Difference between GIF and JPG 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, February 10

I get all kinds of newspaper headline alerts, but
rarely read the details. 
Today I got:
Huffington Post (Democratic propaganda paper):
News Alert: Bernie Sanders wins New Hampshire primary!

no mention of Trump

Next issue:
News Alert: A racist, sexist, xenophobe just won New 
Hampshire Republican primary

Can't really get any more UNprofessional than that!
I have a hunch those bigots will get to eat those words
before this is over. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Wisconsin couple arrested after they got their 9 year old daughter to drive them, because they were too drunk. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 10, in 1863 The fire extinguisher was patented by Alanson Crane. History ______________________________________________________ He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder. --- M. C. Escher (1898 - 1972) Never have children, only grandchildren. --- Gore Vidal (1925 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ These are reported to be actual test answers from various schools in the Huntsville, Alabama metropolitan area: Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and ketchup. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is the red light district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport. Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs. ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products
with this coupon link Get One Free
or
Get 15% off ANY ink and toner
with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ >From Noella Sayings of a Jewish Buddha If there is no self, whose arthritis is this? Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated? Drink tea and nourish life; with the first sip, joy; with the second sip, satisfaction; with the third sip, peace; with the fourth, a Danish. Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story. Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems. What would you talk about? The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy. There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that? Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis. The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems. Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist. Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness. From the book ZEN JUDAISM by David M Bader ______________________________________________________ Taiwan Blue Magpies ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amanda Eggert Jason_Roth, Balsam Lake, Wisconsin. Wisconsin couple arrested after they got their 9 year old daughter to drive them, because they were too drunk. Wisconsin couple is facing felony charges after they were caught making their nine-year-old drive their pickup after they were too drunk to drive themselves home. A Wisconsin mom and her boyfriend are facing felony charges for allowing her nine-year-old daughter drive them home in their pickup truck after they appeared too drunk to drive. Jason Roth and Amanda Eggert pled not guilty Friday to a number of felony charges including child neglect and second degree recklessly endangering safety. The couple was arrested about a week ago after authorities say they took a 911 complaint about erratic driving on rural Wisconsin roads. By the time law enforcement caught up to Eggert and Roth’s truck after it had pulled into a public boat launch along the Apple River in Polk County. Deputy Jeff Hahn told the court he was stunned when he realized driver was nine years old and that the couple’s 11-month-old baby was strapped into a car seat. “As the nine-year-old exited the truck, it was still running and in drive when Mr. Roth was sitting in the truck by himself,” Hahn testified in court. “He turned the ignition off and the truck began rolling backwards down the hill towards the river. I jumped into the truck to hit the brakes and put the truck in park.” Hahn said both adults appeared highly intoxicated, with one of Roth’s preliminary breath tests coming back at .25, more than three times the legal limit to drive. The nine-year-old allegedly drove the truck for many miles, weaving in and out of traffic. Fortunately, there were no accidents and no one was hurt. The two young children are now staying with extended family as Eggert and Roth remain jailed. Both their cases are now headed towards trial. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Fran Re: Difference between GIF and JPG Dear Webby Ok, so what's the big diff between GIF and JPG ? Fran Dear Fran GIF files are limited to a maximum of 256 colors. Once they have been reduced to that number of colors, they can be edited and saved as often as you want without deteriorating any further. However, watch that initial reduction in color depth. It CAN do terrible things to a picture unless it is done carefully. JPG files can have 16 - 24 Million colors and they can be compressed. However, the compression scheme is a "Lossy Compression". That means pixels are thrown away, for good. The higher compression ratio you choose, and the more often you save the file, the more washed out the picture looks. Neither GIF nor JPG are suitable for working on a picture. Always work on pictrues in PNG or PSP or PSD format, and then later, when all work is finished and the picture is perfect, and no more editing to be done on it, THEN save it in GIF or JPG for use on the Internet. GIF pictures can be animated, and with the right software you can save short movies in GIF format. If you resize that or accidentally save it in JPG format, the animation is lost. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams?" Patient: "Why, Doc? I didn't feel a thing!" Dentist: "I know, but there are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the five o'clock foot- ball game." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hang Hot Pads on Oven Door Handle I had this handy dollar store over-the-door hook. I wanted to hang it over the top of my cupboard next to the stove for hot pads and towels. But, I have the kind of cupboards that are not square on top. The hooks fell forward too far and rattled each time I opened them. I found it worked great on the oven door. I made a couple hot pads and crocheted a chain to keep the towel on the door so you could see the affect. I think it works great. This tip might help you, too. By Sandi/Poor But Proud ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ An elderly couple who used to be childhood sweethearts had met again, got married and settled down in their old neighborhood. For old times sake, they walk down the street to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved "I love you, Sally", and on the way home they stop and smooch in the alley just like they used to 60 years ago. While they are busy with that, a bag of money falls out of an armored car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, but they don't know what to do with it, so they take it home. There, she counts the money, and it's fifty thousand dollars. The husband says, "We've got to give it back." She says, "Finders keepers." And she puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic. The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" She says, "No." The husband says, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." She says, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile." But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning." The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were smooching in the warehouse alley on the way home from school..." The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, "Let's get out of here." ___________________________________________________
Rita Hayworth - Stayin' Alive
____________________________________________________ >From Hilde Two men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done. As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place. The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not in their contract. I really had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van. I told them my minimum fee for moving vehicles: $90. $15 extra if it was a rush job. ____________________________________________________ Bobby tells his foreman: "Boss, my wife's mother is moving, again. And I am supposed to help and move her 10 tons of silly antiques to some other top floor apartment. And as usual, it's on short notice. Tomorrow." "Well, Bobby,....", the foreman answred, " ..we're rather shorthanded these days and I can't give you a day off right now. And I'll be needing the company truck for work tomorrow." "Thanks, Boss!", Bobby beamed, "I knew I could count on you!" ____________________________________________________
Budapest Air Show. Great views of a beautiful city. The helicopter shots are unreal!

Today, February 10, in
1763 The Treaty of Paris ended the French and Indian War. 
 In the treaty France ceded Canada to England. 
1840 Britain's Queen Victoria married Prince Albert of 
 Saxe Coburg-Gotha. 
1846 Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day 
 Saints began their exodus to the west from Illinois. 
1863 In New York City, two of the world’s most famous midgets, 
 General Tom Thumb and Lavinia Warren were married. 
1863 The fire extinguisher was patented by Alanson Crane. 
1870 The city of Anaheim was incorporated for the first time. 
1870 The YWCA was founded in New York City. 
1879 The electric arc light was used for the first time. 
1920 Major league baseball representatives outlawed pitches 
 that involve tampering with the ball. 
1923 Ink paste was manufactured for the first time by the 
 Standard Ink Company. 
1925 The first waterless gas storage tank was placed in 
 service in Michigan City, IN. 
1933 The singing telegram was introduced by the Postal 
 Telegraph Company of New York City. 
1933 Primo Carnera knocked out Ernie Schaaf in round 13 
 at Madison Square Garden in New York City. Schaaf died as 
 a result of the knockout punch. 
1935 The Pennsylvania Railroad began passenger service with 
 its electric locomotive. The engine was 79-1/2 feet long 
 and weighed 230 tons. 
1942 The Normandie, the former French liner, capsized in New 
 York Harbor. The day before the ship had caught fire while 
 it was being fitted for the U.S. Navy. 
1962 The Soviet Union exchanged captured American U2 pilot 
 Francis Gary Powers for the Soviet spy Rudolph Ivanovich Abel 
 being held by the U.S. 
1981 The Las Vegas Hilton hotel-casino caught fire. Eight people 
 were killed and 198 were injured. 
1989 Ron Brown became the first African American to head a major 
 U.S. political party when he was elected chairman of the Democratic 
 National Committee. 
1990 South African President F.W. de Klerk announced that black 
 activist Nelson Mandela would be released the next day after 27 
 years in captivity. 
1992 Mike Tyson was convicted in Indianapolis of raping Desiree 
 Washington, Miss Black American contestant. 
1997 The U.S. Army suspended its top-ranking enlisted soldier, Army 
 Sgt. Major Gene McKinney following allegations of sexual misconduct. 
 McKinney was convicted of obstruction of justice and acquitted of 
 18 counts alleging sexual harassment of six military women. 
1998 A man became the first to be convicted of committing a hate crime 
 in cyberspace. The college dropout had e-mailed threats to Asian 
 students. 
1999 Avalanches killed at least 10 people when they roared down the 
 French Alps 30 miles from Geneva. 
2005 North Korea publicly announced for the first time that it had 
 nuclear arms. The country also rejected attempts to restart disarmament 
 talks in the near future saying that it needed the weapons as 
 protection against an increasingly hostile United States. 
2009 A Russian and an American satellite collide over Siberia. 
2009 Amazon announced the Kindle 2.
2015  smiled.


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Voting problems for all newsletters 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, February 9

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Minnesota Woman Arrested for DUI While Getting Sister From Jail Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 9, in 1895 Volley Ball was invented by W.G. Morgan. History ______________________________________________________ Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900 The whole world steps aside for the man who knows where he is going. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Clara We had been on the road for 15 hours en route from New York to California and were looking for a place to spend the night. At four different motels, however, we were told, "Sorry, no vacancies." Heading back to the car, my seven-year-old son asked solemnly, "Mom, are we vacancies?" ______________________________________________________
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with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ Wife: I want to know if I have grounds for a divorce. Lawyer: Are you married? Wife: Yes, of course. Lawyer: Is there enough money or property to pay for my services? Wife: Yes, of course. Lawyer: Then you have grounds. ______________________________________________________ Grand Teton, Colorado ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Erica Stang, 32, St. Cloud, Minnesota Minnesota Woman Arrested for DUI While Getting Sister From Jail Police have arrested a 32-year-old woman after she was pulled over for driving drunk while on her way to pick up her sister, who was already in jail for DWI. Sartell Police said around 2:00 Sunday morning they stopped a car, on River Ave South, and found Erica Stang of Sartell behind the wheel, and under the influence of alcohol. Police said while speaking with Stang, the officer learned that she was on her way to the Stearns County Jail to pick up her sister, who had just been arrested by Stearns County for DWI. Stang was taken to the Stearns County Jail pending charges for 2nd Degree DWI. Her car was also seized for forfeiture. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Robin Re: Voting Problem Dear Webby When I tap cast my vote, it wants a new register account. What should I do? Robin Dear Robin Voting has not worked since 2015. Logging in to registered accounts does not work either. They seem to mix up voter accounts and publisher accounts. You can write to them. They don't answer me. Maybe they will answer you? support@cumuli.com thrifty@thriftyfun.com lewis@cumuli.com support@thriftyfun.com You can try all of those addresses. Maybe on one of them you will get a response. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ After a lecture, we were invited out for lunch. I casually mentioned to the lady that I was allergic to cats. "That's okay," the woman said. "I'll serve something else." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hang Hot Pads on Oven Door Handle I had this handy dollar store over-the-door hook. I wanted to hang it over the top of my cupboard next to the stove for hot pads and towels. But, I have the kind of cupboards that are not square on top. The hooks fell forward too far and rattled each time I opened them. I found it worked great on the oven door. I made a couple hot pads and crocheted a chain to keep the towel on the door so you could see the affect. I think it works great. This tip might help you, too. By Sandi/Poor But Proud ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Little Johnny went with his mom and dad to his grandmother's house for dinner. When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away. "Johnny, wait until we say our prayer," said his mother. "I don't have to," the boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house. She already knows how to cook!" ___________________________________________________
you just don't find wives like this anymore
____________________________________________________ Bill said the power went out again in L.A. His wife, Kathy had heard a plane flying low overhead. She noticed the plane's landing lights were on and said, "Must not be a widespread power outage -- the plane's lights are on." She was lucky she was not downtown. I heard that during the latest power failure in Los Angeles thousands of people were trapped for hours on store escalators. ____________________________________________________ A sargeant general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the sargeant arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it." ____________________________________________________
The most beautiful rainbow colored river is found in Columbia. The river is named Caño Cristales, or “Crystal Spout.”

Today, February 9, in
1870 The United States Weather Bureau was authorized by Congress. 
 The bureau is officially known as the National Weather Service (NWS). 
1884 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny executed a patent application 
 for a chemical recording stock quotation telegraph (U.S. Pat. 314,115). 
1885 The first Japanese arrived in Hawaii. 
1895 Volley Ball was invented by W.G. Morgan. 
1900 Dwight F. Davis put up a new tennis trophy to go to the winner 
 in matches against England. The trophy was a silver cup that 
 weighed 36 pounds. 
1909 The first forestry school was incorporated in Kent, Ohio. 
1942 The U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff held its first formal meeting 
 to coordinate military strategy during World War II. 
1942 Daylight-saving "War Time" went into effect in the U.S. 
1943 During World War II, the battle of Guadalcanal ended with an 
 American victory over Japanese forces. 
1950 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that the State Department 
 was riddled with Communists. This was the beginning of "McCarthyism." 
1969 The Boeing 747 flew its inaugural flight. 
1971 The San Fernando Valley experienced the Sylmar earthquake that 
 registered 6.4 on the Richter Scale. 
1971 The Apollo 14 spacecraft returned to Earth after mankind's 
 third landing on the moon. 
1975 The Russian Soyuz 17 returned to Earth. 
1989 Kohlberg Kravis Roberts and Co. completed the $25 billion 
 purchase of RJR Nabisco, Inc. 
2001 "Hannibal," the sequel to "Silence of the Lambs," opened 
 in theaters.
2015  smiled.


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Bounce messages 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, February 8

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Virginia mom was arrested after 'knocking out son’s assistant principal in school attack' Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 8, in 1861 A Cheyenne delegation and some Arapaho leaders accepted a new settlement (Treaty of Fort Wise) with the U.S. Federal government. The deal ceded most of their land but secured a 600-square mile reservation and annuity payments. History ______________________________________________________ A man may be a fool and not know it -- but not if he is married. --- H.L. Mencken All science is either physics or stamp collecting. --- Ernest Rutherford (1871 - 1937) And then there is elaboration of fashionable concepts without bothering to collect any data or stamps. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Grampa was telling his youngest grandson abuot his terrifying experience with cannibals. "There I was, lost in the middle of the jungle, surrounded by twenty hungry cannibals." His grandson, Alexander, said, "But last time you told me, there were only ten hungry cannibals." To which grampa answered, "Ah, but you were too young then to know the whole horrible truth!" ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products
with this coupon link Get One Free
or
Get 15% off ANY ink and toner
with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ Mike's parents have four children. Their names are Penny, Dime and Quarter. What is the fourth child's name? ```````````````````````````````````````````````````````` Mike's name is simply: Mike. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tracy Lawrence, 43, Portsmouth, Virginia Virginia mom was arrested after 'knocking out son’s assistant principal in school attack' A Virginia mom was arrested after attacking her son’s assistant principal in her office. Tracy Lawrence is accused of knocking out Sylvia Hodges-Melvin at Lakeview Elementary School in Portsmouth. Lawrence was told her son had been disruptive in class, when she suddenly exploded in a rage and punched Hodges-Melvin. “How would you feel if I mushed your head?” the 43-year-old reportedly screamed, according to WAVY.com. The police report says Lawrence hit Hodges-Melvin so hard, she fell down and was briefly knocked out. Police say they don't believe any children witnessed the altercation Tuesday evening. Lawrence, who has three children at the school, was arrested at her home and charged with assault and battery and disorderly conduct. She was granted a $10,000 bond during a Wednesday hearing and was also ordered to have no contact with anyone at the school. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Barbara Re: Bounce messages Dear Webby I send out messges to "group" addys for our church. Sometimes I get a message back that my mail did not get delivered because of a bad/discontinued addy. Does that mean NONE of the folks received the message or only the one(s) with bad addresses? Barbara Dear Barbara All other messages in that batch were delivered normally, only those with bounce messages were bounced. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The Harvard School of Medicine did a study to determine why married women love Chinese food in general and Won Ton soup in particular. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is: Not Now. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Tea and Coffee Lattes I don't know about you, but I hate paying the price of coffee lattes and chai tea lattes. They are around $3.50 for a medium or large. I now make them at home anytime I want one, simply by using a stick blender or wand. Or you could use a mixer to get that frothy topping. I buy my favorite teas, french vanilla, black chai tea, or caramel black chai tea, or any favorite tea you would like. For coffee latte, use your leftover coffee, add vanilla extract and cinnamon or any spice you like. For both tea and coffee lattes I use liquid dairy flavored creamers. I buy the low fat and sugar free. For tea latte, boil 1 cup of water in the microwave or tea kettle. Put the tea bag and sugar or any sweetener in your cup, add the boiling water. Let this steep for a few minutes. Take the tea bag out. Add 2 tablespoons of vanilla creamer. Pour this into a large cup. I always place this in the sink, because it sometimes spatters. And blend this for 1 full minute. Pour it back into the mug, you will have the frothy top, add a few sprinkles of cinnamon or nutmeg, whichever you like. I use pumpkin spice. Follow the same steps for coffee lattes, excluding the hot water. Enjoy your lattes! Free of charge! By Jackie H. 134 ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Our neighbour used the word hypochondriac to describe the phase her teen-age daughter was going though. One day the girl was convinced that the pain on her left side was appendicitis. Her mother explained that the appendix is on the right. "So that's why it hurts to much," her daughter said. "My appendix is on the wrong side." ___________________________________________________
Skiing down the mountain using your phone as a lasso
____________________________________________________ I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy." Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?" He replied, "They're all nocturnal." ____________________________________________________ A trio of old veterans were bragging about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall. "My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh." "Mine," boasts another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn." "I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know. "Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old." ____________________________________________________
2Ingenious advertising.

Today, February 8, in
1802 Simon Willard patented the banjo clock. 
1861 The Confederate States of America were formed. 
1861 A Cheyenne delegation and some Arapaho leaders accepted 
 a new settlement (Treaty of Fort Wise) with the U.S. Federal 
 government. The deal ceded most of their land but secured a 
 600-square mile reservation and annuity payments. 
1900 In South Africa, British troops under Gen. Buller were 
 beaten at Ladysmith. The British fled over the Tugela River. 
1904 The Russo-Japanese War began with Japan attacking Russian 
 forces in Manchuria. 
1922 The White House began using radio after U.S. President 
 Harding had it installed. 
1927 The original version of "Getting Gertie’s Garter" opened 
 at the Hippodrome Theatre in New York City. 
1952 Queen Elizabeth II ascended to the British throne. Her 
 father, George VI, had died on February 6. 
1963 The Kennedy administration prohibited travel to Cuba 
 and made financial and commercial transactions with Cuba 
 illegal for U.S. citizens. 
1971 The Nasdaq stock-market index debuted. 
1973 U.S. Senate leaders named seven members of a select 
 committee to investigate the Watergate scandal. 
1974 The three-man crew of the Skylab space station returned 
 to Earth after 84 days. 
1978 The U.S. Senate deliberations were broadcast on radio 
 for the first time. The subject was the Panama Canal treaties. 
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced a plan to re-introduce 
 draft registration. 
1985 "The Dukes of Hazzard" ended its 6-1/2 year run on CBS 
 television. 
1993 General Motors sued NBC, alleging that "Dateline NBC" had 
 rigged two car-truck crashes to show that some GM pickups were 
 prone to fires after certain types of crashes. The suit was 
 settled the following day by NBC. 
2002 The exhibit "Places of Their Own" opened at the National 
 Museum of Women in the Arts. The works displayed were by 
 Georgia O'Keeffe, Frida Kahlo and Emily Carr.
2015  smiled.


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What accessories do you need for traveling with a laptop? 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, February 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh store thief left cell phone and puddles behind. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 7, in 1882 The last bareknuckle fight for the heavyweight boxing championship took place in Mississippi City. History ______________________________________________________ I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) I take the view, and always have, that if you cannot say what you are going to say in twenty minutes you ought to go away and write a book about it. --- Lord Brabazon (1884 - 1964) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME...! ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products
with this coupon link Get One Free
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______________________________________________________ Medical Dictionary: Adult - One who has stopped growing except in the middle Alcoholic - A man who has worked his way from bottoms up Anatomy - Something that everyonehas, but it looks better on some than others. Arthritis - Twinges in the hinges. Baldness - Hair today and gone tomorrow. Delinquent Children - Those who have reached the age where they want to do what mama and papa are doing. Dentist - A professional who bores you to tears. Dermatologist - Specialises in rash predictions. Diet - A short period of starvation preceding a gain of five pounds. Doctor a specialist who tells you if you don't cut out something, something will be cut out of you. Doctor's Prescription - Something that looks as if it had been written on a subway train with a post office pen. Ego - The only thing that can keep on growing without nourishment. Expert - one who can take something you already know and make it sound confusing. Headache - Aspirin deficiency. Hospital - A place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill. Hypochondriac - One who can't leave well enough alone. Indigestion - The failure of a round stomach to adjust to a square meal. Life - 1. a span of time of which the first half is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. 2. what happens to us while we are making other plans Neurotic - One who builds castles in the air. Obesity - A condition caused by an overactive fork Overeating - Action that shapes our future Physician - One who pours drugs of which they know little into a body of which they know less. Professors - Those who go to college and never get out. Psychiatrist - One who collects rent from psychotics and neurotics living in their castles in the air Psychologist - An expert you pay to ask you questions your spouse asks you for nothing Psychotic - One who moves into the castles in the air Research - An organised method for keeping you reasonably dissatisfied with what you have Specialist - People with one-track minds Statistics - The art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved Assumption to a foregone conclusion. Sunburn - Getting what you basked for. Ulcer - A stomach disorder that you get not from what you eat but from what you have to swallow. Virus - A Latin word used by doctors to mean "Your guess is as good as mine." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brooke Amber Sutton, 27, Miramar Beach, Floriduh Floriduh store thief left cell phone and puddles behind. A 27-year-old Florida woman accused of stealing thousands of dollars in merchandise from outlet stores. She left behind two key pieces of evidence — her cell phone and puddles of urine, police say. Brooke Amber Sutton was arrested over the weekend and charged with felony retail theft, the Walton County Sheriff’s Office said in a press release. Police say they found $2,100 in merchandise stolen from stores at the Silver Sands Outlets in Miramar Beach in Sutton’s car. Sutton is accused of peeing on the floor of the dressing room and on some merchandise, the Walton County Sheriff’s Office said in its police report, according to Northwest Florida Daily News. Police said Sutton also urinated on several items of merchandise in the Ann Taylor store, according to the arrest report. Sutton told police she went into the Ann Taylor store and took several items into the fitting room, where she removed price tags and security devices. She left the store with 18 items she did not pay for, according to her arrest report. Deputies responded to the outlet mall after an employee at Ann Taylor found several security tags in a dressing room that had been removed by Sutton, the sheriff’s office said. “Along with the tags was a cell phone left by the suspect,” the sheriff’s office said Police said Sutton then went to Saks Off Fifth and went into a dressing room with between 15 to 20 pairs of jeans, hidden under a men’s suit jacket. She then left the dressing room with six pairs of the jeans, valued at more than $1,000, hidden under the jacket, and exited the store, police said in her arrest report. She set off the security alarm at the Saks outlet, police said. Police Found Designer Jeans, Costume Jewelry & Other Clothing in Her Car After Tracking Her Down Through Her Husband. Police tracked down Sutton by calling her husband, on speed dial on her phone, and getting a description of the vehicle she was driving, the sheriff’s office said. Sutton was found in the parking lot of the Silver Sands Outlet, near the Ann Taylor store. Deputies said they found the six pairs of designer jeans from Saks and $1,100 worth of costume jewelry and other clothing from Ann Taylor. She was arrested at the outlet mall. Sheriff Michael Adkinson Jr. praised the work of his deputies, who tracked down Sutton by using her cell phone. “This is a prime example of quick thinking done by our deputies,” Adkinson said. They used the phone to get a description of the suspect’s vehicle and were able to make an arrest quickly. That’s good police work.” Sutton was arrested on two counts of felony retail theft and booked into the Walton County Jail on Friday. She posted $5,000 bail on Saturday and is awaiting trial. According to online court records she has applied for criminal indigent status. Sure has expensive taste, though! ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mia Re: What accessories do you need for traveling with a laptop? Dear Webby one time you mentioned a source for all the stuff one needs for a laptop when you travel. Do you still have that info? Thanks, Mia Dear Mia Times have changed. Nowadays all you need are adapter plugs to fit the outlets in the countries that you plan to t ravel to, for example an adapter, that goes into a German outlet, and into which you can plug your power bar. You can get those adapters at hardwaree stores, NewEgg, RadioShack, etc. Definitely take along a power bar, so that you can plug all of your stuff into that. The laptop charger and pretty well all of your electronics don't care if you use 110 or 200 Volt. Most trains have regular outlets the same as what you get in homes and hotels in that country. Planes usually have the small automotive type outlets, not the large cigarette lighter type. You can get adapters to go into those, so that you can plug in a regular StatPower inverter, that changes 12 Volt DC into 110 Volt AC. Check before you book a flight if that airline allows laptop use during the flight or not. Some do, some don't, and some allow only the Pay-Per-View movies, that they sell. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Bernie came into the principals office looking somewhat tired and bedraggled, but anxious to explain his nearly one hour tardiness. “Our chickens have been disappearing.” He said. “And Pa made up his mind to put a stop to it. But nothing happened for several nights. Then last night about 3 o’clock, Pa got me and Ol’ Blue, our dog, and his shot gun, all cocked and loaded, to go out with him to the chicken house to see what was going on.” He went on. “Well, Pa sleeps in his birthday suit, and as he bent over to go into the chicken house, Ol’ Blue cold-nosed Pa where he didn’t expect it. Both barrels went off. Ever since then we’ve been up a-cleanin’ and a-pluckin’ more than 50 chickens. I missed the bus and had to walk 3 miles to school. " As I handed him his “Excused” slip, he muttered, “I sure hope we don’t have no chicken for lunch this week.” ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Peeling Pickles I love dill pickles, but I do not like biting into one of the rock-like black things on the skin. It sends shivers up my spine not to mention the feeling on the teeth. So I peel my pickles before I eat them. By lnygaard 104 ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon... and it takes eight people to collect all the money!" ___________________________________________________
A Finger, Two Dots and then Me
____________________________________________________ Those men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women. Men hate self-service. It's always so damn bad ... and slow too. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something his lover said. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before his wife finishes talking. ____________________________________________________ A farmer runs into the pastor of his church after missing the morning service. "I missed you at service this morning," the pastor says. "Well, Reverend", the farmer says, "I had some hay to put up. I figured there would be less cussing if I sat on a dry bale of hay thinking about church, than to sit in a dry church thinking about the hay getting rained on." ____________________________________________________
28 hand built houses from around the world. I really like ’The Seagull house’ in Devon, England.

Today, February 7, in
1882 The last bareknuckle fight for the heavyweight boxing
 championship took place in Mississippi City. 
1893 Elisha Gray patented a machine called the telautograph. 
 It automatically signed autographs to documents. 
1913 The Turks lost 5,000 men in a battle with the Bulgarian 
 army in Gallipoli. 
1940 "Pinocchio" world premiered at the Center Theatre in
 Manhattan. 
1943 The U.S. government announced that shoe rationing would 
 go into effect in two days. 
1944 During World War II, the Germans launched a 
 counteroffensive at Anzio, Italy. 
1962 The U.S. government banned all Cuban imports and 
 re-export of U.S. products to Cuba from other countries. 
1974 The nation of Grenada gained independence from Britain. 
1976 Darryl Sittler (Toronto Maple Leafs) set a National Hockey
 League (NHL) record when he scored 10 points in a game against
 the Boston Bruins. He scored six goals and four assists. 
1977 Russia launched Soyuz 24. 
1984 Space shuttle astronauts Bruce McCandless II and Robert L.
 Stewart made the first untethered space walk. 
1985 "Sports Illustrated" released its annual swimsuit edition.
 It was the largest regular edition in the magazine’s history 
 at 218 pages. 
1986 Haitian President-for-Life Jean-Claude Duvalier fled 
his country ending 28 years of family rule. 
1991 The Rev. Jean-Bertrand Aristide was sworn in as Haiti's
 first democratically elected president. 
1999 NASA's Stardust space probe was launched. The mission 
 was to return comet dust samples from comet Wild 2. The 
 mission was completed on January 15, 2006 when the sample 
 return capsule returned to Earth. 
2000 California's legislature declared that February 13 
 would be "Charels M. Schulz Day." 
2008 The Space Shuttle Atlantis launched with the mission 
 of delivering the Columbus science laboratory to the 
 International Space Station. 
2015  smiled.


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Easier way to save a web address 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, February 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida Driver arrested on drunk driving charge tried to persuade officer he had low blood sugar Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 6, in 1952 - Britain's King George VI died. His daughter, Elizabeth II, succeeded him. History ______________________________________________________ Never confuse movement with action. --- Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961) A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. --- Joan Rivers (1935 - ) Heredity is something every man believes in until his own son begins acting like a darn fool! --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ That reminds me.... One day little Johnnie came home from school and announced: "Hey, Dad! Guess what we learned! We are all descended from the APES !" His dad didn't like the notion of that one bit and blew up: "That's NONSENSE!" Johnny replied: "But, but the teacher told us so!" His dad shot back: "YOU might have an ape for an ancestor, but I sure don't!" ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Bonnie was very busy one day working in her house. She had just gotten to the basement after quite a few trips up and down, when she heard the telephone ring upstairs. Tiredly, she ran back up the stairs only to hear a solicitor on the other end... "Hello, is this Bonnie D, we are calling people in your area and would like to know if you would help us by participating in a brief survey." Without missing a beat, she told them... "I am BUSY, you will have to survey your briefs yourself." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Noella, yesterday's Lighthouse is Frankfort Lighthouse, Lake Michigan ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bradley James Mitchell, 38, Weirsdale, Floriduh Driver arrested on drunk driving charge tried to persuade officer he had low blood sugar A 38-year-old man arrested on a charge of drunk driving had tried to convince a police officer he had low blood sugar. Bradley James Mitchell of Weirsdale was pulled over late Wednesday night after his vehicle was spotted swerving on U.S. Hwy. 27 and 441 at Rolling Acres Road, according to an arrest report from the Lady Lake Police Department. Mitchell told the officer he had low blood sugar. The police officer summoned Lake EMS whose personnel concluded that Mitchell’s blood sugar was normal. Mitchell failed field sobriety exercises. He was also found to be in possession of methamphetamine and Clonazepam. His license had also been suspended for a previous DUI. He was booked on $15,000 bond at the Lake County Jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Virginia Re: How to save a web address easily Dear Webby I really enjoy your daily humor. Once upon a time you had a link for kids to create fantasy animals by mixing them up. I loved it, but lost it. How do I save it so my granddaughter can use it? Virginia Dear Virginia near the top left of your browser it says: "ADDRESS". Just to the right of that you see a small icon. After you browse to that site at http://www.switchzoo.com/zoo.htm grab that small icon and drag it to your desktop. From then on you can just click on that icon on your desktop and your browser will go straight to that site. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A young newly married couple inherited a parrot from an aged relative. This parrot was very talkative, and was forever informing visitors as to what went on in the newlyweds' home. One evening, after a very embarrassing comment from the bird, the husband had enough and said to the parrot, "That's it! You will be covered up much earlier in the future, and if you take your cage cover off or embarrass us again, you will be sent to the zoo." Two days later, the couple was preparing for a short trip, and as usual, the suitcase was too full to close. So the husband said, "I'll get on top and jump up and down and you see if you can get it." After a bit, the wife said, "This is no good. I'll get on top and you see if you can get it." This still did not work, and so the husband said, "Tell you what, let's both get on top and bounce up and down. That'll get it." With this, the parrot pulled off the cage cover and said, "Zoo or no zoo, BOTH on top, this I have got to see." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plastic Bottle Top Container I love making these containers. I store everything in them, big and small, depending on the size of the bottles and caps I use. You can just stick them in your pocket or drop them in your purse and feel safe knowing the contents of the container won't fall out. All you need for this craft is an empty plastic bottle with cap, a matching cap from another bottle, a knife, and hot glue. Approximate Time: 15 minutes Yield: 1 container Supplies: 1 empty plastic drink bottle 1 matching bottle cap (could be a different colour, needs to be the same size) serrated knife or scissors hot glue gun with glue Steps: Cut off the top of the plastic bottle at the neck. I used a serrated knife because the bottle I used was thick. You can use scissors if you have a thin bottle. Warm up your glue gun. Line the inside of the unattached bottle cap with hot glue. Attach the bottle cap to the other side. Squeeze to secure and let dry a minute or two. This will be the base of the container, untwistable. Decorate the top that you will be twisting. I used a sticker in this demonstration. You can paint, bejewel, or write "open" to remind yourself that's the accessible side. Fill your cute little container, twist on the top, and enjoy! By attosa [172] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here." "Wait your turn," replied the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve one table at a time." ___________________________________________________
Israeli musicians in honor of what would have been the late Bob Marley's 70th birthday
____________________________________________________ Thanks to David in Dallas for this one: My wife came home and I proudly told her I had killed 5 flies ... two males and three females. "How do you know the sex of the fly?" she asked. "Simple," I replied, "two were on the beer can and three were on the phone." ____________________________________________________ A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for fre ____________________________________________________
5 Lost Inventions From Nikola Tesla that Could Have Changed The World

Today, February 6, in
1778 - The United States gained official recognition from 
 France as the two nations signed the Treaty of Amity and 
 Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance in Paris. 
1815 - The state of New Jersey issued the first American 
 railroad charter to John Stevens. 
1899 - The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty between the 
 U.S. and Spain. 
1911 - The first old-age home for pioneers opened in Prescott, AZ. 
1926 - The National Football League adopted a rule that 
 made players ineligible for competition until their college 
 class graduated. 
1932 - Dog sled racing happened for the first time in Olympic 
 competition. 
1937 - K. Elizabeth Ohi became the first Japanese woman lawyer 
 when she received her degree from John Marshall Law School 
 in Chicago, IL. 
1952 - Britain's King George VI died. His daughter, Elizabeth II, 
 succeeded him. 
1959 - The U.S., for the first time, successfully test-fired 
 a Titan intercontinental ballistic missile from Cape Canaveral. 
1971 - NASA Astronaut Alan B. Shepard used a six-iron that he 
 had brought inside his spacecraft and swung at three golf 
 balls on the surface of the moon. 
1973 - Construction began on the CN Tower in Toronto, 
1985 - The French mineral water company, Perrier, debuted its 
 first new product in 123 years. The new items were water 
 with a twist of lemon, lime or orange. 
1987 - President Ronald Reagan turned 76 years old this day 
 and became the oldest U.S. President in history. 
1998 - Washington National Airport was renamed for U.S. 
 President Ronald Reagan with the signing of a bill by 
 U.S. President Clinton. 
1999 - King Hussein of Jordan transferred full political 
 power to his oldest son the Crown Prince Abdullah. 
1999 - Excerpts of former White House intern Monica Lewinsky's 
 videotaped testimony were shown at President Clinton's 
 impeachment trial. 
1999 - Heavy fighting resumed along the common border between 
 Ethiopia and Eritrea. 
2000 - Russia's acting President Vladimir Putin announced that 
 Russian forces had captured Grozny, Chechnya. The capital city 
 had been under the control of Chechen rebels. 
2000 - In Finland, Foreign Minister Tarja Halonen became the first 
 woman to be elected president. 
2000 - U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton formally declared 
 that she was a candidate for a U.S. Senate seat from the 
 state of New York. 
2001 - Ariel Sharon was elected Israeli prime minister. 
2002 - A federal judge ordered John Walker Lindh to be held 
 without bail pending trial. Lindh was known as the "American Taliban."
2015  smiled.


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How to send multiple pictures 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, February 5
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to Former NBA player Gilbert Arenas, who admits to credit card fraud and then brags about it on Instagram. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 5, in 1782 The Spanish captured Minorca from the British. History ______________________________________________________ People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news. --- A. J. Liebling (1904 - 1963) Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival. --- W. Edwards Deming ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Little Johnny answered. The teacher smiled and said, "I'd like to talk to your mother or father." Little Johnny said, "Sorry, but they ain't here." "Little Johnny!" she said, "what is it with your grammar?" And Little Johnny said, "Beats me, but dad sure was mad that they had to go bail her out again!" ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ A manager is told by his doctor that he has to take up some sport, so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he's doing. "It's going fine", the manager says, "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!". "Really? What happens then?", the girl asks enthusiastic Then my body says: "Huh ? Who, me ??? You gotta be kidding!" ______________________________________________________ Where is that lighthouse? ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gilbert Arenas, 34 Former NBA player Gilbert Arenas admits to credit card fraud and then brags about it on Instagram. "I'll order $80,000 worth of ones,throw about $40,000 of it too the strippers, sneak the rest out the club...have one of my #teammates sign that bill....wake up the next day,call #americanexpress(my card was stolen at the strip club last night,and these charges aint mines) with a (no questions asked policy)once they see its not ur signture,they refund you ALL your money back lmaoooo soooo I got the $80,000 I spent back..PLUS the $40,000 I took out the club." HipHollywood has learned exclusively that disgraced NBA star Gilbert Arenas is now under investigation by a fraud department after bragging online about operating a credit card scam. A spokesmen for American Express tells us that they’re aware of Agent Zero’s incriminating Instagram post and are looking into it. A massive credit card company vs. Gilbert Arenas. There are no winners here. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hank Re: How to send multiple pictures Dear Webby You are a regular visitor to my home. Every day I use your humor and pithy sayings to folks all around. What is the best way to send multiple photos, some with high resolution, to another via e-mail? I use to have a program to do that but I lost it some way and can't remember what it is. I have W-7. Is there some program built in it to send photos? Thanks again for your daily visits! Hank Dear Hank Your ISP might get annoyed if you send really huge pictures, but that is tough. With Eudora you can ATTACH pictures with CTRL H or embed them by copying them from your graphics program and then paste them into a letter with CTRL V. Different email programs might be slightly different, but deep down inside, they are all just copies of Eudora and Pegasus. The basics will be similar. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Mia went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was. He told her one had a horn and one didn't. She replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't really know when to honk the horn or not." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Orange Juice Salmon Moist, easy and fast! The orange juice and cinnamon add a sweetness that is a great contrast to the oregano, onion and garlic flavors. This is a go-to recipe in my house. Approximate Time: 20-25 minutes Yield: As many or as few people as you want-just adjust the amount of fish, spices, butter and orange juice Ingredients: 1 salmon filet for each person butter Greek Seasoning Steps: Lightly grease a baking dish. Avoid using too big a dish for the amount of fish you have. Rinse the filets. Put the fish in the dish. Dot the filets with butter. Sprinkle with Greek seasoning. Pour enough orange juice in the dish to just cover the bottom. Bake in a 400° F oven for 20-25 minutes. Fish is done, when it is firm and flakes well. Source: Yahoo cooking group By Judy Pariser S. [81] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Why men would not make good secretaries: Husband's note on refrigerator to his wife: Someone from the Guyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst beer is normal." ___________________________________________________
God Only Knows by every musician you've known In order of appearance: Martin James, Pharrell Williams, Emeli Sande, Elton John, Lorde, Chris Martin, Brian Wilson, Florence Welch, Kylie Minogue, Stevie Wonder, Eliza Carthy, Nicola Benedetti, Jools Holland, Brian May, Jake Bugg, Katie Derham, Lauren Laverne, Gareth Malone, Alison Balsom, One Direction, Zane Lowe, Jaz Dhami, Paloma Faith, Chrissie Hynde, Jamie Cullum, Baaba Maal, Danielle de Niese, Dave Grohl, Sam Smith.
____________________________________________________ Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of the story. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, only to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside." "I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. When I was about three blocks from the store, I got a flat tire. When I finally got here, there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people and, all the time, the damn phone was ringing off the hook." He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels. The phone was still ringing. When I came up, I cracked my head on the open cash drawer which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. . . . all of them hit the floor and broke." "Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. . . . " "and believe me, mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her." ____________________________________________________ A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phoney $18 bills would be in some small hick Southern town. So, he got into his new wheels and off he went. He found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Can you change this for me, please?" he said. The store clerk looked at the $18 bill a short time, then smiled and told the man, "Sure, Mister. Ya'll want 2 nines, or 3 sixes?" ____________________________________________________
The Tibetan sand fox is odd looking.

Today, February 5, in
1782 The Spanish captured Minorca from the British. 
1783 Sweden recognized the independence of the United States. 
1861 Samuel Goodale patented the moving picture peep show machine. 
1885 Congo State was established under Leopold II of Belgium, 
 as a personal possession. 
1917 Mexico's constitution was adopted. 
1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Immigration Act of 1917 
 (Asiatic Barred Zone Act) with an overwhelming majority. 
 The action overrode President Woodrow Wilson's December 14, 
 1916 veto. 
1924 The BBC time signals, or "pips", from Greenwich Observatory 
 were heard for the first time. They are broadcast every hour. 
1958 Gamel Abdel Nasser was formally nominated to become the first 
 president of the United Arab Republic. 
1962 French President Charles De Gaulle called for Algeria's 
 independence. 
1982 Great Britain imposed economic sanctions against Poland and 
Russia in protest against martial law in Poland. 
1988 A pair of indictments were unsealed in Florida, accusing 
 Panama's military leader, Gen. Manuel Antonio Noriega, of 
 bribery and drug trafficking. 
1997 Switzerland's "Big Three" banks announced they would create a 
 $71 million fund for Holocaust victims and their families. 
1999 Mike Tyson was sentenced to a year in jail for assaulting 
 two people after a car accident on August 31, 1998. Tyson was 
 also fined $5,000, had to serve 2 years of probation, and had 
 to perform 200 hours of community service upon release. 
2001 Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman announced their separation. 
2003 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell presented evidence to 
 the U.N. concerning Iraq's material breach of U.N. Resolution 1441.
2015  smiled.


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Laptop and Blackberry 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, February 4

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Pasco woman arrested after she uses ‘defecated pants’ as excuse for stealing $199 in groceries from Publix Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 4, in 1783 Britain declared a formal cessation of hostilities with its former colonies, the United States of America. History ______________________________________________________ Live well. It is the greatest revenge. --- The Talmud ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?" "No, dear, not at all," he replied. "Our house isn't blue." ______________________________________________________
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with this coupon link Get One Free
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with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ A certain motivational speaker snuck out the back stage exit for a smoke while an assistant was showing a short audivisual presentation. Out there, huddled against the rain under the shelter of the stage loading dock were some members of a school board meeting who had gone outside "for some fresh air". One of them recognized him by his bright name tag and instantly struck up a conversation as if she was familiar with him. "Tell me," she asked, "how do you detect in somebody whether they have potential for success or not?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' She thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Paula Jay Ernst, 51, Pasco, Floriduh Pasco woman arrested after she uses ‘defecated pants’ as excuse for stealing $199 in groceries from Publix Deputies say a Land O’ Lakes woman used reusable grocery bags to steal $199 worth of groceries from a Hernando Publix grocery store and then claimed she walked out of the store without paying because she had crapped in her pants. On Friday, Jan. 29, Publix workers saw Paula Jay Ernst, 51, selecting items and putting them in her shopping cart at the Public located at 14371 Spring Hill Drive. She then allegedly took the groceries from her shopping cart and put them into reusable Publix shopping bags, which she had brought with her. Hernando County Sheriff’s Office detectives say Ernst walked out of the store without paying for the groceries. The incident was recorded by surveillance cameras. Publix employees wrote down Ernst’s license plate number. She was then contacted at her home by telephone and agreed to return to the store. After she was arrested, Ernst told deputies she did not mean to steal the items and walked out of the store because she had defecated in her pants, according to an arrest affidavit. Ernst was charged with shoplifting and booked into the Hernando County Jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frieda Re: Laptop and Blackberry Dear Webby Thanks so much for all your help over the years. This I think is a 3-fold question. First, just got a new Blackberry Classic phone which has Blackberry Blend on it to integrate with my computer. My computer is running on Windows XP. Seems that Blackberry Blend and Windows XP don't blend! So can't use Blackberry Blend between phone and computer. My tower computer is almost 15 years old. It's been fixed/updated, etc. many times. So, now I'm thinking with all this new technology that I just might as well buy a laptop. My next question is - which one? I don't watch movies, I do listen to some music. It's mainly used for emails, Facebook, banking, online shopping , office work, spreadsheets etc. Guess that was only 2 questions! lol! So, new laptop which one to accommodate BlackerryBlend and my new Blackberry Classic phone. Thanks again for your help, Wendy (Gwen) Dear Wendy Pretty well any new laptop should be able to handle that. Look at what DELL has to offer. They have the best warranty and online support. Haggle out the details over the phone. Their number is free. They will of course try to sell you a bigger machine than necessary, but you can haggle them down to your intended budget. You can also try Acer. They have some models with very large screens, for example the V3 or the e come with 17.3" screens. They are heavy klunkers intended for office use, not for yuppies to take them to Starbucks. However, for a home office they are just fine. I have a G model, that I got about 6 years ago, which I have lugged through many deserts and up many a mountain, and it is still working fine. You need a back-pack style carry case and be in fairly good shape to lug them through a large airport, but in your case, to replace the desktop in your home, they would be just fine. Because all the yuppies want small and light models suitable for the small tables at Starbucks, these big and heavy clunkers frequently go on sale at Staples and similar stores. I got mine for $330. Once you have narrowed your choices down online, check your local stores. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Judi was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch." "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said. So Judi bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going. "Superb! I can't believe it," Judi said. "I get into that pen and I can answer all of my mail before the first one climbs over it!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Asparagus Fresh Put your asparagus upright in a couple of inches of water. It will stay fresher several days longer than conventional methods. Source: Williams Sonoma cooking class By Judy Pariser S. [81] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: - religion - royalty - sex - mystery The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?" ___________________________________________________
the fork (it's kinda special)
____________________________________________________ An extremely shy fellow once brought his date a bouquet of flowers. She threw her arms around him and kissed him long and hard. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. She exclaimed, "Oh! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'm just going to run to the the cemetery to get more flowers!" ____________________________________________________ Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a preacher hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand.The preacher looks at the owner sheepishly and says, "Looks as if I killed your dog." "Sure does." "I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" "I wouldn't say that." "Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?" "Well, I don't know." "Two hundred dollars. That should do it." "Sounds good." The preacher reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting." "I wasn't going hunting. The vet told me to take that mangy mutt out to the woods and put him out of his misery, cause pills don't help him no more." ____________________________________________________
The beautiful Northern Lights filmed in real time near Fairbanks, Alaska.

Today, February 4, in
1783 Britain declared a formal cessation of hostilities with 
 its former colonies, the United States of America. 
1789 Electors unanimously chose George Washington to be the 
 first president of the United States. 
1824 J.W. Goodrich introduced rubber galoshes to the public. 
1847 In Maryland, the first U.S. Telegraph Company was established. 
1861 Delegates from six southern states met in Montgomery, AL, 
 to form the Confederate States of America. 
1865 The Hawaiian Board of Education was formed. 
1904 The Russo-Japanese War began after Japan laid siege 
 to Port Arthur. 
1913 Louis Perlman received a patent for his demountable 
 tire-carrying rims. 
1932 The first Winter Olympics were held in the United States 
 at Lake Placid, NY. 
1936 Radium E. became the first radioactive substance to be 
 produced synthetically. 
1948 Ceylon gained independence within the British Commonwealth. 
 The country later became known as Sri Lanka. 
1953 "The Stooge" premiered at the Paramount Theatre in New York City. 
1957 Smith-Corona Manufacturing Inc., of New York, began selling 
 portable electric typewriters. The first machine weighed 19 pounds. 
1968 The world's largest hovercraft was launched at Cowes, Isle of Wight. 
1973 The Reshef was unveiled as Israel's missile boat. 
1974 Patricia (Patty) Hearst was kidnapped in Berkeley, CA, by the 
 Symbionese Liberation Army. 
1976 An earthquake in Guatemala and Honduras killed more than 
 22,000 people. 
1985 U.S. President Ronald Reagan's defense budget called for a tripling 
 of the expenditure on the "Star Wars" research program. 
1993 Russian scientists unfurled a giant mirror in orbit and flashed 
 a beam of sunlight across Europe during the night. Observers saw it 
 only as a momentary flash. 
1997 A civil jury in California found O.J. Simpson liable in the death 
 of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Goldman's parents 
 were awarded $8.5 million in compensatory damages. 
1997 Two Israeli troop-carrying helicopters collided on their way to 
 Lebanon, all 73 soldiers and airmen aboard were killed. 
1997 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 600th National Hockey 
 League (NHL) goal during his 719th game. Lemieux reached the milestone 
 second fastest in history. Gretzky had reached the plateau during his 
 718th game. 
1998 In northeast Afghanistan, at least 5,000	people were killed in an 
 earthquake that measured 6.1 on the Richter Scale. 
1999 Warplanes from Israel attacked south Lebanon just after rockets were 
 fired toward Israel. No casualies were claimed on either side. 
2000 Austrian President Thomas Klestil swore in a coalition government 
 that included Joerg Haider's far-right Freedom Party. European Union 
 sanctions were a result of the action. 
2003 Yugoslavia was formally dissolved by lawmakers. The country was 
 replaced with a loose union of its remaining two republics, 
 Serbia and Montenegro. 
2004 The social networking website Facebook.com was launched. 
2015  smiled.


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Is MailWasher getting slow? 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, February 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a NY man in Florida arrested for driving wrong way on flat tire was arrested for DUI Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 3, in 1690 The first paper money in America was issued by the Massachusetts colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers that were fighting in the war against Quebec. History ______________________________________________________ Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? --- Kelvin Throop III Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. --- Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790) "It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'" --- Sam Levenson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ During the last session of our teaching workshop, participants were asked to state their personal goals for the immediate future. One teacher vowed to update photo albums, another to lose weight. The goal that got the most response, however, was given by a slightly out-of-shape kindergarten teacher. "I resolve to exercise until I can complete a 20-minute workout with less than 3 coffee and cake breaks," she said. ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products
with this coupon link Get One Free
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with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my mother-in-law would appreciate that." "Your mother-in-law?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn to swim in a hurry." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mark D. Holiday, 54, Saratoga Springs, New York NY man in Florida arrested for driving wrong way on flat tire was arrested for DUI A 54-year-old man with a Saratoga Springs, New York, address was arrested Sunday night after he was seen driving his grey Infinity station wagon the wrong way on a street, with a flat tire, and cut off another vehicle. The witness called 911. A Marion County Sheriff's Office deputy arrived to find Mark D. Holiday found standing next to the car in the 17000 block of Buena Vista Boulevard in the Marion County section of The Villages. Holiday had a strong odor of alcohol on his breath, bloodshot eyes and slurred speech, according to the MCSO report. Holiday told the deputy he had "drank a little" and had a flat tire, the report notes. Holiday failed roadside sobriety tests. He was arrested and charged with DUI and was taken to the Marion County Jail, where he provided breath samples that showed blood alcohol levels of .192 and .200. The state legal limit at which someone is presumed to be intoxicated is .08. The report states that Holiday had prior DUI convictions in 1996 in New York and in 2005 in California. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frieda Re: Mailwasher is getting slow Dear Webby My MailWasher, -Thanks for telling me about it ! - , is getting really slow. What now ? Frieda Dump the Blacklist. Most spammers nowadays use fake disposable addresses, and never use them a second time because of the blacklists. Instead make filters from their most used topics. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turned to his father and asked, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" Without hesitation, his father said, "Oh, about half of them." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Marking Adapter Cords I have a lot of electronic adapter cords with the black boxes that plug into an outlet. I don't use them all the time. To keep it straight as to which item each one belongs to, I use white out, or a white out pen (aka Liquid Paper) to mark them with. Anything black that needs to be labeled can be marked with white out. I use white out to put my social security number on things. By Nightsong [39] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?" ___________________________________________________
Boys will ALWAYS be boys!
____________________________________________________ Miranda likes to sing, and whenever she begins, her husband heads outside. Hurt, she asked him, "Don't you like my singing?" "Of course, dear," he replied. "I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you." ____________________________________________________ "What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary on the first day of registration. "He's a magician," said the new boy. "How exciting. What's his best trick?" "He saws people in half." "How impressive! Now, do you have any brothers or sisters?" "Yep...one half brother and two half sisters." ____________________________________________________
Hummm...mountains, beach or jungle.... can't make up my mind. I want to go to all of them!

Today, February 3, in
1488 The Portuguese navigator Bartholomeu Diaz landed at 
 Mossal Bay in the Cape, the first European known to have 
 landed on the southern extremity of Africa. 
1690 The first paper money in America was issued by the 
 Massachusetts colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers 
 that were fighting in the war against Quebec. 
1783 Spain recognized the independence of the United States. 
1815 The world's first commercial cheese factory was 
 established in Switzerland. 
1862 Thomas Edison printed the "Weekly Herald" and distributed 
 it to train passengers traveling between Port Huron and 
 Detroit, MI. It was the first time a newspaper had been 
 printed on a train. 
1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. 
 It authorized the power to impose and collect income tax. 
1916 In Ottawa, Canada's original parliament buildings 
 burned down. 
1917 The U.S. broke off diplomatic relations with Germany, 
 which had announced a policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. 
1918 The Twin Peaks Tunnel began service. It is the longest 
 streetcar tunnel in the world at 11,920 feet. 
1941 In Vichy, France, the Nazis used force to restore 
 Pierre Laval to office. 
1945 Russia agreed to enter World War II against Japan. 
1966 The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the Moon 
 was made by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX. 
1969 At the Palestinian National Congress in Cairo, Yasser 
 Arafat was appointed leader of the PLO. 
1972 The first Winter Olympics in Asia were held at Sapporo
1998 Texas executed Karla Faye Tucker. She was the first woman 
 executed in the U.S. since 1984. 
1998 In Italy, a U.S. Military plane hit a cable causing the 
 death of 20 skiers on a lift. 
2010 The Alberto Giacometti sculpture L'Homme qui marche sold 
 for $103.7 million. 
2015 The British House of Commons voted to approve letting 
 scientists create babies from the DNA of three people. 
2015  smiled.


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Method for sending illustrated manual update 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, February 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida arrestedfor exposing breasts, throwing pork chops in altercation Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 2, in 1863 Samuel Langhorne Clemens used a pseudonym for the first time. He is better remembered by the pseudonym which is Mark Twain. History ______________________________________________________ If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. --- Dick Cavett (1936 - ) Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008) An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. --- Alfred A. Knopf ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Auto-Correct: A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of myopera and would have to wear contract lenses. That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a cadillac removed. Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon. ______________________________________________________
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February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products with this coupon link Get One Free or Get 15% off ANY ink and toner with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to age ten years every time I take off my hat!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christine Taylor, 31, Jensen Beach, Florida Florida arrestedfor exposing breasts, throwing pork chops in altercation A break in the teacher sex epidemic: A Jensen Beach woman was arrested on a disorderly conduct charge after allegedly exposing herself and throwing grilled meat during an altercation, TCPalm.com reports. Martin County Sheriff’s Office deputies responded to the 2500 block of Northeast Indian River Drive in Jensen Beach Jan. 2 after a male victim reported Christine Taylor, 31, was causing a disturbance. Taylor had reportedly been drinking and was trying to start a fight with residents in the mobile home park. Taylor allegedly exposed her breasts to the victim and his three children before toppling a barbecue grill and throwing pork chops. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: B Frick Re: Method for sending manual update Dear Webby We want to email out some urgent corrections to the manual of one of our products instead of snail-mailing the correction pages or entire manuals. It contains some graphics and some look-up tables, not just text. My secretary wants to do it with a PDF file but I think there must be a better way. What would you recommend? B Frick Dear B Aside from upgrading your secretarial staff immediately, I would recommend ANYTHING but PDF for that. PDF is just for reading and printing. It is difficult to use or to copy / paste it into the old manual. Just send it as regular email. As you can see with the Humor Letter, adding pictures is absolutely no problem. I have been doing that since about 1994. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a stranger's home for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ummm, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Tuna Fish Cakes (Gluten Free) Turn a can of tuna into delicious fish cakes. This recipe is both easy and economical. The fish cakes can be served as a light snack on its own. It could also be served with a green salad and potato chips, which would turn it into a complete meal. The fish cakes are very flavorsome, even though it has a low salt level and gluten free flour. Approximate Time: 20 minutes Yield: 5-6 fish cakes, depending on the size of the fish cakes Ingredients: 1 can (170g) light tuna in salt water (119g drained) 1/2 cup Orgran Gluten Free Pizza & Pastry Multimix 1 tsp baking powder 1/2 cup (125ml) grated carrots 1 Tbsp finely chopped green pepper 1 egg 1 Tbsp milk 1/4 tsp ground black pepper pinch of salt pinch of mustard powder cooking oil for frying 3 Tbsp Orgran flour to coat the fish cakes before frying them Steps: Drain the tuna. Add all the ingredients to a bowl and use a wooden spoon to mix well together. Heat the oil in a frying pan. The oil should be approximately 1½ inches deep. In the palm of your hand, shape a ball and then flatten it to form a fish cake. Repeat until no more of the mixture is left. Coat the fish cakes with Orgran flour and fry in heated oil until the fish cakes are golden brown. Flip them to fry on both sides. Remove from oil and drain slightly on brown paper to remove excess oil. Serve with a dollop of mayonnaise. By Benetta [219] You can use Tuna in oil too. Just rinse it with hot water and let it drip in a colander. I also add finely chopped chives or green onions for a bit of zest. For frying them, I use a 4 inch "1 egger" frying pan to save on oil. Remember to cover the frying pan with a splatter guard! Those fish cakes WILL spit at you! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" The shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabbit or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabbit or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabbit over there?" She in turn puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfhon weally givths a thit." ___________________________________________________
Boys will ALWAYS be boys!
____________________________________________________ This one is best read out loud: One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together!" ____________________________________________________ A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang. In going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table. It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook. As it fell, it hit the family dog, who leaped up, howling and barking. The woman's three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams. The woman mumbled some colorful words. She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband's voice on the other end say, "Nobody's said hello yet, but I'm positive I have the right number." ____________________________________________________
The ultimate man cave.

Today, February 2, in
1536 The Argentine city of Buenos Aires was founded by 
 Pedro de Mendoza of Spain. 
1653 New Amsterdam, now known as New York City, was 
 incorporated. 
1848 The Mexican War was ended with the signing of the 
 Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. The treaty turned over portions 
 of land to the U.S., including Texas, New Mexico, Nevada, 
 Utah, Arizona, California and parts of Colorado and Wyoming. 
 The U.S. gave Mexico $15,000,000 and assumed responsibility 
 of all claims against Mexico by American citizens. Texas 
 had already entered the U.S. on December 29, 1845. 
1848 The first shipload of Chinese emigrants arrived in 
 San Francisco, CA. 
1863 Samuel Langhorne Clemens used a pseudonym for the first 
 time. He is better remembered by the pseudonym which is 
 Mark Twain. 
1870 The "Cardiff Giant" was revealed to be nothing more 
 than carved gypsum. The discovery in Cardiff, NY, was 
 alleged to be the petrified remains of a human. 
1878 Greece declared war on Turkey. 
1880 The S.S. Strathleven arrived in London with the first 
 successful shipment of frozen mutton from Australia. 
1887 The beginning of Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, PA. 
1892 William Painter patented the bottle cap. 
1893 The Edison Studio in West Orange, NJ, made history 
 when they filmed the first motion picture close-up. 
 The studio was owned and operated by Thomas Edison. 
1897 The Pennsylvania state capitol in Harrisburg was 
 destroyed by fire. The new statehouse was dedicated 
 nine years later on the same site. 
1913 Grand Central Terminal officially opened. Even though 
 construction was not entirely complete more than 150,000 
 people visited the new terminal on its opening day. 
1935 Leonard Keeler conducted the first test of the polygraph 
 machine, in Portage, WI. 
1943 During World War II, the remainder of Nazi forces from 
 the Battle of Stalingrad surrendered to the Soviets. 
 Stalingrad has since been renamed Volgograd. 
1946 The first Buck Rogers automatic pistol was made. 
1962 The 8th and 9th planets aligned for the first time in 
 400 years. 
1971 Idi Amin assumed power in Uganda after a coup that 
 ousted President Milton Obote. 
1980 The situation known as "Abscam" began when reports 
 surfaced that the FBI had conducted a sting operation that 
 targeted members of the U.S. Congress. Phony Arab businessmen 
 were used in the operation. 
1989 The final Russian armored column left Kabul, Afghanistan, 
 after nine years of military occupation. 
1990 South African President F.W. de Klerk lifted a ban on the 
 African National Congress and promised to free Nelson Mandela. 
1998 U.S. President Clinton introduced the first balanced budget 
 in 30 years. 
1999 19 people were killed at Luanda international airport when 
 a cargo plane crashed just after takeoff. 
1999 Hugo Chávez Frías took office. He had been elected 
 president of Venezuela in December 1998. 
2004 It was reported that a white powder had been found in an 
 office of Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. The CDC (Centers 
 for Disease Control and Prevention) later confirmed that the 
 powder was the poison ricin.
2015  smiled.


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How to deal with unsolicited porno mail 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, February 1

Have FUN!
DearWebby

>From yong
 Re: Camera view monitor is useless in sunshine.
Dear Filex...I have been using my hoodman for years...
completely blocks out the sun...comes in many sizes/uses...
folds to put in your pocket when not in use...
hoodmanusa.com 
yong


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Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Las Vegas high school teacher arrested for sex with special ed boy — and allegedly exchanged 13,000 text messages with teen Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 1, in 1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat. History ______________________________________________________ Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. -- Bill Vaughan Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One evening a man was very impressed with the meat entree his wife had served. "What did you marinate this in?" he asked. His wife immediately went into a long explanation about how much she loves him and how life wouldn't be the same without him, etc. Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt her answer with a question of her own, "What did you ask me?" She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!" As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you marry me again?" Without hesitation, she said, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce." ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ "I'd like two pork chops," said the patron to her butcher, "and make them lean." "Yes ma'am," said the obliging butcher, standing them on end. "Which way?" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jillian B Lafave, 25, married, Las Vegas, Nevada Las Vegas high school teacher arrested for sex with special ed boy — and allegedly exchanged 13,000 text messages with teen It is getting difficult to pick just one in the current epidemic of teachers messing with students! A married Las Vegas high school teacher is accused of having sex with a special education student — and allegedly exchanged more than 13,000 text messages with the teen, many sexual in nature, according to reports. Valley High School teacher Jillian B. Lafave, 25, faces a felony charge of performing a sex act with a pupil, court records show. Lafave was put on paid administrative leave following her arrest. While she was arrested on Jan. 16, news of the arrest was first reported Monday. A police report obtained by ABC affiliate KTNV-TV alleges that the student and teacher exchanged thousands of text messages, many sexual in nature. According to the arrest report, the teen would hang out with Lafave nearly every day. A hall monitor spotted the teacher having sex during school hours with the 16-year-old, who does not understand right from wrong, school sources told NBC affiliate KSNV. Lafave, who is free on bond, is scheduled to return to court in March. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Peter P Re: Unsolicited por mail Dear Webby Af riend of mine is receiving unsolicited pronographic E-mails from the following site. http://200.43.112.5/mhg?aid=880575&i........... What can he do to stop this from happening? The site does not have an "unsuscribe" feature. He is 83 years old and not too experienced with the internet so he has asked me if I can help. Any help you can give us would be appreciated. Peter P Dear Peter First, don't ever click on the unsubscribe on shady stuff !!!! The unsubscribe only works with legitimate sites like the Humor Letter. With spam, the unsubscribe only confirms to them that your address works, and they promptly sell your address to thousands of other spammers. I would recommend that you suggest to your friend to install the MailWasher. The icon for that is on the right side on the Humor Letter. With the MailWasher he can easily bounce that spam and make it appear to the spammer that his address does not work, or better yet, make it drop straight down to hell, unseen by any human. Automatically. He can trigger MailWasher with that IP number or with words, that are common to THAT email, but not in good and proper emails. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Many answering machines have a test button to test play your different answering messages. You can easily save a special one on the alternate message and play that for nuisance callers. Here is an example: "This is the Microwave speaking. The answering machine is too busy to talk to you. If you want anything boiled, please hold it up to the phone. If you are a telemarketer, please press the star key now." There are many different free text-to-speech programs available. Most let you select different voices, male, female, old, young, and usually also a "Robo-Voice". That one is best for that message. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Change Computer Date to Extend your "Free Trial" Subscriptions We all have tried various free trial products such as subscriptions to music, games, book clubs, the list could go on and on. If your free trial is about up and you would still like to keep it without making a permanent purchase option just yet, all you need to do is go under your computer settings that manage the time and date and push the date back for however long you would like to extend your free trial. Granted, with some subscriptions you gain more perks once you subscribe and the trial they offer is just a sample of the overall service but if your undecided or run out of time before you get to check out the service this is an easy way to give you more time. Source: Life Tricks by Leslie Rodriguez By Amy May M. [1] Aside from being immoral and unethical, that trick does not work anymore. Windows updates the time and date automatically. Also, keep in mind that the people, who wrote that program, are usually just a tad smarter than the average thief. When you download the trial version, it is encoded with the date. If you play silly tricks to extend the trial period for eleven months, and then finally pay for a year, you get a year starting a month after you downloaded the one month free trial. You can't really argue about not being able to steal. Don't use that trick for more than just overnight. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ One of Ginny's picture frames was broken, and she decided to try her hand at repairing it. A screw was missing in one corner, so sheI called the hardware store. "Do you carry screws for picture frames?" she asked. "What size do you need?" "I don't know, but it's rather small." The man sighed. "Ma'am, would that be closer to 'itsy-bitsy' or 'teeny-weeny?'" ___________________________________________________
balls acrobat
____________________________________________________ Morris, a parts manager for a small electronics shop, had occasion to order part No. 669 from the factory. But when he received it he noticed that someone had sent part No. 699 instead. Furious at the factory's incompetence, Morris promptly sent the part back along with a letter giving them a piece of his mind. Less than a week later, he received the same part back with a letter containing just four words, "Turn the box around." ____________________________________________________ A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to a dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novocain because I'm in a big hurry and don't want to waste money on a silly tooth." the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear." ____________________________________________________
Enormous salamander found in a cave that could be 200 years old.

Today, February 1, in
1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat.
1793 France declared war on Britain and Holland. 
1793 Ralph Hodgson patented oiled silk. 
1861 Texas voted to secede from the Union. 
1862 "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," by Julia Ward Howe was first 
 published in the "Atlantic Monthly." 
1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln signed a Joint Resolution 
 submitting the proposed 13th Amendment to the states. 
1867 In the U.S., bricklayers start working 8-hour days. 
1893 Thomas A. Edison completed work on the world's first 
 motion picture studio in West Orange, NJ. 
1900 Eastman Kodak Co. introduced the $1 Brownie box camera. 
1913 Grand Central Terminal (also known as Grand Central Station) 
 opened in New York City, NY. It was the largest train station in the world. 
1919 The first Miss America was crowned in New York City. 
1920 The first armored car was introduced. 
1920 Canada's Royal North West Mounted Police changed their name 
 to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The organization was 
 commissioned in 1873. 
1921 Carmen Fasanella registered as a taxicab owner and driver in 
 Princeton, New Jersey. Fasanella retired November 2, 1989 after 
 68 years and 243 days of service. 
1930 The Times published its first crossword puzzle. 
1951 The first telecast of an atomic explosion took place. 
1951 The first X-ray moving picture process was demonstrated. 
1958 The United Arab Republic was formed by a union of Egypt 
 and Syria. It was broken 1961. 
1960 Four black college students began a sit-in protest at a 
 lunch counter in Greensboro, NC. They had been refused service. 
1968 During the Vietnam War, South Vietnamese National Police 
 Chief Brig. Gen. Nguyen Ngoc Loan executed a Viet Cong officer 
 and rapist with a pistol shot to the head. The scene was captured 
 in a news photograph and used in anti war propaganda. 
1976 "Sonny and Cher" resumed on TV despite a real life divorce. 
1979 Patty Hearst was released from prison after serving 22 months 
 of a seven-year sentence for bank robbery. Her sentence had been 
 commuted by U.S. President Carter. 
1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was welcomed in Tehran as he 
 ended nearly 15 years of exile. 
1991 A USAir jetliner crashed atop a commuter plane at Los Angeles 
 International Airport. 35 people were killed. 
1994 Jeff Gillooly pled guilty in Portland, OR, for his role in 
 the attack on figure skater Nancy Kerrigan. Gillooly, Tonya 
 Harding's ex-husband, struck a plea bargain under which he 
 confessed to racketeering charges in exchange for testimony 
 implicating Harding. 
1996 Visa and Mastercard announced security measures that 
 would make it safe to shop on the Internet. 
1999 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky gave a deposition 
 that was videotaped for senators weighing impeachment charges 
 against U.S. President Clinton. 
2001 Three Scottish judges found Abdel Basset al-Mergrahi guilty 
 of the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, which killed 270 people. 
 The court said that Megrahi was a member of the Libyan 
 intelligence service. Al-Amin Khalifa, who had been co-accused, 
 was acquitted and freed. 
2003 NASA's space shuttle Columbia exploded while re-entering the 
 Earth's atmosphere. All seven astronauts on board were killed.
2015  smiled.


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Camera viewfinder monitor no good in sunshine 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, January 31

>From Richie
 As a Contract furniture specialist with 30 years experience, 
I'd like to add a few comments on your answer regarding clear 
chair mats over carpet. 
don't buy the cheap thin ones -they will curl at the edges and 
create a trip hazard, plus they will develop indents where the 
casters sit for long periods of time and make it difficult to 
roll around
also, if you have a desk chair with carpet casters (which are hard), 
you will need to switch to soft casters made for hard surfaces. 
Why" if not when you go to get up or sit in your chair, the chair 
will skate away fast and you could fall and break a bone.
make sure the mat is sized correctly to the space going under the 
desk and wide enough so the casters are not half on and half off 
the mat. good mats can be custom made in a variety of shapes
lastly get the mat with the spikes to prevent the mat from moving 
around
Good Luck
Richie



Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida drunk arrrested after he drove into parked patrol car while deputy makes different DUI arrest Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 30, in 1747 The first clinic specializing in the treatment of venereal diseases was opened at London Dock Hospital. History ______________________________________________________ Bureaucrats write memoranda both because they appear to be busy when they are writing and because the memos, once written, immediately become proof that they were busy. --- Charles Peters ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little boy got lost at the YWCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
Get 15% off those alreay 85% lower than retail
prices with this coupon link!
______________________________________________________ "How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. "Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went." "But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" "But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack. "But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball," Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack. "Yup," Scott answered. "Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. "Where is what ?", Scott answered. "My ball! My golf ball!" "Oh, I don't know. I was watching that cute lady over there. Her ball went into the water." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Todd Casey, 49, Michael Probst, 36, Tampa, Floriduh Florida drunk arrrested after he drove into parked patrol car while deputy makes different DUI arrest A drunk crashed into a patrol car while a sheriff’s deputy was making an arrest in another DUI case. The Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office said in a news release the incident happened Sunday night. Deputies were arresting 36-year-old Michael Probst around 10:30 p.m. when another car side-swiped the patrol car. The driver didn’t stop but deputies eventually caught up with him. Michael Probst, 36, was being arrested when the crash occured. Deputies arrested 49-year-old Todd M. Casey shortly afterward. An incident report says Casey had alcohol on his breath, red and glassy eyes and slurred speech. He provided breath samples of .181 and .196. Drivers in Florida are considered impaired at .08. He is charged with DUI with property damage and was cited for not moving over when passing an emergency vehicle. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Felix Re: Camera view monitor is useless in sunshine Dear Webby I did all the homework and research on digital cameras and because I often work in marginal light conditions, I got a big and heavy and clunky Sony. It takes great pictures, but the LCD view finder is totally useless in bright light outdoors. The optical viewfinder on the side is just as bad on clear sunny days. I still love the camera, but I need to find a solution to those problems! Felix Dear Felix That problem has existed a lot longer than digital cameras. The solution is still the same as 150 years ago. Find some black satin and cut a one meter by one meter (3' x 3') square out of it and use that to cover your head and the camera when working in bright sunlight. Satin blocks the light quite well and folds up a lot smaller than any other cloth. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her a card, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. "I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." "What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. "We hadn't started eating yet." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Potato Tahdig (Crispy Potato Cake) Tahdig is a traditional savoury Persian treat. What started as the crispy crust that got stuck to the bottom of your pan has rapidly become the most sought-after part of the meal. I like to eat it with stews. I learned how to make it from my mother, who learned how to make it from her mother in law, who was an amazing cook, God rest her soul. :) Approximate Time: 35 minutes Yield: 4 servings Ingredients: 3 medium potatoes 3 Tbsp oil 1 inch of carrot, sliced into flower shapes a few sprigs of Italian parsley Steps: Slice potatoes, about 3mm thick. Add oil to cold pan. Arrange carrots and parsley. Add sliced potatoes, slightly overlapping, in a circular way, spiraling around the pan then stacking up evenly. Add 3 tablespoons of water to pan, turn on heat to medium. Cover with lid, and cook about 5 minutes or until it starts to steam. When you see the steam, add a paper towel between the pan and the lid in order to catch the steam. Reduce heat to low, cook about 20-25 minutes. Do a taste/texture check to see if the potatoes on the top are cooked. When they are, raise the heat to medium for 1 minute to make the bottom super crunchy. Remove from heat. Put the lidded pan on a cold wet towel. This helps release tahdig nicely from the bottom of the pan. The same way you would flip a cake, put a plate over the pan and flip over quickly. Enjoy your yummy and pretty potato creation! *You could also add parboiled rice to a thin layer of potato from the beginning to make more of a rice cake. Source: Family recipe and method By attosa [169] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Three pastors from different congregations were having lunch and sharing experiences and ideas to help each other out with their different fellowships. After several minutes of animated conversation, the first one remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem at our church that I want to discuss with you guys." The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats. We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start flapping around. Then when I start to preach, we can still hear them moving around up there and it's really hard for anyone to pay any attention. The kids start to cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way of a good church service." The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our belfry. We've tried ringing the bells at all hours, spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head. The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly. "Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago, and we found a quick solution." he says. The other two pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on, "It was easy. We went up there, got to know 'em a little bit, got 'em baptized and started passing the collection plate to them. Haven't seen 'em since." ___________________________________________________
balls acrobat
____________________________________________________ A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice- mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long." ____________________________________________________ Dave was talking to his buddy, John, about his love life. "So, John, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," John shook his head sadly, "Whenever I mention sex, they object." ____________________________________________________
Very talented and humorous instrumentalists from Poland and their version of Wild West Music.

Today, January 31, in
1606 - Guy Fawkes was executed after being convicted for his 
 role in the "Gunpowder Plot" against the English Parliament 
 and King James I. 
1747 The first clinic specializing in the treatment of venereal 
 diseases was opened at London Dock Hospital. 
1858 The Great Eastern, the five-funnelled steamship designed 
 by Brunel, was launched at Millwall. 
1865 In America, General Robert E. Lee was named general-in-chief 
 of the Confederate armies. 
1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by 
 the U.S. House of Representatives. The amendment abolished 
 slavery in the United States. 
1876 All Native American Indians were ordered to move into 
 reservations. 
1893 The trademark "Coca-Cola" was first registered in the 
 United States Patent Office. 
1917 Germany announced its policy of unrestricted submarine 
 warfare. 
1929 The USSR exiled Leon Trotsky. He found asylum in Mexico. 
1930 U.S. Navy Lt. Ralph S. Barnaby became the first glider 
 pilot to have his craft released from a dirigible, a large 
 blimp, at Lakehurst, NJ. 
1934 Jim Londos defeated Joe Savoldi in a one-fall match in 
 Chicago, IL. The crowd of 20,000 was one of the largest 
 crowds to see a wrestling match. 
1936 The radio show "The Green Hornet" debuted. 
1940 The first Social Security check was issued by the U.S. 
 Government. 
1944 During World War II, U.S. forces invaded Kwajalein Atoll 
 and other areas of the Japanese-held Marshall Islands. 
1945 Private Eddie Slovik became the only U.S. soldier since 
 the U.S. Civil War to be executed for desertion. 
1946 A new constitution in Yugoslavia created six constituent 
 republics (Serbia, Montenegro, Croatia, Slovenia, 
 Bosnia-Herzegovina, Macedonia) subordinated to a central 
 authority, on the model of the USSR. 
1949 The first TV daytime soap opera was broadcast from NBC's 
 station in Chicago, IL. It was "These Are My Children." 
1950 U.S. President Truman announced that he had ordered 
 development of the hydrogen bomb. 
1958 Explorer I was put into orbit around the earth. It was 
 the first U.S. earth satellite. 
1971 Astronauts Alan B. Shepard Jr., Edgar D. Mitchell and 
 Stuart A. Roosa blasted off aboard Apollo 14 on a mission 
 to the moon. 
1971 Telephone service between East and West Berlin was 
 re-established after 19 years. 
1982 Sandy Duncan gave her final performance as "Peter Pan" 
 in Los Angeles, CA. She completed 956 performances without 
 missing a show. 
1983 The wearing of seat belts in cars became compulsory in 
 Britain. 
1983 JCPenney announced plans to spend in excess of $1 billion 
 over the next five years to modernize stores and to 
 accelerate a repositioning program. 
1985 The final Jeep rolled off the assembly line at the AMC 
 plant in Toledo, OH. 
1990 McDonald's Corp. opened its first fast-food restaurant 
 in Moscow, Russia. 
1995 U.S. President Clinton invoked presidential emergency 
 authority to provide a $20 billion loan to Mexico to stabilize 
 its economy. 
1996 In Columbo, Sri Lanka, a truck was rammed into the gates 
 of the Central Bank. The truck filled with explosives killed 
 at least 86 and injured 1,400. 
2000 An Alaska Airlines jet crashed into the ocean off Southern 
 California. All 88 people on board were killed. 
2001 A Scottish court in the Netherlands convicted one Libyan 
 and acquitted a second in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 
 over Lockerbie, Scotland, that occurred in 1988. 
2015  smiled.


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Clear carpet mats around desks 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, January 30

Thank you, Jim !!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Tacoma car thief arrested after he tried to steal police car, sat in officer's lap Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 30, in 1847 The town of Yerba Buena was renamed San Francisco. History ______________________________________________________ Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. --- Timothy Leary (1920 - 1996) The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. --- Sidney J. Harris ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Jean Daughter: "Daddy, I am coming home to get married! Take out your checkbook! I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me! I am in California and he lives in New York! We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of relationship through Viper! Dad, I need your blessings, good wishes, and a big wedding!" Father: "Wow! Really, then get married on Twitter; have fun on Tango; buy your kids on Amazon and pay through PayPal. And if you get fed up with your husband...sell him on Ebay! ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
Get 15% off those alreay 85% lower than retail
prices with this coupon link!
______________________________________________________ >From Walter, the Stonecarver: Staglieno Cemetery in Genoa, Italy, is a magical place filled with hundreds of incredible marble sculptures. Visit http://staglieno.com or https://www.facebook.com/StaglienoSculpture/ to see lots of photos of these amazing, beautiful works of art. Walter is involved in restoring these sculptures and remedying hundreds of years of pollution damage on the ancient marble. Here are a couple pictures from the many sculptures: Staglieno Cemetery in Genoa, Italy, is a magical place filled with hundreds of incredible marble sculptures. ______________________________________________________ A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the Army," the general said. "Nothing to it-you'll catch on again fast." Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, slapped his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, girlie, it's back to the village for you." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Boulet, Tacoma, Washington Tacoma car thief arrested after he tried to steal police car, sat in officer's lap A suspected car thief trying to run from police got a surprise when he tried to steal a police patrol car and wound up sitting in an officer’s lap. Fife police Lt. Tom Thompson said the man was spotted acting suspicious near a motel around 8:30 p.m. Tuesday, so a patrol sergeant stopped to check the license on the car he was driving. It came back as stolen. As the sergeant followed the suspect, identified as David Boulet, Boulet jumped from the car and ran. Police said Boulet climbed a fence and ran through traffic in both the north and southbound lanes of Interstate 5, dodging cars. Meanwhile, a Tacoma police officer, hearing the chase over the radio, stopped on the Port of Tacoma road overpass and turned on his red and blue lights. Thompson said Boulet ran from the freeway through heavy brush and onto the overpass, apparently looking for a getaway car. He spotted the patrol car with lights flashing, ran toward it, pulled the door open, got in and sat down in the officer’s lap, apparently unaware that the officer was still behind the wheel. Thompson said the officer was stunned at first, then recognized Boulet’s description as the suspect leading police on a foot pursuit. Boulet was wrestled to the ground and placed under arrest. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Deborah Re: Clear floor mats for desks Dear Webby How well do those clear plastic floor mats that you see in many offices protect the carpet? Debrah Those clear floor mats are not really intended to protect the carpet, but to make it easier for chairs to roll around. After a year or two you can quite definitely spot where the carpet had been covered by a mat and where it had been exposed to air, light, and usage. Carpet ages differently when exposed and used, and the areas under the floor mats will look identical to the areas under the file cabinets, however, that is usually quite preferable to the bald spots your carpet might get if you don't use them. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No Bake Chocolate Mint Cookies This is a very simple way to get your fix of those crispy, chocolatey, minty cookies. I had seen a similar recipe and they used Andes baking chips. I had never heard of them. But sure enough, there they were at Target! I almost paid the $3 for the bag, but realized I probably had all the ingredients at home to make them just as good. Be warned that once you eat one, you will want to keep going until the whole platter is gone! Approximate Time: 10 minutes, plus time for the chocolate to harden Yield: About 20 "cookies" Ingredients: 20 Ritz crackers 1/4 bag (4 oz) semi-sweet chocolate chips (I used mini) 1 Tbsp shortening 1/2 tsp peppermint extract Steps: Put your chocolate chips in a microwave-safe bowl. Add chocolate chips and shortening. You can skip the shortening, if you like. I always use it and rarely have chocolate "seize" on me. Microwave 30 seconds to start with. Take out of the microwave and stir. Put in the microwave and heat another 20-30 seconds. Stir until the chocolate is smooth. Add 1/2 teaspoon of peppermint extract, stir and then taste. Don't go crazy with this stuff. If you want it a little more minty, add a few more drops. Stir the extract into the chocolate. Take your cracker and dip it into the melted chocolate. I like to use a spoon to pour the chocolate on top. You can use a fork underneath to pull the cracker out. Wipe the fork against the bowl to get the excess chocolate off. Place on a piece of wax paper. Wait patiently for the chocolate to harden. Enjoy! By Becky Miles [100] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ As a passenger ship passed a small island, a bearded man could be seen shouting and furiously waving his arms. "Who is that?" a passenger asked the captain. "I have no idea," the captain replied, "But every year when we pass he goes nuts." ___________________________________________________
Remember the one who fed you the ball watch to the end :D
____________________________________________________ Laura's husband, Ron, was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue." "Yes, I know." said Ron. "It's my wife Laura, she is out of control." "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you make?" asked the banker. "Frankly," replied Ron with a deep sigh, "because it is a lot safer to argue with you than with her." ____________________________________________________ Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. "This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law." ____________________________________________________
The strangest living bird I've ever seen.

Today, January 30, in
1649 England's King Charles I was beheaded. 
1790 The first purpose-built lifeboat was launched on the 
 River Tyne. 
1798 The first brawl in the U.S. House of Representatives 
 took place. Congressmen Matthew Lyon and Roger Griswold 
 fought on the House floor. 
1847 The town of Yerba Buena was renamed San Francisco. 
1862 The U.S. Navy's first ironclad warship, the "Monitor", 
 was launched. 
1889 Rudolph, crown prince of Austria, and his 17-year-old 
 mistress, Baroness Marie Vetsera, were found shot in his 
 hunting lodge at Mayerling, near Vienna. 
1894 C.B. King received a patent for the pneumatic hammer. 
1900 The British fighting the Boers in South Africa ask 
 for a larger army. 
1910 Work began on the first board-track automobile speedway. 
 The track was built in Playa del Ray, CA. 
1911 The first airplane rescue at sea was made by the destroyer 
 "Terry." Pilot James McCurdy was forced to land in the ocean 
 about 10 miles from Havana, Cuba. 
1933 "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the first time. 
 The program ran for 2,956 episodes and ended in 1955. 
1933 Adolf Hitler was named the German Chancellor. 
1948 Indian political and spiritual leader Mahatma Gandhi was 
 murdered by a Hindu extremist. 
1958 Yves Saint Laurent, at age 22, held his first major fashion 
 show in Paris. 
1958 The first two-way moving sidewalk was put in service at 
 Love Field in Dallas, TX. The length of the walkway through 
 the airport was 1,435 feet. 
1962 Two members of the "Flying Wallendas" high-wire act were 
 killed when their seven-person pyramid collapsed during a 
 performance in Detroit, MI. 
1964 January 30 The U.S. launched Ranger 6. The unmanned 
 spacecraft carried television cameras and was intentionally 
 crash-landed on the moon. The cameras did not return any 
 pictures to Earth. 
1968 The Tet Offensive began as Communist forces launched 
 surprise attacks against South Vietnamese provincial capitals. 
1972 In Northern Ireland, British soldiers shot and killed 
 thirteen Roman Catholic civil rights marchers. The day is known 
 as "Bloody Sunday." 
1979 The civilian government of Iran announced it had decided to 
 allow Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini to return. He had been living 
 in exile in France flooding Iran with cassette tapes of his 
 speeches. 
1989 The U.S. embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan was closed. 
1995 The U.N. Security Council authorized the deployment of a 
 6,000-member U.N. peace-keeping contingent to assume security 
 responsibilities in Haiti from U.S. forces. 
1996 Gino Gallagher, the reputed leader of the Irish National 
 Liberation Army, was shot and killed as he queued for his 
 unemployment benefit. 
1997 A New Jersey judge ruled that the unborn child of a female 
 prisoner must have legal representation. He denied the prisoner 
 bail reduction to enable her to leave the jail and obtain an 
 abortion. 
2002 Slobodan Milosevic accused the U.N. war crimes tribunal of 
 an "evil and hostile attack" against him. Milosevic was defending 
 his actions during the Balkan wars. 
2002 Japan's last coal mine was closed. The closures were due to 
 high production costs and cheap imports. 
2005 In Iraq, the first free Parliamentary elections since 1958 
 took place. 
2015  smiled.


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Secret Key combos 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, January 29
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Jim !!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida teacher accused of having sex with teen re-arrested on suspicion of tampering with evidence Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 29, in 1997 America Online agreed to give refunds to frustrated customers under threat of lawsuits across the country. Customers were unable to log on after AOL offered a flat $19.95-a-month rate. History ______________________________________________________ Women always think they can change their man They never do. Men alway hope that their woman won't change They always do. --- Socratex A good wife sometimes forgives her husband when she's wrong. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?" "I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?" "I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink Less." ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
Get 15% off those alreay 85% lower than retail
prices with this coupon link!
______________________________________________________ A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum. "Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Dough." (Plato was a famous philosopher in Greece about 2400 years ago) ______________________________________________________ Looks like Antelope Canyon ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sara Moore, 35, St Cloud, Floriduh Florida teacher accused of having sex with teen re-arrested on suspicion of tampering with evidence Ex-substitute teacher accused of sex with boy rearrested after posting bond A Florida teacher accused of having sex with her child’s friend has been rearrested on suspicion of tampering with evidence. Sara Moore, 35, is accused of sleeping with the 14-year-old boy more than two dozen times at her home in St. Cloud. Moore was released on bail last week, but has been rearrested on suspicion of evidence tampering, reported Fox 35 Orlando. Her relationship with the teen was uncovered when his parents found condoms and sexually explicit Instagram messages, according to an affidavit. Substitute teacher Moore is now accused of going to a local Verizon store to attempt to wipe information from her cellphone. According to a police report, Moore told an employee she was "in trouble with police" and asked how to delete evidence, remotely. "Apparently, she made some statements to a store clerk there about wanting to access a phone that was in evidence pertinent to her current case," said an attorney. Staff at the store alerted police, who then arrested Moore once more. The teen victim, who is friends with the married St. Cloud Middle School health teacher’s children, told police he had sex with Moore up to 25 times in the back of a car at a gas station parking lot, and in her daughter’s bedroom. When his parents learned of the sex, he burst into tears and said that he didn’t want to ruin her life. Moore, who worked with the Osceola County school district for three years, was fired last week. Moore is charged with 10 counts of sexual battery on a minor. A judge handed Moore $75,000 bail on the tampering with evidence charge Wednesday, and she will stay in jail because her bond was revoked because of the sexual battery charge. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Vicky Re: Secret Key combos Dear Webby What is the secret key combination to jump back and forth between different programs ? I have seen people use that trick and it looks so cool and professional, but I don't want those people to know that I don't kow. Thanks Vicky Dear Vicky ALT TAB will jump the curser to the previously used program. Also handy are these: CTRL C copy CTRL V paste CTRL X cut (= copy and delete the copied stuff) CTRL Z OOOPS, undo the previous action Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Lisa was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her was starting to pile up. The guy in the car directly behind her was honking his horn continuously as Lisa continued to try getting the car to start up again. Finally Lisa gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her. "I can't seem to get my car started," Lisa said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and honk your horn for you." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No Bake Chocolate Mint Cookies This is a very simple way to get your fix of those crispy, chocolatey, minty cookies. I had seen a similar recipe and they used Andes baking chips. I had never heard of them. But sure enough, there they were at Target! I almost paid the $3 for the bag, but realized I probably had all the ingredients at home to make them just as good. Be warned that once you eat one, you will want to keep going until the whole platter is gone! Approximate Time: 10 minutes, plus time for the chocolate to harden Yield: About 20 "cookies" Ingredients: 20 Ritz crackers 1/4 bag (4 oz) semi-sweet chocolate chips (I used mini) 1 Tbsp shortening 1/2 tsp peppermint extract Steps: Put your chocolate chips in a microwave-safe bowl. Add chocolate chips and shortening. You can skip the shortening, if you like. I always use it and rarely have chocolate "seize" on me. Microwave 30 seconds to start with. Take out of the microwave and stir. Put in the microwave and heat another 20-30 seconds. Stir until the chocolate is smooth. Add 1/2 teaspoon of peppermint extract, stir and then taste. Don't go crazy with this stuff. If you want it a little more minty, add a few more drops. Stir the extract into the chocolate. Take your cracker and dip it into the melted chocolate. I like to use a spoon to pour the chocolate on top. You can use a fork underneath to pull the cracker out. Wipe the fork against the bowl to get the excess chocolate off. Place on a piece of wax paper. Wait patiently for the chocolate to harden. Enjoy! By Becky Miles [100] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?" Many weeks passed before Manny and his friend got together again. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends." "Excellent!!! So,.... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!" ___________________________________________________
that thing you do
____________________________________________________ "BettySue," asked Dawn thoughtfully one day, "what would you do if you caught your husband with another woman?" "Another woman with MY husband?" BettySue thought it over. "Let's see; I'd break her cane, shoot her guide dog, and call a cab to take her back to the institution she escaped from." ____________________________________________________ The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world." But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel this way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us." ____________________________________________________
The Site Of The Salem Witch Trials Has Been Found, And It's Not Where You'd Expect

Today, January 29, in
1820 Britain's King George III died insane at Windsor Castle. 
1845 Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" was published for the 
 first time in the "New York Evening Mirror." 
1848 Greenwich Mean Time was adopted by Scotland. 
1850 Henry Clay introduced in the Senate a compromise bill 
 on slavery that included the admission of California into 
 the Union as a free state. 
1886 The first successful petrol-driven motorcar, built by 
 Karl Benz, was patented. 
1916 In World War I, Paris was bombed by German zeppelins 
 for the first time. 
1924 R. Taylor patented the ice cream cone rolling machine. 
1940 The W. Atlee Burpee Seed Company displayed the first 
 tetraploid flowers at the New York City Flower Show. 
1949 "The Newport News" was commissioned as the first 
 air-conditioned naval ship in Virginia. 
1963 Britain was refused entry into the EEC. 
1987 "Physician’s Weekly" announced that the smile on the 
 face of Leonardo DeVinci's Mona Lisa was caused by a 
 "...facial paralysis resulting from a swollen nerve 
 behind the ear." 
1990 Joseph Hazelwood, the former skipper of the Exxon Valdez, 
 went on trial in Anchorage, AK, on charges that stemmed from 
 America's worst oil spill. Hazelwood was later acquitted of 
 all the major charges and was convicted of a misdemeanor. 
1996 French President Jacques Chirac announced the "definitive 
 end" to nuclear testing. 
1996 La Fenice, the 204 year old opera house in Venice, was 
 destroyed by fire. Arson was suspected. 
1997 America Online agreed to give refunds to frustrated 
 customers under threat of lawsuits across the country. 
 Customers were unable to log on after AOL offered a flat 
 $19.95-a-month rate. 
1998 A bomb exploded at an abortion clinic in Birmingham, AL, 
 killing an off-duty policeman and severely wounding a nurse. 
 Eric Rudolph was charged with this bombing and three other 
 attacks in Atlanta. 
1999 Paris prosecutors announced the end of the investigation 
into the accident that killed Britain's Princess Diana. 
1999 The U.S. Senate delivered subpoenas for Monica Lewinsky 
 and two presidential advisers for private, videotaped 
 testimony in the impeachment trial. 
2001 In Indonesia, thousands of student protesters stormed 
 the parliament property and demanded that President 
 Abdurrahman Wahid quit due to his alleged involvement in 
 two corruption scandals. Wahid announced that he would 
 not resign. 
2014 Archaeologists announced that they had uncovered what 
 they believed to be the oldest temple in Roman antiquity. 
 The temple was found at the Sant'Omobono site in central Rome. 
2015  smiled.


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Printing from Chrome 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 28

Thank you, Allene!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Ex-Texas teacher busted for having sex with student is suing him for recording tryst, and his mother for calling her a 'predator' Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 28, in 1999 Ford Motor Company announced the purchase of Sweden's Volvo AB for $6.45 billion. History ______________________________________________________ Man always gets less than he demands from life. --- Jack London (1876 - 1916) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A New Mom took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time. She dressed her in pink from head to toe. At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put her purchases around her. At the checkout line a small boy and his mother were ahead of them. The child was crying and begging for some special treat. He wants some candy or gum and his mother won't let him have any, she thought. Then she heard his mother's reply. "No!" she said, looking in her direction. "You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!" ______________________________________________________
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Get 15% off those alreay 85% lower than retail
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______________________________________________________ Another laptop computer has disappeared from the State Department. The disappearance came to light during an inventory ordered after a laptop containing classified information went missing about two months ago. A note was sent to State Department Employees: When you want to deliver a message, just send e-mail - not the entire computer. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tanya Ramirez, 31, Corpus Christi, Texas Ex-Texas teacher busted for having sex with student is suing him for recording tryst, and his mother for calling her a 'predator' A former Texas teacher who was busted for having sex with a 17-year-old student filed a lawsuit against him for recording their tryst — and one against the teen's mother for calling her a "predator." Tanya Ramirez claims that the teen videotaped their sex in 2014 and "disseminated the video to numerous people and caused the video to be posted on YouTube," the lawsuit against the student charges. The teen's "extreme and outrageous" conduct caused Ramirez severe emotional distress, according to the suit. "You can't have sex with someone and film it without their knowledge, and post it on the Internet," Amie Pratt, one of Ramirez's lawyers, told the Daily News on Wednesday. In a suit filed previously, Ramirez claims the teen's mother, Kimberly Tademy, has told several media outlets the teacher has had sex with students other than her son, and that Ramirez is a sexual predator of children. The false statements exposed Ramirez to "public hatred, contempt, ridicule, and financial injury, and impeached her honesty and integrity," the lawsuit claims. Ramirez, who taught at King High School in Corpus Christi, pleaded guilty to having an improper relationship with a student, and was given seven years probation. In a second case, she pleaded no contest to having sex with another 17-year-old student. She was indicted in 2014 under a Texas law which forbids teachers from having sex with students from the same school, even if the students are of legal age. In Texas, 17 is the age of consent. Her lawyers are in the process of filing a notice of appeal, claiming the "Improper Relationship Between Educator and Student" law is not constitutional and makes "no sense." "Even though she is guilty of having sex with a student, the student was a consenting adult when it happened," Pratt told The News. "Had she not been a teacher, this would not have been a crime." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Printing from Chrome Dear Webby now that I am using Chrome I can't figure out how to print an email letter. When I click on the print icon a window pops up asking whether to save the copy but I just want to print it. How does that work? Also, does Chrome have a 'Menu' bar? As always my sincerest thanks. Be well, live long, and prosper, Walter Dear Walter To print from Chrome, hit CTRL P If your printing preference is set for PDF or Print To File, change that to your current printer. Usually it remembers your preferences. The menu is in the three horizontal bars in the right top corner. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove today, you dope." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Blender Pancakes Healthy and delicious! A nice change of pace from traditional pancakes. Approximate Time: 10 minutes Yield: 2 people Ingredients: 1 cup cottage cheese or Greek yogurt (I used blueberry Greek yogurt) 2 large eggs 1 cup rolled oats A little milk or other liquid if you think the batter is too thick Steps: Preheat the griddle over medium-high heat. Griddle is ready when beads of water "dance" on it. Put your ingredients in a blender. I put them in a bowl, and used my immersion blender. Cook the pancakes until bubbles form on the surface. This takes 1 to 1 1/2 minutes (mine took slightly longer). Turn and cook until brown on other side, a couple of minutes more. Serve with butter, jam, syrup, sugar or fresh fruit on top. Source: February 2016 issue of Family Circle magazine By Judy Pariser S. [80] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Schwartz, the town grouch. So Schwartz went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special: "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Schwartz: "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Schwartz wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Schwartz to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Schwartz," says the doctor. "that will be $100." So Schwartz goes home very mad. One month later, Schwartz goes back to the doctor along - with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Schwartz, "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Schwartz fled the office. ___________________________________________________
Scottie pinwheel
____________________________________________________ Judge: "I see you are back for fighting with your wife. Liquor again?" "No, sir," was the reply. "She licked me this time." ____________________________________________________ A young man volunteered to baby-sit one night so his girlfriend and her mom could go to some tupperware party. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football. One child kept creeping down the stairs but the young man kept sending him back. At 9pm, the doorbell rang, it was the next-door neighbour Mrs. Brown, asking whether her son was there. The young man brusquely replied, "No". Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted: "I'm here Mom but he won't let me go home." ____________________________________________________
CStreet art portraits.

Today, January 28, in
1521 The Diet of Worms began, at which Protestant reformer 
 Luther was declared an outlaw by the Roman Catholic church. 
1547 England's King Henry VIII died. He was succeeded by his 
 9 year-old son, Edward VI. 
1788 The first British penal settlement in Australia was founded 
 at Botany Bay. 
1807 London's Pall Mall became the first street lit by gaslight. 
1871 France surrendered in the Franco-Prussian War. 
1878 The first telephone switchboard was installed in New Haven, CT. 
1902 The Carnegie Institution was established in Washington, DC. It 
 began with a gift of $10 million from Andrew Carnegie. 
1909 The United States ended direct control over Cuba. 
1915 The Coast Guard was created by an act of the U.S. Congress to 
 fight contraband trade and aid distressed vessels at sea. 
1916 Louis D. Brandeis was appointed by President Wilson to the U.S. 
 Supreme Court, becoming its first Jewish member. 
1918 The Bolsheviks occupied Helsinki, Finland. 
1935 Iceland became the first country to introduce legalized abortion. 
1945 During World War II, Allied supplies began reaching China 
 over the newly reopened Burma Road. 
1957 The Brooklyn Dodgers announced that circus clown Emmett Kelly had 
 been hired to entertain fans at baseball games. 
1958 Construction began on first private thorium-uranium nuclear reactor. 
1965 General Motors reported the biggest profit of any U.S. company 
 in history. 
1980 Six Americans who had fled the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran, on 
 November 4, 1979, left Iran using false Canadian diplomatic passports. 
 The Americans had been hidden at the Canadian embassy in Tehran. 
1982 Italian anti-terrorism forces rescued U.S. Brigadier General 
 James L. Dozier. He had been kidnapped by the Red Brigades 42 days before. 
1986 The U.S. space shuttle Challenger exploded just after takeoff. All 
 seven of its crewmembers were killed. 
1998 In Manilla, Philippines, gunmen held at least 400 children and 
 teachers for several hours at an elementary school. 
1999 Ford Motor Company announced the purchase of Sweden's Volvo AB 
 for $6.45 billion. 
2002 Toys R Us Inc. announced that it would be closing 27 Toys R Us 
 stores and 37 Kids R Us stores in order to cut costs and boost 
 operating profits.
2015  smiled.


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How to deal with power outages 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a NC Woman charged with aggravated violence after she assaulted hubby with nunchucks, when he refused to have sex with her. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 27, in 1880 Thomas Edison patented the electric incandescent lamp. History ______________________________________________________ The most perfidious way of harming a cause consists of defending it deliberately with faulty arguments. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) I want to live my life so that my nights are not full of regrets. --- D. H. Lawrence ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Jean A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teef." The man said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair - try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair. Try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker." ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner - Click here
Get 15% off those alreay 85% lower than retail prices with this coupon link!
______________________________________________________ The case concerned a will Kelly was a witness. "Was the deceased," asked the attorney, "In the habit of talking to himself when he was alone?" "I don't know," said the Irishman. "Come now man, you don't know and yet you pretend you were intimately acquainted with the deceased?" "Well, Mr. Lawyer," said Kelly, "I never happened to be with him when he was alone." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sondra Earle Kelly, 51, Charlotte, North Carolina Woman charged with aggravated violence after she assaulted hubby with nunchucks, when he refused to have sex with her. A woman allegedly battered her husband with nunchucks because he refused to have sex with her. Sondra Earle-Kelly, 51, is alleged first to have hurled ceramic figurines at her lover when he refused stop watching TV and go to bed with her. Then she reportedly grabbed a pair of nunchucks and began to beat him with them. Police found blood on the walls of the couple’s apartment. Earle-Kelly, who was also said to have taken a tranquiliser tablets over the course of the evening, has been charged with aggravated domestic violence. She spent the night in a Charlotte, North Carolina police cell and is to appear in court next month. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dora Re: How to deal with power outages Dear Webby You used to live in the bush and probably know. What is the best way to cope with long power outages aside from buying new laptop batteries every 3-4 months ? Dora Dear Dora Well, I didn't really learn about power outages until I moved to the city. In the bush I had solar panels that charged my batteries and a home-made inverter to turn that into regular household electricity. You can do the same thing in town, but instead of expensive solar panels, just get an automotive style battery charger. And a car battery. For the inverter you can buy one or a bunch of those Statpower or similar car adapters that plug into the cigarette lighter and produce regular household electricity. Run your computer off that adapter and you will never notice power outages. Whenever there IS power, the battery charger will charge the battery, but the battery will always provide juice to the adapter. An added fringe benefit is that the battery will absorb any surges coming down the line. For a Laptop and a light get a 150 Watt inverter, for a desktop with a small monitor get a 500 Watt inverter, and for a desktop with a large monitor get a 600 Watt inverter. One or two car batteries will easily carry you over any power outages. You can reduce power consumption by using LED or compact spiral fluorescent lights. Home Depot sells LED ceiling lights, that produce very bright light for an entire room and have totally negligible power consumption. If you just need light for your desk, get a "Z" arm desk light and put a 7 Watt compact fluorescent into it. The best place to keep your batteries and charger is in a flower box outside a window. You can cover them with some empty egg cartons and grow your salad herbs in those. The warmth coming from the charger will extend the season for them quite remarkably. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Overheard while waiting in line at the bank: Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Meatloaf "Cupcakes" Who says you can't play with your food? Have a little fun with boring meatloaf by shaping them like cupcakes! Top with mashed potatoes and a dot of ketchup on top. Gave everyone a laugh when I served it. It could also be a cute April Fool's dinner for the family. Approximate Time: 45 minutes Yield: 16 individual cupcakes Ingredients: 1 1/2 lb ground meat (I used beef) 1/2 cup bread crumbs pinch of your favorite spices (I use fresh basil, garlic, cumin) 1/2 onion, diced 1 egg instant mashed potatoes for "icing ketchup Steps: Mix together meat with spices, egg, and bread crumbs. Meatloaf "Cupcakes" Form into small balls the size of your palm, and add to muffin tins. Cook at 375 degrees F for 30 to 45 minutes or until done to your liking. Whip up some mashed potatoes Place one big dollop of potatoes on top of individual meatballs. You may use a pastry bag if you really want them to look like icing. I used an ice scoop. Dot the mashed potatoes with a "cherry" of ketchup on top. Note: I actually froze one tray of six for later use since we were only 3 people and didn't need all those 'cupcakes' at one meal. By Donna [308] To get less shrinkage and more flavor, you can use stuffing instead of the bread crumbs. Since stuffing is usually already seasoned, you can cut back on the salt, that is missing in the above recipe. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ >From Ann While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers." "That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already potty-trained." ___________________________________________________
cool questions to ask Siri
____________________________________________________ On vacation one year I went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from our resort to participate in a cattle drive. After watching 25 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, I rode up to the ranch owner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size. "One," she replied, "and a dog." ____________________________________________________ A mouse returned from the laboratory to his cage and told a fellow mouse, "I've finally got Dr. Snooker trained." "You have?" asked the other. "Yes, explained the first mouse. "Every time I press down the bar, he gives me food." ____________________________________________________
Chinese Human Kaleidoscope

Today, January 27, in
1606 The trial of Guy Fawkes and his fellow conspirators began. 
 They were executed on January 31. 
1880 Thomas Edison patented the electric incandescent lamp. 
1900 In China, foreign diplomats in Peking, fearing a revolt, 
 demanded that the imperial government discipline the Boxer 
 rebels. 
1926 John Baird, a Scottish inventor, demonstrated a 
 pictorial transmission machine called television. 
1943 During World War II, the first all American air raid 
 against Germany took place when about 50 bombers attacked
 Wilhlemshaven. 
1944 The Soviet Union announced that the two year German 
 siege of Leningrad had come to an end. 
1945 Soviet troops liberated the Nazi concentration camps 
 Auschwitz and Birkenau in Poland three weeks after German 
 troops had abandoned them. 
1948 Wire Recording Corporation of America announced the 
 first magnetic tape recorder. The ‘Wireway’ machine with 
 a built-in oscillator sold for $149.50. 
1951 In the U.S., atomic testing in the Nevada desert began 
 as an Air Force plane dropped a one-kiloton bomb on 
 Frenchman Flats. 
1967 At Cape Kennedy, FL, astronauts Virgil I. "Gus" Grissom, 
 Edward H. White and Roger B. Chaffee died in a flash fire 
 during a test aboard their Apollo I spacecraft. 
1967 More than 60 nations signed the Outer Space Treaty which 
 banned the orbiting of nuclear weapons and placing weapons 
 on celestial bodies or space stations. 
1973 The Vietnam peace accords were signed in Paris. 
1977 The Vatican reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's ban 
 on female priests. 
1981 U.S. President Reagan greeted the 52 former American 
 hostages released by Iran when Reagan won the presdency 
 at the White House. 
1984 Wayne Gretzky set a National Hockey League (NHL) record for 
 consecutive game scoring. He ended the streak at 51 games. 
1985 The Coca-Cola Company, of Atlanta, GA, announced a plan 
 to sell its soft drinks in the Soviet Union. 
1992 Former world boxing champion Mike Tyson went on trial 
 for allegedly raping an 18-year-old contestant in the 1991 
 Miss Black America Contest. 
1997 It was revealed that French national museums were holding 
 nearly 2,000 works of art stolen from Jews by the Nazis 
 during World War II. 
1998 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton appeared on NBC's 
 "Today" show. She charged that the allegations against her 
 husband were the work of a "vast right-wing conspiracy." 
1999 The U.S. Senate blocked dismissal of the impeachment 
 case against President Clinton and voted for new testimony 
 from Monica Lewinsky and two other witnesses. 
2002 A series of explosions occurred at a military dump 
 in Lagos, Nigeria. More than 1,000 people were killed in 
 the blast and in the attempt to escape. 
2003 Altria Group, Inc. became the name of the parent company 
 of Kraft Foods, Philip Morris USA, Philip Morris 
 International and Philip Morris Capital Corporation. 
2010 Steve Jobs unveiled the Apple iPad.
2015  smiled.


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Laptop versus desktop 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 26

Happy Australia Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida woman, who was arrested after she ended a low speed chase right on the lawn of the police station. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, in 1788 The first European settlers in Australia, led by Captain Arthur Phillip, landed in what became known as Sydney. The group had first settled at Botany Bay eight days before. This day is celebrated as Australia Day. History ______________________________________________________ Every man is the architect of his own fortune. --- Sallust (86 BC - 34 BC) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Liz For their 20th anniversary Nina and her husband vacationed in Hawaii, where they went snorkeling. After an hour in the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for Nina and one handsome young man. As she continued her underwater exploring, she noticed that everywhere she swam to, he swam. Nina snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he. Nina felt very flattered and, as she took off my fins, asked him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long. "I'm the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly. "It's my job to stay in the water till the last tourist is back on the boat." ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "Queen Size". He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Grandma, are these for mom ? They are the same size as mom's bed!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lisa Myers, 56, New Port Richey, Floriduh Florida woman was arrested after she ended a low speed chase right on the lawn of the police station. The subject of a pursuit on U-S 19 drives right to the police station, although that probably wasn't what she intended. Pasco Deputies say 56 year old Lisa Myers was driving north on 19 at Marine Parkway, and they noticed she was falling asleep at the wheel. When the deputy and a New Port Richey officer tried to pull her over, the sheriff's office says, Myers tried to run the cop over, and almost hit a patrol car during the low speed chase that followed. Myers ended up in the police parking lot, drove over a curb and onto the lawn, then she backed up and hit a cruiser. She is facing several charges, including aggravated assault of a law enforcement officer, fleeing to elude, and and investigation is ongoing to determine whether she was under the influence of drugs or alcohol or both. Investigators say they also found a gun inside her car. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Deb Re: Difference between laptop and desktop computers Dear Webby You mentioned laptops and desktops. What is the difference between laptops and desktops, aside from looks ? Deb Dear Deb As far as computer performance is concered, there is absolutely no difference whatsoever. Desktops use leftover powersupplies from the 1980's that pull dustbunnies and pet hair in through the CD drives, regulate the power by heating up that air and then blow the cleaned and heated air out the back through a noisy old fan. Laptops use power supplies from the 1990's and 2000's with smaller and quieter fans that pull the air in through a grill on the bottom. Those newer power supplies are a lot more efficient and don't produce anywhere near as much heat, even though they have the monitor, keyboard, touchpad and battery included. Also, with laptops, part of the waste heat is already gotten rid of by the coffee warmer, ahem battery charger. Both desktops and laptops have a metal box to shield magnetic radiation, that could annoy your TV watching spouse, but the laptop in addition to that has a cute plastic skin over that. Since the chips and electronics inside are the same, it must be the battery, monitor and plastic skin that cause laptops to still be a bit more expensive, but as the old 1980's stockpiles of power supplies and cases are getting used up, the prices are getting closer. Dell, for example, has quite decent laptops for under $500. Performance is identical, but desktops produce a lot more noise and heat. In the old days hard drives used to be a deciding factor, because with desktops you could stick additional hard drives in. Nowadays, you just use external hard drives plugged into a USB port. With external hard drives it makes no difference what kind of drive it is. No need to match the machine's connfiguration. Batteries used to be a concern, but if you just use the machine in your office, it will always be plugged in and the battery will last as long as the rest of the machine. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked "What is the Gross National Product?" His son pondered for a minute and replied, "Spinach?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chocolate Orange Fudge Brownies My husband and I are huge fans of Terry's Chocolate Oranges, the orange shaped chocolate balls that have a yummy hint of orange. I made this recipe out of the blue and it turned out WAY better than I thought it would. It is so elegant, rich and super easy to make. My version only has five ingredients. Approximate Time: 45 to 55 minutes Yield: 9 to 12 brownies Ingredients: 1 pkg plain brownie mix (I used a generic 10.25 ounce pack) 1 medium/large orange 1/4 cup oil 1 egg 2/3 cup chocolate chips or chunks (I chopped up candy bars) Steps: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Take the zest off the whole orange. Chocolate Orange Fudge BrowniesChocolate Orange Fudge Brownies Separate orange zest equally in two bowls. Put one aside. Chocolate Orange Fudge Brownies Cut the orange into segments and squeeze the juice into one of the orange zest bowls. It should give you about half a cup of juice. Crack open and whisk your egg. Add orange juice and zest mixture into egg. Mix in the oil. Add package of brownie powder. Mix well, stirring at least 50 times. Add chocolate chips/chunks to your batter. Pour batter into a greased pan. Sprinkle the top with reserved orange zest. Depending on the size of your pan, bake from 35 to 40 minutes (do a toothpick test). Cool, cut into squares, and serve! By attosa [164] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ An architect, an artist and a engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done." ___________________________________________________
Doritos baby can't wait
____________________________________________________ >From Dotty AN ADVERTISEMENT in our local newspaper read: "Boyfriend wanted for female Siamese cat. Object: Kittens. Terms negotiable." Since I had a male Siamese, I called the party. The woman offered $ l0 an hour as a stud fee. I said, "You mean if it takes three hours, I'll get thirty dollars?" The woman answered, "Yes." Then I asked, "Suppose it takes six hours. Will I get sixty dollars?" After a long pause, the woman asked, "Just how old is your cat?" ____________________________________________________ My Parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her and asked. "Would you like to go out, girl?" Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love to!" They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of the evening that Dad finally confessed that his question had actually been directed to the family dog, laying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor. ____________________________________________________
Big dogs who think they are still puppies.

Today, January 26, in
1500 Vicente Yáñez Pinzón discovered Brazil. 
1736 Stanislaus I formally abdicated as King of Poland. 
1784 In a letter to his daughter, Benjamin Franklin expressed 
 unhappiness over the eagle as the symbol of America. He 
 wanted the symbol to be the turkey. 
1788 The first European settlers in Australia, led by Captain 
 Arthur Phillip, landed in what became known as Sydney. 
 The group had first settled at Botany Bay eight days before. 
 This day is celebrated as Australia Day. 
1827 Peru seceded from Colombia in protest against Simón 
 Bolívar's alleged tyranny. 
1837 Michigan became the 26th state to join the United States. 
1841 Britain formally occupied Hong Kong, which the Chinese 
 had ceded to the British. 
1861 In the U.S., Louisiana seceded from the Union. 
1870 The state of Virgina rejoined the Union. 
1875 George F. Green patented the electric dental drill 
 for sawing, filing, dressing and polishing teeth. 
1905 The Cullinan diamond, at 3,106.75 carats, was found 
 by Captain Wells at the Premier Mine, near Pretoria, 
 South Africa. 
1911 Inventor Glenn H. Curtiss flew the first successful 
 seaplane. 
1939 In the Spanish Civil War, Franco's forces, with 
 Italian aid, took Barcelona. 
1942 The first American expeditionary force to go to Europe 
 during World War II went ashore in Northern Ireland. 
1950 India officially proclaimed itself a republic as 
 Rajendra Prasad took the oath of office as president. 
1950 The American Associated Insurance Companies, of 
 St. Louis, MO, issued the first baby sitter’s insurance policy. 
1962 The U.S. launched Ranger 3 to land scientific instruments 
 on the moon. The probe missed its target by about 22,000 miles. 
1965 Hindi was made the official language of India. 
1969 California was declared a disaster area two days of 
 flooding and mudslides. 
1972 In Hermsdorf, Czechoslovakia, a JAT Yugoslav Airlines 
 flight crashed after the detonation of a bomb in the forward 
 cargo hold killing 27 people. The bomb was believed to have 
 been placed on the plane by a Croatian extremist group. 
 Vesna Vulovic, a stewardess, survived after falling 33,000 
 feet in the tail section. She broke both legs and became 
 paralyzed from the waist down. 
1979 The ‘Gizmo’ guitar synthesizer was first demonstrated. 
1993 Former Czechoslovak President Vaclav Havel was elected 
 president of the new Czech Republic. 
1994 In Sydney, Australia, a young man lunged at and fired 
 two blank shots at Britain's Prince Charles. 
1996 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton testified before 
 a grand jury concerning the Whitewater probe. 
1998 U.S. President Clinton denied having an affair with a 
 former White House intern, saying "I did not have sexual 
 relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." 
1999 Saddam Hussein vowed revenge against the U.S. in response 
 to air-strikes that reportedly killed civilians. The strikes 
 were U.S. planes defending themselves against anti-aircraft fire. 
2009 The Icelandic government and banking system collapsed. 
 Prime Minister Geir Haarde resigned. 
2010 It was announced that James Cameron's movie "Avatar" had 
 become the highest-grossing film worldwide. 
2015  smiled.


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Indoor pictures look flat 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, January 25

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Ohio mom, who was arrested for using a toilet as a baby pen for 20 months old baby, while she went shopping. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 25 1504 The English Parliament passed statutes against retainers and liveries to curb private warfare. History ______________________________________________________ Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Cassie was a really good mom. Once, after her small son fell into the pond and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, she sent him to his room while she washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Cassie heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter." ______________________________________________________ As a new school Principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his school on the first day. Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students the next day. The school where he had been a Principal the previous year had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate than that at Fort Knox. Cautiously, he asked the school's long time Custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?" The Custodian looked at him gravely. "We trust them with the children, don't we?"
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______________________________________________________ One time when I was home visiting my folks, my mom asked me to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily-clad young woman. "Mom, what's this?" I asked. "Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to over-eat," she answered. "Is it working?" I asked. "Yes and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Justice Chance,20, Rashaan Cuffee, 20, Canton, Ohio Ohio mom, who was arrested for using a toilet as a baby pen for 20 months old baby, while she went shopping. Two people in Ohio are facing charges after their 20-month-old son was found stuck in a toilet after being left home alone. Police were called to an apartment on Kingston Drive Southeast in Canton on Thursday after neighbors reported hearing a child crying for more than 30 minutes, according to WJW. A maintenance worker for the building complex allowed police inside the apartment, where they found the 20-month-old boy stuck in a toilet. The child was home alone at the time, according to police. Officers freed the boy from the toilet and notified Child Protective Services. Officers also located three marijuana plants inside the home. The child's mother, Justice Chance, 20, was found two hours later walking up to the apartment complex while carrying Walmart bags. Investigators believe she left the child alone and went to Walmart. Chance told police her sister was supposed to be babysitting the child but she could not provide police her sister's last name, according to The Independent. Chance and the boy's father, Rashaan Cuffee, 20, were each charged with child endangering and marijuana cultivation. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sue Re: Flat looking indoor pictures Dear Webby All my indoor pictures with my digital camera turn out flat looking. Outside pictures are fine. Can you tell me what to do so that my inside pictures look better? Thanks Sue Dear Sue Stop using the built in flash. Use an auxiliary flash if you have to, a movie light if you can. Position it above and to the side of you, at least an arms length away from you. If you use more than one, bunch them together all on the same side of you. Otherwise you kill the shadows and ruin the contrast. It's the shadows that give pictures a realistic three dimensional look. Without shadows most textures get lost and you get flat looking pictures. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A Kindergarten teacher had a student approach her and saying that he found a frog lying still on the playground. The teacher asked, "Well, is it dead or alive?" The student said, "I think it's dead." The teacher asked, "How do you know?" The boy said, "I pssed in its ear". The teacher said "YOU DID WHAT?" He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said,'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chocolate Orange Fudge Brownies My husband and I are huge fans of Terry's Chocolate Oranges, the orange shaped chocolate balls that have a yummy hint of orange. I made this recipe out of the blue and it turned out WAY better than I thought it would. It is so elegant, rich and super easy to make. My version only has five ingredients. Approximate Time: 45 to 55 minutes Yield: 9 to 12 brownies Ingredients: 1 pkg plain brownie mix (I used a generic 10.25 ounce pack) 1 medium/large orange 1/4 cup oil 1 egg 2/3 cup chocolate chips or chunks (I chopped up candy bars) Steps: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Take the zest off the whole orange. Chocolate Orange Fudge BrowniesChocolate Orange Fudge Brownies Separate orange zest equally in two bowls. Put one aside. Chocolate Orange Fudge Brownies Cut the orange into segments and squeeze the juice into one of the orange zest bowls. It should give you about half a cup of juice. Crack open and whisk your egg. Add orange juice and zest mixture into egg. Mix in the oil. Add package of brownie powder. Mix well, stirring at least 50 times. Add chocolate chips/chunks to your batter. Pour batter into a greased pan. Sprinkle the top with reserved orange zest. Depending on the size of your pan, bake from 35 to 40 minutes (do a toothpick test). Cool, cut into squares, and serve! By attosa [164] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Mr. Jones patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent.." Oh, Papa," gushed the daughter, "it's going to be so hard leaving mother." "I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed Mr. Jones. "You just take her with you." ___________________________________________________
night skiing with LED lights
____________________________________________________ The future father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves." ____________________________________________________ Two youngsters were walking home from Sunday School, each deep in his own thoughts. Finally one said, "What do you think about all this devil business we studied today?" The other boy replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. This is probably just Uncle Bob, too." ____________________________________________________
Glimpses into the past.

Today, January 25, in
1504 The English Parliament passed statutes against retainers 
 and liveries to curb private warfare. 
1533 England's King Henry VIII secretly married his second wife 
 Anne Boleyn. Boleyn later gave birth to Elizabeth I. 
1579 The Treaty of Utrecht was signed marking the beginning of 
 the Dutch Republic. 
1799 Eliakim Spooner patented the seeding machine. 
1858 Mendelssohn’s "Wedding March" was presented for the first 
 time at the wedding of the daughter of Queen Victoria and the 
 Crown Prince of Prussia. 
1870 G.D. Dows patented the ornamental soda fountain. 
1881 Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell and others signed an 
 agreement to organize the Oriental Telephone Company. 
1890 The United Mine Workers of America was founded. 
1915 In New York, Alexander Graham Bell spoke to his assistant in 
 San Francisco, inaugurating the first transcontinental telephone 
 service. 
1924 The 1st Winter Olympic Games were inaugurated in Chamonix in 
 the French Alps. 
1946 The United Mine Workers rejoined American Federation of Labor. 
1959 In the U.S., American Airlines had the first scheduled 
 transcontinental flight of a Boeing 707. 
1961 John F. Kennedy presented the first live presidential news 
 conference from Washington, DC. The event was carried on radio 
 and television. 
1971 Maj. Gen. Idi Amin led a coup that deposed Milton Obote and 
 became president of Uganda. 
1981 The 52 Americans held hostage by Iran for 444 days arrived in 
 the United States and were reunited with their families. 
1999 In Louisville, KY, a man received the first hand transplant 
 in the United States. 
2011 A revolution began in Egypt with the demonstrations that 
 demanded the end of President Hosni Mubarak's rule. 
2015  smiled.


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Is the Ezinefinder still broken? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, January 23

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a California Drug Investigator Busted Smuggling Pot Cross-Country Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 23 1556 An earthquake in Shanxi Province, China, was thought to have killed about 830,000 people. History ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater. --- Gail Godwin "The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." --- W. M. Lewis ______________________________________________________ Daffinitions: Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer, you know. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso, to allow for storage in a carrying case. The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver, also from AFIMSO.ORG Aside from his own work, Walter is helping to restore statues in the famous Staglieno cemetery in Italy. As you can see, the statues show damage by hundreds of years of pollution and are in dire need of restorative work. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Mark Heath, 37, Yuba, California California Drug Investigator Busted Smuggling Pot Cross-Country As a drug investigator in Yuba County, California, Christopher Mark Heath made a living tracking down smugglers selling locally harvested marijuana. Now the former Marine is accused of crossing the line and joining the traffickers, a turn that could undermine dozens of cases he worked as a deputy sheriff in one of the country's most productive, and policed, pot-growing regions. Heath, 37, and two of his alleged partners from northern California were arrested late last month in rural West Manheim Township, Pennsylvania, after police said they intercepted a planned delivery. In the men's pickup trucks, officers found more than 122 pounds of pot and about $11,000 cash. Heath admitted that they'd driven the bundles — worth an estimated $2 million — across the country, according to court documents. At the time, Heath was on vacation as a member of a narcotics task force covering Yuba and Sutter counties, north of Sacramento, authorities said. He had his badge and service gun in his car, York County District Attorney Tom Kearney said in a news conference Monday. Heath has been released after posting $1 million bail with help from a bond company, according to court documents. He and his alleged partners are due to appear in a York County, Pennsylvania courtroom next month. He has been placed on leave from the Yuba County Sheriff's Office. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Robin Re: Re: Can't cast vote, Dear Webby Re: Can't cast vote. Is the Ezinefinder down? Robin Dear Robin Yes, I know that the Ezinefinder is not working, and has not worked since December. I have written to them a few times, but they don't respond to me. I guess they think the big Linux bully is picking on the widdle MAC people. You can try writing to lewis@cumuli.com support@cumuli.com support@thriftyfun.com thrifty@thriftyfun.com They MIGHT answer you. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ An Irishman walks into a bar, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the day when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "everyone's fine. It's just me. I've quit drinking." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gluten Free Lemon Bars These are the best lemon bars I've ever tasted. I tweaked the recipe a little to make them gluten free so my Mom could enjoy them, too. Easy to make and delicious! Approximate Time: 40 minutes Yield: 9-12 depending on how you cut them Ingredients: Crust 1/2 cup butter-softened 1/3 cup sugar 1 cup gluten free Bisquick Pam cooking spray Filling 3/4 cup sugar 2 eggs 3 Tbsp gluten free Bisquick zest from 1 large lemon juice from 1 large lemon Topping powdered sugar Steps: Combine softened butter, sugar and gluten free Bisquick in a bowl and mix together until it resembles coarse crumbs. Spray a 9x9 inch baking dish with Pam. Be sure to get the sides sprayed well too. Press crumb mixture into the bottom of dish. Pack down well, especially around the edges. Bake this at 350 degrees F for 15-17 minutes until edges are brown. While this is cooking mix the eggs, sugar and Bisquick together in a bowl. Grate lemon peel from a large lemon and then juice the lemon and add to mixture. Beat on medium speed until blended. Once the crust is finished cooking, pour the wet mixture on top of crust. Be sure to stir the mixture up real good right before pouring over crust. Return to oven and continue baking until top is golden; about 20 minutes. When done remove from oven and sprinkle with powdered sugar. While still hot, take a spatula and gently go around the edges of the dish. This will make removal easier once it has cooled. Once it is cooled, cut into squares and enjoy! Source: Bethel Methodist Church cookbook By Ida Claire [6] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school the officer was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at his uniform, she asked, "Are you a police officer?" "Yes," he answered, and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," he told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward him, "would you please tie my shoe?" ------------- That is getting to be a common state of affairs. Kids, who have microwaved their brain with cell phones have great difficulties tying proper knots or sewing on buttons. ___________________________________________________
Man sings puppies to sleep
____________________________________________________ The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband!....Isn't this 223-1374? "No, this is 322-1374." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?" ____________________________________________________ >From Deacon Jerry I've been barred in CPR courses from practicing on ResusciAnnie until I finish writing my book, "How to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation without getting emotionally involved." ____________________________________________________
http://biggeekdad.com/2015/11/rachel-pl ... ish-cover/ "> I love the bagpipes and this is lovely music. I also love men in Kilts.

Today, January 23, in
1556 An earthquake in Shanxi Province, China, was thought to 
 have killed about 830,000 people.
1845 The U.S. Congress decided all national elections would 
 be held on the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November. 
1920 The Dutch government refused the demands from the Allies 
 to hand over the ex-kaiser of Germany. 
1937 In Moscow, seventeen people went on trial during Josef 
 Stalin's "Great Purge." 
1943 The British captured Tripoli from the Germans. 
1950 The Israeli Knesset approved a resolution proclaiming 
 Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. 
1960 The U.S. Navy bathyscaphe Trieste descended to a record 
 depth of 35,820 feet (10,750 meters) in the Pacific Ocean. 
1968 North Korea seized the U.S. Navy ship Pueblo, charging 
 it had intruded into the nation's territorial waters on a 
 spying mission. The crew was released 11 months later. 
 They kept the ship.
1971 In Prospect Creek Camp, AK, the lowest temperature ever 
 recorded in the U.S. was reported as minus 80 degrees. 
1973 U.S. President Nixon announced that an accord had been 
 reached to end the Vietnam War. 
1978 Sweden banned aerosol sprays because of damage to 
 environment. They were the first country to do so. 
1983 "The A-Team" debuted on TV. 
1985 O.J. Simpson became the first Heisman Trophy winner to 
 be elected to pro football’s Hall of Fame in Canton, OH. 
1989 Surrealist artist Salvador Dali died in Spain at age 84. 
1997 A judge in Fairfax, VA, sentenced Mir Aimal Kasi to death 
 for an assault rifle attack outside the CIA headquarters in 
 1993 that killed two men and wounded three other people. 
1997 A British woman received a record £186,000 damages for 
 Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI). 
2001 A van used by the remaining two fugitives of the "Texas 7" 
 was recovered in Colorado Springs, CO. A few hours later 
 police surrounded a hotel where the convicts were hiding. 
 Patrick Murphy Jr. and Donald Newbury were taken into custody 
 the next morning without incident. 
2002 John Walker Lindh returned to the U.S. under FBI custody. 
 Lindh was charged with conspiring to kill U.S. citizens, 
 providing support to terrorists and engaging in prohibited 
 transactions with the Taliban while a member of the 
 al-Quaida terrorist organization in Afghanistan. 
2003 North Korea announced that it would consider sanctions 
 about North Korea's reinstatement of its nuclear program 
 an act of war.
2015  smiled.


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How do I close an account on FaceBook? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Kentucky woman arrested for assaulting, robbing disabled man after he jokes that he doesn't believe in God Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 22 1666 - Shah Jahan, a descendant of Genghis Khan and Timur, died at the age of 74. He was the Mongol emperor of India who built the Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife Mumtaz-i-Mahal. History ______________________________________________________ O, what may man within him hide, though angel on the outward side! William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men. --- Roald Dahl Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to. -- H. Mumford Jones ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Anagrams The Morse Code Here come Dots Slot Machines Cash Lost in 'em Animosity Is No Amity Mother-in-law Woman Hitler Snooze Alarms Alas! No More Z's Alec Guinness Genuine Class SemolinaIs No Meal The Public Art Galleries Large Picture Halls, I Bet A Decimal Point I'm a Dot in Place The Earthquakes That Queer Shake Eleven plus two Twelve plus one Contradiction Accord not in it Astronomer Moon Starer ______________________________________________________
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At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Laura Reid, 49, Louisville, Kentucky Kentucky woman arrested for assaulting, robbing disabled man after he jokes that he doesn't believe in God A woman was arrested at the Hall of Justice in downtown Louisville Tuesday afternoon, months after police say she assaulted and robbed a man after he joked that he did not believe in God. According to an arrest warrant, the incident took place on Oct. 20, but Reid was not arrested until she was seen at the Hall of Justice on January 5. Police say that 49-year-old Laura Reid was visiting a disabled man in his home. At one point, police say, Reid asked the victim if he believed in God, and he jokingly replied that he did not. According to an arrest warrant, Reid became angry with his response, so she picked up his metal cane and began beating him on the head and body, hitting him so hard that the cane broke. Police say the victim was unable to leave his home because of his disability, and Reid stayed there for three hours after the assault. When she finally left, she allegedly took the man's cell phone, keys, $50 cash and a wallet containing credit cards. Police say the man eventually crawled to a nearby gas station, where police and EMS were called. The man was taken to St. Mary and Elizabeth Hospital, where he was treated for injuries he sustained, including a concussion, a broken arm, multiple bruises, as well as cuts and abrasions. The victim was eventually able to cancel his credit cards -- and identify Reid, who was known to him, according to police. A warrant was issued for Reid's arrest on Thursday, Oct. 29. She was arrested by Jefferson County Sheriff's Office deputies on Tuesday, Jan. 5, at the Hall of Justice. She is charged with second degree assault, second degree robbery, and first degree unlawful imprisonment. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Pennie Re: How do I close an account on FaceBook? Dear Webby Hope things are well on your side. I have a question about Facebook and would be very pleased if you can help. Somehow I created 2 profiles and now I do not know how to delete the one -- it is rather confusing to my friends. I will be ever so thankful if you have a solution -- with all the experience you have about computers and programs I am sure you will be able to help. Thank you for all the newsletters, I know you use a lot of time compiling them. Take care and keep warm. Pennie Dear Pennie To deactivate your account: Click the account menu at the top right of any Facebook page. Select Settings. Click Security in the left column. Choose Deactivate your account then follow the steps to confirm. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was almost over. "Why are you so late?" his friend asked. "I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game." "How long could that have taken you?" "Well, I had to toss it 174 times." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Cookie Butter Homemade Cookie Butter Cookie butter is one of my favourite indulgences. If you haven't had it before, it's similar to peanut butter, only it's made out of cookies. I stopped buying it from the shops when I realized I could make it for 1/6th of the price by myself with ingredients I already have at home. Plus, its faster to make than it takes me to get to the store that carries it! I happen to have an excess of ginger oat cookies from the holidays. You can use any dry cookie or graham cracker. Just add a pinch of cinnamon and nutmeg if you'd like the popular leading brand cookie butter taste. Approximate Time: 10 minutes Yield: 15 servings Ingredients: 4 oz cookies (I used ginger oatmeal) 1/4 cup powdered sugar 1 Tbsp brown sugar 1/4 cup oil (vegetable, canola, or coconut) Steps: Break up the cookies and add to food processor along with powdered and brown sugars. Pulse until finely ground. Pour into a bowl. Working in little batches, return the ground cookie and sugar mixture to the food processor and pulse again to turn into fine powder (I did it four times). With the food processor running, slowly add the oil, stopping and scraping down the sides and mixing. It will take a minute or two to get to a nice creamy consistency. Serve with toast, bagels, waffles, pancakes, or drizzle on ice cream. It's very versatile! I like to jar it up and give it as gifts. If sealed nicely, it will keep well at room temperature for a few weeks. By attosa [163] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A beautiful woman walked into an orchard and found a lovely pool in it. She decided to go skinny-dipping. She looked around, didn't see anyone, and undressed. Just as she was about to dive in, the orchard owner appeared and told her that swimming was prohibited because there was pesticide and fertilizer run-off in the water. "You could have told me that before I undressed!" she scolded him. "Just don't swim in that", he replied, "But undressing is quite OK, and you can sun-tan as long as you want." ___________________________________________________
the new angel
____________________________________________________ Classified Ads: ~ 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess. ~ A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. ~ For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. ~ Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. ~ Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. ____________________________________________________ One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I told him: "I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel, driving a relatively slow vehicle those long distances." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window." ____________________________________________________
Miniature horses as therapy animals are a great idea. I wanted to use one of my llamas as a therapy llama and visit nursing homes and hospitals, but didn’t get the chance to.

Today, January 22, in
1666 - Shah Jahan, a descendant of Genghis Khan and Timur, 
 died at the age of 74. He was the Mongol emperor of India 
 who built the Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife 
 Mumtaz-i-Mahal. 
1771 The Falkland Islands were ceded to Britain by Spain. 
1824 The Asante army crushed British troops in the Gold Coast. 
1874 A patent was issued to Samuel W. Francis for spork. 
1879 British troops were massacred by the Zulus at Isandhlwana. 
1900 Off of South Africa, the British released the German steamer 
 Herzog, which had been seized on January 6. 
1901 Queen Victoria of England died after reigning for nearly 64 
 years. Edward VII, her son, succeeded her. 
1905 Insurgent workers were fired on in St Petersburg, Russia, 
 resulting in "Bloody Sunday." 500 people were killed. 
1917 U.S. President Wilson pleaded for an end to war in Europe, 
 calling for "peace without victory." America entered the war 
 the following April. 
1930 In New York, excavation began for the Empire State Building. 
1941 Britain captured Tobruk from German forces. 
1944 Allied forces began landing at Anzio, Italy, during WWII. 
1951 Fidel Castro was ejected from a Winter League baseball 
 game after hitting a batter. He later gave up baseball for 
 politics. 
1957 Suspected "Mad Bomber" was arrested in Waterbury, CT. 
 George P. Metesky was accused of planting more than 30 
 explosive devices in the New York City area. 
1957 The Israeli army withdrew from the Sinai. They had 
 invaded Egypt on October 29, 1956. 
1962 Cuba's membership in the Organization of American 
 States (OAS) was suspended. 
1964 Kenneth Kaunda was sworn in as the first Prime Minister 
 of Northern Rhodesia. 
1970 The first regularly scheduled commercial flight of the 
 Boeing 747 began in New York City and ended in London about 
 6 1/2 hours later. 
1972 The United Kingdom, the Irish Republic, and Denmark 
 joined the EEC. 
1973 Joe Frazier lost the first fight of his professional 
 career to George Foreman. He had been the undefeated 
 heavyweight world champion since February 16, 1970 when 
 he knocked out Jimmy Ellis. 
1973 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down state laws that had 
 been restricting abortions during the first six months of 
 pregnancy. The case (Roe vs. Wade) legalized abortion. 
1984 Apple introduced the Macintosh during the third quarter 
 of Super Bowl XVIII. 
1995 Two Palestinian suicide bombers from the Gaza Strip 
 detonated powerful explosives at a military transit point 
 in central Israel, killing 19 Israelis. 
1998 Theodore Kaczynski pled guilty to federal charges for his 
 role as the Unabomber. He agreed to life in prison without parole. 
2000 Elian Gonzalez's grandmothers met privately with U.S. 
 Attorney General Janet Reno as they appealed for help in removing 
 the boy from his Florida relatives and reuniting him with his 
 father in Cuba. 
2001 Acting on a tip, authorities captured four of the "Texas 7" 
 in Woodland Park, CO, at a convenience store. A fifth convict 
 killed himself inside a motor home. 
2002 In Calcutta, India, Heavily armed gunmen attacked the U.S. 
 government cultural center. Five police officers were killed and 
 twenty others, including one pedestrian and one private security 
 guard, were wounded. 
2002 Lawyers suing Enron Corp. asked a court to prevent further 
 shredding of documents due to the pending federal investigation. 
2002 AOL Time Warner filed suit against Microsoft in federal court 
 seeking damages for harm done to AOL's Netscape Internet Browser 
 when Microsoft began giving away its competing browser. 
2002 Kmart Corp. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy making it the 
 largest retailer in history to seek legal protection from its 
 creditors. 
2003 It was reported that scientists in China had found fossilized 
 remains of a dinosaur with four feathered wings. 
2015  smiled.


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How to deal with autoresponders 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 21

 >From Mary
Again your advise has helped me. I was in need. Of ink and 
the extra one from Atlantic ink would not work.

I seen yesterdays humor for Comp Shop ink. I ordered my 
ink and last night I got a email saying they had shipped. 
Should be here by Friday.

Thats good service. Again Thanks
Mary :)


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Drunk Wisconsin woman who was arrested after she drove off with the Sheriff's car, for her third DUI. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 21 2003 It was announced by the U.S. Census Bureau that estimates showed that the Hispanic population had passed the black population for the first time. History ______________________________________________________ Force is all-conquering, but its victories are short-lived. --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ While working as a volunteer at our local Boy Scout Council office, one of the professional staff -- who was wearing street clothes instead of her usual uniform -- was talking about the NATO phonetic alphabet. She said that she had learned it some years ago and proceeded to recite it. "Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta..." But, when she got to the letter "U," she stumbled and asked for help. I offered a hint: "What AREN'T you wearing today?" "Underwear?" she replied. ------- Uniform ______________________________________________________
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Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore." So she drove the boat to shore. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack. You must set the table, cook the dinner, and wash the dishes." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sara Windom, 29, Baraboo, Wisconsin Drunk Wisconsin woman drives off with the Sheriff's car for her third DUI. The Juneau County Sheriff's Office says a Baraboo woman drove off in one of the office's squad cars early Saturday morning and now is accused of her third drunken driving offense. The office says a deputy and a state trooper were dealing with an intoxicated man and woman at a BP gas station in Lyndon Station. The woman, Sara Windom, left the convenience store and when the deputy looked outside he saw his patrol car was missing, and a witness reported the woman got in the squad car and went east on Interstate 90/94. The deputy and trooper got in the trooper's car, caught up with the stolen squad car and pulled over Windom, 29. She was arrested and taken to the Juneau County Jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Reg Re: Autoresponders Dear Webby I have to send regular announcements for the chamber to all members. That part is no problem, but some moron talked a number of members into using auto-responders on their mail and THAT is becoming quite a nuisance. How do you deal with that problem ? Reg Dear Reg Since people who use auto-responders never send any intelligent mail anyway, I use MailWSher to blacklist them and to filter all mail from their address straight into the trash. There are some nasty tricks that you could use, but I am quite sure simple trashing will take care of your problem. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ > From * I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a camera! * Name withheld by request ______________________________________________________ If you can help with thecost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheesy Baked Ziti It's my own version of baked ziti that Italian restaurants serve. If you make it at home, you can save a lot. Approximate Time: 45 minutes Yield: 8 It's my own version of baked ziti that Italian restaurants serve. If you make it at home, you can save a lot. Approximate Time: 45 minutes Yield: 8Cheesy Baked Zitti Ingredients: 250 mg Penne Regate Gourmet Pasta 200 mg 3 Cheese Tomato Sauce 1/2 lb cheddar cheese, grated 1/4 lb bacon strips, crushed 1 clove garlic, chopped 1 small piece of onion, chopped 1/4 lb butter, sliced salt and pepper to taste Steps: Bring the water to a boil for the pasta. Make sure you add a little bit of oil and a pinch of salt to make your pasta perfect. Once cooked, drain water and pour cold water over to stop pasta being overcooked. Drain again and set aside. Heat saucepan on stove to medium heat. Melt butter and fry bacon strips. Once bacon is crispy, set aside to cool. In the same saucepan, add more butter until melted. Saute' garlic and onions. Pour in the three cheese sauce and bring it to boil. Assemble casserole in a baking pan. Alternate pasta, sauce and grated cheddar cheese. Repeat until all ingredients are in the pan. Top with more cheese covering most of the surface. Bake at 325 degrees F until all the cheese has melted. By cherriefic [2] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ On a recent flight I sat next to a lady who was on her way to meet a guy she had met over the net. She sat there during most of the flight messing with her make-up. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, foundation, mascara, toner, blush and stuff that I have no clue what it is called. Then she turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?" Well, the truth was that soap and water would have made her look a lot better than all that make-up. So I told her: "If your friend starts looking closely at your war paint, take that as a sign that you have your blouse buttoned up too high." ___________________________________________________
Life is like coffee
____________________________________________________ Mother: "Where is your dad ?" "Well," her son replied thoughtfully, "if he knows as much about canoeing as he thinks he does, then he's out canoeing. If he knows as little about it as I think he does, then he's out swimming." ____________________________________________________ After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them." Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather heavy curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again." The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly. "I'll need more power for this!" she exclaimed. ____________________________________________________
Whew! Glad I don't have to drive that highway to work every day!

Today, January 21, in
1793 During the French Revolution, King Louis XVI was executed 
 on the guillotine. He had been condemned for treason. 
1812 The Y-bridge in Zanesville, OH, was approved for construction. 
1853 Dr. Russell L. Hawes patented the envelope folding machine. 
1865 An oil well was drilled by torpedoes for the first time. 
1900 Canadian troops set sail to fight in South Africa. The 
 Boers had attacked Ladysmith on January 8, 1900. 
1911 The first Monte Carlo car rally was held. Seven days later 
 it was won by Henri Rougier. 
1915 The first Kiwanis club was formed in Detroit, MI. 
1924 Soviet leader Vladimir Ilyich Lenin died. Joseph Stalin began
 a purge of his rivals for the leadership of the Soviet Union. 
1927 The first opera broadcast over a national radio network was 
 presented in Chicago, IL. The opera was "Faust". 
1941 The British communist newspaper, the "Daily Worker," was 
 banned due to wartime restrictions. 
1954 The Nautilus was launched in Groton, CT. It was the first 
 atomic-powered submarine. U.S. First Lady Mamie Eisenhower 
 broke the traditional bottle of champagne across the bow. 
1954 The gas turbine automobile was introduced in New York City. 
1970 The Boeing 747 made its first commercial flight from New 
 York to London for Pan American. 
1970 ABC-TV presented "The Johnny Cash Show" in prime time. 
1976 The French Concorde SST aircraft began regular commercial 
 service for Air France and British Airways. 
1977 U.S. President Carter pardoned almost all Vietnam War 
 draft evaders. 
1980 Gold was valued at $850 an ounce. 
1994 A jury in Manassas, VA, acquitted Lorena Bobbitt by reason 
 of temporary insanity of maliciously wounding (severing his penis) 
 her husband John. She accused him of sexually assaulting her. 
1997 Newt Gingrich was fined as the U.S. House of Representatvies 
 voted for first time in history to discipline its leader for 
 ethical misconduct. 
1998 A former White House intern said on tape that she had an 
 affair with U.S. President Clinton. 
1999 The U.S. Coast Guard intercepted a ship headed for Houston, TX, 
 that had over 9,500 pounds of cocaine aboard. It was one of the 
 largest drug busts in U.S. history. 
2002 In Goma, Congo, about fifty people were killed when lava flow 
 ignited a gas station. The people killed were trying to steal fuel 
 from elevated tanks. The eruption of Mount Nyiragongo began on 
 January 17, 2002. 
2002 In London, a 17th century book by Capt. John Smith, founder 
 of the English settlement at Jamestown, was sold at auction for 
 $48,800. "The General History of Virginia, New England and the 
 Summer Isles" was published in 1632. 
2003 It was announced by the U.S. Census Bureau that estimates showed 
 that the Hispanic population had passed the black population for 
 the first time.
2015  smiled.


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Megabackup and Tweakbit infection 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 20

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida woman arrested at 11:30 pm, for drunk driving with no lights on and 4 children in the car. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 20 1265 The first English parliament met in Westminster Hall. History ______________________________________________________ That which has always been accepted by everyone, everywhere, is almost certain to be false. --- Paul Valery (1871 - 1945) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sol Goldbaum, an elderly Jewish gentleman stood before a delicatessen display counter and pointed to a tray. "I'll have a pound of that roast beef," he said. "That's not roast beef," the clerk said loudly, "it's ham." "Sonny," the customer snapped, "in case nobody ever told you, a big mouth you got!" ______________________________________________________
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Rick's mother was speeding north on I-75 when she noticed a Michigan State Police car behind her with it's flashing red lights on. She was very nervous, as she had never been stopped in Michigan before and didn't know what to expect. The trooper approached her car then asked if she knew why he had stopped her. She said, " Oh, I bet I know why you stopped me. You want to sell me tickets to the policeman's ball." The trooper then told her that "Michigan State Police don't have balls." Rick's mother lost it and she started laughing uncontrollably. The troopers face turned bright red. He turned about on his heel, marched back to his car and took off with squealing tires. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jacquelyn Nichole Tadrous, 33, Rockledge, Florida Florida woman arrested at 11:30 pm, for drunk driving with no lights on and 4 children in the car. A Rockledge woman was arrested Saturday after police say she was caught driving under the influence with four children in her car. Melbourne police say a passerby called to report a reckless driver on Lake Washington Road around 11:30 p.m. Saturday. The caller told police that the driver, later identified as 33-year-old Jacquelyn Nichole Tadrous, was weaving through traffic at a high rate of speed with no headlights. The officer who stopped Tadrous said she appeared to be intoxicated and had open containers of alcohol in the car. Also in the car were four children, ages 2, 3, 14 and 16. Tadrous, who was already driving with a suspended license and on probation for a 2015 DUI arrest, now faces additional charges that include child neglect and DUI while accompanied by a minor. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Iris Re: Tweakbit and Megabackup Dear Webby What do you think of those two programs? They sound a bit too good to be true. And that phony Microsoft partner logo really makes me suspicious. What do you know about them? Iris Dear Iris There is nothing wrong with your sleaze detector! Those two programs are some of the worst malware, that has come around in a long time. Avoid them like the plague, because they ARE a plague. They pop ads, and they open a back door for hackers to come in and they are difficult to remove. If a machine is infected with one or both, they are very difficult to clean out. The Windows Uninstall fails miserably. Revo uninstaller also fails. If you see either one of those two, back away from them as fast as you can. I agree that the "Microsoft Gold Partner" logo is as phony as a 3 dollar bill. Anybody can copy that and paste it on top of any garbage. Always check on Google or Bing to see if there are complaints and warnings. Or ask me, and I will check. By the way, the methods for getting rid of those two, that are listed on the web, don't work. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ On a small country road, a cyclist was rolling along happily on his brand new high-tech race machine. Some rednecks have been following him in their pick-up for a few hundred meters, and decided to scare the cyclist. They passed him real fast and also real close to try to send him into the ditch. They all laughed as they watched the white-faced cyclist through the pick-up's rear window. To their surprise, the cyclist began to gain speed on them and passed them on the right like a bullet. Standing the gas pedal, the pick-up passed the cyclist again real close while the passengers were doing some impolite gestures but as before, the cyclist quickly gained on the truck and passed him on the right again. Going down a hill, the redneck slammed the gearbox into fifth gear and passed the cyclist at around 100 miles per hour. This time, the cyclist passed the truck again so fast that he flew off the road. The rednecks stopped their truck and found the cyclist lying in the middle of a field. They picked up the cyclist and asked him what kind of bicycle he was using. "Never mind" replied the cyclist, "I'm just glad we stopped. My suspenders were caught on your rearview mirror!" ------------------------ That sure reminds me of my first few years in college, before I got my first motorcycle. I used to use an loop of rope to snag a truck on a curvy downhill section, where a crazy kid on a bike could easily catch up to a dumptruck or freighter, and then let the truck pull me the rest of the way. Even after doing it many hundreds of times, it always remained a white-knuckle scare requiring 100% attention. I definitely would not recommend that for today's traffic! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with thecost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Sweater Mophead Use an old sweater's arm for a perfect fit on your rectangular mop. I find acrylic sweaters to gather the most dust and gunk while leaving a nice shine. You can use them and wash them for reuse over and over. Source: My mother and her Swiffer-head disposal angst ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking at me." "Why complain?" said the counselor, "You're still getting the same service." ___________________________________________________
Sihle The Drummer
____________________________________________________ Sally is employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest and trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette. One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her. Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" The man shrugged, "Yeah, well, that's the one and only fringe benefit I get these days for owning the company." ____________________________________________________ Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her. Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage and things couldn't be better. Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!" ____________________________________________________
13 Beautiful horse breeds. That Akhal-Teke horse looks like a shiny statue!

Today, January 20, in
1265 The first English parliament met in Westminster Hall. 
1839 Chile defeated a confederation of Peru and Bolivia 
 in the Battle of Yungay. 
1841 The island of Hong Kong was ceded to Great Britain. 
 It returned to Chinese control in July 1997. 
1885 The roller coaster was patented by L.A. Thompson. 
1886 The Mersey Railway Tunnel was officially opened by 
 the Prince of Wales. 
1887 The U.S. Senate approved an agreement to lease Pearl 
 Harbor in Hawaii as a naval base. 
1929 The movie "In Old Arizona" was released. The film was 
 the first full-length talking film to be filmed outdoors. 
1942 Nazi officials held the Wannsee conference, during 
 which they arrived at their "final solution" that called 
 for exterminating Europe's Jews. 
1944 The British RAF dropped 2,300 tons of bombs on Berlin. 
1952 In Juarez, Mexico, Patricia McCormick debuted as the 
 first professional woman bullfighter from the United States. 
1953 "Studio One" became the first television show to be 
 transmitted from the United States to Canada. 
1972 The number of unemployed in Britain exceeded 1 million. 
1981 Iran released 52 Americans that had been held hostage 
 for 444 days. The hostages were flown to Algeria and then 
 to a U.S. base in Wiesbaden, West Germany. The release 
 occurred minutes after the U.S. presidency had passed 
 from Jimmy Carter to Ronald Reagan. 
1985 Super Bowl XIX marked the first time that TV commercials 
 sold for a million dollars a minute. 
1986 Britain and France announced their plans to build the 
 Channel Tunnel. 
1986 New footage of the 1931 "Frankenstein" was found. The 
 footage was originally deleted because it was considered 
 to be too shocking. 
1987 Anglican Church envoy Terry Waite was kidnapped in 
 Beirut, Lebanon. He was there attempting to negotiate the 
 release of Western hostages. He was not freed until 
 November 1991. 
1994 Shannon Faulkner became the first woman to attend 
 classes at The Citadel in South Carolina. Faulkner joined 
 the cadet corps in August 1995 under court order but 
 soon dropped out. 
1996 Yasser Arafat was elected president of the Palestinian 
 Authority and his supporters won two thirds of the 80 
 seats in the Legislative Council. 
1998 American researchers announced that they had cloned 
 calves that may produce medicinal milk. 
1998 In Chile, a judge agreed to hear a lawsuit that 
 accused Chile's former dictator Augusto Pinochet with 
 genocide. 
1999 The China News Service announced that the Chinese 
 government was tightening restrictions on internet use. 
 The rules were aimed at 'Internet Bars.' 
2000 Greece and Turkey signed five accords aimed to build 
 confidence between the two nations. 
2002 Michael Jordan (Washington Wizards) played his first 
 game in Chicago as a visiting player. The Wizards beat 
 the Bulls 77-69.
2015  smiled.


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DELL printer won't print after computer was "refreshed" 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 19

>From Don
You used to talk about Atlantic Inkjet but I don't see 
anything on your website. I need to order some toner, is 
a link on your website somewhere?
Thanks
Don

Dear Don
I got a better deal for you now, especially for toner.
With this link you get up to 85% off on most toners,
even more when compared to Staples. I needed toner for my
Brother printer, that I had bought at Staples one time, 
when I could not wait for DELL. The printer was cheap,
but their price for toner is totally ridiculous. 

Your inquiry spurred me on to do a bunch of checking and 
applied to bean affiliate at the place, that had the best
deal. Now you can get an even better deal. 

Another benefit with this deal is that they ship via 
USPS, saving you another big chunk of money. No need 
to pay more for shipping than for the ink or toner.
Just click on http://webby.com/toner for the best possible
deal on ink and toner.

That is where I get my toner from. It arrives fast and 
works perfectly.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Kidnapper nabbed at meeting he scheduled with victim Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 19 1825 Ezra Daggett and Thomas Kensett of New York City patented a canning process to preserve salmon, oysters and lobsters. History ______________________________________________________ "Anyone who eats thee meals a day should understand why cookbooks outsell sex books three to one." --- L. M. Boyd "Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it." --- Mark Twain ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Dianne was driving down a highway and all of a sudden a cop sitting on the roadside turns on his flashing red lights. Upon seeing the red lights she pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the cop. When the cop gets there he says to the her, "Lady you were doing 43 miles per hour in a 30 mile an hour zone." Dianne said, "No I wasn't. The sign back there said 43." To this the cop snaps back, "Lady, look ... that was a highway number sign, this is highway 43 and your doing 43 miles an hour in a 30 mile an hour zone." Dianne repeats her story again claiming she was not speeding. The cop scratches his head and returns to his car to ask his bald partner what he should do. After telling his bald partner the story, his partner says, "Bill, you better give her a ticket. The 401 is just up ahead and with this old patrol car we'll never catch her there." ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner - Click here
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year." His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jason Donte Hayes, 17, Upper Darby, Pennsylvania Kidnapper nabbed at meeting he scheduled with victim It all started when Hayes allegedly broke into a home and woke up a 70-year-old woman by tapping her on the shoulder with a gun, according to the Delco Times. Hayes demanded money from the woman, whom he knew because he had once lived in rental owned by her. When she said there wasn't any in the house, he made her drive him to a cash machine where he demanded she withdraw $2,000 or be killed. The machine only allowed the woman to take out $460, so Hayes made the victim drive him back to her home, wake up her husband and bring him to the kitchen. It's what happened next that caused police to accuse Hayes of stupidity along with the more serious criminal charges. Hayes allegedly told his female victim to meet him at a shopping center parking lot on Jan. 4 at 9 a.m. with an additional $1,500, according to Fox29.com. He promised the woman she would recognize him because he would be wearing the exact same outfit. “He said, ‘I’ll be dressed exactly the same way as I am today,’” Splain said, according to the New York Post. “This is where stupid takes off pretty quickly.” Hayes told the victims not to call the police, but they did anyway. So when he arrived at the parking lot shortly after the designated meeting time, officers were ready and waiting for him. Officers found $363 in cash on Hayes and a gold Timex watch that belonged to the victims, police said. Hayes has been charged as an adult with kidnapping, robbery, aggravated assault and other crimes. He is being held on $200,000 bail. Splain told Philly.com the incident left the victims "scared to death" and said they are currently receiving counseling. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: DELL printer won't print Dear Webby Several days ago I had to "REFESH" my computer (DELL -all - in- ONE Inspiron 20) as I was having problems. I lost all my virus and anti-malware programs and had to reinstall them. Computer is running slow at the startup however all programs are running at normal speed. I am however having problems using my DELL C1760 NW color printer. I cannot print a document. If I hit ctrl p or hit print under the 3 bars on the upper right hand side of the screen another screen comes up asking me to print or cancel. When I hit print another screen comes up titled "Save print output as". I type in "MOVE BROWSER" hit save and nothing happens. I'm wondering if I shouldn't reinstall the printer or try something else. If I have to reinstall the printter how do I proceed? Appreciate and help you can offer. Thank you, Daily voter, Bob Dear Bob You have to change your default printer setting from "Print to File", to C1760 NW. Your refresh probably wiped out your printer driver, and you may have to re-install the printer. You can download the printer driver from DELL. Try first to just select the C1760 NW via START, Control Panel, Printers. The driver MIGHT still be there, if not, download it from DELL, and then run it. Have FUN! DearWebby Hi Webby, It Worked!!!!!! Thank you for your help and encouragement. I can always rely on you for help and advise from you and your most enjoyable newsletter. Daily Voter, Bob _____________________________________________________ I stopped at a roadside stand in Southern California that sold fruit, vegetables, and crafts. As I went to pay, I noticed the young woman behind the counter was painting a sign. I commented on how colorful it was. "My boyfriend didn't like the old one," she said. When I glanced at what hung above the counter, I understood. It declared, "Local Honey Dates Nuts." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with thecost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Your Skin from Costume Jewelry A simple trick my mother-in-law showed me. We all have that silver or gold toned jewelry that we would love to wear, but unfortunately when we do it leaves our skin green or can even cause skin irritations. If you simply paint a thin coat of clear nail polish over the metal that will be in contact with your skin, it will alleviate the problem completely. Don't forget to give it plenty of time to dry thoroughly, a day or more I would suggest. Now that pretty, but unwearable, pile at the bottom of your jewelry box can actually be worn! I loved this trick and it's so simple I couldn't believe I hadn't heard of it before. By Amber E. [4] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ >From Lisa: After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new tele- phone number, I dialed him -- and got a woman. "Is Mike there?" I asked. "He's in the shower," she responded. "Please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and hung up. When he didn't return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he said. "You're not my boyfriend!" I exclaimed. "I know," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour." ___________________________________________________
the making of an ancient silver cup
____________________________________________________ Felix was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out." The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week requesting assistance with removing the snakes. "You've got to be kidding," Felix replied in astonishment. "People actually call the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?" "Well," said the chief, "the first thing we always ask is, 'Is it on fire?'" ------------- No snakes out here. They don't like snow. ____________________________________________________ >From Roland A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water." "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake." ____________________________________________________
A man with a passion for carving caves.

Today, January 19, in
1419 Rouen surrendered to Henry V, completing his conquest 
 of Normandy. 
1764 John Wilkes was expelled from the British House of 
 Commons for seditious libel. 
1793 King Louis XVI was tried by the French Convention, 
 found guilty of treason and sentenced to the guillotine. 
1825 Ezra Daggett and Thomas Kensett of New York City 
 patented a canning process to preserve salmon, oysters 
 and lobsters. 
1883 Thomas Edison's first village electric lighting 
 system using overhead wires began operation in Roselle, NJ. 
1915 George Claude, of Paris, France, patented the neon 
 discharge tube for use in advertising signs. 
1915 More than 20 people were killed when German zeppelins 
 bombed England for the first time. The bombs were dropped 
 on Great Yarmouth and King's Lynn. 
1937 Howard Hughes set a transcontinental air record. He 
 flew from Los Angeles to New York City in 7 hours, 
 28 minutes and 25 seconds. 
1942 The Japanese invaded Burma (later Myanmar). 
1944 The U.S. federal government relinquished control of the 
 nation's railroads after the settlement of a wage dispute. 
1949 The salary of the President of the United States was 
 increased from $75,000 to $100,000 with an additional 
 $50,000 expense allowance for each year in office. 
1966 Indira Gandhi was elected prime minister of India. 

1969 In protest against the Russian invasion of 1968, 
 Czech student Jan Palach set himself on fire in Prague's 
 Wenceslas Square. 
1971 At the Charles Manson murder trial, the Beatles' 
 "Helter Skelter" was played. At the scene of one of his 
 gruesome murders, the words "helter skelter" were written 
 on a mirror. 
1977 U.S. President Ford pardoned Iva Toguri D'Aquino 
 (the "Tokyo Rose"). 
1979 Former U.S. Attorney General John N. Mitchell was 
 released on parole after serving 19 months at a federal 
 prison in Alabama. 
1981 The U.S. and Iran signed an agreement paving the way 
 for the release of 52 Americans held hostage for more than 
 14 months and for arrangements to unfreeze Iranian assets 
 and to resolve all claims against Iran. 
1983 China announced that it was bannning 1983 purchases of 
 cotton, soybeans and chemical fibers from the United States. 
1993 IBM announced a loss of $4.97 billion for 1992. It was 
 the largest single-year loss in U.S. corporate history. 
1995 Russian forces overwhelmed the resistance forces in 
 Chechnya. 
1996 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was subpoenaed to 
 appear before a federal grand jury. The investigation was 
 concerning the discovery of billing records related to the 
 Whitewater real estate investment venture. 
1997 Yasser Arafat returned to Hebron for the first time in 
 more than 30 years. He joined 60,000 Palestinians in 
 celebration over the handover of the last West Bank city 
 in Israeli control. 
2001 Texas officials demoted a warden and suspended three 
 other prison workers in the wake of the escape of the "Texas 7." 
2006 NASA's New Horizons spacecraft was launched. The mission 
 was the first to investigate Pluto. 
2013 In Scottsdale, AZ, the original Batmobile for the TV series 
 "Batman" sold at auction for $4.6 million. It was the first of 
 six Batmobiles produced for the show. 
2015  smiled.


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Hughes Net webmail font size 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, January 18

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Texas home intruder shot by home owner and arrested by cops Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 18 1778 English navigator Captain James Cook discovered the Hawaiian Islands, which he called the "Sandwich Islands." History ______________________________________________________ With the gift of listening comes the gift of healing. --- Catherine de Hueck ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Western Australian Police have launched a new unit that roves around dealing with trouble spots. It made the TV news, with an officer proudly saying they were the: "Fast Action Response Team". Gotta love that acronym. ______________________________________________________ An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big version ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ \ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Randall Thomas Dorsett, 25, Hayes County, Texas
Texas home intruder shot by home owner and arrested by cops Late Monday night, the Hays County Sheriff's Office received a report of a suspicious person in the driveway of a home in rural Hays County. The Sheriff's Office says a female caller said she was at her home on Overland Stage Road in Dripping Springs with her three children, ages 9, 14, and 17. The homeowner says she saw a man unknown to her exit a vehicle in the driveway and approach her front door, which was locked. The man, identified as Randall Thomas Dorsett, 25, began to move the door handle, trying to gain entry, but he was unsuccessful. According to the Sheriff's Office, Dorsett then breached the garage and entered the home through the kitchen, where he was met by the homeowner, who was armed with a handgun. The homeowner demanded he leave the home several times. She told deputies that she became increasingly fearful of Dorsett's intentions toward her and her children. The homeowner fired one shot at Dorsett, striking him in the abdomen. STAR Flight transported Dorsett to Brackenridge Hospital, where he is expected to make a full recovery. His gunshot wound is described as a "through and through" wound, resulting in no major injury. Upon his release from the hospital, the suspect will be arrested for burglary of a habitation.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Hughes Net webmail font size Dear Webby I have HughesNet Webmail that's all I know, you see the difference in the size of my print in this email compared to your size print in this email, mine is so small, anyway thank you very much and you stay WARM !! maybe this problem will straighten itself up , I don't know. have a good day and thanks for all you do !! Ann. Dear Ann Hughes Net does not have any information about changing font size, and their "Help" is not helpful. Changing the font size of the system is totally ridiculous, when font sizes are perfect on everything else. You CAN, however, use the trick, that I have been advocating for decades: Hold down the CTR Key and turn the mouse scroll wheel to zoom. Many years ago, when you were still jail bait, I painted a reminder of that on the top of the side menu in the Humor Letter. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Fred was in the hospital recovering from a bypass operation. A member of his church's council came to visit. He said he brought greetings from the entire council and their wishes that he should recover soon and live a long and healthy life. Fred thanked him and said that was very nice. He was somewhat taken aback and said, "It's more than 'nice,' Father Fred. It was an official resolution ... passed by a vote of 14 to 12." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with thecost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Quick and Easy Garlic Rolls These are great when serving any Italian dishes, and easier to fix than Italian bread! Take one package of Pillsbury Grands Southern Style Flaky Rolls (8). Put them in a glass pie dish. Melt 3 tablespoons of fresh butter, add a sprinkle of salt and pepper, 1/4 teaspoon of basil leaves,1/8 of a teaspoon of garlic powder and a sprinkle of Italian seasoning. Source: My own idea! By Jackie H. [128] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For pity's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?" ___________________________________________________
homemade fireworks
____________________________________________________ One evening, Joanne and two girlfriends went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 40, they felt old by comparison, but before they could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached them. "Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," Joanne thought. Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of her friends and said, "Hello. Remember me? You taught me in third grade. ____________________________________________________ Old Dr. Carver still made house calls. One afternoon he was called to the Tuttle house. Mrs. Tuttle was in terrible pain. The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in and asked Mr. Tuttle, "Do you have a hammer?" A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage, and returned with a hammer. The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom. A moment later, he came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel?" Mr. Tuttle complied with the request. In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a pair of pliers, a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request got to Mr. Tuttle. He asked, "What are you doing to my wife?" "Not a thing," replied old doc Carver. "I can't get my instrument bag open." ____________________________________________________
The 21 Most Amazing National Geographic Photos Of 2015

Today, January 18, in
1778 English navigator Captain James Cook discovered the 
Hawaiian Islands, which he called the "Sandwich Islands." 
1788 The first English settlers arrived in Australia's 
 Botany Bay to establish a penal colony. The group moved 
 north eight days later and settled at Port Jackson. 
1871 Wilhelm, King of Prussia from 1861, was proclaimed 
 the first German Emperor. 
1886 The Hockey Association was formed in England. This 
 date is the birthday of modern field hockey. 
1896 The x-ray machine was exhibited for the first time. 
1911 For the first time an aircraft landed on a ship. Pilot 
 Eugene B. Ely flew onto a special, inclined the deck of 
 the USS Pennsylvania in San Francisco harbor. 
1919 The World War I Peace Congress opened in Versailles, France. 
1939 Louis Armstrong and his orchestra recorded 
 "Jeepers Creepers." 
1943 During World War II, the Soviets announced that they had 
 broken the Nazi siege of Leningrad, which had began in 
 September of 1941. 
1943 U.S. commercial bakers stopped selling sliced bread. Only 
 whole loaves were sold during the ban until the end of World War II. 
1950 The federal tax on oleomargarine was repealed. 
1957 The first, non-stop, around-the-world, jet flight came to an 
 end at Riverside, CA. The plane was refueled in mid-flight by 
 huge aerial tankers. 
1964 The plans for the original World Trade Center in New York 
 were unveiled to the public. 
1972 Former Rhodesian prime minister Garfield Todd and his daughter 
 were placed under house arrest for campaigning against Rhodesian 
 independence. 
1978 The European Court of Human Rights cleared the British 
 government of torture but found it guilty of inhuman and degrading 
 treatment of prisoners in Northern Ireland. 
1990 In an FBI sting, Washington, DC, Mayor Marion Barry was arrested 
 for drug possession. He was later convicted of a misdemeanor. 
1991 Eastern Airlines shut down after 62 years in business due to 
 financial problems. 
1995 The "yahoo.com" domain was created. 
1995 A network of caves were discovered near the town of 
 Vallon-Pont-d'Arc in southern France. The caves contained paintings 
 and engravings that were 17,000 to 20,000 years old. 
1997 Hutu militiamen killed three Spanish aid workers and three 
 soldiers and seriously wound an American in a night attack in 
 NW Rwanda. 
2000 The Chinese web services company Baidu, Inc. was incorporated 
 in Beijing. 
2002 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced the 
 approval of a saliva-based ovulation test. 
2012 Wikipedia began a 24-hour "blackout" in protest against proposed 
 anti-piracy legislation (S. 968 and H.R. 3261) known as the Protect 
 Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) in the Senate and the Stop Online 
 Piracy Act (SOPA) in the House. Many websites, including Reddit, 
 Google, Facebook, Amazon and others, contended would make it 
 challenging if not impossible for them to operate. 
2015  smiled.


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Windows shuts down during "sleep" 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, January 17

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Fired Florida Outback employee, who was arrested after he returned to rob the restaurant. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 17 1893 Hawaii's monarchy was overthrown when a group of businessmen and sugar planters forced Queen Liliuokalani to abdicate. History ______________________________________________________ The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. --- Olin Miller ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On the border of Kentucky and Tennessee there's a small forest. Half of the forest belongs to a Kentucky farmer, while the other half belongs to a Tennessee man. One day, while out for a walk in the woods, the Tennessee man comes across a wolf caught in a trap. He rushes back to his house and calls his Kentucky neighbor. "There's one of your wolves caught in a trap on my side of the forest." "How do you know it's one of *our* wolves?" the Kentucky farmer asked. "Well," the Tennessee man replied, "he's already chewed off three of his legs and he's still trapped." ______________________________________________________ Anyone who's ever ridden in a cab in Washington DC knows they're some of the world's most brazen drivers. Oddly enough though, their current accident rate isn't all that bad. I asked one of the drivers one day the reason for that. "Easy," he said. "all the really bad drivers are dead now." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big version ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ \ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jimmy Pierre, 35, Lake Worth, Floriduh
Fired Florida Outback employee was arrested after he returned to rob the restaurant. A Lake Worth man was arrested Monday after he allegedly tried to rob a Royal Palm Beach restaurant armed with a water pistol, according to an arrest report. Jimmy Pierre didn’t make it hard for Palm Beach County sheriff’s deputies to track him down, the report said. Pierre, 35, is a former employee of the Outback Steakhouse at the Southern Palms Crossing shopping plaza, the same establishment he allegedly tried to rob Monday. The restaurant manager, who had worked with Pierre, was able to identify the alleged robber. Pierre was fired in October from his job at Outback, the report said. The manager told deputies he had arrived at the restaurant, at Southern Boulevard and Lamstein Lane, at 7 a.m. Monday to do inventory. A few minutes later, Pierre rang the front-door bell and asked the manager for a drink. Once inside, Pierre allegedly put a gun to the manager’s head and demanded he open a safe. Pierre grabbed between $1,500 and $2,000 and put it in a bag. The manager asked Pierre why he was robbing a restaurant where “everyone knows you,” the report said. Pierre said he was broke and needed money. The manager realized that Pierre was holding a toy gun and a struggle ensued. Pierre allegedly tried to burn the manager with a small torch, and then hit the manager over the head with a computer monitor. The manager sustained a bump to his head but was able to identify Pierre to deputies. Pierre is facing charges of robbery with a firearm and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. He was being held in the Palm Beach County Jail late Tuesday in lieu of $100,000 bail.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Windows shuts down during "sleep". Dear Dr. Webby, I would like to set my pc (Windows 7 Home Premium) to sleep at night but when I turn it on in the morning I find it had completely shut down and I need to restart. Help, Thanks, Lee Dear Lee Most likely you have your Power Options set to shut down after so many hours of inactivity. You can configure that any way you want. There are also additional power options with some anti virus programs, that shut down the machine when finished scanning. Shutting down is actually not a bad idea. Nothing can happen or invade the machine, when it is shut down, and the fans don't suck dust bunnies into the machine. Let it shut down, and just start it up again while you get a coffee. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Husband: "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!" Wife: "No problem. I'll get you some that is." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with thecost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Valentine's Day Eggs This is a fun and adorable edible craft I learned from my mother. She's been doing this since she was a little kid. All you need are a few household items. :) Approximate Time: 45 minutes Supplies: pot of water eggs straws or chopsticks flexible cardboard (packaged food box or cereal box is good) wax paper or plastic wrap food dye (optional) Steps: Place eggs in pot and cover with water. Bring to a boil. Remove from burner. Cover pot. Let eggs sit in hot water about 10-12 minutes. Drain immediately and cool in cold running water or in bowl of ice. Peel eggs. Fold your piece of cardboard into a V shape like a greeting card. Line with wax paper or plastic wrap. Put in your egg. To make a heart shape, press a chopstick or straw down on the top of peeled egg and secure the entire thing with rubber bands. Pop in the fridge for 30 minutes. To make a flower, wrap your peeled egg egg in plastic wrap and press four chopsticks into the sides, evenly. Secure with rubber bands. Pop in the fridge for 30 minutes. To make the smiley faces, stick peeled egg in a tri-folded piece of cardboard lined with wax paper or plastic wrap and secure tightly with rubber bands. Pop in fridge for 30 minutes. If you like you can further decorate. For the smiley faces, add toasted sesame seeds for eyes and teeny tiny wedges of egg white for lips. You can also use a couple drops of red food colouring in a cup of water to dye the eggs pink before you squeeze them into heart shapes. Improvise! It's fun! :) Source: My ThriftyMum! By attosa [161] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ I gaze at the brilliant moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come closest to Utopia and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. Then I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts. ___________________________________________________
no frills airline
____________________________________________________ There was this man who had a dog which he was attempting to train, but alas had very little success. He was on the verge of despair when he happened across a very charismatic evangelist. He unburdened his soul to the preacher, who promptly informed him to leave the dog with him, and he would have it trained in a jiffy. The next day the man returns, and asks how the evangelist got on. The reply was positive, and the evangelist calls the dog to give a demonstration. Picking up a stick, he throws it and says, "Fetch." Instantly the dog takes off, grabs the stick and returns. The evangelist says, "Drop" and the dog drops the stick at his feet. "Roll over," and the dog rolls over. By this time the dog's owner is very excited, and asks if he can have a go. "Sure," replies the evangelist. "Heel!" says the owner and the dog lifts one paw, places it on the man's forehead and says, "I command this sickness to leave you..." ____________________________________________________ A small group of people were watching from the sidewalk as a huge front-end-loader swiftly excavated the basement hole for a house and neatly stacked the dirt in a huge pile on the side. One of the people complained: "He is taking food out of the mouths of the children of good Union people! Instead of one capitalist getting rich in an hour, twenty Uninon men could earn a living in that hole with shovels and wheelbarrows for a whole month!" A bystander commented: "Yeah, or two years if they use soup spoons!" ____________________________________________________
The 21 Most Amazing National Geographic Photos Of 2015

Today, January 17, in
1377 The Papal See was transferred from Avignon in France 
 back to Rome. 
1562 French Protestants were recognized under the Edict 
 of St. Germain. 
1773 Captain Cook's Resolution became the first ship to 
 cross the Antarctic Circle. 
1852 The independence of the Transvaal Boers was 
 recognized by Britain. 
1871 Andrew S. Hallidie received a patent for a cable car
1882 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Crystal Palace 
 Exhibition in London. 
1893 Hawaii's monarchy was overthrown when a group of 
 businessmen and sugar planters forced Queen Liliuokalani 
 to abdicate. 
1900 The U.S. took Wake Island where there was in important 
 cable link between Hawaii and Manila. 
1900 Yaqui Indians in Texas proclaimed their independence 
 from Mexico. 
1900 Mormon Brigham Roberts was denied a seat in the U.S. 
 House of Representatives for his practicing of polygamy. 
1905 Punchboards were patented by a manufacturing firm in 
 Chicago, IL. 
1912 English explorer Robert Falcon Scott reached the South 
 Pole. Norwegian Roald Amundsen had beaten him there by one 
 month. Scott and his party died during the return trip. 
1913 All partner interests in 36 Golden Rule Stores were 
 consolidated and incorporated in Utah into one company. 
 The new corporation was the J.C. Penney Company. 
1928 The fully automatic, film-developing machine was 
 patented by A.M. Josepho. 
1934 Ferdinand Porsche submitted a design for a people's car, 
 a "Volkswagen," to the new German Reich government. 
1945 Soviet and Polish forces liberated Warsaw at the end of WWII. 
1945 Swedish diplomat Raoul Wallenberg disappeared in Hungary 
 while in Soviet custody. Wallenberg was credited with saving 
 tens of thousands of Jews.
1959 Senegal and the French Sudan joined to form the Federal 
 State of Mali. 
1966 A B-52 carrying four H-bombs collided with a refuelling 
 tanker. The bombs were released and eight crewmembers were killed. 
1991 Coalition airstrikes began against Iraq after negotiations 
 failed to get Iraq to retreat from the country of Kuwait. 
1992 An IRA bomb, placed next to a remote country road in County 
 Tyrone, Northern Ireland, killed seven building workers and 
 injured seven others. 
1994 The Northridge earthquake rocked Los Angeles, CA, registering 
 a 6.7 on the Richter Scale. At least 61 people were killed and 
 about $20 billion in damage was caused. 
1995 More than 6,000 people were killed when an earthquake with 
 a magnitude of 7.2 devastated the city of Kobe, Japan. 
1997 A court in Ireland granted the first divorce in the 
 Roman Catholic country's history. 
1997 Israel gave over 80% of Hebron to Palestinian rule, 
 but held the remainder where several hundred Jewish settlers 
 lived among 20,000 Palestinians. 
1998 U.S. President Clinton gave his deposition in the Paula Jones 
 sexual harassment lawsuit against him. He was the first U.S. 
 President to testify as a defendant in a criminal or civil lawsuit. 
2000 British pharmaceutical companies Glaxo Wellcome PLC and 
 SmithKline Beecham PLC agreed to a merger that created the world's 
 largest drugmaker.
2001 Congo's President Laurent Kabila was shot and killed during a 
 coup attempt. Congolese officials temporarily placed Kabila's 
 son in charge of the government. 
2001 The director of Palestinian TV, Hisham Miki, was killed at a 
 restaurant when three masked gunmen walked up to his table and shot 
 him more than 10 times. 
2002 It was announced that Microsoft had signed a joint venture 
 agreement to produce software with two partners in China. The two 
 partners were Beijin Centergate Technologies (Holding) Co. and 
the Stone Group.
2015  smiled.


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How to move a hidden browser back to center? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, January 16

Yes, I know that the Ezinefinder is not working.
I have written to them a few times, but they don't
respond to me. I guess they think the big Linux bully
is picking on the widdle MAC people. 
You can try writing to
lewis@cumuli.com
support@cumuli.com
support@thriftyfun.com
thrifty@thriftyfun.com

They MIGHT answer you.


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Texan, who recorded sex with a 14 year old on his cell phone, and then left it where his live-in girlfriend could find it. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 16 1547 Ivan the Terrible was crowned Czar of Russia. History ______________________________________________________ "A collection of a hundred Great brains makes one big fathead." --- Carl Gustav Jung ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. --- Abbie Hoffman (1936 - 1989) ______________________________________________________ Leonardo Da Vinci, when but a small boy, drew a picture of a horrible monster, then placed it near a window to surprise his father. When his father came home, he nearly had a heart attack. The monster was so realistically painted his father was sure his time had come. He promptly enrolled Leonardo in an art class. (He later painted the Mona Lisa) ______________________________________________________ This guy was walking along the beach one day and ran across a lamp. He picked it up a rubbed it and a genie popped out. The genie told him he would grant the man three wishes. "First," the guy began, "I'd like a million dollars." POOF! A million dollars was suddenly showing on his checkbook balance. "Second," he continued, "I'd like a new Mercedes." POOF! A Mercedes appeared right in front of him. "Third," the guy smirked, "I'd like to be irresistible to women." POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big version ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ \ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Antonio Salinas, 49, SAN ANTONIO, Texas
Texan arrested after his girlfriend finds video of sexual assault of a 14 year old on his cell phone. A 49-year-old man was arrested after police say his live-in girlfriend discovered cellphone video of him sexually assaulting a 14-year-old girl. According to an arrest affidavit, Antonio Salinas had misplaced his phone before leaving his residence. After he was gone, his girlfriend "found" the phone and while snooping on it discovered a video of Salinas and the victim engaging in sex acts. She called police, who seized the phone and discovered more sexually explicit videos involving Salinas and the victim. In one of the videos, Salinas can be heard offering the victim $50 for sex, according to the affidavit. Salinas was arrested and charged with felony sexual assault of a child.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Audrey Re: How do I move a hidden browser back to center? Dear Webby, Every now and then Chrome moves off-screen so far, that I can't drag it back. Sometimes I can't even see it any more and have to reboot, to just get an edge, that I can grab. Yeah, I know it is a Windows bug, that can't be fixed, but is there a way to just move the browser back to where I can grab it and drag it to the center? Thanks Audrey Dear Audrey Yes, that bug is known and affects most machines, that use two monitors. That bug has been around for a long time and Microsoft built in a secret trick that their employees can use to deal with it. It works on XP, W7, W8, W8.1 and W10. Look for the browser icon on the task bar. Hold down the SHIFT key, and then RIGHT click the browser icon. Let go the SHIFT key and hit M Now you can use the Arrow keys (left, right, up, down) to move the browser. Usually it slithers off the left side of the screen when it does that, so using the right arrow key will bring it back to where you can grab it with the mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. "Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor. "Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with thecost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Other Uses for Tomato Cages Instead of using cones to help a teen learn driving maneuverability; we used the tall tomato cages, upside down of course. They worked perfectly! Double function, too! By Rene' ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches. An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?" "Flat on his nose over by the holy water," said the boy ___________________________________________________
no frills airline
____________________________________________________ When a man and woman meet for the first time, various things go through their heads. The woman might be thinking, "Gee, he's not bad looking, and those are nice shoes he's got, he must have a decent job. I love his smile, and he seems to actually be listening to what I say, although if this is going to go anywhere we'll have to do something about that beard, and his glasses are definitely too big and....." And of course the man is thinking, "Gee, I'm only fourteen inches away from her blouse!" ____________________________________________________ One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began. Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?" The student replied, "A cop was ahead of me in traffic and I had to do the speed limit all the way into town!" ____________________________________________________
And the Winners of the 2015 Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards Are…

Today, January 16, in
1547 Ivan the Terrible was crowned Czar of Russia. 
1572 The Duke of Norfolk was tried for treason for complicity 
 in the Ridolfi plot to restore Catholicism in England. He was 
 executed on June 2. 
1809 The British defeated the French at the Battle of Corunna, 
 in the Peninsular War. 
1866 Mr. Everett Barney patented the metal screw & clamp skate. 
1900 The U.S. Senate consented to the Anglo-German treaty of 
 1899, by which the U.K. renounced rights to the Samoan islands. 
1919 The 18th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which prohibited 
 the sale or transportation of alcoholic beverages, was ratified. 
 It was later repealed by the 21st Amendment. 
1920 Prohibition went into effect in the U.S. 
1925 Leon Trotsky was dismissed as Chairman of the Revolutionary 
 Council of the USSR. 
1944 General Dwight D. Eisenhower took command of the Allied 
 invasion force in London. 
1970 Colonel Muammar el-Quaddafi became virtual president of Libya. 
1970 Buckminster Fuller, the designer of the geodesic dome, was 
 awarded the Gold Medal of the American Institute of Architects. 
1979 The Shah of Iran and his family fled Iran for Egypt. 
1982 Britain and the Vatican resumed full diplomatic relations 
 after a break of over 400 years. 
1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition of 
 stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and elsewhere 
 would come to an immediate end. 
1998 Researchers announce that an altered gene helped to 
 defend against HIV. 
1991 The White House announced the start of Operation Desert 
 Storm. The operation was designed to drive Iraqi forces 
 out of Kuwait. 
1992 Officials of the government of El Salvador and rebel 
 leaders signed a pact in Mexico City ending 12 years of 
 civil war. At least 75,000 people were killed during the 
 fighting. 
1998 The first woman to enroll at Virginia Military Institute 
 withdrew from the school. 
1998 It was announced that Texas would receive $15.3 billion 
 in a tobacco industry settlement. The payouts were planned 
 to take place over 25 years. 
2002 U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that John 
 Walker Lindh would be brought to the United States to face 
 trial. He was charged in U.S. District Court in Alexandria, VA, 
 with conspiracy to kill U.S. citizens, providing support to 
 terrorist organizations, and engaging in prohibited 
 transactions with the Taliban of Afghanistan. 
2002 The U.N. Security Council unanimously adopted sanctions 
 against Osama bin Laden, his terror network and the Taliban. 
 The sanctions required that all nations impose arms embargoes 
 and freeze their finances. 
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 500 million applications 
 downloaded.
2015  smiled.


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How to reduce paper usage 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 15
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an SC Woman, who was arrested after she bit off guard's finger after stealing condoms, lubricant from Walmart. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 15 1624 Many riots occurred in Mexico when it was announced that all churches were to be closed. History ______________________________________________________ "A collection of a hundred Great brains makes one big fathead." --- Carl Gustav Jung ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was driving down a local street one day in an open convertible and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn't know was that a cop was watching the intersection. The cop pulled out after him and stopped him 2 blocks away and asked him for his " License, registration and proof of insurance" The driver said: "Hey I wanna know exactly what I did wrong first?" The Officer responded "Please watch your tone of voice, you failed the stop sign back there!" The driver said: "Hey man, I slowed down enough, what the heck is the difference?" The police officer then pulled out his night stick and his long flashlight began bonking them over the mans head in a spirited drum solo. Within seconds the driver was howling: "Hey, man, stop that. Stop it. Stop, please!" The officer said " Now, do you want me to really stop, or just slow down a bit ?" ______________________________________________________ A tour bus load full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede, England. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta." A man pushing his way to the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?" "1215," answers the guide. The man looks at his watch and says, "Shoot! We missed it by a half hour!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big version ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Walter, The Stoncarver at http://stonecarver.com. \ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Carolynn Elizabeth Wright, 23, MYRTLE BEACH, S.C.
SC Woman arrested after she bit off guard's finger after stealing condoms, lubricant from Walmart. A 23-year-old woman has been charged with assault after police say she stole items from a Myrtle Beach Walmart and got into a fight with two loss prevention officers, according to a police report. Carolynn Elizabeth Wright was arrested on Sunday by Myrtle Beach Police. The arrest came after police responded to an assault call at the Walmart on Seaboard Street. When officers arrived they saw a group of people and a gold van, according to a police report. Two women, both loss prevention officers for the store, told police they tried to stop Wright after they saw her conceal several items and exit the store. A fight ensued between the women and Wright. The women said Wright punched one of them in the side of her head, causing bleeding around her left ear. The other woman said Wright bit down on her finger and wouldn't let go, causing a portion of her finger to come off. Another woman told police Wright grabbed her phone when she tried to call 911 and, when she reached over to get her phone back, Wright grabbed her hair. The woman said she punched Wright in the face to get her to let go of her hair. A man told police Wright went inside the store and when she came back she told him to run. When he said, "What?" she replied, "Drive!" But there was someone standing in front of the van he was driving. A short time later police responded. The items reported stolen include: condoms valued at $7.98, lubricant valued at $2.94, clothing valued at $9.97, two pairs of panties valued at $6.96 each, and one camisole valued at $1.68. Wright had pleaded guilty to a shoe attack while working as a stripper at a Myrtle Beach strip club in March 2015.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kath Re: Paper expenses Dear Webby, My paper expenses are getting out of hand, partly because I print out the instructions for most programs. Help! Kath Dear Kath Get Clickbook. If you loose this link, it is also in my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools I have had it there since the days, when I was using a dot matrix printer. With ClickBook you select Clickbook as your printer, then one out of over 170 different formats. My favorite one is 4 pages per sheet paperback format, folded. The first time you use it, it tells you to feed a sheet then drop it down into the feed tray and print it again. It puts marks onto the sheet and tells you to select which ones you see and where. That tells it how your printer works. After that you print your stuff, and when it has one side printed, it tells you to drop the printed stuff down into the paper tray without turning, and hit OK. Then it prints the back sides. It does the mindboggling task of figuring out what goes behind each page, so that all the pages are in proper sequence, when you take the stack and fold it in half. Just fold it in half, and use a wooden hammer or your heaviest shoe, and hammer the fold nice and tight, hammer some heavy staples through the fold, and glue a nice cover page around your paperback size booklet. This sounds a bit complicated, but is actually quite simple. When you see how it prints 4 pages per sheet of paper, or more, if you pick a pocket book format, you will be quite delighted about your paper savings. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A couple went shopping at the mall. They decided to go their separate ways and meet two hours later. The husband was at their appointed meeting place at the appointed time, but there was no sign of his wife. After waiting for half an hour, he started looking for her but couldn't find her in any of the stores she usually frequented. Finally, thoroughly tired of looking for her, he approached a beautiful lady on a mall bench. He smiled at her and said, "Please, talk to me! Quick!" She said, "Why?" "Because I've been looking for my wife all over this silly mall and I can't find her," the man replied. "How will talking to me help you find your wife? I have absolutely no idea what she looks like, much less where she is." "I didn't think you did. However, every time I start talking to a beautiful woman, my wife instantly appears out of nowhere!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with thecost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Other Uses for Tomato Cages Instead of using cones to help a teen learn driving maneuverability; we used the tall tomato cages, upside down of course. They worked perfectly! Double function, too! By Rene' ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ When Steven returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Hmmm," said Steven very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "You're darn right it wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the two best towels we had... the ones I nipped at that Hotel on our honeymoon." ___________________________________________________
bear tagging in Canada
____________________________________________________ Two kids, aged 10 and 12 were sitting under a quilt on the couch watching television. Their mother joined them, and complained that there was not enough quilt for her. The 10 year old replied "That's because the quilt is in portrait not landscape!" And sure enough, when they turned the quilt to "landscape", they all fit under it quite nicely! ____________________________________________________ The doctor was examining a young model who was having tremendous pain in her side. "My dear, you have acute appendicitis," the doctor said. The woman became quite angry and said, "Don't try flirting with me, I just want to be examined, not complimented." ____________________________________________________
How does he do that?

Today, January 15, in
1559 England's Queen Elizabeth I (Elizabeth Tudor) was crowned.
1624 Many riots occurred in Mexico when it was announced that 
 all churches were to be closed. 
1863 "The Boston Morning Journal" became the first paper in the 
 U.S. to be published on wood pulp paper. 
1870 A cartoon by Thomas Nast titled "A Live Jackass Kicking a 
 Dead Lion" appeared in "Harper's Weekly." The cartoon used the 
 donkey to symbolize the Democratic Party for the first time. 
1892 "Triangle" magazine in Springfield, MA, published the 
 rules for a brand new game. The original rules involved 
 attaching peach baskets to a suspended board. It is now known 
 as basketball. 
1913 The first telephone line between Berlin and New York was 
 inaugurated. 
1936 The first, all glass, windowless building was completed 
 in Toledo, OH. The building was the new home of the 
 Owens-Illinois Glass Company Laboratory. 
1943 The Pentagon was dedicated as the world's largest office 
 building just outside Washington, DC, in Arlington, VA. 
 The structure covers 34 acres of land and has 17 miles of 
 corridors. 
1955 The first solar-heated, radiation-cooled house was built 
 by Raymond Bliss in Tucson, AZ. 
1967 The first National Football League Super Bowl was played. 
 The Green Bay Packers defeated the Kansas City Chiefs of the 
 American Football League. The final score was 35-10. 
1973 U.S. President Nixon announced the suspension of all U.S. 
 offensive action in North Vietnam. He cited progress in peace 
 negotiations as the excuse. 
1974 "Happy Days" premiered on ABC-TV. 
1987 Paramount Home Video reported that it would place a 
 commercial at the front of one of its video releases for the 
 first time. It was a 30-second Diet Pepsi ad at the 
 beginning of "Top Gun." 
2001 Wikipedia was launched. 
2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the U.S. Congress had 
 permission to repeatedly extend copyright protection. 
2006 NASA's Stardust space probe mission was completed when 
 it's sample return capsule returned to Earth with comet dust 
 from comet Wild 2.
2015  smiled.


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Priority: Monitor or RAM ? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 14

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Oregon woman, who was too drunk to find car with month-old baby inside. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 14 1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for Britain's Queen Victoria. History ______________________________________________________ To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe. --- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man goes into the confession booth at church. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my son?" Asks the priest. "Well, about a month ago I was in the library until closing time, and when I wanted to leave it started to rain very heavily and didn't let up. After some time me and the librarian lost our patience and... well.. partied all night, if you catch my drift." "That is bad but not horrible, my son," Said the priest, "if it is a one-time slip, God will forgive you." "That's just the thing," said the man, "about a week ago I helped my neighbor fix her shutters, and when I wanted to go home it started raining heavily and... well.. you know, all night long." The priest remains silent. The man covers his face in his hands and starts sobbing, "What should I do now, father?" "What should you DO??" Screamed the priest, "You should get out of here right now before it rains!" ______________________________________________________ The formula for a happy marriage is the same as how to live in California; if you find a fault don't dwell on it. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big version ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ \ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Terra Nicole Brandenberg, 31, West Linn, Oregon
Oregon woman was too drunk to find car with month-old baby inside. A woman whose blood-alcohol level was more than three times the legal limit was arrested Wednesday after police say she falsely reported her car stolen with her 4-week-old son inside. Terra Nicole Brandenburg, 31, apparently misplaced her SUV after she bought wine at a gas station, said Sgt. Dave Kempas, a West Linn Police Department spokesman. The baby was found unharmed inside the car, as was a 3-year old Doberman Pinscher, he said. Police say that Brandenburg, who who lives in West Linn and Oregon City, had purchased gas at a Fred Meyer in Oregon City and was driving to West Linn when her 2006 BMW sport utility vehicle hit the Oregon City-West Linn Arch Bridge. She pulled the damaged vehicle into an apartment complex across the street from a 76 gas station in West Linn, apparently to use the restroom, Kempas said. She bought a box of wine and left. Brandenburg then went back inside and told a clerk her car had been stolen with her baby inside. She started making calls to family, which the clerk thought was strange, Kempas said. The clerk told Brandenburg to call police, which she did. Responding officers quickly ascertained the SUV was not stolen. West Linn's police dispatch, which had sent a request for an Amber Alert to the Oregon State Police at 5:09 p.m., canceled it eight minutes later, Kempas said. At one point, Brandenburg ran from a police lieutenant who easily caught her, Kempas said. Her blood-alcohol level was 0.25 percent, he said. In Oregon, the legal limit is 0.08 percent. Brandenburg was lodged at the Clackamas County Jail on accusations of driving under the influence of intoxicants, first- and second-degree criminal mistreatment, reckless endangering, second-degree child neglect, initiating a false report, reckless driving, and disorderly conduct, according to a news release from the West Linn Police Department. Brandenburg's bail was set at $63,500, according to the news release. The baby was picked up by his father, Kempas said.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rita Re: RAM or monitor Dear Webby, I am going to buy myself a brand new computer. I can't quite get my dream system and have to cut corners either on RAM or on monitor size. Thanks Rita Dear Rita Skimp on the RAM and get the best monitor you can. RAM shortage only leads to temporary annoyances, but a too small or too coarse monitor will lead to vision problems that are permanent. You can always get more RAM later, but you can't get better eyes. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Little Johnny has been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten everyday since he started a month ago. Each day his mother admires the pictures and hangs them on the refrigerator. One thing starts bothering her though. Little Johnny only uses black and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem with her young son and not wanting to make it worse, she decides to take him to a child psychologist. The psychologist delicately goes to work. He gives Johnny a battery of psychological tests. He chats with Johnny. Everything seems perfectly normal. Everyday for two weeks, the tests continue. Yet everyday, little Johnny continues to bring home drawings in only black and brown. Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem and fearful that something is terrible wrong, the child psychologist decides to give little Johnny some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happens. Little Johnny opens the box of crayons and says "Oh WOW! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes. The only ones left in mine are black and brown!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with thecost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cake Dome Heat Saver We occasionally purchase cakes from the grocery store deli that come with those plastic domed lids. I saved the last couple, sure I could figure out something useful to do with it. Well, I realized they make great heat savers for your plate of food if you're not quite ready to eat. Also, they would be great for summertime to place over plates and avoid bugs on your food. These are both things that have come in very useful for us, hopefully they will for you too. :) By melissa [269] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Do you know the main difference between a violin and a viola ? A viola apparently burns longer. ___________________________________________________
Toto - Africa (like you've never heard)
____________________________________________________ The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there." "Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported." ____________________________________________________ The veterinarian told Trisha that her dog needed some exercise. You need to make sure the dog runs around, the doctor said. Try playing a game of fetch the ball. "I can't play fetch with my dog," Trisha said. "Why not?" the doctor asked. "Because," she replied, "He can't throw." ____________________________________________________
Take a walk in the rain and not get wet.

Today, January 14, in
1639 Connecticut's first constitution, the "Fundamental Orders," 
 was adopted. 
1784 The United States ratified a peace treaty with England 
 ending the Revolutionary War. 
1858 French emperor Napoleon III escaped an attempt on his life. 
1873 John Hyatt's 1869 invention ‘Celluloid’ was registered as 
 a trademark. 
1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for 
 Britain's Queen Victoria. 
1907 An earthquake killed over 1,000 people in Kingston, Jamaica. 
1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S. 
 President to fly in an airplane while in office. He flew from 
 Miami, FL, to French Morocco where he met with British Prime 
 Minister Winston Churchill to discuss World War II. 
1953 Josip Broz Tito was elected president of Yugoslavia by the 
 country's Parliament. 
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were married. The marriage 
 only lasted nine months. 
1954 The Hudson Motor Car Company merged with Nash-Kelvinator. 
 The new company was called the American Motors Corporation. 
1969 An explosion aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Enterprise 
 off Hawaii killed 25 crew members. 
1985 Martina Navratilova won her 100th tournament. She joined 
 Jimmy Connors and Chris Evert Lloyd as the only professional 
 tennis players to win 100 tournaments. 
1993 The British government pledged to introduce legislation to 
 criminalize invasions of privacy by the press. 
1994 U.S. President Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin 
 signed Kremlin accords to stop aiming missiles at any nation 
 and to dismantle the nuclear arsenal of Ukraine. 
1996 Juan Garcia Abrego was arrested by Mexican agents. The 
 alleged drug lord was handed over to the FBI the next day. 
1998 Whitewater prosecutors questioned Hillary Rodham Clinton at 
 the White House for 10 minutes about the gathering of FBI 
 background files on past Republican political appointees. 
1998 In Dallas, researchers report an enzyme that slows the 
 aging process and cell death. 
1999 The U.S. proposed the lifting of the U.N. ceilings on the 
 sale of oil in Iraq. The restriction being that the money be 
 used to buy medicine and food for the Iraqi people. 
2000 A U.N. tribunal sentenced five Bosnian Croats to up to 
 25 years for the 1993 massacre of over 100 Muslims in a 
 Bosnian village. 
2004 In St. Louis, a Lewis and Clark Exhibition opened at the 
 Missouri History Museum. The exhibit featured 500 rare and 
 priceless objects used by the Corps of Discovery. 
2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back pictures 
 during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. The mission was 
 launched on October 15, 1997.
2015  smiled.


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Child safe way to deal with telemarketers 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a British Mother of three, who was arrested for giving drugs to Teenage boy to keep him awake for sex’ with her Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 13 1128 Pope Honorius II granted a papal sanction to the military order known as the Knights Templar. He declared it to be an army of God. History ______________________________________________________ The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it. --- George Orwell (1903 - 1950) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice: "Two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000." There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room. Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So what did you do with the money?" ______________________________________________________ A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on.She says, "Excuseme sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the coun- ter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00". She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter.I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her..being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big version ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ \ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Caroline Lea 36, Clifton Drive, Lancashire, England
Mother of three Caroline Lea was arrested for giving drugs to Teenage boy to keep him awake for sex’ with her A 15-year-old boy was given drugs by a 36-year-old mother of three to keep him awake for sex, a court has heard. Caroline Lea is said to have slept with the youngster on a regular basis for several months before he said he realised he needed to find a girlfriend of his own age. The defendant, from Blackpool, Lancashire, is also accused of taking part in a threesome with another 15-year-old complainant and his young friend, as well as allegedly sexually touching a third boy of the same age. Lea denies committing any sexual offences and told police that the threesome allegation was “nonsense”. A jury at Preston Crown Court today heard evidence from her accusers including a youth who said Lea initiated their first sexual encounter by inviting him to her bedroom to watch a film. In his police interview, the complainant said he was “shocked” and pushed Lea away on her bed when she tried to kiss him but then “changed my mind because I'm a lad”. He said the defendant performed oral sex on him before they had intercourse in several positions. He said: “We did everything really. Everything you name, everything she wanted to do.” The interviewing detective asked him: “What ended that first sexual encounter?” The teenager replied: “We stopped because we were tired.” The sexual relationship continued as he stayed over at her former home in the resort, the court was told. He added: “Sometimes I was a bit tired and she would give me speed (amphetamines) to stay awake.” He said the defendant was usually sober during sex except for one occasion. Asked what made him decide to stop the alleged relationship, he said: “Because it was wrong, because I'm 15. ”I have a life ahead of me. I have got to go out and get a girlfriend of my own age.“ He said he also listened to the advice of his friends who told him the defendant was ”ruining“ his life. Lea, of Clifton Drive, denies seven counts of engaging in sexual activity with a child on various dates between December 2013 and March 2014. She has also pleaded not guilty to one count of allowing her home to be used for smoking cannabis and a separate count of supplying amphetamines, a Class B drug, to another.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jeanie Re: Child safe way to deal with telemarketers Dear Webby, you had some good advice some time ago on how to deal with telemarketers. That's perfect when I answer the phone, but really not suitable when my daughter answers it. What have you got that cold be used by kids when a telemarketer or ex-boyfriend calls? Thanks, Jeanie Dear Jeanie Just write one of these numbers on a note and keep it by the phone. Pick the one with the area code closest to you. Then ask the kids to tell telemarketers or exes that you had left a message that they should call you at that number. (212) 479-7990 Los Angeles Area: 626-207-5412 310-495-5412 213-363-5412 323-281-9412 909-650-5412 714-607-5412 818-663-5412 562-223-5412 310-217-7638 949-256-5412 San Diego: 619-801-5412 760-204-5412 San Francisco: 415-620-5412 415-356-9833 Oakland: 510-699-5412 San Jose: 408-344-9412 Boston: 617-861-3962 Chicago: 773-509-5096 Atlanta: 770-908-7383 770-723-7256 Orlando: 407-916-ROCK Birmingham: 205-250-0408 Denver: 303-575-1696 Seattle: 206-781-3928 Washington DC: 202-452-7468 Tampa Bay: 727-579-2078 Rochester: 585-399-5902 Rhode Island: 401-648-6543 New Hampshire: 603-413-2340 England: 09061 100 596 Dublin, Ireland: (+353) (01) 2194862 More numbers are popping up occasionally at http://rejectionline.com/copycat.html Go ahead and pretend to be a telemarketer or ex and call one of those numbers. It's a hoot, and it works. Just don't think it's me at that number. Those numbers are from the "Rejection Line". Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ === A Conversation Between Moses and God "Excuse me, sir." "Is that you again, Moses?" "I'm afraid it is, sir." "What is it this time, Moses. More computer problems?" "How did you guess?" "I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember?" "Oh, yeah. I forgot." "Tell me what you want, Moses." "But you already know. Remember?" "Moses!" "Sorry, sir." "Well, go ahead, Moses. Spit it out!" "Well, I have a question, sir. You know those ten things you sent me." "You mean the commandments, Moses?" "That's it. I was wondering if they were important." "What do you mean 'were important, Moses? Of course, they are important. Otherwise I wouldn't have sent them to you." "Well, sorry, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them, but of course you would see right through that." "What do you mean 'you lost them! Are you trying to tell me you didn't save them, Moses?" "No, sir. I forgot." "Well, My Son always saves, Moses." "Yeah, I know. You told me that before. I was going to, but I forgot. I did send them to some people before I lost them though. " "And did you hear back from any of them?" "You already know I did." "What about the one guy who said he never uses 'shalt not'. Can he change the words a little bit?" "Yes, Moses. As long as he doesn't change the meaning." "And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh and recommended calling them the Ten Suggestions or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?" "Moses, I'll act like I didn't hear that." "I think that means, 'no'. Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?" "I think that is spamming, Moses." "Oh, yeah. I e-mailed him back and told him I don't even eat that stuff and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer." "And what he did say?" "You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think he might have sent me one of those plagues and that's the reason I lost those ten things, do you?" "They're called viruses, Moses." "Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we just go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but I never lost them." "We'll do it the new way, Moses." "I was afraid you would say that, sir." "Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?" "You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out toward the computer." "It's a mouse, Moses. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?" "No, I decided to try the technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than you, and I really like your hours. By the way, sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?" "No, Moses." "One other thing. Why didn't you name them frogs instead of mice, because didn't you tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?" "I didn't name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to." "Oh, that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh, sir? I bet some woman told him to call it a mouse. After all, wasn't it a woman who named one of the computers Apple?" "Say good night, Moses." "Wait a minute, sir. I am stretching out the mouse and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten things have come back." "Which ones are they, Moses?" "Let's see. 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image and 'Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor's wife.' "Turn the computer off, Moses. I'm sending you another set of stone tablets. How does 'Same Day Air' sound?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with thecost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pre-Measure Water in Carafe Once in a while I will not estimate the water needed to fill my tea carafe and this makes a mess. I just got tired of cleaning up water spills. So now I fill the carafe with water, then pour it into an empty kettle. I have the exact amount of water needed to brew a lovely pot of tea. I then label it so I know what kind of tea is inside and when I brewed it. Win Win! PBP By Sandi/Poor But Proud [462]
______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A guy was invited to some old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. He was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names." His buddy hung his head. " To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago." ___________________________________________________
dog walks on two legs
____________________________________________________ The Navy Captain looked the crew over and said, "Men before anything more is said, I would like to clear up one thing. This isn't MY ship, this is YOUR ship." From deep in the ranks came a voice: "Great! Hey guys, let's sell the silly old tub!" ____________________________________________________ Church Bulletin Board Bloopers: Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch. *If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check and drip in the collection basket. *Jan 25: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club. *Women's Luncheon: Potluck Lunch. Polly Phillips will give the medication. *If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. *We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. *Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford." *Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer. *Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. *The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral. *The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church board. *As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. *Fifth Sinday is Lent. *Thank you dead friends. *Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. *Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Eater. *Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits. *For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit. *Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men. *The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working. *Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess ____________________________________________________
Laughing hard at animals.

Today, January 13, in
1128 Pope Honorius II granted a papal sanction to the military 
 order known as the Knights Templar. He declared it to be an 
 army of God. 
1854 Anthony Faas of Philadelphia, PA, was granted the first U.S. 
 patent for the accordion. He made improvements to the keyboard 
 and enhanced the sound. 
1900 In Austria-Hungary, Emperor Franz Joseph decreed that German 
 would be the language of the imperial army to combat Czech 
 nationalism. 
1906 Hugh Gernsback, of the Electro Importing Company, advertised 
 radio receivers for sale for the price of just $7.50 in 
 "Scientific American" magazine. 
1928 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson gave the first public demonstration 
 of television. 
1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile referred to as the 
 "Soybean Car." The car was 30% lighter than the average car. 
1984 Wayne Gretzky extended his NHL consecutive scoring streak 
 to 45 games. 
1992 Japan apologized for forcing tens of thousands of Korean 
 women to serve as sex slaves for Japanese soldiers during WWII. 
1998 ABC and ESPN negotiated to keep "Monday Night Football" for 
 $1.15 billion a season. 
2002 Japan and Singapore signed a free trade pact that would 
 remove tariffs on almost all goods traded between them. 
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush fainted after choking on 
 a pretzel. 
2009 Ethiopian military forces began pulling out of Somalia, 
 where they had tried to maintain order for nearly two years. 
2015  smiled.


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Can you trust investment advice that comes in as spam? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 12

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Missouri Sheriffs Deputy arrested for child porn Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 12 49 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon River signaling the start of war between Rome and Gaul. History ______________________________________________________ A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents. --- G. C. Lichtenberg ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ During a field exercise at Camp Lejeune, N.C., a squad was on a night patrol through some thick brush. Halfway through, they realized they had lost their map. The patrol navigator informed them, "Our odds are 1 in 360 that we'll get out of here." "How did you come up with that?" someone asked. "Well," he replied, "it's unfortunate that the compass broke when Bob stepped on it, because quite often one of the degrees on the compass is right." ----------- Just remember, moss grows on the north side of lost compasses. ______________________________________________________ Home computers are the perfect thing for women who don't feel that men provide them with enough frustration. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big version ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ \ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Juan T. Jones, 27, Springfield, Missouri
Missouri Sheriffs Deputy arrested for child porn A Greene County sheriff's deputy at the center of a federal child porn investigation was fired and arrested Wednesday by Sheriff Jim Arnott. Juan T. Jones, 27, a patrol deputy employed by the sheriff's office since September 2013, was charged in a federal complaint Wednesday with possession of child pornography. Arnott said at a press conference Wednesday afternoon that he was "disappointed" with and "ashamed" of Jones' conduct. The case was investigated by the Southwest Missouri Cyber Crimes Task Force, and Arnott said it was brought to his attention on Tuesday. The sheriff's office is conducting an internal investigation of Jones in addition to the criminal investigation being carried out by the task force, according to Arnott. A criminal complaint filed Wednesday afternoon says authorities started investigating Jones in September when a tip came in from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children that someone was storing child porn on a Dropbox account. Authorities tracked the account to Jones, according to the complaint. In October, authorities received a warrant to search Jones' Dropbox account. The search turned up 168 videos and about 1,500 images of child porn, according to the complaint. The images depicted children as young as infants engaged in sexual acts, the complaint says. Jones allegedly told investigators during an interview Wednesday that he has looked at child porn for about 10 years. He allegedly told investigators he had stored child porn on his Dropbox and Tumblr accounts. He told investigators he exchanged child porn with other people over the Internet, the complaint says. The complaint says Jones lives in the 2600 block of East Atlantic Street, and investigators served a federal search warrant Wednesday at Jones' residence. Sheriff Arnott said Jones is in the custody of the U.S. Marshals Service. The complaint also says Jones was an employee of the Springfield Cardinals. Jones was the subject of a December 2014 feature story in the News-Leader saying he was the county's only black patrol deputy. In the story, Jones said he grew up poor in St. Louis in and out of 21 foster homes. He said he was homeless in Springfield as recently as 2007. "I grew up around drugs and alcohol and domestic abuse," he said. "Crack was the main choice of drug. I didn't meet my dad until 2013." The story said Jones was married and has two young daughters. Arnott said at the press conference Wednesday his main concern now is getting justice for the victims in this case. He said he was not aware of any local victims, but he asks anyone with information on this case to contact the sheriff's office at 868-4040. "I’m so disappointed, but at the same time proud of the job well done seeking justice for child victims who are exploited on the Internet," Arnott said. Arnott said he hadn't noticed any questionable behavior on Jones' part in his time with the sheriff's office.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maryann Re: Investment advice via email Dear Webby, I got an email today that recommended that I buy a certain stock because it was bound to go up. Is it safe to trust that? Maryann Dear Maryann Always remember that spammers lie. If you have stock of that company, dump it, fast! Obviously it is going to drop soon and they are trying to con those people, who are dumb enough to believe spam, into taking it off their hands. If you want a good investment tip, try this: Spend a Saturday afternoon at the biggest computer store in your area, and try EVERY keyboard they have, until you find one that feels perfect for your hands and your posture. Then buy twenty or more of those at wholesale. Not only will keyboard prices go up steadily with normal inflation, but this way you will always have a perfect keyboard and increase your own productivity. Have FUN! DearWebby
_____________________________________________________ German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig too. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber network. Scottish scientists were outraged. They dug 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. So they concluded that the ancient Scotts 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones under their kilts. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Plastic Bottle Herb Planters This is a simple recycled plastic bottle project that will allow you to grow your herbs year round. Furthermore, the herb planters are easy to care for and don't need to be watered daily. Approximate Time: 30 minutes Yield: 1 recycled planterplanter before adding soil Supplies: recycled plastic drink bottles (depends on the number of planters you want to make) pair of scissors pocket knife roll of jute or macrame twine 8 to 15 small pebbles plant soil to fill the top of the bottles, amount will depend on how many planters you make) 3 herb seeds or herb plants Steps: Remove the bottle cap and clean the bottle with water. Use the blade of your pocket knife and insert it in the bottle just under the label. Cut a small slit in the bottle so you can insert your scissors. Cut around the label of the bottle. You now have two pieces of the bottle. Take the neck of your bottle piece and turn it upside down. Insert the small blade of your pocket knife into the bottle just below the label. You want to make a small round cut in the bottle neck. Repeat step 6 making a second round cut in the bottle neck. The second cut is approximately 1 inch apart. Cut your piece of jute or macramé cord. Youll need to double your cord. It is easy to use the bottom of the bottle to determine the length of cord you'll need. I normally cut my cord 1 inch above the bottom of the bottle. When I cut the cord I made sure it is doubled. Insert both ends of the cord into the two holes on the neck of the bottle. Pull both ends of cord through the neck of the bottle. They should exit out the opening of the bottle. Use small rocks or pebbles to fill the neck of the bottle. The rocks hold the dirt in place. Place dirt in the bottle. Fill the reservoir of the bottle with water. Place the neck of the bottle in the reservoir. Make sure the two ends of the cord are in the water. Now you're ready to plant seeds or small herb plants in the recycled bottle planters. The cords in the water will keep your soil nice and moist. When the reservoir starts to be low on water it's time to fill the reservoir. After I plant my seeds or starter plants I will wet my soil for the first time. After this there is no need to water the plants. You'll only have to refill the planters when they run low on water. By poehere [3] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two Rednecks rob an armored truck and all they get away with are two sacks, so they keep one each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other, "What did you find in your sack?" "Half a million" "Aw... that's a lot! What did you do with all that cash?" "I bought a house and a boat. How about your sack?" "Bah... mine was full o' bills" "And what did you do with them?" "Er, well . . . little by little, I'm paying them off." ___________________________________________________
from beverage to bench
____________________________________________________ Sally had three very active boys. One evening she was playing cops and robbers with them in the back yard after dinner. One of the boys "shot" his mother and yelled, "Bang! You're dead." She slumped to the ground and when she didn't get up right away, a neighbor ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall. When the neighbor bent over, she opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the only chance I've had to rest all day". ____________________________________________________ There are only two kinds of drivers: Idiots and Maniacs. Idiots include anyone that drives slower than you, and the Maniacs are everyone that drives faster than you. ____________________________________________________
There once was a man who lived in a cave...

Today, January 12, in
49 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon River signaling the 
start of war between Rome and Gaul. 
1519 Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I died. 
1773 The first public museum in America was established 
 in Charleston, SC. 
1875 Kwang-su was made emperor of China. 
1879 The British-Zulu War began when the British 
 invaded Zululand. 
1882 Thomas Edison's central station on Holborn Viaduct 
 in London began operation. 
1896 At Davidson College, several students took x-ray 
 photographs. They created the first X-ray photographs 
 to be made in America. 
1904 Henry Ford set a new land speed record when he reached 
 91.37 miles per hour. 
1908 A wireless message was sent long-distance for the first 
 time from the Eiffel Tower in Paris. 
1915 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a proposal to 
 give women the right to vote. 
1938 Austria recognized the Franco government in Spain. 
1940 Soviet bombers raided cities in Finland. 
1942 U.S. President Roosevelt created the National War 
 Labor Board. 
1943 The Office of Price Administration announced that standard 
 frankfurters/hot dogs/wieners would be replaced by 
 'Victory Sausages.' 
1945 During World War II, Soviet forces began a huge offensive 
 against the retreating Germans in Eastern Europe. 
1964 Leftist rebels in Zanzibar began their successful revolt 
 against the government and a republic was proclaimed. 
1966 U.S. President Johnson said in his State of the Union 
 address that the United States should stay in South Vietnam 
 until Communist aggression there was ended. 
1970 The breakaway state of Biafra capitulated and the 
 Nigerian civil war came to an end. 
1971 "All In the Family" debuted on CBS-TV. 
1973 Yassar Arafat was re-elected as head of the 
 Palestinian Liberation Organization. 
1991 The U.S. Congress passed a resolution authorizing 
 President Bush to use military power to force Iraq out 
 of Kuwait. 
1995 Northern Ireland Secretary Patrick Mayhew announced that 
 as of January 16 British troops would no longer carry out 
 daylight street patrols in Belfast. 
1998 Tyson Foods Inc. pled guilty to giving $12,000 to former 
 Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy. Tyson was fined $6 million. 
1998 19 European nations agreed to prohibit human cloning. 
1998 Linda Tripp provided Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's 
 office with taped conversations between herself and former 
 White House intern Monica Lewinsky. 
2000 The U.S. Supreme Court, in a 5-4 ruling, gave police 
 broad authority to stop and question people who run at the 
 sight of an officer. 
2005 NASA launched "Deep Impact". The spacecraft was planned 
 to impact on Comet Tempel 1 after a six-month, 268 million-mile 
 journey. 
2006 The U.S. Mint began shipping new 5-cent coins to the 12 
 regional Federal Reserve Banks. The coin has an image of Thomas 
 Jefferson taken from a 1800 Rembrandt Peale portrait in which 
 the president is looking forward. Since 1909, when presidents 
 were first depicted on circulating coins, all presidents had 
 been shown in profile. 
2015  smiled.


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How do USB drives work? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 8
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Sig!!


I completely forgot to warn you that today, Friday,
I have to go to Calgary for shots into my eyeballs.
That means no Saturday, Sunday or Monday issues.
Sorry about the short notice!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida woman, who shots up meth, turned Walmart into personal buffet while riding drunk on motorized shopping cart Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 8 1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing of the Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached British troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans. History ______________________________________________________ Art is making something out of nothing and selling it. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience. --- Doug Larson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. "In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. "However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right." ______________________________________________________ A woman called her insurance company to see if her policy covered psychiatric treatment. After reviewing her policy, the agent told her, "Yes, Virginia, there is an insanity clause!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big version ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ \ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Josseleen Lopez, 25, Lecano, Florida
Florida woman shoots up meth, turns Walmart into personal buffet while riding drunk on motorized shopping cart A Florida woman got a serious case of the munchies after getting high in a Walmart. Even though she is looking and acting like a teen-age hooker, Josseleen Elida Lopez is actually 25. She was arrested after raiding a Lecanto Walmart and chomping down on several meals at the retail giant, Citrus County sheriffs said. Lopez was riding a motorized shopping cart through the shop with a half-empty wine bottle, the loss prevention officer told deputies. Walmart became a personal buffet for Lopez as she grabbed a sushi package and ate one roll, then put it back on the shelf, deputies said. The hungry suspect did the same with a package of mini-muffins and cinnamon rolls. She also ate most of a rotisserie chicken sitting on the floor before authorities stopped her hungry wreckage. The homeless woman ate through $32.36 worth of items, deputies said. Police found three empty syringes in her bags, which Lopez admitted were for “shooting up meth,” according to the affidavit. She told police that she was “hungry and did not want to take any of the items outside of the store,” but tried eating everything she could while she was still there. She admitted to officers that she knew she was wrong, but did it anyway. She was charged with petit theft for stealing the meals and drug possession.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Fiona Re: How do those USB drives work? Dear Webby, How do those USB drives work? Does it increase the cable salad? Fiona Dear Fiona USB hard drives plug into any USB port on any Pentium or newer machine. They used to come with a CD that you run on the computer and that took about two seconds to install the necessary drivers and settings. On Windows 7 and newer, the drivers are already built in. whenever you plug in the USB drive, it simply shows up as another harddrive. On older machines, that external USB drive will be the fastest drive. To eliminate having to crawl under the desk and mess with the cable salad every time you bring the USB drive to each computer, get some simple USB extension cords. Plug one end into the computer and glue the other end to the side of the monitor with some double-sided tape or hot-melt glue. Considering how many cameras and other accessories need access to a USB port, that should have become standard five years ago, but just like with mice, hardware is not designed for the humans that use it but for the robots that make it. Personally, I connect a 6 port USB hub to the end of the USB extension cable. They are $1 - $3 at Dollar stores. Some USB drives take the power that they need from the computer, others have their own little power cube that needs to be plugged into an outlet. Since you are probably short of outlets anyway, just get a cheap 6 outlet power bar next time they go on sale and glue them somewhere easily reachable near each computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
_____________________________________________________ A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive mink fur coat. "This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and dad shop for me." The daughter protests, "But mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this." Don't worry honey," says the mother, "your father won't get the bill till a month after Christmas." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Egg-Free Meringues With the prices of eggs going up (in my area, they are $3.99 a dozen at the cheapest) and then having to separate your yolks and find a use for them. Why not just use something you're going to pour down the drain like garbanzo bean juice? I've read about how the brining liquid in a can of beans can act as a substitute for eggs. Amazingly enough, not only does it work famously, it also tastes amazing. You can get 50 or so regular sized meringues with this recipe. Approximate Time: 2 hours Yield: 50 meringues Ingredients: 6 Tbsp brine from can of garbanzo beans 1/2 tsp cream of tartar 3/4 cup fine sugar (I grind my own white sugar in a spice blender) pinch salt 1/2 tsp vanilla extract Steps: Preheat oven to 225 degrees F. Line a baking tray with parchment paper, Silpat, or foil. (I've used all of them for this and they all work great.) Put garbanzo liquid and cream of tartar in a big bowl and whisk on medium-high speed for a minute until it starts foaming up. While whisking, add your sugar little by little. Add pinch of salt. After a few minutes, drizzle in your vanilla extract. Continue whisking until glossy and stiff peaks start to form. This took me about 10 minutes. Fill piping bag with meringue mixture. You can also use a plastic bag and snip off the corner. Pipe cookies onto lined baking sheet. Bake for 40 minutes at 225 degrees F. Shut oven off and without opening oven door, leave meringues in there for about an hour to dry. Remove, let cool. Meringues will pop right off sheet when cool. If they stick a little, get under them with a knife. Enjoy. :) Source: Revolution Vegetale, an awesome vegan cooking group By attosa [157] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A couple had a fatal car accident on their way to get married. The couple found themselves sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wondered if they could possibly get married in Heaven. Saint Peter showed up and they asked him. Peter said, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out." and he left. The couple sat and waited for an answer ... for two months ... and they began to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together forever?" Peter returned after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," said the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "GET REAL !" St Peter shouted, "it took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it will take me to find two lawyers and a judge?" ___________________________________________________
scrapes ice from wrong car, and other funny commercials
____________________________________________________ Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and cheerfully drove to work on the scenic route. "Boss," he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's nice" said the boss. "But where were you yesterday?" ____________________________________________________ A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage she was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked - "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?" "Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied. "What stopped him?" "I started talking about my next husband." ____________________________________________________
Top 100 pictures of the day for 2015.

Today, January 8, in
1642 Astronomer Galileo Galilei died in Arcetri, Italy. 
1675 The first corporation was chartered in the United States. 
 The company was the New York Fishing Company. 
1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had 
 officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing of 
 the Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached 
 British troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans. 
1838 Alfred Vail demonstrated a telegraph code he had devised 
 using dots and dashes as letters. The code was the predecessor 
 to Samuel Morse's code. 
1856 Borax (hydrated sodium borate) was discovered by Dr. 
 John Veatch. 
1877 Crazy Horse (Tashunca-uitco) and his warriors fought their 
 final battle against the U.S. Cavalry in Montana. 
1886 The Severn Railway Tunnel, Britain's longest, was opened. 
1889 The tabulating machine was patented by Dr. Herman Hollerith. 
 His firm, Tabulating Machine Company, later became International 
 Business Machines Corporation (IBM). 
1900 U.S. President McKinley placed Alaska under military rule. 
1900 In South Africa, General White turned back the Boers attack 
 of Ladysmith. 
1908 A catastrophic train collision occurred in the smoke-filled 
 Park Avenue Tunnel in New York City. Seventeen were killed and 
 thirty-eight were injured. The accident caused a public outcry 
 and increased demand for electric trains. 
1916 During World War I, the final withdrawal of Allied troops 
 from Gallipoli took place. 
1935 The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy. 
1958 Bobby Fisher, at the age of 14, won the United States Chess 
 Championship for the first time. 
1959 Charles De Gaulle was inaugurated as president of France's 
 Fifth Republic. 
1962 Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa was exhibited in America 
 for the first time at the National Gallery of Art in 
 Washington, DC. The next day the exhibit opened to the public. 
1973 Secret peace talks between the United States and North 
 Vietnam resumed near Paris, France. 
1973 The trial opened in Washington, of seven men accused of 
 bugging Democratic Party headquarters in the Watergate 
 apartment complex in Washington, DC. 
1982 American Telephone & Telegraph (AT&T) settled the Justice 
 Department's antitrust lawsuit against it by agreeing to divest 
 itself of the 22 Bell System companies. 
1982 The U.S. Justice Department withdrew an antitrust suit 
 against IBM. 
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush collapsed during a state 
 dinner in Tokyo. White House officials said Bush was suffering 
 from stomach flu. 
1994 Tonya Harding won the ladies' U.S. Figure Skating Championship 
 in Detroit, MI, a day after Nancy Kerrigan dropped out because 
 of a clubbing attack that injured her right knee. The U.S. Figure 
 Skating Association later took the title from Harding because of 
 her involvement in the attack. 
1998 Ramzi Yousef was sentenced to life in prison for his role of 
 mastermind behind the World Trade Center bombing in New York. 
1998 Scientists announced that they had discovered that galaxies 
 were accelerating and moving apart and at faster speeds. 
1999 The top two executives of Salt Lake City's Olympic Organizing 
 Committee resigned amid disclosures that civic boosters had given 
 cash to members of the International Olympic Committee. 
2009 In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old pyramid and 
 discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet. 
2015  smiled.


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How to set default text size in OUTLOOK 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 7

Thank you Clyde !!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Ohio Man's arrest due to Drunk-Driving Facebook Video Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 7 1558 Calais, the last English possession on mainland France, was recaptured by the French. History ______________________________________________________ A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company. --- Gian Vincenzo Gravina (1664 - 1718) The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Bob prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party he was giving. In his haste, however, he forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. He was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. He called the local Poison Control Center and voiced his concern. They advised Bob to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest volunteered to answer it. "Hey, Bob! It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out." ______________________________________________________ The police chief in the Mexican border city of Ciudad Juarez says his new fleet of patrol cars won't do for his "ample" officers. Armando Castaneda says he doesn't want the fleet of 160 Chevrolet Cavaliers. He wants the roomier Ford Crown Victorias, which officers currently use. Mr Castaneda said: "The officers are very ample and very tall and don't fit comfortably inside the cars. Mr Castaneda says the Cavaliers also won't work because they are standards and officers cannot be shifting gears during high-speed chases. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big version ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ \ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dustin Rittgers, 28, Obetz, Ohio
Ohio Man's arrest due to Drunk-Driving Facebook Video An Ohio man took cellphone video of himself drinking while driving and posted it on Facebook, leading to his arrest hours later in a case that illustrates how social media can help law enforcement, a sheriff's office said. Someone tipped off deputies about the video after it was posted Monday, and the vehicle was stopped that afternoon south of Columbus, in Hamilton Township, the Franklin County sheriff's office said. A copy of the 12-second video provided by the sheriff's office shows a man sitting in a vehicle, looking into the camera while music plays in the background, then raising his eyebrows and taking a swig from a partially covered bottle. He doesn't speak. As the clip ends, the camera is flipped around to show a hand with only one finger raised to guide the steering wheel as a wiper moves across the vehicle's windshield. The driver, Dustin Rittgers, 28, pleaded not guilty Tuesday in Franklin County Municipal Court on five misdemeanor charges, including operating a vehicle under the influence of alcohol or drugs and having an open container in a vehicle. Court records indicate Rittgers pleaded guilty earlier this year in a separate impaired-driving case stemming from a September 2014 stop by state troopers.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: DJ Re: How to set default text size in OUTLOOK Dear Webby, I have microsoft outlook for my email.i can't keep the fonts and size permanent.i will set it the way I want,close email and when I open it again a different font and size are there. any clue? DJ Dear DJ In Outlook, the default font that is used when you create, reply to, or forward an email message is 11-point Calibri. You can change the default font and its color, size, and style — such as bold or italic. NOTE Recipients of your messages must also have the same font installed on his or her computer so that they see the message the same way it appears on your computer. If the font that you use isn't installed on the recipient's computer, then the recipient's mail program substitutes an available font. Change the default font style for new messages that you compose Click the File tab. Click Options. Click Mail. Under Compose messages, click Stationery and Fonts. On the Personal Stationery tab, under New mail messages, click Font. On the Font tab, under Font, click the font that you want to use for all new messages. If you want, select a font style and size. Click OK on the Font, the Signatures and Stationery, and the Outlook Options dialog boxes. When you create a message, the new settings take effect. Change the default font style for messages that you reply to or forward Click the File tab. Click Options. Click Mail. Under Compose messages, click Stationery and Fonts. On the Personal Stationery tab, under Replying or forwarding messages, click Font. On the Font tab, change the font options to what you want to use for future messages. Click OK on the Font, the Signatures and Stationery, and the Outlook Options dialog boxes. When you reply to or forward a message, the new settings take effect. With received messages all bets are off. If your Sweetie uses some weird and wacky font, if your computer has that font, it will use it. If not, your computer will substitute some other font. If the font size in a received message is too large or too small, hit REPLY and you will see it in YOUR defaults. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A sweet young Miss thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him when was the last time he had had sex. "1956," came his immediate reply. "No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Honey, you need to get out more." "I'm not sure I understand what you mean," he answered, glancing at his watch. "It's only 2014 now." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Merry Meringues A wonderfully light, easy, low calorie Christmas treat to make. Approximate Time: 2 hours, including cool time Yield: 5 dozen Ingredients: 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 cup powdered sugar 1 tsp cream of tartar dash salt 1 tsp vanilla 4 egg whites, room tempurature 1 tsp cinnamon Steps: These are possible without an electric mixer, but so much easier with! Beat the egg whites and salt until soft peaks form (about 3 minutes on high). Add in sugars, salt, vanilla and cinnamon a little bit at a time. Beat on high for about 6 minutes or until glossy peaks form. Preheat oven to 250 F. Drop by teaspoons onto ungreased cookie sheets (you'll need 4*) and bake for 50 minutes. Turn the oven OFF. Keep the cookies in the oven as it cools, for at least an hour. No peeking! Makes about 5 dozen cookies. Yummy! *You may want to half the recipe if you don't have enough sheets. These need to bake all in one batch. By Rae G. [22] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!" ___________________________________________________
Ghost Riders in the Sky written and sung by Stan Jones - rare recording
____________________________________________________ A girl says to the salesman, "I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker." He says, "Well, that depends. Are you going sweat, or are you gonna break wind?" ____________________________________________________ The Sunday school lesson for the day was about Noah's Ark, so the teacher decided to get her small pupils involved by playing a game in which they identified animals. "I'm going to describe something to you. Let's see if you can guess what it is. First: I'm furry with a bushy tail and I like to climb trees." The children looked at her blankly. "I also like to eat nuts, especially acorns." No response. This wasn't going well at all! Finally a kid volunteered: "Well, I know the answer has to be Jesus -- but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!" ____________________________________________________
A few photos of the 2016 Harbin Ice and Snow Festival. The sculptures are awesome.

Today, January 7, in
1558 Calais, the last English possession on mainland France, 
 was recaptured by the French. 
1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He named 
 them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 
1785 French aeronaut/balloonist Jean-Pierre Blanchard made the 
 first air-crossing of the English Channel from the English 
 coast to France. 
1887 Thomas Stevens completed the first worldwide bicycle trip. 
 He started his trip in April 1884. Stevens and his bike traveled 
 13,500 miles in almost three years time. 
1894 W.K. Dickson received a patent for motion picture film. 
1896 The "Fannie Farmer Cookbook" was published. 
1904 The distress signal "CQD" was established. Two years later 
 "SOS" became the radio distress signal because it was quicker to 
 send by wireless radio. 
1927 Transatlantic telephone service began between New York and 
 London. 31 calls were made on this first day. 
1932 Chancellor Heinrich Brüning declared that Germany cannot, 
 and will not, resume reparations payments. 
1940 "Gene Autry’s Melody Ranch" debuted on CBS Radio. The show 
 aired for 16 years. 
1942 The World War II siege of Bataan began. 
1949 The first photograph of genes was shown at the University of 
 Southern California in Los Angeles. 
1953 U.S. President Harry Truman announced the development of the 
 hydrogen bomb. 
1954 The Duoscopic TV receiver was unveiled this day. The TV set 
 allowed the watching of two different shows at the same time. 
1959 The United States recognized Fidel Castro's new government 
 in Cuba. 
1975 OPEC agreed to raise crude oil prices by 10%, which began a 
 time of world economic inflation. 
1979 Vietnamese forces captured the Cambodian capital of Phnom Penh, 
 overthrowing the Khmer Rouge government. 
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed legislation that authorized 
 $1.5 billion in loans for the bail out of Chrysler Corp. 
1989 Crown Prince Akihito became the emperor of Japan following the 
 death of his father, Emperor Hirohito. 
1990 The Leaning Tower of Pisa was closed to the public. The 
 accelerated rate of "leaning" raised fears for the safety of its 
 visitors. 
1996 Alvaro Arzu was elected president of Guatemala. 
1996 One of the biggest blizzards in U.S. history hit the eastern 
 states. More than 100 deaths were later blamed on the severe weather. 
1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky signed an affidavit 
 denying that she had an affair with U.S. President Clinton. 
1999 U.S. President Clinton went on trial before the Senate. It was 
 only the second time in U.S. history that an impeached president 
 had gone to trial. Clinton was later acquitted of perjury and 
 obstruction of justice charges. 
2002 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates introduced a new device 
 code named Mira. The device was tablet-like and was a cross between 
 a handheld computer and a TV remote control. 
2009 Russia shut off all gas supplies to Europe through Ukraine. 
 Prime Minister Vladimir Putin publicly endorsed the move and urged 
 greater international involvement in the energy dispute. 
2015  smiled.


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