ______________________________________________________ A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $3.99 for a $1 item that she doesn't want but that is on sale. ______________________________________________________ From my dad This one bloomed today. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Carmen Chamblee, 19, Clearwater, Florida Florida woman thought she set her ex boyfriend's car on fire, but it wasn't his. Carmen Chamblee thought she was entitled to set her ex- boyfriend's car on fire. But there was just one little problem with her plan — the car wasn't his. Whoops. Newsy's partners at WFTS report 19-year-old Carmen Chamblee was captured on surveillance video before and after she set the Honda Accord's trunk ablaze on Aug. 27. Witnesses say they saw her ride away from the scene on a bicycle. But the Clearwater Police Department was able to identify her and took her into custody. Chamblee told police she thought the now-charred car was owned by her former boyfriend. The vehicle belonged to Thomas Jennings. He told WFTS it was his roommate who discovered the car completely engulfed in flames. "He came running into the house saying my car was on fire. We ran out there. He had a pot of water trying to get it to put it out, but the fire was too much," Jennings said. Chamblee has been charged with second-degree arson and was taken to Pinellas County Jail for booking. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel RE: Turn off auto-complete Dear Webby, I am a train buff.i have a site I checked out as best I could.train covers a lot of territory and fills the screen. it is "www.planesoft.com" quick question.where do you turn off " suggest answers " when you type in what you are looking for "? I have windows7 and Microsoft outlook. thanks, Daniel Dear Daniel The answer to that depends on the browser you use. Go to Computerhope They have the answers for all the different browsers all neatly sorted ouit. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Jerry was hired by a supermarket and reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the entire store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how to do it." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Gas Odor from Car Carpet By Ethel Gerberick [6 Posts, 37 Comments] 7 found this helpful I spilled gasoline in the trunk of my car. I solved the odor problem by laying newspaper over the carpet where it was spilled. The paper absorbed the odor and there was no stain to even see where it was spilled. The problem was solved! By Ethel G. from PA By brucedrivesfast [2 Comments] Gas Off at Walmart. I use probably a bottle/month. Does the trick. By guest (Guest Post) For the removal of petroleum odors I have used brake cleaner it will evaporate most petroleum based chemicals it gives off a bad odor that will pass in a very short time. It evaporates at very low temperatures but extremely good ventilation is a must. Spot test an area for color fast and degradation. Pros usually use Zorb-All (Sorb-All or any generic equivalent) from any automotive parts store. It looks like the original kitty litter used to. Zorb-All comes in BIG, but light weight bags and is very cheap. It absorbs any petroleum product, even sucks old oil from driveways and garage floors. Just sprinkle it on, spread it and walk on it or pat it a bit, let it sit overnight, and vacuum it up in the morning. Stains and smells are gone. The gas or oil may have caused some discoloration, but the Zorb-All doesn't discolor anything. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ Not too long ago a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the speakers were many well known motivational speakers. One such boldly approached the podium and, gathering the entire crowd's attention said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife." The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother." The crowed burst into laugher and he gave his speech, which went over well. About a week later, one of the ministers, who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy for him. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years in my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!" His congregation gasped. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to remember the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!" ___________________________________________________
Rope Trick
____________________________________________________ Waxing eloquent on the dangers of sinning, one dynamic young preacher boomed to the congregation from the pulpit, "Brothers and sisters, if there are any among you who have sinned and are unrepentant, may your tongue cleave to the woof of your mouf!" ____________________________________________________ To be happy with a man, a woman must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, a man must love her a lot and not expect to ever understand her at all. ____________________________________________________
What a great project for a teenager to take on during summer vacation.
____________________________________________________

Today on September 7 in

1812 - Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I at
the battle of Borodino. 

1813 The nickname "Uncle Sam" was first used as a symbolic
reference to the United States. The reference appeared in an
editorial in the New York's Troy Post. 

1822 Brazil declared its independence from Portugal. 

1880 George Ligowsky was granted a patent for his device that
threw clay pigeons for trapshooters. 

1888 Edith Eleanor McLean became the first baby to be placed
in an incubator. 

1896 A.H. Whiting won the first automobile race held on a
racetrack. The race was held in Cranston, RI. 

1901 The Boxer Rebellion began in China ending the Peace of
Beijing. 

1915 Johnny Gruelle received a patent for his Raggedy Ann
doll. (U.S. Patent D47789) 

1921 Margaret Gorman of Washington, DC, was crowned the first
Miss America in Atlantic City, NJ. 

1927 Philo T. Farnsworth succeeded in transmitting an image
through purely electronic means by using an image dissector. 

1930 The cartoon "Blondie" made its first appearance in the
comic strips. 

1940 London received its initial rain of bombs from Nazi
Germany during World War II. 

1942 During World War II, the Russian army counter attacked
the German troops outside the city of Stalingrad. 

1971 "The Beverly Hillbillies" was seen for the final time on
CBS-TV. 

1977 The Panama Canal treaties were signed by U.S. President
Carter and General Omar Torrijos Herrera. The treaties called
for the U.S. to turn over control of the canal's waterway to
Panama in the year 2000. 

1979 ESPN, the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network,
made its debut on cable TV. 

1983 In Ireland, voters approved a constitutional ammendment
that banned abortion. 

1984 American Express Co. issued the first of its Platinum
charge cards. 

1986 President Augusto Pinochet survived an assassination
attempt made by guerrillas. 

1986 Desmond Tutu was the first black to be installed to lead
the Anglican Church in southern Africa. 

1987 Erich Honecker became the first East German head of
state to visit West Germany. 

1989 Legislation was approved by the U.S. Senate that
prohibited discrimination against the handicapped in
employment, public accommodations, transportation and
communications. 

1995 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood announced that he would resign
after 27 years in the Senate. 

1999 Viacom Inc. announced that it had plans to buy CBS Corp.


2016  smiled.


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Are "free" downloadable screensavers safe? 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, September 6

Thank you, Michael!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Norvegian man's complaint to Ikea after testicle 
gets trapped in shower stool is hilarious
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 6, in 
1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth,
England to settle in the New World. 

More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ They always talk who never think. --- Matthew Prior (1664 - 1721) The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. --- Larry Hardiman Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. --- Socratex "Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution." --- Judith Martin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Chris for this one: "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'" ______________________________________________________ A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grandmother's meat loaf for dinner tonight, and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it's the one you gave me. But it just didn't come out right, and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George because he loves meat loaf. What could have gone wrong?" Her mother replied soothingly, "Well, dear, let's go through the recipe. You read it out loud and tell me exactly what you did at each step, and together we'll figure it out." "OK," the bride sniffled. "Well, it starts out, ' Take fifty cents worth of ground beef '..." ______________________________________________________ From FB In 1971, that was me! Without the salmon, I found, I could run a lot faster. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Claus Jørstad 45, politician, Norway Man's complaint to Ikea after testicle gets trapped in shower stool is hilarious A man's Facebook post has gone viral after he got his genitals trapped in an Ikea stool while attempting to have a sit down in the shower. Photographer and politician Claus Jørstad, 45, struggles with a bad knee and needs to sit down in the shower. He purchased a red stool model called 'Marius' at his local Ikea store to ensure he could be comfy while having his daily wash. But things didn't quite go to plan when Claus sat down on the chair and got an important body part stuck in its holes. After the painful incident, Claus wrote on Ikea's Norwegian Facebook page to complain about the stool, and his hilarious message has now been shared more than 13,000 times. Ikea apologized. Apparently they had not expected such miniature features on anybody. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sal RE: Free screensavers Dear Webby, I got a bunch of ads about free screen savers. Are they safe? Thanks Sal Dear Sal It's time to grow up. You did not get any ads. You got SPAM. You know that Spammers Lie. Why would a spammer pay a few hundred dollars to send spam to 100 Million people, to give them something for free ? Because his "free screensaver" is his back door into your computer. Unless you like having a bunch of crooks controlling your computer and using it behind your back for their nefarious purposes, it would be wise to NOT give them a back door. There are tons of decent screensavers available from legitimate companies. There is absolutely no need to endanger all your credit card and bank info and control over your computer by dealing with spammers. First answer this: Why do you think you need a screensaver? To amuse your goldfish while you are sleeping? I read that goldfish prefer the built in Mystique screensaver. Second: Modern monitors don't need screensavers. They don't burn in the start menu and desktop like the old IBM greenies did. If you need a screensaver to cover up the x-rated yoga site, that you like visiting, use the built in screen savers. Some are quite good. You can also make your own. Put all the pictures that you want to have in a slide show into one folder, then RIGHT-click the desktop, Personalize (at the bottom) Screensaver (right bottom) Photos Settings Browse to the folder with your amazing collection of sunsets Select that, set the number of minutes of inactivity to wait before it starts, Apply OK. That is all there is to it. You can even select your camera chip reader, and change themes by simply inserting a different chip. Change the theme from technical drawings to romantic forests even faster than changing the settings. With all that at your disposal for free, there is no need to download security hazards. Remember the nice little round clock you could use in the right bottom corner? Genuine, from Windows. Then they blocked it, because some hackers used it's code to engineer a back door and built that into supposedly free downloadable screensavers. There was much howling and complaining when Microsoft murdered and banned that clock. However, they did not give in. After all, they are not in business to please you, and don't want to get sued. Most of the dwonloadable screensavers are a real threat. It is best to just use the built in screensavers or make your own. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Sam and Mike are walking from religious service. Sam wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Mike replies, "Why don't you ask Father Smith?" So Sam goes up to Father Smith and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?" But Father says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion." Sam goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Father told him. Mike says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try." And so Mike goes up to Father Smith and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?" To which Father Smith eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. Sure you can pray while you smoke." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Black Eyed Peas with Ham By lalala... [771 Posts, 103 Comments] My mom's dad made black eyed peas when she was a child, and she recently taught my daughter how to make this dish for a school project. It is a family tradition to make black eyed peas on New Years for good luck. Black Eyed Peas with Ham Ingredients: 3 cups ham, diced 1 lb dried black eyed peas, rinsed 1 medium onion 1/4 cup crumbled bacon 1 Tbsp canola oil 2 cloves garlic, minced 1 tsp oregano salt, to taste Steps: Dice up ham and set aside. Rinse and drain the back eyed peas. Cook and crumble up bacon. Dice onion and mince garlic. Heat oil in a large pot, then add onion and garlic. Sauté until translucent and tender. Add ham and bacon. Brown ham slightly. Add oregano and stir to combine. Add black eyed peas and 4 cups of water. Increase heat to HIGH and bring to a boil. Then reduce heat to MED-HIGH. Cover and cook for 20-30 minutes or until beans are soft. Stir occasionally. Note: Add more water to keep beans covered, if necessary. Serve with rice and enjoy! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ Bill was taking a flight to New York. He boards the plane, finds his seat and settles in, but does not fasten his seatbelt. The flight attendant comes down the aisle and see Bill's unfastened seatbelt and says, "Sir, you need to fasten your seatbelt for takeoff." Macho Bill says, "Not necessary to do that, Superman doesn't need a seatbelt." "Superman," the flight attendant said, "is not allowed to fly with United either." ___________________________________________________
Rope Trick
____________________________________________________ A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train that leaves at 6 p.m., but he has forgotten his watch. So he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots a guy carrying two suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time. The guy replies "Sure, which country?" The fella asks, "How many countries have you got?" to which the man replies, "All the countries in the world!" "Wow! That's a pretty cool watch you've got there." "That's nothing," the man says. "This watch also has a GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television channels and display them on its miniature active color matrix LCD screen!" "Boy, that's incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one. You wouldn't consider selling it by any chance?" "Well, actually the novelty has worn off for me, so for $900, if you want it, it's yours." The watchless traveler can hardly whip out his checkbook fast enough to hand over a check for $900. The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him. "Congratulations, here is you new hi-tech watch." Then, handing the two suitcases over as well, he says, "And here are the batteries." ____________________________________________________ What did you learn from your mom? My Mom taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside, I just finished cleaning!" My Mom taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My Mom taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My Mom taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why." My Mom taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident." My Mom taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about." My Mom taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" My Mom taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!" My Mom taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished." My Mom taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." My Mom taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?" My Mom taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times... Don't Exaggerate!!!" My Mom taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world and I can take you out." My Mom taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!" AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE My Mom taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father! You look like an idiot!" ____________________________________________________
My family loved watching Little House on the Prairie.
____________________________________________________

Today on September 6 in

1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth,
England to settle in the New World. 

1819 Thomas Blanchard patented a machine called the lathe. 
They had been in use for a few hundred years, but never been
patented.

1876 The Southern Pacific rail line from Los Angeles to San
Francisco was completed. 

1899 Carnation processed its first can of evaporated milk. 

1901 U.S. President William McKinley was shot and mortally
wounded (he died eight days later) by Leon Czolgosz.
Czolgosz, an American anarchist, was executed the following
October. 

1909 Robert Peary, American explorer, sent word that he had
reached the North Pole. He had reached his goal five months
earlier. 

1939 South Africa declared war on Germany. 

1941 Jews in German-occupied areas were ordered to wear the
Star of David with the word "Jew" inscribed. The order only
applied to Jews over the age of 6. 

1944 During World War II, the British government relaxed
blackout restrictions and suspended compulsory training for
the Home Guard. 

1948 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands was crowned. 

1952 In Montreal, Canadian television began broadcasting. 

1972 Rick DeMont lost the gold medal he received in a 400-
meter swimming event because a banned drug was found in his
system during routine drug testing. 

1975 Martina Navratilova requested political asylum while in
New York for the U.S. Open Tennis Tournament. 

1978 James Wickwire and Louis Reichardt reached the top of
the world's second largest mountain, Pakistan's K-2. They
were the first Americans to reach the summit. Solo climber
Reinhold Messner had reached it in the 60's. 

1990 Iraq warned that anyone trying to flee the country
without permission would be put in prison for life. 

1991 The State Council of the Soviet Union recognized the
independence of the Baltic states. 

1991 The name St. Petersburg was restored to Russia's second
largest city. The city was founded in 1703 by Peter the
Great. The name has been changed to Petrograd (1914) and to
Leningrad (1924). 

1992 A 35-year old man died ten weeks after receiving a
transplanted baboon liver. 

1993 Renault of France and Volvo of Sweden announced they
were merging. Volvo eventually canceled the deal the
following December. 

1995 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood was expelled by the Senate
Ethics Committee. 

2000 The U.N. Millennium Summit began in New York. It was the
largest gathering of world leaders in history with more than
150 present. 

2001 The U.S. Justice Department announced that it was
seeking a lesser antitrust penalty and would not attempt to
break up Microsoft. 

2001 Ebay Inc. was found not liable for copyright
infringement because bootleg copies of a Charles Manson
documentary had been sold on the site. 

2002 In New York, the U.S. Congress convened at Federal Hall
for a rare special session. The session was held in New York
to express the nation's mourning for the loss on September
11, 2001 and unity in the war against terrorism. 

2002 At the Smithsonian American Art Museum, the exhibition
"George Catlin and His Indian Gallery" went on view. The
exhibit contained over 400 objects.

2016  smiled.


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Interrupted Malwarebytes installation 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, September 5

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Colorado Dad Intentionally Crashes Into Several Cars 
at 75 MPH with His 2-Year-Old Unbuckled in Car
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 5, in 
1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British and
French fought for six days killing half a million people. 

More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A man is called selfish, not for pursuing his own good, but for neglecting his neighbor's. --- Richard Whately Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug. --- John Lithgow The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. --- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I had been teaching my seventh-graders about World War II, and a test question was, "What was the largest amphibious assault of all time?" Expecting to see "the D-Day invasion" as the answer, I found instead on one paper, "Moses and the plague of frogs." ______________________________________________________ My friend's neighbor in New York had a beautiful black cat, Felix, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night. One cool October evening, he disappeared. The neighbor searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring, however, Feliz reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured he's been out sowing his wild oats. Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when Felix disappeared again. The next spring, he returned. Perplexed, my aunt's friend began asking neighbors for clues. Finally, she rang the bell of an older couple who lived down the street. "A black cat?" the woman said. "Oh, yes! My husband and I hated to see him out in the cold, so we bought a cat carrier. We take him to Florida with us every winter." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nathan Weitzel, 29, Arapahoe, Colorado Dad Intentionally Crashes Into Several Cars at 75 MPH with His 2-Year-Old Unbuckled in Car Nathan Weitzel took his 2-year-old son Isaiah to a park to play. But while the dad was watching him, he was plotting the unthinkable. Weitzel was devising ways he could kill his own son. Once an idea hit him, he placed Isaiah into his car seat 'intentionally' unbuckled. Then, the 29-year-old part time father did something that would break the heart of any loving parent. He sped up to 75 miles per hour and crashed into multiple cars. At the end of his vehicular assault, Weitzel ended up in a stranger's driveway. The stranger, Nancy Rosa, approached the totaled car to see Weitzel elbowing Isaiah in the head. Rosa called 911 immediately. Fortunately, Weitzel didn't get away from the scene before police arrived. Fox 59 reported on the sickening reason behind Weitzel's inexcusable actions: When police arrived at the scene, Weitzel told them he was trying to kill his son. Weitzel allegedly told investigators “the reason he wanted to kill Isaiah was because being a father was a big responsibility and he did not think he was man enough to raise a child.” According to the police report, he had used cocaine earlier in the day. As a result of Weitzel's crime, Isaiah needed surgery to place five screws in his knee, ripped a muscle in his neck, and required more than 20 stitches on his head. Isaiah has recovered to the point that he doesn't need to be on oxygen and was able to return home, where he is now lying in a body cast. His father has been charged with the following: Attempted murder Child abuse Criminal mischief Possession of a control substance, and Vehicular assault Isaiah's mom, Nancy Lopez, said of Weitzel's actions: "He's not in a place that he should be. And he needs to be in jail for a long time." As for little Isaiah, he's going to be in recovery for a while. It's going to be two months until he can walk again, but when he does, all signs point to the fact that he'll be climbing around and playing again. And as his mom says, "He's a really good climber." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Nita RE: Interrupted malwarebytes installation Dear Webby, I started to activate Malware Bytes having purchased it from your newsletter. (Thanks for the discount!) However. after submitting my credit card, I had to interrupt the process. I didn't pay enough attention to the screen then giving the process for continuing the installation. I have the key number I was given but don't know how to get back to the correct place to finish. Thanks, Goofus Dear Nita Just download it again, run it, and where it says to fill in your key number, paste it. It's the same as when you are installing it on your second or third machine. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Lady of the house: "I want you to stand at the front door and call the guests' names as they arrive." "Very well, Madam!" the butler beamed. "I've been wanting to do that for years!" ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Drinking Straw Brush for Electric Fans By Robyn We use fans at our house, and I needed something to be able to help keep them in optimum condition. I made a stiff little brush out of a drinking straw, and now I can use that brush to keep debris from the front and especially the back of the fans. A stiff 3" bristle sidewalk broom without the handle works quite well. If you spray the grilles afterward with furniture polish, dust won't stick to them. The same trick works well on AC grilles too. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Chris for a nice old classic. The first time I saw this one, the story teller claimed that it was true and mentioned a certain zoo in Tennessee. A small Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat and to make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie, a part- time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animal's cages. Eddie, had little sense, but possessed ample ability. The park administrator thought they might have a solution. Eddie was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Eddie showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Eddie announced that he would accept their offer, but only under the following four conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the lips." The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition. "Second," Eddie said, "you must never tell anyone about this." The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition. "Third," Eddie said, "I want all the offspring to be raised Southern Baptist." Once again the administrator agreed. And last of all Eddie stated "You've got to give me another week to come up with the $500.00." ___________________________________________________
Rope Trick
____________________________________________________ The interviewer examined the job application then turned to the prospective employee. "I see you have put ASAP down for the date you are available to start, meaning as soon as possible, of course. However, I see you've put AMAP down for required salary. I don't believe I've ever seen that before, what does it mean?" The applicant replied, "As Much as Possible!" ____________________________________________________ An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him. "Sir, what is the secret of your long life?" The man considered this for a moment, then replied "every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port. Good for the heart I've heard." The reporter replied, "That's ALL?" The man smiled, "That, and canceling my voyage on Titanic." ____________________________________________________
My family loved watching Little House on the Prairie.
____________________________________________________

Today on September 5 in
1698 Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards. It
did not go over well.

1793 In France, the "Reign of Terror" began. The National
Convention enacted measures to repress the French
Revolutionary activities. 

1836 Sam Houston was elected as the first president of the
Republic of Texas. 

1877 Sioux chief Crazy Horse was killed by the bayonet of a
U.S. soldier. The chief allegedly resisted confinement to a
jail cell. 

1881 The American Red Cross provided relief for disaster for
the first time. The disaster was the Great Fire of 1881 in
Michigan. 

1885 Jake Gumper bought the first gasoline pump to be
manufactured in the U.S. 

1900 France proclaimed a protectorate over Chad. 

1905 The Treaty of Portsmouth was signed by Russia and Japan
to end the Russo-Japanese War. The settlement was mediated
by U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt in New Hampshire. 

1914 Babe Ruth hit his first home run as a professional
player in the International League. 

1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British and
French fought for six days killing half a million people. 

1917 Federal raids were carried out in 24 cities on
International Workers of the World (IWW) headquarters. The
raids were prompted by suspected anti-war activities within
the labor organization. 

1930 Charles Creighton and James Hagris completed the drive
from New York City to Los Angeles and back to New York City
all in reverse gear. The trip took 42 days in their 1929
Ford Model A. 

1939 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality in World War II. 

1945 Iva Toguri D'Aquino was arrested. D'Aquino was
suspected of being the wartime radio propagandist "Tokyo
Rose". She served six years and was later pardoned by U.S.
President Ford. 

1953 The first privately operated atomic reactor opened in
Raleigh, NC. 

1957 Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" was first published. 

1958 The first color videotaped program was aired. It was
"The Betty Freezor Show" on WBTV-TV in Charlotte, NC. 

1958 Boris Pasternak's "Doctor Zhivago" was published for
the first time in the U.S. 

1960 Cassius Clay of Louisville, KY, won the gold medal in
light heavyweight boxing at the Olympic Games in Rome,
Italy. Clay later changed his name to Muhammad Ali. 

1961 The U.S. government made airline hijacking a federal
offense. 

1977 The U.S. launched Voyager . 

1980 The St. Gothard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It was
the world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long. 

1982 Eddie Hill set a propeller-driven boat water speed
record when he reached 229 mph. 

1983 U.S. President Reagan denounced the Soviet Union for
shooting down a Korean Air Lines. Reagan demanded that the
Soviet Union pay reparations for the act that killed 269
people. 

1983 "Sports Illustrated" became the first national weekly
magazine to use four-color process illustrations on every
page. 

1984 The space shuttle Discovery landed after its maiden
voyage. 

1984 Mortimer Zuckerman purchased the newsmagazine, "U.S.
News & World Report" for $163 million. 

1985 Rioting in South Africa spilled into white
neighborhoods for the first time. 

1986 NASA launched DOD-1. 

1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein urged for a Holy War
against the West and former allies. 

1991 Soviet lawmakers created an interim government to usher
in the confederation after dissolving the U.S.S.R. The new
name the Union of Sovereign States was taken. 

1992 A General Motors Corporation strike ended with a new
agreement being approved. Nearly 43,000 workers were on
strike. GM went downhill from there.

1995 France set off an underground nuclear blast in the
South Pacific. 

2003 In London, magician David Blaine entered a clear
plastic box and then suspended by a crane over the banks of
the Thames River. He remained there until October 19
surviving only on water. 

2016  smiled.


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How to send POP email to the browser 





Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, September 1

By the time you read this, I will be on the way to Calgary
for injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters
for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Australian Fugitive Captured After Asking TV Station
To Use More Flattering Photo of her
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, September 1, in 
1810 The first plow with interchangeable parts was patented by John J. Wood. 

More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes. --- Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC) A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those shifty, beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty'. So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!" With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. Old Shifty-Eyes is the prosecutor." ______________________________________________________ A woman always has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amy Sharp, 18, Sydney, Australia Australian Fugitive Captured After Asking TV Station To Use More Flattering Photo of her A woman allegedly on the run from police has caused a social media storm after she asked a TV station to use a 'better photo' of her when reporting her escape. Teenager Amy Sharp is alleged to have broken out of a police station in Sydney on Friday, August 19, before running away. And as is fairly standard practice, police issued a statement accompanied by two photographs they had taken of the 18-year-old in a bid to find the youngster. But the search took an unexpected turn when the pictures and police statement were uploaded onto Sydney's 7 News Facebook page. Brazenly, the first person to comment on the story and the photos was Amy Sharp herself. Clearly unhappy with how she looked in the police mugshots, in which she wore a glum expression and a red blanket draped over her shoulders, she uploaded a more flattering shot in the comments section of the page with a simple request: "Can you use this photo please, and thank you. Yours truly Amy Sharp XX" The comment, which was accompanied with a smiling emoji with a halo, was liked more than 47,000 times and attracted numerous comments. Bec Sackville posted "Haha that's a classic. Think the cops have found a new way to catch crims. Just put out an ugly photo and the crim will be in touch to give you a better one lol." Police did not consider her a risk to members of the public saying she had been in custody for property offences. She was later caught in Wentworth Park, not far from where she allegedly escaped and is expected to be charged. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Joyce RE: Send email to the browser Dear Webby, Nope, I'm not blonde!! But, could you please instruct me on how to send something to my browser? I am usuing Eudora. thanks bunches, Joyce Dear Joyce In Eudora I right-click anywhere in that mail, and chose "Send to browser". That has worked since the days when Netscape was the only browser. Most other email programs copied that and work the same way. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Here is an oldie-goldie that was sent back to me: Father O'Flannagan dies due to old age. Upon entering St.Peter's gate, there is another man in front, waiting to go into heaven. St. Peter asks the man, "What is your name what did you accomplish during your life?". The man responds "My name is Joe Cohen, and I was a New York city Taxi driver for 14 years" "Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your silk robe and golden scepter, now you may walk in the streets of our Lord." St. Peter looks at the Father, and asks "What is your name and what did you accomplish?" He responds, "I'm Father O'Flannagan, and have devoted the last 62 years to the Lord". "Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your cotton robe and wooden staff, you may enter." "Wait a minute," says O'Flannagan, "You gave the taxi driver a silk robe and golden scepter, why did I only get a cotton robe and wooden staff?". "Well," St. Peter replied, "We work on a performance scale. You see while you preached, everyone slept, when he drove taxis, everyone prayed!" ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Bleach to Remove Ink in Dryer By Renea A [3 Posts, 4 Comments] Make a solution of bleach and water. Completely immerse some white towels in the solution and using rubber gloves wring out most of the water from the towels. They should be just damp and not dripping. Next throw the towels in the dryer and turn it on. The bleach will take the ink out after one to two applications of this process. After you get all the ink out, wipe the dryer down with plain water, making sure to wipe enough to remove all the bleach. Leave the dryer door open to air dry afterward. To be extra sure all the bleach is removed after cleaning you can run whites through the next dryer cycle. By Renea from Pittston Twp, PA ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this rewrite of a classic: One of our local rednecks, Billy Joe Bob, while not very bright, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him for paintings. One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo. She asked Billy Joe Bob if he could paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request. The beautiful lady said money was no object, she was willing to pay $5,000. Not willing to get into trouble with his wife, Billy Joe Bob asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with his wife. In a few minutes he returned and told the lady he was willing to paint her in the nude. However, he would have to leave his socks on so he would have some place to wipe his brushes!! ___________________________________________________
a social experiment
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Kim for this one: I noticed my husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, I quipped, "I don't think that is going to help much, hon." "Sure it does," he said. "How else can I can see the numbers?" ____________________________________________________ The Importance Of "Correct Punctuation" Dear John: I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours? Gloria Dear John: I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Gloria ____________________________________________________
medical conditions. I'm so happy medicine has come so far!
____________________________________________________

Today on September 1 in
1799 The Bank of Manhattan Company opened in New York City,
NY. It was the forerunner of Chase Manhattan. 

1810 The first plow with interchangeable parts was patented
by John J. Wood. 

1859 The Pullman sleeping car was placed into service. 

1878 Emma M. Nutt became the first female telephone operator
in the U.S. The company was the Telephone Dispatch Company
of Boston. 

1887 Emile Berliner filed for a patent for his invention of
the lateral-cut, flat-disk gramophone. It is a device that
is better known as a record player.

1897 The first section of Boston's subway system was opened.


1905 Saskatchewan and Alberta became the ninth and tenth
provinces of Canada. 

1939 World War II began when England objected to Germany
taking back parts of Poland. 

1942 A federal judge in Sacramento, CA, upheld the wartime
detention of Japanese-Americans as well as Japanese
nationals. 

1945 The U.S. received official word of Japan's formal
surrender that ended World War II. In Japan, it was actually
September 2nd. 

1951 The ANZUS Treaty, a mutual defense pact, was signed by
the U.S., Australia and New Zealand. 

1969 Col. Moammar Gadhafi came into power in Libya after the
government was overthrown. 

1979 The U.S. Pioneer 11 became the first spacecraft to
visit Saturn. 

1982 Mexican President Jose Lopez Portillo closed all the
country's private banks. 

1985 The Titanic was found by Dr. Robert Ballard and Jean
Louis Michel in a joint U.S. and French expedition. The
wreck site is located 963 miles northeast of New York and
453 miles southeast of the Newfoundland coast. 

1986 Jerry Lewis raised a record $34 million for Muscular
Dystrophy during his annual telethon for Jerry’s kids over
the Labor Day weekend. 

1997 In France, the prosecutor's office announced that the
driver of the car, in which Britain's Princess Diana was
killed, was over the legal alcohol limit. 

1998 The movie "Titanic" went on sale across North America. 

1998 Vietnam released 5,000 prisoners, including political
dissidents, on National Day. 

2016  smiled.


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Cleaning a monitor 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, August 31

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Bonehead Used Stolen Credit Card For 
Gal Pal's Bail
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 31, in 
1887 The kinetoscope was patented by Thomas Edison. The
device was used to produce moving pictures. 

More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much. --- John Wayne (1907 - 1979) "Fortune hath somewhat the nature of a woman; if she be too much wooed, she is the farther off." --- Emperor Charles V (1500-1588) "Not many men have both good fortune and good sense." --- Livy (59BC-17AD) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One gossip to another: "It's my policy never to say anything about anyone unless it's something good. And is this ever good!" ______________________________________________________ A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lakeisha Brisbane, 46, Clearwater, Floriduh Florida Bonehead Used Stolen Credit Card For Gal Pal's Bail An ex-con is facing felony charges after she used a stolen credit card to bail out a woman locked up in a Florida jail, police charge. According to court filings, Lakeisha Brisbane, 46, used the victim’s Visa card in three separate transactions--totaling $850--with a Clearwater bail bonds company. Brisbane, seen above, used the stolen credit card to bail out Shermaine Arnold, a 21-year-old female acquaintance being held in the Pinellas County lockup, cops allege. Arnold, records show, was jailed in November for ditching out on a $62.21 Yellow Cab fare. But since she also had an outstanding warrant in connection with a felony battery case in Miami-Dade county, her bond was set at $7500. Arnold, spent a week in custody before Brisbane went into 49th Street Bail Bonds carrying a credit card “issued in the name of elderly male victim,” a criminal complaint charges. Brisbane signed several sales receipts, a “multitude of other paperwork,” and allowed the firm to photocopy her driver’s license. Court filings do not explain how Brisbane was allowed to make charges on a Visa card in someone else’s name. Brisbane, who is scheduled for a court appearance today, was arrested Thursday on grand theft and credit card fraud charges, both felonies. She was released on $10,000 bond, which was posted by a second Clearwater firm, P-Freddie Dixon Bail Bonds. In some court records, Brisbane is identified by one of her aliases, Lakeisha Best. Brisbane is a convicted felon who spent about 15 months in state prison following her conviction on various fraud charges. She was released from custody in early-2010. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Fiona RE: Cleaning monitors Dear Webby, What's the best to use for cleaning monitors ? What happens to cleaning fuild that seeps down along the screen into the inside of the monitor? Thanks Fiona Dear Fiona Use whatever you use for cleaning windows and mirrors. Turn the monitor off and leave it off overnight, then clean it first thing in the morning. If cleaning fluid seeps down along the screen into the monitor housing, it will just collect in the lowest spot and drain out there. Usually the lowest spot is a collector trough along the front bottom, and usually it has a little drain hole. If your monitor does not have a drain hole, don't worry. It's just a few drops that seep down and they just dry up in that collector trough. In the days when monitors were still being fixed, I saw the innards of hundreds of monitors and have never seen liquid accumulate enough to get anywhere near the electronics. People who SELL monitors tell you to scratch them up by cleaning them with a dry cloth. Same as with your eye glasses, don't do that. Always use a liquid to flush grit out of the pores and to slide the grit harmlessly off the glass or plastic. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ >From Edna It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. "Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her." The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!" She shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!" ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bottle Feeding My Tomato Plants By Eileen H. [4 Posts] Take an empty clear plastic water bottle, cut off the bottom, drill a hole or bang a nail hole thru the plastic cap, and screw the cap back on to the neck of the bottle. Make a hole in the dirt right next to where the stem of the tomato plant is buried, turn the bottle upside down and put the neck of the bottle in the hole. Fill the bottle with water and it will slowly drip into the dirt right to the roots of the plant. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ Bill and I were talking and idly watching the sidewalk traffic while his wife was taking an eternity shopping for some postcards at a mall kiosk. A shapely young woman in a short, short skirt strolled by. We didn't stop or change our conversation, but since she was a much more pleasant sight than the parking meter officer, our eyes involuntarily followed her as she walked. Without looking up from the item she was examining, Bill's wife kicked him in the shin and asked, "Was that worth the trouble you're in now?" ___________________________________________________
Disappearing car prank
____________________________________________________ Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore." So she drove the boat to shore and docked it at the marina. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack. You must do the laundry and iron it, make the bed, clean the windows, set the table, cook the dinner, and wash the dishes." ____________________________________________________ Bob had heard a family rumor that his father, grandfather and even his great-grandfather all "walked on water" on their 21st birthday. So, on his 21st birthday, he and his good friend Brian headed out to the lake. "If they could do it, so can I!" Bob told Brian. Bob and Brian arrived at the lake and rented a boat. They paddled out to the middle. Bob stepped off of the side of the boat . . . and nearly drowned. Furious, he had Brian drive him back to the Family Farm and asked his grandmother why he hadn't been blessed with the same "gift" as the others in the family. Grandmother took Bob by the hands, looked into his face, and said, "That's because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in August, when the lake is not frozen." ____________________________________________________
I would love to have this old mansion and restore it back to its heyday. It looks like a home that was loved at one time, what a shame to see it in this condition.
____________________________________________________

Today on August 31 in
1823 Ferdinand VII was restored to the throne of Spain when
invited French forces entered Cadiz. The event is known as
the Battle of Trocadero. 

1852 The first pre-stamped envelopes were created with
legislation of the U.S. Congress. 

1887 The kinetoscope was patented by Thomas Edison. The
device was used to produce moving pictures. 

1920 The first news program to be broadcast on radio was
aired. The station was 8MK in Detroit, MI. 

1920 John Lloyd Wright was issued a patent for "Toy-Cabin
Construction," which are known as Lincoln Logs. 

1935 The act of exporting U.S. arms to belligerents was
prohibited by an act signed by U.S. President Franklin D.
Roosevelt. 

1946 Superman returned to radio on the Mutual Broadcasting
System after being dropped earlier in the year. 

1962 The Caribbean nations Tobago and Trinidad became
independent within the British Commonwealth. 

1964 California officially became the most populated state
in America. 

1980 Poland's Solidarity labor movement was born with an
agreement signed in Gdansk that ended a 17-day strike. 

1989 Great Britain's Princess Anne and Mark Phillips
announced that they were separating. The marriage was 16
years old. 

1990 East and West Germany signed a treaty that meant the
harmonizing of political and legal systems. 

1991 Uzbekistan and Kirghiziz declared their independence
from the Soviet Union. They were the 9th and 10th republics
to announce their plans to secede. 

1991 In a "Solidarity Day" protest hundreds of thousands of
union members marched in Washington, DC. 

1993 Russia withdrew its last soldiers from Lithuania. 

1994 A cease-fire was declared by the Irish Republican Army
after 25 years of bloodshed in Northern Ireland. 

1994 Russia officially ended its military presence in the
former East Germany and the Baltics after a half-century. 

1998 A ballistic missile was fired over Japan by North
Korea. The missile landed in stages in the waters around
Japan. There was no known target. 

2016  smiled.


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Attack apparently by Microsoft on Classic Shell 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, August 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Two Chicago Brothers On Parole Charged In Murder 
Of NBA Star’s Cousin
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 30, in 
1146 European leaders outlawed the crossbow and got soundly 
defeated by the Swiss. 

More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) "This book is dedicated to my brilliant and beautiful wife without whom I would be nothing. She always comforts and consoles, never complains or interferes, asks nothing, and endures all. She also writes my dedications." --- Albert Malvino ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Early one morning a Priest heard a noise outside his door. When he opened it, he saw a donkey fall over dead. Not knowing what to do about the situation, he called the mayor and related the situation. The mayor couldn't resist jabbing at the Priest and said, "Father, I thought that in a case like that the duty of a Priest was to bury the dead." Without any hesitation, the Priest said, "No, my duty is to to notify next of kin, so that they can pay for funeral arrangements." ______________________________________________________ A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock. They got dressed quickly. Then the man asked his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she did as he asked, and thought he was rather weird. The man finally got home and his wife met him at the door. Upset, she asked where he'd been. The man replied, "I can not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love, and then fell asleep. That's why I'm late." The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes and yelled, "I can see those are grass stains on your shoes. YOU DAMN LIAR! You've been playing golf again, haven't you?" ----------------- Don't try that trick with YOUR wife. Remember, she reads the Humor Letter ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Noella for this picture: At the back door ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Derren Sorrells, 26, Darwin Sorrells Jr., 22, Chicago, Ill Two Chicago Brothers On Parole Charged In Murder Of NBA Star’s Cousin. The pair are described as “documented gang members.” Chicago police on Sunday said they have arrested two brothers and charged them with the fatal shooting of basketball star Dwyane Wade’s cousin as she pushed a baby in a stroller, a murder that has stunned a city plagued by a surge in gang-related violence. In a case that has emerged as a talking point in the U.S. presidential race, Darwin Sorrells Jr., 26, and Derren Sorrells, 22, are facing charges of first-degree murder and attempted murder in the death of Nykea Aldridge, a 32-year- old mother of four, police said. The brothers, described as “documented gang members,” are convicted felons who were out of prison on parole at the time of the shooting, police officials said at a Sunday press briefing. Aldridge was hit when the suspects opened fire at the intended target, a driver of a car who told authorities he worked for Uber and was dropping off passengers. In a briefing on Sunday, police did not say why the driver was targeted except to note that the man was from outside the area and appeared to have an exchange of words with the suspects. One of the brothers was required to wear a monitoring device as a condition of his home confinement while on parole, except from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. when he was allowed to conduct personal business. It was during those hours that the shooting occurred, police said. Darwin Sorrells was sentenced to six years in prison in 2013 on a gun charge but was “let out early,” police spokesman Anthony Guglielmi said on Twitter on Sunday. BL&M ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Nate RE: What is that attack on Classic Shell about? Dear Webby, What is that attack on Classic Shell about? I have been using Classic Shell for a couple of years and am perfectly happy with it. With that I can be just as productive and efficient on W10 as I was with W7. What is this all about? Do I have to worry now? Nate Dear Nate On August 2 some very skilled hackers, who are extremely familiar with Windows10, hacked the download site for Classic Shell, and uploaded a doctored version. The attack was timed by whoever hacked the installer to coincide with the also hacked release of Windows 10 Anniversary Update to sabotage older versions of Classic Shell. After the Anniversary patch users would head to the main download site and the compromised installer would infect their PC. Whoever did it must have had considerable cooperation from inside Microsoft and using the Anniversary patch as part of the attack by forcing users to go download the hacked version of Classic Shell. The Anniversary patch was definitely part of the attack. There is no proof, of course, but it sure looks like it was done by Microsoft employees. As long as you avoid the Anniversary Patch, which is very bad news anyway, you are safe. It is only the Anniversary patch, that sabotages Classic Shell. There are now good, pre-hack versions available again. However, since your version works fine, don't bother with updates for a while. From what I hear, there are no updates needed for Classic Shell anyway. It is only the Windows10 Anniversary patch that sabotages people's Classic Shell and forces them to download a new version. Since the Classic Shell update hack has been dumped and replaced with a good version, that danger is now gone. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A little boy got lost at the YWCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "Whassa matter, have you never seen a little boy before?" ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Dye Transfers from Clothing By Abigail A. [18 Posts, 1,278 Comments] Try soaking in color-safe bleach. If you frequently have to do mixed- color loads, invest in Shout! Color Catcher sheets to "catch" the dye. Better than ruining towels or clothes. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ A drummer got bored with his instrument and decided to take up the accordion instead. Walking into a music shop, he spotted one he liked and asked the shopkeeper, "How much is that accordion by the wall?" The shopkeeper looked at him and said, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" "Yes, how did you know?" he said. "That thing over there by the wall, that's a radiator." ___________________________________________________
Amazing Grace, Andre Rieu
____________________________________________________ Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History were marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asked the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?" The guard replied, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old." "That's an awfully exact number," said the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?" The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago." ____________________________________________________ The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line." "This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now." "He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied. "Right now I'd say he's sheepish." ____________________________________________________
Pebble Art. This lady has quite an imagination!
____________________________________________________

Today on August 30 in
1146 European leaders outlawed the crossbow and got soundly
defeated by the Swiss. 

1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at
New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became known as New York.


1682 William Penn sailed from England and later established
the colony of Pennsylvania in America. 

1780 General Benedict Arnold secretly promised to surrender
the West Point fort to the British army. 

1809 Charles Doolittle Walcott first discovered fossils near
Burgess Pass. He named the site Burgess Shale after nearby
Mt. Burgess. 

1862 The Confederates defeated Union forces at the second
Battle of Bull Run in Manassas, VA. 

1941 During World War II, the Nazis severed the last
railroad link between Leningrad and the rest of the Soviet
Union. 

1945 General Douglas MacArthur set up Allied occupation
headquarters in Japan. 

1951 The Philippines and the United States signed a defense
pact. 

1956 In Louisianna, the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway opened. 

1960 A partial blockade was imposed on West Berlin by East
Germany. 

1963 The "Hotline" between Moscow and Washington, DC, went
into operation. 

1982 P.L.O. leader Yasir Arafat left Beirut for Greece. 

1983 The space shuttle Challenger blasted off with Guion S.
Bluford Jr. aboard. He was the first black American to
travel in space. 

1984 The space shuttle Discovery lifted off for the first
time. On the voyage three communications satellites were
deployed. 

1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan, and several others, were
inducted into the Sportscasters Hall of Fame. 

1991 The Soviet republic of Azerbaijan declared its
independence. 

1994 Rosa Parks was robbed and beaten by Joseph Skipper.
Parks was known for her refusal to give up her seat on a bus
in 1955, which sparked the civil rights movement. 

1994 The largest U.S. defense contractor was created when
the Lockheed and Martin Marietta corporations agreed to a
merger. 

1996 An expedition to raise part of the Titanic failed when
the nylon lines being used to raise part of the hull
snapped. 

1999 The residents of East Timor overwhelmingly voted for
independence from Indonesia. The U.N. announced the result
on September 4. 

2002 Conoco Inc. and Phillips Petroleum merged to create
ConocoPhillips. The new company was the third largest
integrated energy company and the second largest refining
company in the U.S. 

2016  smiled.


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Windows 10 attack on Classic Shell 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, August 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 29, in 
1842 The Treaty of Nanking was signed by the British and the
Chinese. The treaty ended the first Opium War. gave England
the monopoly for selling Opium to the Chinese and gave the
island of Hong Kong to Britain. 

More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough --- Mario Andretti (1940 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine." ______________________________________________________ A guy was known among his friends to be very brief an to the point - he really never said too much. One day, a saleswoman promoting a Avon knocked his door and asked to see his wife, so the guy told her that she wasn't home. "Well," the woman said, "could I please wait for her?" The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours. After feeling really worried, she called out for him and asked, "May I ask where your wife is?" "Cemetery," he replied. "And when is she coming back?" "Don't know," he said. "She's been there eleven years now." ______________________________________________________ Mud is no exxcuse! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rodney Earl Sanders 46, Kosciusko, Mississippi Rodney Earl Sanders confesses murdering two nuns A man arrested over the murder of two Mississippi nuns has reportedly confessed to the killings. Sister Margaret Held and Sister Paula Merrill, both 68, were found dead on Thursday at a residence within the community they served. Rodney Earl Sanders, 46, of Kosciusko, Mississippi, was detained by the Mississippi Bureau of Investigation on Friday evening. Holmes Country sheriff Willie March said Sanders has now confessed to police, but has given no reason for the crimes. The bodies of the nuns were discovered after they failed to show up for work at a health clinic in Lexington, Mississippi. Both were nurse practitioners, dispensing flu shots, insulin and other medical care for those who could not afford it in the poorest county in the poorest US state. Authorities have not disclosed a motive, or said how the women were killed. But the Rev Greg Plata, of St Thomas Catholic Church in Lexington, said police had told him they were stabbed. The nuns' stolen car was found abandoned a mile from their home in Durant, and police said there were signs of a break- in. Their deaths have left a gaping hole in the community. Joe Morgan, who was a diabetes patient of Sister Merrill, said he cannot forgive the perpetrator, even though he knows the nuns would have wished him to do so. The 58-year-old former factory worker said he wants to see the killer executed. "She doesn't deserve to die like this, doing God's work," Mr Morgan said. BL&M ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Barb RE: W 10 terrorizes me! Dear Webby, I'm so mad at this moment I could chew nails! The kind driven into things with a hammer! This piece of shit Windows 10 locked me out of my computer until I downloaded all the latest updates. Except I have it set so I don't have to download the so called Anniversary update because it's causing too many problems for people. It took away my Classic Shell that you sent me a link to and said it was not compatible with Windows 10. I downloaded it again to my Firefox library and when I tried to install it, Windows 10 wouldn't let me because it's not compatible! I fired off a letter telling them exactly what I thought of WINDOWS 10 and where they could stick it! I guess I'm venting to you because I knew you would understand and maybe have a solution. Every time I say anything to my husband he tells me to be quiet because I'm interfering with his ball game. I'm not giving him the hard time that I could because he's going through too many health problems at this time. HELP! If you put this in the Humor Letter please clean it up! Barb Dear Barb Write to the Classic Shell about W10 blocking them. They might have already heard about it and built a way around the problem. Apparently Micros*** (or one of their minions) hacked Classic Shell on August 2 and put a hacked version up. Go onto their forum and paste your letter there. No need to clean it up for them. However, read what is already on the forum about that, so that you don't exactly repeat what others have already said. Help for recovering from that hack is at http://www.classicshell.net/forum/viewf ... 22&sid =ddcc42bf3a447ad6005b9c6c771284bf Hack hotline: Get help recovering from the Classic Shell hack Also check out win 10 anniversary update killed computer One way to tell if you have the infected ClassicShell on the same forum. Good Luck! DearWebby Dear Webby I got Classic Shell back! I went to the classic shell.net forum and read the comments and recommendations. Classic Shell is safe once again to download. The main download is currently from another hosting service called MediaFire which was not hacked. To get it back go to: http://www.classicshell.net/downloads/latest make sure the Verified Publisher is Ivaylo Beltchev. This is the latest version of Classic Shell. Thanks Barb Dear Barb Glad that worked. Forums are often the best place to get good info. Does that mean you are not going to nuke Micros***? Have FUN! DearWebby LOL! Thanks to you Microslop is safe for tonight. But if I have the same problem tomorrow when I turn my computer on they better watch out! Thanks again old friend Barb Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?" "Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, God made you," the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in a nearby mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Summer Fresh Tomato Pie for One By ~gloria [95 Posts, 152 Comments] This is a very juicy pie. It's tomatoes after all, so be prepared for drippage! If you don't care for tomato skins like me, they pull right off with your fork. Just double the recipe and use a regular pie plate, if you want a big pie to share. Hope you will love this as much as I do. All you need to make this scrumptious summer treat is pictured below. Prep Time: Approx. 30 minutes Cook Time: 30 minutes Total Time: Approx. 1 hour Yield: 1 or 2 servings Ingredients: 4 -5 unbaked crescent rolls. 1-2 fresh tomatoes, sliced 1/4" thick. 1/2 cup mayonnaise 1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar crumbled bacon bits (optional) finely sliced basil (optional, but who wouldn't?) Kosher salt fresh ground pepper Steps: Coat a #3 (the little guy) cast iron skillet with cooking spray. Press the crescent roll dough onto the bottom and sides of the skillet; joining any gaps with your fingertips. Layer tomato slices to cover the bottom. Sprinkle the basil, salt and pepper over the tomato. Add bacon, or not, as you choose. Mix the mayo and cheese together and plop on top of the tomatoes. Spread to completely cover the tomatoes. Bake at 375 degrees F. on the rack just below middle for about 30 mins. Watch for browning of crescent edges and cheesy top. That's when you know it's ready. Allow to cool maybe 15 mins. if you can stand the wait. I usually enjoy the first half right there at the counter. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ The first German serviceman killed in WWII was killed by the Japanese, in China, 1937. The first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians, in Finland, 1940. The highest ranking American killed was Lt. Gen. Lesley McNair, killed by the US Army Air Corps. Following a massive naval bombardment 35, 000 US and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska Island. 21 troops were killed in the firefight. It might have been even worse if there had been any Japanese on the island. ___________________________________________________
Eagle vs chamois
____________________________________________________ A man's best friend dies, so he calls the nearest flower shop to order a wreath of flowers to be displayed at the wake. "Put an extra-wide ribbon on it," he tells the clerk. "Print 'Rest in Peace' on both sides and, if there is room, 'We Shall Meet in Heaven.'" The clerk assures him that his order will be carried out and the wreath promptly delivered to the funeral home. Sure enough, the wreath arrives and is set up next to the casket. But the mourners are stunned when they see it. On the extra-wide ribbon is the inscription, "Rest in peace on both sides", and, "If there is room, we shall meet in Heaven." ____________________________________________________ A bunch of guys decided one morning that they would go deer hunting. So they all piled into the station wagon with their guns and took off down the road looking for a place to go hunting. After driving awhile they came across an old farm house with a large spread of woods behind it. One of the guys went to the door and asked the farmer if they could hunt in his woods. When asked, the farmer said "yes, sure, but would you do me a favor? The ol' cow in the barn yard is on her last legs and I know she is sufferin', would you kindly put her down for me, I don' have the heart to." As the hunter walked back to the station wagon, he decided to play a prank on his fellow hunters. So when he got back to the station wagon he pulled out his rifle and shouted "..I'll teach that old coot for not letting us hunt on his property!" and shot the old cow. After he fired the shot, he heard another shot and one of the other hunters proclaim, "Yea, we'll show him... I got his tractor!" ____________________________________________________
This would make a rather heavy necklace. Just saying...
____________________________________________________

Today on August 29 in
1828 A patent was issued to Robert Turner for the self-
regulating wagon brake. 

1833 The "Factory Act" was passed in England to settle child
labor laws. 

1842 The Treaty of Nanking was signed by the British and the
Chinese. The treaty ended the first Opium War. gave England
the monopoly for selling Opium to the Chinese and gave the
island of Hong Kong to Britain. 

1885 The first prizefight under the Marquis of Queensberry
Rules was held in Cincinnati, OH. John L. Sullivan defeated
Dominick McCaffery in six rounds. 

1886 In New York City, Chinese Ambassador Li Hung-chang's
chef invented chop suey. 

1892 Pop (Billy) Shriver (Chicago Cubs) caught a ball that
was dropped from the top of the Washington Monument in
Washington, DC. 

1944 During the continuing celebration of the liberation of
Paris from the Nazis, 15,000 American troops marched down
the Champs Elysees in Paris. 

1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur left for Japan to
officially accept the surrender of the Japanese. 

1949 At the University of Illinois, a nuclear device was
used for the first time to treat cancer patients. 

1957 Senator Strom Thurmond of South Carolina set a
filibuster record in the U.S. when he spoke for 24 hours and
18 minutes. 

1962 The lower level of the George Washington Bridge opened.


1965 Gemini 5, carrying astronauts Gordon Cooper and Charles
("Pete") Conrad, splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean after
eight days in space. 

1983 Two U.S. marines were killed in Lebanon by the militia
group Amal when they fired mortar shells at the Beirut
airport. 

1983 The anchor of the USS Monitor, from the U.S. Civil War,
was retrieved by divers. 

1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, in a television
interview, declared that America could not defeat Iraq. 

1991 The Communist Party in the Soviet Union had its bank
accounts frozen and activities were suspended because of the
Party's role in the failed coup attempt against Mikhail
Gorbachev. 

1991 The republics of Russia and Ukraine signed an agreement
to stay in the Soviet Union. 

1992 The U.N. Security Council agreed to send troops to
Somalia to guard the shipments of food. 

1994 Mario Lemieux announced that he would be taking a
medical leave of absence due to fatigue, an aftereffect of
his 1993 radiation treatments. He would sit out the National
Hockey Leagues (NHL) 1994-95 season. 

1998 Northwest Airlines pilots went on strike after their
union rejected a last-minute company offer. 

2004 India test-launched a nuclear-capable missle able to
carry a one-ton warhead. The weapon had a range of 1,560
miles.

2016  smiled.


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Taking a computer apart 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, August 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Ohio Robber Attacked 7-Eleven Employee with Nacho Cheese
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 27, in 
1609 Delaware Bay was discovered by Henry Hudson. 

More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share expertise about the golf swing. --- Socratex A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's blind luck. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
And then she said... "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was soo relieved when he told me that all I needed was blinker fluid. Naturally, I got the organic, biodegradable kind, even though it was a bit more expensive." ______________________________________________________ The obituary editor of our newspaper is not one to admit his mistakes easily. One day he got a phone call from an irate subscriber. The caller complained that his name had been printed in the obituary column. "Really?" replied the editor calmly. "Where are you calling from?" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Milly for this picture from France ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Derrickka Dixon, 28, Toledo. Ohio Ohio Robber Attacked 7-Eleven Employee with Nacho Cheese After issuing an appeal to the public, Ohio cops have identified the woman who allegedly threw a container of nacho cheese at a 7-Eleven owner who caught her stealing merchandise. In a Facebook post yesterday, the Toledo Police Department included three surveillance images of the suspect, who was wearing a Spiderman t-shirt, shorts, and blue socks with white stars. According to a police report, after being confronted by Jitendra Singh, 49, the woman attacked the 7-Eleven owner, tearing money from his hands before throwing "a container of nacho cheese" at him. The woman then “fled in a maroon Chevy with a black male.” Upon posting an “Attempt to identify” notice, cops determined that the suspect in the August 18 incident was Derrickka Dixon, a 28-year-old Toledo resident. In comments on the Toledo Police Department’s Facebook page, Dixon’s husband Tray, 33, claimed that the police account was “all wrong. She didn’t steal nothing.” He added that, “The media lie every day.” In addition to issuing a robbery arrest warrant for Dixon, cops are also seeking to collar her spouse, who allegedly threatened to kill Singh during the 7-Eleven incident (and was driving the Chevy). Dixon is seen above in a mug shot taken after an arrest last year. Singh was not injured by the airborne nacho cheese. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon RE: Taking Computer apart Dear Webby, In this letter in the tech dept you said it was a good idea to vacuum out your computer. How do you do that? I really am hesitant to take anything apart for fear I won't get it back together right. Thanks, Sharon Dear Sharon Turn the computer off, but don't unplug it. It's safer if it is properly grounded. Don't unplug anything, but look at the back of the computer. You will see that most of the plugs and cables are closer to one of the side walls than the other. They are closer to the "floor" side. The opposite side is the "lid" side. Usually the lid has thumbscrews or larger screws than the floor side, or a locking lever. Unscrew the two or three screws on the lid or push the locking lever. Then you can slide it backwards and open it easily. Set it aside flat on the floor. If you don't, it will fall over and scare you right when you are under the table. When that happens, it's quite hilarious for the onlookers. Now take a vaccum cleaner and put the narrow crevice tool on it, if you have one. Vacuum out the inside of the computer, preferably without quite touching anything in there. The dust and the dustbunnies and spiderwebs are all lightweight and vacuum up easily. Then put the vacuum away so that you don't trip over it, find the lid and re-attach it. Carefully empty the vaccum cleaner and retrieve the vacuumed up lid screws and use them to secure the lid. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ The Irish priest was at the altar one dreary Sunday morning, addressing his congregation with a vehement sermon that alcohol was the work of the devil. "As an example," he stated during his sermon, "If you were to lead a donkey to a bowl of water and a bowl of whiskey, from which would he drink?" A grizzled old Mick at the back of the church spoke up: "Aye, Father, for sure he'd drink from the water." The priest, elated, said, "Very good, my son. And can you tell me WHY he'd drink from the water?" The Irishman at the back of the church replied, "Sure I can tell ye' why, Father. Because he's an ass." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Summer Fresh Tomato Pie for One By ~gloria [95 Posts, 152 Comments] This is a very juicy pie. It's tomatoes after all, so be prepared for drippage! If you don't care for tomato skins like me, they pull right off with your fork. Just double the recipe and use a regular pie plate, if you want a big pie to share. Hope you will love this as much as I do. All you need to make this scrumptious summer treat is pictured below. Prep Time: Approx. 30 minutes Cook Time: 30 minutes Total Time: Approx. 1 hour Yield: 1 or 2 servings Ingredients: 4 -5 unbaked crescent rolls. 1-2 fresh tomatoes, sliced 1/4" thick. 1/2 cup mayonnaise 1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar crumbled bacon bits (optional) finely sliced basil (optional, but who wouldn't?) Kosher salt fresh ground pepper Steps: Coat a #3 (the little guy) cast iron skillet with cooking spray. Press the crescent roll dough onto the bottom and sides of the skillet; joining any gaps with your fingertips. Layer tomato slices to cover the bottom. Sprinkle the basil, salt and pepper over the tomato. Add bacon, or not, as you choose. Mix the mayo and cheese together and plop on top of the tomatoes. Spread to completely cover the tomatoes. Bake at 375 degrees F. on the rack just below middle for about 30 mins. Watch for browning of crescent edges and cheesy top. That's when you know it's ready. Summer Fresh Tomato Pie for One Allow to cool maybe 15 mins. if you can stand the wait. I usually enjoy the first half right there at the counter. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ Travelling through Pennsylvania can be interesting. Locally, you can find yourself in Frugality, but you might go through Coupon to get there. You can find Dallas, but don't expect any Cowboys. Likewise, you won't find any Bronocs in Denver. There is no palace in Buckingham, nor any troops in Lebanon. You can attend school at Indiana University of Pennsylvania or you can go to Wyoming and California without actually crossing a state border. While the Amish may be known for their conservatism, the town names are often anything but that. We could start with West Middlesex, but why start in the middle. You can go all the way to Intercourse, but that won't take you to Paradise—you can't get there from here. Watch out, though, if you get lost on the way to Paradise, you may end up in Blue Ball, and that could be painful. Worse yet, after driving all day, you may end up with only Bird-In-Hand. No street signs to help you there, and the fun is whatever you make of it. ___________________________________________________
Blonde on radio
____________________________________________________ A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life starts when the heart begins to beat." "We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe life starts at the moment of conception." "Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts when the kids move out and the dog dies." ____________________________________________________ BOY : Since we met, I can't eat or drink... GIRL : Why not ? BOY : I'm broke. GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring? BOY : Sure, what's your phone number? ____________________________________________________
This amazing bridge was part of the Inca pathways and is rebuilt every year.
____________________________________________________

Today on August 28 in
1609 Delaware Bay was discovered by Henry Hudson. 

1619 Ferdinand II was elected Holy Roman Emperor. His policy
of "One church, one king" was his way of trying to outlaw
Protestantism. 

1774 The first American-born saint was born in New York
City. Mother Elizabeth Ann Seton was canonized in 1975. 

1830 "The Tom Thumb" was demonstrated in Baltimore, MD. It
was the first passenger-carrying train of its kind to be
built in America. 

1833 Slavery was banned by the British Parliament throughout
the British Empire. 

1907 "American Messenger Company" was started by two
teenagers, Jim Casey and Claude Ryan. The company's name was
later changedto "United Parcel Service." 

1916 Italy's declaration of war against Germany took effect
duringWorld War I. 

1917 Ten suffragists were arrested as they picketed the
White House. 

1922 The first radio commercial aired on WEAF in New York
City. The Queensboro Realty Company bought 10 minutes of
time for$100. 

1939 The first successful flight of a jet-propelled airplane
took place. The plane was a German Heinkel He 178. 

1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., gave his "I Have a Dream"
speech at a civil rights rally in Washington, DC. More than
200,000 people attended. 

1972 Mark Spitz captured the first of his seven gold medals
at the Summer Olympics in Munich, Germany. He set a world
record when he completed the 200-meter butterfly in 2
minutes and 7/10ths of a second. 

1990 Iraq declared Kuwait to be its 19th province and
renamed Kuwait City al-Kadhima. 

1995 The biggest bank in the U.S. was created when Chase
Manhattan and Chemical Bank announced their $10 billion
deal. 

1996 A divorce decree was issued for Britain's Charles and
Princess Diana. This was the official end to the 15-year
marriage. 

1998 The Pakistani prime minister created new Islamic order
and legal system based on the Koran. 

2004 George Brunstad, at age 70, became the oldest person to
swim the English Channel. The swim from Dover, England, to
Sangatte, France, took 15 hours and 59 minutes. 

2008 In China, the Shanghai World Financial Center
officially opened. The observation decks opened on August
30. 

2014 Google announced its Project Wing. The project was
aimed at delivering products across a city using unmanned
flying vehicles. 

2016  smiled.


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Computer overheating 





Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, August 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Echo Park Mom Arrested After 11-Year-Old Son 
Found Dead In A Closet
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 27, in 
1789 - The Declaration of the Rights of Man was adopted by
the French National Assembly. 

More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it. --- Dan Quayle (1947 - ) If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago biting his finger nails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, "Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?" The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. She comes back with a drink and he downs it quickly. Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees the same man shaking and biting his nails. She brings him another drink which he swallows immediately. A half hour later she returns to see that the man is shaking uncontrollably, and apparently crying. "My goodness," the flight attendant says, "I've never seen someone so afraid to fly." "I'm not afraid of flying," says the man sobbing loudly, "I'm trying to give up drinking." ______________________________________________________ An anthropologist was assigned to Borneo, where he found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. At noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. "What are those drums?" asked the anthropologist, knowing he was in cannibal country. The guide turned to him and said "No worry. Drums OK, but very bad when they stop." They both went ghostly pale when the drums suddenly stopped. The guide crouched in the belly of the canoe and covered his ears. "Do as I do! Very important!" hissed the guide with great urgency. "Why? What does this mean?" asked the panicked anthropologist. In a terrified whisper the native replied: "Drums stop! Next come BASS solo!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture from Sweden ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Veronica Aguilar, 39, Los Angeles, California Echo Park Mom Arrested After 11-Year-Old Son Found Dead In A Closet A woman has been arrested after officers found her young son dead with signs of malnutrition and abuse in her Echo Park home. Veronica Aguilar, 39, has been arrested on suspicion of child endangerment resulting in death, according to a release from the LAPD. On Monday at about 2:15 p.m., officers responded to the 2200 block of West Sunset Avenue where Aguilar's husband, Jose Pinzon, was waiting to meet them. He had rushed to a nearby convenience store to call 9- 1-1 after Aguilar told him that her son was dead, KTLA reports. Pinzon led officers to a home in the 2100 block of Santa Ynez Street, where the 11-year-old boy's body was found in a closet, wrapped in a blanket. The boy showed signs of malnutrition and physical abuse. LAFD paramedics pronounced the boy dead at the scene, and investigators believe he had been dead for a few hours prior to the discovery. The exact cause of death is still under investigation. "In my 25 years in law enforcement, this ranks as one of the worst cases I've seen," LAPD Det. Moses Castillo told KTLA. Pinzon is not the boy's biological father, whom investigators are working on locating. Neighbors say that the family had only lived in the area for about two or three months, and no one knew them particularly well. Investigators found that the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services has received at least three reports concerning the boy between 2009 and 2012, but that no case was ever filed, according to CBS Los Angeles. This comes only a few months after four social workers who had worked for the L.A. County DCFS were charged in the 2013 death of an 8-year-old boy, who was found beaten to death after DCFS closed the family's case. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Darlene RE: Computer overheating Dear Webby, What could be causing my computer to overheat and fry components ? This problem seems to be turning into a bad habit. Darlene Dear Darlene The most common cause for computers to overheat are pet hair and dust bunnies. Set your computer up on some cinder blocks so that it is not right close to the floor, and vacuum it out at least twice a year. It should be fine then. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Judi and Trisha were at an auto show. There they saw a hot-rod with a jacked up rear. "Judi, why is the back end higher than the front?" Trisha asked. "Don't you know ANYTHING?" Judi sighed exasperated. "If you've got the back up like that, then you're always going downhill and save a lot of gas!" ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Peachy Salsa By Mary Ray [8 Posts] Prep Time: 30 minutes Cook Time: no cooking Total Time: 90 minutes Yield: 1 quart Ingredients: fresh peppers of all colors onion tomatoes peach orange (or orange juice) 2 Tbsp sweet rice vinegar Steps: Chop peppers, tomatoes, onion, and peach. Put in bowl. Squeeze juice from the orange. Add to bowl and toss. Add sweet rice vinegar, toss again. Cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour. Store in the refrigerator. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90." ---------------- Hey ladies! I am 90! And i would love to get enormously wealthy, or at least out of debt. ___________________________________________________
Mornings with a dog
____________________________________________________ During a baseball game, a woman kept shouting threats at the umpire. No matter what happened on the field, she constantly yelled, "Kill the umpire!" This went on for an hour. A nearby fan finally yelled out, "Lady, the umpire hasn't done anything wrong!" She shouted back, "Hey, how would you know that? That's my husband, not yours!" ____________________________________________________ A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. They dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together. But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. He called her on the phone, "June." "Yes, this is June." "Will you marry me?" "Of course I will marry you! Who's this?" ____________________________________________________
Taxidermy gone wrong
____________________________________________________

Today on August 27 in
1660 - The books of John Milton were burned in London due to
his attacks on King Charles II. 

1789 - The Declaration of the Rights of Man was adopted by
the French National Assembly. 

1828 - Uruguay was formally proclaimed to be independent
during preliminary talks between Brazil and Argentina. 

1858 - The first cabled news dispatch was sent and was
published by "The New York Sun" newspaper. The story was
about the peace demands of England and France being met by
China. 

1859 - The first oil well was successfully drilled in the
U.S. by Colonel Edwin L. Drake near Titusville, PA. 

1889 - Charles G. Conn received a patent for the metal
clarinet. 

1921 - The owner of Acme Packing Company bought a pro
football team for Green Bay, WI. J.E. Clair paid tribute to
those who worked in his plant by naming the team the Green
Bay Packers. (NFL) 

1928 - The Kellogg-Briand Pact was signed by 15 countries in
Paris. Later, 47 other nations would sign the pact. 

1938 - Robert Frost, in a fit of jealousy, set fire to some
papers to disrupt a poetry recital by another poet,
Archibald MacLeish. 

1939 - Nazi Germany demanded the Polish corridor and Danzig.


1945 - American troops landed in Japan after the surrender
of the Japanese government at the end of World War II. 

1962 - Mariner 2 was launched by the United States. In
December of the same year the spacecraft flew past Venus. It
was the first space probe to reach the vicinity of another
planet. 

1972 - North Vietnam's major port at Haiphong saw the first
bombings from U.S. warplanes. 

1981 - Work began on recovering a safe from the Andrea
Doria. The Andrea Doria was a luxury liner that had sank in
1956 in the waters off of Massachusetts. 

1984 - U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the first
citizen to go into space would be a teacher. The teacher
that was eventually chosen was Christa McAuliffe. She died
in the Challenger disaster on January 28, 1986. 

1985 - The Space Shuttle Discovery left for a seven-day
mission in which three satellites were launched and another
was repaired and redeployed. 

1989 - The first U.S. commercial satellite rocket was
launched. A British communications satellite was onboard. 

1990 - The U.S. State Department ordered the expulsion of 36
Iraqi diplomats. 

1991 - The Soviet republic of Moldavia declared its
independence. 

1996 - California Governor Pete Wilson signed an order that
would halt state benefits to illegal immigrants. 

1998 - "Titanic" became the first movie in North America to
earn more than $600 million. 

1999 - The final crew of the Russian space station Mir
departed the station to return to Earth. Russia was forced
to abandon Mir for financial reasons. 

2001 - The U.S. military announced that an Air Force RQ-1B
"Predator" aircraft was lost over Iraq. It was reported that
the unmanned aircraft "may have crashed or been shot down." 

2001 - Work began on the future site of a World War II
memorial on the U.S. capital's historic national Mall. The
site is between the Washington Monument and the Lincoln
Memorial. 

2016  smiled.


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UV Filter 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, August 26
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
24 year old NJ felon beat 2 year old kid to death, because
the kid cried, when he knocked his mother to the ground.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 24, in 


More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men are: they're a bunch of liars." --- Jay Leno Always remember you are unique... Just like everyone else. --- Socratex Don't be sexist - liberated broads hate that. Oh, OK. Then BE sexist, if you want the liberated broads to leave. --- Jay Leno ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones! ______________________________________________________ Asked by his third-grade teacher to spell "straight." The boy did so correctly. "Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?" "Without water." ______________________________________________________ Monolithos, Rhodes Island, Greece ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Zachary Tricoche, 24, Pennsauken, NJ 24 year old NJ felon beat 2 year old kid to death, because the kid cried, when he knocked his mother to the ground. Zachary Tricoche, a 24-year-old man from Pennsauken, New Jersey, has been charged for beating Jamil Baskerville Jr., a 2-year-old boy, to death, Fox News is reporting. The toddler had woken up Saturday night after being startled by the 24-year-old man assaulting his mother. Tricoche was livid over the groceries his girlfriend, Shah, had purchased. The young boy, seeing his mother being shoved to the ground, had started to cry. This enraged Tricoche, who allegedly told the little boy to “put his hands up” and fight him like a man. Zachary punched him with so much power that the child stumbled backward and crashed into the wall behind him. Zachary Tricoche punched Jamil Baskerville Jr. two more times in the head. The boy struck the wall a second time and passed out. He was only three feet tall, weighed 29 pounds, and was four months shy of his third birthday. Shah had called 911 saying that the boy had vomited and was presently not breathing. Prosecutors believe that the odds are stacked against Zachary Tricoche based on “an excellent likelihood of conviction, linked to physical evidence” and a protracted criminal record that includes selling and buying drugs and trying to destroy the evidence. An anonymous source said that Shah’s live-in boyfriend had also physically assaulted the dead toddler’s siblings in the past. A medical examination revealed the boy’s liver was crushed and he bled to death internally. The official cause of death is blunt force trauma and the manner of death is homicide. Tricoche’s bail was set at $1 million cash. Looks like BL&M ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hank RE: UV filter for camera Dear Webby, why is everybody always saying you need to buy an UV filter for every camera? If that filter was so universally necessary, wouldn't the camera companies build it into the camera ? Thanks Hank Dear Hank With a cheap plastic lens camera a real glass UV filter can make a noticeable difference in the picture, however, with most cameras there is SOME glass in there somewhere, and you would not notice a difference. If you did notice a difference, you most likely would not really know for sure which version of a picture you would prefer, with or without UV filter. The main objective of the UV filter nowadays is to protect the main lens from fingerprints, dirt and scratches. Since UV filters are just plain glass, they used to be very cheap, ($1 - $10), but nowadays some merchants consider them to be gullibility tax and charge outrageous amounts of money for them. Since they are just plain glass, a UV filter from any old camera will work just fine, as long as it is not scratched up. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A teenager who had just received her learner's permit offered to drive her parents to church. After a hair-raising ride, they finally reached their destination. The mother got out of the car and said, "Thank you!" "Anytime," her daughter replied. As the woman slammed the door, she said, "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to God." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hamburger Casserole Recipe By Lesa [3 Posts] When I was a kid my mom and I put this recipe together. It's kind of a spin off of Hobo Dinner but made into a casserole instead. Ingredients: 1-2 lbs. hamburger 1-2 medium onion, sliced veggie(s) of you or your families liking (any amounts of whatever you want or have on hand can be used.) Potatoes, peeled and sliced (again there's not any certain amount needed or required here. Just however much you care to use or have on hand.) Salt and pepper to taste, and /or whatever other seasoning(s) you like. I like to use onion powder on mine, because we like the flavor it gives. And I season each layer too. Directions: Preheat oven at 350 degrees F. Now choose whatever size of baking or casserole dish you care to make and spray the dish with pan spray. Put the hamburger in the bottom, season it with salt and pepper and whatever seasoning of your choice. Put the sliced onion over the beef and season it also. Put the veggie of your choosing over the sliced onions. Now place a layer of sliced potatoes over the veggie(s); salt and pepper and use any other seasoning(s) of your choice. Add as many layers or as many potatoes you want too. I like my potatoes here, so I usually put on about 2-3 layers. Make sure to season each layer. And if you like onion, you can also add more sliced onion between the potato layers if you want to. There's no certain amount of anything here. Just put however or whatever amount you want. Bake it covered at 350 degrees F for about 1-1/2 hours, until the potatoes are tender. This is really handy to have made up and already baked, and cooled. Put in the freezer for those unexpected visitors or just a lazy night dinner, or if you just don't know what to make. My mom and I loved it. Enjoy! Servings:2-4 people Prep Time:30 minutes Minutes Cooking Time:1-1/2hrs Minutes Source: I'm in my fifties now, but this recipe my mom and I put together when I was growing up, one night when we wanted everything all in one dish. This has been a favorite in my family for a lot of years now. And I hope others will enjoy too. By Lesa from Fremont, NE ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams. "Every night," the man said, "I dream that these three hideous monsters are sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me." "Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can cure you of this problem. But the treatment will cost you somewhere between twenty and thirty thousand dollars." "Thirty thousand dollars!" the man gasped. "Never mind getting rid of the monsters, Doctor. I think I'll go home and try to make friends with them." ___________________________________________________
The Gold Digger
____________________________________________________ That shrink joke reminds me of another one: Bill visited a shrink to talk about his nightmares. "Every night," he told the shrink, these hideous monsters hide under my bed and try to paralize me so that they can jump on me and take my brain. And when I sleep under the bed, they are hiding on top of it!" After a lot of hemming and hawing the shrink told Bill that he could indeed cure him, but it would take a year or more of weekly visits. Since each visit cost Bill $150 plus parking fees, plus wasted half a day going into town, he wanted to think about that. A year later the shrink happened to be just behind Bill in the line-up at the bank. He asked him what happened to his monsters. "Oh, the monsters are gone now", Bill told him. "And who killed them for you ?", the psychiatrist sneered. "Big Bertha, the barmaid from the pub killed them for me. "Tell me, just how did a barmaid deal with such a complicated issue?" the shrink wanted to know. "Quite simply," Bill told him. When I was in bed, she took a run at it from down the end of the hallway and jumped on me with a flying leap. That broke all four legs of the bed and squished the monsters into the apartment downstairs." ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for this one: Looking in the mall for a nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its sexy lingerie. To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for. Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same item. This confirmed what I suspected all along: despite being nearly 50, I still have a very "with it" attitude. "I see we have the same taste," I said proudly to the 20- something behind me. "Yes," she replied. "I'm getting this for my gramma." ____________________________________________________
Almost like diaphanous fabrics. Mesmerizing and other worldly looking.
____________________________________________________

Today on August 26 in
55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under Julius
Caesar. 

1498 Michelangelo was commissioned to make the "Pieta." 

1842 The first fiscal year was established by the U.S.
Congress to start on July 1st. 

1847 Liberia was proclaimed as an independent republic. 

1873 The school board of St. Louis, MO, authorized the first
U.S. public kindergarten. 

1896 In the Philippines, and insurrection began against the
Spanish government. 

1920 The 19th amendment to the U.S. Constitution went into
effect. The amendment prohibited discrimination on the basis
of sex in the voting booth. 

1934 Adolf Hitler demanded that France return the Saar
region back to Germany. 

1937 All Chinese shipping was blockaded by Japan. 

1939 The first televised major league baseball games were
shown. The event was a double-header between the Cincinnati
Reds and the Brooklyn Dodgers. 

1945 The Japanese were given surrender instructions on the
U.S. battleship Missouri at the end of World War II. 

1957 It was announced that an intercontinental ballistic
missile was successfully tested by the Soviet Union. 

1957 The first Edsel made by the Ford Motor Company rolled
of the assembly line. 

1961 The International Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto
opened. 

1973 A U.S. Presidential Proclamation was declared that made
August 26th Women's Equality Day. 

1981 The U.S. claimed that North Korea fired an antiaircraft
missile at a U.S. Surveillance plane while it was over South
Korea. 

1987 The Fuller Brush Company announced plans to open two
retail stores in Dallas, TX. The company had sold its
products door to door for 81 years. 

1990 The 55 Americans at the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait left
Baghdad by car and headed for the Turkish border. 

1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised that
national elections would be held some day. 

1992 A "no-fly zone" was imposed on the southern 1/3 of
Iraq. The move by the U.S., France and Britain was aimed at
protecting Iraqi Shiite Muslims. 

1998 The U.S. government announced that they were
investigating Microsoft in an attempt to discover if they
"bullied" Intel into delaying new technology. 

2016  smiled.


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Typing position 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, August 25

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
"Wise Intelligent Supreme God Allah" arrested in Ohio
on felony charges, again.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 24, in 


More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. --- Timothy Leary (1920 - 1996) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A Sunday school teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament bible story. As she moved around the class, she saw many wonderful drawings being created. Then she came to Little Johnny, who had drawn a man driving an older car, a convertible with 60's style tail fins. In the back seat were two passengers, both scantily dressed. The teacher said, "It's a lovely picture, Johnny, but which bible story does it tell?" Little Johnny seemed surprised at the question and said, "Well, doesn't it say in the BIBLE that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury? We got a Plymouth Fury up on blocks in the weeds!" ______________________________________________________ Looks like they are getting picky in Florida! Help wanted ad in the Orlando, Florida SENTINEL: Shed delivery person - must be smarter than a large box. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by "Wise Intelligent Supreme God Allah" arrested in Ohio on felony charges, again. Wise Intelligent Supreme God Allah, 18, Akron, Ohio Wise Intelligent Supreme God Allah, belying his name, the 18-year-old Ohioan made the imprudent choice Thursday night to be carrying a loaded handgun while a passenger in a car traveling in Akron. During a police traffic stop, Allah was found with a Hi- Point .380 caliber handgun in the waistband of his pants. The Canton resident was arrested on felony weapons charges, according to Akron Municipal Court records. None of the four other occupants of the 2014 Kia were arrested during the stop, which occurred in front of a Taco Bell. An Akron Police Department report states that Allah and two women in the vehicle "has history of drugs and weapons." The accused pistolero--whose rap sheet includes a felony burglary conviction--was booked into the Summit County jail, where he remains locked up on $20,000 bond. According to court records, Allah’s residence is adjacent to a multi-county juvenile detention facility. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Karina RE: Typing position Dear Webby, Time to play referee again. Our night-school teacher insists that the proper seating position is is with the back and neck straight, upper arms perfectly straight down, elbows pressed against the body, fore-arms and wrist and hands perfectly level. I thought that position had gone out of style. What do you say ? Karina Dear Karina You are right. Except during interviews I have not seen that sitting position since the 80's. It does make you look more attractive to a male interviewer than any other typing position, but it is by no means the fastest typing position and it leads to fatigue and even repetitive strain injury. Today, (except for interviews '-) a more relaxed typing position is favored. Elbows out, forearms slightly downward, hands in a relaxed curve. That position often adds about 5 words per minute to your speed. However, if you type faster than me, it makes no difference to me what typing position you use, as long as you change it slightly about every 15 - 30 minutes. The changing is the most important part of the sitting position. That avoids repetitive strain injury. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ The teacher asked, "Johnny, did somebody help somebody with your homework last night?" Little Johnny said, "No, Mom did it all by herself. I didn't have to help her at all!" ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recipe: Jackie's Chicken Salad By Jackie H. [176 Posts, 58 Comments] Ingredients: 2 thin boneless skinless chicken breasts fillets (About 1 pound) 1 carton (32 oz.) chicken broth celery, chopped (for the broth) 1 stalk small onion, chopped (for the broth) 1/8 tsp. each; sage, basil, black pepper, salt, thyme, rosemary and a bay leaf (for the broth) Hellman's Mayonnaise, add more if you like more mayo 1/3 cup cider vinegar 1 Tbsp celery, minced (in chopper) 2 stalks fresh basil leafs, rolled and sliced 1/2 cup cucumber, peeled, diced small 1 tsp dried dill 1/2 tsp black pepper 1/2 tsp seasoning salt or Old Bay Seasoning 1/2 tsp sugar Steps: Using a large saucepan, add chicken broth and thawed rinsed chicken. Add the seasonings, celery and onion to the broth. Let this boil for about 30 minutes until chicken is tender and falling apart. Remove chicken onto a plate to cool. Pour the broth into a bowl to cool. Cover and freeze this chicken broth for another time. It is all seasoned and ready to use. I use my clean hands to break the chicken apart, and shred it. I prefer it shredded than in large pieces or chunks of chicken. Put chicken into a mixing bowl. Add celery, cucumber, fresh basil, dill, black pepper, seasoning salt, sugar, cider vinegar and mayonnaise. Jackie's Chicken Salad Stir very well until mixed. Chill for at least an hour before serving. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car. Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought "The Almighty" had given him two feet. Without hesitation, the son replied, "That's easy, one for the gas pedal and one for the brake pedal." ___________________________________________________
Huge VW beetle
____________________________________________________ The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention. In keeping with his practice, an assistant was assigned to prepare a punchy, 20-minute speech. Upon returning from the big event, the CEO was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished." Baffled, the assistant replied, "I wrote you a 20-minute speech. I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for ..." ____________________________________________________ Some carpenters were working outside the old house and Bill's wife had just finished washing the floor, when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay she looked from his muddy boots to her newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," she said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down some newspapers." "That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already potty- trained." ____________________________________________________
35 Celebrities and their historical twins. Some of these are uncanny!
____________________________________________________

Today on August 25 in

1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in Louisiana.
Some settled in present-day New Orleans. 

1814 The U.S. Library of Congress was destroyed by British
forces. 

1825 Uruguay declared independence from Brazil. 

1840 Joseph Gibbons received a patent for the seeding
machine. 

1875 Captain Matthew Webb swam from Dover, England, to
Calais, France making him the first person to swim the
English Channel. The feat took about 22 hours. 

1920 Ethelda Bleibtrey won the 100-meter freestyle swimming
competition in Antwerp, Belgium. She was the first woman to
win an Olympic competition for the U.S. 

1920 The first airplane to fly from New York to Alaska
arrived in Nome. 

1921 The U.S. signed a peace treaty with Germany. 

1939 The movie "Wizard of Oz" opened around the United
States. 

1941 Soviet and British troops invaded Iran. This was in
reaction to the Shah's refusal to reduce the number of
German residents. 

1941 Allied forces invaded Iran. Within four days the Soviet
Union and England controlled Iran. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the bill
appropriating funds for construction of the Pentagon. 

1944 Paris, France, was liberated by Allied forces ending
four years of German occupation. 

1944 Romania switched sides and declared war on Germany. 

1950 U.S. President Truman ordered the seizure of U.S.
railroads to avert a strike. 

1972 In Great Britain, computerized axial tomography (CAT
scan) was introduced. 

1978 The Turin shroud believed to be the burial cloth of
Jesus Christ went on display for the first time in 45 years.


1981 The U.S. Voyager 2 sent back pictures and data about
Saturn. The craft came within 63,000 miles of the planet. 

1983 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a $10 billion
grain pact. 

1988 Iran and Iraq began talks in Geneva after ending their
eight years of war. 

1990 Military action was authorized by the United Nations to
enforce the trade embargo that had been placed on Iraq
after
their invasion of Kuwait. 

1991 Belorussia declared independence from the Soviet Union.


1992 It was reported by researchers that cigarette smoking
significantly increased the risk of developing cataracts. 

1995 Harry Wu, human rights activist, returned to the United
States. He said the spying case against him in China was
"all lies." 

1997 The tobacco industry agreed to an $11.3 billion
settlement with the state of Florida. 

2016  smiled.


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