Some banks DO like FireFox and Chrome 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April  23,

Today I have to go to Calgary for eye injections. 
That means, no Friday, Saturday or Sunday issues 
will get sent out.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man keeps cottonmouth snake
in pillow case on his bed, and gets bit on his lip.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1348 The first English order of knighthood was founded. 
 It was the Order of the Garter. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her asthmatic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, "A lawyer!" ______________________________________________________ A patient had broken his leg and it was going to have to be set. To get him ready for this painful event, he was heavily sedated. While in this "state", he spoke rather freely with the hospital staff and with his wife. She apparently learned several things about her husband. When it was time to reverse the medication, the wife said "Wait! not yet. I have some more questions I want to ask". ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Austin Lane Hatfield, 18, Wimauma Florida
Florida Man Bitten By Cottonmouth Snake That He Was Keeping In Pillowcase On His Bed An 18-year-old Wimauma man who was bitten on the lip by a cottonmouth he was keeping in a pillowcase on his bed is recovering at Tampa General Hospital, officials said. The snake, also known as a water moccasin, escaped around 11:45 p.m. Saturday and slithered across the stomach of Austin Lane Hatfield, said Gary Morse, spokesman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. When Hatfield tried to recapture it, the snake bit him, Morse said. A bite from a cottonmouth can be deadly with its venom causing massive swelling. Hatfield was rushed to the emergency room. “His condition has improved today and he is expected to recover,” Morse said. Hatfield had captured the snake sometime last week and was illegally possessing it, Morse said. Because cottonmouths are venomous, a state permit is required to keep them. FWC is investigating and Hatfield could face charges, Morse said. The snake was captured and euthanized so a proper identification could be made, he said. A spokeswoman for The cottonmouth, a member of the viper family, gets its name from the cotton-white interior of its mouth. When threatened, the snake often coils and opens its mouth. They are the only venomous water snakes in Florida and are usually found in swamp-like habitats. Adult snakes are dark in color and can grow to between 2 and 4 feet. They have broad, triangular heads and a dark stripe that runs through their eyes. There is a deep pit between their eyes and nostrils. Those who come across the snakes should give them a wide berth, Morse said. “It really doesn’t want to eat you but it will protect itself,” Morse said. “Cottonmouths have a reputation of being somewhat skittish when you get near them and they will readily defend themselves.”
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Roland Re: Some Banks DO cope with FireFox Dear Webby, We use Fire Fox and check our two banks daily with no problems. Roland and Ruth Ann Dear Roland Yes, seems to work just fine with the better banks. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you." "First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds in your lower half. Second, you should use only about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick as you did this morning. And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next floor." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Luffa Sponge for Soap Stand I cut a slice from my new luffa sponge to use under my soaps to keep them dry and firm in my soap dishes. I just used a sharp bread knife on a dry luffa sponge. Easy! By Donna [222] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip. They spend a fortune renting all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. The first day they go fishing,but don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day and the third . This goes on until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. While driving home one guy turns to the other ... "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us nearly $1500?" The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!" _____________________________________________________ A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Heyyy!Stop! I'm on the wrong bus! I don't wanna go where SHE goes!" ____________________________________________________
Wow! All I can say is Wow! He must be a horse whisperer

Today in 
1348 The first English order of knighthood was founded. 
 It was the Order of the Garter. 
1500 Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal. 
1521 The Comuneros were crushed by royalist troops in Spain. 
1759 The British seized Basse-Terre and Guadeloupe in the 
 Antilies from France. 
1826 Missolonghi fell to Egyptian forces. 
1861 Arkansas troops seized Fort Smith. 
1895 Russia, France, and Germany forced Japan to return the 
 Liaodong peninsula to China. 
1896 The Vitascope system for projecting movies onto a 
 screen was demonstrated in New York City. 
1900 The word "hillbilly" was first used in print in an 
 article in the "New York Journal." It was spelled "Hill-Billie". 
1945 The Soviet Army went into Berlin. 
1950 Chaing evacuated Hainan, leaving mainland China to 
 Mao and the communists. 
1951 The Associated Press began use of the new service of 
 teletype setting. 
1967 The Soyuz 1 was launched by Russia. 
1971 The Soyuz 10 was launched. 
1981 The Soviet Union conducted an underground nuclear test 
 at their Semipaltinsk (Kazakhstan) test site. 
1985 The Coca-Cola Company announced that it was changing its 
 99-year-old secret formula. New Coke was not successful, 
 which resulted in the resumption of selling the original version. 
1988 A U.S. federal law took effect that banned smoking on 
 flights that were under two hours. 
1988 In Martinez, CA, a drain valve was left open at the 
 Shell Marsh. More than 10,000 barrels of oil poured into 
 the marsh adjoining Peyton Slough. 
1988 Kanellos Kanelopoulos set three world records for 
 human-powered flight when he stayed in the air for 74 miles 
 and four hours in his pedal-powered "Daedalus". 
1996 An auction of the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' 
 possessions began at Sotheby's in New York City. 
 The sale brought in $34.5 million. 
1997 An infertility doctor in California announced that a 
 63-year-old woman had given birth in late 1996. The child 
 was from a donor egg. The woman is the oldest known woman 
 to give birth. 
2004 U.S. President George W. Bush eased sanctions against 
 Libya in return for Moammar Gadhafi's agreement to give up 
 weapons of mass destruction. Gadhafi donated the chemical 
 weapons he had bought from the US to the US and invited US
 military to come in and destroy the rest of them.
2005 The first video was uploaded to YouTube.com. 
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1 billion applications 
 downloaded. 
2015  smiled.


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His bank can't cope with FireFox 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 22

Tomorrow,  Thursday, April  23, I have to go to Calgary
for eye injections. That means, no Friday, Saturday or 
Sunday issues will get sent out.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida woman arrested for battering 
live-in boyfriend with bowl of 
eggs following breakfast beef
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ______________________________________________________ >From Barb UK Suicide Bombers Go On Strike Reported by an English newspaper. Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this April from 72 to 54. A spokesman said that increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife. The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth." Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands , Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands." They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures, or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up. Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England , Ireland , Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway. According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages. ______________________________________________________ MacTavish's little boy was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. "If you had five pounds," said the teacher, "and I asked you for the loan of three pounds, how many would you have left?" "Five," said young MacTavish firmly. "Five?" the teacher said "How do you make it five?" "Well," replied young MacTavish "You can ask for a loan of three pounds, but that doesn't mean you will get it." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Whitehaven Beach in Australia
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Destini Oliver, 22, Palmetto Florida
Woman Arrested For Battering Live-In Boyfriend With Bowl Of Eggs Following Breakfast Beef A dispute over the preparation of breakfast ended yesterday morning with a Florida woman under arrest for battering her live-in boyfriend with a bowl of raw eggs, police report. Destini Oliver, 22, and Lorenzo Dixon, 23, quarreled Sunday in their Palmetto home over Oliver not wanting to cook breakfast, according to a police report. The dispute turned physical when Oliver, seen above, allegedly “threw a bowl of raw eggs” at Dixon, striking him in the back. Cops on the scene reported spotting egg splatter on Dixon, as well as on a wall and a couch. Oliver, pictured above, was arrested for misdemeanor battery and booked into the county jail, where she remains locked up in lieu of $500 bond. Dixon, a salesman at a Ford dealership in Sarasota, was not injured in the egg attack.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hank Re: Bank can't cope with FireFox Dear Webby, I have used Firefox as my browser for several years. In the last week, I received two notices of "Secure Connection Failed." One was my bank where I use Internet banking. I called the bank and the customer service rep. Told me that I could only use IE. She said Firefox did not come up to standard with their security. Do you know anything about this? I just don't like to use IE. Thanks so much for your help! Regards, hank Dear Hank FireFox is actually more secure, but their system checks for only one browser, the default browser that all the grannies and grampas use, if they don't know any better. There is no point arguing with the idjit. Just use Internet Explorer for that bank, and close it quickly afterward. It is a security hazard. I use Chrome with my bank, Royal Bank Of Canada, and it works fine, but FF works well too. Have not tried Internet Exploder there, and am not going to. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?" "The glaciers brought them down," said the guide. "But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked. "The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice, "have gone back for more rocks." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baked "Hardboiled" Eggs I'll never boil eggs again! I found a recipe online for baked eggs and it's just too simple to ever bother with watching a pot again. Place eggs in a muffin tin or directly on your oven rack. And bake at 325 degrees for 30 minutes. Remove and plunge into an ice water bath, then peel and serve. By aubergine [3] Do you have free electricity? Oven for 30 minutes is expensive! Just get an egg boiler, put half a dozen eggs in, add half a cup of water, and set the timer for 5 minutes. When it DINGs and shuts off, they are done. You can of course also set them for 3 Minute breakfast eggs, with the yolk thick but still runny. An egg boiler uses 1/10 the electricity that your baking uses! Egg cookers are sold by all the companies, that make coffee machines, and are usually $15 - $20. Check Amazon for egg boiler Some even have extra trays for poaching eggs. 5 minutes at 0.35 KW instead of 30 minutes at 1.5 KW Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two friends, one an optimist and the other a pessimist, could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his friend out of his continual pessimistic thinking. The optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the optimist brought down a duck. The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat. The optimist looked at his pessimistic friend and said, "What do you think about that?" The pessimist replied, "That dog can't swim, can he?" He had to swim back to shore. _____________________________________________________ A guy goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife has lost her voice a week ago...." "And you are afraid she'll find it again ?" ____________________________________________________
Ethereal Wire Fairy Sculptures, these are beautiful works of art.

Today in 
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil. 
1509 Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England
1529 Spain and Portugal divided the eastern hemisphere in the 
 Treaty of Saragosa. 
1792 U.S. President George Washington proclaimed American 
 neutrality in the war in Europe. 
1861 Robert E. Lee was named commander of Virginia forces. 
1864 The U.S. Congress passed legislation that allowed the 
 inscription "In God We Trust" to be included on one-cent 
 and two-cent coins. 
1889 At noon, the Oklahoma land rush officially started as 
 thousands of Americans raced for new, unclaimed land. 
1898 The first shot of the Spanish-American war occurred 
 when the USS Nashville captured a Spanish merchant ship. 
1915 At the Second Battle Ypres the Germans became the 
 first country to use poison gas. 
1918 British naval forces attempted to sink block-ships 
 in the German U-boat bases at the Battle of Zeeburgge. 
1930 The U.S., Britain and Japan signed the London Naval 
 Treaty, which regulated submarine warfare and limited 
 shipbuilding. 
1931 James G. Ray landed an autogyro on the lawn of the 
 White House. 
1944 During World War II, the Allies launched a major 
 attack against the Japanese in Hollandia, New Guinea. 
1952 An atomic test conducted in Nevada was the first 
 nuclear explosion shown on live network television. 
1954 The U.S. Senate Army-McCarthy televised hearings began. 
1993 The U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum was dedicated in 
 Washington, DC. 
1997 In Lima, Peru government commandos storm and capture 
 the residence of the Japanese ambassador ending a 126-day 
 hostage crisis. In the rescue 71 hostages were saved. 
 Those killed: one hostage (of a heart attack), two soldiers, 
 and all 14 rebels. 
2002 Filippino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ordered a 
 state of emergency in the city of General Santos in 
 response to a series of bombing attacks the day before. 
 The attacks were blamed on Muslim extremists. 
2010 The Boeing X-37 began its first orbital mission. It 
 successfully returned to Earth on December 3, 2010.
2015  smiled.


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Get rid of Salesplus pop-ups 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 21

On Thursday, April  23, I have to go to Calgary
for eye injections. That means, no Friday, Saturday or 
Sunday issues will get sent out.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Michael Dick in Oregon for being a dick.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
753 BC Today is the traditional date of the foundation of Rome. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) ______________________________________________________ Nancys nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first kid. She allowed him to place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick.His little face scrunched and said, "How does the baby get out of there?" She wanted to keep it simple so she said, "The doctor will help." His eyes widened in amazement as he exclaimed, "You've got a DOCTOR in there, too?!" ______________________________________________________ Bill said the power went out recently. His wife, Kathy heard a plane flying low overhead. She noticed the plane's landing lights were on and said, "Must not be a widespread power outage -- the plane's lights are on." She was lucky she was not downtown. I heard that during the latest power failure in Los Angeles thousands of people were trapped for hours on store escalators. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Logan Pass Glacier National Park
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Dick, 53, Gresham, Oregon
Oregon man Michael Dick busted for allegedly masturbating publicly near Tickle Creek An Oregon man called Michael Dick has been arrested for allegedly masturbating in the Tickle Creek area, reports KOIN 6. The ironically named 53-year-old was detained Wednesday. Cops had received reports of a naked, wig-wearing man pleasuring himself in the also aptly-monikered road. Officers claim that Dick matched the description of a repeat flasher. Witnesses said that the naked man would drive up to women in the street, which is near Gresham, before jumping out of his pick-up and pleasuring himself. Convicted sex offender Dick was charged with three counts of public indecency. And, due to his past criminal history, they have been classed as felonies.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hermon Re: Salesplus pop-ups Dear Webby, I am getting popups from salesplus. Is it safe to download Malwarebytes and send payment over the net? Hermon Dear Hermon Yes, it is safe to get and pay for Malwarebytes over the net. http://webby.com/malwarebytes I use it myself too. Which browser are you using? Have FUN! DearWebby Dear Webby, Malwarebytes did the trick..........thanks for the tip.. Hermon in Kentucky _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him. The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them, if little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth. Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story. After listening he replies: "I cannot see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotations and we'll choose a contractor to fix the silly wall." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Peeling Hard Boiled Eggs When peeling hardboiled eggs, roll eggs on center divider of sink under cold running water. Squeezing the egg with your hands. The shell will peel off easily and the membrane holds the shell almost whole. By Great Granny Vi from Moorpark, CA ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A 3-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom." _____________________________________________________ There once was a conservative college in the east coast that had a standing rule, the heat was to be turned off in the dormitories when the school went on summer daylight savings time. Unfortunately, this year, winter decided to stick around a bit longer. Students in both the men's and women's dormitories complained about the bitter cold, but were told that nothing could be done. After days of no heat and no respite in immediate sight, the ladies realized that their dorm faced the equally cold men's dorm. They turned a bed sheet into a banner with the message, "TURN ON THE HEAT OR WE'LL TURN ON THE BOYS!" The thermostat was turned up rather hastily. ____________________________________________________
Creatures of the deep. Gigantic school of Rays, The most ever seen at one time.

Today in 
753 BC Today is the traditional date of the foundation of Rome. 
43 BC Marcus Antonius was defeated by Octavian near Modena, Italy. 
1526 Mongol Emperor Babur annihilated the Indian Army of 
 Ibrahim Lodi. 
1689 William III and Mary II were crowned joint king and queen 
 of England, Scotland and Ireland. 
1836 General Sam Houston defeated Santa Anna at the Battle of 
 San Jacinto. This battle decided the independence of Texas. 
1856 The Mississippi River was crossed by a rail train for the 
 first time (between Davenport, IA, and Rock Island, IL). 
1892 The first Buffalo was born in Golden Gate Park. 
1898 The Spanish-American War began. 
1914 U.S. Marines occupied Vera Cruz, Mexico. The troops 
 stayed for six months. 
1916 Bill Carlisle, the infamous ‘last train robber,’ 
 robbed a train in Hanna, WY. 
1918 German fighter ace Manfred von Richthofen, "The Red Baron," 
 was shot down and killed during World War I. 
1959 Alf Dean caught a 16-foot, 10-inch white shark that weighed 
 2,664 pounds. At the time it was the largest catch with a rod and reel. 
1960 Brasilia became the capital of Brazil. 
1961 The French army revolted in Algeria. 
1967 In Athens, Army colonels took over the government and 
 installed Constantine Kollias as premier. 
1972 Apollo 16 astronauts John Young and Charles Duke explored 
 the surface of the moon. 
1975 South Vietnam president, Nguyen Van Thieu, resigned, 
 condemning the United States. 
1984 In France, it was announced that doctors had found 
 virus believed to cause AIDS. 
1985 Manuel Ortega proposed a cease-fire for Nicaragua. 
1994 Jackie Parker became the first woman to qualify to fly 
 an F-16 combat plane. 
1998 Astronomers announced in Washington that they had 
 discovered possible signs of a new family of planets 
 orbiting a star 220 light-years away. 
2000 In Sinking Spring, PA, a man chased his estranged 
 girlfriend through town and then forced her car into the 
 path of an oncoming train. The woman and her 3 passengers 
 were killed. 
2000 North Carolina researchers announced that the heart of 
 a 66 million-year-old dinosaur was more like a mammal or 
 bird than that of a reptile. 
2002 In the city of General Santos, 14 people were killed 
 and 69 were injured in a bomb attack on a department store. 
 The attack was blamed on Muslim extremists. 
2015  smiled.


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Excel OR formula 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 20

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Man Accused Of Arson, 
Microwaving Neighbor's Wallet
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1775 American troops began the siege of British-held Boston.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. --- Hermann Hesse (1877 - 1962) ______________________________________________________ A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check and cashed it in the store, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning." ______________________________________________________ A rather boring joke I heard today reminded me of a fun incicent. Many years ago when I was taking a required course in the process of becoming an electrician, we also had to take some basics physics. Personally, I always loved physics, probably because deep down inside I am still a kid that is fascinated by anything that makes noise or moves. Most of the people in the class hated physics, and one guy in particular did a lot of complaining about it and asking why it was necessary. Finally the instructor had enough and he told him that physics was required to save his live. Naturally the guy fell for that straight line and asked how physics would save his live. "It saves lives", the instructor yelled at him, "because it keeps you from finishing the course, and because if you passed my class and then later burned down a house with your lack of knowledge, I'd have to go and shoot you." That guy quit the course right there ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Looking East at sunset and storm clouds from my deck at 7:15PM. We’ve had lots of rain lightning and thunder today and expecting more tonight. I thought the light was pretty looking East.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mohammed Almarri, 21, Tampa, Florida Man Accused Of Arson, Microwaving Neighbor's Wallet A Florida man forced his neighbor onto a balcony and then microwaved his wallet during a bizarre dispute Sunday morning, police say. Mohammed Almarri, 21, allegedly broke into the neighbor's Tampa home and "threatened the owner of the apartment until he retreated to the balcony," TBO reports. Authorities say that Almarri took the homeowner's wallet and microwaved it, and then proceeded to stack several lighters near an electric heater. Firefighters responded to the luxury apartment building and smelled smoke, but found no active fire, according to the Tampa Bay Times. Almarri was arrested on charges including arson and false imprisonment. The damage to the apartment is estimated at approximately $1,000, according to WTSP. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: OR formula in Excel Dear Webby, That was brilliant putting the text onto other sheets, where they can be edited independently of the formulas, without having to touch the formulas. While you are in Excel, I got a problem with OR formulas. Can't get them to work the way i want them to. Can you explain them in your usual way, so that I can understand them? Thanks Ellen Dear Ellen The OR formula is just a YES/NO formula. To make it useful you have to combine it with the IF formula. =IF(OR(condition1,condition2)Result1,Result2) The way that works is like this: IF either condition1 OR condition2 is true, then it shows whatever is Result1, else, if neither condition is true, then it shows Result2 Condition 1 could be a date comparison like (T3>TODAY()-5) Condition 2 could be for example an invoice minimum set in $Z$1 like (R3>$Z$1) So, if the date in cell T2 is larger than Today - 5 OR the Invoice amount in R3 is larger than the minimum set in Z1, then show the text from Result1 else if neither condition is true, then show the text from Result2 I apologize to those of you, who are not familiar with spreadsheets. To you this must look like gobbledigook, but I assure you, to people who do use spreadsheets, this makes perfect sense. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Californians are a strange people. They'll put every chemical known to man up their nostrils, and get so warped from snorting, that they tell you it's bad for you if you put sugar in your coffee! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Gorilla Glue from Granite Soak the spot with Orange Glo. Take a sharp knife and gently scrape away the glue. Wipe off the dried glue and cover area again with the Orange Glo, let sit, and wipe clean. Easy! By jdarocy [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Frank Green of San Antonio Texas, when sentenced to seven years in jail, carried on about how seven was his unlucky number, pleading and begging the judge not to give him seven years. So the judge gave him eight years instead. _____________________________________________________ A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste for the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job. He decided to seek compensation for his ailment. Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department, he is interviewed by an assessor. Assessor: I see you work with radio-active materials and wish to claim compensation. Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick. Assessor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to protect you from radiation poisoning? Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job. Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive? Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined. Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept? Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead. Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept in a lead container. Trucker: Yeah, that's right. All lead. Assessor: Then I can't see how you could claim against him for radiation poisoning. Trucker: I'm not. I claiming for lead poisoning. ____________________________________________________
Creatures of the deep. Gigantic school of Rays, The most ever seen at one time.

Today in 
1139 The Second Lateran Council opened in Rome. 
1534 Jacques Cartier, a French explorer, set sail from 
 St. Malo to explore the North American coastline. 
1653 In England, Oliver Cromwell expelled the Long Parliament 
 for trying to pass the Perpetuation Bill that would have 
 kept Parliament in the hands of only a few members. 
1769 Ottawa Chief Pontiac was murdered by an Illinois 
 Indian in Cahokia. 
1775 American troops began the siege of British-held Boston. 
1792 France declared war on Austria, Prussia, and Sardinia. 
 It was the start of the French Revolutionary wars. 
1809 Napoleon defeated Austria at Battle of Abensberg, 
 Bavaria. 
1832 Hot Springs National Park was established by an act 
 of the U.S. Congress.
1841 In Philadelphia, PA, Edgar Allen Poe's first detective 
 story, "The Murders in the Rue Morgue," was published
1861 Robert E. Lee resigned from U.S. Army. 
1865 Safety matches were first advertised. 
1879 First mobile home (horse drawn) was used in a journey 
 from London to Cyprus. 
1902 Scientists Marie and Pierre Curie isolated the 
 radioactive element radium. 
1916 Sir Roger Casement landed in Ireland to incite rebellion 
 against the British. Casement, a British diplomat, was 
 captured within hours and was hanged for high treason 
 on August 3. 
1919 The Polish Army captured Vilno, Lithuania from the Soviets. 
1940 The First electron microscope was demonstrated by RCA. 
1942 Pierre Laval, the premier of Vichy France, in a radio 
 broadcast, establishes a policy of "true reconciliation 
 with Germany." 
1945 Soviet troops began their attack on Berlin. 
1945 During World War II, Allied forces took control of the 
 German cities of Nuremberg and Stuttgart. 
1951 General MacArthur addressed the joint session of Congress 
 after being relieved by U.S. President Truman. 
1953 Operation Little Switch began in Korea. It was the 
 exchange of sick and wounded prisoners of war. Thirty 
 Americans were freed. 
1953 The Boston marathon was won by Keizo Yamada with a record 
 time of 2:18:51. 
1961 FM stereo broadcasting was approved by the FCC. 
1962 The New Orleans Citizens' Council offered a free one-way 
 ride for blacks to move to northern states. 
1967 U.S. planes bombed Haiphong for first time during the 
 Vietnam War. 
1972 The manned lunar module from Apollo 16 landed on the moon. 
1981 A spokesman for the U.S. Navy announced that the U.S. was 
 accepting full responsibility for the sinking of the Nissho 
 Maru on April 9. 
1984 Britain announced that its administration of Hong Kong 
 would cease in 1997. 
1987 In Argentina, President Raul Alfonsin quelled a military revolt. 
1988 The U.S. Air Forces' Stealth (B-2) bomber was officially unveiled. 
1989 Scientist announced the successful testing of high-definition TV. 
1992 The worlds largest fair, Expo '92, opened in Seville, Spain. 
1998 Kenyan runner Moses Tanui, 32, won the Boston Marathon for the 
second time. He also registered the third fastest time with 2 hours 
7 minutes and 34 seconds. 
2015  smiled.


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Calling a value from another Excel sheet 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 19

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Great Cornholio runs form cops
after TV interview
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1943 The Warsaw Ghetto uprising against Nazi rule began. The 
 Jews were able to fight off the Germans for 28 days. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother. --- Artemus Ward (1834 - 1867) You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was. --- Irish Proverb ______________________________________________________ Woman cleaning fish at sink to angler husband: "Why can't you be like the rest of the men? They never catch anything." "I can't afford that much beer." ______________________________________________________ A woman went to the Governor of Alabama about getting an early release for her husband who was serving time in a state penitentiary. " What's is in for ?", asked the Governor. " For stealing a ham." " That doesn't sound too bad. Is he a good worker?" " No, I couldn't say that. He's very lazy." " Oh...well, he's good to you and the children, isn't he ?" " No, he is not. He's very mean to us, if you want to know the truth." " Why would you want a man like that out of prison?" " Well, Governor, we've been out of ham for quite a spell." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jerado Alfanzo Silva 23 Hayward, California Great Cornholio runs form cops after TV interview If you're going to flee a traffic stop and later claim your car was stolen, it's probably best not to look right into a news camera and say "how ya doing?" first. That's what allegedly happened in Hayward, California, last month when a man who was pulled over for a carpool lane violation fled from police -- after he spoke to KRON 4 reporter Stanley Roberts who was filming a "People Behaving Badly" segment. Police initially pursued the driver, but chose to let him go rather than endanger other motorists in a chase. After all, the driver's car, face and voice were all caught on camera by Roberts, who had dubbed him "The Great Cornholio" in his initial segment, based on the alter-ego of Beavis from "Beavis and Butt-head." About 15 minutes after the traffic stop, the driver called the authorities to report that his car had been stolen. Last week, however, the long arm of the law finally caught up with "The Great Cornholio." Jerado Alfanzo Silva was arrested and charged with filing a false stolen vehicle police report, reckless driving, driving on a suspended license and resisting, delaying or obstructing a peace officer from the performance of his or her duties, according to Roberts. The carpool ticket, on the other hand, would've been a non-moving violation. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Samantha Re: Xcel formula to show text Dear Webby, I need an excel formula that shows one text if a date is befor and a different one if the date is after a third date. The texts are fairly large and have line breaks in them, and need to be updated occasionally. Right now I got a confusing mess, that does not work. I know you dostuff like that with your invoicing, so you must know! Help! Please! Samantha Dear Samantha Put your texts way over to the side or onto a different sheet. If they are, for examplpe on sheet 5 in cells A1 and A2, then you can call them as Sheet5!$A$1 and Sheet5!$A$2 Not as clean and easy as in Quattro, but it works. Now for the formula: =IF(D2<$D$1,Sheet5!$A$1,Sheet5!$A$2) D1 is the permanent comparison date. The $ makes sure that as the formula rattles down the sheet, the comparison is always looked up at D1. So, if D2 is smaller than the comparison date, then the cell shows the text from Sheet5 A1, if not, then it shows the content of Sheet 5 cell A2 The formula works cleanly if you paste it down the whole column. In case you are going to copy the content of that cell into an email or print it, make the first word of that text different. That way you can narrow the column to show just barely the first word, and still know you got the right stuff to mail or print. Another benefit of this method is that you can edit the texts on sheet 5 and instantly change the text for the entire sheet 1. On Quattro from Corel Office you would use letters instead of "sheet". Sheet 2 would be B:, sheet 3 would be C: and so on. They started the stacks of sheets, and used letters, so Microsoft had to come up with something slightly different, and used the designations Sheet1!, Sheet2!, Sheet3!, etc. It's the same thing and works just as well. You CAN use Quattro to set up pages and then save them as Excel. Open Office Calc works the same way. You can save that in Excel format too. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Marcy called to make flight reservations: "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." The travel agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, of course I am sure! What flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "Do you by any chance mean Buffalo ?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Exfoliate and Moisturize at the Same Time I have dry flaky winter skin around my eyebrows and the bridge of my nose. Quite by chance, I found a remedy that removes the flakes and moisturizes at the same time without leaving my face all shiny. While in the shower, I put a small amount of hair conditioner on my exfoliating glove and gently scrub the dry area, and the rest of my face while I'm at it. I leave it on until I'm ready to get out of the shower then rinse it off. I like it because my skin is clean of the dry flakes, it doesn't leave red marks from the scrubbing and my face skin is very soft. I don't need to use any extra moisturizer. It works for me and it might for you too. By Mina2184 [23] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A woman went to the Governor of Alabama about getting an early release for her husband who was serving time in a state penitentiary. "What's is in for ?", asked the Governor. "For stealing a ham." "That doesn't sound too bad. Is he a good worker?" "No, I couldn't say that. He's very lazy." "Oh...well, he's good to you and the children, isn't he ?" "No, he is not. He's very mean to us, if you want to know the truth." "Why would you want a man like that out of prison?" "Well, Governor, we've been out of ham for quite a spell." _____________________________________________________ After the last child moves out of the house, Mom and Dad announce that they're getting a divorce. The kids are totally distraught and pay for a session with the world's most famous marriage counselor as a last effort at keeping their parents together. The counselor works for hours, tries all of his methods, but the couple still won't even talk to each other. Finally he goes over to a closet, brings out a beautiful violin and begins to play. After a minute, the couple start talking. The therapist keeps soloing on the violin and the couple discover that they're not actually that far apart and decide to give their marriage another try. The kids are amazed and ask the doctor how he managed to do it. He replies, "Well, I've never yet seen a couple that wouldn't talk through a violin solo." ____________________________________________________
Sparkle tables

Today in 
1012 Aelfheah was murdered by Danes who had been ravaging 
 the south of England. Aelfhear became the 29th Archbishop 
 of Canterbury in 1005. 
1539 Emperor Charles V reached a truce with German 
 Protestants at Frankfurt, Germany. 
1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor 
 and sank the Spanish fleet. 
1689 Residents of Boston ousted their governor, Edmond Andros. 
1713 Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI issued the Pragmatic Sanction, 
 which gave women the rights of succession to Hapsburg possessions. 
1764 The English Parliament banned the American colonies from 
 printing paper money. 
1770 Captain James Cook discovered New South Wales, Australia. 
 Cook originally named the land Point Hicks. 
1775 The American Revolution began as fighting broke out at 
 Lexington, MA. 
1782 The Netherlands recognized the new United States. 
1794 Tadeusz Kosciuszko forced the Russians out of Warsaw. 
1802 The Spanish reopened the New Orleans port to American 
 merchants. 
1861 Thaddeus S. C. Lowe sailed 900 miles in nine hours in 
 a hot air balloon from Cincinnati, OH, to Unionville, SC. 
1861 The Baltimore riots resulted in four Union soldiers and 
 nine civilians killed. 
1861 U.S. President Lincoln ordered a blockade of 
 Confederate ports. 
1892 The Duryea gasoline buggy was introduced in the U.S. 
 by Charles and Frank Duryea. 
1897 The first annual Boston Marathon was held. It was the 
 first of its type in the U.S. 
1927 In China, Hankow communists declared war on 
 Chaing Kai-shek. 
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt issued a proclamation 
 that removed the U.S. from the gold standard. 
1938 General Francisco Franco declared victory in the Spanish 
 Civil War. 
1943 The Warsaw Ghetto uprising against Nazi rule began. The 
 Jews were able to fight off the Germans for 28 days. 
1951 General Douglas MacArthur gave his "Old Soldiers" speech 
 before the U.S. Congress. In the address General MacArthur 
 said that "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away." 
1951 Shigeki Tanaka won the Boston Marathon. Tanaka had 
 survived the atomic blast at Hiroshima, Japan during WWII. 
1956 Actress Grace Kelly became Princess Grace of Monaco 
 when she married Prince Rainier III of Monaco. The civil 
 ceremony took place on April 18. 
1967 Surveyor 3 landed on the moon and began sending photos 
 back to the U.S. 
1971 Russia launched the Salyut into orbit around Earth. 
 It was the first space station. 
1975 India launched its first satellite with aid from the USSR. 
1981 In Davao, Philippines, thirteen people were killed when 
 members of the New People's Army threw hand grenades into 
 the Roman Catholic cathedral during Easter services. 
1982 The U.S. announced a ban on U.S. tourist and business 
 traval to Cuba. The U.S. charged the Cuban government with 
 subversion in Central America. 
1987 In Phoenix, AZ, skydiver Gregory Robertson went into a 
 200-mph free-fall to save an unconscious colleague 3,500 
 feet from the ground. 
1987 The last California condor known to be in the wild was 
 captured and placed in a breeding program at the San Diego 
 Wild Animal Park.
1989 A gun turret exploded aboard the USS Iowa. 47 sailors 
 were killed. 
1989 A giant asteroid passed within 500,000 miles of Earth. 
1993 The Branch-Davidian’s compound in Waco, TX, burned to 
 the ground. It was the end of a 51-day standoff between 
 the cult and U.S. federal agents. 86 people were killed 
 including 17 children. Nine of the Branch Davidians escaped 
 the fire. 
1994 A Los Angeles jury awarded $3.8 million to Rodney King 
 for violation of his civil rights. 
1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, OK, 
 was destroyed by a bomb. It was the worst bombing on U.S. 
 territory. 168 people were killed including 19 children, 
 and 500 were injured. Timothy McVeigh was found guilty of 
 the bombing on June 2, 1997. 
1998 Wang Dan, a leader of 1989 Tienanmen Square pro 
 democracy protests, was freed by the Chinese government. 
2000 In the Philippines, Air Philippines GAP 541 crashed 
 while preparing to land. 131 people were killed. 
2002 The USS Cole was relaunched. In Yemen, 17 sailors were 
 killed when the ship was attacked by terrorists on October 
 12, 2000. The attack was blamed on Osama bin Laden's 
 Al-Qaida network. 
2015  smiled.


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Best graphics program overall 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 18

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Illinois Man, who fatally assaulted 
baby who urinated on him.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1847 U.S. troops defeated almost 17,000 Mexican soldiers 
 commanded by Santa Anna at Cerro Gordo. (Mexican-American War) 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. --- Alfred Lord Tennyson (1809 - 1892) ______________________________________________________ >From: sexysassysatin An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000." Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic. This is what transpired. Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth can you please help me? Dr. Geezer: --- "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500." Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything." Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, -- that is gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500." Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see !!!! Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so -- " Here's your $1000 back." Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..." Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500." Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer " !!!! ______________________________________________________ Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria. "Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?" one asked. "He got this hare brained notion he was going to build a new kind of car," his coworker replied. "How was he going to do it?" "He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from a Caddy and well, you get the idea." "So what did he end up with?" "1 1/2 years in jail and 100 hours of community work." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Martin Alvarado 23 Chicago Illinois Illinois Man Fatally Assaulted Baby Who Urinated On Him An Illinois man has been charged with first-degree murder in the death of an 18-month-old child who urinated on him. Police in Cicero said Martin Alvarado Jr., 23, assaulted his girlfriend's son multiple times on Thursday after the child urinated on him. Alvarado was changing the child's diaper at the time, ABC Chicago reports. An autopsy conducted on Friday determined that Edwin Eli O'Reilly died of blunt force trauma. The death was ruled a homicide. During questioning, police said Alvarado made incriminating statements and allegedly confessed to the fatal assault on videotape, according to the Chicago Tribune. This may not be the first time Alvarado has been reported for alleged child abuse. A spokeswoman for the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services said that the agency has had previous contact with the family, Newser reports. A sibling of the victim was removed from the house and taken into protective custody. Alvarado is due in bond court today. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Judy Re: Which Graphics program is best overall? Dear Webby, You have mentioned various graphics programs that are good, but which one is the best? Judy Dear Judy The answer is "Yes!" Your question is like "Which tool is the best?" What might be the best tool for digging ditches is probably not the best tool for welding. Get one graphics program and get good at using it. For example, I know that PSP is probably not the ideal program for 60 foot billboards, but I don't make billboards graphics. I work with mug shots and with 1024 pixel wide pictures of the day, and logos and business cards. For that PSP works very well, and I am used to it since about 1990. I know the hot keys and the shortcuts. THAT is the important part. Whatever program you use, get good and fast at it. That is much more important than the brand name of the program. As long as you are not required by a chool or employer to use any certain program, just get whatever is comfortable for you, Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ On my first day of school my parents told me to go to the nursery. There I was...surrounded by trees and bushes, having a great time. It's too bad they got more specific about which nursery when there was no semester report card. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hiding House Key for Emergency Personnel We all have our favorite key hiding places for our own use. However, to tell the location of a well-hidden key for a 911 call may not be easy, especially by the person who may be in need of emergency personnel. I'm not about to suggest where you could hide your key, but suggest that emergency ituations need to be considered. By Linda [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ According to George, home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway. _____________________________________________________ Millie: What do you do at your Bible Studies meeting ? Susan: We try to figure out how much can we can get away with and still go to heaven. ____________________________________________________
Honza Bláha is an awesome horse trainer who teaches his horses without reins.

Today in 
1521 Martin Luther confronted the emperor Charles V in the 
 Diet of Worms and refused to retract his views that led to 
 his excommunication. 
1676 Sudbury, Massachusetts, was attacked by Indians. 
1818 A regiment of Indians and blacks were defeated at the 
 Battle of Suwann, in Florida, ending the first Seminole War. 
1846 The telegraph ticker was patented by R.E. House 
1847 U.S. troops defeated almost 17,000 Mexican soldiers 
 commanded by Santa Anna at Cerro Gordo. (Mexican-American War) 
1853 The first train in Asia began running from Bombay to Tanna. 
1877 Charles Cros wrote a paper that described the process of 
 recording and reproducing sound. In France, Cros is regarded 
 as the inventor of the phonograph. In the U.S., Thomas Edison 
 gets the credit. 
1895 New York State passed an act that established free 
 public baths. 
1906 San Francisco, CA, was hit with an earthquake. The 
 original death toll was cited at about 700. Later information 
 indicated that the death toll may have been 3 to 4 times 
 the original estimate. 
1910 Walter R. Brookins made the first airplane flight at night. 
1934 The first Laundromat opened in Fort Worth, TX. 
1937 Leon Trotsky called for the overthrow of Soviet leader 
 Josef Stalin. 
1942 James H. Doolittle and his squadron, from the USS Hornet, 
 raided Tokyo and other Japanese cities. 
1942 The Vichy government capitulated to Adolf Hitler and 
 invited Pierre Laval to form a new government in France. 
1943 Traveling in a bomber, Japanese Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto, 
 was shot down by American P-38 fighters. 
1949 The Republic of Ireland was established. 
1950 The first transatlantic jet passenger trip was completed. 
1954 Colonel Gamal Abdel Nasser seized power in Egypt. 
1956 Actress Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier of Monaco were married. 
 The religious ceremony took place April 19. 
1960 The Mutual Broadcasting System was sold to the 3M Company of 
 Minnesota for $1.25 million. 
1978 The U.S. Senate approved the transfer of the Panama Canal to 
 Panama on December 31, 1999. 
1983 The U.S. Embassy in Beirut was blown up by a suicide car-bomber. 
 63 people were killed including 17 Americans. 
1984 Daredevils Mike MacCarthy and Amanda Tucker made a sky dive 
 from the Eiffel Tower. The jump ended safely. 
1985 Ted Turner filed for a hostile takeover of CBS. 
1989 Thousands of Chinese students demanding democracy tried to 
 storm Communist Party headquarters in Beijing. 
1999 Wayne Gretzky (New York Rangers) played his final game 
 in the NHL. He retired as the NHL's all-time leading scorer 
 and holder of 61 individual records. 
2002 Actor Robert Blake and his bodyguard were arrested in 
 connection with the shooting death of Blake's wife about 
 a year before. 
2002 The Amtrack Auto Train derailed in a remote area of 
 north Florida. Four people were killed and 133 were injured. 
2002 The city legislature of Berlin decided to make Marlene 
 Dietrich an honorary citizen. Dietrich had gone to the United 
 States in 1930. She refused to return to Germany after 
 Adolf Hitler came to power. 
2015  smiled.


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Inkscape 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, April 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh counterfeiter, who advertised on CraigsList
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1629 Horses were first imported into the colonies by the 
 American Massachusetts Bay Colony. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand. --- Putt's Law ______________________________________________________ ~ Apology: I originally wrote, "Woodrow Wilson's wife grazed sheep on front lawn of the White House." I'm sorry that typesetting inadvertently left out the word "sheep." ______________________________________________________ The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tony Torbert, 20 Merritt Island, Floriduh Craigslist Ads Sink Moronic Counterfeiter A 20-year-old man who allegedly manufactured phony $20 bills in his Florida bedroom is facing federal charges after investigators were tipped to a Craigslist ad he placed offering “Legit counterfeit $$,” according to court records. Tony Torbert is accused of running his counterfeiting operation from his family’s Merritt Island home, where agents last week seized an HP inkjet printer Torbert said he used to create the fake bills. When investigators arrested Torbert, he said, “I’m gonna go ahead and make it easy on you guys. The printer is in my bedroom,” according to a U.S. District Court complaint. Seen above, Torbert told agents that he worked alone and had been making counterfeit currency “since he was in high school.” Torbert estimated that he had produced $20,000 in phony bills over the past few months. Investigators allege that Torbert sought to move his fake paper via Craigslist posts advertising “Legit counterfeit $$. Serious customers only contact me.” Along with his phone number, Torbert noted that the the lowest price he could offer was $5000 in fake currency for $1500. After being tipped to the Craigslist ads, police arranged a series of buys from Torbert, who sold an undercover detective counterfeit bills, black tar heroin, and marijuana. The cop’s first buy from Torbert occurred in the parking lot of a church directly across the street from Torbert’s home. During a subsequent meeting, Torbert asked the undercover agent whether he could obtain a gun for him. In addition to hand-to-hand transactions, Torbert was apparently eying an online business expansion. In a January post to Reddit’s “Money" subreddit, he asked, “Can anyone help me get to the dark web or black market reloaded will pay cash.” He included the same cell phone number that was listed in the Craigslist ads. Black Market Reloaded was one of several popular marketplaces on the so-called dark web, where narcotics, weapons, counterfeit currency, fake IDs, and other illegal items were sold by vendors. Torbert, who has the word “Blessed” tattooed across his chest and neck, is free in advance of trial on felony counterfeiting and narcotics distribution charges (prosecutors did not seek his detention). He has been ordered to continue residing with his parents. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Efa Re: Inkscape Dear Webby, I started using Inkscape recently and think it might be easier than gimp. Definitely easier then blender. https://inkscape.org/en/ Efa Dear Efa It looks good, but I would definitely recommend to check, whether that program is accepted at the college of choice. Unfortunately, at many colleges it does not depend on how good a program is, but whether certain people get a kick-back or freebies. For home use Inkscape is probably more than good enough. And like GIMP, it is free. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch to be sure. ------ To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a commitee. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Has the Trash Been Picked Up? I live in a very nice manufactured home park. We put our trash out the night before like everyone else. However, they pick up the trash anywhere between 7am and 4pm. Sometimes it's hard to tell without multiple trips out to lift the lid. Now, by leaving a bit of the yellow or red bag handle out, I know when it's been picked up just by looking out the window. On blustery wet days, this is a real help. By Sandi/Poor But Proud [421] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two soldiers are late returning from their leave, and now they're standing before their sergeant: "How could you be late for two whole hours? What if a war broke out?" "Well, Sergeant, we went to the opera and we just got carried away with the performance." "Opera?!" the sergeant exclaims. "I know you turkeys got good and drunk, but I doubt you got drunk enough on YOUR salary to wind up in the opera!" _____________________________________________________ How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb? ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it? TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned- out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done! CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process. LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out. VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one millionth. LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you? SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order. SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes. AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so.... PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb? ____________________________________________________
Honza Bláha is an awesome horse trainer who teaches his horses without reins.

Today in 
1492 Christopher Columbus signed a contract with Spain to 
 find a passage to Asia and the Indies. 
1521 Martin Luther was excommunicated from the 
 Roman Catholic Church. 
1524 New York Harbor was discovered by Giovanni Verrazano. 
1535 Antonio Mendoza was appointed first viceroy of New Spain. 
1629 Horses were first imported into the colonies by the 
 American Massachusetts Bay Colony. 
1808 Napoleon I of France ordered the seizure of U.S. ships
 to break the trade blockade.
1810 Pineapple cheese was patented by Lewis M. Norton. 
1824 Russia abandoned all North American claims south of 54' 40'. 
1860 New Yorkers learned of a new law that required fire 
 escapes to be provided for tenement houses. 
1864 U.S. Civil War General Grant banned the trading of prisoners. 
1865 Mary Surratt was arrested as a conspirator in the 
 Lincoln assassination. 
1875 The game "snooker" was invented by Sir Neville Chamberlain. 
1895 China and Japan signed the Treaty of Shimonoseki. It was 
 the end of the first Sino-Japanese War. In the treaty China 
 ceded Taiwan to Japan. 
1941 Igor Sikorsky accomplished the first successful helicopter 
 lift-off from water near Stratford, CT. 
1946 The last French troops left Syria. 
1961 About 1,400 U.S.-supported Cuban exiles invaded Cuba at 
 the Bay of Pigs in an attempt to overthrow Fidel Castro. 
 It was an unsuccessful attack. 
1964 The Ford Motor Company unveiled its new Mustang model. 
1967 The U.S. Supreme Court barred Muhammad Ali's request 
 to be blocked from induction into the U.S. Army. 
1969 In Los Angeles, Sirhan Sirhan was convicted of 
 assassinating U.S. Senator Robert F. Kennedy. 
1970 Apollo 13 returned to Earth safely after an on-board 
 accident with an oxygen tank. 
1975 Khmer Rouge forces capture the capital of Cambodia, 
 Phnom Penh. It was the end of the five-year war. 
1983 In Warsaw, police routed 1,000 Solidarity supporters. 
1983 In New York, a transit strike that began on March 7 ended. 
19840 In London, demonstrators outside the Libyan Embassy were 
 fired upon from someone inside. Eleven people were injured and 
 an English Police woman was killed. 
1985 In Lebanon, the cabinet resigned as Shiites took W. Beirut. 
1987 In Sri Lanka, Tamil guerrillas killed 122 people in a 
 road ambush. 
1989 In Poland, courts gave Solidarity legal status. 
1993 A federal jury in Los Angeles convicted two former police 
 officers of violating the civil rights of beaten motorist 
 Rodney King. Two other officers were acquitted. 
2015  smiled.


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What kind of keyboard to pick 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, April 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Georgia Mother Accused Of 'Naked Twister Party' With 
Teen Daughter
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1943 In Basel, Switzerland, chemist Albert Hoffman accidently 
 discovered the the hallucinogenic effects of LSD-25 while 
 working on the medicinal value of lysergic acid.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) ______________________________________________________ A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so does my husband." He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me." ______________________________________________________ Jill wanted to convince Susan, a continually harried friend, that she needed to find ways to relax. She invited her to dinner and, while she was busy cooking, Susan agreed to watch her videotape on stress management and relaxation techniques. Fifteen minutes later, she came into the kitchen and handed Jill the tape. "It was good," she said, "but I don't need it." "But it's a 70-minute video," Jill replied. "You couldn't have watched the whole thing." "Yes, I did," Susan assured her. "I put it on fast-forward." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Fixer-Upper. Dish is already installed.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rachel Lynn Lehnardt, 35 Evans, Georgia Georgia Mother Accused Of 'Naked Twister Party' With Teen Daughter A mother in Evans, Georgia, is being accused of hosting a party for her teenage daughter that allegedly included naked Twister, consumption of pot and alcohol and culminated with the woman having sex with a 16-year-old male. Rachel Lynn Lehnardt, 35, was arrested Saturday night and charged with two counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. The charges stem from a wild party allegedly held a few weeks ago in her home, according to police reports. The suspect also has lost custody of her five children, ages 4, 6, 8, 10, and 16. The allegations were made by Lehnardt's Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor, who contacted the Columbia County Sheriff's Office after meeting with the suspect to discuss her future plans for sobriety, AugustaCrime.com reports. Lehnardt allegedly told her sponsor that her 16-year-old daughter texted asking if she could have friends over “to party,” according to a sheriff's report obtained by the Augusta Chronicle. Lehnardt reportedly agreed and allowed her daughter and friends to smoke pot and drink booze in her home. In addition, the Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor told investigators that Lehnardt participated in naked Twister with the teens, and showed them photos of herself having sex with her boyfriend. The Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor told authorities that Lehnardt confessed to having sex with an 18-year-old male in the bathroom during the naked Twister game. According to the sheriff's report, Lehnardt allegedly went to bed alone, but awoke around 3:30 when she felt someone having sex with her. "She stated at first she thought it was the 18-year-old from earlier, but then realized it was the 16-year-old who was in fact her daughter's boyfriend," Lehnardt's Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor told deputies. The sheriff's report then goes into shocking detail: "Mrs. Lehnardt told [the sponsor] she and her daughter had spoken later and that her daughter 'felt guilty because the 16-year-old was 10 inches long and huge, and if she had just been able to take it, he wouldn't have needed to rape her sleeping mother.'" This allegation sounds like rape but Sheriff's spokesman Capt. Steve Morris said no charges are pending against him. "Based on the investigation, there's no evidence the 16-year-old committed a crime," Morris told The Huffington Post. The report states the Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor goes to the same church as Lehnardt. The suspect allegedly belongs to a sexual addiction support group where she admitted to being a "sexual deviant" who is addicted to pornography. No confidentiality there either. A Sheriff's spokesman told AugustaCrime.com that Lehnardt was arrested partially based on the account given by her Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor. No sexual crime charges are being filed because 16 is the legal age of consent in her state. Lehnardt was released from the Columbia County Detention Center after posting a $3,200 bond, according to the Augusta News-Times. So much for confidentiality at Alcoholics Anonymous. This case permanently ruins their whole concept. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ruth Re: What kind of keyboard for my computer? Dear Webby, My keyboard is getting worn and needs to be replaced. It is on an HP computer, that I am not impressed with. Do I need an expensive HP keyboard, or will any keyboard do? Ruth Dear Ruth There are two basic types of keyboards. One type have the Windows flag on the second key from the left on the bottom row, the other type has an apple symbol. You need the type with a Windows button. With those keyboards there are again two types, those with and those without a numeric keypad on the right. Most definitely get one, that has the numeric keypad. The other ones may be shorter, but are a real nuissance. Amongst the ones with the numeric keypad, there are again two types: Wired and wireless. Wired never needs batteries, wireless needs batteries but never gets the cable tangled up. Personally, I prefer wired and don't have to worry about running out of battery. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ One day this old lady walks into the doctors office and is shown into a room. When the doctor comes in and asks what the problem is she answers, "I have awful gas, but it doesn't bother me. You see, it's completely silent, and doesn't smell at all." So the doctor, after examining her thoroughly gives her some pills and tells her to take one everyday and come back in a week. So the old lady comes back, and when the doctor asks if her problem is any better she replies, "Well I don't know what you gave me but now my gas smells terribly!" The doctor replies "Well now that we've got your sinuses cleared up let's work on your hearing!"' ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Razor Blade to Clean Glass Shower Doors Soap scum just flakes off into a powder by removing it with a single edge razor. Very simple. After years of spending money on chemicals for my shower doors, they are now clean! By frgarden [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ At the beginning of a children's sermon, one little girl came up to the alter wearing a beautiful dress. As the children are sitting down around the pastor, the pastor leans over and says to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?" The girl replies almost directly into the pastor's clip-on mike, "Yes. And my Mom says it's a son of a bitch to iron." _____________________________________________________ Sign at the church: Parking is for Church patrons only. Violators will be baptized. ____________________________________________________
Interesting and beautiful smoke drawings in glass bottles.

Today in 
0556 Pelagius I began his reign as Catholic Pope. 
1065 The Norman Robert Guiscard took Bari. Five centuries of 
 Byzantine rule in southern Italy ended. 
1705 Queen Anne of England knighted Isaac Newton. 
1746 The Duke of Cumberland defeated Bonnie Prince Charlie 
 (and his Jacobites) at the battle of Culloden. 
1818 The U.S. Senate ratified Rush-Bagot amendment to form 
 an unarmed U.S.-Canada border. 
1851 A lighthouse was swept away in a gale at Minot’s Ledge, MA. 
1854 San Salvador was destroyed by an earthquake. 
1883 Paul Kruger became president of the South African Republic. 
1905 Andrew Carnegie donated $10,000,000 of personal money 
 to set up the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching. 
1917 Vladimir Ilyich Lenin returned to Russia to start Bolshevik 
 Revolution after years of exile. 
1922 Annie Oakley shot 100 clay targets in a row, to set a 
 women's record. 
1943 In Basel, Switzerland, chemist Albert Hoffman accidently 
 discovered the the hallucinogenic effects of LSD-25 while 
 working on the medicinal value of lysergic acid. 
1944 The destroyer USS Laffey survived immense damage from 
 attacks by 22 Japanese aircraft off Okinawa. 
1947 The Zoomar lens, invented by Dr. Frank Back, was 
demonstrated in New York City. It was the first lens to 
exhibit zooming effects. 
1947 In Texas City, TX, the French ship Grandcamp, carrying 
ammonium nitrate fertilizer, caught fire and blew up. The 
explosions and resulting fires killed 576 people. 
1951 75 people were killed when the British submarine Affray 
 sank in the English Channel. 
1968 The Pentagon announced that troops would begin coming 
 home from Vietnam. 
1972 Apollo 16 blasted off on a voyage to the moon. It was 
 the fifth manned moon landing. 
1975 The Khmer Rouge Rebels won control of Cambodia after 
 five years of civil war. They renamed the country Kampuchea 
 and began a reign of terror. 
1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution in 
 effect. The act severed the last colonial links with Britain. 
1983 China shelled the Vietnam border in retaliation for raids. 
1983 Brazil detained four Libyan planes en route to Nicaragua 
 after finding weapons, explosives and ammunition on the planes. 
1987 The U.S. Patent Office began allowing the patenting of 
 new animals created by genetic engineering. 
1992 Italian financier Carlo de Benedetti and 32 others were 
 convicted of fraud in connection with the 1982 collapse of 
 Banco Ambrosiano. 
1995 The European Union and Canada agreed to protect threatened 
 fish stocks in the north Atlantic. 
1996 An Italian court found former Prime Minister Bettino Craxi 
 guilty on charges of corruption. He was sentenced to eight years 
 and three months in prison. 
1999 Wayne Gretzky announced his retirement from the National 
 Hockey League (NHL). 
2002 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned major parts of a 1996 
 child pornography law based on rights to free speech. 
2007 In Blacksburg, VA, a student killed 33 people at Virginia 
 Tech before killing himself. 
2015  smiled.


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Why a fancy painting program for college? 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, April 15

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Washington robber,who carried bag with dollar sign
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated in 
 Ford's Theater by John Wilkes Booth. He actually died 
 early the next morning. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) ______________________________________________________ >From Roland Letter to the IRS A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalm 51:2-4 (knowing my own hidden secrets) and Psalm 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the following letter to the IRS: "I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and I have enclosed a check for $150. If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest." ______________________________________________________ Bob took his 4 year old son, Josh, out to McDonald's for dinner one evening for a "guy night". As they were eating hamburgers, Josh asked "Daddy, what are these little things on the hamburger buns?" He responded that they were tiny seeds and were ok to eat. He was quiet for a couple of minutes and obviously in deep thought. Finally, Josh looked up and said, "Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in our backyard, we will have enough hamburgers to last forever." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kenneth Morgan Stancil III 20, Goldsboro, North Carolina Suspect in North Carolina college killing captured sleeping on beach The man accused of shooting and killing an employee at Wayne Community College in Goldsboro, North Carolina on Monday was arrested early Tuesday in Florida, police say. Kenneth Morgan Stancil III was arrested just after 1 a.m., after he was found sleeping on the beach in Daytona, Goldsboro police said, about 550 miles (885 kilometers) from Goldsboro. Kenneth Morgan Stancil III was arrested just after 1 a.m., after he was found sleeping on the beach in Daytona, Goldsboro police said, about 550 miles (885 kilometers) from Goldsboro, North Carolina. Volusia County Beach Patrol had approached him for violating the city's ordinance against sleeping on the beach. He had a knife, police said. He was taken into custody without incident. The shooting Monday took place on the third floor of a building on campus. The school was placed on lockdown. "This is not a random situation. It is an isolated situation," Maj. Tom Effler of the Wayne County Sheriff's Office said. The victim was Ron Lane, a longtime employee and the school's print shop operator, officials said. Stancil, a former student at the college, once worked for Lane. "This is indeed a sad day for Wayne Community College and this close family and community," school President Kay Albertson said Monday. While authorities were clearing out rooms, they deployed tear gas into a restroom someone was in, Effler said. The person inside turned out not to be the suspect. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dan Re: Why a fancy painting program for college? Dear Webby, Why wouldn't Microsoft paint be good enough for college? It does everything I need to do. Dan Dear Dan I realize that Microsoft Paint has improved a bit, but it is simply not in the same class as PSP, Photoshop or GIMP. Whith those programs you can do posters and even billboards, and you probably have come across unbelievable pictures like the ones from WORTH, showing animals with heads of other animals smoothly merged, or a certain, almost believable, birth certificate. You could not do that with Microsoft Paint. In college they have to learn how to make posters and billboards, and for that they need the right tools. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support: "What does it say?" Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an intel inside. How do I get that one out? ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Razor Blade to Clean Glass Shower Doors Soap scum just flakes off into a powder by removing it with a single edge razor. Very simple. After years of spending money on chemicals for my shower doors, they are now clean! By frgarden [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The pastor had launched into one of his "Best Ever"messages. He was about half done, at the 45-minute mark and just getting to the "good part," when a member of his congregation died. Rushing to his office, he dialed 911. When the ambulance arrived, the paramedics carried out 51 people before they finally got one who didn't wake up when they got him to fresh air. _____________________________________________________ >From Karolyn My boyfriend, Tim, a mechanic, does work for the Air Force Academy. One day, a guard asked, "Mind if our new guard dog practices sniffing your truck?" Tim obliged and the dog went to work. Amost immediately, it latched onto a scent and jumped into the truck bed, sniffing furiously. Tim grew nervous.There were no drugs, no weapons. What could this dog possibly be after? A few minuted later, the guard approached Tim. "Sorry," he said sheepishly. "Our dog ate your lunch." ____________________________________________________
I love to swing but don't think I want to swing over a canyon! I like the Groot Swing, that’s more my style.

Today in 
1813 U.S. troops under James Wilkinson attacked the Spanish-
 held city of Mobile that would be in the future state of Alabama. 
1858 At the Battle of Azimghur, the Mexicans defeated 
 Spanish loyalists. 
1861 U.S. President Lincoln mobilized the Federal army. 
1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln died from injuries 
 inflicted by John Wilkes Booth. 
1871 "Wild Bill" Hickok became the marshal of Abilene, Kansas. 
1892 The General Electric Company was organized. 
1899 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Portland Cement Company. 
1912 The ocean liner Titanic sank in the North Atlantic after 
 hitting an iceberg the evening before. 1,517 people died 
 and more than 700 people survived. 
1917 The British defeated the Germans at the battle of Arras. 
1919 British troops killed 400 Indians at Amritsar, India. 
1923 Insulin became generally available for people suffering 
 with diabetes. 
1934 In the comic strip "Blondie," Dagwood and Blondie 
 Bumstead welcomed a baby boy, Alexander. The child would 
 be nicknamed, Baby Dumpling. 
1940 French and British troops landed at Narvik, Norway. 
1945 During World War II, British and Canadian troops 
 liberated the Nazi concentration camp Bergen-Belsen. 
1948 The Arabs were defeated in the first Jewish-Arab battle. 
1952 The first B-52 prototype was tested in the air. 
1953 Charlie Chaplin surrendered his U.S. re-entry permit 
 rather than face proceedings by the U.S. Justice Department. 
 Chaplin was accused of sympathizing with Communist groups. 
1956 General Motors announced that the first free piston 
 automobile had been developed. 
1959 Cuban leader Fidel Castro began a U.S. goodwill tour. 
1967 Richard Speck was found guilty of murdering eight 
 student nurses. 
1983 Tokyo Disneyland opened. 
1986 U.S. F-111 warplanes attacked Libya in response to 
 the bombing of a discotheque in Berlin on April 5, 1986. 
1989 Students in Beijing launched a series of pro democracy 
 protests upon the death of former Communist Party leader 
 Hu Yaobang. The protests led to the Tienanmen Square massacre. 
1989 In Sheffield, England, 96 people were killed and hundreds 
 were injured at a soccer game at Hillsborough Stadium when 
 a crowd surged into an overcrowded standing area. Ninety-four 
 died on the day of the incident and two more later died from 
 their injuries. 
1994 The World Trade Organization was established. 
1998 Pol Pot died at the age of 73. The leader of the Khmer 
 Rouge regime thereby evaded prosecution for the deaths of 
 2 million Cambodians. 
1999 In Algeria, former Foreign Minister Abdelaziz Bouteflika 
 was elected president. All of the opposition candidates 
 claimed that the vote was fraudulent and withdrew 
 from the election. 
1999 In Rawalpindi, Pakistan, a panel of two Lahore High Court 
 judges convicted former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto and her 
 husband, Asif Ali Zardari, of corruption. 
2000 600 anti-IMF (International Monetary Fund) protesters were 
 arrested in Washington, DC, for demonstrating without a permit. 
2015  smiled.


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Graphics program for college 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, April 14

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Washington robber,who carried bag with dollar sign
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated in 
 Ford's Theater by John Wilkes Booth. He actually died 
 early the next morning. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain. --- Friedrich von Schiller (1759 - 1805) The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ A man dies and goes to heaven, and Saint Peter asks him what religion he belongs to. The man tells him, and Saint Peter says, "Oh, we have a lot of your kind here. In fact, we have a special room for all of you, so you can all be together." He leads the man down a long hallway with doors on either side. They pass one door and they hear a bunch of yelling and hollering inside. "Who's in that room?" the man asks. "Oh, those are the holy rollers," says Saint Peter. "They make a lot of noise but they're pretty harmless". They pass by another door which is nearly shaking off its hinges. "Who's in there?" the man asks. "That's the room for the Shakers," replies Saint Peter. Then they approach another door. Saint Peter whispers to the man, "We must be very quiet going past this door. Don't make a sound." They tiptoe past the door and when they get farther down the hallway the man asks Saint Peter who was in that room. "Oh, those are the Catholics. They think they're the only ones up here!" ______________________________________________________ A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be rather difficult." the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Eli Lingafelter, 20, Olympia, Washington Robber Carried Bag With Dollar Sign APRIL 10--When David Eli Lingafelter was arrested Wednesday for the robbery of a Subway restaurant in Olympia, Washington, he was carrying a white canvas bag with a large, handwritten dollar sign on it, police report. The bag--not unlike those seen in the hands of crooks in comics and cartoons--was tied to the front of Lingafelter’s pants when police nabbed the 20-year-old shortly after the sandwich shop heist. Police allege that Lingafelter entered the Subway wearing a white hat and a red bandana over his face, adding that he “reached into his pocket as if he had a weapon.” After directing a female employee to open the cash register and place her hands on her head, Lingafelter swiped $100 and the worker’s cell phone. While committing the robbery, Lingafelter warned the Subway employee not to “do anything funny,” police reported. Lingafelter was later apprehended hiding behind a dumpster at a nearby shopping center. A police search of the suspect turned up a knife, $100 in cash, and a phone matching the description of the one stolen from the Subway worker. Additionally, investigators noted, Lingafelter “also had a white canvas bag tied to the front of his pants that had a dollar sign printed on it.” As seen above, police photographed Lingafelter with the bag at his waist (and also took a closeup shot of the item). Lingafelter was booked on robbery and obstruction charges. He is being held in the Thurston County jail in lieu of $10,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Linda Re: Painting program Dear Webby, My daughter is going to college in the fall, and will need some kind of painting program. Do you know of one, that does not cost an arm and a leg, and that she can learn to use by fall? Thanks Linda Dear Linda I have used PaintShopPro since about 1990, and don't really need anything heavier. You can get older versions quite cheaply on eBay. If she needs total power for huge projects, then there is GIMP. (Gnu Image Manipulation Project) It is totally free and without ad ware, if you get it from GIMP directly: http://download.gimp.org http://www.gimp.org/downloads/ Many colleges and most universities use Linux. To download and install GIMP on Linux, type perl -MCPAN Some colleges specify Photoshop, because the staff get free copies if they insist their students get it, and because it is the only program the snobs know. Find out what the policy is at the college she plans to go to. GIMP is generally considered much more powerful than Photoshop, but because it can do so much, takes a bit of getting used to. There are, of course many more graphics programs, but most other ones beside those three, are not college and university level. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ My 10 yr old niece says her prayers every night and instead of amen she says:"Hit ENTER" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Coffee Filter for Freezing Chopped Bell Peppers Where I live, bell peppers can be rather expensive. I buy them only when they are on sale. I wash them, chop them, then spread them on a cookie sheet. I let a little fan blow on them for about half an hour. This reduces the surface moisture a bit, thereby reducing the formation of ice crystals when I freeze them. I still get enough ice crystals to cause the peppers to stick together. I found that if after doing the above, I place a coffee filter in the freezer bag and squeeze all air out before sealing, the peppers will have very little ice crystals on them, and all the little pieces will remain separate and even pourable. By likekinds [63] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ While Kathy is at her friend's house it starts to rain very heavily. Her friend tells her to spend the night at her house and go home the next day. When she hears this, Kathy rushes out the door and comes back a while later totally drenched and carrying a small, soggy paper bag. So her friend asks "Where did you run off too?" "I went home to get my pajamas!" _____________________________________________________ Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation". Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!" ____________________________________________________
The selfie thing sure has exploded, some of these are hilarious.

Today in 
1793 A royalist rebellion in Santo Domingo was crushed by 
 French republican troops. 
1860 The first Pony Express rider arrived in San Francisco 
 with mail originating in St. Joseph, MO. 
1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated in 
 Ford's Theater by John Wilkes Booth. He actually died 
 early the next morning. 
1894 First public showing of Thomas Edison's kinetoscope
1902 James Cash (J.C.) Penney opened his first retail store 
 in Kemmerer, WY. It was called the Golden Rule Store. 
1912 The Atlantic passenger liner Titanic, on its maiden 
 voyage hit an iceberg and began to sink. 1,517 people 
 lost their lives and more than 700 survived. 
1918 The U.S. First Aero Squadron engaged in America's 
 first aerial dogfight with enemy aircraft over Toul, France. 
1931 King Alfonso XIII of Spain went into exile and the 
 Spanish Republic was proclaimed. 
1946 The civil war between Communists and nationalist 
 resumed in China. 
1953 Viet Minh invaded Laos with 40,00 troops. 
1956 Ampex Corporation of Redwood City, CA, demonstrated the 
 first commercial magnetic tape recorder for sound and picture. 
1981 America's first space shuttle, Columbia, returned to Earth 
 after a three-day test flight. The shuttle orbited the Earth 
 36 times during the mission. 
1984 The Texas Board of Education began requiring that the 
 state's public school textbooks describe the evolution of 
 human beings as "theory rather than fact". 
1986 U.S. President Reagan announced the U.S. air raid on 
 military and terrorist related targets in Libya. 
1988 Representatives from the U.S.S.R., Pakistan, Afghanistan 
 and the U.S. signed an agreement that called for the 
 withdrawal of Soviet forces from Afghanistan starting on May 15. 
 The last Soviet troop left Afghanistan on February 15, 1989. 
1988 In New York, real estate tycoons Harry and Leona Helmsley 
 were indicted for income tax evasion. 
1994 Two American F-15 warplanes inadvertently shot down two 
 U.S. helicopters over northern Iraq. 26 people were killed 
 including 15 Americans. 
1998 The state of Virginia ignored the requests from the 
 World Court and executed a Paraguayan for the murder of 
 a U.S. woman. 
1999 Pakistan test-fired a ballistic missile that was capable 
 of carrying a nuclear warhead and reaching its rival 
 neighbor India. 
2002 Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez returned to office two days 
 after being arrested by his country's military. 
2008 Delta Air Lines and Northwest Airlines announced they were combining. 
2015  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, April 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Serial Train Masturbator Tetsuya Fukuda 
Admits Harassing More Than 100 Women
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1949 Philip S. Hench and associates announced that cortizone 
 was an effective treatment for rheumatoid arthritis. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you. --- Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) ______________________________________________________ >From Diana==== Dear Webby I really like it when you add personal bits to the jokes, not just pasting a few dumb jokes and a lot of commercials like the other lists do. My husband had told me about those long distance races, so I read today's Humor letter to him. He got all sentimental and dug out the old photo albums with the pictures of those Pick-Ups with the rock chips all over the windows, and the step-box with the gas drums, and all of them with a 2 by 4 sticking up in the left back corner. When I asked him about that, he just laughed and laughed and pointed at your humor letter. Eventually he told me that it was for holding on to, if one had to stand by the tailgate to empty the used coffee while the truck was flying down the gravel highway at 70 miles an hour. You guys are NUTS! ------- That was no big deal then, however, with todays slower but much more crowded traffic I would not recommend stunts like that. Also, standing at the tailgate for getting rid of used coffee into the big dust cloud that you trail when driving a gravel road at 70 miles per hour, was OK then. Doing the same today on a paved freeway would probably get you arrested in most states. We didn't ALWAYS drive at 70 mph, but the old Alaska Highway was very nicely banked in the corners and with a sloppy steering and the rear end drifting a bit, when going fast enough, it pulled you around the corners without turning the steering wheel. You sure can't do that on pavement! ______________________________________________________ A rich woman was giving a garden party with many wealthy guests in attendance. While the party was going on, two gardeners were doing yard work on the rear lawn. While one of the guests was watching him, one of the gardeners suddenly jumped into the air and performed numerous graceful swirling dance movements. The guest remarked to his hostess, "That man is such a talented dancer, I'd pay him $100 to dance before all of the guests!" When the hostess asked the head gardener about making such an arrangement, he yelled, "Hey Fred! Do you think for $100 you could step on that rake again?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Old wedding dresses make excellent winter camo
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tetsuya Fukuda 40, Tokyo, Japan Serial Train Masturbator Tetsuya Fukuda Admits Harassing More Than 100 Women Police in Japan arrested Tetsuya Fukuda, 40, on Thursday after matching his DNA to a sample of semen taken off of an 18-year-old schoolgirl's skirt in December, according to Asahi Shimbun. Once in custody, Fukuda admitted to doing the same thing to other women on the Japan Rail Sobu line about 2 or 3 times a month since 2011. He told police that he did it because he was "excited to be in close contact with women" on the crowded trains. Cops say he's suspected in more than 100 incidents. They theorize that Fukuda cut holes in his jacket pockets so he could discreetly touch himself, then apply his semen to victims. Perhaps what's most baffling in the case are the charges: Fukuda faces a charge of vandalism for damaging the skirt, according to TBS News. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Alexa Re: Links to other sites Dear Webby, I want to make a page with links to other sites, that I find interesting and want to share. How do i do that? Yesterday's links don't work for that. Alexa Dear Alexa Go to a site, that you want to link to, and copy the URL from the top address bar. For example http://webby.com/humor/ Then put <.a href=" (Without the period before the a < That is just so it shows here as text and not a link) before the URL like this: <.a href="http://webby.com/humor/ and add "> after it, then some description, like Humor Letter And then <./a> at the end. Total: <.a href="http://webby.com/humor/">Humor Letter<./a> If it doesn't work, check to see if you accidentally left that period in, or missed a " or a > HTML is right fussy about that. That is all there is to it. After the first few links, it goes easy. The nicest part of HTML is that you can write it with ANY basic text editor, even Notepad. No need to buy any program to compose it. And here is the most common HTML command: <.BR> (without the period, of course) BR stands for BReak. Line BReak. It breaks the line and starts a new line. Two BRs give you a line break and an empty line for a paragraph break. There IS a Paragraph command, but it's best to stay away from that. The Paragraph command needs to be turned off, AND, it turns off your font settings. So, for now avoid the Paragraph command, and stick with the BR command. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A man's car stalled on a country road. When he got out to try to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. "Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow. Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met the farmer. He told the farmer his story. "Was it a large brown cow with a white spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer. "Yes!" "Oh, I wouldn't listen to Bessie," said the Farmer. "She only knows tractors and diesels but doesn't really have a clue about gasoline engines." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Terra Cotta Lighthouse This terracotta lighthouse is just 2 large plant pots cemented together and painted, with a lantern on top. By patanthar ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The new preacher, at this first service, had a pitcher of water and a glass on the pulpit. As he preached,he drank until the pitcher of water was completely gone. After the service, someone asked an old woman of the church, "How did you like the new pastor?" "Fine," she said, "but he's first windmill I ever saw that was run by water." _____________________________________________________ One morning, while shaving, a fellow started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. "What's the matter?" she called out. "My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered. "Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?" ____________________________________________________
Houses and buildings disguised to look like they are not even there.

Today in 
1598 King Henry IV of France signed the Edict of Nantes which 
 granted political rights to French Protestant Huguenots. 
1759 The French defeated the European allies in Battle of Bergen. 
1829 The English Parliament granted freedom of religion to Catholics. 
1849 The Hungarian Republic was proclaimed. 
1860 The first mail was delivered via Pony Express when a westbound 
 rider arrived in Sacremento, CA from St. Joseph, MO. 
1861 After 34 hours of bombardment, the Union-held Fort Sumter 
 surrenders to Confederates. 
1916 The first hybrid seed corn was purchased for 15-cents a 
 bushel by Samuel Ramsay. 
1919 British forces killed hundreds of Indian nationalists in 
 the Amritsar Massacre. 
1933 The first flight over Mount Everest was completed by 
 Lord Clydesdale. 
1941 German troops captured Belgrade, Yugoslavia. 
1945 Vienna fell to Soviet troops. 
1949 Philip S. Hench and associates announced that cortizone 
 was an effective treatment for rheumatoid arthritis. 
1960 The first navigational satellite was launched into Earth's orbit. 
1961 The U.N. General Assembly condemned South Africa due to apartheid. 
1962 In the U.S., major steel companies rescinded announced price 
 increases. The John F. Kennedy administration had been applying 
 pressure against the price increases. 
1970 An oxygen tank exploded on Apollo 13, preventing a planned 
 moon landing. 
1976 The U.S. Federal Reserve introduced $2 bicentennial notes. 
1979 The world's longest doubles ping-pong match ended after 101 hours. 
1984 U.S. President Reagan sent emergency military aid to El Salvador 
 without congressional approval. 
1990 The Soviet Union accepted responsibility for the World War II 
 murders of thousands of imprisoned Polish officers in the Katyn Forest. 
 The Soviets had previously blamed the massacre on the Nazis. 
1998 Dolly, the world's first cloned sheep, gave natural birth to a 
 healthy baby lamb. 
1999 Jack Kervorkian was sentenced in Pontiac, MI, to 10 to 25 
 years in prison for the second-degree murder of Thomas Youk. 
 Youk's assisted suicide was videotaped and shown on "60 Minutes"
2002 Twenty-five Hindus were killed and about 30 were wounded when 
 grenades were thrown by suspected Islamic guerrillas near Jammu-Kashir. 
2002 Venezuela's interim president, Pedro Carmona, resigned a day 
 after taking office. Thousands of protesters had protested 
 over the ousting of president Hugo Chavez. 
2015  smiled.


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How difficult is it to write a web page? 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, April 12

We got a Chinook, but not a warm one. All the calories in 
it are spent evaporating the snow in the mountains. 
No timid melting, straight from snow and ice to vapor.
That makes the wind cold, but it doesn't cause floods.
Every time you look at the mountains, there a re more 
dark splotches, but the river is almost dry. 
Good!
So I walked with my parka and the hood up.

Next Chinook will be a hot one.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Wyoming Man Who Stole Train sentenced
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1861 Fort Sumter was shelled by Confederacy, starting 
 America's Civil War. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A person is always startled when he hears himself seriously called an old man for the first time. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894) ______________________________________________________ A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives alone. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. The farmer comes out and finding the politicians, buries them. The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?" The man answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie." ______________________________________________________ A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lillies. "Tch Tch!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?" The old man stood up, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?" The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Romania
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Derek Skyler Brux, 22, North Antelope, Wyoming Wyoming Man Who Stole Train sentenced A Wyoming man who stole a train from a coal mine and took it for a joyride because he was mad at his boss was sentenced Friday to serve probation and pay restitution. Derek Skyler Brux, 22, will be on supervised release for five years and pay over $63,000 to his employer, Rail Link, after unhitching a pair of engines last fall and speeding down a major rail line in the northeast part of the state. He crashed into a train at another mine after a short run, then backed up his locomotives and rammed it again. A miner stopped him by hitting an emergency fuel cutoff switch, and Brux was arrested a short time later. Brux pleaded guilty in January to a federal charge of "committing violence against railroad carriers," which is known in law enforcement circles as the "train wreck statute." It can carry a maximum penalty of 20 years in prison and a $250,000 fine. The October incident began when Brux received a call from his supervisor at the North Antelope Rochelle Mine, about 65 miles south of Gillette, which he said "sent me over the deep end." Available court records don't indicate what his supervisor said. Brux's lawyer, recently assigned to the case, also was unaware. BNSF supervisor Michael Spurlock testified by telephone that only luck prevented Brux's actions from causing a catastrophe. If switches on the mainline had been set a different way, the locomotives could have run into workers, he said. "This is at the very top of the list of things that could go wrong," Spurlock said. "And it's mind-boggling that somebody would do it intentionally." Brux apologized in court. "Something could have happened, and I look at that every day," he said. "And I wish I could take it back. That's all I have to say." U.S. District Judge Scott Skavdahl in Cheyenne told Brux to find ways to deal with his apparent anger mental health issues. Federal prosecutors said probation was appropriate and that allowing Brux to continue working would help ensure he pays his restitution. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lilly Re: How difficukt are web pages? Dear Webby, I know you have been mnaking web pages for over 20 years, and I have heard that you have made web pages as fast as somebody could explain their topic over Skype, but how difficult would it be for me? Thanks Lilly Dear Lilly Not difficult at all. Use Open Office WRITE to write your pages, then save them as HTML files. The first and main entrance page is named index.html, and in it you make links to the other pages, like this: <.a href="page2.html">Page 2<.a> (Without the period before the a < That is just so it shows here as text and not a link) If you want to get fancy, look at the free HTML course in the right side menu. Getting your site hosted is also no problem at all. The only challenge is trying to come up with some text and if possible some pictures about your topic. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Excuses, excuses... Philadelphia's Highway Patrol officers hear all kinds of creative excuses that drivers give for speeding. Here are some of the officers' favorites. By the way, none of them worked. A man told the officer he was rushing to the hospital because had been stung by a bee, and was allergic. "There's the bee right there," he said, pointing to his dashboard. The officer looked. The bee was not only dead, but in a advanced state of decomposition. A man was doing 70 mph on the shoulder of I-95, avoiding the bumper-to-bumper traffic. After a third of a mile, he was stopped by an officer. He jumped out of the car, brushing off his pants, and told the cop he had dropped a cigarette on his lap. "I was looking for a place to park," he explained. A speeder said that he and his wife were trying to have a baby. "My wife is ovulating," he told the officer. "I have to get home right now." An officer stopped a man doing 80 mph. When he asked the driver whether he had seen the speed-limit signs, the man responded, "I went by them so fast I probably missed them." A man going south on I-95 was stopped near Washington Avenue doing 79 mph. "My engine misses, and I'm trying to clean out the carburetor," he told the officer. For good measure, he added, "If I don't go this fast, my car won't go at all." "I'm due in traffic court," one speeder said. "If I'm late they're going to enforce the bench warrant." When an officer told a speeder that the speed limit on the Schuylkill Expressway was 50 mph, the driver responded, "Officer, where have you been? It's 65 now." One speeder said simply, "I'm trying to beat my wife home. I have to chase my secretary out before my wife gets there. Don't ask." An elderly person was stopped after doing 73 mph. When told he was getting a ticket, he asked the officer, "Is there a senior citizen's discount?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Discolored Stainless Steel Pans I find that using liquid bleach on the inside of my stainless steel pans removes tea stains immediately. You can add a little water if you'd like, but I just pour a small amount in the pan, swirl it around and dump it into the next pan with the stains and works great. I rinse the clean pan immediately so the bleaching will stop right away. By BonsterBonnie from Maryland ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel. One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes. When the first student had completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others. Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?" ----------- Sure is different from when I was a young driver. In those days the old Pick-Ups that youngsters drove, all had a step on the outside of the pick-up box. Especially on Cannonball ralleys or the Alcan 2000 Mile races where we carried a couple of drums of fuel on the back, the spare driver used to climb outside and into the box, siphon gas from the drum into the tank, then climb back into the cab on the drivers side and take over as the driver slid over to the passenger side. That was no big deal then, however, with todays slower but much more crowded traffic I would not recommend stunts like that. Also, standing at the tailgate for getting rid of used coffee into the big dust cloud that you trail when driving a gravel road at 70 miles per hour, was OK then. Doing the same today on a paved freeway would probably get you arrested in most states. _____________________________________________________ Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players. ____________________________________________________
Top 9 Mysterious Lost Worlds On Planet Earth

Today in 
1096 Peter the Hermit gathered his army in Cologne. 
1204 The Fourth Crusade sacked Constantinople. 
1606 England adopted the original Union Jack as its flag. 
1782 The British navy won its only naval engagement against 
 the colonists in the American Revolution at the Battle 
 of Saints, off Dominica. 
1799 Phineas Pratt patented the comb cutting machine. 
1811 The first colonists arrived at Cape Disappointment, 
 Washington. 
1833 Charles Gaylor patented the fireproof safe. 
1861 Fort Sumter was shelled by Confederacy, starting 
 America's Civil War. 
1864 Confederate Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest captured Fort 
 Pillow, in Tennessee and slaughtered the black Union 
 troops there. 
1892 Voters in Lockport, New York, became the first in the 
 U.S. to use voting machines. 
1911 Pierre Prier completed the first non-stop London-Paris 
 flight in three hours and 56 minutes. 
1916 American cavalrymen and Mexican bandit troops clashed 
 at Parrel, Mexico. 
1927 The British Cabinet came out in favor of women 
 voting rights. 
1938 The first U.S. law requiring a medical test for a 
 marriage license was enacted in New York. 
1944 The U.S. Twentieth Air Force was activated to begin 
 the strategic bombing of Japan. 
1945 In New York, the organization of the first eye bank, 
 the Eye Bank for Sight Restoration, was announced. 
1955 The University of Michigan Polio Vaccine Evaluation 
 Center announced that the polio vaccine of Dr. Jonas Salk 
 was "safe, effective and potent." 
1961 Soviet Yuri Alexeyevich Gagarin became first man to 
 orbit the Earth. 
1963 Police used dogs and cattle prods on peaceful civil 
 rights demonstrators in Birmingham, AL. 
1981 The space shuttle Columbia blasted off from Cape 
 Canaveral, FL, on its first test flight. 
1982 The British Navy began enforcing a blockade around 
 the Falkland Islands. 
1984 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Challenger made 
 the first satellite repair in orbit by returning the 
 Solar Max satellite to space. 
1984 Israeli troops stormed a bus that had been hijacked 
 the previous evening by four Arab terrorists. All the 
 passengers were rescued and 2 of the hijackers were killed. 
1985 U.S. Senator Jake Garn of Utah became the first senator 
 to fly in space.
1985 In Spain, an explosion in a restaurant near a U.S. base 
 killed 17 people. 
1985 Federal inspectors declared that four animals of the 
 Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus were not 
 unicorns. They were goats with horns that had been surgically 
 implanted. 
1987 Texaco filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy after it failed to 
 settle a legal dispute with Pennzoil Co. 
1988 Harvard University won a patent for a genetically altered 
 mouse. It was the first patent for a life form. 
1989 In the U.S.S.R, ration cards were issued for the first 
 time since World War II. The ration was prompted by a sugar 
 shortage. 
1993 NATO began enforcing a no-fly zone over Bosnia and 
 Herzegovina. 
2000 More than 1,500 anti-drug agents raided four cities 
 in Colombia and arrested 46 members of the "most 
 powerful" heroin ring. 
2000 Israel's High Court ordered the release of eight 
 Lebanese detainees that had been held for years without 
 a trial. 
2002 It was announced that the South African version of 
 "Sesame Street" would be introducing a character that 
 was HIV-positive. 
2015  smiled.


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Currently best browser for W7 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, April 11

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman who was in a terrible car 
accident but kept on drinking 
when the paramedics were trying 
to help her
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1803 A twin-screw propeller steamboat was patented by 
 John Stevens. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It was no wonder that people were so horrible when they started life as children. --- Kingsley Amis (1922 - 1995) ______________________________________________________ An Texan, a Scot and a Californian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the Texan, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the Texan, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Californian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew was back here." "That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the Texan, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Californian was waiting for the government to pay his." ______________________________________________________ >From a Utah highschool - A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities. - Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners. - In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah. - A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture See the look on the baby cheetah’s face!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tricia Kight, 41, Virginia Beach, Virginia Woman who was in a terrible car accident but kept on drinking when the paramedics were trying to help her Prosecutors in Virginia Beach said a woman was still drinking beer as paramedics tried to help her after a car accident. A judge sentenced 41-year-old Tricia Kight Wednesday for DUI and permanently injuring a victim. Back in October, Kight caused a crash on Shore Drive in Virginia Beach while on the way home from purchasing beer. Kight did not have the right of way and struck another vehicle. As EMS attempted to treat the serious injuries to Kight’s leg, she began drinking a beer, said police. The officer was able to pry the beer from her hand, but she reached for the case of beer on the floor and grabbed another. Kight will spend a year and 10 days in prison. After prison she will have to go to rehab and attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings three times a week. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Arthur Re: Which browser is best for W7 ? Dear Webby, I know Internet Explorer is not secure enough, but which of the other browsers is the Best one? Arthur Dear Arthur Firefox is safe but slow, and uses a lot of resources. Chrome is safe and fast, as long as you don't have too many tabs open. The days, when it was OK to have fifty tabs open, are definitely gone. That bogs down not just the browser, but the entire machine. Use the ONE TAB add-on, and whenever you get more than half a dozen tabs open, stash them in ONE TAB. It is free, and you can easily re-open any tab stashed in it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked "What is the Gross National Product?". The little boy pondered for a minute and replied "Spinach ? Broccoli ?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spring Lemon Loaf An easy cake mix recipe that yields sweet, but not too sweet; tart, but not too tart. 1 WWP dessert slices! Approximate Time: 75 minutes, including prep Yield: 36 slices Ingredients: 1 vanilla cake mix 1/4 box fresh squeezed lemon juice (Or you can use Real Lemon, I won't tell) 3/4 cup water 1 cup fat free lemon yogurt 4 6 oz. container egg whites (or two whole eggs) Steps: Let egg come to room temperature for best results. Combine all ingredients in a large bowl and whisk away! I used a square 10x10 inch cake pan. Spray with cooking spray, add in the batter, and bake at 350 degrees F for 50-60 minutes. Let cool for 30 minutes then slice it up. It made 36 slices. Source: adapted from Betty Crocker By Rae G. [11] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf has for men. Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and he told me I asked too many questions! Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask? Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions..like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?" _____________________________________________________ "So, your mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank Heaven he's in bed!" ____________________________________________________
Stunning panoramic photos from around the world. --- Thank heavens we didn’t get blown away last night. We had thunder, lightning and rain but no damaging winds. For a change we didn’t even lose power. We usually do in storms like that. The worst storms went north and south of us. I feel for all the people who lost everything in the tornadoes. Barb

Today in 
1512 The forces of the Holy League were heavily defeated 
 by the French at the Battle of Ravenna. 
1689 William III and Mary II were crowned as joint 
 sovereigns of Britain. 
1783 After receiving a copy of the provisional treaty on 
 March 13, the U.S. Congress proclaimed a formal end to 
 hostilities with Great Britain. 
1803 A twin-screw propeller steamboat was patented by 
 John Stevens. 
1814 Napoleon was forced to abdicate his throne. The 
 allied European nations had marched into Paris on March 30, 
 1814. He was banished to the island of Elba. 
1876 The stenotype was patented by John C. Zachos. 
1898 U.S. President William McKinley asked Congress for a 
 declaration of war with Spain. 
1899 The treaty ending the Spanish-American War was 
 declared in effect. 
1921 Iowa became the first state to impose a cigarette tax. 
1921 The first live sports event on radio took place this 
 day on KDKA Radio. The event was a boxing match between 
 Johnny Ray and Johnny Dundee. 
1941 German bombers blitzed Conventry, England. 
1945 U.S. troops reached the Elbe River in Germany. 
1945 During World War II, American soldiers liberated the 
 Nazi concentration camp of Buchenwald in Germany. 
1951 U.S. President Truman fired General Douglas MacArthur 
 as head of United Nations forces in Korea. 
1961 Israel began the trial of Adolf Eichman, accused of 
 World War II war crimes. 
1968 U.S. President Johnson signed the 1968 Civil Rights Act. 
1970 Apollo 13 blasted off on a mission to the moon that was 
 disrupted when an explosion crippled the spacecraft. The 
 astronauts did return safely. 
1979 Idi Amin was deposed as president of Uganda as rebels 
 and exiles backed by Tanzanian forces seized control. 
1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan returned to the White House 
 from the hospital after recovering from an assassination 
 attempt on March 30. 
1981 In the Brixton area of London, a race riot erupted that 
 resulted in the injury of more than 300 people. 
1984 China invaded Vietnam. 
1985 Scientists in Hawaii measured the distance between the 
 earth and moon within one inch. 
1986 Dodge Morgan sailed solo nonstop around the world in 150 days. 
1986 In Groton, CT, the submarine Nautilus exhibit opened to the public. 
1996 Forty-three African nations signed the African Nuclear Weapons 
 Free Zone Treaty. 
2001 China agreed to release 24 crewmembers of a U.S. surveillance 
 plane. The EP-3E Navy crew had been held since April 1 on Hainon, 
 where the plane had made an emergency landing after an in-flight 
 collision with a Chinese fighter jet. The Chinese pilot was missing 
 and presumed dead. 
2007 Apple announced that the iTunes Store had sold more than two 
 million movies. 


2015  smiled.


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Ezinefinder is still down 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, April 10
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Teen Attacked Paramedic Who Stopped Ambulance Sex Session
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1912 The Titanic left from Southampton, England. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Happiness depends upon ourselves. --- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC) About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age. --- Gloria Pitzer Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) "A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them." --- P. J. O'Rourke ______________________________________________________ Three churches - Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian - worked together to sponsor a community-wide revival. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained 6 new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!" ______________________________________________________ The good bishop knew very well that not only did everyone in his small town look to him for an example, but that all too often, all eyes were on him as potential fodder for the local gossip mill, as well. This could be wearing; but usually, he was able to provide the good example and escape the tattlers. One night, however, after a long, hard day, a social obligation beckoned on top of his church responsibilities, and he came to a sudden stopping place. His hostess, noting that he looked tired, asked with concern, "A spot of tea, Bishop?" "No, thank you," he managed. "No tea." "Ah," she said. "Coffee, then?" "No coffee either, thank you." In the spirit of triage, she leaned closer and murmured, "I could bring you a scotch and soda in a dark mug?" "My dear, this is my last word: NO soda." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kyle Hargreaves, 18, Grimsby, England Teen Attacked Paramedic Who Stopped Ambulance Sex Session A teen who was trying to have sex in an ambulance will spend nearly three years behind bars for attacking paramedics who wanted to use the vehicle for official business. Kyle Hargreaves, 18, of Grimsby, England, was sentenced last week for the Feb. 15 assault and for violating an anti-social behavior order, according to the Grimsby Telegraph. He also admitted robbing a crate of beer from a store on the same day. The incident began when paramedics responded to the home of a 92-year-old man suffering from chest pains. The crew members left open the back doors of the ambulance when they went to retrieve him. When they returned, they found Hargreaves and a female companion making out on a stretcher, the Lincolnshire Echo reports. Hargreaves yelled, "What's your problem? We are just trying to have sex," according to the North Devon Journal. Hargreaves then punched paramedic Michael Newman three times in the face and spat blood and saliva on him. The female suspect also bit the hand of technician William Heron, according to court testimony. The ambulance crew, which was waiting outside the vehicle with the patient, contacted police with a panic button on one of their radios. Police then arrested Hargreaves while a separate crew arrived to take the elderly man to the hospital. He didn't suffer any ill effects from the delay. One medic stayed behind to treat paramedic Newman for a black eye, some cuts and a bleeding nose, the Mirror reports. Hargreaves' partner was not identified. It wasn't immediately clear whether she faced any charges. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Many Re: Ezinefinder To all the good people, who wrote about not being able to vote or get to http://ezinefinder.com or get any replies to emails: Dear Friends There is absolutely nothing I can do about that. I don't get answers from them either. Maybe they only answer Mac users? I don't know. Keep trying to write to lewis@cumuli.com support@cumuli.com cumuli@cumuli.com or try their email form at http://www2.thriftyfun.com/about/contact.lasso Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Six-year-old Angie and her 4-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two big guys in gangster suits standing by the door? They're hushers." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Magic Eraser for Removing Dye On Hands A Mr. Clean Magic Eraser works great! They are also good if you get tanning lotion or spray on your hands and they turn orange. By shanita2 [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom and dad have one," the other replied. "What's it for?" asked the first boy. "I don't know," the second boy answered. "But if grown-ups stand on it, don't go near them for ten minutes. That thing makes them mad." _____________________________________________________ The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" The teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and then some poor, innocent kid has to memorize all about it and remember it until the next exam." ____________________________________________________
I love trees of all kinds.

Today in 
1741 Frederick II of Prussia defeated Maria Theresa's forces 
 at Mollwitz and conquered Silesia. 
1790 The U.S. patent system was established. 
1809 Austria declared war on France and its forces entered 
 Bavaria. 
1814 Napoleon was defeated at the Battle of Toulouse by 
 the British and the Spanish. The defeat led to his abdication 
 and exile to Elba. 
1825 The first hotel opened in Hawaii. 
1849 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. He sold the rights 
 for $100. 
1865 During the American Civil War, at Appomattox, General 
 Robert E. Lee issued his last order. 
1902 South African Boers accepted British terms of surrender. 
1912 The Titanic left from Southampton, England. 
1919 In Mexico, revolutionary leader Emiliano Zapata was 
 killed by government troops. 
1922 The Genoa Conference opened. The meeting was used to 
 discuss the punishment opf the losers of Europe after 
 World War I. 
1930 The first synthetic rubber was produced. 
1932 Paul von Hindenburg was elected president of Germany 
 with 19 million votes. Adolf Hitler came in second with 
 13 million votes. 
1938 Germany annexed Austria. 
1941 In World War II, U.S. troops occupied Greenland to 
 prevent Nazi infiltration. 
1941 Ford Motor Co. became the last major automaker to 
 recognize the United Auto Workers as the representative 
 for its workers. 
1944 Russian troops recaptured Odessa from the Germans. 
1945 German Me 262 jet fighters shot down ten U.S. bombers 
 near Berlin. 
1959 Japan's Crown Prince Akihito married commoner Michiko Shoda. 
1963 129 people died when the nuclear-powered submarine USS Thresher 
 failed to surface off Cape Cod, MA. 
1968 U.S. President Johnson replaced General Westmoreland with 
 General Creighton Abrams in Vietnam. 
1972 An earthquake in southern Iran killed more than 5,000 people. 
1973 In Switzerland, 108 people died when a plane crashed while 
 attempting to land at Basel. 
1980 Spain and Britain agreed to reopen the border between Gibraltar 
 and Spain. It had been closed since 1969. 
1981 Imprisoned IRA hunger striker Bobby Sands was elected to the 
 British Parliament. 
1984 The U.S. Senate condemned the CIA mining of Nicaraguan harbors. 
1990 Three European hostages kidnapped at sea in 1987 by Palestinian 
 extremists were released in Beirut. 
1992 A bomb exploded in London's financial district. The bomb, set 
 off by the Irish Republican Army, killed three people and injured 91. 
1994 NATO warplanes launched air strikes for the first time on 
 Serb forces that were advancing on the Bosnian Muslim town of 
 Gordazde. The area had been declared a U.N. safe area. 
1996 U.S. President Clinton vetoed a bill that would have outlawed 
 a technique used to end pregnancies in their late stages. 
1998 Negotiators reached a peace accord on governing British 
 ruled Northern Ireland. Britain's direct rule was ended. 
1999 The www.June4.org web site was launched by Chinese dissidents
2001 Jane Swift took office as the first female governor of 
 Massachusetts. She succeeded Paul Cellucci, who had resigned 
 to become the U.S. ambassador to Canada. 
2001 The Netherlands legalized mercy killings and assisted suicide 
 for patients with unbearable, terminal illness. 
2009 In Fiji, President Josefa Iloilo suspended the nation's 
 Constitution, dismissed all judges and constitutional appointees 
 and assumed all governance in the country. 
2015  smiled.


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Humor: Zoom for web pages 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, April 9
Thank you, Gene!
Thank you Michael!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Naked WV woman attempts to 
rob convenience store 
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1962 The Russian newspaper "Pravda" warned youths about the 
 dangers of twisting. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I know nothing about sex because I was always married. --- Zsa Zsa Gabor (1919 - ) I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. --- Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004) ______________________________________________________ >From Annette A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened. The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's' teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up... ______________________________________________________ In the mid 60's a US Navy cruiser put in to port in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner: "Dear Captain, Thursday, will be my daughter Melinda's coming of age party. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation and dance with lovely young ladies. One last point: No Jews - We don't like Jews." Sure enough, at 8 PM on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door which she opened to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely mannered, smiling BLACK officers. Her lower jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she stammered, "There must be some mistake." "Madam," said the first officer, "Captain Aaron Goldstein doesn't make mistakes." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Carole for sending this picture by her son Danial Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Drema Setliff, 30, Charleston, West Virginia Naked WV Woman Attempts To Rob Convenience Store A woman in Charleston, West Virginia, accused of attempted robbery didn’t have to be strip-searched: She was already naked. Police got a call early Thursday morning about a robbery at the One Stop convenience store at the same time they were responding to a call about a naked woman in a nearby parking lot, according to MyFoxDC. Turns out, the One Stop was really one stop to solve both complaints: Officers found a naked woman later identified as Drema Setliff, 30, hiding in the store's electrical closet. Witnesses told police that Setliff walked into the convenience store carrying the towel, grabbed the female clerk by the hair and demanded that she open the safe, the Charleston Daily Mail reports. A witness opened the store door so the cowering clerk could flee. The unidentified witness stayed until deputies arrived. For reasons that are unclear, Setliff stayed and hid in an electrical closet where deputies found her, according to WOWK TV. Setliff allegedly told the deputies, "Take me to jail," according to the Associated Press. Setliff was carrying a towel, but not using it to hide her naked body, according to Corporal Brian Humphreys of the Kanawha County Sheriff’s Department. “But from what I understand it wasn’t being used to cover her. She was just holding it,” he told WVMetroNews.com. Humphreys suspects drugs or alcohol may have been involved, according to WVGazette.com. They did as requested, and booked her on charges of robbery. Authorities attempted to arraign Setliff on Thursday morning, but she came in crying and refused to talk to the judge, WSAZ TV reports. The court will try it again on Friday and her bond will be set at $50,000. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mariah Re: Font size Dear Webby, Why is my Humor letter suddenly in a tiny font, that I can't read without my magnifying glass? Can you please fix that? Mariah Dear Mariah You can change font sizes easily by holding down the CTRL key and rolling the scroll wheel on top of the mouse. Apparently somebody did that on your computer and turned the scroll wheel in the wrong direction. Just crank it back to where you see a comfortable to read font size. On correctly written pages like the Humor Letter at http://webby.com/humor even the pictures zoom with that method. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ From High School Exams: 1. Chemistry: Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. 2. Biology: The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u. 3. Sex Ed: To prevent contraception: wear a condominium. 4. First Aid: For drowning, climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dawn Dishwashing Soap for Fleas Dawn Dishwashing Soap is a very effective way of ridding your dogs and cats of fleas. Don't ask me why, but if you wash them with it and leave it on for 5 minutes, the fleas will just fall off when you rinse them. By James F. [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Woman 1: Did you get a new haircut? Woman 2: Yes, I did. Thanks for noticing. W1: Oh! That's so cute! W2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure after my hairdresser gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking? W1: Oh no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. W2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. W1: Oh, that's funny! I would love to have your neck! W2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier. MEANWHILE.... Man 1: Got your ears lowered ? Man 2: Yeah, it's getting warmer outside. Man 1: Sure is. Guess it's time to tune up the lawn mower. Man 2: You get the beer, I'll bring the tools. _____________________________________________________ While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "Really?" said the tourist. The beachcomber added, "The sharks got 'em." ____________________________________________________
This blew me away! What a voice for a nine year old!

Today in 
1672 Composer Andre-Cardinal Destouches was born. 
1956 Paramount Pictures signed Elvis Presley to a three
 movie deal. 
1962 The Russian newspaper "Pravda" warned youths about the 
 dangers of twisting. 
1963 The Kingsmen recorded their version of the song "Louie Louie." 
1983 U.S. Interior Secretary James Watt banned the Beach Boys 
 from the 4th of July celebration on the Washington Mall. He 
 said rock 'n' roll bands attract the "wrong element." 
1990 Tommy Lee (Motley Crue) suffered a mild concussion in 
 New Haven, CT. when he fell after swinging from scaffolding 
 above his elevated drum kit. 
1998 A group of 27 country artists filed suit against Los 
 Angeles resident Jim Salmon who registered the names of 
 the plaintiffs as Website domain names. 
2015  smiled.


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Control the sound of the Internet 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, April 8

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman Runs Over Sex Offender Boyfriend 
After He Attempts To Molest Child
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1953 The bones of Sitting Bull were moved from North Dakota to South Dakota.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
No tyranny is so irksome as petty tyranny: the officious demands of policemen, government clerks, and electromechanical gadgets. --- Edward Abbey (1927 - 1989) ______________________________________________________ We need some other words for "death." The old ones are outdated. It's trite to say, "Ed's passed away." Just say, "He's pearly-gated." ______________________________________________________ Many years ago, Alex's father was visiting America from Albania for the very first time. He said he wanted to go with him to the supermarket, so he invited him along. As he went up & down the aisles at the local Giant Food Store, he constantly asked questions about products he saw. "Vas diss?? Powdered orange juice??" . Alex said, "Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange juice." A few minutes later, in a different aisle, dad blurted out, "Und vas dis?? Powdered milk?" . "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!" A few minutes later, in a different aisle, my dad yelled out, "Und give a look here!! Baby Powder!! Vhat a country, vhat a country!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Horsetail Falls, Yosemite
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James Oliver 48, Noblesboro, Maine Woman Runs Over Sex Offender Boyfriend After He Attempts To Molest Child A Maine sex offender accused of trying to sexually assault a little girl was hospitalized after his girlfriend allegedly ran him down with her car. The Lincoln County Sheriff's office said Linda Currier and James Oliver had been drinking late Saturday night when Currier, 53, discovered boyfriend Oliver, 48, attempting to have sex with a 12-year-old girl in a home, WCSH reports. "We can't tell too many details about the case, there were other adults at the residence or in the residence so she wasn't completely alone in this particular situation," Sheriff Todd Bracket told the station. Oliver is a registered lifetime sex offender, records show. He was previously convicted of sexual abuse of a minor and rape. A fight broke out after Currier caught James Oliver trying to molest the girl, according to the Portland Press Herald. Officers were called to the house after someone reported a domestic disturbance. They arrived to find Oliver lying in the driveway. Currier had allegedly gotten in her car and run over the convicted rapist. Currier was charged with drunk driving and aggravated assault. She was later released. Oliver was treated at a hospital for a serious leg injury before being taken to jail, where he was charged with gross sexual assault, unlawful sexual touching and failing to comply with the sex offender registration act. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Emma Re: Volume of the Internet (This is an old one from 2001) The music on the postcards is not as loud as it used to be. You must have turned down the volume if the Internet. Please correct your mistakes immediately and turn up the Internet where it is supposed to be so that I can hear it properly! Marcy==== Hi Emma The volume control is in the little speaker icon on your task bar. If that is turned up, check for the setting on your speakers, or if there is maybe a short circuit between your earphones. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ John brought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner. As they arrived at the door his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and kissed him passionately. "My goodness", said Peter, "and how long have you been married?" "22 years", replied John. "You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that after all those years." "Don't be fooled! She only does it to make the dog jealous." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No Sew Tin Can Pincushion I've been needing a pincushion for sewing and thought I could probably make it with supplies I already had. It was simple and quick, and it works wonderfully! I was pleased with the fact that I re-purposed the can into something else. Approximate Time: About 20 minutes Supplies: 1 small tin can, from tuna, chiles, etc. scrap paper glue scrap piece of material pillow stuffing or batting glue gun scissors Steps: Take the wrapper off of your can. Measure the width of your can and cut a strip to cover the outside. Use glue, a glue stick, or modge podge to apply the paper. Let dry. Get a handful of pillow stuffing or batting. Make a ball out of it. Cut a strip from your fabric to tie the fabric around the batting. Wrap your fabric around the batting. Tie it tightly with your strip of fabric. Cut the excess fabric off. Put a bunch of hot glue on the inside of your can. Put the pincushion into the can, pushing it in as much as possible. Enjoy your new pincushion! By Becky [44] Amazing! And there I have been using an old sock with a hole in the heel, folded into a tight ball. Not as pretty, but it has worked well for a few decades already. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A generously endowed young lady at a major university often got teased by her sorority sisters for being so top-heavy. At a fraternity party, a young man asked her what she would like to drink. "Diet soda, please," she replied. "Oh, you must be the double D." he said. The girl was furious, wondering which of her so-called friends had divulged such personal information. "And just what do you mean by that?" she snapped. Surprised at her angry response, the young man meekly answered, "Oh, you know -- the Designated Driver, just soda, no booze." _____________________________________________________ A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, as chubby as a pumpkin, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "No, I don't want THAT one back. I want the next one!" ____________________________________________________
Technology is happening so fast I can barely keep up with it.

Today in 
1513 Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain. 
1525 Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic Order, 
 assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the first laws 
 of the Protestant church, making Prussia a Protestant state. 
1832 About 300 American troops of the 6th Infantry left 
 Jefferson Barracks, St. Louis, to confront the Sauk Indians 
 in the Black Hawk War. 
1873 Alfred Paraf patented the first successful oleomargarine. 
1939 Italy invaded Albania. 
1942 The Soviets opened a rail link to the besieged city of Leningrad. 
1952 U.S. President Truman seized steel mills to prevent a nationwide strike. 
1953 The bones of Sitting Bull were moved from North Dakota to South Dakota. 
1962 Bay of Pigs invaders got thirty years imprisonment in Cuba. 
1985 India filed suit against Union Carbide for the Bhopal disaster. 
1985 Phyllis Diller underwent a surgical procedure for permanent eyeliner 
 to eliminate the need for eyelid makeup. 
1986 Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of Carmel, CA. 
1990 In Nepal, King Birendra lifted the 30-year ban on political parties. 
1992 In Britain, the last issue of "Punch Magazine" was published. 
1994 Smoking was banned in the Pentagon and all U.S. military bases. 
2002 Ed McMahon filed a $20 million lawsuit against his insurance company, 
 two insurance adjusters, and several environmental cleanup contractors. 
 The suit alleged breach of contract, negligence and intentional infliction 
 of emotional distress concerning a toxic mold that had spread through 
 McMahon's Beverly Hills home. 
2015  smiled.


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Intel Compute Stick 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, April 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Montana woman accused of huffing while 
driving with 5-month-old in vehicle
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1712 A slave revolt broke out in New York City. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave. --- Sir William Drummond ______________________________________________________ >From Walter , the Stone Carver Two policemen called the station on radio. Patrol 721 to headquarters This is headquarters - go ahead We have a situation here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean. Have you arrested the woman? "No sir. The floor is still wet." ______________________________________________________ I met a nun I really liked once... I think she liked me too, 'cause she said "You can kiss me, just don't get in the habit" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christian Noel Costa, 22, Billings, Montana Montana woman accused of huffing while driving with 5-month-old in vehicle A Billings woman was arrested for huffing while driving with a 5-month-old child in the backseat Thursday. Christian Noel Costa, 22, appeared by video in Yellowstone County Justice Court from the Yellowstone County Detention Facility on Friday. Billings police received a report of a possible drunken driver just before 6 p.m. near Sixth Avenue North and North 27th Street. The caller told police that the female driver of a silver SUV was huffing air duster and was in a hit-and-run crash. The SUV crashed into temporary fencing, pushing it back about six feet. It then continued traveling west, nearly striking a parked car. The vehicle then sat through four stoplight cycles, court documents say. An officer arrived at the vehicle, located by an off-duty Yellowstone County Sheriff’s deputy, stopped in traffic at Sixth Avenue North and North 30th Street. The deputy had retrieved a can of air duster from the driver, who was identified as Costa. She told police she was driving from the Heights to the West End to pick up her brother, and said she was being irresponsible and huffing while driving, calling herself a “junkie,” documents say. Police found several cans of air duster in the car, some empty, and found three Adderall capsules in Costa’s pockets. Officers on the scene made arrangements for the child’s care. Costa was charged with felony criminal endangerment, felony criminal possession of dangerous drugs, driving under the influence of drugs and driving with a license suspended or revoked. Justice of the Peace Pedro R. Hernandez set bond at $7,500 and ordered her to appear in district court April 10. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Oscar Re: Compute Stick Dear Webby, What's the news about the Intel Compute stick? I heard that it will be available soon, but nobody knows exactly when, just that it will be fantastic. What do you know about it? Oscar Dear Oscar I used to work at Oscar's Electric in Whitehorse, Yukon, rebuilding motors, generators and welders until the economy dived and we ran out of work. The Intel Compute stick will be $150 with Windows 8.1 or $110 with Linux Ubuntu. It plugs into the USB port of any modern monitor or TV. You need a modem/router with wireless antenna, and a wireless keyboard and mouse. It comes with an Atom quad-core processor, 2GB of RAM, 32GB of storage and 802.11b/g/n Wi-Fi. While 2 GB of Ram is probably skimpy for Windows 8.1, it is more than enough for Linux. It looks like a fat USB plug, mostly because it has two USB sockets, one for getting power and one for connecting a big external hard drive. Newegg is listing a release date of April 24 for both models, Apparently you can pre-order it online to bypass the waiting line, that will probably start mid April. I expect demand to be very high. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A young man had just graduated from Harvard and was so excited just thinking about his future. He gets into a taxi and the driver says, "How are you on this lovely day?" "I'm Bob, Class of 2015, just graduated from Harvard and I just can't wait to go out there and see what the world has in store for me." The driver looks back to shake the young man's hand and says, "Congratulations, I'm Mitch, Class of 1979." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stinky Shoes Use regular kosher salt or any salt. Just sprinkle in shoes after heavy use, then wear with socks or without. It will kill the odor. Repeat if necessary. If all else fails you need to just toss the shoe. By On Point [1] Salt will damage the shoe and can hurt your feet. Stuff regular newspaper into the shoes. 90% of them will smell clean the next morning. For the remaining 10%, spray them with Simple Green, and then stuff them with newspaper. That works even with thoroughly abused hiking and climbing boots. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Late one night in the capitol city a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!" "In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!" _____________________________________________________ Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business. "Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina. "That 96' beauty belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there 104' is owned by the head of Goldman, Sachs. And look at that huge 210' yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache." His friend Morris was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face. "What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "I was just wondering," Morris said. "Why aren't there any customers' yachts?" ____________________________________________________
These people are awesome! What balance and body control they have.

Today in 
1712 A slave revolt broke out in New York City. 
1864 The first camel race in America was held in Sacramento, 
 California. 
1922 U.S. Secretary of Interior leased Teapot Dome naval oil 
 reserves in Wyoming. 
1930 The first steel columns were set for the Empire State Building. 
1933 Prohibition ended in the United States. 
1943 British and American armies linked up between Wadi Akarit 
 and El Guettar in North Africa to form a solid line against 
 the German army. 
1945 The Japanese battleship Yamato, the world’s largest 
 battleship, was sunk during the battle for Okinawa. The fleet 
 was headed for a suicide mission. 
1953 IBM unveiled the IBM 701 Electronic Data Processing 
 Machine. It was IBM's first commercially available scientific 
 computer. 
1963 Yugoslavia proclaimed itself a Socialist republic. 
1963 Josip Broz Tito was proclaimed to be the leader of 
 Yugoslavia for life. 
1966 The U.S. recovered a hydrogen bomb it had lost off 
 the coast of Spain. 
1967 Israel reported that they had shot down six Syrian MIGs. 
1969 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously struck down laws 
 prohibiting private possession of obscene material. 
1970 John Wayne won his first and only Oscar for his role 
 in "True Grit." He had been in over 200 films. 
1971 U.S. President Nixon pledged to withdraw 100,000 more 
 men from Vietnam by December. 
1980 The U.S. broke diplomatic relations with Iran and imposed 
 economic sanctions in response to the taking of hostages 
 on November 4, 1979. 
1983 Specialist Story Musgrave and Don Peterson made the first 
 Space Shuttle spacewalk. 
1983 The Chinese government canceled all remaining sports and 
 cultural exchanges with the U.S. for 1983. 
1985 The Soviet Union announced a unilateral freeze on 
 medium-range nuclear missiles. 
1988 Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev agreed to final terms of 
 a Soviet withdrawal from Afghanistan. Soviet troops began 
 leaving on May 16, 1988. 
1988 In Fort Smith, AR, 13 white supremacists were acquitted 
 on charges for plotting to overthrow the U.S. federal government. 
1989 A Soviet submarine carrying nuclear weapons sank in the 
 Norwegian Sea. 
1990 In the U.S., John Poindexter was found guilty of five counts 
 at his Iran-Contra trial. The convictions were later reversed 
 on appeal. 
1998 Mary Bono, the widow of Sonny Bono, won a special election 
 to serve out the remainder of her husband's congressional term. 
1999 Yugoslav authorities sealed off Kosovo's main border crossings 
 to prevent ethnic Albanians from leaving. 
2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the Senior Citizens Freedom 
 to Work Act of 2000. The bill reversed a Depression-era law 
 and allows senior citizens to earn money without losing 
 Social Security retirement benefits. 
2006 The Boeing X-37 conducted its first flight as a test drop 
 at Edwards Air Force Base, CA. 
2009 Former Peruvian President Alberto Fujimori was sentenced 
 to 25 years in prison for ordering killings and kidnappings 
 by security forces. 
2015  smiled.


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Lack of Internet speed 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, April 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Pennsylvania teacher gets 30 days 
for sex with gossipy student
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1652 Jan van Riebeeck established a settlement at Cape Town, 
 South Africa.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. --- Lily Tomlin (1939 - ) ______________________________________________________ >From Max My wife doesn't complain often, but once she was having a old-fashioned "heart-to-heart" with me and said, "Hon, you never listen to me. Every time I try to talk to you, you get this far-away look in your eyes after only a few seconds. Please promise me you'll try to work on that." The last thing I remember was replying, "I'm sorry, what was that you were saying?" ______________________________________________________ The West Texas farmer had been taken so many times by the local car dealer that when the dealer wanted to buy a $200 cow, the farmer priced it to him like this: Basic cow $200 Two-tone exterior $ 45 Extra stomach $ 75 Product storage compartment $ 60 Dispensing device, Four spigots @ $10 ea. $ 40 Genuine cowhide upholstery $125 Dual horns $ 15 Automatic fly swatter $ 35 __________ Total = $595 ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Erica Ann Ginnetti, 35, Lower Moreland, Pennsylvania Pennsylvania teacher gets 30 days for sex with gossipy student A Pennsylvania wife and former teacher was referred to as "dangling candy" by the judge who gave her just 30 days for the statutory rape of a teen. Erica Ann Ginnetti, 35, was arrested in January in Lower Moreland after police were tipped off when the victim showed photos and videos of the woman to his classmates. According to court records, the photos included images of Ginnetti in a bikini, and others in just her underwear or thong. A video sent to the teen showed her undressing in a "sexually charged manner." The teacher and student were in frequent contact in July 2013, after the two had sex in her car parked at an industrial park. Ginnetti pleaded guilty last year to sexual assault and disseminating sexually explicit materials. The maximum sentence for the two crimes was seven to 14 years behind bars, Philly.com reports. Instead, Judge Garrett D. Page gave the woman just 30 days of jail time. Ginnetti will also have to register as a sex offender. Video of Ginnetti dancing at a High School function: At her sentencing hearing last Friday, Ginnetti cried in court while reading a letter of apology. The judge then compared explicit photos of the woman to "dangling candy" in front of her victim, the Bucks County Courier Time reports. “What young man would not jump on that candy?” Page said. Ginnetti now works at a gym as a fitness instructor. She said in court that she regularly volunteers at her church, and is rebuilding her relationship with her husband and three children. "I don't believe you're a bad human being," Page told Ginnetti. "You did a bad act. So I have to punish you." Assistant District Attorney Sophia Polites said the teen's grades dropped significantly following the statutory rape, and that even today he has trouble in social interactions." Obviously, nobody wants to have anything to do with the town gossip. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Barb Re: Slow net Dear Webby, I don’t know what’s wrong tonight but my DSL is as slow as dial up! It hasn’t been this slow in years. It’s hard to do anything on Facebook because of the slowness. Barb Dear Barb Run the speed test http://www.speedtest.net/ If you get less than you pay for, complain to your ISP! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ >From Anna I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM bank machine over there." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Junk Mail Envelopes To save money on buying envelopes, take any pre-addressed envelopes that come in the mail that aren't going to be used and put white labels over the address. Make sure not to use envelopes that are obviously not suited to your purpose. Even the envelopes with the see through windows can be used. Just put the white label over the window part. We haven't purchased envelopes in ages! By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ There are four great religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store. 4. Jehovah Witnesses do not recognize each other at a hooters restaurant _____________________________________________________ He said: "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!" Waitress said: "No problem, I'll get you some that is." ____________________________________________________
Amazing bubble art. I can tell he's been practicing.

Today in 
1199 English King Richard I was killed by an arrow at the 
 siege of the castle of Chaluz in France. 
1652 Jan van Riebeeck established a settlement at Cape Town, 
 South Africa. 
1814 Granted sovereignty in the island of Elba and a pension 
 from the French government, Napoleon Bonaparte abdicates 
 at Fountainebleau. He was allowed to keep the title of emperor. 
1830 Joseph Smith and five others organized the Mormon Church 
 in western New York. 
1830 Relations between the Texans and Mexico reached a new low 
 when Mexico would not allow further emigration into Texas by 
 settlers from the U.S. 
1875 Alexander Graham Bell was granted a patent for the multiple 
 telegraph, which sent two signals at the same time. 
1896 The first modern Olympic Games began in Athens, Greece. 
1909 Americans Robert Peary and Matthew Henson claimed to be 
 the first men to reach the North Pole. 
1916 Charlie Chaplin became the highest-paid film star in the 
 world when he signed a contract with Mutual Film Corporation 
 for $675,000 a year. He was 26 years old. 
1917 The U.S. Congress approved a declaration of war on Germany 
 and entered World War I on the Allied side. 
1938 The United States recognized the German conquest of Austria. 
1941 German forces invaded Greece and Yugoslavia. 
1953 Iranian Premier Mossadegh demanded that the shah's power 
 be reduced. 
1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson authorized the use of 
 ground troops in combat operations in Vietnam. 
1967 In South Vietnam, 1,500 Viet Cong attacked Quangtri and 
 freed 200 prisoners. 
1981 A Yugoslav Communist Party official confirmed reports of 
 intense ethnic riots in Kosovo. 
1983 The U.S. Veteran's Administration announced it would give 
 free medical care for conditions traceable to radiation exposure 
 to more than 220,000 veterans who participated in nuclear tests 
 from 1945 to 1962. 
1998 Federal researchers in the U.S. announced that daily 
 tamoxifen pills could cut breast cancer risk among high-risk women.
1998 Pakistan successfully tested medium-range missiles capable of 
 attacking neighboring India. 
2015  smiled.


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Hot key for Chrome settings 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, April 5

Happy  Easter!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
a Montana drunk, who sideswiped two patrol cars
and then pleaded Not Guilty
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1923 Firestone Tire and Rubber Company began the first regular 
 production of balloon tires. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ I don't normally tell blonde jokes, but this one was sent to me by a beautiful blonde lady who obviously must know which jokes are OK, and which ones go too far. ------------ A plane is on its way on a non-stop flight from Los Angeles to New York when a blonde in coach gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down. The stewardess watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for coach and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm staying right here!" The stewardess goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blond bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in coach and won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for coach, she will have to leave first class and return to her seat in coach. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm staying right here!" The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason. The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I have learned to speak blonde!" He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear and she gets up and moves back to her seat in the coach section. The stewardess and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. "I told her first class wasn't going to New York. ______________________________________________________ There's a little boy at school and asks the teacher if he can go to the washroom. "Okay" says the teacher. "But first you've got to say the alphabet." They boy says the alphabet: "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z." "What happened to the 'p'?" asked the teacher. "It's leaking out of my boots now." ______________________________________________________ Than ks to dad for this picture: Click through for the big picture Easter cacti. And behind and above, you see a Jesus-Thornes blooming. The bars outside are the terrace railing, a couple of feet from his WinterGarden. Re the Easter Cacti, dad says the secret is to hang them out in the wind during summer and fall, so that they can pump nutrients up for powering the next year's blossoms. They have to be transplanted in winter, because the wind brings all kinds of hay and flower seeds.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ronald Orville Latray, 54, Billings, Montana Montana man denies 11th DUI charge after sideswiping patrol cars A driver who was pulled over by Montana Highway Patrol troopers after nearly sideswiping a pair of patrol cars denied a drunken driving charge, his 11th offense. Ronald Orville Latray, 54, pleaded not guilty Friday to driving while under the influence of alcohol, a felony, and to operating a motor vehicle without liability protection, misdemeanor. District Court Judge Rod Souza reduced bond by $10,000 to $50,000 and said the DUI charge is believed to be Latray’s 11th offense. The prosecutor, Ingrid Rosenquist, said in addition to Latray’s previous DUI convictions, he has other felony convictions. Latray was arrested on March 25 on South 27th Street after sideswiping patrol cars, she said. Latray had a blood alcohol concentration of 0.19 percent, which is more than twice the legal limit of 0.08 percent, and became violent and threatened to shoot officers at the Yellowstone County jail, court records said. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Norma Re: How do I get into Chrome settings Dear Webby, I like Chrome, but don't know of a reasonable way to get into the settings. Isn't there some easy key combo for that? Thanks Norma Dear Norma CTRL SHIFT DEL will instantly get you into the settings. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shallt not kill." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheaper and Less Noxious Cleaning Products Make cleaning sprays for many uses from 4 spray pump bottles, simple household products and water. Take a few drops of Dawn dishwashing liquid, add water and shake. Spray on to eyeglasses, rinse, wipe with eyeglass cloth. Spray bathroom mirrors, wipe with dry cloth. Spray bathroom sinks, counters, faucets, shower doors, shower, tubs, toilets. Wipe with dry cloth. Brush toilet bowl. In another spray bottle, take white vinegar, add water and shake. Spray and wipe kitchen counters, dish drainer, inside microwave and refrigerator. Refresh plastic leftover containers with a spray before washing. Use rubbing alcohol in spray bottle or dilute with water, if desired. Spray and wipe stainless steel appliances and kitchen surfaces. Use bleach diluted with water in spray bottle. Spray and wipe white porcelain cast iron sinks. Use the bleach dilution to clean all surfaces, sinks, faucets, and dishes after preparing raw chicken or poultry. By Linda Baker [119] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The Sunday school lesson for the day was about Noah's Ark, so the teacher decided to get her small pupils involved by playing a game in which they identified animals. "I'm going to describe something to you. Let's see if you can guess what it is. First: I'm furry with a bushy tail and I like to climb trees." The children looked at her blankly. "I also like to eat nuts, especially acorns." No response. This wasn't going well at all! Finally a kid volunteered: "Well, I know the answer has to be Jesus -- but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!" _____________________________________________________ Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Easter this year he'd love to wake up on Easter morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early on Easter morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the links. The first guy says, "Boy, this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says " Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I patted my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, 'Take your sweater, it might be windy out there'." ____________________________________________________
Takhini hot pools annual freezing hair contest.

Today in 
1242 Russian troops repelled an invasion attempt by the 
 Teutonic Knights.
1614 American Indian Pocahontas married English colonist 
 John Rolfe in Virginia. 
1806 Isaac Quintard patented the cider mill. 
1843 Queen Victoria proclaimed Hong Kong to be a British 
 crown colony. 
1887 Anne Sullivan taught Helen Keller the meaning of the 
 word "water" as spelled out in the manual alphabet. 
1892 Walter H. Coe patented gold leaf in rolls. 
1908 The Japanese Army reached the Yalu River as the Russians 
 retreated. 
1923 Firestone Tire and Rubber Company began the first regular 
 production of balloon tires. 
1930 Mahatma Ghandi defied British law by making salt in India. 
1941 German commandos secured docks along the Danube River in 
 preparation for Germany’s invasion of the Balkans. 
1951 Americans Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were sentenced to 
 death for committing espionage for the Soviet Union. 
1955 Winston Churchill resigned as British prime minister. 
1986 A discotheque in Berlin was bombed by Libyan terrorists. 
 The U.S. attacked Libya with warplanes in retaliation on 
 April 15, 1986. 
1998 The Akashi Kaikyo Bridge in Japan opened becoming the 
 largest suspension bridge in the world. It links Shikoku 
 and Honshu. The bridge cost about $3.8 billion. 
1999 Two Libyans suspected of bombing a Pan Am jet in 1988 
 were handed over so they could be flown to the Netherlands 
 for trial. 270 people were killed in the bombing. 
2004 Near Mexico City's international airport, lightning 
 struck the jet Mexican President Vicente Fox was on. 
2009 North Korea launched the Kwangmyongsong-2 rocket, 
 prompting an emergency meeting of the United Nations 
 Security Council. 
2015  smiled.


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Ezinefinder problem not your browser cache 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, April 4

Catch a Quick Lunar Eclipse in the Sky and Online
Lunar Eclipse

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida woman, who offered deputy oral sex in exchange for 
letting her go
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1967 Johnny Carson quit "The Tonight Show." He returned 
 three weeks later after getting a raise of $30,000 a week. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. --- Robert Heinlein ______________________________________________________ One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for while and then said, "You must have been REALLY wicked to turn ALL of grandma's hairs white!" ______________________________________________________ A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more. "And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked. "It is very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a slow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the collection plate." The very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and behold, the plates were full of 20 dollar bills. Now, the preacher did not want to take advantage of this technique each and every Sunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried his mass hypnosis again. Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the chain on the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loud thud and springs and parts flew everywhere. "Crap!" exclaimed the pastor. It took them a week to clean up the church. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Ukrainian Easter Eggs
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Beatrize Carrion-Moore, 23, West Palm Beach, Florida Florida woman offered deputy oral sex in exchange for letting her go A Florida deputy was having no part of this suspect's illicit offer, while he was on dash-cam. The exchange between Beatrize Carrion-Moore and a West Palm Beach Sheriff's deputy was caught on his patrol cars' onboard video system. "While Beatrize was in the back seat of my patrol car, she continued to offer me oral sex in exchange for letting her go," the deputy wrote in his report. A bartender at Boonies Bar in West Palm Beach, Florida, had to call police on the 23-year-old woman last Friday after she allegedly got extremely intoxicated and began offering customers oral sex in exchange for money. The bar manager also told police that she'd been kicked out of the bar about a week before for doing the same thing, according to WESH. Deputies said when they confronted Carrion-Moore, she got angry and resisted arrest, saying they had no right to kick her out of the bar. In a police report, deputies said Carrion-Moore slipped out of handcuffs and knocked a deputy to the ground in a struggle. When he eventually restrained her and put her in the back of his patrol car, the deputy said she kicked him in the groin several times, then offered him oral sex. Carrion-Moore was released from jail Sunday on $6,000 bond. She is charged with trespassing after warning, resisting arrest with violence and battery on a law enforcement officer. It doesn't look like she'll face charges for soliciting sex for money. She had a previous arrest in February for aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, and resisting arrest. In October 2014, a Broward Sheriff's deputy was suspended after he allegedly allowed a female suspect to perform oral sex on him in exchange for letting her go. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sir Squirrel Re: Voting Hi Dear Webby, When ezine decides to repair whatever is wrong I will vote for you/ Yep, I know, there is nothing either of us can do to get them get off of their dead and on to their aching to fix it! ~Sir Squirrel~ Dear Sir Squirrel Today half a dozen people wrote to me about that. There IS something you can do. Write to Lewis lewis@cumuli.com You can even run a traceroute, to eliminate any talk about browser cache. Click on START type cmd Hit Enter. In the scary black window that opens, type tracert webby.com That will generate a trace from your machine to webby.com and just shows you how that works. That was just practise. then type tracert ezinefinder.com You will see the difference. The trace does not get to ezinefinder.com You can even take a screen shot of that. Stretch the black screen so that it shows the trace. Click into the black screen, and hit ALT PrtScrn Then click into an email and hit CTRL V to paste it. Send that to Lewis! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Church Bloopers This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. ---- The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bar Keepers Friend for Removing Hard Water Spots Bar Keepers Friend and a soft scrub sponge works best for me. It removes all shower spots and window spots from sprinklers. By Jeremy J. [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A senior citizen visits his doctor for a routine check-up and everything seems fine. The doctor asks him about his sex life. "Well..." the man drawled, "not bad at all to be honest. The wife ain't all that interested anymore, so I just cruise around. In the past week I was able to pick-up and bed three girls, none of whom were over fifty years old." "My goodness Frank, and at your age too! You are well over 90 !" the doctor said. "I hope you took at least some precautions." "Yep. I may be old, but I ain't senile yet doc. I gave 'em all a phony name, yours ." _____________________________________________________ Two doctors are walking down the corridor of the hospital. First doc asks, "Did you tell that poolitician in room 316 that he was going to die?" "Sure did", second one answers. First doc says, "Darn! I wanted to tell him!" ____________________________________________________
Takhini hot pools annual freezing hair contest.

Today in 
1541 Ignatius of Loyola became the first superior-general 
 of the Jesuits. 
1581 Francis Drake completed the circumnavigation of the world. 
1687 King James II ordered that his declaration of indulgence 
 be read in church. 
1850 The city of Los Angeles was incorporated. 
1902 British Financier Cecil Rhodes left $10 million in his 
 will that would provide scholarships for Americans to 
 Oxford University in England. 
1905 In Kangra, India, an earthquake killed 370,000 people. 
1914 The first known serialized moving picture opened in 
 New York City, NY. It was "The Perils of Pauline". 
1917 The U.S. Senate voted 90-6 to enter World War I 
 on the Allied side. 
1918 The Battle of Somme, an offensive by the British 
 against the German Army ended. 
1932 After five years of research, professor C.G. King, 
 of the University of Pittsburgh, isolated vitamin C. 
1945 Hungary was liberated from Nazi occupation. 
1945 During World War II, U.S. forces liberated the Nazi 
 death camp Ohrdruf in Germany. 
1949 Twelve nations signed a treaty to create The North 
 Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 
1967 The U.S. lost its 500th plane over Vietnam. 
1967 Johnny Carson quit "The Tonight Show." He returned 
 three weeks later after getting a raise of $30,000 a week. 
1968 Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated at the age of 39. 
1969 Dr. Denton Cooley implanted the first temporary artificial heart. 
1971 Veterans stadium in Philadelphia, PA, was dedicated this day. 
1975 More than 130 people, most of them children, were killed 
 when a U.S. Air Force transport plane evacuating Vietnamese 
 orphans crashed just after takeoff from Saigon. 
1979 Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, the president of Pakistan, was 
 executed. He had been convicted of conspiring to murder 
 a political opponent. 
1981 Henry Cisneros became the first Mexican-American elected mayor 
 of a major U.S. city, which was San Antonio, TX. 
1983 At Cape Canaveral, the space shuttle Challenger took off on 
 its first flight. It was the sixth flight for the shuttle program. 
1984 U.S. President Reagan proposed an international ban on 
 chemical weapons. 
1986 Wayne Gretzky set an NHL record with his 213th point of 
 the season. 
1987 The U.S. charged the Soviet Union with wiretapping a 
 U.S. Embassy. 
1988 Arizona Governor Evan Mecham was voted out of office by 
 the Arizona Senate. Mecham was found guilty of diverting 
 state funds to his auto business and of trying to impede 
 an investigation into a death threat to a grand jury witness. 
1991 Pennsylvanian Senator John Heinz and six others were 
 killed when a helicopter collided with Heinz's plane over 
 a schoolyard in Merion, PA. 
1994 Netscape Communications (Mosaic Communications) was founded. 
1995 U.S. Senator Alfonse D'Amato ridiculed judge Lance Ito 
 using a mock Japanese accent on a nationally syndicated radio 
 program. D'Amato apologized two days later for the act. 
2015  smiled.


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Easter Statues 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Good Friday!
Today is Friday, April 3
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Ashley Sies' Home Invasion Attempt 
Thwarted By Ceramic Chicken
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1860 The first Pony Express riders left St. Joseph, MO and 
 Sacramento, CA. The trip across country took about 10 days. 
 The Pony Express only lasted about a year and a half. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don't know. --- W. H. Auden (1907 - 1973) ______________________________________________________ Randy, was on a hunting trip up in West Virginia. He became rather cold and thirsty so decided to stop in at his Mother in law's place and ask for something to drink. She said, "You look really cold, how about a bowl of soup." There was a wee Vietnamese pig running around the kitchen, running up to Randy and giving him a great deal of attention.Randy commented, "That pig sure is friendly." Bill, his father in law replied: "Arnold's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using." ______________________________________________________ A study conducted by the American Psychiatric Association (ASA) today showed that over 40% of the practicing psychiatrists in the U.S. were themselves receiving psychiatric treatment of some kind. A spokeswoman for the ASA said the public should not be concerned, as the remainder were undergoing intensive drug-therapy. ----- You gotta be nuts to go see a shrink! (Beetle Bailey) ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ashley Sies, 31, Lexington, Kentucky Ashley Sies' Home Invasion Attempt Thwarted By Ceramic Chicken A Kentucky woman who allegedly tried to strangle another woman with a bra was thwarted when the victim fought back with a ceramic chicken. Police in Lexington arrested Ashley Sies, 31, early Monday morning after she allegedly pushed her way into a home belonging to Patricia Leece, 61. It happened about 12:30 the other night. Someone came to my doors, banging, screaming and hollering," Leece told WKYT. At first, Leece thought her granddaughter was the one banging on the door. Instead, it was Sies pushed her way inside of Leece's home and wrapped a bra around the homeowner's neck. Sies and Leece struggled for about 15 to 20 minutes before the victim found a way to protect herself, Leece says. "Finally, I saw one of my (ceramic) chickens on the floor so I picked it up and started bashing her on the head with it," she said, according to UPI.com. Sies was knocked out by the chicken. Leece locked herself in the bathroom and called police, Kentucky.com reports. Officers then took Sies to the hospital before booking her on charges of first-degree burglary, WKYT reports. Leece told the station she also plans to press charges for the attack. Sies was in court Tuesday morning where she pleaded not guilty to the burglary charge, according to Kentucky.com. Anywhere else she would have been charged with Home Invasion, burglary of an occupied structure, and attempted murder. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maryann Re: Easter Hi Dear Webby, Years ago you made a fancy Easter page with all the statues from that place in texas, but I can't find it any more. Did you take it down? Maryann Dear Maryann It's still up there at http://webby.com/humor/i/Easter/ Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Marcy went to her doctor with two very red ears. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered: "I was ironing a shirt and remembered I had to call for a hair appointment. I used the speed dial - but when they answered, instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?" "My neighbor called to ask what the screaming was all about" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Q-Tip and Soap for Mascara Clean Up I keep slivers of soap by the sink. I use a wet Q-Tip and rub it on my sliver of soap to remove spill over mascara. Works like a charm. By michele [7] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two daughters had been given parts in a pageant play at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally the 10 year old said to her younger sister, "Well you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel." _____________________________________________________ An office reports that they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words. Early one Monday when the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages, she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer, "MY difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N......" ____________________________________________________
Our colorful and amazing world. The Rainbow Mountains in China are awesome.

Today in 
1829 James Carrington patented the coffee mill. 
1860 The first Pony Express riders left St. Joseph, MO and 
 Sacramento, CA. The trip across country took about 10 days. 
 The Pony Express only lasted about a year and a half. 
1865 Union forces occupy Confederate capital of Richmond, VA. 
1866 Rudolph Eickemeyer and G. Osterheld patented a blocking 
 and shaping machine for hats. 
1882 The American outlaw Jesse James was shot in the back 
 and killed by Robert Ford for a $5,000 reward. There was 
 later controversy over whether it was actually Jesse James 
 that had been killed. 
1910 Alaska's Mt. McKinley, the highest mountain in North 
 America was climbed. 
1942 The Japanese began their all-out assault on the U.S. and 
 Filipino troops at Bataan. 
1946 Lt. General Masaharu Homma, the Japanese commander 
 responsible for the Bataan Death March, was executed. 
1948 U.S. President Harry Truman signed the Marshall Plan to 
 revive war-torn Europe. It was $5 billion in aid for 16 
 countries. 
1967 The U.S. State Department said that Hanoi might be 
 brainwashing American prisoners. 
1972 Charlie Chaplin returned to the U.S. after a 20 year absence. 
1983 It was reported that Vietnamese occupation forces had 
 overrun a key insurgent base in western Cambodia. 
1985 The U.S. charged that Israel violated the Geneva Convention 
 by deporting Shiite prisoners. 
1986 The U.S. national debt hit $2 trillion. 
1987 Riots disrupted mass during the Pope's visit to 
 Santiago, Chili. 
1996 An Air Force jetliner carrying Commerce Secretary Ron 
 Brown crashed in Croatia, killing all 35 people aboard. 
1996 Unabomber suspect Theodore Kaczynski was arrested. He 
 pled guilty in January 1998 to five Unabomber attacks in 
 exchange for a life sentence without chance for parole. 
2015  smiled.


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Easter Site 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Oklahoma Rapist, who allegedly held 
3 teens captive at parents house
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was 
 destroyed by the British at the Battle of Copenhagen. 
 The Danes were pro-democracy and Britain was against it.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad. --- Bob Edwards ______________________________________________________ >From Roland Sally was puzzled recently by the odd messages she kept getting on her voice mail. Day after day, all she'd hear, from friends, family, and customers alike, would be their message and then they'd ALL say, "BEEP." We were talking about something else at the moment but I had her check her voice mail message anyway to see if there was a clue. She discovered the solution to the BEEP riddle when she dialed her own phone number. Her message said, "I'm not available right now, so please leave a beep after the message." ______________________________________________________ >From Max Excuses, excuses... Philadelphia's Highway Patrol officers hear all kinds of creative excuses that drivers give for speeding. Here are some of the officers' favorites. By the way, none of them worked. A man told the officer he was rushing to the hospital because had been stung by a bee, and was allergic. "There's the bee right there," he said, pointing to his dashboard. The officer looked. The bee was not only dead, but in an advanced state of decomposition. A man was doing 70 mph on the shoulder of I-95, avoiding the bumper-to-bumper traffic. After a third of a mile, he was stopped by an officer. He jumped out of the car, brushing off his pants, and told the cop he had dropped a cigarette on his lap. "I was looking for a place to park," he explained. A speeder said that he and his wife were trying to have a baby. "My wife is ovulating," he told the officer. "I have to get home right now." An officer stopped a man doing 80 mph. When he asked the driver whether he had seen the speed-limit signs, the man responded, "I went by them so fast I probably missed them." A man going south on I-95 was stopped near Washington Avenue doing 79 mph. "My engine misses, and I'm trying to clean out the carburetor," he told the officer. For good measure, he added, "If I don't go this fast, my car won't go at all." "I'm due in traffic court," one speeder said. "If I'm late they're going to enforce the bench warrant." When an officer told a speeder that the speed limit on the Schuylkill Expressway was 50 mph, the driver responded, "Officer, where have you been? It's 65 now." One speeder said simply, "I'm trying to beat my wife home. Don't ask." An elderly person was stopped after doing 73 mph. When told he was getting a ticket, he asked the officer, "Is there a senior citizen's discount?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gregory Zavala 23, Tuttle, Oklahoma Oklahoma Rapist Allegedly Held 3 Teens Captive At Parents House An Oklahoma man faces kidnapping and rape charges after he held three teenaged girls against their will at his parents' home over the course of two years, police say. Gregory Zavala, 23, is also charged with child sex abuse and assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, according to KFOR. Investigators said Zavala lured each of the three girls to the home in Tuttle, Oklahoma, at different times between 2011 and 2013. Zavala allegedly held the teens captive for months at a time. Zavala reportedly told each girl that he would kill them and their families if they tried to escape. Authorities said two of the girls were 16 and 17 at the time of the kidnapping, and that Zavala sexually abused them on a daily basis. A third victim's age was not disclosed, but police said she was a minor. He was arrested March 19 after police received tips of criminal activity at the house, where Zavala lived with his parents, according to the Grady County Express-Star. Zavala allegedly told one of the victims, who he kept locked in his bedroom from March to May 2011, that he was trying to get her pregnant. The girl told authorities that the suspect raped her many times and that she eventually became pregnant. She was able to escape before giving birth. Another victim, who was held between January and August of 2012, said that Zavala used a belt or his hand to strangle her, and told her that the only way she was leaving his house was "in a body bag." She was also raped multiple times, became pregnant and managed to escape. The third victim in the case was a homeless woman who became Zavala's girlfriend, moving into his parents house in August 2012. According to KOKH: After moving in, the victim tells police Zavala had her vehicle towed. While the two were dating, the victim says Zavala struck her in the head with a hammer during an altercation. The hammer allegedly left a permanent deformity in the woman's skull. Tuttle police are investigating whether a missing 16-year-old who was last seen with Zavala is connected to the case. Zavala is held in Grady County Jail on $2 million bond, and is scheduled to appear in court June 9. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maryann Re: Easter Hi Dear Webby, Years ago you made a fancy Easter page with all the statues from that place in texas, but I can't find it any more. Did you take it down? Maryann Dear Maryann It's still up there at http://webby.com/humor/i/Easter/ Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The basketball coach stormed into the University President's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire History department." "Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look, I'll Give you an example." The coach went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered. Three minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. "You're not there, sir," he reported. "Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the University President, scratching his head. "I would have phoned first." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mustard for Burn First Aid If you burn yourself, don't run for the ice. Instead, grab the mustard and slather it on the burn. Don't wet it or put ice on it, use the mustard first. You'll be shocked at how quickly it cools the burn and how much it helps the healing process. This also works for a sunburn, just apply a very thin layer. By aubergine [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A man went to get his driver's license renewed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," she reassured the man. "That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway." _____________________________________________________ The young teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked Morris, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 25 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 130 degrees, 15 minutes West longitude?" After a confused silence Morris replied, "I guess you'd be eating alone. That's halfway to Hawaii, and I can't swim." ____________________________________________________
There's a jungle inside Vietnam's mammoth cavern. A skyscraper could fit too. And the end is out of sight.

Today in 
1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon sighted Florida.
1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was 
 destroyed by the British at the Battle of Copenhagen. 
1872 G.B. Brayton received a patent for the gas-powered 
 streetcar. 
1889 Charles Hall patented aluminum. 
1905 The Simplon rail tunnel officially opened. The tunnel 
 went under the Alps and linked Switzerland and Italy. 
1910 Karl Harris perfected the process for the artificial 
 synthesis of rubber. 
1917 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson presented a declaration 
 of war against Germany to the U.S. Congress. 
1935 Sir Watson-Watt was granted a patent for RADAR. It had
 been shown in Germany two years before, but not patented. 
1947 The U.N. Security Council voted to appoint the U.S. as 
 trustee for former Japanese-held Pacific Islands. 
1960 France signed an agreement with Madagascar that proclaimed 
 the country an independent state within the French community. 
1963 Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King began the first 
 campaign in Birmingham, AL. 
1966 South Vietnamese troops joined in demonstrations at Hue and 
 Da Nang for an end to military rule. 
1967 In Peking, hundreds of thousands demonstrated against Mao 
 foe Liu Shao-chi. 
1972 Burt Reynolds appeared nude in "Cosmopolitan" magazine. 
1982 Argentina invaded the British-owned Falkland Islands. The 
 following June Britain took the islands back. 
1984 In Jerusalem, three Arab gunmen wounded 48 people when they 
 opened fire into a crowd of shoppers. 
1986 On a TWA airliner flying from Rome to Athens a bomb exploded 
 under a seat killing four Americans. 
1989 General Prosper Avril, Haiti's military leader, survived a 
 coup attempt. The attempt was apparently provoked by Avril's 
 U.S.-backed efforts to fight drug trafficking. 
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein threatened to incinerate half 
 of Israel with chemical weapons if Israel joined a conspiracy 
 against Iraq. 
1992 Mob boss John Gotti was convicted in New York of murder and 
 racketeering. He was later sentenced to life in prison. 
1996 Russia and Belarus signed a treaty that created a political 
 and economic alliance in an effort to reunite the two former 
 Soviet republics. 
1996 Lech Walesa resumed his old job as an electrician at the 
 Gdansk shipyard. He was the former Solidarity union leader who 
 became Poland's first post-war democratic president. 
2002 Israeli troops surrounded the Church of the Nativity. More 
 than 200 Palestinians had taken refuge at the church when Israel 
 invaded Bethlehem. 
2015  smiled.


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Black boxes and red X 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 1

Thanks to higher speed servers, the annual Internet cleaning
today is expected to take no more than a couple of hours.
To avoid data getting cleaned out, all Government employees
have been instructed to turn off their computers at 10 am,
after they have checked their personal emails, and not to
turn them back on, until they get an email instructing them
that it is safe to do so.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Ohio woman, who stabbed boyfriend in groin 
for eating all her salsa
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1578 William Harvey of England discovered blood circulation. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Yesterday, the White House confirmed that President Obama will meet with Pope Francis during his visit in September. Some experts are wondering if they'll discuss their disagreement over contraception. Then Joe Biden said, “I didn't even know they were dating.” --- Jimmy Fallon ______________________________________________________ In a lot of Southern towns, the influence of the Baptist Church is felt in many different walks of life. For example, sexual relations between two unmarried adults is illegal. It seems they felt it might lead to dancing. ______________________________________________________ Angus was returning to Scotland after a year in exile and was met at the station by his two brothers Lorne and Neil. "Lorne!, Neil!, What did you grow beards for while I was away?" Lorne replied angrily "What do you expect? You took the razor blade with you!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Phyllis Jefferson, 50, Akron, Ohio Ohio woman stabbed boyfriend in groin for eating all her salsa Phyllis Jefferson's temper may be as hot as her salsa. Police in Akron, Ohio, said Jefferson, 50, allegedly stabbed her boyfriend in the groin with a pen Sunday evening after he ate all the salsa in their house, Cleveland.com reports. Jefferson's boyfriend, Ronnie D. Bucker, 61, told police that he and the accused were arguing about the salsa consumption when she allegedly stabbed him with the pen. The suspect then walked over to the TV and threatened to knock it on the floor, according to Ohio.com. When Buckner grabbed the TV, Jefferson allegedly walked to the kitchen to grab a knife and used it to cut him in the stomach. Jefferson fled the scene while Buckner called 911. Responding officers found him on the floor clutching his stomach, Fox8.com reports. Buckner was taken to a nearby hospital and treated for injuries that were believed to be non-life threatening. Jefferson was arrested a short time alater when officers pulled her over on the highway. She allegedly admitted to stabbing Buckner and said she did it "because she wanted to leave." Jefferson was charged with felonious assault and criminal damaging and booked into the Summit County Jail, according to WKYC TV. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Terri Re: Black boxes and red X Hi Dear Webby! How come when I receive some emails with pictures, I get a black box with an x in it and no pictures????? Is it me or them? What can I do to correct this. Thanks so much, Terri, Dear Terri As long as you see the pictures in the Humor Letter, your email program is configured properly. Don't worry about YOUR side. That means the sender made a mistake when sending and incorrectly embedded the pictures. Just tell them to try again. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Church Bulletin Board Bloopers: Babara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. ---------- The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoy sinning to join the choir. ------------ The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility. ------------ The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." ----------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. ------------ The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." -------------- "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Peel Hard-boiled Eggs Quickly I always struggle to peel the shells off my hard-boiled eggs. I've tried so many tips. I recently saw a video of someone trying this trick. I thought it was a hoax but tried it any way. It works! Here's what you do: Once you have boiled your eggs, take a smallish jar that an egg can fit into. (Alternatively, I also saw one guy use a drinking glass and put his hand over the top). Add about an inch of water. Plop in the egg. Put the lid on. Shake your jar about 20 times, pretty hard. You may want to do this over the sink, in case the jar leaks water. Take off the lid and the peel will be barely hanging on. Just slip it off. It doesn't even take any of the egg white with it. My eggs were perfect for Deviled Eggs. By Becky [39] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ (This one you have to read out loud) "Information? I need the number for Caseway Transport." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor." _____________________________________________________ The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, everybody else does, often long before you actually get around to doing it. ----- That was my main reason for leaving Austria in 1970 and moving to Canada. ____________________________________________________
Look what one man accomplished with one pebble at a time and 33 years.

Today in 
0527 Justinianus became the emperor of Byzantium. 
1572 The Sea Beggars under Guillaume de la Marck landed 
 in Holland and captured the small town of Briel. 
1578 William Harvey of England discovered blood circulation. 
1621 The Plymouth, MA, colonists created the first treaty 
 with Native Americans. 
1748 The ruins of Pompeii were found. 
1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, created 
 the "$" symbol. 
1793 In Japan, the volcano Unsen erupted killing about 53,000. 
1853 Cincinnati became the first U.S. city to pay fire fighters
 a regular salary. 
1873 The British White Star steamship Atlantic sank off 
 Nova Scotia killing 547. 
1881 Anti-Jewish riots took place in Jerusalem. 
1889 The first dishwashing machine was marketed (in Chicago). 
1905 The British East African Protectorate became the 
 colony of Kenya. 
1924 Adolf Hitler was sentenced to five years in prison 
 for high treason in relation to the "Beer Hall Putsch." 
1927 The first automatic record changer was introduced by 
 His Master's Voice. 
1928 China's Chiang Kai-shek began attacking communists. 
1929 Louie Marx introduced the Yo-Yo. 
1931 An Earthquake devastated Managua Nicaragua killing 2,000. 
1933 Nazi Germany began the persecution of Jews by boycotting 
 Jewish businesses. 
1937 Aden became a British colony. 
1938 The first commercially successful fluorescent lamps 
 were introduced. 
1939 The U.S. recognized the Franco government in Spain at 
 end of Spanish civil war. 
1945 U.S. forces invaded Okinawa during World War II. It was 
 the last campaign of World War II. 
1948 The Berlin Airlift began. 
1950 Italian Somalia became a United Nations trust territory 
 under Italian administration. 
1952 The Big Bang theory was proposed in "Physical Review" 
 by Alpher, Bethe & Gamow. 
1960 France exploded 2 atom bombs in the Sahara Desert. 
1960 The U.S. launched TIROS-1, the first weather satellite. 
1971 The United Kingdom lifted all restrictions on gold ownership. 
1972 North Vietnamese and Viet Cong troops renewed their 
 offensive in South Vietnam. 
1973 Japan allowed its citizens to own gold. 
1976 Apple Computer began operations. 
1979 Iran was proclaimed to be an Islamic Republic by 
 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini after the fall of the Shah. 
1982 The U.S. transferred the Canal Zone to Panama. 
1985 World oil prices dropped below $10 a barrel. 
1986 The U.S. submarine Nathaniel Green ran aground 
 in the Irish Sea. 
1987 Steve Newman became the first man to walk around the 
 world. The walk was 22,000 miles and took 4 years. 
1991 The Warsaw Pact was officially dissolved. 
1998 A federal judge dismissed the Paula Jones' sexual 
 harassment lawsuit against U.S. President Clinton saying 
 that the claims fell "far short" of being worthy of a trial. 
1999 In Zhytomyr, Ukraine, Anatoliy Onoprienko was sentenced 
 to death for the deaths of 52 men, women and children. 
 43 of the killings occurred in a 6-month period. 
1999 The Canadian territory of Nunavut was created. It was 
 carved from the eastern part of the Northwest Territories 
 and covered about 772,000 square miles. 
2001 China began holding 24 crewmembers of a U.S. surveillance 
 plane. The EP-3E U.S. Navy crew had made an emergency landing 
 after an in-flight collision with a Chinese fighter jet. The 
 Chinese pilot was missing and presumed dead. The U.S. crew 
 was released on April 11, 2001. 
2001 Former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic was arrested 
 on corruption charges after a 26-hour standoff with the police 
 at his Belgrade villa. 
2003 North Korea test-fired an anti-ship missile off its west coast. 
2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the Unborn Victims of 
 Violence Act. The bill made it a crime to harm a fetus during 
 an assault on a pregnant woman. 
2009 Albania and Croatia joined NATO. 
2010 The U.S. Congress cut Medicare reimbursements to 
 physicians by 21%. 
2015  smiled.


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Lost cursor 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 31

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Robbers, who stole cash box from guirl guides 
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely 
 illuminated with electric light. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) ______________________________________________________ >From Jean Daughter: "Daddy, I am coming home to get married!! Take out your check book. Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia and he lives in the UK. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber. Dad, I need your blessings good wishes and a big wedding." Father: "Wow! Really??!! Then you can get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through PayPal. And if you get fed up with your husband just sell him on EBay. Best wishes and lots of love Sweetie!! ______________________________________________________ Help! Help" cried the young woman as she ran up the steps of the police station. "An Irishman molested me!" How do you know he was Irish? inquired the sergeant at the desk. "I had to help him" she gasped. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Pierre Thibault 20, Massachusetts Kayla Lonergan 19, Rochester New Hampshire Robbers stole cash box from guirl guides A group of Girl Scouts selling cookies outside a New Hampshire business had their cash box stolen Friday night by a man who escaped in a waiting getaway car, according to police. Rochester cops report that the Girl Scouts were selling cookies in front of a Walgreens pharmacy when a 5’ 8” black male wearing a winter hat and a New England Patriots jacket “grabbed their cash box which was located on the cookie table.” The man fled in a waiting Toyota Camry that had two occupants (and carried New Jersey plates). Shortly after the theft, police located the vehicle, but the suspects had already fled on foot after pulling into a driveway. One of the suspects, Kayla Lonergan was arrested yesterday afternoon in connection with the theft. The 19-year-old Lonergan, who was driving the getaway car, has been charged with a pair of misdemeanors. During police questioning, Lonergan reportedly confessed to driving the getaway car and said that Thibault came running back to the vehicle “with people chasing him.” According to a Rochester Police Department affidavit, cops noted that Lonergan said Thibault announced “something to the effect of ‘I robbed them,’” upon entering the car’s back seat. Lonergan, pictured above, was locked up in lieu of $7500 bail in advance of her arraignment this morning. Police have also secured an arrest warrant for Pierre Thibault, who allegedly swiped the cash box from the Girl Scouts (none of whom were harmed during the theft). Seen above from a previous mug-shot, Thibault, a 20-year old Massachusetts resident, remains at large. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Verna Re: Lost cursor Dear Webby, I remember those cardboard strips, that fit across the top of the keyboard and had all the commands for CTRL + Letter, number, ALT + Letter or number, F keys and and CTRL and ALT plus F keys to run all of Word Perfect without ever having to mouse around in menues. In those days we got paid according to how many letters we answered per shift, not by how cutesy they were. Good old times! Now I got a problem with my cursor sometimes going on a vacation and not coming back. How do I fix that? Thanks Verna Dear Verna That usually is a sign of a memory shortage. Crap cleaner helps. Make sure CrapCleaner is in the Start-Up menu. Then, when you need it, hit the Windoze key, and use the up / down arrows to highlight Crap Cleaner. Don't expect to configure it while in keyboard only mode. Configure it beforehand, right after start-up. Run the perfectly configured CrapCleaner to free some memory, and the cursor will return. If the mouse is so configured as to show target rings when you pound the CTRL key, that too works sometimes. Another method, that I have observed (from the distance), is pounding the mouse on the desk, cussing at it, and threatening it with taking the battery out. Believe it or not, that method has worked well for a certain lady. It is most likely the slamming onto the desk, that momentarily disconnected the battery, that did the trick. The cussing probably just helped her. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ I couldn't help overhearing a man at a nearby pay phone. "I know it's something you want," he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing. As long as you're living in my house, I think you should respect my wishes." I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly firmness. Then came the 'coup de grace': "Besides, Ma, you're 75 years old! A tatoo like that would look silly on you !" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spray Paint Lamp Shades I have painted a few lamp shades with spray paint with good success By lavonneann [6] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ >From Jean A road crew supervisor in southern Ontario hired Herb from Newfoundland, to paint the yellow line down the middle of highway 10 heading up toward Wasaga Beach. He was skeptical about hiring him since he didn't have any painting background; however, he appeared enthusiastic and told him that he really needed the job. At least his wife Lorrie-Jane, told him so. He explained to Herb, that his work day would be to complete 2 miles of centerline on the road. He was set up with brushes and paint and his boss got him started. After the first day, the supervisor was pleased to find that he'd painted 4 miles of road in his 8 hour shift, instead of the two expected of him. He told Herb, that he did an excellent job, and said how pleased he was with his progress. On the second day, Herb completed painting just the 2 miles of road that was asked of him. His supervisor was surprised, because on the first day, he had completed twice as much work. But he didn't say anything, since 2 miles of road was the amount that the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it, and to look forward to the next day when he was sure that Herb would pick up the pace again. On day 3, the supervisor was disappointed to learn that in his 8 hour shift, Herb completed painting only 1 mile of road. Herb was called to the supervisor's office and asked what was the problem. "On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile of road. What's the problem, Herb?" "Well," Herb replied, "I'll tell you watt is da problem dare boy, but I taught a smart man like you would figger it out fer yourself. Every day I got farder and farder away from da paint can." _____________________________________________________ New Yorkers are a breed apart. A man was mugged but had no cash. Afraid he'd be hurt, he offered to write the guy a check. The mugger said dumbfounded, "A Check ? Why would I take a check from you? I don't even know you!" ____________________________________________________
Drywall art sculpture with Bernie Mitchell

Today in 
1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the 
 Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to 
 convert to Christianity. 
1776 Abigail Adams wrote to her husband John that women 
 were "determined to foment a rebellion" if the new 
 Declaration of Independence failed to guarantee their rights. 
1779 Russia and Turkey signed a treaty concerning military 
 action in Crimea. 
1854 The U.S. government signed the Treaty of Kanagawa with 
 Japan. The act opened the ports of Shimoda and Hakotade to 
 American trade. 
1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely 
 illuminated with electric light. 
1889 In Paris, the Eiffel Tower officially opened. 
1900 In France, the National Assembly passed a law reducing the 
 workday for women and children to 11 hours. 
1904 In India, hundreds of Tibetans were slaughtered by the British. 
1905 Kaiser Wilhelm arrived in Tangier proclaiming to support for 
 an independent state of Morocco. 
1908 250,000 coal miners in Indianapolis, IN, went on strike to 
 await a wage adjustment. 
1909 Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina. 
1917 The U.S. purchased and took possession of the Virgin Islands 
 from Denmark for $25 million. 
1921 Great Britain declared a state of emergency because of the 
 thousands of coal miners on strike. 
1932 The Ford Motor Co. debuted its V-8 engine. 
1933 The U.S. Congress authorized the Civilian Conservation Corps 
 to relieve rampant unemployment. 
1939 Britain and France agreed to support Poland if Germany 
 threatened invasion. 
1941 Germany began a counter offensive in North Africa. 
1946 Monarchists won the elections in Greece. 
1948 The Soviets in Germany began controlling the Western 
 trains headed toward Berlin. 
1949 Winston Churchill declared that the A-bomb was the only 
 thing that kept the U.S.S.R. from taking over Europe. 
1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as its 
 10th province. 
1966 An estimated 200,000 anti-war demonstrators march in 
 New York City. (New York) 
1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the first 
 spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit. 
1980 U.S. President Carter deregulated the banking industry. 
1986 167 people died when a Mexicana Airlines Boeing 727 crashed 
 in Los Angeles. 
1989 Canada and France signed a fishing rights pact. 
1991 Iraqi forces recaptured the northern city of Kirkuk from 
 Kurdish guerillas. 
2004 Air America Radio launched five stations around the U.S. 
2004 Google Inc. announced that it would be introducing a 
 free e-mail service called Gmail.
2015  smiled.


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Easy consecutive page numbering in Open Office 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Florida Bank robber arrived drunk in taxi 
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched 
 into Paris. They did not like his ideas of democracy.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another. --- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799) ______________________________________________________ Did you know that ..... In Seattle, Washington residents may not carry concealed weapons longer than six feet. In Chicago, Illinois, according to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American." ______________________________________________________ Two English ladies were discussing their vacation plans on a London bus near an Irish lady. "We're planning a lovely holiday in Devon this year," said one. "Oh you oughtn't to do that," said the other, "there are Irish there! It would be awful." "Dear me!" said the first lady. "well where are you going?" "Salisbury," she replied. "But Salisbury is simply crawling with Irish!" the first lady objected. At this point the Irish lady could no longer hold her tounge. "Why don't ye go t' hell," she suggested. "There be no Irish there!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Japanese Puffer Fish Circles
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stanley Geddie 46, Tallahassee, Florida Bank robber arrived drunk in taxi You shouldn't bring a sandwich to a banquet and you probably shouldn't arrive to a bank robbery by taxi -- especially if you're drunk. But that's what Stanley Geddie did Wednesday afternoon, according to police in Tallahassee, Florida. When Geddie, 46, arrived at the Central City Bank, he owed $25.50. He allegedly told the driver, “I will take care of you when I come out,” according to Tallahassee.com. Geddie then walked into the bank and asked to speak to the manager. When the manager invited him into his office, Geddie allegedly said, "I'm here to rob the bank," WCTV reports. He also told the manager he was a carrying a .357 gun and C-4 plastic explosives and would "blow this place up" if he didn't get $100,000. Witnesses told police that Geddie seemed drunk during his alleged bank-robbery-by-taxi. "His movements let people know something wasn't quite right the way he was acting, probably slurring his speech something like that," said Tallahassee Police spokesman David Northway told the station. Concerned tellers contacted police, who quickly arrived on the scene and met up with the disgruntled cab driver, who explained that Geddie was drunk and had stiffed him on the fare, according to WTSP.com. Officers said Geddie did not follow commands and was shocked with a stun gun before being arrested. A search revealed he had neither a gun nor explosives. After arriving at the bank in a taxi, he left in an ambulance. He was taken to a nearby hospital to be treated for stun gun wounds, according to the New York Daily News. While there, he allegedly told police he was wearing two pairs of pants, figuring if he removed one pair after the robbery, he wouldn't look like the suspect, Tallahassee.com reports. Geddie was charged with robbery, resisting an officer, two probation violations and a petty theft charge for the unpaid taxi fare. He remains in the Leon County jail on $25,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Open office page numbering Dear Webby, Thank you, Dear Webby, but why is it so laborious and roundabout as compared to "Word?" Be well, live long, and prosper, Walter Dear Walter Probably to avoid getting sued by Microsoft. Just open a footer with ALT i r ALT i d p Remember those two sequences, or write them onto the masking tape at the bottom of the monitor, or onto the keyboard topper cardboard strip, just like in the days of Word Perfect. For text like Walter's Theory of Conundrums, Page you can just type it into the footer. Hit CTRL R to shift the page number to the right side, then type the text to the left of it. It will be automatically inserted with the numbers on following pages, like this Walter's Theory of Conundrums, Page 456 Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "I presume, Mrs Murphy, you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" "Indeed I do, sir, it's a lock of my Dan's hair." "But your husband is still alive." "that he is," said she "but his hair is long gone!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sunlight as Free Bleach Sunlight will remove tomato sauce type stains from plastics. Just place items in direct sunlight for a few hours around midday. It will bleach white laundry too. By Bruce Byrnes [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Casey and Riley agreed to settle their dispute by a fight, and it was understood that whoever wanted to quit should say "Enough." Casey got Riley down and was hammering him unmercifully when Riley called out several times, "Enough!" As Casey paid no attention, but kept on administering punishment, a bystander said, "Why don't you let him up? Don't you hear him say that he's had enough?" "I do," says Casey, "but he's such a liar, you can't believe him." _____________________________________________________ Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife." ____________________________________________________
These dancers look like they are gliding!

Today in 
1533 Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of Aragon. 
1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched 
 into Paris. They did not like his ideas of democracy.
1822 Florida became a U.S. territory. 
1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation 
 while his patient was anesthetized by ether. 
1855 About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri 
 invaded the territory of Kansas and forced the election of 
 a pro-slavery legislature. It was the first election in Kansas. 
1858 Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil. 
1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million.
1909 The Queensboro bridge in New York opened linking Manhattan 
 and Queens. It was the first double decker bridge. 
1909 In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against meager pay 
 for government jobs. 
1916 Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison in Mexico. 
1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 38 warships. 
1940 The Japanese set up a puppet government called Manchuko in 
 Nanking, China. 
1941 The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel began its 
 first offensive against British forces in Libya. 
1944 The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines. 
1945 The U.S.S.R. invaded Austria after World War II. 
1946 The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive 
 the Nazi party in Frankfurt. 
1950 The invention of the phototransistor was announced. 
1950 U.S. President Truman denounced Senator Joe McCarthy as 
 a saboteur of U.S. foreign policy. 
1964 John Glenn withdrew from the Ohio race for U.S. Senate 
 because of injuries suffered in a fall. 
1972 The British government assumed direct rule over 
 Northern Ireland. 
1972 The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese 
 troops crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the 
 northern portion of South Vietnam. 
1975 As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon South 
 Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation. 
1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded in 
 Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police officers 
 and Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded. 
1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" was bought for $39.85 million. 
1993 In Sarajevo, two Serb militiamen were sentenced to death for 
 war crimes committed in Bosnia. 
1993 In the Peanuts comic strip, Charlie Brown hit his first 
 home run. 
1994 Serbs and Croats signed a cease-fire to end their war in 
 Croatia while Bosnian Muslims and Serbs continued to fight each other. 
1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal. 
2002 An unmanned U.S. spy plane crashed at sea in the Southern 
 Philippines. 
2002 Islamic militants set off several grenades at a temple in 
 Indian-controlled Kashmir. Four civilians, four policemen and 
 two attackers were killed and 20 people were injured.
2015  smiled.


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Leftover business cards 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Ohio Mom April Corcoran, who 
traded 11 year old daughter for heroin
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) ______________________________________________________ A kid comes home from college. His father is a farmer, and he's shoveling all the manure out of the outhouse onto the strawberries to fertilize them. The kid says, "Hey, Pop, learned in college there's an easy way to do everything." They go downtown and get some dynamite, they're gonna rig it up under the outhouse and blow the solids into the strawberry patch. They get it all rigged up, but they don't see Grandma coming to use the outhouse. BaBooom! The manure goes flying, and so does Grandma. Ploop!...she lands in the strawberries. They go running up to her... "Grandma, Grandma! My God, are you all right? Are you all right?" She says, "Yeah, I'm fine. Whoo! I'm certainly glad I didn't let that one go in the kitchen!" ______________________________________________________ A woman was complaining to a policeman about the neighbor across the way. She took him up to her abode and pointing across the court said, "It's an outrage the way those nudists are carrying on in that apartment--I'm ashamed." The cop looked across the court and said, "I can't see anything going on in there." "Is that so?" she cried, "you just put this chair up on that dresser and stand on it! Take these binoculars and you'll see plenty!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Apri Corcoran 30, Pleasant Plain, Ohio Ohio Mom April Corcoran Traded Daughter For Heroin An Ohio mom accused of providing her 11-year-old daughter to a drug dealer for sex in exchange for heroin pleaded not guilty today. April Corcoran, 30, was indicted Monday on 27 felony counts, including complicity in rape, complicity in gross sexual imposition, endangering children, and human trafficking, Cincinnati.com reports. Authorities told the website that Corcoran allegedly injected heroin into her daughter. Corcoran pleaded not guilty to the charges on Thursday. Her bail was set at $5 million, according to the Associated Press. Prosecutors said the alleged crimes took place between Feb. 15 and June 6 of last year. Corcoran, of Pleasant Plain, would drop off her daughter at the home of accused drug dealer Shandell Willingham, 41, and pick up the girl later. Willingham was indicted on 26 felony accounts, including rape, human trafficking and for allegedly videotaping the sex crimes against the victim, according to USA Today. Authorities learned about the alleged crimes last June when the child told her father and stepmother about it. The girl is now in their custody, according to WCPO TV. Both Corcoran and Willingham could face life sentences if convicted, according to Hamilton County Prosecutor Joe Deters. He told Fox19.com the case is "exhibit A for how devastating heroin is to our communities." Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine told the station the situation was "sad beyond measure." "Instead of protecting her daughter, the mother saw her as a way to get drugs because the lure of heroin was apparently too strong," he said. Considering the videos, conviction of the perverts is pretty well assured. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Olga Re: Old business cards Dear Webby, My address changed, so now I got a stack of business cards with the old address. Considering how much I paid for them, I'd hate to just toss them into the garbage. Is there ANY use for old business cards, at all? Olga Dear Olga Yes, sure. Considering the cost of post-it-notes, use them as notes. Get a stick of removeable glue. They are usually colored pale yellow, like the original post-it-notes. Some of your free notes you can use without glue, and the ones to stick up on the monitor frame or mirror or fridge or dash, rub the glue stick across the printed side. Simple, and works great. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." Then a third child brought the argument to a close: "They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Window Cleaner Don't pay extra for Windex. Wait until your auto parts store has car windshield cleaner on sale and stock up. Save dollars by refilling your spray bottles at home. By Terri ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ "How long will it take to pull my tooth?" The patient asked the dentist. "Only two seconds" "How much will it cost?" "Fifty dollars." "For only two seconds of work?" "Well," The dentist answered coolly, "I can pull it very, very slowly and make it last an hour if you prefer." _____________________________________________________ A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $3.99 for a $2 item that she doesn't want but that is on sale. ____________________________________________________
These 10 Weird Hobbies Were All The Rage In The Victorian Era

Today in 
1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine. 
1854 The Crimean War began with Britain and France 
 declaring war on Russia. 
1898 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a child born in the 
 U.S. to Chinese immigrants was a U.S. citizen. This meant 
 that they could not be deported under the Chinese Exclusion Act. 
1905 The U.S. took full control over Dominican revenues. 
1908 Automobile owners lobbied the U.S. Congress, supporting 
 a bill that called for vehicle licensing and federal registration. 
1910 The first seaplane took off from water at Martinques, 
 France. The pilot was Henri Fabre. 
1922 Bradley A. Fiske patented a microfilm reading device. 
1930 Constantinople and Angora changed their names to 
 Istanbul and Ankara respectively. 
1933 In Germany, the Nazis ordered a ban on all Jews in 
 businesses, professions and schools. 
1938 In Italy, psychiatrists demonstrated the use of 
 electric-shock therapy for treatment of certain mental illnesses. 
1939 The Spanish Civil War ended as Madrid fell to Francisco Franco. 
1941 The Italian fleet was defeated by the British at the Battle 
 of Matapan. 
1942 British naval forces raided the Nazi occupied French 
 port of St. Nazaire. 
1945 Germany launched the last of the V-2 rockets against 
 England. 
1968 The U.S. lost its first F-111 aircraft in Vietnam when it 
 vanished while on a combat mission. North Vietnam claimed 
 that they had shot it down. 
1979 A major accident occurred at Pennsylvania's Three Mile 
 Island nuclear power plant. A nuclear power reactor 
 overheated and suffered a partial meltdown. 
1986 The U.S. Senate passed $100 million aid package for 
 the Nicaraguan contras. 
1990 Jesse Owens received the Congressional Gold Medal from 
 U.S. President George H.W. Bush. 
1990 In Britain, a joint Anglo-U.S. "sting" operation ended 
 with the seizure of 40 capacitors, which can be used in the 
 trigger mechanism of a nuclear weapon. 
1991 The U.S. embassy in Moscow was severely damaged by fire. 
2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal 
 to buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit.
2015  smiled.


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Ezinefinder still down after a week 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 27
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Michigan woman, who shot into MacDonalds
during Bacon-Rage
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1794 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of the U.S. Navy. 
1836 In Goliad, TX, about 350 Texan prisoners, including their 
 commander James Fannin, were executed under orders from 
 Gen. Antonio López de Santa Anna. An estimated 30 Texans 
 escaped execution. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You can't think yourself out of a writing block, you have to write yourself out of a thinking block. --- John Rogers I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. --- A. Whitney Brown Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner ______________________________________________________ George and Nancy get along just great, except that she's a "backseat driver" second to none. After years of putting up with her pestering, he finally decided he had enough and advised her that he would no longer drive with her in the car. Later that day, on his way home from doing some shopping at the mall, he heard his cell phone ring, just as he was merging onto a freeway. It was Nancy. By chance, she had entered the freeway right behind George. "Honey," she said, "your turn signal is still on. And put on your lights; it's starting to rain." ______________________________________________________ The pastor was doing is weekly "children's message" with the children gathered around him down front. He was talking to the youngsters on their level about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?" "Heaven!" one of the girls cried out enthusiastically. "And what do you have to be to get there?" the preacher asked. "Dead!" yelled one of the boys. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shaneka Monique Torres, 30, Grand Rapids Michigan Michigan woman shot into MacDonalds during Bacon-Rage A jury today found a Michigan woman guilty of firing a shot into a McDonald’s drive-thru window after employees failed to put bacon on a cheeseburger she ordered. Shaneka Monique Torres, 30, was convicted of a felony firearms charge after only an hour of deliberations by the panel. Torres, seen above, faces a minimum of two years in state prison when she is sentenced next month. Torres fired a single shot into the McDonald’s at 3:10 AM last February 10, according to Grand Rapids police. The gunplay came after Torres and another woman “complained that the order was incorrect,” cops noted. When a McDonald’s employee walked away from the drive-thru window, “one shot was fired from the suspect vehicle,” reported police, who added that the bullet entered the eatery at “head level” and “traveled through the window, across the dining room, and exited the restaurant through another window on the east side of the restaurant.” Shortly after the shooting--which did not result in any injuries--cops located Torres and recovered the 9mm Glock handgun used during the bacon rage incident. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Ezinefinder Dear Webby, For the past couple weeks, I have not been able to get into the "Ezine Finder" to vote for the humor letter. Is my computer messed up or are they down? Below are the buttons from today's humor letter. Thanks. Keep up the good work, Jim Dear Jim Your computer is fine. Ezinefinder is down. I think they tried to update the vote counting to 2015, and have not been able to do it just yet. You can try writing to support@cumuli.com Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One ambitious young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked: "What do you want, Sonny?" "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m-ma'am?" he asked. "Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?" replied the lady. "S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply. "W-w-what about vinegar bottles?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Soda for Cleaning Old Linoleum Floors I read all the posts; tried them all and then some. After scrubbing and scrubbing I found it, the solution! I bought an old house and could not afford new flooring. By far the most effective thing to do is wet the floor and sprinkle baking soda over it. Wait 15 minutes. Then scrub with a brush and wipe dry. Mop off the residue with water. I cannot believe how sparkly clean it came and the wax did not wear off. By Marrabella [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when it was learned that he recently performed a successful sight- saving operation on the wife of the country's most celebrated mural artist, who, in addition to paying the doctor's usual fee, had gratefully insisted on painting one of his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the doctor's waiting room. The mural turned out to be an immense multicolored picture of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect miniature likeness of the good doctor himself. While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen crowded around the famous artist for his comments, one cub reporter drew the eye specialist aside and asked: "Tell me, if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction on seeing this fantastic artistic achievement covering an entire wall of your office?" "To tell the truth," the physician replied, "my first thought was, thank goodness I'm not a hemorrhoid specialist!" _____________________________________________________ It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden. ------------------------------------ Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested. ____________________________________________________
These 10 Weird Hobbies Were All The Rage In The Victorian Era

Today in 
1794 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of the U.S. Navy. 
1836 In Goliad, TX, about 350 Texan prisoners, including their 
 commander James Fannin, were executed under orders from 
 Gen. Antonio López de Santa Anna. An estimated 30 Texans 
 escaped execution. 
1836 The first Mormon temple was dedicated in Kirtland, OH. 
1841 The first steam fire engine was tested in New York City. 
1860 The corkscrew was patented by M.L. Byrn. 
1884 The first long-distance telephone call was made from 
 Boston to New York. 
1899 The first international radio transmission between 
 England and France was achieved by the Italian inventor 
 G. Marconi. 
1900 The London Parliament passed the War Loan Act that 
 gave 35 million pounds to the Boer War cause in South Africa. 
1900 The Russian army mobilized 250,000 troops for active duty. 
1901 Filipino rebel leader Emilio Aguinaldo was captured by the U.S. 
1904 Mary Jarris "Mother" Jones was ordered by Colorado state 
 authorities to leave the state. She was accused of stirring up 
 striking coal miners. 
1912 The first cherry blossom trees were planted in Washington, 
 DC. The trees were a gift from Japan. 
1931 Actor Charlie Chaplin received France’s Legion of Honor
1933 About 55,000 people staged a protest against Hitler in 
 New York City. 
1941 Tokeo Yoshikawa arrived in Oahu, HI, and began spying 
 for Japan on the U.S. Fleet at Pearl Harbor. 
1942 The British raided the Nazi submarine base at 
 St. Nazaire, France. 
1946 Four-month long strikes at both General Electric and 
 General Motors ended with a wage increase. 
1952 The U.S. Eighth Army reached the 38th parallel in Korea, 
 the original dividing line between the two Koreas. 
1958 The U.S. announced a plan to explore space near the moon. 
1989 The U.S. anti-missile satellite failed the first test
1997 Russian workers, nearly 2 million, held a nationwide 
 strike to protest unpaid wages. 
1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved the prescription drug Viagra. 
2004 NASA successfully launched an unpiloted X-43A jet that hit 
 Mach 7 (about 5,000 mph). 
2007 NFL owners voted to make instant replay a permanent 
 officiating tool.
2015  smiled.


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Duplicate folders in Outlook 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 26

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida perv used video on man 
using urinal at miniature golf park
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1911 In New York City, 146 women were killed in fire at the 
 Triangle Shirtwaist Company in New York City. The owners of 
 the company were indicted on manslaughter charges because some 
 of the employees had been behind locked doors in the factory. 
 The owners were later acquitted and in 1914 they were ordered 
 to pay damages to each of the twenty-three families that had sued. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --- Al Gore, when he was Vice President ______________________________________________________ Bill: "Hey, tex, how big is your farm?" Tex: "Let me put it this way. If I were to get in my truck at sunrise and kept driving untill sundown, I STILL wouldn't be to the other side of my spread!" Bill: "Oh, yeah, I know what you mean. I used to have a truck like that too once too!" ______________________________________________________ The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of day are you having?" "Oh, mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is broken, I've not been able to get out of the house to shop, I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around. On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight." "Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, close your eyes, and I'll be over in 1/2 hour. I'll do the shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll take care of the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know who'll get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George? Who's George?" "Why, that's your *husband*, dear." "Mom, I don't have a husband." "Is this 234-5678?" "Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong number." The housewife paused, then got rather hysterical: "But, but, but, you're still going to come over and help me, aren't you?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Geraldine Alcorn 28 Pittsburgh Pennsylvania Teacher sent thousands of texts to 11-year-old same sex student expressing 'deep love' An elementary teacher in Pennsylvania is behind bars after police say she sent thousands of texts to an 11-year-old student. In a criminal complaint released by Pittsburgh authorities on Tuesday, 28-year-old Geraldine Alcorn is accused of sending more than 2,400 texts to a female student, where she expressed a "deep love" for the child and talked of running away with the minor, according to WTAE. The child and teacher had allegedly kept their contact a secret for an unspecified amount of time before school officials were made aware of it in February. The child's mother first discovered messages from Alcorn on her daughter's iPod, along with handwritten letters labeled "Things Ms. Alcorn and I can do," "What we can do," and "When we can do it," according to WPXI. Alcorn was allegedly discovered going over to the child's home without permission from the mother. Among the thousands of texts, Alcorn also allegedly discussed adopting the child and running away together, according to CBS Pittsburgh. Alcorn taught several of the girl's classes. Even after Alcorn resigned from her position in March following a police investigation, police say she still attempted contact with the girl. More from the complaint: "On 3/13/2015, after Alcorn had resigned, she went to the school to collect her belongings. On 3/16/2015, the 11-year-old female discovered gifts and several letters, some encrypted, in her locker and desk. The letters, written by Alcorn instructed the 11-year-old female to contact her. Alcorn supplied the 11-year-old female with her telephone number that was encrypted on a math worksheet where the 11-year- old female was instructed to follow the numbers circled." Alcorn now faces a felony charge of interference with custody of children, and misdemeanor charges including luring a child into a vehicle and corruption of minors. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lynne Re: Duplicate folders in Outlook Dear Webby, I did everything you said to do to get my MailWasher and Microsoft programs to work together. Now I did get my email to come into Mailwasher but even though I followed your directions the washed email would not show up into Microsoft Outlook. I was so frustrated. Your directions always solve the problems. I knew I was missing something. But didn’t know where to look. My brother-in-law came to my rescue!! He suggested that I check the folders under the “Mail” listing on the left hand side of the Outlook email program to see if there were 2 Inbox folders and to also look to see if there were any other duplicate folders. I did check and found that the “Inbox and Sent Items” were listed in there 2 xs just like he suggested. I have no idea how that happened but I did find all my emails in the 2nd Inbox where they had been sitting all the time. I had noticed these duplicate folders before but my email programs were working just fine, until March 15th. Those were the last emails that I received until today!! I do have both programs working together again. I am not sure how to proceed with the extra folders. I want to be sure that they don’t get back in again. After I clear out my over 200 emails, I will proceed very carefully to determine which folders to get rid of. Have you ever heard of how these duplicate folders are created? Thank you so much for your help and I hope that others will be helped with this duplicate folders issue. Dear Lynne I have no idea how the extra folders were created. Cat walking over the keyboard? Overactive boobs? Routine Outlook malfunction? Microsoft is aware of the problem and says in Microsoft Live it is apparently not as bad. They don't have any definite remedies, just a bunch of complicated "You could try...", that all sound rather silly and not like a usable remedy. Probably the best method is to temporarily move the mails from both of duplicated folders, then delete one, and move the temporoarily stashed files into the remaining one. Keep in mind, if the INbox and the TRASH and the OUTbox get large, Outlook and especially Outlook Express, go nuts. Keep those three folders nice and trim. You can have as many mails as you want in 2014-Loveletters, just not in the critical 4.Outlook and Outlook Express have always had that problem. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ In a test of emergency systems some boy scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds for a refill." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Soda for Cleaning Old Linoleum Floors I read all the posts; tried them all and then some. After scrubbing and scrubbing I found it, the solution! I bought an old house and could not afford new flooring. By far the most effective thing to do is wet the floor and sprinkle baking soda over it. Wait 15 minutes. Then scrub with a brush and wipe dry. Mop off the residue with water. I cannot believe how sparkly clean it came and the wax did not wear off. By Marrabella [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ "I hope you didn't take it personally, Pastor," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. "It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a kid." _____________________________________________________ Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt. ____________________________________________________
A Glass Labyrinth

Today in 
1026 Conrad II was crowned Holy Roman Emperor by Pope John XIX. 
1799 Napoleon captured Jaffa Palestine. 
1793 The Holy Roman Emperor formally declared war on France. 
1804 The U.S. Congress ordered the removal of Indians east 
 of the Mississippi to Louisiana. 
1885 Eastman Kodak (Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co.) produced 
 the first commercial motion picture film in Rochester, NY. 
1909 Russian troops invaded Persia to support Muhammad Ali 
 as shah in place of the constitutional government. 
1910 The U.S. Congress passed an amendment to the 1907 
 Immigration Act that barred criminals, paupers, anarchists 
 and carriers of disease from settling in the U.S. 
1917 At the start of the battle of Gaza, the British cavalry 
 withdrew when 17,000 Turks blocked their advance. 
1937 Spinach growers in Crystal City, TX, erected a statue of Popeye. 
1938 Herman Goering warned all Jews to leave Austria. 
1942 The Germans began sending Jews to Auschwitz in Poland. 
1945 The battle of Iwo Jima ended. 
1945 In the Aleutians, the battle of Komandorski began when the 
 Japanese attempted to reinforce a garrison at Kiska and were 
 intercepted by a U.S. naval force. 
1958 The U.S. Army launched America's third successful satellite, 
 Explorer III. 
1971 Sheikh Mujibur Rahman declared East Pakistan to be the 
 independent republic of Bangladesh. 
1979 The Camp David treaty was signed by Israel and Egypt that 
 ended the 31-year state of war between the countries. 
1992 In Indianapolis, heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson 
 was found guilty of rape. He was sentenced to 6 years in prison. 
 He only served three. 
1995 Seven of the 15 European Union states abolished border controls. 
1996 The International Monetary Fund approved a $10.2 billion loan 
 for Russia to help the country transform its economy. 
1997 The 39 bodies of Heaven's Gate members are found in a mansion 
 in Rancho Santa Fe, CA. The group had committed suicide thinking 
 that they would be picked up by a spaceship following behind the 
 comet Hale-Bopp. 
1998 In the U.S., the Federal government endorses new HIV test 
 that yields instant results. 
1999 The macro virus "Melissa" was reported for the first. 
1999 In Michigan, Dr. Jack Kevorkian was convicted of second-
 degree murder for giving a terminally ill man a lethal 
 injection and putting it all on videotape on September 17, 
 1998 for "60 Minutes." 
2000 The Seattle Kingdome was imploded to make room for a 
 new football arena. 
2000 In Russia, acting President Vladimir Putin was elected 
 president outright. 
2015  smiled.


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Gmail cookies for multiple accounts 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 25

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida perv used video on man 
using urinal at miniature golf park
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1911 In New York City, 146 women were killed in fire at the 
 Triangle Shirtwaist Company in New York City. The owners of 
 the company were indicted on manslaughter charges because some 
 of the employees had been behind locked doors in the factory. 
 The owners were later acquitted and in 1914 they were ordered 
 to pay damages to each of the twenty-three families that had sued. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Spare no expense to save money on this one. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --- Al Gore, when he was Vice President ______________________________________________________ An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, infinite wisdom, or infinite beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money." ______________________________________________________ You might be a Texan if you have ever had this conversation: "You wanna Coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Panama Beach, Florida
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Justin Lynn Barrett Pasco County Florida Florida perv used video on man using urinal at miniature golf park An employee at a Florida miniature golf park is facing charges of video voyeurism after allegedly setting up a cellphone camera in a bathroom to film a man answering nature's call. Deputies from the Pasco County Sheriff's Office were called to Congo River Miniature Golf Saturday afternoon, after a man using the restroom noticed a cell phone leaning against the wall under a sink recording him, Bay News 9 reports. The victim called authorities and insisted he didn't give anybody permission to record him urinating, according to WFLA.com. Barrett, one of two employees working that day, was quickly determined to be the main suspect. Authorities said he admitted setting up the camera in the bathroom and said he did it because “he saw a hot man,” according to New Port Richey Patch. Barrett was charged with video voyeurism, a felony, and booked into the county jail. He was released from custody on Monday after posting $5000 bond. When Sheriff Chris Nocco discussed the case with the media, he didn't pull any punches. “This guy has some issues,”Nocco told Suncoast News. “As a father, you do what you can to protect your kids. This is one of those things where there’s some scumbag who will exploit people. He didn’t know who was going to use [the urinal]. It could have been a 5-year-old boy or a 50-year-old man.” Nocco also said Barrett attempted to destroy the evidence on the phone, TBO.com reports. Barrett allegedly told police this incident was the first time he had attempted to film people in the urinal, but Nocco suspects there are other victims “He said this was the first time he did it, but we’re skeptical," he said, according to the website. "I hope all of [Barrett’s] neighbors see and hear this. I wouldn’t let my children near his house. He’s the one who needs to be exposed.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Patrick Re: Gmail cookies Dear Webby, cookie problem: I used to experience that issue as I have a few different gmail accounts. Gmail now allows you to login to separate accounts by logging into your primary account, and then clicking on the little blue person icon in the top right corner of the page and selecting add an account. The first time you do this you will have to login to the second address as normal. Gmail will then place an additional cookie for each separate email account and you can login to any gmail account in any order you wish. Re RCMP. My uncle who is a retired member and avid motorcycle rider claims that he is the one in the story. He has spent the bulk of his career in Western Canada, so I suppose it is possible, but like any great story, I take it with a grain of salt. Patrick Dear Patrick Thanks for the info about the extra account cookies! Re RCMP: Well, SOME RCMP member did it. Might as well be him. Is he also the one, who was jogging in place beside a car stuck and spinning out in a snow drift in a blizzard near Black Diamond, with the drunk in it believing his speedometer and thinking the officer was jogging along at 80 Miles per hour? That apparently happened near here too. I am in Black Diamond. Say HI to him from me! Btw., the drunk was not me. I don't drink. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The local pastor noticed that Little Johnny hadn't been to Sunday school in a long time. He was not surprised that Johnny's parents had not been to church in a month of Sundays, but it was unusual for Johnny to miss Sunday school for so long. He went to Johnny's house and knocked on the door. Little Johnny answered the door, took one look at the pastor and called to his father, "Hey, Dad! That guy that collects money for God is here!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Sizes on Cake Pans I don't use cake tins often and I always have to measure them to ensure I have the right size. I painted the sizes (in centimetres) of the tins on their sides with ceramic paint and baked them in the oven to set the paint. Now, no more searching for a ruler when I make a cake or flan. By Ann.Mc [1] For easy and cheap permanent marking get a Nissen Marker. They are about $5 - $6, depending on which type you get. I prefer the ball pen type, just from old habit, but they have many different types. Nissen markers I used to use them to mark electric motors before putting them into the burn-out oven to burn all the insulation on the wires in them, to make it easy to remove the old wires prior to re-winding them. Red glowing cast iron did not obliterate the job numbers on the stators. In your oven the pans won't get half as hot as those big motors did. The ball pen type seals as soon as you stop writing. No fuss or brushes to clean. In the last 35 years I have used up a bunch of them, but none ever dried out on me. You can of course also use the Nissen Markers to permanently identify keys, tools, lunch boxes, jam jars, whatever. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it closely. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in a young boy's voice, he answered: "I THINK IT'S ADAM'S UNDERWEAR!" _____________________________________________________ Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him and busting their teeth on the counter here." ____________________________________________________
A lot of history here. Too bad it isn't open to the public ......yet.

Today in 
0421 The city of Venice was founded. 
1306 Robert the Bruce was crowned king of Scotland. 
1409 The Council of Pisa opened. 
1634 Lord Baltimore founded the Catholic colony of Maryland.
1655 Puritans jailed Governor Stone after a military victory 
 over Catholic forces in the colony of Maryland. 
1655 Christian Huygens discovered Titan. Titan is Saturn's 
 largest satellite. 
1669 Mount Etna in Sicily erupted destroying Nicolosi. 
 20,000 people were killed. 
1807 The first railway passenger service began in England. 
1807 British Parliament abolished the slave trade. 
1813 The frigate USS Essex flew the first U.S. flag in battle 
 in the Pacific. 
1820 Greece freedom revolt against anti Ottoman attack 
1821 Greece gained independence from Turkey. 
1856 A. E. Burnside patented Burnside carbine. 
1857 Frederick Laggenheim took the first photo of a solar eclipse. 
1865 The SS General Lyon at Cape Hatteras caught fire and sank. 
 400 people were killed. 
1895 Italian troops invaded Abyssinia (Ethiopia). 
1901 The Mercedes was introduced by Daimler at the five-day 
 "Week of Nice" in Nice, France. 
1901 It was reported in Washington, DC, that Cubans were 
 beginning to fear annexation. 
1902 Irving W. Colburn patented the sheet glass drawing machine. 
1902 In Russia, 567 students were found guilty of "political 
 disaffection." 95 students were exiled to Siberia. 
1905 Rebel battle flags that were captured during the American 
 Civil War were returned to the South. 
1905 Russia received Japan's terms for peace. 
1907 Nicaraguan troops took Tegucigalpa, the capital of Honduras. 
1909 In Russia, revolutionary Popova was arrested on 
 300 murder charges. 
1911 In New York City, 146 women were killed in fire at the 
 Triangle Shirtwaist Company in New York City. The owners of 
 the company were indicted on manslaughter charges because some 
 of the employees had been behind locked doors in the factory. 
 The owners were later acquitted and in 1914 they were ordered 
 to pay damages to each of the twenty-three families that had sued. 
1913 The Palace Theatre opened in New York City. 
1915 21 people died when a U.S. F-4 submarine sank off the 
 Hawaiian coast. 
1940 The U.S. agreed to give Britain and France access to all 
 American warplanes. 
1941 Yugoslavia joined the Axis powers. 
1941 The first paprika mill was incorporated in Dollon, SC. 
1947 A coalmine explosion in Centralia, IL, killed 111 people. 
1953 The USS Missouri fired on targets at Kojo, North Korea. 
1954 RCA manufactured its first color TV set
1957 The European Economic Community was established with the 
 signing of the Treaty of Rome. 
1960 A guided missile was launched from a nuclear powered 
 submarine for the first time. 
1970 The Concorde made its first supersonic flight. 
1975 King Faisal of Saudi Arabia was shot to death by a nephew. 
 The nephew, with a history of mental illness, was beheaded 
 the following June. 
1982 Wayne Gretzky became the first player in the NHL to score 
 200 points in a season. 
1983 The U.S. Congress passed legislation to rescue the U.S. 
 social security system from bankruptcy. 
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan ordered emergency aid for the 
 Honduran army. U.S. helicopters took Honduran troops to the 
 Nicaraguan border.
1990 Estonia voted for independence from the Soviet Union. 
1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein launched a major counter-
 offensive to recapture key towns from Kurds in northern Iraq. 
1992 Soviet cosmonaut Sergei Krikalev returned to Earth after 
 spending 10 months aboard the orbiting Mir space station. 
1993 President de Klerk admitted that South Africa had built 
 six nuclear bombs, but said that they had since been dismantled. 
1994 United States troops completed their withdrawal from Somalia. 
1995 Boxer Mike Tyson was released from jail after serving 3 years. 
1996 An 81-day standoff by the antigovernment Freemen began at a 
 ranch near Jordan, MT. 
1998 A cancer patient was the first known to die under Oregon's 
 doctor-assisted suicide law. 
1998 The FCC nets $578.6 million at auction for licenses for new 
 wireless technology. 
1998 Quinn Pletcher was found guilty on charges of extortion. 
 He had threatened to kill Bill Gates unless he was paid $5 million. 
2004 The U.S. Senate voted (61-38) on the Unborn Victims of Violence Act
2015  smiled.


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Gmail cookie problem 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 24

If you have been considering getting MailWasher,
get off your butt! Today is the last day to get it at 50% off!

We got snow again. Light, fluffy snow, about 5 inches.
No, not climate change due to your farting. It's  quite normal
to get a bit of snow here in the foothills of the Rockies in
March, April, and I have seen it even in May. 

Please continue farting and driving. Our grain fields and 
forests need the CO2. If you don't, we might have to ration 
your toilet paper allotment.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Virginia teacher, who had students 
wait in line for sex
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1832 Mormon Joseph Smith was beaten, tarred and feathered in Ohio. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. --- James M. Barrie (1860 - 1937) ______________________________________________________ A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the Christian family ?" "No", he said, " they live two farms down ". "No,no, I mean are you lost ?" "No, I've been here thirty years." "I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?" "When is it ?" "It could be today or tomorrow ". "Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me know . My wife will probably want to go both days !" ______________________________________________________ Just think, if it weren't for women, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Black Forest
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Erica Lynn Mesa, 28, Colonial Forge, Virginia Virginia teacher had students wait in line for sex A former math teacher and volleyball coach at a Virginia high school has pleaded guilty to multiple charges in a student sex case that broke at the beginning of the school year. Erica Lynn Mesa, 28, has been in jail since her arrest Sept. 29, according to WTVR. Mesa admitted to having sex with several students at Colonial Forge High School in Stafford County last year, police said. In a confession obtained by Stafford Sheriff's deputies, Mesa said she had sex with the boys, one of whom was underage at the time, because it made her feel "attractive and wanted." She told how she had sex with one victim in a car in a commuter lot on his eighteenth birthday. She also described how she had multiple students over at her house while her husband was away. She said she made one of the boys wait his turn in the basement while she had sex with another upstairs. "She is not a pedophile," her attorney, Mark Gardner, said in court Friday. "She was not preying on people who had no interest in participating." Sheriff's deputies began investigating Mesa in 2014 after they received a tip from administration at Colonial Forge. Investigators found a electronic trail linking Mesa to her victims, which included nude photos of herself that she'd sent to a 16-year-old student, according to WTOP. Mesa was charged with the sex abuse of two boys, but told police that she had sex with a total of four victims, according to the Fredericksburg Free Lance-Star. In exchange for her pleas, prosecutors reduced two charges against her, and dropped two others. She faces a maximum of 22 years in prison when she is sentenced May 21. In court Friday, her lawyer said that his client's poor choices cost her her marriage and her career. As part of her plea deal, Mesa will register as a sex offender. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kay Re: Gmail cookie problem Dear Webby, Hope all is well with you. I need some information on cookies. Right now I'm working with IE. I have downloaded Mozilla Firefox. When I try to get into my Gmail it tells me that cookies are preventing me from opening my mail. My question is, is it safe to delete all cookies? Thank you for all of the help you have given me in the past. Kay Dear Kay You are the first one with that problem! Get CrapCleaner from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools With that you can sort out your cookies and dump any, that you don't recognize or like. After that, go through all your Gmail options, and ALLOW it to set cookies. You may have to click on ALLOW in each of your browsers. They are harmless, just store your preferences. Are you using Gmail raw, or hauling it down into a full-featured email program like Eudora, Thunderbird, Outlook, etc? Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Re marriage: "My mother says to look for a man who is kind. So that's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and kinda cute." -Carolyn, AGE 8 ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bobbin as Lost Jeans Button When you lose the metal button for your jeans, use a metal sewing bobbin. It is the same size and the shank is perfect for the thicker denim. By Carole A. [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Supposedly true. Has been around the net again and again for twenty years, and the RCMP has never issued a disclaimer. An RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) officer stopped to help a stranded rider standing beside a stalled motorcycle in the Rockies just a bit east of here. It was quite cold for riding a bike at speed, and the rider was heavily dressed in a full face helmet, balaclava and snowmobile suit. In a shivering voice, the rider told the Mountie that the carburetor was frozen. "Well, pee on it," the Mountie said. "Can't," replied the rider. The helpful Mountie took out his own equipment and liberally hosed down the carburetor, and the bike soon fired up. A few days later, the local department received a thank you note from a father, grateful for the roadside assistance his young daughter had received from the RCMP. _____________________________________________________ Dogs prayer: Dear God, If we come back as humans in our next life, is that as punishment for jumping on the couch? ____________________________________________________
I love old barns, old log cabins and old historic homes.

Today in 
1379 The Gelderse war ended. 
1545 German Parliament opened in Worms. 
1720 In Paris, banking houses closed due to financial crisis.
1765 Britain passed the Quartering Act that required the 
 American colonies to house 10,000 British troops in 
 public and private buildings. 
1832 Mormon Joseph Smith was beaten, tarred and feathered in Ohio. 
1837 Canada gave blacks the right to vote 
1880 The first "hail insurance company" was incorporated in 
 Connecticut. It was known as Tobacco Growers’ Mutual 
 Insurance Company. 
1882 In Berlin, German scientist Robert Koch announced the 
 discovery of the tuberculosis germ (bacillus). 
1904 Vice Adm. Tojo sank seven Russian ships as the 
 Japanese strengthened their blockade of Port Arthur. 
1905 In Crete, a group led by Eleutherios Venizelos 
 claimed independence from Turkey. 
1906 In Mexico, the Tehuantepec Istmian Railroad opened 
 as a rival to the Panama Canal. 
1911 In Denmark, penal code reform abolished corporal 
 punishment. 
1924 Greece became a republic. 
1927 Chinese Communists seized Nanking and break with 
 Chiang Kai-shek over the Nationalist goals. 
1938 The U.S. asked that all powers help refugees fleeing 
 from the Nazis. 
1944 In Rome, The Gestapo rounded up innocent Italians and 
 shot them to death in response to a bomb attack that killed 
 32 German policemen. Over 300 civilians were executed. 
1946 The Soviet Union announced that it was withdrawing its 
 troops from Iran. 
1955 The first oil drill seagoing rig was put into service. 
1976 The president of Argentina, Isabel Peron, was deposed 
 by her country's military. 
1985 Thousands demonstrated in Madrid against the NATO 
 presence in Spain. 
1989 The Exxon Valdez spilled 240,000 barrels (11 million 
 gallons) of oil in Alaska's Prince William Sound after 
 it ran aground. 
1997 The Australian parliament overturned the world's first 
 and only euthanasia law. 
1998 In Jonesboro, AR, two young boys open fire at students 
 from woods near a school. Four students and a teacher 
 were killed and 10 others were injured. The two boys were 
 11 and 13 years old cousins. 
1999 The 7-mile tunnel under Mont Blanc in France was an inferno 
 after a truck carrying flour and margarine caught on fire. At 
 least 30 people were killed. 
2001 Apple Computer Inc's operating system MAC OS X went on sale. 
2005 The government of Kyrgyzstan collapsed. 
2006 In Spain, the Basque separatist group ETA announced a 
 permanent cease-fire. 
2014 It was announced that the U.S. and its allies would exclude 
 Russia from the G8 meeting and boycott a planned summit in 
 Sochi in response to Russia's takeover of Crimea.
2015  smiled.


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