ATT.NET Subscription problem 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, December 8
Today I have to go to Calgary for more injections into my
eyeballs. That means no newsletters get sent out on Friday,
Saturday or Sunday.

>From Master Chief Jim
Seventy five years ago today it was a cold, spitting snow
Sunday in North East Arkansas. I took my 22 rifle and ole Tip
and went hunting. It was so cold no game was moving out of
their nests, so it was a fruitless hunt. When I got home the
Radio was going and I learned that Pearl Harbor had been
attacked by the Japanese. I didn't even know Pearl and was
wondering what she did to cause the Japanese to attack her. I
learned what Pearl Harbor IS and soon joined the navy, and as
you say, the rest is history.  SUPPORT THE TROOPS. 
Master Chief Jim



Right now, the Gullible Warming that warms up the climate and makes the weather colder, if you believe the grant recipients, is -28 Celsius (-18 Fahrenheit) on the thermometer outside my window. In the Yukon it is -40, I heard. The days are getting longer. 7 1/2 minutes longer than in the days of Babylon. Theoretically, that should cause some warming! We need more muscle cars and cheaper gas. Recycle the grant recipients! Otherwise we will slip into another ice age! Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Couple uses stun gun on Walmart greeter asking for receipt Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, December 8 in 1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared war against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. Canada declared war on Japan the day before, on December 7. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. --- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945) He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. --- Chinese Proverb ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A sailor, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave. The sailor walked up to the man and asked, "When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?" The old Chinese man replied with a smile, "Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers." ______________________________________________________ A doctor sees an old man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. The next time the old man had an appointment, the doc says, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing what you told me, Doctor. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." "I didn't say that... I said, You've got a heart murmur, be careful!" "Too late!", the old man cackled, "I'm doing just fine with my interpretation!" ------- As soon as I win the lottery, I am going to switch to that interpretation too! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: These three dudes break out of prison. One is white, one black, and one Mexican. They are going through the woods trying to get away, and they hear the guard dogs coming. They come out of the woods to a swamp with alligators. The white man says, "I've got to try to swim across. If I don't, the dogs will get me." So he jumps in and swims about fifty feet, and the alligators eat him. The black guy is standing there looking at the swamp, and the dogs are getting closer, so he says, "I'm bigger and stronger than that white dude, I think I can out swim those alligators." So he jumps in, swims about a hundred feet, and the alligators eat him. The Mexican is standing there, afraid to jump in, when the dogs come out of the woods barking, so he jumps in, and he swims all the way across and gets away. A little alligator says to a big alligator, "Why did we eat the first two guys, but let the Mexican go?" The big alligator says, "The last time I ate a Mexican, my butt burned for three days!" ______________________________________________________ Come on out and play! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Davis, Jr., 42, Natasha Hall, 38 Indian Trail, N.C. Couple uses stun gun on Walmart greeter asking for receipt A couple attempting to steal a TV from a Walmart used a stun gun on a 65-year-old store greeter who asked them for a sales receipt. The man and woman fled after Sunday morning's incident in Indian Trail, N.C. and police are still searching for the duo. The suspects, David Davis, Jr., 42, and Natasha Hall, 38, will be charged with common law robbery. Davis will face an additional charge for assault with a deadly weapon. The Charlotte Observer reports Davis committed a similar crime with a different partner in 2015 at a nearby Lowe's. In the previous encounter, Davis threatened the employee with a knife. Davis was charged with robbery with a dangerous weapon. There is no word on the condition of the female greeter. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Daniel RE: Not receiving the subscription Dear Webby, i am nor receiving you daily letter through email.i have to go to i.e. my isp could not get it either. daniel Dear Daniel Tell your ISP he is either lying or incompetent. Or both. Your newsletter does enter ATT.NET. What happens after it has entered ATT.NET is their responsibility, not mine. Many thousands of subscribers receive the Humor letter OK. If you can't get ATT.NET to fix their problem, get a Gmail address on the side. Have FUN! DearWebby
From Ross At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 34. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." Almost everybody who was waiting for the flight at Gate 35, next to my 34, picked up their luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice announced that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. Soon after that all those people trundled into the waitng ara again. Then the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program, we just found out that the plane for flight 570 is actually at gate 53, not 35. Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble dyslexic pilots!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Your Windshield Free of Snow and Ice By Brianna Southworth [75 Posts, 2 Comments] Winter in Alaska where we live can be so harsh! No matter where you live, though, scraping ice off of your car in the early morning is just no one's idea of fun. This is the BEST WAY to keep your windshield frost free. Wipe the windows and windshield of your vehicle down with white vinegar, undiluted, after you park your car for the night. This will prevent frost from building on your car, and who doesn't LOVE that? By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, Alaska
Jingle Bell Hoops
____________________________________________________ Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender. ____________________________________________________
Looks like a ghost is still fighting the Civil War! Watch the cannons.
A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer's garden. "I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine. "No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one." The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?" "Yes," replied the farmer, "I'll give you that one for two cents." "OK," said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on December 8
1765 Eli Whitney was born in Westboro, MA. Whitney invented
the cotton gin and developed the concept of mass-production
of interchangeable parts. 

1776 George Washington's retreating army in the American
Revolution crossed the Delaware River from New Jersey to
Pennsylvania. 

1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate
Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus, was
free of original sin from the moment she was conceived. 

1863 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln announced his plan for
the Reconstruction of the South. 

1863 Tom King of England defeated American John Heenan and
became the first world heavyweight champion. 

1886 At a convention of union leaders in Columbus, OH, the
American Federation of Labor was founded. 

1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared
war against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese
attacked Pearl Harbor. Canada declared war on Japan on the
day Japan attacked Pearl Harbor

1949 The Chinese Nationalist government moved from the
Chinese mainland to Formosa due to Communists pressure. 

1952 On the show "I Love Lucy," a pregnancy was acknowledged
in a TV show for the first time. 

1962 Workers of the International Typographical Union began
striking and closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike
lasted 114 days and ended April 1, 1963. 

1980 Zimbabwe’s manpower minister, Edgar Tekere, was found
guilty in the killing of a white farmer. He was freed under a
law that protected ministers acting to suppress terrorism. 

1982 Norman D. Mayer demanding an end to nuclear weapons held
the Washington Monument hostage. He threatened to blow it up
with explosives he claimed were inside a van. 10 hours later
he was shot to death by police. 

1984 In Roanoke, Virginia, a jury found Hustler magazine
publisher Larry Flynt innocent of libeling Reverend Jerry
Falwell with a parody advertisement. However Falwell was
awarded $200,000 for emotional distress. 

1987 U.S. President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S.
Gorbachev signed a treaty agreeing to destroy their nations'
arsenals of intermediate-range nuclear missiles. 

1987 The "intefadeh" (Arabic for uprising) by Palestinians in
the Israeli-occupied territories began. 

1989 Communist leaders in Czechoslovakia offered to surrender
their control over the government and accept a minority role
in a coalition Cabinet. 

1992 Americans got to see live television coverage of U.S.
troops landing on the beaches of Somalia during Operation
Restore Hope. (Due to the time difference, it was December 9
in Somalia.) 

1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the North
American Free Trade Agreement. 

1994 Bosnian Serbs released dozens of hostage peacekeepers,
but continued to detain about 300 others. 

1997 The second largest bank was created with the
announcement that Union Bank Switzerland and the Swiss Bank
Corporation would merge. The combined assets were more than
$590 billion. 

1997 Jenny Shipley was sworn in as the first female prime
minister of New Zealand. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police could not
search a person or their cars after ticketing for a routine
traffic violation. 

1998 The FBI opened its files on Frank Sinatra to the public.
The file contained over 1,300 pages. 

1998 Nkem Chukwu and Iyke Louis Udobi's first of eight babies
was born. The other seven were delivered 12 days later. 

1998 AT&T Corp. announced that it was buying IBM's data
networking business for $5 billion cash. 

1998 The first female ice hockey game in Olympic history was
played. Finland beat Sweden 6-0. 

1999 In Memphis, TN, a jury found that Rev. Martin Luther
King Jr. had been the victim of a vast murder conspiracy, not
a lone assassin. 

1999 Russia and Belarus agreed in principle to form an
economic and political confederation. 

2000 Mario Lemieux announced to the Pittsburgh Penguins that
he planned to return to the National Hockey League (NHL) as a
player at age 35. He would be the first modern owner-player
in U.S. pro sports.

2016  smiled.


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Print list of files in a directory and subdirectories 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, December 7

The correct answer is 6
I was truly surprised at how man wrote back with the right answer. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh Woman kicked elder parishioner, 
stole wallet at church. Got arrested.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 6 in 
1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu was
attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes in retaliation for
US actions in Asia. The attack resulted in the U.S. entering
into World War II. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them. --- Robertson Davies I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth. --- Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ If somebody is pestering you for your phone number, or if you want to detour a telemarketer, give them this number: 1 212-479-7990 It's the New York Rejection Line. For numbers in other states, check out http://www.rejectionline.com/copycat.html Go ahead, and call that number, to hear what a caller will get! You can use Skype to call long distance, but it is usually best to pick a n umber for your state. ______________________________________________________ A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of empty shopping carts when the cart-girl standing there called after him, "Excuse me, did you want a cart?" "No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing." As he walked into the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male!" ______________________________________________________ Gingerbread Cookies Ingredients: 3 c. sugar 1 1/2 c. lard 1 c. molasses 1 c. hot water 2 T. ginger 1 T. soda 1 T. lemon Pinch of salt 2 eggs Flour enough to make a stiff dough (8 c.) Directions: Mix first 9 ingredients. Add flour to make a stiff dough. Chill in refrigerator. Cut into gingerbread men and decorate with raisin eyes, nose, and buttons. Bake at 350 degrees. If you like them almost moist, and chewey instead of brittle, add some apple or pear sauce. If you accidentally make too many, send them to me, please! ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brenda Yancy, 56, Sanford, Floriduh Floriduh Woman kicked elder parishioner, stole wallet at church. Got arrested. Sanford police arrested a woman Sunday who they say kicked a 76-year-old parishioner who tried to stop the woman from stealing a purse. Police said the parishioner set her purse on a bench while opening up Rescue Outreach Mission church at 1701 Historic Goldsboro Blvd. and walked out of the room for a moment. When she came back, Brenda Yancy, 56, was standing over the purse and holding a wallet, according to police. The parishioner asked Yancy to return the wallet and money. A struggle ensued and Yancy kicked the woman and threw a punch toward her face, police said. She then ran from the building, police said. Officers found her not far from the church and arrested her on charges of robbery, battery on a person 65 years old or older and possession of drug paraphernalia. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Kate RE: printed file list Dear Webby, I know Windows doesn't have an easy way to print a list of the file names in a folder, but I have received CD's from friends that had a neatly printed list of the files. I don't want dates or sizes, just the file names. How is that done? Kate Dear Kate There are two ways to do that. One is to go to the DOS command line and type a simple command, the other method is to get DirectoryListPrint from Switzerland, and learn to use that program. It is at List Print Personally, because I love the raw power of DOS, I use that. First go to the directory (folder) that you want listed. At the top. Look at the address at the top, right-click it and select Copy address as text Next hit START, type cmd and hit ENTER You'll get the scary old DOS window in black. If you don't like a black screen with light grey writing, change it! color 9e gives you bright yellow on blue background. color 9a gives you fluorescent green on blue. Just play with it till you find a combo that suits your mood. The number is for the background, the letter for the text color. Now go to the drive where those folders are. If they are on a CD, that would probably be drive D: So type D: and hit ENTER. The prompt instantly changes to show you are on D: Type CD and a space. Now you can either type the name of the folder you want, or paste it. Pasting is still the same as it was in the 80's. Microsoft has not updated that. Right-click on the top bar, type E or select EDIT, type P or select Paste. In DOS you can do everything without taking your hands off the keyboard and hunting for the mouse. OK, now the propmt reads, for example: D:>CD Music\gospel Hit Enter CD is for Change (to) Directory Note that on Windows the \ leans to the left, unlike the / right leaning slash of UNIX and Linux. Now the prompt reads D:\Music\gospel To get the listing of all the files in there, including all the subdirectories in that, type dir /s WOW! Exactly what you want is flashing by on the screen. All 2750 gospel songs, separated into each different category folder. You COULD mark and copy all that, but there is a much easier way. dir /s >c:\list1.txt instantly puts all that into a neat text file, easy to find in C:\, called list1.txt You can open that with any text editor or word processor or spreadsheet, pretty it up and format it to print any way you want, for example to fit into a CD case. If you type dir /? you will see all kinds of options for different formatting of the results. Try them out! dir /s is by no means the only suitable way to list the files. dir /b (bare) is also quite handy. If all that sounds too complicated, get that program from Switzerland, in English or German, and read their instructions. Then you can do it all by just mousing around. Have FUN! DearWebby
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; whle his hobby was golf. The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, 'Fore!' His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back, 'Four Fifty!'
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Dried and Caramelized Onions By attosa [258 Posts, 586 Comments] When I find a great deal on onions, I buy a large amount and make these dried and caramelized onions. It ends up being a whole lot cheaper and more tasty than buying dried onions in bottles. You can make these in the oven, in a dehydrator, or even in the sun! To make onion powder, run the finished product in a processor. Prep Time: 2 to 4 hours Ingredients: onions oil for caramelized onions (1 tsp per onion) Steps: Cut onions into halves, then thinly slice with knife or mandolin. Spread a thin layer onto a rack. If you're using sunlight, you can have your onions ready in a few hours. If you're using your oven, set temperature to 200F for about 3 hours. To use your dehydrator, place sliced onions on dehydrator trays and set to 125F for about 4 hours. Rotate your trays half way for even drying. To make caramelized onions, coat the bottom of a pan with 1 tsp of oil to every sliced whole onion. Heat to medium, cooking until browned, stirring often. It's best not to crowd the pan as they will steam up and produce water. Instead of a Mandolin I use a Borner "V" cutter and make tiny cubes. Aside from being much safer, the little cubes practically disappear in gravies and sauces, just leaving the flavor behind. I also use a lot less oil. I use an ancient Amway window cleaner sprayer from the 80's, and just give the pan a light misting of oil and then another fast squirt onto the onions. That's enough, especially when filling my one gallon pickle jar with browned onion cubelets. I want them feeling dry, not oily. Have FUN! DearWebby
Mog's Christmas
____________________________________________________ A teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament story, and as she moved around the class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across Johnny who had drawn a man driving an old car. In the back seat were two passengers, both scantily dressed. "It's a lovely picture," said the teacher, "but which story does it tell?" Johnny seemed surprised at the question. "Well," he exclaimed, "it says in the BIBLE that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury?" Then he added proudly, "And THAT is the Plymouth Fury! Uncle Bubba has it on blocks in front of his trailer!" ____________________________________________________
Awesome glow in the dark tattoos.
>From Mimi When my granddaughter, Marissa, was 4 yrs. old, we were waiting in the car at the school to pick up her brother, Michael, and her cousin, Mark. Marissa was sitting in the back seat of the car, eating gummy bears candies and said to me, "Mimi, guess what color I am eating now. Of course, I was looking in the rear view mirror and told her each and every color she was eating. Marissa was so surprised and she said, "How do you know what color the candy is?" I told her that I was a psychic. Two days later, while in the middle of driving, she again asked me what color candy she was eating. This time I couldn't keep on looking in the mirror, so I just guessed any color. Marissa then said, "Oh, Mimi, I guess you're not a psycho anymore."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on December 7
1431 In Paris, Henry VI of England was crowned King of
France. 

1732 The original Covent Garden Theatre Royal (now the Royal
Opera House) was opened. 

1787 Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S.
constitution becoming the first of the United States. 

1907 At London's National Sporting Club, Eugene Corri became
the first referee to officiate from inside a boxing ring. 

1925 Swimmer Johnny Weissmuller set a world record in the
150-yard freestyle with a time of 1 minute, 25 and 2/5
seconds. He went on to play "Tarzan" in several movies. 

1926 The gas operated refrigerator was patented by The
Electrolux Servel Corporation. 

1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu was
attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes in retaliation for
US actions in Asia. The attack resulted in the U.S. entering
into World War II. 

1946 A fire at the Winecoff Hotel in Atlanta killed 119
people. It was America's worst hotel fire disaster. The hotel
founder, W. Frank Winecoff, was also killed in the fire. 

1971 Libya announced the nationalization of British
Petroleum's assets. 

1972 Apollo 17 was launched at Cape Canaveral. It was the
last U.S. moon mission. 

1972 Imelda Marcos, wife of Philippine President Ferdinand E.
Marcos, was stabbed and seriously wounded by an assailant.
The man was then shot and killed by her bodyguards. 

1974 President Makarios returned to Cyprus after five months
in exile. 

1980 General Antonio Ramlho Eanes was reelected president of
Portugal. His right-wing opposition was thrown into disarray
by the death of Premier Francisco Sa Carneiro in a plane
crash. 

1982 Charlie Brooks Junior, a convicted murderer, became the
first prisoner in the U.S. to be executed by injection, at a
prison in Huntsville, TX. 

1983 Madrid, Spain, an Aviaco DC-9 collided on a runway with
an Iberia Air Lines Boeing 727 that was accelerating for
takeoff. The collision resulted in the death of all 42 people
aboard the DC-9 and 51 on the Iberia jet. 

1987 Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev set foot on American
soil for the first time. He had come to the U.S. for a
Washington summit with U.S. President Reagan. 

1987 43 people were killed when a gunman opened fire on a
fellow passenger and the two pilots aboard a Pacific
Southwest Airlines jetliner. 

1988 An estimated 25,000 people were killed when a major
earthquake hit northern Armenia in the Soviet Union. The
quake measured 6.9 on the Richter Scale. 

1988 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev announced the
reduction of the number of Soviet military troops by half a
million. 

1989 East Germany's Communist Party agreed to cooperate with
the plan for free elections and a revised constitution. 

1992 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected a Mississippi abortion
law which required women to get counseling and then wait 24
hours before terminating their pregnancies. 

1993 Six people were killed and 17 were injured when a gunman
opened fire on a Long Island Rail Road commuter train. 

1993 Energy Secretary Hazel O'Leary revealed that the U.S.
government had conducted more than 200 nuclear weapons tests
in secret at its Nevada test site. 

1993 Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders suggested that the U.S.
government study the impact of drug legalization. 

1995 A probe sent from the Galileo spacecraft entered into
Jupiter's atmosphere. The probe sent back data to the
mothership before it was destroyed. 

1996 The space shuttle Columbia returned from the longest-
ever shuttle flight of 17 days, 15 hours and 54 minutes. 

1998 The U.N. evacuated 14 peacekeepers that were trapped by
fighting between army and rebel forces in central Angola. 

1998 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an
independent counsel investigation of President Clinton over
1996 campaign financing. 

1999 A U.S. federal grand jury indicted a former convict in
the 1995 disappearance of atheist leader Madalyn Murray
O'Hair. 

2002 In Amsterdam, Netherlands, two Van Gogh paintings were
stolen from the Van Gogh Museum. The two works were "View of
the Sea st Scheveningen" and "Congregation Leaving the
Reformed Church in Nuenen." On July 26, 2004, two men were
convicted for the crime and were sentenced to at least four
years in prison each. 

2002 In Mymensingh, Bangladesh, four movies theaters were
bombed within 30 minutes of each other. At least 15 people
were killed and over 200 were injured. 

2003 A 12-inch by 26-inch painting of a river landscape and
sailing vessel by Martin Johnson Heade was sold at auction
for $1 million. The painting was found in the attic of a
suburban Boston home where it had been stored for more than
60 years.

2016  smiled.


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Requirements when travelling to America 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, December 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Road Rage Bozo points gun at off-duty cop. 
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 6 in 

1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a national
 education system. 

1926 In Italy, Benito Mussolini introduced a tax on 
 bachelors. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. --- Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900 - 1944) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "What is it for?" one asked. "I don't know," the other replied. "I think it tells you when somebody messed up. When mom when stands on it, she gets more upset than when my sister brings her report card home." ______________________________________________________ Customer: "I'd like an under the mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety, $1.95 each.." Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?" Salesperson: "Hmmm, have you got one of those new Pentiums ?" Customer: "Yes, it's a 17" !" Salesperson: "Then you better get one of these $29.95 mousepads" Customer: "But, is it Y2K approved ?" Salesperson: "Well,...to be on the safe side, maybe you should get one of these blue ones for $49.95." ______________________________________________________ An old Indian chief was famous for predicting what the weather would do. A group of people went up to the chief and asked him, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" The chief replied, "Much rain. Very wet." The next day, it did rain and it was very wet. Some more people went up to the chief and asked, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" "Much snow. Very cold." Sure enough, it snowed and it was very cold. People were so impressed with this, they asked him another time. Chief," they asked, "what will the weather do tomorrow?" The chief replied, "I dunno. I was watching wrestling instead of the weather channel." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jack Michael Haberkorn, 22, Palm Beach Gardens, Floriduh Road Rage Bozo points gun at off-duty cop. A Palm Beach Gardens man is facing charges that he pointed a gun at another motorist Saturday during a road rage incident, according to an arrest report. If the accusation proves true, then Jack Michael Haberkorn picked the wrong victim. The person Haberkorn allegedly threatened turned to be an off-duty Palm Beach Gardens police officer. Haberkorn, 22, is now facing charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, carrying a concealed weapon, improperly exhibiting a firearm and possession of a controlled substance without a prescription and is being held in the Palm Beach County Jail in lieu of $81,000 bail. The road rage incident took place eastbound on PGA Boulevard and began when a 2014 Volkswagon Jetta driven by Haberkorn cut in front of the off-duty officer and “continuously” braked hard, the report said. The officer said she pulled up along the Jetta and said, “Really … really?” Haberkorn allegedly responded by reaching down and pointing the weapon out the window and at the woman while stating, “You better watch who the [expletive] you’re [expletive] with,” the report said. The officer alerted police and followed the Jetta until it ran a red light at the intersection of PGA Boulevard and Lake Victoria Gardens Avenue. Police tracked down Haberkorn and found a loaded .40-caliber Glock in his possession as well as Xanax and burglary tools inside his vehicle. The off-duty officer positively identified Haberkorn as the person who pointed the weapon at her. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Anita RE: Mobile office Dear Webby, You seem to be able to work while travelling. I have been trying to convince my husband that it can be done just as easy as working from home, at least for the time necessary for a trip to Canada and the USA. What kinds of preparations would you recommend? Thanks Anita Dear Anita First and foremost make sure that NOBODY in your travel party has any DUI (Driving Under the Influemnce of alcohol or drugs) on their record. If they do have a record, they will be handuffed in the airport and sent right back, at THEIR expense. Depending on the airport, they may even have to pay for an armed guard to escort them back to your country. All the yelling and screaming won't help. It's reciprocal treaties. Second step is to get a multi socket adapter where you can plug all your electronic devices in. A 5 outlet cube usually is enough, but you can stack those cubes. You can also get work shop style power bars with 6 to 10 outlets. The idea is to reduce all the different plugs to one single one. Then get an adapter that has a female outlet for the plugs in your country, which seem to be different for every country in Europe, and the male plug on it for US/Canada/Central America/Japan: NEMA plug For ungrounded or double insulated devices like any of your electronics you don't need the third grounding prong. The slightly larger blade for the grounded side takes care of that. Don't worry about the AC frequency. All your electronics run on DC anyway. The same goes for the voltage. Whatever the input is, it gets automatically converted to whatever each device needs. If somebody tries to talk you into buying an expensive voltage and/or frequency converter, tell them you don't need that. All you need is a plug style converter: your country on the female side, NEMA on the male side. No need for an expensive 49 country adapter, just your country to NEMA, which is usually under $5 For Internet connectivity you can relax. All hotels, Tim Hortons, Wendys , Burger King, McDonalds, Dennys, etc. have WiFi. Just get the password from the waitress or waiter. If you put your laptop into checked luggage, keep in mind that they slam it onto the conveyor upside down, wheels UP. So put the laptop at the bottom, wheel side. The apes, who load the luggage from the carts onto the conveyor, that goes up into the airplane, they just LOVE slamming luggage onto the hard bottom roller and listen for the sound of tinkling laptop screens. The excuse is that if they put it on the belt with the bottom (wheels) down, it might roll off the conveyor. It wouldn't, but that is their story. That's all there is. Have FUN! DearWebby
Fran and Jane were at one of the benches for smokers outside Dallas/Fort Worth airport. They were quite obviously nervous about their flight and had bought some flight insurance at the terminal. They told me that they couldn't make up their minds about who to name as beneficiaries, so they had ended up each naming the other. I was quite amused when I saw them both get up at the same time to board the same plane.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com CD Jewel Case Picture Frame By Christina from Paducah, KY I took an old CD case and popped the two pieces apart, turned the clear side around and put it back together so now it would stand up in an A frame. Then I took a picture some stickers and some patterned paper and made a picture frame out of it. Source: I read somewhere you could make a frame from a CD case so I tried it out. Not sure where but thanks if someone from here.
the need is great, folks, help sponsor a Millenial!
____________________________________________________ British Subway Announcements: At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon): "Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Let the passengers OFF THE TRAIN FIRST! Oh go on then, get run over by Big Bertha, see if I care, I'm going home." "I am sorry about the delay, apparently some nutter has just wandered into the tunnel at Euston. We don't know when we'll be moving again, but these people tend to come out pretty quickly...usually in bits and pieces." ____________________________________________________
Photos of horses.
Count the "F"s in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS. Tell me before I send the answer tomorrow.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on December 6
1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a national
education system. 

1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was
ratified. The amendment abolished slavery in the U.S. 

1877 Thomas Edison demonstrated the first gramophone, with a
recording of himself reciting Mary Had a Little Lamb. 

1884 The construction of the Washington Monument was
completed by Army engineers. The project took 34 years. 

1889 Jefferson Davis died in New Orleans. He was the first
and only president of the Confederate States of America. 

1907 In Monongah, WV, 361 people were killed in America's
worst mine disaster. 

1917 More than 1,600 people died when two munitions ships
collided in the harbor at Halifax, Nova Scotia. 

1917 Finland proclaimed independence from Russia. 

1921 The Catholic Irish Free State was created as a self-
governing dominion of Britain when an Anglo-Irish treaty was
signed. 

1923 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge became the first
president to give a presidential address that was broadcast
on radio. 

1926 In Italy, Benito Mussolini introduced a tax on
bachelors. 

1947 Everglades National Park in Florida was dedicated by
U.S. President Truman. 

1957 AFL-CIO members voted to expel the International
Brotherhood of Teamsters. The Teamsters were readmitted in
1987. 

1957 America's first attempt at putting a satellite into
orbit failed when the satellite blew up on the launch pad at
Cape Canaveral, FL. 

1982 11 soldiers and 6 civilians were killed when a bomb
exploded in a pub in Ballykelly, Northern Ireland. The Irish
National Liberation Army was responsible for planting the
bomb. 

1983 In Jerusalem, a bomb planted on a bus exploded killing
six Israelis and wounding 44. 

1989 The worst mass shooting in Canadian history occurred
when a man gunned down 14 women at the University of
Montreal's school of engineering. The man then killed
himself. 

1990 Iraq announced that it would release all its 2,000
foreign hostages. 

1992 In India, thousands of Hindu extremists destroyed a
mosque. The following two months of Hindu-Muslim rioting
resulted in at least 2,000 people being killed. 

1993 Former priest James R. Porter was sentenced to 18 to 20
years in prison. Porter had admitted molesting 28 children in
the 1960s. 

1994 Orange County, CA, filed for bankruptcy protection due
to investment losses of about $2 billion. The county is one
of the richest in the U.S. and became the largest
municipality to file for bankruptcy. 

1997 A Russian Antonov 124 military transport crashed into a
residential area in Irkutsk, Russia, shortly after takeoff.
70 people were killed. 

1998 In Venezuela, former Lieutenant Colonel Hugo Chavez was
elected president. He had staged a bloody coup attempt
against the government six years earlier. 

1998 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavour connected
the first two building blocks of the international space
station in the shuttle cargo bay. 

2002 Winona Ryder was sentenced to 36 months of probation and
480 hours of community service stemming from her conviction
for shoplifting from Saks Fifth Avenue. She was also ordered
to pay $10,000 in fines and restitution. 

2002 Officials released the detailed plans for a $4.7 million
memorial commemorating Princess Diana. The large oval
fountain was planned to be constructed in London's Hyde Park.

2016  smiled.


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Fake Winzip 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, December 5

Where I grew up in the mountains of Austria, Saint Nicholas
used to visit in the evening of December 5, berate and
thundered at the kids about their sins and misbehaviors,
praise them for the few things they had done right, and give
them a cloth baggie with ginger bread, the fresh, soft kind,
and maybe an orange and a little chocolate bar.

When I was in college, because I had a motor bike, and
because my voice had already broken to the deep adult voice,
I got ordered to go play Santa at Jagdberg, the juvenile jail
and institutional school.

I don't know who was more scared, me of the hordes of
juvenile delinquents, or the kids of the windblown and rather
rough looking Santa. However, the teachers gave me a double
shot of "cherry water", a clear and very potent locally
distilled moonshine. 

No problem after that. One classroom at a time, with a page
for each kid. I was thundering at them like a pro in no time
flat. The deal was to first get the juves to show a tear or
two, then to make them smile. 
And on the way to the next classroom some of the teachers
made me smile.

I was almost sorry when I had finished the 25 classrooms. By
then I was just flying. To crown it, the dean handed me the
bag and the sheets for all of the staff. So I thundered at
them!

After that, they gave me a baggie of goodies and bid me good
bye. So I rode my bike, fake beard flowing in the wind, to my
girlfriend's place and played Santa there. She sure made me
smile! 

Good old days!
I did that 5 years in a row.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
NY burglar caught in vent above Pontillo's Pizza
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 5 in 

1797 Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Paris to command forces
 for the invasion of England. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. --- Jerry Seinfeld ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Q: Why are dogs sniffing hydrants ? A: Checking their PeeMail ______________________________________________________ When I consider how sweaters tend to make me sweat, I'm a lot less inclined to wear my windbreaker. ______________________________________________________ Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, "Why'd you do that?" The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready." Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here." The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick. The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?" The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true." The passenger says, "Huh?" The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, 'I wish that schmuck would've tried that stuff with me!' " ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Richard Graham, 53, Rochester, NY Rochester, NY burglar caught in vent above Pontillo's A man was arrested early Friday morning after getting stuck in an air duct while allegedly trying to burglarize a pizza shop. This happened around 3:45 a.m. at the Pontillo's Pizzeria in Penfield at Rt. 441 and Five Mile Line Road. David Reed was hanging up Christmas lights at a neighboring business and heard someone yelling for help. "I was asking, 'Where are you?' - and same thing - 'Get me out of here!' I said, 'Okay I'll find out who can go up there and look,'" said Reed. Monroe County Sheriff's deputies found 53-year-old Richard Graham stuck in an air vent above a pizza oven in Pontillo's Pizzeria. It took the Penfield Fire Department about 20 minutes to cut Graham out of the vent. Graham was transported to Strong Memorial Hospital for minor injuries where he was treated and released to deputies. Graham was arraigned in Penfield Town Court on charges of third degree burglary, second degree criminal mischief and possession of burglary tools. He was remanded to the Monroe County Jail with no bail due to his status as a predicate felon. Graham caused more than $2,000 in damages to the pizzeria, according to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office. NYSDOCCS records indicate Graham has served at least six prison sentences, starting with a conviction for robbery and burglary back in 1986. He was remanded to the Monroe County Jail with no bail due to his status as a predicate felon He had just been released from jail on November 21 after pleading guilty to two felony charges. He was scheduled to be sentenced next week. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Denise RE: Fake Winzip Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I get notices from Win Zip to purchase their program. I checked and I have Win Zip until August 2017. I have a problem in entering the "key" to verify this. Win Zip says that I have 900+ errors and wants me to purchase. Can you help? Denise Dear Denise The real WinZip does not do that. 900+ errors is a sure sign of a fake program and infection. Don't give your key to the fake one! Uninstall the fake one, run McAfee and Malwarebytes and then download a fresh one directly from Winzip.com Since nowadays no or almost no LEGITIMATE programs still use zip files, I have let mine lapse ten or more years ago. I have not missed it. In case there is a legitimate program that requires unzipping, I could use either the free Winzip or 7Zip. Whenever something claims that you have hundreds of errors, that is usually a sure sign of an infection making phony claims. Have FUN! DearWebby
An old fellow was snoozing away contentedly when he was startled awake by the doorbell. He staggered off the couch to make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous young woman. "Oh my goodness," the pretty young thing exclaimed, "I'm at the wrong house." "Sweetheart, you're at the right house," the old guy assured her. "But you're forty years too late."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Set Up a Week's Coffee on Sunday Night By Carol L Craig [21 Posts, 71 Comments] Save time by setting your weekly morning coffee up Sunday night. Just fill up seven coffee filters with your favorite grounds. Then stack the coffee filters on top of each other and place them inside an empty coffee can with a sealable lid. In the morning, just pull out a pre-filled filter, add water to your pot, and serve to taste. By florida gal from Spring Hill, FL I learned that in the early 70s from Sandy, a night shift waitress at the truck stop. When things were slow, she set out a pack of filters in front of her favorite customer, (me) I separated them for her, she dumped a big scoop of coffee into each and lowered it into a tall can, all the wile talking up a storm and flashing a nice cleavage. Good old days!
Who needs a fishing net!
____________________________________________________ A paramedic was asked on a local TV talk-show program: "What was your most unusual and challenging 911 call?" "Recently we got a call from that big white church at 11th and Walnut," the paramedic said. "A frantic usher was very concerned that during the sermon an elderly man passed out in a pew and appeared to be dead. The usher could find no pulse and there was no noticeable breathing." "What was so unusual and demanding about this particular call?" the interviewer asked. "Well," the paramedic said, "we carried out four guys before we found the one who was dead." ____________________________________________________
Artist creates beautiful sculptures from the pages of books.
Leroy and Bubba drove into a lumberyard. Bubba walked in and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" Bubba said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "Alright. How long do you need them?" asked the clerk. Bubba paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After awhile, he returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on December 5

1560 Charles IX succeeded as King of France on the death of
Francis II. 

1766 James Christie, founder of the famous auctioneers, held
his first sale in London. 

1776 In Williamsburg, VA, at the College of William and Mary
the first scholastic fraternity in America, Phi Beta Kappa,
was organized. 

1782 The first native U.S. president, Martin Van Buren, was
born in Kinderhook, NY. 

1797 Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Paris to command forces
for the invasion of England. 

1812 Napoleon Bonaparte left his army as they were retreating
from Russia. 

1848 U.S. President Polk triggered the Gold Rush of '49 by
confirming the fact that gold had been discovered in
California. 

1876 The Stillson wrench was patented by D.C. Stillson. The
device was the first practical pipe wrench. 

1901 Movie producer Walt Disney was born in Chicago. He
created his first Mickey Mouse cartoon at the age of 27. 

1904 The Russian fleet was destroyed by the Japanese at Port
Arthur, during the Russo-Japanese War. 

1908 At the University of Pittsburgh, numerals were first
used on football uniforms worn by college football players. 

1913 Britain outlawed the sending of arms to Ireland. 

1932 German physicist Albert Einstein was granted a visa
making it possible for him to travel to the U.S. 

1933 Prohibition came to an end when Utah became the 36th
state to ratify the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. 

1934 Fighting broke out between Italian and Ethiopian troops
on the Somalian border. 

1934 The Soviet Union executed 66 people charged with
plotting against Joseph Stalin's government. 

1935 In Montebello, CA, the first commercial hydroponics
operation was established. 

1936 The Soviet Union adopted a new Constitution under a
Supreme Council. 

1944 During World War II, Allied troops took Ravenna, Italy. 

1945 The so-called "Lost Squadron" disappeared. The five U.S.
Navy Avenger bombers carrying 14 Navy flyers began a training
mission at the Ft. Lauderdale Naval Air Station. They were
never heard from again. 

1951 The first push button-controlled garage opened in
Washington, DC. 

1955 The American Federation of Labor and the Congress of
Industrial Organizations merged to form the AFL-CIO. 

1956 British and French forces began a withdrawal from Egypt
during the Suez War. 

1958 Britain's first motorway, the Preston by-pass, was
opened by Prime Minister Macmillan. 

1961 United Nations forces launched an attack in Katanga, the
Congo, near Elizabethville. 

1962 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to cooperate in the
peaceful uses of outer space. 

1971 The Soviet Union, at United Nations Security Council,
vetoed a resolution calling for a cease-fire in hostilities
between India and Pakistan over Kashmir. 

1976 Jacques Chirac re-founded the Gaullist party as the RPR
(Rassemblement pour la République). 

1977 Egypt broke diplomatic relations with Syria, Libya,
Algeria, Iraq and South Yemen due to peaceful relations with
Israel. 

1978 The American space probe Pioneer Venus I, orbiting
Venus, began beaming back its first information and picture
of the planet. 

1979 Sonia Johnson was formally excommunicated by the Mormon
Church due to her outspoken support for the proposed Equal
Rights Amendment to the Constitution. 

1983 In west Beirut, Lebanon, more than a dozen people were
killed when a car bomb shattered a nine-story apartment
building. 

1983 The video arcade game "NFL Football" was unveiled in
Chicago. It was the first video arcade game to be licensed by
the National Football League. 

1984 Iran's official news agency quoted the hijackers of a
Kuwaiti jetliner parked at Tehran airport as saying they
would blow up the plane unless Kuwait released 14 imprisoned
extremists. 

1986 The Soviet Union said it would continue to abide by the
SALT II treaty limits on nuclear weapons. This was despite
the decision by the U.S. to exceed them. 

1988 Jim Bakker and former aide Richard Dortch were indicted
by a federal grand jury in North Carolina on fraud and
conspiracy charges. 

1989 Israeli soldiers killed five heavily armed Arab
guerrillas who crossed the border from Egypt. The guerrillas
were allegedly going to launch a terrorist attack
commemorating the anniversary of the Palestinian uprising. 

1989 East Germany's former leaders were placed under house
arrest. 

1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin kept the power to
appoint Cabinet ministers, defeating a constitutional
amendment that would have put his team of reformers under the
control of Russia's Congress. 

1998 James P. Hoffa became the head of the Teamsters union,
23 years after his father was the head. His father
disappeared and was presumed dead. 

2001 In Germany, Afghan leaders signed a pact to create a
temporary administration for post-Taliban Afghanistan. Two
women were included in the cabinet structure. Hamid Karzai
and his Cabinet were planned to take over power in
Afghanistan on December 22. 

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 300 million applications
downloaded. 

2010 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft became the longest-
operating spacecraft ever sent to Mars. The Odyssey entered
orbit around Mars on October 23, 2001. 

2014 NASA's Orion Multi-Purpose Crew Vehicle (MPCV) debuted
when it was launched for a four hour test flight. It landed
on target in the Pacific Ocean. 

2016  smiled.


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Pictures from camera to computer 





Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, December 4

Thank you, Sig!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Ohio Hunter accused of killing man’s beloved working dogs
 is charged, loses job.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 4 in 

1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision. --- Blake Clark The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. --- Calvin Trillin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Bill from L.A. told me about their the power failure today. His wife, Kathy, apparently heard a plane flying low overhead. She noticed the plane's landing lights were on and said, "Must not be a widespread power outage -- the plane's lights are on." She was lucky she was not downtown. I heard that during the latest power failure in Los Angeles thousands of people were trapped for hours on store escalators. ______________________________________________________ The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely was not him. The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them, if little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth. Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story. After listening he replies: "I cannot see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotations and we'll choose a contractor to fix the silly wall." ______________________________________________________ A 3-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Chedester, St. Clairsville, Ohio Hunter accused of killing man’s beloved working dogs is charged, loses job. The hunter accused of shooting and killing a Belmont County man’s two beloved dogs now faces charges, and he’s lost his job. According to court records, Michael Chedester, of St. Clairsville, faces two counts of cruelty to animals. His arraignment is set for Dec. 8. The charges are the first of their kind in Belmont County under the newly-passed Goddard’s Law. Pete Byers, the owner of the dogs named Bella and Emmy, first posted about the situation on Monday — and it quickly spread on social media. Byers told WTOV that he was getting ready to head to Pittsburgh with his dogs for a work trip when they disappeared Monday. A search group assembled and eventually found Chedester, who had a tree stand in the area. Byers said he asked Chedester if he killed the dogs. He said the hunter admitted to shooting them and offered to “buy him two new ones.” Byers said he found his dogs in a brush pile near the tree stand after spotting Emmy’s paw sticking out from under the logs. Chedester had cut their collars off to keep as trophies. According to WTOV, Chedester told authorities that the dogs had chased a deer past his stand at least three times. The third time, he said, they stopped under his stand. Chedester then allegedly shot one of the dogs. Belmont County Prosecutor Dan Fry said he believes the bullet that hit that dog also hit the second dog. Then Chedester allegedly shot the second dog. The charges were filed Wednesday. If the bonehead had paid attention instead of playing with himself, he would have realized that the dogs were bringing a deer to him three times, just like high priced hunting dogs are trained to do. WTOV reports that Chedester has also been fired from his forestry supervisor job with American Electric Power. A statement from AEP to WTOV says: “AEP expects the highest level of conduct from our employees, both on the job and outside of work. We are saddened by the situation that unfolded this week involving an off-duty AEP Ohio employee and the death of the two dogs. This individual is no longer employed by AEP.” As a felon, his gun owning days are over. As an asshole, I expect he will get a lot of hate-mail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Fran RE: Camera to computer Dear Webby, Dear Webby What is better, a camera that downloads directly to the computer, or a camera where you have to remove a chip and copy from that into the computer. one of my friends has one type, another friend has the other type, and of course each claims their version is better. What is YOUR recommendation ? Fran Dear Fran The better cameras offer both methods, but if you have a choice, you throw away the camera-to-computer cable. (Keep the camera-to-TV cable) If you are limited to downloading directly to the computer via a very special cable and program, you are totally out of luck if your camera's memory is full while you are on a canoe trip and don't have the computer along. If you have removable chips, you pop out the full chip and push in the next one. Those memory chips are very sturdy, and they just fit into the parking meter change pockets that you get on some belts or can easily make with a bit of cloth glued to the back side of the belt. A memory chip reader is $4 - $15 and reads all modern memory chips. Personally, I use mostly 2 GB chips, and I also use them instead of floppies. Yep, no more slow and fragile 1.4 MB floppies if you can use 2 GB chips that run at almost the same speed as a hard drive. When you slide that memory chip into the reader or the computer, you instantly have an extra harddrive. You can then copy the pictures from the chip or even edit them right on the chip. While on a trip, I usually crop and size pictures and then use FileZilla to upload the pictures to the net, right from the chip, and of course also drag them to the laptop. Have FUN! DearWebby
An English soldier, an American solider and a Russian soldier found themselves sharing a table in a Bosnian restaurant, and the conver sation turned towards how well fed each of them was. "In the Russian army we have 2000 calories of food a day" said the Russian. "Well", said the Englishman, "In the British army we are given 4000 calories of food a day." "That's nothing", said the American, "in the US army we have 8000 calories of food a day". At this the Russian got very annoyed. "Nonsense", he said, "how could one man eat that much cabbage!!!."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easiest Gingerbread Man Reindeer Cookies By attosa [256 Posts, 581 Comments] Get more bang out of your gingerbread buck by simply turning the men upside down and decorating as a reindeer! Use other common holiday candies (candy canes, cinnamon beads) as decoration. Enjoy! Source: My husband's crafty cousin
hey, it's 505 here
____________________________________________________ The new preacher, at this first service, had a pitcher of water and a glass on the pulpit. As he preached,he drank until the pitcher of water was completely gone. After the service, someone asked an old woman of the church, "How did you like the new pastor?" "Fine," she said, "but he's first windmill I ever saw that ran on water." ____________________________________________________
If you've had a stressful day, watch this nature video with beautiful scenery and soothing music.
Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside? A: K9P
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on December 4

1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower. 

1867 The National Grange of Husbandry was founded. 

1875 William Marcy Tweed, the "Boss" of New York City's
Tammany Hall political organization, escaped from jail and
fled from the U.S. 

1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson set sail for France to
attend the Versailles Peace Conference. Wilson became the
first chief executive to travel to Europe while in office. 

1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the
dismantling of the Works Progress Administration. The program
had been created in order to provide jobs during the Great
Depression and became obsolete during WWII. 

1942 U.S. bombers attacked the Italian mainland for the first
time during World War II. 

1943 Baseball Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis announced
that any club was free to employ black players. 

1945 The U.S. Senate approved American participation in the
United Nations. 

1965 The U.S. launched Gemini 7 with Air Force Lt. Col. Frank
Borman and Navy Comdr. James A. Lovell on board. 

1973 Pioneer 10 reached Jupiter. 

1977 Jean-Bedel Bokassa, ruler of the Central African Empire,
crowned himself emperor in a ceremony believed to have cost
more than $100 million. He was deposed 2 years later. 

1978 Dianne Feinstein became San Francisco's first woman
mayor when she was named to replace George Moscone, who had
been murdered. 

1979 For the second time, the United Nations Security Council
voted unanimously to urge Iran to free American hostages
that
had been taken on November 4. 

1980 The bodies of four American nuns slain in El Salvador
two days earlier were unearthed. Five national guardsmen were
later convicted of the murders. 

1983 U.S. jet fighters struck Syrian anti-aircraft positions
in Lebanon in retaliation for attacks directed at American
reconnaissance planes. Navy Lt. Robert O. Goodman Jr. was
shot down and captured by Syria. 

1984 A five-day hijack drama began as four men seized a
Kuwaiti airliner en route to Pakistan and forced it to land
in Tehran. Two American passengers were killed by the
hijackers. 

1986 Both U.S. houses of Congress moved to establish special
committees to conduct their own investigations of the Iran-
Contra affair. 

1987 Cuban inmates at a federal prison in Atlanta freed their
89 hostages, peacefully ending an 11-day uprising. 

1988 The government of Argentina announced that hundreds of
heavily armed soldiers had ended a four-day military revolt. 

1990 Iraq promised to release 3,300 Soviet citizens it was
holding. 

1991 Associated Press correspondent Terry Anderson was
released after nearly seven years in captivity in Lebanon. 

1991 Pan American World Airways ceased operations. 

1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered American troops
to lead a mercy mission to Somalia. 

1993 The Angolan government and its UNITA guerrilla foes
formally adopted terms for a truce. The conflict was killing
an estimated 1,000 people per day. 

1994 Bosnian Serbs released 53 out of about 400 UN
peacekeepers they were holding as insurance against further
NATO airstrikes. 

1997 The National Basketball Association (NBA) suspended
Latrell Sprewell of the Golden State Warriors for one year
for choking and threatening to kill his coach, P.J.
Carlesimo. 

2000 O.J. Simpson was involved in an incident with another
motorist in Miami, FL. Simpson was accused of scratching the
other motorists face while pulling off the man's glasses. 

2001 O.J. Simpson's home in Florida was raided by the FBI in
an ongoing two year international investigation into drug
trafficking, satellite service pilfering and money
laundering. An unusable satellite tuner decoder board was
taken from Simpson's home and no drugs were found. 

2016  smiled.


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How to make new icons without buying a program 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, December 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Tampa woman, fleeing after hit-and-run accident,
crashes car into home, charged with DUI, again.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 3 in 

1910 The neon lamp was displayed for the first time at the
Paris Motor Show. The lamp was developed by French physicist
Georges Claude. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "Grandma, when you and Grandpa had your first baby, did Grandpa ever handle the middle-of-the-night feeding?" "No. I always did that." "That must have been before you had women's liberation." "No, it was before we had baby bottles." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Betty-Sue passed out and Bubba, her husband, called 911. The operator said they would send someone out right away and asked, "Where do you live?" Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said, "How about I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?" ______________________________________________________ A lady was driving from her husband's office to the kids' school, with twelve youngsters in the car, when she blew past a red light, and a police car. Much to the delight of the kids, the police officer pulled her over, wrote her a ticket, lectured her on traffic safety, and finished by saying, "Lady, don't you know when to stop?" Tomato red in the cheeks, the embarrassed woman said, "Officer, only seven of them are mine!" ______________________________________________________ As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where Jill work, she asks the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, she prints it on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrists. Once when she asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine Jill's surprise, when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station screaming: "Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'bananas'?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Danica Eleen Zagara, 52, Tampa, Florida Tampa woman, fleeing after hit-and-run accident, crashes car into home, charged with DUI, again. On her way home from a bar, a Tampa woman left the scene of a car crash and then drove her car into a home Friday night, authorities reported. The incident marks the third time Danica Eleen Zagara, 52, of Tampa, has been charged with driving under the influence. She was also charged with driving under the influence with property damage in Friday's crash. There was no mention of her Hit-and-Run. Hillsborough County Sheriff's Deputies received a call about 8 p.m. Friday that Zagara had driven her blue 2002 Dodge Intrepid into a living room at 12015 N Oregon Ave. in the neighborhood of North Forest Hills. The resident was not home. Deputies administered first aid to Zagara and spoke with a witness, who said he had followed her after she left the scene of a hit and run crash at Fowler and Florida avenues. Zagara, of 504 El Sereno Place, told deputies she had just left Copper Top Pub and was on her way home. She was released from Orient Road Jail on Saturday on $2,250 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Art RE: How to make my own icons Dear Webby, Dear Webby How do i make my own icons without buying any programns? You had something about that a few years ago, but at the time I didn't need extra icons. Art Dear Art I will show you how to do it with just the built in programs. It is still the same as it has been since Windows 2. Make a folder for your icons in a reasonably easy to find spot. Yes, I know, the default would be in some totally insane location, that you can never find again. Ignore that and find the C: drive, C:\ and in that make the folder, so it is at C:\icons Find a picture that is suitable or paint one. It should have LOTS of contrast and few colors. You can use the built in Microsoft Paint. It is crude and simple, but has been included with DOS and Windows since the stone age. It still works. START paint An ideal icon is for example the icon for FileZilla, the best FTP program available. It is simply a dark red background with a white Fz on it. It really sticks out from among herds of cutesy icons. Once you have a suitable picture, resize it down to 64 x 64. Then save it as a BMP file. Yes, BMP. I know, BMP does not work on the web, but you are making an icon for your computer, not the web. So save it as for example Inlaws.bmp into your icons folder. Then close PAINT, unless you have to make a bunch more. When you got all your icons painted and resized, close PAINT. Open the File Explorer RIGHT-click START Open Windows Explorer Find your C:\icons folder and be glad it is not deep down in the mess. In the icons folder, find inlaws.bmp, highlight it until the name becomes editable, and change it to inlaws.ico Ignore the warning. Now you can go to the program or bat on the desktop, that needs the new icon. Right-click it, properties, change icon browse to c:\icons and select inlaws.ico Done! That is all there is to it. You can, of course, use any other paint or graphics program too, as long as it lets you save the picture as .BMP Once upon a time we had just .GIF for the coarse and limited stuff and .BMP for higher resolution. In the days when Digital cameras used 360 KB floppies for storage, we had to be very careful with file size. We had a choice of 1 picture in BMP or 36 pictures in GIF. And lug around a shoe box full of floppies on all trips. Around that time Windows got created, and they decided to use .BMP for really cutesy icons, instead of .GIF for high visibility. Buncha Yuppies! We have been stuck with that ever since. Other than the icons, .BMP has become extinct and is no longer in use. Have FUN! DearWebby
While the US stock market is at an all time high, the ups and downs frighten a lot of small investors. Bob went to his financial advisor at the bank and ask if he were worried. He replied that he slept like a baby. Bob was amazed and asked, "Really ??? Even with all the fluctuations?" He said, "Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recipe: Mama Sue's Sausage Stew By StellaBell [187 Posts, 176 Comments] Sausage stew is a delicious and easy meal to throw together. It can be made on the stove, in a crockpot or in the oven. As a kid, we ate this meal several times a month. It is one of my favorite comfort foods as an adult. My siblings and I all have slightly different variations of our mom's recipe, this is my version. Ingredients: 1 polska kielbasa (I use turkey kielbasa for a healthy substitute) 1 lb carrots (I use baby carrots to make prepping easier) 2-3 Yukon Gold potatoes 1 large yellow onion 5-6 cloves of garlic, chopped fresh parsley 2-3 celery stalks (optional) 1 1/2 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce salt and pepper 1 tsp Italian seasoning Steps: Cut the sausage into 1/2 inch pieces. Brown the sausage on each side and set aside. Chop the onion and garlic. Cut the potatoes into 1 inch pieces. If using regular sized carrots cut into 1 inch rounds. If using baby carrots, leave whole. In the same pan that you browned the sausage in, sautee the onions until golden brown. Then add the garlic and sautee for a minute. Then add the potatoes and carrots. Add the worcestershire sauce, italian seasoning, salt, and pepper. Cover with a lid and simmer for about 15 minutes. Once the veggies have softened, add the sausage back in and cook for another minute or two, until the sausage is warmed. Serve with garlic bread.
winter vs people
____________________________________________________ A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the granny behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "PULL----OVER!" "NO!" the granny yelled back, "SCARF!" ____________________________________________________
If you've had a stressful day, watch this nature video with beautiful scenery and soothing music.
>From Bob Have you ever worked in an office where someone insisted upon listening to their voice mail using the speakerphone (at full volume, naturally). It can really begin to bother you after a while.I found a fairly easy fix for that, though. I have a young lady call his desk when he's not there and leave a message like "Hi, this is Candy from 1-900-HOT-BABE. You haven't paid for the 'toys' we sent you, you naughty boy. You wouldn't want me to come over there and spank you, would you?" It is the last time you hear that particular speakerphone, I can assure you.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on December 3

1792 The trial of France's King Louis XVI began. He was
eventually put to death for the 33 charges. 

1833 Oberlin College in Ohio opened as the first truly
coeducational school of higher education in the United
States. 

1835 In Rhode Island, the Manufacturer Mutual Fire Insurance
Company issued the first fire insurance policy. 

1910 The neon lamp was displayed for the first time at the
Paris Motor Show. The lamp was developed by French physicist
Georges Claude. 

1917 The Quebec Bridge opened for traffic after almost 20
years of planning and construction. The bridge suffered
partial collapses in 1907 (August 29) and 1916 (September
11). 

1931 Alka Seltzer was sold for the first time. 

1947 The Tennessee Williams play "A Streetcar Named Desire"
opened at Broadway's Ethel Barrymore Theater. 

1948 The "Pumpkin Papers" came to public light. The House Un-
American Activities Committee announced that former
Communist
spy Whittaker Chambers had produced microfilm of secret
documents hidden inside a pumpkin on his Maryland farm. 

1967 In Cape Town, South Africa, a team of surgeons headed by
Dr. Christian Barnard, performed the first human heart
transplant on Louis Washkansky. Washkansky only lived 18
days. 

1967 The famed luxury train, "20th Century Limited,"
completed its final run from New York to Chicago. 

1973 Pioneer 10 sent back the first close-up images of
Jupiter. The first outer-planetary probe had been launched
from Cape Canaveral, FL, on March 2, 1972. 

1982 Doctors at the University of Utah Medical Center removed
the respirator of Barney Clark. The retired dentist had
become the world's first recipient of a permanent artificial
heart only one day before. 

1983 3-foot-high concrete barriers were installed at two
White House entrances. 

1984 In Bhopal, India, more than 2,000 people were killed
after a cloud of poisonous gas escaped from a pesticide
plant. The plant was operated by a Union Carbide subsidiary. 

1992 The UN Security Council unanimously approved a U.S.-led
military mission to help starving Somalians. 

1992 The Greek tanker "Aegean Sea" ran aground at La Coruna,
Spain and spilled 21.5 million gallons of crude oil. 

1993 Britain's Princess Diana announced she would be limiting
her public appearances because she was tired of the media's
intrusions into her life. 

1993 Angola's government and its rebel enemies agreed to a
cease-fire in their 18-year war. 

1994 Rebel Serbs in Bosnia failed to keep a pledge to release
hundreds of UN peacekeepers. 

1995 Former South Korean president Chun Doo-hwan was arrested
for his role in a 1979 coup. 

1997 In Ottawa, Canada, more than 120 countries were
represented to sign a treaty prohibiting the use and
production of anti-personnel land mines. The United States,
China and Russia did not sign the treaty. 

1997 South Korea received $55 billion from the International
Monetary Fund to bailout its economy. 

1999 Tori Murden became the first woman to row across the
Atlantic Ocean alone. It took her 81 days to reach the French
Caribbean island of Guadeloupe from the Canary Islands. 

1999 The World Trade Organization (WTO) concluded a four-day
meeting in Seattle, WA, without setting an agenda for a new
round of trade talks. The meeting was met with fierce
protests by various groups who did over a Billion dollars
worth of damage without having a clue what the WTO was about.


1999 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
lost radio contact with the Mars Polar Lander as it entered
Mars' atmosphere. The spacecraft was unmanned. 

2010 The Boeing X-37 returned to Earth on successfully after
its first orbital mission. It launched on April 22, 2010. 

2016  smiled.


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Subscription problems 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, December 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
UK teacher "Loses Control" of Her Urges
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 2 in 

1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France at the 
Cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive? --- Irv Kupcinet The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else. --- Umberto Eco "It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted." --- Mary O'Connor ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir." ______________________________________________________ Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he barked at him: "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "just here to hook up your telephone." ______________________________________________________ Lady: Waiter, please bring me coffee without cream. Waiter: I'm afraid we've run out of cream. Would you like it without milk? ______________________________________________________ Commuter broom ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jill Meldrum-Jones 37, Warwickshire, England UK teacher "Loses Control" of Her Urges What was supposed to be an exciting school trip for one 15- year-old boy turned into an unforgettable public nightmare after his 37-year-old teaching assistant “groomed” him for sex. Jill Meldrum-Jones from Warwickshire in the UK began her relationship with the young boy while they were on a trip abroad. First, it began with taking long walks together. Then, she performed her first sex act on the student while in a minivan with other students onboard. From there they would go to secluded areas where they would perform oral sex on one another. Perhaps the most scandalous of all of their encounters on the trip was the flight home. During the ten-hour flight back to England, Meldrum-Jones, a married mother of two, “masturbated the boy three times and performed oral sex three times 'under the cover of darkness.'” The two did not have another physical encounter once back in England, but the teacher sent the boy highly sexual texts messages numerous times. The encounters came to light in February of this year after the boy told some of his friends and rumors began to fly around, eventually leading to the assistant teacher's arrest. Meldrum-Jones pled guilty to five charges of sexual activity with a child as well as two charges of causing or inciting a child to engage in sexual activity. She has been sentenced to two years and eight months in jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Chaubal RE: Subscription Dear Webby, Dear Webby For about two weeks now I am not receiving your daily humor. If my subscription got canceled accidently or due to some reason, kindly re-enter my subscription. I am looking forward to receiving your daily humor letter Thanks Chaubal Dear Chaubal You are still subscribed and the Humor Letter is sent out to you every day. Either your own or your ISP's spam control program is blocking the Humor Letter. Once the Humor Letter has left from here, there is nothing that I can do about it. You will have to check your end of the mailing yourself. Have FUN! DearWebby
The other day I was near the golf court and saw an unusual thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs back into the water.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Dry Erase Marker on Polyester Question: Dry Erase Marker on Polyester By dotty [5 Posts, 3 Comments] Help! My grandson got dry erase marker on a brand new Detroit Tiger $80 jersey. it is 100% polyester. I tried everything I could think of. Please help; he's heartbroken. By Dotty By Grandma J [54 Posts, 1,045 Comments] Take it to a dry cleaners, for the simple $10 or less cost, versus the cost of buying and trying. They will tell you whether it can be done or not. Always tell the cleaners what the stains are, if possible. Clean things right away. The longer things sit, the harder to come out.
wooden music machine with marbles (not the one in the woods)
____________________________________________________ A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and the "Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World." Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist too -- probably better than Houdini." The giant nodded. "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?" Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled. "Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it." "In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest...." ____________________________________________________
15 Seemingly adorable animals that could actually kill you.
>From Donnie Subject: Marketing Explained One buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING . However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is: _______________________ * You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to Him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. _____________________ * You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising. _____________________ * You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing. ____________________ * You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations. ______________________ * You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition. _________________________ *You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep. _________________________ * Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support. _________________________ * You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Facebook. _________________________ * You are at a party; this attractive older man walks by and lets you bump into him. That's Donald Trump. _________________________ * You liked that, but twenty years later your attorney decides you were offended and you are awarded a settlement. That's America !
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on December 2
1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France at the Cathedral
of Notre Dame in Paris. 

1816 The first savings bank in the U.S., the Philadelphia
Savings Fund Society, opened for business. 

1823 U.S. President James Monroe outlined his doctrine
opposing European expansion in the Western Hemisphere. 

1901 Gillette patented the KC Gillette Razor. It was first
razor to feature a permanent handle and disposable double-
edge razor blades. 

1917 During World War I, hostilities were suspended on the
eastern front. 

1927 The Ford Motor Company unveiled the Model A automobile.
It was the successor to the Model T. 

1939 New York's La Guardia Airport began operations as an
airliner from Chicago landed at 12:01 a.m. 

1942 A self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction was
demonstrated by Dr. Enrico Fermi and his staff at the
University of Chicago. 

1954 The U.S. Senate voted to condemn Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy
for what it called "conduct that tends to bring the Senate
into dishonor and disrepute." The censure was related to
McCarthy's controversial investigation of suspected
communists in the U.S. government, military and civilian
society. 

1961 Cuban leader Fidel Castro declared in a nationally
broadcast speech that he was a Marxist-Leninist and that he
was going to lead Cuba to communism. 

1969 The Boeing 747 jumbo jet got its first public preview as
191 people flew from Seattle, WA, to New York City, NY. Most
of the passengers were reporters and photographers. 

1970 The Environmental Protection Agency began operations. 

1980 The Central Committee of Poland’s Communist Party
announced major Politburo changes. The changes were aimed at
coping with labor unrest.

1982 Doctors at the University of Utah implanted a permanent
artificial heart in the chest of retired dentist Barney
Clark. He lived 112 days with the device. The operation was
the first of its kind. 

1988 Benazir Bhutto was sworn in as prime minister of
Pakistan. 

1989 V.P. Singh was sworn in as prime minister of India. 

1990 Chancellor Hekmut Kohl's coalition won the first free
all-German elections since 1932. 

1990 The Midwest section of the U.S. prepared for a massive
earthquake predicted by Iben Browning. The earthquakes did
not occur. 

1992 Germany's lower house of parliament voted in favor of
the Maastricht Treaty on European unity. 

1993 The space shuttle Endeavor blasted off on a mission to
fix the Hubble Space Telescope. 

1994 The U.S. government agreed not to seek a recall of
allegedly fire-prone General Motors pickup trucks. A deal was
made with GM under which the company would spend more than
$51 million on safety and research. 

1995 NASA launched a U.S.-European observatory on a $1
billion dollar mission intended to study the sun. 

1997 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an
independent counsel investigation of telephone fund-raising
by President Clinton and Vice President Gore. She had
concluded that they had not quite violated election laws. 

1998 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates donated $100 million
to help immunize children in developing countries. 

1999 The British government transferred political power over
the province of Northern Ireland to the Northern Ireland
Executive. 

2001 Enron Corp. filed for Chapter 11 reorganization. The
filing came five days after Dynegy walked away from a $8.4
billion buyout. It was the largest bankruptcy in U.S.
history. 

2010 NASA announced the discovery of a new arsenic-based life
form. 

2016  smiled.


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Alarm for Windows 





Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, December 1

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Broker Who Faked Death, to Pay $1 Million
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 1 in 

1913 Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line
that ushered in the era of mass production. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. -- Jane Wagner ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Charlie Hooks for this one: Your Cambridge story reminded me of the young Oxford scholar who, when Jowett was master of Balliol, went in to tell the great man he could not attend Chapel. "And why not? " "I'm a sun-worshipper, Sir!" "Umm. I see. Very well..." Next morning at 5:30 AM he is awakened by his servant: "The Master's compliments, Sir...the sun has just risen." ______________________________________________________ Kim was telling her friend how she gets her son out of bed in the morning. "I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog." ______________________________________________________ "I have to tell the truth," a young man said to his new girlfriend. "While we've been dating, I've been secretly seeing a psychiatrist." "Don't worry about it," the girl told her boyfriend. "I've been secretly seeing a lawyer and a car salesman." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Richard Winsor Ohrn, 46, Boca Raton, Floriduh Florida Broker Who Faked Death, to Pay $1 Million Richard Winsor Ohrn, the Florida broker who faked his own death and cost the Coast Guard almost $400,000 in pointless search and rescue missions, won't go to jail, a federal judge said Tuesday. Ohrn, 46, of Boca Raton, will have to pay the government $1 million in restitution, however, for his guilty plea to a single felony count of communicating false distress to the Coast Guard, Judge Robin L. Rosenberg ordered in U.S. District Court in Miami. The Coast Guard devoted massive resources to trying to find Ohrn after he was reported missing in March 2015. It launched more than 20 search missions — only to discover that Ohrn had slipped away to a rental home in Albany, Georgia, before returning home to Boca Raton. The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office said Ohrn admitted having faked his disappearance to skip out on legal issues related to accusations that he stole $15,250 from two elderly clients while working as a financial adviser with Chase Bank, among other allegations. The charge Ohrn copped to usually carries a sentence of up to six years in federal prison, but court documents show that federal prosecutors and the defense agreed on one year's probation for his caper — plus the $1 million to recover the government's costs. Regulatory records show that Ohrn had a decidedly checkered career in the financial services industry, beginning with his "termination" by Wells Fargo Advisors LLC in August 2012 over allegations that he provided inconsistent explanations about a cashier's check that was issued to a customer. He apparently then went to work for Chase, but in December 2014, he was accused of swindling two elderly customers of $15,250. According to records on file with the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority, or FINRA, Ohrn was accused of improperly withdrawing the money from the clients' accounts, forging the signatures of several of his co-workers and falsifying records by changing clients' account addresses to his own office address. FINRA records show that in June 2015 — two months after he returned from the dead — Ohrn agreed to a settlement barring him from association with any regulated brokerage. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Dani RE: Alarm for Windows Dear Webby, Could you please recommend a good timer with alarms for the computer? I am running Windows 7. Thank you as always for your expertise. Dani Dear Dani I use ALARM.exe from BlueFive http://bluefive.pair.com/alarm.htm It is rock solid and works even when a screen saver is running. I have used it since the late 90's and it has never let me down. Have FUN! DearWebby
Larry went to a strip mall the other day. He sure was disappointed. Everybody else ws dressed.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Taco Surprise By Vickie [28 Posts, 1 Comment] Taco Surprise By Vickie [28 Posts, 1 Comment] A nutritious taco skillet recipe for a quick dinner for three. Prep Time: 15 minutes Cook Time: 15 minutes Total Time: 30 minutes Yield: 3 servings Source: My own Ingredients: 1 can (13 oz) chunk chicken breast 1 1/2 cup fresh spinach, stems removed 1 packet mild taco seasoning 3/4 cup water 1 cup sharp cheddar cheese, grated 3 taco shells Steps: Drain can of chicken breast, and empty chicken into a big skillet. Using a spatula, break up the chunks of chicken into shredded chicken form. Add water and taco packet. Cook over medium heat for five minutes. Add spinach. Cook for another five minutes or until spinach is wilted. Toast taco shells in preheated 375 degree F oven for 3 to 4 minutes. Break up taco shells into little to medium size pieces. Add cheese and broken up taco shells to chicken mixture. Stir to melt cheese and mix in taco shells.
fox plays with golf ball
____________________________________________________ Thanks to World Traveller Anita, some funny signs: Doctor's office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan: COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF. ____________________________________________________
Emily sculpts dragons, guardians of the forest.
A sweet young lady who had just been shopping is pulled over by a traffic cop and given a ticket for speeding. Rather than fight the ticket, the woman writes a check for the amount of the fine and puts it in the mail. However, the young woman is worried. Her husband always examines her checkbook carefully, and she doesn't want him to know about the incident. Then inspiration strikes, and she scribbles on the check stub: "One pullover, $125."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on December 1

1835 Hans Christian Andersen published his first book of
fairy tales. 

1909 The Pennsylvania Trust Company, of Carlisle, PA, became
the first bank in the in the U.S. to offer a Christmas Club
account. 

1913 Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line
that ushered in the era of mass production. 

1913 The first drive-in automobile service station opened, in
Pittsburgh, PA. 

1925 The Locarno Pact finalized the treaties between World
War I protagonists. 

1934 Sergei M. Kirov, a collaborator of Joseph Stalin, was
assassinated at the Leningrad party headquarters. 

1941 In the U.S., the Civil Air Patrol was created. In April
1943 the Civil Air Patrol was placed under the jurisdiction
of the Army Air Forces. 

1942 In the U.S., nationwide gasoline rationing went into
effect. 

1952 In Denmark, it was announced that the first successful
sex-change operation had been performed. 

1955 Rosa Parks, a black seamstress in Montgomery, AL,
refused to give up her seat to a white man. Mrs. Parks was
arrested marking a milestone in the civil rights movement in
the U.S. 

1959 12 countries, including the U.S. and USSR, signed a
treaty that set aside Antarctica as a scientific preserve,
which would be free from military activity. 

1965 An airlift of refugees from Cuba to the United States
began. 

1969 The U.S. government held its first draft lottery since
World War II. 

1984 A remote-controlled Boeing 720 jetliner was deliberately
crashed into California's Mojave Desert to test an anti-
flame
fuel additive. The test proved to be disappointing. 

1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan said he would welcome an
investigation of the Iran-Contra affair if it were
recommended by the Justice Department. 

1987 Construction began on the Channel Tunnel between the
United Kingdom and France. 

1987 NASA announced four companies had been given contracts
to help build a space station. The companies were Boeing
Aerospace, G. E.'s Astro-Space Division, McDonnell Douglas
Aeronautics, and Rocketdyne Division of Rockwell
International. 

1989 Dissidents in the Philippine military launched an
unsuccessful coup against Corazon Aquino's government. 

1989 East Germany's Parliament abolished the Communist
Party's constitutional guarantee of supremacy. 

1990 Iraq accepted a U.S. offer to talk about resolving the
Persian Gulf crisis. 

1990 British and French workers digging the Channel Tunnel
finally met under the English Channel. 

1991 Ukrainians voted overwhelmingly for independence from
the Soviet Union. 

1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin survived an impeachment
attempt by hard-liners at the opening of the Russian
Congress. 

1994 The U.S. Senate gave final congressional approval to the
124-nation General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade. 

1998 Exxon announced that it was buying Mobil for $73.7
billion creating the largest company in the world to date. 

2013 Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos revealed "Amazon Prime Air" on
"60 Minutes." The service was planned to use unmanned aerial
vehicles to deliver packages to customers. 

2016  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, November 30

A Darwin Award goes to Abdul Razak Ali Artan in Ohio

for voluntarily taking himself out of the gene pool, when
the coward attacked innocent students with a car and
a butcher knife.

Kudos to Officer Alan Harujko for stopping the terrorist.

Kudos also to Switzerland for sending back Somalis who
demand separate swimming pools for girls and for not only
rejecting male Muslims, who refuse to shake hands with female
teachers, but on top of that fine them $5,000.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh shoplifter with long Walmart shopping list 
doesn't outrun K-9.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 30 in 

1700 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an
army of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva. King
Charles XII died on this day. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. --- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - ) "Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal." --- Hannah More Cops are what you see when you take your eyes off the speedometer. --- D.W. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The manager of a large city zoo is drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sits at his computer and types: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience." He stares at the screen, focusing on that odd word "mongooses." He replaces the word so that the sentence reads: "I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience." Again he stares at the screen, focusing on the new word. It seems just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deletes the whole sentence and starts over. "Everyone knows no well-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he types. "Please send us two of them." ______________________________________________________ During a friendly argument, a husband asked his wife why she married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," she teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, she requested an explanation. "People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid." ______________________________________________________ A new addition to the periodic table of chemical elements Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: 180+ Physical properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KID (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time. Neutralizes by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Millie for this picture: Beautiful Autumn Colors in Mehedinti Mountains, Romania ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anthony Loren Edwards, 27, Hernando, Floriduh shoplifter with long Walmart shopping list doesn't outrun Hernando K-9 A man who police say attempted to push a shopping cart filled with $1,597 in stolen goods out of a Brooksville Walmart was nabbed by Hernando County Sheriff's Office deputy K-9 'Judge' on Sunday. Anthony Loren Edwards, 27, filled his shopping cart with 120 items ranging from jewelry and clothing to a coloring book and gel pens and tried to leave the Walmart located at 1485 Commercial Way around 7 a.m. when loss prevention employees attempted to stop him. Edwards refused to listen to loss prevention, ditched the cart and started running. At the same time, Hernando County Sheriff's Office deputies saw Edwards run from the scene with the Walmart employees giving chase. Deputies ordered him to stop, but Edwards did not comply. Edwards fled north into a wooded area and into the Hernando County Water Treatment Facility on Osowaw Boulevard. While inside the treatment facility, Edwards allegedly helped himself to food and drinks in the office. Deputies arrived at the facility and saw Edwards running away. He again refused to stop. Deputy Brandon Cox and K-9 Judge then went after the suspect. Judge brought down Edwards, who then reportedly assaulted the dog, adding to the growing list of charges. He also received 18 stitches to his right thigh and ankle for his efforts. Edwards faces multiple charges in this incident, including larceny, resisting an officer, assaulting a K-9 and commercial burglary for his jaunt through the treatment facility. He is being held on $13,000 bond at the Hernando County Jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Janine RE: New Window Dear Webby, I do remember the wicker carpet beater! It was very educational when I was a kid. Normally I want my browser to re-use already open windows, so that it doesn't gobble up more memory than my computer has. But occasionally I DO want a link to go to a brand new window without losing the one that is open. Is there a way to do that without changing all the settings in MSIE? Thanks Janine Dear Janine Yes, sure there is. Hold down SHIFT while you click on that link. Have FUN! DearWebby
Benefit of old age: Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pizza Box Cash Gift By Donna [366 Posts, 374 Comments] This could be for a college student or anyone who is short on money. It makes a great raffle basket item when needed too! Always appreciated and never returned! ;-) You can change the bill denominations according to your desires. Total Time: 10 minutes Supplies: one empty pizza box (Dominoe's boxes are adorable for this and fit well although any large size pizza box will do.) cash- bills (about 18-20) and coins (silver dollars, half dollars and/or quarters) double sided tape one sheet of red paper Steps: I made circles on my red paper using a glass to trace the shape. Then simply place the bills into a circle using a small piece of tape to hold in place. Add the "red paper pepperoni" around the bills and place coins with double stick tape to hold them in place. Either write or type up the saying to add to the top of the box, print it out and tape it to the inside top of the pizza box. Add a bow and ribbon if you'd like to wrap it up and "deliver it".
fox plays with golf ball
____________________________________________________ "Doctor!" whined the patient. "I keep seeing spots before my eyes." The physician scratched his head, "Why have you come to me? Have you seen an opthalmologist?" "No," replied the patient, "just spots." ____________________________________________________
How in the world could such art come from a lowly pencil?
From my archives: A letter from Mutha Goose to help me out while I was on the road. RE: Software install You can do one of two things, follow the 12-Step Program or write Dear Webby! *lol* 1. Examine the software packaging until you find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system you need to run the software. It should look something like this: SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS 2386 PROCESSOR OR HIGHER 628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM 719.7 MB FREE DISK SPACE 3546 MB RAM 432323 MB ROM 05948737 MB RPM ANTILOCK BRAKING SYSTEM 2 TURTLE DOVES NOTE: This software will not work on your computer. 2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain detailed instructions on installing, operating, and trouble-shooting the software. Throw it away. 3. Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette or a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that says: LICENSING AGREEMENT: By breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to abide by all the terms and conditions of the following agreement that nobody ever reads, as well as the Geneva Convention and the U.N. Charter and the Secret Membership Oath of the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and such other terms and conditions, real and imaginary, as the Software Company shall deem necessary and appropriate, including the right to come to the user's home and examine the user's hard drive, as well as the user's underwear drawer if we feel like it, take it or leave it, until death do us part, one nation indivisible, by the dawn's early light,...finders keepers, losers weepers, thanks you've been a great crowd, and don't forget to tip your servers. 4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child), please install this on my computer." 5. If you have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key. 6. Turn the computer on, you idiot. 7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key. 8. You will hear grinding and whirring noises for a while, after which the following message should appear on your screen: The Installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you? Choose one, and be honest: +---+ +-----+ | YES | | SURE | +---+ +-----+ 9. After you make your selection, you will hear grinding and whirring for a very long time while the installation program does who knows what in there. Some installation programs can actually alter molecular structures, so that when they're done, your computer has been transformed into an entirely new device, such as a food processor. At the very least, the installation program will create many new directories, sub-directories, sub-sub-directories, on your hard drive and fill them with thousands of mysterious files with names like "puree.exe," "fester.dat," and "doo.wha." 10. When the installation program is finished, your screen should display the following message: CONGRATULATIONS The installation program cannot think of anything else to do to your computer and has grown bored. You may now attempt to run your software. If you experience any problems, electrical shocks, insomnia, shortness of breath, nasal discharge, or intestinal parasites, you should immediately swear, like this: *!@!$)$%@&*^)$*!#$_$*^& 11. At this point your computer system should become less functional than the federal government, refusing to respond even when struck with furniture. 12. Call the toll-free Technical Support Hotline number listed on the package and wait on the line for a representative, who will explain to you, in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a child aged 3 through 12. And so that's the easy way to install software...
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 30
1700 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an
army of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva. King
Charles XII died on this day. 

1782 The United States and Britain signed preliminary peace
articles in Paris, ending the Revolutionary War. 

1803 Spain completed the process of ceding Louisiana to
France. 

1804 U.S. Supreme Court Justice Samuel Chase went on trial
accused of political bias. He was later acquitted by the U.S.
Senate. 

1838 Three days after the French occupation of Vera Cruz
Mexico declared war on France. 

1853 During the Crimean War, the Russian fleet attacked and
destroyed the Turkish fleet at the battle of Sinope. 

1858 John Landis Mason received a patent for the first pepper
shaker with a screw-on cap. 

1875 A.J. Ehrichson patented the oat-crushing machine. 

1897 Thomas Edison's own motion picture projector had its
first commercial exhibition. 

1936 London's famed Crystal Palace was destroyed in a fire.
The structure had been constructed for the International
Exhibition of 1851. 

1939 The Russo-Finnish War began when 20 divisions of Soviet
troops invaded Finland. 

1949 Chinese Communists captured Chungking. 

1954 In Sylacauga, AL, Elizabeth Hodges was injured when a
meteorite crashed through the roof of her house. The rock
weighed 8½-pounds. 

1956 CBS replayed the program "Douglas Edward and the News"
three hours after it was received on the West Coast. It was
the world's first broadcast via videotape. 

1962 U Thant of Burma was elected secretary-general of the
United Nations, succeeding the late Dag Hammarskjold. 

1966 The former British colony of Barbados became
independent. 

1986 "Time" magazine published an interview with U.S.
President Reagan. In the article, Reagan described fired
national security staffer Oliver North as a "national hero." 

1988 Kohlberg Kravis Roberts and Co. took over RJR Nabisco
Inc. with a bid of $24.53 billion. 

1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the Brady Bill.
The bill required a five-day waiting period for handgun
purchases and background checks of prospective buyers. 

1998 The Deutsche Bank AG announced that it would acquire
Bankers Trust Corp. for $10.1 billion creating the world's
largest financial institution. 

2001 For the first time in it's history, McDonald's teamed up
with a retail partner on its Happy Meal promotions. Toys R
Us
provided plush figures from it's Animal Alley. 

2004 In Stockholm, Sweden, the Carl Larsson painting
"Boenskoerd" ("Bean Harvest") was sold at auction for
$730,000. The work had been in a private collection for more
than a century. The Larsson work "Vid Kattegatt" ("By
Kattegatt") sold for $640,000 at the same auction. 

2016  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, November 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
A Utah teen forced a 22-year-old man to dig his 
own grave before killing him and burning his body
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 29 in 

1864 The Sand Creek Massacre occurred in Colorado when a
militia led by Colonel John Chivington, killed at least 400
peaceful Cheyenne and Arapaho Indians who had surrendered and
had been given permission to camp. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A motion to adjourn is always in order. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) Fidel Castro, Democrat fighting Capitalism all his life, went to hell on Black Friday. --- Donald Trump ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!" ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 There is the story of a priest who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, the money is still out there in your pockets." ______________________________________________________ During exams at England's Cambridge University, a bright young student asks the proctor to bring him cakes and ale. "Sorry, no," says the proctor. "Sir, I really must insist," says the student, taking out a copy of the 400 year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect. He points to a section which reads (roughly translated): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require cakes and ale." The proctor gives in, but since cakes and ale aren't readily available, he and the student agree that hamburgers and beer can be substituted, and the student sits there, writing his examination and happily slurping away. Three weeks later, the same student is fined fifty pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination. ______________________________________________________ I think that was in California or Utah. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Raul Francisco Vidrio, 19, Mount Pleasant, Utah A Utah teen forced a 22-year-old man to dig his own grave before killing him and burning his body A Utah teen forced a 22-year-old man to dig his own grave before killing him and burning his body, authorities say. Raul Francisco Vidrio, 19, beat Wesley Dee Nay, stabbed him and placed his body in a grave filled with chopped wood, according to a probable cause statement. The 19-year-old Vidrio then doused the body in gasoline and set it on fire, authorities say. Witnesses reported seeing Nay leave a home in Mount Pleasant with Vidrio in late August. A witness recalled seeing Vidrio and Nay getting into an argument. Vidrio told police they "drove around town through the night, used (meth and marijuana) and eventually ended up at another residence in Mt. Pleasant," according to a search warrant affidavit obtained by the Deseret News. The man at the home said Vidrio borrowed a chainsaw "to be used to cut wood to burn evidence and flesh," the newspaper reported. A witness said that he heard the suspect and others on Aug. 31 "talking about 'opening the door to hell, the Saint of the Dead, and some dark (stuff),'" according to the charges obtained by the paper. Nay's remains were found in a shallow grave on Oct. 19 approximately 100 miles southeast of Salt Lake City. Investigators recovered a deleted image from Vidrio's cellphone that appeared to show Nay digging what would become his own grave, according to the Deseret News. "The image depicts Mr. Nay in the same clothing he was last seen in ... digging a hole in a grassy meadow that strongly resembles the location where his remains were found," read the charges obtained by the newspaper. A human skull and other charred bones were found with burned pieces of wood, the Deseret News reported. Nay was identified through dental records. Vidrio has been charged with aggravated murder, abuse or desecration of a dead human body and obstruction of justice. He is "a known drug dealer" and gang member in Mount Pleasant, according to the Deseret News. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kerry Re: Parental control filters Dear Webby, What do recommend for parental control filters? Kerry Dear Kerry A sturdy wicker carpet beater seems to be the best. The software parental controls are way too soft. Most likely your kids can crack them a lot faster than you can set them up, plus they can always go to different but similar sites. Just hanging around now and then and making it clear that computer use is a privilege, that can be cut at any time, is the most effective. As long as you learned how to control the home network, and occasionally change the password for their machines, so that they have to beg for the new password, they will usually behave. Kids will sneak a peek at taboo stuff anyway, just like you did. The general idea is to not make such a big fuss about it that it turns into an obsession. A good education about what lurks on the chat programs might go a lot further in protecting your kids than any software. Once they are in their teens you can go a step further and set them to find predators and scammers. Show them how to report scammers to FaceBook, and how to report predators to the cops. The cops will quite cheerfully take over from there and nab the predators with a sting operation. If they are busy looking for and reporting scammers and predators, they won't fall for them. Have FUN! DearWebby
Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to acess the popular "Google" search, and we told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of something to ask it." As she sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then started typing, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Artisan Country Bread By Holly805 [4 Posts, 5 Comments] Cook Time: 35-45 minutes Total Time: 2 hours Yield: 2-3 shaped loaves or 2 dozen rolls Source: I tweaked a standard French bread recipe over the years until the loaf was more nutritious, had a soft crust, and kept longer. A good recipe for true French bread is in The Secrets of Jesuit Breadmaking (1995) by Brother Rick Curry, S.J Ingredients: 2 tsp active dry yeast (1 package) 1/2 tsp sugar 3/4 cup warm water 1/2 cup warm milk 2 tsp salt 2 Tbsp canola oil 1 cup whole wheat flour 2 - 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour Tip: My mother told me to never use a plastic bowl or spoon when baking bread. Heavy duty ceramic is my favorite. Steel and glass also produce good results. Steps: Sprinkle sugar and yeast evenly over 1/4 cup warm water. The water should be almost hot to touch but not burning, like a bath. Stir until mostly dissolved, then set aside for 5 minutes to let the yeast rise. Add the remaining milk, water, salt, and the wheat flour. Whisk for 30 seconds to 1 minute until smooth and slightly elastic. Then beat in a cup of all-purpose flour and whisk for another 1 to 2 minutes until smooth. Using a sturdy mixing spoon, gradually beat in the remaining cup of flour. Knead dough slightly in the bowl to incorporate the rest of the flour. Note: the dough needs to come out of the bowl somewhat sticky so it doesn't become tough during the next stage of kneading. Reserve 1/4-1/2 cup flour. Turn out the dough onto a smooth, lightly floured surface and knead 8-12 minutes, until the dough's surface is smooth and bounces back under slight pressure from your finger. The dough should also indicate subtle air bubbles when gently pulled back under itself. Place dough into a large, lightly oiled bowl and turn to coat all sides. Cover and let rise in a warm area for about 1 hour, or until it has doubled in bulk. Punch dough down to let the air escape, then let it rest for about five minutes. Shape loaves and/or rolls as desired and place on lightly greased cookie sheet to rise a second time for about 30-40 minutes. The rolls/loaves should be just under twice the original size before they go into the oven. To make the pan brie loaf, simply cut half the dough and form into a rounded disk. Make 5 or 6 evenly spaced slashes with a serrated knife. They should be just 1/4 inch deep. You can also curve the two outer slashes to follow the form of the loaf. To form simple rolls, pinch off dough roughly half the size of a medium apple. Turn the rough edges under, gently stretching each corner under itself. Bake at 375 degrees F for 35-45 minutes, or until dark golden brown and hollow sounding when tapped.
Skiing the Matterhorn
____________________________________________________ A young woman confides to a friend that she wants to quit smoking, but nothing she does seems to work. "Have you tried the patch?" her friend asks. "No, that's one thing I haven't tried," the woman says, "because I'm not sure it works." Says her friend, "I'm sure it would, if you put it over your mouth." ____________________________________________________
An ancient underwater city was found off the coast of Israel.
The road maintenance foreman ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered the worker. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. "Honestly!" the foreman snorted. "The kind of help I get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
I guess withuot Gullible Warming it's too cold here for empty shirts. ____________________________________________________
Today on November 29
1864 The Sand Creek Massacre occurred in Colorado when a
militia led by Colonel John Chivington, killed at least 400
peaceful Cheyenne and Arapaho Indians who had surrendered and
had been given permission to camp. 

1890 Navy defeated Army by a score of 24-0 in the first Army-
Navy football game. The game was played at West Point, NY. 

1892 A patent was issued to Almon Brown Strowger for the
rotary dial. 

1929 The first airplane flight over the South Pole was made
by U.S. Navy Lt. Comdr. Richard E. Byrd. 

1939 The USSR broke off diplomatic relations with Finland
prior to a Soviet attack. 

1945 The monarchy was abolished in Yugoslavia and a republic
proclaimed. 

1947 The U.N. General Assembly passed a resolution that
called for the division of Palestine between Arabs and Jews.

1961 The Mercury-Atlas 5 spacecraft was launched by the U.S.
with Enos the chimp on board. The craft orbited the earth
twice before landing off Puerto Rico. 

1963 A Trans-Canada Airlines DC-8F with 111 passengers and 7
crew members crashed in woods north of Montreal 4 minutes
after takeoff from Dorval Airport. All aboard were killed.
The crash was the worst in Canada's history. 

1963 U.S. President Johnson named a commission headed by Earl
Warren to investigate the assassination of President Kennedy.


1967 U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert S. McNamara announced
that he was leaving the Johnson administration to become
president of the World Bank. 

1974 In Britain, a bill that outlawed the Irish Republican
Army became effective. 

1975 Bill Gates adopted the name Microsoft for the company he
and Paul Allen had formed to write the BASIC computer
language for the Altair. 

1982 The U.N. General Assembly voted that the Soviet Union
should withdraw its troops from Afghanistan. The CIA was
training and supplying the Taliban to fight the Russians.

1987 A Korean jetliner disappeared off Burma, with 115 people
aboard. 

1987 Cuban detainees released 26 hostages they'd been holding
for more than a week at the Federal Detention Center in
Oakdale, LA. 

1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the rights of criminal
defendants are not violated when police unintentionally fail
to preserve potentially vital evidence. 

1989 In Czechoslovakia, the Communist-run parliament ended
the party's 40-year monopoly on power. 

1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to authorize military
action if Iraq did not withdraw its troops from Kuwait and
release all foreign hostages by January 15, 1991. 

1991 17 people were killed in a 164-vehicle wreck during a
dust storm near Coalinga, CA, on Interstate 5. 

1994 Fighter jets attacked the capital of Chechnya and its
airport only hours after Russian President Boris Yeltsin
demanded the breakaway republic end its civil war. 

1996 A U.N. court sentenced Bosnian Serb army soldier Drazen
Erdemovic to 10 years in prison for his role in the massacre
of 1,200 Muslims. The sentence was the first international
war crimes sentence since World War II. 

1998 Swiss voters overwhelmingly rejected legalizing heroin
and other narcotics. 

2004 The French government announced plans to build the
Louvre II in northern France. The 236,808 square foot museum
was the planned home for 500-600 works from the Louvre's
reserves. 

2008 In China, construction on the Shanghai Tower began. 

2016  smiled.


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Hot HP laptop 





Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, November 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Road rage face-off, one brother goes after other motorist,
then his brother tries to hit the other motorist with his
car, but misses and hits his own brother instead, cutting off
his leg.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 28 in 

1582 William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway were married. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. --- Edith Sitwell (1887 - 1964) A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. --- Wilson Mizner ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A five year old was discussing Noah's Ark with Grandma. Grandma asked, "How many animals went into the Ark?" The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail." ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 A woman approached the minister after the sermon, and thanked him for his discourse. "I found it so helpful," she said. The minister replied: "I hope it will not prove as helpful as the last sermon you heard me preach." "Why, what do you mean?" asked the astonished woman. "Well," said the minister, "that sermon lasted you three years." ______________________________________________________ There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two. ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Elmer Gonzalez, 44, Palm Beach, Floriduh Road rage face-off, one brother goes after other motorist, then his brother tries to hit the other motorist with his car, but misses and hits his own brother instead, cutting off his leg. Police say a fight broke out at the West Palm Beach, Florida, parking lot after Elmer Jacinto Gonzalez and his brother Rudy Gonzalez accused David Troche of cutting them off. Witnesses, who recorded the fight, told deputies the man didn’t want to fight the brothers. However, Rudy Gonzalez hit the man in the head and arm with a large, pipe-like object, witnesses told deputies, and in self-defense, the man took him to the ground. Elmer Gonzalez then got into his wife’s car and sped backward trying to hit the man, according to the sheriff’s office. The man jumped out of the way, leaving Rudy Gonzalez in the car’s path. He was thrown into a parked vehicle, deputies said. Cellphone footage shows Rudy and Troche tussling with each other, before Troche body slams him into the ground. Cellphone footage shows Rudy and Troche tussling with each other, before Troche body slams him into the ground. Rudy then chases after him swinging a two-by-four plank. Elmer gets behind the wheel of his car and shocking video shows him slam the car into reverse and back up while Troche and Rudy are arguing. Elmer misses Troche, but slams into his brother at great speed sending him flying backwards into another car. The impact severed Rudy's leg while the panicked Elmer drove forward, mounting the curb, before reversing and driving straight at Troche's black Dodge Charger. Troche's son, who had been a passenger in his car, was removed moments before impact and taken to a safe place while stunned bystanders called the cops. Elmer Gonzalez was arrested and now faces two counts of attempted murder Rudy Gonzalez was rushed to hospital in a critical condition with a severed leg. His current condition is unknown. His brother was arrested and now faces attempted murder charges. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Wendy Re: Hot HP laptop Dear Webby, Hi there. Purchased a HP laptop. It's awesome except for Windows 10 DUH! but my question is why does it get so hot? I took the battery out of it as I'm using it with regular power. Someone told me that I needed a 'cooling' mat but since a lot of people who know nothing give advice, I thot it best that I go to the head-honcho! Thanks for all your help in the past. Thank goodness we have someone to go to who hasn't got a dollar in the pie. Blessings and pray all is going well with your eyes. Wendy Dear Wendy If the laptop is new and sitting on a hard surface that allows air circulation under it, it should not get too hot. If you use a separate keyboard and have a pile of bills piled on the laptop, file them elsewhere. It needs to suck in fresh air through the keyboard. If the laptop is a few years old and has never been cleaned out, open it up and vacuum it out. Clean fans and heat-sinks with Q-tips and Windex until they are clean and shiny, or get somebody to do that for you. If you are running your laptop on top of your lap, or bed, or anything soft, put it onto a hard cutting board, so that air intakes underneath or on the sides are not obstructed. It's not a matter of software, just of air movement. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Gayle for this one: An American has an emergency and crash-lands in the Australian bush, way out in the middle of nowhere. After what seems like an eternity, he wakes up in a bush clinic, very rustic, dirty, with foul smells and he is bandaged from head to foot. He sees a very large, somewhat gruff looking nurse approaching him as he lay in his cot. "Did I come here to die?" he says with a deep sense of resignation and fear. "No," the Aussie nurse replies, "You kaime here yisterdie."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freezing Leftover Turkey In Gravy By Monica Adam [12 Posts, 28 Comments] I usually freeze the turkey in the gravy! That way the turkey stays moist. By Monica from Pingree Grove, IL
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: Is it just me or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. Also they track her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 21 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. The solution is to give every illegal alien a cow. ____________________________________________________
Examples of crappy design.
1 - HER DIARY Sunday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shoping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed, about 5 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep I don't know what to do I'm sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. 2 - HIS DIARY Today the Leafs got knocked out of the playoffs, don't know how I am going to pay all my lost bets. But at least I got laid.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 28
1520 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the
Pacific Ocean after passing through the South American
strait. The strait was named after him. He was the first
European to sail the Pacific from the east. 

1582 William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway were married. 

1757 English poet, painter and engraver William Blake was
born. Two of his best known works are "Songs of Innocence"
and "Songs of Experience." 

1919 American-born Lady Astor was elected the first female
member of the British Parliament. 

1922 Capt. Cyril Turner of the Royal Air Force gave the first
public exhibition of skywriting. He spelled out, "Hello USA.
Call Vanderbilt 7200" over New York's Times Square. 

1925 The Grand Ole Opry made its radio debut on station WSM. 

1942 In Boston, MA, 491 people died in a fire that destroyed
the Coconut Grove. 

1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, British Prime
Minister Winston Churchill and Soviet Leader Joseph Stalin
met in Tehran to map out strategy concerning World War II. 

1958 The African nation of Chad became an autonomous republic
within the French community. 

1963 U.S. President Johnson announced that Cape Canaveral
would be renamed Cape Kennedy in honor of his assassinated
predecessor. The name was changed back to Cape Canaveral in
1973 by a vote of residents. 

1964 The U.S. launched the space probe Mariner IV from Cape
Kennedy on a course set for Mars. 

1978 The Iranian government banned religious marches. 

1979 An Air New Zealand DC-10 flying to the South Pole
crashed in Antarctica killing all 257 people aboard. 

1983 The space shuttle Columbia took off with the STS-9
Spacelab in its cargo bay. 

1985 The Irish Senate approved the Anglo-Irish accord
concerning Northern Ireland. 

1987 A South African Airways Boeing 747 crashed into the
Indian Ocean. All 159 people aboard were killed. 

1989 Romanian gymnast Nadia Comaneci arrived in New York
after escaping her homeland through Hungary. 

1990 Margaret Thatcher resigned as prime minister of Britain.


1992 In Bosnia-Herzegovina, 137 tons of food and supplies
were to be delivered to the isolated town of Srebrenica. 

1992 In King William's Town, South Africa, black militant
gunmen attacked a country club killing four people and
injuring 20. 

1994 Jeffrey Dahmer, a convicted serial killer, was clubbed
to death in a Wisconsin prison by a fellow inmate. 

1994 Norwegian voters rejected European Union membership. 

1995 U.S. President Clinton signed a $6 billion road bill
that ended the federal 55 mph speed limit. 

2010 WikiLeaks released to the public more than 250,000 U.S.
diplomatic cables. About 100,000 were marked "secret" or
"confidential." 

2016  smiled.


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Pictures not showing on FireFox 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, November 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Girl, 11, Finds Wanted Man Hiding Inside 
Her Bedroom Closet
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 26 in 

1701 Anders Celsius was born in Sweden. He was the inventor
of the metric Celsius thermometer. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. --- Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971) The louder she talked of her honor, the faster we counted our spoons. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young minister, in his first days at his first parish, is obliged to conduct the funeral services for an eccentric man who has just died. At he funeral home, he stands before the open casket and tries to think of words to console the widow. Finally, the minister says, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Jones. But we must remember that what we see here is only the husk, the shell. The nut has gone to heaven." ------------ Lots of nuts up there! ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the back seat. The two women just won't leave the poor man alone. His mother-in-law says, "You're driving too fast!" His wife says, "Stay to the right!" After several more orders from both of them the man breaks down and barks at his wife, "Who's driving this car, anyway, you or your mother?" ______________________________________________________ A math teacher is instructing her class in multiplication and gives the students a problem to solve. "Now class," she says. "We know there are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day and 365 days in a year. So who can tell me how many seconds there are in a year?" All the kids look baffled by the question except one little fellow sitting in the back row. He raises his hand and waves it excitedly, and the teacher points to him. "All right, how many seconds are there in a year?" the teacher asks. "Twelve, ma'am," the little fellow says brightly. "January second, February second, March second ..." ______________________________________________________ © Christian Chevalier 2006 From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Race Cox, 26, Ardmore, Oklahoma Girl, 11, Finds Wanted Man Hiding Inside Her Bedroom Closet A girl from Oklahoma can’t stop thinking about the terrifying moment she found a wanted man hiding inside her bedroom closet. “Every time I come in my closet or my room or my bathroom, anywhere, I just think about it and like I remember how scary it was,” 11-year-old Presley Brown said. Presley was playing on her cell phone in her Ardmore home last Monday when she spotted Race Cox’s reflection in the mirror. The 26-year-old man, who fled from police on Sunday after officers tried to arrest him on two felony warrants, emerged from between her clothes and said: “Don’t be scared, little girl.” “I started screaming bloody murder,” Presley told KFOR. Police were searching for Race Cox on two felony warrants before he broke into the family’s home. Presley’s parents heard her cries and came running. Her mother, Monica Brown, found Presley crying in the hallway. Her father, who was not identified, grabbed Cox, but he got away after a brief scuffle and fled with $100 of Presley’s birthday money. Police spotted Cox walking along a nearby street the following morning and arrested him on the outstanding warrants, plus two more charges of burglary and escape from arrest. It’s not clear what Cox was originally wanted for, but he remains in Carter County Jail on $40,000 bond. Brown was thankful the incident didn’t take an even more terrifying turn. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Joanne Re: Pictures not showing in FF Dear Webby, I write my pages with FrontPage and fix them by hand. They look OK when I view them, but friends and customers tell me that most of the pictures don't show on FireFox. They also tell me that most of my links don't work. What's the problem with FireFox ? Joanne Dear Joanne It is not a problem with Firefox. It is a problem with you, FrontPage and MSIE not being up to standard. The international standards, which were set and agreed upon long before MSIE came out, stipulate that file names on the net are NOT to have empty spaces in them. Many years later, when Microsoft finally wrote MSIE, they decided that their users would be too dumb to remember that, and made it so that MSIE and FrontPage let you get away with spaces inside of names (and a few other assorted bits of sloppiness). Firefox and all the other browsers stuck to the standards. You will have to first change the file names of the pictures and the pages that you link to, and then fix all the links and picture calls. I realize, that may seem as much of a nuisance to you as if you had been told as a kid that you could bicycle on any side of the road, and now all of a sudden the big meanies tell you, with a car you have to stick to the standard, and drive on ONLY on the agreed upon side of the road. Pouting at the agreed upon standards won't help you. If you want your links and pictures to work right on all browsers, then you'll have to bring their names up to standard. Have FUN! DearWebby
An extremely shy fellow brings his date a bouquet of flowers. She's so overcome she throws her arms around him and kisses him long and hard. After the kiss, red-faced, he turns and bolts for the door. "Oh, I'm sorry," she says. "I didn't mean to offend you." "You didn't," he replies. "I'm just running down to the cemetery for more flowers!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recipe: Turkey Broccoli Bake By Robin [5,891 Posts, 29 Comments] A good recipe for you to make use of your leftover turkey! Ingredients: 2 (10 oz) pkgs. chopped broccoli 1 Tbsp. lemon juice 2 Tbsp. butter 2 Tbsp. flour 2 cups milk 1/2 cup shredded Swiss cheese 2 cups cooked turkey 1/2 cup bread crumbs 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese 1 Tbsp. melted butter Directions: Cook broccoli until half done, and drain. Mix with lemon juice and spread in 9 inch round baking pan. Melt 2 tablespoons butter and blend in flour; add milk. Cook, stirring constantly until mixture thickens. Remove from heat and stir in Swiss cheese. Cut turkey in strips, and add to cheese sauce. Spoon mixture over broccoli. Combine bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese and melted butter and sprinkle crumbs over casserole. Bake at 350 degrees F for 20-25 minutes or until heated through. Servings:6 Prep Time:20-30 Minutes Cooking Time:20-25 Minutes By Robin from Washington, IA
____________________________________________________ A driver pulls up beside a farmhouse in eastern Nebraska. He gets out and knocks at the door. An old woman answers, and the driver asks her for directions to Des Moines, Iowa. "Don't know," the woman says. The driver gets back in his car and pulls away. Then he hears voices. He looks in his rearview mirror and sees the woman and a man of about the same age waving for him to come back. He makes a U-turn and drives back to them. "This is my husband," the old woman says. "He doesn't know how to get to Des Moines either." ____________________________________________________
Examples of crappy design.
One Sunday afternoon, the Pastor's wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried!" Her husband looked over at her and said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, and give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?" "Dearest," she replied, "I had to pretend to listen to all of them!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 27
1684 Japan's shogun Yoshimune Tokugawa was born. 

1701 Anders Celsius was born in Sweden. He was the inventor
of the Celsius thermometer. 

1889 Curtis P. Brady was issued the first permit to drive an
automobile through Central Park in New York City. 

1901 The Army War College was established in Washington, DC. 

1934 U.S. bank robber George "Baby Face" Nelson was killed by
FBI agents near Barrington, IL. 

1939 The play "Key Largo," by Maxwell Anderson, opened in New
York. 

1970 Pope Paul VI, visiting the Philippines, was attacked at
the Manila airport by a Bolivian painter disguised as a
priest. 

1973 The U.S. Senate voted to confirm Gerald R. Ford as vice
president after the resignation of Spiro T. Agnew. 

1978 San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and City Supervisor
Harvey Milk, a gay-rights activist, were shot to death inside
City Hall by Dan White, a former supervisor. 

1983 183 people were killed when a Colombian Avianca Airlines
Boeing 747 crashed near Barajas airport in Madrid. 

1985 The British House of Commons approved the Anglo-Irish
accord giving Dublin a consulting role in the governing of
British-ruled Northern Ireland. 

1987 French hostages Jean-Louis Normandin and Roger Auque
were set free by their pro-Iranian captors in West Beirut,
Lebanon. 

1989 107 people were killed when a bomb destroyed a Colombian
jetliner minutes after the plane had taken off from Bogota's
international airport. Police blamed the incident on drug
traffickers. 

1991 The UN Security Council unanimously adopted a resolution
that led the way for the establishment of a UN peacekeeping
operation in Yugoslavia. 

1992 In Venezuela, rebel forces tried but failed to overthrow
President Carlos Andres Perez for the second time in ten
months. 

2008 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) was taken out of
service after more than 30 years. The ship was launched on
September 20, 1967. 

2016  smiled.


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Selective screen capture 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, November 26

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman, 32, Arrested For Distributing Naked 
Photos Of Her Ex-Husband
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 26 in 

1716 The first lion to be exhibited in America went on
display in Boston, MA. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say the blessing when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from countless refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously. "It seems to me that I have asked for a blessing on all this stuff before." ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 According to statistics, last year over 19 million American families paid a lot of money for things that looked funny and didn't work. Seven million of these were antiques; the rest were college students. ______________________________________________________ "Volvo says its new car, the YCC, is the first car designed and developed exclusively by women, for women. They say it is safe, it is fuel-efficient, and the exterior is designed to always make the trunk look as small as possible." --- Jay Leno ______________________________________________________ Cardinal Gynandromorph ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Eva Gaitan, 32, Palm Harbor, Floriduh Florida woman, 32, Arrested For Distributing Naked Photos Of Her Ex-Husband The 32-year-old Floridian is jailed on a stalking charge after she allegedly distributed naked photos of her ex- husband to the man’s employer and parents. Gaitan was arrested yesterday on the misdemeanor charge at the Palm Harbor home she once shared with her ex-spouse. The couple's marriage was dissolved in February, according to court records. Police allege that Gaitan “mailed a CD of the nude images to her ex-husband’s parents” and hand delivered “packages of CDs” to her former husband’s workplace. The CDs were labeled “Requires Immediate Attention.” Gaitan, investigators charge, obtained the explicit photos “from her ex-husband’s flash drive.” In a post-arrest interview, Gaitan reportedly confessed to “burning the images to discs” and then distributing the CDs. Gaitan, who has pleaded not guilty, is being held in the Pinellas County jail in lieu of $1000 bond. A judge has ordered her to have no contact with her ex-husband. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Fran Re: Selective screen capture Dear Webby, I think you might have answered this before, but I can't find it. How do I capture just the active window, not the entire screen ? Thanks Fran Dear Fran Try ALT and the PrintScreen key. Then jump to your graphics program, and hit CTRL V to paste it. Have FUN! DearWebby
The showers in Jo's daughter's dorm turned scalding hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To warn others, residents would yell out, "Flushing!" each time they flushed the toilets. During one of Jo's daughter's visits home, a friend stopped by to chat for a while. Jo was explaining how her daughter was acting more distant now that she was in college, and that she didn't tell her all about her life the way she used to. Suddenly they heard the daughter scream out from the bathroom, "Flushing!" "Good grief," said Jo's friend, "How much more do you want to know?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easily Root Flower and Tree Cuttings By poehere [36 Posts, 44 Comments] Many people here on the islands love the flowers and trees I grow in my garden. However, each time I give them a cutting they can start growing in their garden they seem to die. Therefore, I want to share with you a simple way to root cuttings from different flowers or trees that you can plant in your garden. Material Needed: recycled floral sponge foam recycled food trays old kitchen knife cuttings from different flowers and plants recycled cutting board Directions: Clean your old food trays or microwaveable trays with soap and water. Recover all the floral sponge foam from your different floral arrangements. On your cutting board sit the food tray and a block of floral sponge foam. Measure the foam to fit inside the recycled food tray. Use an old kitchen knife to cut the foam down the middle first and then around the sides. The foam needs to sit tightly in the bottom of the recycled food tray. Cut the foam into 6 to 8 evenly sized pieces. Remove the leaves from the bottom of your cutting and gently push the branch into the foam in your recycled tray. Fill the bottom of the tray with water and set the tray in an area that doesn't receive too much sun. Within one to two weeks, you will start to see the root growing from the bottom of the branches. Make sure you keep the foam wet at all times. Each day I fill the bottom of my trays half way full with water. This keeps the foam wet and allows the branches to grow roots. After the roots have grown through the foam it is time to plant your cuttings. Remove the branch from the tray, foam and all. Place dirt in the bottom of your pot and sit the foam in the middle of the dirt. Finish filling the pot with dirt. For the first two to three weeks allow the newly potted cutting to receive moderate sunlight. After you see new leaves growing on your branch you can move the flower pot to another area in your garden.
And he was sooo helpful :D
____________________________________________________ Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. "Now that you're over 40," the doctor told him, "you've developed a condition called 'presbyopia,' in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to." Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. "Con- gratulations!" he said. "You're now officially a presbyope!" Doug leaned over and asked seriously, "If that means I'm no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?" ____________________________________________________ A young man from the city goes to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle shows him the usual things, the livestock, the crops. After three days, however, it is obvious that the nephew is getting bored, and the uncle is running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, the uncle has an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seems to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he goes. After a few hours, the nephew returns. "How did you enjoy that?" his uncle asks. "It was great," the nephew says. "I kinda like those dogs, so I took the cats instead. Got any more cats?" ____________________________________________________ At the Thanksgiving barbecue a lady stood up and said that it was time to get ready for the celebrations. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every man to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. The poor barmaid was almost crushed to death. ____________________________________________________
Highlights from the 2016 National Geographic Nature Photographer of the Year Contest
Thanks to Barb for this one: My kids never understood my logic. Both of them failed to see why they had to go to bed when I was tired.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 26

1716 The first lion to be exhibited in America went on
display in Boston, MA. 

1789 U.S. President Washington set aside this day to observe
the adoption of the Constitution of the United States. 

1832 Public streetcar service began in New York City. 

1867 J.B. Sutherland patented the refrigerated railroad car. 

1917 The National Hockey League (NHL) was officially formed
in Montreal, Canada. 

1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter peered into the tomb of King
Tutankhamen. 

1940 The Nazis forced 500,000 Jews of Warsaw, Poland to live
within a walled ghetto. 

1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered nationwide
gasoline rationing to begin December 1. 

1942 The motion picture "Casablanca" had its world premiere
at the Hollywood Theater in New York City. 

1943 The HMS Rohna became the first ship to be sunk by a
guided missile. The German missile attack led to the death of
1,015 U.S. troops. 

1949 India's Constituent Assembly adopted the country's
constitution The country became republic within the British
Commonwealth two months later. 

1950 China entered the Korean conflict forcing UN forces to
retreat. 

1958 Maurice Richard (Montreal Canadiens) scored his 600th
NHL career goal. 

1965 France became the third country to enter space when it
launched its first satellite the Diamant-A. 

1973 Rose Mary Woods, told a federal court that she was
responsible for the 18-1/2 minute gap in a key Watergate
tape. Woods was U.S. President Nixon's personal secretary. 

1975 Lynette"Squeaky" Fromme was found guilty by a federal
jury in Sacramento, CA, for trying to assassinate U.S.
President Ford on September 5. 

1979 The International Olympic Committee voted to re-admit
China after a 21-year absence. 

1983 A Brinks Mat Ltd. vault at London's Heathrow Airport was
robbed by gunmen. The men made off with 6,800 gold bars worth
nearly $40 million. Only a fraction of the gold has ever been
recovered and only two men were convicted in the heist. 

1985 The rights to Richard Nixon's autobiography were
acquired by Random House for $3,000,000. 

1986 U.S. President Reagan appointed a commission headed by
former Sen. John Tower to investigate his National Security
Council staff after the Iran-Contra affair. 

1988 The U.S. denied an entry visa to PLO chairman Yasser
Arafat, who was seeking permission to travel to New York to
address the U.N. General Assembly. 

1990 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev met with Iraqi
Foreign Minister Tariq Aziz at the Kremlin to demand that
Iraq withdraw from Kuwait. 

1990 Matsushita Electric Industrial Co. agreed to acquire MCA
Inc. for $6.6 billion. 

1992 The British government announced that Queen Elizabeth II
had volunteered to start paying taxes on her personal income.
She also took her children off the public payroll. 

1995 Two men set fire to a subway token booth in the Brooklyn
borough of New York City. The clerk inside was fatally
burned. 

1998 British Prime Minister Tony Blair made a speech to the
Irish Parliament. It was a first time event for a British
Prime Minister. 

1998 Hulk Hogan announced that he was retiring from pro
wrestling and would run for president in 2000. 

2003 The U.N. atomic agency adopted a resolution that
censured Iran for past nuclear cover-ups and warning that it
would be policed to put to rest suspicions that the country
had a weapons agenda. 

2011 The Mars Science Laboratory/Curiosity spacecraft
launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, FL. The Mars
rover Curiosity landed on the floor of Gale Crater on August
6, 2012. 

2016  smiled.


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Caps Lock nuisance 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, November 25
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman assaults and chokes police officer 
with undergarment
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 24 in 

1715 Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to be
granted an English patent for cleaning and curing Indian
corn. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Only the shallow know themselves. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose. --- Andy Rooney (1919 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A passenger jet is taxiing down the runway when it stops abruptly, turns around and returns to the gate. After an hour-long wait, the plane finally pulls out again, rolls down the runway and takes off. A concerned passenger asks the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," the attendant explains, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot." --------------------- No kidding, but something similar happened to me on Sept 14, 2001, the first day the planes flew again after 9/11. After the plane was loaded and everybody was seated with their seatbelts on, Air Canada found out that the pilot had chickened out and deserted. We sat there in the plane at the gate for over two hours until they found another pilot. I have not flown with or recommended that airline since. ______________________________________________________ A couple is in a Lamaze class, and during one session the husband is given a bag of sand to wear around his middle to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. After cinching it around his waist, he stands up and says, "This doesn't feel so bad." In response, the instructor drops a pen and asks the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asks. "Exactly," the instructor says. The man turns to his wife and says, "Honey, pick up that pen for me." ______________________________________________________ A man appeared at a woman's front door and announces, "Madam, I'm the piano tuner." "I didn't send for a tuner," the piano-playing woman replied. "I know, lady," the man said. "Your neighbor did." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Angel Muttlea, 21, Fort Pierce, Florida Florida woman assaults and chokes police officer with undergarment Angel Muttlea, 21, was arrested by Fort Pierce police Oct. 30 in connection with the underwear imbroglio. A woman accused of apparently trying to choke a police officer with a “woman’s undergarment” was arrested, according to an affidavit. The incident at Lawnwood Regional Medical Center & Heart Institute happened as an officer stood near a bathroom. A woman later identified as Muttlea “threw over my head a black woman’s undergarment,” the affidavit states. “The garment then went around my neck and she began to pull back obstructing my airway,” the affidavit states. “I fell back to the ground with Muttlea and the garment still wrapped around my neck.” Muttlea dropped the undergarment, which appeared similar to a slip. Then she ate a rubber glove that was on the ground. Muttlea, of Fort Pierce, was arrested on charges including aggravated battery on officer and resist officer obstruct without violence charges. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Darlene Re: Caps Lock Dear Webby, Is there a way to permanently disable the Caps Lock key ? I never use it anyway and now, after breaking my pinky and having it taped to the ring finger for support, it's an even worse nuisance. And NO, id don't want some silly sound reminding me I hit the Caps Lock. I want it disabled. For good! Thanks Darlene Dear Darlene Just take a spoon and pry of the key cap for the Caps Lock, and throw it away. Or you can glue it onto the coin operated copy machine at Walmart or Staples. Have FUN! DearWebby
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a woman in her 20s and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asks a friend. "With her, your chances are better," says the friend, "if you tell her you're 90, with a heart problem."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing White Marks from Wood Table By Hunnypuppy [2 Comments] I would like to offer a correction to the answers here. The root cause of the "cloudy" white stain on wood tables caused by hot plates is the moisture that is trapped within the varnish on the table. This is specially for really hard old reclaimed wood tables (teak, casuani, etc). These tables are typically finished with "oil" varnish or polish and not water. Now I tried everything from hot iron to baking soda and everything else in between. The one thing that made is worse was using a steam iron. That's because with steam it caused the oil polish on the table trap more moisture and it made it worse (like others have also seen if you google). The trick is to get the moisture out. So with a water based finish using a simple iron on low heat works great. However after 4 hours I realized that for oil based polish you need a very hot iron and a kitchen towel. This is very important because unlike water polish with oil polish I realized I need to get the table extremely hot and then it "pushes" the water out of the table (yes you can see beads of it) and the towel should soak it up right away otherwise it goes back. So to summarize for oil based finishes you need a dry iron at max temp out on a kitchen towel on the table and left there for about 20-30 seconds on each spot and then wipe off the water beads right away. Repeat until no more water comes out. This is different from water based finish. Do NOT use a steam iron on a oil based finish. Hope this helps.
The One Moment - super cool
____________________________________________________ A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident in which a car has smashed into a tree. The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?" "How do I know?" the driver responds. "I'm not a lawyer." ____________________________________________________ Porridge: Budget conscious parent will tell you that it is a traditional, nutritious, lovingly prepared hot cereal breakfast dish. Kids will tell you that the name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE." ____________________________________________________
Hilarious signs
An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any interest in his paintings that are on display. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replies. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 25

1715 Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to be
granted an English patent for cleaning and curing Indian
corn. 

1758 During the French and Indian War, the British captured
Fort Duquesne at what is now known as Pittsburgh. 

1783 During the Revolutionary War, the British evacuated New
York. New York was their last military position in the U.S. 

1837 William Crompton patented the silk power loom. 

1850 Texas relinquished one-third of its territory in
exchange for $10 million from the U.S. to pay its public
debts and settle border disputes. 

1867 Alfred Nobel patented dynamite. 

1884 J.B. Meyenberg received the patent for evaporated milk. 

1936 The Anti-Comintern Pact, an agreement between Japan and
Germany, was signed. 

1952 Agatha Christie's "The Mousetrap" opened in London. 

1955 In the U.S., the Interstate Commerce Commission banned
racial segregation on interstate trains and buses. 

1957 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower suffered a stroke. 

1970 Japanese author Yukio Mishima committed ritual suicide
after giving a speech attacking Japan's post-war
constitution. 

1973 Greek President George Papadapoulos was ousted in
military coup. 

1976 O.J. Simpson (Buffalo Bills) ran for 273 yards against
the Detroit Lions. 

1983 Mediators from Syria and Saudi Arabia announced a cease-
fire in the PLO civil war in Tripoli, Lebanon. 

1985 Ronald W. Pelton was arrested on espionage charges.
Pelton was a former employee of the National Security Agency.
He was later convicted of 'selling secrets' to Soviet
agents.

1986 U.S. President Reagan and Attorney Gen. Edwin Meese
revealed that profits from secret arms sales to Iran had been
diverted to rebels in Nicaragua. National Security Advisor
John Poindexter resigned and Oliver North was fired. 

1990 Poland held its first popular presidential election. 

1992 The Czech parliament voted to split the country into
separate Czech and Slovak republics beginning January 1,
1993. 

1993 Egyptian Prime Minister Atef Sedki escaped an attempt on
his life when a bomb was detonated by Islamic militants near
his motorcade. 

1995 Serbs protested in the streets of the Bosnian capital
Sarajevo The protest was against a peace plan. 

1998 Britain's highest court ruled that former Chilean
dictator Augusto Pinochet, whose extradition was being sought
by Spain, could not claim immunity from prosecution for the
crimes he committed during his rule. 

1998 President Jiang Zemin arrived in Tokyo for the first
visit to Japan by a Chinese head of state since World War II.


1998 The IMF (International Monetary Fund) approved a $5.5
billion bailout for Pakistan.

2016  smiled.


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Scroll lock key 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, November 24
Happy Thanksgiving, if you are in the US!

Thank you, Gene!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman stalks and shoots while life streaming
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 24 in 

1615 French King Louis XIII married Ann of Austria. 
They were both 14 years old. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) The United States Congress, like a lot of rich people, lives in two houses. --- John Green "Advice is probably the only free thing which people won't take." --- Lothar Kaul "If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's consulting; if you actually use either one, it's a miracle." --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Baseball in the Bible? It all started "In the Big Inning." Eve stole first. Adam stole second. Abraham made a sacrifice. Jacob struck out. The prodigal son made a home run. Everybody played baseball until the fall of the Roam Umpire. ______________________________________________________ Clint was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Clint came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. "Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine." "Why ?" asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for ?" "Well, your honor," replied Clint, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole." ______________________________________________________ The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does. ______________________________________________________ The SHE-tree ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kendra J. McNish, 24, Gainesville, Florida Florida woman stalks and shoots while life streaming After arguing with her significant other's ex-girlfriend for two days on Facebook, Kendra McNish threatened the woman via a Facebook live stream, police said, before shooting twice into a random man's apartment. By Nicole Wiesenthal Correspondent A woman used Facebook Live on Sunday, police say, to send a video notification of her dislike to her significant other's ex-girlfriend, before shooting into a random victim's apartment. Kendra J. McNish, 24, of 1111 NE 24th St. in Gainesville, was arrested Sunday after she created a Facebook Live video as she followed a woman to an apartment, making threats and preparing to shoot a gun, a report said. McNish was charged with shooting a deadly missile into a dwelling and aggravated stalking, a Gainesville Police report said. She fired two shots into the victim's apartment. McNish had been arguing for two days through Facebook with her significant other’s ex, a report said, and Sunday, McNish created a live stream video in which she traveled from the Northwest Sixth Street area where she works to the location she believed was the home of the person she'd argued with, police said. In the video, McNish advised her intended victim: “I’m on my way to your house … so you can do whatever the f**k you need to do," "call the cops ... I'm about to pull up," and that she’d let the woman "slide" too many times. McNish entered the apartment complex at 309 SW 16th Ave. where she believed the woman lived. The officer who reviewed the Facebook live video noted that McNish is shown entering the complex, and then the audio captured the sound of a zipper being pulled, and what the officer described as "the distinct sound of a firearm slide being racked." The camera is placed in an area that obstructs the view, the report said, and the video ends shortly after, but not before a shot that shows McNish outside the apartment building. The woman McNish was trying to find received word of the threatening video, looked outside and heard what sounded like two gunshots. The rounds from the gun went through some man’s residence in the complex through his front door and into his wall while he was sitting inside, the report said. McNish, whose occupation was listed on her arrest report as stylist, was detained at Blys School of Cosmetology on Northwest Sixth Street. She told police she didn't know anything about a shooting, and after more questioning, police said she told them "this situation is funny" and asked for a lawyer. McNish remained in the Alachua County Jail Monday in lieu of an $8,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Brad Re: Scroll Lock Dear Webby, What is the scroll lock key for ? Is that just some old legacy stuff ? Brad Dear Brad The Scroll lock is mostly just for spreadsheet and database work. When you hit that, and then scroll with the arrow keys or the tilt wheelm of the mouse, you move the spreadsheet, not the highlighted cell. Have FUN! DearWebby
Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tip: Removing Labels from Plastic Containers By Lyn Barrett H. [2 Posts] 7 found this helpful Use a hair dryer. Move it over label for a few minutes on warm, then turn dryer off. Start to peel from one corner. It should peel easily. If there is any residue left, use a cotton bud with a little eucalyptus oil. That will dissolve it. Wash in soapy water to clear any smell of the oil. By Lyn from Bowen, Australia Anonymous Take top off from pill bottle put in microwave for 30 seconds. Label comes right off.
The One Moment - super cool
____________________________________________________ The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed them on to her daughter. "Never let your husband see you in the nude," she advised. "You should always wear something." "Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl. Two weeks after the wedding, as the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?" "Not that I know of," she answered. "Why? "Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed." ____________________________________________________ Angus McInnes is dying. On his deathbed, he looks up and says: "Is my wife here?" "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you," his wife replies. "Are my children here?" he asks. "Yes, daddy, we are all here." "And my other relatives? Are they also here?" "Yes, we are all here," says one. "Then why is the light on in the kitchen?" ____________________________________________________
This is just weird.
A couple are asleep in their beds late one night, when the wife thinks she hears a noise downstairs. She nudges her husband and whispers, "Wake up, wake up!" "What's the matter?" he asks. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the broccoli casserole I made tonight." "That'll teach them!" says the husband.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 24
1615 French King Louis XIII married Ann of Austria. They were
both 14 years old. 

1859 Charles Darwin, a British naturalist, published "On the
Origin of Species." It was the paper in which he explained
his theory of evolution through the process of natural
selection. 

1863 During the Civil War, the battle for Lookout Mountain
began in Tennessee. 

1871 The National Rifle Association was incorporated in the
U.S. 

1874 Joseph F. Glidden was granted a patent for a barbed
fencing material. 

1903 Clyde J. Coleman received the patent for an electric
self-starter for an automobile. 

1940 Nazis closed off the Jewish ghetto in Warsaw, Poland.
Over the next three years the population dropped from 350,000
to 70,000 due to starvation, disease and deportations to
concentration camps. 

1944 During World War II, the first raid against the Japanese
capital of Tokyo was made by land-based U.S. bombers. 

1947 The "Hollywood 10," were cited for contempt of Congress
for refusing to answer questions about alleged Communist
influence in their industry. 

1963 Dallas nightclub owner Jack Ruby shot and killed Lee
Harvey Oswald live on national television. 

1969 Apollo 12 landed safely in the Pacific Ocean bringing an
end to the second manned mission to the moon. 

1971 Hijacker Dan Cooper, known as D.B. Cooper, parachuted
from a Northwest Airlines 727 over Washington state with
$200,000 in ransom. 

1983 The Palestine Liberation Organization released six
Israeli prisoners in exchange for the release of 4,500
Palestinians and Lebanese held by the Israelis. 

1985 In Malta, Egyptian commandos stormed an Egyptian
jetliner. 60 people died in the raid. 

1987 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to scrap short- and
medium-range missiles. It was the first superpower treaty to
eliminate an entire class of nuclear weapons. 

1989 Czechoslovakia's hard-line party leadership resigned
after more than a week of protests against its policies. 

1992 In China, a domestic jetliner crashed, killing 141
people. 

1993 Robert Thompson and Jon Venables (both 11 years old)
were convicted of murdering 2-year-old James Bulger of
Liverpool, England. They were both sentenced to "indefinite
detention" and released six years later. 

1995 In Ireland, the voters narrowly approved a
constitutional amendment legalizing divorce. 

1996 Rusty Wallace won the first NASCAR event to be held in
Japan. 

1996 Barry Sanders (Detroit Lions) set an NFL record when he
recorded his eighth straight 1,000-yard season. 

1998 AOL (America Online) announced a deal for their purchase
of Netscape for $4.21 billion. They killed Netscape and used
IE. 

2016  smiled.


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Screen won't open fully 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, November 23

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida burglar hit by woman with with metal rod after
she caught him ransacking her apartment.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 21 in 

1765 Frederick County, MD, repudiated the British Stamp Act.
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news. --- Gloria Borger ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful, innovative ideas that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation. His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to see how he was doing. After looking the parish over, the senior priest said, "Father John, your idea of a drive through confessional is wonderful. That makes it convenient for your church members. And, Father John, it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day, for those who do shift work. However, Father John... that flashing neon sign that says "TOOT and TELL or GO to HELL" ... well, that has to go. ______________________________________________________ A friend was laid up at home with the flu. His fiancee called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to him. He declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told him, "We'll wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!" ______________________________________________________ This was heard on a public transportation vehicle while in Orlando. "When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ebert Caballero, 25, Miamio-Dade County, Florida Florida burglar hit by woman with with metal rod after she caught him ransacking her apartment. A South Florida woman attacked a burglar Sunday afternoon after she caught him ransacking her apartment, authorities said. The incident was reported just before 2 p.m. at the Futura Condominiums at 401 NW 72nd Ave. According to an arrest report, the victim was walking toward her apartment with her daughter and her daughter's babysitter when they noticed that the front door was open. Police said the babysitter and the girl went inside, saw Ebert Caballero, 25, searching through the girl's bedroom and ran outside screaming, "there's a man in the house." The mother, armed with a silver rod, went inside and saw Caballero inside her bedroom with her safe open and money in his hand, the report said. The woman told detectives that she had $500 inside the safe. Police said the woman struck Caballero with the rod, rattling his marbles and causing a cut on his ear. Police said Caballero dropped the money and a knife on the woman's bed and ran outside. A neighbor who heard the commotion went outside and held Caballero down until police arrived. Caballero was arrested on charges of grand theft and armed burglary. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Daniel Re: Screen won't open fully Dear Webby, my screen won't open full left to right.top to bottom is good.is there a fix for this daniel Dear Daniel Sounds like your settings are for old style 4:3 ratio, not the sawed off modern style. Go into settings and pick a different one until you like what you get. It lets you preview each setting, and unless you tell it that you want to keep what you are trying, it will automatically go back to what you had before. Once you have a setting, that you like, write it down. Chances are that whatever game changed the settings on you, will do it again. Then you will need those numbers again. Have FUN! DearWebby
Groan Alert: Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating. Luke is having problems, there is food over his face, his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth. "What should I do?" he asks Ben. "Use the forks, Luke!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Secretly Budget Pasta By attosa [256 Posts, 572 Comments] I call this Secretly Budget Pasta because I make it when I'm short on funds. This recipe is super quick and cheap, but the outcome is something fancy and delicious. Enjoy! Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 17 minutes Total Time: 22 minutes Yield: 2 servings Ingredients: 1/2 onion, sliced 1 crown broccoli, cut into pieces 1 cup mushrooms, sliced 1 large tomato, diced 1 large garlic clove, minced spaghetti or any pasta for two 1 Tbsp chicken or beef granulated stock Steps: Bring a pot of water to boil. Cook spaghetti as directed to al dente. Secretly Budget Pasta Warm up a pan to medium high with a bit of oil. Add all your vegetables except for the tomato. Fry until lightly browned and softened, about 5 minutes, Stir often. Drain pasta but reserve the water it was boiled in. Add pasta to vegetables. Add the granulated stock and the diced tomato. Add some of the reserved pasta water to the mix a tablespoon at a time. The starch in the water helps create a beautiful thick sauce, and picks up all the yummy browned vegetable bits at the bottom of your pan. To finish up, add salt and pepper to taste. I like mine with a bit of cheese and hot sauce. ;)
I think he failed the test :)
____________________________________________________ My Favorite Animal Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous military person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where the hell I am now? ____________________________________________________ "We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'. This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce." ____________________________________________________
It takes a brave soul to explore the unknown corners of the Earth and it was a very brave man who explored Mammoth Cave in Kentucky.
Research had been going on for many years as to the invention of the toothbrush. Researchers knew the purpose of the device, wanted to know and acknowledge the originating location. After a very long and exasperating study the researchers came to their conclusion as to the origin of the toothbrush. It was decided that the brush was invented in Maine. Intrigued with the discovery, the researchers were asked by the media how they came to the conclusion. They all agree it was simple deduction, "If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 23
1765 Frederick County, MD, repudiated the British Stamp Act. 

1835 Henry Burden patented the horseshoe manufacturing
machine. 

1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, at
the Palais Royale Saloon. 

1890 Princess Wilhelmina became Queen of the Netherlands at
the age of 10 when her father William III died. 

1936 The first edition of "Life" was published. 

1943 During World War II, U.S. forces seized control of
Tarawa and Makin from the Japanese during the Central Pacific
offensive in the Gilbert Islands. 

1945 The U.S. wartime rationing of most foods ended. 

1948 Dr. Frank G. Back patented the "Zoomar" lens. 

1946 Mound Metalcraft changed its name to Tonka Toys
Incorporated. 

1961 The Dominican Republic changed the name of its capital
from Ciudad Trujillo to Santo Domingo. 

1971 The People's Republic of China was seated in the United
Nations Security Council. 

1979 In Dublin, Ireland, Thomas McMahon was sentenced to life
imprisonment for the assassination of Earl Mountbatten. 

1980 In southern Italy, approximately 4,800 people were
killed in a series of earthquakes. 

1983 The first Pershing II missiles were deployed in West
Germany. In response, the U.S.S.R. broke off International
Nuclear Forces (INF) talks in Geneva. 

1985 Larry Wu-tai Chin, a retired CIA analyst, was arrested
and accused of spying for China. He committed suicide a year
after his conviction. 

1985 Gunmen hijacked an Egyptian jetliner en route from
Athens to Cairo. The plane was forced to land in Malta. 

1988 Wayne Gretzky scored his 600th National Hockey League
(NHL) goal. 

1989 Lucia Barrera de Cerna, a housekeeper who claimed she
had witnessed the slaying of six Jesuit priests and two other
people at the Jose Simeon Canas University in El Salvador,
was flown to the U.S. 

1994 About 111 people, mostly women and children, were killed
in a stampede after Indian police baton-charged tribal
protesters in the western city of Nagpur. 

1998 Dennis Rodman filed for an annulment from Carmen
Electra. The two had been married on November 14, 1998. 

1998 The tobacco industry signed the biggest U.S. civil
settlement. It was a $206-billion deal to resolve remaining
state claims for treating sick smokers. 

1998 A U.S. federal judge rejected a Virginia county's effort
to block pornography on library computer calling the attempt
unconstitutional. 

2010 North Korea shelled Yeonpyeong Island. 

2016  smiled.


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Eudora slowdown fixed 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, November 22
Thank you, William

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Teacher worse than Bonehead
Heartbreaking moment: Autistic boy, six, is left sobbing when
a teacher snatches the microphone from him as he's about to
say his line in the school play
Read more


Todays regular Bonehead Award:
4 charged after man beaten following car crash as 
bystanders yelled anti-Trump taunts
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 21 in 

1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in
a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally
was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson
was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Lack of money is the root of all evil. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. --- George Bernard Shaw ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Noella When Trump won the election, he made history: He is the first man to win an argument with a woman. ______________________________________________________ Los Angeles: Rain Returned Sunday Night And Caused A 570% Rise In Freeway Crashes ______________________________________________________ He was not well-educated and rather rough and crude around the edges, but he was recently converted and now on fire for the Lord. He was constantly pestering the pastor to give him some work that would be helpful to the church. Finally the pastor agreed. He gave the man a list of ten people who hadn't been in church for years nor made any financial contribution. Some of these were quite prominent in the community. The pastor said, "What I want you to do is get these people back to church, however you can. You can use church stationery if you want, but get these people back to church." Three weeks later the pastor got an envelope in the mail from a prominent doctor whose name had been on the list, along with a check for $1,000 and a note that read, "Dear Pastor, Please excuse my inactivity at church. I really have no excuse. Accept this check as a partial contribution for all the Sundays I've missed, and be assured I will never, by choice, miss worship again. Sincerely, J. B. Jones, M.D. P.S. - Will you kindly tell your secretary that there is only one "t" in dirty and no "c" in skunk?" ______________________________________________________ Just Married! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Julian Christian, 26, Dejuan Collins, 20, Rajane Lewis, 21, an unidentified 17-year-old Chicago, Illinois 4 charged after man beaten following car crash as bystanders yelled anti-Trump taunts Four people have been charged after a man was punched and kicked as a crowd yelled, “Don’t vote Trump," a day after the presidential election, police said. Julian Christian, 26, of the 2500 block of 14th Avenue in Broadview, Dejuan Collins, 20, of the 9500 block of South Avalon Avenue in Chicago, Rajane Lewis, 21, of the 7800 block of South Euclid Avenue in Chicago, and a 17-year-old girl who is charged as a juvenile, were each charged with one felony count of vehicular hijacking, police said. A video of the incident went viral and the victim, 49-year- old David Wilcox, acknowledged he supports Donald Trump but said that's not what started the beating on the West Side. Wilcox said he was about to turn left from Kedzie Avenue to Roosevelt Road around 1 p.m. Nov. 9 when a black sedan pulled up and scraped the right side of his Pontiac Bonneville. "I stopped and parked. And I asked if they had insurance, and the next thing that I knew they were beating the s--- out of me," Wilcox said. Police said the four were identified as the people responsible for striking a man during a traffic altercation. The man was then dragged as he held on to the window of the vehicle. He was taken to Mount Sinai Hospital and was treated and released, police said. Because of the videos shown worldwide the Chicago cops had to arrest and charge the criminals. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Bill Re: Eudora fixed Dear Webby, Once again you have solved my problem. I couldn't believe the number of e-mails in "Trash". Everything is back to normal. Thanks again, Bill Have FUN! DearWebby
Some engineers from the U.S.G.S. surveyed some property and found that in a certain area, the New Hampshire and Maine border must be changed. They stopped to inform a farmer that he was no longer in Maine, but in New Hampshire. After a long pause, he grunted and said, "That's good. I couldn't take another one of these Maine winters anyway."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Elastic Band Across Paint Pot By ShirleyE [117 Posts, 66 Comments] By simply wrapping an elastic band around your paint pot, you can save yourself a lot of mess. This has two useful purposes. You can rest the brush on it and you can wipe off excess paint. In both cases, the paint will drip directly back into the pot instead of making a mess of the sides of the can.
Thunderstruck
____________________________________________________ There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor. One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATE!!!" ____________________________________________________ A man goes to a clinic early on a Monday morning and asks to see a doctor. He appears to be in great pain, and his hands are in bandages. The nurse looks at him sympathetically. "Arthritis, with complications?" she asks. "No," groans the man. "Do-it-yourself, with concrete blocks." ------------ The best way to heal hands damaged by concrete and concrete block work is to do dishes, without gloves, of course. Then wear a fresh pair of work gloves the next day. I have built three houses in the Yukon and found out that trick really works. ____________________________________________________
Scrap metal super cars.
"I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing the cute salesgirl, "but I don't know her size." "Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his. "Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours." "Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves. "Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 22

1699 A treaty was signed by Denmark, Russia, Saxony and
Poland for the partitioning of the Swedish Empire. 

1718 English pirate Edward Teach (a.k.a. "Blackbeard") was
killed during a battle off the coast of North Carolina.
British soldiers cornered him aboard his ship and killed him.
He was shot and stabbed more than 25 times. 

1899 The Marconi Wireless Company of America was incorporated
in New Jersey. 

1906 The International Radio Telegraphic Convention in Berlin
adopted the SOS distress signal. 

1910 Arthur F. Knight patented a steel shaft to replace wood
shafts in golf clubs. 

1928 In Paris, "Bolero" by Maurice Ravel was first performed
publicly. 

1935 The first trans-Pacific airmail flight began in Alameda,
CA, when the flying boat known as the China Clipper left for
Manila. The craft was carrying over 110,000 pieces of mail. 

1942 During World War II, the Battle of Stalingrad began. 

1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime
Minister Winston Churchill and Chinese leader Chiang Kai-shek
met in Cairo to discuss the measures for defeating Japan. 

1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in
a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally
was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson
was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President. 

1967 The U.N. Security Council approved resolution 242. The
resolution called for Israel to withdraw from territories it
had captured in 1967 and called on adversaries to recognize
Israel's right to exist. 

1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon lifted a ban on American
travel to Cuba. The ban had been put in place on February 8,
1963. 

1974 The U.N. General Assembly gave the Palestine Liberation
Organization observer status. 

1975 Juan Carlos I was proclaimed King of Spain upon the
death of Gen. Francisco Franco. 

1975 "Dr. Zhivago" appeared on TV for the first time. NBC
paid $4 million for the broadcast rights. 

1977 Regular passenger service on the Concorde began between
New York and Europe. 

1983 The Bundestag approved NATO's plan to deploy new U.S.
nuclear missiles in West Germany. 

1985 Anne Henderson-Pollard was taken into custody a day
after her husband Jonathon Jay Pollard was arrested for
spying for Israel. 

1985 38,648 immigrants became citizens of the United States.
It was the largest swearing-in ceremony. 

1986 An Iranian surface-to-surface missile hit a residential
area in the Iraqi capital of Baghdad, wounding 20 civilians. 

1986 Attorney Generel Meese's office discovered a memo in
Colonel Oliver North's office that included an amount of
money to be sent to the Contras from the profits of weapons
sales to Iran. 

1986 Mike Tyson became the youngest to wear the world
heavyweight-boxing crown. He was only 20 years and 4 months
old. 

1988 The South African government announced it had joined
Cuba and Angola in endorsing a plan to remove Cuban troops
from Angola. 

1989 Rene Moawad, the president of Lebanon, was assassinated
less than three weeks after taking office by a bomb that
exploded next to his motorcade in West Beirut. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, his wife, Barbara, and
other congressional leaders shared Thanksgiving dinner with
U.S. troops in Saudi Arabia. 

1990 British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher announced she
would resign. 

1993 Mexico's Senate overwhelmingly approved the North
American Free Trade Agreement. 

1993 American Airlines flight attendants ended their strike
that only lasted four days. 

1994 Inside the District of Columbia's police headquarters a
gunman opened fire. Two FBI agents, a city detective and the
gunman were killed in the gun battle. 

1994 In northwest Bosnia, Serb fighters set villages on fire
in response to retaliatory air strikes by NATO. 

1998 CBS's "60 Minutes" aired a tape of Jack Kevorkian giving
lethal drugs in an assisted suicide of a terminally ill
patient. Kevorkian was later sentenced to 25 years in prison
for second-degree murder. 

2005 Angela Merkel was elected as Germany's first female
chancellor. 

2005 Microsoft's XBOX 360 went on sale. 

2013 The discovery of Siats meekerorum was announced. The
dinosaur skeleton, more than 30 feet long, was found in
eastern Utah. 

2016  smiled.


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What to do when Eudora slows down? 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, November 21

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Houston teacher, 24, got pregnant after sleeping with 
her 13 year old student daily for a year
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 21 in 

1783 The first successful flight was made in a hot air
balloon. The pilots, Francois Pilatre de Rosier and Francois
Laurent, Marquis d'Arlandes, flew for 25 minutes and 5½ miles
over Paris. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A human being must have occupation if he or she is not to become a nuisance to the world. --- Dorothy L. Sayers (1893 - 1957) The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. --- Herbert Spencer ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you. ______________________________________________________ The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are thousandths of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen. I can slice ham so thin, that it is kosher." ______________________________________________________ Getting nippy! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alexandria Vera, 24, Houston, Texas Houston teacher, 24, got pregnant after sleeping with her 13 year old student daily for a year Teacher, 24, who was pregnant with her 13-year-old student's baby before having an abortion, pleads guilty as part of a deal to avoid being jailed for life A former middle school teacher who got pregnant after sleeping with her 13-year-old student has pleaded guilty to sexual assault as part of a deal to avoid being jailed for life. Alexandria Vera, 24, appeared in Houston court on Wednesday, and accepted a charge of aggravated sexual assault of a child. The charge carries a potential sentence of life in prison, however Vera's possible punishment was capped at 30 years as part of her deal, KHOU reports. Her lawyer, Ricardo Rodriguez, told reporters he is also 'hoping for deferred adjudication', according to the Houston Chronicle. A deferred adjudication could mean Vera does not have a conviction recorded, providing she met requirements put in place by the court. Court documents state the boy's parents were allegedly aware of the relationship and accepting of it. Vera told investigators her victim's parents were, 'very supportive and excited' once they learned of the pregnancy in January. However, the former teacher had an abortion after being questioned by Child Protective Services, court papers claim. Vera, who has a four-year-old daughter, has been out on $100,000 bail since her arraignment in June this year, but was ordered to wear a GPS monitor, stay away from minors and prohibited from going online at home. She was also put on a court-mandated curfew between 8pm and 7am at the time. The 24-year-old will be sentenced in January. The now-14-year-old student has been placed in foster care until at least August next year. The case was uncovered after CPS received a tip-off about the relationship. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Bill Re: Eudora has slowed down Dear Webby, We have both been using Eudora for years and love the program. Recently, it has been freezing with a "not responding" message when I click on a URL or try to delete a message. I have made no changes to my system, Windows 7. Also, I can't bring up Task Manager while Eudora is acting snotty. After several minutes, things get back to normal and I can continue. Hoping that you can help with this problem, as you always have in the past, Bill Dear Bill Reduce the number of mails in your IN, OUT and TRASH mailboxes. By the way, it is not Eudora acting snotty. It is Windows assigning Eudora a low priority. It has to wait until it gets a turn at the processor after all the stuff Windows gives higher priorities to. You can't change that. All you can do is make the mail boxes smaller, so that when Eudora finally does get a turn, it can get it's work done faster. There is usually a lot of stuff you can safely delete. If a family member spends time on FaceBook, then they probably get all kinds of mails duplicating messages they already got online. Just do a FIND (Ctrl F) and search in the IN box for any mail that has "Facebook" anywhere in the mail. It will probably find a few thousand of them. You can either put them into a new mailbox ALT R, N or into the Trash. Either way, if nobody complains in a week, dump them. The same with LinkedIn. Nobody looks at old mails from Linkedin. Anything that you barely glance at when it comes in and never look at it again later, collect them with CTRL F and get rid of them. After you have trimmed the main mailboxes down, Eudora will again run at the speed, that you have been accustomed to. Have FUN! DearWebby
A woman walked up to the manager of a Walmart store. "Are you hiring any help?" she asked. "No," he said. "We already have all the staff we need." "In that case, would you mind trying to find someone to help me in sporting goods?" she asked.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Dumplings for Soup By kathleen williams [76 Posts, 1,658 Comments] Did you know you can freeze dumplings? I make homemade dumplings. I roll them out flat, put them in the baking pan I bake biscuits in, let them freeze, then put them in an empty plastic cereal bag. I roll the top down and close it with a clothes pin. When ready to use them, get the broth you will use boiling hot. Break the dumplings into pieces, about an inch square, and drop into broth. This saves lot of time. Good luck. By Kathleen from Dothan, AL
monkey laughs at magic trick
____________________________________________________ Country Living Advice Never name a pig you plan to eat. Country fences oughta' be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong. Life ain't about how fast you run, or how high you climb. It's about how good you bounce. Keep skunks and gossipers at a distance. Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps. A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor. Trouble with a milk cow is... she won't stay milked. Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles. Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled. Meanness don't happen overnight. To know how country folks are doing, look at their barns, not their houses. Never lay an angry hand on a kid or an animal. It just ain't helpful. Teachers, Moms, and hoot owls sleep with one eye open. Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads. Don't sell your mule to buy a plow. Two can live as cheap as one...if one don't eat. Don't corner something meaner than you. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar... if you're in to catchin' flies. It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge. Don't go drinkin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug. You can't unsay a cruel remark. Every path has some puddles. Don't wrestle with pigs. You'll get all muddy, and the pigs'll love it. The best sermons are lived, not preached. Most of the stuff people worry about never happens. The early bird gets the worm. But... the second mouse gets the cheese!. The Ten Commandments display was removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a durn good reason for the move. You can't post: Thou Shalt Not Steal,Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, Thou Shall Not Lie, in a building full of Lawyers and Politicians. It just don't make sense. ____________________________________________________ A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited many years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court." He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not run a STOP sign' five hundred times." ____________________________________________________
A budding 16 year old photographer who I feel is going to make name for himself.
A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large and heavy fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with, so the Doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 21
1620 The Mayflower reached Provincetown, MA. The ship
discharged the Pilgrims at Plymouth, MA, on December 26,
1620. 

1783 The first successful flight was made in a hot air
balloon. The pilots, Francois Pilatre de Rosier and Francois
Laurent, Marquis d'Arlandes, flew for 25 minutes and 5½ miles
over Paris. 

1871 M.F. Galethe patented the cigar lighter. 

1877 Thomas A. Edison announced the invention of his
phonograph. 

1929 Spanish surrealist Salvador Dali had his first art
exhibit. 

1934 The New York Yankees purchased the contract of Joe
DiMaggio from San Francisco of the Pacific Coast League. 

1942 The Alaska Highway across Canada was formally opened.
It was built from Dawson Creek, BC to Anchorage Alaska, 2000
Miles, in one year. No wait for environmental impact studies.

1953 British Natural History Museum authorities announced
that "Piltdown Man" was a hoax. 

1962 U.S. President Kennedy terminated the quarantine
measures against Cuba. 

1963 U.S. President John F. Kennedy and his wife, Jacqueline,
arrived in San Antonio, TX. They were beginning an ill-fated,
two-day tour of Texas that would end in Dallas. 

1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon's attorney, J. Fred
Buzhardt, announced the presence of an 18½-minute gap in one
of the White House tape recordings related to the Watergate
case. 

1979 The U.S. Embassy in Islamabad, Pakistan, was attacked by
a mob that set the building afire and killed two Americans. 

1980 An estimated 83 million viewers tuned in to find out
"who shot J.R." on the CBS prime-time soap opera Dallas.
Kristin was the character that fired the gun. (Texas)

1980 87 people died in a fire at the MGM Grand Hotel-Casino
in Las Vegas, NV. 

1982 The National Football League (NFL) resumed its season
following a 57-day player's strike. 

1985 Former U.S. Navy intelligence analyst Jonathan Jay
Pollard was arrested after being accused of spying for
Israel. He was later sentenced to life in prison. 

1986 U.S. Attorney General Meese was asked to conduct an
inquiry of the Iran arms sales. 

1987 An eight-day siege began at a detention center in
Oakdale, LA, as Cuban detainees seized the facility and took
hostages. 

1989 The proceedings of Britain's House of Commons were
televised live for the first time. 

1992 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood issued an apology but refused
to discuss allegations that he'd made unwelcome sexual
advances toward 10 women in past years. 

1993 The U.S. House of Representatives voted against making
the District of Columbia the 51st state. 

1994 NATO warplanes bombed an air base in Serb-held Croatia
that was being used by Serb planes to raid the Bosnian "safe
area" of Bihac. 

1995 France detonated its fourth underground nuclear blast at
a test site in the South Pacific. 

1995 The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed above the 5,000-
mark (5,023.55) for the first time. 

1999 China announced that it had test-launched an unmanned
space capsule that was designed for manned spaceflight. 

2000 The Florida Supreme Court granted Al Gore's request to
keep the presidential recounts going. 

2001 Microsoft Corp. proposed giving $1 billion in computers,
software, training and cash to more than 12,500 of the
poorest schools in the U.S. The offer was intended as part of
a deal to settle most of the company's private antitrust
lawsuits. 

2002 NATO invited Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Bulgaria,
Romania, Slovakia and Slovenia to become members. 

2013 The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed above 16,000 for
the first time.

2016  smiled.


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Her laptop keeps dying 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, November 20

Thank you, Frank!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Miami man claimed IHOP meal didn’t agree with him. 
So he stabbed his waiter.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 17 in 

1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince
Charles in an interview that was broadcast on BBC Television.
That admission did not diminish her popularity, just
Charles's. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. --- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882) If you know how to spend less than you get, you have the philosopher's stone. --- Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >Thanks to Dave for this one: Once upon a time the Canadian Government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of nowhere. The Government said, "Someone may steal from the scrap yard at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person (bilingual, naturally) for the job. Then the Government said, "How can the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a Planning Department and hired two people; one person to write the job description and one person to do time studies. Then the Government said, "How will we know the night watchman is performing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people; one to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then the Government said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions: a Time Keeper and a Payroll Officer; then hired two more people to assist. Then the Government said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an Administrative Section and hired three people: an Administrative Officer, an Assistant Administrative Officer and a Legal Secretary. Then the Government said, "We have had this organization in operation for only one year and we are $180,000 over budget; we must cut back our overall costs." So they laid off the night watchman. ______________________________________________________ If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gene Hicks, 35, Miami, Floriduh Miami man claimed IHOP meal didn’t agree with him. So he stabbed his waiter. Whether IHOP patron Gene Hicks consumed the Belgian waffle, the chicken cordon bleu or the Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘n’ Fruity, he returned to the establishment Friday afternoon a dissatisfied customer, according to North Miami Police. Hicks registered his complaint in the sharp language of a knife stabbed into his waiter, police say. The waiter was ferried to a nearby hospital with non-life threatening injuries. Hicks is restricted to the less rich cuisine of Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center on a charge of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. Any switch to Denny’s might have to wait. He already was out on felony bond on a charge of battery on an elderly victim, a 77-year- old man. North Miami Police say Hicks ate at the IHOP at 12875 Biscayne Blvd Friday, then returned around 3:30 p.m. claiming he’d been poisoned. Then, he ran over and stabbed the server who’d waited on him earlier. Police arrested Hicks at the IHOP. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Daniel Re: Laptop keeps shutting off Dear Webby, my wifes laptop keeps shuting off. is there a fix for this ? daniel Dear Daniel It is probably overheating due to too many dust bunnies inside. Just open it up and save most of the screws, vacuum it out, clean all fans and heat sinks with a Q-tip and Windex, and put it back together. It should be fine again for a year. Have FUN! DearWebby it was the battery.removed it,pluged the a/c cord back in and it's running like a brand new car.of all the things that it could have been,I never even thought battery because we never use the battery,only the power chord.thank you for answering me. daniel Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Dumplings for Soup By kathleen williams [76 Posts, 1,658 Comments] Did you know you can freeze dumplings? I make homemade dumplings. I roll them out flat, put them in the baking pan I bake biscuits in, let them freeze, then put them in an empty plastic cereal bag. I roll the top down and close it with a clothes pin. When ready to use them, get the broth you will use boiling hot. Break the dumplings into pieces, about an inch square, and drop into broth. This saves lot of time. Good luck. By Kathleen from Dothan, AL
news bloopers
____________________________________________________ If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie? ____________________________________________________ >Thanks to Scotty for this one: Hospital regulations here require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a volunteer, I found one elderly gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her silly hospital gown." ____________________________________________________
A murmuration of Starlings. I see this in the South where I live every winter.
Actual writings on hospital charts: 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused autopsy. 9. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. She is numb from her toes down. 14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 15. The skin was moist and dry. 16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 17. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. 25. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 20

1789 New Jersey became the first state to ratify the Bill of
Rights. 

1818 Simon Bolivar formally declared Venezuela independent of
Spain. 

1873 Budapest was formed when the rival cities of Buda and
Pest were united to form the capital of Hungary. 

1901 The second Hay-Pauncefoot Treaty provided for
construction of the Panama Canal by the U.S. 

1910 Francisco I. Madero led a revolution that broke out in
Mexico. 

1943 During World War II, U.S. Marines began their landing on
Tarawa and Makin atolls in the Gilbert Islands. 

1945 24 Nazi leaders went before an international war crimes
tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany. 

1947 Britain's Princess Elizabeth married Philip Mountbatten,
Duke of Edinburgh in Westminster Abbey. 

1959 Britain, Norway, Portugal, Switzerland, Austria, Denmark
and Sweden met to create the European Free Trade
Association.


1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis ended. The Soviet Union removed
its missiles and bombers from Cuba and the U.S. ended its
blockade of the island. 

1967 The Census Clock at the Department of Commerce in
Washington, DC, went past 200 million. 

1969 The Nixon administration announced a halt to residential
use of the pesticide DDT as part of a total phase out of the
substance. 

1970 The majority in U.N. General Assembly voted to give
China a seat, but two-thirds majority required for admission
was not met. 

1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab
leader to address Israel's parliament. 

1980 On Jefferson Island, Louisiana, an oil rig in Lake
Pigneur pierced the top of the salt dome beneath the island.
The freshwater lake completely drained within a few hours.
The Delcambre Canal reversed flow and two days later the
previous freshwater lake was a 1,300-foot-deep saltwater
lake. 

1983 An estimated 100 million people watched the
controversial ABC-TV movie "The Day After." The movie
depicted the outbreak of nuclear war. 

1986 The one billionth Little Golden Book was printed. The
title was The Poky Little Puppy. 

1987 Police investigating the fire at King's Cross, London's
busiest subway station, said that arson was unlikely to be
the cause of the event that took 31 lives. 

1988 Egypt and China announced that they would recognize the
Palestinian state proclaimed by the Palestine National
Council. 

1989 Over 200,000 people rallied peacefully in Prague,
Czechoslovakia, demanding democratic reforms. 

1990 Saddam Hussein ordered another 250,000 Iraqi troops into
the country of Kuwait. 

1990 The space shuttle Atlantis landed at Cape Canaveral, FL,
after completing a secret military mission. 

1992 A fire seriously damaged the northwest side of Windsor
Castle in England. 

1993 The U.S. Senate passed the Brady Bill and legislation
implementing NAFTA. 

1994 The Angolan government and rebels signed a treaty in
Zambia to end 19 years of war. 

1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince
Charles in an interview that was broadcast on BBC Television.
That admission did not diminish her popularity, just
Charles's. 

1998 Afghanistan's Taliban militia offered Osama bin Laden
safe haven. Osama bin Laden had been accused of orchestrating
two U.S. embassy bombings in Africa and later terrorist
attacks on New York City and the Pentagon. 

1998 Forty-six states agreed to a $206 billion settlement of
health claims against the tobacco industry. The industry also
agreed to give up billboard advertising of cigarettes. 

2001 The U.S. Justice Department headquarters building was
renamed the Robert F. Kennedy building by President George W.
Bush. The event was held on what would have been Kennedy's
76th birthday

2016  smiled.


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What is my IP number? 





Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, November 19

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:


Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 17 in 


1895 The "paper pencil" was patented by Frederick E.
Blaisdell. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers. --- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826) It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. --- Tallulah Bankhead ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, a man decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with the man. The next day she became his stepmother. (Men will never learn) ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: A Zebra died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. As he entered, he said to St. Peter, "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes? St. Peter said, "That's a question only God can answer" So, the zebra set off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, "God, please -I must know - am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?" God simply replied "You are what you are." The zebra returned to St. Peter, who asked, "Well, did God straighten out your query for you"? The zebra looked puzzled. "No sir, God simply said "you are what you are." St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, "Well then, that answers it; you are a white horse with black stripes." The zebra looked puzzled and asked St. Peter, "How do you know that"? "Because," St. Peter said, "if you were a black horse with white stripes, God would have said "Yo is wot yo is." ______________________________________________________ Spanish Gate Keeper ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shemroy Williams, 31, Taunton, Massachusetts Man convicted of using Cheetos to try and burn down ex's home A 31-year-old Taunton man who attempted to burn down his ex- girlfriend’s house while she was still inside was convicted of malicious destruction of property and sentenced to serve the maximum two-and-a-half year jail sentence, according to the Bristol County District Attorney’s Office. Shemroy Williams, of 42 Weir St., was convicted by a jury in Taunton District Court after just one hour of deliberation, the Taunton Gazette reported. On March 10, 2016, Taunton police and fire officials responded to 164 Somerset Ave. after the intended victim and her friend reported that the defendant was attempting to light the home on fire. An investigation revealed Williams attempted to light the home on fire in five different locations and wedged a propane tank up against the house while a fire on the back porch was burning. Fire officials were able to pull the tank away from the home before it ignited. Police located Williams about 100 yards away from the home with two lighters in his pocket and an empty bag of Cheetos. Investigators determined the defendant attempted to use the Cheetos to accelerate the fire. “The defendant engaged in outrageous behavior that jeopardized the safety of the intended victim, her friend and first responders,” said District Attorney Thomas Quinn. “I want to thank Deputy Fire Chief Scott Dexter for his quick response and removal of the propane tank. I would also like to thank Judge Brennan for imposing the maximum jail sentence, which was well deserved.” The case was prosecuted by Assistant District Attorney Shawn Guilderson and the sentence was handed down by Judge Michael Brennan. Williams’ ex-girlfriend told police she’d previously had a romantic relationship with him and he’d been stalking her. She told police he had destroyed her cellphone, told her he thinks about killing her and had damaged her car by cutting undercarriage wires that he might have thought were a brake line, police said. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Cindy Re: What is my IP address? Dear Webby, I need to know my IP address, where I am, not my site. How can I get my IP address when I am away from home and using a WiFi at Tim Hortons or Wendys or whereever? Thanks Cindy Dear Cindy Just go to http://webby.com/ip My site will instantly tell you in plain text, so that you can copy and paste. Have FUN! DearWebby A man driving in Southern Indiana, heading for Kentucky, saw a sign that read: "LAST CHANCE FOR $2.45 GAS!!!" He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he'd better take advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank cheap. As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, "So, how much IS gas in Kentucky?" The man replied, "Two bucks and a quarter."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cornstarch, Vinegar and Water for Window Cleaning By Robyn [444 Posts, 823 Comments] A wonderful window cleaner can be made out of the following: Mix 2 cups of hot water with 1/4 cup of vinegar and a tablespoon of cornstarch. Mix very well, and the pour into a spray bottle. Use with crumpled up newspaper. The windows will shine!
news bloopers
____________________________________________________ At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "Service" .......... "The act of doing things for other people." Then I heard the terms: Internal Revenue Service Postal Service Telephone Service Civil Service City/County Public Service Customer Service Service Stations And I became confused about the word "Service." This is not what I thought "Service" meant. Then today, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull over to "Service" a few of his cows. It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "Service" agencies are doing to us. ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Angela for this classic: A pompous minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. The minister replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too! I didn't know we had that choice on this flight!" ____________________________________________________
Scandinavian grass roofed-houses. Like something from Lord of the Rings.
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?" The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 19

1794 Britain's King George III signed the Jay Treaty. It
resolved the issues left over from the Revolutionary War. 

1850 The first life insurance policy for a woman was issued.
Carolyn Ingraham, 36 years old, bought the policy in Madison,
NJ. 

1863 U.S. President Lincoln delivered his Gettysburg Address
as he dedicated a national cemetery at the site of the Civil
War battlefield in Pennsylvania. 

1893 The first newspaper color supplement was published in
the Sunday New York World. 

1895 The "paper pencil" was patented by Frederick E.
Blaisdell. 

1919 The U.S. Senate rejected the Treaty of Versailles with a
vote of 55 in favor to 39 against. A two-thirds majority was
needed for ratification. 

1928 "Time" magazine presented its cover in color for the
first time. The subject was Japanese Emperor Hirohito. 

1942 During World War II, Russian forces launched their
winter offensive against the Germans along the Don front. 

1954 Two automatic toll collectors were placed in service on
the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey. 

1959 Ford Motor Co. announced it was ending the production of
the unpopular Edsel. 

1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles Conrad and Alan Bean made
man's second landing on the moon. 

1970 Hafiz al-Assad seized power in Syria. 

1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab
leader to set foot in Israel on an official visit. 

1981 U.S. Steel agreed to pay $6.3 million for Marathon Oil. 

1985 U.S. President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S.
Gorbachev met for the first time as they began their summit
in Geneva. 

1990 NATO and the Warsaw Pact signed a treaty of
nonaggression. 

1993 The U.S. Senate approved a sweeping $22.3 billion anti-
crime measure giving them absolute monopoly in crime. 

1994 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to bomb rebel
Serb forces striking from neighboring Croatia. 

1997 In Carlisle, IA, septuplets were born to Bobbi
McCaughey. It was only the second known case where all seven
were born alive. 

1998 The impeachment inquiry of U.S. President Clinton began.


1998 Vincent van Gogh's "Portrait of the Artist Without
Beard" sold at auction for more than $71 million. 

1999 In Istanbul, Turkey, the Organization for Security and
Cooperation in Europe (OSCE) concluded a two-day summit after
adopting a new arms accord. During the conference, Russia was
criticized for its military campaign against Chechnya's
separatist movement. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the most
comprehensive air security bill in U.S. history. 

2002 The oil tanker Prestige broke into two pieces and sank
off northwest Spain. The tanker lost about 2 million gallons
of fuel oil when it ruptured November 13th and was towed
about 150 miles out to sea. 

2002 The U.S. government completed its takeover of security
at 424 airports nationwide. 

2007 The Amazon Kindle was first released.

2016  smiled.


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Is Scanguard safe? 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, November 18
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Nov 17's space launch
The Soyuz MS-03 spacecraft launches from the Baikonur
Cosmodrome with Expedition 50 crewmembers NASA astronaut
Peggy Whitson, Russian cosmonaut Oleg Novitskiy of Roscosmos,
and ESA astronaut Thomas Pesquet from the Baikonur Cosmodrome
in Kazakhstan on Nov. 17 at 3:20 p.m. EST (2020 GMT).

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh man attacks girlfriend with taser, toilet 
plunger, pepper spray and sword in front of her kids
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 17 in 

1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and Alan
L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second manned
mission to the moon.
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. --- Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ FACT: Statistics show that teen age prenancy drops off significantly after age 25. OPINION: If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, then it's good enough for me. ______________________________________________________ Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 4. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 5. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 6. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. 7. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. 8. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. 9. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. 10. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. ("wont">to have the habit of doing something) 11. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. 12. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. 13. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night. 14. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 15. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 16. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. 17. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. 18. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword. 19. She lumbered into my office like a centipede with 98 broken legs. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Craig Samuel Coe, 32, Fort Myers, Floriduh Floriduh man attacks girlfriend with taser, toilet plunger, pepper spray and sword in front of her kids A Southwest Florida woman claims her boyfriend pepper sprayed her, tased her and attacked her with a sword and a toilet plunger in front of her kids. Craig Samuel Coe, 32, is facing several charges including aggravated battery, illegal possession of a weapon, kidnapping and child neglect. Fort Myers police responded to a domestic dispute early Friday morning at the Waterford Apartments. Police say Coe viciously attacked his girlfriend Jasmine Meyer during a jealousy fueled rage. According to the police report, Coe's verbal assault turned physical when he pepper sprayed Meyer, then punched her in the face. That's when Meyer grabbed her two young kids and tried to leave. Coe stopped Meyer by hitting her with a sword sheath and sword. Meyer's daughter also got hit. She was bleeding when officers arrived. The fighting left Meyer with "deep cuts, a bloody nose, bruises, and knots on her forehead." Meyer eventually escaped to a neighbor's apartment, where she called police. Officers later found an assault rife and a bag of ammunition in the apartment. Neighbors telling Four In Your Corner that the two often argued. Coe has previous convictions for grand theft, burglary and drug possession. Meyer did not wish to comment on the incident Wednesday. She did tell Fox4 that she has hired an attorney. The Department of Children and Families may also be getting involved. Very nice hots ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Denise Re: Is Scanguard a scam? Dear Webby, What are your thoughts on this: Is this Scanguard a scam? Denise Dear Denise Spammers are scammers. Dump it. Windows Defender, which is usually considered the lowest and least effective guard, is better than that stuff. Don't waste your time with it. Some people reported that it demands $49 per year to remove nonexistent malware, and that after a month it acts like ransomware on W10. It is definitely not in the same league as McAfee or Malwarebytes or Kaspersky. If they last a year, and do more than plaster advertising and fake reviews all over the net and late night TV, you might try it then. Right now the consensus is to stay away from it. If you can't afford McAfee or Kaspersky: For Vista or Windows 7 use MSE - Free. For Windows 8/8.1 and 10 use Windows Defender which in those OS's is a full antivirus (same as MSE). And use the Windows Firewall. Have FUN! DearWebby A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from one to fourteen, went to court to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion. "When did he leave you?" the judge asked. "Thirteen years ago," the tired mother replied. The judge was confused. "Well, if he left thirteen years ago, where did all these children come from?" "Well," said the woman, "he kept coming back once a year to say he was sorry."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Hard Water/Mineral Stains on Glassware Simple vinegar is what I use as we have such horrible water here in Greece. I fill a bucket or large container with water, add vinegar and leave overnight. You can also use hot water and it will work faster. I use vinegar in my electric hot water pot every week as well as in stainless steel pots and pans. I love vinegar and use it quite a lot around the house. I also squirt it on my balcony tiles to keep the ants away from the house!! Hope this helps. Guest (Guest Post) Use Lemi Shine! You just add it to your detergent and run the dishwasher as usual. I live in a VERY hard water area and I can tell you that it is the ONLY thing that works. By guest (Guest Post)
feudin banjos
____________________________________________________ "You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness. ____________________________________________________ A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws." ____________________________________________________
Can you spot the people in these body paintings?
A voice on the office loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro- perly in case of emergency. If you are unable to hear this announcement, please call Bev at the front desk." Everybody called to tell her that they did not hear the announcement.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 18

1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the
Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in
England. 

1865 Samuel L. Clemens published "The Celebrated Jumping Frog
of Calaveras County" under the pen name "Mark Twain" in the
New York "Saturday Press." 

1883 The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time
zones. 

1903 The U.S. and Panama signed a treaty that granted the
U.S. rights to build the Panama Canal. 

1916 Douglas Haig, commander of the British Expeditionary
Force in World War I, called off the Battle of the Somme in
France. The offensive began on July 1, 1916. 

1928 The first successful sound-synchronized animated cartoon
premiered in New York. It was Walt Disney's "Steamboat
Willie," starring Mickey Mouse. 

1936 Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government of
Francisco Franco. 

1942 "The Skin of Our Teeth," by Thornton Wilder opened on
Broadway. 

1959 William Wyler's "Ben-Hur" premiered at Loew's Theater in
New York City's Times Square. 

1966 U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule
against eating meat on Fridays. 

1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and Alan
L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second manned
mission to the moon. 

1976 The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established
a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship. 

1983 Argentina announced its ability to produce enriched
uranium for use in nuclear weapons. 

1985 Joe Theismann (Washington Redskins) broke his leg after
being hit by Lawrence Taylor (New York Giants). The injury
ended Theismann's 12 year National Football League (NFL)
career. 

1987 The U.S. Congress issued the Iran-Contra Affair report.
The report said that President Ronald Reagan bore "ultimate
responsibility" for wrongdoing by his aides. 

1987 CBS Inc. announced it had agreed to sell its record
division to Sony Corp. for about $2 billion. 

1988 U.S. President Reagan signed major legislation providing
the death penalty for drug traffickers who kill. 

1993 The U.S. House of Representatives joined the U.S. Senate
in approving legislation aimed at protecting abortion
facilities, staff and patients. 

1993 American Airlines flight attendants went on strike. They
ended their strike only 4 days later. 

1993 Representatives from 21 South African political parties
approved a new constitution. 

1997 First Union Corp. announced its purchase of CoreStates
Financial Corp. for $16.1 billion. To date it was the largest
banking deal in U.S. history. 

2001 Nintendo released the GameCube home video game console
in the United States.

2016  smiled.


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How bad is WINTOOLS.EXE? 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, November 17

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
"Law-Abiding Pervert" Faces Child Porn Raps
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 17 in 

1869 - The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the
Mediterranean and the Red seas. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A cult is a religion with no political power. --- Tom Wolfe (1931 - ) Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion. --- Robertson Davies ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." ______________________________________________________ BUZZWORDS BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. SITCOMS: (Single Income, Two Children, Opressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property, and no regrets. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. SWIPED OUT: an ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again. VULCAN NERVE PINCH: The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm reboot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control Key, the Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On Key. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. OHNOSECOND: That miniscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've made a BIG mistake. WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of her orchid ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anthony Coiro, 76, Port Orange, Florida "Law-Abiding Pervert" Faces Child Porn Raps Suspect: "I'm not a pedophile, I'm just a pervert." A Florida man suspected of possessing child pornography asserted that he was not a pedophile, instead telling police that he was a “law-abiding pervert,” according to records. As investigators were executing a search warrant last month at his residence, Anthony Coiro, 76, admitted that he looked at “crazy” pornography, a practice that he anticipated could lead to contact by law enforcement. Cops searched Coiro’s home in Port Orange, a city just south of Daytona Beach, after initially receiving a tip from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. A search of Coiro’s e-mail account had turned up “numerous images and videos of depictions of sexual performance by a child,” according to a Volusia County Sheriff’s Office report. When investigators arrived to seize his computer equipment and electronic devices, Coiro was asked if he knew why they were there. “Because I look at porn on the Internet,” the retiree answered. Asked what kind of porn he looked at, Coiro replied, “crazy shit.” But Coiro wanted to make something clear: “I'm not a pedophile, I'm just a pervert." He also described himself as a “law-abiding pervert.” Despite those protestations, Coiro reportedly also told police he was guilty of possessing illicit images of children. After a subsequent examination of Coiro’s computer, investigators found more than 4000 photos and videos depicting child pornography, prompting Coiro’s arrest Tuesday on 52 felony counts of possessing child pornography. Pictured in the above mug shot, Coiro is locked up in the county jail, where he is being held without bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Helen Re: Outgoing mystery stuff Dear Webby, Norton keeps alerting me that WINTOOLS.EXE is attempting to access the internet. It is listed as Medium Risk. Since I don't know what they are, I have come to the master to ask if I should permanently block them or if they are useful and should be allowed. Thanks once again for you help! Helen Dear Helen If medium risk (or any risk) stuff is trying to get from your machine out onto the Internet, then obviously your machine is infected with them. I don't use Norton because it doesn't stop stuff like that from coming in in the first place. Try running Spybot-Search&Destroy, update it to it's newest version, and see if that will find those things. To me they sound a lot more like malicious spyware than viruses, and just want to report your bra size, weight, visa numbers and stuff like that. Please let me know if Spybot-Search&Destroy catches them or if you need bigger ammunition for that. Have FUN! DearWebby "How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car and gave a long, painful groan and put his face in his hands. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my trailer and my boat and six cases of beer in the boat?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Drinking Glasses From Glass Bottles By DearWebby in 2010 In the 50's, when I was a wee widdle kid, we used postal twine, a cheap hemp string, tied to the top and bottom of a thumb-thick willow stick, like it was a fiddle string. Looping the string completely around the bottle, turned the fiddle stick into a bow. "Sawing" rapidly heated up the glass and splashing water on it cracked it. In the 60's we got lazy and used butcher twine and white gas. In the 70's they sold bottle cutting jigs, that let you roll a bottle in a V shaped trough with one end stop and a glass cutter. I improved on that by drilling two holes into each side of the trough and gluing marbles into three of them for smooth sliding bearings, and the glass cutter into the fourth hole. For the neck side end stop I just clamped a block of wood into the trough with a C-clamp. For the smoothest rotation I wrapped a strip of rubber cut from an old bicycle inner-tube a couple of times around the bottle and out through a hole in the bottom of the trough. That resulted in smooth and precise cuts and the 100th bottle was cut exactly the same as the first. To get the edge perfectly smooth I always used a torch. As long as you never stop and keep the torch moving around the top, it works quite well. Keep in mind, though, even with a perfect cut and a perfectly beaded edge, cut bottle glasses are just a goofy novelty and will be retired to a shelf or given away pretty soon. They are not comfortable for drinking, but if you use colored bottles, they can be used to make very pretty storm candles. Have FUN! DearWebby http://webby.com/humor/blog If I may add an update to that: Keep in mind that the glass cutter is not intended to cut through the glass. All you do is scribe or scratch a fine line. Then a gentle tap with the smooth handle of a wrench will crack the bottle exactly where you scribed it.
" target="_blank" >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOBqXYfYc4o"> All catching a snake
____________________________________________________ Mike was explaining to Judi about when he'd been a kid he fell through the ice on the pond. He went all the way under. Several panicked minuted passed when Mike couldn't find the hole get out and he was running out of air quickly. Judi put her hand to her mouth and interrupted: "Oh my God, did you get out ?" ____________________________________________________ Pilots the world over are known to have no sense of humor and to be web-illiterate. The opposite is known about aircraft mechanics. The following maintenance log excerpts seem to illustrate that: P = The problem logged by the pilot. S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid. S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. No's 1, 3, and 4 propellers lack normal seepage. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 FPM descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned that pilots have no sense of humor. ____________________________________________________
What a great idea! Solar powered glow in the dark bike lanes.
Arriving at his residence the professor told his housekeeper, "Sarah, I've invited three of my students to dinner tonight at 6:30, but I think I'll give them a half-hour's grace." "Professor, I'm as religious as the next person." Sarah said shaking her head, "But I think with my cooking, half an hour of grace is over-doing it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 17

1558 - Elizabeth I ascended the English throne upon the death
of Queen Mary Tudor. 

1603 - Sir Walter Raleigh went on trial for treason. 

1796 - Catherine the Great of Russia died at the age of 67. 

1798 - Irish nationalist leader Wolfe Tone committed suicide
while in jail awaiting execution. 

1800 - The U.S. Congress held its first session in
Washington, DC, in the partially completed Capitol building. 

1869 - The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the
Mediterranean and the Red seas. 

1880 - The first three British female graduates received
their Bachelor of Arts degrees from London University. 

1903 - Russia's Social Democrats officially split into two
groups - Bolsheviks and Mensheviks. 

1913 - The steamship Louise became the first ship to travel
through the Panama Canal. 

1913 - In Germany, Kaiser Wilhelm banned the armed forces
from dancing the tango. 

1922 - Siberia voted for union with the U.S.S.R. 

1962 - Washington's Dulles International Airport was
dedicated by U.S. President Kennedy. 

1968 - NBC cut away from the final minutes of a New York
Jets-Oakland Raiders game to begin a TV special, "Heidi," on
schedule. The Raiders came from behind to beat the Jets 43-
32. 

1970 - The Soviet Union landed an unmanned, remote-controlled
vehicle on the moon, the Lunokhod 1. The vehicle was
released
by Luna 17. 

1973 - U.S. President Nixon told an Associated Press managing
editors meeting in Orlando, FL, "people have got to know
whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not a
crook." 

1979 - Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the release of 13
female and black American hostages being held at the U.S.
Embassy in Tehran. 

1982 - The Empire State Building was added to the National
Register of Historical Places. 

1988 - Benazir Bhutto became the first woman leader of an
Islamic country. She was elected in the first democratic
elections in Pakistan in 11 years. 

1990 - A mass grave was discovered by the bridge over the
River Kwai in Thailand. The bodies were believed to be those
of World War II prisoners of war. 

1990 - The Soviet government agreed to change the country's
constitution. 

1997 - 62 people were killed by 6 Islamic militants outside
the Temple of Hatshepsut in Luxor, Egypt. The attackers were
killed by police. 

1997 - Mario Lemieux was voted into the NHL Hall of Fame. 

2006 - Sony's PlayStation 3 went on sale in the United
States. 

2010 - Reasearchers trapped 38 antihydrogen atoms. It was the
first time humans had trapped antimatter. 

2016  smiled.


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How to import bookmarks from FF to Edge 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, November 16

______________________________________________________
Just received this picture from long time subscriber 
Master Chief Jim and his wife Cori 


Cori and I celebrating the Change of Flags at the Veterans
Day Program at our church. GOD BLESS AMERICA.  
Jim
______________________________________________________

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman passed out in stolen car in 
Nocatee with drugs, baby on lap
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 15, in 

1885 Canadian rebel Louis Riel was executed for high treason.
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) With donkeys, philosophers and politicians it is sometimes difficult to tell whether they are thinking really deep thoughts, or whether they have bottomed out. --- Socratex I like life. It's something to do. --- Ronnie Shakes ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ This preacher was looking for a good used lawn mower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning. "This mower work, son?" the preacher asked. Little Johnny said, "Sure does -- just pull on the cord hard, though." The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start. Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's house. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough." "Well," Johnny said, "you need to cuss at it sometimes." The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!" "Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you." ______________________________________________________ Anni suggested a book for sam to read to enhance their relationship. It's entitled, 'women are from venus, men are wrong' ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amanda Marie Ray, 29, Jacksonville, Florida Jacksonville woman passed out in stolen car in Nocatee with drugs, baby on lap Amanda Marie Ray, 29, is charged with driving on a suspended license, possession of drug paraphernalia, grand theft auto, possession of heroin and child neglect, SJSO said. Deputies were notified that Ray was asleep in the front seat of a car at a Shell station in Nocatee at 40 Settlement Drive, near Nocatee and Crosswater parkways. A deputy saw the infant on Ray's lap. The deputy ran the tag on the vehicle and found that the tag did not belong on the vehicle and that the vehicle was actually reported stolen out of Kentucky and Ray was the suspect, SJSO said. Drug paraphernalia, including new and used syringes, were found inside the vehicle. The Florida Department of Children and Families allowed a family member to take custody of the infant. Ray was booked into the St. Johns County Jail on bonds totaling $11,000, SJSO said. Deputies found the woman sleeping inside her car at a Nocatee Shell station -- with a baby in her lap and syringes in the car. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Import bookmarks from FF to Edge Dear Webby, Is there a way to transfer all bookmarks from Firefox to windows 10 Edge, without having to transfer each item on the list. Jerry Dear Jerry Few people would do that, because most consider FF more advanced and more secure. However, if you really want to do that, keep in mind that EDGE has no direct way to import FF bookmarks. It is not that advanced yet. They got IE working, and some say Chrome too. There is an extremely tedious way to do it, that apparently does work, but the easiest way is to import them into Internet Explorer, close IE, open EDGE, Settings, and import them from IE to EDGE. Have FUN! DearWebby Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was near the begin of winter. Ole asked Lena if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick him up some tobacco. She asked for some money, but he told her to put it on their tab. So she walked across, got the tobacco and walked back. Then she asked Ole why he didn't send her with any money. He said, "I vasn't goin' to send a dollar ven I vasn't sure how tick de ice vas."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Pumpkin Puree By Judy Pariser S. [185 Posts, 177 Comments] Someone left a big pumpkin at the curb with their garbage, and I picked it up during one of my walks. I did roast pumpkin before, but I remembered how hard it was to cut up the pumpkin. However, I saw a recipe for how to roast a whole pumpkin, and that's what I did today. I have plenty of puree for breads, muffins, soup, smoothies, and even baby food! Someone left a big pumpkin at the curb with their garbage, and I picked it up during one of my walks. I did roast pumpkin before, but I remembered how hard it was to cut up the pumpkin. However, I saw a recipe for how to roast a whole pumpkin, and that's what I did today. I have plenty of puree for breads, muffins, soup, smoothies, and even baby food! Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 60-90 minutes Total Time: 1 to 1 1/2 hours Yield: Depends on size of pumpkin Source: Shared on Facebook Homemade Pumpkin Puree Ingredients: 1 pumpkin* olive oil * I used a large pumpkin, and it came out fine. The recipe recommended small, "sugar pumpkins." Steps: Rub the pumpkin lightly with olive oil. Homemade Pumpkin Puree Line a pan with foil. This will catch any drips. Roast the pumpkin at 400 degrees F. You don't have to preheat the oven. This will take 60-90 minutes. It's done when a fork pierces very easily. Let cool. Cut the pumpkin in half. Scoop out the seeds and stringy stuff. I saved the seeds, and composted the stringy stuff. Separate the meat from the skin. Process the pumpkin meat in batches in the food processor. Put in 1 or 2 cup portions. Refrigerate or freeze.
All About that Bass - yes, that kind of bass
____________________________________________________ A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which had just opened in a nearby village. When they arrived, he took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of learnin' are you teachin'?" "Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic." "What's this?" interrupted the father. "Arith....arith... what did you say?" "Arithmetic, Sir," said the teacher, "instruction in algebra, geometry,and trigonometry." "Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. "That's what my boy needs. He's the worst darn shot in the family!" ____________________________________________________ In a physics lab course, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so: "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell silent until one wise young man raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Bud?" ____________________________________________________ In Alaska, it is legal to shoot bears. However, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited. ____________________________________________________
An amazing artist. I wish he was still alive and I could afford him!
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy really liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 16
1776 British troops captured Fort Washington during the
American Revolution. 

1885 Canadian rebel Louis Riel was executed for high treason.


1915 Coca-Cola had its prototype for a countoured bottle
patented. The bottle made its commercial debut the next year.


1933 The United States and the Soviet Union established
diplomatic relations for the first time. 

1952 In the Peanuts comic strip, Lucy first held a football
for Charlie Brown. 

1966 Dr. Samuel H. Sheppard was acquitted in his second trial
of charges he had murdered his pregnant wife, Marilyn, in
1954. 

1969 The U.S. Army announced that several had been charged
with massacre and the subsequent cover-up in the My Lai
massacre in Vietnam on March 16, 1968. 

1973 Skylab 3 carrying a crew of three astronauts, was
launched from Cape Canaveral, FL, on an 84-day mission. 

1973 U.S. President Nixon signed the Alaska Pipeline measure
into law. 

1981 A vaccine for hepatitis B was approved. The vaccine had
been developed at Merck Institute for Therapeutic Research. 

1985 Colonel Oliver North was put in charge of the shipment
of HAWK anti-aircraft missiles to Iran. 

1988 Estonia's parliament declared that the Baltic republic
"sovereign," but stopped short of complete independence. 

1997 China released Wei Jingsheng, a pro-democracy dissident
from jail for medical reasons. He had been incarcerated for
almost 18 years. 

1998 In Burlington, WIsconsin, five high school students,
aged 15 to 16, were arrested in an alleged plot to kill a
carefully selected group of teachers and students. 

1998 It was announced that Monica Lewinsky had signed a deal
for the North American rights to a book about her affair with
U.S. President Clinton. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that union members could
file discrimination lawsuits against employers even when
labor contracts require arbitration. 

1999 Chrica Adams, the pregnant girlfriend of Rae Carruth,
was shot four times in her car. She died a month later from
her wounds. The baby survived. Carruth was sentenced to a
minimum of 18 years and 11 months in prison for his role in
the murder. 

2000 Bill Clinton became the first serving U.S. president to
visit Communist Vietnam. 

2001 The movie "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone"
opened in the U.S. and U.K. 

2004 A NASA unmanned "scramjet" (X-43A) reached a speed of
nearly 10 times the speed of sound above the Pacific Ocean. 

2016  smiled.


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Controlling two or more computers from one keyboard 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesnday, November 15

Thank you, Moe!!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
UL-Lafayette student who made up story of being 
beaten, robbed of wallet and hijab facing charges
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 15, in 

1806 Explorer Zebulon Pike spotted the mountaintop that
became known as Pikes Peak. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything. --- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007) A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of. --- Burt Bacharach (1928 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sometimes you are not in control of your right foot !! Prove for yourself, whether you are in control of your right foot. It's worth a try... While sitting at your desk make clockwise circles with your right foot. While doing this, draw the number "6666" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction..... to counter clockwise ______________________________________________________ Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Rescue Anne, to practice. My group's model was legless to allow for storage in a carrying case. The class broke into groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right? " He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Libtard Muslim Student, 18, Lafayette, Louisiana UL-Lafayette student who made up story of being beaten, robbed of wallet and hijab facing charge Lafayette Police said the student is now facing a charge of filing a false report. Lafayette Police Department spokesman Karl Ratcliff confirmed the charge, WWL-TV reported. No explanation was given for why the police would not immediately release the woman's name. There also was no further information regarding the case, Ratcliff said, including why she admitted to fabricating the story of the attack. A University of Louisiana at Lafayette student admitted Thursday to making up a story about being attacked by two men, one reportedly wearing a "Trump" hat, who yelled ethnic slurs at her and then stole her wallet and hijab head covering, according to Lafayette Police. The woman, identified only as an 18-year-old of Middle Eastern descent, had initially told police the attack happened about 11 a.m. Wednesday on Smith Street near campus — a story quickly picked up by the national news outlets, sparking a social media firestorm. Lafayette Police spokesman Officer Karl Ratcliff said the woman admitted to fabricating the story after police began to question her about key details. "There were a lot of things that didn't make sense," he said, commenting that it was unusual that no one else witnessed an attack during a school day so close to campus. Ratcliff said the woman offered no explanation for lying. "That's only one that she can answer," he said. Ratcliff said the woman might now face charges herself related to filing a false police report. "We don't take this lightly, and it's made national headlines now," he said. "...There will be consequences." The woman's claim of being attacked was reported online Thursday morning by all major Democrat paid news organization in Louisiana and all Dumbocrat news outlets, including The New York Times, The Huffington Post and ABC News. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Neil Re: Control two computers from one keyboard Dear Webby, KVM software I have used this software in the past with win xp and win 7 http:// www.stardock.com/products/multiplicity/ The program networks over your local internet connection. It is not the only program to do this but it is the easiest to install. Install the program on the slave (2nd computer) first, then on the main computer. You not only share the controls but can copy from one computer's clip board and paste on the other's, drag and drop files and will set up audio and videos to stream either way. The free version controls only two computers, the paid version controls up to nine. Cost is $19.95 USD, and the license will transfer if you replace one of the computers. Everything in the interface is point and click so even non technical people can use it. This link has a short video to see what it is all about Multiplicity Neil Thanks Neil! Have FUN! DearWebby Here is an old Bonehead Award that is too good to be forgotten: The award goes to the head of women's studies at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, Dr. Kathleen Dixon When Richard Zeller, a professor of sociology, retired after being barred from teaching a course on political correctness, Dr. Dixon explained the school's position: ''We forbid any course that says we restrict free speech.''
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Rubber Gloves Last Longer By Litter Gitter [190 Posts, 622 Comments] Instead of keeping my rubber gloves in the kitchen drawer, I hang them on the stove, using magnets. That is where they stay until I use them again, which is two or three times a day. Since I started doing this, I have noticed that my rubber gloves last a lot longer.
how real men shoot skeet
____________________________________________________ The boss of a major manufacturing facility was complaining in a staff meeting one day, that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning, he went to a local sign shop, bought a small sign that read, "I am the Boss!" and taped it to his office door. Later that day, when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that read, "Your wife called. She said she did not authorize that sign." ____________________________________________________ At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen. "Paddy," he asked casually, "didn't you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?" "That I did, sir." "And you are a bricklayer! It sure is a funny old world. Things in life aren't divided equally, are they?" "No, that they ain't sir," agreed Paddy, as he proudly slap- ped the mortar along the line of bricks. "My poor brother is such a klutz, he couldn't lay a brick to save his life!" ____________________________________________________
Reflections in puddles of rain.
One workman asks another, "How long have you been working here?" The other one replies, "Since they threatened to fire me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 15
1806 Explorer Zebulon Pike spotted the mountaintop that
became known as Pikes Peak. 

1864 Union Gen. William T. Sherman and his troops began their
"March to the Sea" during the U.S. Civil War. 

1867 the first stock ticker was unveiled in New York City. 

1889 Brazil's monarchy was overthrown. 

1901 Miller Reese patented an electrical hearing aid. 

1902 Anarchist Gennaro Rubin failed in his attempt to murder
King Leopold II of Belgium. 

1920 The League of Nations met for the first time in Geneva,
Switzerland. 

1926 The National Broadcasting Co. (NBC) debuted with a radio
network of 24 stations. The first network radio broadcast was
a four-hour "spectacular." 

1940 The first 75,000 men were called to Armed Forces duty
under peacetime conscription to prepare for WWII. 

1965 The Soviet probe, Venera 3, was launched from Baikonur,
Kazakhstan. On March 1, 1966, it became the first unmanned
spacecraft to reach the surface of another planet when it
landed on Venus. 

1966 The flight of Gemini 12 ended successfully as astronauts
James A. Lovell and Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin Jr. splashed down
safely in the Atlantic Ocean. 

1969 In Washington, DC, a quarter of a million protesters
staged a peaceful demonstration against the Vietnam War. 

1985 Britain and Ireland signed an accord giving Dublin an
official consultative role in governing Northern Ireland. 

1986 A government tribunal in Nicaragua convicted American
Eugene Hasenfus of charges related to his role in delivering
arms to Contra rebels. He was sentenced to 30 years in prison
and was pardoned a month later. 

1986 Ivan F. Boesky, reputed to be the highest-paid person on
Wall Street, faced penalties of $100 million for insider
stock trading. It was the highest penalty ever imposed by the
SEC. 

1988 The Palestine National Council, the legislative body of
the PLO, proclaimed the establishment of an independent
Palestinian state at the close of a four-day conference in
Algiers. 

1992 Richard Petty drove in the final race of his 35-year
career. 

1993 A judge in Mineola, NY, sentenced Joey Buttafuoco to six
months in jail for the statutory rape of Amy Fisher. Fisher
was serving a prison sentence for shooting and wounding
Buttafuoco's wife, Mary Jo. 

1995 Texaco agreed to pay $176 million to settle a race-
discrimination lawsuit. 

1999 Representatives from China and the United States signed
a major trade agreement that involved China's membership in
the World Trade Organization (WTO). 

2000 Three police officers from the Rampart division of the
Los Angeles police department were convicted on several
counts of conspiracy to obstruct justice. One other officer
was acquitted. The case was the first major case against the
anti-gang unit. 

2005 In Amiens, France, Isabelle Dinoire became the first
person to undergo a partial face transplant. She had been
attacked by a dog earlier in the year. 

2006 Andy Warhol's painting of Communist Party Chairman Mao
Zedong sold for $17.4 million. At the same auction "Orange
Marilyn" sold for $16.2 million and "Sixteen Jackies" sold
for $15.6 million.

2016  smiled.


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Two computers, one keyboard, one monitor 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, November 14

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
2 Jersey Shore men took a taxi to rob house, 
then stiffed driver
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 14, in 

1832 The first streetcar went into operation in New York
City, NY. The vehicle was horse-drawn and had room for 30
people. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. --- Frank Lloyd Wright (1869 - 1959) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied. "Baked tongue of chicken?... baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?" "Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied. ______________________________________________________ Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students. The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind ?" ______________________________________________________ From FB Thanks to Jim for this picture: ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kenneth Burke, 46, and Timothy Foote, 38, Ocean Township, New Jersey 2 Jersey Shore men took a taxi to rob house, then stiffed driver Deal police said they arrested two men who took a taxi to burglarize a house in town and then refused to pay the driver when they drove back to an apartment in Asbury Park with the stolen goods. Kenneth Burke, 46, and Timothy Foote, 38, of Ocean Township, called for a taxi to a home on Norwood Avenue in Deal on Friday night, said Deal police Sgt. Brian Egan. Egan said they instructed the taxi driver to wait outside before they returned a short time later with a television set and some liquor bottles. He said the driver then took them to an apartment in Asbury Park, where they got out without paying the fare. The driver called Asbury Park police reporting the beat fare and the suspicious activity of the customers, Egan said. After being alerted by Asbury Park police at 10:31 p.m., Deal officers checked the house and determined it had just been burglarized, he said. Burke and Foote were charged with burglary, conspiracy to commit burglary, criminal trespass and theft. They were being held in the Monmouth County jail in Freehold on $20,000 bail each. The stolen items were returned to the homeowner, Sgt. Egan said. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: Second Audio for two computers Dear Webby, Is there a way to connect two computers to one keyboard and one monitor and one stereo? I want to use an old clunker to bring in digital audio and play it on the big stereo that I have connected to the main machine. The only time the klunker needs a keyboard and monitor is for getting the streaming digital audio started or the station changed. There must be a way to do that without wasting money and space on a second monitor and keyboard! Any help would be appreciated. Ron Dear Ron All you need is a KVMA switch (keyboard, Video, Mouse, Audio) Dalco has them currently for $30 http://dalco.com Try IOGEAR GCS72U 2-Port KVM Switch with Audio There is a bit of a problem, though. The audio might stop on the klunker if you click the focus to the new machine. That is not a problem of the switch, but of Windows on the old machine. You might have to use the klunker just for downloading and saving the music, the new machine networked to it and playing the music from the old machine's harddrive. If you have the machines networked, that is no problem at all. Have FUN! DearWebby By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded with a proprietor, "or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant -- an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Navy man assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright- eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Not-So Spanish Omelet By Benetta [254 Posts, 144 Comments] This is an adjusted version of the Spanish omelet. It makes for a hearty meal, so it works well for a brunch when served with toast. Total Time: 45 minutes in total Yield: 2 servings Ingredients: 3 eggs, beaten cheese flavored smoked frankfurter medium sized potato ½ teaspoon dried sweet basil ¼ teaspoon grinded black pepper ¼ teaspoon Knorr Aromat Seasoning or ordinary salt grated cheddar cheese to taste cooking spray Steps: Boil the potato until tender. Drain the potato and allow to cool for 5 minutes. Peel and cut into thin slices. Boil the frankfurter for 5-6 minutes and drain. Allow to cool for 5 minutes and cut into thin slices. Mix the beaten eggs, basil, pepper and salt. Add the sliced potato and sliced frankfurter to the egg mixture. Spray a 6" frying pan with cooking spray. Add the mixture to the pan and over a medium heat, cook until golden brown on the one side. Use a spatula to flip it over. Sprinkle grated cheese on top of the omelet. Cook until the cheese has melted and the other side is golden brown, too. Slide onto a plate. Cut into slices and serve warm with toast.
Pizzalympics in Springfield, Missouri
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this one: Ontario Rules of the Road Regulations in the Ministry of Transportation of Ontario 2016 Handbook for drivers 1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident Ontario driver avoids using them. 2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation. 3. The faster you drive through a red light, the lower the chance of getting hit. 4. Warning! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in your being rear- ended. 5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with Quebec plates. With no insurance, the other operator has nothing to lose. 6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles. 7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prevent other drivers from exiting or entering the freeway. 8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in Ontario during rush hour, especially on the 401. 9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that an Ontario driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot. 10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim. 11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. Ontario is the home of high-speed slalom-driving; thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts deep pot-holes (like inverted ski moguls) in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert. 12. It is tradition in Ontario to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds before the light turns green. 13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important to exit your vehicle thru the windshield right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger. 14. Remember that the goal of every Ontario driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary. 15. In Ontario, 'flipping the bird' is considered a polite salute. This gesture should always be returned. 16. In Ontario the mandatory and required cell-phone is held up to your ear with the left hand to ensure that you do not inadvertently activate the turn signals and startle other drivers. 17. Razors, coffee or donuts are to be carried in the right hand, except when driving in Little Italy. The proper posture, for blending in, in Little Italy, is to talk with both hands while facing a real or imaginary rear seat passenger. 18. If you see a whole bunch of yellow or white stripes painted on the road, parallel to the road, they indicate that that locaton is a spot favored by suiciders. It is important to speed up as you approach them to help prevent more suicides from occurring there. 19) If there is a traffic jam due to an accident, immediately work your way over to the rescue lane and proceed to the scene of the accident at top speed. 20) If a driver is observed throwing nervous glances into his or her mirror or behind them, they must be flanked tightly and escorted to the far left lane so that they won't have their nervous breakdown on an exit and cause a traffic jam. Don't do this if the car is from Quebec, because it's driver may be used to less structured driving rules. Thank You, The Ministry of Transportation of Ontario ____________________________________________________ The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the girl he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposals a number of times. He began what can only be called a "Campaigning" and sent her a small token of his affection every day for a month to her house. The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love with the mailman. ____________________________________________________
Reflections in puddles of rain.
Thanks to the folks from Erie for this one: The children and grandchildren of an elderly Jewish woman decided to send grandma on a cruise, so that she would not be too helpful during the pre-planning stage of a wedding.. Grandma boarded the ship and showed her ticket to the purser. He looked at it and said, "Oh, I see you have U.D." She replied, "U.D.? Voos is U.D.? He said,"U.D. is Upper Deck." She then went to the upper deck and showed her ticket to the purser there and he said, "I see that in addition to U.D., you also have O.C." Grandma replied, "O.C.? Voos is O.C.?" The purser said, "O.C. is an Outside Cabin." Grandma, needless to say, was delighted. She then showed her ticket to the cabin boy and he said, "Oh, I see that you also have B.I.B." "B.I.B.? Voos is B.I.B.?" asked grandma. The cabin boy answered, "B.I.B. is Breakfast In Bed." "Oh," she said; Mine children and grandchildren are vonderful." The next morning, bright and early, the staff came right into her room with trays of food for her breakfast in bed and she said, "F.U.C.K" Shocked, they said, "F.U.C.K? What do you mean F.U.C.K.?", to which she replied, "Yes, F.U.C.K. Foist U Could Knock."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 14
1832 The first streetcar went into operation in New York
City, NY. The vehicle was horse-drawn and had room for 30
people. 

1851 Herman Melville's novel "Moby Dick" was first published
in the U.S. 

1881 Charles J. Guiteau's trial began for the assassination
of U.S. President Garfield. Guiteau was convicted and hanged
the following year. 

1889 New York World reporter Nellie Bly (Elizabeth Cochrane)
began an attempt to surpass the fictitious journey of Jules
Verne's Phileas Fogg by traveling around the world in less
than 80 days. Bly succeeded by finishing the journey the
following January in 72 days, 6 hours and 11 minutes. 

1922 The British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) began
domestic radio service. 

1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt proclaimed the
Philippine Islands a free commonwealth after its new
constitution was approved. The Tydings-McDuffie Act planned
for the Phillipines to be completely independent by July 4,
1946. 

1940 During World War II, German war planes destroyed most of
the English town of Coventry when about 500 Luftwaffe bombers
attacked. 

1951 The first telecast of a world lightweight title fight
was seen coast to coast. Jimmy Carter beat Art Aragon in Los
Angeles. 

1956 The USSR crushed the Hungarian uprising. 

1968 Yale University announced it was going co-educational. 

1969 Apollo 12 blasted off for the moon from Cape Kennedy,
FL. 

1969 During the Vietnam War, Major General Bruno Arthur
Hochmuth, commander of the Third Marine Division, became the
first general to be killed in Vietnam by enemy fire. 

1972 The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed above the 1,000
(1,003.16) level for the first time. 

1972 Blue Ribbon Sports became Nike. 

1973 Britain's Princess Anne married a commoner, Capt. Mark
Phillips, in Westminster Abbey. They divorced in 1992, and
Princess Anne re-married. 

1979 U.S. President Carter froze all Iranian assets in the
United States and U.S. banks abroad in response to the taking
of 63 American hostages at the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran. 

1983 The British government announced that U.S.-made cruise
missiles had arrived at the Greenham Common air base amid
protests. 

1988 Israeli President Chaim Herzog formally asked Prime
Minister Yitzhak Shamir to form a new government. 

1989 The U.S. Navy ordered an unprecedented 48-hour stand-
down in the wake of a recent string of serious accidents. 

1990 Simon and Schuster announced it had dropped plans to
publish Bret Easton Ellis novel "American Psycho." 

1991 After 13 years in exile Cambodian Prince Norodom
Sihanouk returned to his homeland. 

1994 U.S. experts visited North Korea's main nuclear complex
for the first time under an accord that opened such sites to
outside inspections. 

1995 The U.S. government instituted a partial shutdown,
closing national parks and museums while most government
offices operated with skeleton crews. 

2012 The game Candy Crush Saga was released as a mobile app
for smartphones. 

2016  smiled.


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Outlook mail program getting very slow 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, November 13

Tonight the full moon will be the closest and biggest one
since 1948. Take some pictures!



Click through for full size

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Parents of dead armed robber are mad his victim had a gun
and that the place he robbed was not a gunfree zone,
where only armed robbers are allowed to have guns.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 13, in 

1775 During the American Revolution, U.S. forces captured 
Montreal. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them. --- Johann von Neumann (1903 - 1957) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Cards offering used textbooks for sale are posted on the college notice board at the beginning of each semester. One read: "Introduction to Psychology, $8, never used." The card was signed, "Must sell." The next day a note had been added: "Good price. Are you sure it's never been used?" Signed, "Prospective buyer." Below in a different hand was: "Positive!" Signed, "Professor who graded his exam." ______________________________________________________ Billy Bob and Jethro decide to go ice fishing. After arriving at the lake early in the morning, they cut two holes in the lake and drop in their lines in the water. After fishing for a few hours, Billy Bob has caught dozens of fish while Jethro hasn't even gotten a bite. Jethro asks, "Billy Bob, what's your secret?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmoo motta meep da mmrms mmrm." Jethro asks, "What did you say?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmoo motta meep da mmrms mmrm." Jethro again asks, "What?" Billy Bob spits into his hand and says, "You gotta keep the worms warm!" ______________________________________________________ This time the picture should work! That is NOT a teleprompter. It's a bug catcher. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Temia Hairston and Michael Grace Sr Charlotte, North Carolina Parents of dead armed robber are mad his victim had a gun and that the place he robbed was not a gunfree zone, where only armed robbers are allowed to have guns. Michael Grace Jr, son of Temia Hairston and Michael Grace Sr., was shot and killed during an attempted armed robbery early Sunday morning. Police said Grace Jr and two other people tried to rob a Pizza Hut in the 3200 block of Freedom Drive. During the incident, an employee fired his own handgun and killed Grace Jr. Hairston said she learned of her son’s death on social media, and only got confirmation from police after contacting them first. The grieving mother said she has been left with dozens of questions about the situation that have thus far gone unanswered. “If there was to be a death, it was not the place of the employee at Pizza Hut. That is the place of law enforcement,” said Hairston. Hairston and Grace Sr acknowledged that their son was breaking the law by robbing the business, and said they definitely don’t condone what he did. “It was an act of desperation, but I do not believe that Michael would have hurt anyone,” said Hairston. They said Grace Jr had fallen on hard times and resorted to crime to provide for his own child. They also said their son used to work at the same Pizza Hut restaurant where the robbery happened. They maintain he never would have physically hurt anyone during the robbery. WBTV contacted the local restaurant and the Pizza Hut corporation public relations line. Neither have confirmed that Grace Jr has ever worked as an employee at the Freedom Drive Pizza Hut. CMPD officials have not confirmed the information either. The parents are angry that their son was shot and killed by an employee. They don’t believe the full story has been released to the public. “Why in the hell did this guy have a gun?” questioned Hairston about the employee who shot her son. She said her son was shot in the head, and she thinks the shooting may have even been personal, citing past conflicts Grace Jr had had with other employees at the restaurant. “This wasn’t a body shot. This was a head shot. My son was shot in the left side of his head just behind his ear. A headshot is personal,” said Hairston. Even though their son was in the process of committing a crime, the family thinks his death was undeserved and unjustified. “Even a criminal has a right to a degree,” said Grace Sr. The family said they want Pizza Hut to release more information about the situation and acknowledge that their son used to be a Pizza Hut employee. Pizza Hut previously released the following statement about the incident: "The local Pizza Hut franchisee is fully cooperating with the Charlotte Police Department as they continue their investigation, but want to stress that the security of its staff is of utmost concern. They are providing support to the team members involved to ensure their health and well-being following this incident. The employee involved in the shooting has been placed on a leave of absence following further review." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Don Re: Slow Outlook Dear Webby, I see that, in this issue, you help a subscriber with a computer problem. I would be eternally grateful if you could find a solution to my problem. Here goes: Recently one of my family updated my computer. Now, when I am using the Inbox for Microsoft Outlook there is a long (4-5 seconds) pause in between the time I highlight an entry and the time it is activated and appears on the screen. Do you have any suggestions on how to speed things up? Thanks, Don Dear Don First, check the date/time on your machine. You are living in the past. That causes mail from you to get sorted in among yesterday's already taken care of mail, and is found only by accident. I don't allow Outlook within 20 feet of any computer here, so I don't know that much about Outlook problems. However, I would suggest that you clean out your INbox and either transfer mails to different other mailboxes, or dump them. The leaner you keep the INbox, the faster ANY mail program runs. Have FUN! DearWebby R E S U M E B O O - B O O S "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting." "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store." "I am a rabid typist." "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business." "Proven ability to track down and correct erors." "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer." Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Shampoo as Hand Soap Refill By Monique [110 Posts, 181 Comments] I have an alternative to replace pricey hand wash pumps. I use value supermarket brands of shampoo instead! I buy the cheap shampoos from the supermarket. Store branded hand wash start at about £1 a bottle. To begin with I was buying 500g Asda value shampoo for 30p until I saw in Tesco that they have a litre bottle of value shampoo for just 40p. I refilled an old pump dispenser with the shampoo and added a few drops of Tea Tree oil for its antibacterial qualities. A shake and a stir and then it's good to go! I use this to wash my hands so I have a pump by each sink in my home. On one photograph you can see how much of the shampoo was used to fill up the pump dispenser. My bottle (that was part of a Xmas present) is a standard 300g. So my 40 pence shampoo bottle will refill the bottle well over three times! I also use the shampoo to hand-wash my special jumpers and on occasion, to wash my smalls.
And the Waltz Goes On (composed by Anthony Hopkins) directed by Andre Rieu
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Joann for this one: During my training as a medical-group receptionist, I was told never to recommend one of our doctors over another, but simply state who had available appointments. One day a woman came in and looked at me conspiratorially. "I'm a nurse," she whispered, "and I know the staff always knows which doctors are good and which aren't. Who do you think I should see?" Knowing my supervisor was listening close by, I tried to sound most professional. "Oh, I'm sorry," I replied. "I can't recommend any of our doctors." "Well, you must know!" she said, heading for the door. ____________________________________________________ Girlfriend: Two of the best things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie. Boyfriend: Oh? And which is this? ____________________________________________________
The story of a brave horse in the Marines during the Korean War.
Nancy was talking to her girlfriend....."My psychiatrist told me yesterday that the way to achieve true inner peace is to always finish what I start. I think I'm getting the hang of it-- So far today I've finished a bag of cheetos, a six-pack of beer, and the chocolate cake I baked for my mother's birthday party tomorrow."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 13

1775 During the American Revolution, U.S. forces captured
Montreal. 

1789 Benjamin Franklin wrote a letter to a friend in which he
said, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain,
except death and taxes." 

1805 Johann George Lehner, a butcher in Wien (Vienna),
invented a recipe and called it the "frankfurter." The rest
of the world calls it a "Wiener"

1927 The Holland Tunnel opened to the public, providing
access between New York City and New Jersey beneath the
Hudson River. 

1933 In Austin, MN, the first sit-down labor strike in
America took place. 

1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a measure
lowering the minimum draft age from 21 to 18. 

1956 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws calling for
racial segregation on public buses. 

1971 The U.S. spacecraft Mariner 9 became the first
spacecraft to orbit another planet, Mars. 

1982 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in
Washington, DC. 

1984 A libel suit against Time, Inc. by former Israeli
Defense Minister Ariel Sharon went to trial in New York. 

1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan publicly acknowledged that
the U.S. had sent "defensive weapons and spare parts" to
Iran. He denied that the shipments were sent to free
hostages, but that they had been sent to improve relations. 

1991 Roger Clemens won his third Cy Young Award for the
American League. 

1994 Sweden voted to join the European Union. 

1997 Iraq expelled six U.N. arms inspectors that were U.S.
citizens. 

1998 Monica Lewinsky signed a deal with St. Martin's Press
for the North American rights to her story about her affair
with U.S. President Bill Clinton. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed an executive order
that would allow for military tribunals to try any foreigners
captured with connections to the terrorist attacks on the
United States on September 11, 2001. It was the first time
since World War II that a president had taken such action. 

2006 A deal was finalized for Google Inc. to acquire YouTube
for $1.65 million in Google stock. 

2009 NASA announced that water had been discoved on the moon.
The discovery came from the planned impact on the moon of
the
Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS). 

2016  smiled.


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Internet acronym vocabulary 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, November 12

On Sunday night Nov. 13-14, the full moon will be the 
closest and biggest one since 1948. Take some pictures!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man with golf club smashes an occupied car
with his golf club
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 10, in 

1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules
Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also the
designer of the garment that is named after him. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. ---Doctor Who Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. Your date willl look a lot better to you. --- Socratex Love is a form of temporary insanity curable only by marriage. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Scotty for this report: His neighbor took his wife to the doctor for a check up. The doctor examined her and said she seemed depressed. The doctor then asked about their sex life. She answered...it wasn't to great. The the doctor thought a moment, then told the man to increase it to at least three times a week. He then asked when? The doctor suggested that Monday, Wednesday, and Friday ought to do it. His neighbor then apparently paused a moment, and said, "That's alright doctor. I can bring her on Monday and Wednesday, but on Friday she'll have to take the bus ______________________________________________________ A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly the friendly skies'?" Joe answered the correct airline. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And John answered, "Mom." ______________________________________________________ That is NOT a teleprompter. It's a bug catcher. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Adam L. Batie, 43, 3227 SE 122nd Terrace, Gainesville, Floriduh Florida man with golf club smashes an occupied car with his golf club A Gainesville man mistakenly thought he was making a show of force to a drug dealer when he clobbered another man's windshield with a golf club, Alachua County deputies reported. The victim told deputies he was driving his red Jeep in the 3200 block of Southeast 122nd Terrace to drop a woman off, an arrest report said. When he left, a Dodge Dakota pulled in front of him, blocking his path, and the Dakota's driver jumped out and smashed the Jeep's windshield with a golf club. In no uncertain terms, the golf club-wielding man told the other driver to leave the neighborhood, and continued whacking the Jeep's driver-side door, deputies said. Adam L. Batie, 43, of 3227 SE 122nd Terrace, was charged with criminal mischief and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, arrest records show. He was held at the Alachua County Jail Thursday morning in lieu of $20,000 bond. Batie told deputies he thought the Jeep's driver was trying to sell drugs to someone at his home, the report said. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Myrna Re: Internet vocabulary Dear Webby, is there a place where I can look up what all the weird names and acronyms about Internet related stuff are about, but not pages and pages of technical jargon that will just get me even more confused? I want something that has just a brief sentence or two about each name. Thanks Myrna Dear Myrna Try http://www.matisse.net/files/glossary.html Have FUN! DearWebby A senior student in college reluctantly took a required psychology course. The first day, the professor commented on each student's major, trying to provoke a response. It was working. Some students became defensive. When it was the senior's turn, he told the professor that he was a music major. "So," asked my professor, "what does your father think of you wasting your education to study music." The clever senior shot back with, "He's just thankful that I didn't go into psychology."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Meringue By Abigail A. [22 Posts, 1,341 Comments] Surprisingly meringue is easy to make. Even better, a baked meringue travels well, unlike soft whipped topping. Meringue often requires the whites of the eggs that were used in the recipe, so there is no waste. The pie shown called for three egg yolks, and I made the meringue with the three whites. Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 5 minutes Total Time: 15 minutes Yield: Enough for 1 pie Ingredients: 3 egg whites 1/4 tsp salt 6 Tbsp powdered sugar Steps: Mix egg whites with salt, then turn up speed on mixer and and beat until whites are stiff and glossy, adding sugar a little at a time. This should be done when pie is set and just needs to be browned. Don't make it early or it will collapse. Remove pie and turn up oven temperature to 400* F. Cover entire top gently with meringue. Use a spatula to "spike" the top giving it the traditional peaked appearance. Put the pie back in the oven and brown. This will take just a few minutes so watch very carefully! The meringue will brown at the same time as the bottom of your pie. The picture shows how it looks when it is done.
baby laughs at bubbles
____________________________________________________ I stopped at a friends house the other day and found him stalking around with a flyswatter. When I asked if he had gotten any flies, he answered, "Yeah, 3 males and 2 females." Curious, I inquired as to how he could tell the difference. He answered, "3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone." ____________________________________________________ An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result. "This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought. A week later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt! ____________________________________________________
15 breathtaking views of the world.
One finds the most romantic people at home improvement centers. A friend was helping a couple purchase a new door for their home. After he asked what size they needed, the stumped husband yelled clear across the store to his wife in home supplies, "Honey, c'mon over here and see which one of these doors you can fit through!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 12

1799 Andrew Ellicott Douglass witnesses the Leonids meteor
shower from a ship off the Florida Keys. 

1840 Sculptor Auguste Rodin was born in Paris. His most
widely known works are "The Kiss" and "The Thinker." 

1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules
Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also the
designer of the garment that is named after him. 

1892 William "Pudge" Heffelfinger became the first
professional football player when he was paid a $500 bonus
for helping the Allegheny Athletic Association beat the
Pittsburgh Athletic Club. 

1915 Theodore W. Richards, of Harvard University, became the
first American to be awarded the Nobel Prize in chemistry. 

1918 Austria and Czechoslovakia were declared independent
republics. 

1921 Representatives of nine nations gathered for the start
of the Washington Conference for Limitation of Armaments. 

1927 Joseph Stalin became the undisputed ruler of the Soviet
Union. Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party
leading to Stalin coming to power. 

1931 Maple Leaf Gardens opened in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
It was to be the new home of the Toronto Maple Leafs in the
National Hockey League (NHL). 

1933 In Philadelphia, the first Sunday football game was
played. 

1942 During World War II, naval battle of Guadalcanal began
between Japanese and American forces. The Americans won a
major victory. 

1944 During World War II, the German battleship "Tirpitz" was
sunk off the coast of Norway. 

1946 The first drive-up banking facility opened at the
Exchange National Bank in Chicago, IL. 

1948 The war crimes tribunal sentenced Japanese Premier
Hideki Tojo and six other World War II Japanese leaders to
death. 

1953 The National Football League (NFL) policy of blacking
out home games was upheld by Judge Allan K. Grim of the U.S.
District Court in Philadelphia. 

1954 Ellis Island, the immigration station in New York
Harbor, closed after processing more than 20 million
immigrants since 1892. 

1964 Paula Murphy set the female land speed record 226.37
MPH. 

1972 Don Shula, coach of the Miami Dolphins, became the first
NFL head coach to win 100 regular season games in 10 seasons.


1979 U.S. President Carter ordered a halt to all oil imports
from Iran in response to 63 Americans being taken hostage at
the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran on November 4. 

1980 The U.S. space probe Voyager I came within 77,000 miles
of Saturn while transmitting data back to Earth. 

1982 Yuri V. Andropov was elected to succeed the late Leonid
I. Brezhnev as general secretary of the Soviet Communist
Party's Central Committee. 

1984 Space shuttle astronauts Dale Gardner and Joe Allen
snared the Palapa B-2 satellite in history's first space
salvage. 

1985 In Norfolk, VA, Arthur James Walker was sentenced to
life in prison for his role in a spy ring run by his brother,
John A. Walker Jr. 

1987 The American Medical Association issued a policy
statement that said it was unethical for a doctor to refuse
to treat someone solely because that person had AIDS or was
HIV-positive. 

1990 Japanese Emperor Akihito formally assumed the
Chrysanthemum Throne. 

1991 In the U.S., Robert Gates was sworn in as CIA director. 

1995 The space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission to
dock with the Russian space station Mir. 

1997 Four Americans and their Pakistani driver were shot to
death in Karachi, Pakistan. The Americans were oil company
employees. 

1997 The UN Security Council imposed new sanctions on Iraq
for constraints being placed on UN arms inspectors. 

1997 Ramzi Yousef was found guilty of masterminding the 1993
bombing of the World Trade Center. 

1998 Daimler-Benz completed a merger with Chrysler to form
Daimler-Chrysler AG. 

2001 American Airlines flight 587 crashed just minutes after
take off from Kennedy Airport in New York. The Airbus A300
crashed into the Rockaway Beach section of Queens. All 260
people aboard were killed. 

2001 It was reported that the Northern Alliance had taken
Kabul, Afghanistan, from the ruling Taliban. The Norther
Alliance at this point was reported to have control over most
of the northern areas of Afghanistan. 

2002 Stan Lee filed a lawsuit against Marvel Entertainment
Inc. that claimed the company had cheated him out of millions
of dollars in movie profits related to the 2002 movie
"Spider-Man." Lee was the creator of Spider-Man, the
Incredible Hulk and Daredevil. 

2013 A series of portraits of Lucian Freud by the British
painter Francis Bacon known as Three Studies of Lucian Freud
sold for $142.4 million at an auction in New York City. 

2013 In New York, it was announced that the new World Trade
Center was the tallest building in the United States. The
height was measured at 1,776 feet. The building was also the
fourth tallest building in the world at the time. 

2013 U.S. Airways and AMR reached an antitrust settlement
with the U.S. Department of Justice which would allow a
merger that would create the world's largest airline. 

2014 NATO commander Gen Philip Breedlove reported that
Russian military equipment and Russian combat troops had been
seen entering Ukraine in columns over several days. 

2014 The European Space Agency's Rosetta spacecraft used its
lander Philae to perform the first soft landing on a comet.
The comet was 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko. 

2016  smiled.


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How do you catch Mis-spellings in spam? 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, November 11
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh man named ‘Shaquille O’Neal’ crashed car, 
stole veteran's wheelchair during police chase
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 10, in 

1918 World War I came to an end when the Allies and Germany
signed an armistice. This day became recognized as Veteran's
Day in the United States and Remembranc e Day in Canada.
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. --- Willis Player ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is." ______________________________________________________ Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup Play-Offs. I kicked the TV and broke my leg." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shaquille O’Neal Clemons, 21, Largo, Floriduh Largo man named ‘Shaquille O’Neal’ crashed car, stole veteran's wheelchair during police chase A Largo man, whose name is similar to that of a retired NBA star, is accused of stealing a disabled veteran’s wheelchair to get away from police after he crashed his car during a chase. Largo police say Shaquille O’Neal Clemons, age 21, tried to flee from officers on Oct. 25. Robert Druce, a veteran, witnessed the crash. He attempted to help Clemons, not knowing that was who police were looking for. Druce offered Clemons his wheelchair. “Saw the big wreck and then saw a guy helping a guy out of the car. His leg was broken or something. He fell down in the street, and I let him sit on my chair so he could drive up to the front by the store, so he could sit down on the sidewalk and not be laying in the street,” Druce said. “All of a sudden, I’m chasing my chair down the street.” Instead, Clemons tried to roll away to escape. “I couldn’t catch him,” Druce said. Officers say Clemons was driving a White Mercedes 250 near the area of 36th Street and Melody Lane by East Bay Drive. They tried to pull him over, but police say Clemons took off eastbound on East Bay Drive and then sideswiped a white car and a school bus. There were no kids on the bus. Detectives say Clemons then drove southbound on Belcher Road, where he crashed into two more vehicles at the intersection at Ulmerton Road. “It was pretty crazy. I didn’t even hear it really, until I was looking outside the window and seen everything,” Nina Peralta said. Peralta shot video of the crash on her phone. “I just remember seeing trucks everywhere and cars and police everywhere,” she said. Police say Clemons got into the wheelchair and then headed east on Ulmerton Road, trying to get away from officers. Druce, who suffered a stroke a year ago, says he tried to go after Clemons, but was too weak. A Pinellas Park police officer was in the area and was able to stop Clemons a few blocks away from the crash scene. Druce was able to get his chair back. “No good deed goes unpunished,” he said. One person involved in the crash was critically injured. Clemons was arrested on charges of driving with a suspended or revoked license, reckless driving with property damage and injury, and leaving the scene of a crash with property damage and injury. He has previously been arrested for fleeing and eluding, possession of hydromorphone hydrochloride, possession of marijuana, fleeing and eluding, and violation of probation for aggravated battery. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Fran Re: How do you catch Mis-spellings in spam Dear Webby, Yes, I too have seen all those mif-sbellinks in spam sneaking past my filters. How do I sto that? Fran Dear Fran In MailWasher you can use Regular Expressions. A handy one is the "OR" symbol: | You can for example tell it to look IN THE BODY (pull down selection), then in the second pull down select CONTAINS and then in the content put Vigor|vigar|vogir|vugor and so on. Every time one slips through, look what word they use, and add it. That of course is just one of almost a hundred operators you can use. In the second line you can select the FROM line, in the second selector pull down to BUT NOT IF and put gramma's address into the content part, and a pipe | and humor@webby.com as the second address. So, if any of the naughty words exist in the body, but the FROM address is NOT gramma's address, then it triggers the filter. You can selct what it does with that mail, for example delete it automatically, without even bothering to show it in the list. Until you get comfortable with making filters you can tell it to just flag it for deleting and give you the option to see if your filter is maybe too radical. After a while crafting good filters becomes a game. With MailWasher YOU will win every time. Have FUN! DearWebby A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams and wanted to know what he should do next. His mother suggested, "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great idea and arranged a date for the next weekend. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. He moaned, "Oh, mom, the evening was a complete disaster." His mother said, "Why, didn't she come over?" And the young man said, "Oh, she came over, but she can't cook either."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Find Hidden Places to Store Things By Sandi/Poor But Proud [541 Posts, 2,300 Comments] If you have a door you seldom close like I do or even if you do close it, you can often find hidden storage places. I did this today to keep all my crochet thread and ribbon. I love shoe bags and this one is especially good as I can see what is in each pouch. Some are plastic, but flimsy, and others are sturdy, but made of solid fabric. This is the best of both. With these in here, I now have an empty tub to put in my storage closet for other things, and I just garnered a 4 square foot space on my floor. Recently, I moved everything home from storage to save $500.00 over the next 12 months. It's been a challenge to find spaces for things, but it's getting done. And if you think I am kidding don't look in the top shelves of all my kitchen cabinets, under my bathroom sink, or under the day bed. Seriously, don't. N-JOY!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
President Trump was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang." Hallo, President Trump" a heavily accented voice said. This is Archie, up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada ey? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ey!" Well Archie,"President Trump replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" President Trump paused. "I must tell you Archie, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "President Trump, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Archie?", President Trump asked. "Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor." President Trump sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke." Lard T'underin' Jaysus, bye", said Archie, I'll be getting back to ya." Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Trump, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four byes from the Legion have joined us as well!" President Trump was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and ! 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" Jeysus, Mary and Joseph," said Archie,"I'll have ta call youse back." Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Trump! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war." I'm sorry to hear that" said President Trump. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's just no darn way we can feed two million prisoners."
Buster the Boxer
____________________________________________________ On a vacation in Texas Mike exhibited the exuberance of a tourist. At a diner, he and his brothers ordered cheeseburgers. When his meal arrived, the first thing Mike noticed was its size. "Wow," he exclaimed, "everything really IS bigger in Texas!" As he lifted the burger off the plate, his eyes met the cold stare of the 300-pound waitress and the 2 gallon water pitcher she carried. ____________________________________________________
Let's remember our USA Veterans on this special day.
Let's remember our Canadian Veterans on Remembrance Day.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 11

1620 The Mayflower Compact was signed by the 41 men on the
Mayflower when they landed in what is now Provincetown Harbor
near Cape Cod. The compact called for "just and equal laws." 

1831 Nat Turner, a slave and educated minister, was hanged in
Jerusalem, VA, after inciting a violent slave uprising. 

1851 The telescope was patented by Alvan Clark. 

1868 The first indoor amateur track and field meet was held
by the New York Athletic Club. 

1880 Australian outlaw and bank robber Ned Kelly was hanged
at the Melbourne jail at age 25. 

1887 Labor Activists were hanged in Illinois after being
convicted of being connected to a bombing that killed eight
police officers. 

1889 Washington became the 42nd state of the United States. 

1918 World War I came to an end when the Allies and Germany
signed an armistice. This day became recognized as Veteran's
Day in the United States. 

1918 Poland was reestablished shortly after the surrender of
Germany. 

1920 The body of an unknown British soldier was buried in
Westminster Abbey. The service was recorded with the first
electronic recording process developed by Lionel Guest and
H.O. Merriman. 

1921 The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier was dedicated at
Arlington Cemetery in Virginia by U.S. President Harding. 

1938 Kate Smith first sang Irving Berlin's "God Bless
America" on network radio. 

1940 The Jeep made its debut. 

1942 During World War II, Germany completed its occupation of
France. 

1946 The New York Knickerbockers (now the Knicks) played
their first game at Madison Square Garden. 

1952 The first video recorder was demonstrated by John Mullin
and Wayne Johnson in Beverly Hills, CA. 

1965 The government of Rhodesia declared its independence
from Britain. The country later became known as Zimbabwe. 

1966 The U.S. launched Gemini 12 from Cape Kennedy, FL. The
craft circled the Earth 59 times before returning. 

1972 The U.S. Army turned over its base at Long Bihn to the
South Vietnamese army. The event symbolized the end of direct
involvement in the Vietnam War by the U.S. military. 

1975 Civil war broke out when Angola gained independence from
Portugal. 

1981 Stuntman Dan Goodwin scaled the outside of the 100-story
John Hancock Center in Chicago in about six hours. 

1981 The U.S.S. Ohio was commissioned at the Electric Boat
Division in Groton, CT. It was the first Trident class
submarine. 

1984 The Reverend Martin Luther King Sr. died in Atlanta at
age 84. 

1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan accepted the Vietnam
Veterans Memorial as a gift to the nation from the Vietnam
Veterans Memorial Fund. 

1984 Gary Coleman, at age 13, underwent his second kidney
transplant in Los Angeles. He had his first transplant at age
5. 

1986 Sperry Rand and Burroughs merged to form "Unisys,"
becoming the second largest computer company. 

1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Irises" was sold for a then record
53.9 million dollars in New York. 

1988 Police in Sacramento, CA, found the first of seven
bodies buried on the grounds of a boardinghouse. Dorothea
Puente was later charged in the deaths of nine people,
convicted of three murders and sentenced to life in prison. 

1990 Stormie Jones, the world's first heart-liver transplant
recipient, died at a Pittsburgh hospital at age 13. 

1991 The U.S. stationed its first diplomat in Cambodia in 16
years to help the nation arrange democratic elections. 

1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin told U.S. senators in a
letter that Americans had been held in prison camps after
World War II. Some were "summarily executed," but others were
still living in his country voluntarily. 

1992 The Church of England voted to ordain women as priests. 

1993 Walt Disney Co. announced plans to build a U.S. history
theme park in a Virginia suburb of Washington. The plan was
halted later due to local opposition. 

1993 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Women's Memorial was
dedicated to honor the more than 11,000 women who had served
in the Vietnam War. 

1994 In Gaza, a suicide bomber detonated his explosives at an
Israeli military checkpoint killing three soldiers. 

1996 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund unveiled "The Wall
That Heals." The work was a half-scale replica of the Vietnam
Veterans Memorial that would tour communities throughout the
United States. 

1997 The Eastman Kodak Company announced that they were
laying off 10,000 employees. 

1997 Roger Clemens (Toronto Blue Jays) became the third major
league player to win the Cy Young Award four times. 

1998 Jay Cochrane set a record for the longest blindfolded
skywalk. He walked on a tightrope between the towers of the
Flamingo Hilton in Las Vegas, NV. The towers are 600 feet
apart. 

1998 Israel's Cabinet ratified a land-for-peace agreement
with the Palestinians. 

2002 Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates pledged $100 million to
fight AIDS in India. 

2016  smiled.


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Mis-spellings in spam 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, November 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Burglar breaks into St. Petersburg apartment, 
steals cash, cooks and eats pizza
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 10, in 

1775 The U.S. Marines were organized under authority of the
Continental Congress. The Marines went out of existence after
the end of the Revolutionary War in April of 1783. The Marine
Corps were formally re-established on July 11, 1798. This day
is observed as the birth date of the United States Marine
Corps. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves. --- Albert Guinon One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you." --- George Carlin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Lawyer: How do you feel about defense attorneys? Juror: I think they should all be drowned at birth. Lawyer: Well, then, you are obviously biased for the prosecution. Juror: Not quite true, sir. I think prosecutors should be incinerated at birth. ______________________________________________________ A young man took a city girl for a date at a fancy restaurant out past the suburbs. While studying the menu she asked, "What's filet mignon?" Thinking fast, her date replied, "It's pickled goat's liver. Why?" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Antionne David, 31, St. Petersburg, Floriduh Burglar breaks into St. Petersburg apartment, steals cash, cooks and eats pizza A St. Petersburg man is behind bars after he reportedly broke into a St. Pete apartment, stole cash and cooked and ate a pizza while inside. According to the affidavit, St. Pete police say Antionne David, 31, allegedly broke into a locked apartment at 450 5th Avenue North sometime between October 17th and October 18th. Police say David forced entry into the residence and once inside he took $35 cash, along with food. He reportedly cooked himself a pizza inside of the victim's microwave and ate it. Police found David's fingerprints on the pizza box and in several locations throughout the apartment. The victim and the suspect do not know each other personally. David is being held at the Pinellas County jail on $10,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Elmar Re: Mis-spellings in spam Dear Webby, Why does spam nowadays have so many mis-spellings and garbled words in it ? Even the garbage language the kids use on their chats makes more sense. Elmar Dear Elmar The spammers know that we are using filters to get rid of their crap, and they are trying to sneak around those filters. Nobody with the smarts of a mashed potato buys from one of those spammers, but unfortunately there are enough idiots out there to make it profitable enough for the spammers to keep trying. Very few of the spam victims ever get what they paid for, but that does not seem to stop other bozos from believing spammers. Have FUN! DearWebby Nobody is perfect unless you are in love with them. Nobody is totally imperfect, unless you used to be in love with them.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Coffee Creamer Containers for Storage I dislike grocery shopping, particularly in the wintertime. I get a head start during the summer. I watch for sales on staples. The more I buy now, the less I'll have to lug home in the sleet and snow. I mix my own laundry concoction, and really like it. I use ½ of a popular laundry detergent and ½ of a non chlorine fabric whitener/brightener. Often these powders are lumpy when I first buy them, and even lumpier after being on the shelf for a while. I measure equal amounts of these two into a plastic bucket, stir for a second, and then funnel the lot into clean and dried coffee creamer containers. I keep these filled containers in the laundry room, and at the kitchen sink, where I wash my dish towels in scalding water. (Tip within a tip: I don't use fabric softener on my dish towels. It tends to leave a film on glassware). The lumps do not reform in these plastic containers. I can dispense a little through the pour spout or remove the lid to measure a cup or so. This idea may not be practical for large families, but for a small crew, it should work well. Also, I stock up on wild bird seed. I transfer the contents of a 10 lb. bag of seed into these containers. When refilling my several feeders, it's much easier dispensing from these containers, rather than a 10 lb. bag. With a home made inner seal of foil, the seed will stay fresh and bug free.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "We don't need anyone" they replied. "You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anytime anything." "We have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job." He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00. "How in the world did you do that" they asked. "I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone anywhere anytime." "Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him. "What's that?" he asked. "Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples." He was gone about 8 hours and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine and sets them on the desk and says "Here is Mr.Brown's and this one is Mr.Smith's." "That's good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?" "Well, I passed by the school house and they were having a state teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"
Photobombs
____________________________________________________ >From Friz We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs." "Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her. "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously. "I'll take the special." "How do you want your eggs?" "Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the eggs home. ____________________________________________________
Video Clips From The Coolest One
____________________________________________________
Today on November 10
1775 The U.S. Marines were organized under authority of the
Continental Congress. The Marines went out of existence after
the end of the Revolutionary War in April of 1783. The Marine
Corps were formally re-established on July 11, 1798. This day
is observed as the birth date of the United States Marine
Corps. 

1801 The U.S. state of Tennessee outlawed the practice of
dueling. 

1871 Henry M. Stanley, journalist and explorer, found David
Livingstone. Livingston was a missing Scottish missionary in
central Africa. Stanley delivered his famous greeting: "Dr.
Livingstone, I presume?" 

1879 Western Union and the National Bell Telephone Company
reached a settlement over various telephone patents. 

1917 41 suffragists were arrested in front of the White
House. 

1919 The American Legion held its first national convention,
in Minneapolis, MN. 

1928 Michinomiya Hirohito was enthroned as Emperor of Japan. 

1951 Direct-dial, coast-to-coast telephone service began when
Mayor M. Leslie Denning of Englewood, NJ, called his
counterpart in Alameda, CA. 

1954 The Iwo Jima Memorial was dedicated in Arlington, VA. 

1957 102,368 people attended the San Francisco 49ers and Los
Angeles Rams game. The crowd was the largest regular-season
crowd in NFL history. 

1969 "Sesame Street" made its debut on PBS. 

1970 The Great Wall of China opened for tourism. 

1975 The U.N. General Assembly approved a resolution that
equated Zionism with racism. The resolution was repealed in
December of 1991. 

1975 The Edmund Fitzgerald, an ore-hauling ship, and its crew
of 29 vanished during a storm in Lake Superior. 

1976 The Utah Supreme Court gave approval for Gary Gilmore to
be executed, according to his wishes. The convicted murderer
was put to death the following January. 

1980 CBS News anchor Dan Rather claimed he had been kidnapped
in a cab. It turned out that Rather had refused to pay the
cab fare. 

1982 Soviet leader Leonid I. Brezhnev died of a heart attack
at age 75. He was suceeded by Yuri V. Andropov. 

1982 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial was
opened to visitors. 

1986 Camille Sontag and Marcel Coudari, two Frenchmen were
released by the captors that held them in Lebanon. 

1988 The U.S. Department of Energy announced that Texas would
be the home of the atom-smashing super-collider. The project
was cancelled by a vote of the U.S. Congress in Oct. 1993. 

1990 Chandra Shekhar was sworn in as India's new prime
minister. 

1993 John Wayne Bobbitt was acquitted on the charge of
marital sexual assault against his wife who sexually
mutilated him. Lorena Bobbitt was later acquitted of
malicious wounding of her husband. 

1993 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Brady Bill,
which called for a five-day waiting period for handgun
purchases. 

1994 U.S. officials announced that it planned to stop
enforcing the arms embargo against the Bosnian government the
following week. The U.N. Security Council was opposed to
lifting the ban. 

1994 Iraq recognized Kuwait's borders in the hope that the
action would end trade sanctions. 

1995 Nigeria's military rulers hanged playwright Ken Saro-
Wiwa along with several other anti-government activists. 

1995 In Katmandu, Nepal, searchers rescued 549 hikers after a
massive avalanche struck the Himalayan foothills. The
disaster left 24 tourists and 32 Nepalese dead. 

1996 Dan Marino (Miami Dolphins) became the first quarterback
in NFL history to pass for more than 50,000 yards. (Florida) 

1997 WorldCom Inc. acquired MCI Communication Corporation. It
was the largest merger in U.S. history valued at $37 billion.


1997 A jury in Virginia convicted Mir Aimal Kasi of the
murder of two CIA employees in 1993. 

1997 A judge in Cambridge, MA, reduced Louise Woodward's
murder conviction to manslaughter and sentenced the English
au pair to time served. She had served 279 days in the death
of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. 

1998 At the White House, "The Virtual Wall" website
(www.thevirtualwall.org) was unveiled. The site allows
visitors to experience The Wall through the Internet. 

2001 The World Trade Organization approved China's
membership. 

2016  smiled.


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Tripod Substitute 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, November 9
Thank you, Arlene!

Looks like my prediction, that the people would vote not for
or against a candidate, but against the media, just like in
the Gore / Bush fight, came true again. Déjà vu all over
again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Minnesota Woman On Meth Steals Squad Car After Arrest; 
120 mph High-Speed Chase Follows
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 9, in 

1872 A fire destroyed about 800 buildings in Boston, MA.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Men who are unhappy, like men who sleep badly, are always proud of the fact. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Old Gas Station The service station trade was slow. The owner sat around, With sharpened knife and cedar stick Piled shavings on the ground. No modern facilities had they, The log across the rill Led to a shack, marked His and Hers That sat against the hill. "Where is the ladies restroom, sir?" The owner leaning back, Said not a word but whittled on, And nodded toward the shack. With quickened step she entered there But only stayed a minute Until she screamed, just like a snake Or spider might be in it. With startled look and beet red face She bounded through the door, And headed quickly for the car -- Just like three gals before. She missed the foot log -- jumped the stream, The owner gave a shout, As her pantyhose, down at her knees Caught on a sassafras sprout. She tripped and fell -- got up, and then in obvious disgust, Ran to the car, stepped on the gas, And faded in the dust. Of course we all desired to know What made the gals all do The things they did, and then we found The whittling owner knew. A speaking system he'd devised To make the thing complete, He tied a speaker on the wall Beneath the toilet seat. He'd wait until the gals got set, And then the devilish guy Would stop his whittling long enough To speak into the mike. And as she sat, a voice below Struck terror, fright and fear, "Will you please use the other hole? We're painting under here." ______________________________________________________ An out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife. The next morning, the manager asked the beginner how he did. "Well," the man said, "I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked my wife if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said, 'Yes.' Then I asked her, 'Why?' and she said, 'Because I love you'." ______________________________________________________ Wisconsin ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jennifer Hillard 35, Alexandria, Minnesota Minnesota Woman On Meth Steals Squad Car After Arrest; 120 mph High-Speed Chase Follows A 35-year-old Alexandria woman is in jail after she allegedly stole a squad car and led police on a high-speed chase Sunday evening. Alexandria police say officers and fire crews were dispatched at 6:41 p.m. Sunday to a fire alarm with visible smoke at an apartment on the 500 block of Broadway Street. Upon arrival, officers saw a small fire burning on the living room floor and quickly put out the fire using an extinguisher. There initially didn’t appear to be anyone inside the residence, but officers discovered the tenant, identified as Jennifer Hillard, entered through the ceiling tiles and was hiding inside the ceiling. Police say Hillard then fell through the ceiling tiles and into an adjoining laundry room. She was found with a methamphetamine pipe and lighter in her possession. She was then placed under arrest, handcuffed with her hands behind her back, and placed in the back seat of a squad car. As authorities continued to deal with the scene, Hillard managed to free one of her hands from the handcuffs and squeezed her way through the back sliding window that may have not been secured, gaining access to the front section of the squad car. She then drove off with the Alexandria squad car. A short time later, an officer with Osakis police intercepted Hillard as she was entering Osakis and began to pursue. Before and during the pursuit, Hillard reached speeds of over 120 mph. The pursuit ended on Beltline Road near Sauk Centre when a Minnesota State Trooper deployed stop sticks. Hillard is in custody at the Dakota County Jail pending a court appearance for charges of arson, theft of a motor vehicle, fleeing a peace officer, driving while impaired, possessing a controlled substance, reckless driving and speeding. Police say there were no injuries and damage to property, with the exception of the Alexandria squad car. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Friz Re: Tripod substitute Dear Webby, I forgot my tripod at home, but I have to as usual make all the pictures at the family gathering. What's a quick and cheap fix? I absolutely need something to help me beacuse I know I am too jittery to take candle light shots by hand without the ugly flash. I do have a remote release. Friz Dear Friz No Panic. Just get a sturdy zip-lock plastic bag, fill it two thirds full with sugar or salt or flour. Place the camera onto the bag. Wiggle it a bit so it sits well. You can put that bag onto any piece of furniture, or even onto a stepladder. The camera will be rock-solid and the pictures even sharper than when you use your tripod. If there is a drinker in the family, then the chances a re good that you can locate one fo those pretty Crown Royal bottle bags. That makes a really classy camera pedestal. Have FUN! DearWebby In Northern Minnesota, the game warden stopped a man leaving a lake with two buckets of fish. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" The man said, "No, sir. These are my pet fish." "Pet fish?" the warden queried. "Yes, sir," the man explained. "Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. Then I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take 'em home." The game warden glared at the man and said, "That's impossible. Fish can't do that!" The man looked at the game warden for a moment and said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works." The man poured the fish into the lake and waited. After several minutes, the game warden looked at the man and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" the man asked. "When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted. "Call who back?" the man asked. "The FISH!" And the man said, "What fish?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Coffee Creamer Containers for Storage I dislike grocery shopping, particularly in the wintertime. I get a head start during the summer. I watch for sales on staples. The more I buy now, the less I'll have to lug home in the sleet and snow. I mix my own laundry concoction, and really like it. I use ½ of a popular laundry detergent and ½ of a non chlorine fabric whitener/brightener. Often these powders are lumpy when I first buy them, and even lumpier after being on the shelf for a while. I measure equal amounts of these two into a plastic bucket, stir for a second, and then funnel the lot into clean and dried coffee creamer containers. I keep these filled containers in the laundry room, and at the kitchen sink, where I wash my dish towels in scalding water. (Tip within a tip: I don't use fabric softener on my dish towels. It tends to leave a film on glassware). The lumps do not reform in these plastic containers. I can dispense a little through the pour spout or remove the lid to measure a cup or so. This idea may not be practical for large families, but for a small crew, it should work well. Also, I stock up on wild bird seed. I transfer the contents of a 10 lb. bag of seed into these containers. When refilling my several feeders, it's much easier dispensing from these containers, rather than a 10 lb. bag. With a home made inner seal of foil, the seed will stay fresh and bug free.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Have you ever noticed that good jokes always come back to you ? This one came back via Kristine: While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1957." "Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"
Glacier on the move!
____________________________________________________ So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for: There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off! ____________________________________________________ While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them. The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them. "This is our prison quartet," he said, "behind a few bars and always looking for the key." ____________________________________________________
My favorite time of the year.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 9
1872 A fire destroyed about 800 buildings in Boston, MA. 

1906 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt left for Panama to see
the progress on the new canal. It was the first foreign trip
by a U.S. president. 

1911 George Claude of Paris, France, applied for a patent on
neon advertising signs. 

1918 Germany's Kaiser Wilhelm II announced he would abdicate.
He then fled to the Netherlands. 

1923 In Munich, the Beer Hall Putsch was crushed by German
troops that were loyal to the democratic government. The
event began the evening before when Adolf Hitler took control
of a beer hall full of Bavarian government leaders at
gunpoint. 

1935 United Mine Workers president John L. Lewis and other
labor leaders formed the Committee for Industrial
Organization. 

1938 Nazi troops and sympathizers destroyed and looted 7,500
Jewish businesses, burned 267 synagogues, killed 91 Jews, and
rounded up over 25,000 Jewish men in an event that became
known as Kristallnacht or "Night of Broken Glass." 

1961 Major Robert White flew an X-15 rocket plane at a world
record speed of 4,093 mph. 

1961 The Professional Golfer's Association (PGA) eliminated
its "caucasians only" rule. 

1963 In Japan, about 450 miners were killed in a coal-dust
explosion. 

1963 In Japan, 160 people died in a train crash. 

1965 The great Northeast blackout occurred as several states
and parts of Canada were hit by a series of power failures
lasting up to 13 1/2 hours. 

1967 A Saturn V rocket carrying an unmanned Apollo spacecraft
blasted off from Cape Kennedy on a successful test flight. 

1976 The U.N. General Assembly approved ten resolutions
condemning the apartheid government in South Africa. 

1979 The United Nations Security Council unanimously called
upon Iran to release all American hostages "without delay."
Militants, mostly students had taken 63 Americans hostage at
the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran, on November 4. 

1981 U.S. troops began arriving in Egypt for a three-week
Rapid Deployment Force excercise. Somalia, Sudan and Oman
were also involved in the operation. 

1981 The Internation Monetary Fund approved a $5.8 billion
loan to India. It was the highest loan to date. 

1982 Sugar Ray Leonard retired from boxing. In 1984 Leonard
came out of retirement to fight one more time before becoming
a boxing commentator for NBC. 

1984 A bronze statue titled "Three Servicemen," by Frederick
Hart, was unveiled at the site of the Vietnam Veterans
Memorial in Washington, DC. 

1989 Communist East Germany opened its borders, allowing its
citizens to travel freely to West Germany. 

1990 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev signed a non-
aggression treaty with Germany. 

1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin, visiting London,
appealed for assistance in rescheduling his country's debt,
and asked British businesses to invest. 

1998 A federal judge in New York approved the richest
antitrust settlement in U.S. history. A leading brokerage
firm was ordered to pay $1.03 billion to investors who had
sued over price-rigging of Nasdaq stocks. 

1998 PBS aired its documentary special "Chihuly Over Venice."


2004 U.S. First Lady Laura Bush officially reopened
Pennsylvania Avenue in front of the White House to
pedestrians.

2016  smiled.


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Phony VISA alert email 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuessay, November 8

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida teen charged with murder of his grandmother
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 8, in 

1805 The "Corps of Discovery" reached the Pacific Ocean. The
expedition was led by William Clark and Meriwether Lewis. The
journey had begun on May 14, 1804, with the goal of exploring
the Louisiana Purchase territory. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. --- Laurence J. Peter It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) There is no monument dedicated to the memory of a committee. --- Lester J. Pourciau ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Boudreaux found Thibodeaux walking down the levee, looking really down in the dumps. Naturally, he asked Thibodeaux what the problem was. Thibodeaux told Boudreaux, "Well, me and Clothile done had our first fist fight last night." Boudreaux says, "Aw, dat's too bad. What y'all had a fight about?" Thibodeaux tells him, "Mais, I told her a joke about de Pope." Boudreaux says, "Mais, Thib, why did you do that? You knows dat Clothile is Catholic." Thibodeaux replies, "Yah, I knew dat, but I didn't know de Pope was too." ______________________________________________________ There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself? Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Answer: He is blind, not mute. He can talk and simply ask. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dylan Broughmanm, Jacksonville, Floriduh Florida teen charged with murder of his grandmother The scene that greeted police officers Oct. 10 when they arrived at a domestic disturbance call in East Arlington’s Cobblestone neighborhood was one of mayhem, according to the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office report. Joyce Ann Courson, 69, was sitting in a puddle of blood in the hallway, her right eye split open as fist- and foot-sized holes filled nearby walls in the home on Ashridge Drive, the report said. It all started with her hiding her grandson’s beer, she was able to tell police. Courson’s 18-year-old grandson has been charged with murder after she succumbed to her injuries a week after being slugged repeatedly, according to police. Dylan Nicholas Broughman had initially been charged with aggravated battery, but the murder charge was added Thursday after the Medical Examiner’s Office ruled the death a homicide. Tracey Lynn Broughman, his mother, was briefly in tears Thursday morning after learning of the new charge as she stood in a home that bears the scars of the attack. Calling her mother “my best friend” who took care of them, she looked at holes kicked or punched in three walls near the kitchen and said she felt overwhelmed. “I am sick for the loss of my mother. I am sick for the loss of my son. I don’t feel he deserves to go to prison. I don’t feel in my heart that he meant to do this to the severity that he did,” Broughman said. The initial incident occurred just before 8 a.m. Oct. 10, according to the arrest report. Broughman was in the shower when Courson confiscated his beer. Her grandson became enraged when he couldn’t find his beer and began yelling, “It’s all your fault, everything is your fault!” she told police. From her hospital bed, Courson told them her grandson caved in chunks of the walls in her house and shoved her to the floor as he followed her into a hallway, the report said. That’s when he held her down and punched her in the face with his fist over and over again, then started kicking her. Dillon Ross, a 22-year-old roommate, said he had just gone to bed after his night job when he heard the argument, then some banging. He said the grandmother and grandson sometimes argued in the mornings, so he stayed out of it at first. “She took the beer and he just flipped out and I guess she wouldn’t tell him where she put it, so he started punching holes in the wall, then destroying the house pretty much and then blaming her,” Ross said. “I didn’t think anything of it until I heard this ridiculous crash. That’s when it was like this turned into something crazy. After the crash, I heard the grandmother screaming for help.” Ross said he ran into the foyer and found Courson on the floor, and the 18-year-old was gone. Officers searching the area found Broughman walking nearby on Kernan Boulevard and took him into custody. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Dorothy Re: phoney VISA alert Dear Webby, You might want to advise of the latest VISA scam in email. Thanks! Dorothy Will do. There is some scam-spam going around from some 2-bit crook claiming that your credit card has been used by another person, and that they would help you to get a refund. Actually, they just want to steal your VISA information. If you get that scam-spam, don't click on anything in that email and just delete it. Have FUN! DearWebby Thanks to Ardy for this one: NEWS FLASH! - Dubuque, Iowa - <><><> Iowa's worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two local Iowa college students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today in Dubuque. <> Dubuque search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far, most of them dead, and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. <> The pilot and co-pilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recipe: Sausage and Cabbage Stir-Fry By Sandy [135 Posts] Ingredients: 1 cup noodles uncooked 3/4 lb Polish sausage sliced 8 cups cabbage coarsely chopped 1 small onion 1 apple grated 1/2 tsp. caraway seed 1 Tbsp. brown sugar 2 Tbsp. cider vinegar 1/2 tsp. salt Directions: Cook noodles, drain and set aside. Cook sausage until brown. Remove from skillet. Add to the skillet the cabbage, onion, apple, caraway seed cooking until the cabbage is tender, about 7-10 minutes. Add brown sugar, vinegar and salt. Cover and cook over low heat for 5 minutes. Add sausage and noodles cooking until everything is hot. Source: friend By Sandy from Graettinger, IA Smoked farmer sausage works fine too, more taste, less fat. I save time by cubing an apple or two, half of a sugar cube size. Makes interesting tasty tidbits. Without the noodles, it makes a great veggie side dish. Have FUN! DearWebby
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald and forgetful, they don't recognize you.
bird bounces golf ball on concrete
____________________________________________________ A woman goes to the police station to report that her husband was missing. "Can you give me a description of him?" asked the officer. "He's short and bald and skinny and wrinkled and wears dentures," answered the woman. "Come to think of it, most of him was missing before he was...." ____________________________________________________ Catholic school test. Kids were asked questions about the Bible. Their answers apparently have not been retouched or corrected. 1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. 2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on it in pears. 3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. 4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. 5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. 6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. 7. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. 8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments. 9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. 10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. 11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. 12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. 13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. 14. Solomon, one of David's sons, slept with 300 wives and 700 porcupines. 15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. 16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus with the manager. 17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. 18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head. 19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone. 20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. 21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 debacles. 22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. 23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. 24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. 25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony. ____________________________________________________
Drunk birds in Austria.
____________________________________________________
Today on November 8
1793 The Louvre Museum, in Paris, opened to the public for
the first time. 

1805 The "Corps of Discovery" reached the Pacific Ocean. The
expedition was led by William Clark and Meriwether Lewis. The
journey had begun on May 14, 1804, with the goal of exploring
the Louisiana Purchase territory. 

1889 Montana became the 41st U.S. state. 

1895 Wilhelm Roentgen while experimenting with electricity
discovered the scientific principle involved and took the
first X-ray pictures. 

1910 William H. Frost patented the insect exterminator. 

1923 Adolf Hitler made his first attempt at seizing power in
Germany with a failed coup in Munich that came to be known as
the "Beer-Hall Putsch." 

1933 The Civil Works Administration was created by executive
order by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The
organization was designed to create jobs for more than 4
million unemployed people in the U.S. 

1942 The U.S. invaded Morocco and Algeria. 

1942 During World War II, Operation Torch began as U.S. and
British forces landed in French North Africa. 

1950 During the Korean conflict, the first jet-plane battle
took place as U.S. Air Force Lt. Russell J. Brown shot down a
North Korean MiG-15. 

1956 After turning down 18,000 names, the Ford Motor Company
decided to name their new car the "Edsel," after Henry Ford's
only son. 

1966 Ronald Reagan was elected governor of California. 

1979 The program, "The Iran Crisis: America Held Hostage",
premiered on ABC-TV. The show was planned to be temporary,
but it evolved into "Nightline" in March of 1980. 

1979 U.S. Senators John Warner (R-VA) and Mac Mathias (R-MD)
introduced legislation to provide a site on the National Mall
for the building of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. 

1980 Scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in
California announced that they had discovered a 15th moon
orbiting the planet Saturn. 

1981 Egyptian President Hosni Mubarek asserted that Egypt was
"an African State" that was "neither East nor West". 

1985 A letter signed by four American hostages in Lebanon was
delivered to The Associated Press in Beirut. The letter,
contained pleas from Terry Anderson, Rev. Lawrence Jenco,
David Jacobsen and Thomas Sutherland to President Reagan to
negotiate a release. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered more troop
deployments in the Persian Gulf, adding about 150,000
soldiers to the multi-national force fighting against Iraq. 

1991 The European Community and Canada imposed economic
sanctions on Yugoslavia in an attempt to stop the Balkan
civil war. 

1992 About 350,000 people rallied in Berlin against racist
violence. 

1993 Five Picasso paintings and other artwork were stolen
from the Museum of Modern Art in Stockholm, Sweden. The works
were valued at $52 million. 

1997 Chinese engineers diverted the Yangtze River to make way
for the Three Gorges Dam. 

2000 In Florida, a statewide recount began to decide the
winner of the 2000 U.S. presidential election. 

2000 Waco special counsel John C. Danforth released his final
report that absolved the government of wrongdoing in the 1993
siege of the Branch Davidian compound in Texas. 

2016  smiled.


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