Spyware protection 



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Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  June 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Chilling 911 call reveals abuse in Turpin family
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 22 in
1611 English explorer Henry Hudson, his son and several other
people were set adrift in present-day Hudson Bay by mutineers. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996) Washington is the only place where sound travels faster than light. --- C. V. R. Thompson "Miami was voted the worst road rage city. You have 20-year- olds doing 95, and 95-year-olds doing 20, that's why." --- Craig Ferguson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Asked by his third-grade teacher to spell "straight." The boy did so correctly. "Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?" "Without water." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ THE MILLAU VIADUCT – RECORD FIGURES Length: 2,460 m (8,071 ft) Width: 32 m (105 ft) Maximum height: 343 m (1,125 ft), or 19 m higher than the Eiffel Tower Slope: 3.025 %, going up from north to south in the direction Clermont-Ferrand – Béziers Curve: 20 km (12.4 miles) Height of the tallest pier (P2): 245 m (804 ft) Height of the pylons: 87 m (285 ft) Number of piers: 7 Length of the spans: Two end spans of 204 m (669 ft) each and six central spans of 342 m (1,122 ft) each. Number of stays: 154 (11 pairs per pylon laid out in one mono-axial layer) Tension of the stays: from 900 t to 1,200 t for the longest Weight of the steel deck: 36,000 t, or 5 times that of the Eiffel Tower Volume of concrete: 85,000 m3, or 206,000 t Cost of the construction: 400 Million Euros (585 m USD) Contract duration: 78 years – 3 years for construction and 75 years of operations Structural guarantee: 120 years _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was suddenly and silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned. Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Oh, no he didn't. In fact, my husband just walked in the front door." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Louise Turpin, left, and David Turpin, right, sit in court for a preliminary hearing on June 20, 2018. Louise Turpin, 49, David Turpin, 56, Perris, California Chilling 911 call reveals abuse in Turpin family The 17-year-old girl who called police to report her allegedly abusive parents in Perris, California, said the house the family lived in smelled so badly that she could barely breathe, and she thought she and her 12 siblings might need to go to the doctor. And when she struggled to remember the address of the home, the 911 operator asked her if she was around the corner from her house. "Yeah, I think," the girl said. "I've never been out. I don't go out much." That chilling 911 call was made public Wednesday as part of a preliminary hearing in the case against David and Louise Turpin, the California couple accused of holding their 13 children captive in a "house of horrors." 'I've never been out': Chilling 911 call reveals abuse in Turpin family By Sonya Hamasaki and Eric Levenson, CNN Updated 4:06 AM ET, Thu June 21, 2018 Surveillance shows Turpin siblings' escape Play Video Surveillance shows Turpin siblings' escape 01:05 Riverside, California (CNN)The 17-year-old girl who called police to report her allegedly abusive parents in Perris, California, said the house the family lived in smelled so badly that she could barely breathe, and she thought she and her 12 siblings might need to go to the doctor. And when she struggled to remember the address of the home, the 911 operator asked her if she was around the corner from her house. "Yeah, I think," the girl said. "I've never been out. I don't go out much." That chilling 911 call was made public Wednesday as part of a preliminary hearing in the case against David and Louise Turpin, the California couple accused of holding their 13 children captive in a "house of horrors." Louise Turpin, left, and David Turpin, right, sit in court for a preliminary hearing on June 20, 2018. Louise Turpin, left, and David Turpin, right, sit in court for a preliminary hearing on June 20, 2018. Prosecutors say the couple beat and tortured their children, kept them chained to their beds and starved them- all while the family dogs were kept clean and well-fed. They were arrested on January 14 after their 17-year-old daughter escaped from a window and called 911 on a deactivated cell phone. The Turpin siblings are comprised of six minors and seven adults, ranging in age from 2 years old to 29. David Turpin, 56, and Louise Turpin, 49, pleaded not guilty to more than 40 charges, including torture, false imprisonment, abuse of a dependent adult and child abuse. David Turpin also pleaded not guilty to one count of lewd conduct with a minor. Despite the horror of the 911 call, the girl's voice sounded remarkably calm and clear while relating her experience. But the call, as well as police who responded to the scene, provided several disturbing new details from the home and the degree to which the parents controlled their children's lives. "I can't breathe because of how dirty the house is," the Turpin daughter said on the call. "We don't take baths. I don't know if we need to go to the doctor." Accounts of abuse and starvation Other Turpin children told investigators they were abused. A 14-year-old girl said Louise Turpin threw her down the stairs when she was caught in her mom's room, investigator Brett Rooker of the Riverside County Sheriff's Office testified. "She said she was terrified of her mother," he said. An 11-year-old girl said that Louise Turpin would often punch them with a closed fist and hit her with an open hand, Riverside County Deputy Sheriff Daniel Brown testified. The girl said that sometimes, her mother pulled her hair so forcefully it would lift her off the ground, Brown said. The girl said she was "always hungry," he further testified. The children were fed jalapeno baloney sandwiches while the parents ate Jersey Mike's, pizza and fries, he said. The girl said Louise Turpin would buy apple juice but the children weren't allowed to drink it. She kept pie in the fridge or pantry until it became moldy and then threw it away. A doctor who treated the family said the 11-year-old girl was in the worst condition when the examined her, Patrick Morris, Supervising Investigator for Riverside County District Attorney, testified. She had a body weight percentile of .01 and her mid arm circumference was equal to that of a 4.5-month-old baby, Morris testified. The doctor said she had psychosocial dwarfism, stunted growth due to living in an environment that is abusive or neglected. The 15-year-old boy had difficulty walking, vitamin D deficiency, and visible scoliosis. He told the doctor that he wanted to kill animals and could predict the future, Morris testified. The 17-year-old Turpin daughter who made the 911 call weighed about 97 pounds with a BMI of 2.2% when doctors first examined her, Morris said. In other parts of the call, told the operator that her parents were abusive and had chained up two of her sisters, and that she thought her father had guns in the house. She also said she hadn't taken a bath in almost a year. Riverside Deputy Manuel Campos, who responded to the 911 call, testified on Wednesday that the girl appeared much younger than 17. "She appears not to bathe regularly," he also said. "There was odor emitting from her body of one that doesn't bathe regularly." The girl was shaking on the call and "scared to death" from the daring escape out of the window, Campos said. She said that she was kept in the room with her sisters for about 20 hours a day, and that she was only allowed to leave the room to eat, use the restroom and brush her teeth, Campos said. If she broke the rules, she would be disciplined in the form of knocking on the head, pulling of hair, or being smacked in the face. After she watched a Justin Bieber video on a cell phone, her mother choked her, she told Campos. In addition to the physical abuse, there was a sexual incident with her father, the girl told police. She said her father pulled her pants down, grabbed her and put her on his lap. She tried to push him away, and pulled her pants up, Campos said. He also tried to force kisses on her mouth, she told Campos, and this happened about 10 times. The girl said her father told her not to tell anyone, Campos said. They remain in custody in lieu of $12 million bail each after pleading not guilty to all of their charges.
Tech Support Pits om: Pat Re: Spyware Protection Dear Webby love your Humor Letter and was wondering if you could help me...do you know what the best spyware protection to run on your computer..I am haveing problems and don't know what to get. Thanks Pat Dear Pat I use Spybot-Search&Destroy from the right side menu in the Humor Letter. That one is free. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A woman in my office who had recently divorced after years of marriage, signed up for a refresher CPR course. "Is it hard to learn?" someone asked. "Not at all," my co-worker replied. "Basically you're asked to breathe life into a dummy. I don't expect to have any problem. I did that for 12 years."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Linda is taking the driving portion of her driver's license exam. She handles most of the maneuvers quite well. She has a little trouble parallel parking, however, and winds up a couple of feet from the curb. "Could you get a little closer?" the examiner asks. The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over toward the examiner. "Now what?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Seafood Odors From Hands To remove seafood odor from your hands after dealing with boiled shrimp, crab, fish, etc., simply sprinkle salt onto wet hands, rub and rinse. No more odors. Lemon juice also works well for removing seafood smells. By Patricia Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Where is your fernweh? My longing is for Cades Cove in the Great Smoky Mountains. The first and only time I visited it I cried all the way through because it felt like I had "come home." I also have a longing for Scotland, Ireland and England, and have always felt I didn't belong in this time period either.
___________________________________________________ HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. --- Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. --- Lori, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. --- Anita, age 9 HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? --- Kelvin, age 8 ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A fellow got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling that something about this day was to be different. Something unusual WAS about to happen today. He glanced out the window at the thermometer: 33 degrees. He went downstairs - the clock had stopped at 3 o'clock. He picked up the newspaper and read the date: the 3rd of the month. Threes - that was it! He grabbed the paper and flipped it open to the racing section. Sure enough in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio! The fellow hurried to the bank, drew out his life savings and bet it all on the horse to win. The horse finished 3rd. ____________________________________________________

Today, June 22 in
1558 The French took the French town of Thioville from the English.

1611 English explorer Henry Hudson, his son and several other
people were set adrift in present-day Hudson Bay by mutineers. 

1772 Slavery was outlawed in England. 

1807 British seamen board the USS Chesapeake, a provocation leading
to the War of 1812. 

1815 Napoleon Bonaparte abdicated a second time. 

1832 J.I. Howe patented the pin machine. 

1874 Dr. Andrew Taylor Still began the first known practice of
osteopathy. 

1909 The first transcontinental auto race ended in Seattle, WA. 

1911 King George V of England was crowned. 

1915 Austro-German forces occupied Lemberg on the Eastern Front as
the Russians retreat. 

1925 France and Spain agreed to join forces against Abd el Krim in
Morocco. 

1933 Germany became a one political party country when Hitler
banned parties other than the Nazis. 

1939 The first U.S. water-ski tournament was held at Jones Beach,
on Long Island, New York. 

1940 France and Germany signed an armistice at Compiegne, on terms
dictated by the Nazis. 

1941 Under the codename Barbarossa, Germany invaded the Soviet
Union. 

1942 A Japanese submarine shelled Fort Stevens at the mouth of the
Columbia River. 

1942 V-Mail, or Victory-Mail, was sent for the first time. 

1944 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the "GI Bill of
Rights" to provide broad benefits for veterans of the war. 

1945 During World War II, the battle for Okinawa officially ended
after 81 days. 

1946 Jet airplanes were used to transport mail for the first time. 

1956 The battle for Algiers began as three buildings in Casbah were
blown up. 

1964 The U.S. Supreme Court voted that Henry Miller's book, "Tropic
of Cancer", could not be banned. 

1970 U.S. President Richard Nixon signed an extension of the Voting
Rights Act of 1965. It required that the voting age in the United
States to be 18. 

1973 Skylab astronauts splashed down safely in the Pacific after a
record 28 days in space. 

1974 In Chicago, the Sears Tower Skydeck opened. (After 9/11 Sears
got scared and evacuated. It is now the Willis Tower) 

1978 James W. Christy and Robert S. Harrington discovered the only
known moon of Pluto. The moon is named Charon. 

1980 The Soviet Union announced a partial withdrawal of its forces
from Afghanistan. 

1989 The government of Angola and the anti-Communist rebels of the
UNITA movement agreed to a formal truce in their 14-year-old civil
war. 

1990 Checkpoint Charlie was dismantled in Berlin. 

1992 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that hate-crime laws
that ban cross-burning and similar expressions of racial bias
violated free-speech rights. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that evidence illegally obtained
by authorities could be used at revocation hearings for a convicted
criminal's parole. 

1998 The 75th National Marbles Tournament began in Wildwood, NJ. 

1999 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that persons with remediable
handicaps cannot claim discrimination in employment under the
Americans with Disability Act. 

2009 Eastman Kodak Company announced that it would discontinue
sales of the Kodachrome Color Film.

2018  smiled.


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Fake INTERAC spams 



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Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday,  June 21
Longest day of the year!
That always makes me sad. The weather is going to get hotter,
but the days will get shorter. I don't really work outside much
anymore, it's just a hang over from my youth. Oh, well, I will get
over it by December 21, when the days will get longer again.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
NJ Dealer charged with homicide after 
15-year-old customer's heroin overdose
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 21 in
1404 Owain Glyndwr established a Welsh Parliament at Machynlleth
and was crowned Prince of Wales.

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions. --- Cullen Hightower Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) The difference between a job and a career is the difference between forty and sixty hours a week." --- Robert Frost ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, "I sent my daughter in here for two pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales." The baker looked at her calmly and replied, "Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your daughter." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Wilson's bird-of-paradise _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked. "Yes," Chris said. "She's visiting." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we need her, we just go out there and get her." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Austin Cooper, 21, Willingboro, New Jersey NJ Dealer charged with homicide after 15-year-old customer's heroin overdose A suspected heroin dealer was charged with homicide on Monday after one of his customers a 15-year-old girl fatally overdosed just after Christmas last year. Austin Cooper, 21, of Willingboro, was charged with first-degree strict liability for drug-induced death, the Burlington County Prosecutor's Office said in a statement. On December 26, a family member found Madison McDonald unresponsive at her home in Evesham Township's Marlton section. She was barely alive and transported to Virtua Marlton Hospital, and later flown to Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She died on December 28. Authorities investigating McDonald's death found that Cooper delivered 10 bags of heroin to the home before she died. He was charged at the time possessing and dealing heroin. Burlington County Prosecutor Scott Coffina has pledged to "aggressively" pursue the strict liability charge when possible in prosecution, to help fight the opioid epidemic. On that charge, a dealer can face 10 to 20 years in state prison, as opposed to three to five years for drug distribution.
Tech Support Pits From: Ana Re: Interac Dear Webby I keep getting these emails looking like they are from Interac claiming that somebody, whose name I have never heard of, had sent me money. Well, nobody ever sends money to me, so I just let MailWasher dump it. Mailwasher flags it as bad. Is there the slightest chance that one of Hillary's buddies is trying to send me money to mess with the next election? I doubt it. So, what is that stuff? Ana Dear Ana Trust MailWasher. It is just spam from Russia. I get it too. It LOOKS like an Interac notice, but with wacky spelling in the hidden header. Just let MailWasher dump it, and most definitely don't click on anything in those fake Interac notices. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A tractor salesman was passing a farm, where the farmer was plowing the field with a bull. He goes over and offers to sell the farmer a tractor to plow with. The farmer tells him "I don't need a tractor, I have three new ones at the barn" Well if you have three new tractors at the barn, why are you plowing this field with that bull, asked the salesman ? The farmer replied, "This is part of the bulls continuing education. I am teaching him that there is more to farming than messing with cows and tearing down fences.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you." "First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds. Second, you should use about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next floor." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Beans Without Gas You can reduce gas from eating beans by boiling beans for 1/2 hour, rinsing, and soaking for several more hours. This methods works because triglycerides soak out and get discarded. I rinse beans multiple times, even canned ones. By Rose Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Secret doomsday shelters......
___________________________________________________ Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me "You're next!" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
When an express train to London made an unscheduled stop at Reading, the philosopher, C.E.M. Joad, climbed aboard. "You¹ve got to get off sir," the guard told him, "this train doesn¹t stop here." Replied Joad, "In that case, don't worry. If it didn't stop here, I didn't get on it." ____________________________________________________

Today, June 21 in
1404 Owain Glyndwr established a Welsh Parliament at Machynlleth
and was crowned Prince of Wales. 

1788 The U.S. Constitution went into effect when New Hampshire
became the ninth state to ratify it. 

1834 Cyrus McCormick patented the first practical mechanical reaper
for farming. His invention allowed farmers to more than double
their crop size. 

1859 Andrew Lanergan received the first rocket patent. 

1893 The Ferris Wheel was introduced at the World's Columbian
Exposition in Chicago, IL. 

1913 Georgia Broadwick became the first woman to jump from an
airplane. 

1937 In Paris, Leon Blum's Popular Front Cabinet resigned. 

1938 In Washington, U.S. President Roosevelt signed the $3.75
billion Emergency Relief Appropriation Act. 

1941 German troops entered Russia on a front from the Arctic to
Black Sea. 

1945 Pan Am announced an 88-hour round-the-world flight at a cost
of $700. 

1954 The American Cancer Society reported significantly higher
death rates among cigarette smokers than among non-smokers. 

1958 In Arkansas, a federal judge let Little Rock delay school
integration. 

1958 Linus Pauling and Detlev Bronke, both Americans, were elected
to the Soviet Academy of Science. 

1963 France announced that they were withdrawing from the North
Atlantic NATO fleet. 

1973 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states may ban materials
found to be obscene according to local standards. 

1974 The U.S. Supreme Court decided that pregnant teachers could no
longer be forced to take long leaves of absence. 

1985 Scientists announced that skeletal remains exhumed in Brazil
were those of Nazi war criminal Josef Mengele. 

1989 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that burning the American flag as
a form of political protest was protected by the First Amendment. 

2001 Former Haitian Army colonel Carl Dorelien taken into custody
in Port St. Lucie. Dorelien had been in exile since 1994 when he
was sentenced to life in prison for his role in a 1994 massacre. 

2003 The fifth Harry Potter book, "Harry Potter and the Order of
the Phoenix," was published by J.K. Rowling. Amazon.com shipped out
more than one million copies on this day making the day the largest
distribution day of a single item in e-commerce history. The book
set sales records around the world with an estimated 5 million
copies were sold on the first day. 

2004 SpaceShipOne, designed by Burt Rutan and piloted by Mike
Melvill, reached 328,491 feet above Earth in a 90 minute flight.
The height is about 400 feet above the distance scientists consider
to be the boundary of space.

2018  smiled.


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Any allowance for autoresponders? 



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Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday,  June 20

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Police find suspected burglar hiding 
under bed with legs poking out
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 20 in
1977 The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. 
Still works fine.

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I'm still an atheist, thank God. --- Luis Bunuel (1900 - 1983) I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. --- Margaret Thatcher (1925 - ), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Schwartz goes to see his Rabbi. He says, "Rabbi, I think my wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi says, "I'll tell you what...let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls Schwartz and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for four hours, or rather listened to her for four hours." Schwartz says, Do you have any advice?" The Rabbi says, "Yeah. Take the poison." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing. The week's a freebie." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it," says St. Peter and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asketh the Lord. St. Peter answered, "He's on a snow tire somewhere in Tasmania." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jan Sivak, Calderdale, England Todays Bonehead Award: Police find suspected burglar hiding under bed with legs poking out If you’re going to hide from the police, perhaps it would be wise to make sure your legs aren’t sticking out from beneath your bed. Burglary suspect Jan Sivak didn’t follow this advice and was snapped with his feet hanging out at his home in Halifax. West Yorkshire Police then posted the picture on social media with the caption: ‘He will not be winning any awards for hide-and-seek champion soon.’ Sivak, from Halifax, had gone on the run after failing to surrender to bail at Bradford Magistrates Court on Tuesday. He had been accused of stealing £4,500 in cash from a fish and chip shop. After he was caught he eventually appeared in court and admitted failing to surrender, which he received a 14 day sentence for. Gulfraz Khan, defending, said Sivak had tried to get to court on the day of his appearance but was unsuccessful. Sivak pleaded not guilty to burglary of a non-dwelling and was remanded into custody until July 28 for trial at Bradford Crown Court.
Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Is there any allowance for auto-responders? Dear Webby I can understand that with your volume of mail you consider autoresponders a silly and unnhecessary nuisance. I use Hoitmail and Yahoo mail, and as you probably know, they are a bit flakey and one never knkows if mail to me actually got through. Woould an auto-responder be OK in my case, telling people that their mail did get to me and will be answered soon? Brenda Dear Brenda Get Gmail. It is free, and very reliable. I have used it since it got started, and have not lost any mail. Some got accidentally sorted into the spam or trash folder, but it DID arrive. Using an autoresponder because you are sleeping or on the potty is silly. If somebody expects an instant reply, then you should tell them to get a life and consider that other people have lives too! I answer mail at all times of day or night. Depending on the time zone, people might be sleeping or cooking or shopping or working away from their computer. So, what? Sooner or later they will see my mail, and that will be soon enough. I also know that many people use their employer's computer for their email. If their address has the domain of some company, then I know not to expect answers on the weekend. I do NOT need an autoresponder telling me that Ms Hortensia Buttflower will return to work on Monday. The same probably applies to you and your contacts. If you don't reply instantly, the smarter ones will realize that you might be working on something else, or sleeping. Once you get Gmail or any reliable mail, forget about having to be a nuisance. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A lady was taking her time browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the homeowner, "My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale." "I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains," the homeowner replied. "Normally, yes," the lady said. "But he just fell off the roof and broke both his legs, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sweetening Whipped Cream Sweeten homemade whipped cream with Confectioner's (powdered) sugar instead of granulated sugar, if you like sweet whipped cream. The cream will hold its shape better, and be fluffier. By Nancy Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Illusions that make you question your eyesight.
___________________________________________________ The priest was passing a group of young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing. "Nothing much, father," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life." "Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex." In unison they all replied, "You win!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out that the topic of "Show and Tell" that day had been parents' occupations. The teacher pulled me aside. Whispering, she advised, "You might want to explain a little bit more to your daughter what you do for a living." I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars in motel conference rooms. When I asked why, the teacher explained, "Your daughter told the class she wasn't sure what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went to work at motels." ____________________________________________________

Today, June 20 in
0451 Roman and Barbarian warriors brought Attila's army to a halt
at the Catalaunian Plains in eastern France. 

1397 The Union of Kalmar united Denmark, Sweden, and Norway under
one monarch. 

1756 In India, 150 British soldiers were imprisoned in a cell that
became known as the "Black Hole of Calcutta." 

1782 The U.S. Congress approved the Great Seal of the United
States. 

1791 King Louis XVI of France was captured while attempting to flee
the country in the so-called Flight to Varennes. 

1793 Eli Whitney applied for a cotton gin patent. He received the
patent on March 14. The cotton gin initiated the American mass-
production concept. 

1837 Queen Victoria ascended the British throne following the death
of her uncle, King William IV. 

1863 The National Bank of Philadelphia in Philadelphia, PA, became
the first bank to receive a charter from the U.S. Congress. 

1898 The U.S. Navy seized the island of Guam enroute to the
Phillipines to fight the Spanish. 

1910 Mexican President Porfirio Diaz proclaimed martial law and
arrested hundreds. 

1923 France announced it would seize the Rhineland to assist
Germany in paying its war debts. That did not go mover well.

1928 Washburn-Crosby Company merged with 26 other mills to become
General Mills. 

1941 The U.S. Army Air Forces was established, replacing the Army
Air Corps. The Army Air Forces were abolished with the creation of
the United States Air Force in 1947. 

1943 Race-related rioting erupted in Detroit. Federal troops were
sent in two days later to end the violence that left more than 30
dead. 

1947 Benjamin "Bugsy" Siegel was murdered in Beverly Hills, CA, at
the order of mob associates angered over the soaring costs of his
project, the Flamingo resort in Las Vegas, NV. 

1963 The United States and Soviet Union signed an agreement to set
up a hot line communication link between the two countries. 

1967 Muhammad Ali was convicted in Houston of violating Selective
Service laws by refusing to be drafted. The U.S. Supreme Court
later overturned the conviction. 

1977 The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. 

1997 The tobacco industry agreed to a massive settlement in
exchange for major relief from mounting lawsuits and legal bills. 

2002 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the execution of mentally
retarded murderers was unconstitutionally cruel. The vote was 6 in
favor and 3 against. 

2018  smiled.


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Autoresponders 



---

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday,  June 19

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman called 'Asian Persuasion' accused 
of robbing man in his W OKC hotel room
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 19 in
0240 BC Eratosthenes calculated the circumference of the Earth
using the length of the shadow of his walking stick at two
locations, and trigonometry. He was quite accurate. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A true friend is the greatest of all blessings, and that which we take the least care of all to acquire. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the teacher singled him out. "If I gave you $200," the teacher began, "and you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would you have?" "Well, it sure would be no orgy!" Johnny answered, "Helen, my girlfriend, would bust my skull for that!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ had been misbehaving and was sent to bed. After a while emerged and informed mother that had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you about your misbehaving, He will help you." "Oh, I don't need help with misbehavin' ", said . "I asked Him to help me not to get caught quite so much." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Geiselle Stevenson, 31, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Woman called 'Asian Persuasion' accused of robbing man in his W OKC hotel room Police are looking for a woman who goes by the name "Asian Persuasion" who they say helped rob a man at a hotel. It happened at the Ramada at 2200 S. Meridian. Police say the suspect whose real name is Geiselle Stevenson helped men ambush the victim. The victim was staying at the hotel from out of town. He told police he went to pick her up at her apartment at the 10 West Apartments and took her back to his room. When he opened the door, he told police two men came up behind him and forced him into the room at gunpoint. The three of them made off with his clothing and cash, and yanked the gold chain he was wearing around his neck. Police are looking for a woman who goes by the name "Asian Persuasion" on the street, who they say helped rob a man at a hotel. They escaped in a gray Chevy Impala with a "Jesus" sticker on the back. The victim told police it was Stevenson, describing the tattoos on her face and the gem studs in her cheeks. Police are looking for a woman who goes by the name "Asian Persuasion" who they say helped rob a man at a hotel. She has a number of previous arrests. Back in March, Stevenson was in the news after police say she tried to steal a woman's purse in a motel parking lot. Then, she was caught trying to sneak into a man's room before he slammed the door in her face. She did end up inside another victim's room. The robbers stole four pairs of the victim's Jordan sneakers totaling about $840 and a $600 gold chain, among other belongings, according to the report. One of the men, whom police identified as Dennico Henderson, 25, held the victim at gun point with a .40-caliber semiautomatic pistol while the other man and Asian Persuasion went through the victim's belongings, according to the report. Police impounded the Chevy Impala. They are still looking for Stevenson. Henderson, the gunman, was arrested and released on bail.
Tech Support Pits From: Lollytoo Re: Unavailable Hello, I am unavailable to read your message at this time Lollytoo Dear Lollytoo You don't really have to tell me each time when you are busy playing with yourself. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Sue noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that is going to help." "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor. That will be $100. So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith: "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Tupperware Unstained In order to keep your Tupperware looking new, try this. Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces. There won't be any stains, it should all just wash out. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
When dentures used real human teeth.
___________________________________________________ Q: How can I avoid always being handed other peoples' drooling brats? A: Drop one or two. Keep your hands in your pockets when they try to foist them on you. That method really works! ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man and his wife were planning a vacation. They ended up in an argument, though..."It's 'Hawaii', I'm telling you!" she said. "I never KNEW someone so stubborn! 'Havaii' is how it's pronounced!" he replied. And so it went all the way to the vacation... As they got off the airplane, they passed a man. The husband abruptly stopped the wife and turned to the man to ask, "Now that we're on the island, you can settle an argument between my wife and me. Is this'Hawaii' or 'Havaii?'" "This is Havaii," the man replied. "Ha!" the husband gloated, turning to his wife. "See, didn't I tell you never to argue with me? I'm alllll-ways right!" As they began to walk away, he turned back and gave the man a hearty "Thank you!" "You're Velcome!!!" ____________________________________________________

Today, June 19 in
0240 BC Eratosthenes calculated the circumference of the Earth
using the length of the shadow of his walking stick at two
locations, and trigonometry. He was quite accurate.

1586 English colonists sailed away from Roanoke Island, NC, after
failing to establish England's first permanent settlement in
America. 

1778 U.S. General George Washington's troops finally left Valley
Forge after a winter of training. 

1821 The Ottomans defeated the Greeks at the Battle of Dragasani. 

1846 The New York Knickerbocker Club played the New York Club in
the first baseball game at the Elysian Field, Hoboken, NJ. It was
the first organized baseball game. 

1862 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln outlined his Emancipation
Proclamation, which outlawed slavery in U.S. territories. 

1864 The USS Kearsarge sank the CSS Alabama off of Cherbourg,
France. 

1865 The emancipation of slaves was proclaimed in Texas. 

1873 Eadweard Muybridge successfully photographed a horse named
"Sallie Gardner" in fast motion using a series of 24 stereoscopic
cameras. This is considered the first step toward motion pictures. 

1903 The young school teacher, Benito Mussolini, was placed under
investigation by police in Bern, Switzerland. 

1910 The first Father's Day was celebrated in Spokane, Washington. 

1911 In Pennsylvania, the first motion-picture censorship board was
established. 

1912 The U.S. government established the 8-hour work day. 

1917 During World War I, King George V ordered the British royal
family to dispense with German titles and surnames. 

1933 France granted Leon Trotsky political asylum. 

1934 The U.S. Congress established the Federal Communications
Commission (FCC). The commission was to regulate radio and TV
broadcasting. 

1937 The town of Bilbao, Spain, fell to the Nationalist forces. 

1939 In Atlanta, GA, legislation was enacted that disallowed
pinball machines in the city. 

1942 Norma Jeane Mortenson (Marilyn Monroe) and her 21-year-old
neighbor Jimmy Dougherty were married. They were divorced in June
of 1946. 

1942 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill arrived in
Washington, DC, to discuss the invasion of North Africa with U.S.
President Roosevelt. 

1943 Henry Kissinger became a naturalized United States citizen. 

1944 The U.S. won the battle of the Philippine Sea against the
Imperial Japanese fleet. 

1951 U.S. President Harry S. Truman signed the Universal Military
Training and Service Act, which extended Selective Service until
July 1, 1955 and lowered the draft age to 18. 

1958 In Washington, DC, nine entertainers refused to answer a
congressional committee's questions on communism. 

1961 Kuwait regained complete independence from Britain. 

1961 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a provision in Maryland's
constitution that required state officeholders to profess a belief
in God. 

1964 The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was approved after surviving an
83-day filibuster in the U.S. Senate. 

1965 Air Marshall Nguyen Cao Ky became South Vietnam's youngest
premier at age 34. 

1968 50,000 people marched on Washington, DC. to support the Poor
People's Campaign. 

1973 The Case-Church Amendment prevented further U.S. involvement
in Southeast Asia. 

1973 Pete Rose (Cincinnati Reds) got his 2,000th career hit. 

1973 The stage production of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" opened
in London. 

1973 Gordie Howe left the NHL to join his sons Mark and Marty in
the WHA (World Hockey League). 

1978 Garfield was in newspapers around the U.S. for the first time.

1981 "Superman II" set the all-time, one-day record for theater
box-office receipts when it took in $5.5 million. 

1981 The European Space Agency sent two satellites into orbit from
Kourou, French Guiana. 

1983 Lixian-nian was chosen to be China's first president since
1969. 

1987 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Louisiana law that
required that schools teach creationism. 

1989 The movie "Batman" premiered. 

1998 Gateway was fined more than $400,000 for illegally shipping
personal computers to 16 countries subject to U.S. export controls.

1998 A study released said that smoking more than doubles risks of
developing dementia and Alzheimer's. 

1998 Switzerland's three largest banks offered $600 million to
settle claims they'd stolen the assets of Holocaust victims during
World War II. Jewish leaders called the offer insultingly low. 

2000 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a group prayer led by
students at public-school football games violated the 1st
Amendment's principle that called for the separation of church and
state. 

2018  smiled.


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Bacdjking up to the cloud 




---

Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,  June 18

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Homeowner Returns From Work, 
Interrupts Pot And Cake Party
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 18 in
1812 The War of 1812 began as the U.S. declared war against 
Great Britain. The conflict began over trade restrictions. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. --- Doug Larson Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own. --- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799) Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak. --- Jay Leno ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the mountains of Alberta spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 1200-foot embankment, landed on it's roof, and burst into flames. There were no injuries. One of them yelled: "Let's do it again!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Linda for this picture: Plitvice Lakes in Croatia _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A driver who was bringing a meticulously prepared and pre-dented bus to a location in New York City for an on-location movie shoot, was too early and drove to a nearby restaurant to wait there. Just to be funny, he carefully lined up the artificial dent at the front with a light pole. When he came back out of the restaurant, there were eight passengers in the bus, moaning and groaning and "Oy-vey-it's me" ing about whiplash and talking to their lawyers on their cellphones. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeremiah Garib, 19, Morganfield, Kentucky Homeowner Returns From Work, Interrupts Pot And Cake Party Four Union County residents have been accused of breaking into a woman's house, smoking marijuana, baking a cake and stealing a pair of shoes. It happened around 3 p.m. Monday on East Houston Street, according to 'The Gleaner.' The Morganfield Police Department says a resident came home from work to find Jeremiah Garib, 19, Xavion R. Elkins, 20, and two juveniles running out of her house. Officials said the resident was able to positively identify Garib as an acquaintance of her son, who was not home. MPD Chief Geoffrey Deibler said Garib, Elkins and the juveniles did not have permission to be in the dwelling. Police said after looking around the house, the owner discovered that she'd interrupted a party of sorts with cake, ice cream, and marijuana. "When the individuals broke into the home they had baked a cake, and were preparing to eat the cake and some ice cream when the homeowner returned home from work," a news release said. "Upon fleeing they had left some marijuana residue inside the home and the smell of smoked marijuana was in the air." In a later interview with The Gleaner, Chief Deibler said the group apparently couldn't find icing so they opened a jar of homemade jam and were using it to ice the cake. Garib had allegedly left his shirt and loafers behind, but had taken the time to grab a pair of the resident's son's shoes, Deibler said. When Garib allegedly left the house, he went to a local business called Theramax on North Court Street. There he hid some marijuana that had been "packaged for sale" in a trash can, Deibler said. Two were arrested and face charges.
Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Cloud Backup, again Dear Webby, Good Morning: I was wondering if you have had a chance to consider my question about cloud backup. I am presently backing up to two external drives using "EaseUS ToDo". I find this to be less than satisfactory, because I still lose data. The original email appears below. Thanks again. Bill Hi Bill I answered you on June 14. Look for the one where I mentioned Xcopy. To: gardner@cottagecountry.net Subject: Re: Cloud Backup Are you blocking me or sending me to your SPAM folder? Here it is again: ================================== Hi Bill By using an intelligent method to backing up, you can save yourself a lot of money. For example, Windows is stashed on a hidden partition and can be re-installed from there. If the hard drive fails, you can get it again from the manufacturer. Most programs you can download again and re-install, if you have saved the download URL and your registration or serial number. You can print those. Do that with everything, except the stuff you have created or received. That will actually be very little and will easily fit into a free Google Cloud back-up. You can even put it onto a thumb drive or camera chip. You can use a DOS bat using xcopy, the world's most powerful "program". With xcopy you just copy what is newer at the source than at the destination, a trick that saves a lot of time and space. Make a plain text list of what you want to back up. then write a "bat" using that list and pasting xcopy /D /E /C /H /I /O /R /Y /Z in the front of each line, and at the end a space and the destination. An example line would be: xcopy /D /E /C /H /I /O /R /Y /Z C:\Program Files (x86)\Qualcomm\Eudora\*.* I:\alpha\eudora I: in this case is the camera chip, that you use for back-up. Once you got all the goodies listed like that, save the file as back.bat Find the file with the file explorer, and make a shortcut icon for it, and drag that to the desktop. Now, every time you swat that shortcut, it will check all items in your list to see what is newer on the computer than on the camera chip. It won't waste time on stuff, that is not newer, and just back up what is newer. You can, of course, use two camera chips, one to be in your safety deposit box, and the other in a chip reader, and once a month you swap the chips. All those "switches" (/D /E /C /H /I /O /R /Y /Z) are optional. You can read up on them here, but no need to study and memorize them. Just use them the way I got them in the example. You can, of course, use different ones. Up to you. XCOPY source [destination] [/A | /M] [/D[:date]] [/P] [/S [/E]] [/V] [/W] [/C] [/Q] [/F] [/L] [/G] [/H] [/R] [/T] [/U] [/K] [/N] [/O] [/X] [/Y] [/-Y] [/Z]
[/EXCLUDE:file1[+file2][+file3]...] source Specifies the file(s) to copy. destination Specifies the location and/or name of new files. /A Copies only files with the archive attribute set, doesn't change the attribute. /M Copies only files with the archive attribute set, turns off the archive attribute. /D:m-d-y Copies files changed on or after the specified date. If no date is given, copies only those files whose source time is newer than the destination time. /EXCLUDE:file1[+file2][+file3]... Specifies a list of files containing strings. Each string should be in a separate line in the files. When any of the strings match any part of the absolute path of the file to be copied, that file will be excluded from being copied. For example, specifying a string like \obj\ or .obj will exclude all files underneath the directory obj or all files with the .obj extension respectively. /P Prompts you before creating each destination file. /S Copies directories and subdirectories except empty ones. /E Copies directories and subdirectories, including empty ones. Same as /S /E. May be used to modify /T. /V Verifies the size of each new file. /W Prompts you to press a key before copying. /C Continues copying even if errors occur. /I If destination does not exist and copying more than one file, assumes that destination must be a directory. /Q Does not display file names while copying. /F Displays full source and destination file names while copying. /L Displays files that would be copied. /G Allows the copying of encrypted files to destination that does not support encryption. /H Copies hidden and system files also. /R Overwrites read-only files. /T Creates directory structure, but does not copy files. Does not include empty directories or subdirectories. /T /E includes empty directories and subdirectories. /U Copies only files that already exist in destination. /K Copies attributes. Normal Xcopy will reset read- only attributes. /N Copies using the generated short names. /O Copies file ownership and ACL information. /X Copies file audit settings (implies /O). /Y Suppresses prompting to confirm you want to overwrite an existing destination file. /-Y Causes prompting to confirm you want to overwrite an existing destination file. /Z Copies networked files in restartable mode. /B Copies the Symbolic Link itself versus the target of the link. /J Copies using unbuffered I/O. Recommended for very large files. Instead of a camera chip, you can, of course, also back up onto Google Drive, Microsoft Drive, BackBlaze, whatever. Entirely up to you. The major advantage is that Xcopy is extremely fast, since it does not waste time on files, that are not new since the last back-up. That greatly reduces the chance of a power bump or impatient shut- down while a back-up is still in progress. =========================== From: Darlene Re: SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify Good Morning, DearWebby This is in reply to Don and removing the Firewall Disable notify from his Spybot. I had the same problem all the time and finally I right clicked on it when it appeared in the remove panel and then clicked on DO NOT CHECK FOR THIS and it stopped coming up all the time. Have a super day and thanks again for the great humour letter Darlene Dear Darlene yes, that certainly works, and with that particular item is quite safe to use. You can also tell it not to worry about navigational cookies for your bank, telephone company Amazon, and other legitimate places. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
From Shirley: Sensational warnings spawned south of the border WASHINGTON (AP) - An odd-looking Canadian quarter with a bright red flower was the culprit behind a false espionage warning from the U.S. Defense Department about mysterious coins with radio frequency transmitters, The Associated Press has learned. The harmless ''poppy quarter'' was so unfamiliar to suspicious U.S. army contractors travelling in Canada that they filed confidential espionage accounts about them. The worried contractors described the coins as ''filled with something man-made that looked like nano-technology,'' according to once classified U.S. government reports and e-mails obtained by the AP. The silver-coloured 25-cent piece features the red image of a poppy, Canada's flower of remembrance and support for the troops, inlaid over a maple leaf.. .......... Shirley Dear Shirley We don't just have Support The Troops quarters with the red poppy, we also have Breast Cancer Quarters with the pink ribbon. This one is a bit worn, but the only one I had in my wallet today. Ask your friends to click on the pretty link to the Breast Cancer Site in the right side menu! Give them a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter to make sure they click. Last time I looked you and others who clicked on the breast cancer site button funded 12.1 mammograms for women who could not afford one. That is awesome! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police. "For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom." When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?" "What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?" "I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Potato Storage To keep potatoes from budding, place a small apple in the bag with the potatoes. You should also store them in a dark, cool location and keep them away from onions, to avoid moldy potatoes and onions. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Let's snoop around F. Scott Fitzgerald's French Villa
___________________________________________________ An ancient classic: A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, " Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don't have a maid," said the woman. The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house." The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?" The maid replied, "He is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife." The woman is fuming. she says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" The maid says, "What will I have to do?" The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he's with." The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?" The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool." Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here." A long pause and the woman says, "Is this 555-4821?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Dianne for this literary masterpiece: (don't think of it as blasphemy, but as literary art) CARSTIANITY (Read it aloud!) "Haul a Yugo. Haul a Yugo." Gearly beloved, we are Blazered here in the name of our Four-door, who art in Half-ton. I'm speaking of our lord and Mazda, Jeep-sus Chrysler. He is the Alfa and the Romeo. He was born in a Ranger, he was Tempo'd by the DeVille, and he Daihatsu'd for your Sentras. He said, "Dodge not, that ye not be Dodged. Thou shalt not Corvette thy neighbor's Whitewall, but turn the other Cherokee. If ye have Fiat, ye can move Montecarlos. He ain't Chevy, he's my Beretta." He ate the Last Supra, and he climbed the mount of Cavalier, where they Cruise-controlled him on the Motocross. But God, in his Infiniti Mercedes, did Rolls away the Stanza. Let us Prelude: Sayeth the prophet Isuzu, in the Dusenburg Bible, In the 23rd Saab, "The Ford is my Chauffeur. I shall not Walk. He Lexus me in the paths of Right-turn-signals. Yea, though I walk through the Valet of the Shadow of Dart, I shall Fiero no Eagle. Subaru Goodwrench and Mercury shall Volvo me Audi Daytonas of my life, and I shall Dwellmeter house of Delorean, Four-cylinder." Gloria, In Ex-Celica Geo! GM ____________________________________________________

Today, June 18 in
1155 Frederick I Barbarossa was crowned emperor of Rome. 

1429 French forces defeated the English at the battle of Patay. The
English had been retreating after the siege of Orleans. 

1621 The first duel in America took place in the Plymouth Colony in
Massachusetts. 

1667 The Dutch fleet sailed up the Thames toward London. 

1778 Britain evacuated Philadelphia during the U.S. Revolutionary
War. 

1812 The War of 1812 began as the U.S. declared war against Great
Britain. The conflict began over trade restrictions. 

1815 At the Battle of Waterloo Napoleon was defeated by an
international army under the Duke of Wellington. Napoleon abdicated
on June 22. 

1817 London's Waterloo Bridge opened. The bridge, designed by John
Rennie, was built over the River Thames. 

1863 J.J. Richardson received a patent for the ratchet wrench. 

1873 Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting to vote for a
U.S. President. 

1898 Atlantic City, NJ, opened its Steel Pier. 

1915 During World War I, the second battle of Artois ended. 

1918 Allied forces on the Western Front began their largest
counter-attack against the German army. (World War I) 

1925 The first degree in landscape architecture was granted by
Harvard University. 

1927 The U.S. Post Office offered a special 10-cent postage stamp
for sale. The stamp was of Charles Lindbergh’s "Spirit of St.
Louis." 

1928 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the
Atlantic Ocean as she completed a flight from Newfoundland to
Wales. 

1936 The first bicycle traffic court was established in Racine, WI.


1942 The U.S. Navy commissioned its first black officer, Harvard
University medical student Bernard Whitfield Robinson. 

1948 The United Nations Commission on Human Rights adopted its
International Declaration of Human Rights. 

1951 General Vo Nguyen Giap ended his Red River Campaign against
the French in Indochina. 

1953 Egypt was proclaimed to be a republic with General Neguib as
its first president. 

1959 A Federal Court annulled the Arkansas law allowing school
closings to prevent integration. 

1959 The first telecast received from England was broadcast in the
U.S. over NBC-TV. 

1961 "Gunsmoke" was broadcast for the last time on CBS radio. 

1966 Samuel Nabrit became the first African American to serve on
the Atomic Energy Commission. 

1979 In Vienna, U.S. President Jimmy Carter and Leonid Brezhnev
signed the Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty (SALT) 2. 

1982 The U.S. Senate approved the renewal of the 1965 Voting Rights
Act for an additional twenty-five years. 

1983 Dr. Sally Ride became the first American woman in space aboard
the space shuttle Challenger. 

1998 The Walt Disney Co. purchased a 43% stake in the Web search
engine company Infoseek Corp. 

2000 In Algiers, Algeria, the foreign ministers of Ethiopia and
Eritrea signed a preliminary cease-fire accord and agreed to work
toward a permanent settlement of their two-year border war. 

2009 NASA launched the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter/LCROSS probes
to the Moon. It was the first American lunar mission since Lunar
Prospector in 1998. 

2009 Greenland assumed control over its law enforcement, judicial
affairs, and natural resources from the Kingdom of Denmark.
Greenlandic became the official language. 

2018  smiled.


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Firewall notice 



---

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday,  June 17

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
NJ Bank robber dropped the stolen loot 
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 17 in
1885 The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard 
the French ship Isere. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play. --- Warren Beatty (1937 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Three pastors from different congregations were having lunch and sharing experiences and ideas to help each other out with their different fellowships. After several minutes of animated conversation, the first one remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem at our church that I want to discuss with you guys." The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats. We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start flapping around. Then when I start to preach, we can still hear them moving around up there and it's really hard for anyone to pay any attention. The kids start to cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way of a good church service." The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our belfry. We've tried ringing the bells at all hours, spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head. The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly. "Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago, and we found a quick solution." he says. The other two pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on, "It was easy. We went up there, got to know 'em a little bit, got 'em baptized and started passing the collection plate to them. Haven't seen 'em since." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Dave was talking to his buddy, John, about his love life. "So, John, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," John shook his head sadly, "Whenever I mention sex, they object." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeffrey Wolfman, 32, Milltown, New Jersey Bank robber dropped the stolen loot on the way out A Milltown man has been charged in connection with Wednesday's robbery of a Somerset County bank, the Somerset County Prosecutor's Office announced Thursday afternoon. Jeffrey Wolfman, 32, was arrested after the robbery at Peapack- Gladstone Bank in Bedminster. Witnesses told police they saw Wolfman on a nearby side street removing an outer layer of clothing. As he did so, they saw money dropping to the ground, according to the prosecutor's office. When police approached Wolfman, more cash dropped out of his clothes, it was stated in a news release. Wolfman had reportedly entered the bank and demanded money from a bank teller before fleeing on foot, according to the prosecutor's office. Wolfman was charged with second-degree robbery and is being held in Somerset County Jail awaiting a detention hearing.
Tech Support Pits From: Don Camillo Re: SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify Dear Webby, Could you tell me if I should remove the following: "SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify" I use Search & Destroy and the program asks me to remove that item.... Thank you for your help. Don Camillo Dear Don Don't worry about that. It's just a Windows bug about Windows getting into a snit when you use a better fire wall than the Windows fire wall. Just ignore that. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Advice to aspiring newsletter writers: 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat) 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. 11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should NEVER generalise. 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 17. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 19. The passive voice is to be ignored. 20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. 21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas. 24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. 26. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 29. Who needs rhetorical questions? 30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. 31. Eschew obfuscation. And the last one... 32. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Parental Dictionary: Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too. Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside. Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins. Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him. Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it. Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own. Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms. Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. Show off: A child who is more talented than yours. Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it. Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything. Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children. Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises. Verbal: Able to whine in words Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house. Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grow a Rose Cutting in a Potato By attosa [651 Posts, 3,516 Comments] If you have a rosebush that's doing well and want to grow more from it, or give some as a gift, it's a good idea to propagate a cutting from that bush inside of a potato. Potatoes have a good amount of moisture and nutrients for a new cutting to develop from. Cut a 6 to 8 inch stem from a rose cane that has flowered. Snip at a 45 degree angle with pruning clippers, then snip off any flower heads and hips. Use a screwdriver or drill bit to make a hole in the potato for the stem to go in snuggly. Push the rose stem into the potato, but not all the way through. In a pot or in the ground away from direct sunlight, dig a hole in some good soil and pop in the potato and cutting. Cover with at least 3 inches of soil, making sure the potato is fully covered. Keep the soil moist. After some time, if you gently tug on the cutting and feel resistance, that means its roots have grown and it's time for it to be moved to more direct sunlight. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Colorized historical photos.
___________________________________________________ Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street. The other dog says, "What was that about?" The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my p-mail." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Dora for this story: One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 40+, we felt old, but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us. "Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," I thought. Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of my friends and said, "Hello. Remember me? You taught me in third grade." ____________________________________________________

Today, June 17 in
0362 Emperor Julian issued an edict banning Christians from
teaching in Syria. 

1579 Sir Francis Drake claimed San Francisco Bay for England.
(California) 

1775 The British took Bunker Hill outside of Boston. 

1789 The Third Estate in France declared itself a national
assembly, and began to frame a constitution. 

1799 Napoleon Bonaparte incorporated Italy into his empire. 

1837 Charles Goodyear received his first patent. The patent was for
a process that made rubber easier to work with. 

1848 Austrian General Alfred Windischgratz crushed a Czech uprising
in Prague. 

1854 The Red Turban revolt broke out in Guangdong, China. 

1856 The Republican Party opened its first national convention in
Philadelphia. 

1861 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln witnessed Dr. Thaddeus Lowe
demonstrate the use of a hydrogen balloon. 

1872 George M. Hoover began selling whiskey in Dodge City, Kansas.
The town had been dry up until this point. 

1876 General George Crook’s command was attacked and defeated on
the Rosebud River by 1,500 Sioux and Cheyenne under the leadership
of Crazy Horse. 

1879 Thomas Edison received an honorary degree of Doctor of
Philosophy from the trustees of Rutgers College in New Brunswick,
NJ. 

1885 The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard the
French ship Isere. 

1912 The German Zeppelin SZ 111 burned in its hangar in
Friedrichshafen. 

1913 U.S. Marines set sail from San Diego to protect American
interests in Mexico. 

1917 The Russian Duma met in a secret session in Petrograd and
voted for an immediate Russian offensive against the German Army.
(World War I) 

1924 The Fascist militia marched into Rome. 

1926 Spain threatened to quit the League of Nations if Germany was
allowed to join. 

1928 Amelia Earhart began the flight that made her the first woman
to successfully fly across the Atlantic Ocean. 

1930 The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Bill became law. It placed the highest
tariff on imports to the U.S. 

1931 British authorities in China arrested Indochinese Communist
leader Ho Chi Minh. 

1932 The U.S. Senate defeated the bonus bill as 10,000 veterans
massed around the Capitol. 

1940 The Soviet Union occupied Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia. 

1940 France asked Germany for terms of surrender in World War II. 

1941 WNBT-TV in New York City, NY, was granted the first
construction permit to operate a commercial TV station in the U.S. 

1942 Yank, a weekly magazine for the U.S. armed services, began
publication. The term "G.I. Joe" was first used in a comic strip by
Dave Breger. 

1944 French troops landed on the island of Elba in the
Mediterranean. 

1944 The republic of Iceland was established. 

1950 Dr. Richard H. Lawler performed the first kidney transplant in
a 45-minute operation in Chicago, IL. 

1953 Soviet tanks fought thousands of Berlin workers that were
rioting against the East German government. 

1963 The U.S. Supreme Court banned the required reading of the
Lord's prayer and Bible in public schools. 

1965 Twenty-seven B-52’s hit Viet Cong outposts but lost two planes
in South Vietnam. 

1970 North Vietnamese troops cut the last operating rail line in
Cambodia. 

1991 The Parliament of South Africa repealed the Population
Registration Act. The act had required that all South Africans be
classified by race at birth. 

2018  smiled.


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End to spam 



---

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  June 16

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Fake California cop arrested thanks to smart mother
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 16 in
1976 In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted against the
South African government's plan to enforce Afrikaans as the
language for instruction in black schools. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Ronnie Shakes Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb? ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it? TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned- out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done! CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process. LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out. VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one millionth. LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you? SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order. SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes. AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so.... PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb? Too true! However, I HAVE finally tossed all burned out lightbulbs! I might need some help getting rid of all the empty cardboard boxes, though. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ KLUNK! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. Her husband teased her and said she would never be able to stay away from the other half until dinner the next night. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would rub it in. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Juan Rodriguez, Los Angeles, California Fake California cop arrested thanks to smart mother A California woman was praised for her “momma bear instincts” after she distracted a gun-toting fake cop who was terrorizing her husband and four children on Sunday by simply offering him a taco, police said. The family was enjoying carne asada tacos and soda from a food truck in the City of Industry in Los Angeles County around 6:30 p.m. when a “dangerous stranger” approached the family and began terrorizing them, police said in a news release Monday. The family had stopped to get food after a day at the waterpark. The man, identified as Juan Rodriguez, allegedly claimed to be an undercover cop and flashed his gun concealed on his waistband and flashed a badge in an attempt to prove his identity, police said. The mother, however, saw right through the disguise, police said. “The mother instantly began to put together a plan in place to distance her husband, three daughters and toddler who was still buckled in his car seat inches away from the man with a gun,” police said. The mother, going for the "taco tactic," offered the 38-year-old suspect a taco and told him she needed to grab napkins from the food truck. “The man with the gun continued to flash his gun and ransack through the mother’s purse as she walked away,” the news release stated. The mother approached customers at the taco truck, told them not too look a back and told them a man with a gun was threatening her family. The taco truck employees and customers immediately called 911. Police found Rodriguez standing next to the family’s van when they arrived at the scene. Rodriguez allegedly tried to escape by tossing his gun in the van and trying to get in. “Deputies were able to detain the suspect before anything further occurred. Deputies recovered the gun and made sure all family members were unharmed,” police said. Rodriguez was charged with child endangerment, impersonation an officer and outstanding warrants.
Tech Support Pits From: Richard Re: End to spam Dear Webby, is there any hope that spam will ever decrease? Richard Dear Richard Yes, sure, there is always hope. Just rent more senators than the spammers do. (You can't buy them any more, because they won't stay bought, but you can rent them.) As it is, there are spammers suing people who get them kicked out from their servers, claiming that they are protected by the U-CAN-SPAM law. Unless you have more money than the spammers, about all you can do now is to get some good spam control software like FireTrust Mail Washer and get good at tuning it. It's easy enough for anybody to make filters with it, and some people even treat it as a challenging game to stay ahead of the spammers and trash their stuff, unseen. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A couple moved to the country when they retired. One mild winter, they had a bit of a problem with rodents in the garage. So they bought one of those little sub-sonic mouse repellants, the kind you plug in and they emit some kind of sound that drives off mice. The husband was showing it to their neighbor and explaining that it was an animal repellant. He told her that it worked on every thing from mice to elephants. "Really!?" she said, "Mice to elephants, eh." sounding a bit skeptical. "Yes," he replied, seriously. "We've had it here for a couple of weeks now and we haven't had a single elephant in the garage the whole time!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Bill In a misguided burst of creativity, I installed a night-light into a conch shell I found on the beach. My wife took an instant dislike to it, and at the next yard sale, it was the first thing she put out. I felt vindicated when a woman kept coming back to check it out and finally bought it. "That'll look great in your home," I said. "Oh," she replied. "It's not for me." My bridge club is having a charity sale, and we were asked to bring the most hideous thing we could find. What I have here is the winner!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Soda and Dawn For Clothing Stains A great way to remove clothing stains is to mix baking soda and dish soap (Dawn) into a paste. Brush it into the stain and let sit, depending on the severity of stain. Leave the paste in and wash clothes as usual, works great. By Shirley Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
13 things found on the internet today.
___________________________________________________ "How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. "Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went." "But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" "But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack. "But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball," Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack. "Yup," Scott answered. "Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. "Where is what ?", Scott answered. "My ball! My golf ball!" "Oh, I don't know. I was watching that cute lady over there. Her ball went into the water." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long. ____________________________________________________

Today, June 16 in
0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army. 

1487 The War of the Roses ended with the Battle of Stoke. 

1567 Mary, Queen of Scots, was imprisoned in Lochleven Castle in
Scotland. 

1815 Napoleon defeated the Prussians at the Battle of Ligny,
Netherlands. 

1858 In a speech in Springfield, IL, U.S. Senate candidate Abraham
Lincoln said the slavery issue had to be resolved. He declared, "A
house divided against itself cannot stand." 

1884 At Coney Island, in Brooklyn, NY, the first roller coaster in
America opened. 

1897 The U.S. government signed a treaty of annexation with Hawaii.

1903 Ford Motor Company was incorporated. 

1907 The Russian czar dissolved the Duma in St. Petersburg. 

1909 Glenn Hammond Curtiss sold his first airplane, the "Gold Bug"
to the New York Aeronautical Society for $5,000. 

1922 Henry Berliner accomplished the first US helicopter flight at
College Park, MD. 

1925 France accepted a German proposal for a security pact. 

1932 The ban on Nazi storm troopers was lifted by the von Papen
government in Germany. 

1940 Marshal Henri-Philippe Petain became the prime minister of the
Vichy government of occupied France. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the closure of
all German consulates in the United States. The deadline was set as
July 10. 

1952 "Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl" was published in the
United States. 

1955 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to extend Selective
Service until 1959. 

1955 Pope Pius XII excommunicated Argentine President Juan Peron.
The ban was lifted eight years later. 

1955 Argentine naval officers launched an attack on President Juan
Peron's headquarters. The revolt was suppressed by the army. 

1961 Rudolf Nureyev defected from the Soviet Union while in Paris,
traveling with the Leningrad Kirov Ballet. 

1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit aboard the
Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was the first female space
traveler. 

1972 Ulrike Meinhof was captured by West German police in Hanover.
She was co-founder of the Baader-Meinhof terrorist group and the
Red Army Faction (Rote Armee Fraktion). 

1975 The Simonstown agreement on naval cooperation between Britain
and South Africa ended. The agreement was formally ended by mutual
agreement after 169 years. 

1976 In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted against the
South African government's plan to enforce Afrikaans as the
language for instruction in black schools. 

1977 Leonid Brezhnev was named the first Soviet president of the
USSR. He was the first person to hold the post of president and
Communist Party General Secretary. He replaced Nikolai Podgorny. 

1978 U.S. President Carter and Panamanian leader Omar Torrijos
ratified the Panama Canal treaties. 

1983 Yuri Andropov was elected chairman of the Presidium of the
Supreme Soviet. The position was the equivalent of president. 

1984 Wilson Ferreira Aldunate was arrested upon his return from an
eleven year exile. Aldunate had been a popular Uruguayan opposition
leader. 

1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush welcomed Russian President
Boris Yeltsin to a meeting in Washington, DC. The two agreed in
principle to reduce strategic weapon arsenals by about two-thirds
by the year 2003. 

1996 Russian voters had their first independent presidential
election. Boris Yeltsin was the winner after a run-off. 

1999 The U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said that a 1992 federal
music piracy law does not prohibit a palm-sized device that can
download high-quality digital music files from the Internet and
play them at home. 

2000 U.S. federal regulators approved the merger of Bell Atlantic
and GTE Corp. The merger created the nation's largest local phone
company. 

2000 U.S. Secretary of Energy Bill Richardson reported that an
employee at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico had
discovered that two computer hard drives were missing. 

2008 California began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex
couples.

2018  smiled.


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Digital zoom 



---

Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  June 15
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
2 Florida men arrested for using pop "bombs".
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 15 in
1215 King John of England put his seal on the Magna Carta. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the Christian family ?" "No", he said, " they live two farms down ". "No,no, I mean are you lost ?" "No, I've been here thirty years." "I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?" "When is it ?" "It could be today or tomorrow." "Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me know . My wife will probably want to go both days !" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ If you catch a bad cold, and you go to the doctor, it will, with medication, last for seven days. if you catch that same cold, and you don't see a doctor, it will last a whole week! ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bruce Steffenhagen, 56, Nathan Martin, 38, Orange County, Florida 2 Florida men arrested for using pop "bombs". One Florida man wanted tenants out of an apartment off the garage of his home. So, he went along with his pal's plan to get them out using a bomb. That's according to Orange County deputies, who said Nathan Martin and Bruce Steffenhagen admitted to setting off a pair of "acid bombs" — homemade noise makers often involving plastic pop bottles and common household materials — to create noise and ruckus, after they were arrested last week. Most kids have at one time or other used "pop bombs", usually involving putting some Altos mints into a nearly full pop bottle, capping it and tossing it. The sound created is identical to an 8 foot 2 x 8 standing on end on a driveway, and being knocked over by a bit of wind, - after the kids have retreated out of sight. Pop bombs don't do any damage unless they are tossed into a window box full of geraniums the morning of the flower competition. It apparently can mess them up and get the owner a lower ranking. Other than that, they are just nuisance noise. Usually, that is not a big deal, except the boneheads called them"acid bombs" and got some bored deputies all excited. Martin, 38, is in Orange County Jail on a charge of throwing or projecting explosives. Steffenhagen, 56, posted $15,000 bond after being charged with being a principal to discharge a destructive device. (It destroyed the pop bottle used to make noise) Both live with Steffenhagen's 86-year-old father, Jack Steffenhagen, in a Beach Boulevard house owned by Jack's living trust. Police were called to the house after neighbors heard two explosions.
Tech Support Pits From: Gloria Re: Digital zoom Dear webby, You have mentioned "digital zoom" a few times, and always recommended agaisnt it. What actually IS it? Gloria Dear Gloria Digital zoom is just enlarging a picture, the same as you do in your graphics program. As you may have noticed, when you do that, the picture gets coarse and/or fuzzy. You can do that much better and cleaner with your graphics program. Just totally ignore what they claim as "digital zoom". It is just BS to con newbies, who don't know any better. The only zoom that counts is optical zoom accomplished with the lenses. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right, ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?" Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row. "My recruiter."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An American tourist refused to be too greatly impressed with the masterpieces at the Louvre. "We've got plenty of priceless canvasses in the United States too," he declared. "I know," said the guide. "Rembrandt painted seven hundred pictures in his lifetime, and America has over ten thousand of them." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sorting Dirty Clothing Put a cardboard divider in your clothes hamper, one side for whites and one for darks. When your family puts clothes in, they will already be sorted. Towels and sheets can also go on the white side. This has worked very well in my household for several years. By Hazel Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
A neat idea! A sleepover in a Paris bookshop
___________________________________________________ I was browsing in a souvenir shop when the man next to me struck up a conversation. Just as he was telling me that his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power shortage caused the lights to flicker overhead. "Ah," he sighed that must he her checking out now." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A recent study was made to find out what days men prefer to have intimate relations with their wives. It was found that most men preferred to engage in these matrimonial activities on the days that started with "T." Examples of those days are: Tuesday Thursday Thanksgiving Today Tomorrow Thaturday and Thunday! ____________________________________________________

Today, June 15 in
1215 King John of England put his seal on the Magna Carta. 

1381 The English peasant revolt was crushed in London. 

1389 Ottoman Turks crushed Serbia in the Battle of Kosovo. 

1607 Colonists in North America completed James Fort in Jamestown,
VA. 

1667 Jean-Baptiste Denys administered the first fully-documented
human blood transfusion. He successfully transfused the blood of a
sheep to a 15-year old boy. 

1752 Benjamin Franklin experimented by flying a kite during a
thunderstorm. The result was a little spark that showed the
relationship between lightning and electricity. 

1844 Charles Goodyear was granted a patent for the process that
strengthens rubber. 

1846 The United States and Britain settled a boundary dispute
concerning the boundary between the U.S. and Canada, by signing a
treaty. 

1866 Prussia attacked Austria. 

1898 The U.S. House of representatives approved the annexation of
Hawaii. 

1909 Benjamin Shibe patented the cork center baseball. 

1911 The Computing-Tabulating-Recording Co. was incorporated in the
state of New York. The company was later renamed International
Business Machines (IBM) Corp. 

1917 Great Britain pledged the release of all the Irish captured
during the Easter Rebellion of 1916. 

1919 Captain John Alcock and Lt. Arthur W. Brown won $50,000 for
successfully completing the first non-stop trans-Atlantic plane
flight. (Newfoundland to Ireland)

1940 The French fortress of Verdun was captured by Germans. 

1944 American forces began their successful invasion of Saipan
during World War II. 

1947 The All-Indian Congress accepted a British plan for the
partition of India. 

1948 Soviet authorities announced that the Autobahn in East Germany
would be closed indefinitely "for repairs." 

1958 Greece severed military ties to Turkey because of the Cypress
issue. 

1964 The last French troops left Algeria. 

1978 King Hussein of Jordan married 26-year-old American Lisa
Halaby, who became Queen Noor. 

1981 The U.S. agreed to provide Pakistan with $3 billion in
military and economic aid from October 1982 to October 1987. 

1982 In the capital city of Stanley, the Falklands war ended as
Argentine troops surrendered to the British. All Argentinians were
subsequently deported.

1983 The U.S. Supreme Court reinforced its position on abortion by
striking down state and local restrictions on abortions. 

1986 Pravda, the Communist Party newspaper, reported that the chief
engineer of the Chernobyl nuclear plant was dismissed for
mishandling the incident at the plant. 

1992 It was ruled by the U.S. Supreme Court that the government
could kidnap criminal suspects from foreign countries for
prosecution. 

1992 U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle instructed a student to spell
"potato" with an "e" on the end during a spelling bee. He had
relied on a faulty flash card that had been written by the
student's teacher. 

1994 Israel and the Vatican established full diplomatic relations. 

1999 South Korean naval forces sank a North Korean torpedo boat
during an exchange in the disputed Yellow Sea. 

2018  smiled.


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Pop Up Blockers 



---

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday,  June 14

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man arrested after taking cash register from Walmart, 
then trying to carjack 2 people at knifepoint
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 14 in
1907 Women in Norway won the right to vote. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives. --- Rita Rudner Might we not say to the confused voices which sometimes arise from the depths of our being: "Ladies, be so kind as to speak only four at a time?" --- Madame Swetchine ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Three ministers a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Southern Baptist and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship. They all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter. First in line was the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly and said, "I can't let you in. You were moral and upright, but you loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny." St. Peter waved sadly, and poof! Down the chute to the 'Other Place' they went. Then came the Methodist. "Sorry, can't let you in either," said Saint Peter. "You abstained from liquor and dancing and cards, but you loved food too much. You loved food so much, you even married a woman named Candy!" Sadly, St. Peter waved again, and whang! Down the chute went the Methodists. The Southern Baptist turned to his wife and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Fanny." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to BP for this one: My grandfather came to America to gain freedom, but it didn't work. My grandmother came over on the very next boat. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Hill, 36, Jacksonville, Florida Man arrested after taking cash register from Walmart, then trying to carjack 2 people at knifepoint A man was arrested Friday after he took a cash register drawer from the Walmart at River City Marketplace and then tried to carjack two people at knifepoint. Christopher Raymond Hill, 36, was arrested on charges of strong arm robbery, carjacking with firearm or deadly weapon, aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and trespassing, according to the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office online inmate information search. Investigators found the incident began when Hill went into the Walmart liquor store and asked if he could have change for a $20. Hill was told by the cashier he would have to buy something and he then bought a pack of cigarettes. The cashier, LaToya King, spoke with Action News Jax about the incident. She said she didn't think twice of Hill, who was dressed in bright orange, until she opened her cash register. "When I did that, he leaped over the counter and he grabbed my hand and I was like, 'Sir, what are you doing?'" King said. Once the register was open, Hill grabbed the register and ran out of the store, according to a JSO arrest report. A witness saw Hill get into a silver Ford SUV, but it did not appear to start, so he got out and ran. Police said Hill approached a man who was sitting in the parking lot near Supercuts. Hill asked the man for a ride and the man refused. Hill asked for a ride when he refused the 36-year-old pulled out a knife cutting his hands and leg. "I turned the ignition off, grabbed my keys, opened the door and boom, there he was," Scott Reardean said. According to the report, Hill put the cash register in the Reardean's truck bed and pulled a knife, cutting Reardean on the hands and leg, the arrest report said. "I was bascially just doing this, trying to get the knife off me, and he's like, trying to pull me and he yanked my shirt and ripped it all up," Reardean said. Reardean said to Action News Jax that he was able to grab his pistol from his truck and pointed it at Hill, who then ran away toward Starbucks. Hill ran to the car of a woman who was in line at the Starbucks drive-through. She told police she rolled down her passenger's side window to see what he wanted and she said Hill opened her door and got into the car. The woman said Hill told her to drive because someone was chasing him. She told police she tried to push him out of the vehicle and he would not get out. According to the report, she was in fear for her life, so she got out of her car to to get her Ruger pistol out of her trunk. Hill got out of the car and came toward her. She said she pointed her pistol at him and he ran away. When police arrived, they found Hill had barricaded himself inside the bathroom at Supercuts, but he came out when officers ordered him to. According to the report, Hill told police, "The reason I was running and did this was because somebody was after me." King said she is still shocked about what happened, but she said she's glad Hill is behind bars. "Now I know he's locked up and he can't do this to anyone else again," King said. As of Monday morning, Hill was still in the Duval County Jail being held on a bond of $91,512. His next court date is set for July 2.
Tech Support Pits From: Tammy Re: Pop Up Blocker Dear webby, Hi there, once again I want to thank you for the humor daily, its a highlight of my lunch hour at work.... now I need to ask a question, I turned off my pop up blocker so I could fill out a online application, now I get pop ups and can't figure out how to turn the blocker back on. Please help, thanks so much, Tammy Dear Tammy Click on TOOLS Intenet Options Privacy and there it is at the bottom. You can bypass the PopUp Blocker by holding down the CTRL key when you click on a link. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A guy walks into a gas station and buys a pack of cigarettes. He pulls one out and starts smoking it. The cashier says, "Excuse me sir, but you can't smoke in here." The guy says, "Don't you think it's kinda dumb that I buy them here but can't smoke them here?" And the cashier replies, "Not at all...we also sell condoms here."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Why can't Italians skateboard? They get wop sided: When they talk, the flailing arms knock them off balance. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Jars for Drinking Glasses After pricing drinking glasses in the store, I bought a case of a dozen pint canning jars for about 1/3 the cost. I enjoy the "country" look, and can use the jars next fall to can. You can sometimes find these at garage sales. By Sandra Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The forest that blooms a brilliant yellow for just a few days a year. Stunning!
___________________________________________________ A young boy called the pastor of a local "corner" church to ask the pastor to come by to pray for his mother who had been very ill with the flu. The pastor knew the family and was aware they had been attending another church down the road. So the pastor asked, "Shouldn't you be asking Brother Simon down the road to come by to pray with your mom?" The young boy replied, "Yeah, but we didn't want to take the chance that he might catch whatever it is that Mom has." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." ____________________________________________________

Today, June 14 in
1775 The Continental Army was founded by the Second Continental
Congress for purposes of common defense. This event is considered
to be the birth of the United States Army. On June 15, George
Washington was appointed commander-in-chief. 

1777 The Continental Congress in Philadelphia adopted the "Stars
and Stripes" as the national flag of the United States. The Flag
Resolution stated "Resolved: that the flag of the United States be
made of thirteen stripes, alternate red and white; that the union
be thirteen stars, white in a blue field, representing a new
Constellation." On May 20, 1916, President Woodrow Wilson
officially proclaimed June 14 "Flag Day" as a commemoration of the
"Stars and Stripes." 

1789 Captain William Bligh of the HMS Bounty arrived in Timor in a
small boat. 

1834 Cyrus Hall McCormick received a patent for his reaping
machine. 

1834 Isaac Fischer Jr. patented sandpaper. 

1841 The first Canadian parliament opened in Kingston. 

1846 A group of U.S. settlers in Sonoma proclaimed the Republic of
California. 

1893 Philadelphia observed the first Flag Day. 

1900 Hawaii became a U.S. territory. 

1907 Women in Norway won the right to vote. 

1917 General John Pershing arrived in Paris during World War I. 

1919 The first non-stop trans-Atlantic flight began. Captain John
Alcot and Lt. Arthur Brown flew from Newfoundland to Ireland. 

1927 Nicaraguan President Adolfo Diaz signed a treaty with the U.S.
allowing American intervention in his country. 

1940 The Nazis opened their concentration camp at Auschwitz in
German-occupied Poland. 

1940 German troops entered Paris. As Paris became occupied loud
speakers announced the implementation of a curfew being imposed for
8 p.m. 

1943 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that schoolchildren could not be
made to salute the U.S. flag if doing so conflicted with their
religious beliefs. 

1944 Sixty U.S. B-29 Superfortress' attacked an iron and steel
works factory on Honshu Island. 

1945 Burma was liberated by Britain. 

1949 The state of Vietnam was formed. 

1951 "Univac I" was unveiled. It was a computer designed for the
U.S. Census Bureau and billed as the world's first commercial
computer. 

1952 The Nautilus was dedicated. It was the first nuclear powered
submarine. 

1954 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed an order adding the
words "under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance. 

1954 Americans took part in the first nation-wide civil defense
test against atomic attack. 

1965 A military triumvirate took control in Saigon, South Vietnam. 

1967 Mariner 5 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL. The space
probe's flight took it past Venus. 

1982 Argentine forces surrendered to British troops on the Falkland
Islands. 

1989 Former U.S. President Reagan received an honorary knighthood
from Britain's Queen Elizabeth II. 

1990 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld police checkpoints that are used
to examine drivers for signs of intoxication. 

1994 The New York Rangers won the Stanley Cup by defeating the
Vancouver Canucks. It was the first time the Rangers had won the
cup in 54 years. 

2018  smiled.


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Response challenge 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday,  June 13

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Appeal denied for wannabe kidnapper
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 13 in
1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children 
may not be sent by parcel post. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. ---David T. Wolf (1943 - ) On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time. --- George Orwell (1903 - 1950) Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. ---Aristotle ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and Anni, his hostess, naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Anni asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" Anni questioned. "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' Anni thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Terri and Buzz, a retired couple from New York City, living in Miami, are getting ready to go out to dinner. Terri says, "Buzz, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?" Buzz says, "Do I care?" A few minutes later Terri says, "Buzz, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?" Buzz says, "Who cares?" A few more minutes pass and Terri says, "Buzz, love, shall I wear my five-carat pear diamond ring or my six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?" Buzz says, "Terri, I really don't care what you wear, but if you don't move your butt , we're going to miss the Early Bird Special at McDonalds. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Todd Richard Ferry, 59, in jail in Pennsylvania Appeal denied for wannabe kidnapper A middle-aged man who tried to kidnap a teenage Mennonite girl in the driveway of her family's home deserves the 10- to 20-year prison sentence he's serving for the crime, a state appeals court panel has ruled. The fact that Todd Richard Ferry left an anonymous apology note in the family's mailbox the day after the kidnapping attempt in no way lessens the terrifying impact of what he tried to do, Judge Mary Jane Bowes concluded in the Superior Court's opinion. Investigators said Ferry, now 59, of New Enterprise, had an obsession with Mennonite girls in Bedford County long before he tried to snatch the 17-year-old off her bicycle in November 2014. The girl told police that she rode her bike home from work at a produce farm and was getting mail from her family's mailbox when a man knocked her off her bike and grabbed her. She didn't see her attacker's face, but heard him say, "Get in the car, you're coming with me." She broke free and ran home, but not before her assailant ripped her dress and bruised her shoulders and knees. The girl's mother called state police the next day after finding an envelope in her mailbox from the attacker. "I'm sorry about the wrestling match I had with you," the unsigned note read. "I fell in love with you...There is no way to approach you and now I have failed my only way...I still want to meet you and you don't need to fear me." Police said they later found Ferry's DNA on that envelope, and on a pair of sweat pants found lying in the victim's driveway. They said Ferry at first denied trying to abduct the girl, then admitted to accosting her because "he just wanted to talk to her." A county jury convicted Ferry on charges of attempted kidnapping, false imprisonment, child luring and simple assault after hearing that evidence. Several Mennonite witnesses testified during his trial that Ferry was "overly friendly" with young Mennonite girls. In denying Ferry's appeal, Bowes rejected his arguments that his sentence the maximum allowed for his crime is too severe and that prosecutors should not have been allowed to use the DNA evidence or the testimony of other Mennonite and "English" witnesses against him. Bowes discounted Ferry's contention that there was no proof he actually was trying to kidnap the teen. She cited the terror inflicted on the girl by Ferry's "highly inappropriate attempt to get to know her by force." The evidence of Ferry's guilt is "overwhelming," the judge found. Bowes upheld Ferry's jail sentence despite his claim that "there was minimal harm caused" to the victim. Instead, Bowes agreed with county Judge Travis W. Livengood that only the maximum prison sentence was appropriate in the case. She cited Livengood's conclusions that Ferry showed "absolutely no remorse," that Ferry planned the abduction in great detail, and that his behavior was "anti-social" and "strange."
Tech Support Pits From: Sandie Re: Response Challenge Dear webby, What IS a Response Challenge ? Sandie Dear Sandie A Response Challenge is when, after sending a mail to somebody, instead of an answer, you get soime silly auto-responder and are expected to prove tat you are human by punching in some hard to read numbers. It's OK to have that challenge as part of an order form, but definitely not OK with email. Like me, a lot of people filter that kind of crap into the trash, unread, just like any auto-responder. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Did you know that Elvis was an especially colorful character? He was a redneck who stole the blues from the blacks and sold it to the whites.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There was an old lady named May, Took a stroll in the park by the bay. She met a young man, Who loved her and ran. Now she goes to the park everyday. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com How Much Work Does It Cost? Before buying a big ticket item or anything that you might not need, calculate how many hours it will take you to earn the money to buy the item. It helps me put the cost of purchases in perspective. By Beth Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The forest that blooms a brilliant yellow for just a few days a year. Stunning!
___________________________________________________ A couple of Torontonians had just closed down their store on busy Yonge Street and were standing in the middle of their empty shop when one said to the other, "I'll bet you ten bucks that if we wait here a few minutes, some Newfie is going to come by, peer through the window, and come in and ask us what we're selling." Sure enough, just as he finished speaking, a Newfie stuck his face up to the window, looked around at the empty shelves and then walked over and asked, "How's she goin, b'y. I was just wonderin' what you fellas was sellin'??" One of the Torontians grinned at the other and replied, "We're selling idiots, friend", To this the Newfie responded, "Well, ya must be doin' some good business 'cause dere's only two o' ya left." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Two country doctors out in the hills of West Virginia were discussing the population explosion in the world. One physician says, "Why, Bubba, thiseyer crazy birth thang isa gettin' so bad that perty soon, they ain't gonna be room for ever'body! There'sa gonna be standin' room only on this here planet!" The other doctor replied, "Heck, that sure oughta slow 'em down a bit!" ____________________________________________________

Today, June 13 in
1415 Henry the Navigator, the prince of Portugal, embarked on an
expedition to Africa. 

1777 The Marquis de Lafayette arrived in the American colonies to
help with their rebellion against the British. 

1789 Ice cream was served to General George Washington by Mrs.
Alexander Hamilton. 

1825 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. Hunt then then sold the
rights for $400. 

1866 The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by the
U.S. Congress. It was ratified on July 9, 1868. The amendment was
designed to grant citizenship to and protect the civil liberties of
recently freed slaves. It did this by prohibiting states from
denying or abridging the privileges or immunities of citizens of
the United States, depriving any person of his life, liberty, or
property without due process of law, or denying to any person
within their jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws. 

1898 The Canadian Yukon Territory was organized. 

1900 China's Boxer Rebellion against foreigners and Chinese
Christians erupted into violence. 

1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first successful parachute jump
from an airplane in Jefferson, Mississippi. 

1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children may not be
sent by parcel post. 

1922 Charlie Osborne started the longest attack on hiccups. He
hiccuped over 435 million times before stopping. He died in 1991,
11 months after his hiccups ended. 

1923 The French set a trade barrier between the occupied Ruhr and
the rest of Germany. That did not go over well.

1927 Charles Lindbergh was honored with a ticker-tape parade in New
York City. 

1927 For the first time, an American Flag was displayed from the
right hand of the Statue of Liberty. 

1940 Paris was evacuated before the German advance on the city. 

1943 German spies landed on Long Island, New York. They were soon
captured. 

1944 Germany launched 10 of its new V1 rockets against Britain from
a position near the Channel coast. Of the 10 rockets only 5 landed
in Britain and only one managed to kill (6 people in London). 

1944 Marvin Camras patented the wire recorder. 

1949 Bao Dai entered Saigon to rule Vietnam. He had been installed
by the French. 

1951 U.N. troops seized Pyongyang, North Korea. 

1966 The landmark "Miranda v. Arizona" decision was issued by the
U.S. Supreme Court. The decision ruled that criminal suspects had
to be informed of their constitutional rights before being
questioned by police. 

1971 The New York Times began publishing the "Pentagon Papers". The
articles were a secret study of America's involvement in Vietnam. 

1978 Israelis withdrew the last of their invading forces from
Lebanon. 

1979 Sioux Indians were awarded $105 million in compensation for
the U.S. seizure in 1877 of their Black Hills in South Dakota. 

1983 The unmanned U.S. space probe Pioneer 10 became the first
spacecraft to leave the solar system. It was launched in March
1972. The first up-close images of the planet Jupiter were provided
by Pioneer 10. 

1988 The Liggett Group, a cigarette manufacturer, was found liable
for a lung-cancer death. They were, however, found innocent by the
federal jury of misrepresenting the risks of smoking. 

1992 Future U.S. President Bill Clinton criticized rap singer
Sister Souljah for making remarks "filled with hatred" towards
whites. 

1994 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Exxon Corp. and Captain
Joseph Hazelwood to be reckless in the Exxon Valdez oil spill. 

1995 France announced that they would conduct eight more nuclear
tests in the South Pacific. 

2000 In Pyongyang, North Korea's leader Kim Jong Il welcomed South
Korea's President Kim Dae for a three-day summit. It was the first
such meeting between the leaders of North and South Korea. 

2018  smiled.


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Camera comparison 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday,  June 12

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Couple involved in major drug bust in Johnstown
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 12 in
1979 Bryan Allen flew the Gossamer Albatross, man powered, across
the English Channel.

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable. --- Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969) Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Judge: "Was the child born out of wedlock?" Mother: "No, sir, just outside of Louisville." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Food for thought... You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car. Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again. The candidate who was hired! (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. I love this, I may actually use it sometime for an interview situation. WHAT DID HE SAY? He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Scott Miller, Kathy Miller, Johnstown, Florida Couple involved in major drug bust in Johnstown Johnstown police have identified two people they say were involved in a major drug bust Saturday night. The police chief, Robert Johnson, said Scott and Kathy Miller were arrested and are now facing felony charges. JOHNSTOWN- Johnstown police have identified two people they say were involved in a major drug bust Saturday night. The police chief, Robert Johnson, said Scott and Kathy Miller were arrested and are now facing felony charges. Johnstown said officers were tipped off about suspicious drug activity happening at a home on Bedford Street. He said they got a search warrant and served it at the home Saturday night. Inside, police said they seized 45 pounds of marijuana, a gun and $3,000 in cash. "As I'm told, these people just moved into the neighborhood within the last week or so. So, this is a really nice bit of police work in a very quick time period for what these people have been here for," said Johnson. Johnson said the street value of the drugs seized is about $325,000. According to online documents, the Millers are facing felony charges including, manufacturing or possession with intent to deliver. Bail is set at $500,000 each.
Tech Support Pits From: Nina Re: Camera comparison Dear webby, What should I look for when comparing different cameras? Nina Dear Nina Look for a large lens to reach further into twilight, darkness and indoor shots without flash, and also higher picture quality. Look for a long optical zoom and anti-shake. Totally ignore digital zoom. That's a gimmick that doesn't work. Look for a real optical view finder that shows the correct zoom. I do like having the fold-out swivel monitor for indoor shots, but outside I find a camera quite useless, if it has no optical viewfinder. Don't worry about how many MegaPixels are claimed in the ads. That number is as phony as a Sears vacuum cleaner horsepower rating. About all that number is good for is for comparing cameras of the same brand. Different manufacturers use different size pixels and different ways to use them. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
There was this city doctor who started a practice in the countryside. He once had to go to a farm to attend to a sick farmer who lived there. After a few housecalls he stopped coming to the farm. The puzzled farmer finally phoned him to ask whats the matter, didn't he like him or somethin'. The doctor said, "No, its your ducks at the entrance... Every time I enter the farm, they call me a quack!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A Catholic boy was bragging to his Jewish friend. "My priest knows more than your rabbi." "Of course he does," said the Jewish boy. "You tell him everything." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheap Cleaner For large cleaning projects, try TSP (TriSodiumPhospahte) TSP used to be the main active ingredient in most detergents, but got a bad name because it promoted underwater weed growth in canals, rivers and lakes, into which improperly treated sewage was dumped into. What was bad was not the TSP, but Millions of people using a lot of it all year long. It was simply too much of a good thing. TSP is still a powerful phospate fertilizer, and your tomatoes will love it, when you dump the used cleaning water near them. You won't find TSP at the supermarket, where all the overpriced and nicely packaged retail cleaners are. You can find it at building and industrial paint suppliers, in the PAINT section. Painters use it, after thinning it down with a lot of water, to clean dirty walls before painting. TSP is dirt cheap. At Canadian Tire for example, a gallon jug of concentrate is CDN $4.95. For cleaning previously painted stuff, use 40 parts of water to one part TSP. For a really greasy stove vent hoods or car engines, use one part water and one part TSP. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Meet some women firefighters.
___________________________________________________ A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?" "Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," replied the boy's father. His friend thought for a moment and responded, "That's a rather strange ambition to have for a career." "Well," said the boy's father, "he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Why, our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from him we have to go to the dictionary." "You're lucky," the neighbor said. "Every time we get a letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!" ____________________________________________________

Today, June 12 in
1099 Crusade leaders visited the Mount of Olives where they met a
hermit who urged them to assault Jerusalem. 

1442 Alfonso V of Aragon was crowned King of Naples. 

1665 England installed a municipal government in New York. It was
the former Dutch settlement of New Amsterdam. 

1812 Napoleon's invasion of Russia began. 

1839 Abner Doubleday created the game of baseball, according to the
legend. 

1849 Lewis Haslett patented a gas mask. (Patent US6529 A) 

1897 Carl Elsener patented his penknife. The object later became
known as the Swiss army knife. 

1898 Philippine nationalists declared their independence from
Spain. 

1900 The Reichstag approved a second law that would allow the
expansion of the German navy. 

1901 Cuba agreed to become an American protectorate by accepting
the Platt Amendment. 

1918 The first airplane bombing raid by an American unit occurred
on World War I's Western Front in France. 

1921 U.S. President Warren Harding urged every young man to attend
military training camp. 

1923 Harry Houdini, while suspended upside down 40 feet above the
ground, escaped from a strait jacket. 

1926 Brazil quit the League of Nations in protest over plans to
admit Germany. 

1935 U.S. Senator Huey Long of Louisiana made the longest speech on
Senate record. The speech took 15 1/2 hours and was filled by
150,000 words. 

1935 The Chaco War was ended with a truce. Bolivia and Paraguay had
been fighting since 1932. 

1937 The Soviet Union executed eight army leaders under Joseph
Stalin. 

1941 In London, the Inter-Allied Declaration was signed. It was the
first step towards the establishment of the United Nations. 

1944 Chinese Communist leader Mao Tse-tung announced that he would
support Nationalist leader Chiang Kai-shek in the war against
Japan. 

1963 "Cleopatra" starring Elizabeth Taylor, Rex Harrison, and
Richard Burton premiered at the Rivoli Theatre in New York City. 

1967 State laws which prohibited interracial marriages were ruled
unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1975 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was found guilty of
corrupt election practices in 1971. 

1979 Bryan Allen flew the Gossamer Albatross, man powered, across
the English Channel. 

1981 "Raiders of the Lost Ark" opened in the U.S. 

1982 75,000 people rallied against nuclear weapons in New York
City's Central Park. Jackson Browne, James Taylor, Bruce
Springsteen, and Linda Ronstadt were in attendance. 

1985 Wayne "The Great One" Gretsky was named winner of the NHL's
Hart Trophy. The award is given to the the league Most Valuable
Player. 

1985 The U.S. House of Representatives approved $27 million in aid
to the Nicaraguan contras. 

1986 South Africa declared a national state of emergency. Virtually
unlimited power was given to security forces and restrictions were
put on news coverage of the unrest. 

1987 U.S. President Reagan publicly challenged Mikhail Gorbachev to
tear down the Berlin Wall. 

1990 The parliament of the Russian Federation formally declared its
sovereignty. 

1991 Russians went to the election polls and elected Boris N.
Yeltsin as the president of their republic. 

1992 In a letter to the U.S. Senate, Russian Boris Yeltsin stated
that in the early 1950's the Soviet Union had shot down nine U.S.
planes and held 12 American survivors. 

1996 In Philadelphia a panel of federal judges blocked a law
against indecency on the internet. The panel said that the 1996
Communications Decency Act would infringe upon the free speech
rights of adults. 

1998 Compaq Computer paid $9 billion for Digital Equipment Corp. in
largest high-tech acquisition. 

1999 NATO peacekeeping forces entered the province of Kosovo in
Yugoslavia. 

2003 In Arkansas, Terry Wallis spoke for the first time in nearly
19 years. Wallis had been in a coma since July 13, 1984, after
being injured in a car accident. 

2009 In the U.S., The switch from analog TV trasmission to digital
was completed.

2018  smiled.


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Attachments in email 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,  June 11

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Philadelphia teacher accused of 
taking bribes from students
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 11 in
1990 The U.S. Supreme Court wimps struck down a law that 
would prohibit the desecration of the American Flag. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ We seem to believe it is possible to ward off death by following rules of good grooming. --- Don Delillo Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least. --- Goethe ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ How to Make a Woman Happy It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOY MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS ALSO VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes (Whether she tell you about them or not) FOR WOMEN HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Show up naked 2. Bring food _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Oswego Harbor with the Oswego Lighthouse. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The young secretary was describing her evening's exploits to a friend. "After dinner," she said, "he wanted to come back to my apartment, but I refused. I told him my mother would worry if I did anything like that." "That was smart," her friend said, approvingly, "Then what happened?" "He kept insisting, and I kept refusing," the secretary said. "You didn't weaken your resolve did you?" asked the friend. "Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured, let HIS mother worry." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amanda Richardson, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Philadelphia teacher accused of taking bribes from students A Philadelphia high school has removed a teacher from the classroom after she was accused of taking bribes from students in exchange for better grades. NBC10 received a tip that Amanda Richardson, a humanities teacher at LINC High School, was giving students higher grades in exchange for undisclosed bribes. The school district said that the teacher was "promptly" removed from the classroom and the Inspector General and Philadelphia police were notified of the allegations. "We are aware of the situation and once it was brought to our attention, we acted immediately. The teacher was promptly removed from the school and both the Inspector General and Philadelphia Police have been notified. The School District of Philadelphia is fully cooperating with the investigation." Richardson refused to comment on the claims until everything is cleared with the teachers union.
Tech Support Pits From: Carole Re: Attachments Dear webby: Does the Humor Letter ever have attachments? Do you have a virus or spyware? Carole Dear Carole No, the Humor Letter never has attachments, never did and never will. It is not sent from a Windows computer, but from a big server running Linux. Windows viruses and spyware don't work on Linux any more than a bicycle works on the ocean. If you saw an attachment with the Humor Letter, then either your computer or the computer of your ISP is infected, or else you got your mail program misconfigured so that it shows mail with embedded pictures as if they were attachments. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A man makes a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?" His wife responds with, "yes, I would really like that. Tonight, you do the dishes and the n stand by the ironing board for a couple of hours, and I'll lay on the couch and fart."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A Swedish couple in Minnasohda are applying for a marriage license. The clerk asks the man his name and he replies, Yan Yohansenn. The clerk asks the woman what her name is. She replies Yolanda Yohansenn. The clerk asks, "Oh, any relation"? The woman blushes and says, Yust vunce, ve couldn't vait. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Inspect Your Gutters Spring is a good time of year to check your gutters. Nail any droopy gutters back to the fascia. The next time you get a good rain, make sure the gutters are draining correctly and that water is being chanelled 3 to 4 feet from your house. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
May's desert wild flowers in AZ.
___________________________________________________ A guy is sitting in a bar, absolutely drooling at a pretty young thing in her short, pink mini-dress. Using the time honored ice breaker, he sends her a drink. "How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation. Finally the girl turns to him and says, "Look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working girl. I get two hundred dollars for what you think you'll ply out of me with liquor." He replies, "I have no problem with the money but, since you were so straightforward I must tell you that when I come, I go nuts. I bite, scratch, kick, punch, pull hair, break furniture, and just plain destroy the place." "Oh my God! How long does that last?" she asked. "Just until I get my two hundred bucks back," he replied. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life starts when the heart begins to beat." "We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe life starts at the moment of conception." "Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts when the kids move out and the dog dies." ____________________________________________________

Today, June 11 in
1346 Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor in
Germany. 

1509 King Henry VIII married his first of six wives, Catherine of
Aragon. 

1770 Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef off of
Australia when he ran aground. 

1776 In America, the Continental Congress formed a committee to
draft a Declaration of Independence from Britain. 

1798 Napoleon Bonaparte took the island of Malta. 

1895 Charles E. Duryea received the first U.S. patent granted to an
American inventor for a gasoline-driven automobile. 

1912 Silas Christoferson became the first pilot to take off from
the roof of a hotel. 

1915 British troops took Cameroon in Africa. 

1927 Charles A. Lindberg was presented the first Distinguished
Flying Cross. 

1930 William Beebe dove to a record-setting depth of 1,426 feet off
the coast of Bermuda. He used a diving chamber called a
bathysphere. 

1934 The Disarmament Conference in Geneva ended in failure. 

1937 Soviet leader Josef Stalin began a purge of Red Army generals.

1940 The Italian Air Force bombed the British fortress at Malta in
the Mediterranean. 

1942 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a lend lease agreement to
aid the Soviets in their effort in World War II. 

1943 During World War II, the Italian island of Pantelleria
surrendered after a heavy air bombardment. 

1947 The U.S. government announced an end to sugar rationing. 

1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was arrested in Florida for trying
to integrate restaurants. 

1963 Alabama Gov. George Wallace allowed two black students to
enroll at the University of Alabama. 

1967 Israel and Syria accepted a U.N. cease-fire. 

1973 After a ruling by the Justice Department of the State of
Pennsylvania, women were licensed to box or wrestle. 

1977 In the Netherlands, a 19-day hostage situation came to an end
when Dutch marines stormed a train and a school being held by South
Moluccan extremist. Two hostages and the six terrorists were
killed. 

1987 Margaret Thatcher became the first British prime minister in
160 years to win a third consecutive term of office. 

1990 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a law that would prohibit
the desecration of the American Flag. 

1991 Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines erupted. The eruption of ash
and gas could be seen for more than 60 miles. 

1993 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people who commit "hate
crimes" could be sentenced to extra punishment. The court also
ruled in favor of religious groups saying that they indeed had a
constitutional right to sacrifice animals during worship services. 

1993 Steven Spielberg's movie "Jurassic Park" opened. 

1998 Mitsubishi of America agreed to pay $34 million to end the
largest sexual harassment case filed by the U.S. government. The
federal lawsuit claimed that hundreds of women at a plant in
Normal, IL, had endured groping and crude jokes from male workers. 

1998 Pakistan announced moratorium on nuclear testing and offered
to talk with India over disputed Kashmir. 

2010 The FIFA World Cup opened in South Africa. It was the first
time it was held in Africa.

2018  smiled.


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Lost Mouse 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday,  June 10

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mum ‘set daughter on fire to try and 
revive her after she drowned in bath’
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 10 in
1920 The Republican convention in Chicago endorsed woman suffrage. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others. --- Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974) The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it. --- General H. Norman Schwarzkopf ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death." "What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge. "Nuns with scissors." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Greater-bird-of-paradise _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for these winning excerpts from actual High School writings: 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Carly Harris, 37, Trealaw, Rhondda, south Wales Mum ‘set daughter on fire to try and revive her after she drowned in bath’ Carly Harris, 37, was arrested after Amelia-Brooke Harris was found dead at their home in Trealaw, Rhondda, south Wales, at 10.20pm last night. Nicole Sallam, who claims to be a family friend, said Amelia tragically drowned in the bath before Harris, who she says has mental health issues, tried to bring her back to life by setting her on fire. She said: ‘She drowned in the bath and the mother who has mental health problems thought she could revive her child by burning her. Some neighbors, who knew Amelia, don't quite believe that story. Police are still investigating.
Tech Support Pits From: Rheta Re: Lost mouse Dear webby: My grand son has lost his mouse. I think he has melinium not sure of the spelling of it. And I'm not sure of the keys that can be used to find it. Got any ideas On this problem ? Dear Rheta Every time I lost a mouse and rebooting didn't help, plugging in a new one fixed the problem. They don't last very long, especially the cheaper ones. Worst are the $1.49 mice that get shipped with new computers. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An IRS man asks a farmer, "How much is your prize bull worth?" The farmer says, "For tax purposes, or has he been hit by a train?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Less Sweeping and Vacuuming Limit the wear and tear on your flooring and how frequently you have to vacuum by not wearing shoes in your house. It will cut down on the amount of dirt that winds up on your floor dramatically. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The Shirk Report
___________________________________________________ The workplace of the tomorrow will have two employees: a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog The dog is there to keep the man from touching the computers. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble." The second deaf man signed back, "Boy, you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me heck for being out so late." The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?" The second deaf man signed, "I turned out the light!" ____________________________________________________

Today, June 10 in
1776 The Continental Congress appointed a committee to write a
Declaration of Independence. 

1793 The Jardin des Plantes zoo opened in Paris. It was the first
public zoo. 

1801 The North African State of Tripoli declared war on the U.S.
The dispute was over merchant vessels being able to travel safely
through the Mediterranean. The US responded by organizing the
Marines and sending them to Tripoli.

1854 The U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD, held its first
graduation. 

1898 U.S. Marines landed in Cuba during the Spanish-American War. 

1902 The "outlook" or "see-through" envelope was patented by
Americus F. Callahan. 

1903 Binney & Smith Company began developing a product line of wax
crayons. The product was named Crayola. 

1909 The SOS distress signal was used for the first time. The
Cunard liner SS Slavonia used the signal when it wrecked off the
Azores. 

1916 Mecca, under control of the Turks, fell to the Arabs during
the Great Arab Revolt. 

1920 The Republican convention in Chicago endorsed woman suffrage. 

1924 The Republican National Convention was broadcast by NBC radio.
It was the first political convention to be on radio. 

1925 The state of Tennessee adopted a new biology text book that
denied the theory of evolution. 

1933 Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were in a car accident on a
rural road in north Texas. The third-degree burns suffered by
Parker resulted in a pronounced limp for the rest of her life. 

1935 Alcoholic Anonymous was founded by William G. Wilson and Dr.
Robert Smith. 

1940 Italy declared war on France and Britain. In addition, Canada
declared war on Italy. 

1943 Laszlo Biro patented his ballpoint pen. Biro was a Hungarian
journalist. 

1943 The Allies began bombing Germany around the clock. 

1944 The youngest pitcher in major league baseball pitched his
first game. Joe Nuxhall was 15 years old (and 10 months and 11
days). 

1946 Italy established a republic replacing its monarchy. 

1948 Chuck Yeager exceeded the speed of sound in the Bell XS-1. He
was the first American to go that fast. Germans had gone over the
speed of sound with Messerschmitts before 1945, but only briefly.

1954 General Motors announced the gas turbine bus had been produced
successfully. 

1967 Israel and Syria agreed to a cease-fire that ended the Six-Day
War. 

1971 The U.S. ended a 21-year trade embargo of China. 

1984 The U.S. Army successfully tested an antiballistic missile. 

1984 The United States and the Vatican established full diplomatic
relations for the first time in 117 years. 

1985 The Israeli army pulled out of Lebanon after 1,099 days of
occupation. 

1990 The Civic Forum movement won Czechoslovakia's first free
elections since 1946. The movement was founded by President Vaclav
Havel. 

1990 Bulgaria's former Communist Party won the country's first free
elections in more than four decades. 

1993 It was announced by scientists that genetic material was
extracted from an insect that lived when dinosaurs roamed the
Earth. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton intensified sanctions against Haiti's
military leaders. U.S. commercial air travel was suspended along
with most financial transactions between Haiti and the U.S. 

1996 Britain and Ireland opened Northern Ireland peace talks. The
IRA's political arm Sinn Fein was excluded. 

1998 The Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled that poor children in
Milwaukee could attend religious schools at taxpayer expense. 

1999 NATO suspended air strikes in Yugoslavia after Slobodan
Milosevic agreed to withdraw his forces from Kosovo. 

2015 The movie Jurassic World opened in 60 countries. It became the
first movie to make $500 million its opening weekend. 

2018  smiled.


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Faster computer 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  June 9

3.8% Unemployment, more job openings than applicants!
If Trump keeps that up, pretty soon I'll have to move 
South to help out!

With Mexifornia handing out Visas with Democratic Party
registrations, that should not be difficult. 
I was told you don't really have to vote for Pelousy 
just because of registering for Democratic Party junkmail.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man from Georgia busted with guns, hollow-point 
bullets at Port Authority Bus Terminal
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 9 in
1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river 
he named Saint Lawrence. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One day as the water of the mighty Mississippi River rose a man and his son were forced to retreat to their rooftop. While there, a neighbour passed by in a row boat and shouted, "Come with me I'll take you to higher ground." The man politely refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me." Two hours later as the water continued to rise another neighbour passed in a rubber raft, offering to take them to higher ground. Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me." Four hours passed and as the man and his son clung to the chimney, trying to avoid the rising water a Coast Guard helicopter hovered overhead and threw down a ladder, "Climb up so we can take you to higher ground!" he heard them say. Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me!" Well no one else came and they met their fate. Standing before God, the man said, "Lord I believed in you, my faith was strong and unwavering and you let us drown!" Looking at him God replied, "You dumb ass! I sent a boat, a raft, and a helicopter, what more did you want from me? A cruise ship?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Lorikeets _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the night before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all evening." Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that." "Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit,' 'Stop,' and 'Don't!'" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Grant Hall, 21, Georgia Man from Georgia busted with guns, hollow-point bullets at Port Authority Bus Terminal A man from Georgia who has been living out of his car at Midtown’s Port Authority Bus Terminal for the last two weeks was arrested after Port Authority police found two handguns, dozens of hollow- point bullets and a machete inside his vehicle, sources said Tuesday. Grant Hall, 21, is facing a host of weapons possession charges after the firearms were found in his 2006 Honda Element Monday. His car was found in the LAZ parking lot above the terminal on the fifth floor of the Midtown terminal, Port Authority police said. Police Officer Shaun Kehoe and rookie Police Officers Joey Cassera, William Salzmann, and Jeffrey Hager — who were on their first day of service at the bus terminal — were called to the parking lot on a report of a suspicious person looking into car windows of parked vehicles. The cops quickly found Hall, who confessed that he had been living in his car inside the parking lot for the past two weeks. Hall was making his way to Montreal, he told the officers. Cops inspected Hall’s vehicle, recovering the two unloaded handguns, a 9-mm. magazine that can hold 30 rounds, two more magazines that can hold 15 rounds each, 60 9-mm. hollow-point bullets, a machete and a hatchet. Hall was charged with two counts of gun possession, according to court documents.
Tech Support Pits From: Fast Eddie Re: Which computer is faster? Hi Mr Webby; I am in search of another computer and saw one over on "Tigerdirect" it is....... blah blah blah And I have one here at home (below!) I just wanted to know which one is faster? (in speed!) Reason why is because I want to give one of these to my daughter and I would like something faster! Fast Eddie Dear Fast Eddie Whichever machine has fewer programs and utilities, will be the faster one. The hardware makes little difference, since the slowest part is the chair-to-keyboard interface. Give the polluted one to your daughter, get yourself a new one, and try as hard as you can to refrain from installing utilities. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a deer and bellows, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified deer stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times, the lion is feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn tortilla, then crapped on it, and ambled away. The lion hollered after the elephant, "Damn, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so p'd off !"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The Importance Of "Correct Punctuation" *Version One* Dear John: I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours? Jane *Version Two* Dear John: I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Jane ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Paint Cans Before storing paint, put some paint on the top and side of the can so you can easily see what color it is. If the can is almost empty, transfer it to a smaller container since paint cans take up a lot of shelf space. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Fashion era swimwear.
___________________________________________________ "'Muesli' is not a word we use in America. When we sweep up after we have been doing woodwork and put it in a bag with mixed nuts and a little birdseed, and pretend it's a health- ful breakfast, we call it granola." ---Bill Bryson Rabbi Mendel was one day walking along a very narrow street, when he came face to face with a rival Rabbi. The street was too narrow for the two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily: . . . "I never make way for fools " Smiling, Rabbi Mendel stepped aside and said, . . ."I always do." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Ella At the Boeing Museum of Flight in Seattle, there is a full size mockup of an F/A-18 fighter. A ramp allows visitors to climb into the cockpit and get a sense of what the pilot sees and feels. A guide at the top of the ramp points out the various controls and gauges in the cockpit and gives information about the aircraft's capabilities to each visitor who gets in. When my four-year-old grandson sat down in the plane, he seemed fascinated by all he saw and heard. Then, he looked out at us and said, "Gramma, could I have a quarter?" ____________________________________________________

Today, June 9 in
1064 Coimbra, Portugal fell to Ferdinand, the King of Castile. 

1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river he
named Saint Lawrence. 

1790 John Barry copyrighted "Philadelphia Spelling Book." It was
the first American book to be copyrighted. 

1790 Civil war broke out in Martinique. 

1860 The Ms. Ann Stevens book "Malaeska, the Indian Wife of the
White Hunter" was offered for sale for a dime. It was the first
published "dime novel." 

1923 Bulgaria's government was overthrown by the military. 

1931 Robert H. Goddard patented a rocket-fueled aircraft design. 

1934 Donald Duck made his debut in the Silly Symphonies cartoon
"The Wise Little Hen." 

1940 Norway surrendered to the Nazis during World War II. 

1943 The withholding tax on payrolls was authorized by the U.S.
Congress. 

1945 Japanese Premier Kantaro Suzuki declared that Japan would
fight to the last rather than accept unconditional surrender. 

1959 The first ballistic missile carrying submarine, the USS George
Washington, was launched. 

1973 Secretariat won the 105th Belmont Stakes by 31 lengths and ran
the fastest 1 1/2 miles on dirt at 2:24. 

1978 Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding black men from the
Mormon priesthood. 

1980 Richard Pryor was severely burned by a "free-base" mixture
that exploded. He was hospitalized more than two months. 

1985 Thomas Sutherland, an American educator, was kidnapped in
Lebanon. He was not released until November 1991. 

1986 The Rogers Commission released a report on the Challenger
disaster. The report explained that the spacecraft blew up as a
result of a failure in a solid rocket booster joint. 

1999 NATO and Yugoslavia signed a peace agreement over Kosovo. 

2000 Canada and the United States signed a border security
agreement. The agreement called for the establishment of a border-
enforcement team. 

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to repeal gift and
estate taxes. The bill called for the taxes to be phased out over
10 years. 

2001 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) became the first National
Hockey League (NHL) player to win three Conn Smythe Trophies. The
award is given to the playoff's Most Valuable Player. 

2011 The world's first artificial organ transplant was performed.
It was an artificial windpipe coated with stem cells. 

2018  smiled.


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More mov to mp4 converters 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  June 8
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Villager who drank ’14 to 15’ beers 
arrested after passenger knocked from golf cart
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 8 in
1869 Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the 
suction vacuum cleaner. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content. [info][add][mail][note]Louis L'Amour (1908 1988) Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. --- George Burns (1896 1996) Or yapping on TV and papers. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yeth, they uthed to be," remorsed the patient. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Teacher: If you had $1.00 and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have. : "I would have $1.00!" Teacher: "You don't know your arithmetic." : "You don't know my father!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Suzette Ruth Martin, 50, The Villages, Florida Villager who drank ’14 to 15’ beers arrested after passenger knocked from golf cart A Villager who admitted to drinking “14 to 15” beers was arrested after a passenger was knocked from a golf cart. Lady Lake police were called at 8 p.m. Sunday to 1753 Lauren Lane on the Historic Side of The Villages to investigate the accident. Suzette Ruth Martin, 50, had been driving a golf cart out of a garage when it “slammed into” nearby landscaping, according to an arrest report from the Lady Lake Police Department. Martin then tried to move the golf cart forward and her passenger was thrown out. Lake EMS transported the passenger from the scene by ambulance. Martin said she had consumed 14 to 15 beers and admitted she was drunk, the report indicated. She declined to take part in field sobriety exercises, indicating she was certain she would fail them. She was unable to provide a breath sample and told police she has emphysema and lung cancer. Martin was arrested on a charge of driving under the influence and booked at the Lake County Jail. She was released after posting $1,000 bond. Even though there are no cars allowed in most parts of The Villages, residents know that impaired driving with golf carts and lawn mowers is the same crime there as anywhere else.
Tech Support Pits From: Tony Re: MOV to MP4 converter (ALL media converter) Dear Webby, In reply to this one... I've been using IrfanView for years and, IMHO, it's a great media converter. (and it's also free) Home page:https://www.irfanview.com/ Download page: https://www.irfanview.com/main_download_engl.htm IIRC, I think I downloaded IrfanView from one of your past recommendations... The media converter I use almost daily (I do a lot of video and audio recording as well as format conversions) is Format Factory (https://format-factory.en.softonic.com/) which I think I also got from another DearWebby recommendation... IMHO, Format Factory may be a better program for your subscriber's (Trish) needs of converting MOV files to MP4. (Also a free program) https://format-factory.en.softonic.com/#app-softonic-review Format Factory 4.3.0.0 The ultimate free conversion software for PC Tony Dear Tony Yes, I remember Ifranview! I used it once about 20 years ago. I haven't got much to do with movies, otherwise I would probably have remembered it. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Simone for this confession: My sex life is so bad ... that when I called one of those phone sex lines, a voice came on and said, "Not tonight. I have an earache."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?" As I thought of a simple explanation, my five-year-old son piped up, "I know! It's the one they have in front of the grocery store." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Opening Jars Having trouble opening a jar? A latex dishwashing glove will help you grip the lid. If it is still stubborn, tap the lid lightly with the back of a butter knife. This will break the seal, but be careful not to break the glass jar. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The Library and Opera House that stands on two countries.
___________________________________________________ A ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. "How are you feeling?" the visitor asked. The lady said, "Oh, I'm just worried sick!" "What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?" "Yes, they are taking very good care of me," said the old lady. "Are you in any pain?" her friend asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life." "Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again. The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
*Rules for Writers* 1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.) 6. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. 11. Don't never use no double negatives. 12. Proffer carefully to see if you any words out. ____________________________________________________

Today, June 8 in
0452	 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun. 

0793 The Vikings raided the Northumbrian coast of England. 

1786 In New York City, commercially manufactured ice cream was
advertised for the first time. 

1790 The first loan for the U.S. was repaid. The Temporary Loan of
1789 was negotiated and secured on September 18, 1789 by Alexander
Hamilton. 

1866 Prussia annexed the region of Holstein. 

1869 Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the suction vacuum
cleaner. 

1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangiers, Morocco, to protect U.S.
citizens and to stop piracy.

1953 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed segregated restaurants in
Washington, DC. 

1965 U.S. troops in South Vietnam were given orders to begin
fighting offensively. 

1967 Israeli airplanes attacked the USS Liberty in the
Mediterranean during the 6-Day War between Israel and its Arab
neighbors. 34 U.S. Navy crewmen were killed. Israel later called
the incident a tragic mistake due to the mis-identification of the
ship. The U.S. has never publicly investigated the incident. 

1969 U.S. President Richard Nixon met with President Thieu of South
Vietnam to tell him 25,000 U.S. troops would pull out by August. 

1978 A jury in Clark County, Nevada, ruled that the "Mormon will,"
was a forgery. The work was supposedly written by Howard Hughes. 

1982 U.S. President Reagan became the first American chief
executive to address a joint session of the British Parliament. 

1986 The Boston Celtics won their 16th NBA championship. 

1991 A victory parade was held in Washington, DC, to honor veterans
of the Persian Gulf War. 

1994 The warring factions in Bosnia agreed to a one-month cease-
fire. 

1995 U.S. Air Force pilot Captain Scott O'Grady was rescued by U.S.
Marines after surviving alone in Bosnia after his F-16 fighter was
shot down on June 2. 

1996 China set off an underground nuclear test blast. 

1998 The National Rifle Association elected Charlton Heston to be
its president. 

1998 In the U.S., the FTC brought an antitrust complaint against
Intel Corp., alleging its policies punished other developers of
microprocessor chips. 

1998 Honda agreed to pay $17.1 million for disconnecting anti-
pollution devices in 1.6 million cars. 

1998 The space shuttle Discovery pulled away from Mir, ending
America's three-year partnership with Russia. 

2000 The Dallas Stars and the New Jersey Devils played the NHL's
longest scoreless game in Stanley Cup finals history. The fifth
game of the series lasted 106 minutes and 21 seconds. The game
ended with a goal by Mike Madano that allowed the Stars to play a
game six back in Dallas. 

2001 Marc Chagall's painting "Study for 'Over Vitebsk" was stolen
from the Jewish Museum in New York City. The 8x10 painting was
valued at about $1 million. A group called the International
Committee for Art and Peace later announced that they would return
the painting after the Israelis and Palestinians made peace. 

2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones began the first known continuous
hike of the 1,800-mile trail down the U.S. Pacific Coast. They
completed the trek at the U.S.-Mexico border on September 28.

2018  smiled.


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Converting MOV to MP4 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday,  June 7

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Hammer-Wielding Robber Gets Canned
(2 cans of baked beans)
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 7 in
2000 U.S. Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the 
breakup of Microsoft Corporation. Microsoft said "NO!"

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts. --- Jim Morrison (1943 - 1971) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On a whim a man decided to get his wife a dozen roses and surprise her after work. The minute he opened the door, his wife took one look at the flowers in his hand and started screaming, "This is the worst day that I have EVER had! The kids have been terrible. They got in a food fight, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement, I burned dinner, the dog chewed up my best pair of shoes...AND NOW YOU'VE GOT THE NERVE TO COME HOME DRUNK!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ PeregrineFalcon flies at 389 kmh _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Jarhead Math The Korean War, in which the Marine Corps fought and won some of its most brutal battles, was not without its gallows humor. During one such conflict a ROK (Republic of Korea) Commander, whose unit was fighting along with the Marines, called legendary Marine General Chesty Puller, to report a major Chinese attack in his sector. "How many Chinese are attacking you?" asked Puller. "Many, many, many many, many Chinese!" replied the excited Korean Officer. General Puller asked for another count and got the same answer, "Many, many, many, many Chinese!" "Dammit!" swore Puller, "Put my Marine Liaison Officer on the radio." In a minute, an American voice came over the air: "Yes Sir?" "Lieutenant," growled Chesty, "Exactly how many Chinese you got up there?" "General, we got a whole shitload of Chinese up here!" "Thank God!" exclaimed Puller, "At least there's someone up there who knows how to count!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Justin Tyler Stanford, 25 Youngstown, Florida Hammer-Wielding Robber Gets Canned A hammer-wielding suspect got nailed, twice, by a veteran Bay County Sheriff's deputy armed with canned goods. Surveillance video of a tense confrontation between Bay County Sheriff's officials and the suspect shows Major Jimmy Stanford throwing two cans at the suspect's head. The suspect, shocked and perhaps dazed, is then surrounded and arrested by Stanford, Chief Joel Heape and Sheriff Tommy Ford. The incident began shortly after 11 a.m. Thursday when 25-year-old Justin Tyler Stanford, of Fountain, crashed his car near the Rainbow Foods store in Youngstown. He then walked into the store with a hammer and threatened to shoot and kill patrons and customers. tanford, no relation to Major Jimmy Stanford, was charged with assault with a deadly weapon on a law enforcement officer and assault. Justin Stanford was taken to the hospital for injuries he sustained while in car crash prior to the hammer incident. He totaled his car near the store. While in the emergency room, the suspect attempted to get a gun from a deputy that was guarding him, deputies wrote in a news release. For that, he was charged with resisting arrest with violence.
Tech Support Pits From: Trish RE: .MOV to MP4 Dear Webby, After reading todays letter, I thought of a problem I have. I have videos taken on my camera and they are .MOV How do I change that to .MP4, don’t seem to be able to do it on the computer as in ‘save as’. Thanks if you can help, Trish in Oz Dear Trish Try Wondershare I have had it on my machine for decades, though I have never actually used it. I don't remember ever getting any naggers about paying or renewing. Try it. If you don't like it, I'll find you more. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you any other skills you think may be worth mentioning?" "Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel." "Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours." Mrs Smith explained brightly, "Oh, that was during office hours.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, when will I be old enough to do as I please?" The father answered immediately, "I don't know, son. Nobody has lived that long yet." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ring Around the Collar My husband gets ring around the collar because he has oily skin. I use liquid dishwashing detergent and smear it on the stains and wash as usual. The oil comes right out. Cheap shampoo also works well. By Misty Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Amazing insects of the North American Deserts.
___________________________________________________ A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her 21 year old roommate. "Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce." "Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so bad about that?" "He is the original owner." ____________________________________________________

Today, June 7 in
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they had discovered
between themselves. 

1498 Christopher Columbus left on his third voyage of exploration. 

1546 Peace of Ardes ended the war between France and England. 

1654 Louis XIV was crowned king of France. 

1712 The Pennsylvania Assembly banned the importation of slaves. 

1775 The United Colonies changed their name to the United States. 

1776 Richard Henry Lee of Virginia proposed to the Continental
Congress a resolution calling for a Declaration of Independence. 

1863 Mexico City was captured by French troops. 

1892 J.F. Palmer patented the cord bicycle tire. 

1900 Boxer rebels cut the rail links between Peking and Tientsin in
China. 

1903 Professor Pierre Curie revealed the discovery of Polonium. 

1909 Mary Pickford made her motion picture debut in "The Violin
Maker of Cremona." 

1929 The sovereign state of Vatican City came into existence as
copies of the Lateran Treaty were exchanged in Rome. 

1932 Over 7,000 war veterans marched on Washington, DC, demanding
their bonuses. 

1935 Pierre Laval received emergency powers to save the franc. 

1939 King George VI and his wife, Queen Elizabeth, arrived in the
U.S. It was the first visit to the U.S. by a reigning British
monarch. 

1942 The Battle of Midway ended. The sea and air battle lasted 4
days. Japan lost four carriers, a cruiser, and 292 aircraft, and
suffered 2,500 casualties. The U.S. lost the Yorktown, the
destroyer USS Hammann, 145 aircraft, and suffered 307 casualties. 

1942 Japan landed troops on the islands of Attu and Kiska in the
Aleutians. The U.S. invaded and recaptured the Alutians one year
later. 

1944 Off of the coast of Normandy, France, the Susan B. Anthony
sank. All 2,689 people aboard survived. 

1948 The Communists completed their takeover of Czechoslovakia. 

1955 "The $64,000 Question" premiered. 

1965 In the U.S., the Gemini 4 mission was completed. The mission
featured the first spacewalk by an American. 

1968 In Operation Swift Saber, U.S. Marines swept an area 10 miles
northwest of Danang in South Vietnam. 

1968 Legoland Billund opend in Billund, Denmark. It was the
original Legoland park. 

1981 Israeli F-16 fighter-bombers destroyed Iraq’s only nuclear
reactor. 

1983 The U.S. ordered Nicaragua to close all six of its consulates
and informed 21 Nicaraguan consular officials that they could no
longer remain in the U.S. 

1994 The United States District Court for the Eastern District of
Virginia declared the RMS Titanic, Inc. (RMST) salvor-in-possession
of the wreck and the wreck site of the RMS Titanic.

2000 U.S. Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the breakup
of Microsoft Corporation. Microsoft said "NO!"

2018  smiled.


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Download from camera 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday,  June 6

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Illegal, who buried body of killed girlfriend,
may get deported again.
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 6 in
1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of
Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied Canadian, American, and British
troops were involved.

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much. --- Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004) I say that good painters imitated nature; but that bad ones vomited it. --- Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616) Dance like it hurts, Love like you need money, Work when people are watching. --- Scott Adams (1957 - ), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Nurse: "Doctor, Doctor the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step what should I do?" Doctor: "Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >Thanks to Wendy for this one: One evening, after the honeymoon, Tom was working on his Harley motorcycle in the garage. His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally said, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your time out here in your garage. You probably should also consider selling your Harley and all your welding equipment along with your gun collection, and your fishing gear, and the boat and lose all those stupid model airplanes, plus dump that vintage hot rod sports car, and your home brewing equipment..." Tom got a horrified look on his face. She said, "Darling, what's wrong?" He replied, "There for a minute, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife." "Ex-wife!?" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!" Tom replied, “I wasn't.." ------------------ Right On! She needs to be EXed. NOW! Hopefully she will learn, that one man in the garage is worth more than a dozen in the pub downtown or on the couch. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alberto Ebavardo Gutierrez-Reyes, 26, Rochester, New York Illegal, who buried body of killed girlfriend, may get deported again. A farm worker who authorities said admits to burying the body of his girlfriend but not killing her was charged Friday with having counterfeit citizenship documents and re-entering the country after twice being deported. The U.S. Attorney's Office announced the criminal complaint against Everardo Donoteo-Reyes of Mexico as crews used heavy equipment in their ongoing search for his girlfriend's missing toddler at an upstate New York farm. Selena Hidalgo-Calderon and 14-month-old Owen Hidalgo-Calderon were last seen alive on May 16. The mother's body was found May 23 on the farm in Sodus where she and Donoteo-Reyes worked. Law enforcement and volunteers have been searching for the boy ever since. Donoteo-Reyes, also known as Alberto Ebarado Gutierrez-Reyes, was arrested on an evidence-tampering charge May 24 after a hunter's trail camera recorded him carrying a shovel in and out of the woods where his girlfriend's body was found, the Wayne County sheriff said. A check of his fingerprints determined the 26-year-old was in the country illegally. Investigators found that he had a counterfeit alien registration card in the name of Alberto Gutierrez and a fake Social Security card, U.S. Attorney James Kennedy Jr. said. There was no immediate information on an attorney who could comment on Donoteo-Reyes' behalf. According to the criminal complaint, agents from U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement arrested Donoteo-Reyes in Gretna, Louisiana, in September 2016 and deported him in October. Five months later, in March 2017, he was arrested again in Laredo, Texas. He pleaded guilty to unlawfully entering the United States and was sentenced to 15 days in confinement before being deported again, the complaint said. The new charges come a day after prosecutors and law enforcement met with relatives of Owen Hidalgo-Calderon to update them on the case, WHEC-TV reported. The search area for the missing toddler has been expanded, but the team has dwindled from hundreds to a few dozen. Owen's grandmother hasn't given up hope that he is alive, according to WHAM-TV. Estela Calderon said she wants to shower him with the love that she is no longer able to give her daughter. Donoteo-Reyes is scheduled to appear in federal court in Rochester on Monday.
Tech Support Pits From: From Vlad RE: Download from camera Dear Webby, What is better, to download from a digital camera directly to the computer, or taking the memory chip out and reading it in a chip reader ? Vlad Dear Vlad Taking the memory chip out and reading it in a standard chip reader is much better, and much faster too. The added advantage is that the computer views the chip reader as if it was just another hard drive, and at the same or better speed as a hard drive. You can then work on the pictures with any program. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
"I have to tell the truth," a young man said to his new girlfriend. "While we've been dating, I've been secretly seeing a psychiatrist." "Don't worry about it," the girl told her boyfriend. "I've been secretly seeing a lawyer and a car salesman."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Rosie for this story: Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night before, my husband planned to come home from the office before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel. I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine. When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen table read: "Sorry, hon, the business trip's on after all. I'll call you when I get there." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dividing Up Your Ground Beef I cook up 10 pounds of ground beef at a time and then I divide it up into one pound packages (our family's size) and just freeze it. Then when I get home from work, all the hard work is done. I can make tacos, casseroles or whatever quickly by reaching into the freezer. By Valerie Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The devils corkscrews.
___________________________________________________ A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go fix them a couple drinks. As he's standing there he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beat red and says, "Gee, oh...I'm sorry...I..." She continues, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Money isnt everything It can buy a bed - but not sleep It can buy a clock - but not time It can buy you a book - but not knowledge It can buy you a position - but not respect It can buy you medicine - but not health It can buy you blood - but not life It can buy you sex - but not love So you see, money isn't everything, and it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your friend, and as your friend I want to take away your pain and suffering. So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. And if anybody does, I'll eat a broom! I already got the broom! ____________________________________________________

Today, June 6 in
1674 Sivaji crowned himself King of India. 

1813 The U.S. invasion of Canada was halted at Stony Creek,
Ontario. 

1833 Andrew Jackson became the first U.S. president to ride in a
train. It was a B&O passenger train. 

1882 The first electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely. 

1904 The National Tuberculosis Association was formed in Atlantic
City, NJ. 

1924 The German Reichtag accepted the Dawes Plan. It was an
American plan to help Germany pay off its war debts. 

1925 Chrysler Corporation was founded by Walter Percy Chrysler. 

1932 In the U.S., the first federal tax on gasoline went into
effect. It was a penny per gallon. 

1933 In Camden, NJ, the first drive-in movie theater opened. 

1936 The first helicopter was tested in a building in Berlin,
Germany. 

1941 The U.S. government authorized the seizure of foreign ships in
U.S. ports. 

1942 The first nylon parachute jump was made by Adeline Gray in
Hartford, CT. 

1942 Japanese forces retreated in the World War II Battle of
Midway. The battle had begun on June 4. 

1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of
Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied Canadian, American, and British
troops were involved. 

1968 U.S. Senator Robert F. Kennedy died at 1:44am in Los Angeles
after being shot by Sirhan Sirhan. Kennedy was was shot the evening
before while campaigning for the Democratic presidential
nomination. 

1982 Israel invaded southern Lebanon in an effort to drive PLO
guerrillas out of Beirut. 

1985 The body of Nazi war criminal Dr. Josef Mengele was located
and exhumed near Sao Paolo, Brazil. Mengele was known as the "Angel
of Death." 

1985 The U.S. Senate authorized nonmilitary aid to the Contras. The
vote authorized $38 million over two years. 

1993 Mongolia held its first direct presidential elections. 

2005 The United States Supreme Court ruled that federal authorities
could prosecute sick people who smoke marijuana on doctor's orders.
The ruling concluded that state medical marijuana laws did not
protect users from the federal ban on the drug.

2018  smiled.


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Camera memory chips 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday,  June 5

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 5 in
1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first 
facsimile message across the Atlantic Ocean. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability. --- Tom Lehrer (1928 - ) Men who never get carried away should be. --- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two friends meet in the street. The one lad looked forlorn and almost on the verge of tears. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?" The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars." "That's not bad." "Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear." "I'd like that." "Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million." "The how come you look so glum?" "And this week - nothing!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Where is my driver? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Helping his wife wash the dishes, a minister protested, "This isn't a man s job." Oh yes, it is, his wife retorted, quoting 2 Kings 21:13: "I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down." ------------------------ By the way, did you know that the Bible states that brewing coffe is the man's job? On quite a few pages it says it right at the top: He brews ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Sanchez, 37, Sapulpa Tulsa County, Oklahoma DUI Arrest Leads To Arson At Sapulpa Police Department A man arrested for DUI ended up with an arson complaint added on while he was being booked. Sapulpa police say that, shortly after 1:00 a.m., an officer pulled a man over after seeing a pickup fail to stop at a stop sign at South 49th West Ave. and the westbound Interstate 44 exit ramp. The officer says the driver, 37-year-old Michael Sanchez, was slurring his speech and had blood shot, watery eyes. The officer says he could also smell alcohol. Sanchez was given a field sobriety test, which he failed, and was placed under arrest. Police say that, while Sanchez was in the booking area at the Sapulpa Police Department, he lit his booking paperwork on fire. Officers say that this is the first time Sanchez has been arrested for DUI or arson.
Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Camera memory chips Dear Webby, Dear Webby; I have another question for someone I consider to be an expert. I am taking pics w/ a digital camera & have a memory card. I usually take 15-20 pics a month at our church gospel sing. Then I take them from the camera & resize to about 480 px. and put them in a folder in my documents before emailimg them on to others. Then I take these pics & put them on a disk to be sure I don't lose them. After I have done this I am in the habit of deleting them from the memory card. Is there any amount of time this card can be used over & over before it will need to be replaced? I don't like keeping them on the card because it gets too confusing. I have even saved some of your dad's cactus pics. Thanks ever so much for your time & patience. Sharon § Dear Sharon I have heard of camera chips that were stepped on, vacuumed up, eaten by toddlers or pets, but never of one that stopped accepting data. At a rate of 20 pictures per month, you can probably copy pictures on and delete them from that chip for about 3000 years, maybe more. Camera chips don't seem to go bad, just replaced. When you go buy paper and get a 16 GB camera chip free if you buy a whole case of paper, you will probably go for it, - and retire your 500 MB chip. And by the time you need more paper, they will probably give away 64 GB chips. So, don't panic yet. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A pleasingly plump Lucy consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds. Lucy followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "Are you going to come pick me up, or do I have to run home 300 Miles?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores or discuss your problems with him - it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most impor- tantly, you have to increase your frequency of intimacy. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" "He said you're going to die," she replied. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Clothing Off Season When buying new clothing, I purchase my winter clothes and shoes in the summer and my summer clothes in the winter. For used clothing, yard sales and church rummage sales are great places to find nice clothing. By Janice Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Capturing in photos the beauty of Italy's abandoned villas.
___________________________________________________ When I was a kid, my dad told a joke at dinner. Seems some kid came home and told his dad that the teacher had told them that they all decended from the apes. So that kid's father blew up and yelled: "YOU might have descended from an ape, but I did not!" I was about 4 or 5 years old and laughed myself off my chair. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Both sides of our family turned out for my wife's college graduation. After the dean finished awarding all the diploma's, he requested, "Will all the 'cum laudes' please stand up?" My mother-in-law leaned over and whispered, "Wow! The Cum Laude family sure has a lot of kids!" ____________________________________________________

Today, June 5 in
1595 Henry IV's army defeated the Spanish at the Battle of
Fontaine-Francaise. 

1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to
demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity. 

1794 The U.S. Congress prohibited citizens from serving in any
foreign armed forces. 

1827 Athens fell to the Ottomans. 

1851 Harriet Beecher Stow published the first installment of "Uncle
Tom's Cabin" in "The National Era." 

1865 The first safe deposit vault was opened in New York. The
charge was $1.50 a year for every $1,000 that was stored. 

1884 U.S. Civil War General William T. Sherman refused the
Republican presidential nomination, saying, "I will not accept if
nominated and will not serve if elected." 

1917 American men began registering for the World War I draft. 

1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first facsimile
message across the Atlantic Ocean. 

1933 President Roosevelt signed the bill that took the U.S. off of
the gold standard. 

1940 During World War II, the Battle of France began when Germany
began an offensive in Southern France. 

1942 In France, Pierre Laval congratulated French volunteers that
were fighting in the U.S.S.R. with Germans. 

1944 The first B-29 bombing raid hit the Japanese rail line in
Bangkok, Thailand. 

1946 The first medical sponges were first offered for sale in
Detroit, MI. 

1947 U.S. Secretary of State George C. Marshall gave a speech at
Harvard University in which he outlined the Marshall Plan. 

1956 Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounced Josef Stalin to the Soviet
Communist Party Congress. 

1967 The National Hockey League (NHL) awarded three new franchises.
The Minnesota North Stars (later the Dallas Stars), the California
Golden Seals (no longer in existence) and the Los Angeles Kings. 

1967 The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and Jordan
began. 

1975 Egypt reopened the Suez Canal to international shipping, eight
years after it was closed because of the 1967 war with Israel. 

1981 In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control and Prevention
reported that five men in Los Angeles were suffering from a rare
pneumonia found in patients with weakened immune systems. They were
the first recognized cases of what later became known as AIDS. 

1986 A federal jury in Baltimore convicted Ronald W. Pelton of
selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Pelton was sentenced to three
life prison terms plus 10 years. 

1987 Ted Koppel and guests discussed the topic of AIDS for four
hours on ABC-TV’s "Nightline". 

1998 A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory near
Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and idled workers
across the U.S. for seven weeks. 

1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor Cars for
$700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer. 

2001 Amazon.com announced that it would begin selling personal
computers later in the year. 

2018  smiled.


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Restoring trashed mail 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,  June 4

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Lingerie purchases lead to Apple employee's 
prison term in $243 K embezzlement case
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 4 in
1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and Jacques
Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet. They used a coal
stove to produce the necessary heat.

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) Resist everything but temptation. --- Mae West ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Want to get somebody to throw something at you? What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common? Their middle name. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ While driving through Buffalo after a heavy post-season Global Warming snow storm, a motorist noted a cop, apparently waist deep in snow, directing traffic. Feeling sorry for him, the motorist called out "I'm sorry you have to work half buried in the snow." The cop called back "Don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry for my Harley!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Toni Ann Branca, 42, Livingston, N.J. Lingerie purchases lead to Apple employee's prison term in $243 K embezzlement case Toni Ann Branca, 42, was sentenced to three years in prison for using an Apple company credit card for personal spending. Authorities in New Jersey said Toni Ann Branca, 42, was sentenced Friday to three years in a state prison. She had pleaded guilty in January to a second-degree theft by deception charge, Law360 reported. The former administrative assistant for Apple used a company credit card to make purchases at the lingerie retailer and at Gucci and Louis Vuitton shops, authorities said. But it was the Victoria’s Secret purchases that Apple discovered first, leading to her undoing, NJ.com reported. Branca, of Livingston, N.J., worked mostly from home, handling scheduling and travel arrangements for other Apple employees, the report said, and she was issued an American Express card for making purchases related to her job. Investigators found that she submitted duplicate requests for reimbursement, to be paid straight to her bank account, and used the duplicate payments for her personal spending. A review found that Branca racked up $110,000 in retail spending, the Philadelphia Voice reported, and paid back $95,000 prior to her sentencing. “Branca went on a lavish shopping spree at the expense of her employer, but ultimately she bought herself a state prison term," said Veronica Allende, director of the New Jersey Division of Criminal Justice.
Tech Support Pits From: Betty Re: Restoring accidentally trashed mail Dear Webby, I have Mailwasher and have tried to restore some email recently for the first time and cannot get it to restore. Can you help me. I get the message that the restored mail is being sent to *******@sbcglobal.net. Then I get an error message that the connection to the in coming server was reset, check the Internet connection, which I did and it seemed ok to me. What do I need to do to correct the problem. Thank you, Betty Dear Betty In MailWasher hit Tools Accounts Properties Bouncing and outgoing mail In there set the SMTP Server Name to the same as the SMTP Server Name in your mail program. Then mailWasher can send the downloaded portion of the restored mail to you. If you set the download to the minimum (200 lines), then that is all that you will get. However, that is usually enough to write to the sender and ask for a re-send, IF the mail is important enough. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she had been stood up. She changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV. No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her door bell rang. There stood her date. He took one look at her and gasped, "I'm two hours late--and you're still not ready?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two Irish farmers bought a truckload of watermelons, paying one dollar apiece for them. Then they drove to the market and sold all their melons for the SAME price ($1) they'd paid for them. After counting their money at the end of the day, they realize they'd ended up with no more money than they'd started with. "See!" said one. "I told you we shoulda rented a bigger truck." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dishwasher Energy Savings Run your dishwasher only when it is full and use energy saver settings (no heat for drying). If you have an old dishwasher, turn it off before the dry cycle. Open up the door and let the dishes air dry. It will save a lot on electricity. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Top 10 inventions that changed the world.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: An authority on African animals was giving a lecture. When he finished, he asked for questions. One man stood up and asked, "Is it true that the wild animals in Africa won't bother you if you carry a lighted torch?" The speaker replied, "That depends on how fast you carry it." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart. "Walmart!" The rabbi exclaimed, "Why Walmart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week." ____________________________________________________

Today, June 4 in
1615 The fortress of Osaka, Japan, fell to Shogun Ieyasu after a
six month siege. 

1647 The British army seized King Charles I and held him as a
hostage. 

1674 Horse racing was prohibited in Massachusetts. 

1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and Jacques
Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet. They used a coal
stove to produce the necessary heat.

1784 Marie Thible became the first woman to fly in a hot-air
balloon. The flight was 45 minutes long and reached a height of
8,500 feet. 

1792 Captain George Vancouver claimed Puget Sound for Britain. 

1794 British troops captured Port-au-Prince, Haiti. 

1805 Tripoli was forced to conclude peace with U.S. after conflicts
over tribute. 

1812 The Louisiana Territory had its name changed to the Missouri
Territory. 

1816 The Washington was launched at Wheeling, WV. It was the first
stately, double-decker steamboat. 

1878 Turkey turned Cyprus over to Britain. 

1892 The Sierra Club was incorporated in San Francisco. 

1896 Henry Ford made a successful test drive of his new car in
Detroit, MI. He called the vehicle called a "Quadricycle." 

1911 Gold was discovered in Alaska's Indian Creek. 

1918 French and American troops halted Germany's offensive at
Chateau-Thierry, France. 

1919 The U.S. Senate passed the Women's Suffrage bill. 

1924 An eternal light was dedicated at Madison Square in New York
City in memory of all New York soldiers who died in World War I. 

1931 The first rocket-glider flight was made by William Swan in
Atlantic City, NJ. 

1935 "Invisible" glass was patented by Gerald Brown and Edward
Pollard. 

1939 The first shopping cart was introduced by Sylvan Goldman in
Oklahoma City, OK. It was actually a folding chair that had been
mounted on wheels. 

1940 The British completed the evacuation of 300,000 troops at
Dunkirk, France, after a failed invasion attempt.

1942 The Battle of Midway began. It was the first major victory for
America over Japan during World War II. The battle ended on June 6
and ended Japanese expansion in the Pacific. 

1943 In Argentina, Juan Peron took part in the military coup that
overthrew Ramon S. Castillo. 

1944 The U-505 became the first enemy submarine captured by the
U.S. Navy. 

1944 During World War II, the U.S. Fifth Army entered Rome, which
began the liberation of the Italian capital. 

1946 Juan Peron was installed as Argentina's president. 

1947 The House of Representatives approved the Taft-Hartley Act.
The legislation allowed the President of the United States to
intervene in labor disputes. 

1954 French Premier Joseph Laniel and Vietnamese Premier Buu Loc
initialed treaties in Paris giving "complete independence" to
Vietnam. 

1960 The Taiwan island of Quemoy was hit by 500 artillery shells
fired from the coast of Communist China. 

1974 The Cleveland Indians had "Ten Cent Beer Night". Due to the
drunken and unruly fans the Indians forfeited to the Texas Rangers.


1974 Sally Murphy became the first woman to qualify as an aviator
with the U.S. Army. 

1985 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling striking
down an Alabama law that provided for a daily minute of silence in
public schools. 

1986 Jonathan Jay Pollard, a former Navy intelligence analyst, pled
guilty in Washington to spying for Israel. He was sentenced to life
in prison. 

1986 The California Supreme Court approved a law that limited the
liability of manufacturers and other wealthy defendants. It was
known as the "deep pockets law." 

1989 In Beijing, Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen Square to
crush the pro-democracy movement. It is believed that hundreds,
possibly thousands, of demonstrators were killed. 

2003 The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill that would ban
"partial birth" abortions with a 282-139 vote. 

2003 Amazon.com announced that it had received more than 1 million
orders for the book "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix."
The released date was planned for June 21. 

2008 The United Kingdom and Canada became the first countries to be
able to buy and rent films at the iTunes Store.

2018  smiled.


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Soft focus 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday,  June 3

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Creep With His Phaser Set To Stun 
Tells Police He Is James Tiberius Kirk
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 3 in
1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a
"space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. --- Robert Frost Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. ---Leo Tolstoy (1828 - 1910) A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad. --- Bob Edwards ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "How does Keli like being pregnant?" Sam asked his friend Greg. "Oh, she's not pregnant," Greg replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" Sam pressed. "Well, Greg explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet . . ." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A friend was complaining that her boyfriend would not say. "I love you," even if explicitly asked to do so. The only exception, she said, was when they were in fact in the act of making love. Then, if asked, he would say the sacred words. I suggested that she should not take too much comfort in the exception. When making love, I explained, men will say anything. "He'd tell you he's the Easter Bunny if that's what he thinks you want to hear," I told her. The conversation rattled on from there. A couple of weeks later, she related the following. "We were in bed, making love. I said, 'Tell me you love me.'" He replied, 'I love you.' I said, 'Tell me you're the Easter Bunny.' He stopped for a second, and announced, 'I'm the Easter Bunny.' So I slapped him. "The poor guy probably still doesn't know what happened!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James Roger Bundrick, 56, Clearwater, Florida Creep With His Phaser Set To Stun Tells Police He Is James Tiberius Kirk A man arrested Monday for masturbating at a bus stop identified himself as James Tiberius Kirk upon his arrest by Florida police, according to court records. The perp claiming to be Captain Kirk was spotted around 11:20 AM vigorously “stroking his penis that was under his shorts,” reported a Clearwater patrolman. The action “corrupted the public morals and sense of public decency,” alleged investigators. After the defendant stroked himself for more than two minutes, a cop asked what he was doing. “The defendant stated, ‘I’m scratching myself.’” Upon being arrested for disorderly conduct, the man said that he carried no ID, but gave his name as that of the commander of the starship USS Enterprise. Cops actually did a “wants/warrant check” on the Kirk name, which came back with negative results. Police subsequently used a facial recognition program to determine that “Kirk” was actually James Roger Bundrick, 56. In addition to the disorderly conduct rap, Bundrick was charged with a second misdemeanor, providing a false name to law enforcement. He is being held in the Pinellas County jail in lieu of $400 bond. Pictured above, Bundrick is a convicted felon who was released from state prison in August 2016 after serving nearly four years in custody on multiple felony charges.
Tech Support Pits From: Annie Re: Soft focus for picture Dear Webby, How do I make a certain part of a picture sharply focused and the rest slightly out of focus? I need to highlight different parts of a machine to show what the instructions at that paragraph are all about. And I need some fsat and quick way of doing it, not messing around for hours with masks and tricky stuff. I use PSP. Thanks Annie Dear Annie Use the rounded rectangle selector or the lassoo in point to point mode and select the part that you want sharp. CTRL SHIFT I or mouse to Selection, Invert Now you have everything except that part "selected". SHIFT B brings up the Brightness / Contrast setting. Increase brightness and reduce contrast. That will lighten and soften the current selection (which is inverted, the opposite of the original selection). Have FUN DearWebby
The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday. "A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk. "You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting a cruise."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty. "Hello," said the Father, "And hows Mrs. O'Donovan, didn't I marry you two years ago?" "You did that, Father." "And are there any little ones yet?" "No, not yet, Father." "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you." "Thank you, Father." And away she went. A few years later they met again. "Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?" "Oh, so-so," said she. "And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?" "Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles--ten in all." "Now isn't that wonderful," he said, "And how is your lovely husband?" "Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow up that bloody candle of yours!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Emergency Gift Box Take nice but unwanted items that were received for the holidays and put them in a box for emergency gifts. Also, buy good gift items on sale or at garage sales. That way you never have to run out and buy a gift at the last minute. By Erin Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: Two mothers are having a conversation about their children one day. "How do you get your Marvin up so early on school mornings?" asks Joan. "Oh, that's easy," replies Marianne. "I just throw the cat on his bed." "Why does that wake him up?" "He sleeps with the dog!"
They just don't make vacations like they used to.
___________________________________________________ Wendy was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being only five feet tall, Wendy had to stretch, but still couldn't grab the box. Fortunately, her husband was six-feet-tall so she called him to help. "Hey, James!" Wendy yelled , who was in the living room. "Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?" "Sure, Honey," James remarked as he bounded into the kitchen. "But next time, I'd prefer the title 'Your Highness.'" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ My friend Don, a minor-league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans. But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign: "Dressing Room, Umpires Only." As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed legend was the same message... written in Braille. ____________________________________________________

Today, June 3 in
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized Antioch,
Turkey. 

1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain. 

1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter for New
Netherlands (now known as New York). 

1800 John Adams moved to Washington, DC. He was the first President
to live in what later became the capital of the United States. 

1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was completed in
the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution. 

1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first baseball team to
wear uniforms. 

1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw machine. 

1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty with Germany. 

1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the right to vote. 

1932 Lou Gehrig set a major league baseball record when he hit four
consecutive home runs. 

1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the British throne,
married Wallis Warfield Simpson. 

1938 The German Reich voted to confiscate so-called "degenerate
art." 

1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the Koje prison camp
in South Korea was put down by American troops. 

1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a
"space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule. 

1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the first
synthesis of a gene from chemical components. 

1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to begin a sweep of
Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy demonstrations in
Tiananmen Square. 

1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an international
peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO announced that airstrikes would
continue until 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn from Kosovo. 

2003 Sammy Sosa (Chicago Cubs) broke a bat when he grounded out
against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. The bat he was using was a corked
bat. 

2003 Toys "R" Us, Inc. announced that it had signed a multi-year
agreement with Albertson to become the exclusive toy provider for
all of all of Albertson's food and drug stores.

2018  smiled.


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Why not Norton? 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  June 2

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Crystal Methvin picked up with crystal meth, 
AGAIN
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 2 in
1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists to 
allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends. --- John Churton Collins "Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber." --- Plato (427-347 B.C.) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374? "No, this is 223-1375." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ From Leesa in Hot Springs _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began. Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?" The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket." The officer let him in. _____________________________________________________ Reported by Walter, An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Crystal Methvin, 40, Douglas Nickerson, 41, St. Augustine Florida Crystal Methvin picked up with crystal meth, AGAIN Yes, I gave her bonehead awards before. According to the St. Johns County Sheriff’s Jail Log, Methvin has been picked up on drug charges at least fourteen times since 1998. It’s unclear how many of the other arrests involved crystal meth — although they always involved Crystal Methvin. Florida police arrested a woman named Crystal Methvin for possession of crystal meth again Saturday morning. St. Augustine police said they arrested Methvin, 40, and her friend, Douglas Nickerson, 41, after getting an anonymous complaint about an unlicensed driver. Police arrested Douglas Nickerson on charges of possession and drug equipment. (St. Johns County Sheriff’s Office) Officers responded to the parking lot of one-story office complex at 69 Dixie Highway and found Methvin, Nickerson and an unidentified third person sitting in a vehicle. Police say the three consented to a search, and officers arrested Methvin and Nickerson after finding crystal meth and drug paraphernalia. Both were taken to St. Johns County Jail. Online records show Methvin is being held on a $5,000 bond. She was charged with drug possession. Nickerson’s bond was set at $5,500. He faces charges of drug possession and drug equipment.
Tech Support Pits From: Carol Re: Why not Norton? Dear Webby, Thank you for the prompt response. What do you recommend rather than Norton, and why does it need a special removal tool? Thanks for the great job you are doing. Carol Dear Carol Norton hides stuff in places where you can't easily remove it without that special removal tool. It does not do a clean un-install and in some cases has required formatting to completely get rid of it. That's why experienced techs don't recommend it. Just use MalwareBytes and don't worry about it. Have FUN DearWebby
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Exactly what's my problem?" Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
*TENDJEWBERRYMUD* It's amazing; you will understand the above word by the end of the conversation. Read aloud for best results. "Tendjewberrymud." Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while after reading this. Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees" Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service" RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??" G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs" RS: "Ow July den?" G: "What??" RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?" G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please." RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?" G: "Crisp will be fine." RS : "Hokay. An San tos?" G: "What?" RS:"San tos. July San tos?" G: "I don't think so" RS: "No? Judo one toes??" G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means." RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?" G: "English muffin! I've got it! You were saying ' Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine." RS: "We bother?" G: "No..just put the bother on the side." RS: "Wad?" G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side." RS: "Copy?" G: "Sorry?" RS: "Copy...tea...mill?" G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all." RS: "One Minnie. As ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??" G: "Whatever you say" RS: "Tendjewberrymud" G : "You're welcome" ------------------- If you plan to overnight in Hongcouver (formerly Vancouver, BC) then you better study Chinglish beforehand, so as to avoid embrrassing mitt-eggs, ahem mistakes.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Sandie for this classic: A station in Tennessee was trying to make the high cost of gas worth the price so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a local redneck, Billy Ray pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Billy Ray then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close; the number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time." A week later, Billy Ray along with his buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number Billy Ray guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 4. You were close, but no free sex this time." As they were driving away, Billy Ray said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex." Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged, my wife won twice last week." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Salsa Tip I got this tip from a neighbor. Instead of cooking homemade salsa on top of the stove where the tomatoes cook to a liquid, I roast the mixture at 350 degrees for 4-5 hours, stirring every hour. The tomatoes stay a little chunky and the sauce tastes and looks just like store bought. By Marjorie Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ >From Rita For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom to a co-worker. "I know," she complained. "Everyone thinks state workers have it easy. But there's only so much you can pretend you're doing."
The Shirk Report.
___________________________________________________ A friend asked a gentleman why he never married? Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl." "Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry." "Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me." "Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend. "She was looking for the perfect man." ------------ That was my story too! Every time! ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk by again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again..?" ----------------------------- I remember a train like that in Austria, when I was a little kid. It had an awfully interesting steam engine that leaked steam in all kinds of places that did not seem right to me, but they wouldn't let me near it. They were probably afraid I would start taking it apart. I had a bit of a reputation for doing that. Anyway, that narrow gauge train moved at a pretty good clip on the steep downhill grades, but was very slow uphill. Each of the little verandahs at each end of the rail cars they had signs that the gwown-ups told me read: "Picking flowers while the train is in motion is strictly prohibited!" There were no signs against jumping off the train at the front of a rail car and jumping on again at the back, running to the front on the inside and doing it all over again. Just no picking flowers while waiting for the rear of the rail car to come along. But I had fun anyway, until they told me to sit down and shut up. ____________________________________________________

Today, June 2 in
1537 Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians. 

1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists to allow
British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted. 

1793 Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror". It
was an effort to purge those suspected of treason against the
French Republic. 

1818 The British army defeated the Maratha alliance in Bombay,
India. 

1835 P.T. Barnum launched his first traveling show. The main
attraction was Joice Heth. Heth was reputed to be the 161-year-old
nurse of George Washington. 

1851 Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law prohibiting
alcohol. 

1883 The first baseball game under electric lights was played in
Fort Wayne, Indiana. 

1896 Guglieimo Marconi's radio telegraphy device was patented in
Great Britain. 

1897 Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York Journal as
saying "the report of my death was an exaggeration." He was
responding to the rumors that he had died. 

1910 Charles Stewart Roll became the first person to fly non-stop
and double cross the English Channel. 

1924 All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship by the U.S.
Congress. 

1928 Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China. 

1930 Mrs. M. Niezes of Panama gave birth to the first baby to be
born on a ship while passing through the Panama Canal.

1946 Italians voted by referendum to form a republic instead of a
monarchy. 

1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at Westminster Abbey. 

1954 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there were
communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons plants. 

1966 Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon and
started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's surface. It
was the first soft landing on the Moon. 

1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the destroyer USS
Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of South Vietnam. 

1979 Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on the first
visit by a pope to a Communist country. 

1985 The R.J. Reynolds Company proposed a major merger with Nabisco
that would create a $4.9 billion conglomerate. 

1995 Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C was shot down
by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later. 

1998 Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to settle
charges of dumping waste at sea. 

1998 Voters in Mexifornia passed Proposition 227. The act abolished
the state's 30-year-old bilingual education program by requiring
that all children be taught in English. 

1999 In South Africa, the African National Congress (ANC) won a
major victory. ANC leader Thabo Mbeki was to succeed Nelson Mandela
as the nation's president. 

2003 In the U.S., federal regulators voted to allow companies to
buy more television stations and newspaper-broadcasting
combinations in the same city. The previous ownership restrictions
had not been altered since 1975. 

2003 In Seville, Spain, a chest containing the supposed remains of
Christopher Columbus were exhumed for DNA tests to determine
whether the bones were really those of the explorer. The tests were
aimed at determining if Colombus was currently buried in Spain's
Seville Cathedral or in Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic. 

2003 William Baily was reunited with two paintings he had left on a
subway platform. One of the works was an original Picasso rendering
of two male figures and a recreation of Picasso's "Guernica" by
Sophie Matisse. Sophie Matisse was the great-granddaughter of Henri
Matisse.

2018  smiled.


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She can't send mail out via the neighbor's WiFi 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  June 1
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Hilarious part of the news: Broom Hilda wants to be elected CEO of
FaceBook. Putin apparently needs a hernia transplant after laughing
himself sick. Soros, Broom Hilda's sponsor, apparently asked what
she is smoking these days.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman had to slip note to veterinary staff 
pleading for rescue from boyfriend
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 1 in
1774 The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed.

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. --- Jackie Mason (1934 - ) Never have children, only grandchildren. --- Gore Vidal (1925 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal. Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they moved out, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing." The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the man say, "I felt like a new man when my wife woke me up to go home!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for these Marriage Quips: Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding? A: Not if you are the groom. Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony? A: Anything except 'Tied to the Whipping Post'. Q: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception? A: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives. Q: What is a wedding tragedy? A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money. Q: What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their wedding night? A: A last name. Q: How is marriage like a hot bath? A: Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. Q: If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose: A: Would you go to lunch or to a movie? Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves? A: Buy her a diamond ring. Q: What is the best way to annoy your wife/husband during sex? A: Call her/him on the telephone. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeremy Floyd, 39 DeLand, Florida Woman slipped note to veterinary staff pleading for rescue from boyfriend A woman who told authorities she had been beaten and threatened by her boyfriend escaped from him after slipping a note to staff at a Florida veterinary hospital, according to the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office. The note that Carolyn Reichle , 28, gave to a member of staff at a veterinary office in DeLand on Friday read: “Call the cops. My boyfriend is threatening me. He has a gun. Please don’t let him know.” Reichle had allegedly been held in her home for two days, beaten and threatened by her boyfriend, Jeremy Floyd. She eventually convinced him that her dog needed to go to the DeLand Animal Hospital, according to a police report. Floyd, 39, insisted on going with her and on the car ride over he pointed a loaded gun at her and threaten to kill her and her family, according to the report. Staff at the animal hospital called police who arrested Floyd. He was found to be carrying a loaded gun. Reichle was taken to an area hospital and treated for a head injury, a black eye and bruised arms. Reichle told authorities her ordeal began Wednesday when Floyd allegedly threatened her at gunpoint and physically prevented her from leaving. She told police she tried to get the gun away from him and during the struggle the weapon went off twice. Police located two bullet holes in drywall inside the home. Police have charged Floyd with domestic violence, aggravated assault with a firearm, false imprisonment, possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, possession of ammunition by a convicted felon and simple battery. He is being held without bail at the Volusia County Branch Jail.
Tech Support Pits From: Mary Re: No mail going out via neighbor's wireless Dear Webby, I don't know whether it is the same problem, but MY mail won't go out when I try to send it on my neighbor's wireless connection. My technician says it isbecause the wireless system does not recognize my (landline) configuration. However, I do not understand why I cannot get my bank's website. (????) I just figured that tomorrow I'll get onto my sister's wireless connection with her computer. (I AM ON VACATION.) M Dear Mary You have to change the SMTP server name in your mail config to show the SMTP server normally used by your neighbor's computer. For example, if your neighbor connects to the net via earthlink, then you would have to set the SMTP server name to smtp.earthlink.net. Your bank probably uses a similar verification scheme. Have FUN DearWebby
Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican? Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock Cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? 1) Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few weeks and try to come to a consensus and AAARGH! 2) Republican's Answer: BANG! 3)Southern Republican's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click ...(sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click Daughter: Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those my Winchester Silver Tips or Mom's Hollow Points? Son: Git-R-Dun Pop! Can I do the next one? Wife: You ain't taking THAT to the taxidermist!
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung transplant, and a heart transplant." "WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplants." "Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that I needed to get reorganized."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in a long, long line for judgment. As he stood there, he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the Gates of Heaven; others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them into a burning pit of fire. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss him (or her) to one side. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the better of him and he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder. "Excuse me, there, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering why you are tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" "Ah", Satan said with a grin. "They are people from Seattle; they're still too wet to burn!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fighting Mildew with Bleach This is to follow up on the tip from Thrifty fun to fight mildew. A safer and better alternative than bleach is BORAX (chemical name: Sodium perborate). It can be purchased in laundry aisle of most supermarkets. The common brand is "20 Mule Team borax" Just mix the powder with water, it forms a suspension, then use that with a wet cloth. You can use a spray bottle but occasionally the spray nozzle might get clogged. But borax (imo) is safer to use than bleach and I used it last year to good effect. Nari Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ *Seen Signs* These signs might not communicate what was hoped for. On a California freeway: Fine for Littering On the wall of a British Columbia cleaning service: Able to Do the Worst Possible Job In a New York jewellery store: Genuine Fauz Pearls In a Kansas City oculist's office: Broken lenses duplicated here In a Boston fast-food parking lot: Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only Billboard on Florida highway: If You Can't Read, We Can Help On the Triborough Bridge in New York: In Event of Air Attack Drive Off Bridge On a Lockhart, Texas, gas station and minimart: We're out of Rolaids, but we've got gas. At the basketball court in a Gastonton, North Carolina, YMCA: Anyone caught hanging from the rim will be suspended On a Rapid City store: Give That Bride a Good Case of Worms or Other Fine Bait On the door of an Ellsworth, Maine, restaurant: The Indian Trading Post will be closed for Yom Kippur In a Grand Rapids restaurant: Half baked chicken In a Dayton barbershop: During vacation of owner, a competent hair stylist will be here On a Jacksonville, Florida, bookstore: Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books Near Tucson, Arizona: Warning DIP. Do not enter during rain. Hotel catering to skiers, Northern Italy: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. Car rental brochure, Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
The Athabasca sand dunes
___________________________________________________ A plumber was called to a woman's apartment in New York to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived he was pleased to discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked babe, and during the course of the afternoon the two became extremely friendly. About 5.30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans. "That was my husband," she said, "He's on his way home, but he's going back to the office around 8. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off." The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. "What? On my own time??" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Groan Alert: Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating. Luke is having problems, there is food over his face, his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth. "What should I do?" he asks Ben. "Use the forks, Luke!" ____________________________________________________

Today, June 1 in
1533 Anne Boleyn, Henry VIII’s new queen, was crowned. 

1774 The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed.

1861 The first skirmish of the U.S. Civil War took place at the
Fairfax Court House, Virginia. 

1869 Thomas Edison received a patent for his electric voting
machine. It was never used.

1877 U.S. troops were authorized to pursue bandits into Mexico. 

1892 The General Electric Company (GE) began operations after the
merging of the Edison General Electric and the Thomson-Houston
Electric companies. 

1896 In Paris, France, the first recorded automobile theft
occurred. The Peugeot of Baron de Zuylen de Nyevelt was stolen by
his mechanic. 

1915 Germany conducted the first zeppelin air raid over England. 

1916 The National Defense Act increased the strength of the U.S.
National Guard by 450,000 men. 

1921 A race riot erupted in Tulsa, Oklahoma. 85 people were killed.


1935 The Ingersoll-Waterbury Company reported that it had produced
2.5 million Mickey Mouse watches during its 2-year association with
Disney. 

1938 Baseball helmets were worn for the first time. 

1939 The Douglas DC-4 made its first passenger flight from Chicago
to New York. 

1941 The German Army completed the capture of Crete as the Allied
evacuation ended. 

1942 The U.S. began sending Lend-Lease materials to the Soviet
Union. 

1943 During World War II, Germans shot down a civilian flight from
Lisbon to London. 

1944 The French resistance was warned by a coded message from the
British that the D-Day invasion was imminent. 

1944 Siesta was abolished by the government of Mexico. 

1954 In the Peanuts comic strip, Linus' security blanket made its
debut. 

1958 Charles de Gaulle became the premier of France. 

1958 IBM ended its design of machines that contained electronic
tubes. 

1961 Radio listeners in New York, California, and Illinois were
introduced to FM multiplex stereo broadcasting. A year later the
FCC made this a standard. 

1963 Governor George Wallace vowed to defy an injunction that
ordered the integration of the University of Alabama. 

1970 Zimbabwe came into existence. It was formerly known as
Rhodesia. 

1972 In Iraq, The Ba'athist government nationalized the western-
owned Iraq Petroleum Company and turned operations over to the Iraq
National Oil Company. 

1977 The Soviet Union formally charged Jewish human rights activist
Anatoly Shcharansky with treason. He was imprisoned until 1986. 

1978 The U.S. reported the finding of wiretaps in the American
embassy in Moscow. 

1979 In the U.S., the government-controlled ceiling on oil prices
ends. The control was phased out over 28 months. 

1980 Cable News Network (CNN) made its debut as the first all-news
station. 

1995 At Disneyland Paris, the attraction "Space Mountain: From The
Earth to the Moon" opened. 

1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved a urine-only test for the AIDS
virus. 

1998 A $124 million suit was brought against Goodyear Tire & Rubber
that alleged discrimination towards black workers. 

1999 Merrill Lynch chairman David Komansky announced that the firm
would soon allow its customers to buy and sell stocks over the
Internet. 

2008 The Phoenix Mars Lander became the first NASA spacecraft to
scoop Martian soil. 

2009 General Motors filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. The filing
made GM the largest U.S. industrial company to enter bankruptcy
protection. 

2018  smiled.


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Separate licenses for Windows 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, May 31

If you have not seen Barb's Bonus link, go back to the
Wednesday issue and look it up.
The site shows lots of new pictures of desert wild flowers!
For me it was just like being there on the 25 or so cactus safaris,
running around the deserts and mountains taking pictures of
blooming cacti, but just barely smiling at the wild flowers.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mother arrested after running over 
7 mo old daughter and boyfriend, 
killing daughter
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, May 31 in
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years of
construction. It still works. Bears still walk on it. 
They have the right of way.

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There is no nonsense so gross that society will not, at some time, make a doctrine of it and defend it with every weapon of communal stupidity. --- Robertson Davies ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A census taker knocked on a lady's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly." he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are." she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he slowly intoned as he wrote on his form. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Yes, the desert DOES bloom! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?" Mathematician: "Never." Physicist: "In an infinite amount of time." Engineer: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sarah Gomez, 19, Ontario, California Mother arrested after running over 7 mo old daughter and boyfriend, killing daughter A California mother was taken into police custody early Tuesday after she allegedly struck her boyfriend and their 7-month-old daughter with a car, injuring the father and killing the child, according to KTLA. Sarah Gomez, 19, was arrested on suspicion of murder and attempted murder, the Ontario Police Department tweeted. The incident happened on the driveway of a residence in the 500 block of West D Street around midnight, Sgt. Jeff Higbee said. Investigators believed the infant's mother and 21-year-old father had been drinking at a family gathering just a few streets away when they became involved in an argument. Gomez was behind the wheel when she struck her boyfriend with the infant in his arms, according to police. Other family members took the girl to the hospital along with the father, who suffered scrapes and abrasions, Higbee said. The child had injuries consistent with being hit by a car, the officer said. Authorities towed the vehicle to investigate it. Earlier, the agency said it expected Gomez to be charged with two counts of assault with a deadly weapon. But it later appeared that the incident was intentional, Higbee told KTLA. Gomez is held at the San Bernardino County West Valley Detention Center.
Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Separate licenses Dear Webby Thanks Webby, One more thing, I have 2 separate desktop computers and a laptop. For the windows 7 to be "genuine", can I install the one purchased, or do I need to purchase 3 separate ones? Again, love your newsletter! An Avid Reader and User of Tips stitichingirl Dear Bonnie Micro$oft insists that you buy a separate license for each computer. I have a hunch that the demand AND PRICE for W7 will go up as more and more people learn that a W10 computer is just a W7 machine, that hasn't been formatted yet, and still needs W7 to be installed, to become fast enough for work. Have FUN DearWebby
The cowboy was trying to buy an insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never." "That's hard to believe. Nothing ever happened to you at all?" "Well, rattler bit me one time." "Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Hell no. Dang varmint bit me on purpose."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you." she said. Then, returning to reality she added, "But if the big jerk is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress... don't wait any longer."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Giving a man his physical, the doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey, soccer, or some physical sport?" "No," he answered. "I play bridge with my wife." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Change and Dollar Bills My husband and I have always saved our change, but recently we have started saving our one dollar bills as well. At the end of each day, we put all of our ones in a little bank, and on Saturday, we deposit what we have into our savings account. It adds up quickly! By Carol Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Having gone out for a large lunch with fellow workers, one health conscious young woman from our office was especially motivated to get to the gym after work. Our boss, who had also enjoyed a large meal, suggested that she run an extra lap for him. As she was leaving the office, she called to the boss, "Get ready to start huffing and puffing, 'cause I'll be on your lap in half an hour!"
Winners and losers of People are Awesome!
___________________________________________________ An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much of a sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!! ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A kindergartner brings his drawings home every day. His mother is delighted to see what he's doing, of course, and hangs each one on the refrigerator. But after a while, one thing starts bothering her. The child uses only blacks and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decides to take him to a child psychologist. The psychologist delicately goes to work. Every day, for two weeks, he gives the boy a battery of tests, but everything seems perfectly normal. Yet every day the little fellow continues to bring home drawings in only blacks and browns. Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem, the psychologist decides to give the boy some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happens. The boy opens the box of crayons and says, "Oh, wow! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes, and the only ones left in mine are black and brown." ____________________________________________________

Today, May 31 in
1433 Sigismund was crowned emperor of Rome. 

1859 In London, Big Ben went into operation. 

1870 E.J. DeSemdt patented asphalt. 

1880 The first U.S. national bicycle society was formed in Newport,
RI. It was known as the League of American Wheelman. 

1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patented "flaked cereal." 

1889 In Johnstown, PA, more than 2,200 people died after the South
Fork Dam collapsed. 

1900 U.S. troops arrived in Peking to help put down the Boxer
Rebellion. 

1902 The Boer War ended between the Boers of South Africa and Great
Britain with the Treaty of Vereeniging. 

1907 The first taxis arrived in New York City. They were the first
in the United States. 

1909 The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People
(NAACP) held its first conference. 

1910 The Union of South Africa was founded. 

1915 A German zeppelin made an air raid on London. 

1927 Ford Motor Company produced the last "Tin Lizzie" in order to
begin production of the Model A. 

1929 In Beverly, MA, the first U.S. born reindeer were born. 

1941 The first issue of "Parade: The Weekly Picture Newspaper" went
on sale. 

1943 "Archie" was aired on the Mutual Broadcasting System for the
first time. 

1947 Communists seized control of Hungary. 

1955 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered that all states must end racial
segregation "with all deliberate speed." 

1961 South Africa became an independent republic. 

1962 Adolf Eichmann was hanged in Israel. Eichmann was a Gestapo
official and was executed for his actions in the Nazi Holocaust. 

1970 An earthquake in Peru killed tens of thousands of people. 

1974 Israel and Syria signed an agreement on the Golan Heights. 

1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years of
construction. It still works. Bears walking on it have the 
right of way.

1979 Zimbabwe proclaimed its independence. 

1994 The U.S. announced it was no longer aiming long-range nuclear
missiles at targets in the former Soviet Union. 

1995 Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing of evil"
in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he had not seen or
heard much of what he had been criticizing. 

2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph was captured. He had
been on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list for five years for several
bombings including the 1996 Olympic bombing.

2018  smiled.


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Using Mailwasher to make filters 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, May 30

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman, 53, ran brothel out of luxury flat and 
made prostitutes pose as massage therapists
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, May 30 in
1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the time, it
was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes Race. Harroun's
average speed was 74.59 miles per hour. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people. --- Robert Benchley Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything. --- Floyd Dell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Hi Webby, I've worn red on Fridays since I first heard of it from you. I have nephews in Iraq. I support them in any way I can. Thanks for reminding others! Also thank you for all the tips and laughs. Unfortunately, we have a tendancy to take people for granted and don't verbalize our appreciation as often as we should. I do vote daily to show my appreciation! Thanks again, Jessie _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat, and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine, and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you. __________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Chin Chi Chang, 53, Kirkcaldy, Fife, Scotland Britain Woman, 53, ran brothel out of luxury flat and made prostitutes pose as massage therapists Chin Chih Chang, 53, was acting as a madam at the flat in Kirkcaldy, Fife, Scotland, where prostitutes in their ‘20s and 30s’ operated. She had denied the charge but was found guilty at Kirkcaldy sheriff court after male clients testified they had visited the brothel and paid for sex. Alasdair McIntosh, 56, revealed he got a ‘Brucie bonus’ from an Asian escort after initially paying for a £100 massage. Police found him butt naked and on top of a woman when they raided the property at Lord Gambier Wharf on May 31 last year, the trial heard. PC Stephanie McLean said Mr McIntosh was aroused, adding: ‘I observed his buttocks in the air with the female’s legs wrapped around him. ‘I told him, “get off and get up”. The female tried to cover herself up. She was wearing ­stockings and a small top. ‘Due to his nakedness, I told him to cover himself up, but he stood there with a grin on his face as if he wasn’t bothered by the scenario. He walked with no shame. He sort of strutted.’ The court erupted in laughter when her colleague PC Kevin Daglish said Mr McIntosh was acting ‘cocky’, the Scottish Daily Record reported. Officers also found Andrew Wilson, 50, in another room. He had all his clothes on at the time and claimed he was there to get treatment on a sciatic nerve. Another man said women kept ‘condoms, potions, lotions and creams’ in the flat. arrive next week Chang, from Hove, Sussex, had claimed through an interpreter the women were massage therapists but was still convicted by a jury. The mum-of-one even advertised ‘Chinese massages’ on website Gumtree. The court heard she transferred around £30,000 to an account in her home country of Taiwan and she has now been given a confiscation order to try and recoup the illicit funds. Chang moved to England four years ago after marrying a British man. Sheriff Jamie Gilchrist QC granted her bail as he considers reports before sentencing her.
Tech Support Pits From: Ross Re: Forgot MailWasher Dear Webby You Forgot to Mention MAILWASHER. Ross Dear Ross Yes, I did. Whenever I mention making filters, I automatically think of MailWasher, because I have used it for so long. Actually, I was one of the original testers in the 90s. Making filters with MailWasher is like a game. Whenever you spot a pattern, something the spammers use again and again, click on the little arrows on the right top to get the tools, hit FILTERS, ADD, and play for a minute. You can make filters dead simple like just the address of your MIL, or you can craft a complicated filter that has a few "But not if" and all kinds of fancy rules, that you simply pull down from the selector. It sounds difficult just reading about it, but once you actually play with it, you see that it is really simple and quickly turns into a fun game to outsmart the spammers. Have FUN DearWebby
Thanks to MaryAnn for this story: Signs warning of closed roadways are frequently ignored in rural Minnesota, so highway workers barely took notice when a woman drove past their sign and over the hill to the trench they had dug in the middle of the road. The workers explained the detour route to town, and she went on her way. They were surprised, however, to see the same woman coming toward them from town a couple of hours later. "Oh," she said distractedly as she again pulled up next to the trench crew. "Is it closed in this direction too?"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
What is the one thing that all women at singles bars have in common? They're all married and they all have a white, untanned line on their ring finger. .
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
George, a career Army officer I once met, was jumpmaster for his unit and was taking up a few novices for a drop. The flight was pretty rough, and, after a while, George called off the jump because of high winds. As the plane headed back to base, and the pilot pulled off an unusually smooth landing, two of the recruits got airsick. "How come you could take that rough flight, but you couldn't handle the smooth landing?" asked George. "Well, Sir," one trainee explained, "we've always jumped out of planes. We've never actually landed before." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No Till Veggies Here's what my Daddy did when he planted potatoes. He dug a lil furrow and planted potatoes and covered them ever so lightly with dirt. Then he covered that with a little hay. Then as the plants grew, he covered with more hay. He kept doing that until plants were waist high. Then when potaoes were ready to harvest, he would just turn back the hay and here were the potaoes. No digging. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com There is an even easier way: Toss your cut potatoes, one eye per piece, onto the dirt, cover them with an old bed sheet, and water them. When the plants start to raise the sheet, poke a hole with a knife for each, so that they can wiggle through. The rest of the season just water them normally. From mid summer on you can reach under the sheet and steal clean and firm potatoes. Yukon Gold style potatoes work fine with that method. In the fall let the first frost kill the greenery, cut the stalks with a machete, pull the sheet with the cut stalks, rake and shovel the potatoes into gunny sacks. They are clean. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ An Austin, Texas, Emergency Medical Technician answered a call at the home of an elderly woman whose sister had collapsed. As they were placing her in the ambulance, the lady wailed, "Oh, lawdy, lawdy. I know what's the matter with her. She done got the same thing what killed her brother. It's a heretical disease. It's the Smiling Mighty Jesus!" When the technician got the sister to the county hospital, she looked up the brother's medical records to find that he had died of -- spinal meningitis.
Beautiful desert wild flowers.
___________________________________________________ In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of myopera and that he and would have to wear contract lenses. That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a cadillac removed. Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon. ____________________________________________________

Today, May 30 in
1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church. 

1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, at the
age of 19. 

1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in Florida with
600 soldiers to search for gold. 

1783 The first daily newspaper was published in the U.S. by
Benjamin Towner called "The Pennsylvania Evening Post" 

1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned France
to its 1792 borders. 

1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer. 

1868 Memorial Day was observed widely for the first time in the
U.S. 

1879 William Vanderbilt renamed New York City's Gilmore’s Garden to
Madison Square Garden. 

1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City in a
stampede when a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge was in danger of
collapsing occurred. 

1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York City. 

1903 In Riverdale, NY, the first American motorcycle hill climb was
held. 

1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the time, it
was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes Race. Harroun's
average speed was 74.59 miles per hour. 

1912 The U.S. Marines were sent to Nicaragua to protect American
interests. 

1913 The First Balkan War ended. 

1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves to the
Department of the Interior. 

1933 Sally Rand introduced her exotic and erotic fan dance to
audiences at Chicago’s Century of Progress Exposition. 

1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu from the
Japanese during World War II. 

1958 Unidentified soldiers killed in World War II and the Korean
conflicts were buried at Arlington National Cemetery. 

1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row in a
motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA. 

1967 The state of Biafra seceded from Nigeria and Civil war
erupted. 

1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off on a
journey to Mars. 

1981 In Chittagong, Bangladesh, President Ziaur Rahman was
assassinated. 

1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member. Spain was the first country
to enter the Western alliance since West Germany in 1955. 

1983 Peru's President Fernando Belaunde Terry declared a state of
emergency and suspended civil rights after bombings by leftist
rebels. 

1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was erected
in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators. 

1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and the former Sarah Ferguson were
granted an uncontested decree ending their 10-year marriage. 

1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of raping
and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. The 1994 murder
inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that communities be notified when
sex offenders move in. 

1998 A powerful earthquake hit northern Afghanistan killing up to
5,000. 

2002 In New York, a ceremony was held to officially mark the end of
the clean up from the World Trade Center terrorist attacks on
September 11, 2001. 

2012 New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced the Portion
Cap Rule. The proposed amendment to the city health code would have
required that food service establishments limit the size of sugary
beverages to 16 ounces. On June 26, 2014, the New York Court of
Appeals ruled that the New York City Board of Health had exceeded
the scope of its regulatory authority.

2018  smiled.


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Forged addresses 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, May 29

Ralph from http://eclectart.net/
was the only one, so far, who found the hidden cat.
Congratulations, Ralph!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Welsh teenager refused to be treated by 
black doctor after being stabbed in back
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, May 29 in
2015 The Obama adminstration removed Cuba from the U.S. terrorism
blacklist. The two countries had severed diplomatic relations in
January of 1961, after Cuba nationalized and stole all American
refineries, plantations and hospitals. That was fine by Obama.

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Virtue is its own punishment. --- Aneurin Bevan (1897 - 1960) The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. --- Doug Larson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!" The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay. I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the countertops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; and the plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!" Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede walks out the door. Ten minutes later, no centipede. Twenty minutes later, no centipede. Thirty minutes later, no centipede. By this point, the man is wondering what's going on. So he goes to the front door, opens it, and there's the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, "Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!" The centipede says, "I'm going! I'm going! I'm just putting on my shoes!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ There once was a drunk man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the drunk asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The drunk man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the drunk man started shouting, "Don't flush, PLEASE, don't flush!" __________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Zena Edwards,18, Llandudno, Wales, Britain Welsh teenager refused to be treated by black doctor after being stabbed in back Zena Edwards, from Llandudno in Wales, told the doctor attempting to clean the cut in her back: ‘You can’t clean it, you are dirty yourself.’ Llandudno magistrates’ court District Judge Gwyn Jones told the 18- year-old: ‘A doctor working in hospital should not have to be subjected to such appalling behaviour.’ The court heard that Edwards had earlier spat in the faces of two police officers and tried to headbutt them while they were carrying out a search at a flat in May. They found her asleep in a bedroom with a stab wound in her back after she had been drinking and taking drugs at a party, the court heard. She lashed out at the officers when they attempted to put her in handcuffs. James Neary, prosecuting, said Detective Constables Gemma Smith and Kelly Taylor-Jones executed the search warrant at a flat in Palace Avenue, Rhyl, on May 6. They were assaulted when they stopped Edwards from getting a glass of water. She was taken by the police to St Asaph police station and then to the emergency department at Glan Clwyd Hospital, where the abuse continued. Edwards was given a 12-month community punishment and ordered to carry out 200 hours of unpaid work at Llandudno Magistrates’ Court It was at the hospital she made the racist remark to the doctor who tried to treat her wound. ‘Other patients were clearly alarmed,’ said Mr Neary. Andy Hutchinson, defending, said that Edwards had been at a party and had somehow been stabbed in the back although she did not know how because she was under the influence of alcohol and drugs. ‘Nobody knows how she sustained the wound,’ he said.
Tech Support Pits From: Alex Re: Forged address Dear Webby I get all kinds of mail that has my address forged into the sender address. Since I DO send mail to myself as a fast way to record and file notes, I can't block my own address and spam gets through the same way. How do I filter forged addresses? Alex Dear Alex You will notice that spammers usually use some name other than yours, just your address. Put your name into the sender name field. All email programs have a way of doing that, even OE. Then make a filter that IF the Sender address contains alex234@domain.com AND the sender address does NOT contain "Alex P" then dump the mail automatically, don't even list it. Have FUN DearWebby
A State Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi right now!" POOF! He gets his Pepsi and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside." POOF! Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." POOF! He's back in his government office.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Once I did system support in a law firm. One day, I had to log a user off and then back on. I entered her initials and then I asked her for her password. Her password was "genius". After three tries and the system telling me "access denied," I asked her how to spell it. She said, "G - E - N - I - O - U - S."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
In Social Studies class the teacher was talking about peoples last names, about how in the old days their last name used to be their occupation. She gave examples like Baker, which meant they where a baker for a living, Miller meant that person worked in a flouer mill, and so on. A little boy raised his hand and the teacher said "Do you have an example for the class?" He said " Not really, Miss Hancock, more of a question." "Well what's your question?" the teacher asked. "Well,Miss Hancock," said the little boy, "What did YOUR ancestors do for a living?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Velcro cable ties Before discarding worn out clothing or footwear that has velcro closures, remove the velcro. Glue or sew the pairs with their back sides together and cut them into 4 - 6" long strips. They make perfect cable ties to tame the cable salad behind your computer. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ The day I got married was really embarrassing. When the minister said, "If anyone present doesn't agree with this marriage; come forward and speak now, or forever hold your peace", I turned around and noticed her family had formed a double line. And they had shotguns!
Ice caves that never melt even in summer.
___________________________________________________ One evening at story time, a little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?" "No, Honey," he replied, "there's a whole series of Fairy Tales that being with, 'If Elected I Promise' " ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats. ____________________________________________________

Today, May 29 in
1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, ending the
Byzantine Empire. 

1660 Charles II was restored to the English throne after the
Puritan Commonwealth. 

1721 South Carolina was formally incorporated as a royal colony. 

1765 Patrick Henry denounced the Stamp Act before Virginia's House
of Burgesses. 

1827 The first nautical school opened in Nantucket, MA, under the
name Admiral Sir Isaac Coffin’s Lancasterian School. 

1910 An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York City.
The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize. 

1912 Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the Curtis
Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for dancing the Turkey Trot
while on the job. 

1916 The official flag of the president of the United States was
adopted. 

1916 U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained until
1924. 

1922 Ecuador became independent. 

1922 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that organized baseball was a
sport, not subject to antitrust laws. 

1932 World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC. to
demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive for another
13 years. 

1951 C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the North Pole in
single engine plane. 

1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first men to
reach the top of Mount Everest. 

1974 U.S. President Nixon agreed to turn over 1,200 pages of edited
Watergate transcripts. 

1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in a riot
at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium. 

1986 Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor William
McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to Iran were being
diverted to the Contras. 

1988 U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the Soviet
Union in Moscow. 

1990 Boris Yeltsin was elected president of the Russian republic by
the Russian parliament. 

1997 The ruling party in Indonesia, Golkar, won the Parliament
election by a record margin. There was a boycott movement and
rioting that killed 200 people. 

1999 Space shuttle Discovery completed the first docking with the
International Space Station. 

2000 Fiji's military took control of the nation and declared
martial law following a coup attempt by indigenous Fijians in mid-
May. 

2001 In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden were convicted
of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. The crimes included the
1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies in Africa that killed 224
people. 

2001 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin
could use a cart to ride in tournaments. 

2015 The Obama adminstration removed Cuba from the U.S. terrorism
blacklist. The two countries had severed diplomatic relations in
January of 1961, after Cuba nationalized and stole all American
refineries, plantations and hospitals. That was fine by Obama.

2018  smiled.


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Origin of suspected spam 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, May 28
Today is Memorial Day.
Honor the heroes!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Child found living in St. Johns County 
drug house, 5 arrested
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, May 27 in
585 BC A solar eclipse occurred that had been predicted by 
Thales Miletus. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that. --- Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005) Careful. We don't want to learn from this. --- Bill Watterson (1958 - ), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie forthis report from the Vatican: The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti homini" - "Blessed be mankind." A women's rights group approached the pope the next day. They noticed that the pope had blessed all of mankind, but not womankind. So the next day, after his sermon, the pope concluded by saying, "Tuti homini, et tuti femini" - Blessed be mankind and womankind. The next day, a gay-rights group approached the pope. They said that they noticed that he had blessed mankind and womankind, and asked if he could also bless those who are gay. The pope said, "Sure." The next day, the pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti homini, et tuti femini, et tuti fruiti." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back. Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house. Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air. She speaks to the other bum and says, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvellous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!" The bum replies, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. "HEY Neil! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?" __________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Richard Roggero, 43, Kristi Kennington, 46, Melissa Lazerte, 32, Donald Blount, 35, Kelley Eplin, 25 Child found living in St. Johns County drug house, 5 arrested Five people were arrested Wednesday at a home in St. Johns County after deputies say they found drugs and drug paraphernalia within reach of a child. Photo gallery. These people face charges including possession, delivery or trafficking in methamphetamine, possession of marijuana, maintaining a drug dwelling and child neglect, according to deputies. The arrests were made following the execution of a search warrant at a house on Chapel Road in St. Augustine, located next to Flagler College’s athletic fields, according to the arrest report. Jacksonville 9-year-old found safe after intensive search The arrests were made following the execution of a search warrant at a house on Chapel Road in St. Augustine, located next to Flagler College’s athletic fields, according to the arrest report. Deputies say detectives with the St. Johns County Special Investigations Unit have been investigating the home for over a month. According to the St. Johns County Sheriffs Office, Melissa Lazerte, 32; Donald Blount, 35; Kristi Kennington, 46; Richard Roggero, 43; and Kelley Eplin, 25, were arrested and transported to the St. Johns County Jail. The arrest reports from Wednesday morning say the St. Johns County Sheriff’s Office SWAT team entered the house and told the people inside to exit the building. SWAT team members say they then watched Lazerte, the homeowner, go to the bathroom and flush a substance from a clear plastic baggie down the toilet. Upon searching the home, deputies say they discovered a young child living in unsatisfactory conditions. According to the arrest reports, drugs and paraphernalia such as baggies, scales, glass pipes, spoons, and hypodermic needles were found throughout the home and within reach of the child. Lazerte has been charged with possession of methamphetamine with the intent to sell within 1,000 feet of a college, child neglect without great bodily harm, maintaining a drug dwelling, possession of drug paraphernalia, and destruction of evidence. Blount faces charges of possession of methamphetamine with the intent to sell/distribute within 1,000 feet of a college and possession of drug paraphernalia. Kennington and Roggero each face charges of trafficking in methamphetamine more than 28 grams but less than 200 grams and possession of drug paraphernalia. Eplin has been charged with possession of marijuana less than 20 grams and possession of drug paraphernalia. The incident reports say the Florida Department of Children and Families responded to the home in relation to the custody and welfare of the child.
Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Susp Email Dear Webby What's the story with all these supposed alerts in the mail about McAfee having detected suspect email and no address in the TO field? Bill Dear Bill That's just a virus sent from infected machines. If you use Mailwasher, it will recognize them an mark them as KNOWN. However, so that they don't even show in the list of mails, I made a filter that deletes them automatically, unseen. Have FUN DearWebby
Morris had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's vacation in France. "I wish we'd brought the refrigerator with us," said Morris. "What on earth for?" asked the wife. "I've left our airline tickets on it."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Jill and John boarded a crowded subway car on their way home to Brooklyn. Standing next to them was a man who'd clearly had a liquid lunch. When the doors opened at the next station, the man tumbled out and landed flat on his back. John rushed to his side, picked him up, and hauled him back into the car. As the train was pulling away, the man mumbled to Jill and John, "That wasch my schtop. I alwaysch fall out there!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Ross for this report: European Union on Higher Alert The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed boats have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Less Fabric Softener When using fabric softener in the wash, I use a fraction of the amount suggested on the packaging and add water to make up the difference. The wash comes out just as soft and nicely scented. No one will ever know the difference. By Kelly Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was anxious to make a good impression. But the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of welcome. The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally her youngest son ran in and announced happily, "Mommy, the lady down the street asked my name today!" "Oh, how nice!" exclaimed the mother enthusiastically. "And then what did she do?" "Then she gave it to the policeman." the boy said.
The Real Reason For Memorial Day
___________________________________________________ A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950's returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day. When he pointed this out to a member of staff, he replied, "That's true, but, of course, the answers are completely different every year." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Linda My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free news- papers for his customers. As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost of the papers." "Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties clothes more than newsprint." ____________________________________________________

Today, May 28 in
585 BC A solar eclipse occurred that had been predicted by Thales
Miletus. 

585 BC The Persian-Lydian battle ended. 

1533 England's Archbishop declared the marriage of King Henry VIII
to Anne Boleyn valid. 

1805 Napoleon was crowned in Milan, Italy. 

1863 The first black regiment left Boston to fight in the U.S.
Civil War. 

1892 The Sierra club was organized in San Francisco, CA. 

1900 Britain annexed the Orange Free State. 

1918 Azerbaijan declared independence. 

1928 Chrysler Corporation merged with Dodge Brothers, Inc. 

1929 Warner Brothers debuted "On With The Show" in New York City.
It was the first all-color-talking picture. 

1934 The Dionne quintuplets were born near Callender, Ontario, to
Olivia and Elzire Dionne. The babies were the first quintuplets to
survive infancy. 

1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pushed a button in
Washington, DC, signaling that vehicular traffic could cross the
newly opened Golden Gate Bridge in California. 

1940 During World War II, Belgium surrendered to Germany. 

1961 Amnesty International, a human rights organization, was
founded. 

1976 The Peaceful Nuclear Explosion Treaty was signed, limiting any
nuclear explosion regardless of its purpose to a yield of 150
kilotons. 

1977 Fire raced through the Beverly Hills Supper Club in Southgate,
KY. 165 people were killed. 

1985 David Jacobsen, director of the American University Hospital
in Beirut, Lebanon, was abducted by pro-Iranian kidnappers. He was
freed 17 months later. 

1987 Mathias Rust, a 19-year-old West German pilot, landed a
private plane in Moscow's Red Square after evading Soviet air
defenses. He was released August 3, 1988. 

1995 An earthquake in the Russian town Neftegorsk killed at least
2000 people. It had a magnitude of 7.5. 

1996 U.S. President Clinton's former business partners in the
Whitewater land deal were convicted of fraud. 

1998 Pakistan matched India with five nuclear test blasts. The
U.S., Japan and other nations imposed economic sanctions. Pakistani
Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif said "Today, we have settled the score
with India." 

1998 Dr. Susan Terebey discovered a planet outside of our solar
system with the use of photos taken by the Hubble Space Telescope. 

1999 In Milan, Italy, Leonardo de Vinci's "The Last Supper" was put
back on display after more than 20 years of restoration work. 

2002 Russia became a limited partner in NATO with the creation of
the NATO-Russia Council. 

2015 The Observatory at One World Trade Center officially opened. 

2018  smiled.


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Thriftyfun Newsletters 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, May 27

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man babysitting toddlers had watermarked 
'copyright' on his child porn
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, May 27 in
1941 The German battleship Bismarck was sunk by British 
naval and air forces. 2,300 people were killed. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. --- Herman Wouk (1915 - ) "The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think." --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ During basic training for the Army Nurse Corps, we were required to spend one week in the field roughing it. It rained the entire week. We arose daily in our swampy tent, took a cold-water beauty bath from our helmets, donned our pistol belts and ponchos, and trudged through the mud to set up field hospitals. Obviously, our personal appearance frequently left much to be desired. The final blow to our feminine pride occurred while we waited in the mess line in the mud and rain. A young private came by with a camera and asked to take our picture. "It will prove to my girl," he said, "that she has NO reason to be jealous!" After that, he had to run for his life! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Find the hidden cat! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A fisherman returned to shore with a giant Marlin that was larger & heavier than he was. On the way to the cleaning shed he ran into a buddy who had maybe a dozen or so one-pound Rockfish. The buddy eyed the Marlin & said, "Gave up after one, huh ?" __________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dashawn Webster, 22 Portsmouth, Virginia Man babysitting toddlers had watermarked 'copyright' on child porn A Virginia man has been arrested after he allegedly molested a 2- year-old boy and posted images of the abuse online. The Virginian-Pilot reports Dashawn Webster, 22, was arrested last week after confessing to a federal investigator. The charges against Webster stem from two investigations targeting websites that distributed child pornography. One investigation was led by The International Criminal Police Organization and another was led by Homeland Security Investigations. Investigators recovered a thumb drive from a suspect in a different case that included child porn images that "appeared to be homemade." The pictures were all watermarked with a single screen name and the word "copyright." The same screen name was discovered on a variety of websites dealing in child pornography. Agents were able to link the screen name to an old address of Webster's in Portsmouth, Virginia. A Portsmouth police sergeant went to the address to confirm Webster lived there, and found the man was babysitting two boys. Soon after, an agent served a search warrant at the house. According to WTKR, Webster admitted to producing the watermarked images and said the victim was just two years old when the pictures were taken. Numerous additional images of child pornography were found on Webster's electronic devices. Horrified neighbor, Carolyn Christensen, said the alleged abuse made her "sick." "He never goes anywhere, he's always there, he never comes out," she added. "He steps out of the doorway sometimes to pick up the children." Webster is being held at Western Tidewater Regional Jail.
Tech Support Pits From: Shirley Re: Thriftyfun newsletter Dear Webby I have been trying to subscribe to the thriftyfun articles, but can't do it. Can you help me out? Or can you just put me on the list to get all the thriftyfun articles. Thank you. I love your humor letter. Read it from top to bottom. thanks Shirley Dear Shirley They have lots of newsletters. Here is the link ThriftyFun Subscriber Have FUN DearWebby
The bathroom scale manufacturer was very proud of the new model being introduced at the trade fair. "Listen to these features: it's calibrated to one-one-hundredth of a pound; it can measure your height as well, in feet or meters; it gives you a readout via an LED or human-voice simulator; and that's not all..." "Very impressive," interrupted a none-too-slender sales rep for a chain of home furnishings stores, "but before I place an order I'll have to try it out." "Be my guest," said the manufacturer graciously. No sooner had he taken his place on the scale than a loud, very human-sounding voice issued forth: "One at a time, please, one at a time!"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Joe for this story: I made the decision to finally do something about the 600 pounds I'm carrying on my 5'4" frame. So, I headed down to the local sports shoe store and was just amazed at the tremendous selection of different shoes. Flat arch, high arch, over-pronator, neutral-pronator, under-pronator . . . my God! I finally selected a pair and, as I was trying 'em on, I asked June, "What's this little pocket thing on the side for?" She said, "Oh, that's to carry spare change for the payphone, so that you can call me when you've jogged too far to walk back from."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Wendy tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to Paul her good friend. Paul told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied Wendy, "if I only can sell the car." "Okay," said Paul. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, Wendy made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Paul asked Wendy, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied Wendy, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Christmas Shopping Throughout the Year I do my Christmas shopping throughout the year, taking advantage of sales. That way, I am not hit with whopping big bills after Christmas. It also saves me money. This preparation eliminates a lot of physical and mental stress. By Kathleen Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Groan Alert! Mrs. O'Malley arrived in Boston from Ireland, and in no time at all her bean soup made her the talk of New England society. At a party celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy Charles Street restaurant, an old matron approached Mrs. O'Malley and said, "My dear girl, what is the secret of your soup?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "The secret o' me soup is that I use but two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it." The woman asked, "Why only two-hundred thirty-nine?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "Because one more would make it too farty."
Very friendly deer
___________________________________________________ The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time. Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian, giving her his name as he did so. The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust. Before the Librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "That other Librarian we had could write." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Jerry Listening to the weather across the country (my wife) Dolores explained it to me. "Did you ever notice that every time the doomsayers have a global warming warning event, that the weather freezes up? I think it's God's way of telling Al Gore that `HE' is still in control." ____________________________________________________

Today, May 27 in
1647 Alse Young (Achsah Young or Alice Young), a resident of
Windsor, CT, was executed for being a "witch." It was the first
recorded American execution of a "witch." 

1668 Three colonists were expelled from Massachusetts for being
Baptists. 

1813 Americans captured Fort George, Canada. 

1896 255 people were killed in St. Louis, MO, when a tornado
struck. 

1901 The Edison Storage Battery Company was organized. 

1907 The Bubonic Plague broke out in San Francisco. 

1919 A U.S. Navy seaplane completed the first transatlantic flight.


1926 Bronze figures of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer were erected in
Hannibal, MO. 

1931 Piccard and Knipfer made the first flight into the
stratosphere, by balloon. 

1933 Walt Disney's "Three Little Pigs" was first released. 

1933 In the U.S., the Federal Securities Act was signed. The act
required the registration of securities with the Federal Trade
Commission. 

1935 The U.S. Supreme Court declared that President Franklin
Roosevelt's National Industrial Recovery Act was unconstitutional. 

1937 In California, the Golden Gate Bridge was opened to pedestrian
traffic. The bridge connected San Francisco and Marin County. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt proclaimed an "unlimited
national emergency" amid rising world tensions. 

1941 The German battleship Bismarck was sunk by British naval and
air forces. 2,300 people were killed. 

1942 German General Erwin Rommel began a major offensive in Libya
with his Afrika Korps. 

1944 U.S. General MacArthur landed on Biak Island in New Guinea. 

1960 A military coup overthrew the democratic government of Turkey.


1977 George H. Willig was fined for scaling the World Trade Center
in New York on May 26. He was fined $1.10. 

1982 Japan announced the elimination of tariffs on 96 industrial
goods. 

1985 In Beijing, representatives of Britain and China exchanged
instruments of ratification on the pact returning Hong Kong to the
Chinese in 1997. 

1986 Mel Fisher recovered a jar that contained 2,300 emeralds from
the Spanish ship Atocha. The ship sank in the 17th century. 

1994 Nobel Prize-winning author Alexander Solzhenitsyn returned to
Russia. He had been in exile for two decades. 

1996 Russian President Boris Yeltsin negotiated a cease-fire to the
war in Chechnya in his first meeting with the leader of the rebels.


1997 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the sexual harassment suit
filed by Paula Jones could continue while President Clinton was in
office. 

1998 Michael Fortier was sentenced to 12 years in prison for not
warning anyone about the plot to bomb an Oklahoma City federal
building. 

1999 In The Hague, Netherlands, a war crimes tribunal indicted
Slobodan Milosevic and four others for atrocities in Kosovo. It was
the first time that a sitting head of state had been charged with
such a crime. 

2018  smiled.


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Cookies 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, May 26

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man jailed after he reports 
his illegal gun as stolen
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, May 26 in
1521 Martin Luther was banned by the Edict of Worms
because of his religious beliefs and writings. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch. --- Orson Welles (1915 - 1985) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago: "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago," he said. "Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we ll have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" An elderly gentleman in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry...we can't hire you." "But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!" "Really? Great! Show me!" So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking. "Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!" "Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!" "Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?" "Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?" __________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James Denson, 61, Lake City, Florida Florida man jailed after he reports his illegal gun as stolen A Lake City man was jailed after he reported that his son had stolen his rifle. The problem? The man, James Denson, is a convicted felon who is not allowed to own a rifle, the Lake City Police said in a press release. The police said that Denson, 61, told them that his son had stolen a .22-caliber rifle from his bedroom. When the son was questioned, he told police that his father was lying and was trying to have him falsely arrested. When Denson was told that he was a convicted felon who was not allowed to own a firearm, he changed his story and said he didn't actually possess the gun, police said. Denson also said that he took possession of the rifle when he discovered kids playing with it. He took the rille from them for their own safety, he told police. Denson is charged with possession of a firearm by a convicted felon.
Tech Support Pits From: Elva Re: Cookies Dear Webby Why are alot of sites insisting that I allow cookies? I am being blocked from sites, even though I paid for access, and others, that are supposedly free, and all I get is rude error messages. I don't want my private information spread by cookies. Is there a way around that? Elva Dear Elva Cookies don't carry private information. They may have, twenty years ago, but nowadays, cookies are a safe way to manage the Internet. For example, if you buy access to a library site, it plants a cookie with your membership number and possibly your chosen member name, and maybe even with the membership number of the person who referred you to the library. When you go to the library, it checks your library cookie, and when it is there, it allows you access to the library and gives a brownie point to the person who referred you. That's all. It's just like a library card. And just like without your library card, you won't get access without your cookie. You would have to dig out your user name and password and log in just like on your first visit. Other cookies, like the ones planted by your bank or telephone company, provide extra security and streamline your access. Instead of having to go through a dozen menus each time you go in there to manage your account or pay bills, the cookie gets you straight to the account that you worked on last. The cookie does not carry your password or any info about what is in your accounts, just the routing information that you need AFTER you have put in your password. Cookies are also used to track referrers. Businesses spend big money to get customers. Let's say, for example, you click on the Breastcancer link, and from there go to the garden cherubs with solar lights. A cookie will tell the garden cherub site that the breast cancer site referred you. For every 1000 referrals they pay the breastcancer site 65 cents or whatever amount they agreed on. Eventually that amounts to the cost of a mammogram. HOWEVER, if you have cookies disabled, then you don't count, and they don't have to pay the breastcancer site. The cookie that the breastcancer site would have planted, would not have had any private information about you. It simply would have told the garden gnome site that "this visitor was referred by the breastcancer site". (By the way, I don't plant cookies and the breastcancer site does not have to pay me. I just carry their ad as a public service.) Most cookies expire and disappear in a while. But while they are carried in your browser, you can read them. You will see that they do not carry any personal information about you. Forget the rumors about cookies spread by some misinformed AOLers twenty years ago, that are still being forwarded. Go ahead and allow cookies. If you use CrapCleaner, take the checkmark off the Cookies. They take very little space and won't slow you down. Have FUN DearWebby
A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy". The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and trip to Europe, and he's having me." "He sure is, lady," the Captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter." Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long, on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man. God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud, Learn from him. "Tell them my son how did you manage to be the only one on that line?" The man said, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Kati for this story: A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?" The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving." And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?" "Only when he's been drinking." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com eck Labels For Clothing Care Be sure to check clothing labels for recommended care of the garment. The manufacturer is liable by law for accurate care guidelines on the label so, if it is ruined, it will be much easier to get it replaced if you have followed the care recommendations. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Lilly for this story: During an attack of laryngitis I lost my voice completely for two days. To help me communicate with him, my husband devised a system of taps. One tap meant, "Give me a kiss," two taps meant "Yes," seventeen taps meant "No," and 95 taps meant "Take out the garbage."
The Shirk Report
___________________________________________________ Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me." ------------------------ Sounds like Hopkins is one of the Global Warming "scientists". ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ When the spread of the seals and the fishing by foreign fleets made fishing less and less profitable in Newfoundland, Angus and Farley approached the Governemnt with a bid to dig a tunnel to the mainland. They asked for $100,000 each. "Considering equipment and labor costs", the Transport Dept asked them, "how do you propose to do the job for such a pittance?" "It's simple," the Angus replied. "My partner grabs a shovel, goes to the mainland and starts digging. I take another shovel and start digging from here. We dig until we meet -- and you've got a tunnel!" "But what if you never meet?" "Then you've got TWO tunnels for the price of one!" ____________________________________________________

Today, May 26 in
0017 Germanicus of Rome celebrated his victory over the Germans. 

1328 William of Ockham was forced to flee from Avignon by Pope John
XXII. 

1521 Martin Luther was banned by the Edict of Worms because of his
religious beliefs and writings. 

1647 A new law banned Catholic priests from the colony of
Massachusetts. The penalty was banishment or death for a second
offense. 

1660 King Charles II of England landed at Dover after being exiled
for nine years. 

1670 A treaty was signed in secret in Dover, England, between
Charles II and Louis XIV ending the hostilities between them. 

1691 Jacob Leiser, leader of the popular uprising in support of
William and Mary’s accession to the English throne, was executed
for treason. 

1736 The British and Chickasaw Indians defeated the French at the
Battle of Ackia. 

1791 The French Assembly forced King Louis XVI to hand over the
crown and state assets. 

1805 Napoleon Bonaparte was crowned King of Italy in Milan
Cathedral. 

1831 Russians defeated the Poles at battle of Ostrolenska. 

1835 A resolution was passed in the U.S. Congress stating that
Congress has no authority over state slavery laws. 

1836 The U.S. House of Representatives adopted what has been called
the Gag Rule. 

1864 The Territory of Montana was organized. 

1865 Arrangements were made in New Orleans for the surrender of
Confederate forces west of the Mississippi. 

1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson was acquitted, by one vote, of
all charges in his impeachment trial. 

1896 The Dow Jones Industrial Average appeared for the first time
in the "Wall Street Journal." 

1896 The last czar of Russia, Nicholas II, was crowned. 

1908 In Persia, the first oil strike was made in the Middle East. 

1913 Actors’ Equity Association was organized in New York City. 

1926 In Morocco, rebel leader Abd el Krim surrendered. 

1938 The House Committee on Un-American Activities began its work
of searching for subversives in the United States. 

1940 The evacuation of Allied troops from Dunkirk, France, began
during World War II. 

1946 A patent was filed in the United States for an H-bomb. 

1946 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill signed a military
pact with Russian leader Joseph Stalin. Stalin promised a "close
collaboration after the war." 

1956 The first trailer bank opened for business in Locust Grove,
Long Island, NY. The 46-foot-long trailer took in $100,000 in
deposits its first day. 

1959 The word "Frisbee" became a registered trademark of Wham-O. 

1961 A U.S. Air Force bomber flew across the Atlantic in a record
time of just over three hours. 

1969 The Apollo 10 astronauts returned to Earth after a successful
eight-day dress rehearsal for the first manned moon landing. 

1973 Kathy Schmidt set an American women’s javelin record with a
throw of 207 feet, 10 inches. 

1975 American stuntman Evel Knievel suffered severe spinal injuries
in Britain when he crashed while attempting to jump 13 buses in his
car. 

1977 George H. Willig was arrested after he scaled the South Tower
of New York's World Trade Center. It took him 3 1/2 hours. 

1978 The first legal casino in the Eastern U.S. opened in Atlantic
City, NJ. 

1987 Sri Lanka launched Operation Liberation. It was an offensive
against the Tamil rebellion in Jaffra. 

1988 The Edmonton Oilers won their fourth NHL Stanley Cup in five
seasons. They swept the series 4 games to 0 against the Boston
Bruins. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton renewed trade privileges for China, and
announced that his administration would no longer link China's
trade status with its human rights record. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Ellis Island was mainly in
New Jersey, not New York. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police officers in high-
speed chases are liable for bystander injuries only if their
"actions shock the conscience." 

1998 The Grand Princess cruise ship made its inaugural cruise. The
ship measured 109,000 tons and cost approximately $450 million,
making it the largest and most expensive cruise ship ever built by
that date.
2018  smiled.


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Compressing pictures 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, May 25
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
3 Connecticut men shot up prayer vigil
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, May 25 in
585 BC The first known prediction of a solar eclipse 
was made in Greece. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike. --- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two guys are walking through the woods when they come to a pit. The first guy says, "How deep you think this pit is?" The second guy says, "I don't know. Let's throw in a rock and listen for it to hit the bottom." They throw in a rock and listen, but they don't hear anything. The first guy says, "We need to throw in something heavy so when it hits it'll make more noise." So they find a cement block and throw it in and listen, but they still don't hear anything. The first guy says, "We need to find something really heavy, that'll make a real lot of noise when it hits bottom." So they go further into the woods, and come across an old railroad tie. They haul it back to the pit, and throw it in. They still didn't hear anything, but all of a sudden a goat comes running out the woods and leaps into the pit. The first guy says, "Well, if that wasn't the craziest damn goat I ever seen." Just then a farmer comes walking up to them and says, "You fellas seen a goat?" The first guy says, "Yes, sir. A goat just came running up and jumped right into that pit." The farmer says, "Oh, that couldn't have been my goat. I had him tied to a railroad tie." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Falcon 9 blast hitting 10 inches of water on the launch pad _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The obituary editor of a newspaper was not one to admit his mistakes easily. One day he got a phone call from an irate subscriber. The caller complained that his name had been printed in the obituary column. "Really?" replied the editor calmly. "And where are you calling from?" __________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Newsome, 35, Tyshon Dingle, 34, Dayshim Randolph, 25, Bridgeport, Connecticut Connecticut men shot up prayer vigil Three men shot up a prayer vigil and then led officers on a chase to Stratford Sunday night, police said. Michael Newsome, 35, of Monroe Street, Tyshon Dingle, 34, of Colorado Avenue, and Dayshim Randolph, 25, of Robert Street, were charged were charged with multiple weapons counts and pursuit- related charges. They are all being held in lieu of bond. Police said a young woman was holding a prayer vigil at her Trumbull Avenue home for her recently deceased mother when Newsome, Dingle and Randolph began acting up and were asked to leave. However, police said one of the trio pulled out a semi-automatic handgun and began firing, forcing family members to barricade themselves in a bathroom. There were no injuries. When officers arrived at the scene, police said the three men took off in a Chevrolet sedan at high speed. During the pursuit, police said one of the men threw the handgun with an extended magazine out of the car. It was retrieved by officers. The chase led onto Interstate 95 northbound until police said they were able to pull the car over by Exit 31 in Stratford.
Tech Support Pits From: DJ Re: Compressing pictures Dear Webby hello my friend, is there a way to compress a picture that takes up a whole email page down to about 2"x2" thanks, DJ Dear DJ Compressing does not change the visible size. Compressing keeps the visible size the same, but degrades the picture and throws away color depth pixels and thereby makes the file size smaller. What you need to do is to RESIZE (not compress) the picture size. Open the picture in any graphics or paint program, click on Image, Resize. Then toggle it from pixels to inches, and type in the desired dimensions. That's all there is to it. And save it under a new name, so that you still have the original huge picture. Have FUN DearWebby
The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him. They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy." Without a moments hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one just as if was your own."
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A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they run?" he asked the clerk. "That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2.00 to $4,000." "Let's see the $2.00 model," he said. The clerk put the device around the man's neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed. "How does it work?" the customer asked. "For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder...!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two drunks were in a tavern sitting at the bar and staring into their drinks. One got a curious look on his face and asked, "Hey, Pete! Have you ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?" "Yep. I been married to one for fifteen years...." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Testing Your Refrigerator Seal To test the seal of your refrigerator, put a piece of paper on the edge of the rubber gasket and close the door. If the paper can be pulled out easily, the seal may need replacing. Don't get too carried away with that! As long as the paper does not fall, the seal is good enough. If you want to save on the electricity a fridge or freezer uses, clean the condenser grid behind or under the fridge frequently and make sure that there are no dust bunnies impeding air flow. I went a step further and back-set the fridge into the wall. There is no insulation between the fridge and the outside sheating, and a grill allows in fresh outside air into the space under the fridge and exhausts it to the outside through a little chimney above. It always has fresh outside air to cool the condenser grid and except in winter, it pumps the waste heat outside, and not into the kitchen. As you can probably imagine, that saves a very significant amount of electricity. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ I can't say I've ever gotten a shave from a barber, but I've seen others who have. I was in a shop once, and an obviously new barber nicked a customer several times while giving him a shave. The new man, in an effort to smooth things over asked solicitously, "Do you want your head wrapped in a hot towel?" "No thanks." said the customer. "I'll carry it home under my arm."
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a caravan yacht?
___________________________________________________ A woman was waiting at an airport one night, With several long hours before her flight. She hunted for a book in the airport shops. Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop. She was engrossed in her book but happened to see, That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be, Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between, Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene. So she munched the cookies and watched the clock, As the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock. She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by, Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I would blacken his eye." With each cookie she took, he took one too, When only one was left, she wondered what he would do. With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh, He took the last cookie and broke it in half. He offered her half, as he ate the other, She snatched it from him and thought... ooh,brother. This guy has some nerve and he's also rude, Why he didn't even show any gratitude! She had never known when she had been so galled, And sighed with relief when her flight was called. She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate, Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate. She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat, Then she sought her book, which was almost complete. As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise, There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes. If mine are here, she moaned in despair, The others were his, and he tried to share. Too late to apologize, she realized with grief, That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate. After the service, a very distraught lady came to the pastor with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said "Now, now, Carolyn, don't carry on. The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me". "Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "That's what they said the last time too." ____________________________________________________

Today, May 25 in
585 BC The first known and recorded prediction of a solar eclipse
was made in Greece. 

1085 Alfonso VI took Toledo, Spain from the Moslems. 

1810 Argentina declared independence from Napoleonic Spain. 

1844 The gasoline engine was patented by Stuart Perry. It had been
running fine, just not patenteed in the USA.

1844 The first telegraphed news dispatch, sent from Washington, DC,
to Baltimore, MD, appeared in the Baltimore "Patriot." 

1895 Oscar Wilde, a playwright, poet and novelist, was convicted of
a morals charge and sentenced to prison in London. 

1911 President of Mexico, Porfolio Diaz, resigned his office. 

1925 John Scopes was indicted for teaching the Darwinian theory in
school. 

1927 Ford Motor Company announced that the Model A would replace
the Model T. 

1927 The "Movietone News" was shown for the first time at the Sam
Harris Theatre in New York City. 

1935 Babe Ruth hit his final homerun, his 714th, and set a record
that would stand for 39 years. 

1935 Jesse Owens tied the world record for the 100-yard dash. He
ran it in 9.4 seconds. He also broke three other world track
records. 

1946 Jordan gained independence from Britain. 

1953 In Nevada, the first atomic cannon was fired. 

1961 America was asked by U.S. President Kennedy to work toward
putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade. 

1963 The Organization of African Unity was founded in Addis Ababa,
Ethiopia. 

1968 The Gateway Arch, part of the Jefferson National Expansion
Memorial in St. Louis, MO, was dedicated. 

1970 Boeing Computer Services was founded. 

1977 "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope" opened and became the
largest grossing film to date. 

1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs appeared in
"The Washington Post." The article called for a national memorial
to "remind an ungrateful nation of what it has done to its sons"
that had served in the Vietnam War. 

1979 An American Airlines DC-10 crashed during takeoff at Chicago's
O'Hare International Airport. 275 people were killed.

1981 Daredevil Daniel Goodwin scaled Chicago's Sears Tower, while
wearing a "Spiderman" costume, in 7 1/2 hours. 

1983 "The Return of the Jedi" opened nationwide. It set a new
record in opening day box office sales. The gross was $6,219,629. 

1985 Bangladesh was hit with a hurricane and tidal wave that killed
more than 11,000 people. 

1986 Approximately 7 million Americans participated in "Hands
Across America." 

1989 The Calgary Flames won their first NHL Stanley Cup by
defeating the Montreal Canadiens. 

1992 Jay Leno debuted as the new permanent host of NBC's "Tonight
Show." 

1996 In Nimes, France, Christina Sanchez became the first woman to
achieve the rank of matadore in Europe. 

1997 In Sierra Leone a military coup overthrew the popularly
elected President Ahmad Tejan Kabbah. He was replaced with Major
Johnny Paul Koromah. 

1997 U.S. Senator Strom Thurmond became the longest-serving senator
in U.S. history (41 years and 10 months). 

1997 Poland adopted a constitution that removed all traces of
communism. 

1999 A report by the U.S. House of Representatives Select Committee
on U.S. National Security and Military/Commercial Concerns with the
People's Republic of China concluded that China had "stolen design
information on the U.S. most-advanced thermonuclear weapons" and
that China's penetration of U.S. weapons laboratories "spans at
least the past several decades and almost certainly continues
today." 

2000 The Walt Disney Co. and Time Warner Inc. signed a long-term
deal that ended a dispute over the airing policies of Time Warner.
Time Warner had blacked out Disney programs for a 39 hour period
the previous month due to the lack of an agreement. 

2001 Erik Weihenmayer, 32, of Golden, CO, became the first blind
climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 

2001 Sherman Bull, 64, of New Canaan, CT, became the oldest climber
to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 

2006 In Houston, former Enron Corp. chiefs Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey
Skillinng were convicted of conspiracy and fraud for the downfall
of Enron. 

2008 NASA's Phoenix Mars Lander landed in the arctic plains of
Mars. 

2009 North Korea announced that it had conducted a second
successful nuclear test in the province of North Hamgyong. The
United Nations Security Council condemned the reported test. 

2018  smiled.


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How many hard drive can you use? 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, May 24

Thanks Betty!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman arrested after bragging on police 
Facebook page about ‘getting away’
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, May 24 in
1844 Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first telegraph
line. The first message was sent from Washington, DC, to Baltimore,
MD. The message was "What hath God wrought?" 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any. --- Katharine Whitehorn The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A sixth grade teacher asked her class, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered for a long time until Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents and they will tell the principal and you will get fired!" The teacher ignored her and asked again, "Which part of the body increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Finally, Geoffrey stood up and said that the part of the body that increases 10 times its size when stimulated Is the pupil of the eye. "Very good." The teacher said, then turned to Mary and said, "As for you young lady, I have 3 things to say: #1 you have a dirty mind, #2 you didn't read your homework, and #3 one day you will be very disappointed!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thans to Dianne for this story: The other day, my wife and I were discussing clothes for awhile, and then she said she was going to visit the local Super-Store. Did I want anything from there while she was shopping there. I replied, "Yes, honey... I could use a new G-string." She looked at me kinda oddly, and went to the store. When she got back, she presented me with a g-string made for women to wear (who dance at bars) to avoid 100% exposure. "Here," she said, "I hope this is what you are looking for!" I replied to her, "Yeah, baby -- that is JUST what I needed! Now, show me how to put it on my guitar and tune it!" _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kayla Irizzary, 19, Moses Lake, Washington Woman arrested after bragging on police Facebook page about ‘getting away’ A Moses Lake woman who was released by officers and then later bragged on their Facebook page about “getting away” is back behind bars. Kayla Irizzary was arrested about 2:30 a.m. on Saturday. Moses Lake police said the 19-year-old was a passenger in a car that officers pulled over last week. The driver, Giovanni Powell, 27, was arrested for driving with a suspended license, but officers had no legal reason to detain Irizzary so she was able to leave the scene. While searching the vehicle, however, detectives found a purse containing Irizzary’s ID, a small pistol, heroin and her paperwork from the last time she was released from jail. Irizzary is a convicted felon and ineligible to possess a firearm. According to police, Irizzary then got on the police department’s Facebook page and bragged about getting away, “which we believe is the number one killer of criminal karma that there is,” the department said. After setting up a meeting with Irizzary, using social media, officers were able to arrest her Saturday after a brief foot chase. Irizzary was booked into the Grant County Jail on charges of unlawful possession of a firearm and possession of heroin. Both charges were from the original incident. “What social media giveth, social media taketh away: Woman who trolled MLPD back in custody,” police posted on Facebook.
Tech Support Pits From: Marylin Re: How many hard drives Dear Webby I have two hard drives in my machine, the one it came with, as the master, and the drive from the last machine as a slave. Is there a way to add more drives? Thanks Marylin Dear Marylin Dear Marylin If you don't need the CD and DVD or CD and CD Burner drives, you can plug those cables into two more hard drives. If you need more than that, you have to get a USB remote hard drive enclosures and stick additional drives into those. USB hard drive enclosures are $12 - $15. Check pricegraber for a local supplier or your favorite on-line stores. Have FUN DearWebby
A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. "Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?" The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today ?" The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir...!"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Now then," said the warden addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot. "I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?" One of the three men stepped forward, "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful." "I see. And the cell? What did you use to break the bars?" Replied the spokesman, "French Toast."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Mrs. Goldman, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-third is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, one eighth to his secretary; and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Morris answered, "A good lawyer!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Ripe Bananas Mash and freeze ripe bananas in one cup portions for later use in bread and other baking. No more wasted bananas! They can also be frozen whole, wrapped in plastic. Just let them defrost before mixing them into your favorite recipe. By Nancy Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Abe bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for he birthday. A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "She did," Abe replied. "But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!!"
Who knew Dr. Seuss wrote a naughty book before he wrote the famous children's books?
___________________________________________________ Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription? Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Kim for this story: I'd had a pretty hectic day with my three-year-old. When bedtime finally came, I laid down the law: "We're getting on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights out!" Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and I heard her say, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don't have moms and dads." Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom." ____________________________________________________

Today, May 24 in

1610 Sir Thomas Gates institutes "laws divine moral and marshal," a
harsh civil code for Jamestown. 

1624 After years of unprofitable operation Virginia’s charter was
revoked and it became a royal colony. 

1689 The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration, protecting
Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically excluded from
exemption. 

1738 The Methodist Church was established. 

1764 Bostonian lawyer James Otis denounced "taxation without
representation" and called for the colonies to unite in
demonstrating their opposition to Britain’s new tax measures. 

1798 Believing that a French invasion of Ireland was imminent,
Irish nationalists rose up against the British occupation. The
French did not show up.

1822 At the Battle of Pichincha, Bolivar secured independence of
the Quito. 

1830 The first passenger railroad service in the U.S. began
service. 

1844 Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first telegraph
line. The first message was sent from Washington, DC, to Baltimore,
MD. The message was "What hath God wrought?" 

1863 Bushwackers led by Captain William Marchbanks attacked a U.S.
Federal militia party in Nevada, Missouri. 

1878 The first American bicycle race was held in Boston. 

1881 About 200 people died when the Canadian ferry Princess
Victoria sank near London, Ontario. 

1883 After 14 years of construction the Brooklyn Bridge was opened
to traffic. 

1899 The first public garage was opened by W.T. McCullough. 

1913 The U.S. Department of Labor entered into its first strike
mediation. The dispute was between the Railroad Clerks of the New
York, New Haven and Hartford Railroad. 

1930 Amy Johnson became the first woman to fly from England to
Australia. 

1931 B&O Railroad began service with the first passenger train to
have air conditioning throughout. The run was between New York City
and Washington, DC. 

1941 The HMS Hood was sunk by the German battleship Bismarck in the
North Atlantic. Only three people survived. 

1954 The first moving sidewalk in a railroad station was opened in
Jersey City, NJ. 

1961 The Freedom Riders were arrested in Jackson, Mississippi. 

1967 California Governor Ronald Reagan greeted Charles M. Schulz at
the state capitol in observance of the legislature-proclaimed
"Charles Schulz Day." 

1976 Britain and France opened trans-Atlantic Concorde service to
Washington. 

1980 The International Court of Justice issued a final decision
calling for the release of the hostages taken at the U.S. embassy
in Tehran on November 4, 1979. 

1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the federal government had
the right to deny tax breaks to schools that racially discriminate.


1986 Montreal won its 23rd National Hockey League (NHL) Stanley Cup
championship. 

1990 The Edmonton Oilers won their fifth National Hockey League
(NHL) Stanley Cup. 

1993 Roman Catholic Cardinal Juan Jesus Posada Ocampo and six other
people were killed at the Guadalajara, Mexico, airport in a
shootout that involved drug gangs. 

1993 The Ethiopian province of Eritrea declared itself an
independent nation. 

1994 The four men convicted of bombing the New York's World Trade
Center were each sentenced to 240 years in prison. 

1999 39 miners were killed in an underground gas explosion in
Ukraine. 

2000 Five people were killed and two others wounded when two gunmen
entered a Wendy's restaurant in Flushing, Queens, New York. The
gunmen tied up the victims in the basement and then shot them. 

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives approved permanent normal
trade relations with China. China was not happy about some of the
human rights conditions that had been attached by the U.S.
lawmakers. 

2000 A Democratic Party event for Al Gore in Washington brought in
$26.5 million. The amount set a new record, which had just been set
the previous month by Republicans for Texas Gov. George W. Bush. 

2001 Temba Tsheri, 15, became the youngest person to reach the
summit of Mount Everest. 

2011 NASA announced the development of the Orion Multi-Purpose Crew
Vehicle (MPCV) spacecraft. It is intended to facilitate exploration
of the Moon, asteroids and Mars. 

2018  smiled.


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Mammogram Site 



Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, May 23

My Saskatoon berry bushes are in full bloom. Bees love it!
If the hail does not get them, I should have a great harvest again.
This afternoon I will dig out the freezer and make sure there are
no berry cups hiding on the bottom.



My Saskatoon nerry bushes
Click through for the large picture

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Largo couple stole motorized shopping cart 
from Walmart, drove to bar.
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, May 23 in
1934 In Bienville Parish, LA, Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were
ambushed and killed by Texas Rangers. The bank robbers were riding
in a stolen Ford Deluxe. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question. --- Albert Camus (1913 - 1960) "The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one." --- Elbert Hubbard ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At the end of my factory shift, I was asked to purchase some supplies. The machines' conveyor belts needed talcum powder to prevent them from sticking, and we had run out of aspirin for workers with noise-induced tension headaches. I drove to the nearest store and loaded a shopping cart with four cases of baby powder and several boxes of aspirin. As the man behind me in the checkout line peered at my purchases, he laughed and exclaimed, "Must be one heck of a kid!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. He was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: "Is this pig?" Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: "Which end of the fork are you referring to?" _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeffrey Robert Sabiel, 50, and Santa Marie Walters, 32, Largo, Florida Largo couple stole motorized shopping cart from Walmart, drove to bar A joyride in a motorized shopping cart landed a Largo couple behind bars on Thursday. Security cameras were rolling when Jeffrey Robert Sabiel, 50, and Santa Marie Walters, 32, stole a motorized shopping cart from a Walmart located on Missouri Ave. in Largo, according to an affidavit. The couple was seen driving off the property and heading west on Rosery Road. News Channel 8 has not obtained the video in question. Shortly after the theft was reported, the cart was spotted outside Jimmy's Sports Bar in Largo and an officer found the couple at the bar. After denying the theft, the couple admitted to taking the cart and was arrested on charges of grand theft. They were both booked into the Pinellas County Jail.
Tech Support Pits From: Connie R Re: Mammogram Site Webby, is it possible to add this web site address to your humor newsletter. I feed the dogs each day, and I think being able to click onto this web url to give a free mammogram to an underpriviledged woman would be another good thing to do. Connie R The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors /advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/ Connie Dear Connie Please get a normal, healthy male of ANY age to read the Humor Letter, and watch where he clicks. I am happy to say that many female subscribers ALSO let their mouse pounce onto the breast cancer site ad. Personally, I doubt very much that any other newsletter this side of Venus has a more effective ad for the breast cancer site, or has run ads for it for as many years as I have. (18) So, don't be shy! Click on the cuties in the right margin! It does not cost you anything. I am providing space for them for free. Have FUN DearWebby
A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours." The banker said, "Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him!"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a con- ciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Delighted by the gift she had received, the lady spoke warmly to the boy, "At church tomorrow, I'll thank your mother for this lovely pie." "If you don't mind, Ma'am," the boy suggested nervously, "would you thank her for two pies?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Photo Album For Recipes Recipes that you clip from magazines and newspapers can be placed in an inexpensive photo album. If you prepare a recipe that your family doesn't enjoy, lift the plastic page and discard. Now you have room for another! By Maureen Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ When my sugar daddy dies," confided Jeni to Debi, "I inherit the lot... it's in his last will and testicles." "You mean testament," chuckled Debi. "No, testicles..." said Jeni, "I've got him by the balls."
The Forgotten Ruins of Mrauk U
___________________________________________________ A man started to snore in his seat at the church. "Please stop your snoring," the usher pleaded. "You are disturbing the others..." "Look, buddy," the man said angrily, "This is my seat and I'll do whatever I want!" "Yes, sir," replied the usher. "But please be considerate... you are keeping everybody else awake!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time." I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa. ____________________________________________________

Today, May 23 in
1430 Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundians. She was then sold to
the English. 

1533 Henry VIII’s marriage to Catherine of Aragon was declared null
and void. 

1618 The Thirty Years War began when three opponents of the
Reformation were thrown through a window. 

1701 In London, Captain William Kidd was hanged after being
convicted of murder and piracy. 

1785 Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter that he had invented
bifocals. 

1827 The first nursery school in the U.S. was established in New
York City. 

1873 Canada's North West Mounted Police force was established. The
organization's name was changed to Royal Canadian Mounted Police in
1920. 

1879 The first U.S. veterinary school was established by Iowa State
University. 

1900 Civil War hero Sgt. William H. Carney became the first African
American to receive the Medal of Honor, 37 years after the Battle
of Fort Wagner. 

1901 American forces captured Filipino rebel leader Emilio
Aguinaldo. 

1908 Part of the Great White Fleet arrived in Puget Sound, WA. 

1915 During World War I, Italy switched and joined the Allies as
they appeared to be winning. 

1926 The French captured the Moroccan Rif capital. 

1934 In Bienville Parish, LA, Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were
ambushed and killed by Texas Rangers. The bank robbers were riding
in a stolen Ford Deluxe. 

1938 "LIFE" magazine’s cover pictured Errol Flynn as a glamour boy.


1945 In Luneburg Germany, Heinrich Himmler, the head of the Nazi
Gestapo, committed suicide while imprisoned by the Allied forces. 

1949 The Republic of West Germany was established. 

1960 Israel announced the capture of Nazi Adolf Eichmann in
Argentina. 

1981 In Barcelona, Spain, gunmen seized control of the Central Bank
and took 200 hostages. 

1985 Thomas Patrick Cavanagh was sentenced to life in prison for
trying to sell Stealth bomber secrets to the Soviet Union. 

1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City was
demolished. 

1998 British Protestants and Irish Catholics of Northern Ireland
approved a peace accord. 

1999 In Kansas City, MO, Owen Hart (Blue Blazer) died when he fell
90 feet while being lowered into a WWF wrestling ring. He was 33
years old. 

1999 Gerry Bloch, at age 81, became the oldest climber to scale El
Capitan in Yosemite National Park. He broke his own record that he
set in 1986 when he was 68 years old. 

2013 Google acquired Makani Power for use for its Project Wing. 

2018  smiled.


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