What is TweakUI ? 





Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, September 17

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Florida teens break into home to have sex Details at Boneheads Today, in 1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam, began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) Don't think you're on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path. --- Socratex The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. --- Elizabeth Taylor The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. --- Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - )
This one is a real Classic: After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger doublewide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in 'Bama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me" So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherrybomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
An older friend recently returned from her home town in North Carolina, says they've spruced up the churchyard cemetery since her last visit several years back. "Lots of new greenery," she said. "And families are together now." "Together?" I asked, puzzled. "Well, years ago they never much worried where they buried someone because everyone was a neighbor anyhow. They'd just dig a grave wherever it seemed to balance things. But they've redone it so people are with their children and grandchildren, instead of scattered all over." "You mean they exhumed all those people and re-buried them?" "Oh no," she said. "They just moved the headstones. Everyone agrees it looks ever so much nicer."
Click through for the large picture commuter-broom
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Allison Riddle and Evan Jones, both 18, Bradenton, Floriduh Florida teens break into home to have sex A couple is accused of breaking into a home in Bradenton, Florida so they could have sex, according to a police report obtained by The Smoking Gun. Allison Riddle and Evan Jones, both 18-year-old high school students, allegedly entered the residence Saturday night after Jones’ friend — who cuts the homeowner’s lawn — gave him the garage security code. The owner of the home lives in Michigan, and a neighbor called the cops after spotting the randy teens allegedly going into the house. When cops got there, Jones allegedly called, “All right, we’re coming out!” from behind a closed bedroom door. Riddle and Jones allegedly told cops they didn’t intend on stealing anything, but had just gone into the residence to have sex. They were each charged with burglary and taken into custody, but both have since been released, according to Manatee County records. --------- Buncha wimps! When I was that age I had half a dozen love-nests in the forest along the river, smooth and soft moss, bushes all around and a big tree above. Dry and cozy in any weather. Of course, I had a nice quilt rolled up in my bike's saddle bag, and a box of condoms and kleenex stashed at each love-nest. It never occurred to me to use somebody's house. Tech Support Pits From: Alice Re: TweakUI Dear Webby I have over the decades seen mention of TweakUI a number of times, but nobody ever 'splained to me what it is. Can you? Thanks Alice Dear Alice To get tweakUI, go to TweakUI for W7 64-bit It is free, and takes less than 1 MB of space. TweakUI started as an unofficial and not approved collection of little utilities to help make Windows98 a bit better by tweaking the User Interface. One of the first tricks was to make the icon text background transparent, instead of an ugly white block. Some of the tricks were just telling us the devious ways to get something set, even though no Microsoft help mentioned it. Another one was an add-in to the file explorer, that let you open a command prompt at the highlighted directory. Slowly that collection grew, and in Windows XP quite a few of them were built in, and Microsoft took control of TweakUI. Windows 7 adopted even more, but there are still quite a few conveniences, that you only get through the TweakUI. Above is the link to the current, "official" version of it. There are a few more advanced ones floating around, but try this one first. If you need even more tricks, let me know. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mix Sweet and Plain Cereal Together I would buy unsweetened cereal along with sweetened versions and would mix them into one bowl, returning them back into their boxes. Then when the kids or my husband ate cereal, they ate HALF the sugar in each bowl. It wasn't completely not sweet so they'd still like it! You can do this with cheerios, flakes and even granolas. The unsweetened (or store brand) versions were usually less expensive too. I also cut our milk with reconstituted dry milk, just to help our little struggling family at the time. By Donna [137] http://www. thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Woman to marriage counselor: "The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we got stuck with the same kids."
Schalk burst into Van's room to find Van standing on a chair with a rope around his waist and the end of the rope around the ceiling beam. "Hey Van, what do you think you're doing?" said Schalk. "I'm committing suicide," replied Van. "Well you're going about it all wrong," said Schalk. "You're supposed to tie the rope around your neck, not our waist." "Man, but I tried that yesterday and I nearly choked."
http://www.ctvnews.ca/autos/ontario-con ... gt; src="http://webby.com/humor/Diannes.jpg" align=left>
» When cars had class!

Today in 
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that 
 expelled all Jews from France. 
1778 The United States signed its first treaty with a 
 Native American tribe, the Delaware Nation. 
1787 The Constitution of the United States of America was 
 signed by delegates at the Constitutional Convention. 
1862 The Battle of Antietam took place during the American 
 Civil War. More than 23,000 men were killed, wounded, or 
 missing. The Rebel advance was ended with heavy losses 
 to both armies. 
1872 Phillip W. Pratt patented a version of the sprinkler 
 system. 
1911 The first transcontinental airplane flight started. It 
 took C.P. Rogers 82 hours to fly from New York City to Pasadena, CA. 
1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam, 
 began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV. 
1932 Sir Malcolm Campbell set a speed record when he reached 
 276.27 mph over a half mile. 
1937 At Mount Rushmore, Abraham Lincoln's face was dedicated. 
1939 The Soviet Union invaded Poland. Germany had invaded 
 Poland on September 1. 
1944 Operation "Market Garden" was launched by Allied 
 paratroopers during World War II. The landing point was 
 behind German lines in the Netherlands. 
1966 "Mission Impossible" premiered on CBS-TV. 
1972 "M*A*S*H" premiered on CBS-TV. 
1976 NASA unveiled the space shuttle Enterprise in Palmdale, CA. 
1983 Vanessa Williams, as Miss New York, became the first black 
 woman to be crowned Miss America. 
1984 9,706 immigrants became naturalized citizens when they 
 were sworn in by U.S. Vice-President George Bush in Miami. 
 It was the largest group to become U.S. citizens. 
1988 Lt. Gen. Prosper Avril declared himself president of 
 Haiti after President Henri Hamphy was ousted. 
1992 Lawrence Walsh called a halt to his probe of the Iran-
 Contra scandal. The investigation had lasted 5 1/2 years. 
1995 Hong Kong held its last legislative election before 
 being taken over by China in 1997. 
1997 Northern Ireland's main Protestant party joined in 
 peace talks. It was the first time that all of the major 
 players had come together. 
1998 The United States government offered a reward for the 
 capture of Haroun Fazil for his role in the bombing of
 US embassies in Kenya on August 7, 1998. 
1998 The U.S. announced a plan that would compensate victims 
 in the Kenya and Tanzania U.S. Embassy bombings on 
 August 7, 1998. 
2014  smiled.


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When you can't restore 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, September 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Tennessee man butt dialled himself into jail Details at Boneheads Today, in 1998 Universal paid $9 million for the rights to the Dr. Seuss classics "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and "Oh, the Places You'll Go."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. --- Joan Rivers (1935 - )
Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go." Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority." Female Employee: "And I'm a woman." Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin." To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "Well, you guyses, I know it doesn't show, but I sink I might be gay..." So, to be politically correct, he fired them all.
One Liners: Middle Age: When actions creak louder than words. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too! Is it time for your medication or mine?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Grant O'Connor, MOUNT PLEASANT, Tenn Tennessee man butt dialled himself into jail A man has been arrested in Middle Tennessee after dispatchers heard him discussing drugs on an accidental 911 call. WKRN-TV reports Grant O’Connor was charged with simple possession and possession of drug paraphernalia after his Friday arrest in Mount Pleasant. Dispatchers traced the call when they heard him talking about getting high and going to a drug dealer’s house on an open line. According to a police report, an officer located O’Connor in a car that was pulling out of a restaurant parking lot. The officer searched the car and found a bag of marijuana and drug paraphernalia underneath O’Connor’s seat. O’Connor was released on $3,500 bond the following day. There was no phone number listed for him in the phone directory. The drug dealer's house, that he mentioned, is on the list now. Action and excitement is to be expected there tonight. Tech Support Pits From: Guinn Re: Can't restore Dear Webby You seem to know (or can find out) a lot of answers to our problems, out here in CyberLand. So here is MY problem: Sometime in the past few weeks I must have clicked a wrong key because now I cannot Restore. When I try to Restore, the only day shown in bold numbers is the current date and the current time. How do I get my Restore back? I was looking at TweakUI awhile back. Could a wrong key there cause this problem? Thanks for any help you can give me, Guinn Dear Guinn TweakUI is perfectly safe. It was actually written for Windows 98 and has been around for a long time now. For XP you should actually use XP-Powertoys, but good ol TweakUI is OK too. There is a TweakUI for Windows 7 64-bit available, that will let you tweak the W7 User Interface to be more logical and user friendly. It is quite safe. TweakUI for W7 64-bit It is free, and takes less than 1 MB of space. You, or some "speeder-upper" utility, must have turned off Restore and wiped out all the old restore data. Running out of disk space also deactivates the Restore. Once you clear out enough space, System Restore will reactivate automatically, but in the meantime you will have lost all your previous restore points. Restore also gets a bit flaky when it gets close to the limit of the space that you allotted for it. It will start dropping old restore points. Theoretically it is supposed to stop dumping when 50% of the allocated space is free. Sometimes it doesn't. If the restore point that you see is not the one made when Restore got turned back on, go to Control Panel, System, System-Restore and manage it from there. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Glue Paper Plate to Paint Can You'll keep the floor neater during the next painting job if you glue a paper plate to the bottom of your paint can, instead of trying to move newspapers under the container every time you set it down. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www. thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space from AOL. Is that enough?"
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" Little Johnny in the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"

» Ron Pratte Collection

Today in 
1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after 
 rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born 
 Prince of Wales. 
1620 The Mayflower departed from Plymouth, England. The ship 
 arrived at Provincetown, MA, on November 21st and then at 
 Plymouth, MA, on December 26th. There were 102 passengers 
 onboard. 
1630 The village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston. 
1782 The Great Seal of the United States was impressed on 
 document to negotiate a prisoner of war agreement with 
 the British. It was the first official use of the 
 impression. 
1810 The Mexicans began a revolt against Spanish rule. 
 Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla, a Catholic priest of Spanish 
 descent, declared Mexico's independence from Spain in 
 the small town of Dolores. 
1893 The "Cherokee Strip" in Oklahoma was swarmed by 
 hundreds of thousands of settlers. 
1908 General Motors was founded by William Crapo "Billy" 
 Durant. The company was formed by merging the Buick and 
 Olds car companies.
1974 U.S. President Ford announced a conditional amnesty 
 program for draft-evaders and deserters during the 
 Vietnam War. 
1982 In west Beirut, the massacre of hundreds of Palestinian 
 men, women and children began in refugee camps of the 
 Lebanese Christian militiamen. 
1985 The Communist Party in China announced changes in 
 leadership that were designed to bring younger officials 
 into power. 
1987 The Montreal Protocol was signed by 24 countries in an 
 effort to save the Earth's ozone layer by reducing emissions 
 of harmful chemicals by the year 2000. It turned out the 
 Ozone scare was a hoax.
1990 An eight-minute videotape of an address by U.S. President 
 George H.W. Bush was shown on Iraqi television. The message 
 warned that action of Saddam Hussein could plunge them into 
 a war "against the world." 
1994 Exxon Corporation was ordered by federal jury to pay 
 $5 billion in punitive damages to the people harmed by the 
 1989 Exxon Valdez spill. 
1994 Two astronauts from the space shuttle Discovery went on 
 the first untethered spacewalk in 10 years. 
1998 Universal paid $9 million for the rights to the Dr. Seuss 
 classics "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and 
 "Oh, the Places You'll Go." 
2014  smiled.


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Sockets for computer accessories 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, September 15

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Colorado woman, who pointed a rifle at kids, who were practising a clarinet in the neighbor's back yard Details at Boneheads Today, in 1949 "The Lone Ranger" premiered on ABC. Clayton Moore was the Lone Ranger and Jay Silverheels was Tonto.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral. --- Robert Orben A man's reach should exceed his grasp. --- Robert Browning
Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh as a daisy. "I don't understand," he marvelled, "how you can listen to complaining patients from morning till night, on a day like this, and still look so spry and unbothered when it's over?" The older analyst replied, "So, who listens?"
Thanks to Rosie for this story: After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me, all under the age of eleven. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am," he asked, "do all these children and this luggage belong to you?" "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. "They're all mine." The customs agent began his questions, "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?" "Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now." The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase.
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture, sent to her by her Friend Betty in Pismo Beach Click through for the large picture
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cheryl Ann Pifer of Clifton, Colorado Woman Points Rifle At Boy Playing Clarinet Outside A western Colorado woman is accused of pointing a rifle at several children in a neighboring backyard because she was upset that an 11-year-old boy was playing his clarinet outside. Mesa County sheriff's deputies believe 60-year-old Cheryl Ann Pifer of Clifton had been drinking before allegedly threatening the children Wednesday. The Daily Sentinel reports that the boy told Pifer he was practicing the clarinet as part of his homework and couldn't go back inside his grandmother's house because a baby was sleeping. Several of the other children in the backyard with him reported that Pifer also pointed a gun at them and yelled "Fire in the hole!" as they ran away. Deputies say Pifer's rifle wasn't loaded. Pifer declined to comment. She faces possible child abuse and felony menacing charges. Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Sockets for accessories Dear Webby First of all, thanx for offering the large type option to those of us who are superannuated. I go back to the days when your connections to accessories (printers, scanners, etc.) were plentiful and you had many sizes and fittings. My Dell (surprise) has only a few ports for my accessories. Is there a multi-plug unit available so I can keep my connectors in one place? Thank you Jerry Dear Jerry There used to be docking stations for laptops, but I have not seen any for years. Nowadays you just use USB hubs. You can get them at the Dollar store with 4 - 8 sockets. You plug each one into a USB socket, and glue the hub with double-sided tape to the side of the monitor or shelf. You can glue one with the sockets facing forward and one with the sockets f acing back for added convenience. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Take Along Coffee Packs I love fresh brewed coffee. To make my own take along packs, I place a teaspoon or maybe a tablespoon of ground coffee into a coffee filter along with aspartame sugar and powder creamer, and fold the filter in from the sides and down from the top. I secure it with one staple like they do on tea bags and I have take along fresh brewed coffee. I can add them to hot water, heated in the microwave where ever and whenever. I make loads of these and keep them in an old empty glass lidded jar for at home and put some in a small zipock bag for my purse. This is much cheaper than buying them premade, and I can specialize them with any flavor I like. By Kimsukie from Florissant, MO http://www. thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Before Linda got married, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you intending to marry?"
Today's Bonehead reminded me of this story: Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him. "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night." "Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?" "Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

» Golden Harvest

Today in 
1775 An early and unofficial American flag was raised by 
 Lieutenant Colonel Isaac Mott after the seizing of Fort 
 Johnson from the British. The flag was dark blue with 
 the white word "Liberty" spelled on it. 
1776 British forces occupied New York City during the 
 American Revolution. 
1821 Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and El Salvador 
 proclaimed independence. 
1853 Reverend Antoinette Brown Blackwell was ordained becoming 
 first female minister in the United States. 
1857 Timothy Alder earned a patent for the typesetting machine. 
1858 The first mail service began to the Pacific Coast of the U.S. 
 under government contract. Coaches from the Butterfield Overland 
 Mail Company took 12 days to make the journey between Tipton, MO 
 and San Francisco, CA. 
1909 Charles F. Kettering applied for a patent on his ignition 
 system. His company Delco (Dayton Engineering Laboratories 
 Company) later became a subsidiary of General Motors. 
1916 During the Battle of the Somme, in France, tanks were 
 first used in warfare when the British rolled them onto the 
 battlefields. 
1917 Alexander Kerensky proclaimed Russia to be a republic. 
1923 Oklahoma was placed under martial law by Gov. John 
 Calloway Walton due to terrorist activity by the Ku Klux 
 Klan. After this declaration national newspapers began to 
 expose the Klan and its criminal activities. 
1928 Alexander Fleming discovered the antibiotic penicillin 
 in the mold Penicillium notatum. 
1935 The Nuremberg Laws were enacted by Nazi Germany. The 
 act stripped all German Jews of their civil rights and the 
 swastika was made the official symbol of Nazi Germany. 
1940 The German Luftwaffe suffered the loss of 185 planes in 
 the Battle of Britain. The change in tide forced Hitler to 
 abandon his plans for invading Britain. 
1949 "The Lone Ranger" premiered on ABC. Clayton Moore was the 
 Lone Ranger and Jay Silverheels was Tonto. 
1950 U.N. forces landed at Inchon, Korea in an attempt to 
 relieve South Korean forces and recapture Seoul. 
1953 The National Boxing Association adopted the 10-point 
 scoring system for all of its matches. 
1955 Betty Robbins became the first woman cantor. 
1959 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S. 
 to begin a 13-day visit. 
1961 The U.S. resumed underground testing of nuclear weapons. 
1965 "Lost in Space" premiered on CBS TV. 
1965 "Green Acres" premiered on CBS TV. 
1978 Muhammad Ali defeated Leon Spinks to win his 3rd World 
 Heavyweight Boxing title. 
1982 The first issue of "USA Today" was published. 
1983 The U.S. Senate joined the U.S. House of Representatives
 in their condemning of the Soviet Union for shooting down a 
 Korean jet with 269 people onboard. 
1990 France announced that it would send an additional 4,000 
 soldiers to the Persian Gulf. They also expelled Iraqi 
 military attaches in Paris. 
1993 The FBI announced a new national campaign concerning 
 the crime of carjacking. 
1994 U.S. President Clinton told Haiti's military leaders 
 "Your time is up. Leave now or we will force you from power." 
1998 Ayatollah Ali Khamenei ordered the Iranian military to 
 be on full alert and massed troops on its border with 
 Afghanistan. 
1998 It was announced that 5.9 million people read The Starr 
 Report on the Internet. 606,000 people read the White House 
 defense of U.S. President Clinton. 
1999 The United Nations approved the deployment of a 
 multinational peacekeeping force in East Timor. 
2003 In Independence, MO, the birthplace of Ginger Rogers 
was designated a local landmark. The move by the Independence 
City Council qualified the home for historic preservation.
2014  smiled.


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How to clean an LED monitor 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, September 14

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Californian, who cooked his girlfriend's Pomeranian, fed it to her then texted her to ask how it tasted before placing the dog's paws on her doorstep Details at Boneheads Today, in 1940 The Selective Service Act was passed by the U.S. Congress providing the first peacetime draft in the United States.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. --- Mae West (1892 - 1980) Art is making something out of nothing and selling it. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993)
Bear cub pole dancing
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't have an air conditioner anyway."
Thanks to lillemor for sending this picture, sent to her by her son Mikel
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ryan Watenpaugh, 34, of Palo Cedro, California Man cooked his girlfriend's Pomeranian, fed it to her then texted her to ask how it tasted before placing the dog's paws on her doorstep A Northern California man has been arrested after his ex-girlfriend said he cooked her dog and fed it to her. Ryan Watenpaugh, 34, of Palo Cedro was arrested on Thursday on charges of stalking and animal cruelty. He remains jailed on Friday. Watenpaugh's ex told police he had repeatedly struck her while they were dating and that after one assault, she escaped from her Redding apartment out the back door and returned to find her Pomeranian, 'Bear,' missing. USA Today reports that the woman said she suffers from bruises and minor cuts after the assaults and she claims that she was twice held against her will while she was trying to escape him. Police say the couple briefly reconciled last week and Watenpaugh cooked the woman a meal and she ate it thinking it was like any other meal. But she told police he later texted her and asked how her dog had tasted. On Tuesday at around 1 a.m. the woman heard a truck pull up to her residence and she saw Watenpaugh walk to her house and place a mysterious object on her doorstep. He also allegedly texted the woman about what terrible things he planned to do with the dog's remains and said that he would return its paws to her. When she went outside, she saw two of the dog's paws outside her door. Police say Watenpaugh has denied killing or cooking the dog. In addition to arresting Wantenpaugh, police searched his home and found AK-47 assault rifle and multiple high-capacity magazines. He was booked for animal cruelty, domestic violence, stalking and false imprisonment. He's being held on $250,000 bail. Police are still researching what kind of weapons charges they can add. Tech Support Pits From: Narnie Re: Cleaning LCD monitors Dear Webby I got a piece of cloth with my new monitor and instructions to just wipe it with that cloth, without any liquid. That does not make sense to me. What is the real story and the proper way to clean an LCD monitor? Thanks Narnie Dear Narnie You are right. Dry cloth will just scratch the plastic front of the monitor. Use your favorite window cleaning spray and a soft,lint-free cloth. Micro-fiber cloth, a freshly washed t-shirt rag, or anything like that will work fine. Spray the screen, wipe any runs at the bottom edge, then wipe the entire screen. Turn the rag around and lightly polish it with the dry side. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Air from Ziplock Bags We will never buy the vacuum seal machine and expensive bags because we vacuum seal the easy and frugal way. Place contents in a ziploc bag and immerse in a sink full of water, keeping opened end of bag just above the water line. The pressure of the water against the outside of the bag will force out all the air in it. And, voila, it's done. Zip shut and you're good to go! By annelaundrie from Green Bay, WI http://www. thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started to discuss the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." "I know!" said a third. "They use it to find the fire hydrant!"
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old football injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played football." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Superbowl. I put my foot through the television."

» Beautiful Places

Today in 
1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon 
 Bonaparte's troops invaded. 
1814 Francis Scott Key wrote the "Star-Spangled Banner," 
 a poem originally known as "Defense of Fort McHenry," after 
 witnessing the British bombardment of Fort McHenry, MD, 
 during the War of 1812. The song became the official U.S. 
 national anthem on March 3, 1931. 
1847 U.S. forces took control of Mexico City under the 
 leadership of General Winfield Scott. 
1866 George K. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon. 
1899 In New York City, Henry Bliss became the first 
 automobile fatality. 
1901 U.S. President William McKinley died of gunshot wounds 
 inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt, 
 at age 42, succeeded him. 
1915 Carl G. Muench received a patent for Insulit, the first 
 sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings. 
1938 The VS-300 made its first flight. The craft was based 
 on the helicopter technology patented by Igor Sikorsky. 
1940 The Selective Service Act was passed by the U.S. 
 Congress providing the first peacetime draft in the 
 United States. 
1959 Luna II, a Soviet space probe, became the first 
 man-made object on the moon when it crashed on the surface. 
1960 The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries 
 (OPEC) was founded. The core members were Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, 
 Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela. 
1972 "The Waltons" premiered on CBS-TV. 
1975 Pope Paul VI declared Mother Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton 
 the first U.S.-born saint. 
1978 "Mork & Mindy" premiered on ABC-TV. 
1983 The U.S. House of Representatives voted 416-0 in a 
 resolution condemning the Soviet Union for the shooting 
 down of a Korean jet on September 1. 
1984 Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon 
 solo across the Atlantic Ocean. 
 1987 Tony Magnuson cleared 9.5 feet above the top of the 
 U-ramp and set a new skateboard high jump record. 
1989 Joseph T. Wesbecker shot and killed eight people and 
 wounded twelve others at a printing plant in Louisville, KY. 
 Wesbecker, 47 years old, was on disability for mental 
 illness. He took his own life after the incident. 
1998 Israel announced that they had successfully tested 
 its Arrow-2 missile defense system. The system successfully 
 destroyed a simulated target. 
1999 Disney World closed down for the first time in its 28-year 
 history. The closure was due to Hurricane Floyd heading 
 for Florida. 
1999 It was announced that "US" magazine would change from 
 monthly to weekly and change its name to "USWeekly." 
2001 Nintendo released the GameCube home video game 
 console in Japan. 
2001 The FBI released the names of the 19 suspected hijackers 
 that had taken part in the September 11 terror attacks 
 on the U.S. 
2014  smiled.


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Effective spam filters 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, September 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Californian, who stole the same black Ferrari convertible twice. Details at Boneheads Today, in 1959 The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe to reach the moon. It was launched the day before.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members. --- David Coblitz It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull. --- H. L. Mencken
Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time. A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together. The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. "Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was" - he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long, fifty wide and thirty high." He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read it silently, and turned the page again. Then he looked up at his congregation and said, "I've been reading this old Bible for near fifty years, but there are some things in it that are hard to believe."
"If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for a dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?" "One quarter." answered The teacher shook her head and said, "You don't know your arithmetic, do you, ?" sighed and replied, "You don't know my father."
Click through for the large picture Cyclone off Australia
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Earnie Steven Hook, 39, FONTANA, CA Man accused of stealing same Ferrari twice A man has been arrested on suspicion of stealing the same Ferrari twice, Fontana police said. According to investigators, Earnie Steven Hook, 39, first fled a DUI checkpoint in the stolen Ferrari on Aug. 29 near the Village of Heritage. Officers later found the sports car abandoned in the area and put it in an impound lot. Police say the next morning, at 3 a.m., he allegedly broke into the lot and stole the Ferrari for a second time. Hooks was arrested on Sept. 4 after Fontana detectives spotted him driving the stolen Ferrari near Vineland Avenue and Ventura Boulevard in Studio City. Black Ferrari Convertibles are not really inconspicuos. He faces charges of theft and unlawful taking or driving of a vehicle, receiving stolen property, and burglary. He is siting in jail. Bond has been set at $500,000. The report did not indicate who punched him shortly before the mug shot picture was taken. Tech Support Pits From: Fox Re: Good filters Dear Webby That filter worked just great! What other good filters do you have? Thanks Fox Dear Fox I looked at the pie chart to see which filter actually does the most work. It is my "_blank" filter. The funny thing about that is that I wrote it so many years ago, I don't remember what it is all about. However, it is responsible for 16.75% of the spam dumping out of the 100% of all filters together. It is actually a very simple filter: If the BODY CONTAINS target="_blank" then dump it. That is it! Short, simple, and deadly: 16.75% of the spam sent at me is dumped by that filter. Most filters catch just small percentages. For example Chinese: 1.67% Japanese: $1.64% No Subject: 1.63 Ref nance: 1.49 and so on. Together they add up to 100% If you are interested, I'll write about another big one, that catches foreign spam and nets 16.48% of the total catch. With between 4500 and 5000 pieces of mail per day, and less than 200 legitimate, that is a lot of spam that filter sends to hell. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Laundry Basket For Transporting Groceries Having to carry groceries from my car into my apartment is always a challenge. Add a two year old in tow, stairs to climb, and possible icy sidewalks in the winter, and you have disaster waiting to happen. Since I only have so many hands for shopping bags and hand holding, I now leave a laundry basket in my van when I go shopping. I can usually fit all of the bags into the basket. Since it is contoured for hip carrying, I still have a hand free for my son. The plastic makes it easy to clean up if there are any spills and I don't worry about it breaking like the flimsy cardboard boxes you can buy at the grocery store. By tracey http:// thriftyfun.com
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? A. A bachelor.
>From Brandy My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that the sign was gone and someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she said she did not authorize your sign."

» Sea Shells

Today in 
1759 The French were defeated by the British on the Plains 
 of Abraham in the final French and Indian War. 
1789 The United States Government took out its first loan. 
1847 U.S. forces took the hill Chapultepec during the 
 Mexican-American War. 
1862 During the American Civil War General Lee's Order 
 No. 191 was found by federal soldiers in Maryland. 
1898 Hannibal Williston Goodwin patented celluloid photographic 
 film, which is used to make movies. 
1922 In El Azizia, Libya, the highest shade temperature was 
 recorded at 58 degrees Celsius (136.4 degrees Fahrenheit). 
1943 Chiang Kai-shek became the president of China. 
1959 The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe 
 to reach the moon. It was launched the day before. 
1960 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission banned payola. 
1971 In New York, National Guardsmen stormed the Attica 
 Correctional Facility and put an end to the four-day revolt. 
 A total of 43 people were killed in the final assault.
1977 The first American diesel automobiles were introduced by 
 General Motors. 
1981 U.S. Secretary of State Alexander M. Haig said the U.S. 
 had physical evidence that Russia and its allies used 
 poisonous biological weapons in Laos, Cambodia and Afghanistan. 
1993 Israel and Palestine signed their first major agreement. 
 Palestine was granted limited self-government in the Gaza Strip 
 and in Jericho. 
1994 U.S. President Bill Clinton signed a $30 billion crime 
 bill into law. 
2001 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell named Osama bin Laden 
 as the prime suspect in the terror attacks on the United States 
 on September 11, 2001. Limited commercial flights resumed in 
 the U.S. for the first time in two days.
2014  smiled.


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Mails with empty subject line 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, September 12
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!





Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Pittsburgh perv gropes off-duty female marshal, and gets beat up and arrested. Details at Boneheads Today, in 1954 "Lassie" made its television debut on CBS. The last show aired on September 12, 1971.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room. --- Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662) "We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'" --- Elayne Boosler
Barak, a rather arrogant acquaintance, and were seated side by side on a train. An announcement was made that all electrical power would be out for a few minutes due to a blown circuit. Seated across from Barak and were two very attractive ladies. Just then the train entered a dark tunnel. A loud smack was heard. As the train left the tunnel, a large red hand print could be seen on Barak's face. Nothing was said by anyone. The train entered another dark tunnel and another loud smack was heard. As the train left the tunnel, another large red hand print could be seen on the other side of Barak's face. Again, nothing at all was said. Barak was thinking.... must have done something to those ladies and they thought it was me because of my reputation. But was thinking....I wish we would go through another tunnel so I could slap that idiot again!!! ------------ If you put nothing, or a full name like "Ms Ernestine F Trailer-Hooker III" into the FIRST NAME slot of the sign-up, that joke will fall flat. It's nearly as bad if you got a gift subscription from a neighbor, who typed your first name or nickname in all small or all large letters because she had a bottle of Southern Comfort in one hand and a donut in the other. If that is the case with your first name or nickname, hit REPLY and tell me, and I will instantly correct it. DearWebby
Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old daughter was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was a hundred and eighty." Her daughter looked awestruck and asked, "How old are you now?"
Click through for the large picture Britain's Scariest tree
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Flynn, 19, Pittsburgh Perv groped marshal An off-duty US Marshal says she fought back against a man who groped her butt and pulled down her shorts on a trail popular with runners in Pittsburgh. The 19-year-old suspect, Robert Flynn, ran away after allegedly pawing the marshal on Tuesday, but she chased him down and swiftly kicked him in the crotch, according to CBS Pittsburgh. While in pursuit of the accused pervert, the marshal hollered at other joggers to call 911. The woman says she identified herself as a federal marshal and kicked Flynn again after he resisted being detained and charged at her, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. The marshal, who's 5-feet-5 and weighs 150 pounds, also punched the 6-feet-4, 210-pound Flynn in the face. She injured a pinky in the tumult. Police arrived to find Flynn cornered by the marshal, according to WTAE. Police said Flynn might be the culprit in an earlier attack on the same route in which a woman said a young man hoisted up her skirt, CBS Pittsburgh said. Flynn faces numerous charges, including aggravated assault, indecent assault and escape, reports say. --------- In Europe they have "sharking", where teens pull down the shorts of other teens and run, while a cohort records "Candid Camera". However, with sharking, there is absolutely NO groping. Sharking is not considered a sexual thing, but a matter of embarrassing or inconveniencing a class mate, especially if he or she has both hands full with shopping or books. There too, the shark occasionally gets clobbered. Tech Support Pits From: Frieda Re: Empty subject mails Dear Webby What's the story with mails that arrive without a subject line? Years ago you showed me how to make a filter to dump them with Mailwasher, and that works fine on my work machine, but I am wondering if I also need that on my home machine. So far I just dumped those mails manually. Frieda Dear Dear Frieda "No Subject=No Intelligence" still holds true. You'll never see anything intelligent in an email that arrives without a subject, and you can use that filter as an IQ filter. If the senders don't have a positive IQ number, their mail won't waste your time. For those who want to know how to make that IQ filter, select "does not contain RegExpr" and put \w into the value field. The \w is a wildcard and stands for "any word character". That filter is kinda sneaky. If the subject line has only Chinese, Korean or Arab characters, then that mail gets marked for dumping too, since I won't read it anyway. Don't you pity the poor folks who don't have Mailwasher yet? Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Tea You can save money on tea by using the same tea bag twice. Just set the tea bag aside and use it for your next cup. It cuts the cost of your tea drinking habit in half. http:// thriftyfun.com
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with certain basic information and asks, "How much do you weigh?" "One-seventy," the man replies. The nurse asks him to step on the scale and it shows that his weight is actually 183. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "Five-eleven," the man answered confidently. The nurse measures and sees that he's only 5' 8". Then she takes his blood pressure, and it is very high. The man says, "Of course it's high! When I came in here, I was tall and slender. Now, suddenly I'm short and dumpy!"
"I'd like the number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona," the young man said to the 411 operator. "There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona," the operator said. "Do you have a street name?" The young man hesitated a moment, then said, "Well, most people just call me Turkey."

» All Babies r Beautiful

Today in 
1609 English explorer Henry Hudson sailed up what is now 
 known as the Hudson River. 
1873 The first practical typewriter was sold to customers. 
1914 The first battle of Marne ended when the allied forces 
 stopped the German offensive in France. 
1916 Adelina and August Van Buren finished the first 
 successful transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted 
 by two women. They started in New York City on July 5, 1916. 
1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S. 
 Army personnel operate tanks for the first time. The tanks 
 were French-built. 
1922 The Episcopal Church removed the word "Obey" from the 
 bride's section of wedding vows. 
1938 In a speech, Adolf Hitler demanded self-determination 
 for the Sudeten Germans in Czechoslovakia. 
1940 The Lascaux paintings were discovered in France. The 
 cave paintings were 17,000 years old and were some of the 
 best examples of art from the Paleolithic period. 
1943 During World War II, Benito Mussolini was taken by 
 German paratroopers from the Italian government that was 
 holding him. 
1944 U.S. Army troops entered Germany, near Trier, for the 
 first time during World War II. 
1953 U.S. Senator John F. Kennedy married Jacqueline Lee Bouvier. 
1953 Nikita Krushchev was elected as the first secretary of 
 the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. 
1954 "Lassie" made its television debut on CBS. The last 
 show aired on September 12, 1971. 
1963 The last episode of "Leave it to Beaver" was aired. The 
 show had debuted on October 4, 1957. 
1966 "Family Affair" premiered on CBS television. 
1974 Violence occurred on the opening day of classes in 
 Boston, MA, due opposition to court-ordered school "busing." 
1974 Emperor Haile Selassie was taken out of power by Ethiopia's 
 military after ruling for 58 years. 
1977 South African anti-apartheid activist Stephen Biko 
 died at the age of 30. The student leader died while in 
 police custody which triggered an international outcry. 
1983 Arnold Schwarzenegger became a U.S. citizen. He had 
 emigrated from Austria 14 years earlier. 
1992 Police in Peru captured Shining Path founder Abimael 
 Guzman. 
2009 Steve Jobs announced that Apple's iTunes had 88% of 
 the legal U.S. music download market.
s2014  smiled.


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Disappearing files 




Good Morning,  !

Thank you, Gloria!

Today is Thurday,  September 11

Remember 9/11/2001
What were you doing, when you got the news?

We got a foot of heavy, wet snow overnight. The leaves are
still on the trees, so a lot of trees lost major branches 
or broke in half. Power lines w ere out until just a fter 
noon.

People were picking their way around tree parts on the road,
glancing suspiciously at still standing trees and planning
an escape route in case one of them decided to split or dump
snow. "Mahry Grimmace!" "So much fer Gullible Warming, eh!"
"Have not noticed any of that Gullible Warming. That is an
icy North wind!" "Where did all that @#%$&* snow come from? 
It's still summer!" 

Nobody seemed to be happy about the snow. Yesterday's two 
inches were shrugged off, but A FOOT last night, with trees
down and power off, that just caused cussing. 
Maybe we should not have gotten rid of the 70's muscle cars?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Florida Woman, who pointed a gun at lawn worker over noise Details at Boneheads Today, in From the History section at the bottom: 2001 Terrorists attacked with 4 passenger jets. 2012 Five Americans were killed and ten others were injured in the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya. .
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
A sales clerk asked his boss how to handle people who complained about the current prices compared to the low prices in the good old days. "Just act surprised and tell them you didn't think that they were old enough to remember them."
After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her special needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision to the point of near blindness. My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely. "Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, "And will your grandmother need a rental car?"
Thanks to Clyde for this picture: Click through for the large picture Our beautiful San Juan mountains!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gina Briggs, 26, Ormond Beach, Floriduh Florida Woman Points Gun At Lawn Worker Over Noise A Florida woman disturbed from slumber by routine grass maintenance is accused of pulling a pistol on a shocked landscaper, WKMG reports. Gina Briggs, 26, was arrested in Ormond Beach on Monday for her alleged overreaction. The victim was removing grass clippings from a sidewalk near her apartment at the time. Carlos Repicio, the victim landscaper, described the experience to WFTV. "I say, 'I got to work here.' She say, 'I don't care. You got to get out of here because I'm killing you.' And I say, 'What?' And she take the gun out and she point to me like that," said Repicio. Repicio hid behind his truck and called police, who arrived and arrested Briggs. The suspect later told police that she would have shot Repicio in the head, but, like a lawnmower missing a blade, she forgot to load the gun, according to WESH. Briggs is charged with carrying a concealed firearm and aggravated assault. She is being held at the Volusia County Jail. Tech Support Pits From: Juniper Re: Disappearing mails Dear Webby Lately I noticed that MailWasher will spool down a hundred or so mails, but then just show a listing of 15 - 20. What's the scoop? Should I be concerned? Juniper Dear Juniper That's just a sign that you are getting good with making filters. For example, if you made a filter that deletes mails automatically, if they contain the names of certain pharmaceuticals or watches or stock in the body of the mail, then MailWasher will count them, but it won't insult your eyes with that crap. Look at the pie chart at the end of the week to see what percentage of spam was nuked by different filters. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Coffee Body Scrub Do you suffer with dry skin, and lotion itself isn't doing the trick? I do and I can't afford to spend lots of $$ on scrubs that come in tiny containers. I recently found a body scrub online that's made from coffee and oils that I wanted to try, but the price is upwards of $30 a bag! I decided to take matters into my own hands and make my own. I've been mixing my used coffee grounds, I like fine ground for consistency, and brown sugar together. It is the best scrub I've ever used! You can also mix in coconut oil, olive oil or whatever you have on hand. I follow up with my favorite lotion after I scrub in the shower or bath. It's a bit messy, but so worth it! I recommend refrigerating any leftovers and using the mixture within a week or so. By Bethany Curry [3] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Texas A & M."
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

» September Snows

Today in 
1297 Scotsman William Wallace defeated the English forces 
 of Sir Hugh de Cressingham at the Battle of Stirling Bridge. 
1499 French forces took over Milan, Italy. 
1609 Explorer Henry Hudson sailed into New York harbor and 
 discovered Manhattan Island and the Hudson River.
1695 Imperial troops under Eugene of Savoy defeated the Turks 
 at the Battle of Zenta. 
1709 An Anglo-Dutch-Austrian force defeated the French in 
 the Battle of Malplaquet. 
1714 Spanish and French troops broke into Barcelona and 
 ended Catalonia's sovereignty after 13 months of seige. 
1777 American forces, under General George Washington, were 
 forced to retreat at the Battle of Brandywine Creek by 
 British forces under William Howe. The Stars and Stripes 
 (American flag) were carried for the first time in the battle. 
1814 The U.S. fleet defeated a squadron of British ships in 
 the Battle of Lake Champlain, VT. 
1842 1,400 Mexican troops captured San Antonio, TX. The 
 Mexicans retreated with prisoners. 
1855 The siege of Sevastopol ended when French, British 
 and Piedmontese troops captured the main naval base of 
 the Russian Black fleet in the Crimean War. 
1875 "Professor Tidwissel's Burglar Alarm" was featured 
 in the New York Daily Graphic and became the first comic 
 strip to appear in a newspaper. 
1877 The first comic-character timepiece was patented by 
 the Waterbury Clock Company. 
1883 The mail chute was patented by James Cutler. The new 
 device was first used in the Elwood Building in Rochester, NY. 
1897 A ten-week strike of coal workers in Pennsylvania, WV, 
 and Ohio came to an end. The workers won an eight-hour workday, 
 semi-monthly pay, and company stores were abolished. 
1904 The U.S. battleship Connecticut was launched in New York. 
1910 In Hollywood, the first commercially successful electric 
 bus line opened. 
1936 Hoover Dam in Nevada was dedicated by U.S. President 
 Franklin D. Roosevelt by turning on the dam's first 
 hydroelectric generator.
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave orders to 
 attack any German or Italian vessels found in U.S. 
 defensive waters. The U.S. had not officially entered 
 World War II at this time. 
1941 Charles A. Lindbergh brought on charges of anti-Semitism 
 with a speech in which he blamed "the British, the Jewish 
 and the Roosevelt administration" for trying to draw the 
 United States into World War II. 
1952 Dr. Charles Hufnagel successfully replaced a diseased 
 aorta valve with an artificial valve made of plastic. 
1959 The U.S. Congress passed a bill authorizing the creation 
 of food stamps. 
1965 The 1st Cavalry Division (Airmobile) arrived in South 
 Vietnam and was stationed at An Khe. 
1974 "Little House On The Prairie" made its television debut. 
1985 A U.S. satellite passed through the tail of the 
 Giacobini-Zinner comet. It was the first on-the-spot 
 sampling of a comet. 
1990 U.S. President Bush vowed "Saddam Hussein will fail" 
 while addressing Congress on the Persian Gulf crisis. In 
 the speech Bush spoke of an objective of a new world order 
 "freer from the threat of terror, stronger in the pursuit 
 of justice, and more secure in the quest for peace". 
1991 Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev announced that 
 thousands of troops would be drawn out of Cuba. 
1997 Scotland voted to create its own Parliament after 
 290 years of union with England. 
1998 Independent counsel Kenneth Starr sent a report to 
 the U.S. Congress accusing President Clinton of 11 possible 
 impeachable offenses. 
1999 The Wall Street Journal reported that Bayer Corp. had 
 quit putting a wad of cotton in their bottles of aspirin. 
 Bayer had actually stopped the practice earlier in the year. 
2001 In the U.S., four airliners were hijacked and were 
 intentionally crashed. Two airliners hit the World Trade Center, 
 which collapsed shortly after, in New York City, NY. One 
 airliner hit the Pentagon in Arlington, VA. Another airliner 
 crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. About 3,000 people 
 were killed. 
2012 Terrorists attacked the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya. 
 Four Americans were brutally murdered and ten others were injured. 
s2014  smiled.


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What formats can Open Office write in? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday,  September 10

Thank you Mildred!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Insanely drunk woman, who tried to pick up child from school Details at Boneheads Today, in From the History section at the bottom: 1953 Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. --- Simon Cameron (1799 - 1889) Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admire their astuteness. --- Cullen Hightower
An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died. But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued. "You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please." The old gal raised her right hand. "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question. The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, "Uhhh . . . all by myself?"
>From Ada Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here's an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Try it now! Follow this simple procedure: 1) Hold down the shift key. 2) Hit the 4 key four times really quickly. ---------- Are you going to groan first, or forward it first?
Click through for the large picture Fukang Meteorite, with all the organic stuff burned out.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Renata Congleton, 27, New Port Richey, Floriduh Insanely drunk woman, who tried to pick up child from school A Florida mom's blood-alcohol level was more than five times the legal limit when she drove to an elementary school to pick up a child, police say. Renata Congleton, 27, registered a .413 BAC after she was arrested, but not before she allegedly attacked officers and smashed up her vehicle, according to WFLA. The mayhem began when she arrived at Trinity Elementary School in New Port Richey Friday afternoon. School officials wouldn't let the child -- who was not identified -- leave with Congleton because she appeared "extremely drunk," Fox Tampa reports. Instead, they called police, but Congleton fled before they arrived. She allegedly careened into two other vehicles on her way home. Officers tracked her down a short time later. She's accused of kicking and scratching arresting officers before they took her to the ground. She was slapped with charges of child neglect, battery on an officer, and resisting arrest. Bond was set at $15,000. Tech Support Pits From: Edith Re: What formats can Open Office write in? Dear Webby You mentioned that Open Office can save in many formats. I have an old MS WORD from before Y2K. Can it read docs written with that? And save them in a modern format? Thanks Edith Dear Edith Yes, sure, no problem. You can easily pick up docs written with WORD 95, and save them in that format or for example in .RTF, as favored by the newest WORD. Or any other version of WORD. You can, of course, also save in Open Office Document format to make it readable on any machine, or even in Uniform Office Format for use in China. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Keyboard with Microfiber Cloth I recently noticed how dirty one of our computer keyboards had become. I tried a baby wipe and it didn't work. I wasn't sure how to clean the keys until my mom suggested trying a damp microfiber. It worked like magic and it was quick too! Unplug the keyboard. Then slightly dampen a microfiber cloth and gently rub each key until it is clean. Make sure the keyboard is completely dry before you plug it back in and use it. By lalala... [485] MF cloth is OK for the top surface, but proper cleaning takes a totally different approach. There are different methods for laptops and regular keyboards. Laptops: Turn the laptop off. Turn it upside down and rub your flat hand over all the keys to see if any are loose and ready to fall off. If none are loose, vacuum the keyboard thoroughly. While still upside down, wash it while wearing one of those deep pile fuzzy car washing mitts dipped in warm, soapy dishwater. Use a good dish soap that drips clear on glasses. Let it drip dry while you do the next keyboard. Finally, vacuum them again and they are CLEAN. If the laptops are in a hospital or sick room environment, do exactly the same, but add a shot of Lysol to the dish water. Regular Keyboards Slam it upside down onto a sturdy table covered with tarp. No need to be gentle. Today's keyboards are incredibly tough. Slam it again until all the bread crumbs, french fries, onion rings, donut fragments and fossilized jam have been dropped out. Support the keyboard ends with the keyboard upside down. Shelf brackets are ideal, but anything two hands high will work. Vacuum the upside down keyboard. Get your wet and soapy fuzzy glove, and rub the keyboard. Again, no need to be gentle! Rub it hard so that the fuzz goes in deep between the keys. Let it drip dry, and vacuum it a bit. Most of today's keyboards are spill proof and a bit of dish soap does not bother them. For hospital or sick room environments, add a shot of Lysol to the soapy dishwater. If there were no breadcrumbs, hair, dandruff and dirt involved, you could skip the vacuuming, and just hold the keyboard upside down and rub it with the mitt. I have cleaned keyboards since the mid-80's and I would highly recommend to vacuum the keyboards as a very important part of the cleaning. Just wiping the nose with microfiber is not enough. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple had a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wondered if they could possibly get married in Heaven. Saint Peter finally showed up and they asked him. Peter said, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out." and he left. The couple sat and waited for an answer ... for two months ... and they began to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together forever?" Peter returned after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," said the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "COME ON!" Peter shouted, "it took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it will take me to find two lawyers and a judge?"
Ann Landers challenged her readers to come up with the world's third-biggest lie -- right after "The check is in the mail" and "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you." Here is a sampling from the thousands she received: - "It's a good thing you came in today. We only have two more in stock." - "Five pounds is nothing on a person of your height." - "You made it yourself? I never would have guessed." - "Of course I'll respect you in the morning." - "You don't look a day over 40." - "Dad, I need to move out of the dorm into an apartment of my own so I can have some peace and quiet when I study." - "It's delicious, but I can't eat another bite." - "The new ownership won't affect you. The company will remain the same." - "The puppy won't be any trouble, Mom. I promise I'll take care of it myself." - "Your hair looks just fine." - "Put away the map. I know exactly how to get there." - "You don't need it in writing. You have my personal guarantee."

» Tribute to Canada

Today in 
1608 John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown, VA 
 colony council. 
1813 The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred in 
 the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The leader 
 of the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have met the 
 enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William Henry 
 Harrison. 
1845 King Willem II opened Amsterdam Stock exchange. 
1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine. 
1862 Rabbi Jacob Frankel became the first Jewish Army chaplain. 
1897 British police arrest George Smith for drunken driving. 
 It was the first DWI. 
1899 A second quake in seven days hit Yakutat Bay, AK. It 
 measured 8.6. 
1913 The Lincoln Highway opened. It was the first paved 
 coast-to-coast highway in the U.S. 
1919 New York City welcomed home 25,000 soldiers and General 
 John J. Pershing who had served in the First Division 
 during World War I. 
1919 Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of 
 St.-Germain-en-Laye. Austria recognized the independence 
 of Poland, Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia. 
1921 The Ayus Autobahn in Germany opened near Berlin. 
 The road is known for its nonexistent speed limit. 
1923 The Irish Free state joined the League of Nations. 
1926 Germany joined the League of Nations. 
1935 "Popeye" was heard on NBC radio for the first time. 
1939 Canada declared war on Germany. 
1940 In Britain, Buckingham Palace was hit by German bomb. 
1942 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt mandated gasoline 
 rationing as part of the U.S. wartime effort. 
1943 German forces began their occupation of Rome during 
 World War II. 
1948 Mildred "Axis Sally" Gillars was indicted for treason 
 in Washington, DC. Gillars was a Nazi radio propagandist 
 during World War II. She was convicted and spent 12 years 
 in prison. 
1951 Britain began an economic boycott of Iran. 
1953 Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner." 
1955 "Gunsmoke" premiered on CBS. 
1956 Great Britain performed a nuclear test at Maralinga, Australia. 
1963 Twenty black students entered public schools in Alabama 
 at the end of a standoff between federal authorities and 
 Alabama governor George C. Wallace. 
1979 U.S. President Carter granted clemency to four Puerto 
 Rican nationalists who had been imprisoned for an attack 
 on the U.S. House of Representatives in 1954 and an 
 attempted assassination of U.S. President Truman in 1950. 
1981 Pablo Picasso's mural Guernica was received in the 
 town of Guernica. 
1984 The Federal Communications Commission changed a rule 
 to allow broadcasters to own 12 AM and 12 FM radio stations. 
 The previous limit was 7 of each. 
1989 Hungary gave permission to thousands of East German 
 refugees and visitors to immigrate to West Germany. 
1990 Iran agreed to resume full diplomatic ties with past 
 enemy Iraq. 
1990 Iraq's Saddam Hussein offered free oil to developing 
 nations in an attempt to win their support during the 
 Gulf War Crisis. 
1998 U.S. President Clinton met with members of his 
 Cabinet to apologize, ask forgiveness and promise to 
 improve as a person in the wake of the scandal 
 involving Monica Lewinsky. 
1999 A bronze sculpture of a war horse just over 24 feet 
 high was dedicated in Milan, Italy. 
2002 Florida tested its new elections system. The test 
 resulted in polling stations opening late and problems 
 occurred with the touch screen voting machines. 
2002 The "September 11: Bearing Witness to History" exhibit 
 opened at the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History. 
2002 Switzerland became the 190th member of the United Nations. 
2014  smiled.


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Is Quicken 2005 OK on Windows 7? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday,  September 9
It's a good thing I mowed the front half on Saturday
and the back half on Sunday. I had a feeling it was 
the last mowing of the season, because I had to refill
the gas can. Sure enough, today it snowed. 
We will get warm days again, but summer is over.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Pennsylvania DUI, who let an 8-year-old steer his car. Details at Boneheads Today, in From the History section at the bottom: 1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner that they shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident or an error.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
First secure an independent income, then practice virtue. --- Greek Proverb Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening. --- Barbara Tober Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. --- Franklin P. Jones
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well,"said her mother,"so how was the honeymoon?" Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before!I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home..., "PLEASE MAMA!" "Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful WHAT 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!" "Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook..." "I'll pick you up in twenty minutes and we'll go talk to the rabbi," said the mother.
Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Moeed Malik, 24, Hartford, CT Yamilet Mattei, 18, Holyoke, Massachusetts Stiffed hooker hooks hookahs SEPTEMBER 5--When a john refused to pay for a sexual encounter in a back room of a Connecticut smoke shop, a hooker stole three hookahs on her way out of the business, cops allege. According to a West Hartford Police Department report, Moeed Malik, 24, arranged last Thursday afternoon for a sexual liaison with Yamilet Mattei, 18, who advertised her services on backpage.com, the classifieds site preferred by prostitutes and pimps everywhere. In the ad, Mattei called herself “Barbie.” Malik, cops say, declined to pay Mattei in advance, but promised to give her cash and a hookah after completion of the sex act (which subsequently took place in the rear of the Smokers' Discount World store, which is located in a West Hartford shopping plaza). But upon completion of the sex act, Malik, who works at the smoke shop, refused to pay Mattei, as first reported by the Hartford Courant. An argument between the parties ensued and Mattei took three hookahs off a store shelf and departed the business with a female friend, Danielle Santos, who had driven her to the business. In a move he now likely regrets, Malik called 911 to report the hookah theft. Police responded to the business and interviewed Malik and Mattei, who "freely admitted that she took the hookahs from Smoker's Discount World because Malik was refusing to compensate her as agreed upon.” Mattei, the report notes, “stated that she took three hookahs off of the rack as compensation for the ‘blow job.’” For his part, Malik was “verbally confrontational” and could not stick to a single story, police noted. He claimed to have hired Mattei as a “favor” for an uncle who never showed up at the shop. Mattei told officers that Malik described himself as a “good looking guy” and asked how much she charged for oral sex. He then inquired about the price for “bare back” sex. Later, while being fellated, Malik told Mattei that he “always wanted” to get “deep throat [from] a Puerto Rican.” In light of Mattei’s admission, she was charged with prostitution and larceny. Malik was busted for patronizing a prostitute and reporting a false incident. Santos was charged with criminal mischief (for breaking Malik’s iPhone) and pot possession. Mr Malik’s rap sheet includes several prior arrests, including a March collar for drug sales, possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia, and interfering with police. Police recovered one of the purloined hookahs in front of the store, while the two others were found inside a Dodge Charger rented by Santos. “All three hookahs were returned to the custody of Smoker’s Discount World,” according to the police report. Police charged Malik with patronizing a prostitute and falsely reporting an incident. He posted $2,500 bail and is due in Superior Court in Hartford Sept. 11. Mattei was charged with prostitution and sixth-degree larceny. She was released without having to post bail and is also due in court Sept. 11. Tech Support Pits From: Don Re: Quicken 2005 OK on Win7 Dear Webby Regarding your response on Quicken today. I have Quicken 2003 and it still works fine on my WIndows 7 Acer computer. Don Baker Thanks Don! I thought so too. It's just Quicken 2014 sandbagging XP. Didn't Microsoft buy Quicken a few years ago? Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean Dry Erase Board with Nail Polish Remover I use fingernail polish remover to clean the dry erase board. Works like a charm, and gets all old ink off immediately. By Rita H. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the blood circulation. "If I stood on my head, then the blood, as you know, would flow into my head and I would turn red in the face," she explained. "That's right," remarked one of the students. "Then why doesn't the blood flow into my feet when I'm standing upright in an ordinary position?" shouted, "That's because your feet are not empty!"

» Tribute to Canada

Today in 
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the 
 invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon 
 race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding 
 this battle. 
1776 The second Continental Congress officially made the term 
 "United States", replacing the previous term "United Colonies." 
1904 Mounted police were used for the first time in the 
 City of New York. 
1911 Italy declared war on the Ottoman Turks and annexed Libya, 
 Tripolitania, and Cyrenaica in North Africa. 
1919 The majority of Boston's police force went on strike. 
 The force was made up of 1,500 men. 
1919 Alexander Graham Bell and Casey Baldwin's HD-4, a 
 hydrofoil craft, set a world marine speed record. 
1942 Japan dropped incendiaries over US in an attempt to 
 set fire to the forests in Oregon and Washington. The 
 forest did not ignite. 
1943 During World War II Allied forces landed at Taranto 
 and Salerno. 
1948 North Korea became the People's Democratic Republic 
 of Korea. 
1965 French President Charles de Gaulle announced that France 
 was withdrawing from NATO to protest the domination of the 
 U.S. in the organization. 
1971 Gordie Howe of the Detroit Red Wings retired from the 
 National Hockey League (NHL). 
1981 Nicaragua declared a state of economic emergency and 
 banned strikes. 
1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner 
 that they shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident 
 or an error. 
1986 Frank Reed was taken hostage in Lebanon by pro-Iranian 
 kidnappers. The director of a private school in Lebanon 
 was released 44 months later. 
1993 Israeli and PLO leaders agreed to recognize each other. 
1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants 
 a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the 
 flight of refugees. 
1997 Sinn Fein, the IRA's political ally, formally renounced 
 violence as it took its place in talks on Northern Ireland's 
 future. 
1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr delivered to the U.S. 
 Congress 36 boxes of material concerning his investigation 
 of U.S. President Clinton. 
1998 Four tourists who had paid $32,500 each were taken in 
 submarine to view the wreckage of the Titanic. The ship is 
 2 miles below the Atlantic off Newfoundland. 
1999 The Sega Dreamcast game system went on sale. By 1:00pm 
 all Toys R Us locations in the U.S. had sold out. 
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 100 million applications 
 downloaded. 
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.8 billion applications 
 downloaded.
2014  smiled.


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Quicken 2005 on Win7? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday,  September 8

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Pennsylvania DUI, who let an 8-year-old steer his car. Details at Boneheads Today, in From the History section at the bottom: 1974 U.S. President Ford granted an unconditional pardon to former U.S. President Nixon.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. --- Andre Gide (1869 - 1951)
A classic from the Clinton era brought back by Noella: People often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing". Well, here it is. You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing. You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep. Your friend can't satisfy him so she calls you. That's Tech Support. You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Facebook. You're at a party. This attractive older man walks up to you and grabs your behind. That's former President Bill Clinton. You like it, but twenty years later your attorney decides you were offended and you're awarded a settlement. That's America.
At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl came up to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down around the pastor, the pastor leaned over and said to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Sunday dress?" The girl replied almost directly into the pastor's clip-on mike, "Yes . . and my mom says it's a sumanabitch to iron."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Clarence W. Hairston, 58, of Upper Darby, Pennsylvania DUI, Letting 8-Year-Old Steer Car If you're going to drink, don't pick a designated driver who can't get his learner's permit until 2022. A Pennsylvania DUI suspect is parked in a jail cell for letting his 8-year-old nephew steer the car. Clarence W. Hairston, 58, of Upper Darby, Pennsylvania, was arrested Saturday afternoon after a police officer noticed a car being driven erratically. “The vehicle had stopped in the middle of the road and then was accelerating and braking. When it turned the corner onto Littlecroft, it struck a parked car," Delaware County Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood told the Delco Times. When the officer walked over to the stalled car, he saw a man later identified as Hairston sitting in the driver’s seat holding a 25-ounce can of beer. Oh, and something else. "There was an 8-year-old boy on his lap steering the vehicle and another boy, a 9-year-old, in the back seat jumping around," Chitwood said. "When the car finally stopped, the little boys got out and the driver gets out with the can of beer in his hand.” The officer said Hairston allegedly fell twice while trying to get out of the car and claimed there was another empty 25-ounce Bud Ice can in the center console. After Hairston got out of the car, he allegedly continued drinking according to a police affidavit that alleged he was “unsteady on his feet,” had blood shot eyes, “slurred speech” and “stunk of an alcoholic beverage.” Hairston told the officer he "did nothing wrong” and “was only letting the kids go for a drive,” CBS Philly reports. He also claimed to be a Philadelphia cop and told the officer that “it’s not right to jam up another cop.” Police arrested Hairston and took him to a local hospital where he refused to take a Breathalyzer test. He was charged with driving under the influence, endangering the welfare of a child, reckless endangerment, permitting an unauthorized person to drive a car, and related crimes. Chitwood didn't mince words about his opinion of the suspect. "The guy is a total moron, it's the best way to describe him," he told 6ABC.com, adding that the neighborhood kids and cops have taken to calling the suspect "Uncle Drunk." Hairston is being held in the Delaware County jail on $15,000 bail Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Quicken 2005 on Win7? Dear Webby Unfortunately, I am forced to upgrade to Windows 7 because my Quicken 2005 has stopped working. Is there any other way to avoid the upgrade and still use Quicken 2005? Quicken 2014 is incompatible with my data. I looked at the Eudora D/L site and it says Runs on Microsoft Windows XP/2000. Will it work on Windows 7? Should I get 30 or 60 bit Windows 7? Thanks for all your help. Bill Dear Bill Have you tried exporting your data to Excel or CSV, uninstall Q2005, re-installing it and then importing the saved data? As I have mentioned, after 2500 updates since they released it, Windows 7 is now quite OK. Nothing to be worried or concerned over any more. Industry and commerce still won't switch, because their programs work fine with XP. There is no real, legitimate reason why you shouldn't be able to still use Quicken 1995, but they have always put land mines in, forcing users to buy new versions every few years. Personally, if I were you, I would try to install Q2005 onto a Windows7 machine and see if it works. Most likely it will. There has not been any change to databases since 2000. Eudora works just fine on Windows7. Download 6.2.5, install it, and copy over all your files from the Eudora directory. It will work and look just like on the old machines. I doubt that they still make 32 bit Windows 7. If anybody tries to sell one, it probably has an inch of dust on it. Get the current 64 bit version. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using Shampoo and Conditioner as Body Wash Save the soap, people! Don't buy another bar of soap or container of liquid soap. I have found that the cheapest WalMart brand hair shampoo and conditioner combination work well. This is what I have experienced: While taking a shower, I start off using the shampoo/conditioner on my hair first. Then I rinse it off and rewash, only I don't rinse it out. I just continue with the shower and my loofah all soaped up with the shampoo. Rinse off top to bottom. You're soft and clean. By Judy T. from AZ I have been using that method for dozens of years. I use a pump action dispenser on a large family size bottle of shampoo/conditioner. Sometimes I just transfer the pumper onto a new large "refill" bottle. Occasionally those are even cheaper than those with pumpers. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?" "Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue. "You got laryngitis?" the young man asked sympathetically. "Nope," she whispered,"just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry."
There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a downpour of thunder and rain. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car. They jumped in the car, started it up and punched the gas, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other. All of a sudden an old man's face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger screamed out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!?) This old man kept knocking, so the driver said "well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So the other passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???" The old man sofly replied, "Do you have any tobacco?" The passenger , terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!" "Well give him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells "Step on it!!", rolling up the window in terror. Now with the speedometer showing about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think of that?" The driver says, "I don't know? How could that be? I am going pretty damn fast!" Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the old man again. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa, there he is again!", the passenger screams. "Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver. He rolls down the window a little ways and shakely says "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks. He throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!" They are now doing about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking! "Oh my God! HE'S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out in sheer terror, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" The old man gently replies, "Do you guys want some help getting out of the mud???"

» Tribute to Canada

Today in 
1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent 
 European settlement in North America at present-day 
 St. Augustine, FL. 
1664 The Dutch surrendered New Amsterdam to the British, 
 who then renamed it New York. 
1866 The first recorded birth of sextuplets took place in 
 Chicago, IL. The parents were James and Jennie Bushnell. 
1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was passed by 
 the Legislative Council. It was consented by the governor 
 on September 19 giving all women in New Zealand the right 
 to vote. 
1935 U.S. Senator Huey P. Long, "The Kingfish" of Louisiana 
 politics, was shot and mortally wounded.
1945 In Washington, DC, a bus equipped with a two-way radio 
 was put into service for the first time. 
1945 Bess Myerson of New York was crowned Miss America. She 
 was the first Jewish contestant to win the title. 
1951 A peace treaty with Japan was signed by 48 other nations 
 in San Francisco, CA. 
1952 The Ernest Hemingway novel "The Old Man and the Sea" 
 was published. 
1960 NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, AL, 
 was dedicated by U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower. The 
 facility had been activated in July earlier that year. 
1966 NBC-TV aired the first episode of "Star Trek" entitled 
 "The Man Trap". The show was canceled on September 2, 1969. 
1973 Hank Aaron hit his 709th home run. 
1974 U.S. President Ford granted an unconditional pardon 
 to former U.S. President Nixon. 
1975 In Boston, MA, public schools began their court-ordered 
 citywide busing program amid scattered incidents of violence. 
1997 America Online acquired CompuServe. 
1999 Russia's Mission Control switched off the Mir space 
 station's central computer and other systems to save energy 
 during a planned six months of unmanned flights. 
2014  smiled.


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When a computer is locked with PREY 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday,  September 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Thief chased by police chase, who got sidetracked by adorable cats Details at Boneheads Today, in From the History section at the bottom: 1927 Philo T. Farnsworth succeeded in transmitting an image through purely electronic means by using an image dissector.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. --- Joseph Stalin (1879 - 1953) Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations. --- Orson Welles (1915 - 1985) It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims. --- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC) The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
This is a true story that happened to one of my sister's goofy friends. It happened on I-75 in the northern lower peninsula of Michigan ( notorious for frequent tickets for speeding ). The friend was speeding north on I-75 when she noticed a Michigan State Police car behind her with it's flashing red lights on. The friend was very nervous, as she had never been stopped before and didn't know what to expect. The trooper approached her car then asked if she knew why he had stopped her. She said, " Oh, I bet I know why you stopped me. You want to sell me tickets to the policeman's ball." The trooper then told the friend that "Michigan State Police don't have balls." The friend started laughing uncontrollably. The troopers face turned bright red. He then proceeded to get back into his car and drove away.
Following are a few gems taken from actual resumes: "Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require pre- scription drugs. "I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability." "Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap." "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job." "Number of dependents: 40." "Marital Status: Often. Children: Various." "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook." REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: "Responsibility makes me nervous." "They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions." JOB RESPONSIBILITIES: "While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the ap- plication of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility." "I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award." "My goal is to be a meteorologist. Since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage." "I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant." PHYSICAL DISABILITIES: "Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click through for the large picture just came back from my walk and took this from the patio. Mikel lives in Hillsboro Beach FL
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel Pinedo Velapatino. 21, Delray Beach, Florida Thief chased by police chase got sidetracked by adorable cats Daniel Pinedo-Velapatino in a booking photo. Cats will do anything to ruin your day. Last week, they ruined 21-year-old Daniel Pinedo Velapatino's day. The suspect had just talked his way into a woman's home in Boca Raton, Florida, after leading police on a wild chase from Delray Beach. He might have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling, cute, fuzzy wuzzy cats lying around. The homeowner, Candace Noonan, thought Velapatino was a landscaper. He knocked on her door last Tuesday to ask for a drink. "I said, ’Excuse me, can I help you?'" Noonan told WPBF. "He said, 'Oh, I’m so sorry. Next door, I’m mowing the lawn. Do you mind if I have a glass of water?'" Noonan obliged, unaware that Velapatino had allegedly consumed drugs the night before, stole thousands of dollars from a buddy, and then smashed into a bunch of cars as he ran from police toward her home. When she returned with the water, Velapatino was lying on her floor, playing with her cats. "It was odd, very odd," she said. "He was stroking my cat. It almost looked like he either was on drugs or he was mentally handicapped." When Noonan's husband began questioning Velpatino, he fled out the back door. The Noonans led police to him, and he allegedly attempted to jump in a nearby canal -- but a police boat caught up to him. The Palm Beach Post reports: During the early morning hours on Tuesday, Daniel Pinedo Velapatino managed to take thousands of dollars from his friend, steal a car, have two police agencies chase him on water and land, damage a police cruiser and burglarize a couple’s home, according to police. But the 21-year-old said he had a reason: He told police he stole the money to pay his mom back [$2,000]. Velapatino was already wanted for a car theft in June. He had been arrested on drug charges before, but wasn't convicted. Now he faces grand theft, eluding police, possession of drugs and other charges. He remains in the Palm Beach County Jail on $76,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: CyberGrannie Re: Computer locked by PREY Dear Webby Hi - your news letter is certainly a "keeper" . My daughter went on a trip and decided to download a program to protect her laptop. The program is called "Prey" and somehow she apparently did something that locked her computer and she now can find no way to unlock it. She has tried everything that appears on their web site but nothing works. There seems to be a lot of frustrated people with the same problem and emails to their support do not get answered. She only get a windows 7 logo and no way to get to anything on her computer - same with safe mode. The Prey log-in page (on another computer) shows that it is unlocked but there is no way to log in. Have you had any experience with anything like this? Do you have any suggestions - or will she have to restore her computer? Cybergrannie Dear Cybergrannie I don't use PREY. Apparently it locks up the computer if somebody forgets the password or is not sober enough to punch it in without fumbling. If your daughter fumbled 3 times, PREY decides that the laptop is on the lap of a thief, and locks it up. The solution is to get in there with a Linux boot disk or key fob, or restore the machine from a restore disk. Apparently PREY tells users to burn a restore CD when they install the program. That will save the machine, but most likely the data will be gone. I don't recommend that program. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Marking Last Roll of TP This tip came to me when I realized I had loaded the last roll of TP on the plunger. I do this so when no one is home, or especially when someone is home, no one has to be called to help get a roll out of the cupboard. Sandi Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A rabbi is walking slowly down the street when a gust of wind blows his hat from his head. The hat is being blown down the street, but he is an old man, using a cane, and he can't walk fast enough to catch the hat. Across the street a young man sees what has happened ! and rushes over to grab the hat and returns it to the rabbi. "I don't think I would have been able to catch my hat," says the rabbi. "Thank you very much." The rabbi then places his hand on the man's shoulder and says, "May God bless you." The young man thinks to himself, "I've been blessed by the rabbi. This must be my lucky day!" So he goes to the racetrack, and in the first race he sees there is a horse named Stetson at 20 to 1. He bets $50, and sure enough, the horse comes in first. In the second race he sees a horse named Fedora at 30 to 1, so he bets it all and this horse comes in first also. Finally, at the end of the day, he returns home to his wife. When she asks him where he's been, he explains how he caught the rabbi's hat and was blessed by him and then went to the track and started winning on horses that had a hat in their names. "So where's the money?" she asks. "I lost it all in the ninth race. I bet on a horse named Chateau and it lost." "You fool, Chateau is a house; Chapeau is a hat!" "It doesn't matter," he said. "The winner was some Japanese horse named Yarmulke."
>From Anamarie While awaiting the arrival of our "puddle jumper" airplane for the return flight across Jamaica to the major airport, I sat wringing my hands and trying to quiet the butterflies in my stomach in anticipation of the tiny airplane and a very bumpy flight. Suddenly, an old fire truck began speeding down the runway, toward the arriving airplane, with sirens blaring. Frantic now, I implored the ticket agent to tell me what was happening. She calmly answered, "Oh they just do that to clear the chickens off the landing."

» Tribute to Canada

Today in 
1812 Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I at 
 the battle of Borodino. 
1813 The nickname "Uncle Sam" was first used as a symbolic 
 reference to the United States. The reference appeared 
 in an editorial in the New York's Troy Post. 
1822 Brazil declared its independence from Portugal. 
1880 George Ligowsky was granted a patent for his device 
 that threw clay pigeons for trapshooters. 
1888 Edith Eleanor McLean became the first baby to be 
 placed in an incubator. 
1896 A.H. Whiting won the first automobile race held on a 
 racetrack. The race was held in Cranston, RI. 
1901 The Boxer Rebellion began in China ending the Peace 
 of Beijing. 
1927 Philo T. Farnsworth succeeded in transmitting an image 
 through purely electronic means by using an image dissector. 
1930 The cartoon "Blondie" made its first appearance in the 
 comic strips. 
1940 London received its initial rain of bombs from Nazi 
 Germany during World War II. 
1942 During World War II, the Russian army counter attacked 
 the German troops outside the city of Stalingrad. 
1971 "The Beverly Hillbillies" was seen for the final time 
 on CBS-TV. 
1977 The Panama Canal treaties were signed by U.S. President 
 Carter and General Omar Torrijos Herrera. The treaties 
 called for the U.S. to turn over control of the canal's 
 waterway to Panama in the year 2000. 
1983 In Ireland, voters approved a constitutional ammendment 
 that banned abortion. 
1986 President Augusto Pinochet survived an assassination 
 attempt made by guerrillas. 
1986 Desmond Tutu was the first black to be installed to lead 
 the Anglican Church in southern Africa. 
1987 Erich Honecker became the first East German head of state 
 to visit West Germany. 
1989 Legislation was approved by the U.S. Senate that prohibited 
 discrimination against the handicapped in employment, public 
 accommodations, transportation and communications. 
2014  smiled.


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Deleting old Gmails by date 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday,  September 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Texan who stabbed roommate for being too loud during threesome, that did not involve him. Details at Boneheads Today, in From the History section at the bottom: 1948 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands was crowned.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Humankind cannot stand very much reality. --- T. S. Eliot "The shortest distance between two points is under construction." --- Noelie Altito
A Scotsman was dying. On his deathbed, he looked up and said: "Is my wife here?" His wife replies: "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The Scot goes: "Are my children here?" "Yes, daddy, we are all here." say the children. The Scot: "Are my other relatives also here?" And they say: "Yes, we are all here." The Scot sits up and roars: "Then why is the light on in the kitchen?"
While on leave, my Marine buddy and I met two nursing students from Southern California. After chatting them up awhile, the conversation turned to what we did in the service. When we told them we were in the infantry, the girls seemed very impressed, giving us big smiles as they told us how sweet that was. Since infantry and sweet are seldom used in the same sentence, I was a little confused. Until, that is, one of the girls said, "We admire any man who works with infants."
Thanks to Jean for sending this picture: Click through for the large picture Algodones Sand Dunes Curvy Border Fence in Southern California
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Antonio Flores Narcisso, 42, San Antonio, Texas Texan who stabbed roommate for being too loud during threesome, that did not involve him. Antonio Flores Narcisso, 42, allegedly stabbed his roommate for being too loud while having sex with two women. A man in San Antonio, Texas faces felony charges for allegedly stabbing his roommate numerous times for making too much noise while having sex. Antonio Flores Narcisso, 42, was arrested Tuesday and charged with burglary of a habitation with the intent to commit felony force for the attack that allegedly happened on May 8. The roommate was celebrating his 35th birthday by having sex with two women. According to the arrest warrant, Narcisso kicked down the roommate's door to complain about the boisterous cries of passion, MySanAntonio.com reports. When the roommate yelled at Narcisso to get out of the room, the suspect allegedly grabbed a kitchen knife and proceeded to stab the alleged victim numerous times in the head, back and hands, CBS Houston reports. The roommate was taken to a local hospital and treated for non-life threatening injuries, according to the Sun News Network. Although both of the women were able to identify Narcisso by name from a photo lineup the night the alleged attack took place, he was only charged this week, according to KENS5.com. He is currently in the Bexar County jail. Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: How do you dump old mail from Gmail? Dear Webby I am still using your trick with ` and 1 as hot-keys to select the 100 oldest and to dump them, but that is rather tedious and does not get done often enough. I get an awful lot of mail, and the INbox just gets bigger and bigger. There is no way to dump a year at a time, unless you figured a way. I hope you did, because Gmail and Google certainly don't respond. Thanks Helen Dear Helen There is no direct or simple way to dump old years. If you are reasonably comfortable with filters, then you can do it this way. Let's say you want to dump anything prior to 2012. Click on Settings, Settings, Filters, and at the bottom, Make new Filter. No, I don't know why they make that so klutzy. In there, use the category HAS THE WORDS and type in there before:2012/01/01 The date HAS to be in that format, or it won't work. After you hit Continue, checkmark that it should apply to found search results, and tell it to delete the found stuff. Then click Update, OK, and go do something else for a while. It will take a while, and in the meantime look like it did not work. Don't stare at it, just go do something else. In half an hour or so it will have dumped the mail from before 2012. Gmail will still show near it's limit. It counts the trash as your usage. Dump the trash and the spam, and you should have plenty of space again. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Outdoor Movie Sleepover It's nothing big or small but invite a couple of your friends and have a party in your back yard. Just build a fire for marshmallows, get a projector and a white surface and have popcorn. Watch a movie outdoors and spend the night there. By destinee294 [1] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started: During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
A man goes to a clinic early on a Monday morning and asks to see a doctor. He appears to be in great pain, and his hands are in bandages. The nurse looks at him sympathetically. "Arthritis, with complications?" she asks. "No," says the man. "Do-it-yourself, with concrete blocks." ---------- Believe it or not, doing dishes by hand, without gloves, will heal concrete sores faster than anything a doctor can prescribe.

» Tribute to Canada

Today in 
1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth, England 
 to settle in the New World. 
1819 Thomas Blanchard patented a machine called the lathe. 
1876 The Southern Pacific rail line from Los Angeles to 
 San Francisco was completed. 
1899 Carnation processed its first can of evaporated milk. 
1901 U.S. President William McKinley was shot and mortally 
 wounded (he died eight days later) by Leon Czolgosz. 
 Czolgosz, an American anarchist, was executed the 
 following October. 
1909 Robert Peary, American explorer, sent word that he 
 had reached the North Pole. He had reached his goal five 
 months earlier. 
1939 South Africa declared war on Germany. 
1941 Jews in German-occupied areas were ordered to wear the 
 Star of David with the word "Jew" inscribed. The order 
 only applied to Jews over the age of 6. 
1944 During World War II, the British government relaxed 
 blackout restrictions and suspended compulsory training 
 for the Home Guard. 
1948 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands was crowned. 
1952 In Montreal, Canadian television began broadcasting. 
1972 Rick DeMont lost the gold medal he received in a 
 400-meter swimming event because a banned drug was found 
 in his system during routine drug testing. 
1975 Martina Navratilova requested political asylum while 
 in New York for the U.S. Open Tennis Tournament. 
1990 Iraq warned that anyone trying to flee the country 
 without permission would be put in prison for life. 
1991 The State Council of the Soviet Union recognized the 
 independence of the Baltic states. 
1991 The name St. Petersburg was restored to Russia's second 
 largest city. The city was founded in 1703 by Peter the 
 Great. The name has been changed to Petrograd (1914) and 
 to Leningrad (1924). 
1992 A 35-year old man died ten weeks after receiving a 
 transplanted baboon liver. 
1995 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood was expelled by the Senate 
 Ethics Committee. 
2001 The U.S. Justice Department announced that it was 
 seeking a lesser antitrust penalty and would not attempt to 
 break up Microsoft. 
2001 Ebay Inc. was found not liable for copyright infringement 
 because bootleg copies of a Charles Manson documentary had 
 been sold on the site. 
2002 In New York, the U.S. Congress convened at Federal Hall 
 for a rare special session. The session was held in New York 
 to express the nation's mourning for the loss on September 
 11, 2001 and unity in the war against terrorism. 
2002 At the Smithsonian American Art Museum, the exhibition 
 "George Catlin and His Indian Gallery" went on view. The 
 exhibit contained over 400 objects.
2014  smiled.


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Whenre can you find Refurbished Windows 7 machines? 





Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday,  September 5
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Bonehead, who shot himself during a routine traffic stop Details at Boneheads Today, in From the History section at the bottom: 1980 The St. Gothard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It is the world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear. --- Alan Corenk
After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled, "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!"
The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there." "Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Mount Tavruvur, in Papua New Guinea, went off last Friday. And they complain about MY man made pollution!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Geordan Morris, 22, Colorado Springs Bonehead shoots himself during routine traffic stop A routine traffic stop in Colorado Springs ended with a moron carrying a handgun accidentally shooting himself, according to police. Police say that 22-year-old Geordan Morris was pulled over early Sunday morning when the incident occurred. According to police records, the officer ‘observed the driver’s side door open and heard a pop that sounded like a gunshot.’ Morris collapsed onto the pavement, ‘stating he had shot himself.’ An ambulance needed to be called to take Morris to the hospital, where he was treated for non-life-threatening injuries. Police say that a search of the car turned up methamphetamine in addition to the handgun. Morris was arrested on multiple charges, including drug possession, after his release from medical care. KKTV reports that police believe Morris maybe have been attempting to stash the weapon when it discharged suddenly. This guy got all the signs identifying a moron: Backwards flat brim? Check. Casual cap and formal shirt and suit? Check. Cap pulled down over his forehead? Check. Fake diamond stud earrings? Check. Chin strap? Check. Meth in the car? Check. Girlish kissie-poo pout? Check. Carries a loaded handgun with the safety off? Check. Fumbles his gun and shoots himself? Check. Need any more signs to certify him? Tech Support Pits From: Dan Re: Where do you find good refurb machines? Dear Webby Gyppo mentioned "refurb machines". Where do you find those? Dan Dear Dan Staples usually has some on their site. Online only, they never have enough to send them to all their stores. You can also check with PriceGrabber. They usually have a lot of Refurbs. Read the comments to weed out dealers, who have not earned a good reputation. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Permanent Marker to Dye Rubbing Alcohol as Eyeglass Cleaner I keep rubbing alcohol in a small 2 oz. spray bottle. I use it to clean my glasses. You could also use your own homemade glass cleaner, but I find it easier to just fill it with the rubbing alcohol. Don't forget to label the bottle "Eyeglass Cleaner" or "Rubbing Alcohol". By ilovesophie [19] That is OK for plain glass, but not recommended for coated, high index plastic lenses. Those coatings resist scratches, cut down the UV, improve clarity, and all kinds of good stuff. They are not made to resist alcohol. Just use cheap automotive windshield washer fluid or regular window cleaner, that costs less per gallon than a half pint of rubbing alcohol. You can also take your sprayer to Walmart, and they will refill it free with their glass cleaner. I heard they make their own with a gallon of water and a squirt of Dawn. Whatever it is, it works and it is free. The best way to clean glasses is to spray them with whatever you got handy, rinse them under a strong stream of hot water, and dry them gently with a soft micro-fiber cloth or freshly washed t-shirt rag. No need to rub and scrub like an absentminded professor. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing It's the only type of cooking some men will do: When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking beer. (4) The man places the meat on the grill. (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
At a Milwaukee post office, a woman complained to the clerk that a Pony Express rider could get a letter from Milwaukee to St. Louis in two days, and now it takes five. "I'd like to know why," she scoffed. The clerk thought a moment and then suggested, "I guess the ponies must be getting old."

» In the pink

Today in 
1698 Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards. 
1793 In France, the "Reign of Terror" began. The National 
Convention enacted measures to repress the French 
 Revolutionary activities. 
1836 Sam Houston was elected as the first president of the 
 Republic of Texas. 
1877 Sioux chief Crazy Horse was killed by the bayonet of 
 a U.S. soldier. The chief allegedly resisted confinement 
 to a jail cell. 
1881 The American Red Cross provided relief for disaster 
 for the first time. The disaster was the Great Fire of 
 1881 in Michigan. 
1885 Jake Gumper bought the first gasoline pump to be 
 manufactured in the U.S. 
1900 France proclaimed a protectorate over Chad. 
1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British 
 and French fought for six days killing half a million 
 people. 
1917 Federal raids were carried out in 24 cities on 
 International Workers of the World (IWW) headquarters. 
 The raids were prompted by suspected anti-war activities 
 within the labor organization. 
1930 Charles Creighton and James Hagris completed the drive 
 from New York City to Los Angeles and back to New York City 
 all in reverse gear. The trip took 42 days in their 1929 
 Ford Model A. 
1939 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality in World War II. 
1945 Iva Toguri D'Aquino was arrested. D'Aquino was suspected 
 of being the wartime radio propagandist "Tokyo Rose". She 
 served six years and was later pardoned by U.S. President Ford. 
1953 The first privately operated atomic reactor opened in 
 Raleigh, NC. 
1957 Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" was first published. 
1958 Boris Pasternak's "Doctor Zhivago" was published for the 
 first time in the U.S. 
1960 Cassius Clay of Louisville, KY, won the gold medal in light 
 heavyweight boxing at the Olympic Games in Rome, Italy. Clay 
 later changed his name to Muhammad Ali. 
1961 The U.S. government made airline hijacking a federal offense. 
1977 The U.S. launched Voyager . 
1980 The St. Gothard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It is the 
 world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long. 
1982 Eddie Hill set a propeller-driven boat water speed record 
 when he reached 229 mph. 
1983 U.S. President Reagan denounced the Soviet Union for shooting 
 down a Korean Air Lines. Reagan demanded that the Soviet Union pay 
 reparations for the act that killed 269 people. 
1983 "Sports Illustrated" became the first national weekly magazine 
 to use four-color process illustrations on every page. 
1984 Mortimer Zuckerman purchased the newsmagazine, "U.S. News & 
 World Report" for $163 million. 
1985 Rioting in South Africa spilled into white neighborhoods for 
 the first time. 
1986 NASA launched DOD-1. 
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein urged for a Holy War against 
 the West and former allies. 
1991 Soviet lawmakers created an interim government to usher 
 in the confederation after dissolving the U.S.S.R. The new 
 name the Union of Sovereign States was taken. 
1992 A General Motors Corporation strike ended with a new 
 agreement being approved. Nearly 43,000 workers were on strike. 
1995 France set off an underground nuclear blast in the 
 South Pacific. 
2014  smiled.


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Consider a refurb W7 machine 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, September 4

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Walmart robber, who leaves 1 year old niece behind Details at Boneheads Today, in From the History section at the bottom: 1981 The Soviet Union began war games with about 100,000 troops on the Polish border.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty. --- Eugene McCarthy (1916 - 2005) If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. --- Mark Twain
Two voices - male and female - obviously on a plane. "I think everyone's asleep, lets go" Sound of steps. "This one's empty ... no-ones looking ... you go in first" "It a bit cramped - let me sit down" "Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on" Sniff sniff "Ah perfume - you think of everything" "This is great....." (long sigh) Static on the loud speaker then a new voice. "This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations... Now put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector!"
A flight attendant was on the red-eye to Manila when a water leak developed in the galley, which eventually soaked the carpet throughout the cabin of the 747. A very sleepy passenger who had become aware of the dampness asked the attendant, "Has it been raining?" Keeping a straight face, the attendant replied, "Yes, but we put the top up." With a sigh of relief, the passenger went back to sleep
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Djuna M. Tansmore, 48, Monessen, Pennsylvania Walmart robber leaves one year old old niece behind A Pennsylvania woman suspected of robbing a Walmart is also accused of leaving her 1-year-old niece behind. Djuna M. Tansmore, 48, was arrested Thursday in Rostraver Township after store surveillance video caught her attempting to exit the store with $86.58 worth of laundry detergent and Miracle Whip in a grocery cart, the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review reports. When the store's loss prevention officer approached Tansmore, she tried to undo the safety strap that held her niece to the cart. Rostraver Township Police Chief Greg Resetar told WTAE TV that's when the struggle over the baby in the car seat began. "The straps weren't released and it sort of tipped the cart, and she sort of was trying to shake it, moving around, trying to dislodge the baby from the mechanism," Resetar said. Video obtained by the station appears to show the baby in the seat being yanked back and forth with the cart nearly tipping, then being dragged behind the baby seat. The suspect allegedly fled the scene, leaving the toddler behind, according to PennLive.com. Tansmore was arrested a short time later near her home in Monessen, Pennsylvania. She was charged with retail theft, recklessly endangering another person, use/possession of drug paraphernalia and endangering the welfare of children, according to WPXI TV. She was placed in the Westmoreland County Prison in Hempfield Township after failing to post $10,000 bond. She will have a preliminary hearing on Sept. 9. The child eventually was released at the store to the custody of its mother, according to police. Tech Support Pits From: Gyppo Re: Happy with Refurb W7 machine Dear Webby A day or so ago you suggested to someone they bought a Windows 7 machine before they vanished from the stores and they were forced to go Win 8.. I recently bought a refurbished office machine, a Dell 390 workstation and the specs were amazing for something costing just over £100. The transition from my much loved XP Pro has been less painful than I expected. I got a damned fine machine, with the software installed, solid as a rock with a few scratches on the case, for less than some of the questionable copies of the 7 Pro software alone. Gyppo (UK) Good for you, Gyppo! Windows7 has been pretty well fixed by now with one or two big updates per month for the last dozen years, and is finally better than XP. Just be careful about "utilities" like cute clocks, that come bundled with trojans. With ANY Windows7 add-ons and utilities ask yourself, whether you absolutely need them. What you DO need is a good Anti Virus program like McAfee, an Anti-Trojan program like MalwareBytes, a password manager like RoboForm, and a garbage cleaner like CrapCleaner. There are plenty of fake alternatives out there. Be careful! With RoboForm use my link. Otherwise you will fall into a nightmare of ads at C-net, that will tempt to sidetrack you. Real nuisance! My link is straight to the download, no fuss, no sidetracking. As for anything else, you can probably find it already built in, just in typical Windows7 fashion, in a deviously hidden location. A minute of Googling will tell you where it is hidden and how to access it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Permanent Marker to Dye Exposed Clothing Threads I just bought a black sweater and the label's white threads were showing through at the neck line. I have short hair, so it was truly bugging me. I grabbed my permanent black marker and brushed over the exposed threads. They disappeared instantly. So grab your colored markers for all your threads that are exposed. I also did this to my black jeans that had a small bleach spot. By Kathy from Harrisonburg, VA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Julie I had given our daughter, who was 15 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove. I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her driver's permit. "Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book." "You do?" I returned. "Yep," she said, very smugly. I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one." So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?" "One," she replied. "What?" I asked. "One?!" She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added, "One, Mom. You always told me never to use both feet on the brake, only use my right one."
There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so skinny. The husband then donated some of his skin...however, the only place suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks. The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all,... this was a very delicate matter! After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before! All her friends and relatives just ranted and raved at her youthful beauty! She was alone with her husband one day & she wanted to thank him for what he did. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!!! He replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey, I get thanks enough every time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!

» In the pink

Today in 
0476 Romulus Augustulus, the last emperor of the western 
 Roman Empire, was deposed when Odoacer proclaimed himself 
 King of Italy. 
1609 English navigator Henry Hudson began exploring the 
 island of Manhattan. 
1781 Los Angeles, CA, was founded by Spanish settlers. The 
 original name was "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina 
 de Los Angeles de Porciuncula," which translates as 
 "The Town of the Queen of Angels." 
1825 New York Governor Clinton ceremoniously emptied a barrel 
 of Lake Erie water in the Atlantic Ocean to consummate the 
 "Marriage of the Waters" of the Great Lakes and the Atlantic. 
1833 Barney Flaherty answered an ad in "The New York Sun" and 
 became the first newsboy/paperboy at the age of 10. 
1882 Thomas Edison's Pearl Street electric power station 
 began operations in New York City. It was the first display 
 of a practical electrical lighting system. 
1885 The Exchange Buffet opened in New York City. It was the 
 first self-service cafeteria in the U.S. 
1886 Geronimo, and the Apache Indians he led, surrendered 
 in Skeleton Canyon in Arizona to Gen. Nelson Miles. 
1888 George Eastman registered the name "Kodak" and patented 
 his roll-film camera. The camera took 100 exposures per roll. 
1894 A strike in New York City by 12,000 tailors took place 
 to protest sweatshops. 
1899 An 8.3 earthquake hit Yakutat Bar, AK. 
1917 The American expeditionary force in France suffered its 
 first fatalities in World War I. 
1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," began 
 its maiden voyage in Lakehurst, NJ. 
1944 During World War II, British troops entered the city 
 of Antwerp, Belgium. 
1948 The Dutch Queen Wilhelmina left her throne for health 
 reasons. 
1957 The Arkansas National Guard was ordered by Governor 
 Orval Faubus to keep nine black students from going into 
 Little Rock's Central High School. 
1957 The Ford Motor Company began selling the Edsel. The car 
 was so unpopular that it was taken off the market only two years. 
1967 "Gilligan's Island" aired for the last time on CBS-TV. It 
 ran for 98 shows. 
1967 Michigan Gov. George Romney said during a TV interview that 
 he had undergone "brainwashing" by U.S. officials while visiting 
 Vietnam in 1965. 
1972 Swimmer Mark Spitz captured his seventh Olympic gold medal 
 in the 400-meter medley relay event at Munich, Germany. Spitz 
 was the first Olympian to win seven gold medals. 
1981 The Soviet Union began war games with about 100,000 troops 
 on the Polish border. 
1983 U.S. officials announced that there had been an American 
 plane, used for reconnaissance, in the vicinity of the Korean 
 Air Lines flight that was shot down. 
1986 South African security forces halted a mass funeral for 
 the victims of the riot in Soweto. 
1989 A reconnaissance satellite was released by the Air Force's 
 Titan Three rocket. The Titan Three set over 200 satellites 
 into space between 1964 and 1989. 
1995 The Fourth World Conference on Women was opened in Beijing. 
 There were over 4,750 delegates from 181 countries in attendance. 
1998 In Mexico, bankers stopped approving personal loans and 
 mortgages. 
1998 The International Monetary Fund approved a $257 million loan 
 for the Ukraine. 
1998 While in Ireland, U.S. President Clinton said the words 
 "I'm sorry" for the first time about his affair with Monica 
 Lewinsky and described his behavior as indefensible. 
1999 The United Nations announced that the residents of East 
 Timor had overwhelmingly voted for independence from Indonesia 
 in a referendum held on August 30. In Dili, pro-Indonesian 
 militias attacked independence supporters, burned buildings, 
 blew up bridges and destroyed telecommunication facilities. 
2003 Keegan Reilly, 22, became the first parapalegic climber 
 to reach the peak of Japan's Mount Fuji.

2014  smiled.


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What to do with too old computers? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, September 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Another teacher jailed for messing with students and leaving a trail on their phones Details at Boneheads Today, in From the History section at the bottom: 1981 Egypt arrested more than 1,500 opponents of the government.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it. --- William James (1842 - 1910) "I can't do it" never yet accomplished anything; "I will try" has performed wonders. --- George P. Burnham "I will do it", gets the job done. --- DearWebby
Mr. Doggins was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The birds were ruining his prize winning flower beds. The neighbor told Doggins that the chickens had the right to go where they wanted. Two weeks later, a friend visited Doggins and noticed his flower beds were doing great. The flowers were even beginning to bloom! The friend asked, "How did you get your neighbor to keep his hens in his own yard?" Doggins said, "Easy! One night I hid a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed. The next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. Two minutes later he rushed off to Home Depot to get fencing. I haven't been bothered by his chickens since."
The whole neighborhood shook from the explosion. As store owners ran outside to see what happened, they spotted the pharmacist staggering out of his smoldering building. His white uniform was scorched black. He walked up to a woman standing nearby and said, "Lady! Would you please ask your doctor to write that prescription again. And this time, PRINT IT!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ashley Dowden, 41, Baton Rouge, Louisiana Teacher arrested for Sex With two students An English teacher in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, has been fired from her job after allegedly engaging in a sexual relationship with a 16-year-old male student. Ashley Dowden, 41, has been charged with computer-aided solicitation of a juvenile, indecent behavior with juveniles, and carnal knowledge of juveniles, stemming from an alleged relationship with the student between May and June of this year. The boy's parents contacted the East Baton Rouge Sheriff's Office on August 12 after allegedly discovering inappropriate text messages on his cell phone, WAFB TV reports. According to the probable cause report, the parents cross referenced the number and discovered that it belonged to a teacher at his school. After they questioned the teen about the messages, he admitted that he was involved in an inappropriate relationship with Dowden. The boy is not a student at Riverdale Christian Academy, where Dowden has taught the last two years. He told deputies he had sex with her on the campus. Deputies recovered nude photos of the suspect, as well as sexually explicit text messages before they questioned Dowden on Aug. 21. At first, Dowden denied the allegations she had sex with a student. Deputies said that changed when they informed her of the content that had been downloaded from the teen's phone. She allegedly admitted having sex with the victim as well as exchanging nude photos and sexually explicit messages with him, NOLA.com reports. She was booked into the East Baton Rouge Parish Prison and released a few hours later after posting a $15,000 bond. Five days after Dowden was charged for her alleged sexual relationship with a minor, she was accused of having a sexual relationship with an 18-year-old student at Riverdale Christian Academy. Because the student was of legal age, Dowden was charged with prohibited sexual conduct between an educator and student, a misdemeanor. She allegedly met up with the student during lunch breaks for sex, Casey Rayborn-Hicks, a spokesperson for the East Baton Rouge Sheriff's Office, told NOLA.com. After the charges were filed, the school fired Dowden. According to a bio on the school's website that has been removed, she has been married for 10 years. Tech Support Pits From: Scott Re: Too Old Computers Dear Webby Our club gets, among other things, old computers donated to us, so that we can try to convert them into cash for charitable purposes. However, quite a few are so old, that we can't do anything with them and just wind up paying disposal fees. Do you have any ideas? Thanks Scott Hold a Computer Smashathon. Provide safety goggles and a sledge hammer and charge a dollar or five per hit. You'll be surprised how much money you will raise! When they are all smashed to bits, glue them together into a big abstract sculpture, take good pictures of it and sell it on eBay. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chew Gum While Cooking By Irishwitch If you are trying lose weight, before you do anything with food, stick a piece of gum in your mouth! That why you will not "taste" the food to see if it is good! By Irishwitch [379] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The judge read the charges, then asked, "Are you the defendant in this case?" "No sir, your honor, sir," replied Jethro. "I got me a lawyer to do the defendin'. I'm the one who done it."
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the minister smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card....

» Canning Season

Today in 
1189 England's King Richard I was crowned in Westminster. 
1783 The Revolutionary War between the U.S. and Great Britain 
 ended with the Treaty of Paris. 
1833 The first successful penny newspaper in the U.S., 
 "The New York Sun," was launched by Benjamin H. Day. 
1935 Sir Malcolm Campbell became the first person to drive 
 an automobile over 300 miles an hour. He reached 304.331 MPH 
 on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah. 
1939 British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio 
 broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared 
 war on Germany. Germany had invaded Poland on September 1. 
1943 Italy was invaded by the Allied forces during World War II. 
1967 Nguyen Van Thieu was elected president of South Vietnam 
 under a new constitution. 
1967 In Sweden, motorists stopped driving on the left side of 
the road and began driving on the right side. 
1976 The U.S. spacecraft Viking 2 landed on Mars. The unmanned 
 spacecraft took the first close-up, color photos of the planet's 
 surface. 
1981 Egypt arrested more than 1,500 opponents of the government. 
1989 The U.S. began shipping military aircraft and weapons, 
 worth $65 million, to Columbia in its fight against drug lords. 
1994 Russia and China announced that they would no longer be 
 targeting nuclear missiles or using force against each other. 
1999 Mario Lemieux's ownership group officially took over 
 the National Hockey League's Pittsburgh Penguins. Lemieux 
 became the first player in the modern era of sports to buy 
 the team he had once played for. 
2013 Hunters in Mississippi caught a 727-pound alligator. 
2014  smiled.


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Are free Anti-Virus programs worth their cost? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, September 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 3 "Hostages", who were actually just dopes hallucinating on meth Details at Boneheads Today, in From the History section at the bottom: 1996 Muslim rebels and the Philippine government signed a pact formally ending 26-years of insurgency that had killed more than 120,000 people.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. --- Erica Jong
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world-famous detective, Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling tales about himself in which he was the laughing-stock. In one situation, he was waiting at a taxi stand outside the railway station in Paris. When a taxi pulled up, he placed his suitcase in the car and took a seat next to it. "Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?'' asked the taxi driver. Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver whether he knew him by sight. "No, sir, I have never seen you before." The puzzled Doyle asked him how he knew he was Conan Doyle. The driver said, "This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you're a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. And so, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle." Doyle remarked, "This is truly amazing. You are a real life counterpart to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes." "There is one other thing that gave you away," the driver said, after pocketing his tip. "What is that?" questioned Doyle. The driver said, "Your name is on the front of your suitcase."
A couple was taking a stroll through a park, when they came upon a wishing well. The woman leaned over, made a wish and threw a quarter down the well. Her husband decided that he also wanted to make a wish. Unfortunately, he leaned over too far and fell down the well. The woman stood there in shock for a moment and said, "Wow! It really works!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lakeisha Johnson, WEST PARK, Floriduh 3 "Hostages", who were actually just dopes hallucinating on meth Yes, this happened in Floriduh. The Jackson County Sheriff's Office responded last Sunday after reports that three people were screaming out of a home, claiming to have been taken hostage. WMBB reports that authorities arrived at the residence and were told that the three supposed victims -- 18-year-old Madison Douglas, 21-year-old Damian Hines, and 30-year-old Matthew McDaniel -- had been taken hostage for several hours. They were also told the supposed hostages were shot at in the home. Police soon discovered that the group had in fact hallucinated while on meth. Douglas said she had been stabbed by a suspect, but authorities said she had only a light scratch on her abdomen that was self-inflicted. More from WMBB: Numerous windows were shot out and holes were shot in the walls. They completely removed a large rear window from the house on the second floor and threw the bathroom sink at the imaginary attackers. Chunks of sheetrock, wood, firearm parts, and anything they could tear out of the residence was thrown outside including the toilet, which was ripped from the floor. In total, more than $10,000 damage was done to the residence. All three were charged with possession of meth, attempt to manufacture meth, felony criminal mischief, and possession of drug paraphernalia. Tech Support Pits From: Richi Re: Free Anti-Virus I Have a Simple ? For you.. Out of all the free antiviruses out there , I know there are some goood ones and I k now the paid ones are better but which of the free ones do you recommend? Richi Dear Richi That is like asking me whether a Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket is better head protection on a Motorcycle than an ice cream bucket. For some people, who have nothing valuable between the ears, either one of those buckets will make them street legal. Some others prefer a full face Bell helmet. If you got nothing valuable to protect and don't mind formatting and re-installing Windows every now and then, then go ahead and use AVG or any of the free ones. I prefer McAfee. I tested Vipre, and did not get any infection while using it for 3 months, but found that it slows me down. Keep in mind, I probably ride a lot faster, and have more programs open and on the go, than you have. They do have a free trial. Vipre's special occasion deals are usually more expensive. Try their free trial and see if they lower the price after the Back-To-School sales. With McAfee, if you use my special link and don't try to go behind my back, you can still get "Total Protection" for $44 Otherwise expect to pay about double that. Yes, I know, that is a lot of money, but getting the Geek Squad to get viruses and trojans out of your machine would cost you more than twice that. So, decide whether the stuff you got on your computer warrants an ice cream bucket, or a full face helmet. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Ice Cream Scoop For Measuring By Irishwitch Spray an ice cream scooper with Pam, the use it to scoop out peanut butter or shortening, your finger will be kept clean! I scoop equals 1/4 cup. By Irishwitch [379] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The Pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the Pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then r each up and get the kitten. That's what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through the air - out of sight. The Pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten So he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping," and went on about his business. A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her s hopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, "Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?" She replied, "You won't believe this," and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, s o the Mom finally told her little girl, "Well, if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it." She told the Pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her."
Two elderly ladies met at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!" "Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?" "Opened a can of peas instead."

» Harvest Machines

Today in 
31 B.C. The Roman leader Octavian defeated the alliance of 
 Mark Antony and Cleopatra. Octavian, as Augustus Caesar, 
 became the first Roman emperor. 
1666 The Great Fire of London broke out. The fire burned for 
 three days destroying 10,000 buildings including St. Paul's 
 Cathedral. Only 6 people were killed. 
1775 Hannah, the first American war vessel was commissioned 
 by General George Washington. 
1864 During the U.S. Civil War Union forces led by Gen. 
 William T. Sherman occupied Atlanta following the retreat 
 of the Confederates. 
1901 Theodore Roosevelt, then Vice President, said "Speak 
 softly and carry a big stick" in a speech at the Minnesota 
 State Fair. 
1930 The "Question Mark" made the first non-stop flight from 
 Europe to the U.S. The plane was flown by Captains Dieudonne 
 Coste and Maurice Bellonte. 
1938 The first railroad car to be equipped with fluorescent 
 lighting was put into operation on the New York Central 
 railroad. 
1945 Ho Chi Minh declared the independence the Democratic 
 Republic of Vietnam. 
1961 The U.S.S.R. resumed nuclear weapons testing. Test ban 
 treaty negotiations had failed with the U.S. and Britain 
 when the three nations could not agree upon the nature and 
 frequency of on-site inspections. 
1963 The integration of Tuskegee High School was prevented 
 by state troopers assigned by Alabama Gov. George Wallace. 
 Wallace had the building surrounded by state troopers. 
1969 NBC-TV canceled "Star Trek." The show had debuted on 
 September 8, 1966. 
1991 The U.S. formally recognized the independence of 
 Lithuania, Lativa and Estonia. 
1992 The U.S. and Russia agreed to a joint venture to build 
 a space station. 
1996 Muslim rebels and the Philippine government signed a 
 pact formally ending 26-years of insurgency that had killed 
 more than 120,000 people. 
1998 In Canada, pilots for Canada's largest airline launch 
 their first strike in Air Canada's history. 
2014  smiled.


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No movies and can't print coupons 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, September 1
Happy Labor Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Stripper, who took off clothes, masturbated in jail holding cell Details at Boneheads Today, in From the History section at the bottom: 1979 The U.S. Pioneer 11 became the first spacecraft to visit Saturn.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Things are more like they are now than they have ever been. --- Gerald R. Ford (1913 - 2006) "My father says, 'Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family.' I said, 'Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?'" --- Adam Sandler
Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed. Doctor: You should cut down on drinks. Patient: I don't touch a drop. Doctor: You should cut down on smoking. Patient: I don't smoke. Doctor: You should stop taking drugs. Patient: I don't do drugs. Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing. Patient: Haven't touched a woman in ten years. Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, and find a couple of girlfriends.
At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. A guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife has sent you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you very much." The speaker replied, "You don't know my wife. The letters stand for "Keep it short, Stupid."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Carrier landing

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lakeisha Johnson, WEST PARK, Floriduh Tootsie's stripper takes off clothes, masturbates in jail Lakeisha Johnson was initially suspected of stealing an iPad. A stripper at a Miami Gardens nightclub took her profession to another level after she removed her clothing and masturbated inside a Hallandale Beach jail's holding cell. According to the Broward Sheriff's Office report, Lakeisha Johnson was initially suspected of stealing an iPad. Deputies say they spotted her jumping fences behind homes in the 5200 block of West Hallandale Beach Boulevard early Monday morning. Deputies say when they approached Johnson she began taking off her clothes and using vulgar language. She was eventually arrested on a charge of resisting an officer without violence and was held on $100 bond. The iPad wasn't found in her possession. While Johnson was in the holding cell, she masturbated and took off her clothes repeatedly, exposing her genitals, buttocks and breasts, according to the report. A corrections deputy says she also offered to perform a sex act in exchange for her release. The arrest report says Johnson works at Tootsie's in Miami Gardens. An attorney for Tootsies claims that Johnson does not or has not previously performed as an entertainer at the club. Tech Support Pits From: Penny Re: No movies and no coupon printing Hi Webby, Been a while since I have needed your advice, which is always appreciated. On Facebook I cannot watch videos that I have to leave the main page to watch. All I get is a black screen. Also after reading all the latest n"news" on FB, my computer will freeze. The only thing to do is hit< "control, Ault, delete". And trying to print out Walmart coupons from my e-mail, nothing happens. I'm thinking this all started after I updated Adobe. I ran a system restore thinking that would help. But NOPE ! Any ideas?? I just can't imagine getting injections in my eyes! Dang!! Will you have to do that for the rest of your life, or until you're cured or an operation??? I pray that all will be well with you. Thanks Webby Penny Dear Penny That sounds like your computer is not quite able to cope with the current Adobe Flash Player, and possibly a few other things. Be careful with those printable coupons! Many of them are fake and instead of coupons you get infections. When I get an email offering abuse@webby.com free Walmart coupons, then I dump that email very carefully, if MailWasher has not already marked it for deleting. You can try running Crap Cleaner from my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools. I would also run a good virus scanner like McAfee and a Trojan cleaner like MalwareBytes. That might postpone the day, when you have to get a newer machine. Personally, I would not wait too long with that. Currently you can still get a Windows 7 machine, IF you try hard enough. However, soon all they will have is Windows 8. I would not recommend that to you. Re my eyes, hopefully soon the Macular Edema will be fixed and I won't need any more injections. Good Luck! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting All the Toothpaste out of the Tube When I can no longer get any more toothpaste out of the tube, I cut the tube into 2-3 inch sections and store them in a baggie. When I need toothpaste, I wet the brush and swipe some toothpaste from the cut sections. This extends the life of the tube for at least another week. By ilovesophie [19] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A father, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family at the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7 year old daughter out for a drive in the car. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold that he really didn't feel like driving at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and decided that for this Sunday she would take their daughter out. They returned just before lunch and the little girl ran upstairs to see her father. "Well" the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with mommy?" "Oh yes Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know what, we didn't see a single bastard or moron! Today WE played the morons!"
"My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great," said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked, "How far does your family go back?" "I don't really know for sure." was the reply. "All of our records were lost in The Flood."

» Campfire Photos

Today in 
1810 The first plow with interchangeable parts was patented 
 by John J. Wood. 
1859 The Pullman sleeping car was placed into service. 
1878 Emma M. Nutt became the first female telephone operator 
 in the U.S. The company was the Telephone Dispatch Company 
 of Boston. 
1887 Emile Berliner filed for a patent for his invention of 
 the lateral-cut, flat-disk gramophone. It is a device that 
 is better known as a record player. Thomas Edison made 
 the idea work. 
1897 The first section of Boston's subway system was opened. 
1905 Saskatchewan and Alberta became the ninth and tenth 
 provinces of Canada. 
1939 World War II began when England turned Germany's invasion
 of Poland into more than a routine intra-European border 
 re-alignment and into a World War involving more than just 
 European countries. 
1942 A federal judge in Sacramento, CA, upheld the wartime 
 detention of Japanese-Americans as well as Japanese nationals. 
1945 The U.S. received official word of Japan's formal 
 surrender that ended World War II. In Japan, it was actually 
 September 2nd. 
1969 Col. Moammar Gadhafi came into power in Libya after the 
 government was overthrown. 
1979 The U.S. Pioneer 11 became the first spacecraft to visit 
 Saturn. 
1982 Mexican President Jose Lopez Portillo closed all the 
 country's private banks. 
1985 The Titanic was found by Dr. Robert Ballard and Jean 
 Louis Michel in a joint U.S. and French expedition. The 
 wreck site is located 963 miles northeast of New York 
 and 453 miles southeast of the Newfoundland coast. 
1997 In France, the prosecutor's office announced that the 
 driver of the car, in which Britain's Princess Diana was 
 killed, was over the legal alcohol limit. 
1998 The movie "Titanic" went on sale across North America. 
1998 Vietnam released 5,000 prisoners, including political 
 dissidents, on National Day. 
2014  smiled.


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Recognizing PayPal Scams 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday,  August 31

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Cedar Park woman, who stole wine to follow boyfriend to jail Details at Boneheads Today, in From the History section at the bottom: 1994 A cease-fire was declared by the Irish Republican Army after 25 years of bloodshed in Northern Ireland.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It's so much easier to suggest solutions when you don't know too much about the problem. --- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)
This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made. The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way: The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures, AND I COULDN'T STOP TALKING!
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: TAVURVUR VOLCANO Papua New Guinea Blew it's top on Friday

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alicia Walicke, 22, Cedar Park, Texas Cedar Park woman stole wine to follow boyfriend to jail A woman told police she stole a bottle of cheap wine from a Cedar Park gas station so she could get arrested and see her boyfriend in the Williamson County Jail, according to a warrant. Cedar Park resident Alicia Walicke, 22, was charged with theft. Police found her Wednesday next to a Shell gas station at 1405 Whitestone Blvd. drinking a $3.99 bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 she had just stolen from the station, the warrant said. “Walicke advised her boyfriend was arrested earlier that evening by Cedar Park Officers and it was her fault so she wanted to make things right and go to jail,” according to the warrant. Mad Dog 20/20 is a slang word for a cheap wine made by Mogen David. Walicke has two previous convictions for theft, the warrant said. She was previously charged with assault against a public servant in March when she bit a Cedar Park police officer’s arm while officers were trying to restrain her after she became combative when they responded to a call about her making suicidal threats, a warrant said. Police believed she was under the influence of an unknown drug and were trying to get her medically evaluated, the warrant said. Walicke was released from the Williamson County Jail Friday after posting bond on bail set at $5,000, according to court records. Tech Support Pits From: Emily Re: How do you recognize PayPal scams? Dear Webby How could you jump that quickly to decide that the mail Len got was a scam? Couldn't it have been from PayPal after all? Emily Dear Emily I have dealt with PayPal for 14 or 15 years. They never send notices about anything expiring. They send notices about transactions, or notices, that you should log in and check this or that. However, PayPal NEVER sends a link in email. With MailWasher I see the real URL underlying links, and usually MailWasher recognizes those scams and flags them for deleting. Over the years I have seen countless of those scams, neatly flagged for deleting. Some of them are really funny, for example if they send an expiry notice to unsubscribe@webby.com, or to abuse@webby.com. Of course I don't waste time replying and inviting the scammer to show up at my door and collect some abuse, but I get a chuckle out of them anyway. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shucking Corn Cut off both ends of the corn. Peel off all but 2 -3 layers of the husk. Then either steam for 8 - 10 minutes (depending on how many ears you have) or wrap in a damp towel and microwave for 1 1/2 - 2 minutes per ear. Using a clean towel or pot holder, peel the rest of the husk off. The silk will easily rub off with the husk. Be careful, the ear is hot. Source: This was on a youtube video By Judy Dreyer [4] If you like your corn tender but juicy enough, so that it sprays a bit when you chew it off the cob, there is a much easier way! Microwave or boil the corn whatever length of time your equipment takes. Cut off the stem end at the largest diameter point. Grab the corn at the opposite end with a pot holder, lift it up and squeeze. You may have to gently shake it a bit to help it slide out. The cob will slide down and out onto a plate without ANY silk or leaves. Salt and pepper, and enjoy! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

» Campfire Photos

Today in 
1823 Ferdinand VII was restored to the throne of Spain 
 when invited French forces entered Cadiz. The event is known 
 as the Battle of Trocadero. 
1887 The kinetoscope was patented by Thomas Edison. The device 
 was used to produce moving pictures. 
1935 The act of exporting U.S. arms to belligerents was 
 prohibited by an act signed by U.S. President Roosevelt. 
1962 The Caribbean nations Tobago and Trinidad became 
 independent within the British Commonwealth. 
1964 California officially became the most populated state 
 in America. 
1980 Poland's Solidarity labor movement was born with an 
 agreement signed in Gdansk that ended a 17-day strike. 
1989 Great Britain's Princess Anne and Mark Phillips announced 
 that they were separating. The marriage was 16 years old. 
1990 East and West Germany signed a treaty that meant the 
 harmonizing of political and legal systems. 
1991 Uzbekistan and Kirghiziz declared their independence 
 from the Soviet Union. They were the 9th and 10th republics 
 to announce their plans to secede. 
1991 In a "Solidarity Day" protest hundreds of thousands 
 of union members marched in Washington, DC. 
1993 Russia withdrew its last soldiers from Lithuania. 
1994 A cease-fire was declared by the Irish Republican Army 
 after 25 years of bloodshed in Northern Ireland. 
1994 Russia officially ended its military presence in the 
 former East Germany and the Baltics after a half-century. 
1998 A ballistic missile was fired over Japan by North Korea. 
 The missile landed in stages in the waters around Japan. 
 There was no known target. 
2014  smiled.


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'PayPal Expiring' emails 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday,  August 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Woman responsible for previous DWI Death Arrested For Third DWI This Summer Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom:

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today, in A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors. --- William Ralph Inge (1860 - 1954) A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. --- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977) I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. --- Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998) If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you. --- Don Marquis
>From Lillemor Hey, I just read that the reason they are not arresting any LOOTERS in Ferguson is because Eric Holder's Justice Department has reclassified them. They are not LOOTERS anymore. They are now UNDOCUMENTED SHOPPERS The following items have NOT been stolen by the looters in Ferguson: Pens, pencils, resume kits, work boots, work gloves, work coveralls, father’s day cards and books.
>From Moe Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire. "Wow Ron, how long you been here? How did you talk your wife into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie. She said she had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!! She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want." So . . . . here I am!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jo Jackson, 53, FAYETTEVILLE, AR Woman responsible for previous DWI Death Arrested For Third DWI This Summer Jo Jackson, a Fayetteville woman previously convicted in a DWI death was arrested Sunday for the third time this summer on suspicion of driving while intoxicated, according to the Fayetteville Police Department. Jo Jackson, 53, was arrested Sunday afternoon on suspicion of several misdemeanor charges, including DWI, reckless driving, expired vehicle licensing and driving on a suspended license. A preliminary arrest report states she had a .21 blood-alcohol level at the time of her arrest. Her arraignment is set for Sept. 22, according to the report. Police on Sunday responded near College Avenue and Cleburn Street in reference to a vehicle that was swerving and stopping in the middle of the lanes meant for oncoming traffic, according to a preliminary report. An officer stopped the vehicle, but Jackson, the driver, had no license to give him, the report states. The reporting officer said he could smell alcohol on Jackson, and her speech was slurred. Also, the license plate on her vehicle expired in April, the preliminary report states. Jackson failed a field sobriety test, even though she was wearing pants this time, and officers found an open, half full bottle of Sutter Home wine in the vehicle’s center console, according to the report. Jackson’s license was suspended after she was convicted in the September 2011 death of veteran Fayetteville road worker Jackie Luper, 51, on Joyce Boulevard. She told officers she had taken prescription medications prior to the incident. Her 12-year-old daughter was in the car at the time, officials said. Following her negligent homicide conviction in June 2012, Jackson received a sentence of time served and was sentenced to no further jail or prison time, according to court records. She was also sentenced to 12 months of probation, which she fulfilled in June 2013, records show. The city renamed the section of Joyce Boulevard from College Avenue to Crossover Road the honorary Jack Luper Boulevard. Jackson was arrested Aug. 8 in a separate instance on suspicion of DWI, driving on a suspended license, reckless driving, having no proof of insurance and violating implied consent. She later posted a $2,000 bond out of the Washington County Detention Center, according to the Sheriff’s Office. Her arraignment in that case is set for Sept. 5. During that incident, police said Jackson admitted to drinking half a bottle of wine and taking Hydrocodone and Adavan prescription medications. Open wine containers were also found in the vehicle, the preliminary report states. Jackson failed a field sobriety test and was arrested and transported to jail, police said. Prior to that arrest, Jackson was also arrested June 8 on suspicion of DWI. The arresting officer in the case said she was not wearing pants or underwear during the field sobriety test. Jackson was booked into jail and released several hours later on $1,780 bond, according to the Sheriff’s Office. She's driving again. Tech Support Pits From: Len Re: PayPal expiring? Dear Webby Got this: Subject: We inform you that your Account PayPal expires in less than 48 hours From: service@intl.PayPal.com Is this for real or another scam? PLMK. Thanks. Len Dear Len Typical scam. Delete it and forget it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Artificial Plants and Flowers I spray Febreze generously onto the whole flower/foliage arrangement, tree, etc. This works just as well as commerical cleaners made specifically for silk flowers. Just spray, no wiping necessary. And you can choose the scent (or no scent) of your choice. By 2ndsight [1] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Rosie When my husband was a student at Tennessee Temple University, I often asked him to do errands after class, tying ribbons on his fingers to remind him. A good sport, he didn't protest, even though his classmates obviously noticed my little reminders. One day he had to have a mole removed from above his ear and emerged from the doctor's office with his head wrapped in a white bandage. When he walked into class, everyone just stared. Finally one student blurted out, "Whatever your wife wants you to remember today, it must be REALLY important."
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class: "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," he continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."

» Campfire Photos

Today in 
1146 European leaders outlawed the crossbow. 
1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at 
 New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became known as New York. 
1682 William Penn sailed from England and later established 
 the colony of Pennsylvania in America. 
1780 General Benedict Arnold secretly promised to surrender 
 the West Point fort to the British army. 
1809 Charles Doolittle Walcott first discovered fossils 
 near Burgess Pass. He named the site Burgess Shale after 
 nearby Mt. Burgess. 
1862 The Confederates defeated Union forces at the second 
 Battle of Bull Run in Manassas, VA. 
1941 During World War II, the Nazis severed the last 
 railroad link between Leningrad and the rest of the 
 Soviet Union. 
1945 General Douglas MacArthur set up Allied occupation 
 headquarters in Japan. 
1951 The Philippines and the United States signed a 
 defense pact. 
1956 In Louisianna, the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway opened. 
1960 A partial blockade was imposed on West Berlin by 
 East Germany. 
1963 The "Hotline" between Moscow and Washington, DC, 
 went into operation. 
1982 P.L.O. leader Yasir Arafat left Beirut for Greece. 
1991 The Soviet republic of Azerbaijan declared independence
1994 Rosa Parks was robbed and beaten by Joseph Skipper. 
 Parks was known for her refusal to give up her seat on a 
 bus in 1955, which sparked the civil rights movement. 
1994 The largest U.S. defense contractor was created when 
 the Lockheed and Martin Marietta corporations agreed 
 to a merger. 
1996 An expedition to raise part of the Titanic failed when 
 the nylon lines being used to raise part of the hull snapped. 
1999 The residents of East Timor overwhelmingly voted for 
 independence from Indonesia. The U.N. announced the result 
 on September 4.
2014  smiled.


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Transparent icon text in Windows 7 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday,  August 26

Today I have to go to Calgary for more injections into my 
eyeballs. That means no newsletters for 2-3 days afterwards.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Texas babysitter, who set fire to home of 'disrespectful' kids Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1973 A U.S. Presidential Proclamation was declared that made August 26th Women's Equality Day. (August 24 is "Go Topless Day")
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them. --- Franklin P. Adams
An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Creeeesscohhhh!" Soon a store clerk approaches and says, "Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D." The old lady replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my husband." The clerk is astonished. "Your husband's name is Crisco?" The old lady answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public." "I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?" "Lardo."
A synagogue had just opened for business while at the same time a Catholic church opened across the street. After some time the Rabbi noticed that a convent had been added to the church, More time later a Catholic school was built, then a gymnasium. Concerned the Rabbi called together his staff and expressed his concern, "We've been here the same amount of time as our neighbors and look, they've grown while we still have our same small temple - what are we doing wrong?" And so it was decided, they'd send Morris to attend a service on Sunday and check out what was going on over there. Sunday comes and all the men from the congregation are peeking thru the windows as Morris enters the church. Not 15 minutes later and Morris comes flying across the street, yelling and waving his arms. "So what happened?" says the Rabbi "Oy, you wouldn't believe it" says Morris "I go into the church, I sit down, then from the left a guy in a dress comes out unto the stage and he's chanting "I can play dominoes better than you can - I can play dominoes better than you can", then from the right of the stage some young boys swinging incense followed by another guy in a dress starts chanting "I bet you don't - I bet you don't" then back and forth they go "I can play dominoes better than you can - -I bet you don't", then from outta' the back four men in black suits come down the aisles and pick up the bets !!!"
Thanks to Jean for sending this:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Martha Dreher, 57, Austin, Texas Texas babysitter, who set fire to home of 'disrespectful' kids A Texas babysitter was arrested after setting fire to the house of children she said “lacked respect.” Martha Dreher, 57, has pleaded not guilty to arson charges, ABC reported Saturday. The house fire occurred on August 9 at an Austin home belonging to Glenn Williams. Dreher had been babysitting Williams’ four children -- two preteen girls and 5-year-old twin boys -- for several months, KVUE reports. On the night of August 9, the daughters were on vacation with their father, and Dreher was watching the two boys at their mother’s house, according to the American-Statesman. The babysitter told police that she went to Williams’ residence at about 9 p.m. to get some popcorn. Police say that security cameras show that the fire started about 25 minutes after she got there, and that the blaze was escalating as the babysitter drove away. Dreher allegedly told cops she “never saw a fire.” Williams told KVUE that his teenage son noticed the fire when he returned home that night, and that whoever set it had closed the doors of the girls’ bedrooms as if to contain the fire to those rooms. “It was definitely a vendetta against the two girls," the children’s father told KVUE. “Before I left, she had taken the girls clothes shopping, and she said that it was horrible, that my oldest had been very disrespectful to her and she didn't think it was a good match and she probably didn't want to do this anymore." Though Drehey denied setting any fires, she allegedly described the girls to investigators as “out of control, lacking respect for her and having disciplines issues,” according to documents obtained by The Statesman. Tech Support Pits From: Bree (like Brie, but sweeter) Re: Icon text background Dear Webby How can I get rid of the ugly icon text background in Windoze 7? You showed me once how to do it in XP, but I have long forgotten how to do that. Thanks Bree Dear Bree It is a ridiculous rigmarole in Windows 7, just like it was in XP. You might want to print this out or keep it open. 1) MyComputer 2) Control Panel 3) System 4) Advanced System Settings 5) Advanced 6) Performance Settings 7) Scroll down to the second last checkbox: Use drop shadows for icon labels on the desktop 8) Put a checkmark in there 9) Hit OK 10) Hit OK until you are out of that thilly wigmarole. Yes, I agree it is absolutely moronic to hide a necessary function that far down. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com 2 Ingredient Pancakes Who knew you could make yummy pancakes with just 2 ingredients? All it takes is one banana and two eggs. These gluten free discs might not taste exactly like your standard pancake, but once you try them, you will be hooked. Sweet, custardy and guilt-free! Approximate Time: 10 minutes Yield: 10 mini pancakes Ingredients: 1 banana, peeled 2 eggs Steps: Mix the banana and eggs together to make a batter. Cook mini pancakes in a pan, as you would when making regular pancakes. By attosa [103] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Bob moved into an apartment and went shopping for cleaning equipment. His cart was loaded with a broom, mop, dust-pan, sponges and a full array of cleaning products. At the last minute he topped off his cart with a lone food purchase -- a large bag of potato chips. Seeing the checkout clerk's quizzical look, he explained, "I'm a very messy eater."
Nine year old Little Johnny, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission, to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge so that the cops could not follow them, and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked, scornfully. "Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it."

» Nuts

Today in 
55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under Julius Caesar.
1498 Michelangelo was commissioned to make the "Pieta." 
1847 Liberia was proclaimed as an independent republic. 
1896 In the Philippines an insurrection began against the 
 Spanish government. 
1934 Adolf Hitler demanded that France return the Saar 
 region to Germany. It had been awarded to France after WWI
1937 All Chinese shipping was blockaded by Japan. 
1939 The first televised major league baseball games were shown. 
 The event was a double-header between the Cincinnati Reds 
 and the Brooklyn Dodgers. 
1945 The Japanese were given surrender instructions on the 
 U.S. battleship Missouri at the end of World War II.
1957 It was announced that an intercontinental ballistic 
 missile was successfully tested by the Soviet Union. 
1957 The first Edsel made by the Ford Motor Company rolled 
 of the assembly line. 
1961 The International Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto opened. 
1973 A U.S. Presidential Proclamation was declared that made 
 August 26th Women's Equality Day. 
1978 Sigmund Jahn blasted off aboard the Russian Soyuz 31 and 
 became the first German in space. 
1981 The U.S. claimed that North Korea fired an antiaircraft 
 missile at a U.S. Surveillance plane while it was over 
 South Korea. 
1987 The Fuller Brush Company announced plans to open two 
 retail stores in Dallas, TX. The company that had sold its 
 products door to door for 81 years. 
1990 The 55 Americans at the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait left 
 Baghdad by car and headed for the Turkish border. 
1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised that 
 national elections would be held. 
1992 A "no-fly zone" was imposed on the southern 1/3 of 
 Iraq. The move by the U.S., France and Britain was aimed 
 at protecting Iraqi Shiite Muslims. 
1998 The U.S. government announced that they were 
 investigating Microsoft in an attempt to discover if 
 they "bullied" Intel into delaying new technology. 
2014  smiled.


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Wired or wireless connection in a new office? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is SMonday,  August 25

Tuesday, Aug 26, I will have to go to Calgary for more
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters
for 2-3 days afterwards.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Montana man who called 911 to complain that a stripper would not have sex with him Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1972 In Great Britain, computerized axial tomography (CAT scan) was introduced.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If you would thoroughly know anything, teach it to others. --- Tryon Edwards (1809 - 1894) Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them. --- Franklin P. Adams
When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he exclaimed, "You crazy guys actually thought you could fool me with THAT old gag!" It was then he realized that we had removed the drainpipe under the sink and turned the "U" trap to point at his crotch.
BACK IN MY DAY In my day, we didn't have no rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads. Back in the 1970s we didn't have the space shuttle to get all excited about. We had to settle for men walking on the crummy moon. In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms. Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise. In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed, razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you had to kill him with a shovel.
Thanks to Jean for sending this:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to William McDaniel,53, Butte, Montana Man Calls 911 To Complain That Stripper Would Not Have Sex With Him After paying $350 for a private dance at a gentlemen’s club, a Montana man called police to complain that the stripper did not have sex with him. William McDaniel, 53, paid for the dance Saturday evening at Sagebrush Sam’s Exotic Dance Club and Casino in Rocker, a Butte suburb. But when he did not get the expected sex, he dialed 911 to register a consumer complaint. This was a mistake on McDaniel’s part. After questioning McDaniel, police arrested him for offering money for sexual favors, a misdemeanor. He was booked into the Butte-Silver Bow Detention Center, from which he was released Sunday morning after posting $550 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Lynn Re: Wired or wireless? Dear Webby What is faster for a home office network, old fashioned cable or wireless? I know I can't go by what the computer magazines say, because those guys never paid for their toys and have to watch who pays for the ads. The machines are not used for high file traffic games, just for office work, but in 4 different rooms. We are moving and I need to quickly decide whether to have the new place cabled or not. Thanks Lynn Dear Lynn Professionally installing cables so that they are hidden, with neat and clean wall jacks, is neither cheap nor fast. If you go that route, check with burglar alarm system installers. They know how to securely hide cables so that absolutely nothing shows. Wireless will be cheaper, and can be set up in an evening. The file transfer speed of wireless is better than cable, as long as there are no fridges or metal file cabinets bouncing the signal around, and as long as the distance is not over 50 feet, otherwise the file transfer speed is lower than cable. If you have one or more "roaming" laptops, go with wireless. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Day Old Cinnamon Rolls for Bread Pudding For richer, sweeter bread pudding, get day old cinnamon rolls instead of bread. They taste so much better and you save money. The cinnamon rolls are always discounted. By mamacrafter Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Wendy was waiting her turn at the bakery, when she heard a prospective bride give the cake decorator a hard time as she previewed her wedding cake. She demanded many extras and was critical of the work he'd done so far. After she left, he muttered, "I'm glad I put my special golden award on this cake. That young woman is sure eligible for it." Curious, Wendy studied the cake closely, but saw nothing. Finally the decorator pointed to the tiny bridegroom atop the cake with his tiny bride and there it was. Barely visible was the "golden award", a tiny ring, inserted in the groom's nose.
Thanks to Sandie for these stats: A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study by the American Beer Institute found that the average American drinks 22 gallons of beer a year. This means, on average, Americans get approximately 41 miles per gallon. Not bad!!!

» Nuts

Today in 
1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in Louisiana. 
 Some settled in present-day New Orleans. 
1814 The U.S. Library of Congress was destroyed by British 
 forces. 
1825 Uruguay declared independence from Brazil. 
1840 Joseph Gibbons received a patent for the seeding machine. 
1875 Captain Matthew Webb swam from Dover, England, to Calais, 
 France making him the first person to swim the English Channel. 
 The feat took about 22 hours. 
1920 The first airplane to fly from New York to Alaska 
 arrived in Nome. 
1941 Soviet and British troops invaded Iran. This was in reaction 
 to the Shah's refusal to reduce the number of German residents. 
1944 Paris, France, was liberated by Allied forces ending 
 four years of German occupation. 
1944 Romania declared war on Germany. 
1950 U.S. President Truman ordered the seizure of U.S. railroads 
 to avert a strike. 
1972 In Great Britain, computerized axial tomography (CAT scan) 
 was introduced. 
1978 The Turin shroud believed to be the burial cloth of 
 Jesus Christ went on display for the first time in 45 years. 
1981 The U.S. Voyager 2 sent back pictures and data about Saturn. 
 The craft came within 63,000 miles of the planet. 
1983 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a $10 billion 
 grain pact. That led to the USSR becoming a grain exporter
 instead of an importer.
1987 Saudi Arabia denounced the "group of terrorists" that 
 ran the Iranian government. 
1990 Military action was authorized by the United Nations 
 to enforce the trade embargo that had been placed on 
 Iraq after their invasion of Kuwait. 
1991 Belorussia declared independence from the Soviet Union. 
1992 It was reported by researchers that cigarette smoking 
 significantly increased the risk of developing cataracts. 
1995 Harry Wu, human rights activist, returned to the United 
 States. He said the spying case against him in China was 
 "all lies." 
1997 The tobacco industry agreed to an $11.3 billion 
 settlement with the state of Florida. 
2014  smiled.


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Camera for boat trip 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday,  August 24

Tuesday, Aug 26, I will have to go to Calgary for more
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters
for 2-3 days afterwards.

Obama's Food Police: No more pink cookies

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Oklahoma teacher caught in a hotel room with a student. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1932 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the U.S. non-stop. The trip from Los Angeles, CA to Newark, NJ, took about 19 hours.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) An important trip in life is meeting people half way. --- Socratex
A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight, embarrassed and red faced, sure that everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands, "Stop that!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says, "Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?"
Thanks to Irene for this story: For our 20th anniversary my husband and I vacationed in Hawaii, where we went snorkeling. After an hour in the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for me and one handsome young man. As I continued my underwater exploring, I noticed that everywhere I swam, he swam. I snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he. I felt very flattered and, as I took off my fins, asked him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long. "I'm the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly. "I couldn't get out until you did."
Thanks to Jean for sending this: Sverd-i-fjell-Norwqay

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Caswell, 28, Hollis, Oklahoma Teacher Charged With Rape After Being Found With Teen In Hotel An Oklahoma teacher who was under investigation for an inappropriate relationship with a student faces a slew of charges -- including second-degree rape -- after police in Mississippi say they caught her in a hotel room with a 15-year-old student. Jennifer Caswell, a 28-year-old former English teacher at Hollis Middle School in Hollis, Oklahoma, resigned from her position in April amid allegations that she was having an illicit affair with a student. Prosecutors told the Oklahoman that initially, they didn't really have hard evidence in the case, only reports of suspicious behavior. “Things that raised kind of an eyebrow. People seeing a teacher alone with a child may or may not be anything. It could just be innocent contact,” Harmon County Assistant District Attorney Eric Yarborough told the newspaper. “The child said nothing’s going on, she’s just a nice teacher.” But then, on June 18, police in Olive Branch, Mississippi, say they caught Caswell with the boy at a Best Western. Authorities say a subsequent investigation revealed that the former teacher and the victim had sex multiple times in April and May of this year, including twice at school, according to the Lawton Constitution. In a police interview, the minor allegedly said that Caswell had sex with him in a classroom at school three days before resigning from her job, and then again several times in her car and at the victim's home in the weeks following her resignation. The Mississippi incident happened more than 650 miles away from her home town while he was away visiting his mother. The victim told police that he hopped a fence in a church parking lot to meet Caswell, who appears to have traveled from Oklahoma to rendezvous with the boy. Caswell now faces three counts of second-degree rape, two counts of enticing a child, and one count of forcible sodomy. According to the Oklahoman, Caswell had been married prior to the investigation into the alleged sex abuse. She was formerly known as Jennifer Sexton, but since obtaining a divorce from her husband, has restored her maiden name of Caswell. -------------- I wonder if the "child" considered himself a victim or a beneficiary. In my day, that was strictly beneficiary. Tech Support Pits From: Maria Re: Camera for boat trip Dear Webby What camera would you recommend for a long canoe trip? I don't really want to risk my big Canon, but want to be sure I get reasonably good pictures. Thanks Maria Dear Maria Just get a stack of regular disposable cameras, not the expensive underwater type or the flash type, just the cheap ones you see at gas stations and drug stores and supermarkets. They float, and immersion in water does not seem to bother them one bit. The only drawback I found with them is that they do tend to easily slip out of a shirt pocket and go for a dive whenever you lean over the side of the canoe to retrieve a beverage from the cooler net, or if you get a bit wild with the paddling in a rapid. It's not a real problem, you just wait after the rapids for the camera to catch up, and fish it out. They float a lot slower than a good canoe, so if you temporarily lose one, don't paddle like a maniac trying to catch up with it. It is behind you and will eventually catch up with you, if you simply wait for it. Cameras with a flash and batteries probably won't do so well in the water, but with the plain regular ones I have never had a problem. The pictures are more than good enough for scanning and using on the net. Try not to mix brands, though. They all use different color temperatures. Kodak has a yellow cast, Fuji a green and Agfa a blue cast. If a whole series of pictures has the same cast, the eye compensates for it, but if they are mixed, they look odd and amateurish, and you need to adjust the hue in a graphics program. Decide on one brand, and stick with it. If somebody tells you that you can't get them any more, because your gas station forgot to order them for the summer, go online! Disposable cameras from $2.95 and up Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Old Ink Stains From Clothing To get ink out of a white shirt or blouse that has already set in the dryer, try this. Place an old towel between the shirt so stain will not go through. Spray hair spray on all the ink spots. Do NOT blot spots. Wash in warm water with laundry detergent. Check again to make sure all stains are out before putting the item in the dryer By Mythi from WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'bridge out' instead?"
THREE BAD NUNS There were these three nuns and they were tired of being good all of the time, so they went to the priest and asked if they could be bad for one day. He said that they could do one thing wrong but they had to come straight back and tell him what they did. The first nun comes back. "What did you do wrong, Sister?" "I mooned the rabbi next door, and nearly gave him a heart attack." "Very well, go drink holy water." The Second nun comes back shortly afterwards. "And what did you do wrong, Sister" he asks again. "I spiked the fruit punch at the bingo ." "OK, go drink holy water." Just then the third nun comes up to the priest and again he asks, "And what did you do wrong, Sister." "I peed in the holy water."

» Nuts

Today in 
0079 Mount Vesuvius erupted killing approximately 20,000 
 people. The cities of Pompeii, Stabiae and Herculaneum 
 were buried in volcanic ash. 
0410 The Visigoths overran Rome. This event symbolized the 
 fall of the Western Roman Empire. 
1456 The printing of the Gutenberg Bible was completed. 
1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French 
 Protestants in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000 
 people. 
1814 Washington, DC, was invaded by Canadians, who set fire 
 to what later became the White House, after it was whitewashed
 to cover the soot and partially burned wood, and the Capitol. 
1869 A patent for the waffle iron was received by Cornelius 
 Swarthout. 
1891 Thomas Edison applied patents for the kinetoscope and 
 kinetograph (U.S. Pats. 493,426 and 589,168). 
1932 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across 
 the U.S. non-stop. The trip from Los Angeles, CA to Newark, 
 NJ, took about 19 hours. 
1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) went into 
 effect. The agreement was that an attack against on one of 
 the parties would be considered "an attack against them all." 
1954 The Communist Party was virtually outlawed in the U.S. 
 when the Communist Control Act went into effect. 
1959 Three days after Hawaiian statehood, Hiram L. Fong was 
 sworn in as the first Chinese-American U.S. senator while 
 Daniel K. Inouye was sworn in as the first Japanese-American 
 U.S. representative. 
1963 John Pennel pole-vaulted 17 feet and 3/4 inches becoming 
 the first to break the 17-foot barrier. 
1968 France became the 5th thermonuclear power when they 
 exploded a hydrogen bomb in the South Pacific. 
1985 27 anti-apartheid leaders were arrested in South Africa 
 as racial violence rocked the country. 
1986 Frontier Airlines shut down. Thousands of people were 
 left stranded. 
1989 "Total war" was declared by Columbian drug lords on 
 their government. 
1989 The U.S. space probe, Voyager 2, sent back photographs 
 of Neptune. 
1990 Iraqi troops surrounded foreign missions in Kuwait. 
1991 Russian President Mikhail Gorbachev resigned as the 
 head of the Communist Party. 
1992 China and South Korea established diplomatic relations. 
1998 U.S. officials cited a soil sample as part of the 
 evidence that a Sudan plant was producing precursors to 
 the VX nerve gas. And, therefore made it a target for U.S. 
 missiles on August 20, 1998. 
1998 A donation of 24 beads was made, from three parties, 
 to the Indian Museum of North America at the Crazy Horse 
 Memorial. The beads are said to be those that were used 
 in 1626 to buy Manhattan from the Indians. 
2001 In McAllen, TX, Bridgestone/Firestone agreed to settle 
 out of court and pay a reported $7.5 million to a family 
 in a rollover accident in their Ford Explorer. 
2001 U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly was randomly 
 picked to take over the Microsoft monopoly case. The judge 
 was to decide how Microsoft should be punished for illegally 
 trying to squelch its competitors. 
2001 NASA announced that operation of the Upper Atmosphere 
 Research Satellite would end by September 30th due to budget 
 restrictions. The satellite is best known for monitoring 
 a hole in the ozone layer over Antarctica, but the ozone 
 hoax was not taken serious anymore.
2005 The planet Pluto was reclassified as a "dwarf planet" 
 by the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Pluto's 
 status was changed due to the IAU's new rules for an object 
 qualifying as a planet. Pluto met two of the three rules 
 because it orbits the sun and is large enough to assume a 
 nearly round shape. However, since Pluto has an oblong orbit 
 and overlaps the orbit of Neptune it disqualified Pluto as 
 a planet. 
2014  smiled.


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Free Famous Fonts 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday,  August 23

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a LA-Area Police Officer Arrested For Soliciting Las Vegas Undercover Cop Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1999 Robert Bogucki was rescued after getting lost in the Great Sandy Desert of Australia on July 11. During the 43 day ordeal Bogucki lost 44 pounds.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There is no failure except in no longer trying. --- Elbert Hubbard
A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through the night, she had already used up one handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that everyone at the table was looking at her. "What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues. She replied, "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived!"
A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
Thanks to Jean for sending this:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Johnson, 18, LA-Area Police Officer Arrested For Soliciting Las Vegas Undercover Cop A Southern California police officer has been charged with soliciting a prostitute after being caught in a sting involving an undercover cop in a Las Vegas casino. Vahak Mardikian, 48, of the Glendale Police Department, was arrested Aug. 8, after allegedly spending an hour chatting up a woman posing as a prostitute in the Flamingo Casino. When the suspect asked the undercover officer if she was a cop, she said no, according to the Las Vegas Review-Journal. Mardikian said he wasn’t an officer either. According to the arrest report, Mardikian and the undercover officer made plans to go to the woman's apartment for anal sex in exchange for $250 and gas money. The two agreed to meet separately at the woman's car in a parking garage to avoid suspicion, Fox5Vegas.com reports. Shortly after the suspect gave the undercover officer money for gas, he was arrested by nearby undercover detectives, police said. Mardikian was booked at the Clark County Detention Center on one count of soliciting prostitution, the Las Vegas Sun reports. This isn't Mardikian's first bout with controversy. He was demoted within the Glendale Police Dept. in 2012 for allegedly pressuring and harassing other officers, but was reinstated to his rank in 2013, according to the Glendale News-Press. ------------------- Somebody should tell him that "What happens in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas", the slogan that fuelled all the lights and glitter and the expansion of Las Vegas, is history. All the Millions of chambermaids, cooks, waitresses, and casino employees and their families are mostly quite religious new immigrants, and they vote. Prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas since the late 80's. Las Vegas is a town of churches and church goers, and City Hall promotes Family Fun, not what made it famous. Tech Support Pits From: Mary Re: Famous fonts Dear Webby I heard somebody is giving away famous fonts like CocaCola and Harry Potter and Starwars, etc. A fontaholic like me NEEDS those. Where can I get them? Thanks Mary Dear Mary Here is the link to Famous Fonts. They are all free. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Waterproof Address Labels To waterproof address labels, just rub a candle over the text. You will also save on sellotape. By Monique [98] With almost all mail going via the Internet nowadays, the only addressing I need is for packages and very rarely an envelope. Usually I just hand write it with a medium tipped black Mark-All. About the only times I actually print labels is for jars and containers. Since my printer is a Laser printer, the labels are waterproof anyway. Lasers use toner, which is colored wax, that is melted into the paper. Water just runs off it, and may dissolve areas, that are not printed, but printed areas are protected. Only if you use one of those short lived, expensive to use inkjet printers, would you need a candle to fake the waxy sheen of laser printing. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argu- ment. "Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one. "There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor. They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order. "Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us." The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?" "That's right," he called back, "two pints."
Wife: "I'm going to try something new this summer with the dog and kids." Husband: "What's that?" Wife: "I'm sending the dog to camp and the kids to obedience school."

» Muscle Cars

Today in 
1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in a war with China. 
1892 The printed streetcar transfer was patented by Stedman.
1904 Hard D. Weed patented the grip-tread tire chain for cars. 
1914 Tsingtao, China, was bombarded as Japan declared war on 
 Germany in World War I. 
1939 Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union signed a 
 non-aggression treaty. 
1944 During World War II, Romanian prime minister Ion Antonescue 
 was dismissed. Soon after the country would abandon the Axis 
 and join the Allies, since they were now obviously winning. 
1944 Marseilles was captured by Allied troops during World War II. 
1952 The security pact of the Arab League went into effect. 
1959 In the Peanuts comic strip, Sally debuted as an infant. 
1962 The first live TV program was relayed between the U.S. and 
 Europe through the U.S. Telstar satellite. 
1982 The parliament of Lebanon elected Bashir Bemayel president. 
 He was assassinated three weeks later. 
1993 It was confirmed by Los Angeles police that Michael Jackson 
 was the subject of a criminal investigation. 
1996 U.S. President Clinton imposed limits on peddling cigarettes 
 to children. 
1998 Protestors in Sudan carried a sign that bore the resemblance 
 of Monica Lewinsky and the words "No War for Monika." The anti-U.S. 
 demonstration was in Khartoum, Sudan. 
1998 Boris Yeltsin dismissed the Russian government again. 
1999 Rescuers in Turkey found a young boy that had been buried 
 in rubble from an earthquake for about a week. 
1999 Robert Bogucki was rescued after getting lost in the Great 
 Sandy Desert of Australia on July 11. During the 43 day ordeal 
 Bogucki lost 44 pounds. 
2000 Richard Hatch was revealed as the winning castaway on CBS' 
 "Survivor." Hatch won $1,000,000 for his stay on the island of 
 Pulau Tida in the South China Sea. 
2014  smiled.


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Numeric keypad for laptop 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday,  August 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a New Mexico man who drove a hot cart to meet a probation officer Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1996 U.S. President Clinton signed legislation that ended guaranteed cash payments to the poor and demanded work from recipients. That did not last long.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) The closest to perfection anyone ever comes is when he or she fills out a job application form. --- Socratex
When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought premium or regular gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband probingly. "It cost the same as always." said the wife. "I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth."
Thanks to Dianne for this story: I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend. He drove the car around the block, listened carefully, then told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair. At the shop I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there are premature detonations, which may damage the valves." As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw him write on his clipboard, "Lady says it makes a funny noise."
Thanks to jean for sending this:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Johnson, 18, Man Drives Hot Cart To Meet Probation Officer AUGUST 20 The 18-year-old New Mexico man was arrested Monday after allegedly driving a stolen Walmart electric shopping cart to a meeting with his probation officer. Johnson drove the hot cart to the Metropolitan Courthouse in Albuquerque. Johnson, whose rap sheet includes several arrests, is on probation for a conviction earlier this year. According to a criminal complaint, when Megan Cutler, Johnson’s probation officer, asked him where he got the shopping cart, he admitted to taking it from a Walmart about five miles from the courthouse. Johnson added that he “did not have permission to take the cart.” An Albuquerque Police Department officer subsequently contacted a Walmart official who said that the electric cart is worth $1845 and that the retailer wanted to press charges. Johnson was then arrested for larceny and receiving stolen property and booked into the Bernalillo County jail, where he remains locked up. The teenager is facing an additional charge for violating terms of his probation. He was arrested last year for battery against a household member and interference with communications. In May, he pleaded guilty to the latter count, which usually relates to somehow preventing a victim from contacting police. Johnson lives about 11 miles from the courthouse. The complaint does not reveal when he took the Walmart cart or how far he drove it to the courthouse. Tech Support Pits From: Helga Re: Numeric keys for laptop Dear Webby The numeric keypad keys on my laptop are dual-function keys embedded in the regular keyboard. It does have the numbers again on top, but I can't get any speed going with those. Is there a solution for that? Thanks Helga Yes, you can get numeric keypads quite cheaply. For example: V7, wired, $7 Targus wireless $22 If you go to a surveyors or engineering supply store, you can get thigh holsters for the wireless Targus. You have probably seen surveyors on the side of the road peering through their instruments and fingering something on their thigh. Most likely what you saw was that Targus wireless numeric keypad in a thigh holster. If your desk space is limited, or if you are using your lap as your desk, the thigh holster will also be really handy. You can get fantastic speed with one of them. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Purse with Shopping Bags I don't know if you have this problem, but I do. I try to use reusable grocery bags as much as possible, but I forget to bring them into the store! Same with my coupons and sometimes even my shopping list! The Solution: Now at home, I place my purse directly "into" one of my reusable, cloth grocery bags and add my coupons, list and key ring to a hook on the bag as well. Then I hang this bag by the door. Every time I get home, I immediately place my purse in that hanging bag and the keys on the ring. Now when I am going shopping, I bring the purse "still" in the bag with me to carry in to the store together. I can store or add additional folded bags in the bottom of that same bag (as well as coupons and shopping list in a little pocket on the front of the bag and bring it "all" into the store with me on shopping day! Once home and unpacked, I make sure to put them all back into that main bag along with my purse once again and place it back on its designated hook. By Donna [128] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

THEN…In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats. The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids. After about a minute or so, he spoke: "From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom. You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework. Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter. The first one is "gross". And the other one is "cool". Are there any questions?" After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand, and the teacher calls upon him. In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks: "So, what are these gross and cool words?"
A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' break room saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty scary too."

» Farm Crops

Today in 
1485 The War of the Roses ended with the death of England's 
 King Richard III. He was killed in the Battle of Bosworth 
 Field. His successor was Henry V II. 
1567 The "Council of Blood" was established by the Duke of 
 Alba. This was the beginning of his reign of terror in 
 the Netherlands. 
1642 The English Civil War began when Charles I called 
 Parliament and its soldiers traitors. 
1770 Australia was claimed under the British crown when 
 Captain James Cook landed there. 
1775 The American colonies were proclaimed to be in a state 
 of open rebellion by England's King George III. 
1846 The U.S. annexed New Mexico. 
1851 The schooner America outraced the Aurora off the English 
 coast to win a trophy that became known as the America's Cup. 
1865 A patent for liquid soap was issued to William Sheppard. 
1906 The Victor Talking Machine Company of Camden, NJ began 
 to manufacture the Victrola. The hand-cranked unit, with 
 horn cabinet, sold for $200. 
1910 Japan formally annexed Korea. 
1911 It was announced that Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa" 
 had been stolen from the Louvre Museum in Paris. The 
 painting reappeared two years later in Italy. 
1932 The BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) began its 
 first TV broadcast in England. 
1941 Nazi troops reached the outskirts of Leningrad during 
 World War II. 
1972 Due to its racial policies, Rhodesia was asked to 
 withdraw from the 20th Olympic Summer Games. 
1973 Henry Kissinger was named Secretary of State by U.S. 
 President Nixon. Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize in 
 the same year. 
1984 The last Volkswagen Rabbit rolled off the assembly 
 line in New Stanton, PA. 
1986 Kerr-McGee Corp. agreed to pay the estate of the late 
 Karen Silkwood $1.38 million to settle a 10-year-old 
 nuclear contamination lawsuit. 
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed an order for calling 
 reservists to aid in the build up of troops in the Persian Gulf. 
1990 The U.S. State Department announced that the U.S. Embassy 
 in Kuwait would not be closed under President Saddam 
 Hussein's demand. 
1990 Angry smokers blocked a street in Moscow to protest the 
 summer-long cigarette shortage. 
1991 Mikhail S. Gorbachev returned to Moscow after the 
 collapse of the hard-liners' coup. On the same day he purged 
 the men that had tried to oust him. 
1992 In Rostock, Germany, neo-Nazi violence broke out 
 against foreigners. 
1996 U.S. President Clinton signed legislation that ended 
 guaranteed cash payments to the poor and demanded work 
 from recipients. 
2004 In Oslo, Norway, a version of Edvard Munch's "The Scream" 
 and his work "Madonna" were stolen from the Munch Museum. 
 This version of "The Scream," one of four different versions, 
 was a tempera painting on board. 
2014  smiled.


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How long to keep your blacklist? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, August 21

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Man arrested for murder in R.I. home invasion Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their partner.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. --- W. C. Fields (1880 - 1946)
The impish girl turned on the tractor and pushed the outhouse into the creek. Later, her father told her the story of George Washington chopping down his father's cherry tree but wasn't spanked because he had told the truth. The girl proudly announced, "I cannot tell a lie. I pushed the outhouse into the creek." He told her to bend over and the shocked child protested that George Washington had not been punished. The father replied, "Well, George's father wasn't IN the cherry tree when it got chopped down!"
>From Len I think the pilot on my last trip was pretty new to his job. I base that on his pre-flight announcement, 'We're going to be taking off in a few... OOOPS! Here we go!'


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rudy Chavez, 43, ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. Man arrested for murder in R.I. home invasion The man believed to be responsible for the shooting death of 26-year-old Richard Catalano in North Providence on Sunday has been arraigned at the hospital. 24-year-old Dari Max Garcia has been charged with first degree murder, 2 counts assault with a deadly weapon, burglary, assault with intent to commit a felony, and several firearms charges. Garcia has an extensive criminal record and has served time behind bars in the past. Garcia was arraigned on charges yesterday inside Rhode Island Hospital where he is being treated for a self inflicted gunshot wound. The incident happened just before midnight on Sunday when the suspect allegedly showed up at the Eliot Avenue attempting to gain access. When he entered he had a gun and struggled with the victim's mother and step father. During the struggle police say that Garcia bit Catalano's mother's finger off and shot her in the throat. Catalano was also shot and he was pronounced dead on the scene. Police say when they arrived Garcia attempted to kill himself and was unsuccessfull. He was brought to the hospital to be treated for injuries while in police custody. Catalano's mother is currently recovering from her injuries at Rhode Island Hospital. WPRI reports that Garcia has a "lengthy" criminal history, punctuated by an incident in February in which he was shot in the abdomen during an altercation with a police officer. He had just finished a two-year prison sentence for narcotics violations, and after the shooting he was charged with domestic assault and possession of heroin, among other charges. He is out on bail awaiting trial on those charges. Police are looking into whether the incident may be connected to a earlier incident involving a bogus shoe sale at an event at Brown University. Tech Support Pits From: Fanny Re: Blacklist size Dear Webby I noticed that the blacklist is getting quite huge. That must be slowing things down badly. What size would you call the maximum size? Thanks Fanny Dear Fanny What a nice and delightful name! Spammers never use the same address twice, unless they forge your name as the sender name. It is quite safe to age off the blacklist in three days. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Ice Scraper for Cleaning Using my favorite and best cooking pot, I put some green beans on to cook and went to the computer to check the weather while the strings beans were coming to a boil. While checking on the weather, I got distracted by something else that struck my interest and I completely forgot the green beans. Next thing I knew, the smoke alarm was blaring and the green beans were burned and stuck to the bottom of the pot. I tried all different methods to clean the pot and thought the Teflon finish was pitted and my pot ruined. Then, my husband suggested I try using the little plastic ice scraper I had stuck back in the "catch it all" drawer. It worked wonders and I was able to get my pot back in tip top shape. The finish on the pot was not harmed. By Litter Gitter [103] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A doctor said to his patient: "You have a slight heart con- dition, but I wouldn't worry about it." "Really, Doc?" the patient replied. "Well, if you had a slight heart condition I wouldn't worry about it either."
After trying a new shampoo for the first time. A guy fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer. Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items. "Well, what do you think" his wife asked smiling. "Next time," he replied. "I'm writing to Mercedes!

» Farm Crops

Today in 
1680 The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took 
 possession of Santa Fe, NM. 
1831 Nat Turner, a former slave, led a violent insurrection 
 in Virginia. He was later executed. 
1841 A patent for venetian blinds was issued to John Hampton. 
1888 The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs. 
1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed 
 forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their partner. 
1943 Japan evacuated the Aleutian island of Kiaska. Kiaska 
 had been the last North American foothold by the Japanese. 
1945 U.S. President Truman ended the Lend-Lease program that 
 had shipped about $50 billion in aid to America's Allies 
 during World War II. 
1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President Eisenhower 
 also issued the order for the 50 star flag. 
1963 In South Vietnam, martial law was declared. Army troops 
and police began to crack down on the Buddhist anti-
 government protesters. 
1989 Voyager 2, a U.S. space probe, got close to the Neptune 
 moon called Triton. 
1991 The hard-line coup against Soviet President Mikhail 
 Gorbachev ended. The uprising that led to the collapse 
 was led by Russian federation President Boris Yeltsin. 
1993 NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft. 
 The fate of the spacecraft was unknown. The mission cost 
 $980 million. 
1997 Hudson Foods Inc. closed a plant in Nebraska after it 
 had recalled 25 million pounds of ground beef that was 
 potentially contaminated with E. coli 01557:H7. It was 
 the largest food recall in U.S. history. 
1997 Afghanistan suspended its embassy operations in the 
 United States. 
2002 In Pakistan, President General Pervez Musharraf 
 unilaterally amended the Pakistani constitution. He 
 extended his term in office and granted himself powers 
 that included the right to dissolve parliament. 
2014  smiled.


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Identical spams to multiple addresses 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Wedenesday, August 20.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a a N.M. Robber who was caught after showering, and shaving in elderly victim's home. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. Chester Carlson was the man who invented the machine.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An expert is a person who avoids small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy. --- Benjamin Stolberg The whole world is in revolt. Soon there will be only five Kings left--the King of England, the King of Spades, The King of Clubs, the King of Hearts, and the King of Diamonds. --- King Farouk of Egypt (1920 - 1965) "Hell begins the day God grants you the vision to see all you could have done, should have done and would have done -- but did not do." --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I went to a medical clinic for an electrocardiogram. While the technician was lining up her machine, I told her I have dextrocardia. "What's that?" she asked. "It means my heart is on the right side of my chest rather than on the left," I answered. "You should set up your machine to accommodate that." As she attached the wires, she asked casually, "Tell me, have you had that for long?"
The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't got no crayons." "Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons. You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Willie said, "If nobody ain't got no crayons, then what happened to all them crayons that nobody ain't got?"


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rudy Chavez, 43, ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. Robber Caught After Showering, Shaving In Elderly Victim's Home Police say a suspect accused of robbing a 94-year-old Albuquerque, New Mexico, man was caught after he shaved and showered in the victim's home - and left behind his fingerprints. The Albuquerque Journal reports authorities said 43-year-old Rudy Chavez was arrested Saturday. According to a criminal complaint, Chavez held Glen Miller at gunpoint while Chavez showered, shaved, dressed in Miller's clothes, and then left with Miller's car, television and cash. The complaint says Chavez told Miller he was committing the robbery because he had just been released from prison and couldn't find work. Albuquerque Police Lt. Paul Szych said investigators identified Chavez through fingerprints on the shaver and a bottle of mouthwash. Chavez faces a number of charges including kidnapping. He is held on $100.000 cash bail. Tech Support Pits From: Eric Re: HAR* spam Dear Webby Lately I have received a lot of spam supposedly about HAR* and loans and similar topics, to all of my email addresses, and there are many of those. The letters seem to be identical. What's the story and how do I get them to stop? Eric Dear Eric Something you downloaded reported all of your email addresses to some hacker, who probably sold them to a bunch of spammers. Since you probably can't change your email addresses, the only alternative is to get decent spam control, like MailWasher. It will identify the spam and mark it for deleting. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Tops From Sticking to Bottles To keep tops from sticking on bottles of things such as finger nail polish, glue, or other adhesives, rub a very small amount of Vaseline around the ridges before replacing the top. By Ann Reese Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Ellen Needing to shed a few pounds, my husband and I went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. I followed the instructions closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for our individual plates. We felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful--we never even felt hungry! But when we realized we were gaining weight, not losing it, I checked the recipes again. There, in fine print, was: "Serves 6."
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license plate number!" "That's no help," Bubba replied, "I'm using the license plate I stole off the mayor's truck to cut down on the speeding tickets."

» Farm Crops

Today in 
1741 Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering discovered Alaska. 
1882 Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" debuted in Moscow. 
1914 German forces occupied Brussels, Belgium, during WW I. 
1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," was 
 launched in Lakehurst, NJ. The ship began its maiden voyage 
 from the same location on September 4. 
1940 France fell to the Germans during World War II. 
1953 It was announced by the Soviet Union that they had 
 detonated a hydrogen bomb. 
1955 In Morocco and Algeria hundreds of people were killed 
 in anti-French rioting. 
1968 The Soviet Union and other Warsaw Pact nations began 
 invading Czechoslovakia to crush the "Prague Spring"
1977 Voyager 2 was launched by the United States. The 
 spacecraft was carrying a 12 inch copper phonograph record 
 containing greetings in dozens of languages, samples of 
 music and sounds of nature. 
1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the 
 Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. Chester 
 Carlson was the man who invented the machine. 
1991 A rally of more than 100,000 people occurred outside 
 the Russian parliament building to protest the coup that 
 removed Gorbachev from power. 
1997 Britain began voluntary evacuation of its Caribbean 
 island of Montserrat due to the volcanic activity of the 
 Soufriere Hills. 
1998 Canada's Supreme Court announced that Quebec could 
 not secede without the federal government's consent. 
1998 U.S. military forces attacked a terrorist camp in 
 Afghanistan and a chemical plant in Sudan. Both targets 
 were chosen for cruise missile strikes due to their 
 connection with Osama bin Laden. 
1998 The U.N. Security Council extended trade sanctions 
 against Iraq for blocking arms inspections. 
2014  smiled.


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How to get McAfee onto a second or third machine 





Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, August 19.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Seattle Woman, 33, Arrested After "Humping" Lawn Chairs, Exposing Self Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's orbit by the Soviet Union.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane. --- Jimmy Buffett To be pleased with one's limits is a wretched state. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)
>From Tim One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6!", I complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?" "Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you wouldn't be staying in this motel!"
Thanks to Sandie for these Call Center recordings: Customer: "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?" Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?" Customer: "It's on the door of your business." Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open." ------------------------- Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe ) "If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?" ------------------------ Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?"


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sila Hans, 33, Seattle, WA Seattle Woman, 33, Arrested After "Humping" Lawn Chairs, Exposing Self A Washington woman who was wearing a short dress and no underwear is facing an indecent exposure charge after allegedly “humping” lawn chairs, exposing herself to a woman and two children, and urinating in public, according to police. Sila Hans, 33, was arrested earlier this month by cops responding to a report of “an intoxicated female exposing herself and urinating on the lawn” of a Seattle residence. A female witness told officers that Hans, seen above, “had come onto her lawn and was ‘humping’ the lawn chairs,” according to a Seattle Police Department report. The woman added that she and her two children--ages 15 and 11-- watched Hans’s late-afternoon performance from a window in their home. After grinding on the lawn chairs, Hans allegedly “exposed her vagina,” and then “smacked” her genitals “with her hand multiple times.” Additionally, the witnesses reported that Hans relieved herself on the lawn and “bent over and exposed her bottom.” Cops who confronted Hans reported that she was “extremely intoxicated” and “displaying erratic behavior.” She was “wearing a short dress with no underwear,” noted Officer Nicolas Olsen, who arrested Hans for indecent exposure. He probably double-checked and was quite sure that she had no underwear. Tech Support Pits From: Dwayne Re: Getting McAfee onto my second machine Dear Webby I tried to get my McAfee onto my second machine, but it wants my Serial number. More civilized programs show the license number when you hit Help/About, but McAfee is not amongst those. I tried to chat Customer Service, but the Taliban there took forever translating via Yahoo, and did not quite get it for a long time. Eventually she sent me to Tech Support, even though it is a customer service issue. Once somebody woke up there, they gave me a link to the shopping cart. DUH! The program is great, but their support sure isn't. How do I get the number? Dwayne Dear Dwayne First get your user name and password. You probabaly have it in your RoboForm. Skype it or somehow send it to Machine #2. Then, on Machine #2, go to https://home.mcafee.com/Secure/Protected/Login.aspx?ErrCode=PLEASE_LOGIN Log in with your user name and password. Then you can download McAfee and install it. It even tells you your serial number, that the Taliban could not give you. From there on it is clear sailing. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hot Thighs Better than Hot Wings Buy a family pack of chicken thighs. Slice a 1/2 inch filet from each side of thigh, leaving the bone-in piece. This yields three finger-dipping size of meaty pieces. Roll in hot wing rub. Place in oven at 350 degrees F for 30 minutes or deep fry until crispy and done. Approximate Time: 30 minutes Yield: 3 per thigh By Avis [10] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Rosie The "BUT FIRST" Syndrome. We all have it. You decide to do the laundry. So you start down the stairs with the laundry, but then you see the newspapers on the table. OK, you'll do the laundry......... BUT FIRST you decide to put the newspapers away. On your way to put the newspapers away, you notice the mail on the table. OK, you'll put the newspapers away........ BUT FIRST you'll pay that bill that needs to be paid. You look for the checkbook. Oops... there's the baby's bottle from yesterday on the floor. OK, you'll pay the bill........ BUT FIRST you need to put the bottle in the sink. You head for the kitchen. There's the remote for the TV. What's it doing in here? OK, you'll put the bottle in the sink..... BUT FIRST you need to put the remote away. Head for the TV room. Aaagh!!! stepped on the cat! Cat needs to be fed. OK, you'll put the remote away... BUT FIRST you need to feed the cat. At the end of the day...... The laundry is not done; newspapers are still on the floor; baby's bottle is on the table; bills are still unpaid; checkbook is still lost; cat ate the remote control....... And when you stop to figure out how come nothing got done all day, you are baffled because......you know you were busy ALL DAY!!
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

» Chocolate B.C.

Today in 
1812 "Old Ironsides" (the USS Constitution) won a battle 
 against the British frigate Guerriere east of Nova Scotia. 
1848 The discovery of gold in California was reported by 
 the New York Herald. 
1856 Gail Borden received a patent for his process of 
 condensing milk by vacuum. 
1909 The first car race to be run on brick occurred at the 
 Indianapolis Motor Speedway. 
1919 Afghanistan gained independence from Britain. 
1929 "Amos and Andy," the radio comedy program, made its 
 debut on NBC starring Freeman Gosden and Charles Correll. 
1934 Adolf Hitler was approved for sole executive power in 
 Germany as Fuehrer. 
1940 The new Civil Aeronautics Administration awarded honorary 
 license #1 to Orville Wright. 
1942 About 6,000 Canadian and British soldiers launched a raid 
 against the Germans at Dieppe, France. They suffered about 
 50 percent casualties. 
1960 Francis Gary Powers, an American U-2 pilot, was convicted 
 of espionage in Moscow. 
1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's orbit 
 by the Soviet Union. 
1974 During an anti-American protest in Nicosia, Cyprus, U.S. 
 Ambassador Rodger P. Davies was fatally wounded by a bullet 
 while in the American embassy. 
1981 Two Libyan SU-22s were shot down by two U.S. Navy F-14 
 fighters in the Gulf of Sidra. 
1998 The first piece of the 351 foot bronze statue of 
 Christopher Columbus arrived in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 
1999 In Belgrade, thousands of Serbs attended a rally to 
 demand the resignation of Yugoslavia's President 
 Slobodan Milosevic. 
2004 Google Inc. stock began selling on the Nasdaq Stock 
 Market. The initial price was set at $85 and ended the day 
 at $100.34 with more than 22 million shares traded.
2014  smiled.


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Get rid of yaimo 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, August 18.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Woman who poisoned roommates after they caught her having sex with their dog Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1920 Tennessee ratified the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. The Amendment guaranteed the right of all American women to vote.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There are two kinds of light--the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. --- James Thurber (1894 - 1961) I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. --- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly," he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he intoned as he wrote on his form.
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Thanks to Tim for this story: A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at a speed of at least 30mph for it to start. She said fine, hopped into her old 5 ton Caddillac and drove off. I sat there fuming, wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 40 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shari Walters, 53, Albuquerque, NM Woman poisoned roommates after they caught her having sex with their dog Police say a New Mexico woman who was arrested for allegedly poisoning her roommates admitted that she did so because they caught her having sex with their dogs. Shari Walters, 53, was arrested Wednesday in Albuquerque after her roommates told Bernalillo County Sheriff’s deputies that she'd admitted putting rubbing alcohol and toilet bowl cleaner in their food. They said that the alleged poisoning occurred two weeks ago, the evening after her female roommate, Beverly Bradley, allegedly discovered Walters "lying nude in a backyard shed with her German shepherd, Spike," according to Raw Story. She confessed it wasn't the first time. According to the Albuquerque Journal, Walters said she'd been having sex with dogs since she was 14. KOAT reports: After the encounter, the complaint says, Walters admitted to having sex with both her roommates’ dogs. Walters was dating a male roommate and, according to the complaint, he broke up with her. During dinner the night after the incident, both roommates noticed that their food tasted weird, and said Walters encouraged them to eat. When they confronted her, Walters allegedly said that she'd "stop trying to kill [them] if Jeffrey would be with her," according to KOAT. Jeffrey is Beverly Bradley's brother and other roommate. "That's psycho to me. I don't understand it," Beverly Bradley told the station. Walters was taken to a hospital for psychiatric evaluation and then booked in Metropolitan Detention Center on charges including aggravated battery, cruelty or extreme cruelty to animals, and assault with intent to commit a violent felony. Tech Support Pits From: Dianne Re: My browsers go to Yaimo Dear Webby My browser defaults to yaimo, no matter how often I change the HOME page back to mine. And everything is slowed down. How can I fix that? I have Superantispyware, but that is no help. Dianne Dear Dianne That is nasty crap! You probably got it as a "Free Bonus" hidden on page 27 of the user agreement of some cutesy program you downloaded from Cnet or some similar place full of ads trying to sidetrack you into clicking on the wrong link. Yes, Superantispyware won't touch it, neither will 99% of the programs, that claim they would. AnviSoft and Regcure are some that I remember being a big waste of time. They might possibly be useful for something else, but did not help in getting rid of yaimo. Usually yaimo opens a back door for even more malicious and more dangerous stuff. MalwareBytes will get rid of most of that, and trim yaimo down to a harmless browser nuisance, that changes the home page and the chosen search engine. Pretty well all reputable instructions for getting rid of yaimo INCLUDE running Malwarebytes as one of the first steps involved. A good method is at im-infected.com Keep in mind, no matter which programs and methods you use, it is going to be tedious and time consuming. Good Luck! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from
Thriftyfun.com No More Paper Products! This was something that put more money in our pockets instantly! We stopped using napkins and paper towels. We were spending at least $5.00 a week just to wipe our mouths and clean our house. Every week, my cart would be loaded with another round of paper products. Every week, I kept thinking "there has got be a better way!" And there is! For napkins at mealtime, we use cotton cloths that I crochet. You can whip up at least two from a $1.47 ball of cotton yarn at your local chain store. I use my kids' favorite colors so they can use them for an entire day and not get them mixed up before throwing in the wash. Or, simply use a value pack of inexpensive washcloths that can be purchased for a mere $4.00 at Walmart! As far as paper towel substitutes, I simply cut up our old t-shirts, sweat-pants, etc. They work like a charm for windows, mirrors and bathrooms. Saves the environment, space in my shopping cart, and money in my wallet. I can't believe I didn't do this years ago! :) By melissa [1] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Sandie for this one: A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin". "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?" "Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. "Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me. "Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. "Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. "Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method. "Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. "Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it. "Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it. "Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it. "Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was. .......... God I miss him. "But now that I've married you, I'm so excited". "Wonderful", said the husband, "but why? "Your're with the "GOVERNMENT"... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get SCR....D."
A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer. When the doctor came in, the man said, "Look Doc, this is my first exam.. I know what the K-Y is for... and I know what the glove is for... but what's the BEER for?" At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, nurse!!! I said a BUTT LIGHT!!!"

» Chocolate B.C.

Today in 
1227 The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died. 
1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on 
American soil of English parents. The colony that is now 
Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished. 
1894 The Bureau of Immigration was established by the 
 U.S. Congress. 
1914 The "Proclamation of Neutrality" was issued by U.S. 
 President Woodrow Wilson. It was aimed at keeping the U.S. 
 out of World War I, but England persuaded the US to 
 participate and boost the economy. 
1920 Tennessee ratified the 19th Amendment to the U.S. 
 Constitution. The Amendment guaranteed the right of all 
 American women to vote. 
1937 The first FM radio construction permit was issued in 
 Boston, MA. The station went on the air two years later. 
1938 The Thousand Islands Bridge was dedicated by U.S. 
 President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The bridge connects 
 the U.S. and Canada. 
1940 Canada and the U.S. established a joint defense plan 
 against the possible enemy attacks during World War II. 
 Hitler was too dumb to realize, that the deck was already
 stacked agaisnt him.
1958 Vladimir Nabokov's novel "Lolita" was published. 
1966 The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were 
 sent back to the U.S. 
1990 The first shots were fired by the U.S. in the Persian 
 Gulf Crisis when a U.S. frigate fired rounds across the 
 bow of an Iraqi oil tanker. 
1991 An unsuccessful coup was attempted in against President 
 Mikhail S. Gorbachev. The Soviet hard-liners were responsible. 
 Gorbechev and his family were effectively imprisoned for 
 three days while vacationing in Crimea. 
1998 Mrs. Field's Original Cookies announced that they would 
 acquire the Great American Cookie Co. 
2014  smiled.


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Can Open Office handle Microsoft Office files? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, August 17.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Arkansas teacher who got caught messing with a 13 year old and leaving a trail of naked pictures on Snapchat Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its successful round-trip to Albany.
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The phrase "action speaks louder than words," is most easily proven by a swift kick to the genitals. --- Devin J. Monroe (1983 -
Thanks to Susan for this story: After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was. "Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me." He looked confused, "What are you talking about?" "Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged. "No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."
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At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. She said, "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you." Then, returning to reality, she added, "But, if the guy is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress, don't wait any longer."
Thanks to Jean for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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Reported by William An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mary Faith McCormick, Arkansas teacher who got caught messing with a 13 year old and leaving a trail of naked pictures on Snapchat A sixth-grade teacher in the rural northwest corner of Arkansas was arrested on Wednesday and charged with having multiple sexual encounters with a 13-year-old boy. The teacher is 32-year-old Mary Faith McCormick, reports local CBS affiliate KFSM. She is a sixth-grade teacher at Siloam Springs Intermediate School. Local police, who began investigating last week after receiving a few anonymous reports, say the forbidden love began on a dare. Specifically, one of the unnamed 13-year-old boy’s friends dared the kid to call McCormick. One thing led to another, and the 19 years separating McCormick and the student proved to be no physical barrier. One of the trysts occurred after the boy and a friend took in a movie at McCormick’s residence. (It’s not clear if it was the same friend who proposed the dare.) Like a good wingman, the friend left after the flick was over. McCormick and her 13-year-old lover then allegedly had sex. There’s also the very impressive trail of Snapchat messages, which includes nude photographs and much raunchiness. A police investigation of McCormick’s Snapchat account uncovered a treasure trove of photos and videos related to the affair. A 12-year-old female friend of the 13-year-old boy came across one of the Snapchat sessions when she was using the boy’s phone, and as girls always do, snooped around. Among the messages was a photo of McCormick wearing just a towel. Another photo shows a pair of breasts that police believe belong to McCormick — but investigators say they can’t be sure until they can get her to s trip for them. An unidentified witness told police about a photo of McCormick — with wet hair and breasts mostly bare — and text reading. “I’m not dirty anymore,” according to the KFSM. The CBS affiliate notes that McCormick is currently married and has a daughter. Her father is a teacher in the local school district. The full, three-page arrest affidavit has been made publicly available by the station. Highlights include the 13-year-old boy telling police that he used Snapchat to send McCormick a picture of “his ‘boner.’” The 12-year-old girl who borrowed the phone said she recalled a message on the photo-messaging application from McCormick to the 13-year-old that read “I want to climb your cock,” or something similar. Also, the 13-year-old boy told police that McCormick had picked him up in her car just a couple weeks ago and drove him to a plot of land “where she is building her new house.” The teen then fondly reconstructed the events that transpired by explaining that McCormick was “sucking his dick.” McCormick faces at least one felony rape count. She was released from jail on Thursday after posting bond of $50,000. School district officials have suspended her with pay. Tech Support Pits From: Irene Re: Can Open Office open MS Office files? Dear Webby I have a lot of files that I wrote at work over the years with the MS Office we have there. Yeah, I know, naughty, naughty! The problem is, now that I am retired, I had to get my own computer, but there is no way I am going to pay the outrageous price for MS Office. I uploaded all my stuff to DropBox, and can retrieve it from there. Actually, I have already downloaded most of it. Can I open those MS Weird and MS Excel files with Open Office? Thanks Irene Dear Irene Yes, sure. You can open and edit them with Open Office, and even save them back into Microsoft format, or into Open Office format. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Coin Purse for Broken Keyless Remote My keychain/car remote broke. The small end that had a hole that allowed the metal ring to loop through it broke so I couldn't hook the key ring to the remote anymore. They are EXPENSIVE to replace and I wanted the convenience of the remote and the keys hooked together. I thought about the shape and rummaged through my 'junk drawer' for an old plastic coin purse that my kids used to use. If you squeeze the ends, it opens to put coins OR to put my remote in there! I am sure they are in dollar stores everywhere. It fit great over the entire remote and I could hook my keys to it again. Just a little thing to make my life easier and I've used it happily every since! By Donna [126] You can also take an old key, lay it on the back of the remote, so that the eyelet sticks out beyond it, and mark where the battery door is. Saw it off there. They are brass and easy sawing. Cover the battery door with some tape and epoxy the key onto the back, and you will have a much sturdier eyelet than the original plastic. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
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No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

From Nanarina Did you know these connections? ABC News executive producer Ian Cameron is married to Susan Rice, National Security Adviser. CBS President David Rhodes is the brother of Ben Rhodes, Obama’s Deputy National Security Adviser for Strategic Communications. ABC News correspondent Claire Shipman is married to Whitehouse Press Secretary Jay Carney ABC News and Univision reporter Matthew Jaffe is married to Katie Hogan, Obama’s Deputy Press Secretary ABC President Ben Sherwood is the brother of Obama’s Special Adviser Elizabeth Sherwood CNN President Virginia Moseley is married to former Hillary Clinton’s Deputy Secretary Tom Nides. ------------- Not a joke, but rather funny anyway.
A middle aged man wasn't feeling well, so he went to the doctor for a check up. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking." The man said, "Well, to be honest with you Doc, I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?"

» Puppy Power

Today in 
1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia 
 from New York City. 
1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as 
 the "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River 
 on its successful round-trip to Albany. 
1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at 
 the island of St. Helena. 
1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first 
 time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with 
 100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles. 
1863 Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in 
 Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War. 
1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack 
 discovering gold on Rabbit Creek in the Yukon. 
1903 Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia 
 University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name. 
1915 Charles F. Kettering received a patent for an 
 electric ignition device like the ones used in cars for 
 20 years. 
1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S. 
 and British forces entered Messina. 
1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their 
 independence from the Netherlands. 
1961 The Communist East German government completed the 
 construction of the Berlin Wall. 
1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became 
 the first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon 
 flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in 
 Miserey, France. 
1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that granted 
 permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had arrived 
 in the United States before 1977. 
1985 A year-long strike began when 1,400 Geo. A. Hormel and Co. 
 meat packers walked off the job. 
1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved with 
 Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter of Mia 
 Farrow, Allen's longtime companion. 
1996 A military cargo plane crashed in Wyoming killing eight 
 crewmembers and a Secret Service employee. The plane was 
 carrying gear for U.S. President Clinton. 
1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper 
 relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern. 
1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica merge to create the largest 
 U.S. bank. 
1998 Russia devalued the ruble. 
2014  smiled.


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What is the difference between spoof and spam? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday,  August 16.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Hawaiian 19-Year-Old 'Mastermind' who robbed 3 banks, got a root canal, bragged on Facebook, with picture Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1960 Cyprus was granted independence by Britain.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. --- William H. Mauldin (1921 - 2003) A waist is a terrible thing to mind. --- Jane Caminos
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
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I was a Bible seller a few years ago when I was down on my luck a bit. Trying to sell Bibles on the corner was tough and I wasn't doing too well when this young fellow with a really bad stutter came up to me and said, "Wha wha what are you, you, try try trying to s s s sell?" I said I'm selling Bibles and I'm not doing too well. Well with that he made me an offer I couldn't refuse. "C c c can I t t ttake a couple and s s s sell them them d d door to d d door for you?" he asked. So I gave him three Bibles and he was off, but only for twenty minutes and he was back cash in hand, amazing! So with no hesitation he was off with six more, and again about half an hour later, all gone! Incredible, too good to be true, so I thought I'd follow him and see what his secret was! He tapped on the door of his next house and I heard him say to the householder,"W ww wo wou would you you you li li li like t t t to b b b buy a B B BIble or would y y y you you you li li li like like m m me t t t ta read it t t to you?!!
Thanks to Janina for this picture from her garden: Click on the picture for the large version Dear WEbby, Hope you enjoy this photo I caught in my garden this afternoon. Thanks for always sharing a great humor letter and so much useful information. I hope you continue to feel better and wish you all the best! Janina from NJ
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Reported by Helen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marcus Kalani Watson, also known as Kiki Seui, 19, Oahu, HI Hawaiian 19-Year-Old 'Mastermind' who robbed 3 banks, got a root canal, bragged on Facebook, with picture A 19-year-old mastermind of armed robberies at a recycling center and three Oahu banks used part of the nearly $41,000 stolen on dental work, according to an FBI affidavit filed in federal court. Marcus Kalani Watson, also known as Kiki Seui, pointed a pistol at the chest of a Reynolds Recycling worker and threatened to shoot him after the worker threw cash on the ground during the April 22 robbery, court documents show an informant told the FBI. Two days later, Watson posted a photo of himself on Facebook holding a large amount of cash, the FBI said. The worker "was the one acting tough," Watson told the informant, according to the FBI. "He almost got shot right in the chest . . . I cocked the gun. I aimed it right at him." Watson also is accused of holding up tellers at the Wahiawa branch of Central Pacific Bank and the Pearlridge and Salt Lake branches of American Savings Bank in May. The FBI said Rogussia Eddie Allen Danielson, 19, was involved in the American Savings Bank robberies, while AJ Williander, 18, was the getaway driver in the Pearlridge branch robbery. Tech Support Pits From: Don Re: Is spoof and spam the same? Dear Webby Is " spoof " and " spam " the same thing ? Thanks for writing a great newsletter Don, " The Big Guy " Dear Don Spam is just junkmail, for example some idiot trying to sell you breast enlargement pills or snake oil fuel enhancers, or similar useless stuff. A spoof is a malicious spam, for example those phony eBay and PayPal notices, that try to con you into donating your user name and password, or phony postcard pick-up notices from unidentified senders like "a classmate" or "a worshipper". Those infect your computer with a virus if you click on them. If you don't have MailWasher, then reveal the headers on anything the slightest bit suspicious and get the hang of reading the gobbledigook in the header. If the link underlying the phoney PayPal link is some long and weird Url, then dump it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Camping Firestarters My son used to be in Boy Scouts and they loved to make a fire at night during the summer. For fire starters, we took the cardboard from toilet paper and taped one end shut. Then he filled the tube up with dryer lint and taped the end shut. When starting a fire, put a few in the fire for fire starters. The log catches quick and the fire soon spreads to the wood. It makes a little smoke when burned, so throw a few in the fire when the bugs come out and the smoke chases them away. By Kathy Lynn [2] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Tower: "Alpha Charlie, climb immediately to four thousand feet for noise abatement." Pilot: "How can I possibly be creating excess noise at three thousand feet?" Tower: "At four thousand feet, you will miss that ugly helicopter ahead of you. They make a big racket when you hit them."
Old man Zack had an incredible mule. They had been together for years and stayed pretty much to themselves. One day, Zack and his mule were walking down the road when a passerby asked if Zack needed a ride to town. Zack accepted the offer and the driver asked, "What about your mule?" Zack said, "Oh, don't worry about him. He'll keep up." Then Zack got into the truck while his mule ran along behind. The driver was a little cruel and decided to speed up a little. The mule was right in back of them as they reached 55 mph. The driver accelerated and the mule and stayed with them. They reached 70 miles per hour and the mule was still right behind them. The driver couldn't believe this. He turned to Zack and said, "I'm worried about your mule. His tongue is hanging out." Zack said, "Which way?" The driver said, "Left." And Zack said, "Well, stay in this lane, he's about to pass."

» Puppy Power

Today in 
1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of 
 Bennington took place. New England's minutemen routed the 
 British regulars. 
1812 Detroit fell to Indian and British troops in the War 
 of 1812. 
1858 A telegraphed message from Britain's Queen Victoria to 
 U.S. President Buchanan was transmitted over the recently 
 laid trans-Atlantic cable. 
1861 U.S. President Lincoln prohibited the Union states 
 from trading with the states of the Confederacy.
1923 Carnegie Steel Corporation put into place the eight
 hour workday for its employees. 
1960 Cyprus was granted independence by Britain. 
1960 The free-fall world record was set by Joseph Kittinger. 
 He fell more than 16 miles (about 84,000 feet) before 
 opening his parachute over New Mexico. 
1978 Xerox was fined for excluding Smith-Corona Mfg. from 
 the copier market. The fine was $25.6 million. 
1995 Voters in Bermuda rejected independence from 
 Great Britain. 
1999 In Russia, Vladimir V. Putin was confirmed as prime 
 minister by the lower house of parliament. 


2014  smiled.


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