Skype received file destination 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, August 28
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


How many of you ARE wearing a bit of red on Fridays?
If you are, hit reply and write YES or RED on top.

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a NY Man arrested after posting videos of red light camera tampering Details at Boneheads Today in 1830 "The Tom Thumb" was demonstrated in Baltimore, MD. It was the first passenger-carrying train of its kind to be built in America. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one. --- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990) In some areas, they failed miserably. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Murphy's Technology Law #347: Technology is regulated by those who manage what they do not understand. ______________________________________________________ George ordered a cake with this inscription: "You are not getting older, You are just getting better" for his wife's birthday party. Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said,"Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom." It wasn't until the cake was uncovered at the birthday party in front of all the invited guests that he discovered it read: "YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP, YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Clyde for this sunset: Sunset at Bellingham WA ______________________________________________________ Hi Webby About 5 years ago you had a joke about a bridge to Hawaii. Can you dig it out and run it again ? Thanks Archie B. Sure, no problem. here it is: A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one - none of that three wishes jazz, OK?" The man thought for a minute and said, "Well, I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying, and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie was taken aback a bit, but after some thought said, "No, I don't think I can do that; think about the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement and steal and concrete that would be needed. I'm sorry, you will have to choose another wish." The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why do they get upset at us so easily, what are their true desires and needs? What do they mean when they say 'Oh, Nothing'. Basically... what makes them tick?!?" The genie stared at him and blinked a couple times, then finally sayd: "So, on that bridge, do you want two lanes or four?" _________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stephen Ruth, 42, Centereach, NY
Man arrested after posting videos of red light camera tampering A Long Island man was arrested on criminal tampering charges after he recorded himself using a painter's pole to re-aim red light cameras. Stephen Ruth, 42, of Centereach, posted videos on his Facebook page showing himself using a painter's pole to aim red light cameras at the sky, rather than at the intersection. Police said Ruth was arrested Tuesday on four counts of criminal trespassing, with sources telling WPIX-TV Ruth is believed to have used the method from his videos to re-aim four red light cameras in Suffolk County. "OK, in order to do this successfully, you only need a pair of balls and a painter's extension rod," Ruth says in one of his videos. "I'm going to show you how easy it is to take the power back." Ruth said in a Facebook post he knew he would be arrested, but he wanted to take a stand for the taxpayers who receive tickets from the cameras. "Of course I knew I would be arrested. I did it for the people who come back from war and get abused by these cameras. I did it because senior citizens are getting these, the same ones that went to war for us. These same seniors live in New York's high cost environment and are being forced out of New York because of its high taxes," he wrote. Ruth said in another post he is due in court Oct. 27.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Norma Re: Skype file destination Dear Webby, How do you set the destination, where Skype puts received files? I used to be able to set that at one time, but Skype snuck an update in, when I was not watching, and now it puts the received files into sub-moronic location, that is impossible to find. Help! Norma Dear Norma Yes, before Microsoft took over Skype, that did indeed work very well. Just go to Tools, Options, IM, Change Folder. Unfortunately, they broke it. And you are not kidding about a sub-moronic location! A lot of people would call you too diplomatic! The location is: C:\Users\Owner\AppData\Roaming\Skype\Yourname\media_messaging\media_cache\ Just replace Yourname with your Skype name. Go into that folder and make a shortcut to where you used to collect received files, for example C:\!Skype Then make a desktop shortcut to that submoronic location. Now you can jump in there with one click, CTRL A to select all, carefully UNselect the shrotcut to the proper destination, and drag all the selected files into that shortcut. Yeah, I know it is a drag having to cope with that. The alternative is to use a little program called QuickMove. It is free at QuickMove You tell it what to move frome where to where, and when. It will put the received files where you want them to be, just as if Microsoft had not broken that part of Skype. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Safe way to bathe a cat 1.Prepare a tall and heavy stack of towels and tie a long string to the towel at the bottom of the stack. 2. Scrub toilet and flush several times. 3. Fill toilet with warm water and add a squirt of pet shampoo. 4. Drop cat in toilet and slam lid shut. 5. Quickly put the stack of towels on the lid. - The cat's efforts to get out will generate a good deal of sudsing and washing motions. 6. When the cat gets bored, flush toilet a couple of times to rinse the cat. 7. Lay the string that you tied to the towel at the bottom of the stack of towels on the floor out into the hallway, close the door securely. 8. Close the door securely with you safely on the HALLWAY side of it. 9. Pull on the string with short, sharp tugs to get the tall stack of towels to sway and to tumble evenly all around the toilet to absorb the water when the cat erupts from the toilet bowl. 10. Cat will sulk and plot revenge anyway, but if you feed it a pizza under the door before opening the door, it may be not too expensive. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Strawberry Cream Pie in a Pretzel and Chocolate Crust This recipe takes a little from here and there, and makes one good pie! It's a great combination, that tastes like a chocolate-covered strawberry. There are quite a few steps, but they were worth it. I made this for a family barbecue and it was gone in a flash. Approximate Time: About 40 minutes all to make, but with time in between. Yield: 8-10 slices Ingredients: Crust 4 cups pretzel sticks, crushed with a rolling pin 1 stick of butter, melted 1/3 cup brown sugar Chocolate Coating 1 cup chocolate chips 1 Tbsp shortening Cream Filling 1 (8 oz) cream cheese, softened 3/4 cup sugar 1 container (8oz) Cool Whip Strawberry Topping 2 lb (a little less) strawberries 1/2 cup water 1/4 cup sugar 2 tsp cornstarch Steps: Crush pretzel sticks in a closed gallon-sized baggie, with a rolling pin. You don't want the pieces too big or too small. It's not recommended to do this step in a food processor. Melt butter in the microwave for a few seconds. butter & sugar in bowl Mix pretzel sticks with melted butter and brown sugar. Press mixture firmly into the pie pan to make sure the crust will stay together. Bake at 350 degrees F for 8 minutes. Let crust cool. Melt chocolate chips and shortening. Microwave for 25 seconds. Stir. Microwave a little more and stir until smooth. Once pie crust is cooled, you are going to "paint" a chocolate layer on the crust. Spread the melted chocolate on the crust, covering as much of the crust as you can. Let the chocolate set and cool down before adding the next mixture. Mix softened cream cheese and sugar on low speed of electric mixer. Mix until smooth. Add half a container of Cool Whip (save the other half for topping the pie, if desired). mixing cream cheese and sugar Mix until incorporated and fluffy. Pour cream mixture on top of chocolate pretzel crust. Spread to the edges. Put the cream filled crust in the refrigerator to set up a bit before adding the strawberries. Cut up 1/2 cup of your fresh strawberries. Put in a sauce pan. Smash with a potato masher, if you have one. If not, you can use a fork. Add 1/2 cup of water. Heat over medium-high heat. Boil for 1 minute. Take off heat. Strain strawberry mixture through fine-mesh sieve. Press down on the berries to get all that juice out. Return the strawberry "juice" back to your pan. Add sugar and cornstarch. Whisk until cornstarch is dissolved. Heat over medium-high heat until mixture is thickened. Either wait for the mixture to cool in the pan or put in ice bath to speed up the cooling. For ice bath, put mixture in a small bowl. In a larger bowl, add ice and water. Put the smaller container on top of the ice. The surrounding ice will cool it down. Just stir it every few minutes. While waiting for the mixture to cool, slice your remaining strawberries. Pour the strawberry glaze over your strawberries. Let pie set up for a few hours. Serve with Cool Whip on top, if you would like. Spoon glazed strawberries over cream mixture. Source: The crust is from the Pioneer Woman. By Becky Miles [67] You can also use white chocolate, if you like. I always paint the chocolate with a pretzel crust or regular flaky pie crust, when I make strawberry pie to make sure the crust doesn't get soggy. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He got fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%. He went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times already!" ___________________________________________________

baby to bed with kung fu
____________________________________________________ My ex-father-in-law walked in the other day... and said, "Hey, if you keep doing that, it will make you go blind!" So I replied, "Hey Joe........ you are talking to the mop, I'm over here at the computer." ____________________________________________________
These inebriated animals are so funny.

Today, Aug 28, in
1609 Delaware Bay was discovered by Henry Hudson.
1619 Ferdinand II was elected Holy Roman Emperor. His policy 
 of "One church, one king" was his way of trying to outlaw 
 Protestantism.
1774 The first American-born saint was born in New York City. 
 Mother Elizabeth Ann Seton was canonized in 1975.
1830 "The Tom Thumb" was demonstrated in Baltimore, MD. It 
 was the first passenger-carrying train of its kind to be 
 built in America.
1833 Slavery was banned by the British Parliament throughout 
 the British Empire.
1907 "American Messenger Company" was started by two teenagers, 
 Jim Casey and Claude Ryan. The company's name was later 
 changed to "United Parcel Service."
1916 Italy's declaration of war against Germany took effect 
 duringWorld War I.
1939 The first successful flight of a jet-propelled airplane 
 took place. The plane was a German Heinkel He 178.
1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., gave his "I Have a Dream" 
 speech at a civil rights rally in Washington, DC. More than 
 200,000 people attended.
1972 Mark Spitz captured the first of his seven gold medals 
 at the Summer Olympics in Munich, Germany. He set a world 
 record when he completed the 200-meter butterfly in 
 2 minutes and 7/10ths of a second.
1990 Iraq declared Kuwait to be its 19th province and renamed 
 Kuwait City al-Kadhima.
1995 The biggest bank in the U.S. was created when Chase 
 Manhattan and Chemical Bank announced their $10 billion deal.
1996 A divorce decree was issued for Britain's Charles and 
 Princess Diana. This was the official end to the 15-year 
 marriage.
1998 The Pakistani prime minister created new Islamic order 
 and legal system based on the Koran.
2004 George Brunstad, at age 70, became the oldest person 
 to swim the English Channel. The swim from Dover, England, 
 to Sangatte, France, took 15 hours and 59 minutes. 

2015  smiled.


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How to get rid of the GWX nagger 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, August 27

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Burglar who called 911 to report fire hazard at crime scene Details at Boneheads Today in 1789 The Declaration of the Rights of Man was adopted by the French National Assembly. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Laughter is the closest distance between two people. --- Victor Borge (1909 - 2000) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck, and her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other. He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans. Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he said nothing. The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes. The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called Little Johnny's mother and said, "Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what did you put in them this time?" Jane replied, "Nothing new, why do you ask?" "Well," said Mary, "this morning I bent over to feed the cat and shot the canary." ______________________________________________________ A teacher wanted his students to improve their spelling skills. So, he decided to have each of them come up to the front of the class and tell the class about their fathers' profession or trade and to spell such profession or trade. The teacher called up Johnny as the first student, and Johnny said, "My father is a baker, and you spell it, B-A-K-E-R. If my father was here today, he would give everyone a cookie." "Very well," the teacher said, and called Jim to the front. Jim said, "My father is a banker and you spell it, B-A-N-K-E-R. If he was here today, he would give everyone a quarter." "Great," said the teacher and called Tim to the front. Tim said, "My father is an electrician, and you spell it, E-E-L-K . . . E-L-E-K . . ." Tim was having a hard time spelling, so the teacher said, "Tim, why don't you sit and think about the spelling for a few minutes. In the meantime, we'll have Peter come up and tell us about his father." Peter said, "My father is a bookie, B-O-O-K-I-E. And if my father was here today, he would bet ten to one that Tim could not spell electrician by the end of the day." ______________________________________________________ His mama is soo proud! ______________________________________________________ >From Lillemor This is what people do for entertainment when they can't golf anymore ! Click on Slippery Pole. _________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mary K. Smith, 42, Madisonville, Kentucky
Burglar Called 911 To Report Fire Hazard At Crime Scene A burglary suspect in Madisonville, Kentucky, is behind bars after she called 911 to prevent a fire at the place she's accused of robbing, according to WFIE TV. Police said Mary K. Smith, 42, was in the house allegedly trying to steal prescription medication and cigarette filters when she noticed the kitchen stove was turned on. Smith, who lives a few doors away from the house being burglarized, made the call to prevent a fire. Smith was still in the home when firefighters arrived. After talking with her, they became suspicious about whether she was supposed to be in the house in the first place, according to SurfKY.com. When Smith went back to her home, firefighters requested police assistant. The responding officer said the suspect admitted entering the house with the intent to steal the meds and cigarette filters, according to the website. Police said Smith admitted stealing a little red wagon from the home. Smith was charged with second-degree burglary and taken to the Hopkins County Detention Center, where she remains pending $2,000 bail. She COULD have just turned off the stove.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: The evil GWX is baaaack! Dear Webby, It's baaaaaaack. Still just a naked white window where the Get Windows 10 icon used to be. I'll go back through the recommendation to get rid of it. But is it forever going to haunt me? Looking in RECOMMENDED KB3035583 is still there, but says it was installed again day before yesterday.....uninstalling again....going to throw this email in the draft pile and see if I can go back and remove it from the recommended updates as recommended. Last time I checked, I couldn't find a "hide" option but I'll look closer. See you in a few minutes. OK...I uninstalled and rebooted AGAIN, looked at the recommended updates and voila, there it is again. How do I HIDE it. Left clicking did nothing. BOOM! There's Windows again, with it right back as a recommended update ready to install. How can I HIDE it as a recommended update Webby? Donna Dear Donna Try these tricks: Option One Browse to your system tray and right-click In the drop-down list, select Customize Notification icons Now spot the Get W10 icon On the right, select Hide icon and notifications That did the trick for me. Since you once accidentally agreed to get W10, you might have to try these options: Option Two Windows Updates menu allows to disable this entry. The guidance explains how to uninstall KB3035583. It does not affect other updates. 1)Please go to Windows Update. 2)Go through Windows Update main menu to Install Updates tab. It is typically at the left bottom corner. 3)In the Install updates menu, spot KB3035583. If the list is too long, sorting by name may facilitate your search. 4)Right-click KB3035583. Choose Uninstall in the drop-down list. 5)You will be invited to authorize your choice. 6)Please click relevant approval button. Reboot will enable the settings. Option Three This procedure repeats the steps of Option Two. The exception applies to step 4 only. Instead of choosing Uninstall, opt for Hide Updates. The Step 4 thus reads as follows: Right-click KB3035583. Choose Hide Updates in the drop-down list. Option Four This method involves system registry editing. Back up the registry first before editing it! 1)Start with opening regedit.exe. Just copy-paste the file name into system search of Start menu. Click Enter. 2)In the System registry, go to the following string: HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Policies\Microsoft\Windows\Gwx 3)If there is no such entry, please insert it manually. 4)Create new DWORD value in the section to the right from the above GWX key. 5)In the relevant columns, set Disable GWX as a name, with a value of 1. Please note options three and four should only be used in case the option two fails to remove GWX. Good Luck! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "Welcome to heaven, here's your harp and your tuning key." "Welcome to hell, here's your harp." Q: What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe? A: Lawnmowers can be tuned. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Emergency Light from Sports Drink Power outage days are here in Los Angeles where it's so hot, people use their AC units all day and cause blackouts throughout the city. My husband came up with this idea to light up his sports drink with a mini LED light when I was frustrated it wasn't bright enough using just candles. You get a whole lot more light out of a tiny little beam this way. The greenish colour had quite the calming effect on me, as well! ;) Source: My husband By attosa [116] You don't have to drop the mini light into the bottle. You can put it under, behind or on top of the bottle. A cut glass ash tray or tumbler also make very nice distributors. However, no matter what you do, distributors don't produce light. They just distribute it. You can get extremely low consumption LED lights, that put out as much light as a regular lightbulb. Get a StatPower automotive inverter, that plugs into the cigarette lighter and produces 110 Volt AC. Wire a cigarette lighter to a car or motorcycle battery, and plug a trouble light cord into one of the standard 110 Volt outlets on the statpower. Put an LED lightbulb into the trouble light instead of the regular lightbulb. Then you can use the LED lightbulb for days on a charge on the battery. You can also charge your phones and laptop on that. With the long cord on a trouble light, you can put it into the kitchen, bath, wherever needed. Simple, easy and it works. With todays sealed batteries you don't have to worry about acid spilling or fumes. They are house-trained now. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse, put the green mud-pack on her face, the teeth-whitening cartridge in her mouth and proceeded to wash her hair and stick curlers into it. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel over her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that monfter ?" ___________________________________________________

Drama pill
____________________________________________________ It's useless trying to hold a person to anything s/he says while s/he's in love, drunk or running for office. ____________________________________________________
Strange and unusual forgotten monuments in Yugoslavia.

Today in 
1660 The books of John Milton were burned in London due to his 
 attacks on King Charles II. 
1789 The Declaration of the Rights of Man was adopted by the 
 French National Assembly. 
1828 Uruguay was formally proclaimed to be independent 
 during preliminary talks between Brazil and Argentina. 
1858 The first cabled news dispatch was sent and was published
 by "The New York Sun" newspaper. The story was about the 
 peace demands of England and France being met by China. 
1859 The first oil well was successfully drilled in the U.S. 
 by Colonel Edwin L. Drake near Titusville, PA. 
1889 Charles G. Conn received a patent for the metal clarinet. 
1889 Boxer Jack "Nonpareil" Dempsey was defeated for the first 
 time of his career by George LaBlanche. 
1921 The owner of Acme Packing Company bought a pro football 
 team for Green Bay, WI. J.E. Clair paid tribute to those who 
 worked in his plant by naming the team the Green Bay Packers. (NFL) 
1938 Robert Frost, in a fit of jealousy, set fire to some 
 papers to disrupt a poetry recital by another poet, 
 Archibald MacLeish. 
1939 Nazi Germany demanded the return of the Polish corridor 
 and Danzig. 
1945 American troops landed in Japan after the surrender of 
 the Japanese government at the end of World War II. 
1962 Mariner 2 was launched by the United States. In December 
 of the same year the spacecraft flew past Venus. It was the 
 first space probe to reach the vicinity of another planet. 
1972 North Vietnam's major port at Haiphong saw the first 
 bombings from U.S. warplanes. 
1981 Work began on recovering a safe from the Andrea Doria. 
 The Andrea Doria was a luxury liner that sank in 1956 in 
 the waters off of Massachusetts. 
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the first 
 citizen to go into space would be a teacher. The teacher 
 that was eventually chosen was Christa McAuliffe. She 
 died in the Challenger disaster on January 28, 1986. 
1985 The Space Shuttle Discovery left for a seven-day 
 mission in which three satellites were launched and 
 another was repaired and redeployed. 
1989 The first U.S. commercial satellite rocket was 
 launched. A British communications satellite was onboard. 
1990 The U.S. State Department ordered the expulsion of 
 36 Iraqi diplomats. 
1991 The Soviet republic of Moldavia declared its 
 independence. 
1996 California Governor Pete Wilson signed an order that 
 would halt state benefits to illegal immigrants. 
1998 "Titanic" became the first movie in North America to 
 earn more than $600 million. 
1999 The final crew of the Russian space station Mir 
 departed the station to return to Earth. Russia was 
 forced to abandon Mir for financial reasons. 
2001 The U.S. military announced that an Air Force 
 RQ-1B "Predator" aircraft was lost over Iraq. It was 
 reported that the unmanned aircraft "may have crashed 
 or been shot down."
2015  smiled.


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How do you make desktop folder icons? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, August 26

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Pennsylvania intruder arrested for taking a shower, doing laundry. Details at Boneheads Today in 55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under Julius Caesar. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package. --- John Ruskin (1819 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Mr. Goldbaum was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. Goldbaum, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Goldbaum. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God." "Wonderful," said Mr. Goldbaum. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law." ______________________________________________________ "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Donnie for sending this picture, taken by his son Jeff ______________________________________________________ If that doesn't work, try this: Bear and dogs ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Casey James Shaffer 24, Erie Pennsylvania
Pennsylvania intruder arrested for taking a shower, doing laundry. Pennsylvania State Police say a woman found an intruder taking a shower and doing his laundry at her home when she woke up. Troopers say the resident summoned police to her home in Greene Township, near Erie, on Saturday morning. Twenty-four-year-old Erie resident Casey James Shaffer was arrested on charges of criminal trespass, disorderly conduct, public intoxication and loitering and prowling at night. Online court records don't list an attorney for him. Shaffer remained jailed Monday in the Erie County Prison pending a preliminary hearing Sept. 8. To discourage racial profiling, no mug shot is available.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hester Re: How do you make desktop folder icons? Dear Webby, Desktop folders to declutter the d esktop do sound nioce, but you didn't tell us how to make them! How! Hester Dear Hester Find an empty spot on the desktop. Right-click on the desktop New Folder That creates the folder on the desktop where you had the cursor. It is highlighted, so that you can rename it to whatever you want. Pick a short name. Now right-click the folder, Properties Customize and at the bottome there, Change icon Pick any of the many hundreds of icons already in Windows, or make a new icon. Making new icons is still the same as it was in Winows 1, and a bit cumbersome. If you are not familiar with that, there are free programs for making icons, or you can simply email me a small picture and I'll turn it into an icon. Select a picture that has LOTS of contrast and still looks OK when shrunk down to icon size. For Icons the size is 64 pixels x 64 pixels. If you feel like painting, go for it! I have painted many icons myself, especially in the early years, when there weren't a lot of them available. However, even nowadays, custom icons are still needed, for example for accounting folders, or picture folders, where you mainly need the color for that topic and the year, for example red with a yellow 15 on it. Icons don't use JPG or GIF or Tif. They use an archaic format from the digital stone age called ICO. ico is acually a bmp file, a format we have long forgotten, and then, after saving as .bmp and exiting whatever paint program you used, and then renaming it to .ico Yes, I know, but in Windoze 1 that was actually pretty slick! If you don't want to go through that rigmarole, just send me a small picture, and I'll send you an icon with that. Good Luck! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A man was invited for dinner at a friends house. Every time the host needed something, he precede his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "that's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, to tell you the truth, I've forgotten her name." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Zuquiche Delight A delicious, easy dish with a quiche like texture to use your abundance of zucchini. Good hot or cold. This recipe can be a main dish, side dish or even cut into small squares to serve at a party. Approximate Time: 1 hr Yield: Serves 4 Ingredients: 1 cup Bisquick 1/2 tsp oregano and garlic powder to taste 2 tsp parsley 1/2 Tbsp grated Parmesan cheese 1/2 tsp salt and pepper or to taste 4 eggs, beaten 1/2 cup vegetable or coconut oil 3 cups zucchini, grated 1/2 cup onion, grated or chopped 1 cup cheddar cheese, grated Steps: Combine Bisquick, salt, pepper, oregano, garlic, parsley and Parmesan cheese. Make a well in center of mixture and add eggs and oil. Mix with spoon well. Grate zucchini. grating zucchini in food processor Add zucchini, onion and cheddar cheese; mixing well. Grease a 9X13 in. Pyrex or sheet pan with butter, margarine or coconut oil. Add mixture to pan. My 9X13 was unavailable so I used two smaller pans this time. Bake at 350 F for 40 minutes, then place in broiler to brown top for an additional 2 or 3 minutes. I like to let mine cool and top with unflavored yogurt. You could also use sour cream or nothing at all! Source: I got this one from my neighbor after giving her some zucchini from my garden. By Donna [273] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A young woman came home and told her mom that her steady boy friend had proposed, but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell. "Marry him anyway, honey. Between the two of us, we'll show him just how very wrong he is." ___________________________________________________

birthday surprise for the dog
____________________________________________________ A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." "What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?" "Look Around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk. Confused, the man asked what were the types. The saleslady replied, "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?" Still confused the man asked "What is the difference between them?" The lady responded, "It is all really simple." The Catholic type supports the masses, The Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills." ____________________________________________________
Strange and unusual forgotten monuments in Yugoslavia.

Today in 
55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under Julius Caesar.
1498 Michelangelo was commissioned to make the "Pieta." 
1842 The first fiscal year was established by the U.S. Congress 
 to start on July 1st. 
1847 Liberia was proclaimed as an independent republic. 
1873 The school board of St. Louis, MO, authorized the first U.S. 
 public kindergarten. 
1896 In the Philippines an insurrection began against the Spanish
1934 Adolf Hitler demanded that France return the Saar region 
 to Germany. 
1937 All Chinese shipping was blockaded by Japan. 
1957 It was announced that an intercontinental ballistic missile 
 was successfully tested by the Soviet Union. 
1957 The first Edsel made by the Ford Motor Company rolled of 
 the assembly line. 
1961 The International Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto opened. 
1978 Sigmund Jahn blasted off aboard the Russian Soyuz 31 and 
 became the first German in space. 
1981 The U.S. claimed that North Korea fired an antiaircraft missile 
 at a U.S. Surveillance plane while it was over South Korea. 
1987 The Fuller Brush Company announced plans to open two retail stores 
 in Dallas, TX. The company had sold its products door to door 
 for 81 years. 
1990 The 55 Americans from the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait left Baghdad by 
 car and headed for the Turkish border. 
1992 A "no-fly zone" was imposed on the southern 1/3 of Iraq. The move 
 by the U.S., France and Britain was aimed at protecting Iraqi Shiite 
 Muslims. 
1998 The U.S. government announced that they were investigating Microsoft 
 in an attempt to discover if they "bullied" Intel into delaying new 
 technology. 
2015  smiled.


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Folder icons to declutter desktop 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, August 25

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Pennsylvania counselor, who tried to lure student into sex Details at Boneheads Today in 1814 The U.S. Library of Congress was destroyed by British forces. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) "Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it." --- Richard Lamm ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two church members were going door to door. They knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and then slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into the job, and slammed the door again. Same results. The door bounced back like it was made of Silly Putty. Convinced one of these rude church members was sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would teach them a lesson. Just then, one of the church members said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat." ______________________________________________________ Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction. "Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?" "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. Hilda was like that. So when she and her new husband husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Easy! Just carry your own suitcase." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Emily Feeney 40, White Water Park Oklahoma
Pennsylvania counselor, who tried to lure student into sex A college counselor at a Pennsylvania prep school sought to lure an underage male student into a sexual relationship with the promise that she could “get him into Harvard University with her connections,” police allege. According to a three-count felony complaint filed yesterday, cops began investigating Emily Feeney in mid-May after receiving a report that she was engaged in a “highly sexualized” texting relationship with a student at Malvern Preparatory School, where Feeney, 40, headed the college counseling office and coached the swim team. Feeney, a Harvard University graduate who captained the school’s swim team, has a Masters from Columbia University and previously worked in admissions at Columbia, Barnard College, and Princeton University. Feeney’s father, uncle, brother, and cousins all attended Malvern, which is about 35 miles outside Philadelphia. The student, a swim team member, told police that he began receiving inappropriate e-mail and text messages from Feeney last summer, when he was 16. As detailed in the complaint, Feeney (seen above) sent the boy “selfie” photos of herself in “various stages of undress,” including a topless picture. See the left part of the picture, .."various stages of undress" Investigators reported reviewing hundreds of e-mails exchanged by Feeney and the victim, many of which were “non-professional in nature and sexually suggestive.” While Feeney aggressively pursued the student, the teen did not reciprocate. In a June 2014 message to Feeney, the victim declared, “Im not interested in you end of story. Im 16 im not into you.” Though she was getting the brush off from the boy, Feeney appeared undeterred. By dangling her Harvard connections, Feeney sought to “entice the victim to continue to communicate with her as well as make him feel indebted” to her, investigators allege. The victim told police that while Feeney’s attention was unwanted, she “told him that she could help get him into Harvard University with her connections, and the victim did not want to jeopardize his chance of attending” the Ivy League school. In a series of messages sent from her school e-mail account earlier this year, Feeney beseeched the student to converse with her. “You are gorgeous and this is killing me. Please talk to me,” she wrote in one e-mail, while another stated, “I adore you – always have, always will.” Feeney, who has been fired from her job at the prep school, was charged yesterday with three felonies and a misdemeanor in connection with her contacts with the student. Free on $75,000 bail, she is scheduled for a September 2 preliminary hearing.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Folder icons Dear Webby, I know about this problem as my (then 87 year old) mom had the same issue with loads of icons on her desktop. I doubt Jannie really uses many of them. She could create appropriately named folders on the desktop and put the icons into the folders. Lee Dear Lee Yes, that would definitely work, if she can tolerate a dozen folder icons. Folder icons take a lot of discipline, but would definitely help get rid of desktop clutter. It is very easy, though, to drag shortcuts into the appropriate folders. The trick is to select really descriptive icons for the folders. It is easy enough to make icons. Good Luck! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz, the historic prison island. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dry Clothing on Hangers Dry Clothing on HangersWhen drying your laundry outdoors, instead of using pegs, hang as much washing on clothes hangers as possible. Separate the hangers using pegs to stop them gravitating together. By ShirleyE ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A duck walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. Amazed, the bartender says: "Hey, you can talk!" "Sure-mumble-quack-mumble" says the duck, "Now can I get that mumble-quack-mumble beer mumble- quack-mumble ?" Shaking his head, the barkeep serves the duck a pint and asks him what he's doing in the area. "I work at the mumble-quack-mumble airport", says the duck. "You should join the circus", says the barkeep. "You could make a mint." "The mumble-quack-mumble circus!" the duck replies. "What the mumble-quack-mumble would the mumble-quack-mumble circus want with an airport flight departure announcer mumble-quack-mumble with a mumble-quack-mumble speech defect?" ___________________________________________________

hotel california (different)
____________________________________________________ Now that they are retired, my mother and father are discussing all aspects of their future. "What will you do if I die before you do?" dad asked mom. After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age. Then mom asked dad, "What will you do if I die first?" He replied, "Probably the same thing." ____________________________________________________
WOW! Just WOW! Wish I was in that much control of my body! Plus, for you guys out there she’s gorgeous!

Today in 
1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in Louisiana. 
 Some settled in present-day New Orleans. 
1814 The U.S. Library of Congress was destroyed by British forces. 
1825 Uruguay declared independence from Brazil. 
1840 Joseph Gibbons received a patent for the seeding machine. 
1875 Captain Matthew Webb swam from Dover, England, to Calais, 
 France making him the first person to swim the English Channel. 
 The feat took about 22 hours. 
1920 The first airplane to fly from New York to Alaska 
 arrived in Nome. 
1921 The U.S. signed a peace treaty with Germany. 
1939 The movie "Wizard of Oz" opened around the United States. 
1941 Soviet and British troops invaded Iran. This was in 
 reaction to the Shah's refusal to reduce the number of 
 German residents. 
1941 Allied forces invaded Iran. Within four days the Soviet 
 Union and England controlled Iran. 
1944 Paris, France, was liberated by Allied forces ending four 
 years of German occupation. 
1944 Romania saw who was winning and declared war on Germany. 
1950 U.S. President Truman ordered the seizure of U.S. railroads 
 to avert a strike. 
1972 In Great Britain, computerized axial tomography (CAT scan) 
 was introduced. 
1978 The Turin shroud believed to be the burial cloth of Jesus 
 Christ went on display for the first time in 45 years. 
1981 The U.S. Voyager 2 sent back pictures and data about Saturn. 
 The craft came within 63,000 miles of the planet. 
1983 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a $10 billion grain pact. 
1987 Saudi Arabia denounced the "group of terrorists" that ran the 
 Iranian government. 
1990 Military action was authorized by the United Nations to 
 enforce the trade embargo that had been placed on Iraq after 
 their invasion of Kuwait. 
1991 Belorussia declared independence from the Soviet Union. 
1997 The tobacco industry agreed to an $11.3 billion settlement 
 with the state of Florida. 
1998 A survey released said that 1/3 of Americans use the Internet. 
2015  smiled.


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How to hide desktop icons 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, August 24

Thank you, Donna!


Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Oklahoma peeping tom busted for hiding in parek toilet Details at Boneheads Today in 0410 The Visigoths overran Rome. This event symbolized the fall of the Western Roman Empire. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Language is the source of misunderstandings. --- Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900 - 1944) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey, although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. "Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend. In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees. What would you do?" ______________________________________________________ A pastor was giving the children's lesson during a sunday morning service on the Ten Commandments. After explaining the commandment to "honor they father and thy mother," he asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one five-year old boy answered loudly, "Thou shalt not kill!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kenneth Webster Enlow 52, White Water Park Oklahoma
Oklahoma peeping tom busted for hiding in park toilet A peeping Tom was arrested yesterday after a woman and her young daughter spotted him inside a septic tank beneath the women’s restroom at an Oklahoma park. According to a Tulsa County Sheriff’s Office report, Kenneth Webster Enlow was peering up at the 29-year-old woman and her seven-year-old daughter from inside the muck-strewn vault in White Water Park. The woman told investigators that she was taking her child to the bathroom “when she saw that there was a man underneath the toilet looking up at her and her daughter.” Enlow, she added, “was sitting down and that he never said anything or asked for help.” After deputies were summoned to the park, Enlow, 52, was removed from the tank by rescue workers, who used a fire hose to clean off the grimy 6’, 240-pound suspect (who was, deputies noted, “covered in feces”). Enlow, pictured in the above mug shot, claimed to investigators that a woman named Angel had hit him in the head with a tire iron, then drove him--in a 1972 Chevrolet Monte Carlo--to the park and “dumped him in the toilet.” Must have been SOME woman to throw 6', 240 lb Enlow into the toilet! Despite that explanation, deputies still opted to hit Enlow with a peeping Tom charge. He was booked into the Tulsa County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $500 bond on the misdemeanor count.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jannie Re: Hide desktop icons Dear Webby, I have a scenic desktop image but it's covered with the shortcut icons. Is there a way to hide the icons and have them easily ready to use, and free up the scenery on the desktop? Thanks. Jannie Dear Jannie To HIDE desktop icons: Right-click the desktop, point to View, and then click Show desktop icons to clear the check mark. To SHOW desktop icons again: Right-click the desktop,Hide desktop icons point to View, and then click Show desktop icons. Good Luck! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A doctor placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," he instructed. "Yeth, they uthed to be," she replied remorsefully. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Desk Supplies in Vintage Suitcase Inside a shabby chic suitcase on or under my coffee table I keep notepads, stationary, pens, scissors, stamps, etc. When I need to use these things while watching TV or on phone, everything is right there and I don't have to get up and go to my desk search for things. Plus the vintage suitcase is kind of cool! By Linda L. [82] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ 's new baby brother was screaming up a storm, and asked his mom, "Where did we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, ." said, "Well I can see why they threw HIM out!" ___________________________________________________

queen of bubbles
____________________________________________________ Overheard at the Ohio State / Michigan game last weekend: First mother: "What position does your son play on the team?" Second mom: "I'm not sure. I think he's one of the drawbacks." ____________________________________________________
WOW! Just WOW! Wish I was in that much control of my body! Plus, for you guys out there she’s gorgeous!

Today in 
0079 Mount Vesuvius erupted killing approximately 20,000 people. 
 The cities of Pompeii, Stabiae and Herculaneum were buried in 
 volcanic ash. 
0410 The Visigoths overran Rome. This event symbolized the fall 
 of the Western Roman Empire. 
1456 The printing of the Gutenberg Bible was completed. 
1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French Protestants 
 in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000 people. 
1814 Washington, DC, was invaded by Canadian forces that set 
 fire to the Government House and Capitol. Government house
 didn't burn completely and the remants were later whitewashed
 and became known as th White House.
1869 A patent for the waffle iron was received by Cornelius 
 Swarthout. 
1891 Thomas Edison applied for patents for the kinetoscope 
 and kinetograph (U.S. Pats. 493,426 and 589,168). 
1932 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the 
 U.S. non-stop. The trip from Los Angeles, CA to Newark, NJ, 
 took about 19 hours. 
1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) went into 
 effect. The agreement was that an attack against on one of 
 the parties would be considered "an attack against them all." 
1954 The Communist Party was virtually outlawed in the U.S. 
 when the Communist Control Act went into effect. 
1968 France became the 5th thermonuclear power when they 
 exploded a hydrogen bomb in the South Pacific. 
1986 Frontier Airlines shut down. Thousands of people were 
 left stranded. 
1989 "Total war" was declared by Columbian drug lords on 
 their government. 
1989 The U.S. space probe, Voyager 2, sent back photographs 
 of Neptune. 
1990 Iraqi troops surrounded foreign missions in Kuwait. 
1991 Russian President Mikhail Gorbachev resigned as the 
 head of the Communist Party. 
1992 China and South Korea established diplomatic relations. 
1995 Microsoft's "Windows 95" went on sale. 
1998 U.S. officials cited a soil sample as part of the 
 evidence that a Sudan plant was producing precursors to 
 the VX nerve gas. And, therefore made it a target for 
 U.S. missiles on August 20, 1998. 
1998 A donation of 24 beads was made, from three parties, 
 to the Indian Museum of North America at the Crazy Horse 
 Memorial. The beads are said to be those that were used 
 in 1626 to buy Manhattan from the Indians. 
2001 In McAllen, TX, Bridgestone/Firestone agreed to settle 
 out of court and pay a reported $7.5 million to a family 
 in a rollover accident in their Ford Explorer. 
2005 The planet Pluto was reclassified as a "dwarf planet" 
 by the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Pluto's 
 status was changed due to the IAU's new rules for an 
 object qualifying as a planet.
2015  smiled.


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How to stop automatic updates 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, August 23

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Dad who put drugs in 2-year-old's cereal and passed out Details at Boneheads Today in 1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in a war with China. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money. --- Joey Bishop (1918 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ This old guy comes into a pub with a dog, and a cat which he placed on top of the piano. The dog climbed up on the piano seat and began to play the piano while the cat sang a number of popular songs. The drinkers in the pub were amazed and the bartender rewarded the old man with a double scotch and said, "That's a great act. Have you thought of taking them professional?" "They are not as good as you think" confessed the old man. "The cat is tone deaf and can't sing a note. The dog is a ventriloquist." ______________________________________________________ Sue noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she quipped, "I don't think that is going to help much, hon." "Sure it does," he said. "How else can I can see the numbers?" ______________________________________________________ From Dad: This one bloomed today. The blooming one is a Thelo cactus from Mexico. ______________________________________________________ A distinguished clergyman and a friend are playing golf. It is a very close match, and at the last hole the two are only one stroke apart. The clergyman tees up, addresses the ball, swings his driver with great force -- and slices the ball deep into the woods. The clergyman glares and bites his lip. His face turns crimson, but he says nothing. His opponent looks at him for a moment and then remarks, "Reverend, that is the most profane silence I have ever heard." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joseph Wilson, 26, Lower Saucon Township, Pennsylvania
Dad who put drugs in 2-year-old's cereal and passed out An eastern Pennsylvania man has been jailed on charges that he put prescription anti-anxiety medicine in his 2-year-old daughter's cereal bowl after first snorting the drug and passing out from it. Lower Saucon Township police say they were called to 26-year-old Joseph Wilson's home Sunday afternoon after someone saw another toddler unattended in a stroller and crying. Police found Wilson in his apartment passed out, with a friend slapping his face trying to revive him. Police say Wilson told them he and the friend had been snorting Klonopin and Wilson acknowledged also putting the drug in the girl's cereal. She was found in her crib. Online court records don't list an attorney for Wilson, who remained in the Northampton County Jail on Tuesday on charges including drug possession and child endangerment.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: Disable automatic updates Dear Webby, YES! I did as you suggested through Windows Update (handy little search window for me to find the right one without going blind too) and uninstalled it. It did require a reboot (during which, I admit, I prayed just a little because Heaven knows, ANYthing having been on my system to do with Windows 10 could have wreaked havoc) and it rebooted fine. The little "naked" window is gone ...I didn't mind the Windows 10 reminder being there as long as it "said something" but once it turned into "a naked blank square" it was strange. Now...to check one more thing. When I went into Windows Update it showed a failed update and ah ha! they were all FAILED ugrades to Windows 10. (so sad) I now have the computer checking for Windows Updates so I can HIDE the one we just removed... it only came up with the Windows 10 download (no # assigned) so rather than being able to HIDE it, I have unchecked it. We shall see if Microsoft owns enough of me that it is again checked tomorrow. Now, I am guessing your next suggestion is NOT to allow Windows to update automatically as I do now. Am I right? Donna Dear Donna Great! And yes, you are 100% right. NEVER allow it to update automatically. Just "Notify Only" There is a lot of crap that they are pushing, like updates for MS-Office or Outluck, even if you are not using them. If you got it set for Notify Only, you can refuse stuff like that. Actually, in my case McAfee handles all of that and presents me with a list to check or uncheck the updates it has found. Stuff I don't neede like Outlook, I uncheck. Same with anything that has the 10 in it. Good Luck! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Years ago in a small country store I saw an elderly woman asking to buy three pounds of lard and have it put into an empty pail she was carrying. The son of the owner was minding the store while the father had gone to lunch. He stated "Ma'am, your pail will only hold two pounds." She looked at him as if he were simple minded and said " Where is your daddy? He has been putting three pounds of lard in this pail for the last fifteen years!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lightly Salting Vegetables I do not like frozen veggies without any salt. When I take spinach or broccoli out of the freezer, I put it into a small plastic container with a tiny bit of water. I then salt it and put the cover on. I shake it about to coat with the salted water. This way I don't need and butter or anything else. In the microwave it is done in a jiffy and tastes great. Approximate Time: 10 minutes By Marty Dick [163] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandmas in bloomers." Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!" ___________________________________________________

Card hit wonder
____________________________________________________ and his family were having dinner at his Uncle Rodney's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When received his plate, started eating right away. ", wait until we say our prayer." "I don't have to," replied. "Of course you do," mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at OUR house." "That's at OUR house," explained. "But this is Uncle Rodney's house and HIS cooking ALWAYS turns out OK!" ____________________________________________________
I wish I was that brave!

Today in 
1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in a war with China. 
1892 The printed streetcar transfer was patented by John H. Stedman. 
1904 Hard D. Weed patented the grip-tread tire chain for cars. 
1914 Tsingtao, China, was bombarded as Japan declared war on 
 Germany in World War I. 
1939 Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union signed a non-aggression 
 treaty. 
1944 During World War II, Romanian prime minister Ion Antonescue 
 was dismissed. Soon after the country would abandon the Axis 
 and join the Allies. 
1952 The security pact of the Arab League went into effect. 
1959 In the Peanuts comic strip, Sally debuted as an infant. 
1962 The first live TV program was relayed between the U.S. 
 and Europe through the U.S. Telstar satellite. 
1982 The parliament of Lebanon elected Bashir Bemayel president. 
 He was assassinated three weeks later. 
1990 President Saddam Hussein appeared on Iraqi state 
 television with a group of Western detainees that he referred 
 to as "guests." He told the group that they were being held 
 "to prevent the scourge of war." 
1996 U.S. President Clinton imposed limits on peddling 
 cigarettes to children. 
1998 Boris Yeltsin dismissed the Russian government again. 
1999 Rescuers in Turkey found a young boy that had been buried 
 in rubble from an earthquake for about a week. 
1999 Robert Bogucki was rescued after getting lost in the 
 Great Sandy Desert of Australia on July 11. During the 43 day 
 ordeal Bogucki lost 44 pounds. 
2000 Richard Hatch was revealed as the winning castaway on 
 CBS' "Survivor." Hatch won $1,000,000 for his stay on the 
 island of Pulau Tida in the South China Sea. 
2015  smiled.


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W10 Pop-Up 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, August 22

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh Taxi Driver Accused Of Bank Robbery Caught Escaping In Own Cab Details at Boneheads Today in 1770 Australia was claimed under the British crown when Captain James Cook landed there. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. --- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at 10 o'clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his wife alive again. He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped out from behind some bushes and growled, "What took ya so long? You're over two hours late." "Hey! Give me a break," whined the Yuppie. "I have a 27 handicap." ______________________________________________________ A robust-looking and very well dressed gentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, "how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldn't pay for it, you had me thrown into the gutter like a common bum?" "I'm very sorry sir." began the contrite headwaiter. "Oh, it's quite all right." said the guest, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you for the same chore again." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Uncle Leroy got a job down at the Broom Factory. On his first day the straw boss (Floor supervisor)calls ol' Leroy into his little office and says, "You the new man huh? What is yer name?" Leroy replied "Leroy" The straw boss says "I don't call anyone by first names. It breeds familiarity and that leads to breakdown in my Authority. I refer to all employees by last names; Now what is Your Last Name!" Leroy sort of smiles and says, "Its Darling - Leroy Darling! The Straw Boss said "Now Leroy the next thing........" -------------- I had a boss like that once. Short fellla with always shiny shoes. He had a problem pronouncing my last name correctly, so I told him that as long as he behaved and didn't cause any problem, he could call me by my first name. He agreed and walked away. After about ten steps he realized he had totally blown his little authority game. He stomped out of sight quite angrily. Never caused any problem though. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Clinton Archer Wells, 31, Clearwater, Florida
Floriduh Taxi Driver Accused Of Bank Robbery Caught Escaping In Own Cab A Florida cab driver accused of bank robbery was driven straight to jail after being arrested while using his taxi as a getaway car. Clearwater police said Clinton Archer Wells, 31, robbed a Wells Fargo bank Tuesday afternoon while wearing black fabric over his head, according to WTSP.com. Investigators said Wells told employees he was carrying a gun. After getting an undisclosed amount of cash, Wells escaped in the cab he drives for a living, according to TampaBay.com. Officers spotted the taxi within seven minutes and Wells was in custody two minutes after that, TBNWeekly reports, Wells was charged with two counts of armed bank robbery: One for the Wells Fargo and the other for an Aug. 7 holdup at US AmeriBank, TBO.com reports. Wells was also charged with robbery with an implied weapon. Police also believe Wells was involved in other robberies and are investigating. Wells was facing $300,000 bail but is no longer listed in the Pinellas County Jail database.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: W10 pop-up Dear Webby, I am reading about windows 10, Microsoft sent a message to my computer telling me to d/l it its free right now, but I have heard a lot of bad about W 10, do I need to d/l W10? don't know what to do.I have W7, thank you for all you do, I hope you are doing good!! take care, Ann. Dear Ann Your computer works. You don't need W10. Microsoft and all their computer factories need people to switch to a more demanding operating system to increase their profits. It is their need, not yours. If you feel like switching to W10 some time in the future, it will still be free. Remember, it's not your need. It is THEIR need. They will still be trying to push it onto you a year from now, or three years from now. Just ignore their pushy begging. Good Luck! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Not far from me we have a friend who raises Brahma Bulls. I asked how he got them to breed so well, since he has a nice herd. He said that he gave the bulls potency pills and I asked what the pills were made of. He said "I don't really know, but they taste a little like a saltine." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Hand Soap Refills I am always running out of liquid hand soap. And always forgetting to buy it. I was cleaning out my closet upstairs where I keep all my extra toiletries and found all these shower gels that always come in the gift packs I get as presents. I do not use shower gel. I used a bottle of bath gel, poured a 1/4 of the gel into 4 empty soap dispensers and filled with water. Now I have 4 brand new soap dispensers. And there is more gel to refill them when they are empty. The soap will be a little thinner when using it, but there is such a savings. I am also noticing at the end, they are thickening up. By Jackie H. [107] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ My sister bought her daughter a really nice Spinet Piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked my sister how her daughter was doing. "Oh," she said, "I persuaded her to switch to a flute." "How come?" I asked. "Well," my sister answered, "because with a flute, she can't sing." ___________________________________________________

boogie woogie twins
____________________________________________________ >From Rob The population of this country is 300 million. 160 million are retired. That leaves 140 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 55 million to do the work. Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 15 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the armed forces Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work. Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now - there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me... And there you are, sitting on your ass, at your computer, reading jokes! ____________________________________________________
What patience it must take to do this delicate art work!

Today in 
1485 The War of the Roses ended with the death of England's 
 King Richard III. He was killed in the Battle of Bosworth 
 Field. His successor was Henry VII. 
1567 The "Council of Blood" was established by the Duke of 
 Alba. This was the beginning of his reign of terror in 
 the Netherlands. 
1642 The English Civil War began when Charles I called 
 Parliament and its soldiers traitors. 
1770 Australia was claimed under the British crown when 
 Captain James Cook landed there. 
1775 The American colonies were proclaimed to be in a 
 state of open rebellion by England's King George III. 
1846 The U.S. annexed New Mexico. 
1851 The schooner America outraced the Aurora off the 
 English coast to win a trophy that became known as 
 the America's Cup. 
1865 A patent for liquid soap was issued to William 
 Sheppard. 
1902 In Hartford, CT, U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt 
 became the first president of the United States to 
 ride in an automobile. 
1906 The Victor Talking Machine Company of Camden, NJ 
 began to manufacture the Victrola. The hand-cranked unit, 
 with horn cabinet, sold for $200. 
1910 Japan formally annexed Korea. 
1911 It was announced that Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa" 
 had been stolen from the Louvre Museum in Paris. The 
 painting reappeared two years later in Italy. 
1941 Nazi troops reached the outskirts of Leningrad during 
 World War II. 
1972 Due to its racial policies, Rhodesia was asked to 
 withdraw from the 20th Olympic Summer Games. 
1973 Henry Kissinger was named Secretary of State by U.S. 
 President Nixon. Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize in 
 the same year. 
1984 The last Volkswagen Rabbit rolled off the assembly 
 line in New Stanton, PA. 
1986 Kerr-McGee Corp. agreed to pay the estate of the late 
 Karen Silkwood $1.38 million to settle a 10-year-old 
 nuclear contamination lawsuit. 
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed an order for 
 calling reservists to aid in the build up of troops in 
 the Persian Gulf. 
1990 The U.S. State Department announced that the U.S. 
 Embassy in Kuwait would not be closed under President 
 Saddam Hussein's demand. 
1990 Angry smokers blocked a street in Moscow to protest 
 the summer-long cigarette shortage. 
1991 Mikhail S. Gorbachev returned to Moscow after the 
 collapse of the hard-liners' coup. On the same day he 
 purged the men that had tried to oust him. 
1992 In Rostock, Germany, neo-Nazi violence broke out 
 against foreigners. 
1996 U.S. President Clinton signed legislation that ended 
 guaranteed cash payments to the poor and demanded work 
 from recipients. 
2015  smiled.


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Fix for the W10 flashing screen 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, August 21
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Nancy!!!

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh crook, who robbed banks, took complimentary lollipop, in front of camera Details at Boneheads Today in 1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their partner. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with. --- Bob Wells As a retired Theologian with many years experience, I have concluded that most people earnestly desire to serve God -- In an advisory capacity. -- --- Dr. W.C. Farmer ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ First Hunter (panting): "I just met a great big bear in the woods!" Second Hunter: "Good! Did you give him both barrels?" First Hunter: "Both barrels? I gave him the whole gun!!" ______________________________________________________ A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats too?" The little girl said, "I don't know..... I haven't learned how to cook those yet." ______________________________________________________ Hunting butterflies ______________________________________________________ A businessman finds that his neighbor in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot. They take off and the stewardess asks what they would like to drink. "Glenlivet on the rocks with a twist," says the parrot. The businessman orders a coke. After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, "Where's my drink?! Stop fooling around and give me my drink!" The stewardess runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty. Half an hour later the stewardess makes a second round. The bird orders another Glenlivet and a Wall Street Journal. The businessman again asks for a coke. After a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, "You lazy wench! Where is my drink!" The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper. The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird. "Hey, wench! Bring me my coke." Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane. At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, "Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jonathan Boston, 30, Stanford, Kentucky
Floriduh crook, robbed banks, took complimentary lollipop, in front of camera Police in Florida Busted a brazen bandit who took a complimentary lollipop for the getaway when he robbed a bank, the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office said in a statement on Facebook. Authorities shared photo evidence of the bank robbery/candy robbery. Jonathan Boston, 30, is seen in a surveillance still reaching for the bouquet of sweets on the bank teller's desk. Authorities say Boston robbed two banks before he was caught. On Saturday, he hit the TD Bank -- and the TD Bank lollipops -- in the 4600 block of Okeechobee Boulevard in West Palm Beach. On Monday, he struck another TD bank on the 1000 block of South Military Trail, also in West Palm Beach, The Sun Sentinel reports. In both cases, the suspect "entered the bank" and "passed a note demanding cash," police said. Boston is charged with robbery. He is being held at the Palm Beach County jail. Police said the money was recovered. No word on the lollipop.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ralph Re: W10 flashing screen Dear Webby, Re W 10. The solution would be good but all my screen does is flash. Really cannot get to start menu. Does anyone know if purchasing a W 7 disk and installing it would work? Goldie Dear Goldie I asked around and subscriber Ralph sent this solution: Fix W10 flashing You might want to print out that procedure before you go over to the affected machine. The procedure is not difficult, just very tedious. Apparently the crippling error is caused by services, that are used to secretly report crippling errors. DUH! Microsoft doesn't have a stinger or update, that will fix that. They would prefer if you bought a new computer. Good Luck! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ====from Ethel: Dear Webby, want to make a tasty and nutritious meal out of those left-over banana peels? Put them in a coffee can and bury them to a depth of two feet. Leave them there all summer. When you dig them up and open the can, the odor is so bad that it will actually cause birds to fall from the sky. Cook birds at 400 degrees for half an hour. Sincerely, Ethel. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Super Easy Beer Bread Beer bread is fantastic with just about any meal, but it particularly compliments soups, stews, and chowders. Start to finish in under an hour! Approximate Time: 45 - 60 minutes Yield: 8-10 slices Ingredients: 3 cups self-rising flour 2 tsp white sugar 1 tsp kosher salt 2 tsp honey 1 tsp caraway seeds 1 bottle or can dark beer (12 oz) Steps: Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Spray standard loaf pan with cooking spray. Sift flour, sugar, and salt together. Add honey and caraway seeds. Slowly fold in beer with spatula or spoon. Dough should be thick but not as dense as biscuit dough. Turn dough into loaf pan, leveling gently with back of spatula. Bake 45 minutes, remove from oven and brush on melted butter and bake an additional 5 minutes. This step is optional but it does give the top a nice, golden touch. Allow to cool 10 minutes. Serve warm for best results. By Carol Tilley W. [3] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ DUMBWAITER: Waiter who asks if the kids would care to order dessert AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has changed 600 diapers to make love again. FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained broccoli. ___________________________________________________

dolphin show
____________________________________________________ A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer in charge looked at the photograph she handed him, questioned her, and then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him. "Yes," she replied. "Tell him . . . mother didn't come after all." ____________________________________________________
This art work is kind of weird but awesome too!

Today in 
1680 The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took 
 possession of Santa Fe, NM. 
1831 Nat Turner, a former slave, led a violent insurrection 
 in Virginia. He was later executed. 
1841 A patent for venetian blinds was issued to John Hampton. 
1888 The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs. 
1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed forbidding 
 dancers from gazing into the eyes of their partner. 
1943 Japan evacuated the Aleutian island of Kiska. Kiska 
 had been the last North American foothold held by the Japanese. 
1945 U.S. President Truman ended the Lend-Lease program that 
 had shipped about $50 billion in aid to America's Allies 
 during World War II. 
1959 Hawaii became the 50th state.
1963 In South Vietnam, martial law was declared. Army troops 
 and police began to crackdown on the Buddhist 
 anti-government protesters. 
1989 Voyager 2, a U.S. space probe, got close to the Neptune 
 moon called Triton. 
1991 The hard-line coup against Soviet President Mikhail 
 Gorbachev ended. The uprising that led to the collapse was 
 led by Russian federation President Boris Yeltsin. 
1992 NBC News fired Authur Kent two weeks after he refused 
 an assignment to war-torn Croatia. 
1993 NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft. 
 The fate of the spacecraft was unknown. The mission cost 
 $980 million. 
1997 Hudson Foods Inc. closed a plant in Nebraska after it 
 had recalled 25 million pounds of ground beef that was 
 potentially contaminated with E. coli 01557:H7. It was 
 the largest food recall in U.S. history. 
1997 Afghanistan suspended its embassy operations in the US.
2002 In Pakistan, President General Pervez Musharraf 
 unilaterally amended the Pakistani constitution. He extended 
 his term in office and granted himself powers that included 
 the right to dissolve parliament. 
2003 In Ghana, businessman Gyude Bryant was selected to 
 oversee the two-year power-sharing accord between Liberia's 
 rebels and the government. The accord was planned to guide 
 the country out of 14 years of civil war.
2015  smiled.


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You CAN uninstall W10  




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, August 20

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Drunk arrested when he tried to dig up his father's grave because he wanted to have an argument with him. Details at Boneheads Today in 1741 Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering discovered Alaska. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ "Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses." --- Lord Dewar Press: "How did you find America?" John Lennon: "Turn left at Greenland." A cult is a religion with no political power. --- Tom Wolfe (1931 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?" To which he replied, "Lady, I'm in the sales department, air conditioning is handled by somebody upstairs." ______________________________________________________ "A curiosity-breeding little joker" is how Mark Twain described the typewriter. His Life on the Mississippi (1883) was the first book-length manuscript published that had been written on one of the new machines. It's rumored that a Twain's descendant wrote the first novel on a windows based computer. After losing a chapter when the machine crashed, she is said to have called the computer a #@*#@$ little *$%#@. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Chuck E for this picture: Thousand Islands ______________________________________________________ A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question?" - Discuss. After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The student received an "A" on the exam. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Dale May, 44, Stanford, Kentucky
Drunk arrested when he tried to dig up his father's grave because he wanted to have an argument with him Authorities arrested Michael Dale May after he tried to dig up his father's grave at the Pilot Baptist Church cemetery in Stanford, Kentucky The 44-year-old man told police that he wanted to have an argument with his dad who died about 30 years ago. He was charged with violating a grave and public intoxication Lincoln County Sheriff's Deputies arrested Michael Dale May on Monday night at the Pilot Baptist Church cemetery in Stanford, Kentucky. WAVE reported that the 44-year-old man told authorities that his father died about 30 years ago and was buried at the cemetery, which is located behind the church. According to the cemetery's registry, 13 people with the last name of May are buried at that location. May was charged with violating a grave, public intoxication and possession of marijuana. As of Tuesday afternoon, May had not been released from jail according to Lincoln County records.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Don Re: You CAN UNinstall Windows 10! Dear Webby, I shared some of the info you sent regarding Windows 10 with a friend in California. He recently installed Windows 10 and ended up uninstalling it and going back to Windows 7 or 8, not sure which one. He sent the following note to me-- they say you cannot uninstall 10 but you can. You go to Start, then Settings, Then security screen, and click on restore. You can uninstall within thirty days of download. Don Thanks Don! That makes it suddenly a lot more civilized! I am sure a lot of people will be glad that they don't have to BBQ their computer. Good Luck! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A little boy returned from Sunday School with a new perspective on the Christmas story. He had learned all about the Wise Men from the East who brought gifts to the Baby Jesus. He was so excited he just had to tell his parents: "I learned in Sunday School today all about the very first Christmas! There wasn't a fat Santa Claus way back then, so these three skinny guys who smoked camels had to deliver all the toys! And Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with his nose so bright wasn't there yet, so they had to have this big star in the sky to find their way around." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Egg Crates for Veggie Storage Use egg crates as a base for vegetables. If a veggie becomes "weepy" before you can use it, it won't drip onto the others. Cut the crates to fit your basket or shelf. By Kelli ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ After the christening of his baby brother in church, little three-year-old Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quite. Very softly he started to cry until his father noticed him sobbing. "What's wrong, little Johnny?" asked his father. Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he wanted us bwought up in a good and regwitches home, but, but, but I don' wanna go to a witches home, I wanna stay with YOU and MOM!" ___________________________________________________

How to make your girlfriend shut up :)
____________________________________________________ An engineering student, a physics student, and a mathematics student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel was. All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this. The physics student went out, gathered a few friends, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, and a calculator. He had the friends time the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with the sidewalk. The math student purchased a protractor, plumb line, tripod and measuring tape. She waited until the sun was going down, then used her equipment to measure the length of the shadow, and find the angle the building's roof made from the ground. Then she used trigonometry to figure out the height of the building. Of course, with all that was involved in getting this experiment done, they were up plenty late studying for exams in other courses. These two students bumped into the engineering student the next day, who looked quite refreshed. When asked what he did to find the height of the building he replied, "Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was, and went inside for happy hour!" ____________________________________________________
Coolest ice cubes ever made! I like the horse and the mermaid.

Today in 
1741 Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering discovered Alaska. 
1866 It was formally declared by U.S. President Andrew Johnson 
 that the American Civil War was over.
1882 Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" debuted in Moscow. 
1885 "The Mikado", by Gilbert and Sullivan, opened at the 
 Fifth Avenue Theatre in New York City. 
1914 German forces occupied Brussels, Belgium, during 
 World War I. 
1918 The British opened its Western Front offensive 
 during World War I. 
1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," was 
 launched in Lakehurst, NJ. The ship began its maiden voyage 
 from the same location on September 4. 
1940 France fell to the Germans during World War II. 
1953 It was announced by the Soviet Union that they had 
 detonated a hydrogen bomb. 
1955 In Morocco and Algeria hundreds of people were killed 
 in anti-French rioting. 
1955 Colonel Horace A. Hanes, a U.S. Air Force pilot, flew 
 to an altitude of 40,000 feet. Hanes reached a speed of 
 822.135 miles per hour in a Super Sabrejet. 
1967 The New York Times reported about a noise reduction 
 system for album and tape recording developed by technicians 
 R. and D.W. Dolby. Elektra Record's subsidiary, Checkmate 
 Records became the first label to use the new Dolby process 
 in its recordings. 
1968 The Soviet Union and other Warsaw Pact nations began 
 invading Czechoslovakia to crush the "Prague Spring" 
 liberalization. 
1977 Voyager 2 was launched by the United States. The spacecraft 
 was carrying a 12 inch copper phonograph record containing 
 greetings in dozens of languages, samples of music and sounds 
 of nature. 
1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the 
 Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. Chester 
 Carlson was the man who invented the machine. 
1991 A rally of more that 100,000 people occurred outside the 
 Russian parliament building to protest the coup that removed 
 Gorbachev from power. 
1997 NATO troops seized six police stations in Banja Luka that 
 had been held by troops controlled by former Bosnian Serb 
 President Radovan Karadzic. 
1997 Britain began voluntary evacuation of its Caribbean island 
 of Montserrat due to the volcanic activity of the Soufriere Hills. 
1998 Canada's Supreme Court announced that Quebec could not 
 secede without the federal government's consent. 
1998 U.S. military forces attacked a terrorist camp in Afghanistan 
 and a chemical plant in Sudan. Both targets were chosen for cruise 
 missile strikes due to their connection with Osama bin Laden. 
1998 The U.N. Security Council extended trade sanctions against 
 Iraq for blocking arms inspections. 
2010 The last American combat brigade exited Iraq after more 
 than seven years after the U.S.-led invasion began. 
2015  smiled.


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Windows10 is missing drivers 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, August 19

Thank you, Michael!!

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida Man Bit Off Girlfriend's Finger Details at Boneheads Today in 1856 Gail Borden received a patent for his process of condensing milk by vacuum. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ A cult is a religion with no political power. --- Tom Wolfe (1931 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Right outside her front door, Joe's mother-in-law had a thermometer that never seemed to tell the correct temperature. One chilly day, we all noticed that the thermometer, which was in direct sunlight, read a balmy 72 degrees. "Mom," Joe's wife suggested without thinking, "you should stick that thing where the sun doesn't shine." ______________________________________________________ A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver's window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over. "No," the man replied. "You failed to stop at the stop sign," the cop explained. "But I did slow down!" the driver argued. The cop pulled out his riot stick and his big flashlight and, reaching in through the open car window, began a spirited drum solo on the driver's head. "Tell me if you want me to stop or just slow down a bit." --------- My driving tester in Whitehorse, Yukon, told me that one during the test drive in 1971. I never forgot it. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ First Farmer: I used to quit plowing for lunch every day at exactly eleven-thirty. Second Farmer: Did you have a wristwatch or a pocket watch? First Farmer: Neither. The whistle at the sawmill blows every day at noon, and I simply quit a half hour before I heard it. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Butler, 32, Seffner, Florida
Florida Man Bit Off Girlfriend's Finger A man in Seffner, Florida, is facing battery charges after he allegedly bit off a half-inch of a woman's middle finger during an argument. Christopher Butler, 32, was arrested Monday night after being accused of biting off the tip of his girlfriend's finger after she waved it in his face, TampaBay.com reports. Officers on the scene said the victim was lying on a lawn chair when they arrived. Butler was extremely intoxicated, according to ABC Action News. The victim was taken to a local hospital to have surgery on the wound. Butler was also taken there to be treated for a cut on his nose. He was then transported to the Hillsborough County Jail, according to the AP. Butler has been charged with one count of aggravated battery and is also being held on a parole violation without bail. There is no mention of any charges against the grilfriend for the wound on his face.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Goldie Re: W10 is missing drivers! Dear Webby, Do Not download the Free W10. I did, now my computer is useless. Wrong drivers they tell me. So I shut down my old computer as a useless peace of..... Goldie Dear Goldie You can't say I didn't warn you often enough. It was the same with VISTA. Too many missing drivers got people to hate it. At least with VISTA you were able to UNinstall it. With W10 you can't. You either dump your expensive camera or your computer. Which drivers are a problem? Printers, cameras, scanner? I might be able to tell you where you can get drivers, that might work with W10. Good Luck! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ An Irishman living in England goes for a job on a construction site. The foreman says, "Can you brew tea?" The Irishman says, "Yes,shore kin." "Good. Can you drive a fork lift?" The Irishman looks at him and says, "Why, mon, how big is your teapot?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Soda to Clean Outside of Refrigerator To clean the outside of your refrigerator and make it look like new, use baking soda. Take a wet rag, pour some baking soda on it and start cleaning. This cleans the textured parts of the frig, like nothing I have ever seen before. By Sarah from Vandergrift, PA ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ North Korea has declared its own time zone that they are calling “Pyongyang Time,” and set their clocks back half an hour. So if it's say, 11:40 here now, in North Korea it's still 1925. ___________________________________________________

Vekoma Stingray coaster - China
____________________________________________________ There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks." ____________________________________________________
Beautiful and mesmerizing spinning clay art

Today in 
1812 "Old Ironsides" (the USS Constitution) won a battle against 
 the British frigate Guerriere east of Nova Scotia. 
1848 The discovery of gold in California was reported by the 
 New York Herald. 
1856 Gail Borden received a patent for his process of 
 condensing milk by vacuum. 
1909 The first car race to be run on brick occurred at the 
 Indianapolis Motor Speedway. 
1917 Team managers John McGraw and Christy Matthewson were 
 arrested for breaking New York City's blue laws. The crime 
 was their teams were playing baseball on Sunday. 
1919 Afghanistan gained independence from Britain. 
1934 Adolf Hitler was approved for sole executive power in 
 Germany as Fuehrer. 
1940 The new Civil Aeronautics Administration awarded honorary 
 license #1 to Orville Wright. 
1942 About 6,000 Canadian and British soldiers launched a raid 
 against the Germans at Dieppe, France. They suffered about 
 50 percent casualties. 
1960 Francis Gary Powers, an American U-2 pilot, was convicted 
 of espionage in Moscow. 
1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's orbit 
 by the Soviet Union. 
1974 During an anti-American protest in Nicosia, Cyprus, U.S. 
 Ambassador Rodger P. Davies was fatally wounded by a bullet 
 while in the American embassy. 
1981 Two Libyan SU-22s were shot down by two U.S. Navy F-14 
 fighters in the Gulf of Sidra. 
1991 Soviet hard-liners announced that President Mikhail 
 Gorbachev had been removed from power. Gorbachev returned 
 to power two days later. 
1998 The first piece of the 351 foot bronze statue of 
 Christopher Columbus arrived in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 
1999 In Belgrade, thousands of Serbs attended a rally to demand 
 the resignation of Yugoslavia's President Slobodan Milosevic. 
2004 Google Inc. stock began selling on the Nasdaq Stock Market. 
 The initial price was set at $85 and ended the day at $100.34 
 with more than 22 million shares traded. 
2015  smiled.


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Is W10 really on 50 Million "devices" ? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, August 18

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida drunk, who assaulted boyfriend who viewed porn Details at Boneheads Today in 1227 The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ >From Tim My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous raise. The day she found out about it, her husband picked her up from work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, my sister blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job that pays this much money?" Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out the window. However, the window was closed, and it smacked against the glass. Her husband replied calmly, "Yes, it is!" ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One day, while giving with my neighbor and her 5 year old daughter a ride to some event downtown, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation. I told her, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't scream 'YOU @#$%&!' after honking, like mom does when she honks!" ______________________________________________________ Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, my brother-in- law declared that oatmeal would now be his cereal of choice. But after eating his first bowl, he told my sister, "I hope I develop a taste for the stuff. It sure goes down rough!" "Well," she asked, "how long did you cook it?" "You mean you're supposed to cook it?" he asked. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Noella for this picture: I've only seen it close to the Arkansas border. In fact, I'd never seen it until I visited the Boston mountains in Arkansas. When we took the back roads to Florida in 2005, it was all over the south. Where these plants are naturalized, they can be invasive and are considered noxious weeds. The plant climbs over trees or shrubs and grows so rapidly that it kills them by heavy shading. The plant is edible but often sprayed with herbicides." From what I've heard the plant was brought in as an ornamental plant, but very quickly grew out of control. It can overtake a house in a week or less. It is difficult to kill and many southern states use goats to keep it under control. Here's a map, and more info: Kudzu Noella ______________________________________________________ During a phone conversation, my nephew mentioned that he was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "No, no," he replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Delia Priem, 29, Largo, Florida
Florida drunk assaults boyfriend who viewed porn Florida police say a man suffered a beating when an angry girlfriend caught him viewing porn, after he promised her "he would stop." Delia Priem, 29, of Largo, was arrested Monday and charged with misdemeanor domestic battery after she allegedly awoke her boyfriend with a "slap to the face," according to an arrest affidavit obtained by The Smoking Gun. The affidavit, issued by the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office, alleges that Priem "was upset that she found [her boyfriend] watching porn after videoing him." After the wake-up slap, Priem allegedly "pushed him in his bed" and "proceeded to throw items around the room," police said. Priem, according to The Smoking Gun, was jailed for about 12 hours before she was released on her own recognizance. Monday's arrest is not the first sticky situation that Priem has found herself in recently. She was reportedly arrested for drunken driving in April. The outcome of that case is still pending.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ed Re: W10 on 50 Million devices? Dear Webby, I read a headline that W10 apparently is on 50 Million devices. That sounds like a bunch of pelosi to me. What's the real story? Ed Dear Ed That number, if it is more than wishful thinking, would probably include a few ship loads of phones and a few warehouses full of not yet sold computers. Because going back to W7 is nearly impossible, unless you have made a mirror copy of your C: drive, actual use is not really that popular. Most people seem to be waiting for 10.1 and much better networking to W7 machines. W7 does work well now after many years of updates and the off third party utility. I don't see any rush to move to W10 at this time. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A man went on a ski trip, and was knocked unconscious by the chair lift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover his injury. "Why is the injury not covered?" he asked. "You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot, and we consider that a pre- existing condition." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Potato Pancakes A traditional Polish recipe that can be doctored for your tastes - sweet OR savory! Approximate Time: 45 minutes Yield: 12 pancakes Ingredients: 3 medium potatoes, peeled and shredded 1 1/2 cup flour 1/4 cup sugar 1 tsp salt 1 tsp baking powder 2 eggs 1/2 cup milk (more or less depending on your batter consistency) Add ins: either 1/2 cup minced onions or 1 Tbsp each cinnamon and vanilla (some likes it savory, I like it sweet) Steps: Combine all dry ingredients in a mixing bowl. Add in egg and milk, whisk together until batter is smooth (2-3 minutes). Enlist your helper to chop, chop, chop up them taters. We have a handy, dandy slap chopper to get the job done, but you could use a food processor or a grater to do it as well. After you have all your taters shredded, add it to the batter and stir it up. Now, my great grandmother did these babies in the fryer, but since we like our arteries, I decided to PAM up a skillet and cook them like normal pancakes. Pour 1/4 cup (or so) of batter onto a skillet and cook until bubbles form, and then flip. Repeat until all your pancakes are cooked up! By Rae G. [16] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. The pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer." One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe." ___________________________________________________

cell phone crashing
____________________________________________________ A freshman walked into the campus bookstore. Questioning the store clerk about a book for one of his classes, the clerk responded, "This is the book you want for that class. It will do half the work for you!" "Great," the young man replied, "I'll take two." ____________________________________________________
These paper cut outs by Maude White are amazing!

Today in 
1227 The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died. 
1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on 
 American soil of English parents. The colony that is 
 now Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished. 
1846 Gen. Stephen W. Kearney and his U.S. forces captured 
 Santa Fe, NM. 
1914 The "Proclamation of Neutrality" was issued by U.S. 
 President Woodrow Wilson. It was aimed at keeping the U.S. 
 out of World War I. 
1919 The "Anti-Cigarette League of America" was formed in 
 Chicago IL. 
1937 The first FM radio construction permit was issued in 
 Boston, MA. The station went on the air two years later. 
1938 The Thousand Islands Bridge was dedicated by U.S. 
 President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The bridge connects the 
 U.S. and Canada. 
1940 Canada and the U.S. established a joint defense plan 
 against possible enemy attacks during World War II. 
1958 Vladimir Nabokov's novel "Lolita" was published. 
1966 The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were 
 sent back to the U.S. 
1982 The longest baseball game played at Wrigley Field in 
 Chicago, IL, went 21 innings before the Los Angeles Dodgers 
 defeated the Cubs 2-1. 
1990 The first shots were fired by the U.S. in the Persian 
 Gulf Crisis when a U.S. frigate fired rounds across the 
 bow of an Iraqi oil tanker. 
1997 Beth Ann Hogan became the first coed in the Virginia 
 Military Institute's 158-year history. 
1998 Mrs. Field's Original Cookies announced that they 
 would acquire the Great American Cookie Co. 
2004 Donald Trump unveiled his board game (TRUMP the Game) 
 where players bid on real estate, buy big ticket items 
 and make billion-dollar business deals.
2015  smiled.


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No Line Breaks in parts of a newsletter 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, August 17

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida drunk, who tried to frame her own dog in hit-and-run accident, told cops to arrest dog Details at Boneheads Today in 1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its successful round-trip to Albany. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Would those of you in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry. --- John Lennon (1940 - 1980) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Military leaders succeed in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. They assembled in front of the new machine and fed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR. ______________________________________________________ A group of U.S. marines got a refresher course on first aid prior to leaving for Afghanistan. Following an involved lesson on making splints, dressing wounds and applying tourniquets to stop bleeding, there was a quick test. Instructor: "What do you do if you receive a minor head wound?" Marine: "Keep going." Inst.: "What do you do if your Sergeant has a head wound and is out cold?" Marine: "I sit down and have a smoke. He'll be up and screaming at me in two seconds flat." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Noella for this picture: Here's a picture you can use should you want Kudzu in the south (will take over everything within a couple of weeks) - was taken August 2005 Noella ______________________________________________________ When I'm having "I" problems, my wife tells me, it's time to see an optimist. --- Joe Ponkey ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christina Lamoreaux, 33, Sumter, Florida
Florida drunk tried to frame her own dog in hit-and-run accident, told cops to arrest dog. A suspect in a hit-and-run accident blamed the crash on her dog, telling a patrolman that he should arrest the pooch, police report. Christina Lamoreaux, 33, was involved last week in a one-vehicle crash outside her residence in Wildwood, Florida. Witnesses told cops that Lamoreaux “had left the scene and entered her own apartment.” During a police interview, Lamoreaux copped to fleeing the accident scene, but added that she “did not need to stay there due to the fact that she would pay for the damage.” Lamoreaux, who smelled of booze, then blamed the accident on her dog, though a police report does not detail the animal’s purported role in the crash. She then contended that, “I should arrest her dog,” noted Officer Matthew Reynolds. Instead of caging the canine, Reynolds arrested Lamoreaux, who subsequently failed a series of field sobriety tests at the Sumter County jail. She is facing charges for drunk driving, resisting arrest, and leaving the scene of an accident. Free on $2500 bond, Lamoreaux is scheduled for an August 26 arraignment on the misdemeanor counts. Last month, Lamoreaux posted to Facebook a photo showing her dog sitting in the passenger seat of a car. “The best road trippin friend… No backseat driving and no comments/complaints on the music choices,” the image was captioned.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: Long line in question Dear Webby, you know I love you but why are the questions in your newsletters always in one reaaaaaaaaaaaaaly long line? You can see from my screen shot below (and the slider bar below how far right I have to slide it to read it all. It didn't used to be like that months and months ago. I'm on Win7 Pro now but it changed back when I was on XP. Has Winders just gone totally bonkers? Donna Dear Donna That seems to be an AOL feature. Outside of AOL, the question part has a line break at around 60 characters per line, the same as the rest of the Humor Letter. Maybe AOL can't handle the red color or the color change? Nobody else reported that problem. Try contacting AOL support. Maybe they have a way to get around that AOL "feature". Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ George and Nancy get along just great, except that she's a "backseat driver" second to none. After years of putting up with her pestering, he finally decided he'd had enough and advised her that he would no longer drive with her in the car. Later that day, on his way home from doing some shopping at the mall, he heard his cell phone ring, just as he was merging onto a freeway. It was Nancy. By chance, she had entered the freeway right behind George. "Honey," she said, "your turn signal is still on. And put on your lights; it's starting to rain, and...." And George accidentally stomped the brakes. ______________________________________________________ There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him?" God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he brag to?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making an Orange Candle Here's a super easy way to make a candle out of an orange. It's quick to make, looks cute, and you can eat the scraps! ;) Approximate Time: 5 minutes Orange Candle ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." She screams: "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Rippington replies, "OK, I'll tell him." ___________________________________________________

confliction at the Post Office
____________________________________________________ A party-goer decided it would be best to walk home. He found a shortcut through a poorly lit cemetery and, in the darkness, stumbled into an open grave. He tried to climb out but the walls were too slippery. Again and again he fell back into the grave. Finally, in exhaustion, he settled in a corner to wait for sunlight. A few minutes later another man cutting through the cemetery fell into the same grave. He, too, tried desperately to climb and claw his way out, and he was equally unsuccessful. As he was about to give up in hopeless resignation, he heard a voice from the darkness of his pit: "You'll never get out of here." - He did! ____________________________________________________
Beautiful movie stars. Where did the time go!

Today in 
1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia 
 from New York City. 
1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the 
 "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its 
 successful round-trip to Albany. 
1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at the 
 island of St. Helena. 
1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first 
 time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with 
 100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles. 
1863 Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in 
 Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War. 
1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack 
 discovering gold on Rabbit Creek in the Yukon. 
1915 Charles F. Kettering received a patent for the first 
 electric ignition device. 
1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S. 
 and British forces entered Messina. 
1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their independence 
 from the Netherlands. 
1961 The Communist East German government completed the 
 construction of the Berlin Wall. 
1977 Florists Transworld Delivery (FTD) reported that in one 
 day the number of orders for flowers to be delivered to 
 Graceland had surpassed the number for any other event in 
 the company's history. 
1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became the 
 first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon 
 flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in 
 Miserey, France. 
1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that granted 
 permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had arrived 
 in the United States before 1977. 
1985 A year-long strike began when 1,400 Geo. A. Hormel and Co. 
 meat packers walked off the job. 
1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved with 
 Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter of Mia Farrow, 
 Allen's longtime companion. 
1996 A military cargo plane crashed in Wyoming killing eight 
 crewmembers and a Secret Service employee. The plane was 
 carrying gear for U.S. President Clinton. 
1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper 
 relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern. 
1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica merge to create the largest 
 U.S. bank. 
1998 Russia devalued the ruble. 
2002 In Santa Rosa, CA, the Charles M. Schulz Museum opened 
 to the public.
2015  smiled.


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Split focus in Windows, just like in Linux 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, August 16

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Details at Boneheads Today in 1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of Bennington took place. New England's minutemen routed the British regulars. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. --- Will Rogers ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Hank I went over to the local gun shop to get a small 9 mm handgun for home protection. When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader!!! I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer. Needless to say, I didn't get a gun. But..... .........I still don't think I looked that bad. ______________________________________________________ When Joe stopped the bus to pick up a kid for preschool, he noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" Joe asked. "Yes, she's come to visit us." "How nice," he said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to dad for sending this picture: "Heaven-Candle" ______________________________________________________ What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' Catholic! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Thomas Veres, 47, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Man Assaulted Brother For Not Sharing Big Macs A Pennsylvania man had a big beef with his brother over a Big Mac, and now he's facing assault charges. Thomas Veres, 47, was arrested early Wednesday morning after he allegedly punched his older brother, Matthew, 58, for eating three Big Macs and not saving one for him. Police said Veres was so mad that he ransacked the home they shared in Union Township, knocking over furniture and appliances and throwing food, the Washington County Observer-Reporter reports. Matthew Veres suffered injuries to his right eye and left cheek and had his ear cut during the assault, police said, according to the Associated Press. Thomas Veres was arrested for simple assault and harassment. He was taken to the Washington County Jail where he remains on $2,500 bond, according to CBS Pittsburgh.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Karl Re: Split Focus like in Linux Dear Webby, Hi, Webby, I found that CTRL+ALT+left or right key moves you through the desktops on Linux. From what I've seen regarding Win10, MSFT is sure asking a lot of it's customers. I appears that Win10 won't support our current file systems. The boss is a little worried. It's been a nice summer here in Denver this year. Nice cool and wet May and June followed by a very warm to hot July and August. It actually stayed green around here through mid July. One thing that I really love about Linux is that I can mouse over a screen in the background and scroll it while keeping another window in the foreground for typing. For example, filling out a form where the information you need is on another window. I can scroll the window down to the information without bringing that window forward. Is there a trick to do that in 'doze? Having fun! Karl in Denco Dear Karl I agree, W10 seems to be a dud, unless you travel by airplane a lot and need a touch screen laptop, because in today's airplanes there is not enough room for using a mouse. Re window focus, forget it. Windows has only one layer focus. If you try to scroll the spreadsheet or whatever in the background, then it becomes the foreground. Even passive stuff like OpenOffice doing an Auto-Save will pop it to the foreground and steal the focus away from Skype or whatever you are doing. A real nuisance. Here it used to be warm/hot until last night. Then the heat wave broke and we got rain. Today rain too. Looks like the fashionably desert brown lawns are turning green, and may need to be mowed again soon. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A preacher was driving down the highway when he came up behind a car weaving all over the road. He figures that the driver in the vehicle must be drunk. The preacher decides that he should pass and get on down the road so there will be no chance of being in a possible accident. He starts around the car and hits a slick spot in the road and the car goes off into a deep ravine but lands right side up. The drunk stops and staggers over to the edge of the road and yelled, "Hey Buddy, are you okay?" The preacher answers back and says, "Yes, thank you, the Lord is riding with me." To which the drunk replies, "Well, you had better let him ride with me before you kill him." ______________________________________________________ Two babies in a hospital nursery: "I'm a little girl." "I'm a little boy." "How do you know you're a little boy?" "Wait till the nurse goes out and I'll show you." When the nurse left, the baby pulled up his gown. "See? Blue booties." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Belly Flattening Smoothie I got this recipe for my nutritionist friend years ago and after this back-to-back barbecue-full summer, have been using it a lot lately ! It's cheap, easy to make, and totally works. I generally have it a couple hours before bed time and wake up refreshed (and not to mention, it keeps me out of the cookie jar), but it works when you're feeling bloated any time. Approximate Time: 5 minutes Yield: 1 big smoothie Ingredients: 1/2 lemon 1/3 large cucumber 1 Tbsp grated ginger 1 Tbsp aloe vera juice or fresh aloe vera 1/2 bunch cilantro or parsley 4 fl oz water Steps: Chuck all the ingredients into a blender. Pulse for 30 seconds. If you feel the need to have it sweet (as it is a bit tart), add some raw honey. By attosa [113] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He'd just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "I know you'll never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, it was to voice a single question, "YOU, Billy-Bob, YOU really are going to be getting up in time, and not only that, but making your own bed every morning?" ___________________________________________________

Asian/Russian dance - the Beauty Myth
____________________________________________________ A man spent his weekend fishing without a single bite. As he's going home cold and dejected, he stops at a fish store on the edge of the lake and asks for four pike. He tells the clerk, "Pick out the four largest ones you have and throw them at me, will you?" "OK," the clerk says. "But why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because," says the hapless fisherman, "I want to tell my wife that I caught them." ____________________________________________________
Amazing never seen before creatures from the deep.

Today in 
1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of 
 Bennington took place. New England's minutemen routed 
 the British regulars. 
1812 Detroit fell to Indian and British troops in the War 
 of 1812. 
1858 A telegraphed message from Britain's Queen Victoria 
 to U.S. President Buchanan was transmitted over the 
 recently laid trans-Atlantic cable. 
1861 U.S. President Lincoln prohibited the Union states 
 from trading with the states of the Confederacy. 
1923 Carnegie Steel Corporation put into place the 
 eight-hour workday for its employees. 
1937 Harvard University became the first school to have 
 graduate courses in traffic engineering and administration. 
1954 Sports Illustrated was published for the first time. 
 It was claimed that 250,000 subscriptions had been sold 
 before the first issue came off of the presses. 
1960 Cyprus was granted independence by Britain. 
1960 The free-fall world record was set by Joseph Kittinger. 
 He fell more than 16 miles (about 84,000 feet) before 
 opening his parachute over New Mexico. 
1978 Xerox was fined for excluding Smith-Corona Mfg. from 
 the copier market. The fine was $25.6 million. 
1995 Voters in Bermuda rejected independence from Great Britain. 
2015  smiled.


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Netbook screen flipped 90 degrees 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, August 15

Thank you, Larry !!

When I looked to the East this morning to see what the 
weather was going to be like, the sun was just peeking
over a roof. It was blood red changing to fire engine red
as it quickly grew in size. Smoke is still fairly thick.
They must have some huge fires in BC to produce that 
much smoke.

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh robber who tried to rob the wrong congregation and got thumped by the pastor until the cops rescued him. Details at Boneheads Today in 1914 The Panama Canal was officially opened to commercial traffic as an American ship sailed from the Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean. The first vessel to pass through the canal was the American cargo and passenger ship SS Ancon. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit. --- Sir Frederick G. Banting (1891 - 1941) The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. --- Sam Levenson A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men. --- Roald Dahl ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young Easterner decides to make his fortune in the oil business, so he packs up and heads for Texas. Once there, he realizes he'll need money to get started, so he goes to the local bank. "I've come to ask for a loan," the young man says. "Well," says the banker, "how much do you need?" "How much do you have?" the young man answers ______________________________________________________ A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore." "What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks. "It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!" "You mean hystErical," his friend said, chuckling. "No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she interrupts with: "But, before we got married, you told me you loved me..." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: It took Greg McCown 7 years to catch the perfect picture. ______________________________________________________ A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the LAWN MOWER!" ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Grace, 21, Melbourne, Floriduh
Florida robber tackled by pastor and son A 21-year-old man was arrested on Sunday after he allegedly tried to rob a Florida church congregation during the sermon. Pastor Les Snodgrass was delivering a sermon entitled "The Value of Life," when John Grace drew a weapon and told everyone to get on the ground and hand over their money, Snodgrass said. "He pulled a gun from his bag and put [it] up to my mother's head," Snodgrass told WKMG. Snodgrass said he tried to divert Grace's attention from his mother to himself. After a few moments, he got close enough to spring into action. "I just pushed against the wall with all my might," he said. "I had him by the shoulders, and as soon as I did that, my son leapt from the platform into the air and pounced on him. He punched him in the head a few times." They contined until police showed up. The weapon that Grace had was an "airsoft BB gun realistically modeled after a Sig Sauer pistol," WTSP reports. He also had a large knife, according to police. Snodgrass said that Grace had visited the Door Christian Fellowship Church in Melbourne sporadically over the previous few years, but was not a regular congregant. Grace is charged with robbery, aggravated assault, and false imprisonment, Brevard County records show.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ginger Re: Netbook screen flipped Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I need your help. I was deleting files from a netbook I plan to donate to the local hospital for inpatients to use during longer stays, and I went to hit "CTRL" "ALT" and "DELETE" (forgetting that the Delete button is at the top of the keyboard instead of the bottom....and I hit "END". Now the screen is sideways and I can't figure out how get it back horizontal! Can you help me? Ginger Dear Ginger Usually that is done by a Trojan like Sub7 Do a thorough malware scan with a reputable anti-malware program like McAfee. It's 50% off anyway at http://webby.com/mac You can also try CTRL ALT and the up / down arrows, CTRL ALT PageUp, CTRL ALT PageDown, CTRL ALT HOME Those commands don't normally work on a desktop, but theoretically work on netbooks. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer." He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room and bed with?" ______________________________________________________ A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see the "upturn". "I think you mean the 'intern', don't you?" asked the nurse on duty. "Whatever," said the girl. "I want to have a contamination." "You mean 'examination,'" the nurse corrected her. "Whatever, I want to go to the 'fraternity ward,' anyway." "I'm sure you mean the maternity ward." To which the girl replied: "Upturn, intern; contamination, examination, fraternity, maternity.... what's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pill Organizer for Beads and Findings I had a few unused pill organizers laying around the house and almost threw them out. Until it dawned on me that their little compartments are perfect for storing small beads and findings. The lids snap securely so I don't have to worry about them spilling. I found that the large organizer worked best for beads, while the smaller one was perfect for the findings. Being clears means I don't even have to label them, although I might later. By lalala... [670] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were stopped promptly by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing? You were going mighty fast there, Father." The priest says, "We were just taking the bike for a spin...see how it runs." The policeman shakes his head. "I am going to have to give you a ticket. Driving like that isn't safe. What if you have an accident?" The priests say, "Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us." The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three on a motorcycle falls under reckless driving." ___________________________________________________

Bugger
____________________________________________________ A preacher of the old school is describing the events of Judgment Day to his congregation. "Oh, my friends," he intones, "imagine the suffering of the sinners as they find themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of the Lord and given to eternal flames. My friends, at such a time there will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth." At that point, one of the elders of the congregation interrupts to say, "But Reverend, what if one of those hopeless sinners is old and has no teeth?" The preacher crashes his fist on the pulpit. "My friends," he thundered, "the Lord is not put out by details. Rest assured, teeth will be provided." ____________________________________________________
These people are fast and efficient cleaning the "bullet train."

Today in 
1057 Macbeth, the King of Scotland, was killed by the son of King Duncan.
1848 The dental chair was patented by M. Waldo Hanchett. 
1877 Thomas Edison wrote to the president of the Telegraph Company in 
 Pittsburgh, PA. The letter stated that the word, "hello" would be a 
 more appropriate greeting than "ahoy" when answering the telephone. 
1911 The product Crisco was introduced by Procter & Gamble Company. 
1914 The Panama Canal was officially opened to commercial traffic as 
 an American ship sailed from the Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean. The 
 first vessel to pass through the canal was the American cargo and 
 passenger ship SS Ancon. 
1918 Diplomatic ties between the U.S. and Russia were severed. 
1935 Will Rogers and Wiley Post were killed in an airplane crash near 
 Point Barrow, AK. 
1943 Because of his special talent to use food scraps in both unusual 
 and appetizing recipes, the U.S. War Department awarded Sgt. Edward 
 Dzuba the Legion of Merit. 
1944 The Allied forces of World War II landed in southern France. 
1945 The Allies proclaimed V-J Day a day after Japan agreed to 
 surrender unconditionally. 
1947 India became independent from Britain and was divided into the 
 countries of India and Pakistan. India had been under British rule
 about 200 years. 
1948 The Republic of Korea was proclaimed. 
1949 In San Francisco, a stunt leap off the Golden Gate Bridge was 
 performed for the first time. 
1961 East German workers began construction of the Berlin Wall. 
1971 U.S. President Nixon announced a 90-day freeze on wages, 
 rents and prices. 
1986 The U.S. Senate approved a package of economic sanctions against 
 South Africa. The ban included the importing of steel, uranium, 
 textiles, coal, and produce from South Africa. 
1992 Vietnam blamed Hollywood for creating the "myth" concerning the 
 issue of U.S. servicemen still being held prisoner in Indochina. 
1997 The U.S. Justice Department decided not to prosecute FBI officials 
 in connection with the deadly 1992 Ruby Ridge siege in Idaho. The 
 investigation dealt with an alleged cover-up. 
2000 A group of 100 people from North Korea arrived in South Korea 
 for temporary reunions with relatives they had not seen for half a 
 century. Also, a group of 100 South Koreans visited the North. 
2001 Astronomers announced the discovery of the first solar system 
 outside our own. They had discovered two planets orbiting a star 
 in the Big Dipper. 
2011 Google announced that it would acquire Motorola Mobility for 
 $12.5 billion. 
2015  smiled.


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Is Open Office stealing the focus? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, August 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Sure is smokey outside, with a very pretty orange sun.

The sunshine on buildings and vehicles looks like burnt
orange. We have a fire ban on, as usual when the temperature
gets to 30 degrees (86 F), but the smoke is coming over 
the Rockies from BC. It drops the coarse ashes while it 
climbs up the Rockies on the Pacific side, but still carries
enough fine smoke particles to cause that orange glow.

It will drop the temperature in the next few days,
but the camp fire smell will probably hang around until
they put the fires out.

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
>From Rita Hi Webby, In Outlook I had to go to the Settings, Manage Rules: If sender contains the words "humor@webby.com" then move to Inbox. I never could get Outlook to accept it until I filled this out. Rita Thanks Rita!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a NC man, who clogged casino pipes with counterfeit chips worth $2.7 Million Details at Boneheads Today in 1880 The Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany was completed after 632 years of rebuilding. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ "A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." - Sir. Winston Churchill (1874-1965) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yess, Preacher..Ah guess so." The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I did not Reverend." The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least a minute this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My Good man, have you found Jesus yet?" The ole drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher... "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" ______________________________________________________ A little boy's mother decides that it's time her 10-year- old son has a savings account so that she can teach him the value of saving. The boy agrees, and the two of them go to the bank together. When they get there, the mother says, "It's your account, so you fill out the application." The boy is doing fine until he comes to the space for "Name of your former bank." He pauses to think, then scribbles, "Piggy." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: ______________________________________________________ A teacher asks his fifth-grade students to write an essay telling what they would do if they had 5 million dollars. Each of them begins scribbling away immediately -- all, that is, but one little boy who sits idle, looking out the window. When the teacher stroll around the room he sees only one short sentence on his sheet. "What is this?" the teacher asks. "Is this your essay? Everyone else has written two pages or more, and you have done nothing." "Well," the little fellow replies brightly, "read it. That's exactly what I would do if I had 5 million dollars." The teacher bent down and read: "Hire someone to do the work for me, especially the writing." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christian Lusardi, 43, Fayetteville, North Carolina
NC man, who clogged casino pipes with counterfeit chips worth $2.7 Million A North Carolina man has admitted bringing millions of dollars in counterfeit poker chips to use in an Atlantic City casino's poker tournament. The scheme was uncovered after the man clogged a pipe by flushing the chips down the toilet in his hotel room. Prosecutors say 43-year-old Christian Lusardi of Fayetteville, North Carolina, pleaded guilty Thursday to trademark counterfeiting and criminal mischief. Officials believe he tried to flush the chips because he feared the scheme would be exposed. Under terms of a plea agreement, Lusardi will be sentenced to five years in prison. He will be required to pay the Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa $463,540 for the revenue it lost when it canceled the 2014 tournament after discovering the fake chips. He'll also owe Harrah's Casino Hotel $9,455 for damaging the pipes.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: Does Open Office steal the focus? Dear Webby, While we're on the subject, with one Chrome (6 tabs) and 2 Open Office calc windows open, whyyyyy does Open office for no reason (having hit no keys that I can duplicate) suddenly declare it is boss of my computer and pull itself to the front, taking over Facebook. Are they enemies? With much thanks... Dear Donna That is normal with Windows. If you have Open Office set to auto-save every five minutes, after doing that it indicates that the document is saved. That brings it to the front. The same thing happens with email programs, that check the mail every so often. Eudora has been doing that for 25 years now. Yes, I know it is a hassle, especially if you are busy typing away in Skype and suddenly realize, that you are not. Eudora, and probably most other email programs, will do that too, not just Open Office. There is nothing you can do about that. Shutting off Auto-Save is NOT a good solution. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Two intrepid explorers meet in the heart of the Brazilian jungle. Says one, "I'm here to commune with nature in the raw, to contemplate the eternal verities and to widen my horizons. And you, sir?" The second explorer sighs deeply. "I came because my daughter has begun violin lessons." ______________________________________________________ A psychiatrist has been treating a woman's husband, and one day he tells her, "I have good news. Your husband is cured. He will no longer go around thinking he's Napoleon. His original personality has returned, and he is now himself again." "What?" she says angrily. "Before, my husband was someone important. Now I'm going to be the wife of a nobody!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Oil to Keep Ants Out of Hummingbird Feeder After several years of trying everything possible, I've found that liberally applying vegetable oil all over the shepard's crook and the feeder hanger itself keeps ants away. Nothing toxic, messy, or unsightly, and the ants don't like it! Re-apply once during the season. By imackeil [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "One-seventy." he says. The nurse puts him on the scale It turns out that his weight is 183. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "Five-eleven." he says. The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5' 8 1/2". She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high. The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and wiry. Then, after one look at you, I became short and fat!" ___________________________________________________

a boy's smile This is so charming, I love this little boy
____________________________________________________ Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, raised his hand. The teacher called on for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, answered, "A lawyer!" ____________________________________________________
Trying to ride a backwards brain bicycle looks like it would be easy but it's not!

Today in 
1248 The rebuilding of the Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, 
 Germany, began after being destroyed by fire. 
1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tunis was signed 
 on board the USS Constitution. 
1880 The Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany was completed 
 after 632 years of rebuilding. 
1888 A patent for the electric meter was granted to Oliver 
 B. Shallenberger. 
1896 Gold was discovered in Canada's Yukon Territory. Within 
 the next year more than 30,000 people rushed to the area to 
 look for gold. 
1900 An international force, consisting of eight nations, 
 lifted the siege of Peking. It was the end to the Boxer 
 Rebellion, which was aimed at purging China of foreigners. 
1917 China declared war on Germany and Austria during WWI. 
1919 About 1 million tons of ice and rock broke off of a 
 glacier near Mont Blanc, France. Nine people were killed 
 in the incident. 
1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Social 
 Security Act into law. The act created unemployment insurance 
 and pension plans for the elderly. 
1936 The first basketball competition was held at the Olympic 
 Games in Berlin, Germany. The U.S. defeated Canada, 19-8. 
1941 The U.S. Congress appropriated the funds to construct 
 the Pentagon (approximately $83 million).
1944 The federal government allowed the manufacture of certain 
 domestic appliances to resume on a limited basis. 
1945 It was announced by U.S. President Truman that Japan had 
 surrendered unconditionally. The surrender ended World War II. 
1947 Pakistan became independent from British rule. 
1953 The whiffle ball was invented. 
1962 A U.S. mail truck was held up in Plymouth, MA. The robbers 
 got away with more that $1.5 million dollars. 
1969 British troops arrived in Northern Ireland to intervene 
 in sectarian violence between Protestants and Roman Catholics. 
1973 The U.S. bombing of Cambodia ended. The halt marked the 
 official end to 12 years of combat in Indochina by the U.S. 
1976 A charity softball game began for the Community General 
 Hospital in Monticello, NY. The game was eventually called 
 off due to weather after 30 hours. The final score was 
 Gager's Diner's 491 to Bend 'n Elbow Tavern's 467. 
1986 U.S. officials announced that a U.S. Drug Enforcement 
 agent had been abducted, interrogated and tortured by 
 Mexican police. 
1992 The U.S. announced that emergency airlifts of food to 
 Somalia would begin. The action was being taken to stop 
 mass deaths due to starvation. 
1995 Shannon Faulkner became the first female cadet in the 
 history of The Citadel, South Carolina's state military 
 college. She quit the school less than a week later.
1998 A U.S. federal appeals court in Richmond, VA, ruled 
 that the Food and Drug Administration had no authority to 
 regulate tobacco. The FDA had established rules to make 
 it harder for minors to buy cigarettes. 
2000 Valujet was ordered to pay $11 million in fines and 
 restitution for hazardous waste violations in the crash 
 that killed 110 people in 1996. 
2015  smiled.


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Outloock blocks Humor Letter 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, August 13

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Iowa Dopey, who was caught because he used too much cologne. Details at Boneheads Today in 1942 Henry Ford unveiled his "Soybean Car." It was a plastic-bodied car that weighed about 1000 lbs. less than a steel car. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. --- Dave Barry (1947 - ) There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. --- Mark Twain The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. --- B. F. Skinner ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising on the web) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, a bluehaired lady punched him square in the jaw, and knocked him around a bit, before he was thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I'm not opening the store!" ______________________________________________________ After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Chuck E for this picture: Hi Webby, Here's a picture I took of a ship carrying the bases for giant windmills. It was going through the 1000 Islands on the St Lawrence River. I got this shot from the balcony of Boldt Castle on Heart Island. Chuck Eames ______________________________________________________ An 87 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few years later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. He stopped to talk to him: "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said doctor, "Get a hot mama and be cheerful." The doctor said, "I didn't say that! I said 'you've got a heart murmur.Be careful'." "Too late now!" he replied. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicholas Zanella, 18, Iowa City, Iowa
Iowa Dopey, who was caught because he used too much cologne. Officer Travis Tyrrell may have the most discerning nose in law enforcement. The Iowa cop last night pulled over a vehicle for “improper rear lamps” as it traveled on an Iowa City street, according to a criminal complaint. When Tyrrell approached the auto, he detected the strong odor of cologne emanating from the car. But not just any cologne. Tyrrell specifically identified the fragrance in question as Curve cologne, a Liz Claiborne product, just like his ......... used. Tyrrell noted that driver Nicholas Zanella, 18, appeared nervous and his hands and legs were shaking. While Zanella denied possessing anything illegal, Tyrrell called for a K9 unit to “conduct a sniff of the vehicle,” apparently suspicious that the Curve cloud was intended to mask another odor. After a police dog alerted to something inside the car, Zanella copped to possessing marijuana, a pipe, and a grinder (which were recovered during a subsequent search). Zanella, seen above, was charged with possession of a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia, both misdemeanors. He was released today from custody at 9:15 AM. The criminal complaint offers no further insight into the olfactory acuity of Tyrrell, an officer with the University of Iowa Police. Curve, launched nearly 20 years ago, is a relatively inexpensive and popular fragrance.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ralph Re: Outluck blocks Humor Letter Dear Webby, Well, this interesting. I suddenly quit getting your letter addressed to my OUTLOOK account so I applied to have one sent to my GOOGLE account as well. The latter is forwarded to my OUTLOOK account which I receive okay - hmmm? I know there is nothing you can do but I have to wonder what is going on. What has Microsoft done now? Ralph Dear Ralph Looks like Outluck is trashing it. In Gmail you probably built a filter telling it to never trash stuff coming from humor@webby.com, and in Outluck you probably have a filter to not mess with forwards from Gmail. A similar filter in Outluck concerning the Humor Letter should protect it there as well. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know what we mean by sins of omission?" A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?" ______________________________________________________ While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." "So what's the answer?" my friend asked him when we were out of earshot of the freshmen. The guide replied, "One." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Salt to Curb Bitterness in Beverages You can add a pinch of salt to your coffee grounds pre-brew to curb the bitterness in your coffee. You can slow sprinkle the tiniest amount of salt in your tonic water to to kill that harsh bitterness of quinine. Try it anything you find slightly overpowering in the bitterness department. You'll be pleasantly surprised! By attosa [111] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A young couple lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog. Visiting the pet store, the young wife asked for a good guard dog. "Sorry, we're all sold out," the clerk replied. "All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he does know karate!" The woman didn't believe the clerk, so he told the dog to karate a chair. The dog broke the chair into pieces. Then he told the dog to karate a table, and the dog quickly broke the table in half. So the woman bought the dog and took it home. Her husband was disappointed and skeptical about the Scottie dog's abilities as a guard dog. The wife told him about the dog's excellent karate skills. "Karate, my butt!" the husband yelled. Apparently, to this very day, he is still in the hospital. ____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________ Each Friday night I drove my wife to the station for the train to Weimar, CA, so she could visit HER sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, MY sister arrived by train from Sacramento to manage our household over the weekend. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train ten minutes before my wife arrived. One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over. "Mister," he said, "you are sure some man! But one of these days you are goin' to get caught!" ____________________________________________________
The Cup Song Irish Version – Amhrán na gCupán (Gaelic )

Today in 
1521 Present day Mexico City was captured by Spanish conqueror 
 Hernando Cortez from the Aztec Indians. 
1704 The Battle of Blenheim was fought during the War of the 
 Spanish Succession, resulting in a victory for English and 
 Austrian forces. 
1792 French revolutionaries took the entire French royal family 
 and imprisoned them. 
1846 The American Flag was raised for the first time in Los 
 Angeles, CA. 
1876 The Reciprocity Treaty between the U.S. and Hawaii ratified. 
1889 A patent for a coin-operated telephone was issued to 
 William Gray. 
1912 The first experimental radio license was issued to 
 St. Joseph's College in Philadelphia, PA. 
1932 Adolf Hitler refused to take the post of vice-chancellor 
 of Germany. He said he was going to hold out "for all or nothing." 
1934 Al Capp's comic strip "L'il Abner" made its debut in newspapers. 
1942 Henry Ford unveiled his "Soybean Car." It was a plastic-bodied 
 car that weighed about 1000 lbs. less than a steel car. 
1959 In New York, ground was broken on the $320 million Verrazano 
 Narrows Bridge. 
1960 "Echo I," a balloon satellite, allowed the first two-way 
 telephone conversation by satellite to take place. 
1961 Berlin was divided by a barbed wire fence to halt the 
 flight of refugees. Two days later work on the Berlin Wall began. 
1990 Iraq transferred $3-4 billion in bullion, currency, and other 
 goods seized from Kuwait to Baghdad. 
1994 It was reported that aspirin not only helps reduce the risk 
 of heart disease, but also helps prevent colon cancer.
2015  smiled.


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Open office in other languages 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, August 12

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a SC woman, who was arrested for bringing weed stuffed bible to jail Details at Boneheads Today in 1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery by Joseph Lister. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time. --- Nancy Astor (1879 - 1964) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ You're getting old when... The mail lady gets you so excited that your pacemaker opens the garage door across the street. ______________________________________________________ Jill walked up to an airport ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket. "Where to?" Asked the smiling ticket agent. Jill rolled her eyes and said, "Duuuuuh, back here!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Creston, California ______________________________________________________ After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the customer asked, "Are these time release pills?" The pharmacist replied, "Yes. They begin to work just as soon as your check clears!" ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Monika Marie Ryans, 24, Union County, Soth Carolina
SC woman arrested for bringing weed stuffed bible to jail In pot she trusts. A South Carolina woman allegedly tried smuggling marijuana and tobacco into jail by hiding them inside a Bible, WSPA reports. Monika Marie Ryans, 24, allegedly tried passing the contraband to an inmate during a visit to the Union County Detention Center on Friday. She dropped off the good book for the unnamed inmate, but a supervisor said it didn't "look or feel right," according to a report obtained by WSPA. Jail workers X-rayed and then searched the holy handbook. They found three joints and loose tobacco in the binding, Fox Carolina reports. There was also a piece of paper inside with Ryans' name on it. Police arrested her when she returned to the detention center on Sunday. They said she was hiding in a car in the parking lot. They charged her with furnishing prisoners with drugs, the New York Daily News reports.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maria Re: Open Office in other languages Dear Webby, I see Open Office mentioned here and some other places quite often. Where can I get it? I never see any ads for it. Is that some secret cult thing? Another question, is it available in other languages, or just in English? Thanks Maria Dear Maria You probably COULD call the Open Office fans a cult, but it is by no means secret. You can get Open Office at http://www.openoffice.org/download/other.html You can get language packs from Asturian to Vietnamese, take your pick. They have it even in languages that you probably have never heard about. Just scroll down at that page. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." The operator pauses. "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor." ______________________________________________________ A few nights ago a few friends and I were in a bar, telling all the Taliban jokes we knew. After a while I ducked into the restroom to sprinkle the old porcelain. While I was in there, this big guy came in and said to me, "Hey you! I'm Afghan and I don't like you telling all those Afghani jokes!" So I said, "Well, they're not against you, pal, just against Talibans." "My mother is in Afghanistan!" He screams, and pulls out a razor. For a moment there I was quite concerned. I wasn't sure what he would have done if he had found a place to plug it in! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Seasonal Clothes In Vacuum Bags Save space and view clothes easily by using vacuum bags that come in multiple sizes. Take clean folded clothes and place in vacuum bags then just suck out the air with a vacuum cleaner. It's fun to see the big pile of clothes just shrink to 1/4 its size. By Gloria Z [8] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The State Department issued a travel warning Friday for Afghanistan, telling Americans that the war on terrorism, lawlessness and food shortages have made travel perilous. " --------- I wonder who told the State Department ? ____________________________________________________

matrix ping pong
____________________________________________________ Scrawled across the dorm wall were the words, "Question Everything!" A couple of days later someone added one word, "Why?" ____________________________________________________
I want one of these in my back yard!

Today in 
1676 "King Phillip's War" came to an end with the killing of 
 Indian chief King Phillip. The war between the Indians and 
 the Europeans lasted for two years. 
1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the double-headed 
 sewing machine. 
1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery 
 by Joseph Lister. 
1867 U.S. President Andrew Johnson sparked a move to impeach 
 him when he defied Congress by suspending Secretary of War 
 Edwin M. Stanton. 
1877 Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the first 
 sound recording. 
1898 The Spanish-American War was ended with the signing of 
 the peace protocol. The U.S. acquired Guam, Puerto Rico and 
 the Philippines. Hawaii was also annexed. 
1915 "Of Human Bondage", by William Somerset Maugham, was 
 first published. 
1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Oconomowoc, WI. Judy 
 Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over 
 the Rainbow." The movie premiered in Hollywood on August 15th. 
1953 The Soviet Union secretly tested its first hydrogen bomb. 
1960 The balloon satellite Echo One was launched by the U.S. 
 from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was the first communications 
 satellite. 
1962 The Soviet Union launched Pavel Popovich into orbit. 
 Popovich and Andrian Nikolayev, who was launch a day before, 
 both landed on August 15. 
1977 The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo flight test. 
1981 IBM unveiled its first PC. 
1985 A Japan Air Lines Boeing 747 crashed into a mountain killing 
 520 people. 
1986 It was announced by NASA that they had selected a new 
 rocket design for the space shuttle. The move was made in an 
 effort at correcting the flaws that were believed to have been 
 responsible for the Challenger disaster. 
1992 The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced that the North 
 American Free Trade Agreement had been created after 14 months 
 of negotiations. 
1993 U.S. President Clinton lifted the ban on rehiring air 
 traffic controllers that had been fired for going on strike 
 in 1981. 
1998 Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 billion as restitution to 
 World War II Holocaust victims. 
1999 Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her feet 
 on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a target that 
 was 16 feet and 5 inches away. 
2015  smiled.


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How to make Windows remember the size and position of a program 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, August 11

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to Meth lab operators from Iowa Taco Bell arrested Details at Boneheads Today in 1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the microphone, the President said of the Soviet Union, "My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you that I just signed legislation that would outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Miss Figpot was giving a lesson to her first grade class. "If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?" She asked jumped up and announced to the class, "VERY big hands...!" ______________________________________________________ "So you claim this man just walked up and hit you with malice forethought?" asked the lawyer. "Look, smart alec, I know all about you lawyers and your tricks. You can't mix me up that easy," replied the elderly man. "I said he hit me with his fist, and I'm sticking to it." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Wendy for this picture: This is a Sunset @ Golden Lake, Ontario. You can use this pic in your newsletter if you wish. Cheers, Wendy ______________________________________________________ "How's your mother," a friend asked Linda. "Not good," she answered. "She's got chronic frontal sinusitis." "My goodness," the friend said. "Where did she get that?" "Reader's Digest. Last month's issue." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Karen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Adam Matous 31 Kent Jerome Duby, 56 Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Meth lab operators from Iowa Taco Bell arrested Authorities say two men have been arrested after the remnants of a methamphetamine lab were found inside a Taco Bell in eastern Iowa. The Cedar Rapids Police Department says officers found two men outside the restaurant early Tuesday. One identified himself as a Taco Bell employee. Officers entered the closed restaurant and found meth lab remnants in a utility area. The men were identified as 31-year-old Christopher Adam Matous and 56-year-old Kent Jerome Duby. They were arrested and charged with conspiracy to manufacture methamphetamine. Matous faces additional charges including meth possession. Taco Bell says in a statement that one of the men was an employee who's now fired. They say the restaurant will be sanitized before it reopens.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: How to make Windows remember position and size? Dear Webby, Using Open Office Calc for tons of things as an administrator @ a Facebook group. @ Windows there is (or used to be a way to say "remember size and position" of a window. I need two spreadsheets open BEHIND FB and one of them just peeking out from beside the edge. Is there any such command within Open Office Calc? I've been sitting here like 10 hours or so, so my brain might be mush, but I can't find it. Donna Dear Donna That is a Windows issue, not Open Office. Open Office is just a client, or victim. The official answer is: To force Windows to record the size of a window and set it as the default size for that program each time it's opened, simply re-size the window to your preferred size, then depress and hold the CTRL key while you click the red X to close it. The program should use that size as the default size until changed. Try that. Hopefully Windows does not get too confused with two separate Calc windows. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A man buys a new suit, then tells the salesman that he would like a tie to go with it. The salesmen shows him a selection, and the man picks out one that he likes. "How much is this one?" he asks the salesman. "Sixty-five dollars." "What?" he says. "I can buy a pair of shoes with that kind of money." "Maybe," says the salesman, "but while shoes around the neck look OK with beach war, they woud clash with that fancy suit." ______________________________________________________ How do you cross a river full of crocodiles? Don't know? Okay, how about... Q)How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator? A)Open the door, put in the elephant, shut the door. Q)How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator? A)Open the door, take out the elephant, replace with giraffe, shut the door. The king of the jungle was having a meeting and all of the animals in the jungle had to attend. Everyone was there except who? Why weren't they there? The giraffe, he's still in the refrigerator. Now. How do you cross that river? You swim. All of the crocodiles are at the jungle-king's meeting. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Free Seed From Grocery Store Produce We usually don't think of hot house tomatoes as being as good as those grown in an open garden, and in the past, that was true. It's different, now. I bought a very good tomato from a local grocer. It was a hot house tomato grown in Canada. It was so good, I saved some seed for future planting. The fruits of those seed were delicious and near perfect in appearance. Getting this type results usually works for one year only. Second generation fruits won't be as good, so you would need to save seed from the best 'store bought' tomato, each year. All the bell peppers I grow are from seed collected from peppers I purchase at a grocer. This year, I am growing green, yellow, and orange peppers. I plant three plants per five gallon bucket. My plants are loaded with small peppers. This will be my most productive year. Last year, I grew some delicious cantaloupes. They too, were from seed collected from store bought fruit. If your garden will accommodate a small 'trial patch', then by all means, save the seed from purchased produce you find exceptionally good. You could be deliciously rewarded. By likekinds [97] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance." ____________________________________________________

bible book recitation surprise
____________________________________________________ Bob went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Bob. Six months later the doctor met Bob on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred buck's a visit? Three times a week for two years ? I may be crazy but I am not stupid. A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! And just how, if I may ask?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" ____________________________________________________
Back To The Fifties Cars

Today in 
1860 The first successful silver mill in America began 
 operations. The mill was in Virginia City, NV. 
1874 A patent for the sprinkler head was given to 
 Harry S. Parmelee. 
1877 The two moons of Mars were discovered by Asaph Hall, 
 an American astronomer. He named them Phobos and Deimos. 
1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the electric 
 light bulb socket with a pull-chain. 
1909 The American ship Arapahoe became the first to ever 
 use the SOS distress signal off the coast of 
 Cape Hatteras, NC. 
1934 Alcatraz, in San Francisco Bay, received federal 
 prisoners for the first time. 
1941 The Atlantic Charter was signed by U.S. President 
 Franklin Roosevelt and British PM Winston Churchill. 
1942 During World War II, Pierre Laval publicly announced 
 "the hour of liberation for France is the hour when 
 Germany wins the war." 
1945 The Allies informed Japan that they would determine 
 Emperor Hirohito's future status after Japan's surrender. 
1954 Seven years of fighting came to an end in Indochina. 
 A formal peace was in place for the French and the 
 Communist Vietminh. 
1962 Andrian Nikolayev, of the Soviet Union, was launched 
 on a 94-hour flight. He was the third Russian to go 
 into space. 
1965 The U.S. conducted a second launch of "Surveyor-SD 2" 
 for a landing on the Moon surface test. 
1975 The U.S. vetoed the proposed admission of North and 
 South Vietnam to the United Nations. The Security Council
 had already refused to consider South Korea's application. 
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his 
 weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the microphone, 
 the President said of the Soviet Union, "My fellow Americans, 
 I am pleased to tell you that I just signed legislation 
 that would outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five 
 minutes." 
1990 Egyptian and Moroccan troops joined U.S. forces in 
 Saudia Arabia to help protect from a possible Iraqi attack. 
1991 The space shuttle Atlantis ended its nine-day journey 
 by landing safely. 
1992 In Bloomington, MN, the Mall of America opened. It was 
 the largest shopping mall in the United States. 
1994 A U.S. federal jury awarded $286.8 million to about 
 10,000 commercial fishermen for losses as a result of the 
 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill. 
1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President Clinton. 
1997 U.S. President Clinton made the first use of the 
 line-item veto approved by Congress, rejecting three items 
 in spending and tax bills. 
1998 British Petroleum became No. 3 among oil companies with 
 the $49 billion purchase of Amoco. It was the largest 
 foreign takeover of a U.S. company. 
2002 US Airways announced that it had filed for bankruptcy. 
2003 Charles Taylor, President of Liberia, flew into exile 
 after ceding power to his vice president, Moses Blah. 
2003 In Kabul, NATO took command of the 5,000-strong 
 peacekeeping force in Afghanistan.
2015  smiled.


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Which anti-virus is best? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, August 9

Thank you, Donna!

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Stoned Driver, who took a "selfie" with arresting officer Details at Boneheads Today in 1859 In Boston, MA, the first milk inspectors were appointed. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered. --- Voltaire ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Once, a long time ago, I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to me was empty, but not for long. A young mother boarded with her 5-year-old daughter and Mom sat down in the seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little girl but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her lap. So here I am holding my roses, now with a little lady straining to see what I was holding. "What ya got, mister?" she asked. (Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind her business.) I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and says loudly, "Ohhhh, ROSES!, who are they for?" (Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear telling her to sit down.) I said, "They are for my girlfriend". She says again with a loud voice, "WOW, pretty RED ones, and a lot of them, too! You really must have squewed up!" Needless to say, nearly everyone on the train was in stitches, except Mom who was now trying to crawl between the seats! ______________________________________________________ Former Philadelphia mayor Frank Rizzo on his view of the cause of crime: "The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Janina for this picture: Passion flower from my garden. Janina ______________________________________________________ A minister, having served the same church for many years, decided to leave and take a similar position in another church. Without telling anyone he had made this decision or writing a letter to the congregation, he waited until Sunday morning to announce his resignation in church. When he spoke to the congregation he said, "The same Jesus that called me to this church many years ago has now called upon me to leave and serve another church." The choir all stood and sang, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Karen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gilbert Phelps 20, Iowa City, Iowa
Stoned Driver Took "Selfie" With Arresting Officer After being taken into custody for driving while under the influence of marijuana, a 20-year-old Iowa man asked his arresting officer to pose with him for a Snapchat “selfie,” a request that the cop “happily obliged,” according to a criminal complaint. Gilbert Phelps was behind the wheel of a 2000 Toyota Camry around 2 AM yesterday when the vehicle was pulled over for speeding and having an obstructed registration sticker. During his questioning of Phelps, Iowa City Police Department Officer Ben Hektoen detected the odor of “ingested alcohol” inside the car. Hektoen reported that Phelps copped to “smoking marijuana prior to driving,” adding that the suspect displayed “measurable impairment” during a series of field sobriety tests. After a Breathalyzer test registered a .0 blood alcohol content, Phelps was examined by a “certified Drug Recognition Expert” who concluded that Phelps was “under the influence of cannabis and was unsafe to operate a motor vehicle.” While Phelps was being tested, Hektoen noted, “the defendant requested to take a SnapChat selfie with me to which I happily obliged.” Phelps posed later for a second photo (seen at above) that was snapped by a jail employee. Phelps was charged with operating while under the influence, a misdemeanor. Free on bond, he is scheduled for an August 17 preliminary hearing in District Court. His DUI record will stop him at the border of Mexico, Canada, and most European countries. A couple of years after the US blocked entry to people with a DUI record, or other criminal record, a lot of countries followed the US example.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Meg Re: Which anti-virus is best? Dear Webby, There are so many anti-virus programs out there, each claiming to be the best, but even I know that most of their claims are a bunch of hooey. Which one is really the best? Meg Dear Meg Mcafee has been bought by Intel. Big company, that makes the processor in your computer and a lot of the chips. They have more than enough money to buy all anti virus companies with their small change. They bought McAfee. Does that tell you anything? I negotiated a deal to get you McAfee for 50% off, which makes it quite affordable. It all depends on how much your data and customization is worth. If it is no big deal if you lose it, then get AVG. However, if you would be very upset if you lost it all, then get McAfee. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a ticket they don't let you in. He said, "Look, I just want to give a message to a friend in there." The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket." The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, then I'll be right out." "Alright," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch you praying." ______________________________________________________ Jill chewed out her husband at the company Thanksgiving picnic. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?" "Not a bit," the husband replied. "I tell them I'm just filling up the plate for you!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com George Forman Grill to Make Bear Paws I have little counter space so everything on it has to be a useful appliance! I regularly make grilled cheese or grilled vegetables on an open George Forman grill or zucchini fritters on it. This weekend, I decided to try to make waffles! I just used my Bisquick for the batter and poured a small circle onto the upper portion of the heated grill and let it run down the grill a bit. Don't add too much! I did close it and turned the waffles after the top was slightly browned in some areas. They turned out looking like Bear Paws to me so that's what I now call them! You could name them Pet Paws or Monster Claws around Halloween, which is coming up! By Donna [260] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ "Growing up, my Mom always claimed to feel bad when a bird would slam head-first into our living room window. If she REALLY felt bad, though, she'd have moved the bird feeder outside." --- Rich Johnson ____________________________________________________

Diesel carries a box
____________________________________________________ Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and....'" ____________________________________________________
I thought everyone needed to know these useless facts.

Today in 
1792 King Louis XVI was taken into custody by mobs during 
 the French Revolution. He was executed the following 
 January after being put on trial for treason. 
1809 Ecuador began its fight for independence from Spain. 
1846 The Smithsonian Institution was chartered by the U.S. 
 Congress. The "Nation's Attic" was made possible by 
 $500,000 given by scientist Joseph Smithson. 
1859 In Boston, MA, the first milk inspectors were appointed. 
1869 The motion picture projector was patented by O.B. Brown. 
1881 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Paris Electrical 
 Exhibition. 
1885 The first electric streetcar, to be used commercially, 
 was operated in Baltimore, MD, by Leo Daft. 
1914 Austria-Hungary invaded Russia. 
1921 Franklin D. Roosevelt was stricken with polio. 
1927 Mount Rushmore was formally dedicated. The individual 
 faces of the presidents were dedicated later. 
1944 U.S. forces defeated the remaining Japanese resistance 
 on Guam. 
1945 The day after the atomic bombing of Nagasaki, Japan 
 announced they would surrender. The only condition was 
 that the status of Emperor Hirohito would remain unchanged. 
1947 William Odom completed an around-the-world flight. 
 He set the solo record by completing the flight in 73 hours 
 and 5 minutes. 
1948 On ABC, "Candid Camera" made its TV debut. The original 
 title was "Candid Microphone." 
1954 Construction began on the St. Lawrence Seaway. 
1988 U.S. President Reagan signed a measure that provided 
 $20,000 payments to Japanese-Americans who were interned 
 by the U.S. government during World War II. 
1994 U.S. President Clinton claimed presidential immunity 
 when he asked a federal judge to dismiss, at least for 
 the time being, a sexual harassment lawsuit filed by 
 Paula Corbin Jones. 
1995 Norma McCorvey, "Jane Roe" of the 1973 U.S. Supreme 
 Court decision legalizing abortion, announced that she 
 had joined the anti-abortion group Operation Rescue. 
1999 Near an India-Pakistan border area an Indian fighter 
 jet shot down a Pakistani naval aircraft. Sixteen people 
 were killed. 
2003 Ekaterina Dmitriev and Russian cosmonaut Yuri 
 Malenchenko were married. Malenchenko was about 240 miles 
 above the earth in the international space station. It 
 was the first-ever marriage from space. 
2015  smiled.


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McAfee for different versions of Windows 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, August 9

Thank you, Donna!

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Georgia woman, who tried eating crack cocaine in front of cops Details at Boneheads Today in 1831 The first US steam locomotive began its first trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A student comes back to the dorm and finds his roommate near tears. "What's the matter, pal?" he asked. "I wrote home for my parents to send money, so that I could buy a laptop. They sent me the laptop." he moaned. ______________________________________________________ In a way, colleges & insane asylums are both mental institutions. The major difference being you have to show some improvement to "graduate" from an asylum. ______________________________________________________ Thahnks tro Ralph for this picture: Rain Clouds at Sunset - Great Salt Plains State Park, OK Pick one your choice Ralph ______________________________________________________ During a children's sermon the pastor asked the children what "Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means --- "Annnnnd They're Offf, racing for the parking lot!" ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Karen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Linda Blank, 48, Douglas, Georgia
Woman tried eating crack cocaine in front of cops It sounds hard to swallow but police said a woman in Douglas, Georgia, was eating crack cocaine while officers arrested her. Deputies in Coffee County stopped Linda Blank, 48, on Friday who was on foot. It's unclear why they accosted her, but after a brief investigation, they discovered she was wanted on a probation violation warrant and a bench warrant for shoplifting, according to WFXL.com. As officers proceeded to arrest Blank, they claim she attempted to chew up a small amount of crack, according to WALB TV. Officers stopped Blank from ingesting the drugs and charged her with possession, according to 11Alive.com. Blank was taken to the Coffee County Jail where she posed for a memorable mug shot. She remains in custody, according to jail officials.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: McAfee for different versions of Windows Dear Webby, hope your eye injections are helping mine did some I am now at 20-40. Well the question is I just bought McAfee and it is good for my XP desktop but will it work when I upgrade my laptop from win7 to win10? Thanks. I hope I didnot waste my money for only one machine. Ron Dear Ron McAfee does not care which version of Windows you use. One of their versions even protects your phone. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby sitter when 6 year old Kyle said, "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" "Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss." Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you have to sit over there in Mommy's chair!" ______________________________________________________ A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Minnesota recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish." "Pet fish?!" the warden replied. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works." "O.K. I've GOT to see this!" the game warden replied. The man poured the fish in to the water and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" the man asked. "When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted. "Call who back?" the man asked. "The FISH." "What fish?" the man asked. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Coffee Can Lid Cutting Board I am a compulsive recycler and not all of my recyclables go into the pickup bin. I emptied a large container of coffee this morning and discovered that the plastic cover makes a perfect cutting board for a small item. I wanted a peach and it was too much trouble to get out a real cutting board so I washed the lid and used it. When I get to the point of cutting too many things on it I'll toss it in the bin. By Marty Dick [161] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A man started to snore in his seat at the opera. "Please stop snoring," the usher pleaded. "You are disturbing the others." "Look, buddy," the man said angrily, "I paid for this seat and I'll do whatever I want." "Yes Sir," said the usher. "But you are keeping everybody awake." ____________________________________________________

the husband hack
____________________________________________________ A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to rob the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading: "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob." He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: "Can't trust anybody in this store!" ____________________________________________________
18th Century Puzzle Jug, interesting to watch how it's made.

Today in 
1790 The Columbia returned to Boston Harbor after a three-year 
 voyage. It was the first ship to carry the American flag 
 around the world. 
1831 The first US steam locomotive began its first trip between 
 Schenectady and Albany, NY. 
1854 "Walden" was published by Henry David Thoreau. 
1859 The escalator was patented by Nathan Ames. 
1892 Thomas Edison received a patent for a two-way telegraph. 
1910 A.J. Fisher received a patent for the electric 
 washing machine. 
1930 Betty Boop had her beginning in "Dizzy Dishes" 
 created by Max Fleischer. 
1936 Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin 
 Olympics. He was the first American to win four medals 
 in one Olympics. 
1942 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested Britain. He was not 
 released until 1944. 
1944 The Forest Service and Wartime Advertising Council 
 created "Smokey the Bear." 
1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The 
 bombing came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima. 
 About 74,000 people were killed. Japan surrendered August 14. 
1945 The first network television broadcast occurred in 
 Washington, DC. The program announced the bombing of 
 Nagasaki, Japan. 
1965 Singapore proclaimed its independence from the 
 Malaysian Federation. 
1974 U.S. President Richard Nixon formally resigned. 
 Gerald R. Ford took his place, and became the 38th 
 president of the U.S. 
1975 The New Orleans Superdome as officially opened when 
 the Saints played the Houston Oilers in exhibition 
 football. The new Superdome cost $163 million to build. 
1985 Arthur J. Walker, a retired Navy officer, was found 
 guilty of seven counts of spying for the Soviet Union. 
1988 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) was traded. The trade 
 was at Gretzky's request. He was sent to the Los Angeles 
 Kings. 
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired Prime Minister 
 Sergei Stepashin and his entire cabinet for the fourth 
 time in 17 months. 
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush announced he would 
 support federal funding for limited medical research on 
 embryonic stem cells. 
2004 Trump Hotel and Casino Resorts announced plans to file 
 for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.
2015  smiled.


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Moving Rainlendar to a new computer 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, August 8

Thank you, Norm !!!


http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Tennessee pervert arrested for masturbatiing in Burger King Details at Boneheads Today in 1815 Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for St. Helena, in the South Atlantic. The remainder of his life was spent there in exile. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Peter and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Peter says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it." The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment... then you don't make another payment for six months." Gladys turned on him with her hands on her hips and demanded, "Who told you about us!?" ______________________________________________________ Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the data entry tech called the farmer directly. "Is it true, Mr. Smith that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth," lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs." ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from Metro. ______________________________________________________ History During an award ceremony the wife of Spain's ambassador to Washington asked former Sen. George Mitchell if he could make his speech a bit longer, since the ambassador had still not arrived from the airport. Mitchell replied: "I spent years in the U.S. Senate, Madam. I can speak on any subject for any length of time -- usually on a subject about which I have no particular knowledge." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Karen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Randy Wyres, 51, 320 North Ave., Church Hill, pop 6,737 Tennessee
Tennessee pervert arrested for masturbatiing in Burger King A man's graphic and disturbing display in a Kingsport restaurant has spurred his arrest, according to police, as he openly masturbated in the dining area while staring at two teenagers — then when busted, "turned his attention" to a juvenile employee. William Randy Wyres, 51, eventually attempted to flee the scene after getting yelled at, but was soon apprehended behind a nearby convenience store. Police say he was shirtless and in shorts, but sans underwear. The latter was discovered after he was handcuffed and en route to a cruiser, when his cut-off jeans slipped down from his waist, revealing nothing beneath them. Records in Hawkins County General Session Court state the incident was reported at 4:36 Wednesday afternoon. Kingsport police responded to Burger King, 4225 West Stone Drive, following calls of indecent exposure. Questioning and statements would later reveal that a pair of 17-year-old females were in the dining area. Wyres allegedly walked to a trash can to throw away food wrappers, then sat down in a booth near the girls. Adult diners told police that at first, they though Wyres was having a medical emergency: "his head was going back and forth." But they soon noticed, according to an affidavit, that Wyres actually had his penis out and was masturbating. The two juvenile victims added that as Wyres was in the act, he stared at them. One witness immediately alerted an employee, with that juvenile female going to get her manager. When the girl walked back into the dinning area, Wyres is alleged to have "turned his attention to her," continuing to fondle himself. As a Kingsport officer was responding, 911 callers relayed that Wyres had left Burger King and ran behind an adjacent restaurant. Police soon spotted Wyres walking in a nearby field, where he had removed his shirt and was carrying it. He was immediately handcuffed and escorted to a cruiser, with officers then interviewing multiple witnesses and victims. Wyres, address listed as 320 North Ave., Church Hill, was arrested and charged with three counts of indecent exposure. He's also facing three counts of public indecency, due to the alleged graphic sex act performed in public.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marlene Re: Transferring rainlendar to new computer Dear Webby, Thanks. I was able to get that to work. You are so nice to be helpful. Can you give me an idea where to look on my other computer for the data on the calendar so I can transfer it to the new one? Marlene Dear Marlene That is actually really easy. The step by step instructions are at http://wiki.rainlendar.info/index.php?t ... nd_Restore Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "Eight long years of college." moaned the budding Yuppette. "And just who has it gotten me?" ______________________________________________________ Jim's beautiful wife was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing the checking account. "The bank returned the check you wrote to the department store," he said. "Good," she replied. "Now I can use it to buy something else." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Trash Bags in Your Car Use an empty paper towel roll. You can use it plain, paint it, or decorate it. It is a great craft projects for the kids. Stuff it full (will hold about 5) with plastic bags. It will fit inside console or pocket on you vehicle. Great for putting trash in, especially when you have children. By cheryl kelly [2] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Another bit of history: President Bush (when he hwas president) was very curious about how the Jewish people knew everything before he did. So he called the CIA and FBI and asked them to figure it out. A week later they came back and said, "Mr. President, the Jews have something called Shabbat, and they meet each other at the synagogue, and there is a code. They sit, they pray, and there is a word that is the key to this secret: 'Nu?'. When one says to another, 'Nu?', the other tells him everything . . . every bit of news." This Bush wanted to see for himself. The secret service dressed him like a Hassid, and taught him to read from the right to the left of the Siddur (prayer book ). Bush arrived at a synagogue on Shabbat, and sat beside another religious man. He waited for a moment, and said, "Nu?" The man answered, "Shh, Bush is coming!" ____________________________________________________

the wife hack
____________________________________________________ Father: "Son, I'm very worried about you being at the bottom of your class." Son: "Don't fret Dad. They teach the same stuff to both ends." ____________________________________________________
How do they do this without a traffic light? How many pedestrians are hit each day? I’m glad I don’t live there.

Today in 
1356 Edward "the Black Prince" began a raid north from Aquitaine. 
1588 The Spanish Armada was defeated by the English fleet 
 ending an invasion attempt. 
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for St. Helena, in the South 
 Atlantic. The remainder of his life was spent there in exile. 
1844 After the killing of Joseph Smith on June 27, Bringham 
 Young was chosen to lead the Mormons. 
1876 Thomas Edison received a patent for the mimeograph. The 
 mimeograph was a "method of preparing autographic stencils 
 for printing." 
1899 The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall. 
1940 The German Luftwaffe began a series of daylight air 
 raids on Great Britain. 
1945 During World War II, the Soviet Union declared 
 war on Japan to get in on the spoils. 
1950 Whataburger opened its restaurant in Corpus Christi, TX. 
1953 The U.S. and South Korea initiated a mutual security pact. 
1956 Japan launched an oil tanker that was 780 feet long and 
 weighed 84,730 tons. It was the largest oil tanker in the world. 
1966 Michael DeBakey became the first surgeon to install an 
 artificial heart pump in a patient. 
1974 U.S. President Nixon announced that he would resign the 
 following day. 
1978 The U.S. launched Pioneer Venus II, which carried 
 scientific probes to study the atmosphere of Venus. 
1988 It was announced that a cease-fire between Iraq and 
 Iran had begun. 
1989 The space shuttle Columbia took off from Cape Canaveral. 
 The trip was said to be a secret five-day military mission. 
1990 American forces began positioning in Saudia Arabia. 
1991 John McCarthy, a British TV producer, was released by 
 his Lebanese kidnappers. He had been held captive for more 
 than five years. A rival group abducted Jerome Leyraud 
 in retaliation and threatened to kill him if any more 
 hostages were released. 
1991 The U.N. Security Council approved North and South 
 Korea for membership. 
1994 The first road link between Israel and Jordan opened. 
1994 Representatives from China and Taiwan signed a 
 cooperation agreement. 
1995 Saddam Hussein's two eldest daughters, their husbands, 
 and several senior army officers defected. 
2000 The submarine H.L. Hunley was raised from ocean bottom 
 after 136 years. The sub had been lost during an attack on 
 the U.S.S. Housatonic in 1864. The Hunley was the first 
 submarine in history to sink a warship.
2015  smiled.


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msvcr71.dll missing in W8 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, August 7
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Sig !!


http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a California man, who claimed to be Tarzan, tried swinging into monkey exhibit at zoo Details at Boneheads Today in 1947 The balsa wood raft Kon-Tiki, which had carried a six-man crew 4,300 miles across the Pacific Ocean, crashed into a reef in a Polynesian archipelago. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. --- Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005) Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. --- Oscar Levant Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. --- Albert Schweitzer ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Twohundred twenty pound Nancy is five feet, two inches tall and considers herself pleasingly plump. After she had a minor accident, her mother accompanied her to the emergency room. The ER nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted out, "Five-foot-ten, 115 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, her mother leaned over and whispered to her: "Nancy," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet." ______________________________________________________ A nearsighted minister glances at the note that a member of the congregation has delivered to him through an usher. The note reads, "Bill Jones, having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, the minister startles his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Clyde S. Bellingham Bay June2015 ______________________________________________________ A college student who has left his dorm and moved into an apartment goes to a grocery store to shop for cleaning equipment. As he makes his way through the aisles of the store, he loads his cart with a broom, mop, dustpan, sponges and a full array of cleaning products. At the last minute, he tops it all off with a lone food purchase -- a large bag of potato chips. When he gets to the checkout counter, he sees the checkout clerk eying it all with a puzzled look. Says the young man, "I'm a very messy eater." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John William Rodenborn, 37, Santa Ana, California
Shirtless Man Claims to Be Tarzan, Tries Swinging Into Monkey Exhibit at Zoo A man was arrested after police say he swung from trees and tried to enter a monkey exhibit at the Santa Ana Zoo, all while claiming to be "Tarzan." Kent Yamaguchi, the zoo's director, was the one who made the bizarre 911 call on Tuesday. "We have a gentleman who appears to be under the influence of something and is climbing in our trees and jumping into animal exhibits," Yamaguchi is heard in the 911 call recording. "Oh, Okay, wow," the dispatcher responded. Yamaguchi said the man, later identified by police as 37-year-old John William Rodenborn, was shirtless and climbing trees near the zoo's aviary. "He climbed up into the tree and then proclaimed himself that he was 'Tarzan,' and that he was here just to have a good time," Yamaguchi said. After Rodenborn ignored Yamaguchi's request to get down, Rodenborn did a lap and then found a new perch atop the waterfall in the black howler monkey exhibit. "He was covered with mud. He was in the trees saying, 'I am Tarzan,' and we knew at that point, something was probably wrong," Yamaguchi said. Yamaguchi said the monkeys never saw the man. He doesn't believe they were in any danger. He called 911 and his staff kept visitors out of the area as a precaution. "For clearing people out, we did the same thing for an agitated person as we would for an escaped agitated monkey," Yamaguchi said. After a short chase, officers arrested Rodenborn. "He was found to be in possession of crystal methamphetamine and under the influence of crystal methamphetamine. He was booked here at the Santa Ana Jail," said Cpl. Anthony Bertagna with Santa Ana police. Rodenborn faces misdemeanor counts for possessing and being under the influence of methamphetamine and trespassing.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marlene Re: msvcr71.dll missing in W8 Dear Webby, Here I am again with another question :( I have used rainlender as my calendar for several years. I tried to install on the windows 8.1 machine but it says :msvcr71.dll missing. What can I do? I always use downloads from your toolbox if able and have not had this problem on older pc's. Marlene Dear Marlene That is one of the typical W8 bugs, essential components missing. It's not really a big deal, but it was stuff like that, which caused all that hostility towards VISTA, and now again towards W8 You can get that file from Microsoft msvcr71.dll They were just a bit too sloppy and in too much of a hurry to get W8 out there before third party programmers wrote too many utilities to make W7 more usable. After you have downloaded and installed the runtime, you will have msvcr71.dll in your System32 folder. If the “msvcr71.dll is missing from your computer” errors still occurs, try restarting your PC. Some users report that after having installed Visual C++ 2003 runtimes, the msvcr71.dll file is still missing. In this case look for the file in C:\Windows\Microsoft.net\Framework\1.1.x and copy it to Windows 7 or 8 (8.1) System32 folder. That would probably fix the error. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I was the only one catching any fish!" ______________________________________________________ While a Texan was busily preparing for the first day of deer hunting season, his wife started nagging that he never asked her to go along. After several hours of arguments, the wife won. That next morning they drove out to the country, and he placed his wife in a tree about 100 yards from his blind. Just as the hunter reached the blind, he heard a loud bang coming from the wife's position. As he ran up to her, he saw that she was holding her gun on a man nearby and shouting, "It's my deer! Get away from it!!" The sheepish-looking stranger just nodded slowly and said, "OK, lady.. It's your deer. Just let me get my saddle off of it!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soapy Water for Wasp Removal Wasps seem to hate warm soapy water. I attached a sprayer to my hose with simple dish soap in it. I applied some several times during the day and have successfully deterred a large nest that was visible and inside my covered porch structure. I have animals and plants and was reluctant to use a bunch of wasp spray. By Jill Kayser [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ After a long and arduous divorce trial that dragged on for weeks and cost him everything except the clothes he wore, on the way out of the court George was reminded of a phrase in an old song: "being free is nothing left to lose". He realized the truth in that and started laughing and shouting as he skipped down the sidewalk. "I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted. "So what," said a little girl. "I'm almoft four." ____________________________________________________

won't eat alone
____________________________________________________ My parents have a friend named Tex. One day I asked him what part of Texas he was from. "I'm not from Texas," he replied. "But you have a Southern drawl," I insisted. "Yeah, I do," he admitted. "I'm actually from Louisiana. But you better not call me Louise!" ____________________________________________________
Let's take a trip to South China and visit the mysterious Shilin Stone Forest.

Today in 
1782 George Washington created the Order of the Purple Heart. 
1888 Theophilus Van Kannel received a patent for the 
 revolving door. 
1914 Germany invaded France. 
1928 The U.S. Treasure Department issued a new bill that 
 was one third smaller than the previous U.S. bills. 
1934 The U.S. Court of Appeals upheld a lower court ruling 
 striking down the government's attempt to ban the controversial 
 James Joyce novel "Ulysses." 
1942 U.S. forces landed at Guadalcanal, marking the start of 
 the first major allied offensive in the Pacific during 
 World War II. 
1947 The balsa wood raft Kon-Tiki, which had carried a 
 six-man crew 4,300 miles across the Pacific Ocean, crashed 
 into a reef in a Polynesian archipelago. 
1959 The U.S. launched Explorer 6, which sent back a 
 picture of the Earth. 
1960 The Cuban Catholic Church condemned the rise of 
 communism in Cuba. Fidel Castro then banned all 
 religious TV and radio broadcasts. 
1964 The U.S. Congress passed the Gulf of Tonkin resolution, 
 which gave President Johnson broad powers in dealing 
 with reported North Vietnamese attacks on U.S. forces. 
1974 French stuntman Philippe Petit walked a tightrope strung 
 between the twin towers of New York's World Trade Center. 
1976 Scientists in Pasadena, CA, announced that the Viking 1 
 spacecraft had found strong indications of possible life 
 on Mars. 
1983 AT&T employees went on strike. 
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered U.S. troops and 
 warplanes to Saudi Arabia to guard against a possible 
 invasion by Iraq. 
2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he 
 would run for the office of governor. 
2003 Stephen Geppi bought a 1963 G.I. Joe prototype for $200,000
2015  smiled.


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W 10 is more serious threat according to Forbes 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, August 6

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Virginia bully who was arrested 45 times and again now for attack, robbery and kidnapping Details at Boneheads Today in 1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay, dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The bomb named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch. --- Orson Welles ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said, as of the time they did the test, you have only 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you to tell you about that since March. ______________________________________________________ A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two guys are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two guys just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first guy turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Clyde N. ______________________________________________________ A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two guys are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two guys just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first guy turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Karen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brandon Eugene Frost, 29, 114 Skyview Drive, Rogersville, Virginia
Arrested 45 times and again now for attack, robbery and kidnapping A Rogersville man is charged with kidnapping, robbery, and probation violation after another man was attacked while returning to his home. The victim, 60, told the Hawkins County Sheriff's Department it happened late Thursday. He got out of his car when the attacker came up behind him, pushed him, and struck him in the head with an unknown object, causing him to fall to the ground. Then, the man tied his hands behind him, removed his wallet, cut his belt with a knife, and demanded the code for his ATM card. After that, the attacker blindfolded the victim and put him in the passenger side of his own truck. Then, he drove the victim to his ATM where he withdrew money, and to another location where he used cable ties to attach the victim’s head to the seat’s headrest. Luckily, after a few minutes, the victim didn't hear anything and freed himself. He drove a short distance, realized he was on Devil's Nose Road, and went to the Hawkins County Sheriff's Office. Deputies there saw a severe laceration on his head and bruising on his arm. Authorities watched security video from the bank and saw the suspect conceal his face with a cloth mask, but it fell down for a moment. They also watched video from the Food City in Church Hill where the suspect tried to use the victim’s card again. They said there were numerous other attempts to use the victim’s ATM card. The person in both videos was determined to be Brandon Eugene Frost of Rogersville. Officers went to his home and said they found the victim’s bank card in plain view on a dresser, and some of the clothing and items from the kidnapping and armed robbery in a dumpster. Since 2005 Frost has been arrested at least 45 times on more than 70 charges. His longest stretch in jail was 242 days for aggravated assault in 2011. Frost is being held without bond in Hawkins County Jail. He’d just been released from there on May 6 after serving 110 days for burglary. Authorities said he’d been booked there about 45-50 times on various charges.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: JET Re: W10 more serious Hey Webby, I sent you some info a few days ago on the dangers of Windows 10. I think you are underestimating the seriousness of it. Here is what is posted on Forbes. http://www.forbes.com/sites/gordonkelly ... 10-spying/ You have a lot of readers who take in what you say. I think this is worth noting. JET Dear JET Sure, it is true that Microsoft will search through all your stuff, and key-log what you do on Chat, but that does not mean that they have a herd of Taliban discussing what you do. They just have programs analyzing patterns so that they can get even better at spying on what you do after the sun goes down. Sure, they will patch you over to the NSA and CIA and FBI if they come across certain trigger words, but as long as you don't discuss your next vacation over ==> thataway, nobody will actually pay attention to what you do. You will simply add to a curve in some pretty graph. Keep in mind, though, just because you are paranoid, that does not mean they are not out to get you. I definitely don't agree with all that spying, but that is no reason to get a worry-ulcer or your knickers in a knot. Just do the same as I am doing. There is absolutely NO way they can keep up with my 18 - 20 hour days, no matter how often I mention that I love Nitro Glycerin. I just swamp them with data-overload. If you do something spectacularly stupid, then they will look up what they copied onto their cloud servers, but as long as you behave, you are just contributing to their graphs. However, don't expect that those graphs and stats are in any way realistic. Remember when W8 came out and was a spectacular flop, they claimed that so many Million people had "bought" it or were using it. Those numbers were total BS, and were excused that they included pre-installs in the computer factories China, of machines, that were not actually sold to victims yet. The same is happening now. Their claimed "usage" figures of W-10 are mostly pre-installs still sitting in China. Real and actual usage figures are a totally different story. Do YOU know of anybody aside from paid magazine employees, who have become a W-10 victim? Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A boy was smoking and blowing smoke rings into the air. A girl standing next to him got irritated with the smoke and said to the boy: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarette package, smoking may be bad for your health" ? The boy replied: "I am a software engineer. we don't worry about warnings, we only worry about crashes." ______________________________________________________ A wife is sitting in the living room watching TV, when all of a sudden she hears her husband in the bedroom, swearing up a storm. He is using every bad word in the book. The wife runs into the bedroom to see what is going on. She finds her husband just sitting on the bed. She asks her husband, "honey, what happened? Did you fall down and get hurt or something?" The husband looks up and replies, "no, I'm fine. I'm just practicing." The wife gets a real confused look on her face, and said, "practicing? Practicing for what?" Then the husband says, "Tomorrow my suspension is over and I can go play golf again!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Apple Cider Vinegar for Heartburn Although some people might think apple cider vinegar as a remedy is nothing more than an old wives' tale, my father-in-law used to ingest it every day. He'd mix one tablespoon of cider vinegar and a tablespoon of honey into a cup of boiling water. He never had a digestive ailment in all his 80+ years. When heartburn started to bother me a few years ago, I tried his solution and it helped, but it surely did taste awful. Shortly thereafter, I found cider vinegar capsules at Walmart. I take one a day and have no heartburn problems whatsoever (until I forget a day and pay for it the next). In short, it's not a cure, but apple cider vinegar every day is cheaper than antacids and very probably better for us than prescription drugs. By Rose Anne Hutchence [5] Apple Cider vinegar is cheap, usually under $2 per gallon jug. You can make Italian salad dressing with apple cider vinegar, a bit of olive oil, and Italian seasoning herbs and spice mix. It tastes much better than the sugary Italian Salad Dressing from the store. Lettuce does not really have to be sugared. If you do need your lettuce sweetened like the Kraft salad dressing addicts prefer it, you can always add a bit of honey. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist. A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both hands hold your hat." She said, "Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old. This hat is brand new!" ____________________________________________________

butterflies in a dream
____________________________________________________ A wealthy playboy met a beautiful young girl in an exclusive lounge. He took her to his lavish apartment where he soon discovered she was not a tramp, but was well groomed and apparently very intelligent. Hoping to impress her, he began showing her his collection of expensive paintings, first editions by famous authors and offered her a glass of wine. He asked whether she preferred Port or Sherry and she said, "Oh, Sherry by all means. To me, it's the nectar of the gods. Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation. When the stopper is removed and the gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion and my whole being begins to glow. The sound of a thousand violins being softly played fills my ears and I'm transported into another world. "Port, however, just makes me fart." ____________________________________________________
What imaginations!

Today in 
1787 At the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia debate 
 began on the first draft of the U.S. Constitution. 
1806 The Holy Roman Empire went out of existence as Emperor 
 Francis II abdicated. 
1825 Bolivia declared independence from Peru. 
1879 The first Australian rules football game to be played 
 at night took place at the Melbourne Cricket Ground. The 
 game was to promote the introduction of electricity to the 
 city of Melbourne. 
1914 After Russia sided with Serbia, Austria-Hungary declared 
 war against Russia. Serbia  declared war against Germany. 
1926 Warner Brothers premiered its Vitaphone system in 
 New York. The movie was "Don Juan," starring John Barrymore
1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay, 
 dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The 
 bomb named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of 
 Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed.
1960 Nationalization of U.S. and foreign-owned property 
 in Cuba began. 
1962 Jamaica became an independent dominion within the 
 British Commonwealth. 
1965 The Voting Rights Act was signed by U.S. President 
 Lyndon B. Johnson. 
1981 Fire fighters in Indianapolis, IN, answered a false 
 alarm. When they returned to their station it was ablaze 
 due to a grease fire. 
1981 Lee Trevino was disqualified from the PGA Championship 
 in Duluth, GA when he had his scorecard signed by Tom 
 Weiskopf instead of himself. 
1985 The 40th anniversary of the Hiroshima atomic bombing 
 brought tens of thousands of Japanese and foreigners to 
 Hiroshima. 
1989 Jaime Paz Zamora was inaugurated as the president of 
 Bolivia. 
1990 The U.N. Security Council ordered a worldwide trade 
 embargo with Iraq. The embargo was to punish Iraq for 
 invading Kuwait. 
1995 Thousands of glowing lanterns were set afloat in 
 rivers in Hiroshima, Japan, on the 50th anniversary of 
 the first atomic bombing. 
1996 NASA announced the discovery of evidence of primitive 
 life on Mars. The evidence came in the form of a meteorite 
 that was found in Antarctica. The meteorite was believed 
 to have come from Mars and contained a fossil. 
1997 Apple Computer and Microsoft agreed to share technology 
 in a deal giving Microsoft a stake in Apple's survival. 
1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky spent 8 1/2 
 hours testifying before a grand jury about her relationship 
 with U.S. President Clinton. 
2012 The Mars rover Curiosity landed on the floor of Gale 
 Crater. The Mars Science Laboratory/Curiosity spacecraft 
 launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, FL, on 
 November 26, 2011.
2015  smiled.


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Does Windows 10 spy on you? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, August 5

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Illegal immigrant in Florida, who chewed off his fingerprints to avoid being ID'd. Details at Boneheads Today in 1833 The village of Chicago was incorporated. The population was approximately 250. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police. --- Jeff Marder 'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds. --- Malaclypse the Younger ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two Elderly Ladies were fussing about their husbands over tea one day. "I do wish my Leroy would stop biting his nails. That makes me terribly nervous!" the first one said. "Oh, my Elmer used to do the same thing," the other woman commented. "But I broke him of that habit real quick." "What did you do?" "I hid his teeth!" ______________________________________________________ Once I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler, calling people for their views on various issues. On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll." The man replied, "Yeah, and this is a street light, and I don't talk to dumb poles without a light!" ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Clyde ______________________________________________________ A man's best friend dies, so he calls the nearest flower shop to order a wreath of flowers to be displayed at the wake. "Put an extra-wide ribbon on it," he tells the clerk. "Print 'Rest in Peace' on both sides and, if there is room, 'We Shall Meet in Heaven.'" The clerk assures him that his order will be carried out and the wreath promptly delivered to the funeral home. Sure enough, the wreath arrives and is set up next to the casket. But the mourners are stunned when they see it. On the extra-wide ribbon is the inscription, "Rest in peace on both sides, and, if there is room, we shall meet in Heaven." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kenzo Roberts, 20, Lee County, Floriduh
Illegal immigrant in Florida chewed off his fingerprints to avoid being ID'd. Chew on this: A Florida man suspected of stealing a Mercedes Benz chewed off the tips of his fingers to avoid being fingerprinted. Kenzo Roberts, 20, was arrested Thursday after deputies for the Lee County Sheriff's Office, spotted a 2015 Mercedes that had been reported stolen. Investigators quickly discovered Roberts was using a fake ID, and was carrying a concealed firearm and three fraudulent credit cards, according to the department's Facebook page. Roberts was placed in the back of patrol car. While he was waiting, disturbing surveillance video shows that he didn't want to get fingered for the crime -- so he started chewing off his fingerprints. The tape shows Roberts gnawing at his fingertips, swallowing the flesh and rubbing his hands against a cage in the back, WPTV reports. It didn't work. When officers scanned Roberts' fingerprints, they discovered he had two felony warrants linked to an aggravated arrest with a deadly weapon charge in Broward County, according to the Palm Beach Post. Roberts was charged with three counts of possession of a counterfeit credit card; grand theft auto; possession of a concealed firearm; possession of similitude of a driver's license; driving with a suspended license; and giving false identification to law enforcement, according to the Orlando Sentinel. Officers said Roberts is in the country illegally and that the Border Patrol has been contacted. Roberts remains in custody at the Lee County Jail on $220,000 bond.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Tom Re: Is W10 really spying on what you got? Dear Webby, I just read a rather disturbing piece -- Microslop can and will access everything on your computer when you install Windows 10, including things inadvertently downloaded which may contain something illegal. Microslop will then report this to the proper authorities. Questions: 1. Is this true or just a spammer scaremongering? 2. Is there anyway around this privacy violation besides just not touching this in the first place? Thanks, tom Dear Tom Yes, they can and will access everything on your computer. Yes, they will hassle you if you have unpaid copies of Microsoft Office. No, they will not call the cops on you about your collection of busty ladies. They might report the guy down the street for his child porno collection, but they might not. Stuff like that can not be easily detected with simple formulas checking the registry. They will let the authorities have access if there is a suspected terrorist connection or info. No, there is no way around that, and if you click accept on their 27 pages of small print, then you agree to let them do all that and a lot more. Right now it is best to just ignore the hype about W10 and give them some time to fix the silly thing. There is nothing in it that YOU need. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. ______________________________________________________ During the 1989 invasion of Panama, United States troops blared out AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" at the highest volume possible to drive Manuel Noriega out of the Vatican Embassy. When vocalist Brian Johnson heard his music was being used as psychological torture, he is quoted as saying, "I guess now we won't get to play for the Pope." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Honey Lime Salad Dressing Very easy to make and perfect for summer. Approximate Time: 10 minutes Yield: 1/2 cup Ingredients: 1/4 cup fresh lime juice (about 2 limes) 1/4 cup olive oil 2-3 Tbsp honey salt and pepper to taste Directions: Mix all the ingredients together. You can whisk them, or put them in a jar and shake it. By Judy Pariser S. [24] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ At an international conference, an American, a British and a Russian were discussing the shortcomings of their diagnoses. "I can't stand it some time. We treat people for cancer, and then they go and die of AIDS." "I know what you mean." said the British. "We treat them for yellow fever, and it turns out they had malaria. Then, of course, they die." "That is not a problem in our country" said the Russian doctor. "When we treat people for a disease, they die of *that* disease." ____________________________________________________

Things cats do that would be creepy if you did them
____________________________________________________ In Philadelphia the following sign was in the window of a business: "We would rather do business with 1000 terrorists than with a single Jew". Ordinarily this might be cause to get the anti-Hate groups involved but perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the proprietors, Goldstein's Funeral Home, simply make their statement. ____________________________________________________
Amazing optical illusion paintings.

Today in 
1833 The village of Chicago was incorporated. The population 
 was approximately 250. 
1861 The U.S. federal government levied its first income tax. 
 The tax was 3% of all incomes over $800. The wartime measure 
 was rescinded in 1872. 
1884 On Bedloe's Island in New York Harbor, the cornerstone 
 for the Statue of Liberty was laid. 
1914 Electric traffic lights were installed in Cleveland, Ohio.
1944 Polish insurgents liberated a German labor camp in Warsaw. 
 348 Jewish prisoners were freed. 
1964 U.S. aircraft bombed North Vietnam after North Vietnamese 
 boats attacked U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin. 
1966 In New York, groundbreaking for the construction of the 
 original World Trade Center began. 
1969 The Mariner 7, a U.S. space probe, passed by Mars. 
 Photographs and scientific data were sent back to Earth. 
1974 U.S. President Nixon said that he expected to be impeached. 
 Nixon had ordered the investigation into the Watergate 
 break-in to halt.
1981 The U.S. federal government started firing striking air 
 traffic controllers. 
1986 It was revealed that artist Andrew Wyeth had secretly 
 created 240 drawings and paintings of his neighbor. The works 
 of Helga Testorf had been created over a 15-year period. 
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush angrily denounced the 
 Iraqi invasion of Kuwait. 
1991 An investigation was formally launched by Democratic 
 congressional leaders to find out if the release of American 
 hostages was delayed until after the Reagan-Bush presidential 
 election. 
1991 Iraq admitted to misleading U.N. inspectors about secret 
 biological weapons. 
1998 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein stopped cooperating with 
 U.N. weapons inspectors. 
2002 The U.S. closed its consulate in Karachi, Pakistan. The 
 consulate was closed after local authorities removed large 
 concrete blocks and reopened the road in front of the building 
 to normal traffic. 
2009 Google purchased its first public company. The company was 
 the video software maker On2 Technologies. 
2011 NASA announced that its Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter had captured 
 photographic evidence of possible liquid water on Mars during 
 warm seasons. 
2011 Juno was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station on a 
 mission to Jupiter. It was the first solar-powered spacecraft 
 to go to Jupiter. 
2011 Standard & Poor's Financial Services lowered the United 
 States' AAA credit rating by one notch to AA-plus. 
2015  smiled.


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Fix "This could be spam" notice from Gmail 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, August 4

I managed to get a better contract for McAfee.
http://webby.com/mac.html

With this one YOU get 50% off!

That makes it quite affordable. 
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida's Babyface Floyd caught on felony raps, again Details at Boneheads Today in 1922 The death of Alexander Graham Bell, two days earlier, was recognized by AT&T and the Bell Systems by shutting down all of its switchboards and switching stations. The shutdown affected 13 million phones. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but hard to swallow. --- Arthur Stringer ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ According to George, home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway. ______________________________________________________ An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer. "As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say '$275.' If his eyes don't flutter, say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be $250.' If his eyes still don't flutter, you add 'Each.'" ----------- Btw., did you know that if farmers had the same mark-ups as optometrists, each egg would cost over $100 ? ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Noella ______________________________________________________ Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a really big farm. The second boy said his dad owned a really big factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boys scoffed. "No man can own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that the elders of our church gave it to him last night." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Babyface Floyd, 32, St. Petersburg, Floriduh
Florida coppers collar Babyface Floyd on felony raps, again The 32-year-old Floridian--whose name recalls Depression-era hoodlums--was arrested yesterday for allegedly stealing a bracelet from a friend’s home (and then pawning the item for $200). According to cops, Floyd stole the jewelry last month while the female victim was at work. Charged with four felonies, he is being held in the Pinellas County lockup on $30,000 bond, according to jail records. Floyd, an unemployed St. Petersburg resident, is familiar with the facility due to prior arrests for domestic battery, cocaine possession, robbery, theft, battery, marijuana possession, witness tampering, false imprisonment, and carrying a concealed weapon. While an arrest affidavit lists Floyd’s given name as “Baby Face Floyd,” multiple jail records indicate that it is actually “Babyface Floyd,” an apparent amalgam of the gangster names Baby Face Nelson and Pretty Boy Floyd.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lavonne Re: "This could be spam" notice from Gmail Dear Webby, I am getting the notice from Google again that this could be spam or.../ any way if you click on 'I trust this' then you will see pics. If I click on the arrow as your pic shows I do not get to always show images. I think it is Google playing games with you again. Have a great day! Dear Lavonne Google is not playing games with ME. On my Gmail they behave exactly the way I have set it in the settings. Just make a filter to tell it that mail from humor@webby.com is OK. That should stop that thilly nonsense. Some sniveling dogooder at Gmail has decided that if a mail has pikshures and colored writing, den it might be spam. Your filter will exclude it from that nonsense. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced: "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000." There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!" ______________________________________________________ One day there was a woman who lost her cat named 'Love'. It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for Love." In New York that is an indictable offense and she was arrested on the spot. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Camping Cooler Tips We have done a lot of camping and usually go for a week at a time. It was getting costly buying bags of ice all the time for the cooler. Then my husband came up with some solutions. First, we froze water in milk jugs for the beginning of the trip. They would last several days before having to buy ice. He also lined the top of the packed cooler with newspaper for insulation. When traveling in the car to the campground, he would cover the cooler with a heavy towel to protect it from the sun giving even more insulation. By using these methods, we found we could go longer without having to buy bags of ice. We froze as much food as possible before leaving. We also planned our meals so the food on the top was the first meals for the week. Source: My husband By HerkDia [29] Best is to hang the cooler in a thick, wet blanket from a tree or clothes line between trees. It takes about 580 calories of heat to evaporate 1 gram of water. (a cube of water the size of a standard sugar cube is about one gram of water) Some of those 580 calories to evaporate EACH GRAM of water in the wet blanket are supplied by the wind, but a good part of them are taken out of the cooler. You don't have to wrap the cooler. Just set it on the blanket, bring the corners up and knot them. It does not have to be airtight. Let any warm air rise out of it. Then pull it up with a rope. By the way, that is also recommended so that your food is not bear bait. If the weather is chilly and windy, don't make the blanket wet, otherwise everything in the cooler will freeze. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ There was this Chinese businessman visiting a newly acquired business in the United States. As a gesture of good will, the executives of his newly acquired business took him to a golf course for a round of golf. He had not played the game before. Upon his return to China, his family asked what he had done in the United States. He replied, "Played most interesting game. Hit little white ball with long stick in large cow pasture. Name of game is "Oh @#$%!" ____________________________________________________
trashcan love
____________________________________________________ Trisha walked into the doctor's waiting room and couldn't find an empty seat anywhere. Finally, she walks over to one gentleman that was sitting down, and said, "I wonder if I might trouble you for your seat. You see, I'm pregnant." The gentleman groaned, and in obvious pain struggled to his feet and lurched across the room to lean on the the water fountain for support. As Trisha sat down, another lady in the waiting room looked her over and said, "You know, if you hadn't told me, I never would have guessed you were pregnant. How far along are you?" Looking at her watch, she replied, "Oh, about a half an hour!" ____________________________________________________
I love the fields of lavender in France.

Today in 
1735 Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal 
 of John Peter Zenger. The writer of the New York Weekly 
 Journal had been charged with seditious libel by the royal 
 governor of New York. The jury said that "the truth is not 
 libelous." 
1753 George Washington became a Master Mason. 
1790 The Revenue Cutter Service was formed. This U.S. naval 
 task force was the beginning of the U.S. Coast Guard. 
1914 Britain declared war on Germany in World War I. 
 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality, for a while. 
1922 The death of Alexander Graham Bell, two days earlier, 
 was recognized by AT&T and the Bell Systems by shutting 
 down all of its switchboards and switching stations. The 
 shutdown affected 13 million phones. 
1944 Nazi police raided a house in Amsterdam and arrested 
 eight people. Anne Frank, a teenager at the time, was one 
 of the people arrested. Her diary would be published after 
 her death. 
1954 The uranium rush began in Saskatchewan, Canada. 
1956 William Herz became the first person to race a motorcycle 
 over 200 miles per hour. He was clocked at 210 mph. 
1957 Florence Chadwick set a world record by swimming the 
 English Channel in 6 hours and 7 minutes. 
1958 The first potato flake plant was completed in Grand 
 Forks, ND. 
1972 Arthur Bremer was found guilty of shooting George Wallace, 
 the governor of Alabama. Bremer was sentenced to 63 years 
 in prison. 
1983 New York Yankee outfielder Dave Winfield threw a baseball 
 during warm-ups and accidentally killed a seagull. After the 
 game, Toronto police arrested him for "causing unnecessary 
 suffering to an animal." 
1984 Upper Volta, an African republic, changed its name to 
 Burkina Faso. 
1986 The United States Football League called off its 1986 
 season. This was after winning only token damages in its 
 antitrust lawsuit against the National Football League. 
1987 The Fairness Doctrine was rescinded by the Federal 
 Communications Commission. The doctrine had required that 
 radio and TV stations present controversial issues in a 
 balanced fashion. 
1990 The European Community imposed an embargo on oil from 
 Iraq and Kuwait. This was done to protest the Iraqi invasion 
 of the oil-rich Kuwait. 
1991 The Oceanos, a Greek luxury liner, sank off of South 
 Africa's southeast coast. All of the 402 passengers and 
 179 crewmembers survived. 
1994 Yugoslavia withdrew its support for Bosnian Serbs. The 
 border between Yugoslavia and Serb-held Bosnia was sealed. 
1997 Teamsters began a 15-day strike against UPS (United 
 Parcel Service). The strikers eventually won an increase 
 in full-time positions and defeated a proposed 
 reorganization of the company's pension plan. 
2007 NASA's Phoenix spacecraft was launched on a space 
 exploration mission of Mars. The Phoenix lander descended 
 on Mars on May 25, 2008. 
2009 North Korean leader Kim Jong-il pardoned two American 
 journalists, who had been arrested and imprisoned for 
 illegal entry earlier in the year. 
2015  smiled.


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How to correct the "No Images" problem 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, August 3

I managed to get a better contract for McAfee.
With this one YOU get 50% off!
That makes it quite affordable. 
No more need to slum with half working freebies.
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida carjacker tries to steal unmarked cop car Details at Boneheads Today in 1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day Britain declared war on Germany and turned the traditional European border shuffling into World War I. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile. --- Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After church, tells his parents to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree and the pastor greets the family. "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust." "That's right, , I did." "And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust." "Yes, I'm glad you were listening. Why do you ask?" "Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed 'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!" ______________________________________________________ A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing "wedding." The wedding vows went like this: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride." ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Janina ______________________________________________________ >From James They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen." There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. "Are you kidding me?" he barked, "I dropped you off!" Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." He retorted,"I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your damn car!" ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dominique Albert, 27, St. Petersburg, Floriduh
Carjacker Tries To Steal Unmarked Cop Car A knife-wielding Florida man who attempted a carjacking Thursday night quickly discovered that the vehicle he targeted was an undercover cop car occupied by a pair of armed plainclothes detectives, according to an arrest affidavit. Dominique Albert, 27, allegedly approached the car on a St. Petersburg street around 9:45 PM and yanked open the passenger door. Albert, pictured above, leaned into the car while holding a steak knife in his right hand. While Albert’s would-be victims were initially startled by the interloper, they quickly rallied. “Police!,” shouted Detective Daniel Torok from the driver’s seat as he drew his handgun and leveled it at Albert, who “turned and fled on foot.” Torok and his partner then chased after Albert, who dropped his knife during the pursuit. When the cops caught up with Albert, he “fought Police with violence, but was finally taken into custody after a lengthy fight.” Albert, who allegedly continued to struggle after being handcuffed, stopped resisting after a backup officer “deployed his Taser.” A search of Albert turned up two other “large, fixed blade knives,” police reported. Charged with carjacking, resisting arrest, and aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer, all felonies, Albert is locked up on $170,000 bond. At the time of the attempted carjacking, Albert was free on bond in connection with an arrest last month for shoplifting at a Walmart store.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: No pictures is on your end Dear Webby, Re: no pictures. I still think its on your end because Ophelia's site come in with all the pictures and prompts. Thanks. Frank Dear Frank I can't send pictures to 60,000 people, but not to you and Roland, who has the same problem. It does not work that way. Search for mail from humor@webby.com Click on a listing so that it shows to me Pull down the little arrow besides "me" In there you can set whether or not images are displayed from THAT particular sender. Change that for the Humor Letter, so that they are displayed. Then you will see the pictures even in old Humor Letters. The pictures ARE there, just not displayed. You can set that differently for each of your senders. Probably your computer fixer has a slow connection and turned off the images, and could not remember how to turn them back on. The joke is on him, though. Gmail gets the pictures anyway, just does not display them, when he has his blinders on. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ said, "Hey, mom, can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not," mom said. said, "If you do, I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop." Mother's ears perked up. She grabbed her purse, handed a twenty and said, "Well? What did he say?" "He said, 'Marie, please go into the garden for a bit. One look at your make-up should scare that neighbor's dog enough to shut him up long enough so that I can have a nap in peace and quiet'." ______________________________________________________ A Scotsman went to the zoo for the first time. At one cage, he stopped and asked the keeper, "Now, what animal would that be?" The zoo keeper said, "That's a moose from Canada." "A moose!" exclaimed the Scotsman, "Hoots mon! They must ha' rrrats like elleponts o'er there!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Old Blankets for Quilt Batting Old wool like blankets make great filler or batting for quilts, especially the scratchy ones. By Leona [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ An old-timer is someone who remembers every detail of their life story, but cannot remember how many times they have told the same person. ____________________________________________________
giggling dolphin
____________________________________________________ A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop. He finds one and then begs, "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight." Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe. After a while the cop turns to the kid and says, "Okay, which one's your father?" The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know, officer. That's what they're fighting about." ____________________________________________________
A cozy hut built of mud and sticks. This guy knows how to survive!

Today in 
1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three ships. 
 The voyage led him to what is now known as the Americas. 
 He reached the Bahamas on October 12. 
1777 During the Siege of Fort Stanwix the first U.S. flag was 
 officially flown during battle. 
1900 Firestone Tire & Rubber Co. was founded. 
1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day World 
 War I began when Britain declared war on Germany. 
1933 The Mickey Mouse Watch was introduced for the price of $2.75. 
1936 The U.S. State Department advised Americans to leave Spain 
 due to the Spanish Civil War. 
1943 Gen. George S. Patton verbally abused and slapped a private. 
 Later, Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower ordered him to apologize for 
 the incident. 
1958 The Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North Pole 
 underwater. The mission was known as "Operation Sunshine." 
1979 "More American Graffiti" was released. 
1981 U.S. traffic controllers with PATCO, the Professional Air 
 Traffic Controllers Organization, went on strike. They were 
 fired just as U.S. President Reagan had warned. 
1985 Mail service returned to a nudist colony in Paradise 
 Lake, FL. Residents promised that they'd wear clothes or 
 stay out of sight when the mailperson came to deliver. 
1988 The Soviet Union released Mathias Rust. He had been taken 
 into custody on May 28, 1987 for landing a plane in Moscow's 
 Red Square. 
1990 Thousands of Iraqi troops pushed within a few miles of 
 the border of Saudi Arabia. This heightened world concerns 
 that the invasion of Kuwait could spread. 
1992 The U.S. Senate voted to restrict and eventually end the 
 testing of nuclear weapons. 
1992 Russia and Ukraine agreed to put the Black Sea Fleet 
 under joint command. The agreement was to last for three years. 
1995 Eyad Ismoil was flown from Jordan to the U.S. to face 
 charges that he had driven the van that blew up in New York's 
 World Trade Center. 
2004 In New York, the Statue of Liberty re-opened to the public. 
 The site had been closed since the terrorist attacks on the 
 U.S. on September 11, 2001. 
2004 NASA launched the spacecraft Messenger. The 6 1/2 year 
 journey was planned to arrive at the planet Mercury in March 
 2011. On April 30, 2015, Messenger crashed into the surface 
 of Mercury after sending back more than 270,000 pictures. 
2009 Bolivia became the first South American country to 
 declare the right of indigenous people to govern themselves.
2015  smiled.


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No pictures in newsletters on Gmail 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, August 2

Thank you Noella!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida burglar found asleep surrounded by chicken and beer Details at Boneheads Today in 1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Realism...has no more to do with reality than anything else. --- Hob Broun ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young lady holding a baby walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store's baby scale. "Sorry, ma'am," says the clerk. "Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first." "Oh, that won't work," she answered. "Why not?" asks the clerk. "Because," she answers, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt." ______________________________________________________ >From Lynn When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with waterguns?" Mom smiled and then replied, "...Oh, I remember....!!!!" ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Noella Blue Moon In Bolivar ______________________________________________________ There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A few years later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jacob Miller, 22, Lake Worth Floriduh
Florida burglar found asleep surrounded by chicken and beer Chicken and beer make for a bad burglary. A Florida family tells police they came home to chicken bones and empty beer bottles scattered about their kitchen floor and a would-be robber passed out on their couch. The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office reports that deputies found 22-year-old Jacob Miller still asleep when they responded Monday to the Lake Worth home in South Florida. After taking Miller into custody, deputies found numerous items of jewelry on the man that belonged to the family. The Palm Beach Post reports that Miller told deputies he went into the home because he needed a place to stay but refused to answer any other questions. Miller was charged with burglary and theft. Records also showed an open warrant for burglary in Texas.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: No pictures showing in newsletter Dear Webby, I haven't voted in a couple of days because I don't see any promps. I thought it was my pcI just got it back from the repair shop and it does the same thing. Can you help? I have windows 8 Thanks. Frank Dear Frank Looks like you have images in your Gmail turned off. You are missing not only the vote image, but also the Mugshot of the Bonehead Award and the picture of the day. Once you have images turned on again, they will suddenly become visible. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A new nurse listened while Dr. Bryce was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?" The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to act like it was him who calls the shots around here." ______________________________________________________ Just about the time when your income gets to the point where food prices don't matter, calories do. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dollar Store Placemats as Drawer Liners I use plastic place mats from the dollar store for this. They are usually durable, come in fun patterns, and they are easy to cut. They work best in drawers, but I've had success on smaller shelves with them. You could glue them down, but I usually cut them to fit snugly in place so they can be removed and washed. By Jensutherland [1] Dollar stores also have soft rubberized mesh drawer liners that keep stuff from slipping and sliding. A roll of those rubber liners is good for a large or two small drawers. They are a dollar per roll, and can be tossed into the wash or dishwasher or rinsed in the sink. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too) ____________________________________________________
80 Miles Per Hour
____________________________________________________ A large office building was showing signs of its advanced age. Structural and cosmetic renovations had been going on for two years and no end was in sight. The chronic chaos moved unpredictably from floor to floor. The tenants were apparently feeling the stress. Posted in the elevator one morning was a hand- lettered sign left by the workmen which read, "Watch your step--floors 3, 4, and 5." By lunchtime, someone had added, ". . . have been removed." ____________________________________________________
A cozy hut built of mud and sticks. This guy knows how to survive!

Today in 
1776 Members of the Continental Congress began adding their 
 signatures to the Declaration of Independence. 
1791 Samuel Briggs and his son Samuel Briggs, Jr. received 
 a joint patent for their nail-making machine.
1858 In Boston and New York City the first mailboxes were 
 installed along streets. 
1861 The United States Congress passed the first income tax. 
 The revenues were intended for the war effort against the 
 South. The tax was never enacted. 
1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire. 
1892 Charles A. Wheeler patented the first escalator. 
1926 John Barrymore and Mary Astor starred in the first 
 showing of the Vitaphone System. The system was the 
 combining of picture and sound for movies. 
1939 Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt 
 urging the U.S. to have an atomic weapons research program. 
1939 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the Hatch Act. The act 
 prohibited civil service employees from taking an active 
 part in political campaigns. 
1943 The U.S. Navy patrol torpedo boat, PT-109, sank after 
 being attacked by a Japanese destroyer. The boat was under 
 the command of Lt. John F. Kennedy. 
1945 The Allied conference at Potsdam was concluded. 
1964 The Pentagon reported the first of two North Vietnamese 
 attacks on U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin. 
1987 "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" was re-released. The film 
 was 50 years old at the time of its re-release. 
1990 Iraq invaded the oil-rich country of Kuwait. Iraq claimed 
 that Kuwait had driven down oil prices by exceeding production 
 quotas set by OPEC. 
1995 China ordered the expulsion of two U.S. Air Force officers. 
 The two were said to have been caught spying on military sights. 
2015  smiled.


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Camera chip for computer files 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, August 1

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Chief Keef Impostor Busted By The Feds Details at Boneheads Today in 1774 Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known. --- Thomas Pickering (1931 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four- year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then said to her, "Uh-oh ... I know what *you've* been doing." ______________________________________________________ A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the back seat. The women just won't leave him alone. His mother-in-law says, "You're driving too fast!" His wife says, "Stay more to the right." And so on. After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who's driving this car anyway? You or your mother?" ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Clyde: Mt. Shuksan, WA ______________________________________________________ A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. "I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." "What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. "We hadn't started eating yet." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lenny Baldwin, 21, Miami Florida
Chief Keef Impostor Busted By The Feds A Miami man masquerading online as the rapper Chief Keef allegedly coerced and threatened a 14-year-old girl into sending him sexually explicit photos, according to federal investigators. Lenny Baldwin, 21, is charged in a three-count indictment with extortion, sexual exploitation of a child, and coercion and enticement of the victim, a Virginia teen who was randomly contacted by Baldwin via Kik, the messaging application. Baldwin has been locked up without bond since his arrest two months ago. The victim’s mother last year contacted Virginia cops to report that her daughter had sent a series of naked photos to a Kik user with the handle “Gbe_chiefkeef.” The man had told the victim that his name was Keith Cozart. The actual Chief Keef (real name: Keith Cozart) is a 19-year-old performer from Chicago who has a lengthy rap sheet and is considered the violence-plagued city’s leading gangsta rapper. Cozart is founder and CEO of the record label Glory Boyz Entertainment, or GBE. A Chicago mayoral spokesperson recently called the rapper “an unacceptable role model” whose music “promotes violence.” On Saturday night, police in Hammond, Indiana shut down Chief Keef’s appearance--via hologram from California-- at a hip-hop festival, citing unspecified safety concerns. As detailed in a search warrant application, after Baldwin received nude pictures from the girl, he pressured her to send additional explicit photos. In Kik messages, Baldwin demanded new images “or ur gonna get exposed.” A review of Baldwin’s Gmail account, agents reported, turned up nude photos of several females that appeared to be under 18. The images were forwarded from Baldwin’s Kik account, which contains the avatar “Keith Cozart.” In one e-mail, Baldwin warned a woman named Leetricia, “I should expose you.”
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hanna Re: Camera chip back-up capacity Dear Webby, You have mentioned occasionally using camera chips for backing up files. What is their capacity, and how do you do that? I don't have a camera. Hanna Dear Hanna Wether you have a camera or not, get a chip reader! They are from $5 - $15 and read all the chips. The chip reader plugs into a USB port and acts like an extra hard drive. You can drag files from and to it, as if it was just another hard drive in the machine. You can get those chips from 2 GB to 64 GB at computer, electronics and camera stores. Some of them have 2 GB chips occasionally as free door prizes to get you to visit, however, even 64 GB chips are cheaper than an external hard drive. Usually a 32 GB chip is plenty for backing up real data, unless you have lots of movies and music. Editing picture files sitting on a camera chip can be slow, not so muche becasue of the chip, but because of the computer's USB port. For editing big pictures, drag them onto the C: drive into the folder, where you have that kind of pictures, and edit it there. The chip acts just like any ol hard drive, and you can even use DOS bats to single-click back up onto them. Good Luck! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ My ex once suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It was titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.' ______________________________________________________ The teacher asked to use the words "defeat," "defense," and "detail" in a sentence. said, "The rabbit cut across the field and defeat went over defense before detail." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fishing Boxes as Craft Organizers Organize fabric, ribbons, thread, trim, buttons, needles, and whatever else with cheap fishing boxes from Walmart (~$6). By GRAPE [6] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet. ____________________________________________________
math question - she doesn't "get" it
____________________________________________________ A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an abdominal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, if not a psychopsymatic phase, spoke to the doctor about it. "Don't worry about a thing." the doctor told the nurse, looking somewhat amused. "He really does have a bump on his head. The operation took longer than planned, and about halfway through it we ran out of anesthetic. We had to bean him with the fire extinguisher." ____________________________________________________
The great hermit crab shell swap.

Today in 
1498 Christopher Columbus landed on "Isla Santa" (Venezuela). 
1774 Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist 
 Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly. 
1790 The first U.S. census was completed with a total 
 population of 3,929,214 recorded.
1834 Slavery was outlawed in the British empire with an 
 emancipation bill. 
1873 Andrew S. Hallidie successfully tested a cable car. 
 The design was done for San Francisco, CA. 
1893 Shredded wheat was patented by Henry Perky and 
 William Ford. 
1894 The first Sino-Japanese War erupted. The dispute was 
 over control of Korea. 
1907 The U.S. Army established an aeronautical division that 
later became the U.S. Air Force. 
1914 Germany declared war on Russia after Russia sided with 
 Serbs and declared war on Austria the at the beginning of 
 World War I. 
1936 Adolf Hitler presided over the Olympic games as they 
 opened in Berlin. 
1944 In Warsaw, Poland, an uprising against Nazi occupation 
 began. The revolt continued until October 2 when Polish 
 forces surrendered. 
1953 The first aluminum-faced building was completed. It 
 was the first of this type in America. 
1956 The Social Security Act was amended to provide benefits 
 to disabled workers aged 50-64 and disabled adult children. 
1957 The North American Air Defense Command (NORAD) was 
 created by the United States and Canada. 
1973 The movie "American Graffiti" opened. 
1995 Westinghouse Electric Corporation announced a deal to 
 buy CBS for $5.4 billion. 
2006 Cuban leader Fidel Castro turned over absolute power 
 when he gave his brother Raul authority while he underwent 
 an intestinal surgery.
2015  smiled.


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Back-up capacity of camera chips 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, July 31
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Picked my raspberies and a handful of Saskatoons over them
for sweetening and contrast. 



Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida Mom, who chased boy with knife for bugging her daughter on playground. Details at Boneheads Today in 1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures of the moon's surface. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. --- Mark Twain As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something. --- Hagar the Horrible ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Over the cover of a women's magazine, a title caught her eye: "Men's Secret Fear About Their Working Wives." She decided to get a first hand account. "What's your innermost fear about my working?" she asked her husband. "That you'll quit," he promptly replied. ______________________________________________________ A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passersby pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so much. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a hot concrete slab in front of a huge, yellow and red sign. I didn't realize that somebody was standing in front of the 'S' on the 'SHELL' sign. ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Clyde: Mt Adams, WA ______________________________________________________ Two college students are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze." Matt replies, "And we weren't?" ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shakella Quinn, 27, Boca Raton Florida
Florida Mom Chased Boy With Knife For Bugging Her Daughter When Shakella Quinn heard about her daughter had a playground argument with a fifth grade boy, she felt obliged to defend the girl's cred -- by allegedly chasing the boy with a knife. Police in Boca Raton, Florida, arrested 27-year-old Quinn on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, resisting arrest and a probation violation, according to the police report. Quinn's daughter got into an argument with a boy and ran to tell her mother. Witnesses said the suspect responded by grabbing a knife and chasing the boy through a parking lot. The boy eventually ran into an apartment belonging to one of the witnesses, the Palm Beach Post reports. The witness told police that Quinn waited outside the apartment even after being told that police were coming to the scene. Officers said that when they approached Quinn, she was holding a pair of scissors with “an aggressive and threatening grip,” according to the police report, The knife was on the ground nearby, in the parking lot. Neither Quinn's daughter nor the boy she's accused of chasing would talk to police about the incident. Quinn admitted that she yelled at the boy for fighting with her daughter, but denied threatening anyone or using a knife, according to the Florida Sun-Sentinel. Arresting officers said Quinn kicked, screamed and yelled, "I ain't going to jail." She did go to the Palm Beach County Jail. Quinn is currently behind bars in lieu of $25,000 bail.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hanna Re: Camera chip back-up capacity Dear Webby, You have mentioned occasionally using camera chips for backing up files. What is their capacity, and how do you do that? I don't have a camera. Hanna Dear Hanna Wether you have a camera or not, get a chip reader! They are from $5 - $15 and read all the chips. The chip reader plugs into a USB port and acts like an extra hard drive. You can drag files from and to it, as if it was just another hard drive in the machine. You can get those chips from 2 GB to 64 GB at computer, electronics and camera stores. Some of them have 2 GB chips occasionally as free door prizes to get you to visit, however, even 64 GB chips are cheaper than an external hard drive. Usually a 32 GB chip is plenty for backing up real data, unless you have lots of movies and music. Editing picture files sitting on a camera chip can be slow, not so muche becasue of the chip, but because of the computer's USB port. For editing big pictures, drag them onto the C: drive into the folder, where you have that kind of pictures, and edit it there. The chip acts just like any ol hard drive, and you can even use DOS bats to single-click back up onto them. Good Luck! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A doctor, an engineer, a rabbi and a politician were debating who was the world's first professional. The Doctor said "It must have been a doctor. Who else could have helped with the world's first surgery of taking a rib from Adam to create Eve, the first woman?" "No," said the rabbi. "It must have been a rabbi, since the Lord needed someone to help preach his message to Adam and the world." "Wait," said the engineer. "The world was created in 6 days from nothing. Do you know what a master engineering feat that must have been to create the whole world into an orgnanized and reasonably civilized place from utter chaos?" "Yes, but who created the chaos?" asked the politician. ______________________________________________________ Police was dispatched to an Ohio college campus this week to break up a fight involving two group of students, about 35 students total were involved. A group of black students saw what they thought were members of the KKK white supremacist organization parading around the campus. They took offense and proceeded to yell and throw empty bottles at them. A fight followed. It turned out that they were members of a campus fraternity that were going to a party dressed as the Pope and his entourage of Cardinals. That'll teach people not to wear "evil" costumes! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vaseline as Diaper Cream I was reading about all the concoctions for belly butter and thought I'd share my sure fire diaper rash preventative. My boys are 60, 57, 55, and 38. I used petroleum jelly (aka Vaseline) on their bottoms after each diaper change. We "never" had diaper rash! Not even after I started giving them "real" orange juice. By Marty Dick [160] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A man walks up the counter and says, "I'll have 2 pounds of Tofu." The man at the counter says, "Oh, you must be from California." The man responds, "How stereotypical! If I had ordered Pepperoni would you think I was Italian?" "No." answers the man at the counter. And besides, pepperoni is more Sicilian than Italian. "If I had ordered Wienerschnitzel would you have thought I was German?" he asks. "No." says the man behind the counter, "and besides, Wiener Schnitzel are from Wien, the capital of Austria." "Then why," he asks, "would you think I was from California, just because I want 2 pounds of tofu ???" The man looks up from the counter and says, "'Cause you're in a hardware store." ____________________________________________________
floppy, floppy spider
____________________________________________________ When a mother saw a thunderstorm forming in mid- afternoon, she worried about her five-year-old daughter who would be walking the three blocks from kindergartenl to home. Deciding to meet her, the mother saw her walking nonchalantly along, stopping to smile whenever lightning flashed. Seeing her mother, the little girl ran to her, explaining happily, "All the way home, God's been taking my picture!" ____________________________________________________
Cut feather art, I especially like #4 and #7.

Today in 
1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the 
 Western Hemisphere, arrived at the island of Trinidad. 
1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins 
 for his process for making potash and pearl ashes. The 
 substance was used in fertilizer. 
1919 Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted. 
1928 MGM’s Leo the lion roared for the first time. He 
 introduced MGM’s first talking picture, "White Shadows 
 on the South Seas." 
1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched 
 a series of cars under his name. 
1955 Marilyn Bell of Toronto, Canada, at age 17, became 
 the youngest person to swim the English Channel. 
1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures 
 of the moon's surface. 
1971 Men rode in a vehicle on the moon for the first time in 
 a lunar rover vehicle (LRV). 
1981 The seven-week baseball players’ strike came to an end 
 when the players and owners agreed on the issue of free agent 
 compensation. 
1982 Yugoslavia imposed a six-month freeze on prices. 
1989 A pro-Iranian group in Lebanon released a videotape 
 reportedly showing the hanged body of American hostage 
 William R. Higgins. 
1989 The Game Boy handheld video game device was released 
 in the U.S. 
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Soviet President 
 Mikhail Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty. 
1995 The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital 
 Cities/ABC in a $19 billion deal. 
1999 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect crashed into the moon. It 
 was a mission to detect frozen water under the moon's surface. 
 The craft had been launched on January 6, 1998. 
2015  smiled.


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Can you upgrade from VISTA to Windows 7 without losing files? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, July 30

Thank you, Charles

Beautiful full moon out tonight!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Fugitive arrested after cops see him reported as actor in horror film Details at Boneheads Today in 1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine. The ship had just delivered key components of the Hiroshima atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian. Only 316 out of 1,196 men aboard survived the attack. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Some people will never learn anything because they understand everything too soon. --- Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ This older couple met their demise in an auto accident and were transported to Heaven. As they were waiting to be processed, they began to look all around at their setting for eternity. The wife was amazed at the beauty, the peace and the contentment she felt and commented over and over about what a nice place Heaven was and how fortunate she felt to be there. She asked her mate:"What would you do if you could go back for just one day?" "I'd go strangle whoever invented bran muffins. We could have been here 15 years ago!" ______________________________________________________ Dr Gordon was a guest at a chic gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which he was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," Dr Gordon replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the right track." "What sort of question?" asked the hostess. "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't haappen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for having used a picture, that had been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that some day somebody will demand payment, AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make off the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. Hopefully none of those have been uploaded for entrapment purposes. ______________________________________________________ Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!" ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Clyde: Clyde's Cactus ______________________________________________________ On a Monday the teacher asked what happened over the weekend. said, "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota." The teacher said, "Good, can you spell that for the class?" thought for a minute and said, "Just kidding, we went to Ohio." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jason Stange, 44, Tacoma, Washington
Fugitive arrested after cops see him reported as actor in horror film A fugitive has been arrested after federal agents saw his photo in a Washington state newspaper that ran a story about a low-budget horror movie. The News Tribune reports that 44-year-old Jason Stange, a convicted bank robber, plays a leading role in the movie, "Marla Mae." The Olympian newspaper ran a feature story on the film Friday with photos that showed Stange on the film set in Olympia. That tattoo, that face, that name, yes, that's him! Federal agents tracked down Stange and arrested him Friday at a restaurant close to the filming location. Stange pleaded guilty to an armed bank robbery in 2006 and was given a 117-month prison sentence. A federal probation violation warrant was issued last year after Stange left a halfway house in Spokane. The film's producer says Stange will remain in the film, which is scheduled for release in 2016.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Denise Re: VISTA to Windows 7 Dear Webby, Can you advise, please? Our computer has Vista and we have purchased Windows 7. Do we have to uninstall Vista before we install Windows 7? Thank you Denise Dear Denise If you do it right, you won't have to format and lose it all. First make sure your computer can handle W7. Theoretically it should, but it's best to make sure before you take the plunge. Download and run the Windows 7 Upgrade Advisor to see if your PC is ready for Windows 7. It scans your hardware, devices, and installed programs for known compatibility issues, gives you guidance on how to resolve potential issues found, and recommends what to do before you upgrade. Windows 7 Upgrade Advisor Next print this tutorial: VISTA to Windows 7 Yes, print it out! During the upgrade the computer will reboot a few times, and you will not be able to get back to that online tutorial. Follow the steps in that with a highlighter or red pen to checkmark, and make sure you don't miss any steps. Of course, before you do any of that, it is a very good idea to back up all important data, addresses, mails, spreadsheets, documents, pictures, music, etc. onto a camera chip or DVD. Good Luck! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ An elderly lady is on a cruise ship and wanders up to the bar and asks for a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today." The bartender says "Well, since it's your birthday, this one is on me." As the woman finishes her drink, the lady to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink too." The elderly matron says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a scotch with two drops of water." "Coming up," says the bartender. As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one also. The lady says, "Thank you. Bartender, I would like another scotch with two drops of water." "Comin' right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?" The 80 year old replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you learn how to hold your liquor. Water, however, is a whole other issue." ______________________________________________________ At the end of their first date, a guy takes the girl home. Emboldened by the night, the guy decides to try for the first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her: "Darling, how 'bout a good night kiss?" Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" Him: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" Her: "No way. It's just too risky!" Him "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?" Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?" Her: "No, no. I just can't" Him: "I beg you ... " Suddenly the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for God sake tell the idiot to take his hand off the intercom." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frozen Yogurt Discs This is a super simple recipe. The kids can even help you make them. My kids can't wait for the discs to freeze. It's one of their favorite frozen treats. Approximate Time: a few minutes, plus time for freezing. Yield: As many as you would like. Ingredients: Yogurt, any type Pieces of fruit (optional) Steps: Put some wax paper onto a baking sheet. It helps to get the discs off later. Scoop some yogurt into a plastic zippy bag. You can make as much or as little as you would like. Snip a small piece off the corner of the bag. Carefully squeeze a little dollop on the wax paper. Keep squeezing the dollops until you run out of yogurt. Optional: You can add a small piece of fruit to each disc if you would like. Then cover with a small amount of yogurt. Put in the freezer. It doesn't take very long for them to firm up. We wait about an hour or so. Pop the discs off to eat, or put in a container for storage. By Becky Miles [58] First step should be to re-arrange the stuff in your freezer so that you have a perfectly level base for your baking sheet. Trying to do that with one hand while holding the baking sheet with the other might result in a big mess. At this time of year, when you frequently toss in containers of fruit, that can be a challenge, so do that first! If you don't have yoghurt, you can use custard, like good ol Birds Custard img src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31c9rPSCCEL._SL75_.jpg" It is cheap and easy and clean product since 1837. 600g of powder makes 16 pints of custard !! That link is of course not the only source! It just shows you what to look for at your grocery store. You can add chocolate chips to flavor it, or any fruit. You can also just drop a spoon full over a berry or pitted cherry. No limit to what you can do. Have FUN! DarWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A cop walking his usual beat sees an older man pulling a box on a leash down a busy street. "Poor fellow," the cop thinks to himself. "I'd better go humor him." "That's a nice dog you got there," the cop says to the man. "It isn't a dog, it's a box," the man replies. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the policeman. "I thought you were a bit....strange." The old man walks past the cop, then turns to his box, and says, "We sure fooled him that time, didn't we, Rover?" ____________________________________________________
Poor fail
____________________________________________________ A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before. All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty. One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." "My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need when I see your mother kiss you on the cheek." ____________________________________________________
The extraordinary Birds of Paradise. I could watch these beautiful birds all day, every day.

Today in 
1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay Islands 
 off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage. 
1898 "Scientific America" carried the first magazine automobile ad. 
 The ad was for the Winton Motor Car Company of Cleveland, OH. 
1932 Walt Disney's "Flowers and Trees" premiered. It was the 
 first Academy Award winning cartoon and first cartoon short to 
 use Technicolor. 
1942 The WAVES were created by legislation signed by U.S. President 
 Franklin D. Roosevelt. The members of the Women Accepted for 
 Volunteer Emergency Service were a part of the U.S. Navy. 
1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine. 
 The ship had just delivered key components of the Hiroshima 
 atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian. Only 316 out of 
 1,196 men aboard survived the attack. 
1956 The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the U.S. 
 national motto. 
1965 U.S. President Johnson signed into law Social Security 
 Act that established Medicare and Medicaid. It went into 
 effect the following year. 
1974 The U.S. House of Representatives Judiciary Committee 
 voted to impeach President Nixon for blocking the Watergate 
 investigation and for abuse of power. 
1987 Indian troops arrived in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, to disarm 
 the Tamil Tigers and enforce a peace pact. 
1990 In Spring Hill, TN, the first Saturn automobile rolled 
 off the assembly line. 
1991 In China, construction began on the Oriental Pearl 
 Radio & TV Tower. 
2001 Lance Armstrong became the first American to win three 
 consecutive Tours de France. 
2003 In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagon Beetle rolled 
 off an assembly line. 
2015  smiled.


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Does an old Excel work on Windows 8.1? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, July 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh Kindergarten teacher harasses neighbor about barbecuing Details at Boneheads Today in 1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed. --- David Frost If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) "He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else." --- Benjamin Franklin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Barb Minister's Wife Jack goes to his friend Mike and says "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him back in church for an hour after service for me?" Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees. After the service, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied." The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says: "You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago". ______________________________________________________ When Liz went with her daughter to visit a prestigious university, their student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told them that the professors were the best in the world, and she recommended to Liz's daughter to apply early to improve her chances for admission. She said, "We get so many applicants because of the stature and reputation of the school." After the tour Liz asked their guide, "Why did you choose this school?" She said, "Oh, because my boyfriend works at the McDonalds just a block from here since he got his PhD three years ago." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for having used a picture, that had been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that some day somebody will demand payment, AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make off the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. Hopefully none of those have been uploaded for entrapment purposes. ______________________________________________________ An Army major, was conducting a field test when communications went dead, just when headquarters initiated a call to him. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station. When the major and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook the major's hand. "Don't congratulate me, sir," he said modestly as he pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing." The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. "Congratulations, Sergeant!" he said. "The major's wife just had a baby girl." ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Clyde: Mt AdamsTahklahk Lake, Washington ______________________________________________________ An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sue Godfirnon, 57, St. Petersburg, Floriduh
Floriduh Kindergarten teacher harasses neighbor about barbecuing A video of a Pinellas County code enforcement officer reprimanding two men about BBQ smoke from their grill is now viral. More than 4 million people have seen the video, that was shot July 22 outside the south St. Petersburg home. Godfirnon had in the past called the fire department, the cops, and filed at least 15 complaints with the county. Ajaya Satyal with Pinellas County Air Quality said: “Mostly the complaints have been filed after the fact but several occasions like the last incident our inspector found odor and smoke emanating from this property,” said Satyal about the 15 complaints made about the property on Alcola Way South. “I hope she leaves us alone, I hope she moves out of the neighborhood,” said Dwayne Matt. “I don’t think you know what all we’ve been through,” said Dwayne. The Matt brothers live in the house they grew up in, that they inherited from their parents. Godfirnon is relatively new to the neighborhood. She has not complained about her white neighbor barbecuing. Since the video was posted last week, it has been shared and viewed over 4 million of times. And the incident has become a rallying cry for both conservative bloggers who see government bureaucracy run amok, and African-American activists denouncing the confrontation as harassment. ---------------------- Earliest account of BBQ: Genesis 8:21 Then Noah built an altar to the LORD, and took of every clean animal and of every clean bird and offered barbebcued offerings on the altar. 21: The LORD smelled the soothing aroma; and the LORD said to Himself, "I will never again curse the ground on account of man, ... That is a bit before my time, but it is very clear that the smell of barbecuing is approved by the HIGHEST authority.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marlene Re: Old Excel for W8.1 Dear Webby, I have used an older version of excell for years. Just had to buy a new computer with windows 8.1. can I install the older version or must I buy the new one. thanks for all you do. BTW- you are really missed the days you go for treatment. is there anyway you could set up a "best of webby" for those day Marlene Dear Marlene The next injection trip will be in October. They are getting further and further apart. With Excel, I would try to install it, if you have the setup file. If not, try to find one on Ebay or Amazon. I am using a fairly ancient 2003 version occasionally, and it works OK. You can also install Open Office and use Open Office Calc, like most of Europe and Asia is. It can pick up Excel files from any version, and even save them back as Excel files. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Overheard in the elevator: I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane. It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver in my coffee, and it spilled all over the keyboard on my laptop! ______________________________________________________ Thinking about technology, my neighbor knew a lady who wanted a picture touched up of her late husband. She asked the photosho guru to take the hat off her husband's head in the picture, as well. He asked her, on her way out the door, what side her husband parted his hair on. She thought for a minute, and then said that she didn't remember, but he'd find out when he took the hat off. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leave Sugar Out of Cooked Foods I don't add sugar to my veggies. I just heat them, whether canned or frozen. I don't put sugar in my cornbread. I am not diabetic, I just don't require that all my food be sweetened. By Marty Dick [160] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A young woman meets her old, retired, parish priest and when he asks her how she is, she bursts out crying. "What's the matter child?" he asks. "Oh, Father," she says, "it's my boyfriend. He won't marry me because I'm Roman Catholic." "There, there child. Here's what you do. Explain to him the faith of the Church, the traditions, the ceremonies and the rites. That'll bring him around." Tearfully, the young woman says she'll try it. About a year later, they meet again, and again she bursts into tears when he asks how she is doing. "Is it your boyfriend, child?" he asks. "Yes, Father." "Did you explain about the Church as I suggested?" "Yes, Father," she says, "but that was the problem. He was so taken by it that he's now studying to be a priest." ____________________________________________________
Nearly naked dance with towels
____________________________________________________ Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" A voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!" ____________________________________________________
Wine bottle opener machine

Today in 
1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle 
 of Gravelines. 
1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 
 25-minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked 
 out Jean Petit from France. 
1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was 
 inaugurated when two people held a conversation between 
 New York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 
1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile 
 swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis 
 to Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. 
1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established. 
1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) 
 was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 
1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's 
 stance against artificial methods of birth control. 
1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to 
 lift collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government 
 welcomed the action and announced its intention to open 
 serious discussions with Cuba on normalization. 
1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were 
 married. 
1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would be 
 the home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant. 
1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio autoworker 
 John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard "Ivan the Terrible." 
 His death sentence was thrown out and he was set free. 
1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 40 years 
 after contaminated food fish were blamed for deaths and birth 
 defects. 
1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike against 
 General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion in lost revenues. 
2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a new planet 
 (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun.
2015  smiled.


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