Fix problems with copying from Gmail 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, January 31

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Naked female Pennsylvania driver, who sat atop whisky bottle
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1747 The first clinic specializing in the treatment of 
 venereal diseases was opened at London Dock Hospital.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. --- Herm Albright (1876 - 1944) ______________________________________________________ >From Rona I accompanied my husband to get a haircut. While flipping through a magazine I found a hairstyle that would look good on me. I asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of the hairstyle photo. "Well, okay," she replied, "but leave some ID--a driver's license or credit card." "But my husband is here getting his hair cut," I explained. "Yeah... but we need something worth coming back for." ______________________________________________________ I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, not at all ! When I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance. She came around the counter, and bumped into me. I think I will ask her to check my balance every chance I get! ______________________________________________________ Grandma and Grandpa were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good days," when Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?" Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?" Grandpa replied, "Do ged my deef!" (To get my teeth) ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture Sveti Stefan Island, Montenegro
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Justine King, 33, Aliquippa, Pennsylvania Naked Pennsylvania driver sat atop whisky bottle A female driver who was not wearing pants or underwear was sitting atop an empty bottle of Black Velvet whisky when police approached her following a recent traffic accident, according to a court complaint charging the motorist with drunk driving, lewdness, and other criminal counts. Pennsylvania cops allege that Justine King, 33, struck another vehicle around 11 PM while driving near her home in Aliquippa, a city outside Pittsburgh. Police found King in the driver’s seat of her 2003 Chevrolet Malibu “with airbags deployed.” The vehicle was sitting in an intersection. When told that she had hit another car, King (seen at right) replied, “No I did not. I live around the corner and was just picking up my boyfriend.” While peering into the vehicle, a cop “observed that King was not wearing any pants or underpants.” The garments, the officer added, “were on the driver’s side under the pedals.” Officer Joshua Stanga also reported that King “was sitting naked on top of an open empty bottle of Black Velvet liquor.” When directed to put on her clothes and exit the Chevy, King said, “I don’t have any pants! I left my home without them!” After ignoring several demands to get out of the car, King was pulled from the vehicle the hard way, handcuffed, and placed into a police cruiser. She was “extremely belligerent, kicking, pulling away, and struggling” as Stanga sought to detain her, according to the complaint. Much fun was had by all, I imagine. Asked to identify herself, King responded, “The government got my name. You ain’t getting it! Ask the government.” King, who eventually provided her name, kicked out the cruiser’s back window, while also “continuously banging her head off the inside of the window panel.” King was charged earlier this month in connection with a separate September 30 incident. The January 15 complaint accuses her of drunk driving, resisting arrest, reckless driving, open lewdness, and disorderly conduct. She is scheduled for a February 20 District Court arraignment. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Barbara Re: Can't copy from Gmail Dear Webby, I have an e-mail friend that I’ve known for years and she’s having trouble with her gmail copy and pasting. Since I only use gmail as a throw away address I don’t do much with it. Here is what she wrote me: “BTW: have you noticed that it is almost impossible to copy a body of a gmail post anymore? I highlight and copy, but when I try to paste into a new post, there is nothing there. It is very frustrating. Do you know a way around it? I think they want to link who gets each post. If we cut and paste, the trail is broken.“ Do you know the answer? If you do I’ll tell her. By the way she said she subscribed to your Humor Letter when I sent her one with my Bonus Link in it. One of my sisters and one of my cousins subscribed to it too but they have Yahoo email so don’t receive it. I just email it to them. My best Barbara Dear Barbara That copy / paste problem is not unique to Gmail. No need to fear nefarious intentions by Gmail. It's simply a case of not enough free RAM. The same thing happens with Excel. Can't copy/paste with the mouse buttons. The remedy? Run CrapCleaner. It's free in my Tool Box. Sometimes a short term solution is to copy a comma or period to overwrite the previously copied large item. Quite often after that you can copy/paste normally again. As for the yahoos: Too much secret and unadmitted cybersex leads to an allergy against reading instructions. Happens to many AOLers too. Tell them to find somebody, who can whitelist humor@webby.com or make a filter to tell Yahoo not to censor or spam the Humor Letter. A lot of yahoos receive the Humor Letter without a problem most of the time. They admit that Yahoo is not as reliable in delivering it as Gmail or Protonmail, but they just go and read it online when Yahoo fails to deliver it. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Fresh Scent to Toilet Paper When you are ready to change the roll of toilet paper. Put a few drops of essential oils on the inside cardboard roll or spray your favorite fragrance into the cardboard roll. And the roll will absorb the scent throughout the entire roll. Ahhhh! Source: A friend By Jackie H. [43] ______________________________________________________ An Irishman went to London for a visit to the circus. While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at a person and tell that person's age. The Irishman was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. The man had the elephant look at a small boy and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times. "Is that right?" he asked the boy. "Yes, I'm nine!" the boy said. The Irishman continued his loud heckling, still not believing that this was true. The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several other people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot and the people said he was correct. The Irishman got even louder and more abusive toward the man. Finally the man could take it no longer and wagered the Irishman that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Irishman took him up on the wager. The elephant looked real close at the Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut wind like you wouldn't believe. Then he turned back around, knocked the Irishman to the ground with his trunk and then stomped on him twice. The Irishman, crumpled and bleeding, staggered back to his feet and with a sound of disbelief in his voice cried, "Lard, Thunder and Murphy, he's right!...Farty-two!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
Jock and Angus, two craggy Scots, were sitting before the clubhouse fireplace after 18 holes on a raw, blustery Christmas Day. The ice slowly melted from their beards and collected in puddles under their chairs. Outside, the wind howled off the North Sea and snow and hail rattled against the windows. The pair sat in silence over their whiskies. Finally, Jock spoke, "Next Monday, same time?" "Aye," Angus replied, "weather permittin'." _____________________________________________________ Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"
This looks like such fun for those of us who grew up in the ‘50’s and early ‘60’s.

Today in 
1606 Guy Fawkes was executed after being convicted for his 
 role in the "Gunpowder Plot" against the English 
 Parliament and King James I. 
1747 The first clinic specializing in the treatment of 
 venereal diseases was opened at London Dock Hospital. 
1858 The Great Eastern, the five-funnelled steamship 
 designed by Brunel, was launched at Millwall. 
1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed 
 by the U.S. House of Representatives. The amendment 
 abolished slavery in the United States. 
1876 All Native American Indians were ordered to move 
 into reservations. 
1893 The trademark "Coca-Cola" was first registered in the 
 United States Patent Office. 
1917 Germany announced its policy of unrestricted 
 submarine warfare. 
1929 The USSR exiled Leon Trotsky. He found asylum in Mexico. 
1930 U.S. Navy Lt. Ralph S. Barnaby became the first glider 
 pilot to have his craft released from a dirigible, a large 
 blimp, at Lakehurst, NJ. 
1934 Jim Londos defeated Joe Savoldi in a one-fall match in 
 Chicago, IL. The crowd of 20,000 was one of the largest 
 crowds to see a wrestling match. 
1940 The first Social Security check was issued by the 
 U.S. Government. 
1944 During World War II, U.S. forces invaded Kwajalein 
 Atoll and other areas of the Japanese-held Marshall Islands. 
1945 Private Eddie Slovik became the only U.S. soldier since 
 the U.S. Civil War to be executed for desertion. 
1946 A new constitution in Yugoslavia created six constituent 
 republics (Serbia, Montenegro, Croatia, Slovenia, 
 Bosnia-Herzegovina, Macedonia) subordinated to a central 
 authority, on the model of the USSR. 
1950 U.S. President Truman announced that he had ordered 
 development of the hydrogen bomb. 
1958 Explorer I was put into orbit around the earth. It was 
 the first U.S. earth satellite. 
1971 Astronauts Alan B. Shepard Jr., Edgar D. Mitchell and 
 Stuart A. Roosa blasted off aboard Apollo 14 on a mission 
 to the moon. 
1971 Telephone service between East and West Berlin was 
 re-established after 19 years. 
1982 Sandy Duncan gave her final performance as "Peter Pan" 
 in Los Angeles, CA. She completed 956 performances without 
 missing a show. 
1983 The wearing of seat belts in cars became compulsory 
 in Britain. 
1983 JCPenney announced plans to spend in excess of $1 billion 
 over the next five years to modernize stores and to 
 accelerate a repositioning program. 
1985 The final Jeep rolled off the assembly line at the AMC 
 plant in Toledo, OH. 
1990 McDonald's Corp. opened its first fast-food restaurant 
 in Moscow, Russia. 
1995 U.S. President Clinton invoked presidential emergency 
 authority to provide a $20 billion loan to Mexico to 
 stabilize its economy. 
1996 In Columbo, Sri Lanka, a truck was rammed into the 
 gates of the Central Bank. The truck filled with explosives 
 killed at least 86 and injured 1,400. 
2000 An Alaska Airlines jet crashed into the ocean off 
 Southern California. All 88 people on board were killed. 
2001 A Scottish court in the Netherlands convicted one Libyan 
 and acquitted a second in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 
 over Lockerbie, Scotland, that occurred in 1988. 
2015  smiled.


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Windows Error 41 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, January 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Californian arrested for 
using 'fake' furniture store 
to grow marijuana.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Art is making something out of nothing and selling it. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) ______________________________________________________ Company Excercise Program: This company claims not to need any further exercise programs because their empoyees already are jumping to conclusions, beating around the bush, running down the boss, going around in circles, dragging their feet, dodging responsibility, passing the buck, climbing the ladder, wading through paperwork, pulling strings, throwing their weight around, stretching the truth, bending the rules, and pushing their luck by bouncing checks in the cafeteria! ______________________________________________________ Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said. "To allow snow clearing you must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole said, "Oh, okay," and got up from his coffee. The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. To allow snow clearing you must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again Ole replied, "Oh, okay," and got up from his coffee. Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. To allow snow clearing you must park your cars on the..." and the power went out. Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions. He turned to Lena, "Gee, what am I going to do now, Lena?" Lena replied, "Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the darned garage today." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture Manarola, Italy
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Phuc Nguyen 39, Gilroy, California Californian arrested for using 'fake' furniture store to grow marijuana A scheme to grow marijuana in the back of a phony furniture store went up in smoke after authorities got wind of what was really going on at the premises. Police in Gilroy, California, arrested Phuc Nguyen, 39, on January 22 at Gilroy Furniture & More, which authorities said was never open for business and never sold a single couch, chair or armoire. Instead, the "fake" furniture store was a front for a huge marijuana grow operation, according to the Santa Clara County Sheriff's Department. Detectives found more than 1,000 pot plants in the rear of the store and more than 50 pounds of processed marijuana, the sheriff's office said in a statement. The estimated value of the marijuana was more than $2 million. Detectives said Nguyen allegedly stole around $80,000 from a power company by bypassing the electrical meter. The alleged electricity theft was a serious fire hazard because none of the wiring was done to electrical code requirements, according to the release. Nguyen was arrested on charges of theft of utilities and illegal cultivation of marijuana for sale. He remains in the Santa Clara County jail on $200,000 bail, according to KIONrightnow.com. There was a related arrest earlier this month when a man named Tuan Dan Nguyen, 50, was allegedly caught with 320 pounds of marijuana plants valued at $700,000 in a warehouse on the same street, NBC Bay Area reports. The sheriff's office says the two Nguyens are not related, but are "business associates." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Joe Re: Critical Error 41 Dear Webby, how do I resolve this error on my laptop, I've contacted windows to no avail. This error blocks my diagnostics tools & I receive hundreds of spam in my Yahoo mailbox everyday. Love your newsletter. TYVM, Joe F. Dear Joe Critical Error 41 is normally because of a messy reboot or a reboot while going to sleep / hibernation. That can be caused by bad or overloaded power supply or too much stuff plugged into USB ports or a virus or a registry conflict or an overload caused by scanning with certain anti-virus programs or conflicting audio drivers. Error 41 is a secondary symptom, and does not indicate what caused a messy reboot attempt. The spam is due to being handicapped by Yahoo, and probably a virus infection. Quite likely your address was sold the last time Yahoo got hacked. Mailwasher should take care of that spam. Go to http://webby.com/mailwasher and get a free trial. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Individual Apple Crunch An individual apple crunch you make in the microwave. Approximate Time: 5 minutes Ingredients: 1 apple, peeled & sliced 2 Tbsp sugar 1 Tbsp all-purpose flour or oatmeal 1/4 tsp cinnamon 1 Tbsp chopped nuts 1 tsp butter or margarine, melted Steps: Put the apple in a small, glass casserole dish. In a small bowl combine the sugar, flour or oatmeal, cinnamon, and nuts and mix well. Sprinkle over the apples. Dot with butter. Microwave, uncovered on high for 2 - 2 1/2 minutes or until the apples are tender. Serve with whipped cream, if desired. Makes 1 serving By Jackie H. [43] ______________________________________________________ Strouse, Parris and Shildroth are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to Strouse, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply. The doctor says to Parris, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday" replies Parris. The doctor says to Shildroth, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says Shildroth. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Simple," says Shildroth. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
A doctor thought he recognized a man who was ahead of him in the line at the bank as a patient whom he had not seen for twenty or more years. So he asked him how he was doing. "Just great! As healthy as anybody can be!" "Sounds like you must have followed the instructions on the medicine I gave you." the Doctor said. "I sure did. The bottle said 'Keep tightly closed'. Never even broke the seal on it." _____________________________________________________ Two rich men were talking over coffee and croissants at their country club one day and one of them said to the other one, "Hey, I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't think so? Let me show you." And he called his driver Tammy over and said, "Tammy, here is a 10 dollar bill, go to the car showroom a nd buy me a Mercedes." To which Tammy replied, "Yes Sir! Right away!" and rushed outside. The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you she was stupid." The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." And he called his driver, Terri: "Terri, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." Terri said, "Yes Sir!! Right away, Sir" and ran outside. "See what I told you? She doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here." 5 minutes later the two drivers met at the donut shop. Tammy said to Terri, "Eh, you know my boss is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and asked me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes.....Doesn't he know that today is Sunday?? The showroom is closed!" Terri replied, "You think he is stupid, huh? My boss is sooo much worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home....I got a cellphone, right, why should I drive all the way across town if I can call home to check, after I have a few donuts !!!!"
There are some snazzy beards and moustaches here. Some weird ones too.

Today in 
1649 England's King Charles I was beheaded. 
1790 The first purpose-built lifeboat was launched on the 
 River Tyne. 
1798 The first brawl in the U.S. House of Representatives 
 took place. Congressmen Matthew Lyon and Roger Griswold 
 fought on the House floor. 
1847 The town of Yerba Buena was renamed San Francisco. 
1862 The U.S. Navy's first ironclad warship, the 
 "Monitor", was launched. 
1889 Rudolph, crown prince of Austria, and his 17-year-old 
 mistress, Baroness Marie Vetsera, were found shot in his 
 hunting lodge at Mayerling, near Vienna. 
1894 C.B. King received a patent for the pneumatic hammer. 
1910 Work began on the first board-track automobile speedway. 
 The track was built in Playa del Ray, CA. 
1911 The first airplane rescue at sea was made by the 
 destroyer "Terry." Pilot James McCurdy was forced to land 
 in the ocean about 10 miles from Havana, Cuba. 
1933 "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the first 
 time. The program ran for 2,956 episodes and ended in 1955. 
1933 Adolf Hitler was named the German Chancellor. 
1948 Indian political and spiritual leader Mahatma Gandhi 
 was murdered by a Hindu extremist. 
1958 The first two-way moving sidewalk was put in service 
 at Love Field in Dallas, TX. The length of the walkway 
 through the airport was 1,435 feet. 
1964 The U.S. launched Ranger 6. The unmanned spacecraft 
 carried television cameras and was intentionally crash 
 landed on the moon. The cameras did not return any 
 pictures to Earth. 
1968 The Tet Offensive began as Communist forces launched 
 surprise attacks against South Vietnamese provincial 
 capitals. 
1972 In Northern Ireland, British soldiers shot and killed 
 thirteen Roman Catholic civil rights marchers. The day is 
 known as "Bloody Sunday." 
1979 The civilian government of Iran announced it had decided 
 to allow Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini to return. He had been 
 living in exile in France. 
1989 The U.S. embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan was closed. 
1995 The U.N. Security Council authorized the deployment of 
 a 6,000-member U.N. peace-keeping contingent to assume 
 security responsibilities in Haiti from U.S. forces. 
1995 Researchers from the U.S. National Institutes of 
 Health announced that clinical trials had demonstrated 
 the effectiveness of the first preventative treatment 
 for sickle cell anaemia. 
1996 Gino Gallagher, the reputed leader of the Irish 
 National Liberation Army, was shot and killed as he 
 queued for his unemployment benefit. 
1997 A New Jersey judge ruled that the unborn child of a 
 female prisoner must have legal representation. He denied 
 the prisoner bail reduction to enable her to leave the 
 jail and obtain an abortion. 
2002 Slobodan Milosevic accused the U.N. war crimes tribunal 
 of an "evil and hostile attack" against him. Milosevic 
 was defending his actions during the Balkan wars. 
2002 Japan's last coal mine was closed. The closures were 
 due to high production costs and cheap imports. 
2015  smiled.


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She is stagnant 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, January 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
a Florida man who asked a cop to borrow his gun
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
 face of Leonardo DeVinci's Mona Lisa was caused by a 
 "...facial paralysis resulting from a swollen nerve 
 behind the ear." 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear. --- Alan Corenk ______________________________________________________ Trying to control her frizzy and dry hair, Kay treated her scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor other than that her hair obviously needed it, she washed her hair several times with strong soap. That night when Kay went to bed, she leaned over to her husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil?" "Why ?" he asked, pulling back. "Do I smell like Popeye?" ______________________________________________________ Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were stopped promptly by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing? You were going mighty fast there, Father." The priest says, "We were just taking the bike for a spin...see how it runs." The policeman shakes his head. "Im going to have to give you a ticket. Driving like that isn't safe. What if you have an accident?" The priests say, "Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us." The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three on a motorcycle falls under reckless driving." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Deondrae Hall 38 Boynton Beach Florida Asked a cop to borrow his gun “Hey, let me use your gun!” Deondrae Hall asked a Florida detective walking into the Boynton Beach Police Department headquarters. “I need to use your gun to take care of some niggas who robbed me,” Hall explained. When his request was turned down by the cop, Hall petitioned a second officer who was leaving the precinct. “Hey I need to use your gun!,” he said. Those inquiries early Thursday morning resulted in the arrest of the 38-year-old Hall on a variety of criminal charges, according to a police report. Hall--who had been arguing with another man when he asked for a gun--was obviously intoxicated, noted cops, who added that the questions Hall posed “were not fitting for a person within his normal facilities to be asking a police officer.” After removing Hall “from his bicycle in which he straddled,” police arrested him for public intoxication. A subsequent search of Hall turned up a small bag of cocaine, for which he was charged with narcotics possession. Hall was also charged with corruption by threat for berating the two cops who declined to loan him their service revolvers. “I have a Glock 40 for your pussy ass bitch!” and “Fuck you juicy pussy cracker bitch!” were two of Hall’s comments. Hall was released Saturday from the Palm Beach County jail on $5000 bond and told to go borrow a gun somewhere else. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Joan Re: Windows Installer Dear Webby, Hope that you can provide a solution to my problem . I have a Toshiba Quismo  64 bit - Ultimate Vista 2008. The windows Installer has stopped operating - suddenly. Have been unable to locate it on my machine. Rest of the machine works well . Lacking the windows installer - I cannot download the windows updates or other programs and install them on the computer. Is it possible to find a substitution on the net that will help solve the problem. Many thanks for all the help that you have provided your followers. An avid follower for many years. Joan Dear Joan Here it is: http://www.microsoft.com/en-us/download/details.aspx?id=8483 Usually the cause of that fairly important file disappearing is a virus, that does not want you to download a decent anti-malware program. Run Malwarebytes and McAfee to clean up. You might have to download and install the Windows Installer first, before you can install anything else. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rice Ice Pack This is a simple and quick project. We keep ours in the freezer and they are always ready for the large amount of boo-boos in our house. They always seem to make the kids feel better. You can use scraps of material, since you don't need too much. For this pack, I used an old t-shirt. You can make them any size you would like. By Becky [11] ______________________________________________________ A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see the "upturn". "I think you mean the 'intern', don't you?" asked the nurse on duty. "Whatever," said the girl. "I want to have a 'contamination.'" "You mean 'examination,'" the nurse corrected her. "Whatever, I want to go to the 'fraternity ward,' anyway." "I'm sure you mean the maternity ward." To which the girl replied: "Upturn, intern; contamination, examination, fraternity, maternity.... what's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of fertilization. That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus." "We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at birth, because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is capable of making its own decisions and must learn about sin." "You've both got it wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins when the children have graduated from college and moved out of the house." _____________________________________________________ A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "Aw, Dad, it's okay" the son said. " The police car right behind us did the same thing."
Creative Photography

Today in 
1820 Britain's King George III died insane at Windsor Castle. 
1848 Greenwich Mean Time was adopted by Scotland. 
1886 The first successful petrol-driven motorcar, built by 
 Karl Benz, was patented. 
1916 In World War I, Paris was bombed by German zeppelins 
 for the first time. 
1924 R. Taylor patented the ice cream cone rolling machine. 
1940 The W. Atlee Burpee Seed Company displayed the first 
 tetraploid flowers at the New York City Flower Show. 
1949 "The Newport News" was commissioned as the first 
 air-conditioned naval ship in Virginia. 
1963 Britain was refused entry into the EEC. 
1979 U.S. President Carter formally welcomed Chinese 
 Vice Premier Deng Xiaoping to the White House. The 
 visit followed the establishment of diplomatic relations. 
1987 "Physician’s Weekly" announced that the smile on the 
 face of Leonardo DeVinci's Mona Lisa was caused by a 
 "...facial paralysis resulting from a swollen nerve 
 behind the ear." 
1990 Joseph Hazelwood, the former skipper of the Exxon 
 Valdez, went on trial in Anchorage, AK, on charges that 
 stemmed from America's worst oil spill. Hazelwood was 
 later acquitted of all the major charges and was 
 convicted of a misdemeanor. 
1996 French President Jacques Chirac announced the 
 "definitive end" to nuclear testing. 
1996 La Fenice, the 204 year old opera house in Venice, 
 was destroyed by fire. Arson was suspected. 
1997 America Online agreed to give refunds to frustrated 
 customers under threat of lawsuits across the country. 
 Customers were unable to log on after AOL offered a 
 flat $19.95-a-month rate. 
1998 A bomb exploded at an abortion clinic in Birmingham, 
 AL, killing an off-duty policeman and severely wounding 
 a nurse. Eric Rudolph was charged with this bombing and 
 three other attacks in Atlanta. 
1999 The U.S. Senate delivered subpoenas for Monica 
 Lewinsky and two presidential advisers for private, 
 videotaped testimony in the impeachment trial. 
2001 In Indonesia, thousands of student protesters stormed 
 the parliament property and demanded that President 
 Abdurrahman Wahid quit due to his alleged involvement 
 in two corruption scandals. Wahid announced that he 
 would not resign.
2015  smiled.


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Other browser 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, January 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
a Florida mother, who drove drunk with four kids in the car.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1788 The first British penal settlement was founded at 
 Botany Bay, Australia
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) Where all think alike, no one thinks very much. --- Walter Lippmann (1889 - 1974) ______________________________________________________ Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong? Tech sup: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right? Customer: Yeah.... Tech sup: And what sort of computer are you using? Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen..... Tech sup: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! ______________________________________________________ A Priest at a Church picnic was staring at a member of his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis. A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!" The Priest replied, "Sister Mary Elizabeth, I know that you are on a diet, and yet I saw you ogling the buffet." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture Lake Louise
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Angela Renee Woodworth, 45, of 17 Meadows Drive, Interlachen Florida Kids Flee From Car Because Of Florida Mom's Drunk Driving An Interlachen woman was arrested Tuesday night on multiple charges after her child and three of his friends ran into a Gainesville Steak ‘n Shake and told a customer that the mother was driving drunk and that they jumped out of the car in fear, according to an arrest report. Angela Renee Woodworth, 45, of 17 Meadows Drive, was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of less than 20 grams of marijuana and four counts of child neglect, the Gainesville Police Department reported. The incident occurred at the restaurant at 3714 SW 42nd St. about 8:30 p.m. The report states that a customer called 911 regarding the comments of the children who ran inside and began crying. When an officer arrived the children -- all age 11 -- appeared to be terrified, the report states. The woman’s son told police that they had been to a park, a Chinese restaurant, bowling and to the mall. Woodworth drank two pitchers of beer at the bowling alley and a margarita at Ruby Tuesday at the mall, the boy told police. As they left the mall, he told police, she was swerving all over the road and hit a pole, the report states. They jumped out when she stopped the car. The other children all gave the same account. Police said Woodworth said she had one pitcher of beer but denied going to Ruby Tuesday. The report states her speech was slurred, she smelled of alcohol and she was “obviously intoxicated.” She was not charged with drunk driving. Her car was wrecked. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Andy Re: FireFox causes shutdowns Dear Webby, I an a very happy subscriber to both yours and Ophelia's newsletters. Some time ago, I foolishly allowed Firefox to upgrade me to a newer version. I now have windows shutdowns. I did stop auto upgrades. I am now being asked to upgrade to a new version that promises to stop the shutdowns. Is there another browser that is comparable to the good old firefox? What do you think? Andy Dear Andy I use Chrome most of the time, and FireFox for printing. Use PC Mechanic to fix your registry and performance problems, and there won't be any shutdowns. It is at http://webby.com/PCmechanic I shut down when I have to because of program updates about once a month, and Chrome and Firefox work well side by side. I use the current versions of both of those. Only with Skype do I refuse updates beyond 6.20.0.104. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Napkins as Placemats Save money by using two square napkins for each placemat. Napkins were 25 cents a pack. By teenaS [1] ______________________________________________________ A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real. He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!!!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, "Well... every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ!!, are you still in there !!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
>From Gina Hi Webby, Have you still got your Irish Fruitcake recipe somewhere ? I lost the URL for it. Gina=== I sure do. The permanent location for it is at http://webby.com/humor/irish-fruitcake.html _____________________________________________________ A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the SNOW SHOVEL !"
500 people dancing in the sky. Bet this took a lot of practice!

Today in 
1521 The Diet of Worms began, at which Protestant reformer 
 Luther was declared an outlaw by the Roman Catholic church. 
1547 England's King Henry VIII died. He was succeeded by 
 his 9 year-old son, Edward VI. 
1788 The first British penal settlement was founded at 
 Botany Bay, Australia
1807 London's Pall Mall became the first street lit by 
 gaslight. 
1871 France surrendered in the Franco-Prussian War. 
1878 The first telephone switchboard was installed in 
 New Haven, CT. 
1902 The Carnegie Institution was established in 
 Washington, DC. It began with a gift of $10 million 
 from Andrew Carnegie. 
1909 The United States ended direct control over Cuba. 
1915 The Coast Guard was created by an act of the U.S. 
 Congress to fight contraband trade and aid distressed 
 vessels at sea. 
1918 The Bolsheviks occupied Helsinki, Finland. 
1935 Iceland became the first country to introduce 
 legalized abortion. 
1945 During World War II, Allied supplies began reaching 
 China over the newly reopened Burma Road. 
1958 Construction began on first private thorium-uranium 
 nuclear reactor. 
1965 General Motors reported the biggest profit of any 
 U.S. company in history. 
1980 Six Americans who had fled the U.S. embassy in Tehran, 
 Iran, on November 4, 1979, left Iran using false Canadian 
 diplomatic passports. The Americans had been hidden at 
 the Canadian embassy in Tehran. 
1982 Italian anti-terrorism forces rescued U.S. Brigadier 
 General James L. Dozier. 42 days before he had been 
 kidnapped by the Red Brigades. 
1986 The U.S. space shuttle Challenger exploded just after 
 takeoff. All seven of its crewmembers were killed. 
1998 In Manilla, Philippines, gunmen held at least 400 
 children and teachers for several hours at an 
 elementary school. 
1999 Ford Motor Company announced the purchase of Sweden's 
 Volvo AB for $6.45 billion. 
2002 Toys R Us Inc. announced that it would be closing 27 
 Toys R Us stores and 37 Kids R Us stores in order to cut 
 costs and boost operating profits.
2015  smiled.


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More dates in Excel 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, January 27

Isn't it funny how mother Earth schedules the nicest 
blizzards to coincide with gullible warming conferences?

And how the most traffic disruptions and 
plane cancellations are always in areas, 
where the most Obamites and AlGorians live?

Al Gore and all his wanna-be Carbon Tax administrators
are at a Gullible Warming conference in Davos, Switzerland,
burning fossil fuel like it is going out of style with 
over 250 private and chartered jets. Davos had to "borrow"
a nearby military airport to park and refuel all those
jets.


I read that on the US Eastcoast they cancelled over 3500 
flights before today's breakfast. Probably over 4000 by now.
And Cuomo announced that all traffic in New York City and
13 counties will be shut down at 11 PM, if they can keep 
the roads open that long. 
After 11 PM only "undocumented shoppers" and snowplows.
So much for Gullible Warming!


Interplanetary News:
Mother Nature on Earth requires a Hernia Transplant 
after laughing her butt off!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Braveheart Tattooed serial shoplifter in Ohio
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
2003 Altria Group, Inc. became the name of the parent company 
 of Kraft Foods, Philip Morris USA, Philip Morris International 
 and Philip Morris Capital Corporation. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough --- Mario Andretti (1940 - ) He who praises you for what you lack wishes to take from you what you have. --- Don Juan Manuel (1282 - 1349) ______________________________________________________ A demanding woman was busy giving the patient clerk a difficult time. Nothing the clerk produced was exactly what the woman wanted. In a fit of exasperation, the pernickety woman said in annoyance, "Isn't there a smarter clerk to serve me?" "No," said the clerk. "When the smarter clerk saw you coming, he ran and took an early lunch!" ______________________________________________________ A man was giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He got a bit carried away and talked for two hours. Finally, he realized what he had done and said, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home." A voice from the back of the room replied, "There's a calendar on the wall, below the clock." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture Burma
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Peters 21 Columbus Ohio Wannabe Braveheart caught shoplifting 8 times in 2014 Peters, 21, has been dubbed the “Braveheart Bandit” because of a blue tattoo across his face. According to the city attorney’s office, Peters was caught stealing eight times in 2014. He is currently wanted on three outstanding warrants. A news release states that Peters stole more than $322 worth of merchandise from Home Depot in March, a $380 vacuum cleaner from Anderson’s in April, and additional Dysons valued at $849 from Target. In April, he stole $220 worth of clothes from Old Navy. Security video shows Peters filling up a shopping cart with the Dyson vacuum. “This is a phenomenon across the United States. It’s well known the Dyson is a high value item that is stolen and re-sold,” says Assistant Columbus Attorney Bill Hedrick. Peters was convicted of the crime, but prosecutors say he’s at it again. Peters’ face tattoo resembles the paint of Mel Gibson’s character in the movie Braveheart. “I would call a professional shoplifter who chooses to get a blue triangle tattooed across his face stupid rather than brave, but we believe he was going for the William Wallace Braveheart look,” said Hedrick. “Peters should be easy to identify so we are hoping the public can help us track him down.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Michael Re: DATEVALUE formula in Excel Dear Webby, In today’s newsletter you said: =3/5/2015-(TODAY()) does not work, no matter how you modify that. How about this: =DATEVALUE(“3/5/2015”)-TODAY() Aloha, -mkr Dear Michael As usual, you are right. I totally forgot about DATEVALUE. In cases, where the posting date is used only once, that would work fine. Usually, though, the posting date is common for large numbers of rows, and putting it just once into a corner of the fixed header row makes it easier for me than doing a search/replace for the date between the quotes on a large number of rows. Spreadsheet formulas encourage laziness and shortcuts. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Furniture Polish to Keep Shower Walls Clean After I clean my shower walls and get them all clean, I take my run of the mill furniture polish and I shine my shower walls all nice and pretty. I like to get the pretty lemon smelling stuff to make it smell cleaner in there. I then shine the walls with the furniture wax. You can use Turtle wax as well, but it is more work. Make sure you do not get any on the tub or you will fall and get hurt. This will keep your shower clean with no soap scum residue at all. Eventually it will wear off and will have to be redone. But there will be much more time between cleanings. By Kimberly [7] ______________________________________________________ Wanting to be married, a couple came to the county courthouse in Virginia..They accidentally walked up to the offices where hunting licenses are sold. "We're from out-of-state," said the prospective groom. "Can we get a license?" The clerk replied, "No, not if you are fom-out-of state, but I can give you a three-day permit."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
An American tourist refused to be too greatly impressed with the masterpieces at the Louvre. "We've got plenty of priceless canvasses in the United States too," he declared. "I know," said the guide. "Rembrandt painted seven hundred pictures in his lifetime, and America has at least ten thousand of each." _____________________________________________________ An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada. Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town. The hunters had heard that the locals in the area were quite hospitable, so they knocked on the door to ask permission to rest. No one answered their knocks, but they discovered the cabin was unlocked and they entered. It was a simple place ... 2 rooms with a minimum of furniture and household equipment. Nothing was unusual about the cabin except the stove. It was large, pot-bellied, and made of cast-iron. What was strange about it was its location ... it was suspended in midair by wires attached to the ceiling beams. "Fascinating," said the psychologist. "It is obvious that this lonely trapper, isolated from humanity, has elevated this stove so that he can curl up under it and vicariously experience a return to the womb." "Nonsense!" replied the engineer. "The man is practicing the laws of thermodynamics. By elevating his stove, he has discovered a way to distribute the radiation heat more evenly throughout the cabin." "With all due respect," interrupted the theologian, "I'm sure that hanging his stove from the ceiling has religious meaning. Fire LIFTED UP has been a religious symbol for centuries." The three debated the point for several hours without resolving the issue. When the trapper finally returned, they immediately asked him why he had hung his heavy pot-bellied stove from the ceiling. His answer was succinct. "I had plenty of wire, but not much stove pipe."
Sand painting, awesome talent!

Today in 
1606 The trial of Guy Fawkes and his fellow conspirators 
 began. They were executed on January 31. 
1880 Thomas Edison patented the electric incandescent lamp. 
1900 In China, foreign diplomats in Peking, fearing a revolt, 
 demanded that the imperial government discipline the Boxer rebels. 
1926 John Baird, a Scottish inventor, demonstrated a pictorial 
 transmission machine called television. 
1943 During World War II, the first all American air raid 
 against Germany took place when about 50 bombers attacked 
 Wilhlemshaven. 
1944 The Soviet Union announced that the two year German 
 siege of Leningrad had come to an end. 
1945 Soviet troops liberated the Nazi concentration camps 
 Auschwitz and Birkenau in Poland. 
1948 Wire Recording Corporation of America announced the 
 first magnetic tape recorder. The ‘Wireway’ machine with 
 a built-in oscillator sold for $149.50. 
1951 In the U.S., atomic testing in the Nevada desert began 
 as an Air Force plane dropped a one-kiloton bomb on 
 Frenchman Flats. 
1967 At Cape Kennedy, FL, astronauts Virgil I. "Gus" Grissom, 
 Edward H. White and Roger B. Chaffee died in a flash fire 
 during a test aboard their Apollo I spacecraft. 
1967 More than 60 nations signed the Outer Space Treaty which 
 banned the orbiting of nuclear weapons and placing weapons 
 on celestial bodies or space stations. 
1973 The Vietnam peace accords were signed in Paris. 
1977 The Vatican reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's ban 
 on female priests. 
1981 U.S. President Reagan greeted the 52 former American 
 hostages released by Iran at the White House. 
1984 Wayne Gretzky set a National Hockey League (NHL) record 
 for consecutive game scoring. He ended the streak at 51 games. 
1985 The Coca-Cola Company, of Atlanta, GA, announced a plan 
 to sell its soft drinks in the Soviet Union. 
1992 Former world boxing champion Mike Tyson went on trial 
 for allegedly raping an 18-year-old contestant in the 1991 
 Miss Black America Contest. 
1996 Mahamane Ousmane, the first democratically elected 
 president of Niger, was overthrown by a military coup. 
 Colonel Ibrahim Bare Mainassara declared himself head 
 of state. 
1997 It was revealed that French national museums were 
 holding nearly 2,000 works of art stolen from Jews by the 
 Nazis during World War II. 
1998 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton appeared on NBC's 
 "Today" show. She charged that the allegations against her 
 husband were the work of a "vast right-wing conspiracy." 
1999 The U.S. Senate blocked dismissal of the impeachment 
 case against President Clinton and voted for new testimony 
 from Monica Lewinsky and two other witnesses. 
2002 A series of explosions occurred at a military dump in 
 Lagos, Nigeria. More than 1,000 people were killed in the 
 blast and in the attempt to escape. 
2003 Altria Group, Inc. became the name of the parent company 
 of Kraft Foods, Philip Morris USA, Philip Morris International 
 and Philip Morris Capital Corporation. 
2010 Steve Jobs unveiled the Apple iPad.
2015  smiled.


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Using the value from the TODAY function in Excel 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, January 26


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 


Details at Boneheads

Today, in 


More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take. --- Wayne Gretzky (1961 - ) People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news. --- A. J. Liebling (1904 - 1963) ______________________________________________________ Samuel's mother once gave him two sweaters for Chanukah. The next time he visited, he made sure to wear one. As hee entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?" ______________________________________________________ If you have amnesia and experience deja-vue at the same time, does that mean you have forgotten this stuff before? ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture BringBeer
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nathaniel Follette, 31, Madera, California Californian looks as stupid in mug shot as he is A man arrested for riding his bicycle inside a supermarket really showd how stupid he is. Nathaniel Follette, 31, was arrested Sunday afternoon after after refusing to stop riding his bicycle inside the Rancho San Miguel Market in Madera, California. At first, the store manager and onsite security guard tried to deal with the situation themselves, but Follette allegedly responded by threatening them with a pocket knife. When officers arrived on scene, the suspect was still holding the knife, according to to a post on the Madera Police Department’s Facebook page. Follette was taken into custody, but was not happy about it, according to authorities. Follette decided to express his displeasure by posing for his mug shot with his eyes crossed and his tongue partially stuck out, ABC News reports. Police weren't amused. Follette now faces charges for resisting arrest and exhibiting a deadly weapon, according to the New York Daily News. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Eno Re: Today formula in Excel Dear Webby, Yes, the voting is still stuck in yesteryear. I got nan Excel question for you. I need the value for today to use in a formula, to get the number of days between a fixed date and today, but it does not seem to work. How do I get that? Eno Dear Eno To get the value for today, use "today()", without the quotes, of course. However, there is something peculiar and unfinished about that function. You can't subtract today from a date. DUH! Almost ever user of Excel has been cussing about that for the last 20 years. Seems when they cloned Excel from Quattro, they messed up a bit. =3/5/2015-(TODAY()) does not work, no matter how you modify that. You have to put the far date, 3/5/2015 in my example, into a cell way over to the right or into a fixed header, for example Z1, then make the formula =$Z$1-TODAY() You will get a date, which is useless for your purpose. Format that cell or column for general numbers, no decimal, and you get the number of days between today and the target date. I use a similar formula to tell me how many days I got for writing recurring invoices. =IF(Z7<$AF$1,(Z7-TODAY()),"") For those of you new to Excel, here is the rundown: IF the next invoice date for Client 7 in Z7 in smaller than the posting date in AF1, then show the number of days between posting date and today, or else show a blank cell. If you have one client per row, you can copy that formula down one column, and change the font color to red. If the cell is blank, then that client's invoice is not due before the next posting date. If the cell shows a red number, that is the number of days you got for writing an invoice. Save that to your cheat sheet. If you use Excel, sooner or later you WILL need that trick, or part of it. "Posting Dates" are the dates, when invoices or payrolls are uploaded or sent to Printing, if they are not uploaded or printed one at a time, as they are written. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pots and Kitchen Utensils as Toys My son loves to get ahold of my mom's pot and potato masher when he visits her. I didn't want to give him mine and have to continually take them away to use them. So I decided to buy a few items at Goodwill and let him have his own set. He loves them! By lalala... [557] ______________________________________________________ A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds. "Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?" "No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a big operation today, but we are rather low on anesthetics, so we need a good size rock.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. " We haven't even swept together!" _____________________________________________________ Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me. The whole world hates me!" Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Not everybody hates you. Lots of people don't even know you yet."
Who would have thought such beauty was lurking in a soap bubble waiting for freezing weather to show up.

Today in 
1500 Vicente Yáñez Pinzón discovered Brazil. 
1736 Stanislaus I formally abdicated as King of Poland. 
1784 In a letter to his daughter, Benjamin Franklin expressed 
 unhappiness over the eagle as the symbol of America. He 
 wanted the symbol to be the turkey. 
1788 The first European settlers in Australia, led by Captain 
 Arthur Phillip, landed in what became known as Sydney. 
 The group had first settled at Botany Bay eight days before. 
 This day is celebrated as Australia Day. 
1827 Peru seceded from Colombia in protest against Simón 
 Bolívar's alleged tyranny. 
1841 Britain formally occupied Hong Kong, which the Chinese 
 had ceded to the British. 
1875 George F. Green patented the electric dental drill for 
 sawing, filing, dressing and polishing teeth. 
1905 The Cullinan diamond, at 3,106.75 carats, was found 
 by Captain Wells at the Premier Mine, near Pretoria, 
 South Africa. 
1911 Inventor Glenn H. Curtiss flew the first successful 
 seaplane. 
1939 In the Spanish Civil War, Franco's forces, with Italian 
 aid, took Barcelona. 
1942 The first American expeditionary force to go to Europe 
 during World War II went ashore in Northern Ireland. 
1950 India officially proclaimed itself a republic as 
 Rajendra Prasad took the oath of office as president. 
1962 The U.S. launched Ranger 3 to land scientific instruments 
 on the moon. The probe missed its target by about 22,000 miles. 
1965 Hindi was made the official language of India. 
1969 California was declared a disaster area after two days of 
 flooding and mudslides. 
1972 In Hermsdorf, Czechoslovakia, a JAT Yugoslav Airlines 
 flight crashed after the detonation of a bomb in the forward 
 cargo hold killing 27 people. The bomb was believed to have 
 been placed on the plane by a Croatian extremist group. Vesna 
 Vulovic, a stewardess, survived after falling 33,000 feet in 
 the tail section. She broke both legs and became paralyzed 
 from the waist down. 
1992 Russian president Boris Yeltsin announced that his country 
 would stop targeting U.S. cities with nuclear weapons. 
1994 In Sydney, Australia, a young man lunged at and fired two 
 blank shots at Britain's Prince Charles. 
1998 U.S. President Clinton denied having an affair with a 
 former White House intern, saying "I did not have sexual 
 relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." 
1999 Saddam Hussein vowed revenge against the U.S. in response 
 to air-strikes that reportedly killed civilians. The strikes 
 were U.S. planes defending themselves against anti-aircraft fire. 
2001 Near Ciudad Boliva, Venezuela, twenty four people were killed 
 when a 50-year-old DC-3 crashed. 
2009 The first trial at the International Criminal Court was held. 
 Former Union of Congolese Patriots leader Thomas Lubanga was 
 accused of training child soldiers to kill, pillage, and rape. 
2009 The Icelandic government and banking system collapsed. Prime 
 Minister Geir Haarde resigned. 
2015  smiled.


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Can we vote yet at the Ezinefinder? 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, January 25


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
a Texas man whose phone had been stolen and sold 
and contained Child Porn
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1881 Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell and others signed 
 an agreement to organize the Oriental Telephone Company. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time. --- Orson Welles (1915 - 1985) ______________________________________________________ A Latin American tour guide was addressing a small group of senior citizens and telling them about the country they were visiting. When he asked if they had any questions, one person inquired, "What is the number one sport in this country?" "Bullfighting," the guide replied. The same person asked "Isn't that revolting?" "No," replied the tour guide. "That's number two!" ______________________________________________________ >From David The scene: The "E" train of the subway line in New York City. I was commuting from the Borough of Queens to my job in Manhattan. I'd finished reading the morning paper and was saving it to bring to friends on the job. How do you save a newspaper on the subway? You sit on it. A new commuter came in, saw the newspaper under my rear and asked the second most stupid question I've ever heard (someday I may tell of the first), "Are you reading that paper?" I stood up, turned the page, sat down on the paper and answered, "Yes. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture Guilin, China
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel Garcia, 20, Houston Texas Child Porn Discovered On Stolen Phone A Houston man is behind bars after authorities allegedly discovered child porn on his stolen phone. Daniel Garcia, 20, had his Galaxy Note 3 stolen some time last year. It was purchased in July by a woman at a Pagetel store. The woman had no clue the phone was stolen merchandise and asked an employee to transfer her contacts and photos to the new phone, Click2Houston.com reports. When she got home, the woman told police she looked at the photos and saw a few of her own pictures and a whole bunch she didn't recognize, showing naked children. The woman took the camera to police, who determined that the phone originally belonged to Garcia, KHOU.com reports. Investigators said many of the images were pornographic in nature and executed a search warrant of Garcia's home where they interviewed him. Garcia allegedly admitted that he had owned the phone that held the images, but said it had been stolen, ABC11.com reports. Police said he allegedly admitted downloading the pornographic images and that he has been viewing child pornography since he was 12 years old, according to Click2Houston.com. During the investigation, detectives said they discovered Garcia had been inappropriately touching an 8-year-old girl since she was in kindergarten. Garcia was arrested Tuesday and charged with three counts of child pornography and one count of indecency with a child. He remains behind bars on $90,000 bail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cora Re: Do we vote yet? Dear Webby, Do we vote yet? Haven't heard any thing so was wondering. Gosh Jan. is coming to an end. Cora Dear Cora The votes are currently added to last year's totals. Most of the time. You can see the results at http://www.ezinefinder.com/index.html They missed the first 14 days of the year, but since Jan 15/2015 there are votes getting added to the 1014 total. Some days the count seems to be credible. The customary two staff votes for their own Happy Garden Newsletter have been missing since January 1/2015. I have no idea if those two people got fired, or if they decided to not bother to vote for their newsletter until their boss switches the date over to 2015. Yes, I still do the graphs and see what is going on every day. Since they don't answer my email or mail form submissions, I have no idea what is going on there at the Ezinefinder. You can try writing to them and see if they answer you. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pots and Kitchen Utensils as Toys My son loves to get ahold of my mom's pot and potato masher when he visits her. I didn't want to give him mine and have to continually take them away to use them. So I decided to buy a few items at Goodwill and let him have his own set. He loves them! By lalala... [557] ______________________________________________________ Bambi sidled up to a guest at the party. She had heard him addressed as doctor and now she said diffidently, "Doctor, may I ask a question?" "Certainly," he said. "Lately," said Bambi, "I have been having a funny pain right here above the heart..." The guest interrupted uncomfortably and said, "I'm terribly sorry, Bambi, but the truth is, I'm a doctor of philosophy." "Oh," said Bambi, "I'm sorry!" She turned away, but then overcome with curiosity, she turned back. "Just one more question, doctor. Tell me, what kind of disease is philosophy?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
A guy goes to a gypsy fortune teller. The gypsy tells him his lucky number is five, he should do everything in fives and he'll have great success. So on the 5th May (the fifth month) he gets up at 5 am.He has 5 slices of toast for breakfast. Then he walks 5 kilometres to the racetrack. He puts five $5 bills on horse no. 5 in the fifth race. And sure enough, it comes in fifth. _____________________________________________________ A hillbilly came into town and started walking down the street. His coonskin cap attracted a lot of attention and young folk gathered about him, gaping and giggling. He paid no attention until some smart alec said, "Tell me, do they have many fools back in the hills?" The visitor shrugged, "Well, we come across one every once in a while. But they don't run around in herds, like they do here in town."
Fascinating shapes and colors from ink and metal dropped into water.

Today in 
1504 The English Parliament passed statutes against retainers 
 and liveries, to curb private warfare. 
1533 England's King Henry VIII secretly married his second wife 
 Anne Boleyn. Boleyn later gave birth to Elizabeth I. 
1579 The Treaty of Utrecht was signed marking the beginning 
 of the Dutch Republic. 
1799 Eliakim Spooner patented the seeding machine. 
1858 Mendelssohn’s "Wedding March" was presented for the first 
 time, as the daughter of Queen Victoria married the Crown 
 Prince of Prussia. 
1870 G.D. Dows patented the ornamental soda fountain. 
1881 Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell and others signed 
 an agreement to organize the Oriental Telephone Company. 
1890 The United Mine Workers of America was founded. 
1915 In New York, Alexander Graham Bell spoke to his assistant 
 in San Francisco, inaugurating the first transcontinental 
 telephone service. 
1924 The 1st Winter Olympic Games were inaugurated in Chamonix 
 in the French Alps. 
1961 John F. Kennedy presented the first live presidential news 
 conference from Washington, DC. The event was carried on 
 radio and television. 
1971 Charles Manson and three female members of his "family" 
 were found guilty of one count of conspiracy to commit murder 
 and seven counts of murder in the first degree. They were 
 all sentenced to death for the 1969 killings. The sentences 
 were later commuted to life sentences. 
1971 Maj. Gen. Idi Amin led a coup that deposed Milton Obote 
 and became president of Uganda. 
1981 Jiang Qing, Mao's widow, was tried for treason and 
 received a death sentence, which was subsequently commuted 
 to life imprisonment. 
1981 The 52 Americans held hostage by Iran for 444 days arrived 
 in the United States and were reunited with their families. 
1993 A gunman shot and killed two CIA employees outside the 
 agencies headquarters in Virginia. Mir Aimal Kansi, a Pakistani 
 national, was later convicted of the shootings. 
1999 - At least 1,000 people were killed when an earthquake hit 
 western Columbia.
1999 In Louisville, KY, man received the first hand transplant 
 in the United States. 
2011 A revolution began in Egypt with the demonstrations that 
 demanded the end of President Hosni Mubarak's rule. 
2015  smiled.


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Reboot how often? 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, January 24

Had to go to the doctor and decided to walk instead of 
driving. Considering that the side roads are still solid ice,
that was a dumb idea. On the way home I klunked my head down
solid on the ice. When the Klunk stopped echoing, I saw my 
feet, with clouds behind them. No harp. Harps are at
http://www.harpcenter.com/ with Sylvia in Hawaii. Nice lady!

Hmm, guess I am not on THAT cloud. So I lowered my feet,
and contemplated what I had to do to get up. Then I heard a 
kind lady asking me if I was OK. Next she stretched out
a hand and helped me up.

Once I was up, she asked if she should come around in an 
hour or two to check uop on me. I really must have been 
rattled, because all I could think of was the mess in the
house, and the aching back and chest and lack of ambition
to do a majot clean-up in a hurry. So I declined.  
That was rather dumb and a sure sign of a concussion!

Oh, well, I am sure most of you have klunked down onto
hard ice or pavement, and felt just as silly as I did.
Back to work!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
An Alabama teacher was arrested after sex with a student
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1990 Japan launched the first probe to be sent to the Moon since 
 1976. A small satellite was placed in lunar orbit. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The secret of being a bore is to tell everything. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. --- David M. Ogilvy ______________________________________________________ The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. The boss snorted. "Geee! The kind of help you get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!" ______________________________________________________ It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was a box from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No" the boy replied. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" The boy replied, "A puppy dog!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture Plitvicka Jezera , Croatia
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jessica Acker, 23 Tuscaloosa Alabama Teacher Accused Of Having 'Deviant Sexual Intercourse' With Her Student A teacher at an Alabama high school is accused of having a sexual relationship with one of her students. Al.com reports that Jessica Acker, 23, was arrested on Friday and charged with engaging in a sex act or deviant sexual intercourse with a student under the age of 19. The student is an 18-year-old male, according to WBRC. Acker has resigned from her job as a teacher at Bryant High School in Tuscaloosa. It's unclear how school officials became aware of the alleged relationship on January, 6. But after they were alerted, they told authorities. "The Tuscaloosa City School System learned of these allegations Tuesday, January 6, at which time an investigation was immediately conducted by both the Tuscaloosa Police Department and Tuscaloosa City School officials,” the school system said in a statement obtained by WIAT. “The following day, January 7, the Board of Education accepted the resignation of the teacher involved.“ ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frodo Re: Reboot how often? Dear Webby, How often should one reboot Windows 7? It is slow at the best of times, but gets slower when not rebooted frequently. What Do you Suggets? Frodo Dear Frodo I reboot whenever a Windows Update requires it. No more than that. I use the Uniblue PC Mechanic to keep Windows tuned and unnecessary crap removed. My Windows is protected by McAfee and Malwarebytes, and thanks to PC Mechanic probably runs a bit faster than on day 1. Without those programs I would recommend shutting down every evening, real shut down, not just hibernating, and restarting the next day. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cinnamon and Spices French Toast Yield: 6-8 slices of french toast Ingredients: 3 eggs, beaten 1 tsp brown sugar 1/2 tsp cinnamon dash of nutmeg dash of allspice 1 tsp vanilla 2 Tbsp flavored liquid creamer (Hazelnut or French Vanilla) butter 6-8 slices 12 grain bread (or whatever bread you like) maple syrup By Jackie H. [40] You can use milk or water instead of the phony creamer and whisk in a 1/4 tsp hazelnut- or almond-butter. Check the BulkBarn for all kinds of different butters. They are all natural, unlike the liquid flavorings. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Bumper Sticker: The truth is out there. Anyone know the URL?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
During an Army war game a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck. "Sorry sir," said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way." The C.O. turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction." _____________________________________________________ A young man is an avid listener to the city's police frequency, and he leaves the scanner on all the time. One morning while making his bed, I heard the dispatcher say, "Car 34, there is a twelve-foot boa constrictor in the front yard of 27 Oak Street. The resident wants a policeman to come and remove it, but not to use shotguns or hand grenades, because there is a Kindergaten across the street." There was a long pause, then some static. Slowly, a voice said, "Looks like we have some engine trouble."
I've been over the Seven Mile Bridge, FL Keys and the Million Dollar Highway in Colorado, but some of these roads I don't care to travel!

Today in 
1848 James W. Marshall discovered a gold nugget at Sutter's Mill 
 in northern California. The discovery led to the gold rush 
 of '49. 
1899 Humphrey O’Sullivan patented the rubber heel. 
1916 Conscription was introduced in Britain. 
1922 Christian K. Nelson patented the Eskimo Pie. 
1924 The Russian city of St. Petersburg was renamed Leningrad.
 The name has since been changed back to St. Petersburg. 
1930 Primo Carnera made his American boxing debut by knocking 
 out Big Boy Patterson in one minute, ten seconds of the 
 opening round. 
1935 Krueger Brewing Company placed the first canned beer on 
 sale in Richmond, VA. 
1965 Winston Churchill died at the age of 90. 
1972 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws that denied welfare 
 benefits to people who had resided in a state for less 
 than a year. 
1978 A nuclear-powered Soviet satellite plunged through Earth's 
 atmosphere and disintegrated. The radioactive debris was 
 scattered over parts of Canada's Northwest Territory. 
1980 The United States announced intentions to sell arms to China. 
1985 Penny Harrington became the first woman police chief of a 
 major city. She assumed the duties as head of the Portland, Oregon, 
 force of 940 officers and staff. 
1986 The Voyager 2 space probe flew past Uranus. The probe came 
 within 50,679 miles of the seventh planet of the solar system. 
1989 Ted Bundy, the confessed serial killer, was put to death in 
 Florida's electric chair for the 1978 kidnap-murder of 
 12-year-old Kimberly Leach. 
1990 Japan launched the first probe to be sent to the Moon since 
 1976. A small satellite was placed in lunar orbit. 
2001 In Colorado Springs, CO, Patrick Murphy Jr. and Donald Newbury 
 were taken into custody after a 5-minute phone interview was 
 granted with a TV station. They were the remaining fugitives 
 of the "Texas 7." 
2002 John Walker Lindh appeared in court for the first time 
 concerning the charges that he conspired to kill Americans 
 abroad and aided terrorist groups. Lindh had been taken into 
 custody by U.S. Marines in Afghanistan. 
2003 The U.S. Department of Homeland Security began operations 
under Tom Ridge.
2015  smiled.


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Nigerian Scams 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, January 23
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 

Details at Boneheads

Today, in 

More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd; indeed in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more likely to be foolish than sensible. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970), ______________________________________________________ At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you," she said. Then, returning to reality, she added, "But, if the big, dumb klutz is in the restaurant ordering his steak or flirting at the waitress, ... don't wait any longer." ______________________________________________________ An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning. An electric company worker handed him a piece of paper stating that the electric company would like to run a power line through his pasture. The Amish man said, "No, you can not." "Legally, that paper says we can," replied the line worker. As he turned and left returning to his co-workers in the field, the Amish man went to his barn and let his bulls into the pasture. The ground shook and a cloud of dust rose as the big 2500 pound Black Angus bulls rumbled toward the workers in the field. The Amish man hollered to the linemen: "Don't worry, just show those bulls your paper!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture Trolltunga , Norway
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jason Davis 33, Monroe, Michigan Fleeing Suspect Jason Davis Drives Right Into Ohio Prison's Parking Lot Police in Ohio say a Michigan man who drove away from a traffic stop smashed through a gate and landed right in a prison parking lot. Officers arrested the man early Wednesday after he drove around the outside of the Toledo Correctional Institution and then back into it's parking lot. Court records show that the charges against Jason Davis of Monroe, Michigan, include vandalism of government property, drug possession and failing to use his turn signal. Police tell The Blade newspaper in Toledo that they were able to arrest Davis after his vehicle ran over stop sticks that deflated his tires. The 33-year-old is due in court Thursday. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Eric Re: Nigerian Scams Dear Webby, I can't believe that people are still falling for these Nigerian Scams. Do you recommend forwarding them to the FTC as well as getting them over to Spam Cop? Eric Dear Eric They still fall for AOL too. And Hillary. FTC is a total waste of time. They pick one or two celebrity cases a year, and with all the other complaints they just make pretty graphs. Spamcop sends an email to the ISP of the scammer. About all you can do is be aware of those scammers and not fall for them. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fill Your Bird Feeders Just a little reminder to fill your bird feeders this winter. Many birds may fly south, but those in the northern states have birds come in the winter, too. Add a birdseed bell and suet blocks on a low branch near the feeder and you can enjoy watching the little birds come to feed on bitter snowy winter days. By Evelyn from McHenry, IL ______________________________________________________ "You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common," said the new tenant's neighbor. "Why on earth did you get married?" "I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract'," was the reply. "He wasn't pregnant and I was."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, "What's that, Miss?" Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, "That's what your Mom calls your Dad, Tommy." Tommy thinks for a moment and then says, "I'm not that stupid Miss, I know that is not a 'Dumb-Ass' !" _____________________________________________________ Sign in a stationery store: "For the man who has everything: A calendar - to remind him when payments are due."
It takes a brilliant artist to paint on something so delicate.

Today in 
1556 An earthquake in Shanxi Province, China, was thought  
to have killed about 830,000 people. 
1845 The U.S. Congress decided all national elections would 
 be held on the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November. 
1920 The Dutch government refused the demands from the Allies 
 to hand over the ex-kaiser of Germany. 
1937 In Moscow, seventeen people went on trial during Josef 
 Stalin's "Great Purge." 
1943 The British captured Tripoli from the Germans. 
1950 The Israeli Knesset approved a resolution proclaiming 
 Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. 
1960 The U.S. Navy bathyscaphe Trieste descended to a record 
 depth of 35,820 feet (10,750 meters) in the Pacific Ocean. 
1968 North Korea seized the U.S. Navy ship Pueblo, charging 
 it had intruded into the nation's territorial waters on a 
 spying mission. The crew was released 11 months later. 
 They kept the ship.
1971 In Prospect Creek Camp, AK, the lowest temperature ever 
 recorded in the U.S. was reported as minus 80 degrees. 
1973 U.S. President Nixon announced that an accord had been 
 reached to end the Vietnam War. 
1978 Sweden banned aerosol sprays because of damage to 
 environment. They were the first country to do so. 
1985 O.J. Simpson became the first Heisman Trophy winner to 
 be elected to pro football’s Hall of Fame in Canton, OH. 
1997 A judge in Fairfax, VA, sentenced Mir Aimal Kasi to 
 death for an assault rifle attack outside the CIA 
 headquarters in 1993 that killed two men and wounded 
 three other people. 
2001 A van used by the remaining two fugitives of the "Texas 7" 
 was recovered in Colorado Springs, CO. A few hours later 
 police surrounded a hotel where the convicts were hiding. 
 Patrick Murphy Jr. and Donald Newbury were taken into 
 custody the next morning without incident. 
2002 John Walker Lindh returned to the U.S. under FBI custody. 
 Lindh was charged with conspiring to kill U.S. citizens, 
 providing support to terrorists and engaging in prohibited 
 transactions with the Taliban while a member of the 
 al-Quaida terrorist organization in Afghanistan. 
2003 North Korea announced that it would consider sanctions 
 for North Korea's reinstatement of its nuclear program
 an act of war.
2015  smiled.


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Laptop Keyboard 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Thurday, January 22



Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
man in England for performing sex into a mailbox
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1980 Gold was valued at $850 an ounce. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When the politicians complain that TV turns the proceedings into a circus, it should be made clear that the circus was already there, and that TV has merely demonstrated that not all the performers are well trained. --- Edward R. Murrow (1908 - 1965) ______________________________________________________ A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial. "Jury trial," he replied. "Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge. "Sure," replied the defendant. "That's where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of just one. OOOPS!" ______________________________________________________ A group of women were talking together. One woman said, "Our congregation is sometimes down to 30 or 40 on a Sunday." Another said: "That's nothing. Sometimes our congregation is down to six or seven." A lady in her seventies added her bit, "That's not so bad. In our church it is bad! It's so bad in our church on Sundays that when the minister says 'dearly beloved,' it makes me blush!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Paul Bennett 45 Wigan, England Paul Bennett Convicted after having sex into a mailbox A man in Wigan, England, has been stamped as a sex offender after being found guilty of having sex with a mailbox. Paul Bennett, 45, pleaded guilty on Thursday to two counts of indecent exposure and using threatening and abusive words with abusive behavior, the Mirror reports. The plea stemmed from a Sept. 9 incident where he attempted to have sex with a mailbox in a public area. Witnesses told the court they saw Bennett pull down his pants in a shopping arcade and start to publicly perform a sexual act on himself in public. Prosecuting attorney Kate Beattie said Bennett then walked over to the postbox and "started to make sexual advances towards it," according to the Mirror. Bennett reportedly rubbed himself against the mailbox while holding his hands in the air. Witnesses said he kept shouting “Wow!” during his mailbox masturbation. After he finished, Bennett pulled up his pants and started swinging on a lamppost, according to the Manchester Evening News. Police later found Bennett exposing himself in front of another store. Officers said he drunkenly shouted and swore at them, according to the Express. Bennett's attorney, Martin Jones, told the court he realizes his client's behavior left witnesses "ashamed, disgusted and upset." "My client accepts that," he said, according to the Telegraph. "Clearly there are issues that need to be addressed." A court ordered Bennett to undergo alcohol treatment, and pay $75 to the woman who witnessed his mailbox sex session. He will also have to register as a Sex Offender, Wigan Today reports. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sophia Re: Laptop Keyboard Dear Webby, Your web site is wonderful. I love it. It's humorous, clean, helpful in technology and inspirational. It lifts up my spirit lots of times. Many times when I felt down, I went to your web site, read some philosophical excerpts, humors, special news here and there, watched some rare photos, read the tech support, I learned something, I felt better. Thank you very much for your great work to create this web site. I have a question regarding my laptop, I hope you could help. Two buttons of my laptop are stop working: the period button and the arrow up button. When I press them, they don't function at all. What can I do to fix this problem? I really hope you could help. Thanks again and have a nice day! Sophia Dear Sophia That would depend a lot on what brand and model laptop you have. If it is still under warranty, they will replace the keyboard free. If it is not, most likely you will have to buy a new keyboard. Laptop keyboards are not repairable. Personally, I use regular keyboards with laptops. They are much faster, easier on the hands and wrists and arms and back, and cheap to replace. When buying a keyboard, first measure your carry-on and see how long a keyboard you can fit into it, then buy the biggest that will just fit in. Usually, the wider a keyboard is, the faster and easier it is on your hands. A good example is the Logitech K360 920-004088 Glossy Black USB RF Wireless Mini Keyboard for $25 at NewEgg. http://newegg.com or NeweEgg.ca Keyboard You can use it wireless, or plug it into the USB port, and never worry about batteries. It has the proper "inverted T" formation of the arrow keys, and a full numeric keypad including big + and ENTER keys on the numeric keypad. That keyboard is quite compact and should fit into your laptop carry case. You caqn also search Amazon for replacement keyboards for your laptop. Some of them are even cheaper, and many of them include illustrated replacement instructions. "Take sharp dagger and pry up decorating stripper further of keyboard and take Phillips screw extrator/driver and undo both screwes in visibility..." It's not really difficult, and translating the instructions will have you chuckling. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crockpot Rustic Ham and Potatoes Don't you just love recipes that combine pre-made ingredients along with fresh? It saves you so much time! This easy recipe begins with 2 humble boxes of Au Gratin potatoes. When combined with savory turkey ham and a bunch of veggies, it is transformed into a meal you will want to make again and again. At least I do.:) The best part is, if you forget to start this in the morning (which I always do), you can crank your trusty crockpot up to high and this delicious meal will be ready in less than 3 hours! Approximate Time: About 10 minutes prep. Yield: 6-8 main servings Ingredients: 2-4 9 oz. boxes Au Gratin potatoes, cheese packet included 3 cups turkey ham, cubed (regular ham may be used) 1 1/2 chopped bell peppers, green, red, or yellow....a mixture is nice 1 large carrot, shredded 1 1/2 cup thawed frozen peas 2 cups water 2 cups whole milk 1/4 tsp black pepper 2 cups extra sharp cheddar cheese Steps: Place potatoes and cheese packets in a large bowl. Pour 2 cups warm water over all, mix well. Pour your milk in, along with your pepper, mix well. Add in all of your chopped veggies and cheese, mix well. Pour your ingredients into a greased slow cooker, cook on the high setting for about 2 hours and 50 minutes. I haven't tried this, but I imagine they would also cook on low for around 6 hours or so. Enjoy! Source: Modified from a Rival crockpot booklet. By melissa [66] ______________________________________________________ "You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common," said the new tenant's neighbor. "Why on earth did you get married?" "I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract'," was the reply. "He wasn't pregnant and I was."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
>From Roland A lawyer phoned the governor's mansion shortly after midnight. "I need to talk to the governor -- it's an emergency!" exclaimed the lawyer. After some cajoling, the governor's assistant agreed to wake him up. "So, what is it that's so important that it can't wait until morning?" grumbled the governor. "Judge Pierson just died, and I want to take his place," begged the attorney. "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the funeral home," replied the governor. _____________________________________________________ A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?" "Ever go fishing?" the policeman asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?" _____________________________________________________ >From Lillemor The Prophet Muhammad's wife furiously called him a pedophile. He replied, "that's a mighty big word for a 9 year old!"
Brothers make giant snow sculptures on front lawn over the years. What wonderful memories they are building.

Today in 
1793 During the French Revolution, King Louis XVI was 
 executed on the guillotine. He had been condemned for treason. 
1812 The Y-bridge in Zanesville, OH, was approved for 
 construction. 
1846 The first issue of the "Daily News," edited by 
 Charles Dickens, was published. 
1853 Dr. Russell L. Hawes patented the envelope folding 
 machine. 

1861 The future president of the Confederacy, Jefferson 
 Davis of Mississippi, resigned from the U.S. Senate. 
 Four other Southerners also resigned. 
1865 An oil well was drilled by torpedoes for the first time. 
1900 Canadian troops set sail to fight in South Africa. 
 The Boers had attacked Ladysmith on January 8, 1900. 
1911 The first Monte Carlo car rally was held. Seven days 
 later it was won by Henri Rougier. 
1924 Soviet leader Vladimir Llyich Lenin died. Joseph Stalin 
 began a purge of his rivals for the leadership of the 
 Soviet Union. 
1941 The British communist newspaper, the "Daily Worker," 
 was banned due to wartime restrictions. 
1954 The Nautilus was launched in Groton, CT. It was the 
 first atomic-powered submarine. U.S. First Lady Mamie 
 Eisenhower broke the traditional bottle of champagne
1954 The gas turbine automobile was introduced in New 
 York City. 
1970 The Boeing 747 made its first commercial flight 
 from New York to London for Pan American. 
1976 The French Concorde SST aircraft began regular 
 commercial service for Air France and British Airways. 
1977 U.S. President Carter pardoned almost all Vietnam War 
 draft evaders. 
1980 Gold was valued at $850 an ounce. 
1994 A jury in Manassas, VA, acquitted Lorena Bobbitt by 
 reason of temporary insanity of maliciously wounding 
 (severing his penis) her husband John. She accused him 
 of sexually assaulting her. 
1997 Newt Gingrich was fined as the U.S. House of 
 Representatvies voted for first time in history to 
 discipline its leader for ethical misconduct. 
1998 A former White House intern said on tape that she 
 had an affair with U.S. President Clinton. 
1999 The U.S. Coast Guard intercepted a ship headed for 
 Houston, TX, that had over 9,500 pounds of cocaine aboard. 
 It was one of the largest drug busts in U.S. history. 
2002 In Goma, Congo, about fifty people were killed when 
 lava flow ignited a gas station. The people killed were 
 trying to steal fuel from elevated tanks. The eruption 
 of Mount Nyiragongo began on January 17, 2002. 
2003 It was announced by the U.S. Census Bureau that estimates 
 showed that the Hispanic population had passed the black 
 population for the first time.
2015  smiled.


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Printing a hassle with Chrome 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, January 19

We got quite a Chinook gusting out there. Sandie's hurricane
gong is chiming like  crazy, even though it is inside the 
covered deck. It will be interesting to see in daylight how 
many branches and trees have been knocked down. There won't
be a lot, since we have Chinooks every now and then cleaning
up any trees, that have become weak or not strong enough
to withstand a Chinook. 

Judging by the gong, the Chinook is blowing at 50, 
gusting to 100. Snow and ice are getting evaporated, 
without going through a liquid state. It is all heading 
towards Toronto and Chicago, and will get there in 
about 5 days.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Mother, who set newborn on fire 
on New Jersey road
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1825 Ezra Daggett and Thomas Kensett of New York City 
 patented a canning process to preserve salmon, oysters 
 and lobsters.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. --- John Ruskin (1819 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ A neighbor down the street was home every day, sitting on his porch. After a few weeks I asked him what was going on. He replied, "I left my job because of illness and fatigue in management." A few weeks later, his wife gave me the real truth of what happened. Turns out his boss got sick and tired of him. ______________________________________________________ A missionary discovered a tribe of natives who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or marriage. The missionary soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every couple that walked by and desired such. Later, the tribal chief told the missionary that the tribe had never had so much fun. The missionary asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage stuff," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives, and all without the oldfashioned and traditional hassles with divorce lawyers and courts and custody battles and waiting periods!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture Earth, Jupiter, and Venus seen from Mars >From Lillemor Best Prank
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Hyphernkemberly Dorvilier 22, Pemberton Township, NJ Mother Set Newborn On Fire On New Jersey Road A New Jersey woman who authorities say put her newborn baby in the middle of a road and set the child on fire was charged Saturday with murder. Burlington County prosecutors said Hyphernkemberly Dorvilier, 22, of Pemberton Township was jailed on $500,000 bail. Police responded to a Friday night call about a fire in the middle of a residential road in the township, about 30 miles east of Philadelphia. Officers found the baby in flames and put out the fire. The child reportedly was alive and breathing at the time she was flown to a hospital in Philadelphia, said Joel Bewley, a spokesman for the prosecutor's office. She died about two hours later, he said in a news release. An autopsy will be performed to determine the cause of death. Authorities believe the mother doused her baby with an accelerant then set her on fire, Bewley said. They do not have a motive. The woman was taken into custody Friday night. Prosecutor Robert Bernardi said details of the baby's birth were still being investigated. The baby's age has not been disclosed. Bernardi would not comment on whether the mother has a criminal record or if she has been involved with child welfare officials. Dave Joseph, 45, of Pemberton Township told The Burlington County Times that he saw a young woman get out of her car and light something on fire in the middle of Simontown Road. He said the woman told him she was burning dog waste. Joseph said the woman appeared calm and soon tried to flee the scene, but residents stopped her. "It was just mind-boggling," Joseph said. "It was a nightmare even if you have a strong heart." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Elsa Re: Printing a hassle with Chrome Dear Webby, I got Chrome on your advice, and I love it, except for printing. I am used to print some stuff, like personal letters, at high resolution and no scaling and in color, and I print invoices at 70% scale, just black, and low resolution, toner-save mode. Switching between the two is a real hassle with Chrome. What do you suggest? Elsa Dear Elsa Yes, I agree, when it comes to printing, Chrome is way behind FireFox and still rather immature. Just open FireFox on the side and use that for printing. There is no problem running FF beside Chrome. CTRL SHIFT P lets you get into the printer system settings, but it is much more time consuming than to just use FireFox for printing. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making a 1/2 Pie for a Half Birthday In our family, we usually celebrate our kids' half birthday by purchasing them a 1/2 pie from the store. However this year I decided to try searching the internet for a 1/2 pie pan, in the off chance that I could actually find one. What do you know; Amazon sells one! It is called the Split Decision pie pan and I am in love with it. It cost a few dollars more than one 1/2 pie which is going to save me a lot of money over the years. To purchase: Split Decision Pie Pan It is actually better than what I had in mind because it has multiple options. You can bake 1/2 a pie, two different 1/2 pies, or swap out the bottom and bake a whole pie. So it also is great for the times that you can't decide on a flavor that will make everyone happy. :) Whether you want to give our tradition a try or you want to have harmony at Thanksgiving, you should get this pie pan! birthday girl with pie 2 *** Half for her and half for everyone else to share! :) By lalala... [551] ______________________________________________________ A bum asks a man for some money. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum said, "No." The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
A woman met her husband at the train station after work for the ride home. He looked haggard, so she asked, "Rough day?" "You bet it was," he groaned. "Our computers were down, and we had to think ourselves all day long." _____________________________________________________ Ed asks his eight year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong. "Oh dad," he sobbed, "at age five I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age six I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age seven you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for!"
It's fascinating how these guys make a fantasy world forest using projectors and light.

Today in 
1419 Rouen surrendered to Henry V, completing his conquest 
 of Normandy.
1793 King Louis XVI was tried by the French Convention, 
 found guilty of treason and sentenced to the guillotine. 
1825 Ezra Daggett and Thomas Kensett of New York City 
 patented a canning process to preserve salmon, oysters 
 and lobsters. 
1883 Thomas Edison's first village electric lighting 
 system using overhead wires began operation in Roselle, NJ. 
1915 George Claude, of Paris, France, patented the neon 
 discharge tube for use in advertising signs. 
1915 More than 20 people were killed when German zeppelins 
 bombed England for the first time. The bombs were dropped 
 on Great Yarmouth and King's Lynn. 
1937 Howard Hughes set a transcontinental air record. He 
 flew from Los Angeles to New York City in 7 hours
1942 The Japanese invaded Burma (later Myanmar). 
1944 The U.S. federal government relinquished control of 
 the nation's railroads after the settlement of a wage dispute. 
1949 The salary of the President of the United States was 
 increased from $75,000 to $100,000 with an additional 
 $50,000 expense allowance for each year in office. 
1966 Indira Gandhi was elected prime minister of India. 
1969 In protest against the Russian invasion of 1968, Czech 
 student Jan Palach set himself on fire in Prague. 
1971 At the Charles Manson murder trial, the Beatles' 
 "Helter Skelter" was played. At the scene of one of his 
 gruesome murders, the words "helter skelter" were written 
 on a mirror. 
1977 U.S. President Ford pardoned Iva Toguri D'Aquino 
 (the "Tokyo Rose"). 
1983 China announced that it was bannning 1983 purchases 
 of cotton, soybeans and chemical fibers from the United States. 
1993 IBM announced a loss of $4.97 billion for 1992. It was 
 the largest single-year loss in U.S. corporate history. 
1995 Russian forces overwhelmed the resistance forces 
 in Chechnya. 
1996 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was subpoenaed to 
 appear before a federal grand jury. The investigation was 
 concerning the discovery of billing records related to the 
 Whitewater real estate investment venture. 
1997 Yasser Arafat returned to Hebron for the first time in 
 more than 30 years. He joined 60,000 Palestinians in 
 celebration over the handover of the last West Bank city 
 in Israeli control. 
2000 In New York's Time Square, the first WWF restaurant
2001 Texas officials demoted a warden and suspended three 
 other prison workers in the wake of the escape of the "Texas 7." 
2013 In Scottsdale, AZ, the original Batmobile for the TV 
 series "Batman" sold at auction for $4.6 million. It was 
 the first of six Batmobiles produced for the show.
2015  smiled.


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IE Address bar 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, January 18

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
NH man put toddler into running dryer
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1778 English navigator Captain James Cook discovered the 
 Hawaiian Islands, which he called the "Sandwich Islands." 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. --- Pierre Beaumarchais (1732 - 1799) ______________________________________________________ A city slicker stopped his large, expensive car on a country road and looked about in confusion. He noticed a young farm hand leaning on a fence and called to him, "Hey, you know how far it is to Shrewsbury?" The farm hand thought about it and said, "Don't know." "Well then, do you know the best way to get there?" Again, the farm hand thought a bit and said, "Don't know." "Look, can you just tell me where the nearest gas station is so I can pick up a map?" "'Fraid I don't know that either." Frustrated, the man in the car snapped, "You don't know much do you?" To which the farm hand replied: "I know enough not to get lost in these here parts." ______________________________________________________ A doctor's secretary called an old farmer and said: "Your check came back." The old man replied, "So did my arthritis." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture Lengkuas island, Indonesia
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Adam Morton 27 Berlin, New Hampshire Putting Toddler In Running Dryer A New Hampshire man who put his girlfriend's 2-year-old son in a running clothes dryer at her home has pleaded guilty to assault. WABI-TV reports that Adam Morton, of Berlin, New Hampshire, entered his plea in a Bangor courtroom on Tuesday. Authorities say the 27-year-old Morton was taking care of the boy in August while his girlfriend was at work. According to court documents, the boy suffered second-degree burns on his arms and back and burns and blisters on his feet. Morton told police the boy was in the dryer's drum for just one revolution, but investigators determined that the boy was in the dryer for a prolonged period. Morton is scheduled to be sentenced February 2. Prosecutors are recommending a two-year sentence. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donny Re: IE address bar Dear Webby, Tried this - doesn't work. Any other ideas ? Was using 'Internet Eraser' and it did the job, but, am trying not to have too many programs running. Donny Dear Donny I thought you had written that you just want the address bar cleaned. If you don't mind that the history is wiped, then there are a few methods you could use. Even CrapCleaner will do that. Microsoft writes: Close all running instances of Internet Explorer and all browser windows. In Control Panel, click Internet Options. Click the General tab, and then click Clear History. Click Yes, and then click OK to close the Internet Options dialog box. Try that. Yes, I know it is a nuisance, but so is IE. Here is more information: https://kb.iu.edu/d/ahic Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Food Strainer for Cleaning Up Hard Boiled Eggs My husband loves hard boiled eggs for a quick, healthier, more than normal snack. With time, I've tried other tips I've read about concerning hard boiled eggs and would like to share my recent discovery. I now place our food strainer in the sink before I peel the hard boiled eggs under water. When I'm done, I just empty the strainer into the trash can and then rinse the strainer. It took less than a minute to clean up the peeled shells from a dozen eggs. Once peeled, I lay some paper towels in the bottom of some Rubbermaid containers, place in the refrigerator, and the eggs stay good for over a week. By CaroleeRose from Madison, AL ______________________________________________________ >From Lorna On a trip to Enseñada, Mexico, for the day, we parked in front of some interesting-looking shops. A little boy ran over to us and said, "Señor, I watch your car, fifty cent!" I asked him to wait "un momento" and entered a shop to ask the owner in Spanish about the young lad. He explained to me, "You give him the fifty cents, he runs away. You don't give him money, he runs away with your hubcaps and gas cap."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of sin and how all men are sinners with no exceptions. At the end of the sermon he asked rhetorically, "Now does anyone here think they are without sin?" He had only to wait a few seconds before a man in one of the back pews stood up. The pastor asked the man who had the audacity to stand after such a fiery sermon, "Sir, do you really think you are completely without sin?" The man quickly answered, "No sir, I'm not standing up for myself, but for my wife's first husband." _____________________________________________________ An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer. Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator. He began to sniff. The Avon lady asked, "Do you smell something?" "Why, yes, I do," he replied. "What does it smell like?" "Hmmm, I'm not sure, ...... but it smells like a pine tree fell on an outhouse."
I love dog faces and there are some funny ones here.

Today in 
January 18
1778 English navigator Captain James Cook discovered the 
 Hawaiian Islands, which he called the "Sandwich Islands." 
1788 The first English settlers arrived in Australia's 
 Botany Bay to establish a penal colony. The group moved 
 north eight days later and settled at Port Jackson. 
1871 Wilhelm, King of Prussia from 1861, was proclaimed 
 the first German Emperor. 
1896 The x-ray machine was exhibited for the first time. 
1911 For the first time an aircraft landed on a ship. Pilot 
 Eugene B. Ely flew onto the deck of the USS Pennsylvania 
 in San Francisco harbor. 
1939 Louis Armstrong and his orchestra recorded 
 "Jeepers Creepers." 
1943 During World War II, the Soviets announced that they 
 had broken the Nazi siege of Leningrad, which had began 
 in September of 1941. 
1943 U.S. commercial bakers stopped selling sliced bread. 
 Only whole loaves were sold during the ban until the end 
 of World War II. 
1950 The federal tax on oleomargarine was repealed. 
1957 The first, non-stop, around-the-world, jet flight came 
 to an end at Riverside, CA. The plane was refueled in 
 mid-flight by huge aerial tankers. 
1978 The European Court of Human Rights cleared the British 
 government of torture but found it guilty of inhuman and 
 degrading treatment of prisoners in Northern Ireland. 
1990 In an FBI sting, Washington, DC, Mayor Marion Barry 
 was arrested for drug possession. He was later convicted 
 of a misdemeanor.
1993 The Martin Luther King Jr. holiday was observed in 
 all 50 U.S. states for the first time. 
1995 A network of caves were discovered near the town of 
 Vallon-Pont-d'Arc in southern France. The caves contained 
 paintings and engravings that were 17,000 to 20,000 
 years old. 
2002 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced 
 the approval of a saliva-based ovulation test. 
2012 Wikipedia began a 24-hour "blackout" in protest against 
 proposed anti-piracy legislation (S. 968 and H.R. 3261) 
 known as the Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) in 
 the Senate and the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the 
 House. Many websites, including Reddit, Google, Facebook, 
 Amazon and others, contended would make it challenging 
 if not impossible for them to operate. 
2015  smiled.


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Clean IE address bar 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, January 17

Ezinefinder is still stuck in 2014,
but it looks like they are trying to add the votes to the
2014 total. Well, maybe next week they will figure
it out.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
man in Florida for tossing a bag of cocaine onto a 
police car.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
2000 British pharmaceutical companies Glaxo Wellcome PLC and 
 SmithKline Beecham PLC agreed to a merger that created the 
 world's largest drugmaker. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
In journalism, there has always been a tension between getting it first and getting it right. --- Ellen Goodman (1941 - ) ______________________________________________________ A clean house is a sign of a broken computer. My computer is not broken, and thanks to Uniblue PC Mechanic, it is actually in pretty good shape. I wish there was something like that for house cleaning! ______________________________________________________ A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture The Waterfall Island at Iguazu Falls
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Luis Vazquez, 30, Jose Vales, 38, Kissimmee, Florida Thrown Cocaine Landed On Hood Of Police Car In a botched bid to ditch evidence, a Florida man allegedly threw a bag of cocaine out the sunroof of a vehicle in which he was a passenger, but the drug landed squarely on the hood of a trailing police car, according to investigators. As detailed in a Kissimmee Police Department report, cop Christopher Breuer sought to pull over a gold Acura around 2 AM yesterday after the vehicle nearly slammed into his cruiser. Though Breuer activated his car’s overhead lights, the other vehicle, which carried two men, continued moving. While shining a spotlight on the Acura, Breuer noted, “I saw the sun roof of the vehicle open.” Breuer slowed his car down since, “I knew the passenger was going to throw something out of the vehicle.” Breuer then watched as the vehicle’s passenger stick his right hand out of the sunroof. “At this time, I observed a clear bag come out of the sun roof and fly into the air. This same bag landed on the hood of my vehicle as I slowed down,” the cop reported. After the Acura eventually pulled into the parking lot of a 7-Eleven store, Breuer quizzed the car’s occupants about the airborne cocaine. While Luis Vazquez, 30, denied tossing the stash, driver Jose Vales, 38, did not hesitate to finger his passenger as the coke hurler. “Vales spontaneously uttered to me that it was Vazquez that threw the ‘baggie’ out of the window,” Breuer reported. Both men were subsequently arrested on a variety of drug counts. Vazquez was also charged with evidence tampering for flinging the cocaine. Vazquez (left) and Vales are pictured in the above mug shots. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donny Re: Clean IE address bar Dear Webby, Hope your health and eyesight are well. Love your letter - read it every day and fwd some jokes to friends. Am wondering if you can help -I would like to know how to permanently delete the list of typed URL's in the address bar, short of rebooting constantly. Any advice would be welcome - am using Windows 7 and IE11. Donny Dear Donny Try this: Tools Internet Options Content AutoComplete Clear Forms Anything more radical would delete your history. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cube Potatoes to Speed Cooking Time If you are boiling potatoes to mash, it doesn't take long to dice the raw, peeled potatoes instead of halving or quartering them. It really speeds up boiling time. Having said this, I did read of someone who took it a bit further. They grated their potatoes, and the result was grey wallpaper paste! So half inch cubes is probably the best option. By Verity Pink [20] ______________________________________________________ A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store to get some smokes?" "What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?" "Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. I guess I better find somebody a bit more trustworthy."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it, then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Daddy, do it again!!!" _____________________________________________________ A monastery in the English countryside had fallen on hard times, and decided to establish a business to defray their expenses, such as a bakery or winery. Being English, however, they decided to open a fish-and-chips restaurant. The establishment soon became very popular, attracting people from all over. One city fellow, thinking himself clever, asked one of the brothers standing nearby, "I suppose you're the 'fish friar'?" "No", answered the brother levelly, "I'm the 'chip monk'."
Korean homeless boy steals the talent show

Today in 
1377 The Papal See was transferred from Avignon in France 
 back to Rome. 
1562 French Protestants were recognized under the Edict 
of St. Germain. 
1773 Captain Cook's Resolution became the first ship to 
 cross the Antarctic Circle. 
1852 The independence of the Transvaal Boers was recognized 
 by Britain. 
1871 Andrew S. Hallidie received a patent for a cable 
 car system. 
1882 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Crystal Palace 
 Exhibition in London. 
1893 Hawaii's monarchy was overthrown when a group of 
 businessmen and sugar planters forced Queen Liliuokalani 
 to abdicate. 
1900 The U.S. took Wake Island where there was in important 
 cable link between Hawaii and Manila. 
1900 Yaqui Indians in Texas proclaimed their independence 
 from Mexico. 
1900 Mormon Brigham Roberts was denied a seat in the U.S. 
 House of Representatives for his practicing of polygamy. 
1912 English explorer Robert Falcon Scott reached the 
 South Pole. Norwegian Roald Amundsen had beaten him there 
 by one month. Scott and his party died during the 
 return trip. 
1913 All partner interests in 36 Golden Rule Stores were 
 consolidated and incorporated in Utah into one company. 
 The new corporation was the J.C. Penney Company. 
1928 The fully automatic, film-developing machine was 
 patented by A.M. Josepho. 
1934 Ferdinand Porsche submitted a design for a people's 
 car, a "Volkswagen," to the new German Reich government. 
1945 Soviet and Polish forces liberated Warsaw during WW II. 
1945 Swedish diplomat Raoul Wallenberg disappeared in Hungary 
 while in Soviet custody. Wallenberg was credited with 
 saving tens of thousands of Jews. 
1959 Senegal and the French Sudan joined to form the 
 Federal State of Mali. 
1961 In his farewell address, U.S. President Eisenhower 
 warned against the rise of "the military-industrial complex." 
1966 A B-52 carrying four H-bombs collided with a refuelling 
 tanker. The bombs were released and eight crewmembers were 
 killed. 
1977 Double murderer Gary Gilmore became the first to be 
 executed in the U.S. in a decade. The firing squad took 
 place at Utah State Prison. 
1991 Coalition airstrikes began against Iraq after 
 negotiations failed to get Iraq to retreat from the 
 country of Kuwait. 
1992 An IRA bomb, placed next to a remote country road in 
 County Tyrone, Northern Ireland, killed seven building 
 workers and injured seven others. 
1994 The Northridge earthquake rocked Los Angeles, CA, 
 registering a 6.7 on the Richter Scale. At least 61 people 
 were killed and about $20 billion in damage was caused. 
1995 More than 6,000 people were killed when an earthquake 
 with a magnitude of 7.2 devastated the city of Kobe, Japan. 
1997 A court in Ireland granted the first divorce in the 
 Roman Catholic country's history. 
1997 Israel gave over 80% of Hebron to Palestinian rule, 
 but held the remainder where several hundred Jewish settlers 
 lived among 20,000 Palestinians. 
1998 U.S. President Clinton gave his deposition in the Paula 
 Jones sexual harassment lawsuit against him. He was the 
 first U.S. President to testify as a defendant in a criminal 
 or civil lawsuit. 
2000 British pharmaceutical companies Glaxo Wellcome PLC and 
 SmithKline Beecham PLC agreed to a merger that created the 
 world's largest drugmaker. 
2001 The director of Palestinian TV, Hisham Miki, was killed 
 at a restaurant when three masked gunmen walked up to his 
 table and shot him more than 10 times. 
2002 It was announced that Microsoft had signed a joint venture 
 agreement to produce software with two partners in China. 
 The two partners were Beijin Centergate Technologies (Holding) Co. 
 and the Stone Group.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 500 million 
 applications downloaded.
2015  smiled.


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UniBlue 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
kentucky man, who held woman at gunpoint and
tattooed 'slut' on her back
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1979 The Shah of Iran and his family fled Iran for Egypt.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
No man ever listened himself out of a job. --- Calvin Coolidge (1872 - 1933) ______________________________________________________ I went out to this restaurant not long ago and met the waitress of my dreams. About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad." She nodded, picked up the potato, and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know." ______________________________________________________ The captain was attempting to rally the GIs on the eve of a big offensive. "Out there," he yelled, "is your enemy. The man who has made your life miserable, who is working to destroy you; the man who has been trying to kill you day after day! He is out there!." Private Johnson jumped to his feet. "The cook ! The cook is working for THEM!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture Mount Kilimanjaro
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Aaron Joseph, 30, Shelby County Kentucky Held Woman At Gunpoint, Tattooed 'Slut' On Her Back A Kentucky man remains behind bars after allegedly assaulting a woman by tattooing the word "slut" on her back while holding her at gunpoint. A grand jury indicted Michael Aaron Joseph, 30, last week on a variety of charges including second-degree assault, first-degree wanton endangerment and first-degree unlawful imprisonment. The charges stem from an incident last May, where Joseph allegedly accused the victim of contacting her ex-boyfriend. During an argument, Joseph “repeatedly struck [the victim] in the mouth, face and head area with a pistol,” according to a police report obtained by the Anderson News. When the two arrived home, the suspect allegedly grabbed a .22 caliber pistol and showed the woman it was loaded. Then he held her on the floor while tattooing "slut" on her back, LEX18.com reports. Joseph remains jailed in the Shelby County Detention Center on $15,000 cash bail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: MooMoo Re: Uni Blue Dear Webby, You used to have a link to a registry fixer called Blue or Uno Blue or something like that. I used it for years and was quite happy with it. Where do you hide it now? MooMoo Dear MooMoo It's in the tool box at http://webby.com/tools It is just below the LapLink PC-Mover, the one and only program for hassle-free, hands-free migrating to a new machine or new Operating system. Go have lunch while it moves your programs and files from XP to W7 or W8. Because of your sexy name, I'll put the link to UniBlue here too for a while. They have a very nice discount for January, if you use that link. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cube Potatoes to Speed Cooking Time If you are boiling potatoes to mash, it doesn't take long to dice the raw, peeled potatoes instead of halving or quartering them. It really speeds up boiling time. Having said this, I did read of someone who took it a bit further. They grated their potatoes, and the result was grey wallpaper paste! So half inch cubes is probably the best option. By Verity Pink [20] ______________________________________________________ A local Pastor joined a community Service Club, and the members thought they would have some fun with him. Under his name badge they printed, "Hog Caller" as his occupation. Everyone made a big fanfare as the badge was presented. The Pastor responded by saying, "I usually am called the "Shepherd'... but I am sure you know your people better than I do."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, "Diana jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset." She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have problems with similar sounding words. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to learn the difference." _____________________________________________________ An elderly Jewish woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a Rolex." "But you are not wearing any of those things." "Oy, don't I know it," she said. "My husband never buys me anything! It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."
I'm a dog lover and I'm so glad that lost "Arthur" found this race team from Sweden to join on their 430 mile endurance trek through the Amazonian rain forest. Arthur has a brave heart and the four people whom he attached himself to were good people to allow and help him to travel with them. Arthur deserves a medal for bravery and endurance. Dogs are awesome!

Today in 
1547 Ivan the Terrible was crowned Czar of Russia. 
1572 The Duke of Norfolk was tried for treason for 
 complicity in the Ridolfi plot to restore Catholicism in 
 England. He was executed on June 2. 
1809 The British defeated the French at the Battle of 
 Corunna, in the Peninsular War. 
1866 Mr. Everett Barney patented the metal screw, 
 clamp skate. 
1900 The U.S. Senate consented to the Anglo-German treaty 
 of 1899, by which the U.K. renounced rights to the Samoan 
 islands. 
1919 The 18th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which 
 prohibited the sale or transportation of alcoholic beverages, 
 was ratified. It was later repealed by the 21st Amendment. 
1920 Prohibition went into effect in the U.S. 
1925 Leon Trotsky was dismissed as Chairman of the 
 Revolutionary Council of the USSR. 
1970 Colonel Muammar el-Quaddafi became virtual president 
 of Libya. 
1970 Buckminster Fuller, the designer of the geodesic dome, 
 was awarded the Gold Medal of the American Institute of 
 Architects. 
1979 The Shah of Iran and his family fled Iran for Egypt. 
1982 Britain and the Vatican resumed full diplomatic 
 relations after a break of over 400 years. 
1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition of 
 stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and 
 elsewhere would come to an immediate end. 
1988 Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder was fired as a CBS sports 
 commentator one day after telling a TV station in Washington, 
 DC, that, during the era of slavery, blacks had been bred 
 to produce stronger offspring. 
1998 Researchers announce that an altered gene helped to 
 defend against HIV. 
1991 The White House announced the start of Operation Desert 
 Storm. The operation was designed to drive Iraqi forces 
 out of Kuwait. 
1992 Officials of the government of El Salvador and rebel 
 leaders signed a pact in Mexico City ending 12 years of 
 civil war. At least 75,000 people were killed during 
 the fighting. 
1998 The first woman to enroll at Virginia Military 
 Institute withdrew from the school. 
1998 It was announced that Texas would receive $15.3 
 billion in a tobacco industry settlement. The payouts 
 were planned to take place over 25 years. 
2002 U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that 
 John Walker Lindh would be brought to the United States 
 to face trial. He was charged in U.S. District Court in 
 Alexandria, VA, with conspiracy to kill U.S. citizens, 
 providing support to terrorist organizations, and 
 engaging in prohibited transactions with the Taliban 
 of Afghanistan. 
2002 The U.N. Security Council unanimously adopted 
 sanctions against Osama bin Laden, his terror network 
 and the remnants of the Taliban. The sanctions required 
 that all nations impose arms embargoes and freeze 
 their finances. 
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 500 million 
 applications downloaded.
2015  smiled.


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Ezinefinder site problems 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 15

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Folkestone dad Lee Webb jailed 
after sending three-year-old son to nursery 
with drug dealer's kit including 
Class A drugs and knives
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1624 Many riots occurred in Mexico when it was announced that 
 all churches were to be closed. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. --- Russell Baker (1925 - ) I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. --- Totie Fields ______________________________________________________ From Buzzy CALLER: "I cannot log onto your Internet." BUZZY: "What error message are you getting?" CALLER: "I am not getting an error message. It just says 'Error, incorrect username or password'." BUZZY: "That IS an error message!" CALLER: "Then what does it mean?" BUZZY: "Can you read me that Error message again?" CALLER: "Incorrect user name or password." BUZZY: "Try using the password that your wife wrote on the mouse pad for you" CALLER: "Why didn't you tell me that right away instead of wasting all my time?" ______________________________________________________ Computer problems? Have you checked the loose nut in front of the keyboard? ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture The temple of sky, Iceland
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lee Webb Folkestone 23 Burrow Road, Folkestone, England Folkestone dad Lee Webb jailed after sending three-year-old son to nursery with drug dealer's kit including Class A drugs and knives A dopey dad accidentally sent his son to nursery school with a "drug dealer's kit" instead of his usual pack lunch. EDF Tree surgeon Lee Webb confused the two bags before taking his child to the Smarty Pants Nursery in Folkestone. Staff opened up the toddler's rucksack expecting to find food and drink for lunch, but instead, discovered cocaine and mephedrone – a banned stimulant – inside. And alongside the illegal substances, they found two knives, a set of scales and other drugs paraphernalia. Judge James O'Mahony told him: "You sent your three-year-old son to nursery with a rucksack containing a significant quantity of class A and B drugs. In effect, you sent your son there with a drug dealer's kit!" Prosecutor Mary Jacobson told Canterbury Crown Court that staff alerted police – but then the child's father Lee Webb turned up and demanded the bag back. She said that they refused to hand over the Tupperware box and Webb then left. Now Webb, 23, from Burrow Road, Folkestone has been jailed for four years after admitting possessing the Class A and B drugs. Judge O'Mahony told him: "Your stupidity put children at risk and I consider the potential exposure to children of these drugs is so serious only an immediate custodial sentence can be justified." “The staff noted the bag contained what they thought could be drugs and they called the police. “The defendant later returned and asked for the bag back but staff would not return it and the defendant then left. “A PCSO then arrived and took possession of the Tupperware tub with white powder, a blue wrap, a spoon, weighing scales and two knives, “ she added. Officers later raided his home and arrested him – and noted of his hand he had written details of a local solicitor. Webb, who also had a stash of £680 at hishouse, claimed he had been given the bag by another person to look after overnight. But the judge told him: “You maintain you were holding the drugs on behalf of another and that you were expecting to be paid cash for holding the drugs. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rita Re: Ezinefinder Dear Webby, Hello, dear Webby, EZINE is working, do not worry: Rita Dear Rita Did you check at http://www.ezinefinder.com/index.html to see if they are just messing with your head, or if they finally switched over to 2015? Last year, 2014, ended with 15840. This year, 2015, if the votes were actually counted, not just a placebo screen to fool you, then they should be about 700. You can write to lewis@cumuli.com support@cumuli.com cumuli@cumuli.com http://www.ezinefinder.com/contact.html http://www2.thriftyfun.com/about/contact.lasso and tell them to stop pretending and to finally change the date to 2015. They don't answer me. Maybe they think the big brutes on Linux are picking on the little guys on Apples. They HAVE now added a couple of votes to last year's votes. Maybe they will switch to 2015 soon. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Citrus Peels for Garbage Disposal Odors To avoid odor or make odor go away, put lemon, lime, or orange peels and grind in the disposal with hot water. You will notice the odors will go away. Source: My grandma used to do it By Tiffany R. [2] ______________________________________________________ A bus load of new recruits arrived at the reception center, and was greeted by an old drill sergeant. He began his speech, "Welcome to Fort Dix, men. From now on, I want you to think of the Army as your family and as your home." Hearing this, one of the recruits broke formation, sat down and lit a cigarette. "Private, what the F**K are you doing?" yelled the sergeant. "Well," said the private, "I'm just making myself at home. Like you said, this is my home." Thinking fast, the sergeant said, "Son, you listen good, and you're right. This is your home. So, as soon as you finish that cigarette, I want you to report to the mess hall to help mother with the dishes for the next 3 months."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
A woman answered her front door and found Little Johnny and Billy holding a list. "Lady," Johnny explained, "we are on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar." "Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?" "Our baby-sitter's boyfriend." _____________________________________________________ A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire."
“There was nowhere to go but everywhere” Beautiful roads from around the world. I especially like the tree covered roads that feel like you're going through a tunnel.

Today in 
1559 England's Queen Elizabeth I was crowned in Westminster Abbey. 
1624 Many riots occurred in Mexico when it was announced that 
 all churches were to be closed. 
1863 "The Boston Morning Journal" became the first paper in 
 the U.S. to be published on wood pulp paper. 
1870 A cartoon by Thomas Nast titled "A Live Jackass Kicking 
 a Dead Lion" appeared in "Harper's Weekly." The cartoon used 
 the donkey to symbolize the Democratic Party for the first time. 
1892 "Triangle" magazine in Springfield, MA, published the 
 rules for a brand new game. The original rules involved 
 attaching a peach baskets to a suspended board. It is now 
 known as basketball. 
1913 The first telephone line between Berlin and New York 
 was inaugurated. 
1936 The first, all glass, windowless building was completed 
 in Toledo, OH. The building was the new home of the Owens-
 Illinois Glass Company Laboratory. 
1943 The Pentagon was dedicated as the world's largest office 
 building just outside Washington, DC, in Arlington, VA. 
 The structure covers 34 acres of land and has 17 miles 
 of corridors. 
1953 Harry S Truman became the first U.S. President to use 
 radio and television to give his farewell as he left office. 
1955 The first solar-heated, radiation-cooled house was built 
 by Raymond Bliss in Tucson, AZ. 
1967 The first National Football League Super Bowl was played. 
 The Green Bay Packers defeated the Kansas City Chiefs of the 
 American Football League. The final score was 35-10. 
1973 U.S. President Nixon announced the suspension of all U.S. 
 offensive action in North Vietnam. He cited progress in peace 
 negotiations as the reason. 
1986 President Reagan signed legislation making Martin Luther 
 King, Jr.'s birthday a national holiday to be celebrated on 
 the third Monday of January. 
1987 Paramount Home Video reported that it would place a 
 commercial at the front of one of its video releases for the 
 first time. It was a 30-second Diet Pepsi ad at the beginning 
 of "Top Gun." 
2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the U.S. Congress had 
 permission to repeatedly extend copyright protection.
2015  smiled.


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Pop-Ups caused by Trovi 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 14

Ezinefinder is still not working.
It might take a bunch more nagging to
get them to change the date to 2015.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
NY woman, who was arrested for drunk driving after drinking
vanilla extract.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for 
 Britain's Queen Victoria. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of. --- Burt Bacharach (1928 - ) ______________________________________________________ Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister. The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they'd have to move. "It's no use." Robbie said, "She's crawling pretty good now and she'd probably just follow us." ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. Little Johnny said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture NY Subway
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Carolyn Kesel 46, Seneca Falls, New York Arrested for drunk driving after drinking vanilla extract An accused drunk driver who allegedly blew a .26 on a breathalyzer told authorities she had been drinking vanilla extract before her arrest. Carolyn Kesel, 46, of Seneca Falls, New York, was arrested Jan. 5 after she was seen allegedly driving erratically around a Walmart parking lot in Mecedon, according to the New York Daily News. Kesel allegedly told police she drank two hand-sized bottles of pure vanilla extract in Lyons, became lost and could not find her way out of the Walmart parking lot. Her blood alcohol level at the time of her arrest was .26, three times the legal limit. The alcohol level on the vanilla extract was listed at 41 percent, which is similar to the alcohol content found in vodka or gin, ABC7.com reports. Kesel was charged with Felony DWI and Felony Aggravated DWI. She was remanded to the Wayne County Jail on $10,000 cash or $20,000 bond, Syracuse.com reports. The suspect was previously convicted of DWI in 2006. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hermon Re: Trovi causing W7 Pop-Ups Dear Webby, Your reader’s problem with the pop ups is due to having contacted Trovi...... I had it attached to my browser. Hermon in Ky. Dear Hermon You are quite likely right, that it is indeed Trovi or something similar with a different name. Because I use McAfee and MalwareBytes, I have no first hand experience with those, just read about them. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com K-Cup Drain Stopper Take an unused Keurig cup and place it in the drain. A great temporary solution that works like a charm! K-Cup Drain Stopper By Craig J. [1] A 4" x 4" piece of car or truck innertube works even better. It snugs onto the bottom of a sink or tub and works better than any store-bought stopper. You can punch a hole into a corner and tie a string or ball-chain to it for easy retrieval. Tie the other end of the string to the overflow or faucets. For a dollar you can get the same at the Dollar Store. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ===from Gina Esplanade - v., to attempt an explanation while drunk. Negligent - adj., describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie. Bustard - n., a very rude bus driver FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait 'till you see us drive. FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again and again! Btw., I am from Florida, where you can get away with anything if you have blue hair. Gina===
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
Two guys were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them. The first guy said, "My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won't let me do any work around the house. It's incredible." The second guy says, "That might be because you are such a klutz. My wife thinks I'm a God." "She thinks you're God? What makes you say that?" "Quite obvious. Every night she places a burnt offering before me." _____________________________________________________ A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager found a phone message: "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long." --- Was that Kate in New York?
This is beautiful and so serene.

Today in 
1784 The United States ratified a peace treaty with England 
 ending the Revolutionary War. 
1858 French emperor Napoleon III escaped attempt on his life. 
1873 John Hyatt's 1869 invention ‘Celluloid’ was registered 
 as a trademark. 
1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for 
 Britain's Queen Victoria. 
1907 An earthquake killed over 1,000 people in Kingston, 
 Jamaica. 
1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first 
 U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office. He 
 flew from Miami, FL, to French Morocco where he met with 
 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill to discuss 
 World War II. 
1953 Josip Broz Tito was elected president of Yugoslavia
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were married. The 
 marriage only lasted nine months. 
1954 The Hudson Motor Car Company merged with Nash-
 Kelvinator. The new company was called the American 
 Motors Corporation. 
1969 An explosion aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier 
 Enterprise off Hawaii killed 25 crew members. 
1993 The British government pledged to introduce legislation 
 to criminalize invasions of privacy by the press. 
1994 U.S. President Clinton and Russian President Boris 
 Yeltsin signed Kremlin accords to stop aiming missiles 
 at any nation and to dismantle the nuclear arsenal of 
 Ukraine. 
1996 Juan Garcia Abrego was arrested by Mexican agents. 
 The alleged drug lord was handed over to the FBI the 
 next day. 
1998 Whitewater prosecutors questioned Hillary Rodham 
 Clinton at the White House for 10 minutes about the 
 gathering of FBI background files on past Republican 
 political appointees. 
1998 In Dallas, researchers report an enzyme that slows 
 the aging process and cell death. 
1999 The impeachment trial of U.S. President Clinton 
 began in Washington, DC. 
1999 The U.S. proposed the lifting of the U.N. ceilings 
 on the sale of oil in Iraq. The restriction being that 
 the money be used to buy medicine and food for the 
 Iraqi people. 
2000 A U.N. tribunal sentenced five Bosnian Croats to up 
 to 25 years for the 1993 massacre of over 100 Muslims 
 in a Bosnian village. 
2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back 
 pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. 
 The mission was launched on October 15, 1997.
2015  smiled.


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W7 Pop-Ups 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 13

Thank you, Julia !!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida couple arrested for romp on car at dealership
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1906 Hugh Gernsback, of the Electro Importing Company, 
 advertised radio receivers for sale for the price of just 
 $7.50 in "Scientific American" magazine. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
College isn't the place to go for ideas. --- Helen Keller (1880 - 1968) What we call 'Progress' is the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance. --- Havelock Ellis (1859 - 1939) ______________________________________________________ A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. found it and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are 20 $1 bills." replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I returned a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward." ______________________________________________________ Most people use their hands and feet to drive -- a few also use their heads. ______________________________________________________ A professor was giving a lecture on company slogans in a college advertising and marketing class. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly the friendly skies'?" "United Airlines," Joe answered. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, 'Don't leave home without it'?" Brenda easily answered correctly, "American Express." "Now, John, Tell me which company uses the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And John answered, "Mom." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Erin Byrd, 18, and Ramon Mitchell, 29, West Palm Beach Florida Police Arrest Couple For Auto Romp at dealership A Florida couple was arrested early yesterday after they were spotted having sex atop a 2004 Kia Sedona at a West Palm Beach auto dealership, police report. Officers responding to Mike’s Auto Sales discovered Erin Byrd, 18, and Ramon Mitchell, 29, “inside of a dealership vehicle which did not belong to either subject,” according to a police report. Cops were summoned to the closed business shortly before midnight by a witness who “advised officers he just witnessed both suspects having sex on top of the vehicle in plain sight.” The 39-year-old man added that he heard the trysting duo moaning. Apparently they had moved into the vehicle between the call for cops and their arrival. Upon exiting the minivan, Byrd and Mitchell were arrested. As the 300-pound Mitchell was being handcuffed, he spit in the face of a female officer, police reported. Owner Michael Melendez arrived at the dealership and told police that he “did not authorize anyone to be in his property after the business was closed,” the report states. Pictured above, Byrd and Mitchell were each charged with auto burglary, trespass, and lewd and lascivious behavior. Mitchell, who told cops he works at the Improv comedy club in West Palm Beach, was also hit with a felony charge of aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer for allegedly spitting on Officer Sarah Burgoon. Byrd was freed today from the Palm Beach County jail, where Mitchell remains locked up in lieu of $11,000 bail. The police report does not indicate whether a markdown may be in store for the used four-door sedan, which has been priced to move at $3995. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Miriam Re: W7 Pop-Ups Dear Webby, I have Windows 7 and use Chrome. I have been getting pop ups saying I need to update Java drivers, Attention 13 viruses detected, You may need to fix Windows errors, also need to update media center, etc. I ran a McAfee scan and they found 3 viruses and 4 things they blocked. I have trouble deciding which things I really should update or which I should ignore. Miriam Dear Miriam SOME of that looks legit, the rest of it seems to be from an invited Trojan infection. Java probably does need to be updated, but with the rest of it, I would be very careful. Try to find out where the PopUp is trying to send you to, and tell me. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making a Multidirectional Spray Bottle It's really annoying trying to get your cleaning done when you are forced to hold your spray bottle upright in order for anything to spray out. Here is an easy fix to use your spray bottle in any position. Materials: flexible aquarium air tubing (about 1 inch shorter than the original tube) stainless steel nut scissors Directions: Twist the nut on to one end of the aquarium tubing. Closeup of the tubing with the nut attached. Cut off about an inch and a half of the original spray bottle's tube and push it into one end of the aquarium tubing. Reattach this to the spray handle. The weight of the nut will swing the tube, keeping the tip submerged under the liquid. If you add more nuts, you can even use your spray bottle upside down! Source: My genius husband By attosa from Los Angeles, CA ______________________________________________________ A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained. "This is three times what you normally charge." "Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you screamed so loudly, you scared away two other patients."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was beginning of winter and the lake had just frozen over. Ole asked Lena if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick him up some tobacco. She asked for some money, but he told her to put it on their tab. So she walked across, got the tobacco and walked back. Then she asked Ole why he didn't send her with any money. He said, "I vasn't goin' to send any money ven I vasn't sure how tick de ice vas." _____________________________________________________ During a friendly argument, a husband asked his wife why she married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," she teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, she requested an explanation. "People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."
Too many great photos to choose a favorite but being an animal lover I just love "One Happy Fox" and the two baby ducks "First Flight."

Today in 
1128 Pope Honorius II granted a papal sanction to the military
 order known as the Knights Templar. He declared it to be an 
 army of God. 
1854 Anthony Faas of Philadelphia, PA, was granted the first 
 U.S. patent for the accordion. He made improvements to the 
 keyboard and enhanced the sound of the ancient instrument. 
1900 In Austria-Hungary, Emperor Franz Joseph decreed that 
 German would be the language of the imperial army to combat 
 Czech nationalism. 
1906 Hugh Gernsback, of the Electro Importing Company, 
 advertised radio receivers for sale for the price of just 
 $7.50 in "Scientific American" magazine. 
1928 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson gave the first public 
 demonstration of television. 
1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile referred 
 to as the "Soybean Car." The car was 30% lighter than 
 the average car. 
1984 Wayne Gretzky extended his NHL consecutive scoring 
 streak to 45 games. 
1992 Japan apologized for forcing tens of thousands of Korean 
 women to serve as sex slaves for Japanese soldiers during 
 World War II. 
2002 Japan and Singapore signed a free trade pact that would 
 remove tariffs on almost all goods traded between the 
 two countries. 
2009 Ethiopian military forces began pulling out of Somalia, 
 where they had tried to maintain order for nearly two years. 
2015  smiled.


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Windows compatibility warning 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, January 12

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Drunk Florida woman, who tried hit 
and run during traffic stop
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
2000 The U.S. Supreme Court, in a 5-4 ruling, gave police 
 broad authority to stop and question people who run at 
 the sight of an officer. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) ______________________________________________________ Children have started growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and start refusing to tell you where they are going. ______________________________________________________ In America the late night news used to broadcast this message: "It's 11 o'clock do you know where your children are? In England they say "Its 11 o'clock do you know where your wife is?" In France they say "It's 11 o'clock do you know where your husband is?" In Poland they say: "Its 11 o'clock do you know where you are?" In Iran they say: "Its 11 o'clock and we know where you are." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture Cordon del Caulle erupts in Chile
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amy Lee Giorgio 30 Gulf Breeze Florida Drunk woman tries hit and run during traffic stop A Gulf Breeze police officer was seriously injured Monday afternoon when he was run over by a motorist during a traffic stop, according to law enforcement officials. About 2 p.m., Sgt. Kerstan Tatro stopped Amy Lee Giorgio, 30, after seeing her driving erratically near the south end of the Pensacola Bay Bridge, Gulf Breeze Chief of Police Robert Randle said. As Tatro was standing by Giorgio's driver's side window speaking to her, he reportedly noticed Giorgio trying to put her Lexus CV into gear. Tatro reached into the window in an attempt to grab her car keys out of the ignition, Randle said. Giorgio accelerated with Tatro still partway in her window, carried him a short distance and ran him over when he fell from the vehicle's side. "I don't know the complete extent of his injuries, but his arm was fractured in the window," Randle said. "It was pretty obviously broken." Tatro was taken by ambulance to a local hospital. His injuries did not appear to be life-threatening, according to Randle. A motorist who saw the incident called 911 and followed Giorgio to the rear parking lot of the Crowne Plaza Pensacola Grande Hotel. The Pensacola Police Department arrived at the parking lot moments later and took Giorgio into custody. Randle said officers found drugs in her possession, and she appeared to be impaired during her arrest. Giorgio was transferred into the custody of the Gulf Breeze Police Department to be transported to Santa Rosa County Jail. Giorgio was previously scheduled for a Jan. 20 trial on charges of possession of cocaine, possession of drug equipment and driving under the influence. She has numerous prior arrests for drug offenses, according to jail records, as well as active warrants in Escambia and Santa Rosa counties, according to Randle. By coincidence, one of the people who stopped and ran to help the downed Sgt Tatro was his teenage daughter, screaming 'My dad, that’s my dad' Sgt Tatro is sitting comfortably in hospital with a big cast from armpit to knuckles and expects to get a shorter cast in a week. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: Windows compatibility warning Good Morning Webby, I got another problem for you to solve. I don't know whether this is Microsoft trying to scare me to use their updates or whether this is a legitimate fact. I have an old SONY VGC-RB30 desktop with XP and SP3. I try to keep it updated but with Microsoft not supporting XP I tried using "Advanced System Care 8.0 PRO " "Drive Booster 2" to update. Part way through the update I get the following message: "The software you are installing has not passed Windows Logo testing to verify its compatibility with Windows XP". "Continuing your installing of this software may impair or destabilize the correct operation of your system either immediately or in the future. Microsoft strongly recommends that you stop this installation now and contact the software vendor for software that has passed Windows Logo testing." Depending upon your advice (which I always follow because I trust you) will determine whether I call the vendor or continue with the update. I plan to buy a new computer when Windows 10 becomes available as my SONY is between 5 to 10 years old. Thank you for your advice, Daily Voter, Bob Dear Bob A lot of Microsoft stuff does not have the requirements to pass the Logo standard. Skype is one example. It used to be compatible, but a couple of years after they bought it for 8 Billion dollars, they screwed it up and it is no longer Windows compatible. DUH! I would ignore that thilly fear mongering BS. If you do want to get free XP updates until 2019, read this: Free Windows XP updates until 2019 As long as you have McAfee and Malwarebytes you are safe, and don't really have to worry about XP updates. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Money By Baking Your Own Bread One way to save quite a bit on food is to learn your way around baking yeast. You can find a whole pound of it for about $2.50 at little shops or places that sell in bulk and you use it a tablespoon at a time - it lasts for months in the refrigerator. There are plenty of sites on the internet that will walk you through the process of making bread. The finished product will taste better than anything you can buy in the store, and will cost less than the most marked down loaf on the shelf. By Linda in the kitchen from Weirton, WV By Linda Craig ______________________________________________________ This guy found the neatest way to make his wife a more careful and defensive driver. He pointed out to her if she's ever in an accident, the paper will print her real age.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
This guy found the neatest way to make his wife a more careful and defensive driver. He pointed out to her if she's ever in an accident, the paper will print her real age. _____________________________________________________ The father watched through the window as his young daughter made a snowman with a little friend. Entertained by the sight, he went closer and heard the little neighbor boy say: "I've got an idea. To finish it off, I'll go to the kitchen and find a carrot." And his daughter replied, "Make it two. The second can be his nose."
The majestic Friesian is my favorite breed of horse.

Today in 
49 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon River signaling a 
 war between Rome and Gaul. 
1519 Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I died. (executed)
1875 Kwang-su was made emperor of China. 
1879 The British-Zulu War began when the British invaded 
 Zululand. 
1882 Thomas Edison's central station on Holborn Viaduct 
 in London began operation. 
1908 A wireless message was sent long-distance for the first 
 time from the Eiffel Tower in Paris. 
1915 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a proposal 
 to give women the right to vote. 
1938 Austria recognized the Franco government in Spain. 
1940 Soviet bombers raided cities in Finland. 
1943 The Office of Price Administration announced that 
 standard frankfurters/hot dogs/wieners would be replaced 
 by 'Victory Sausages.' 
1945 During World War II, Soviet forces began a huge 
 offensive against the retreating Germans in Eastern Europe.
1964 Leftist rebels in Zanzibar began their successful revolt 
 against the government and a republic was proclaimed. 
1966 U.S. President Johnson said in his State of the Union address 
 that the United States should stay in South Vietnam until 
 Communist aggression there was ended. 
1970 The breakaway state of Biafra capitulated and the 
 Nigerian civil war came to an end. 
1971 "All In the Family" debuted on CBS-TV. 
1973 Yassar Arafat was re-elected as head of the Palestinian 
 Liberation Organization. 
1991 The U.S. Congress passed a resolution authorizing President 
 Bush to use military power to force Iraq out of Kuwait. 
1995 Northern Ireland Secretary Patrick Mayhew announced that 
 as of January 16 British troops would no longer carry out 
 daylight street patrols in Belfast. 
1998 Tyson Foods Inc. pled guilty to giving $12,000 to former 
 Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy. Tyson was fined $6 million. 
1998 19 European nations agreed to prohibit human cloning. 
1998 Linda Tripp provided Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's 
 office with taped conversations between herself and former 
 White House intern Monica Lewinsky. 
2000 The U.S. Supreme Court, in a 5-4 ruling, gave police 
 broad authority to stop and question people who run at 
 the sight of an officer. 
2005 NASA launched "Deep Impact". The spacecraft was planned 
 to impact on Comet Tempel 1 after a six-month, 268 
 million-mile journey. 
2015  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, January 11

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an 
Indiana couple, that was arrested 
for making and uploading bestiality videos
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1867 Benito Juarez returned to the Mexican presidency, 
 following the withdrawal of French troops and the execution 
 of Emperor Maximilian. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
First secure an independent income, then practice virtue. --- Greek Proverb ______________________________________________________ While handing a 25 cent-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout counter, a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped beneath the scale and was gone. The checker looked distressed, so I the woman said, "That's Okay, it's in coupon heaven now." "Coupon heaven?", the checker said. "Yes", the woman said, "That's where coupons go when they die." "Only the redeemed ones go to heaven!" said the checker. ______________________________________________________ The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it. Finally she went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers, he paused and stared blankly for a moment. Finally, he look serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock. The teacher was amazed, "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor." "It's really quite simple." he mumbled to himself. "The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nikki Colleen Murphy-Johnson, 33, and Jason Erin Johnson, 37, Anderson, Indiana Indiana couple arrested for making and uploading bestiality videos A couple in Anderson, Indiana, have been charged with bestiality after a video surfaced allegedly showing a woman having sex with their pit bull. Nikki Colleen Murphy-Johnson, 33, and Jason Erin Johnson, 37, were each charged with three counts of bestiality in connection with a video and photos produced this past June and July, Fox59.com reports. A detective in Fairfax County, Virginia, discovered the footage on Beastforum, a bestiality-oriented website and alerted Indiana authorities in Anderson, according to the Daily Mail. Anderson police said the couple admitted to making and posting the video during questioning, WTHR.com reports. The pit bull used in the video -- whose name is "Lucky" -- has been taken from the couple, according to the Indianapolis Star. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: Pre-set window size How do set a screen size so it stays full screen every time you open it? daniel Dear Daniel Most people want the opposite, but if that is what you want, try this: Click the middle button at the right top, then drag the edge of the window to the size you want to be the default, then close the window and/or program. Next time you open it, it will open at the size you set. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Taco Seasoning I love cooking with taco seasoning! I do NOT love paying an arm and a leg for each tiny little envelope. In one of my cookbooks, I found a recipe for homemade taco seasoning. The first thing I thought when I tasted it was, "Where have you been all my life?" Not only does it taste better than pre-packaged, it is super quick, easy and cheap! It is also better for you, as it does not have preservatives in it. I figure each serving costs me around 35 cents. Compared to about $1.50 a serving that I usually pay, I'm doing a happy dance.:) Try it, you won't be disappointed! This would make a nice gift in a jar tied with pretty ribbon as well. Approximate Time: About 5 minutes Yield: About 6-- 1/4 cup servings Ingredients: 1/2 cup dried minced onion 1/4 cup sweet paprika 1/4 cup cornstarch 3 Tbsp chili powder 2 Tbsp salt 2 Tbsp garlic powder 1 Tbsp ground cumin 1 Tbsp dried oregano 1 tsp cayenne pepper (optional) *I buy generic spices at Walmart and Aldi's. This will keep your cost very low. Steps: Combine all ingredients in a bowl. Stir with a whisk to blend well. Store in an airtight container. Use 1/4 cup for any recipe that calls for an envelope of taco seasoning. A jar of homemade taco seasoning Enjoy! Source: "Family Feasts for $75 a Week", Mary Ostyn By melissa [59] ______________________________________________________ The man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what's wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You're just a plain lazy old fart." "Thank You." said the man. "Now give me the medical term, so I can tell my wife!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
The teacher asked little Johnny, "Can you name four shooting stars?" Little Johnny said, "I sure can. Wyatt Earp, Annie Oakley, Buffalo Bill, and John Wayne." ______________________________________________________ Little asked dad where they came from. Dad squirmed a bit, but thought it was time for the facts of life. So, Dad told of how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed and finally how a child was born. As Dad told the story, 's eyes got wider and wider. When Dad was finished, said, "Wow, that's really neat. That sure beats what Billy told me. He said that he came from Chicago."
Some amazing photos! Being a llama lover I especially like the “Admiring Machu Picchu with a Friend”

Today in 
1569 England's first state lottery was held. 
1770 The first shipment of rhubarb was sent to the United S
 tates from London. 
1815 U.S. General Andrew Jackson achieved victory at the 
 Battle of New Orleans. The War of 1812 had officially ended 
 on December 24, 1814, with the signing of the Treaty of 
 Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached British 
 troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans. 
1861 Alabama seceded from the United States. 
1867 Benito Juarez returned to the Mexican presidency, 
 following the withdrawal of French troops and the execution 
 of Emperor Maximilian. 
1878 In New York, milk was delivered in glass bottles for 
 the first time by Alexander Campbell. 
1902 "Popular Mechanics" magazine was published for the 
 first time. 
1913 The first sedan-type car was unveiled at the National 
 Automobile Show in New York City. The car was manufactured 
 by the Hudson Motor Company. 
1922 At Toronto General Hospital, Leonard Thompson became 
 the first person to be successfully treated with insulin. 
1935 Amelia Earhart Putnam became the first woman to fly 
 solo from Hawaii to California. 
1942 Japan declared war against the Netherlands. The same 
 day, Japanese forces invaded the Dutch East Indies. 
1943 The United States and Britain signed treaties 
 relinquishing extraterritorial rights in China. 
1964 U.S. Surgeon General Luther Terry released a report 
 that said that smoking cigarettes was a definite health 
 hazard. 
1977 France released Abu Daoud, a Palestinian suspected 
 of involvement in the massacre of Israeli athletes at 
 the 1972 Munich Olympics. 
1978 Two Soviet cosmonauts aboard the Soyuz 27 capsule 
 linked up with the Salyut 6 orbiting space station, where 
 the Soyuz 26 capsule was already docked. 
2001 The Texas Board of Criminal Justice released a review 
 of the escape of the "Texas 7." It stated that prison staff 
 missed critical opportunities to prevent the escape by 
 ignoring a fire alarm, not reporting unsupervised inmates 
 and not demanding proper identification from inmates. 
2002 Thomas Junta, 44, was convicted of involuntary 
 manslaughter for beating another man to death at their 
 son's hockey practice. The incident occurred on July 5, 2000.
2015  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, January 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
man in Floriduh for throwing his 5 year old daughter
off a bridge in full view of police
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
2000 It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy 
 America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever 
 corporate merger priced at $162 billion.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. --- Ed Gardner Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned. --- Milton Friedman (1912 - 2006) ______________________________________________________ "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too." ______________________________________________________ Nancy was studying to be a counselor always went into her counseling sessions with an ear muff over one ear. After a while the supervisor became very curious and asked her about it. She replied, "It's for confidentiality." "Confidentiality?" asked the bewildered supervisor. "Yes, confidentiality," Nancy explained, "I've been told what goes in one of my ears comes out the other, and I don't want anyone else knowing what my client says." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Jonchuck Jr. 25 St. Petersburg Floriduh Girl, 5, dies after being thrown from bridge; father arrested God will not likely be representing John Jonchuck Jr., a judge told the 25-year-old father when he appeared in court Thursday on a charge that he killed his 5-year-old daughter by throwing her off of a St. Petersburg, Florida, bridge. During the video hearing, Pinellas-Pasco Circuit Judge Michael Andrews asked the handcuffed Jonchuk if he was able to hire his own lawyer. "No," Jonchuk replied. Would he like one appointed? Again, the reply was, "No." "Are you sure?" Andrews pressed. "I want to leave it in the hands of God," Jonchuk said. Asked if that meant he wanted to represent himself, Jonchuk repeated his answer, to which the judge said, "Pretty sure God's not going to be representing you in this case. You're going to be standing trial. Would you like someone standing next to you as you're standing trial?" "Yes, that is pure and good, not evil," the defendant said. "I'm going to do the best I can to give you a pure and good lawyer," Andrews said. "I don't want a court-appointed lawyer," Jonchuk said, seeming slightly perturbed. "I want to leave it in the hands of God." Andrews instructed an officer to bring Jonchuk back to his courtroom Monday "to see if he wants an attorney." Though he ordered Jonchuk held on bonds of $10,000 each for charges of aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer and aggravated fleeing and eluding, Andrews ruled there would be no bond on the first-degree murder charge. Jonchuk was arrested Thursday after a St. Petersburg police officer was driving home just after midnight and saw a car whiz past him, driving about 100 mph, authorities said. According to the arrest affidavit, Jonchuk parked on the Dick Misener Bridge, exited, ignored the officer's command to stay in the vehicle and reached into the right rear passenger seat where his daughter, Phoebe, was sitting. Jonchuk "then carried the child in his arms to the side of the bridge and intentionally dropped the child into the water. Then he entered his vehicle and fled the scene," the affidavit said. The officer heard a splash and tried to climb beneath the bridge to save the girl, but the current was too strong, St. Petersburg police spokeswoman Yolanda Fernandez told CNN affiliate WFLA. It's about a 62-foot drop to the water from that point on the bridge. Another officer tried to pull over Jonchuk's white Chrysler PT Cruiser on Interstate 275, but the defendant allegedly "conducted a U-turn and drove directly at a backup officer's vehicle, in which case the officer had to take evasive action to avoid a crash," another arrest affidavit said. Several law enforcement agencies joined the chase, including marked patrol cars with their emergency lights and sirens activated, for several miles. Jonchuk eventually stopped his vehicle in the middle of the interstate and was taken into custody, according to the affidavit. The body of the girl was later recovered. Jonchuck is being held at the Pinellas County Jail. Police have not disclosed a motive. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Doris Re: Print preview, page setting in Chrome Dear Webby I like Chrome, but when it comes to printing, it is brain-dead. There is no easily findable page setting for printing or print preview. Do I have to crank up FireFox each time I want to print something in other than stnadard zoom or change color to mono? Thanks Doris Dear Doris CTRL P is for printing "As Is". CTRL SHIFT P is for getting into the printer preferences like zoom, mono, etc. Keep in mind, some printers will keep those preferences. If you set the zoom for 70% for printing a batch of invoices, it will continue printing at 70% until you change that. Some printers, like for example Brother printers, will revert to default on the next print job, and you have to select the alternate profile again. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Luggage Tote as Grocery Bag I wish I could take the credit for this. I saw this in the Aldi's Food Store. A customer used an large luggage tote with wheels to transport his groceries. Since he lived alone he only brought enough to fit inside. I told him it was genius. I ask could I share his tip. He said OK. He wouldn't share his name. Source: A gentleman I met at the store By Georgetta Ruth [57] I have seen some seniors use baby carriages with big 12 inch pneumatic wheels, with a big climber's expedition packsack mounted on them. They had no problem getting around and met smiles and jokes everywhere. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ A man had a ticket for the theater but when he was seated by the usher, he found that he was too far from the stage. He whispered to the usher, "This is a mystery play, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip." The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter, frowns at him, then leans over and whispers, "The wife did it".
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
John had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit. As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods. "Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend asked. "I've never had an old ball," he said. ______________________________________________________ A Chinese couple while working in a Chinese restaurant, fall in love and get married - and she's a virgin. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darling, I know dis you firs time and you bery frighten. I promise you, I give you anyting you wann, I do anyting you wann.... What you wann?" "I wann have numma 69" she replies. He looks at her very puzzled and says, "You wann .. Beef Bloccoli Tsow Mein?"
Stunning 2200-Year-Old Mosaics Discovered in Ancient Greek City. This ancient art is amazing, especially after being under water for centuries.

Today in 
1840 The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a 
 standard charge rather than paid for by the recipient, 
 began in Britain. 
1861 Florida seceded from the United States. 
1863 Prime Minister Gladstone opened the first section of 
 the London Underground Railway system. 
1870 John D. Rockefeller incorporated Standard Oil. 
1901 Oil was discovered at the Spindletop oil field near 
 Beaumont, TX. 
1911 Major Jimmie Erickson took the first photograph from 
 an airplane while flying over San Diego, CA. 
1928 The Soviet Union ordered the exile of Leon Trotsky. 
1951 Donald Howard Rogers piloted the first passenger jet 
 on a trip from Chicago to New York City. 
1978 The Soviet Union launched two cosmonauts aboard a 
 Soyuz capsule for a redezvous with the Salyut VI space 
 laboratory. 
1984 The United States and the Vatican established full 
 diplomatic relations for the first time in more than 
 a century. 
1990 Chinese Premier Li Peng ended martial law in Beijing 
 after seven months. He said that crushing pro-democracy 
 protests had saved China from "the abyss of misery." 
1990 Time Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. completed a 
 $14 billion merger. 
1994 In Manassas, VA, Lorena Bobbitt went on trial. She 
 had been charged with maliciously wounding her husband 
 John. She was acquitted by reason of temporary insanity. 
1997 Shelby Lynne Barrackman was strangled to death by her 
 grand-father when she licked the icing off of cupcakes. 
 He was convicted of the crime on September 15, 1998. 
2000 It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy 
 America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever 
 corporate merger priced at $162 billion.
2001 American Airlines agreed to acquire most of Trans 
 World Airlines (TWA) assets for about $500 million. The 
 deal brought an end to the financially troubled TWA. 
2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all 
 women could get the morning-after contraception pill 
 for free in pharmacies. 
2003 North Korea announced that it was withdrawing from 
 the global nuclear arms control treaty and that it had 
 no plans to develop nuclear weapons. 
2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.3 million feature 
 length films sold and 50 million television episodes sold.
2015  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Ron!

Ezinefinder still has not been switched to 2015. 
It is still stuck in 2014. Not enough nagging yet.
You can try writing to
lewis@cumuli.com
support@cumuli.com
and try the email forms at 
http://www.ezinefinder.com/contact.html
http://www2.thriftyfun.com/about/contact.lasso

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
man in Floriduh advertising his criminal activity
on his T-shirt
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw flirting in public.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The important thing is not to stop questioning. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up. --- James Magary Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? ______________________________________________________ A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?" "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, three doctors are there already!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Balmer 50 Hudson Floriduh 'I Have Drugs' T-Shirt Worn By Marijuana And Methamphetamine carrier The words written across John Balmer's chest really fit him to a tee. The 50-year-old was wearing a shirt that read, "Who Needs Drugs?" in big letters, with "Seriously, I Have Drugs" in smaller letters underneath when cops allegedly found him with a bag containing drugs in a Kmart in Hudson, Florida, according to TampaBay.com. The ironic arrest occurred after a Pasco County Sheriff's deputy allegedly saw Balmer attempt to pass a plastic bag containing pot and meth to another customer on the checkout line, TBO.com reports. When that person didn't take the bag, police said Balmer walked to another register where he allegedly placed the drug-filled baggie on the ground. Balmer returned to pay for his items, but store employees informed officers about the bag. The officers picked up the bag and discovered the drugs, according to MyFoxChicago.com Balmer was arrested on one count of possession of methamphetamine and one count of possession of marijuana, WFLA.com reports. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Doris Re: Print preview, page setting in Chrome Dear Webby I like Chrome, but when it comes to printing, it is brain-dead. There is no easily findable page setting for printing or print preview. Do I have to crank up FireFox each time I want to print something in other than stnadard zoom or change color to mono? Thanks Doris Dear Doris CTRL P is for printing "As Is". CTRL SHIFT P is for getting into the printer preferences like zoom, mono, etc. Keep in mind, some printers will keep those preferences. If you set the zoom for 70% for printing a batch of invoices, it will continue printing at 70% until you change that. Some printers, like for example Brother printers, will revert to default on the next print job, and you have to select the alternate profile again. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Paint/Artist's Brushes As an artist I sometimes forget to rinse my brushes out well. By the time I get back to it it is completely stiff and dried with paint. The way I rescue these brushes is to fill an old plastic cup with enough Murphy's oil soap to cover the bristles and let it sit overnight. In the morning rinse well with cold water (hot water breaks down brushes faster). I do this every 6 months to all of my brushes whether they need it or not because it makes them feel like they are brand new. By Rachel Guillotte [1] ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Martin for this story: Two men are out ice fishing at their favourite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer. Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Rick says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months." Dave continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
On the way hom as I was sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight was full. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said, "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward!" ______________________________________________________ One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye. "Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked. "No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."
The 2015 Harbin Ice and Snow Festival. There are some truly imaginative and talented people to sculpt all this beauty out of ice and snow every year. I’m in awe of what all this talent has done.

Today in 
1793 Jean-Pierre Blanchard made the first successful balloon 
 flight in the U.S. 
1799 British Prime Minister William Pitt the Younger introduced 
 income tax, at two shillings (10p) in the pound, to raise 
 funds for the Napoleonic Wars. 
1894 The New England Telephone and Telegraph Company put the 
 first battery-operated switchboard into operation in 
 Lexington, MA. 
1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw flirting in public. 
1905 In Russia, the civil disturbances known as the Revolution 
 of 1905 forced Czar Nicholas II to grant some civil rights. 
1929 The Seeing Eye was incorporated in Nashville, TN. The 
 company's purpose was to train dogs to guide the blind. 
1936 The United States Army adopted the semi-automatic rifle. 
1940 Television was used for the first time to present a 
 sales meeting to convention delegates in New York City. 
1969 The supersonic aeroplane Concorde made its first trial 
 flight, at Bristol. 
1972 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth was destroyed by fire 
 in Hong Kong harbor. 
1972 British miners went on strike for the first time since 1926. 
1986 Kodak got out of the instant camera business after 10 years 
 due to a loss in a court battle that claimed that Kodak 
 copied Polaroid patents. 
1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Poliakov, 51, completed his 
 366th day in outer space aboard the Mir space station, 
 breaking the record for the longest continuous time spent 
 in outer space. 
2002 Yasmine Bleeth was sentenced to two years of probation, 
 regular drug tests, 100 hours of community service and pay 
 the court costs in connection to a cocaine-possession charge. 
2002 The U.S. Justice Department announced that it was 
 pursuing a criminal investigation of Enron Corp. The company 
 had filed for bankruptcy on December 2, 2001. 
2003 Archaeologists announced that they had found five more 
 chambers in the tomb of Qin Shihuang, China's first emperor. 
 The rooms were believed to cover about 750,000 square feet. 
2015  smiled.


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Registry problem alerts 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 8

Ezinefinder still has not been switched to 2015. 
It is still stuck in 2014
The Humor Letter got 15840 votes in 2014,
and my friend Ophelia got 4214 in 2014.

I am continuously amazed that Ophelia can't seem to
increase her subscriber numbers. Sure, she is a bit 
raunchy, but so are Playboy or Playgirl. It's a mystery.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Florida dad, who took his 5 month old baby along to 
a burglary
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He 
 named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away. --- Thomas Fuller (1608 - 1661) Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. --- George Carlin (1937 - 2008) ______________________________________________________ Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby. "This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?" "No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror." ______________________________________________________ The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarrelling with his neighbours, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture That is carved from ice!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Corey Mathews, 22 607 7th Street North St. Petersburg Florida Florida Man, Accused Of Toting Baby To Home Burglary TAMPA, Fla. (Reuters) - A Florida man is accused of bringing his 5-month-old son to a home burglary attempt, during which he set the baby down so that he could pull a knife on the homeowner, police said on Tuesday. Corey Mathews, 22, was arrested on charges including aggregated assault and child neglect for his role in the attempted burglary on Monday evening, according to the St. Petersburg Police Department. Police said Mathews held his baby in a carseat as he acted as the lookout for another man trying to break into a home. Mathews yelled upon seeing the homeowner, and the other suspect fled. The homeowner followed Mathews down an alley, where he put the baby on the ground and threatened the owner with a knife, police said in a statement. Mathews was still carrying the infant when police later apprehended him, the statement said. Police say they found the knife he threatened the homeowner with on his person. Corey Mathews is now charged with residential burglary, aggravated assault, child neglect and violation of probation. The child is now in the custody of Mathew's mother, police said. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hank Re: Registry problem alerts Dear Webby Thanks for all your help in the past and your Daily Humor Letter. I have "Smart PC Fixer" for my registry problems. I will run the Fixer, which states that my PC is at 100. Then some other "warning" will appear than my PC has a sever registry problem. I let them scan my PC and they give the results that I have problems. Is this just a scan or a scam? Thanks. hank Dear Hank That seems to be a scam. Try to find out which program is generating the fake alerts. Quite possibly your machine is infected with a hijacker. You might need Malwarebytes to get rid of that. Avast doesn't protect you against stuff like that. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dry Laundry Soap for Twenty Dollars a Year Homemade Laundry Deteregent using Borax and baking soda. Buy these ingredients at the dollar store. You will only need 2 tablespoons per load of laundry. Materials 3 bars of Fels Naptha soap 1 box of borax 1 box of washing soda 2 cups of baking soda 2 containers of Oxiclean Instructions First grate your soap, then mix all ingredients together. I used two garbage bags doubled up. Tie well and shake all your ingredients around a few times. Put into a container with a lid. You can add 1-2 containers of fabric softener crystals into the mix for a nice smell. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
Husband: I know you are having a lot of trouble with the baby, Dear, but keep in mind, "the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world." Wife: How about taking over the world for a few hours while I go shopping ? ______________________________________________________ Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend. "Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."
24 exceptional ice sculptures.
I love the horses
coming out of the snow, what a fantasy world!

Today in 
1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had 
 officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing 
 of the Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not 
 reached British troops in time to prevent their attack 
 on New Orleans. 
1838 Alfred Vail demonstrated a telegraph code he had 
 devised using dots and dashes as letters. The code 
 was the predecessor to Samuel Morse's code. 
1856 Borax (hydrated sodium borate) was discovered by 
 Dr. John Veatch. 
1877 Crazy Horse (Tashunca-uitco) and his warriors fought 
 their final battle against the U.S. Cavalry in Montana. 
1886 The Severn Railway Tunnel, Britain's longest, was opened. 
1889 The tabulating machine was patented by Dr. Herman 
 Hollerith. His firm, Tabulating Machine Company, later 
 became International Business Machines Corporation (IBM). 
1900 U.S. President McKinley placed Alaska under 
 military rule. 
1908 A catastrophic train collision occurred in the smoke-
 filled Park Avenue Tunnel in New York City. Seventeen 
 were killed and thirty-eight were injured. The accident 
 caused a public outcry and increased demand for electric trains. 
1935 The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy. 
1973 Secret peace talks between the United States and North 
 Vietnam resumed near Paris, France. 
1973 The trial opened in Washington, of seven men accused of 
 bugging Democratic Party headquarters in the Watergate 
 apartment complex in Washington, DC. 
1982 American Telephone & Telegraph (AT&T) settled the Justice 
 Department's antitrust lawsuit against it by agreeing to divest 
 itself of the 22 Bell System companies. 
1982 The U.S. Justice Department withdrew an antitrust suit 
 against IBM. 
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush collapsed during a state 
 dinner in Tokyo. White House officials said Bush was 
 suffering from stomach flu. 
1994 Tonya Harding won the ladies' U.S. Figure Skating 
 Championship in Detroit, MI, a day after Nancy Kerrigan 
 dropped out because of a clubbing attack that injured her 
 right knee. The U.S. Figure Skating Association later 
 took the title from Harding because of her involvement 
 in the attack. 
1998 Ramzi Yousef was sentenced to life in prison for his role 
 of mastermind behind the World Trade Center bombing in New York. 
1998 Scientists announced that they had discovered that galaxies 
 were accelerating and moving apart and at faster speeds. 
1999 The top two executives of Salt Lake City's Olympic 
 Organizing Committee resigned amid disclosures that civic 
 boosters had given cash to members of the International 
 Olympic Committee. 
2009 In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old pyramid 
 and discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet. 
2015  smiled.


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Music on Internet postcards 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to two
US Ski team members, who suicided on the 
day before the opening World Cup race
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He 
 named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ______________________________________________________ A young and foolish hot-shot pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on the aviation radio frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching an airfield during the nighttime. Instead of making any official landing requests to the tower, he said: ....."Guess who?" The tower controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where...!" ______________________________________________________ I bet it was really tough being an Apostle of Jesus. What if you wanted a day off? You ring up Jesus and say, "Jesus, I'm sick today, running a little fever and feeling congested so I won't be able to make it to today's sermon. What...? Say that again..?" I'm cured?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Solden, Tirol The avalanche, that those guys set off, is a third in from the left. There are 160 KM (100 miles) of groomed, safe ski runs in that picture. http://www.soelden.com/ski-area-map When clicking on the life panorama cameras, keep in mind the time difference. The panrorama cameras are high resolution color.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a DARWIN AWARD goes to Ronnie Berlack, 20, Bryce Astle, 19, US Ski team members suicide day before 2015 Alpine Skiing World Cup Opening race Two American skiers suicided in an avalanche, that they set off in the Austrian Alps near their training base. Ronnie Berlack, 20, and Bryce Astle, 19, were junior members of the US team. They were part of a group of six who were descending from a mountain near the Rettenbach glacier, the venue for the races that will open the 2015 Alpine Skiing World Cup. Officials in Tyrol say avalanche alerts had been declared following days of heavy snowfall and mild temperatures, and all unsafe slopes were fenced off. Those suiciders climbed over the fencing onto an the avalance ready slope, and skied down in the SLOW and deep snow until they set off an avalanche. There are 160 KM (100 miles) of groomed, safe ski runs right there, which are all tens of times faster than unprepared deep snow. They triggered an avalanche on the 3,000m (10,000 feet) Gaislachkogel mountain near Solden, and were buried under the snow of the avalanche, that they had set off. The four other skiers with Mr Berlack and Mr Astle were dug out in time by rescue teams and were not hurt. Usually there are follow-up avalanches making rescues extremely dangerous, but none of the rescue team members were killed or hurt. The president of the US Ski and Snowboard Association Tiger Shaw said, the two victims were "outstanding ski racers who were passionate about their sport". Messing with an avalanche in deep snow has absolutely nothing to do with the type of skiing used on hard packed and precision groomed racing runs. There are plenty of groomed and hard packed fast runs there, that are perfectly safe. That is why their training base is there. Well, the boneheads were not able to outrace the avalanche, that THEY had set off. So they are in caskets getting shipped home instead of participating in today's Opening Race of the 2015 Alpine Skiing World Cup. It is fortunate, that no rescuers were killed or hurt because of their suicides. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jeff Re: Music on Internet Postcards Dear Webby Hi -- sort of 'something else.' I have music as part of my ecards site here: http://www.pulpcards.com/e-pcs/epcindex.html and a visitor wrote recently that he "... can’t get music on my Mac mini can you help?" I've never had a Mac Mini Q. before and don't have one. Any suggestions? Or is it perhaps you only support Windows-based machines? Thanks for any feedback I can pass along to the visitor. Best regards, Jeff Dear Jeff It makes no diff whether the user uses UNIX or Linux or Windows or Mac or a tablet or a phone. His problem is HIS choice of browsers. Some browsers play .mid files like they always have, and some browsers have chickened out, claiming copyright issues as an excuse, and require the user to download and install an add-in, extension or player. Mac users probably need to install the Apple QuickTime player, if they use the Mac Safari browser, or switch to a browser, that will work on a Mini Mac and will play midi files. We only send the midi files. The user needs to have some kind of player. We might switch over to .wav files, if there is enough demand or if I get some spare time. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Christmas Clearance for Easter With the stores trying to rid themselves of Christmas inventory (Target is now 70% off!), you can score some pretty amazing deals that aren't just bound by a December holiday. Small toys are perfect for Easter baskets, and red and white themed chocolates are perfect for Valentine's Day! The haul below retailed for over $20 and will fit nicely in my toddler's Easter basket for only $6. Now if only I can find a place to store it. By Rae G. [7]
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
>From Arby When my daughter was about 10 years old I became pregnant. Of course, she wwanted to know how it happened,so I gave what I considered an appropriate explanation of the process. She asked, "Did you do that to get me?" I said yes, and she responded, "And you did it again?" ______________________________________________________ >From Curtis While I was serving as a chief master sergeant at Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City, La., my son and namesake was also serving there. His two-month-old son, whose name was the same as ours, was receiving medical treatments at the base hospital. I went on sick call one morning, and as the doctor reviewed my file, he looked at me in disbelief. "Are you Curtis E. Chaffin?" he asked. When I answered yes, he told me, "It says here that you turn blue when you cry."


Handimals, painted hands

Today in 
1558 Calais, the last English possession on mainland France, 
 was recaptured by the French. 
1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He 
 named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 
1785 French aeronaut/balloonist Jean-Pierre Blanchard 
 successfully made the first air-crossing of the English 
 Channel from the English coast to France. 
1887 Thomas Stevens completed the first worldwide bicycle 
 trip. He started his trip in April 1884. Stevens and his 
 bike traveled 13,500 miles in almost three years time. 
1894 W.K. Dickson received a patent for motion picture film. 
1896 The "Fannie Farmer Cookbook" was published. 
1904 The distress signal "CQD" was established. Two years 
 later "SOS" became the radio distress signal because it 
 was quicker to send by wireless radio. 
1927 Transatlantic telephone service began between New York 
 and London. 31 calls were made on this first day. 
1932 Chancellor Heinrich Brüning declared that Germany 
 cannot, and will not, resume reparations payments. 
1942 The World War II siege of Bataan began. 
1949 The announcement of the first photograph of genes was 
 shown at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles. 
1953 U.S. President Harry Truman announced the development of 
 the hydrogen bomb. 
1954 The Duoscopic TV receiver was unveiled this day. The TV 
 set allowed the watching of two different shows at the 
 same time. 
1959 The United States recognized Fidel Castro's new 
 government in Cuba. 
1975 OPEC agreed to raise crude oil prices by 10%, which 
 began a time of world economic inflation. 
1979 Vietnamese forces captured the Cambodian capital of 
 Phnom Penh, overthrowing the Khmer Rouge government. 
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed legislation that 
 authorized $1.5 billion in loans for the bail out of 
 Chrysler Corp. 
1989 Crown Prince Akihito became the emperor of Japan 
 following the death of his father, Emperor Hirohito. 
1990 The Leaning Tower of Pisa was closed to the public. 
 The accelerated rate of "leaning" raised fears for the 
 safety of its visitors.
1996 One of the biggest blizzards in U.S. history hit the 
 eastern states. More than 100 deaths were later blamed 
 on the severe weather. 
1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky signed an 
 affidavit denying that she had an affair with U.S. 
 President Clinton. 
1999 U.S. President Clinton went on trial before the 
 Senate. It was only the second time in U.S. history that 
 an impeached president had gone to trial. Clinton was later 
 acquitted of perjury and obstruction of justice charges. 
2002 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates introduced a new 
 device code named Mira. The device was tablet-like and was 
 a cross between a handheld computer and a TV remote control. 
2009 Russia shut off all gas supplies to Europe through 
 Ukraine. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin publicly endorsed the 
 move and urged greater international involvement in the 
 energy dispute. 
2015  smiled.


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Back up your ID 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
wimp in Connecticut, who threatens town to 
'be ready for a hail of bullets'
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1945 The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and 
 77,000 Allied casualties. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world if they had been obliged first to learn Latin. --- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856) A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. --- Bill Vaughan "There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers." --- William James ______________________________________________________ >From Roland I saw an old friend of mine and came up to speak with him. He smiled and went the other way. "I'm sorry but I've got to go online" he called to me, running next door. I looked in the next room for his computer or cell phone but did not see one. Instead, I saw him put in his hearing aids and look at me again, "You were saying?" ______________________________________________________ John came from San Francisco to Depoe Bay and asked a native, "Say, is this really a healthy place?" "It sure is," the native replied. "When I came here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed." "That's wonderful!" said John. "How long have you been here?" "I was born here." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sailor for this picture: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tyler McKenzie 18 EAST LYME, Connecticut Tyler McKenzie Threatens Connecticut Town To 'Be Ready For A Hail Of Bullets' An 18-year-old man was arrested after allegedly threatening that a Connecticut town "better be ready for the hail of bullets" because he had been bullied for so long. The threat by Tyler McKenzie prompted the East Lyme school district to cancel sporting events and plan for additional security measures when classes resume Monday, police said. McKenzie was arrested Wednesday and charged with first-degree threatening and second-degree breach of peace. The arrest came about a week after the threatening comment was posted on YikYak, a social media website. State, local police and the FBI searched McKenzie's home in East Lyme and recovered evidence, authorities said. Investigators say McKenzie admitted he wrote the threatening post. They say he acted alone, and they don't anticipate additional arrests. McKenzie was held on a $25,000 bond and is scheduled to appear in New London Superior Court on Friday. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jean Re: Back up your ID Dear Webby 1. Do not sign the back of your credit cards. Instead, put 'PHOTO ID REQUIRED.' 2. When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the 'For' line. Instead, just put the last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the number, and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won't have access to it. 3. Put your work phone # on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a PO Box use that instead of your home address. If you do not have a PO Box, use your work address. Never have your SS# printed on your checks. (DUH!) You can add it if it is necessary. But if you have It printed, anyone can get it. 4. Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place. I also carry a photocopy of my passport when I travel either here or abroad. We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us in stealing a Name, address, Social Security number, credit cards. In case your luggage is lost, take another list in your carry on bag, especially if you are abroad and need immediate access to those numbers. Unfortunately, I, an attorney, have firsthand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieves ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more. But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know: 5. We have been told we should cancel our credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call.. Keep those where you can find them. 6. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your credit cards, etc.., were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent, and this is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one). But here's what is perhaps most important of all: (I never even thought to do this.) 7. Call the 3 national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and also call the Social Security fraud line number. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen, and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit. By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert. Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them dead in their tracks.. Now, here are the numbers you always need to contact about your wallet, if it has been stolen: 1.) Equifax: 1-800-525-6285 1-800-525-6285 2.) Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742 1-888-397-3742 3.) Trans Union : 1-800-680 7289 1-800-680 7289 4.) Social Security Administration (fraud line): 1-800-269-0271 1-800-269-0271 Jean Dear Jean That is valuable information indeed! Let's hope a lot of the subscribers will heed your advice. I will! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Play Dough My kids love this play dough. I have made just about every kind you can imagine, but we always go back to this one. I've been making it so long (over 10 years!), that I have no idea where the recipe came from. The texture is amazing. It's very soft and silky. It's perfect for little hands. It smells wonderful, too! My daughter plays with it for hours and it doesn't dry out in that time. Approximate Time: About 15 minutes total. Home Made Play Dough
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
I urgently needed a few days off work but I knew the boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'crazy', then he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My secretary asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so the Boss might think I was 'crazy' and give me a few days off. A few minutes later, the boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of Sam Hill are you doing?' I told him I was a light bulb. He said, 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.' I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my secretary followed me, the boss asked her, 'And where do you think you're going?!' To which she replied: 'I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.' ______________________________________________________ "Pastor," Johnny says, "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust." "That's right, Johnny, I did." "And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust." "Yes, I'm glad you were listening. Why do you ask?" "Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed, 'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!"
Bonus Link
sent in by Simon
These Kanye West Fans Want To Know: “Who Is this Paul McCartney?

Today in 
0871 England's King Alfred defeated the Danes at the Battle of Ashdown. 
1205 Philip of Swabia was crowned as King of the Romans. 
1453 Frederick III erected Austria into an Archduchy. 
1540 King Henry VIII of England was married to Anne of Cleves, 
 his fourth wife. 
1720 The Committee of Inquiry on the South Sea Bubble 
 published its findings. 
1838 Samuel Morse publicly demonstrated the telegraph for 
 the first time. 
1900 In India, it was reported that millions of people were 
 dying from starvation. 
1900 Off of South Africa, the British seized the German 
 steamer Herzog. The boat was released on January 22, 1900. 
1930 The first diesel-engine automobile trip was completed 
 after a run of 792 miles from Indianapolis, IN, to New York City, NY. 
1942 The first commercial around-the-world airline flight 
 took place. Pan American Airlines was the company that 
 made history with the feat. 
1945 The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and 
 77,000 Allied casualties. 
1950 Britain recognized the Communist government of China. 
1952 "Peanuts" debuted in Sunday papers across the United States. 
1967 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces launched a major 
 offensive, known as Operation "Deckhouse V". 
1982 William G. Bonin was convicted in Los Angeles, CA, of 
 being the "freeway killer" who had murdered 14 young men and boys. 
1987 After a 29-year lapse, the Ford Thunderbird was presented 
 with the Motor Trend Car of the Year Award. It was the first 
 occurrence of a repeat winner of the award. 
1994 Figure skater Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed on the right 
 leg by an assailant at Cobo Arena in Detroit, MI. Four men 
 were later sentenced to prison for the attack, including 
 Tonya Harding's ex-husband. 
1998 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect was launched into orbit 
 around the moon. The craft was crashed into the moon, in 
 an effort to find water under the lunar surface, on 
 July 31, 1999. 
2015  smiled.


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What is SSH? 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Monhday, January 5

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
William Mattson Beaten To 
Bloody Pulp After Allegedly Raping 
Nephew's Girlfriend
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1896 It was reported by The Austrian newspaper that Wilhelm 
 Roentgen had discovered the type of radiation that became 
 known as X-rays. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted. Martin Luther King Jr. (1929 - 1968) ______________________________________________________ How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue... and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go? ------------- your hips! ______________________________________________________ As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor. "Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for this picture: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to William Mattson, 52 Myrtle Beach South Carolina William Mattson Beaten To Bloody Pulp After Allegedly Raping Nephew's Girlfriend A South Carolina man was severely beaten after allegedly raping his nephew's girlfriend on New Year's Eve. William Mattson, 52, can be seen in his mugshot with an eye swollen shut and cuts and bruises. The sexual assault suspect is accused of attacking the woman at a party while his nephew --the victim's boyfriend --was away, according to Myrtle Beach Online. The nephew told police that he heard sounds coming from inside his father's bedroom when he returned to the party. He kicked down the door and says he found Mattson on top of his girlfriend. He said he punched Mattson repeatedly, driving him from his house. When police were called at about 1 a.m. on Jan. 1, Mattson returned to the property to tell officers that the sex was consensual, according to the New York Daily News. Mattson's nephew lunged again, attacking the suspect in front of officers. Nevertheless, the police department described the nephew's attack as being in defense of the victim, according to a press release. The victim, of course, standing between her boyfriend and the cops, denied that the incident was consensual. Mattson was charged with first-degree criminal sexual conduct. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Alex Re: SSH Dear Webby What exactly is SSH? A program I am trying to buy, requires that I have SSH access. However, my web host tells me that I don't need it and would not know how to use it, even if I had it. So, what is it and what does it do? Alex Dear Alex SSH is secure access to the server command line, just like Telnet used to be until about 15 years ago. The main difference is that SSH is securely encrypted and can't be intercepted. It is not difficult to use, and programs, that require it, are very specific and detailed about what you need to do. Usually they even give you the exact command to type or paste to the command line. Then you type that in and hit Enter. No big deal at all. Web hosting is often like an MLM pyramid. The farther down you are, the fewer rights and privileges you have. When you don't get SSH, but instead get a snotty reply implying that you would not know how to use it, then you know you have hit rock bottom, and it's time to move up a few levels or get a better web host. The bare command line can be a bit intimidating to some people, but at our level, for example, we explain what each command does, and step you through it while connected to you via Skype chat. It's no big deal. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bind Your Shop Extension Cord I couldn't find a rubber band or any kind of tie to bind up my cord so I used a tube sock. First I cut off the toe end of it and stretched it over the cord that I had rolled up. It fit perfect and held it together without any problems of it snapping or falling off. By Shirley [13]
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
From a passenger ship one can just barely see a bearded man on a small island in the distance who is shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is that?" a passenger asked a passing steward. "I've no idea. Every year when we pass by, he goes nuts." ______________________________________________________ >From Vi All my relatives know that I refold the wrapping paper from my Christmas presents for reuse later. "Auntie," asked one of my young nieces, "why do you save all that paper?" "I'm doing what's best for the environment," I replied. "So I'm recycling." "Good thing you didn't ask that question five years ago," my daughter interrupted. "Then she was just plain cheap."
Bonus Link
sent in by Sailor
Grand Canyon in snow

Today in 
1781 Richmond, VA, was burned by a British naval expedition 
 led by Benedict Arnold. 
1885 The Long Island Railroad Company became the first to 
 offer piggy-back rail service which was the transportation 
 of farm wagons on trains. 
1896 It was reported by The Austrian newspaper that Wilhelm 
 Roentgen had discovered the type of radiation that became 
 known as X-rays. 
1900 In Ireland, Nationalist leader John Edward Redmond 
 called for a revolt against British rule. 
1903 The general public could use the Pacific cable for 
 the very first time. 
1914 Ford Motor Company announced that there would be a 
 new daily minimum wage of $5 and an eight-hour workday. 
1933 Construction of the Golden Gate Bridge began. 
1944 The London "Daily Mail" was the first transoceanic 
 newspaper to be published. 
1948 Warner Brothers-Pathe showed the very first color 
 newsreel. The footage was of the Tournament of Roses 
 Parade and the Rose Bowl football classic. 
1956 In the Peanuts comic strip, Snoopy walked on two 
 legs for the first time. 
1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon ordered the 
 development of the space shuttle. 
1987 U.S. President Ronald Reagan underwent prostate 
 surgery. 
1993 The state of Washington executed Westley Allan Dodd. 
 It was America's first legal hanging since 1965. Dodd 
 was an admitted child sex killer. 
1996 Yahya Ayyash, a member of the Hamas in Israel, is 
 killed by a booby-trapped cellular phone. 
1998 U.S. Representative Sonny Bono died in skiing accident. 
2002 A 15 year-old student pilot, Charles Bishop, crashed a 
 small plane into a building in Tampa, FL. Bishop was about 
 to begin a flying lesson when he took off without permission 
 and without an instructor. 
2015  smiled.


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Monitor colors 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, January 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Father and son criminal duo, who murdered and robbed 
an old couple, set their house on fire, took their bodies
on a 4 hour ride to a different state, and shot at two cops.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1885 Dr. William Grant performed the first successful appendectomy.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place, and kill him. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) "Science is facts; just as houses are made of stones, so is science made of facts; but a pile of stones is not a house and a collection of facts is not necessarily science." --- Henri Poincare ______________________________________________________ Bubba goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. Bubba gets in line. When it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what you want me to pray about?" Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing." So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba's ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays a while. After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, "Bubba, how's your hearing now?" Bubba says, "I don't know preacher, it's not until next Wednesday in Dallas. ______________________________________________________ After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Not Basking Robin
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eric Campbell, 21 Edward Campbell, 54 Indian Acres, Texas Father and son criminal duo, who murdered and robbed an old couple, set their house on fire, took their bodies on a 4 hour ride to a different state, and shot at two cops. A Texas father and son went on a multi-state crime spree Thursday, robbing and killing a couple in North Carolina before transporting the bodies to West Virginia, where they shot two officers, police say. Eric Campbell, 21, and his father, 54-year-old Edward Campbell, both of Indian Acres, Texas, were pulled over in Lewisburg, West Virginia on Thursday afternoon. They were in separate vehicles, one of which police flagged as stolen. Edward Campbell, who was driving a red truck at the time, allegedly opened fire on two officers, wounding both of them. Cops returned fire and hit the suspect in the leg. Edward fled, but was later collared as he hid in the woods. Eric turned himself in about 90 minutes after the shootout. Both wounded officers have just superficial wounds. Upon further investigation, cops found the bodies of Jerome Faulkner, 73, and his 62-year-old wife, Dora, under a mattress in the bed of the red pickup truck, WVNS reports. Investigators believe the Campbells chose the couple at random to rob and murder in their Oak Hill, North Carolina home. The suspects allegedly lit the house on fire at about 7 a.m., threw the bodies in the back of the truck and drove nearly four hours to West Virginia. "When we first got the call, we thought it was just a structure fire," Granville County, North Carolina Sheriff Brindell Wilkins told WVNS. "As things progressed, we found some things here that didn't look right." Both of the suspects were charged with malicious assault and attempted murder of an officer. Eric Campbell, whose mugshot is above, was held without bail at the Southern Regional Jail in West Virginia, while his father is still hospitalized with a bullet wound to the leg. The officers, identified as Jeromy Dove and Nicholas Sams, are recovering with superficial wounds from the shooting. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: Monitor colors Dear Webby My monitors (work and home) show colors as different as Fuji and Kodak. When I fix a picture to look right at home, it looks crappy on the monitor at work. And vice versa. Is one of them dying or is there an adjustment to save it? Ron You can adjust the color temperature of a monitor. Just play with the menu buttons until you get to a menu that has big numbers, like 4500 and going up to 9300, or sometimes even higher. A low number gives you a warm lighting, like candle light, a high number gives you a hot light, like mercury vapor or arc, or "cool white" fluorescent. Straight from the factory, most monitors come set at 9300, and most people never change that setting. If you set your monitor to 9300, then if a picture looks OK for you, it will look OK for most people. To see how a print job will look, lower the numbers. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Powder For Glowing Skin One should use baking powder on their face for a glow. After that, there is no need to do a facial, this will automatically give you a facial look. By Suman from New Delhi
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
There was a large revival meeting on the outskirts of town, and at the appropriate corner there was a large sign proclaiming...."If you are weary of sin and want to be saved, turn here, go 100 yards, and come into the revival tent." Below the sign someone had hung another smaller one. "If NOT weary, call Sherry 555-3550." ______________________________________________________ A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and he actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"


Dianne got her wings December 29

Today in 
1884 The socialist Fabian Society was founded in London. 
1885 Dr. William Grant performed the first successful appendectomy.
1936 The first pop music chart based on national sales was 
 published by "Billboard" magazine. 
1944 The attack on Monte Cassino was launched by the British 
 Fifth Army in Italy. 
1948 Britain granted independence to Burma. 
1951 During the Korean conflict, North Korean and Communist 
 Chinese forces captured the city of Seoul. 
1953 Tufted plastic carpeting was introduced by Barwick Mills. 
1958 The Soviet satellite Sputknik I fell to the earth from 
 its orbit. The craft had been launched on October 4, 1957. 
1962 New York City introduced a train that operated without 
 conductors and motormen. 
1965 The Fender Guitar Company was sold to CBS for $13 million. 
1984 Wayne ‘The Great One’ Gretzky scored eight points (four 
 goals and four assists) for the second time in his National 
 Hockey League (NHL) career. Edmonton’s Oilers defeated the 
 Minnesota North Stars, 12-8. The game was the highest-
 scoring NHL game to date. 
1991 The U.N. Security Council voted unanimously to condemn 
 Israel's treatment of the Palestinians in the occupied 
 territories. 
1997 The Greek Cypriot government signed an agreement to 
 buy S-300 surface-to-air missiles from Russia. 
1999 A drifting Nicaraguan fishing boat was found by the 
 Norwegian oil tanker Joelm. The fisherman had been lost at 
 sea for 35 days after the engine of their vessel quit 
 working. 
1999 Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura was sworn 
 in as Minnesota's 37th governor. 
2006 Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the U.S. House of 
 Representatives. She was the first woman to hold the position. 
2010 In Dubai, United Arab Emirates, the Burj Dubai 
 (Dubai Tower) opened as the world's tallest tower at 
 2,625 feet
2015  smiled.


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Mozbackup 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, January 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
A Floriduh couple, who hid in a museum closet
and thought they were locked in.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1833 Britain seized control of the Falkland Islands in the 
 South Atlantic. About 150 years later, Argentina seized the 
 islands from the British, but Britain took them back after 
 a 74-day war.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ >From Barbara I have a joke for you. Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office. A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee. As I’d hoped, I got a reaction from my husband. When he saw me, he exclaimed, “Are those potato chips?” Barbara ______________________________________________________ Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too: "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry." she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you planning to marry?" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to my dad for thgis picture: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amber Campbell, 24 John Arwood Daytona Beach, Floriduh Florida couple spent days in unlocked closet, thought they were trapped A pair of hapless accused trespassers spent two days in a closet, thinking they were trapped inside. John Arwood and Amber Campbell told police that someone had chased them into the closet at Daytona State College's Marine and Environmental Science Center on Sunday. Once they were inside the janitor's closet, they couldn't get out. But it wasn't until Tuesday that Arwood decided to call 911. When Daytona Beach police arrived, they discovered that the door did not lock. Cops found human feces and suspected drug paraphernalia in the closet, but they didn't find any drugs. Arwood and Campbell were both charged with trespassing. Campbell was also charged with violating her probation. In 2013, she was arrested after escaping a mental health treatment facility, crashing a car and escaping from the back of a police cruiser. Interesting tramp stamp on her throat. "Deep throat for $" According to the Orlando Sentinel, Arwood's record includes five jail sentences in Florida since 2000, with offenses including armed burglary, possession of more than 20 grams of marijuana, and fleeing law enforcement. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Mozbackup Dear Webby Wouldn't it be best to install Thunderbird fresh on new computer and then use Mozbackup to save info on old computer and then transfer that file (large) to new computer. I use Mozbackup in case of loss. Carbonite saves the file for me. Thanks Lee Thanks Lee! That could simplify things for some people! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Ranch Dressing to Mashed Potatoes As old people are wont to do, DH and I sometimes forget to go to the supermarket. Today I wanted mashed potatoes and noticed that there was no butter in the fridge. I got out my bottle of ranch dressing and smushed the bottle so that a good sized blob came out. I then whipped them in the usual manner and they were delicious! By Marty Dick [147]
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. "Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day." "Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done now?" ______________________________________________________ Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000." There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"


Dianne got her wings December 29

Today in 
1496 References in Leonardo da Vinci notebooks suggested that 
 he tested his flying machine. The test didn't succeed and he 
 didn't try to fly again for several years. 
1521 Pope Leo X excommunicated Martin Luther. 
1777 The Battle of Princeton took place in the War of Independence, 
 in which George Washington defeated the British forces, 
 led by Cornwallis. 
1815 By secret treaty, Austria, Britain, and France formed a 
 defensive alliance against Prusso-Russian plans to solve 
 the Saxon and Polish problems. 
1833 Britain seized control of the Falkland Islands in the 
 South Atlantic. About 150 years later, Argentina seized the 
 islands from the British, but Britain took them back after 
 a 74-day war. 
1868 The Shogunate was abolished in Japan and Meiji dynasty 
 was restored. 
1871 Henry W. Bradley patented oleomargarine. 
1888 The drinking straw was patented by Marvin C. Stone. 
1924 English explorer Howard Carter discovered the sarcophagus 
 of Tutankhamen in the Valley of the Kings, near Luxor, Egypt. 
1925 In Italy, Mussolini announced that he would take 
 dictatorial powers. 
1947 In Trenton, NJ, Al Herrin, passed away at age 92. He 
 had claimed that he had not slept at all during his life. 
1957 The Hamilton Watch Company introduced the first electric watch. 
1959 In the U.S., Alaska became the 49th state. 
1961 The U.S. severed diplomatic relations with Cuba. 
1962 Pope John XXIII excommunicated Cuban prime minister 
 Fidel Castro. 
1967 Jack Ruby died in a Dallas, TX, hospital. 
1980 Conservationist Joy Adamson, author of "Born Free," was 
 killed in northern Kenya by a servant. 
1990 Ousted Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega surrendered to 
 U.S. forces, 10 days after taking refuge in the Vatican's 
 diplomatic mission. 
1993 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Russian President 
 Boris Yeltsin signed the second Strategic Arms Reduction 
 Treaty (START) in Moscow. 
1998 China announced that it would spend $27.7 billion to 
 fight erosion and pollution in the Yangtze and Yellow river 
 valleys. 
1999 Israeli authorities detained, and later expelled, 14 
 members of Concerned Christians. Israili officials claimed 
 that the Denver, CO-based cult was plotting violence in 
 Jerusalem to bring about the Second Coming of Christ. 
2000 Charles M. Schulz's final original daily comic strip 
 appeared in newspapers. 
2001 The ATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms) charged 
 the "Texas 7" with weapons violations. An autopsy showed 
 that Aubrey Hawkins, killed by the convicts, had been shot 
 11 times and run over with a vehicle. 
2004 NASA's Spirit rover landed on Mars. The craft was able 
 to send back black and white images three hours after landing.

2015  smiled.


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Migrating Thunderbird data to a new machine 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, January 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


The voting at the Ezinefinder doesn't work yet.
It usually takes about a week and a lot of nagging, 
until they restart it in a new year. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Missouri man, who choked his wife with a
roll of wrapping paper in Christmas day attack
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1492 The leader of the last Arab stronghold in Spain 
 surrendered to Spanish forces loyal to 
 King Ferdinand II and Queen Isabella I. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Those whom the Gods would destroy, they first call promising. --- Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974) Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. --- Mark Twain Every teenager should get a high school education. Even if they already know everything. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ Is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?" a Angus mcKenzie asked his minister. "Definitely not," was the preacher's answer. "Are you absolutely certain?" "Yes, my son, absolutely." "Okay. In that case, I wonder if you'd mind returning that $25 I gave you after my wedding last year?" ______________________________________________________ Q: This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? A: What was your question? ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this picture: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Hampton, 33, St. Peters Missouri Missouri man choked wife with roll of wrapping paper in Christmas day attack David Hampton, a Missouri man, 33, is locked up for domestic assault after he allegedly used a cardboard roll of wrapping paper to choke his wife during a Christmas Day attack in their home. According to a probable cause statement, Hampton’s wife told police that she “blacked out” during the attack. “The victim had injuries consistent with being strangled,” a cop reported. Hampton, pictured in the above mug shot, lives with the victim and the couple’s two children in St. Peters, a city 30 miles from St. Louis. Charged with felony domestic assault, Hampton was booked into the St. Charles County jail, where he remains locked up in lieu of $50,000 cash bail. A judge has ordered Hampton to have no contact with his spouse. Hampton is scheduled for a January 8 Circuit Court hearing. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Noella Re: Move Thunderbird data to new laptop Dear Webby Need to find Thunderbird files, not Outlook Express. I've already transferred everything over to Thunderbird. Now I just need to transfer Thunderbird files to my laptop. Noella Dear Noella You need "Moving Thunderbird Data to a New Computer" at https://support.mozilla.org/en-US/kb/moving-thunderbird-data-to-a-new-computer Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Wax or Crayon from Clothes Heat an iron. Damp a face cloth. Put the face cloth on the item of clothing with the crayon or wax to be removed. Place the hot iron on the damp face cloth and move around for 30 seconds until wax or crayon is removed. By Ziggyziggy [1]
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake" ______________________________________________________ "Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir." "The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her." "During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit." "The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's 'Hamlet' in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."


Dianne got her wings December 29

Today in 
1492 The leader of the last Arab stronghold in Spain 
 surrendered to Spanish forces loyal to 
 King Ferdinand II and Queen Isabella I. 
1842 In Fairmount, PA, the first wire suspension bridge 
 was opened to traffic. 
1872 Brigham Young, the 71-year-old leader of the Mormon 
 Church, was arrested on a charge of bigamy. He had 25 wives.
1879 Thomas Edison began construction on his first generator. 
1890 Alice Sanger became the first female White House staffer. 
1900 The Chicago Canal opened. 
1917 Royal Bank of Canada took over the Quebec Bank. 
1942 The Philippine capital of Manila was captured by Japanese 
 forces during World War II. 
1955 Panamanian President Jose Antonio Remon was assassinated. 
1968 Fidel Castro announced petroleum and sugar rationing in Cuba. 
1996 AT&T announced that it would eliminate 40,000 jobs over three years. 
1998 Russia began circulating new rubles in effort to keep 
 inflation in check and promote confidence.
2015  smiled.


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Move Thunderbird data to new laptop 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, January 1
Happy New Year!
First day for breaking resolutions.
Isn't that what they are for?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Tattooed Hilbilly in Florida, who admitted that he has
started fires with Molotov cocktails

Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1622 The Papal Chancery adopted January 1st as the beginning 
 of the New Year (instead of March 25th).
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Wise sayings often fall on barren ground; but a kind word is never thrown away. --- Sir Arthur Helps I have such poor vision I can date anybody. --- Garry Shandling (1949 - ) ______________________________________________________ A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle. "Can you imagine," he demanded, "people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed, make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?" When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, "What I've been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast." ______________________________________________________ My friend, Monica, is an accomplished harpist who frequently plays for weddings, receptions, parties and other such events. She is also blonde and has an appropriately cherubic face. She was on her way to an engagement at a hotel and stepped into an elevator with her large golden harp. Just before the doors closed, a distinguished gray-haired man stepped on. As the elevator rose, he looked thoughtfully first at her and then her harp and asked, "How far up does this elevator go?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Hanging out ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeffrey Mark Jalinski, 30, Orange County Florida Started Fires With Gas-Filled Bottles A Florida man with very distinctive facial tattoos allegedly told police he had a burning desire to start fires. Now his heated hobby has landed him in hot water. Police in Orange County, Florida, arrested Jeffrey Mark Jalinski, 30, on Dec. 22, after he admitted to using homemade devices to start fires in burn barrels, the Orlando Sentinel reports. Deputies and a SWAT team initially showed up at Jalinski's motor home with a search warrant looking for drugs. Instead, they said, they found three beer bottles believed to contain gasoline and rags stuck in the neck of each bottle. The suspect allegedly told deputies that the bottles were his and confirmed they were filled with gas. He also allegedly confessed to using the bottles to start fires, KIRO TV reports. Jalinski was charged with possession of or discharging a destructive device. He has since bonded out of Orange County Jail, but not before posing for this memorable mug shot, according to AR15.com. ------------ I have seen Hillbillies light their burning barrels that way, if they stunk too much or had too many wasps or horseflies. Usually though, the bottle did not break and required a shot from a shotgun to shatter it and light the barrel. That is, if they were sober enough to actually get the bottle INTO the barrel. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Noella Re: Move Thunderbird daqta to new laptop Dear Webby Need to find Thunderbird files, not Outlook Express. I've already transferred everything over to Thunderbird. Now I just need to transfer Thunderbird files to my laptop. Noella Dear Noella You need "Moving Thunderbird Data to a New Computer" at https://support.mozilla.org/en-US/kb/moving-thunderbird-data-to-a-new-computer Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crust Cover from Metal Pie Plate With the holidays coming and after wasting countless strips of aluminum foil just to cover my pie crusts when baking, I tried cutting up an old aluminum pie pan to place over my pie crusts while baking. It worked! Use craft scissors and cut cleanly so you leave no sharp edges. I would suggest you wear work gloves and possibly use needle nose pliers to bend down and crimp closed the cut ends after cutting the circle out of the bottom just to guarantee no cuts! I intend to reuse these again and again. By Dee [186]
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat." ______________________________________________________ Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time." I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.


All types of peanut butter

Today in 
0404 The last gladiator competition was held in Rome. 
1622 The Papal Chancery adopted January 1st as the beginning 
 of the New Year (instead of March 25th). 
1772 The first traveler's checks were issued in London. 
1797 Albany became the capital of New York state, 
 replacing New York City. 
1801 The Act of Union of England and Ireland came into force. 
1801 Italian astronomer Giuseppe Piazzi became the first 
 person to discover an asteroid. He named it Ceres. 
1804 Haiti gained its independence. 
1808 The U.S. prohibited import of slaves from Africa. 
1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the Emancipation 
 Proclamation, which declared that all slaves in the 
 rebel states were free. 
1887 Queen Victoria was proclaimed empress of India in Delhi. 
1894 The Manchester Ship Canal was officially opened. 
1898 Manhattan, the Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens and Staten Island 
 were consolidated into New York City. 
1901 The Commonwealth of Australia was founded. Lord Hopetoun 
 officially assumed the duties as the first Governor-General. 
1909 The first payments of old-age pensions were made in Britain. 
 People over 70 received five shillings a week. 
1913 The post office began parcel post deliveries. 
1924 Frank B. Cooney received a patent for ink paste. 
1934 Alcatraz Island officially became a Federal Prison. 
1936 The "New York Herald Tribune" began microfilming its 
 current issues. 
1945 France was admitted to the United Nations. 
1956 Sudan gained its independence. 
1958 The European Economic Community (EEC) started operations. 
1959 Fidel Castro overthrew the government of Fulgencio 
 Batista, and seized power in Cuba. 
1968 Evel Knievel, stunt performing daredevil, lost control 
 of his motorcycle midway through a jump of 141 feet over 
 the ornamental fountains in front of Caesar’s Palace in 
 Las Vegas. 
1971 Tobacco ads representing $20 million dollars in 
 advertising were banned from TV and radio broadcast. 
1973 Britain, Ireland, Denmark and Norway joined the EEC. 
1975 The magazine "Popular Electronics" announced the 
 invention of a person computer called Altair. MITS, 
 using an Intel microprocessor, developed the computer. 
1981 Greece joined the European Community. 
1984 AT&T was broken up into 22 Bell System companies 
 under terms of an antitrust agreement with the U.S. 
 Federal government. 
1986 Spain and Portugal joined the European Community (EC). 
1987 A pro-democracy rally took place in Beijing's Tiananmen Square (China). 
1990 David Dinkins was sworn in as New York City's first black mayor. 
1993 Czechoslovakia split into two separate states, the 
 Czech Republic and Slovakia. The peaceful division had 
 been engineered in 1992. 
1994 The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) went into effect. 
1995 Frederick West, an alleged killer of 12 women and girls, 
 was found hanged in his jail cell in Winston Green prison, 
 in Birmingham. West had been under almost continuous watch 
 since his arrest in 1994, but security had reportedly been 
 relaxed in the months preceding the apparent suicide. 
1995 The World Trade Organization came into existence. The 
 group of 125 nations monitors global trade. 
1998 A new anti-smoking law went into effect in California. 
 The law prohibiting people from lighting up in bars. 
1999 The euro became currency for 11 Member States of the 
 European Union. Coins and notes were not available until 
 January 1, 2002. 
1999 In California, a law went into effect that defined 
 "invasion of privacy as trespassing with the intent to 
 capture audio or video images of a celebrity or crime 
 victim engaging in a personal of family activity." 
2001 The "Texas 7," rented space in an RV park in Woodland Park, CO.
2015  smiled.


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RCA cables to modern TVs 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, December 31

Last day to vote for the Humor Letter in 2014:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Connecticut drunk, who fought everyone, and lost. Details at Boneheads Today, in 1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When you're through changing, you're through. --- Bruce Barton I have such poor vision I can date anybody. --- Garry Shandling (1949 - ) ______________________________________________________ A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old man cleared his throat, fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I had accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars." ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and started thinking about things. "Mommy, why does daddy have so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother. "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Johnny thought for a second and replied, "I'm glad you don't do any thinking. You would look weird if you were bald!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter, The Stonecarver for this picture. Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Edward Miller, 21, Hartford, Connecticut a guy who ‘fought everyone’ and lost Edward Miller of Hartford, Connecticut went full-blown Screech in the metropolis of nearby West Hartford over the weekend–and the glorious result is a late contender for Mugshot of the Year. It seems that the 21-year-old set out to pretty much fight everybody at a local restaurant. That included the police who were called in to the incident. Alcohol might have been involved. The cops sure got involved. Miller kept brawling even after getting pepper-sprayed. After he was suitably tenderized and stuffed into the police car, Miller kicked out the back window of the police car. Charges include interfering with a police officer, first degree criminal mischief, and breach of peace. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brook Re: RCA Cables Dear Webby It seems like I can never get the RCA cables to work. I have an older Wii and an older DVD player that I would like to connect (to different TVs). The cables are red, white and yellow, yet the TVs never seem to have a yellow connector. I checked on wiki and it says that "...beyond 7.1 audio, there are no color standards." Please hellp. Thanks Brook Dear Brook I think the RCA standard is history. You would need an old style TV for that. Wii might have some converters, but I would not count on that. They would rather sell you a new one, that works with today's TVs. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal Oatmeal is so filling, quick, and cheap! But oatmeal can get so boring. I like to "spice" it up every now and then to make it enjoyable again.:) One of the things I like about this recipe is that you can use your less than perfect apples that are starting to get a bit soft. This is quite tasty on a cold winter morning. And still very healthy! :) Approximate Time: About 10-15 minutes Yield: About 6 servings Ingredients: 6 cups water 3 1/2 cup oatmeal 3 large apples, any kind will do. I used Granny Smith. 1/3 - 1/2 cup brown sugar 1 - 2 tsp cinnamon butter or margarine Steps: Peel and cube 3 large apples, any kind. I used Granny Smith, but any will be great. Try and use up the ones that are going soft. They will still be tasty! Put 6 cups of water into a pot. Add apples, 1/3 - 1/2 cup brown sugar (depending on how sweet you like it). Add 1 - 2 teaspoons cinnamon (depending on how "cinnamony" you like it.:) Cook on high until you have a rolling boil. Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal Add 3 1/2 cups oatmeal, quick or regular, either one, stir constantly for about 5 minutes. Top with a lovely pat of butter or margarine and enjoy! :) You could easily halve this recipe if you don't want such a large pot. I just have a lot of people to feed! Source: Modified from "Blissful and Domestic" blog By melissa [55]
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what's up with you?", he asks. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde, redhead or brunette?" "Neither, her grandfather is bald." ______________________________________________________ Bumper Stickers from 20 years ago: If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive better! Don't be sexist, broads hate that. Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it! Constipated people don't give a crap. Who lit the fuse on your tampon? My kid got your honor roll student pregnant. If you can read this... I lost my trailer. Your just jealous cause the voices are only talking to me. I have the body of a God.... Buddha. So many pedestrians...so little time. Eat right, exercise, die anyway! Illiterate...Write for help. Cover me... I'm changing lanes. Boldly going nowhere. Body by Nautilus, brain by Mattel. Honk if anything falls off. If we quit voting, will they all go away ? Heart attacks... God's revenge for dieting.


All types of peanut butter

Today in 
1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape 
 of Good Hope, where they would later create the South African 
 wine industry with the vines they took with them on the voyage. 
1695 The window tax was imposed in Britain, which resulted in 
 many windows being bricked up. 
1775 The British repulsed an attack by Continental Army 
 generals Richard Montgomery and Benedict Arnold at Quebec. 
 Montgomery was killed in the battle. 
1857 Britain's Queen Victoria decided to make Ottawa the 
 capital of Canada. 
1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of 
 incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ. 
1891 New York's new Immigration Depot was opened at Ellis 
 Island, to provide improved facilities for the massive 
 numbers of arrivals. 
1897 Brooklyn, NY, spent its last day as a separate entity 
 before becoming part of New York City. 
1923 In London, the BBC first broadcast the chimes of Big Ben. 
1929 Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians played 
 "Auld Lang Syne" as a New Year's Eve song for the first time. 
1946 U.S. President Truman officially proclaimed the end of 
 hostilities in World War II. 
1955 General Motors became the first U.S. corporation to earn 
 more than one billion dollars in a single year. 
1960 The farthing coin, which had been in use in Great Britain 
 since the 13th century, ceased to be legal tender. 
1961 In the U.S., the Marshall Plan expired after distributing 
 more than $12 billion in foreign aid. 
1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own gold 
 for the first time in more than 40 years. 
1978 Taiwanese diplomats struck their colors for the final 
 time from the embassy flagpole in Washington, DC. The event 
 marked the end of diplomatic relations with the U.S. 
1979 At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the 
 start of 1979. 
1986 A fire at the Dupont Plaza Hotel in San Juan, Puerto Rico, 
 killed 97 and injured 140 people. Three hotel workers later 
 pled guilty to charges in connection with the fire. 
1997 Michael Kennedy, 39-year-old son of the late U.S. Sen. 
 Robert F. Kennedy, was killed in a skiing accident on 
 Aspen Mountain in Colorado. 
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin resigned. Prime Minister 
 Vladimir Putin was designated acting president. 
1999 Five hijackers left the airport where they had been 
 holding 150 hostages on an Indian Airlines plane. They 
 left with two Islamic clerics that they had demanded be 
 freed from an Indian prison. The plane had been hijacked 
 during a flight from Katmandu, Nepal to New Dehli on December 24. 
1999 Sarah Knauss died at the age of 119 years. She was the 
 world's oldest person. She was born September 24, 1880.
2014  smiled.


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