Where are the Attachments in Thunderbird? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 26

Thank you Jim!!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Super Fink finked himself into jail
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 26 in
1937 German planes attacked Guernica, Spain, during the Spanish
Civil War for the Spanish nationalist government. This raid is
considered one of the first to be attacks on a civilian population
by a modern air force. The US followed promptly. Hemingway was
opposed. He was on the communist side. However, his book "For whom
the bell tolls" became a bestseller.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A backslider suddenly began attending church faithfully on Sunday mornings instead of going fishing. The pastor was highly gratified and told him, "How wonderful it makes me feel to see you at services!" "Well, Preacher," said the fisherman, "it's a matter of choice. I'd rather hear your sermon than my wife's." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Horny Wife _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ When I was in the fourth grade, we had the horrible Mr. Johnson as our teacher. Once he got called to the office. When he got back, he found all of us sitting absolutely still and quiet. Shocked, he asked, "Boys and girls, I've never seen anything like this. It's wonderful. But what made you all act so well behaved and quiet?" We all looked at each other and I finally raised my hand. "Well," I said, "one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you'd drop dead. We are waiting." _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joshua L Franklin, 19, East Alton, Illinois Super Fink finked himself into jail An East Alton man who told police he witnessed a robbery he had actually committed was sentenced to prison. Joshua L. Franklin, 19, pleaded guilty April 16 to a robbery at Wood River Convenient Market in August 2017, and was sentenced to four years in prison. Within an hour of the crime, East Alton Police said a person matching the description of the suspect was in the lobby, wanting to report the Wood River robbery. Franklin told police he had witnessed the robbery. Officers arrived in the lobby and arrested him. Wood River Deputy Chief Dan Blunt said in August that Franklin must not have realized how good the surveillance video the store had was. When police searched Franklin's home, they found clothing, money and a weapon. No one was hurt during the robbery. Franklin's competency to stand trial was questioned, but he ultimately was found competent enough for that. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Where are the Attachments in Thunderbird? Dear Webby, I have an email folder on Thunderbird with over 600 emails. Most have an adobe document attachment and/or jpgs. Is there anyway to move the attachments only ( as a group) to a folder in my documents file? Jim Dear Jim Look for a folder called Attachments. Thunderbird is actually just Eudora yuppiefied a bit. Eudora has had a folder called Attachments since about 1990, and I would bet Thunderbird has that too. There might also be one called Embedded. Browse those two folders and see what you want to move or delete. Have FUN DearWebby Bob and his wife Judy live in Wisconsin. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say: "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so that the snowplow can get through" Judy goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says: "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so that the snowplow can get through." Judy goes out and moves her car again. The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says: "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park........... ," then the electric power goes out. Judy is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?" With the love and understanding in his voice, like all men, who are married to beautiful women exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Classic: AMERICAN JOURNALISM Dan Rather, Peter Jennings, Cokie Roberts, and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were all captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded. Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content." Peter Jennings said, "I am Canadian, so I'd like to hear the song "O Canada" one last time." The leader nodded to a terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag Musicians and played the anthem. Jennings sighed and declared he could now die peacefully. Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said,"Now I can die happy." The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the ass," said the Marine. "What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour? "No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his fatigues, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, all the Iraqis were either dead or fleeing for their lives. As the Marine was untying Rather, Jennings , and Roberts, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?" "What!" replied the Marine, "And have you three assholes report that I carried out an unprovoked attack?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Back in the days when Roman galleys plied the Mediterranean, a crew of oarsmen was sweating and straining to propel the ship through high seas when the first mate appeared. "I've got good news and bad news," he says. "The good news is we've spotted an island, so the plan is to stop, drink rum, hunt a couple of wild boars, have a feast and relax with the native girls." The sailors all cheer in happiness, all but one, who asks, "And what is the bad news?" "Well," the first mate replies, "tomorrow, the captain wants to go water skiing." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Bugs from Your Car Baking soda is great for removing bugs from your car before you wash it. Just put a little soda on a wet sponge and smear it on the bugs, then wash as usual. The more bugs you have the more soda you will need. By Dyann Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Consider the Kansas farm couple who are sleeping early one morning when a tornado roars over their farmhouse. It lifts the roof off, picks up the bed the farmer and his wife are sleeping in, and sets them down gently in the next county. The wife begins to cry. "Don't be scared, dear," her husband says. "We're not hurt." The woman continues to cry. "I'm not scared," she says between sobs. "I'm crying because I'm happy. This is the first time in 14 years we've been out together."
Silent movie GIFs
___________________________________________________ A man is struck by a bus on a busy New York City street. He lies on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd, but there's no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. "A priest, please," the injured man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a wrinkled and wizened Jewish man of advanced years. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for 50 years now I've lived behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I've listened to the Catholic rites. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man." The policeman agrees and brings the old man over to where the man lies. The old man kneels down on the sidewalk, leans over the injured victim and intones in a solemn voice: "Under the B - 4. Under the I - 19. Under the N - 38. Under the G - 54. Under the O - 72." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 26 in
1478 Pazzi conspirators attacked Lorenzo and killed Giuliano
de'Medici. 

1514 Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn after
calculating
where it should be.

1607 The British established an American colony at Cape Henry,
Virginia. It was the first permanent English establishment in the
Western Hemisphere. 

1819 The first Odd Fellows lodge in the U.S. was established in
Baltimore, MD. 

1865 Joseph E. Johnston surrendered the Army of Tennessee to Sherman
during the American Civil War. 

1865 John Wilkes Booth was killed by the U.S. Federal Cavalry. 

1929 First non-stop flight from England to India was completed. 

1931 NBC premiered "Lum and Abner." It was on the air for 24 years. 

1937 German planes attacked Guernica, Spain, during the Spanish
Civil War for the Spanish nationalist government. This raid is
considered one of the first to be attacks on a civilian population
by a modern air force. The US followed promptly. Hemingway was
opposed. He was on the communist side. However, his book "For whom
the bell tolls" became a bestseller.

1945 Marshal Henri Philippe Petain, the head of France's Vichy
government during World War II, was arrested. 

1964 The African nations of Tanganyika and Zanzibar merged to form
Tanzania. 

1968 Students seized the administration building at Ohio State
University. 

1985 In Argentina, a fire at a mental hospital killed 79 people and
injured 247. 

1986 The world's worst nuclear disaster to date occurred at
Chernobyl, in Kiev. Thirty-one people died in the incident and
thousands more were exposed to radioactive material. 

1998 Auxiliary Bishop Juan Gerardi Conedera was bludgeoned to death
two days after a report he'd compiled on atrocities during
Guatemala's 36-year civil war was made public. 

2002 In Erfurt, Germany, an expelled student killed 17 people at his
former school. The student then killed himself. 

2018  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 26

Thank you Jim!!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Super Fink finked himself into jail
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 26 in
1937 German planes attacked Guernica, Spain, during the Spanish
Civil War for the Spanish nationalist government. This raid is
considered one of the first to be attacks on a civilian population
by a modern air force. The US followed promptly. Hemingway was
opposed. He was on the communist side. However, his book "For whom
the bell tolls" became a bestseller.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A backslider suddenly began attending church faithfully on Sunday mornings instead of going fishing. The pastor was highly gratified and told him, "How wonderful it makes me feel to see you at services!" "Well, Preacher," said the fisherman, "it's a matter of choice. I'd rather hear your sermon than my wife's." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Horny Wife _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ When I was in the fourth grade, we had the horrible Mr. Johnson as our teacher. Once he got called to the office. When he got back, he found all of us sitting absolutely still and quiet. Shocked, he asked, "Boys and girls, I've never seen anything like this. It's wonderful. But what made you all act so well behaved and quiet?" We all looked at each other and I finally raised my hand. "Well," I said, "one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you'd drop dead. We are waiting." _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joshua L Franklin, 19, East Alton, Illinois Super Fink finked himself into jail An East Alton man who told police he witnessed a robbery he had actually committed was sentenced to prison. Joshua L. Franklin, 19, pleaded guilty April 16 to a robbery at Wood River Convenient Market in August 2017, and was sentenced to four years in prison. Within an hour of the crime, East Alton Police said a person matching the description of the suspect was in the lobby, wanting to report the Wood River robbery. Franklin told police he had witnessed the robbery. Officers arrived in the lobby and arrested him. Wood River Deputy Chief Dan Blunt said in August that Franklin must not have realized how good the surveillance video the store had was. When police searched Franklin's home, they found clothing, money and a weapon. No one was hurt during the robbery. Franklin's competency to stand trial was questioned, but he ultimately was found competent enough for that. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Where are the Attachments in Thunderbird? Dear Webby, I have an email folder on Thunderbird with over 600 emails. Most have an adobe document attachment and/or jpgs. Is there anyway to move the attachments only ( as a group) to a folder in my documents file? Jim Dear Jim Look for a folder called Attachments. Thunderbird is actually just Eudora yuppiefied a bit. Eudora has had a folder called Attachments since about 1990, and I would bet Thunderbird has that too. There might also be one called Embedded. Browse those two folders and see what you want to move or delete. Have FUN DearWebby Bob and his wife Judy live in Wisconsin. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say: "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so that the snowplow can get through" Judy goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says: "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so that the snowplow can get through." Judy goes out and moves her car again. The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says: "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park........... ," then the electric power goes out. Judy is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?" With the love and understanding in his voice, like all men, who are married to beautiful women exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Classic: AMERICAN JOURNALISM Dan Rather, Peter Jennings, Cokie Roberts, and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were all captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded. Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content." Peter Jennings said, "I am Canadian, so I'd like to hear the song "O Canada" one last time." The leader nodded to a terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag Musicians and played the anthem. Jennings sighed and declared he could now die peacefully. Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said,"Now I can die happy." The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the ass," said the Marine. "What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour? "No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his fatigues, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, all the Iraqis were either dead or fleeing for their lives. As the Marine was untying Rather, Jennings , and Roberts, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?" "What!" replied the Marine, "And have you three assholes report that I carried out an unprovoked attack?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Back in the days when Roman galleys plied the Mediterranean, a crew of oarsmen was sweating and straining to propel the ship through high seas when the first mate appeared. "I've got good news and bad news," he says. "The good news is we've spotted an island, so the plan is to stop, drink rum, hunt a couple of wild boars, have a feast and relax with the native girls." The sailors all cheer in happiness, all but one, who asks, "And what is the bad news?" "Well," the first mate replies, "tomorrow, the captain wants to go water skiing." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Bugs from Your Car Baking soda is great for removing bugs from your car before you wash it. Just put a little soda on a wet sponge and smear it on the bugs, then wash as usual. The more bugs you have the more soda you will need. By Dyann Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Consider the Kansas farm couple who are sleeping early one morning when a tornado roars over their farmhouse. It lifts the roof off, picks up the bed the farmer and his wife are sleeping in, and sets them down gently in the next county. The wife begins to cry. "Don't be scared, dear," her husband says. "We're not hurt." The woman continues to cry. "I'm not scared," she says between sobs. "I'm crying because I'm happy. This is the first time in 14 years we've been out together."
Silent movie GIFs
___________________________________________________ A man is struck by a bus on a busy New York City street. He lies on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd, but there's no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. "A priest, please," the injured man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a wrinkled and wizened Jewish man of advanced years. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for 50 years now I've lived behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I've listened to the Catholic rites. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man." The policeman agrees and brings the old man over to where the man lies. The old man kneels down on the sidewalk, leans over the injured victim and intones in a solemn voice: "Under the B - 4. Under the I - 19. Under the N - 38. Under the G - 54. Under the O - 72." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 26 in
1478 Pazzi conspirators attacked Lorenzo and killed Giuliano
de'Medici. 

1514 Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn after
calculating
where it should be.

1607 The British established an American colony at Cape Henry,
Virginia. It was the first permanent English establishment in the
Western Hemisphere. 

1819 The first Odd Fellows lodge in the U.S. was established in
Baltimore, MD. 

1865 Joseph E. Johnston surrendered the Army of Tennessee to Sherman
during the American Civil War. 

1865 John Wilkes Booth was killed by the U.S. Federal Cavalry. 

1929 First non-stop flight from England to India was completed. 

1931 NBC premiered "Lum and Abner." It was on the air for 24 years. 

1937 German planes attacked Guernica, Spain, during the Spanish
Civil War for the Spanish nationalist government. This raid is
considered one of the first to be attacks on a civilian population
by a modern air force. The US followed promptly. Hemingway was
opposed. He was on the communist side. However, his book "For whom
the bell tolls" became a bestseller.

1945 Marshal Henri Philippe Petain, the head of France's Vichy
government during World War II, was arrested. 

1964 The African nations of Tanganyika and Zanzibar merged to form
Tanzania. 

1968 Students seized the administration building at Ohio State
University. 

1985 In Argentina, a fire at a mental hospital killed 79 people and
injured 247. 

1986 The world's worst nuclear disaster to date occurred at
Chernobyl, in Kiev. Thirty-one people died in the incident and
thousands more were exposed to radioactive material. 

1998 Auxiliary Bishop Juan Gerardi Conedera was bludgeoned to death
two days after a report he'd compiled on atrocities during
Guatemala's 36-year civil war was made public. 

2002 In Erfurt, Germany, an expelled student killed 17 people at his
former school. The student then killed himself. 

2018  smiled.


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Restore trashed spam 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 25
For today they forecast a 20% chance of up to 1 mm of rain.
Yeah, sure. Sounds like a heavy dew, but not enough to darken the
roads.I don't really expect real rain, that will melt the remaining
snow and turn the brown lawns green until May. 
Nobody, of course, is watering their lawns and starting the lawn mowing
season.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Unruly Passenger Tased 10 Times 
Before Takeoff.
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 25 in
1928 A seeing eye dog was used for the first time. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. --- Dave Barry (1947 - ) Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. --- Bishop Sheen Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. --- Lee Trevino _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Banded Broadbill _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang. "You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably. "All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Nine times out of ten, it's for you!" _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jacob Garcia, 28, Miami, Florida Unruly Passenger Tased 10 Times Before Takeoff An unruly passenger on a flight from Miami to Chicago never made it off the ground before he was Tased 10 times and removed from the plane, police say. According to a police report, 28-year-old Jacob Garcia was initially moved to a different seat on the American Airlines flight after a female passenger accused him of groping her. Police say they were called after Garcia started screaming insults at the woman and her boyfriend, the Miami Herald reports. All passengers were told to leave the plane but Garcia refused to exit the aircraft and wrapped his legs around a seat, yelling at officers to "try it and see what happens." "He was just being really argumentative, kind of combative with everyone," passenger Kaitlin Water tells CBS Miami. Police say that during the struggle, which was captured on video, an officer discharged his Taser, which cycled 10 times "due to Mr. Garcia's actions and the close quarters of the engagement." Police say that after they carried Garcia off the plane, still yelling, he went limp to make himself harder to move then grabbed the gun of an officer, who slapped his hand away. The flight to Chicago took off an hour late without Garcia, who was booked on charges including battery, disorderly conduct, and resisting an officer. Tech Support Pits From: Betty Re: Restoring trashed spam Dear Webby, I have Mailwasher and have tried to restore some email recently for the first time and cannot get it to restore. Can you help me. I get the message that the restored mail is being sent to ****@sbcglobal.net. Then I get an error message that the connection to the in coming server was reset, check the Internet connection, which I did and it seemed ok to me. What do I need to do to correct the problem. Thank you, Betty Dear Betty In MailWasher, go to TOOLS, OPTIONS, GENERAL SET SMTP Server You have to set the same SMTP server as in your email program. I know it's a nuisance when you travel and use different connections every night, but without that MailWasher can't send the retrieved mail from your spam trash to your yahoo/sbcglobal mailbox. Have FUN DearWebby Thanks to Sandie for this story: Once upon a time, in a land far far away, lived a beautiful Queen with magnificent, voluptuous breasts. Troy the Dragon slayer coveted them but he knew that the penalty for fulfilling his wildest desire would be death, should he ever try to touch them. One day Troy revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Albert the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Albert exclaimed that he could very easily arrange for Troy the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost Troy 1000 gold coins for him to arrange it. Without pause, Troy the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Albert the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little of it into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Albert the Physician informed the King and Queen that he knew of this itch and that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this dreadful scourge, and that his tests had shown that in the whole kingdom only the saliva of Troy the Dragon Slayer was of the correct type to cure the itch. The King quickly summoned Troy the Dragon Slayer. Albert the Physician had prepared an antidote in advance and given it to Troy the Dragon Slayer, who concealed it in his jerkin and for the next four hours, Troy worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. He then smuggled the antidote into his mouth and the Queen's itching was gradually relieved, and Troy the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Troy the Dragon Slayer found Albert the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Troy the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Albert the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost. The next day, Albert the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underpants. The King immediately summoned Troy the Dragon Slayer. The moral of the story? - - - - - - - - - - - - Pay your bills.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small", $6,500 for "medium", $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?" The girl said, "I don't know..... I don't eat cats." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Awesome Cleaner from the Dollar Store By littergitter Awesome Cleaner from the Dollar Store - spray bottle of cleaner on porch My neighbor told me about Awesome for cleaning vinyl siding. She really liked it, so last year, when I was in Dollar General, I picked up a 32 ounce bottle of it for $1.00. I had not used it until this week when cleaning the porch, getting the wood ready for painting and new screen wire. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Dollar stores often sell experimental stuff for name brands, sometimes under a fake name, to do testing. If people like the stuff, the name brand will sell it under a label of their own, and you won't see it at the Dollar store ever again. The same goes if the people don't like it. if you like some stuff, stock up. Don't count on it still available when your initial purchase runs dry. The reason they get the stuff so cheap or free is because actually, they are just doing customer acceptance testing. And once the test is over, they won't even try to re-order stuff again. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ 'BAMA U DICTIONARY OF MEDICAL TERMS Anti-Body - against everyone Artery - study of paintings Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria Barium - what to do when treatment fails Bowel - letters lik A E I O or U Caesarean Section - a district in Rome Cardiology - advanced study of poker playing Cat Scan - searching for ones lost kitty Cauterize - made eye contact with her Colic - sheep dog Coma - punctuation mark Congenital - friendly D & C - where Washington is Dilate - to live long Enema - not a friend Fester - quicker Genes - blue denim slacks Genital - non-Jewish Hangnail - coat hook Hemorrhoid - a male From outer space Herpes - what women do in the Ladies Room Hormones - what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid Impotent - distinguished, well known Inpatient - tired of waiting Labor Pain - hurt at work Medical Staff - a doctor's cane Minor Operation - coal digging Morbid - a higher bid Nitrate - cheaper than the Day Rate Node - was aware of Organic - organ repairman Outpatient - a person who has fainted Paralyze - two far-fetched stories Pharmacist - person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Post-Operative - a letter carrier Protein - in favor of young people Recovery Room - place to upholster furniture Rectum - what happened to the Corvette Rheumatic - amorous Saline - where you go on your boyfriend's boat Secretion - hiding something Tablet - a small table Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport Tibia - country in North Africa Tumor - an extra pair Urine - opposite of You're Out Varicose - nearby Vein - conceited
These paper cutouts filled in by nature are beautiful!
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Rubye for this story: A wife in England went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 25 in
1590 The Sultan of Morocco launched his successful attack to capture
Timbuktu. 

1644 The Ming Chongzhen emperor committed suicide by hanging himself. 

1684 A patent was granted for the thimble. 

1707 At the Battle of Almansa, Franco-Spanish forces defeated the
Anglo-Portugese. 

1792 The guillotine was first used in the US to execute highwayman
Nicolas J. Pelletier. Unlike expensive dope, it has always worked
flawlessly. It was tested successfully on over 150,000 religious
fanatics in France.

1831 The New York and Harlem Railway was incorporated in New York City.

1846 The Mexican-American War ignited as a result of disputes over
claims to Texas boundaries. The outcome of the war fixed Texas'
southern boundary at the Rio Grande River. 

1859 Work began on the Suez Canal in Egypt. 

1860 The first Japanese diplomats to visit a foreign power reached
Washington, DC. They remained in the U.S. capital for several weeks
while discussing expansion of trade with the United States. 

1862 Union Admiral Farragut occupied New Orleans, LA. 

1864 After facing defeat in the Red River Campaign, Union General
Nathaniel Bank returned to Alexandria, LA. 

1867 Tokyo was opened for foreign trade. 

1882 French commander Henri Riviere seized the citadel of Hanoi in
Indochina. 

1898 The U.S. declared war on Spain. Spain had declared war on the U.S.
the day before. 

1901 New York became the first state to require license plates for
cars. The fee was $1. 

1915 During World War I, Australian and New Zealand troops landed at
Gallipoli in Turkey in hopes of attacking the Central Powers from
below. The attack was unsuccessful. 

1925 General Paul von Hindenburg took office as president of Germany. 

1926 In Iran, Reza Kahn was crowned Shah and choose the name "Pehlevi."

1928 A seeing eye dog was used for the first time. 

1945 U.S. and Soviet forces met at Torgau, Germany on Elbe River. 

1945 Delegates from about 50 countries met in San Francisco to organize
the United Nations. 

1952 After a three-day fight against Chinese Communist Forces, the
Gloucestershire Regiment was annihilated on "Gloucester Hill," in
Korea. 

1953 U.S. Senator Wayne Morse ended the longest speech in U.S. Senate
history. The speech on the Offshore Oil Bill lasted 22 hours and 26
minutes. 

1953 Dr. James D. Watson and Dr. Francis H.C. Crick suggested the
double helix structure of DNA. 

1954 The prototype manufacture of the first solar battery was announced
by the Bell Laboratories in New York City. 

1957 Operations began at the first experimental sodium nuclear reactor.

1959 St. Lawrence Seaway opened to shipping. The water way connects the
Great Lakes and the Atlantic Ocean. 

1961 Robert Noyce was granted a patent for the integrated circuit. 

1962 The U.S. spacecraft, Ranger, crashed on the Moon. 

1967 Colorado Governor John Love signed the first law legalizing
abortion in the U.S. The law was limited to therapeutic abortions when
agreed to, unanimously, by a panel of three physicians. 

1971 The country of Bangladesh was established. 

1974 Portuguese dictator Antonio Salazar was overthrown in a military
coup. 

1976 Portugal ratified a constitution. It was first revised on October
30, 1982. 

1980 In Iran, a commando mission to rescue hostages was aborted after
mechanical problems disabled three of the eight helicopters involved.
During the evacuation, a helicopter and a transport plane collided and
exploded. Eight U.S. servicemen were killed. The mission was aimed at
freeing American hostages that had been taken at the U.S. embassy in
Tehran on November 4, 1979. The event took place April 24th Washington,
DC, time and was a total flop.

1982 In accordance with Camp David agreements, Israel completed its
Sinai withdrawal. 

1983 Soviet leader Yuri V. Andropov invited Samantha Smith to visit his
country after receiving a letter in which the U.S. schoolgirl
expressed
fears about nuclear war. 

1983 The Pioneer 10 spacecraft crossed Pluto's orbit, speeding on its
endless voyage through the Milky Way. 

1984 In France, over one million people demonstrated to show they
favored the decentralization of education. 

1984 David Anthony Kennedy, the son of Robert F. Kennedy, was found
dead of a drug overdose in a hotel room. 

1985 "Big River (The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn)" opened at the
Eugene O?eill Theatre on Broadway in New York City.

1987 In Washington, DC, 100,000 people protested the U.S. policy in
Central America. 

1988 In Israel, John "Ivan the Terrible" Demjanuk was sentenced to
death as a Nazi war criminal. 

1990 Sandinista rule ended in Nicaragua. 

1990 The U.S. Hubble Space Telescope was placed into Earth's orbit. It
was released by the space shuttle Discovery. 

1992 Islamic forces in Afghanistan took control of most of the capital
of Kabul following the collapse of the Communist government. 

1996 The main assembly of the Palestine Liberation Organization voted
to revoke clauses in its charter that called for an armed struggle to
destroy Israel. 

1998 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was questioned by
Whitewater prosecutors on video about her work as a private lawyer for
the failed savings and loan at the center of the investigation. 

2003 Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, the anti-apartheid leader and ex-wife
of former President Nelson Mandela, was sentenced to four years in
prison for her conviction on fraud and theft charges. She was convicted
of 43 counts of fraud and 25 of theft of money from a women's
political
league. 

2018  smiled.


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Source for tripods 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 24

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Entitlement class royal arrested for 
assault with hot coffee and pepper spray
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 24 in
1967 - The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers. --- Richard Feynman (1918 - 1988) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Subject: WHY SOME ATHLETES CAN'T HAVE REGULAR JOBS...... 1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me." 2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.." 3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." 4. Torrin Polk,University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings." 5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." 6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.." (Now that is beautiful) 7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height..," and, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle." 8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ..." 9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." 10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is." 11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January) 12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'" 13 Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject." 14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford: "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious." 15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she's too ugly to kiss good-bye." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Skellig Michael, Ireland _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the Condo clubhouse, when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five finish playing the hand standing up. Then Finkelstein looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell his wife?" They draw straws and Goldberg picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. Goldberg says, "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet mensch you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Then Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants. Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost five hundred dollars in a poker game and is afraid to come home." Mrs. Meyerwitz yells, "TELL HIM HE SHOULD DROP DEAD!" And Goldberg says, "Okay, I'll go tell him." _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tiffany Evans,34, Dover, Delaware Entitlement class royal arrested for assault with hot coffee and pepper spray The use of hot coffee as a weapon appears to be on the rise – and while official statistics are not known, it seems we are seeing more stories like the one in Dover, Delaware. 34-year-old Tiffany Evans is under arrest after she became enraged at a convenience store employee who was making her a sandwich and attacked. Thankfully, she didn’t have a gun, but she did have hot coffee and pepper spray. A woman is facing multiple charges after police say she threw hot coffee on a Delaware store employee and used pepper spray over a food order. The Dover Police Department says on Wednesday, 34-year-old Tiffany Evans, of Dover, was arrested in connection to an assault the happened at WAWA, in the 1400 block of Forrest Avenue. Police say just after 8:45 PM, Evans placed an order for a sandwich and while the male employee was preparing the sandwich, Evans started to yell at him because she believed he was making a mistake. Officers say a female employee then told the 34-year-old to stop talking like that and that another sandwich would be made. According to the report, Evans began to argue with the female employee and she then threw a cup of hot coffee in the employee’s face. Authorities say the incident caused burns to the woman’s face. The coffee also reportedly hit the male employee, causing damage to his personal cell phone that was in his pocket and $200 worth of food products in the sandwich prep area. Dover PD says the victim then walked around the counter and continued to argue with Evans, who then pepper sprayed the employee in the face. It didn’t take long for police to find Evans, but it did take time to clean up her mess. Evans then fled the scene in a white Honda Accord. Officers say the victim was taken by ambulance for minor injuries as a result of the hot coffee being thrown at her. The store was apparently forced to close for over an hour to allow the pepper spray to dissipate and cleanup the food prep area that was damaged by the thrown coffee. Law enforcement says Evans was identified by her tag number on her vehicle and later turned herself in to the Dover Police Department without incident. Evans was charged with assault 3rd degree, assault 2nd degree, offensive touching, criminal mischief (2x), terroristic threatening, and disorderly conduct. She was later released on a $7,800 unsecured bond. Tech Support Pits From: Wes Re: Tripod Sources Dear Webby, Can you give us a few websites or good tripods on eBay??? wes Dear Wes With tripods you have to check them out personally. The staff at camera stores rarely have a clue about tripods, and it's even worse on the net. First make sure that the rotator is not a threaded pipe or bolt. If it is, don't waste time on it. It's sloppy junk. It's OK if a bolt holds down the rotator or turntable, but if it rides up on the threads when you turn it, forget it. If it passed that all important Pass/Fail test, then put a camera with a long, heavy lens on it, focus on something very far away, and lock it in position while watching the viewfinder or LCD. Does the locking action move the focus three trees over, or does it stay put? All the rest is of minor importance. Have FUN DearWebby Our son, who's in the Army stationed in Georgia, invited my husband and me for a visit. After driving endlessly through unfamiliar streets in search of an entrance to Fort Stewart, my husband suddenly said, "We're getting closer." "How do you know?" I asked. He pointed to a sign that read, "Sonny's Bar & Grill -- Tank Parking Available."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Lori for this story: No matter how hard my mom tries, every plant or flower she has attempted to grow seems to wither and die an untimely death under her care. But she never gives up hope. While my sister was visiting home recently, she nudged me and pointed to a line of new plants placed by the kitchen window. "Look," she whispered, "death row."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Jennifer had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went. "Pretty good, I think," replied Jennifer, "but if I go to work there I won't get a vacation until I'm married." Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing. "Is that what they told you?" "No",replied Jennifer, "but right on the application it said 'vacation time may notbe taken until you've had your First Anniversary.'" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Ahead A lot of time cooking is spent waiting around for one thing or another to get done. Water needs to boil or the oven needs to heat up. Start working on tomorrow's meal with this time. You will appreciate the head start. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Is that more fun than doing your email in the meantime, until the smoke alarm, ahem, kitchen timer, goes off? Yeah, I read about your cooking '-) ____________________________________________________ A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix... The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the ultra sticky kind... Written in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon! Luv, from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week!"
Funny birds.
___________________________________________________ I look forward to your email everyday. It is one that no matter how busy I am, I always read yours. It makes a busy hectic day worth it so when I get home, I get my chuckle and laugh. Donna NF ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 24 in
1519 - Envoys of Montezuma II attended the first Easter mass in Central
America. 

1547 - Charles V's troops defeated the Protestant League of
Schmalkalden at the battle of Muhlburg. 

1558 - Mary, Queen of Scotland, married the French dauphin, Francis. 

1800 - The Library of Congress was established with a $5,000
allocation. 

1805 - The U.S. Marines attacked and captured the town of Derna in
Tripoli. 

1833 - A patent was granted for first soda fountain. 

1877 - Russia declared war on the Ottoman Empire. 

1877 - In the U.S., federal troops were ordered out of New Orleans.
This was the end to the North's post-Civil War rule in the South. 

1884 - Otto von Bismarck cabled Cape Town that South Africa was now a
German colony. 

1889 - The Edison General Electric Company was organized. 

1898 - Spain declared war on the U.S., rejecting America's ultimatum
for Spain to withdraw from Cuba. 

1915 - During World War I, the Ottoman Turkish Empire began the mass
deportation of Armenians. 

1916 - Irish nationalists launched the Easter Rebellion against British
occupation forces. They were overtaken several days later. 

1944 - The first B-29 arrived in China, over the Hump of the Himalayas.

1955 - "X-Minus One," a science fiction show, was heard for the first
time on NBC radio. 

1961 - U.S. President Kennedy accepted "sole responsibility" following
Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba. 

1962 - MIT sent a TV signal by satellite for the first time. 

1967 - Soviet astronaut Vladimir Komarov died when his craft crashed
with a tangled parachute. 

1967 - The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts. 

1970 - The People's Republic of China launched its first satellite. 

1973 - Albert Sabin reported that herpesviruses were factors in nine
kinds of cancer. 

1974 - David Bowie released "Diamond Dogs." 

1989 - Thousands of students began striking in Beijing. 

1990 - The space shuttle Discovery blasted off from Cape Canaveral, FL.
It was carrying the $1.5 billion Hubble Space Telescope. 

1997 - The U.S. Senate ratified the Chemical Weapons Convention. The
global treaty banned the development, production, storage and use of
chemical weapons. 

2000 - ABC-TV aired the TV movie "The Three Stooges." 

2003 - A U.S. official reported that North Korea had claimed to have
nuclear weapons. 

2018  smiled.


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Dump restore points 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 23

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
California man arrested after 
swiping beer truck
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 23 in
1348 - The first English order of knighthood was founded. 
It was the Order of the Garter. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half- wit, and the emperor remains an emperor. --- Neil Gaiman _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ruth for this: Why do our kids have to take the Iowa Test for Basic Skills? Why can't we have a 'Bama Test of Basic Skills with questions like, "Bubba's got three cars and he done traded for two more. How many cement blocks is Bubba gonna need?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Gary's yard gets a bit muddy in spring. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished. _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Matt Hermsmeyer, 46, Santa Rosa, California California man arrested after swiping beer truck A homeless man dressed only in American flag shorts was arrested Thursday after allegedly stealing a truck full of beer and leading police on a highway chase, authorities in Northern California say. Police later identified the suspect as Matt Hermsmeyer, 46. He was charged with suspicion of vehicle theft, possession of stolen property, priors for auto theft, resisting arrest and violation of his probation. A Coors truck driver was making a delivery at a Santa Rosa liquor store when a customer entered the store and told the driver that a man had climbed into his parked truck and driven away, a police report said. The customer described the suspect as an apparent homeless man dressed only in red, white and blue shorts. A GPS system inside the truck, like in every beer and cigarette truck, gave police the suspect’s location according to the report. Santa Rosa police officers, including a K-9 officer and his partner, and a Henry-1 helicopter unit from the Sonoma County Sheriff’s Department were dispatched to the scene where witnesses reported seeing the suspect on foot after having apparently abandoned the truck. Video captured by Fox 2 in the San Francisco Bay Area showed the suspect running across Highway 101 in Santa Rosa, jumping the divider and fleeing into brush along the road, his star-spangled shorts still waving. The suspect was caught within an hour of the truck’s theft as he hid in the bushes, the report said. Apparently he was not interested in the beer, just wanted to add "stealing a beer truck" to his long resume. Tech Support Pits From: Sandie Re: Dumping restore points Dear Webby, Should I do this suggestion below, a lady I know sent this and said doing this may help clear up some space???? Sandie Dear Sandie How to free up disk space by removing old restore points. Click start, all programs, accessories, system tools, clean up. The clean up wizard appears and scans the drive on which windows is installed (usually C ). After it scans click OK then "More options" "Remove restore points". Wizard asks if you want to remove all but the last restore point, if so click OK. Then confirm OK. IF and when you are running out of space, then you may want to think about that. Until then, don't worry about it. The restore points are just text and don't amount to beans. If you need space, first go after duplicates of 5MB or bigger movies. Dumping big stuff makes a much bigger difference. Have FUN DearWebby A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out!!!"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Sam came home one day to find that Anni, his wife, had disappeared. He got very worried and gathered up all his friends to search for Anni with no success. Two days after Anni disappeared, Sam returned home to find her in the kitchen. He asked her what she has been up to and why she hasn't been home for so long. Anni replied: "These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week." Sam answered: "But it's only been two days what do you mean a week?" "I only snuck out to get us something to eat."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy. "She's incredibly mixed up," said one doctor. "She does everything absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!" The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The patient damn near exploded!" Suddenly they hear this bloodcurdling scream from down the hall. "Omigod!" said the first doctor, "I just told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fighting Mildew with Bleach Fighting mildew? Bleach and water! Just put it in a spray bottle. We recently had a severe mildew problem on all of our walls and windows. A spray bottle with a little bit of bleach and lots of water did the trick and got in those tough corners too. By Mara Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A lawyer read the will of a rich man to the deceased's family: "To my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my dumb cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will - well you are wrong: Hi Dan!"
Amazing 3D Drawings that Seem to Leap Off the Page
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for this: If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers you or your cubs into next week. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them into the next county. I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup..... I wanna be a bear. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 23 in
1348 - The first English order of knighthood was founded. It was the
Order of the Garter. 

1500 - Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal. 

1521 - The Comuneros were crushed by royalist troops in Spain. 

1635 - The Boston Public Latin School was established. It was the first
public school building in the United States. 

1759 - The British seized Basse-Terre and Guadeloupe in the Antilies
from France. 

1789 - U.S. President George Washington moved into Franklin House, New
York. It was the first executive mansion. 

1789 - "Courier De Boston" was published for the first time. It was the
first Roman Catholic magazine in the U.S. 

1826 - Missolonghi fell to Egyptian forces. 

1861 - Arkansas troops seized Fort Smith. 

1872 - Charlotte E. Ray became first the African-American woman lawyer.


1895 - Russia, France, and Germany forced Japan to return the Liaodong
peninsula to China. 

1896 - The Vitascope system for projecting movies onto a screen was
demonstrated in New York City. 

1900 - The word "hillbilly" was first used in print in an article in
the "New York Journal." It was spelled "Hill-Billie". 

1908 - U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt signed an act creating the
U.S. Army Reserve. 

1915 - The A.C.A. became the National Advisory Council on Aeronautics
(NACA). 

1920 - The Turkish Grand National Assembly had its first meeting in
Ankara. 

1924 - The U.S. Senate passed the Soldiers Bonus Bill. 

1945 - The Soviet Army fought its way into Berlin after the USA had
bombed it back to the stone age.. 

1950 - Chaing evacuated Hainan, leaving mainland China to Mao and the
communists. 

1951 - The Associated Press began use of the new service of teletype
setting. 

1967 - The Soyuz 1 was launched by Russia. 

1971 - The Soyuz 10 was launched. 

1981 - The Soviet Union conducted an underground nuclear test at their
Semipaltinsk (Kazakhstan) test site. 

1982 - The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that consumer
prices declined the previous month (March). It was the first decline in
almost 17 years. 

1985 - The Coca-Cola Company announced that it was changing its 99-
year-old secret formula. New Coke was not successful, which resulted in
the resumption of selling the original version. 

1988 - A U.S. federal law took effect that banned smoking on flights
that were under two hours. 

1988 - In Martinez, CA, a drain valve was left open at the Shell Marsh.
More than 10,000 barrels of oil poured into the marsh adjoining Peyton
Slough. 

1988 - Kanellos Kanelopoulos set three world records for human-powered
flight when he stayed in the air for 74 miles and four hours in his
pedal-powered "Daedalus". 

1996 - An auction of the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' possessions
began at Sotheby's in New York City. The sale brought in 34.5 million
pounds. 

1997 - An infertility doctor in California announced that a 63-year-old
woman had given birth in late 1996. The child was from a donor egg. The
woman is the oldest known woman to give birth. 

2003 - U.S. President George W. Bush signed legislation that authorized
the design change of the 5-cent coin (nickel) for release in 2004. It
was the first change to the coin in 65 years. The change, to
commemorate the 200th anniversary of the Louisiana Purchase, was
planned to run for only two years before returning to the previous
design. 

2004 - U.S. President George W. Bush eased sanctions against Libya in
return for Moammar Gadhafi's agreement to give up weapons of mass
destruction. He turned over all his US made poison gas weapons to the
CIA in exchange for Condalezza Rice's promise of friendly relations. He
also paid all fines related to Lockerbie, and promised to crack down on
Al Quaida. However, England wanted the 60-odd Billion pounds he had
banked in England, so they used his crack-down on poor innocent Al
Quaida terrorists as an excuse to test their missiles on him.

2005 - The first video was uploaded to YouTube.com. 

2009 - The iTunes Music Store reached 1 billion applications
downloaded. 

2018  smiled.


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Winmail.dat 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 22

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires tonight, on 4/22/2018

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Illegal immigrant blows up a house
when he hits it with his FORD Explorer
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 22 in
1915 At the Second Battle Ypres the Germans became the first 
country to use poison gas. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will. --- James Stephens I have seen the future and it doesn't work. --- Robert Fulford The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today.'" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Q :What's the difference between the Government and the Mafia? A: One of them is organized. _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Arnulfo Castro, 46, Hurst, Texas Illegal immigrant blows up a house when he hits it with his FORD Explorer Police in Texas released dashcam video showing a home explosion that injured both residents and the responding officers. The blast happened April 7 after authorities say 46-year-old Arnulfo Castro lost control of his white 2000 Ford Explorer and crashed into a house, rupturing the gas line. The homeowner reported the accident, telling a 911 dispatcher that someone was trapped in a bedroom, according to a police report. Castro was busy trying to organize a lift away from there, when the cops arrived. As officers walked up to the house at 433 Myrtle Drive in Hurst, the leaking gas ignited, sparking a fiery explosion that sent pieces of the structure flying at them. The force of the blast lifted the roof off of the walls and blew out most of the back wall, with the residents – a couple and their adult son – still inside, police said. Officers found the wife severely injured, buried under a pile of debris. They managed to clear the rubble and get all three to area hospitals for treatment. Police say the mother and father suffered serious burn injuries, while the son wasn't as badly hurt. Officer Travis Hiser was treated for minor injuries and released from the hospital. Corporal Ryan Tooker suffered cuts and abrasions while helping extricate the victims; he was also treated and released. "There was definitely some divine intervention that was reaching down and slowing those vehicles down from making scene and then taking a finger and pushing me away from the house and the path that I went," Hiser told KXAS. "Otherwise, I would have been up on the wall and it would have exploded completely into my face." Police arrested Castro, who lives nearby, for driving without a license. Castro told investigators that he lost control of the SUV when the brakes failed, according to authorities. Castro was turned over to the custody of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement after being placed on an immigration detainer. The victims had just inherited the house, and don't have insurance on it yet. Video of house exploding as cop approaches Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Weird attachments Dear Webby, I get some emails with an attachment in the form winmail.dat and for whatever reason they don't open in my Paint shop program. I am not able to "save as" because the options aren't there. Any thoughts on what can be done other than asking for the order to be sent in a different program? Keep up the good work, love the news and the help you give folks, jh Dear Jim That is called "MicroSchlop". When some blighter uses Microsoft WEIRD to write email, and uses fancy stationery or fonts, which normal people don't use, then Microsoft WEIRD attaches that winmail.dat to send along the non- standard fonts and stuff, that the sender uses to make her mail look like Incredimail. IF you happen to read the mail with Microsoft WEIRD or similar Microsoft programs, then that program installs the wacky fonts into your machine, without asking you whether you want to pollute your machine or not. If you don't have Microsoft WEIRD, then you just see that Winmail.dat. You can use SEARCH EVERYTHING and find all the winmail.dat files, and delete them all. Have FUN DearWebby Thanks to Kati for bringing back this Classic: Never bring plants into the house. Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why. A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream. The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out. About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he was hauled to the hospital. The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa. The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed 12 stitches. The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat. By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake. The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car. Meanwhile, the burning drapes, were seen by the neighbors who called the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out). Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world. A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night. That's when he threw the TV at her head.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A man woke up one morning to find his wife packing her bags. "Where the heck are you going?" demanded the husband. The wife replied, "You know all this free sex I've been giving you all these years? Well I just found out I can get $200 a shot for it out in Las Vegas." With that the husband jumped out of bed and began packing HIS bags, too. "Where do you think you're going?" demanded the wife. "I want to see how you can live on $200 a year in Las Vegas!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sits for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?, " they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Jeez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer!?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uneven Cake Layers Sometimes you bake a cake layer that comes out just a little bit lopsided. Level the layer with a serrated knife. Then apply a coat of frosting to the rough edge leftover from the cut. Let the frosting dry before frosting the rest of the cake. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com If serrated knifes just make it worse for you, like they do for me, try my trick: Put a book into a plastic bag and put it into the cake pan. Lay the cooled cake on top of that. Youmay have to use a thicker or thinner book to raise the cake just enough so that the planned cut line is level with the edge of the pan. Then take some dental floss and "saw" what is sticking above the top rim. The cake pan's top edge is a perfect guide and you will get a much smoother cut than with a knife. Just keep the floss good and tight while you saw with 4-5 inch left-right strokes towards you. Floss normally cuts much smoother than a knife, but if you need a perfectly smooth and not too absorbent top for a thin hard chocolate glaze, turn the cut layers upside down. If you greased the pan a bit, then the bottom will be better. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practice (GP) physician, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. "I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone. Another bird appeared in the sky there after. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape. Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma. Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"
Our amazing and beautiful world.
___________________________________________________ A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot for "parking." He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light on. He gets closer to the car and sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and knocks at the window. The young man lowers his window... -Yes, officer? What are you doing? Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a magazine... Pointing towards the young woman, the cop says: And her, what is she doing? The young man shrugs: I believe she's knitting a baby jumper. The cop is totally confused. A young couple alone in a car at night... and nothing obscene is happening! What's your age, young man? -I'm 25, sir... -And her, what's her age? The young man looks at his watch and says: -She'll be 18 in 20 minutes... ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 22 in
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil. 

1509 Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England upon the death of his
father Henry VII. 

1529 Spain and Portugal divided the eastern hemisphere in the Treaty of
Saragosa. 

1745 The Peace of Fussen was signed, restoring the status quo of
Germany. 

1792 U.S. President George Washington proclaimed American neutrality in
the war in Europe. 

1861 Robert E. Lee was named commander of Virginia forces. 

1864 The U.S. Congress passed legislation that allowed the inscription
"In God We Trust" to be included on one-cent and two-cent coins. 

1876 The first official National League (NL) baseball game took place.
Boston beat Philadelphia 6-5. 

1889 At noon, the Oklahoma land rush officially started as thousands of
Americans raced for new, unclaimed land. The "Sooners" were already
there.

1898 The first shot of the Spanish-American war occurred when the USS
Nashville captured a Spanish merchant ship. 

1915 At the Second Battle Ypres the Germans became the first country to
use poison gas. 

1918 British naval forces attempted to sink block-ships in the German
U-boat bases at the Battle of Zeeburgge. 

1930 The U.S., Britain and Japan signed the London Naval Treaty, which
regulated submarine warfare and limited shipbuilding. 

1931 Egypt signed the treaty of friendship with Iraq. 

1931 James G. Ray landed an autogyro on the lawn of the White House. 

1944 During World War II, the Allies launched a major attack against
the Japanese in Hollandia, New Guinea. 

1952 An atomic test conducted in Nevada was the first nuclear explosion
shown on live network television. 

1954 The U.S. Senate Army-McCarthy televised hearings began. 

1970 The first "Earth Day" was observed by millions of Americans. 

1987 The American Physical Society said that the "Star Wars" missile
system was "highly questionable" and would take ten years to research. 

1993 The U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum was dedicated in Washington,
DC. 

1997 In Lima, Peru government commandos storm and capture the residence
of the Japanese ambassador ending a 126-day hostage crisis. In the
rescue 71 hostages were saved. Those killed: one hostage (of a heart
attack), two soldiers, and all 14 rebels. 

2000 Elian Gonzalez was reunited with his father in Cuba. He had to be
taken from his Miami relatives by U.S. agents in a predawn raid. 

2002 Filippino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ordered a state of
emergency in the city of General Santos in response to a series of
bombing attacks the day before. The attacks were blamed on Muslim
extremists. 

2010 The Boeing X-37 began its first orbital mission. It successfully
returned to Earth on December 3, 2010. 

2018  smiled.


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StripMail 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 21

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Illinois nurse paid to have 
Doctor's Wife killed
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 21 in
753 BC Today is the traditional date of the foundation of Rome. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything. --- Walter Bagehot (1826 - 1877) There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it? --- Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930) If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. --- Hackers Anonymous _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?" "Do you remember when I met you and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car, making love?" "Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues... "Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 >years?'" "I remember that too" she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says..."I would have gotten out today. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ To celebrate its 28th anniversary in space, the Hubble Space Telescope took this image of the Lagoon Nebula. The nebula, about 4,000 light- years away, is 55 light-years wide and 20 light-years tall. This image shows only a small part of this turbulent star-formation region, about 4 light-years across. The observations were taken by Hubble’s Wide Field Camera 3 between Feb. 12 and Feb 18, 2018. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this story: Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room ' s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene. One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind' s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Days, weeks and months passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you." _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tina Jones, 31, Woodridge, Illinois Illinois nurse paid to have Doctor's Wife killed An Illinois nurse hired a dark web company to kill the wife of a male doctor with whom she had an affair, police say. Woodridge police say that last Thursday, the CBS show 48 Hours reached out to them to say an area woman was allegedly involved in a murder-for-hire plot; the show had been investigating contract killing via the dark web, reports the Chicago Daily Herald. Authorities acting on that tip now allege 31- year-old Tina Jones of Des Plaines had in January paid more than $10,000 in Bitcoin to the Cosa Nostra International Network. Though they suspect that outfit scammed her, per the Chicago Tribune, police say Jones' goal was the murder of a clinical social worker from Woodridge, the wife of an anesthesiologist who completed his residency at a Maywood hospital where Jones works as a registered nurse. Jones' exact relationship with the doctor isn't clear, but ABC7 reports she had been "jilted" by him. Even so, "she left instructions not to hurt the husband and also to make it look like it was an accident," DuPage County State's Attorney Robert Berlin says of the alleged plot. "She left specific instructions on the website as to when the woman's husband would be at work, so they would know when this woman would be alone." After submitting to an interview with Woodbridge police, Jones was arrested Tuesday on a charge solicitation of murder for hire, which carries a minimum sentence of 20 years in prison. Bail was set at $250,000 on Wednesday. Jones, who's also been suspended from her job pending an investigation, is due to be arraigned on May 15. Tech Support Pits From: George Re: Stripmail Dear Webby, Do you have the URL that I can use to download 'Stripmail'? Thanks - George Dear George Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Scroll down a bit till you see the stop sign with the AOL flag (>>>) on it. Have FUN DearWebby Thanks to Kati for this report: New Sign in Bank Lobby Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender. MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. ********************************************** FEMALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up required distance to align car window with machine 3. Set parking brake, put window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from car. 8. Insert card. 9. Re-insert card right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with PIN written on inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into appropriate slot. 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A young man was talking to a girl that he had just met, and asked her name. "I don't want to tell you," she said, "I'm named after both of my parents, and it's kind of embarrassing." "Well, what could be so bad about that?" the young man asked. "My mother's name is Eliza, and my father's name is Ferdinand." the girl answered. "Well, those are nice names" the guy replied. "They would be if they wouldn't have named me FerdEliza!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A young man had completed medical school. He went back home to the small town to work with his father. They went out the first day to make house calls. As they went in the first house the father said now you watch me so you will know what to do. Inside, a woman was in the bed and she looked terrible. The old doctor checked her out. He was making notes when he dropped his pen to the floor. He picked it up and told the woman she need to quit cleaning and working so hard in her house, she just needed rest. When they got outside, the son asked how he knew that she was cleaning too much. The old doctor said that when he dropped his pen, the floor was so clean that there wasn't a speck of dust anywhere. When they arrived at the next house, the father told his son that it was his turn to examine the patient. At this house too, the woman was in bed, looking terrible. The young doctor took her blood pressure and pulse, asked a few questions, and made some notes. Then he dropped his pen and reached down to pick it up. He told the woman that she was doing too much church work, and needed to cut down on what she did. When the two doctors went outside, the old doctor asked the young one how he knew that she was doing too much church work. The young one said, "Well, when I bent down to pick up my pen, I saw the preacher under the bed." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sanding in Hard to Reach Places An emery board works well for sanding tough to reach places on furniture. You can make something similar to an emery board by gluing sanding paper to a tongue depressor. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. What must hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?
Unidentified Museum Objects, Vol. III. Think you can identify any of these objects? I couldn't!
___________________________________________________ Interview Phrases Translation Phrase: I'm extremely adept at all manners of office organization. Meaning: I've used Microsoft Works. Phrase: I'm honest, hard-working and dependable. Meaning: I pilfer office supplies. Phrase: I take pride in my work. Meaning: I blame others for any mistakes. Phrase: I am very cooperative. Meaning: I don't have headaches. Phrase: I'm personable. Meaning: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers. Phrase: I am very adaptable. Meaning: I've changed jobs a lot. Phrase: I am on the go. Meaning: I'm never at my desk. Phrase: I'm highly motivated to succeed. Meaning: The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 21 in
753 BC Today is the traditional date of the foundation of Rome. 

43 BC Marcus Antonius was defeated by Octavian near Modena, Italy. 

1526 Mongol Emperor Babur annihilated the Indian Army of Ibrahim Lodi. 

1649 The Maryland Toleration Act was passed, allowing all freedom of
worship. 

1689 William III and Mary II were crowned joint king and queen of
England, Scotland and Ireland. 

1789 John Adams was sworn in as the first U.S. Vice President. 

1836 General Sam Houston defeated Santa Anna at the Battle of San
Jacinto. This battle decided the independence of Texas. 

1856 The Mississippi River was crossed by a rail train for the first
time (between Davenport, IA, and Rock Island, IL). 

1862 The U.S. Congress established the U.S. Mint in Denver, CO. 

1892 The first Buffalo was born in Golden Gate Park. 

1895 Woodville Latham and his sons demonstrated their Panopticon. It
was the first movie projector developed in the United States. 

1898 The Spanish-American War began. 

1914 U.S. Marines occupied Vera Cruz, Mexico. The troops stayed for six
months. 

1916 Bill Carlisle, the infamous ‘last train robber,’ robbed a train in
Hanna, WY. 

1918 German fighter ace Manfred von Richthofen, "The Red Baron," was
shot down and killed during World War I. 

1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt announced that several Doolittle
pilots had been executed by the Japanese for bombing Tokyo. 

1959 Alf Dean caught a 16-foot, 10-inch white shark that weighed 2,664
pounds. At the time it was the largest catch with a rod and reel. 

1960 Brasilia became the capital of Brazil. 

1961 The French army revolted in Algeria. 

1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva (Svetlana Stalina) defected in New York City.
She was the daughter of Joseph Stalin. 

1967 In Athens, Army colonels took over the government and installed
Constantine Kollias as premier. 

1972 Apollo 16 astronauts John Young and Charles Duke explored the
surface of the moon. 

1975 South Vietnam president, Nguyen Van Thieu, resigned, condemning
the United States. 

1984 In France, it was announced that doctors had found virus believed
to cause AIDS. 

1985 Manuel Ortega proposed a cease-fire for Nicaragua. 

1986 Geraldo Rivera opened a vault that belonged to Al Capone at the
Lexington Hotel in Chicago. Nothing of interest was found inside. 

1989 The Game Boy handheld video game device was released in Japan. 

1992 Robert Alton Harris became the first person executed by the state
of California in 25 years. He was put to death for the 1978 murder of
two teen-age boys. 

1994 Jackie Parker became the first woman to qualify to fly an F-16
combat plane. 

1998 Astronomers announced in Washington that they had discovered
possible signs of a new family of planets orbiting a star 220 light-
years away. 

2000 In Sinking Spring, PA, a man chased his estranged girlfriend
through town and then forced her car into the path of an oncoming
train. The woman and her 3 passengers were killed. 

2000 North Carolina researchers announced that the heart of a 66
million-year-old dinosaur was more like a mammal or bird than that of a
reptile. 

2000 The 1998 Children's Online Privacy Protection Act went into
effect. 

2002 In the city of General Santos, 14 people were killed and 69 were
injured in a bomb attack on a department store. The attack was blamed
on Muslim extremists. 

2003 North and South Korea agreed to hold Cabinet-level talks the
following week. 

2009 UNESCO launched The World Digital Library. The World Digital
Library (WDL) is an international digital library operated by UNESCO
and the United States Library of Congress. 

2018  smiled.


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Using a memory stick 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 20
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida boy, 14, paid Scottish 
hooker $480 for sex
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 20 in
1902 Scientists Marie and Pierre Curie isolated the 
radioactive element radium. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910 _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Linda for this story: My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often he turns to me for advice. Recently, I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, "What should I feed Lily for lunch?" "That's up to you," I replied. "There's all kinds of food. Why don't you pretend I'm not at home?" A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to hear my husband asking, "Yeah, hi, Honey. Uh..what should I feed Lily for lunch?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST Count every "F " in the following text: ---- FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS... (SEE BELOW) ---- HOW MANY ? ...................... 3? ***************************** WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke. READ IT AGAIN ! Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down. The reasoning is: The brain cannot process "OF". Incredible or what? Go back and look again!! Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius. Three is normal, four is quite rare! Send this to your friends. It will drive them crazy! And keep them occupied for several minutes _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sarah_McGill, Orlando, Florida Florida boy, 14, paid Scottish hooker $480 for sex A hooker from Scotland is free on bond from the Orange County Jail after police said she had sex with a 14-year-old boy she met online. Sarah McGill, who investigators said used the fake name Sophia Belle online, still had her makeup and her pearl earrings on when she got booked into the Orange County Jail on Saturday night. On Monday, McGill faced a judge, who ordered she have no contact with the victim and not to advertise any services on any websites. The judge also had McGill's passport taken away. Police said a 14-year-old boy staying at the Courtyard Marriott in downtown Orlando went to the Quora.com website and found his way to McGill’s prostitute alter ego. Police said he and McGill began to text and the two met in a room at the hotel. After police said the teenager successfully completed his transaction with McGill, the teenager’s father somehow found out his son had paid a woman $480 to spend an hour with her. He was not impressed. According to a report, McGill told a detective the victim appeared to be younger than 18 years old. McGill was charged with lewd and lascivious battery. Tech Support Pits From: Klaus Re: Using memory sticks Dear Webby, I have just purchased a 256 MB memory stick which when I plug it into a USB port shows up on my computer as 'USB Disk (J:)'. My question is how do I transfer files onto this memory stick from stuff on the computer and outlook express? Your help in the past has been greatly appreciated. Thanks Klaus Dear Klaus With most memory sticks you simply drag the files and folders to and from it, like it was a floppy or another hard drive. It is very rare that a computer does not see and recognize them. Have FUN DearWebby Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".. "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's me husband?" "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jaysus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
*Sixteen Steps to Build a Campfire* 1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left thumb. 3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments 4. Bandage left foot. 5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand) 6. Light Match 7. Light Match 8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match. 9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire. 10. Apply burn ointment to nose. 11. When fire is burning, collect more wood. 12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene." 13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns. 14. Relabel can to read "gasoline." 15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood. 16. When thunderstorm has passed, repeat steps.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Man to Ticket Agent: I want to buy a bus ticket for Norwald. Ticket Agent, Searching Book: Norwald? Let me find that. Hmm... never heard of it. Let me see... Norwald. I don't see Norwald listed, and I can't find it on the map. Just where is Norwald, anyway? Man: Over there. He's my brother-in-law. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Soap Scum If you use liquid soap in your bath and shower instead of bar you will not have as much soap scum. The paraffin in the solid soap helps cause the scum buildup. By Carol Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Seababy for this story: Two very elderly friends, Max and Wally, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Wally didn't show up Max didn't think much about it, figured maybe he had a cold or some such. But after Wally hadn't shown up for a week or so Max really got worried. However, the only time they ever got together anymore (they used to play a lot of golf together) was at the park, and Max couldn't remember where Wally lived so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month passed and Max figured old Wally had gone to his heavenly reward, but one day Max approached the park and, lo and behold, there sat Wally! Max was very excited and happy to see him and told him so! Then he said, "For crying out loud Wally, what happened to you???" Wally replied, "I have been in jail." "Jail???," cried Max!! "What in the world for???" "Well," Wally said, "You know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where we sometimes get coffee?" "Yeah" said MAX, "I remember her. What about her?" "Well one day last month she got mad at me and to get even, she charged me with rape. I was so proud of what everyone would think an old fart like me could still do, that when I got into court, I pled 'Guilty'. The judge then took a good look at me and gave me 30 days for perjury."
Unidentified Museum Objects, Vol. III. Think you can identify any of these objects? I couldn't!
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this story: Hillary and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it, but couldn't. The aged bovine was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick. "What happened to you," asked Hillary? "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, the wife gave me the wine and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me!" "My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary. The driver replied, "Just the truth. I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm Hillary's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest happened so fast, I couldn't stop it." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 20 in
1534 Jacques Cartier, a French explorer, set sail from St. Malo to
explore the North American coastline. 

1653 In England, Oliver Cromwell expelled the Long Parliament for
trying to pass the Perpetuation Bill that would have kept Parliament in
the hands of only a few members. 

1657 English Admiral Robert Blake fought his last battle when he
destroyed the Spanish fleet in Santa Cruz Bay. 

1689 The siege of Londonderry began. Supporters of James II attacked
the city. 

1769 Ottawa Chief Pontiac was murdered by an Illinois Indian in
Cahokia. 

1775 American troops began the siege of British-held Boston. 

1792 France declared war on Austria, Prussia, and Sardinia. It was the
start of the French Revolutionary wars. 

1809 Napoleon defeated Austria at Battle of Abensberg, Bavaria. 

1837 Erastus B. Bigelow was granted a patent for his power loom. 

1861 Robert E. Lee resigned from U.S. Army. 

1865 Safety matches were first advertised. 

1879 First mobile home (horse drawn) was used in a journey from London
to Cyprus. 

1902 Scientists Marie and Pierre Curie isolated the radioactive element
radium. 

1916 Sir Roger Casement landed in Ireland to incite rebellion against
the British. Casement, a British diplomat, was captured within hours
and was hanged for high treason on August 3. 

1919 The Polish Army captured Vilno, Lithuania from the Soviets. 

1940 The First electron microscope was demonstrated by RCA. 

1942 Pierre Laval, the premier of Vichy France, in a radio broadcast,
establishes a policy of "true reconciliation with Germany." 

1945 Soviet troops began their attack on Berlin after the US had bombed
it into the stone age.

1945 During World War II, Allied forces took control of the German
cities of Nuremberg and Stuttgart. 

1953 Operation Little Switch began in Korea. It was the exchange of
sick and wounded prisoners of war. Thirty Americans were freed. 

1961 FM stereo broadcasting was approved by the FCC. 

1962 The New Orleans Citizens' Council offered a free one-way ride for
blacks to move to northern states. 

1967 U.S. planes bombed Haiphong for first time during the Vietnam War.

1971 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the use of busing to achieve racial
desegregation in schools. 

1972 The manned lunar module from Apollo 16 landed on the moon. 

1981 A spokesman for the U.S. Navy announced that the U.S. was
accepting full responsibility for the sinking of the Nissho Maru on
April 9. 

1984 Britain announced that its administration of Hong Kong would cease
in 1997. 

1985 In Madrid, Santiago Carillo was purged from the Communist Party.
Carillo was a founder of Eurocommunism. 

1987 In Argentina, President Raul Alfonsin quelled a military revolt. 

1988 The U.S. Air Forces' Stealth (B-2 bomber) was officially unveiled.

1989 Scientists announced the successful testing of high-definition TV.

1991 Mikhail Gorbachev became the first Soviet head of state to visit
South Korea. 

1992 The worlds largest fair, Expo '92, opened in Seville, Spain. 

2018  smiled.


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Moving to a different location 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 19

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Illegal immigrant runs over, 
kills a father of 4, does not stop
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 19 in
1971 Russia launched the Salyut into orbit around Earth. It was the
first space station. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. --- John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963) Whatever you choose to believe, will be the concept that runs your mind." --- Joe Vitale First secure an independent income, then practice virtue. --- Greek Proverb Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings. --- Evan Esar _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one. I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room. "No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Marais Harbor _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Closing sermon words A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closching schong, let ussch sching Hymn # 365: "Schall We Gather at the River." _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Luis Velasquez-Ortiz, 42, Omaha, Nebraska Illegal immigrant runs over, kills a father of 4, does not stop An illegal immigrant from Guatemala is under arrest and charged in the hit-and-run death of a motorcyclist in Omaha, Nebraska. Juan J. Moreno-Tamayo, a father of four kids, was riding his motorcycle last week when Luis Velasquez-Ortiz, an illegal immigrant, ran through a stop sign and struck Moreno-Tamayo. Velasquez-Ortiz then fled the scene, running over Moreno-Tamayo, killing him in the process. Velasquez-Ortiz was later arrested at his home, after police tracked his Ford Explorer registration through witnesses, who got his license plate. He has been in the United States illegally for 15 years, but used forged documents to work at a local beef company and register his car. He had been arrested twice before, including on a DUI charge. It is unclear if authorities discovered his illegal status prior to his current arrest. Luis Velasquez-Ortiz, 42, faced court on Monday in Omaha where a judge set his bond at $2 million after deeming him to be a flight risk. Officials said Velasquez-Ortiz has lived in Omaha for 15 years but he is in the US illegally from Guatemala. He worked at Nebraska Beef. He is accused of fleeing the crash scene at 32nd and Q Streets last Wednesday after his Ford Explorer collided with the motorcycle. Police said he failed to stop at a stop sign and pulled into the intersection. Juan J. Moreno-Tamayo, the 31-year-old motorcyclist, ended up stuck under the Ford Explorer. Velasquez-Ortiz is accused of then accelerating and running over the father of four as he fled the scene. Moreno-Tamayo, who was wearing a DOT approves helmet, died at the scene. Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Moving Dear Webby, My question and PLEASE don't laugh because I never did this before and I don't know how. This is my very first computer. I have things on here, by checking acct., bills I pay online, other web sites, stored things like recipes etc., How do I go about changing addresses on all of them if I have to move and once moved will my computer still have all the info once plugged back in? Seriously Webby, I DO NOT know that's why I'm asking you. You never steered me wrong before. Thank You. Chris Dear Chris It depends on how far you are going to move. If you move to the moon, then your address will change from gmail to gmoon. There is also gmars, gvenus, and gheaven. There is no ghell. If you go to hell, you'll have to use AOL. However, if you stay on earth, then your gmail email address won't change. If you use the same ISP at the new place, for example earthlink, then all you change is the dial-up number to the number of that town. They even have a 1-800 for areas between towns, where they have a proper dial-up number. Everything else will stay the same. You can change the default shipping address at DELL, Victoria's Secret, and wherever you shop, when you place a new order. Have FUN DearWebby The very first sex education classes were in the 50's. Naturally, some of the teachers were embarrassed and used only very carefully chosen words. In one class, the teacher was explaining the anatomy of the male genitalia. He said, "The human male testicles are about the size of Plover's eggs." A female voice from the back quipped, "Hey... Neat !!! I've always wondered how big Plover's eggs were."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous liberal press, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." (This definition has been attributed to students at Texas A&M University. Just so you will know that Aggies know how to do more than build bonfires.)
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A sweet young lady visiting Brooklyn's Zoo in Prospect Park asked the keeper where the monkeys were. Keeper: "They're in the back, making love." Young lady: "Would they come out for some peanuts?" Keeper: "Would you? ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Aphid Repellent Plants You can help prevent aphid infestations on your vegetables by interplanting them with plants that repel aphids. Some examples are anise, chives, coriander, garlic, onions, petunias and radish. Another trick is lay some aluminum foil around the base of a plant, the reflection will help deter the aphids. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ I know you old salts will remember the old days of wooden ships and Iron men, and signalmen. The aircraft carrier U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln was finally inching up to the pier at Pearl Harbor when the Captain of the ship noticed a sailor on the flight deck gesturing wildly with semaphore flags. He then noticed an attractive young woman standing on top of a station wagon, also waving semaphore flags. Always concerned about security and never having seen something like this, the Captain barked at his Bridge Signalman, "What message are those two people sending?" The Signalman concentrated intently and soon reported, "Sir, he is sending FOXTROT-FOXTROT and she is sending ECHO -FOXTROT." Not having any clue as to what these messages could mean, the Captain dispatched an armed Marine to escort the sailor back to the Bridge. The sailor arrived, out of breath from running up the many ladders to the bridge, and saluted smartly. "Seaman Endicott reporting as ordered, sir!" "Seaman", shouted the Captain, "Who is that woman on the pier and why are you exchanging signals FF and EF?" "Sir, that's my wife, Sir, and she wants to eat first!"
Want to sky dive without jumping out of a plane? This looks like a lot of fun!
___________________________________________________ Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 19 in
1012 Aelfheah was murdered by Danes who had been ravaging the south of
England. Aelfhear became the 29th Archbishop of Canterbury in 1005. 

1539 Emperor Charles V reached a truce with German Protestants at
Frankfurt, Germany. 

1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor and sank
the Spanish fleet. 

1689 Residents of Boston ousted their governor, Edmond Andros. 

1713 Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI issued the Pragmatic Sanction, which
gave women the rights of succession to Hapsburg possessions.

1764 The English Parliament banned the American colonies from printing
paper money. 

1770 Captain James Cook discovered New South Wales, Australia. Cook
originally named the land Point Hicks. 

1775 The American Revolution began as fighting broke out at Lexington,
MA. 

1782 The Netherlands recognized the new United States. 

1794 Tadeusz Kosciuszko forced the Russians out of Warsaw. 

1802 The Spanish reopened the New Orleans port to American merchants. 

1839 The Kingdom of Belgium was recognized by all the states of Europe
when the Treaty of London was signed. 

1861 Thaddeus S. C. Lowe sailed 900 miles in nine hours in a hot air
balloon from Cincinnati, OH, to Unionville, SC. 

1861 The Baltimore riots resulted in four Union soldiers and nine
civilians killed. 

1861 U.S. President Lincoln ordered a blockade of Confederate ports. 

1892 The Duryea gasoline buggy was introduced in the U.S. by Charles
and Frank Duryea. 

1897 The first annual Boston Marathon was held. It was the first of its
type in the U.S. 

1927 In China, Hankow communists declared war on Chaing Kai-shek. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt issued a proclamation that
removed the U.S. from the gold standard. 

1938 General Francisco Franco declared victory in the Spanish Civil
War. 

1939 Connecticut approved the Bill of Rights for the U.S. Constitution
after 148 years. 

1943 The Warsaw Ghetto uprising against Nazi rule began. The Jews were
able to fight off the Germans for 28 days. 

1951 General Douglas MacArthur gave his "Old Soldiers" speech before
the U.S. Congress after being relieved by U.S. President Truman. In the
address General MacArthur said that "Old soldiers never die, they just
fade away." 

1951 Shigeki Tanaka won the Boston Marathon. Tanaka had survived the
atomic blast at Hiroshima, Japan during World War II. 

1960 Baseball uniforms began displaying player's names on their backs. 

1967 Surveyor 3 landed on the moon and began sending photos back to the
U.S. 

1971 Russia launched the Salyut into orbit around Earth. It was the
first space station. 

1975 India launched its first satellite with aid from the USSR. 

1977 Alex Haley received a special Pulitzer Prize for his book "Roots."

1981 In Davao, Philippines, thirteen people were killed when members of
the New People's Army threw hand grenades into the Roman Catholic
cathedral during Easter services. 

1982 The U.S. announced a ban on U.S. tourist and business traval to
Cuba. The U.S. charged the Cuban government with subversion in Central
America. 

1987 In Phoenix, AZ, skydiver Gregory Robertson went into a 200-mph
free-fall to save an unconscious colleague 3,500 feet from the ground. 

1987 The last California condor known to be in the wild was captured
and placed in a breeding program at the San Diego Wild Animal Park. 

1989 A gun turret exploded aboard the USS Iowa. 47 sailors were killed.

1989 In El Salvador, Attorney General Alvadora was killed by a car
bomb. 

1993 The Branch-Davidian’s compound in Waco, TX, burned to the ground.
It was the end of a 51-day standoff between the cult and U.S. federal
agents. 86 people were killed including 17 children. Nine of the Branch
Davidians escaped the fire. 

1994 A Los Angeles jury awarded $3.8 million to Rodney King for
violation of his civil rights. 

1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, OK, was
destroyed by a bomb. It was the worst bombing on U.S. territory. 168
people were killed including 19 children, and 500 were injured. Timothy
McVeigh was found guilty of the bombing on June 2, 1997. 

1998 Wang Dan, a leader of 1989 Tienanmen Square pro democracy
protests, was freed by the Chinese government. 

2000 The Oklahoma City National Memorial was dedicated on the fifth
anniversary of the bombing in Oklahoma that killed 168 people. 

2000 In the Philippines, Air Philippines GAP 541 crashed while
preparing to land. 131 people were killed. 

2002 The USS Cole was relaunched. In Yemen, 17 sailors were killed when
the ship was attacked by terrorists on October 12, 2000. The attack was
blamed on Osama bin Laden's Al-Qaida network. 

2018  smiled.


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Drive designations Master / Slave 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 18

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Controlling bitch, who starved lover, 
stabbed him, burned him and banned him from bed,
sentenced to 7 1/2 years
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 18 in
1775 American revolutionaries Paul Revere, William Dawes and Samuel
Prescott rode though the towns of Massachusetts giving the warning that
the Regulars were coming out. Later, the phrase "the British are
coming" was attributed to Revere even though it is unlikely he used
that wording. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. --- Fletcher Knebel Like its politicians and its wars, society has the teenagers it deserves. --- J. B. Priestley (1894 - 1984) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "Look at ME!!" boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat and firm stomach, having just finished 100 sit-ups before a group of young people. "Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why?? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after loose women!!" He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes aglitter, "And tomorrow, YAHOO, I'm going to celebrate my *95th* birthday!!!" "Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers, "How? With an extra bran muffin?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Mary River turtle only lives in the Mary River south-eastern Queensland, far west Australia. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Maturity means being emotionally and mentally healthy. It is that time when you know when to say yes and when to say no, and when to say WHOOPEE! _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jordan Worth Stewartby, Bedfordshire, England Controlling bitch, who starved lover, stabbed him, burned him and banned him from bed, sentenced to 7 1/2 years This is the controlling girlfriend who carried out a catalogue of abuse against her boyfriend including depriving him of food and banning him from her bed. Jordan Worth, 22, took advantage of her vulnerable boyfriend but is now serving a seven-and-a-half-year prison sentence. Luton Crown Court heard that she: Stabbed him Poured boiling water on him Took control of his Facebook page Banned him from their bed Told him what clothes he should wear Hit him with blunt objects Failed to help him get hospital treatment The couple met in 2012 when they were both 16 years old, but from the beginning she started to control him. It started with telling him what he should wear and eventually she took control of his Facebook telling him which friends he could see and when. Most of the abuse took place at their home in Stewartby, Bedfordshire, where she wouldn’t allow him into their bed for nine months. Worth’s boyfriend was vulnerable as a result of a build-up of water on his brain Luton Crown Court was told that the victim, who is not being identified, suffered from hydrocephalus, which is caused by a build-up of fluid inside the skull and made him vulnerable. The bullying culminated in her using objects to strike him, wounding him with a knife and then failing to get him any medical help. Her ex-boyfriend’s misery came to an end in June when neighbours called police to the couple’s home in the early hours after hearing shouting. The ambulance crew noted injuries to his hand, burns to arms and legs that were being self-treated with cling film. There was also cling film round his ankles, and a hand wound that was bleeding. He was taken to hospital where it was discovered he had second and third degree burns that left permanent scarring and ‘5 per cent of his total body surface was scalded.’ Neighbours added they had often heard the couple arguing and the victim was seen on occasions with black eyes, a limp and with his arm in sling. During one incident Worth was seen at window ‘armed’ with a screwdriver or hammer, the court was told. Worth was later arrested and admitted charges of controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate relationship, wounding with intent and causing grievous bodily harm with intent. The court heard university graduate Worth, who is now in a new relationship, had two sides and came from a loving and supportive family and had previously carried out voluntary work. She was made the subject of a restraining order which prevents her from contacting her ex for an indefinite period. Worth had discouraged her former partner from contacting his family during the abusive relationship. Judge Nic Madge said: ‘She accepts that she has in the past, on a number of occasions, used blunt objects and implements to strike him and that he suffered injuries as a result of her doing so. ‘She admits using boiling or hot water to cause injury to him.’ ----------------- Hydrocephalus is making life quite miserable. I know. Sudden movements, jumping, running, even turning the head quickly, or sneezing and coughing, all cause a stabbing headache so bad, it makes you flinch. I know. I had it from grade 3 on, after a teacher shot a soccer ball at my head with full power, when I did not pay attention in Phys Ed. Surprisingly, when I had an aneurism in my early 30's, during the operation they poured heavy antibiotics into my skull and fixed the perforated and inflamed meninges. The Hydrocephalus was defeated and I have not had any recurrence. I DO sympathize with the poor guy. Living with Hydrocephalus is more than hard enough. I learned one thing, though: High altitude reduces the pain. That is why I spent every weekend in the mountains. DearWebby Tech Support Pits From: Latreesha Re: Don't use the word "Slave" Using the word Slave is racist and not acceptable in a legitimate publication. Latreesha Dear Latreesha, just because YOU are a racist, that does not mean people can't use the word "Slave" in the way it has been used for many thousands of years BEFORE your ancestors got an all expense paid cruise to America. Slaves are mentioned in the Old Testament and the Torah and in ancient Egyptian and Greek writings. 650,000 Republicans died fighting for freeing the slaves in America, so take your nonsense and stuff it where the sun don't shine! When it comes to hard drives, there is no other word suitable to identify and describe the relation between Master drive and Slave drive, and nobody with an IQ bigger than what a squashed toad has, will ever consider changing that. The Master drive is the boot-up and main drive, that launches the operating system, which then controls all the Slave Drives. Have FUN DearWebby Classic! NEW POLICY IN HEAVEN It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. The next day at 12:01am, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly said to the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died." "No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. She appeared to be having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing Could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly." The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in. A few seconds later the next guy came up. The Angel said, "Before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died." "No problem," said the second man. "But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his REFRIGERATOR, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly." The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the man enter. A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The angel says, "Please tell me how you died." The third man says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator."
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>From Dale I had just moved from an apartment to a house in the same small town. One day at the grocery store, I used the last of my personalized checks bearing my old address. The cashier examined the document and asked if everything on it was correct. I assured her that it was, and she started to put the check in the cash drawer. But then she inquired again if everything was accurate. "Why do you ask?" I responded. "Because," she replied, "my husband and I moved to this address last week." Then she paused while she kicked the 911 floor button a few times, and then continued: "and I don't remember seeing you at breakfast."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Breaking Up a Dog Fight The best way to break up a dog fight is to throw water on the dogs. This will usually startle the dogs enough to stop the fighting. Breaking up a dog fight with your hands can be very dangerous as you are liable to get bit or scratched. When I go to the dog park I bring a half gallon tupperware container full of water. It's been enough to break up any altercation between dogs. Most dog parks have a faucet so I can refill it if I need to. By Deb Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Mr. Allen, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, "Miss Hunter, get my broker!" The client was impressed until he heard the secretary's clear voice saying, "Yes, sir, stock or pawn!"
The Great Raft of The Red River
___________________________________________________ As paramedics, my partner and I were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. We decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with siren going, I questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, I asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?" He slowly looked up at me, then gazed out the ambulance window. "Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe 55." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 18 in
1521 Martin Luther confronted the emperor Charles V in the Diet of
Worms and refused to retract his views that led to his excommunication.


1676 Sudbury, Massachusetts, was attacked by Indians. 

1775 American revolutionaries Paul Revere, William Dawes and Samuel
Prescott rode though the towns of Massachusetts giving the warning that
the Regulars were coming out. Later, the phrase "the British are
coming" was attributed to Revere even though it is unlikely he used
that wording. 

1791 National Guardsmen prevented Louis XVI and his family from leaving
Paris. 

1818 A regiment of Indians and blacks were defeated at the Battle of
Suwann, in Florida, ending the first Seminole War. 

1846 The telegraph ticker was patented by R.E. House 

1847 U.S. troops defeated almost 17,000 Mexican soldiers commanded by
Santa Anna at Cerro Gordo. (Mexican-American War) 

1853 The first train in Asia began running from Bombay to Tanna. 

1861 Colonel Robert E. Lee turned down an offer to command the Union
armies during the U.S. Civil War. 

1877 Charles Cros wrote a paper that described the process of recording
and reproducing sound. In France, Cros is regarded as the inventor of
the phonograph. In the U.S., Thomas Edison gets the credit. 

1895 New York State passed an act that established free public baths. 

1906 San Francisco, CA, was hit with an earthquake. The original death
toll was cited at about 700. Later information indicated that the death
toll may have been 3 to 4 times the original estimate. 

1910 Walter R. Brookins made the first airplane flight at night. 

1924 Simon and Schuster, Inc. published the first "Crossword Puzzle
Book." 

1934 The first Laundromat opened in Fort Worth, TX. 

1937 Leon Trotsky called for the overthrow of Soviet leader Josef
Stalin. 

1938 Superman made his debut when he appeared in the first issue of
Action Comics. (Cover date June 1938) 

1942 James H. Doolittle and his squadron, from the USS Hornet, raided
Tokyo and other Japanese cities. 

1942 The Vichy government capitulated to Adolf Hitler and invited
Pierre Laval to form a new government in France. 

1943 Traveling in a bomber, Japanese Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto, was shot
down by American P-38 fighters. 

1945 American war correspondent Ernie Pyle was killed by Japanese
gunfire on the Pacific island of Ie Shima, off Okinawa. He was 44 years
old. 

1946 The League of Nations was dissolved. 

1949 The Republic of Ireland was established. 

1950 The first transatlantic jet passenger trip was completed. 

1954 Colonel Gamal Abdel Nasser seized power in Egypt. 

1956 Actress Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier of Monaco were married. The
religious ceremony took place April 19. 

1960 The Mutual Broadcasting System was sold to the 3M Company of
Minnesota for $1.25 million. 

1978 The U.S. Senate approved the transfer of the Panama Canal to
Panama on December 31, 1999. 

1980 Rhodesia became the independent nation of Zimbabwe. 

1983 The U.S. Embassy in Beirut was blown up by a suicide car-bomber.
63 people were killed including 17 Americans. 

1984 Daredevils Mike MacCarthy and Amanda Tucker made a sky dive from
the Eiffel Tower. The jump ended safely. 

1985 Ted Turner filed for a hostile takeover of CBS. 

1989 Thousands of Chinese students demanding democracy tried to storm
Communist Party headquarters in Beijing. 

1999 Wayne Gretzky (New York Rangers) played his final game in the NHL.
He retired as the NHL's all-time leading scorer and holder of 61
individual records. 

2002 Actor Robert Blake and his bodyguard were arrested in connection
with the shooting death of Blake's wife about a year before. 

2002 The Amtrack Auto Train derailed in a remote area of north Florida.
Four people were killed and 133 were injured. 

2002 The city legislature of Berlin decided to make Marlene Dietrich an
honorary citizen. Dietrich had gone to the United States in 1930. She
refused to return to Germany after Adolf Hitler came to power. 

2018  smiled.


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Slave setting 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 17

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Two with paintball guns arrested,
others, who use them, warned
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 17 in
1521 Martin Luther was excommunicated from the Roman Catholic Church. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better. --- Socratex One man's folly is another man's wife. --- Helen Rowland (1876 - 1950) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The building contractor proudly pointed to the nearly completed residence. "Lady, this house may seem a little shaky right now, but you just wait until we put up the wallpaper." _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Frederick Johnson, 27, DeShawn Dickey, 23, Jacksonville, Florida Two with paintball guns arrested, others, who use them, warned The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office said on Wednesday that two men were arrested after citizens reported them for shooting vehicles and property with paintball guns. Frederick Johnson, 27, and DeShawn Dickey, 23, were shooting paintball guns while wearing all-black clothing after dark on Bert Road, JSO said. Johnson and Dickey refused to stop when confronted by police but were eventually captured, JSO said. They believe several more people were involved. JSO noted that the pair were lucky not to encounter an armed citizen who may not realize the weapon is a paintball gun. "This could have deadly consequences, think before you act," JSO said in a tweet. JSO also said the pair are the latest in a string of incidents involving paintguns. The suspects usually shoot from rental or stolen vehicles, they said. Jacksonville Sheriff's Office Want to shoot vehicles, houses, or people with paintball guns? You're going to get arrested. This is not funny, this is not a joke. Shooting houses, cars, and people with paintball guns will land you in jail or possibly dead if you are encountered by an armed citizen or police officer who doesn't know what you are holding is a paintball gun. Fredrick Johnson, 27 years old and DeShawn Dickey, 23 years old and have been arrested after shooting paintball guns at people and hitting vehicles in the area wearing black masks and black clothing. This occurred in the 900 block of Bert Road around 8:30 p.m. These two when confronted by police, refused to stop, running from police with their paintball guns in hand. They DID NOT get away. A perimeter was set up and they were apprehended. A witness reported that multiple people in vehicles were also involved in these shootings but fled the scene. Tech Support Pits From: Ricky Re: Slave setting Dear Webby, How do I change a master hard drive to a slave? I have a couple older hard drives that I would like to be able to add to my com. There is one particular drive that I got out of a computer from freecycle.org, lets call that drive I, always starts when I turn on the computer. I end up running on "Windows 95" I dont' want that. I want to run my current drive, C, and be able to access I as a seperate drive. You see, drive I has a lot of music on it and I just want to be able to access it like I do any of my other spare drives.... Thanks Webby -Ricky Dear Ricky On really old drives the jumpers for that are on the circuit board, on newer ones they are between the ribbon cable and the power plug-in. If you look close, you'll see one or two miniature Lego blocks. Those are the jumpers. Now, if you look at the label side of the drive, there is a small diagram showing you how to set the jumper to tell it to be a Master drive, Slave drive or RAID drive. With USB drive enclosures you can run another two drives. USB drives also have to be set as Slaves. Have FUN DearWebby There was a king in Africa who had a close friend that he grew up with. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, "This is good!" One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail. About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied him to a stake surrounded by wood. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king had but one thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. They untied the king and sent him away. As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt so very badly about his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right" he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this." "No," his friend replied, "this is good!" "What do you mean, 'this is good'! How could it be good that I sent you, my good friend, to jail for all this time?" "If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you - and eaten!
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Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit." Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Early in the semester, a student stops by during the professor's office hours. He bids her enter. She glances up and down the hall, steps in, closes the door and says, "I would do anything to pass this class." She steps closer to his desk, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do...anything." He returns her gaze. "Anything?" "Anything," she replies. The professor's voice drops to a whisper and he says, "Would you...study?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Surge Protector or Just a Power Strip It's a good idea to plug your computer into a power strip that has a surge protector in it. Not all power strips have this feature. If your power strip doesn't state that it has a surge protector it probably does not and you should upgrade to help protect your expensive electronics. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Powerstrip surge protectors come in various grades. The under $15 type is good enough for power tools, but offers very little protection for delicate electronics. The component in a powerstrip that absorbs minor surges is so fanatically loyal that it suicides trying to protect the stuff plugged into it. It can only suicide once. To show you that it can not do that again, the little light will flicker or not stay on steadily. So, if you see the light on your surge protector flicker, it has become a hand-me-down to the work shop or garage. It will still be a much appreciated power strip there. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: When we agreed to help our sergeant move to a new apartment, we didn't know the elevator wasn't working. So after hours of carrying heavy boxes and furniture up 11 floors, we were wiped out. And when the sergeant asked us to search for his favorite pot, no one moved. "I'll give a bottle of Scotch to whoever finds it," he shouted. Within minutes, a private found the pot. "Good," said the sarge. "Now look for the Scotch."
10 of the most terrible roads in the world. Takes a brave person to travel them!
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Lynn for this story: My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet last week." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 17 in
1492 Christopher Columbus signed a contract with Spain to find a
passage to Asia and the Indies. 

1521 Martin Luther was excommunicated from the Roman Catholic Church. 

1524 New York Harbor was discovered by Giovanni Verrazano. 

1629 Horses were first imported into the colonies by the American
Massachusetts Bay Colony. 

1704 John Campbell published what would eventually become the first
successful American newspaper. It was known as the Boston "News-
Letter." 

1758 Frances Williams published a collection of Latin poems. He was the
first African-American to graduate from a college in the western
hemisphere. 

1808 Bayonne Decree by Napoleon I of France ordered the seizure of U.S.
ships, that were blockading food shipments to France. 

1810 Pineapple cheese was patented by Lewis M. Norton. 

1824 Russia abandoned all North American claims south of 54' 40'. 

1860 New Yorkers learned of a new law that required fire escapes to be
provided for tenement houses. 

1861 Virginia became the eighth state to secede from the Union. 

1864 U.S. Civil War General Grant banned the trading of prisoners. 

1865 Mary Surratt was arrested as a conspirator in the Lincoln
assassination. 

1875 The game "snooker" was invented by Sir Neville Chamberlain. 

1895 China and Japan signed the Treaty of Shimonoseki. It was the end
of the first Sino-Japanese War. In the treaty China ceded Taiwan to
Japan. 

1917 A bill in Congress to establish Daylight Saving Time was defeated.
It was passed a couple of months later. 

1941 Igor Sikorsky accomplished the first successful helicopter lift-
off from water near Stratford, CT. 

1941 The office of Price Administration was established in the U.S. to
handle rationing. 

1946 The last French troops left Syria. 

1961 About 1,400 U.S.-supported Cuban exiles invaded Cuba at the Bay of
Pigs in an attempt to overthrow Fidel Castro. It was an unsuccessful
attack. 

1964 Jerrie Mock became first woman to fly an airplane solo around the
world. 

1964 The Ford Motor Company unveiled its new Mustang model. 

1967 The U.S. Supreme Court barred Muhammad Ali's request to be blocked
from induction into the U.S. Army. 

1969 In Los Angeles, Sirhan Sirhan was convicted of assassinating U.S.
Senator Robert F. Kennedy. 

1969 Czechoslovak Communist Party chairman Alexander Dubcek was
deposed. 

1970 Apollo 13 returned to Earth safely after an on-board accident with
an oxygen tank. 

1975 Khmer Rouge forces capture the capital of Cambodia, Phnom Penh. It
was the end of the five-year war. 

1983 In Warsaw, police routed 1,000 Solidarity supporters. 

1983 In New York, a transit strike that began on March 7 ended. 

1984 In London, demonstrators outside the Libyan Embassy were fired
upon by someone inside. Eleven people were injured and an English
Police woman was killed. 

1985 In Lebanon, the cabinet resigned as Shiites took W. Beirut. 

1987 In Sri Lanka, Tamil guerrillas killed 122 people in a road ambush.

1989 In Poland, courts gave Solidarity legal status. 

1993 A federal jury in Los Angeles convicted two former police officers
of violating the civil rights of beaten motorist Rodney King. Two
other
officers were acquitted. 

1996 Erik and Lyle Menendez were sentenced to life in prison without
parole for killing their parents. 

1999 In India, the government of Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee
collapsed after losing a vote of confidence. 

2018  smiled.


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Source for under $100 hard drives 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 16

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Caught assaulting teacher, handcuffed 
student briefly escapes officer
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 16 in
1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution in effect.
The act severed the last colonial links with Britain. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision. --- Lord Falkland (1610 - 1643) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Allen for this story: I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she'd solved the problem by turning off the lights. A passenger across the aisle who had been listening leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Chena Hotsprings, AK _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ In the mood for joking, a vacationer strolled over to a farmer working in a field and asked, "Did you happen to see a wagonload of monkeys go by?" "Nope," replied the farmer. "Did you fall off?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Natalya Dupree-Robinson, 18, Hallandale Beach, Florida Caught assaulting teacher, handcuffed student briefly escapes officer An 18-year-old student at Hallandale High School was arrested Wednesday after she was accused of assaulting a teacher and then escaping from the school's security office by slipping out of a pair of handcuffs. Natalya Dupree-Robinson faces multiple charges, including aggravated battery on a school employee and resisting arrest. More Hallandale Beach Headlines Hallandale Beach family loses irreplaceable treasures after burglary Hallandale Beach election results March 13, 2018 Hallandale Magnet High School evacuated after receiving bomb threat According to the arrest report, a school resource officer witnessed Dupree-Robinson pushing a teacher against the wall. The officer intervened, forcing Dupree-Robinson to let go of the teacher, the report said. The officer then restrained Dupree-Robinson, placed her in handcuffs and escorted to the school's security office, according to the report. While in the security office, Dupree-Robinson managed to slip free from her handcuffs and fled the school, the report said. She was eventually apprehended again about a block away from the school in the 1000 block of Northwest Eighth Street, the report said. After her escape, Dupree-Robinson was taken to a more secure location - - the Hallandale Beach Police Headquarters. Tech Support Pits From: Randy Re: Hard drive source Dear Webby, I came into a bit of money and want to use it to add a second hard drive to each of the five residents lounge computers at our old folks and extended care home. The computers are about three years old. I can go as high as $120 per drive. What is the best deal I can get for that? Randy Dear Randy Groupon has a refurb Hitachi G-Drive 3TB USB 3.0 Desktop External HD for Around $70 It is in an external Hard drive case that you better epoxy under a table or inside a computer to make sure it does not migrate. It would be too tempting to slide it into a shirt pocket or purse. THREE TERAbytes is an awesome drive! The link to it is Hitachi 3 TB You might want to get an extra one for a fantastic Mothers Day gift! It is a USB drive. You just plug in the USB cable and Windows recognizes it. No screwdriver needed. Just plug it in. Have FUN DearWebby "Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny "can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not." "If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop." His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?" "He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks before the weekend.' "
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"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready." "Good, what are we having for breakfast," said the new husband. "Toast and juice," she replied.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
One of the burdens of office of the small town mayor was his brother in-law, a fellow who liked to throw his or, rather, his in-law's political weight around. The mayor had instructed his policemen and other city officials to treat him just like they would any other taxpayer. The brother-in-law got a ticket for overtime parking. He im- mediately descended in fury on police headquarters, waving the ticket and sputtering, "Hey, do you know who I am?" The desk sergeant surveyed him calmly, picked up his telephone and dialed the mayor's office. "Tell the mayor," he said to the secretary, "that What-his-name is down here and can't remember his name. Should we lock him up until he remembers his name, or send him to the loony bin??" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Saving a Part of Your Budget Make saving a fixed part of your budget. Determine a reasonable amount of money each month and have it automatically deposited into a savings account. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then just how serious is my condition, because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS." ------------- That just means no refills without a visit to the doctor. He has yacht payments due, ya know.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this story: A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law in the kitchen, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work, " the daughter-in-law answered "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "My husband loves me to wear this dress, " she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered and put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive home from work. Finally her husband came home, dirty, sweaty and grouchy as usual. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress, " she whispered, sensually. "Needs ironing, " he said. "What's for dinner?" His funeral will be held Tuesday. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 16 in
0556 Pelagius I began his reign as Catholic Pope. 

1065 The Norman Robert Guiscard took Bari. Five centuries of Byzantine
rule in southern Italy ended. 

1175 Frederick I, Holy Roman Emperor, signed the Treaty of Montebello
with the Lombard League. 

1705 Queen Anne of England knighted Isaac Newton. 

1746 The Duke of Cumberland defeated Bonnie Prince Charlie (and his
Jacobites) at the battle of Culloden. 

1818 The U.S. Senate ratified Rush-Bagot amendment to form an unarmed
U.S.-Canada border. 

1851 A lighthouse was swept away in a gale at Minot’s Ledge, MA. 

1854 San Salvador was destroyed by an earthquake. 

1862 Confederate President Jefferson Davis approved conscription act
for white males between 18 and 35. 

1862 In the U.S., slavery was abolished by law in the District of
Columbia. 

1883 Paul Kruger became president of the South African Republic. 

1900 The first book of postage stamps was issued. The two-cent stamps
were available in books of 12, 24 and 48 stamps. 

1905 Andrew Carnegie donated $10,000,000 of personal money to set up
the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching. 

1912 Harriet Quimby became the first woman to fly across the English
Channel. 

1917 Vladimir Ilyich Lenin returned to Russia to start the Bolshevik
Revolution after years of exile. 

1922 Annie Oakley shot 100 clay targets in a row, to set a women's
record. 

1922 The Soviet Union and Germany signed the Treaty of Rapallo under
which Germany recognized the Soviet Union and diplomatic and trade
relations were restored. 

1940 The first no-hit, no-run game to be thrown on an opening day of
the major league baseball season was earned by Bob Feller. The
Cleveland Indians beat the Chicago White Sox 1-0. 

1942 The Island of Malta was awarded the George Cross in recognition
for heroism under constant German air attack. 

1943 In Basel, Switzerland, chemist Albert Hoffman accidently
discovered the the hallucinogenic effects of LSD-25 while working on
the medicinal value of lysergic acid. 

1944 The destroyer USS Laffey survived immense damage from attacks by
22 Japanese aircraft off Okinawa. 

1945 American troops entered Nuremberg, Germany. 

1947 The Zoomar lens, invented by Dr. Frank Back, was demonstrated in
New York City. It was the first lens to exhibit zooming effects. 

1947 In Texas City, TX, the French ship Grandcamp, carrying ammonium
nitrate fertilizer, caught fire and blew up. The explosions and
resulting fires killed 576 people. 

1948 In Paris, the Organization for European Economic Co-operation was
set up. 

1951 75 people were killed when the British submarine Affray sank in
the English Channel. 

1953 The British royal yacht Britannia was launched. 

1967 At the Western Open in El Monte, CA, Ken Barnes Jr. became the
first skeet shooter to break a perfect 400 x 400 in all four guns
(.410, 28, 20, and 12 gauges). He is also the only shooter to do this
with pump action guns. 

1968 The Pentagon announced that troops would begin coming home from
Vietnam. 

1972 Apollo 16 blasted off on a voyage to the moon. It was the fifth
manned moon landing. 

1972 Two giants pandas arrived in the U.S. from China. 

1975 The Khmer Rouge Rebels won control of Cambodia after a five years
of civil war. They renamed the country Kampuchea and began a reign of
terror. 

1978 In Orissa, India, 180 people died when a tornado hit. 

1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution in effect.
The act severed the last colonial links with Britain. 

1983 China shelled the Vietnam border in retaliation for raids. 

1983 Brazil detained four Libyan planes en route to Nicaragua after
finding weapons, explosives and ammunition on the planes. 

1987 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) sternly warned U.S.
radio stations to watch the use of indecent language on the airwaves. 

1987 The U.S. Patent Office began allowing the patenting of new animals
created by genetic engineering. 

1992 Italian financier Carlo de Benedetti and 32 others were convicted
of fraud in connection with the 1982 collapse of Banco Ambrosiano. 

1992 The House ethics committee listed 303 current and former lawmakers
who had overdrawn their House bank accounts. 

1995 The European Union and Canada agreed to protect threatened fish
stocks in the north Atlantic. 

1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and his wife, Sarah, the Duchess of York,
announced that they were in the process of getting a divorce. 

1996 An Italian court found former Prime Minister Bettino Craxi guilty
on charges of corruption. He was sentenced to eight years and three
months in prison. 

1999 Wayne Gretzky announced his retirement from the National Hockey
League (NHL). 

2002 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned major parts of a 1996 child
pornography law based on rights to free speech. 

2007 In Blacksburg, VA, a student killed 33 people at Virginia Tech
before killing himself. 

2018  smiled.


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Dogfood diet 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 15

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man’s own dashboard camera shows him 
committing burglary
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 15 in
1948 The Arabs were defeated in the first Jewish-Arab battle. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Laughter is the closest distance between two people. --- Victor Borge (1909 - 2000) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man from New York City found himself in a spot of bother after the IRS returned his tax return to him due to an incorrectly-answered question. One of the questions on his tax return asked him to list his dependents. A few days later, they received the following response: “15.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crackheads, 4.4 million unemployed deadbeats, 180,000 criminals in over 85 prisons, at least 450 idiots in Congress and numerous others who call themselves politicians, but are in fact nothing of the sort.” In a strongly-worded letter accompanying the man’s tax return, the IRS responded: “This answer is completely unacceptable and an insult to this government institution.” In turn, he replied: “I thought it was quite detailed. Who did I leave out?” _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Colibri Topaze _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The Christian missionary was making his first visit to a cannibal tribe. The missionary asked the cannibal chief, "Do you people know anything about religion?" After a pause, the chief answered, "We got a little taste of it when the last missionary was here." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Xavier Inocencio Moran, 25, Royal Palm Beach, Florida Man’s own dashboard camera shows him committing burglary A Royal Palm Beach man accused of burglary has his vehicle’s dashboard camera to thank for landing him in the Palm Beach County Jail, according to an arrest report. Xavier Inocencio Moran, 25, is accused of using a baseball bat first to break into the Sally’s Beauty Supply in Royal Palm Beach on April 5, then on a safe in order to attempt entry. More than three hours after the alleged burglary, on State Road 7 near Southern Boulevard, Moran was involved in a crash on Belvedere Road. Moran told a Palm Beach County sheriff’s deputy that he was cut off by another driver and could prove it through his dashboard camera. Moran signed a consent waiver to search the camera. While reviewing the video footage, the deputy observed Moran’s 2014 Nissan backing into a parking space in front of the Sally’s Beauty Supply store. The video then allegedly shows Moran taking a bat from the car’s trunk and breaking the glass door leading into the business. The report states that Moran was arrested Tuesday at the Palm Beach County Courthouse, but does not detail the circumstances. Records show that Moran was also arrested on April 7 after he allegedly threatened to shoot his brother with an assault rifle and pistol. Moran and his brother live with their parents in Royal Palm Beach. During the incident, Moran allegedly pointed the gun at his father and threatened to harm his parents as well as his brother. After he was arrested, Moran allegedly ran from authorities. Despite being restricted by handcuffs, he jumped over a fence and attempted to hide behind bushes, according to a sheriff’s report. Moran is facing two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and one count each of battery, resisting an officer without violence and escape in the April 7 incident. He was released from jail Sunday under court-ordered supervision. Tech Support Pits From: Jazzye Re: Dogfood Diet Dear Webby, Thanx for your GREAT humour letter...it's a cool read from start to finish! I have a special request, and I'm sending a 'reply' as you say to get in touch with you. Is there any way possible or a link I can access to find the 'dog food diet' joke that I believe you put in the letter a few months ago?? I would greatly appreciate it! Thanx again! Jazzye Dear Jazzye DOGFOOD DIET I have a Labrador Retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he roared with laughter and staggered to the door and fresh air. Have FUN DearWebby Addressing the Catholic school class, the nun asked, "Is it wrong to have sex before you're married?" Promiscuous Mary piped up, "Only if you're late for the ceremony."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Connie for this story: The telemarketer did his best to convince me to renew my subscription for another year. "At this price, it's really a great bargain," he said. I'm elderly," I laughed. "I might die before the subscription ends." "No problem," he assured me. "You'll get a refund."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Margaret for this story: Jesse Jackson got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked in the mirror and noticed he was white from the neck up to the top of his head. In sheer panic and fearing he really was turning white and might have to start working for a living, he called his doctor and told him of his problem. The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately. After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Jesse, and told him to drink it all. Jesse did and replied, "That tasted like bull sh..!" The doctor replied, "It was, Jesse. You were a quart low." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Meatloaf Muffins To make meatloaf in convenient serving size, make your favorite meatloaf recipe in muffin tins. The meatloaf will cook faster and it's the perfect size for freezing. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Reduce temperature and time, or you will get hockey pucks! Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Laura is driving down the highway with her hand stuck out the window and waving in every direction. The police officer that is following behind her finally has had enough and hits the lights and signals Laura to pull over. "First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the officer. "I decided not to turn right," Laura explains. "Then why the up and down?" asks the officer. "Officer," Laura sniffs, "I was erasing!"
The Shirk Report
___________________________________________________ A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, golly!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my little ducks!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 15 in
1784 The first balloon was flown in Ireland. 

1813 U.S. troops under James Wilkinson attacked the Spanish-held city
of Mobile that would be in the future state of Alabama. 

1817 The first American school for the deaf was opened in Hartford, CT.

1858 At the Battle of Azimghur, the Mexicans defeated Spanish
loyalists. 

1861 U.S. President Lincoln mobilized the Federal army. 

1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln died from injuries inflicted by
John Wilkes Booth. 

1871 "Wild Bill" Hickok became the marshal of Abilene, Kansas. 

1892 The General Electric Company was organized. 

1899 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Portland Cement Company. 

1912 The ocean liner Titanic sank in the North Atlantic after hitting
an iceberg the evening before. 1,517 people died and more than 700
people survived. 

1917 The British defeated the Germans at the battle of Arras. 

1923 Insulin became generally available for people suffering with
diabetes. 

1934 In the comic strip "Blondie," Dagwood and Blondie Bumstead
welcomed a baby boy, Alexander. The child would be nicknamed, Baby
Dumpling. 

1940 French and British troops landed at Narvik, Norway. 

1945 During World War II, British and Canadian troops liberated the
Nazi concentration camp Bergen-Belsen. 

1948 The Arabs were defeated in the first Jewish-Arab battle. 

1952 U.S. President Harry Truman signed the official Japanese peace
treaty. 

1952 The first B-52 prototype was tested in the air. 

1953 In Buenos Aires, six people were killed by a bomb at a rally
addressed by President Peron. 

1953 Pope Pius XII gave his approval of psychoanalysis but warned of
possible abuses. 

1953 Charlie Chaplin surrendered his U.S. re-entry permit rather than
face proceedings by the U.S. Justice Department. Chaplin was accused of
sympathizing with Communist groups. 

1956 General Motors announced that the first free piston automobile had
been developed. 

1959 Cuban leader Fidel Castro began a U.S. goodwill tour. 

1967 Richard Speck was found guilty of murdering eight student nurses. 

1983 In Urayasu, Chiba, Japan, the Tokyo Disneyland themepark opened. 

1986 U.S. F-111 warplanes attacked Libya in response to the bombing of
a discotheque in Berlin on April 5, 1986. 

1989 Students in Beijing launched a series of pro democracy protests
upon the death of former Communist Party leader Hu Yaobang. The
protests led to the Tienanmen Square massacre. 

1989 In Sheffield, England, 96 people were killed and hundreds were
injured at a soccer game at Hillsborough Stadium when a crowd surged
into an overcrowded standing area. Ninety-four died on the day of the
incident and two more later died from their injuries. 

1994 The World Trade Organization was established. 

1998 Pol Pot died at the age of 73. The leader of the Khmer Rouge
regime thereby evaded prosecution for the deaths of 2 million
Cambodians. 

1999 In Algeria, former Foreign Minister Abdelaziz Bouteflika was
elected president. All of the opposition candidates claimed that the
vote was fraudulent and withdrew from the election. 

1999 In Rawalpindi, Pakistan, a panel of two Lahore High Court judges
convicted former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto and her husband, Asif
Ali Zardari, of corruption. 

2000 600 anti-IMF (International Monetary Fund) protesters were
arrested in Washington, DC, for demonstrating without a permit. 

2010 In Prospect Harbor, ME, the Stinson Seafood plant stopped sardine
processing after 135 years in operation. 

2018  smiled.


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Firefox freezing 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 14

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Kidnapper was punched out when daddy arrived
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 14 in
1912 The Atlantic passenger liner Titanic, on its maiden voyage hit
an iceberg and began to sink. 1,517 people lost their lives and more
than 700 survived. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250 --- Harper's Index Instead of worrying about what people say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire." --- Dale Carnegie We know accurately only when we know little; with knowledge doubt increases. --- Goethe _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Liz for this story: I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you, lady," he said incredulously. "But I usually just put my car in park." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ You got it on AutoFocus! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ My sister Tammy went through knee surgery a few weeks ago. I called her to see how she was doing. My nephew Bryan answered the phone. "Hello?" he whispered. "Hey, B, how's your mama?" "She's sleeping," he whispered again. "She go back to the doctor for a checkup?" "Yeah. She got some medicine," he said softly. "She's doing ok." "All right. Don't wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?" Again, softly, "Practicing on my drums." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Yonel Hernandez-Velasco, 26, Auburn, California Kidnapper was punched out when daddy arrived A father said he used his fists to stop a would-be kidnapper from dragging the man's 3-year-old daughter out of a park in Auburn, California. Witnesses who were at the North Auburn Regional Park around 7 p.m. told deputies the suspect, 26-year-old Yonel Hernandez-Velasco, was acting strangely Saturday before he allegedly accosted the man's little girl. A group of boys said Hernandez-Velasco tried twice to buy their basketball. According to the Placer County Sheriff's Office, when they rejected him he showed them a pair of handcuffs and threatened to drag one of them into a nearby pond, according to KTXL. Cecilia Sole was playing with her two daughters when the boys told Hernandez-Velasco to go away. Sole said that's when he walked over to her youngest. “He interlaces his fingers with my 3-year-old and starts trying to make a game out of it. Like skipping with her," Sole told KTXL. But she said it was no game when Hernandez-Velasco started dragging the little girl away. She chased after them while calling the girls' father, who lives near the park. Hernadez-Velasco let the girl go but the bizarre incident was far from over. "He just looked at me like [shrugs] and I was like, ‘Wow no big thing, huh bud? You just tried to kidnap my daughter,'" said Fred Cantrell Jr., the toddler's father. Auburn Police say at that point Hernandez-Velasco took out the pair of handcuffs, wrapped them around his fist and took a swing at the toddler's father. Cantrell said he punched back, fists flew and Hernandez-Velasco collapsed to the ground. The threat was over, but not for the little girl, who called out for her father later that night, unable to sleep. “She gave me a kiss, she was all, 'I love you, daddy.' I was like, 'I love you too, baby.' Then she’s like, 'Don’t ever let me go.' That right there crushed my heart,” Cantrell said. Hernandez-Velasco was hospitalized then booked into the Auburn Jail upon his release. He has been charged on suspicion of kidnapping, assault with a deadly weapon and attempted kidnapping. His bail is set at $1.2 million. Tech Support Pits From: Penny Re: Firefox freezing Dear Webby, Once again I come with a question. Firefox keeps freeing on me, "Not Responding". Any ideas why?? Google chrome is on this computer too. But.. for some stupid reason I couldn't open my G-mail with it. I installed Firefox and tah dah, I have G-mail. I don't understand why since g-mail is google? Thanks for all the help and the newsletters. I read them all. Penny Dear Penny There is no logical reason for a machine to act like that. It sounds like your machine has some kind of infection. Have you tried running Malwarebytes? http://webby.com/malwarebytes Have FUN DearWebby During the weeks before Jill's wedding, she was terribly anxious about making some mistakes at the ceremony. The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service was not difficult and she will do just fine. "All you have to remember," he said, "is that when you enter the church you walk up the AISLE. The groom and best man will be waiting before the ALTAR. Then I shall request the congregation to sing a HYMN....then we shall get on with the ceremony. All you have to remember is the order in which those things happen and you can't go wrong." The happy day finally arrived, and the bridegroom waited nervously for his bride to appear. When she arrived and stood alongside him, he heard her quietly repeating to herself, "Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle, altar, hymn." Or, as it sounded to him, "I'll alter him!"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
>From Ed When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says: "If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER." So, I call them and say, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Marketing 101 . . . Revised People often ask for an explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is: You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed," That's Telemarketing. You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, I hear you're fantastic in bed," That's Brand Recognition. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep. Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support. You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" . That's spam. You see two great looking brothers at a party. You decide to take them both home. That's a 2 for 1 sale. You are at a party, this well-built man walks up to you and gropes your breast and grabs your bottom. That's Arnold Schwarzenegger. You like it, but 10 years later your attorney decides you were offended and files suit. That's America. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Tip Calculations Here's a trick for computing a 15% tip in your head. Start by calculating 10% of the bill and then add half. For example, if the bill is $24 dollars, a 15% tip would be $2.40 (10%) plus $1.20 (half of 15%), for a total of $3.60. Another easy method is to use the sales tax rate in your state. If it the tax rate happens to be around %7 or 8%, the tip should be roughly double the amount of tax that is charged. Another option is to carry a tip card, a small wallet sized card that has a table on it for calculating tips. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Wow doc, exactly what's my problem?" The doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
Whale graveyards in the most unlikely places.
___________________________________________________ >From Ole Our supervisor recently made a casual comment about my shaggy mane of hair. He then went on to extol the virtues of a good haircut, which, he insisted, makes an elderly man look younger and a younger man seem more mature. "How would a haircut make a middle-aged man like me appear?" I asked. "Still employed," he answered. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 14 in
1775 The first abolitionist society in U.S. was organized in
Philadelphia with Ben Franklin as president. 

1793 A royalist rebellion in Santo Domingo was crushed by French
republican troops. 

1828 The first edition of Noah Webster's dictionary was published
under the name "American Dictionary of the English Language." 

1860 The first Pony Express rider arrived in San Francisco with mail
originating in St. Joseph, MO. 

1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated in Ford's
Theater by John Wilkes Booth. He actually died early the next
morning. 

1894 First public showing of Thomas Edison's kinetoscope took place.

1902 James Cash (J.C.) Penney opened his first retail store in
Kemmerer, WY. It was called the Golden Rule Store. 

1912 The Atlantic passenger liner Titanic, on its maiden voyage hit
an iceberg and began to sink. 1,517 people lost their lives and more
than 700 survived. 

1918 The U.S. First Aero Squadron engaged in America's first aerial
dogfight with enemy aircraft over Toul, France. 

1931 King Alfonso XIII of Spain went into exile and the Spanish
Republic was proclaimed. 

1939 The John Steinbeck novel "The Grapes of Wrath" was first
published. 

1946 The civil war between Communists and nationalists resumed in
China. 

1953 Viet Minh invaded Laos with 40,00 troops. 

1956 Ampex Corporation of Redwood City, CA, demonstrated the first
commercial magnetic tape recorder for sound and picture. 

1981 America's first space shuttle, Columbia, returned to Earth
after a three-day test flight. The shuttle orbited the Earth 36
times during the mission. 

1984 The Texas Board of Education began requiring that the state's
public school textbooks describe the evolution of human beings as
"theory rather than fact". 

1985 The Russian paper "Pravda" called U.S. President Reagan's
planned visit to Bitburg to visit the Nazi cemetery an "act of
blasphemy". 

1986 U.S. President Reagan announced the U.S. air raid on military
and terrorist related targets in Libya. 

1988 Representatives from the U.S.S.R., Pakistan, Afghanistan and
the U.S. signed an agreement that called for the withdrawal of
Soviet forces from Afghanistan starting on May 15. The last Soviet
troop left Afghanistan on February 15, 1989. 

1988 In New York, real estate tycoons Harry and Leona Helmsley were
indicted for income tax evasion. 

1994 Two American F-15 warplanes inadvertently shot down two U.S.
helicopters over northern Iraq. 26 people were killed including 15
Americans. 

1998 The state of Virginia ignored the requests from the World Court
and executed a Paraguayan for the murder of a U.S. woman. 

1999 Pakistan test-fired a ballistic missile that was capable of
carrying a nuclear warhead and reaching its rival neighbor India. 

2000 After five years of deadlock, Russia approved the START II
treaty that calls for the scrapping of U.S. and Russian nuclear
warheads. The Russian government warned it would abandon all arms-
control pacts if Washington continued with an anti-missile system. 

2002 U.S. President George W. Bush sent a letter of congratulations
to JCPenny's associates for being in business for 100 years. James
Cash (J.C.) Penney had opened his first retail store on April 14,
1902. 

2002 Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez returned to office two days
after being arrested by his country's military. 

2008 Delta Air Lines and Northwest Airlines announced they were
combining. 

2018  smiled.


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Should you bounce spam? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 13
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Friday the 13th! 
Remember, it is bad luck to be superstitious!

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Virginia woman hreatened to bomb a 7-Eleven
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 13 in
1959 A Vatican edict prohibited Roman Catholics from voting for Communists. 
And now they have a communist pope!

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rose for this one: While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one." _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart. Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have todays paper?" The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the mountains spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 900-foot embankment, turned over, and burst into flames. There were no injuries and nobody got sued. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Crystal Mostek, 33, Virginia Beach, Virginia Virginia woman threatened to bomb a 7-Eleven A woman was arrested on Wednesday after she allegedly threatened to blow up a 7-Eleven in Virginia. Crystal Mostek, 33, strode into the Virginia Beach, Virginia, convenience store, on Tuesday and was reported to have put a device on the counter. She was then said to have allegedly told the store clerk that it was actually a bomb, WAVY reported. Virginia Beach Fire Department spokesman Art Kohn asserted that the woman threatened to blow up the store. It was later determined that the device she sat on the counter wasn't actually a bomb. The woman was charged with threatening to bomb and possession of a hoax device. A motive has not been released for the woman, who is still currently being held at the Virginia Beach Jail. Tech Support Pits From: Ella Re: Bouncing spam Dear Webby, I have always been bouncing spam back at the sender, but now my daughter told me that you had written once that was a dumb idea. She couldn't remember the details, though, and told me to write you myself. So, what's the story with bouncing spam? Ella Dear Ella The only email to bounce is when your mother-in-law writes that she will come for an uninvited but extended visit. Spammers never use their own address as the sender address, and often they even forge the recipient's address as the sender address. Not all, but some spammers use a collector address to catch all the bounces. They can tell if the mail was bounced by a spam control program. A fake bounce to them is confirmation that the address works, and they sell it as "guaranteed live". Except for the one exception mentioned above, bouncing does not work in your favor. Have FUN DearWebby Jill, in the personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. She sent this reply: "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we do have a few alcoholics."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A fight broke out between a couple redneck locals and a lone biker at closing time in the local watering hole. After easily laying out the drunken hillbillies the biker heard someone behind him! So he swung around and landed a kick to a butt, realizing too late that it was only the barmaid picking up empty glasses. When the case went to court, the judge asked, "Are you the woman alleging she was kicked in the altercation?" To which she answered, "I ain't never had no alteration! These is all my original parts."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at the club. "Wow," said the young man, "that's pretty impressive." "Not really," said the little old man. "Any hotter and I'd probably have a stroke." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cloudy Vases If your flower vases have a cloudy look or a white film buildup inside, try soaking them in white vinegar. It should remove the film. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Murphy had been drinking at the pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So Murphy stood up to leave fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell flat on his face. He managed to crawl through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting,"SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!" Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said, "What makes you say that?" "The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again!"
___________________________________________________ Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love." "Well," said the other, "that would certainly revolutionize hockey!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 13 in
1598 King Henry IV of France signed the Edict of Nantes which
granted political rights to French Protestant Huguenots. 

1759 The French defeated the European allies in Battle of Bergen. 

1775 Lord North extended the New England Restraining Act to South,
Carolina, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Maryland. The act
prohibited trade with any country other than Britain and Ireland. 

1782 Washington, NC, was incorporated as the first town to be named
for George Washington. 

1808 William "Juda" Henry Lane perfected the tap dance. 

1829 The English Parliament granted freedom of religion to
Catholics. 

1849 The Hungarian Republic was proclaimed. 

1860 The first mail was delivered via Pony Express when a westbound
rider arrived in Sacremento, CA from St. Joseph, MO. 

1861 After 34 hours of bombardment, the Union-held Fort Sumter
surrenders to Confederates. 

1916 The first hybrid seed corn was purchased for 15-cents a bushel
by Samuel Ramsay. 

1933 The first flight over Mount Everest was completed by Lord
Clydesdale. 

1941 German troops captured Belgrade, Yugoslavia. 

1945 Vienna fell to Soviet troops. 

1949 Philip S. Hench and associates announced that cortizone was an
effective treatment for rheumatoid arthritis. 

1959 A Vatican edict prohibited Roman Catholics from voting for
Communists. 

1960 The first navigational satellite was launched into Earth's
orbit. 

1961 The U.N. General Assembly condemned South Africa due to
apartheid. 

1962 In the U.S., major steel companies rescinded announced price
increases. The John F. Kennedy administration had been applying
pressure against the price increases. 

1970 An oxygen tank exploded on Apollo 13, preventing a planned moon
landing. 

1984 U.S. President Reagan sent emergency military aid to El
Salvador without congressional approval. 

1984 Christopher Walker was killed in a fight with police in New
Hampshire. Walker was wanted as a suspect in the kidnappings of 11
young women in several states. 

1990 The Soviet Union accepted responsibility for the World War II
murders of thousands of imprisoned Polish officers in the Katyn
Forest. The Soviets had previously blamed the massacre on the Nazis.

1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica announced a $62.5 billion merger,
creating the country's first coast-to-coast bank. 

1998 Dolly, the world's first cloned sheep, gave natural birth to a
healthy baby lamb. 

1999 Jack Kervorkian was sentenced in Pontiac, MI, to 10 to 25 years
in prison for the second-degree murder of Thomas Youk. Youk's
assisted suicide was videotaped and shown on "60 Minutes" in 1998. 

2000 It was announced that 69 people had died when the Arlahada, a
Philippine ferry, capsized. 70 people were rescued. 

2002 Twenty-five Hindus were killed and about 30 were wounded when
grenades were thrown by suspected Islamic guerrillas near Jammu-
Kashir. 

2007 Google announced that it had acquired the advertising service
company DoubleClick for $3.1 billion. 

2018  smiled.


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Inevitable looting 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 12

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

The colonoscopy went OK. Just the usual, boring waiting for them to
get ready. The results were OK, as I had expected. A $40 parking
ticket waiting for me afterwards was not expected. Alberta Health is
getting too sleazy!


Answer to the dirt in the hole puzzle: 
There is no dirt in the hole. Three people figured it out correctly.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman blames cocaine in purse 
on windy day
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 11 in
1911 Pierre Prier completed the first non-stop London-Paris flight
in three hours and 56 minutes. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up. --- Tom Lehrer (1928 - ) The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. --- Rita Mae Brown _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Major power disruption in Los Angeles Los Angeles Major power disruptions throughout the city of Los Angeles due to massive theft of power cables. According to the L.A. Fire Department, tens of thousands of people were trapped on escalators and at pedestrian crossings. White and black Americans view the power disaster in starkly different ways, with more blacks viewing race as a factor in problems with the federal response, according to a CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll. More blacks than whites said they were angry about the government's slow response to the problem, and the blatant discrimination against blacks, non-smokers and the poor. According to polls conducted by CNN and AOL, President Trump is the target of their ire. CNN expects the inevitable looting caused by the Trump administrations failure to deal with the power disaster to start by mid afternoon, and has booked extra advertising for the evening broadcasts. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ a href="http://webby.com/humor/i/HiggsBoson-L.jpg"> Higgs Boson will end the universe Friday afternoon in 10 quinquadragintillion years (one with 139 zeros after it) _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A young army doctor was stationed at a remote dispensary in the South Pacific. One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of his patients. He radioed a base hospital: 'Have case of beriberi. What shall I do?' A prankster got hold of the message. This was the reply: 'Give it to the Marines. They'll drink anything.' ---------- (Beriberi is Vitamin A deficiency) _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kennecia Posey, 26, Fort Pierce, Florida Florida woman blames cocaine in purse on windy day A Florida woman who was arrested last month on drug possession charges blamed the cocaine found in her purse on the wind. Kennecia Posey, 26, was one of two passengers in a car that was swerving in the roadway when it was stopped by Fort Pierce police March 21. Airline worker busted with 9 pounds of cocaine taped to legs According to the police report, an officer approached the car and smelled an odor of marijuana coming from inside. During a search of the car, the officer found cocaine and marijuana in separate bags inside a purse that Posey had on her lap. When questioned about the drugs, Posey admitted that the marijuana was hers, police said. The cocaine was a different story. "I don't know anything about any cocaine," Posey said, according to the report. "It's a windy day. It must have flown through the window and into my purse." Posey was booked into the county jail on one felony count of cocaine possession and a misdemeanor count of marijuana possession. She was later released on bond. Tech Support Pits From: . Re: . No Question No answer Have FUN DearWebby Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME...!
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. "Now that you're over 40," the doctor told him, "you've developed a condition called 'presbyopia,' in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to." Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. "Con- gratulations!" he said. "You're now officially a presbyope!" Doug leaned over and asked seriously, "If that means I'm no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, if you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clutter Control: Online Banking Consider using online banking to cut down on the amount of paperwork you have to organize. Also, most credit card companies allow you to pay bills online and you can have them send you electronic statements by email. It is often more convenient to print out statements and registers when you need them than to find them among a pile of old mail. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"
See the 'Jupiter Triangle' in April's Night Sky. If the videos don't work, use an updated browser like Edge or Chrome. Movies show you how to find and identify planets and stars.
___________________________________________________ A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 12 in
1096 Peter the Hermit gathered his army in Cologne. 

1204 The Fourth Crusade sacked Constantinople. 

1606 England adopted the original Union Jack as its flag. 

1782 The British navy won its only naval engagement against the
colonists in the American Revolution at the Battle of Saints, off
Dominica. 

1799 Phineas Pratt patented the comb cutting machine. 

1811 The first colonists arrived at Cape Disappointment, Washington.


1833 Charles Gaylor patented the fireproof safe. 

1861 Fort Sumter was shelled by Confederacy, starting America's
Civil War. 

1864 Confederate Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest captured Fort Pillow,
in Tennessee and slaughters the black Union troops there. 

1877 A catcher's mask was used in a baseball game for the first time
by James Alexander Tyng. 

1892 Voters in Lockport, New York, became the first in the U.S. to
use voting machines. 

1905 The Hippodrome opened in New York City. 

1911 Pierre Prier completed the first non-stop London-Paris flight
in three hours and 56 minutes. 

1916 American cavalrymen and Mexican bandit troops clashed at
Parrel, Mexico. 

1927 The British Cabinet came out in favor of women voting rights. 

1938 The first U.S. law requiring a medical test for a marriage
license was enacted in New York. 

1944 The U.S. Twentieth Air Force was activated to begin the
strategic bombing of Japan. 

1945 In New York, the organization of the first eye bank, the Eye
Bank for Sight Restoration, was announced. 

1955 The University of Michigan Polio Vaccine Evaluation Center
announced that the polio vaccine of Dr. Jonas Salk was "safe,
effective and potent." 

1961 Soviet Yuri Alexeyevich Gagarin became first man to orbit the
Earth. 

1963 Police used dogs and cattle prods on civil rights demonstrators
in Birmingham, AL. 

1981 The space shuttle Columbia blasted off from Cape Canaveral, FL,
on its first test flight. 

1982 The British Navy began enforcing a blockade around the Falkland
Islands. 

1982 Three CBS employees were shot to death in a New York City
parking lot. 

1983 Harold Washington was elected the first black mayor of Chicago.

1984 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Challenger made the first
satellite repair in orbit by returning the Solar Max satellite to
work. 

1984 Israeli troops stormed a bus that had been hijacked the
previous evening by four Arab terrorists. All the passengers were
rescued and 2 of the hijackers were killed. 

1985 U.S. Senator Jake Garn of Utah became the first senator to fly
in space as the shuttle Discovery lifted off from Cape Canaveral,
FL. 

1985 In Spain, an explosion in a restaurant near a U.S. base killed
17 people. 

1985 Federal inspectors declared that four animals of the Ringling
Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus were not unicorns. They were
goats with horns that had been surgically implanted. 

1987 Texaco filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy after it failed to settle a
legal dispute with Pennzoil Co. 

1988 Harvard University won a patent for a genetically altered
mouse. It was the first patent for a life form. 

1988 The Chinese government named a new array of younger leaders to
ensure economic reform. 

1989 In the U.S.S.R, ration cards were issued for the first time
since World War II. The ration was prompted by a sugar shortage. 

1992 Disneyland Paris opened in Marne-La-Vallee, France. 

1993 NATO began enforcing a no-fly zone over Bosnia and Herzegovina.

2000 More than 1,500 anti-drug agents raided four cities in Colombia
and arrested 46 members of the "most powerful" heroin ring. 

2000 Robert Cleaves, 71, was convicted of second degree murder and
was sentenced to 16 years in prison. Cleaves had repeatedly run over
Arnold Guerreiro on September 30, 1998 with his car after the two
had an argument. 

2000 Israel's High Court ordered the release of eight Lebanese
detainees that had been held for years without a trial. 

2002 It was announced that the South African version of "Sesame
Street" would be introducing a character that was HIV-positive. 

2002 JCPenney Chairman Allen Questrom rang the opening bell to start
the business day at the New York Stock Exchange as part of the
company's centennial celebrations. James Cash (J.C.) Penney opened
his first retail store on April 14, 1902. 

2018  smiled.


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Panoramic picture 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 11

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018




Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested for beating up 
husband for forgetting wedding anniversary
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 11 in
1783 After receiving a copy of the provisional treaty on March 13,
the U.S. Congress proclaimed a formal end to hostilities with Great
Britain. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything. --- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931) "It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently." --- Warren Buffett _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Linda Little Suzie ran into the house, crying as though her heart would break. "What's wrong, dear?" asked her mother. "My doll! Johnny broke it!" she sobbed. "How did he break it, Suzie?" "When I hit him over the head with it." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into templates, but deliver us some e-mail. " _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Carol Stone, 35, Zephyrhills, Florida Florida woman arrested for beating up husband for forgetting wedding anniversary Deputies arrested a Florida woman after she allegedly attacked her husband because he forgot the date of their wedding anniversary. Carol Stone, 35, of Zephyrhills, faces a misdemeanor charge of domestic battery after Pasco County deputies arrested her Wednesday, according to Tampa’s WTVT. Stone’s husband told authorities the assault started as verbal dispute when he told her he forgot their anniversary. Stone later confirmed his story to deputies during questioning, according to authorities. That argument escalated when Stone started smacking her husband repeatedly in the head and face, scratching him and shoving him onto the ground, according to the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office. According to the Land O’ Lakes Patch, Stone’s husband recorded the attack on his phone. Deputies booked Stone into the Land O’ Lakes Detention Center on a $150 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Bev Re: Panoramic picture Dear Webby, For some reason I cannot get this web jpg on an old Humor Letter to open. http://webby.com/humor/i/MtEverest1.jpg It only opens the top portion of the photo. I tried both of the links you includud, but both had the same results. I look forward to your humor everyday. Thanks, Bev Dear Bev That picture is over 4,100 pixels wide. When your browser shrinks it to 800, or whatever the width of your browser is, naturally the height shrinks proportionally. Depending on which browser you use, you can hold down CTRL and roll the scroll wheel on the mouse and change the zoom level. Keep in mind, that picture is actually quite huge, and zoom changes won't be instant. The picture is actually a dozen shots pasted together. If you print it on 4 foot high poster stock, you could paste them all around a 10 foot by 10 foot room. Then you could stand in the middle of the room and have the same view Roddy had, when he stood up there and slowly turned 360 degrees while snapping a dozen pictures. Have FUN DearWebby An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an examination of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had happened. He said, "They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my heart, and then they sucked out thirty years of chocolate cake."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? Answer tomorrow ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing Tweezers Have your tweezers flattened out and lost their spring? Close the tweezers with a pencil placed halfway between the hinge and the points to increase the bend. Then they should grip again. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Tim for this one: My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was. He told her one had a horn and other one didn't, she replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic out here." ------------ The "horn" on a saddle is used by cowboys to loop the rope around when they lassoo cattle. Newbies also use it to hang on.
Only slightly exaggerated - travel Oregon
___________________________________________________ A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?" "I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the same thing?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 11 in
1512 The forces of the Holy League were heavily defeated by the
French at the Battle of Ravenna. 

1689 William III and Mary II were crowned as joint sovereigns of
Britain. 

1713 The Treaty of Utrecht was signed, ending the War of Spanish
Succession. 

1783 After receiving a copy of the provisional treaty on March 13,
the U.S. Congress proclaimed a formal end to hostilities with Great
Britain. 

1803 A twin-screw propeller steamboat was patented by John Stevens.


1814 Napoleon was forced to abdicate his throne. The allied
European nations had marched into Paris on March 30, 1814. He was
banished to the island of Elba. 

1876 The stenotype was patented by John C. Zachos. 

1876 The Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks was organized. 

1898 U.S. President William McKinley asked Congress for a
declaration of war with Spain. 

1899 The treaty ending the Spanish-American War was declared in
effect. 

1921 Iowa became the first state to impose a cigarette tax. 

1921 The first live sports event on radio took place this day on
KDKA Radio. The event was a boxing match between Johnny Ray and
Johnny Dundee. 

1901 Construction on the Empire State Building was completed. The
building was dedicated and opened on May 1, 1931. 

1940 Andrew Ponzi set a world's record in a New York billiards
tournament when he ran 127 balls straight. 

1941 German bombers blitzed Conventry, England. 

1945 U.S. troops reached the Elbe River in Germany. 

1945 During World War II, American soldiers liberated the Nazi
concentration camp of Buchenwald in Germany. 

1948 The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls was announced in a
general press release. 

1951 U.S. President Truman fired General Douglas MacArthur as head
of United Nations forces in Korea. 

1961 Israel began the trial of Adolf Eichman, accused of World War
II war crimes. 

1970 Apollo 13 blasted off on a mission to the moon that was
disrupted when an explosion crippled the spacecraft. The astronauts
did return safely. 

1974 The Judiciary committee subpoenad U.S. President Richard Nixon
to produce tapes for impeachment inquiry. 

1979 Idi Amin was deposed as president of Uganda as rebels and
exiles backed by Tanzanian forces seized control. 

1980 The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission issued regulations
specifically prohibiting sexual harassment of workers by
supervisors. 

1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan returned to the White House from
the hospital after recovering from an assassination attempt on
March 30. 

1981 In the Brixton area of London, a race riot erupted that
resulted in the injury of more than 300 people. 

1984 China invaded Vietnam. 

1984 General Secretary Konstantin U. Cherenkov was named president
of the Soviet Union. 

1985 Scientists in Hawaii measured the distance between the earth
and moon within one inch. 

1985 The White House announced that President Reagan would visit
the Nazi cemetery at Bitburg. 

1986 Dodge Morgan sailed solo nonstop around the world in 150 days.


1986 In Groton, CT, the submarine Nautilus exhibit opened to the
public. 

1986 Kellogg's stopped giving tours of its breakfast-food plant.
The reason for the end of the 80-year tradition was said to be that
company secrets were at risk due to spies from other cereal
companies. 

1991 U.N. Security Council issued a formal cease-fire with Iraq. 

1996 Forty-three African nations signed the African Nuclear Weapons
Free Zone Treaty. 

1999 Daouda Malam Wanke was designated president of Niger.
President Ibrahim Baré Maïnassara had been assassinated on April 9.


2001 China agreed to release 24 crewmembers of a U.S. surveillance
plane. The EP-3E Navy crew had been held since April 1 on Hainon,
where the plane had made an emergency landing after an in-flight
collision with a Chinese fighter jet. The Chinese pilot was missing
and presumed dead. 

2018  smiled.


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Wrong icon size 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 10

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

Today I have to go to Calgary for a colonoscopy.
Domorrow's newsletter might be a bit late.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Indiana shooter says he has ‘no remorse’ 
for killing deputy
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 10 in
1849 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. 
He sold the rights for $100. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. --- Robert Orben It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power. --- David Brin _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lois for this story: I thought I had finally found a way to convince Susan, my continually harried friend, that she needed to find ways to relax. I invited her to dinner and, while I was busy cooking, she agreed to watch my videotape on stress management and relaxation techniques. Fifteen minutes later, she came into the kitdchen and handed me the tape. "It was good," she said, "but I don't need it." "But it's a 70-minute video," I replied. "You couldn't have watched the whole thing." "Yes, I did," Susan assured me. "I put it on fast-forward." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Communicate! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho", and went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of buffalos." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch' but 'herd'." "Heard what?" "Herd of buffalos." "Sure, I've heard of buffalos. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anthony Baumgardt, 21, Boon County, Indiana Shooter says he has ‘no remorse’ for killing deputy The 21-year-old man accused of fatally shooting Boone County Deputy Jacob Pickett spoke out as he walked into the courthouse for his initial hearing Wednesday afternoon, according to WXIN. Anthony Baumgardt, 21, faces murder, drug, and gun charges after police say he shot Pickett last week. Investigators were chasing Baumgardt and two other men after they fled the site of an unrelated attempted arrest last Friday. Prosecutor Todd Meyer says Baumgardt jumped from a fleeing car and ran around the corner of an apartment building in Lebanon with Deputy Pickett and his K9 partner Brik in pursuit. Pickett was shot once in the head. Officers returned fire, wounding Baumgardt before taking him into custody. According to court documents, Baumgardt told police, “I shot a cop.” When asked why he did it he answered, “Cause they were going to take me to jail.” While officers walked Baumgardt into the courthouse ahead of his initial hearing, he was asked if he was sorry for killing Pickett. Baumgardt said "nope," and he repeated multiple times he has "no remorse." He was also asked why he shot Pickett. He said, "I didn't want to get bit by a dog." Boone County Sheriff Mike Nielsen said, "That’s deputy Pickett’s dog. That’s Brik.” Baumgardt replied, "Well I didn’t want to get bit by Brik." During the hearing, Baumgardt asked the judge, "Will they be seeking the death penalty?" He then asked, "If I plead guilty can I seek out the death penalty on my own?" After the court hearing, Nielsen said it "hurt deep inside" when Baumgardt said he had no remorse. "But we move on." Nielsen later said, “I will not step down to his level. I did not cry in there because he will not get to me. But what I will tell you is I will be at every hearing and every trial, and so will his K9 partner Brik.” Meyer says he’s leaning toward pursuing the death penalty in the case. The suspect's father, Robert Baumgardt Jr., issued a statement after the court hearing, saying his family wants justice as much as the public. “After Anthony’s words today, I am speechless," he said. "Let’s give respect to the hero and the officers in blue, not giving Anthony the spotlight. Please let everyone know we want justice as much as they do. Swift Justice. My prayers for the family, Brik and the brothers in blue continue.” Tech Support Pits From: Rose Re: Wrong icon size Dear Webby, I hope you can help me one more time. After getting my computer back from the repair shop all my " Icons " and everything on the computer is double in size, how can I get things back to normal. Thank you Rose Dear Rose Let's hope and assume that the computer is not stuck in safe mode. Right-click on the desktop Screen Resolution That is a pull-down. Pull it down to the highest numberw you see. Hit OK. Most likely you will again have a decent resolution. You can fine-tune the icon size by clicking on the desktop, holding down CTRL and rolling the scroll wheel. First, though, you should set the screen resolution. Have FUN DearWebby The Easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle ranch, and finally made enough money to buy his dream spread in Wyoming. "So, what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend when he flew out to visit. "We had a heck of a time," admitted the new cowboy."Couldn't agree on anything. We finally settled on the Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch." "Wow!" his friend was impressed. "So where are all the cows?" "When they saw that branding iron, they all ran away."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the ..., in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your incredible sense of humor." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar for Fish Odors After frying fish or something that leaves a lingering odor in the house, put out several bowls with about a 1/2 cup white vinegar. This works well particularly in the kitchen, for several hours or overnight. The odor will disappear. By Pam Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife."
Yikes! People are awesome! Best of the week.
___________________________________________________ "I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient, who tipped the scales at about three hundred pounds. "I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 10 in
1741 Frederick II of Prussia defeated Maria Theresa's forces at
Mollwitz and conquered Silesia. 

1790 The U.S. patent system was established when U.S. President
George Washington signed the Patent Act of 1790 into law. 

1809 Austria declared war on France and its forces entered Bavaria.


1814 Napoleon was defeated at the Battle of Toulouse by the British
and the Spanish. The defeat led to his abdication and exile to
Elba. 

1825 The first hotel opened in Hawaii. 

1849 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. He sold the rights for
$100. 

1854 The constitution of the Orange Free State in south Africa was
proclaimed. 

1862 Union forces began the bombardment of Fort Pulaski in Georgia
along the Tybee River. 

1866 The American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
(ASPCA) was incorporated. 

1902 South African Boers accepted British terms of surrender. 

1912 The Titanic set sail from Southampton, England. 

1916 The Professional Golfers Association (PGA) held its first
championship tournament. 

1919 In Mexico, revolutionary leader Emiliano Zapata was killed by
government troops. 

1922 The Genoa Conference opened. The meeting was used to discuss
the reconstruction of Europe after World War I. 

1925 F. Scott Fitzgerald published "The Great Gatsby" for the first
time. 

1930 The first synthetic rubber was produced. 

1932 Paul von Hindenburg was elected president of Germany with 19
million votes. Adolf Hitler came in second with 13 million votes. 

1938 Germany annexed Austria. 

1941 In World War II, U.S. troops occupied Greenland to prevent
Nazi infiltration. 

1941 Ford Motor Co. became the last major automaker to recognize
the United Auto Workers as the representative for its workers. 

1944 Russian troops recaptured Odessa from the Germans. 

1945 German Me 262 jet fighters shot down ten U.S. bombers near
Berlin. 

1953 Warner Bros. released "House of Wax." It was the first 3-D
movie to be released by a major Hollywood studio. 

1953 Actress Hedy Lamarr became a U.S. citizen. 

1959 Japan's Crown Prince Akihito married commoner Michiko Shoda. 

1960 The U.S. Senate passed the Civil Rights Bill. 

1961 Gary Player of South Africa became the first foreign golfer to
win the Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta, Georgia. 

1963 129 people died when the nuclear-powered submarine USS
Thresher failed to surface off Cape Cod, MA. 

1967 The 13-day strike by the American Federation of Radio-TV
Artists (AFTRA) came to an end less than two hours before the 39th
Academy Awards presentation went on the air. 

1968 U.S. President Johnson replaced General Westmoreland with
General Creighton Abrams in Vietnam. 

1971 The American table tennis team arrived in China. They were the
first group of Americans officially allowed into China since the
founding of the People Republic in 1949. The team had recieved the
surprise invitation while in Japan for the 31st World Table Tennis
Championship. 

1972 An earthquake in southern Iran killed more than 5,000 people. 

1972 The U.S. and the Soviet Union joined with 70 other nations in
signing an agreement banning biological warfare. 

1973 In Switzerland, 108 people died when a plane crashed while
attempting to land at Basel. 

1974 Yitzhak Rabin replaced resigning Israeli Prime Minister, Golda
Meir. Meir resigned over differences within her Labor Party. 

1980 Spain and Britain agreed to reopen the border between
Gibraltar and Spain. It had been closed since 1969. 

1981 Imprisoned IRA hunger striker Bobby Sands was elected to the
British Parliament. 

1981 The maiden launch of the space shuttle Columbia was cancelled
because of a computer malfunction. 

1984 The U.S. Senate condemned the CIA mining of Nicaraguan
harbors. 

1988 On Wall Street, 48 million shares of Navistar International
stock changed hands in a single-block trade. It was the largest
transaction ever executed on the New York Stock Exchange. 

1990 Three European hostages kidnapped at sea in 1987 by
Palestinian extremists were released in Beirut. 

1992 A bomb exploded in London's financial district. The bomb, set
off by the Irish Republican Army, killed three people and injured
91. 

1993 South African Communist Party leader Chris Hani was
assassinated. 

1994 NATO warplanes launched air strikes for the first time on Serb
forces that were advancing on the Bosnian Muslim town of Gordazde.
The area had been declared a U.N. safe area. 

1996 U.S. President Clinton vetoed a bill that would have outlawed
a technique used to end pregnancies in their late stages. 

1998 Negotiators reached a peace accord on governing British ruled
Northern Ireland. Britain's direct rule was ended. 

1999 The www.June4.org web site was launched by Chinese dissidents
and human rights activists to promote their campaign for democracy
in China. 

2000 Monitors from the Organization for Security and Cooperation in
Europe (OSCE) reported irregularities in the voting in Georgia's
presidential election on April 9. President Eduard Shevardnadze was
reelected to a new five-year term. 

2001 The Netherlands legalized mercy killings and assisted suicide
for patients with unbearable, terminal illness. 

2002 Former Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu spoke before
the U.S. Senate as a representative of the Israeli government. He
warned that suicide bombers would spread to the U.S. if Israel was
not allowed to finish its military offensive in the West Bank.
Netanyaho also cited the goals of dismantling the terror regime and
expelling Arafat from the region, ridding the Palestinian
territories of terrorist weapons and establishing "physical
barriers" to protect Israelis from future Palestinian attacks. 

2009 In Fiji, President Josefa Iloilo suspended the nation's
Constitution, dismissed all judges and constitutional appointees
and assumed all governance in the country. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 9

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for a colonoscopy,
not because of any abnormal symptoms or pain or reason,
but because my doctor said so. As those of you, who have
had to endure that procedure, it is a major nuisance, 
and worse at some hospitals than at others.

With this one, the preparation is old-fashioned Colyte
nuclear laxative, but for the procedure they use Fentanyl and
intravenous valium. My dope days ended in 1971, so the use
of dope like that does not impress me. At the previous hospital
they used a simple sedative, just like for a cataract operation.
Oh, well. I will get over it, and will try to specify a different
hospital next time.

Wendy just sent this to me:
After my recent Prostate Exam, which was the most thorough I've
ever had, the Doctor left the room and the nurse came in. As she
shut the door, 
 
She asked me a question I didn't want to hear.
 
She said; "Who Was That Guy?”



Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Social worker faces 14 felony charges after 
patient says she made him her ‘sex slave’
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 9 in
1869 The Hudson Bay Company ceded its territory to Canada. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealised past. --- Robertson Davies _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A group of friends who prided themselves on their intelligence set out to have a contest of wits. Each person in turn asked a question, and anyone who volunteered an answer that was wrong dropped out. If no one could answer,the questioner himself had to answer, and if he was wrong,he dropped out. Each dropout had to put $5 into the pot. Eventually the matter boiled down to Thompson and Brown, and the erudition of each one boiled up so that both were held even for half an hour. Finally Thompson said, "How does a gopher dig a hole without leaving a mound of sand at the lip?" Brown thought about that and said, "I can't answer that. However, since it's your question, you had better answer it." Thompson said coolly, as he reached for the accumulated pile of bills. "Easy. The gopher starts at the bottom of the hole and that's where he leaves the sand." "Hold on," said Brown heatedly, grasping Thompson's wrist to prevent him from taking the pot. "How does the gopher get to the bottom of the hole in the first place?" "That's YOUR question," said Thompson as he took the money. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ JingleTruck, Pakistan _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if we're at the right funeral." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christy Lenhardt, 53, Elgin, Illinois Social worker faces 14 felony charges after patient says she made him her ‘sex slave’ An Illinois social worker faces 14 felony charges after one of her patients said she treated him like a "sex slave." There are now three lawsuits – one criminal and two civil – claiming that a former employee at the Elgin Mental Health Center took advantage of her position by making her patients her sex slaves. Christy Lenhardt, 53, now faces 14 counts of sexual misconduct in Kane County. Lenhardt was charged with eight counts of sexual misconduct with a person with disabilities, and six counts of official misconduct. The charges come after a state investigation into the Elgin Mental Health Center. The criminal complaint alleges that one patient, Benahdam Hurt of Aurora, was forced to have romantic trysts with his social worker in her office and in his bedroom in the state-run facility for nearly three years. “I visit my son every day every weekend and I knew something wasn't right. I would hear things and people would slip papers to me,” his mother, D’Anntanette Lee, said. The criminal charges follow civil suits filed in 2017 and 2018. In one of those cases another patient, Mark Owens Jr., claimed Lenhardt made sexual advances toward him when he first showed up at the facility in 2012. When Hurt said he wanted to stop seeing Lenhardt in her private office, she allegedly retaliated against him by telling his treatment team he was paranoid and in need of stronger medication. “She can get me drugged to the gills. In all likelihood I better do what she says,” Hurt's attorney said. Lenhardt, a long time state employee, resigned in August of 2017. The civil lawsuits are each seeking $10,000 in damages. “It shouldn't be this way. This is a terrible crime and not just against my client but against human dignity itself,” Randy Kretchmar, attorney, said. Lenhardt posted bail on Thursday. Her attorney told the Chicago Tribune that she does not have a criminal history and will wait for the legal process to play out in court. She is due back in court on April 20. If convicted, Lenhardt faces probation or between two and five years in prison. Tech Support Pits From: Keith Re: Dual Subscription Dear Webby, I have been receiving two copies of each day's letter. I still wish to receive the daily letter, but only one copy. Thanks, Keith Dear Keith Look at the bottom of the one, that you do not want anymore, and tell me which email address you see there. Then I can delete that subscription and keep the other one going. Have FUN DearWebby Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large city to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience. Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to omit them from their articles. One article that came out the next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that cannot be printed."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Isaac Greenberg bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for the anniversary. His friend Morris said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "Yes, that she did," he replied. "But where in the world I was gonna find a fake Jeep?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" said the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the ..." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'" Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road ..." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie." Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after, a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her then he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. "Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Junk Mail? I recently received a letter in the mail that looked like a credit card offer or junk mail from my bank on the outside of the envelope. I opened it and at a glance, it still looked like marketing of some sort. Fortunately, I took time to read it. It was promotional material, but it was detailing the virtues of a the new checking account that my bank had signed me up for. This new account has monthly fees, in contrast to the free checking account I had signed up for 15 years ago. The moral of the story, be sure to read anything your bank sends you. By Fisher Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Two American women stop at an inexpensive pension in Paris. When they get to the room, they find they have only one chair, so one asks the bellboy to bring them another. Unfortunately, the bellboy can't understand a word of English, and neither of the young women can speak French. To solve the problem, one of the women points to the only chair in the room, then tries to pantomime sitting down in an imaginary chair. With a knowing smile, the bellboy bows and motions for her to follow him. At the end of the corridor, he stops, smiles, and bows again. Then he points triumphantly to the door of the ladies' room.
Yikes! Teufelsbrücke, The Devil's Bridge in Switzerland
___________________________________________________ Talk about having second thoughts upon choosing a place to eat. I went into this place in Abilene Texas and said to the waitress, "I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse." She smiled, handed me a menu and replied, "Well... you've come to the right place." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 9 in
0193 In the Balkans, the distinguished soldier Septimius Seversus
was proclaimed emperor by the army in Illyricum. 

0715 Constantine ended his reign as Catholic Pope. 

1241 In the Battle of Liegnitz, Mongol armies defeated the Poles
and the Germans. 

1454 The city states of Venice, Milan and Florence signed a peace
agreement at Lodi, Italy. 

1667 In Paris, The first public art exhibition was held at the
Palais-Royale. 

1682 Robert La Salle claimed the lower Mississippi River and all
lands that touch it for France. 

1770 Captain James Cook discovered Botany Bay on the Australian
continent. 

1833 Peterborough, NH, opened the first municipally supported
public library in the United States. 

1865 At Appomattox Court House, Virginia, General Robert E. Lee
surrendered his Confederate Army to Union General Ulysses S. Grant
in the parlor of Wilmer McClean's home. Grant allowed Rebel
officers to keep their sidearms and permitted soldiers to keep
their horses and mules. Though there were still Confederate armies
in the field, the war was officially over. The four years of
fighting had killed 360,000 Union troops and 260,000 Confederate
troops. 

1866 The Civil Rights Bill passed over U.S. President Andrew
Johnson's veto. 

1867 The U.S. Senate ratified the treaty with Russia that purchased
the territory of Alaska by one vote. 

1869 The Hudson Bay Company ceded its territory to Canada. 

1870 The American Anti-Slavery Society was dissolved. 

1872 S.R. Percy received a patent for dried milk. 

1900 British forces routed the Boers at Kroonstadt, South Africa. 

1905 The first aerial ferry bridge went into operation in Duluth,
MN. 

1914 In London, the first full-color film, "The World, The Flesh &
the Devil," was shown. 

1916 The German army launched it’s third offensive during the
Battle of Verdun. 

1917 The Battle of Arras began as Canadian troops began a massive
assault on Vimy Ridge. 

1918 Latvia proclaimed its independence. 

1921 The Russo-Polish conflict ended with signing of Riga Treaty. 

1928 Mae West made her debut on Broadway in the production of
"Diamond Lil." 

1940 Germany invaded Norway and Denmark. 

1942 In the Battle of Bataan, American and Filipino forces were
overwhelmed by the Japanese Army. 

1945 National Football League officials decreed that it was
mandatory for football players to wear socks in all league games. 

1945 At Bari, Italy, the Liberty exploded and killed 360 people.
The ship was carrying aerial bombs. 

1947 169 people were killed and 1,300 were injured by a series of
tornadoes in Texas, Oklahoma and Kansas. 

1950 Bob Hope made his first television appearance on "Star-
Spangled Review" on NBC-TV. 

1957 The Suez Canal was cleared for all shipping. 

1959 NASA announced the selection of America's first seven
astronauts. 

1963 Winston Churchill became the first honorary U.S. citizen. 

1965 "TIME" magazine featured a cover with the entire "Peanuts"
comic gang. 

1965 The Houston Astrodome held its first baseball game. 

1967 The first Boeing 737 was rolled out for use. 

1968 Murdered civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr., was
buried. 

1976 The U.S. and Russia agreed on the size of nuclear tests for
peaceful use. 

1981 The U.S. Submarine George Washington struck and sunk a small
Japanese freighter in the East China Sea. The Nissho Maru's captain
and first mate died. 

1983 The space shuttle Challenger concluded it first flight. 

1984 Nicaragua asked the World Court to declare U.S. support for
guerilla raids illegal. 

1985 Japanese Premier Nakasone urged Japanese people to buy foreign
products. 

1986 It was announced that Patrick Duffy's character on the TV show
Dallas would be returning after being killed off. 

1987 Dikye Baggett became the first person to undergo corrective
surgery for Parkinson’s disease. 

1988 The U.S. imposed economic sanctions on Panama. 

1989 16 civilians were killed during rioting in Soviet Georgia. 

1989 Hundreds of thousands marched past the White House in support
of the right to abortion. 

1991 Georgia voted to secede from the U.S.S.R. 

1992 Former Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega was convicted in Miami,
FL, of eight drug and racketeering charges. 

1998 The National Prisoner of War Museum opened in Andersonville,
GA, at the site of an infamous Civil War camp. 

1998 More than 150 Muslims died in stampede in Mecca, Saudi Arabia,
on last day of the haj pilgrimage. 

1999 In Djibouti, Ismail Omar Guelleh of the ruling Popular Rally
for Progress and the Front for the Restoration of Unity and
Democracy was elected president. 

1999 In Niger, President Ibrahim Baré Maïnassara was assassinated.
Daouda Malam Wanke was designated president two days later. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 8

smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
One of the ‘worst DUI offenders in the country’ 
arrested again
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 8 in
1513 - Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A short saying oft contains much wisdom. --- Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC) He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit. --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction. "Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?" "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Devil’s Bridge or Teufelsbrücke is located across the Schöllenen Gorge in the scenic Reuss valley in the canton of Uri, in Switzerland. Old bridge is below, new bridge on top. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >From Donnie HISTORICAL FACT Who says building a border wall won't work? The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any illegal Mexicans. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alaina Marie Limpert, 25, Tempe, Arizona Mom arrested after Tempe toddler ate mac and cheese made with THC butter A Tempe mom was arrested after police say her child ate mac and cheese made with THC butter. THC is a chemical in cannabis that gets you high. Alaina Marie Limpert, 25, was booked on one count of child abuse. The Department of Child Safety was notified by someone in Limpert’s home that her almost-two-year-old daughter had ingested THC butter while eating macaroni and cheese with her father. “During that time, neither parent took the child to immediate emergency care,” according to the police report. Instead, “It was witnessed inside of the residence that [they] both laughed about the side effects the child experienced during that time and then proceeded to place her into their backyard pool to use the cold water to ‘shock’ her,” the police report continued. It wasn’t until two days later the Department of Child Safety was notified and arrived to take custody of all three kids living at the home. Hospital officials later confirmed that they found THC in the infant’s system. Limpert later admitted making the mac and cheese with THC for her husband, but did not know her daughter ingested it. Limpert is due back in court April 19. At the home, police report they found two marijuana grow tents in the garage. They also found mushrooms, bongs and pipes, containers of hash oil and other drug paraphernalia. In the home’s refrigerator, “on the top shelf were three large tubs of THC butter.” Tech Support Pits From: Joy Re: Set file types Dear Webby Sometimes I can't open picture attachments in email. The message I get is,"This file does not have a program associated with it for performing this action. Create an association in the Folders Options Control Panel. I don't really know what to do after opening the Folder Options folder. Can you help me? Thanks, Joy Dear Joy Right-Click on START select EXPLORE Click on TOOLS FOLDER OPTIONS FILE TYPES Scroll down to the file type that you need a program for, highlight it click on advanced, and select a suitable program for it. For GIF, JPG, PNG, BMP select PaintShop Pro or whatever you use for graphics. For PDF use Foxit or Adobe Acrobat, for PPT use Microsoft PowerPoint viewer. Have FUN DearWebby You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. Hilda was like that. So when she and her new husband husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Easy! Just carry your own suitcase."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz, the historic prison island. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams?" Patient: "Why, Doc? I didn't feel a thing!" Dentist: "I know, but there are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the five o'clock foot- ball game." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Apply for Financial Aid Early If you or a loved one is going to college this fall, apply for financial aid as early as possible. The amount of aid you get is based on your need level, fund availability, and the date your application process is completed. It pays to be on top of it. File your financial aid application as soon as you file your taxes. You should have all the paperwork you need since February. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Andy was reading the paper while his son was doing homework on the opposite side of the table. "Dad", his son asked, "how many people work in the Government?" Without looking up, Andy responded: "Oh, probably less than half of them."
So what do you think, made by nature or made by humans billions of years ago?
___________________________________________________ An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on." The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too..." ------------------------- That reminds me of a landing in Burwash in the Yukon in 71. Burwash is at the end of Kluane Lake, beside Kluane National Park. Very scenic. Also the worlds windiest airport. There was a short dirt taxi-way and parking area between the gravel runway and the occasionally staffed airport building. We used an old Piper Cub to get from there to Tincup Lake, where another guy and me were pretending to be carpenters and built a big fishing lodge without anybody ever catching on that we were learning carpentry as we went. We stayed in tents at Tincup Lake and once a week flew out to Burwash for hot showers and a meal that we did not have to poach, to pick up nails and other supplies, and to flirt at the waitresses. Top speed of the old souped up Cub was about 85 miles per hour when the tank was near empty. This one day the wind was 80, gusting to 90. Just before Burwash our route was near the Alaska Highway. Cars on the highway below sure looked fast whenever we were drifting backwards! When we finally got to the airport, we realized that there was just no way we would be able to taxi from the runway across the wind over to the parking area without getting flipped sideways. Gerry, who was just as crazy as me, hovered over the taxi way like a tethered kite and slowly forced the plane down to the tiedowns. The tiedowns were 55 gallon drums filled with cast iron engine blocks and old batteries. When we were low enough, I climbed out onto the wing to wheel support strut, and while hanging on with one hand and one leg, fished for the rope on the first barrel. After a few tries I got hold of it and cinched down the left wing. With the engine still running at full blast, I clambered over to the other side, being careful not to touch the ground and taking any weight off the little plane, and finally tied down that side, just before we ran out fuel. After climbing out, Gerry tied the stick to the seat, -yes, the front had a real seat, not just a cooler-, so that the wind forced the tail down. Then we carried a couple of 10 gallon drums filled with concrete and chains over to the tail to tie it down. It's amazing how fast you can run while carrying those drums, when you are in a hurry and you have an 80 mile per hour wind at your back! The waitresses in Burwash didn't want us to fly back that night and managed to persuade us to spend the night. By morning the wind had slowed down considerably, but we didn't need the real runway. The width of the taxi strip was plenty. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 8 in
1513 - Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain. 

1525 - Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic Order,
assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the first laws of
the Protestant church, making Prussia a Protestant state. 

1832 - About 300 American troops of the 6th Infantry left Jefferson
Barracks, St. Louis, to confront the Sauk Indians in the Black Hawk
War. 

1834 - In New York City, Cornelius Lawrence became the first mayor
to be elected by popular vote in a city election. 

1873 - Alfred Paraf patented the first successful oleomargarine. 

1911 - The first squash tournament was played at the Harvard Club
in New York City. 

1939 - Italy invaded Albania. 

1942 - The Soviets opened a rail link to the besieged city of
Leningrad. 

1946 - The League of Nations assembled in Geneva for the last time.


1947 - The first illustrated insurance policy was issued by the
Allstate Insurance Company. 

1952 - U.S. President Truman seized steel mills to prevent a
nationwide strike. 

1953 - The bones of Sitting Bull were moved from North Dakota to
South Dakota. 

1962 - Bay of Pigs invaders got thirty years imprisonment in Cuba. 

1985 - India filed suit against Union Carbide for the Bhopal
disaster. 

1985 - Phyllis Diller underwent a surgical procedure for permanent
eyeliner to eliminate the need for eyelid makeup. 

1986 - Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of Carmel, CA. 

1988 - Former U.S. President Reagan aide Lyn Nofzinger was
sentenced to prison for illegal lobbying for Wedtech Corp. 

1990 - In Nepal, King Birendra lifted the 30-year ban on political
parties. 

1992 - In Britain, the last issue of "Punch Magazine" was
published. 

1994 - Smoking was banned in the Pentagon and all U.S. military
bases. 

2000 - 19 U.S. troops were killed when a Marine V22 Osprey crashed
during a training mission in Arizona. 

2002 - Ed McMahon filed a $20 million lawsuit against his insurance
company, two insurance adjusters, and several environmental cleanup
contractors. The suit alleged breach of contract, negligence and
intentional infliction of emotional distress concerning a toxic
mold that had spread through McMahon's Beverly Hills home. 

2018  smiled.


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AOL Flag 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 7

Thank you very much, Joe T!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
One of the ‘worst DUI offenders in the country’ 
arrested again
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 7 in
1970 John Wayne won his first and only Oscar for his role in 
"True Grit." He had been in over 200 films
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The smaller the mind the greater the conceit. --- Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A bishop discovered a tribe of Indians in the Amazon who had never recorded a baptism, confirm- ation or marriage. The bishop soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every couple that walked by and desired such. Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ In Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, many farmers are reluctant to buy into anything that smacks of technology and the modern-day world. But when a local university created an agricultural web page to answer questions the farmers might have, they were pleasantly surprised to hear that the farming community had nicknamed the new site "The farmers on the Dell." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tasha Schleicher, 41, New Home, Minnasota One of the ‘worst DUI offenders in the country’ arrested again Police in the suburbs of Chicago arrested a woman they said is one of “the worst DUI offenders in the country.” Riverside police arrested Tasha Schleicher, 41, of New Home, Minn., on Monday around 9:30 p.m. Police said they got a call about a woman passed out behind the wheel of her car in a gas station at 2246 South Harlem Avenue. When officers arrived, they saw an open bottle of Crown Royal in the front passenger seat. Officers in Riverside said she tried to fill her car with kerosene instead of gasoline. She was charged with drunk driving, not having insurance and driving without a license, which was revoked on drunk driving charges. Riverside police said she was “combative” with officers the entire time. She lied about her name, date of birthdate, Social Security number, and also lied about being pregnant, police said. Schleicher told police that she was in the area after dropping off her son, who wanted “to party” in Indiana for spring break, according to the Riverside-Brookfield Landmark. She has six DUIs in six states, according to police. In one incident, she was with her children in the car when she lost control and slammed into the median multiple times before her tire blew and the bare rim forced her to stop five miles later. When an officer approached the car, she was allegedly nursing the infant. During another DUI arrest, she told the officer who pulled her over that she had her children with her, even though she was alone in the car, according to the paper. Schleicher’s 11 children have been taken away from her in Minnesota, all related to drunk and impaired driving situations, according to police. Tech Support Pits From: Doug Re: AOL Flag Dear Webby have never heard anybody calling those chevron forwarding marks "AOL Flag", but I sure will from now on! Once upon a time, long, long ago, you mentioned a program that strips those AOL flags from mails. Do you still have the link to that program? Thanks Doug Dear Doug Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and look for a n icon that looks like a traffic sign with an AOL flag on it. The Program is called "STRIP". and it's free. Have FUN DearWebby John and Bob were two of the bitterest golf rivals at the club. Neither man trusted the others arithmetic. One day they were playing a heated match and watching each other like hawks. After holing out on the fourth green and marking his six on the scorecard, John asked Bob, "What'd you have?" Bob went through the motions of mentally counting up. "Six!" he said and then hastily corrected himself. "No--a five." Calmly John marked the scorecard, saying out loud "Eight!" "Eight?" Bob said, "I couldn't have had eight." John said, "Nope, you claimed six, then changed it to five. But actually you had seven." "Then why did you mark down eight?" asked Bob. John told him, "One stroke penalty, for improving your LIE."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students. My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf. "What are all these books?" he asked. Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias. "Really?" he said. "Someone printed out the whole CD?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Bimba pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com An irritated father complained to his golf buddy. "When I was a kid, my parents sent me to my room without supper if I misbehaved. But my son has his own color TV, telephone, computer, every computer game and CD player in his room!" "So how do you handle it?" his friend asked. "If he doesn't behave, I send him to MY room!" Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them yelled, "Ma'am, STOP! You knocked out your cat with the first slam. If you are going to keep doing that, you are going to get some very expensive vet bills!"
The delicate art of cobweb painting. I had never heard of cobweb paintings but they are beautiful!
___________________________________________________ Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm, and Little Johnny asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny said, "Well I can see why they threw HIM out!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 7 in

1712 A slave revolt broke out in New York City. 

1798 The territory of Mississippi was organized. 

1862 Union General Ulysses S. Grant defeated Confederates at the
Battle of Shiloh, TN. 

1864 The first camel race in America was held in Sacramento,
California. 

1888 P.F. Collier published a weekly periodical for the first time
under the name "Collier’s." 

1922 U.S. Secretary of Interior leased Teapot Dome naval oil
reserves in Wyoming. 

1927 The first long-distance TV transmission was sent from
Washington, DC, to New York City. The audience saw an image of
Commerce Secretary Herbert Hoover. 

1930 The first steel columns were set for the Empire State
Building. 

1933 Prohibition ended in the United States. 

1943 British and American armies linked up between Wadi Akarit and
El Guettar in North Africa to form a solid line against the German
army. 

1945 The Japanese battleship Yamato, the world’s largest
battleship, was sunk during the battle for Okinawa. The fleet was
headed for a suicide mission. 

1948 The United Nations' World Health Organization began
operations. 

1953 IBM unveiled the IBM 701 Electronic Data Processing Machine.
It was IBM's first commercially available scientific computer. 

1957 The last of New York City's electric trolleys completed its
final run from Queens to Manhattan. 

1963 Yugoslavia proclaimed itself a Socialist republic. 

1963 Josip Broz Tito was proclaimed to be the leader of Yugoslavia
for life. 

1966 The U.S. recovered a hydrogen bomb it had lost off the coast
of Spain. 

1967 Israel reported that they had shot down six Syrian MIGs. 

1969 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously struck down laws
prohibiting private possession of obscene material. 

1970 John Wayne won his first and only Oscar for his role in "True
Grit." He had been in over 200 films. 

1971 U.S. President Nixon pledged to withdraw 100,000 more men from
Vietnam by December. 

1980 The U.S. broke diplomatic relations with Iran and imposed
economic sanctions in response to the taking of hostages on
November 4, 1979. 

1983 Specialist Story Musgrave and Don Peterson made the first
Space Shuttle spacewalk. 

1983 The Chinese government canceled all remaining sports and
cultural exchanges with the U.S. for 1983. 

1985 In Goteborg, Sweden, China swept all of the world table tennis
titles except for men's doubles. 

1985 In Sudan, Gen. Swar el-Dahab took over the Presidency while
President Gaafar el-Nimeiry was visiting the U.S. and Egypt. 

1985 The Soviet Union announced a unilateral freeze on medium-range
nuclear missiles. 

1988 Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev agreed to final terms of a
Soviet withdrawal from Afghanistan. Soviet troops began leaving on
May 16, 1988. 

1988 In Fort Smith, AR, 13 white supremacists were acquitted on
charges for plotting to overthrow the U.S. federal government. 

1989 A Soviet submarine carrying nuclear weapons sank in the
Norwegian Sea. 

1990 In the U.S., John Poindexter was found guilty of five counts
at his Iran-Contra trial. The convictions were later reversed on
appeal. 

1990 At Cincinnati's Contemporary Arts Center a display of Robert
Mapplethorpe's photographs went on display. On the same day the
center and its director were indicted on obscenity charges. The
charges resulted in acquittal. 

1994 Civil war erupted in Rwanda between the Patriotic Front rebel
group and government soldiers. Hundreds of thousands were
slaughtered in the months that followed. 

1998 Mary Bono, the widow of Sonny Bono, won a special election to
serve out the remainder of her husband's congressional term. 

1999 Yugoslav authorities sealed off Kosovo's main border crossings
to prevent ethnic Albanians from leaving. 

2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the Senior Citizens Freedom to
Work Act of 2000. The bill reversed a Depression-era law and allows
senior citizens to earn money without losing Social Security
retirement benefits. 

2002 The Roman Catholic archdiocese announced that six priests from
the Archdiocese of New York were suspended over allegations of
sexual misconduct. 

2006 The Boeing X-37 conducted its first flight as a test drop at
Edwards Air Force Base, CA. 

2009 Former Peruvian President Alberto Fujimori was sentenced to 25
years in prison for ordering killings and kidnappings by security
forces. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


I noticed that Broom Hilda's Hog is now whining against New York
cops, because they defended themselves and New York against a
suicider. Since he is the darling of the left-wing media, they
praise him for that. In my opinion, he lost what little bit of
credibility he had.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Utah gun-slinger robs gas station 
and tries carjacking
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 6 in
1909 Americans Robert Peary and Matthew Henson claimed 
to be the first men to reach the North Pole. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool. --- Jane Wagner I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. --- J. D. Salinger (1919 - ) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist. "A bit airy..." remarked the American. Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly, " 'ell yes! What did you expect ..... feathers?!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A man has six items in his bathroom — a toothbrush, toothpastem, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items and what they are used for. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alexis Payan-Martinez, Murray, Utah Utah gun-slinger robs gas station and tries carjacking A man is accused of stealing beer from a Murray convenience store at gunpoint and trying to steal a person’s car. Police said Alexis R. Payan-Martinez walked into a Maverik store near 514 W. 3900 S. on March 31. He was caught on surveillance video grabbing a case of beer, raising a semiautomatic handgun to a customer and employee and saying, “come at me, bro.” A few hours later, Unified Police responded to a carjacking where an officer recognized the suspect as the same person caught on video robbing the convenience store in Murray. Officers said Payan-Martinez later admitted to robbing the convenience store. He was booked into the Salt Lake County Jail for aggravated robbery. Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Full Size Browser default Dear Webby I've got a stupid question for you. It used to be, when I clicked on a link that opened a new page, it would come up as a full new page. Now when I click the link, I get a half page. I used to know how to change this but I haven't had to do it for so long that I've forgotten. A little help please. How do I change the size of a new page? BTW, I use IE. David Dear David Viewing pages full size has gone out of fashion, because you don't see what might be opening behind it. Also, with the higher resolutions commonly used nowadays, you can comfortably have two pages open side by side if you squish them a bit. F11 toggles a window to full screen and back, on modern browsers too, not just IE. To set full screen as the default, even though Microsoft has agreed that is a dumb idea and refuses to tell you how to do it, follow this top secret rigmarole: Close all browser windows but one. Open a new window from a link on the remaining window. Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up). Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what you want the windows to automatically open up as). Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window. From now on, all your new windows should open up to that size until you perform a similar process telling IE that you want all new windows to be the new size. Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your preferred window size. Personally, I would highly recommend that you make your default browser size less than full screen. That way you notice when a page pops a "Pop-Under" and you won't accidentally agree to subscribe to all kinds of weird stuff. Many news sites use pop-unders to ask you if you want up-to-the- minute notifications of breaking news. You have to hit BLOCK to avoid that. The same goes for really weird stuff, that you most definitely DON'T want to notify you of their breaking news. Have FUN DearWebby A man will remember how short a woman’s dress was, for years. A woman will remember what color it was.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat, and expect to meet a beautiful woman while he is there.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two boys were arguing when the preacher entered the room. The preacher says, “Why are you arguing?” One of them answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” “You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the preacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.” The boys gave the ten dollars to the preacher. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Birthdays on Your New Calendar When putting up your new calendar for the new year, take a moment and fill in all the birthdays that you need to remember throughout the year. It's also good to note any anniversaries or other important dates. One good method is to flip through your old calendar and transfer any dates which apply to the new year. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ One day, a foreign family arrived in New York City. This was the first time out of their native village, and it didn't take long before the wife got lost. The husband asked a passerby for help and was told to go to the police and report it. When he got there, a police officer asked him for the wife's description. "What's that?" asked the man. "Well, you see a description is telling what something looks like. For example, my wife is 25-years-old, 5'11", 140 lbs, 38-25-36 measurements. Now, what can you tell me about your wife?" "The hell with her, lets go look for yours!"
People Are Awesome!
___________________________________________________ The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?" "I outweighed him by sixty pounds and he was a coward." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 6 in
1199 English King Richard I was killed by an arrow at the siege of
the castle of Chaluz in France. 

1607 An expedition led by Captain Christopher Newport arrived at
the Spanish colony of Puerto Rico for supplies before continuing on
their journey. On May 14, they went ashore and founded Jamestown,
Virginia, as the first permanent English colony in America. 

1652 Jan van Riebeeck established a settlement at Cape Town, South
Africa. 

1814 Granted sovereignty in the island of Elba and a pension from
the French government, Napoleon Bonaparte abdicates at
Fountainebleau. He was allowed to keep the title of emperor. 

1830 Joseph Smith and five others organized the Mormon Church in
western New York. 

1830 Relations between the Texans and Mexico reached a new low when
Mexico would not allow further emigration into Texas by settlers
from the U.S. 

1862 The American Civil War Battle of Shiloh began in Tennessee. 

1865 At the Battle of Sayler's Creek, a third of Lee's army was cut
off by Union troops pursuing him to Appomattox. 

1875 Alexander Graham Bell was granted a patent for the multiple
telegraph, which sent two signals at the same time. 

1896 The first modern Olympic Games began in Athens, Greece. 

1903 French Army Nationalists were revealed for forging documents
to guarantee a conviction for Alfred Dryfus. 

1909 Americans Robert Peary and Matthew Henson claimed to be the
first men to reach the North Pole. 

1916 Charlie Chaplin became the highest-paid film star in the world
when he signed a contract with Mutual Film Corporation for $675,000
a year. He was 26 years old. 

1917 The U.S. Congress approved a declaration of war on Germany and
entered World War I on the Allied side. 

1924 Four planes left Seattle on the first successful flight around
the world. 

1938 The United States recognized the German conquest of Austria. 

1941 German forces invaded Greece and Yugoslavia. 

1953 Iranian Premier Mossadegh demanded that the shah's power be
reduced. 

1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson authorized the use of ground
troops in combat operations in Vietnam. 

1967 In South Vietnam, 1,500 Viet Cong attacked Quangtri and freed
200 prisoners. 

1981 A Yugoslav Communist Party official confirmed reports of
intense ethnic riots in Kosovo. 

1983 The U.S. Veteran's Administration announced it would give free
medical care for conditions traceable to radiation exposure to more
than 220,000 veterans who participated in nuclear tests from 1945
to 1962. 

1985 William J. Schroeder became the first artificial heart
recipient to be discharged from the hospital. 

1987 Sugar Ray Leonard took the middleweight title from Marvin
Hagler. 

1988 Mathew Henson was awarded honors in Arlington National
Cemetery. Henson had reached the North Pole with Robert Peary. 

1998 Citicorp and Travelers Group announced that they would be
merging. The new creation was the largest financial-services
conglomerate in the world. The name would become Citigroup. 

1998 Federal researchers in the U.S. announced that daily tamoxifen
pills could cut breast cancer risk among high-risk women. 

1998 Pakistan successfully tested medium-range missiles capable of
attacking neighboring India. 

2018  smiled.


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Can you mix hard drives? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 5

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Drunk woman with child in car hits, 
kills two men as they changed tire
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 4 in
1998 The Akashi Kaikyo Bridge in Japan opened becoming the largest
suspension bridge in the world. It links Shikoku and Honshu. The
bridge cost about $3.8 billion. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it. --- Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC), Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work. --- Aristotle _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this story: Aaron came home from school one day, all banged up, bloodied, and bruised. His father asked him what on earth had happened. "Well, dad, it's like this," Aaron began. "I challenged Larry to a duel and you know how that goes...I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh huh," said the father. "That seems fair." "I know...but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Icicle on the north side of my house yesterday. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Rosie for this one: I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead. "Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband. "What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?" The frying pan now has a serious dent. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christine Noriega, Sandoval, New Mexico Drunk woman with child in car hits, kills two men as they changed tire Sandoval County sheriff's deputies say a 31-year-old woman was driving drunk Tuesday night when she drove her vehicle into two men as they changed a tire south of Algodones, killing them. Authorities charged Christine Noriega with two counts of vehicular homicide after the crash in Sandoval County. On Wednesday, sheriff's office Lt. Keith Elder identified the two victims as 21-year-old Michael Chambellan of Albuquerque and 28-year-old Lonnie Escovedo of Santa Fe. According to a probable cause statement, Chambellan and Escovedo were changing the rear driver-side tire on their Honda Civic along southbound I-25 near mile marker 246. At about 6:45 p.m., deputies say a Honda Pilot driven by Noriega sideswiped the Civic, fatally striking Chambellan and Escovedo. They were pronounced dead at the scene. When a deputy spoke to Noriega, the deputy noticed she smelled of alcohol and had bloodshot, watery eyes, the report states. She also had slurred speech and "her statements did not make sense," according to the report. Noriega also had a child in the car. In addition to the homicide charges, Noriega faces aggravated DWI and child abuse. She is jailed on a no-bond hold. Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: Mix and match IDE and ATA Dear Webby Can you mix and match IDE and ATA hard drives? I want to use my old IDE drive as a second (slave) drive with my new machine, which has an ATA drive. Bob Dear Bob Some motherboards have sockets for both IDE and ATA cables, but unless you have looked yourself and seen both types of sockets side by side, don't count on them being there. On new motherboards usually they aren't. The way around that problem is to simply use a USB harddrive enclosure for the old IDE drive. USB harddrive enclosures cost $15 and up on-line. However, check PriceGrabber and see if a nearby store has a good deal. With low cost items the shipping costs can make an on-line purchase more expensive than a local storefront. With most USB harddrive enclosures you get a bunch of tiny screws to attach the drive inside the usually almost too snug enclosure. Don't fret if the little screws don't line up or are a nuisance. Once the lid is closed, the drive is held quite nicely. By the way, even though your old IDE drive measures about 4" x 6", it's called a 3.5" drive, because the platter inside is a 3.5" platter. If you ask for a 4" drive enclosure, they will tell you that you are on the wrong planet. Look for a 3.5 inch USB 2 Hard Drive Enclosure. USB 2 standard is 40 times faster than USB 1. Have FUN DearWebby The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked. "Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again, "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We'll get a new cat tomorrow."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone . . . "Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice. Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up. The next morning, at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back . . . "Good morning, Mr. Williams. I just called to tell you that I don't HAVE a dog."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But, if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Checkers You can make your own checkers game by saving plastic milk bottle caps. You need two different colors, 12 checkers for each player. If all your bottle caps are the same color, color the top of half the caps with permanent marker. Then make a game board using a square piece of card board. Use a ruler to measure and draw squares with a marker. A checker board is 8 by 8 squares of alternating colors, the same as a chess board. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com You can make a very nice checkerboard quickly by weaving 4 strips of dark and 4 strips of light paper, felt, or wood veneer into a square. Then cut some plywood or paneling to size and lay some iron-on glue gauze onto that, slide the weave onto it, and iron it on. After it has cooled, you can pour marine spar varnish or a clear epoxy on it. For a finishing touch, glue some felt table protector disks onto the bottom. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "OOOPS!"
Bizarre beliefs in the Dark Ages
___________________________________________________ Resume bloopers: "While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility." Try the Salvation Army Thrift Shop. They are always looking for empty shirts. "I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award." Tell Greg not to apply here either. "Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job." If somebody calls you after 5:30, it will be a telemarketer. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage. Don't call us, we'll call you. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 5 in
1242 Russian troops repelled an invasion attempt by the Teutonic
Knights. 

1614 American Indian Pocahontas married English colonist John Rolfe
in Virginia. 

1806 Isaac Quintard patented the cider mill. 

1843 Queen Victoria proclaimed Hong Kong to be a British crown
colony. 

1892 Walter H. Coe patented gold leaf in rolls. 

1892 In New York, the Ithaca Daily Journal published an ad
introducing a new 10 cent Ice Cream Specialty called a Cherry
Sunday. 

1908 The Japanese Army reached the Yalu River as the Russians
retreated. 

1919 Eamon de Valera became president of Ireland. 

1923 Firestone Tire and Rubber Company began the first regular
production of balloon tires. 

1930 Mahatma Ghandi defied British law by making salt in India. 

1933 The first operation to remove a lung was performed at Barnes
Hospital in St. Louis, MO. 

1941 German commandos secured docks along the Danube River in
preparation for Germany’s invasion of the Balkans. 

1951 Americans Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were sentenced to death
for committing espionage for the Soviet Union. 

1953 Jomo Kenyatta was convicted and sentenced to 7 years in prison
for orchestrating the Mau-Mau rebellion in Kenya. 

1955 Winston Churchill resigned as British prime minister. 

1985 John McEnroe said "any man can beat any woman at any sport,
especially tennis." 

1986 A discotheque in Berlin was bombed by Libyan terrorists. The
U.S. attacked Libya with warplanes in retaliation on April 15, 1986.

1989 In Poland, accords were signed between Solidarity and the
government that set free elections for June 1989. The eight-year ban
on Solidarity was also set to be lifted. 

1998 The Akashi Kaikyo Bridge in Japan opened becoming the largest
suspension bridge in the world. It links Shikoku and Honshu. The
bridge cost about $3.8 billion. 

1999 Two Libyans suspected of bombing a Pan Am jet in 1988 were
handed over so they could be flown to the Netherlands for trial. 270
people were killed in the bombing. 

1999 In Laramie, WY, Russell Henderson pled guilty to kidnapping and
felony murder in the death of Matthew Shepard. 

2004 Near Mexico City's international airport, lightning struck the
jet Mexican President Vicente Fox was on. 

2009 North Korea launched the Kwangmyongsong-2 rocket, prompting an
emergency meeting of the United Nations Security Council. 

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Saving during power failure 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 4

Happy 60th Anniversary, Norm!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
NC woman named 'Beers' charged with DUI 
in Florida
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 4 in
1945 Hungary was liberated from Nazi alliance and 
occupied by Russia. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. --- Mike Myers There is no nonsense so gross that society will not, at some time, make a doctrine of it and defend it with every weapon of communal stupidity. --- Robertson Davies Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy." --- Albert Einstein _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two men who work in the same office are talking about their sons who are in their first year of college. "You know," says one, "my boy's letters nowadays always send me to the dictionary." "You're lucky," says the other. "My son's letters always send me to the bank." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Holy Ghost Orchid _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" His wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here." _____________________________________________________ Yesterday's mugshot: Nicole Johnson An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jennifer Poelter Beers, 46, St Augustine beach, Floriduh NC woman named 'Beers' charged with DUI in Florida A North Carolina woman faces charges, including a DUI, after multiple hit-and-runs were reported Tuesday evening in St. Augustine Beach. The officer said he saw a woman, later identified as 46-year-old Jennifer Poelter Beers, driving southbound with no headlights on the intersection of the A1A Beach Boulevard and A Street intersection. The officer noted Beers making U-turns and appearing to be lost, the arrest report stated. The report said, that at one point, the driver made a U-turn into oncoming traffic. The officer noted Beers making U-turns and appearing to be lost, the arrest report stated. The report said, that at one point, the driver made a U-turn into oncoming traffic. Watch: Rare centuries-old ship washes ashore in Ponte Vedra Beach While making the U-turn, Beers nearly struck a fence at a public parking lot, the officer reported. The officer said he conducted a traffic stop and could smell alcohol on the the woman's breath. The officer also noted fresh damage on Beers' Infiniti G37, including damage on its front bumper, hood and passenger-side fender. An open beer can was seen in the back seat of the vehicle, and Beers' told the officer she had two beers that night, according to the arrest report. The officer then had received a call during the traffic stop with Beers about a hit-and-run in the area of 17 4th Street. The police department had in turn received a call from a witness about a silver vehicle that struck a parked, unattended car and left the scene. According to the arrest report, the complaint said the driver almost struck a pedestrian during the alleged hit-and-run. The officer later received information from St. Johns County dispatch that three hit-and-runs happened in the same area. The damage on Beers' vehicle matched the damage of the unattended vehicle, according to the arrest report. Beers was arrested and faces hit-and-run and DUI charges. Tech Support Pits From: Nellie Re: Saving during power failure
Dear Webby Is it true that you should not try to save stuff while the electricity is failing? I have a few seconds on my UPS to bridge short blips, but was told not to frantically try to save anything, in case the blip turns into a longer outage. What's the real story? Nellie Dear Nellie That advice is absolutely correct. If you are trying to save a long document or large spreadsheet and the write power fizzles out while saving, you most likely trash that document, maybe even the hard drive. At best, you will be able to re-use the oldest parts of it, but you most likely will miss the newest ones. If your data is important to you, get a UPS that can run your machine for a few minutes and allow you to properly save and shut down. Otherwise just relax. It is better to lose the last two minutes than the entire hard drive. Naturally, you should set your Auto-Safe to 2 minutes. Have FUN DearWebby
When I was visiting a friend who lived on the edge of a wilderness preserve, we drove along a rutted trail, and we saw a small creek ahead whose bridge was under water. "We have a serious beaver problem," our friend said. "They build dams that cause the creek to flood. Forest rangers take down the dams, and the beavers rebuild them." As we got closer, we could see a large scoreboard posted by the bridge. It read: BEAVERS 23 RANGERS 22
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." The woman beside him peered over his shoulder, then reassured him, "It's okay. That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A woman went to her dentist to have her dentures adjusted for the fifth time. She said they still didn’t fit. "Well," said the dentist "I’ll do it again this time, but no more. There’s no reason why these shouldn’t fit your mouth easily." "Who said anything about my mouth?" the woman answered."They don’t fit in the glass!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mixing Meatloaf and Other Sticky Things When mixing meat loaf or patting marshmallow candy into a pan, kneading pizza dough etc., I first spray my hands with non-stick cooking spray. It keeps the food from sticking and washes off easily with soap and water. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Instead of the outrageusly expensive cooking spray I use regular cooking oil in an 80's Amway pistol grip window sprayer<. It wors as well. Any sprayer like that will work fine. Have FUN! DearWebby/font> ____________________________________________________ An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery." "Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000." The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
Cirque du Soleil - Behind The Scenes
___________________________________________________ Is the bank account for a girdle business called a truss fund? Or is that stretching it a bit? ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 4 in
0896 Formosus ended his reign as pope. 

1541 Ignatius of Loyola became the first superior-general of the
Jesuits. 

1581 Francis Drake was knighted by Queen Elizabeth I. A few months
earlier he became the first Englishman to circumnavigate the world. 

1687 King James II ordered that his declaration of indulgence be
read in church. 

1812 The territory of Orleans became the 18th U.S. state and will
become known as Louisiana. 

1818 A plan was passsed by the U.S. Congress that the U.S. flag
would have 13 red and white stripes and 20 stars and that a new star
would be added for the each new state. 

1841 U.S. President William Henry Harrison, at the age of 68, became
the first president to die in office. He had been sworn in only a
month before he died of pneumonia. 

1850 The city of Los Angeles was incorporated. 

1902 British Financier Cecil Rhodes left $10 million in his will
that would provide scholarships for Americans to Oxford University
in England. 

1905 In Kangra, India, an earthquake killed 370,000 people. 

1914 The first known serialized moving picture opened in New York
City, NY. It was "The Perils of Pauline". 

1917 The U.S. Senate voted 90-6 to enter World War I on the Allied
side in order to boost the US economy.

1918 The Battle of Somme, an offensive by the British against the
German Army ended. 

1932 After five years of research, professor C.G. King, of the
University of Pittsburgh, isolated vitamin C. 

1945 Hungary was liberated from Nazi alliance and occupied by
Russia. 

1945 During World War II, U.S. forces liberated the Nazi death camp
Ohrdruf in Germany. 

1949 Twelve nations signed a treaty to create The North Atlantic
Treaty Organization (NATO). 

1953 Fifteen doctors were released by Soviet leaders. The doctors
had been arrested before Stalin had died and were accused of
plotting against him. 

1967 The U.S. lost its 500th plane over Vietnam. 

1967 Johnny Carson quit "The Tonight Show." He returned three weeks
later after getting a raise of $30,000 a week. 

1968 Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated at the age of 39. 

1969 Dr. Denton Cooley implanted the first temporary artificial
heart. 

1973 In New York, the original World Trade Center twin towers
opened. At the time they were the tallest building in the world. 

1975 More than 130 people, most of them children, were killed when a
U.S. Air Force transport plane evacuating Vietnamese orphans
crashed
just after takeoff from Saigon. 

1979 Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, the president of Pakistan, was executed.
He had been convicted of conspiring to murder a political opponent. 

1981 Henry Cisneros became the first Mexican-American elected mayor
of a major U.S. city, which was San Antonio, TX. 

1983 At Cape Canaveral, the space shuttle Challenger took off on its
first flight. It was the sixth flight overall for the shuttle
program. 

1984 U.S. President Reagan proposed an international ban on chemical
weapons. 

1985 In Sudan, a coup ousted President Nimeiry and replaced him with
General Dahab. 

1986 Wayne Gretzky set an NHL record with his 213th point of the
season. 

1987 The U.S. charged the Soviet Union with wiretapping a U.S.
Embassy. 

1988 Arizona Governor Evan Mecham was voted out of office by the
Arizona Senate. Mecham was found guilty of diverting state funds to
his auto business and of trying to impede an investigation into a
death threat to a grand jury witness. 

1991 Pennsylvanian Senator John Heinz and six others were killed
when a helicopter collided with Heinz's plane over a schoolyard in
Merion, PA. 

1992 Sali Berisha became the first non-Marxist president of Albania
since World War II. 

1994 Netscape Communications (Mosaic Communications) was founded. 

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Newsletters in spam folder 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 3

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman said her feelings were 
hurt during DUI stop
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 3 in
1942 The Japanese began their all-out assault on the U.S. and
Filipino troops at Bataan. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward. --- Jean Paul Richter (1763 - 1825) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This place," the guide told them, "is 1600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years." "Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I have." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods. Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap. All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional had been watching. "What club should I use now?" he asked the pro. "I don't know," the pro replied. "What game are you playing?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicole Johnson, 46, St Johns County, Floriduh Florida woman said her feelings were hurt during DUI stop A 46-year-old St. Johns County woman faces charges of DUI and negligence after she was stopped while drinking vodka in the car on County Road 210, a report said. Nicole Johnson had her 7-year-old son in the car during the midday stop on March 19, the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office said. taken into custody of the Florida Department of Children and Families. Deputies said Johnson was driving all over the road and finally stopped her vehicle near at I-95 and County Road 210. She fell down multiple times while being questioned, the report said. Johnson was spotted with a clear liquid in the center console of the car. Johnson admitted the clear liquid was new Amsterdam Vodka. While she was being taken to jail, Johnson repeatedly said her feelings were hurt and that she "didn't want to kill them, but knew we had to but it hurt her feelings." Johnson was referring to chickens, the report said. Johnson refused to take a breath test. She was taken to Flagler Hospital to be checked out before she was returned to the St. Johns County Jail. Johnson was released on $2,500 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Ev Re: Newsletter in spam folder
Dear Webby's Humor Letter - Daily Newsletter Hi---I think I am subscribed to your "Webby" newsletter and = humor......However, the copy you sent ended up in my Spam section and I jsut discovered it...Can you find a way to bypass the Spam problem for me....I would enjoy the newsleter.. Ev Dear Ev All I do is write and send the Humor Letter out to you. Once it has entered the Peoplepc.com server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. How you set your spam controls, that is entirely up to you. If you want, you can contact peoplepc support and get them to help you correct your spam control settings. Have FUN DearWebby
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'" The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play, he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time comes. The curtain goes up, the actor walks onto the stage, and with great passion delivers the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." The theatre erupts. The audience is screaming with laughter, but the director is steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cries. "You have ruined me!" The actor is bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?" "No!" screams the director. "You forgot the rose!"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line." "This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now." "He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied. "Right now I'd say he's sheepish." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Bacon Cooking bacon in the oven allows you to cook large quantities of bacon quickly. Just line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and lay your bacon flat. Cook at 400 degrees F for 15 to 20 minutes. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
See what's blooming in the Arizona desert now.
___________________________________________________ Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "We don't need anyone" they replied. "You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!" "Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job." He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00. "How in the world did you do that ?" they asked. "I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!" "Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him. "What's that?" he asked. "Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples." Morris was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says "Here's Mr.Brown's and this one is Mr.Smith's." "Thats good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?" "Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a state teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 3 in
1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon landed in Florida. He had
sighted the land the day before. 

1776 George Washington received an honorary Doctor of Laws degree
from Harvard College . 

1829 James Carrington patented the coffee mill. 

1860 The first Pony Express riders left St. Joseph, MO and
Sacramento, CA. The trip across country took about 10 days. The Pony
Express only lasted about a year and a half. 

1865 Union forces occupy Confederate capital of Richmond, Virginia. 

1866 Rudolph Eickemeyer and G. Osterheld patented a blocking and
shaping machine for hats. 

1882 The American outlaw Jesse James was shot in the back and killed
by Robert Ford for a $5,000 reward. There was later controversy over
whether it was actually Jesse James that had been killed. 

1910 Alaska's Mt. McKinley, the highest mountain in North America
was climbed. 

1933 First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt informed newspaper reporters that
beer would be served at the White House. This followed the March 22
legislation that legalized "3.2" beer. 

1936 Richard Bruno Hauptmann was executed for the kidnapping and
death of the son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh. 

1942 The Japanese began their all-out assault on the U.S. and
Filipino troops at Bataan. 

1946 Lt. General Masaharu Homma, the Japanese commander responsible
for the Bataan Death March, was executed in the Philippines. 

1948 U.S. President Harry Truman signed the Marshall Plan to revive
war-torn Europe. It was $5 billion in aid for 16 countries. 

1967 The U.S. State Department said that Hanoi might be brainwashing
American prisoners. They did Traitor McCain.

1968 Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his "mountaintop" speech just
24 hours before he was assassinated. 

1968 North Vietnam agreed to meet with U.S. representatives to set
up preliminary peace talks. 

1972 Charlie Chaplin returned to the U.S. after a twenty-year
absence. 

1979 Jane Byrne became the first female mayor in Chicago. 

1983 It was reported that Vietnamese occupation forces had overrun a
key insurgent base in western Cambodia. 

1985 The U.S. charged that Israel violated the Geneva Convention by
deporting Shiite prisoners. 

1986 The U.S. national debt hit $2 trillion. 

1987 Riots disrupted mass during the Pope's visit to Santiago,
Chili. 

1996 An Air Force jetliner carrying Commerce Secretary Ron Brown
crashed in Croatia, killing all 35 people aboard. 

1996 Unabomber suspect Theodore Kaczynski was arrested. He pled
guilty in January 1998 to five Unabomber attacks in exchange for a
life sentence without chance for parole. 

2010 The first Apple iPad was released. 

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Do you need more RAM for a bigger hard drive? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 2

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Huffer sideswipes multiple cars in 
front of courthouse
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 2 in
1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was destroyed by
the British at the Battle of Copenhagen. Denmark was on the side of
Democracy, England was pro Monarchy.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him. --- Galileo Galilei (1564 - 1642) Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four. --- Katharine Hepburn (1907 - 2003) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Judi had just returned to the United States from a month-long trip to Europe. She'd been to England, France, Spain, Italy, Germany, and Switzerland. Bob met her at the airline gate, hugged her, and asked, "So, how was your trip?" "Oh, it was terrible,." she replied, "The scenery was nice, but the whole place is just full of foreigners." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Isla Mouro _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guywas right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christina Lappin, 50, Jacksonville, Floriduh Huffer sideswipes multiple cars in front of courthouse A woman is facing a DUI charge after she drove the wrong way on West Adams Street directly in front of the Duval County Courthouse and sideswiped multiple cars, police said. Christina Lappin, 50, told police she'd gotten off the highway and was disoriented. According to authorities, she had no memory of hitting several cars on West Adams Street. Police said Lappin turned around and stopped in front of the courthouse after officers confronted her. Police pulled the keys from the ignition and searched her car. The search revealed two cans of duster canned air, police said. According to her arrest report, Lappin huffed one of the cans before she was pulled from the car by an officer. She's charged with DUI with property damage and driving without a license. Let's hope this dangerous huffer rams a garbage truck next instead of a school bus! Tech Support Pits From: Eileen Re: More RAM for bigger hard drive ?
Dear Webby, Is it true that I have to install more RAM into my Toshiba Satellite if I get a bigger hard drive? Eileen Dear Eileen No, you won't need more RAM because of a bigger hard drive. RAM is just temporary scratch pad memory, not permanent storage memory. Think of it as an electronic Etch-A-Sketch scratch pad that the computer uses to temporarily keep notes. When you write an email, it keeps that in RAM until you finish fixing the typos and hit SEND. Then it send it and permanently writes a copy of it to the OUT mailbox on the hard drive, and shakes the Etch-A-Sketch and clears that email off the RAM. The computer also temporarily stores parts of open programs on the RAM, so that it does not have to keep looking them up on the hard drive. If you were one of the silly people who bought all kinds of utilities for supposedly speeding up or cleaning your computer, then your RAM might get crowded with all that junk. Once you un-install all that stuff and bring your machine back to stock, it will be the same speed demon it was when you bought it. RAM does not get slower with age. Have FUN DearWebby
Thanks to Rolly for this story: Customer: "My computer crashed!" Tech Support: "It crashed?" Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game." Tech Support: "All right, hit Start, Turn Off." Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed." Tech Support: "Huh?" Customer: "I crashed my game.That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work." Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'" Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At a family get together, a young boy of about 8 years of age asks his father, "What does fornication mean?" The dad is freaked out by the question and demands to know, "Where did you hear a word like that?" "From Uncle Charlie," responds the son. Dad charges off to confront his brother. Charlie doesn't have a clue what the problem is and explains that all he said was, "For-an-occasion like this you think they would serve a better wine."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" the friend asked. "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chill Your Jello Mold Place your Jello mold in fridge to chill before adding the Jello mixture. This will keep the "skin" off the mold. By Sue Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes and in that time, you can do anything you want." With a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking knowingly. Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head."
Funny pictures of people trying to take photos of mirrors they're selling
___________________________________________________ The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of sin and how all men are sinners with no exceptions. At the end of the sermon he asked rhetorically, "Now does anyone here think they are without sin?" He had only to wait a few seconds before a man in one of the back pews stood up. The pastor asked the man who had the audacity to stand after such a fiery sermon, "Sir, do you really think you are completely without sin?" The man quickly answered, "No sir, I'm not standing up for myself, but for my wife's first husband." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 2 in

$2.50 Quarter Eagle gold coins, silver dollars, dollars, quarters,
dimes and half-dimes to be minted. 

1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was destroyed by
the British at the Battle of Copenhagen. Denmark was on the side of
Democracy, England was pro Monarchy.

1860 The first Italian Parliament met in Turin. 

1872 G.B. Brayton received a patent for the gas-powered streetcar. 

1877 The first Egg Roll was held on the grounds of the White House
in Washington, DC. 

1889 Charles Hall patented aluminum. 

1902 The first motion picture theatre opened in Los Angeles with the
name Electric Theatre. 

1905 The Simplon rail tunnel officially opened. The tunnel went
under the Alps and linked Switzerland and Italy. 

1910 Karl Harris perfected the process for the artificial synthesis
of rubber. 

1914 The U.S. Federal Reserve Board announced plans to divide the
country into 12 districts. 

1917 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson presented a declaration of war
against Germany to the U.S. Congress. 

1932 A $50,000 ransom was paid for the infant son of Charles and
Anna Lindbergh. He child was not returned and was found dead the
next month. 

1935 Sir Watson-Watt was granted a patent for RADAR. It had been
invented in germany, but they never patented it.

1944 The Soviet Union announced that its troops had crossed the Prut
River and entered Romania. 

1947 The U.N. Security Council voted to appoint the U.S. as trustee
for former Japanese-held Pacific Islands. 

1951 U.S. General Dwight Eisenhower assumed command of all allied
forces in the Western Mediterranean area and Europe. 

1958 The National Advisory Council on Aeronautics was renamed NASA. 

1960 France signed an agreement with Madagascar that proclaimed the
country an independent state within the French community. 

1963 Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King began the first non-violent
campaign in Birmingham, AL. 

1966 South Vietnamese troops joined in demonstrations at Hue and Da
Nang for an end to military rule. 

1967 In Peking, hundreds of thousands demonstrated against Mao foe
Liu Shao-chi. 

1972 Burt Reynolds appeared nude in "Cosmopolitan" magazine. 

1981 In Lebanon, thirty-seven people were reported killed during
fighting in the cities of Beirut and Zahle. It was the worst
violence since the 1976 cease fire. 

1982 Argentina invaded the British-owned Falkland Islands. The
following June Britain took the islands back. The Falklands had be
Argentinian before, buit Britain took them. 
Argentina gave up after a British sub sank the only Argentinian war
ship. 

1984 In Jerusalem, three Arab gunmen wounded 48 people when they
opened fire into a crowd of shoppers. 

1986 On a TWA airliner flying from Rome to Athens a bomb exploded
under a seat killing four Americans. 

1987 The speed limit on U.S. interstate highways was increased to 65
miles per hour in limited areas. 

1989 An editorial in the "New York Times" declared that the Cold War
was over. 

1989 General Prosper Avril, Haiti's military leader, survived a coup
attempt. The attempt was apparently provoked by Avril's U.S.-backed
efforts to fight drug trafficking. 

1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein threatened to incinerate half of
Israel with chemical weapons if Israel joined a conspiracy against
Iraq. 

1992 Mob boss John Gotti was convicted in New York of murder and
racketeering. He was later sentenced to life in prison. 

1995 The costliest strike in professional sports history ended when
baseball owners agreed to let players play without a contract. 

1996 Russia and Belarus signed a treaty that created a political and
economic alliance in an effort to reunite the two former Soviet
republics. 

1996 Lech Walesa resumed his old job as an electrician at the Gdansk
shipyard. He was the former Solidarity union leader who became
Poland's first post-war democratic president. 

2002 Israeli troops surrounded the Church of the Nativity. More than
200 Palestinians had taken refuge at the church when Israel invaded
Bethlehem. 

2013 The United Nations General Assembly adopted the Arms Trade
Treaty to regulate the international trade of conventional weapons. 

2014 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that limits on the total amount of
money individuals can give political candidates and political action
committees were unconstitutional. 

2018  smiled.


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How to turn an upside down screen upright again 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 1

Happy Easter!


Easter





Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Vomit-covered woman arrested after 
huffing binge at Callahan Walgreens
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 1 in
1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, 
created the "$" symbol. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. --- William H. Borah The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. --- Herbert Spencer In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. --- Woody Allen George Burns (1896 - 1996) I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. --- Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998) ---------- They do so! April 1 _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: John "Jack" Bolt, who went to his final reward in 2004, was the only two-war US Marine Corps ace. As a junior officer during World War II, he scored six enemy kills while flying the Vought F4U Corsair. As a major during the Korean War, he scored six more while flying the North American F-86 Sabre on an exchange tour with the US Air Force. Jack Bolt was a hoot! During a commercial airline flight several years ago, he was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing him as discreetly as possible. Jack pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, Bolt responded: "Gosh, that's a good looking baby... and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. Jack sadly shook his head, and in true fighter pilot fashion exclaimed, "Damn! And all these years I've been chewing gum. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thursday, March 29, 2018: Egypt's famous Giza pyramid complex towers over the Western Desert in this view from the European Space Agency's Proba-1 minisatellite. The largest of the three pyramids (bottom left) is the Great Pyramid of Giza. To its right is the slightly smaller Pyramid of Khafre, and the smallest of the three is the Pyramid of Menkaure. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic: One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat." The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion. The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more and it's finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!" Then he closed the door. Now THAT, my friends, is getting even! _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tammy Irvin, 34, Callahan, Floriduh Vomit-covered woman arrested after huffing binge at Callahan Walgreens A Callahan woman was arrested after she repeatedly inhaled air duster bottles over the course of six hours, the Nassau County Sheriff's Office said. Tammy Irvin, 34, had vomit on her shirt and was still clutching a bottle of air duster when confronted by a deputy in a Walgreens parking lot on March 20, the report said. The heater in her Ford F-150 was turned on to the highest setting, consistent with heating a bottle of air duster, the report said. The arresting deputy said three other bottles were on the floorboard of the truck. Employees of the Walgreens said that Irvin bought a bottle of compressed air at 10:21 a.m., a second at 12:09 p.m., a third at 1:38 p.m. and a fourth at 3:58 p.m. Irvin told deputies said she was just going to sit in her truck and "not go anywhere." Irvin is charged with inhalation of a dangerous chemical. One more bottle, and she would have received a Darwin Award. Usually kids stop experimenting with huffing at age 14, when they realize that they don't get stoned from the refrigerant in the duster cans, they just feel weird for a bit, and some even pass out from that. Like with inhaling gasoline fumes, they just feel weird and sick. For most kids once is enough. Very few adults are dumb enough to huff. One of them will get tomorrow's bonehead award. Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Turned monitor
Dear Webby, Last year on April Fools day some a**hole did some trick as he was walking by on his way out, and turned my screen 90 degrees. I could not fix that and had to send the computer to the shop. It cost me $120 to get it fixed, and they would not even tell me how they fixed it. They said they just worked on it and suddenly the screen was upright again. Just in case somebody else tries that, how can I fix it without paying the idjits at the shop? By the way, I punished the a**hole with skunk oil in his keyboard and on his chair seat once a month, every month. Thanks Chris Dear Chris On single monitor setups it is easy: CTRL ALT (down Arrow) or Left or right arrow turns the screen. Don't get impatient and expect instant results. If you keep hitting that key combination, the action lags behind the keys and you and your machine will get as confused as the bozos at your computer repair shop. Try one combo, and count to 30 while you wait for your machine to recalculate the screen. If you have a 2 monitor setup, don't even try that method. It will make it worse. IN that case, forget all the easy or common sense approaches. Remember, you are dealing with Microsoft and really weird dope now. Right-Click a blank spot on the desktop. Slect SCREEN RESOLUTION. Don't ask me why. I don't smoke that stuff. In SCREEN RESOLUTION, use IDENTIFY to tell you which is monitor #1 and which is #2. SELECT the monitor, that needs to be turned. Sometimes you can upright one of the monitors with the key combos, but be really patient! Don't expect instant results! OK, so you select the naughty monitor and change the orientation in the pull-down to LANDSCAPE. Hit OK, and that monitor is OK. You may have to step through that rigmarole for the other monitor too. Just in case somebody else tries the same stunt, stock up on the skunk oil, and put some in his shoes too! Have FUN DearWebby
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, Honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The Math Professor. posed this problem: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-third is to go to his son from his first marriage, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" A student in the back of the room answered, "A lawyer?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Slicing Round Food To prevent an onion, bagel, or anything round from rolling while you slice it, cut a small slice from an edge and use that as a base. Then it it will not roll as easily and is much safer. By Janet Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ An eighty-five-year-old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly as a result of her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and a master bath suite with a sauna and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to new one that represented one of the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply: "This is heaven; you play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven; it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part: You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is heaven." With that, the old man threw down his hat, stomped on it, and shrieked wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here twenty years ago!"
World Easter, holy week fast facts.
___________________________________________________ A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days." The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?" "No," the husband retorted, "but you've heard of a widower marrying again, haven't you?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 1 in
0527 Justinianus became the emperor of Byzantium. 

1572 The Sea Beggars under Guillaume de la Marck landed in Holland
and captured the small town of Briel. 

1621 The Plymouth, MA, colonists created the first treaty with
Native Americans. 

1748 The ruins of Pompeii were found. 

1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, created the "$"
symbol. 

1793 In Japan, the volcano Unsen erupted killing about 53,000. 

1826 Samuel Mory patented the internal combustion engine. 

1853 Cincinnati became the first U.S. city to pay fire fighters a
regular salary. 

1863 The first wartime conscription law went into effect in the U.S.


1864 The first travel accident policy was issued to James Batterson
by the Travelers Insurance Company. 

1865 At the Battle of Five Forks in Petersburg, VA, Gen. Robert E.
Lee began his final offensive. 

1867 The International Exhibition opened in Paris. 

1867 Singapore, Penang & Malakka became British crown colonies. 

1873 The British White Star steamship Atlantic sank off Nova Scotia
killing 547. 

1881 Anti-Jewish riots took place in Jerusalem. 

1881 Kingdom post office in Netherlands opened. 

1889 The first dishwashing machine was marketed (in Chicago). 

1891 The London-Paris telephone connection opened. 

1891 The William Wrigley Jr. Company was founded in Chicago, IL. The
company is most known for its Juicy Fruit gum. 

1905 The British East African Protectorate became the colony of
Kenya. 

1905 Paris and Berlin were linked by telephone. 

1918 England's Royal Flying Corps was replaced by the Royal Air
Force. 

1924 Adolf Hitler was sentenced to five years in prison for high
treason in relation to the "Beer Hall Putsch." 

1924 Imperial Airways was formed in Britain. 

1927 The first automatic record changer was introduced by His
Master's Voice. 

1928 China's Chiang Kai-shek began attacking communists. 

1929 Louie Marx introduced the Yo-Yo. 

1930 Leo Hartnett of the Chicago Cubs broke the altitude record for
a catch by catching a baseball dropped from the Goodyear blimp 800
feet over Los Angeles, CA. 

1931 An Earthquake devastated Managua Nicaragua killing 2,000. 

1933 Nazi Germany began the persecution of Jews by boycotting Jewish
businesses. 

1935 The first radio tube to be made of metal was announced. 

1937 Aden became a British colony. 

1938 The first commercially successful fluorescent lamps were
introduced. 

1939 The U.S. recognized the Franco government in Spain at end of
Spanish civil war. 

1941 The first contract for advertising on a commercial FM radio
station began on W71NY in New York City. 

1945 U.S. forces invaded Okinawa during World War II. It was the
last campaign of World War II. 

1946 Weight Watchers was formed. 

1946 A tidal wave (tsunami) struck the Hawaiian Islands killing more
than 170 people. 

1948 The Berlin Airlift began. 

1950 Italian Somalia became a United Nations trust territory under
Italian administration. 

1952 The Big Bang theory was proposed in "Physical Review" by
Alpher, Bethe & Gamow. 

1960 France exploded 2 atom bombs in the Sahara Desert. 

1960 The U.S. launched TIROS-1. It was the first weather satellite. 

1963 Workers of the International Typographical Union ended their
strike that had closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike
ended 114 days after it began on December 8, 1962. 

1970 The U.S. Army charged Captain Ernest Medina in the My Lai
massacre. 

1970 U.S. President Nixon signed the bill, the Public Health
Cigarette Smoking Act, that banned cigarette advertisements to be
effective on January 1, 1971. 

1971 The United Kingdom lifted all restrictions on gold ownership. 

1972 North Vietnamese and Viet Cong troops renewed their offensive
in South Vietnam. 

1973 Japan allowed its citizens to own gold. 

1976 Apple Computer began operations. 

1979 Iran was proclaimed to be an Islamic Republic by Ayatollah
Ruhollah Khomeini after the fall of the Shah. 

1980 A failed assassination attempt against Iraqi vice-premier Tariq
Aziz occurred. 

1982 The U.S. transferred the Canal Zone to Panama. 

1985 World oil prices dropped below $10 a barrel. 

1986 The U.S. submarine Nathaniel Green ran aground in the Irish
Sea. 

1987 Steve Newman became the first man to walk around the world. The
walk was 22,000 miles and took 4 years. 

1987 U.S. President Reagan told doctors in Philadelphia, "We've
declared AIDS public health enemy No. 1." 

1991 Iran released British hostage Roger Cooper after 5 years. 

1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that jurors could not be barred
from serving due to their race. 

1991 The Warsaw Pact was officially dissolved. 

1992 Players began the first strike in the 75-year history of the
National Hockey League (NHL). 

1998 A federal judge dismissed the Paula Jones' sexual harassment
lawsuit against U.S. President Clinton saying that the claims fell
"far short" of being worthy of a trial. 

1999 In Zhytomyr, Ukraine, Anatoliy Onoprienko was sentenced to
death for the deaths of 52 men, women and children. 43 of the
killings occurred in a 6-month period. 

1999 The Canadian territory of Nunavut was created. It was carved
from the eastern part of the Northwest Territories and covered about
772,000 square miles. 

2001 China began holding 24 crewmembers of a U.S. surveillance
plane. The EP-3E U.S. Navy crew had made an emergency landing after
an in-flight collision with a Chinese fighter jet. The Chinese pilot
was missing and presumed dead. The U.S. crew was released on April
11, 2001. 

2001 Former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic was arrested on
corruption charges after a 26-hour standoff with the police at his
Belgrade villa. 

2003 North Korea test-fired an anti-ship missile off its west coast.


2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the Unborn Victims of
Violence Act. The bill made it a crime to harm a fetus during an
assault on a pregnant woman. 

2004 Gateway Inc. announced that it would be closing all of its 188
stores on April 9. 

2009 Albania and Croatia joined the North Atlantic Treaty
Organization (NATO). 

2010 The U.S. Congress cut Medicare reimbursements to physicians by
21%. 

2018  smiled.


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How to turn an upside down screen up right again 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 1

Happy Easter!


Easter





Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Vomit-covered woman arrested after 
huffing binge at Callahan Walgreens
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 1 in
1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, 
created the "$" symbol. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. --- William H. Borah The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. --- Herbert Spencer In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. --- Woody Allen George Burns (1896 - 1996) I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. --- Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998) ---------- They do so! April 1 _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: John "Jack" Bolt, who went to his final reward in 2004, was the only two-war US Marine Corps ace. As a junior officer during World War II, he scored six enemy kills while flying the Vought F4U Corsair. As a major during the Korean War, he scored six more while flying the North American F-86 Sabre on an exchange tour with the US Air Force. Jack Bolt was a hoot! During a commercial airline flight several years ago, he was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing him as discreetly as possible. Jack pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, Bolt responded: "Gosh, that's a good looking baby... and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. Jack sadly shook his head, and in true fighter pilot fashion exclaimed, "Damn! And all these years I've been chewing gum. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thursday, March 29, 2018: Egypt's famous Giza pyramid complex towers over the Western Desert in this view from the European Space Agency's Proba-1 minisatellite. The largest of the three pyramids (bottom left) is the Great Pyramid of Giza. To its right is the slightly smaller Pyramid of Khafre, and the smallest of the three is the Pyramid of Menkaure. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic: One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat." The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion. The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more and it's finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!" Then he closed the door. Now THAT, my friends, is getting even! _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tammy Irvin, 34, Callahan, Floriduh Vomit-covered woman arrested after huffing binge at Callahan Walgreens A Callahan woman was arrested after she repeatedly inhaled air duster bottles over the course of six hours, the Nassau County Sheriff's Office said. Tammy Irvin, 34, had vomit on her shirt and was still clutching a bottle of air duster when confronted by a deputy in a Walgreens parking lot on March 20, the report said. The heater in her Ford F-150 was turned on to the highest setting, consistent with heating a bottle of air duster, the report said. The arresting deputy said three other bottles were on the floorboard of the truck. Employees of the Walgreens said that Irvin bought a bottle of compressed air at 10:21 a.m., a second at 12:09 p.m., a third at 1:38 p.m. and a fourth at 3:58 p.m. Irvin told deputies said she was just going to sit in her truck and "not go anywhere." Irvin is charged with inhalation of a dangerous chemical. One more bottle, and she would have received a Darwin Award. Usually kids stop experimenting with huffing at age 14, when they realize that they don't get stoned from the refrigerant in the duster cans, they just feel weird for a bit, and some even pass out from that. Like with inhaling gasoline fumes, they just feel weird and sick. For most kids once is enough. Very few adults are dumb enough to huff. One of them will get tomorrow's bonehead award. Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Turned monitor
Dear Webby, Last year on April Fools day some a**hole did some trick as he was walking by on his way out, and turned my screen 90 degrees. I could not fix that and had to send the computer to the shop. It cost me $120 to get it fixed, and they would not even tell me how they fixed it. They said they just worked on it and suddenly the screen was upright again. Just in case somebody else tries that, how can I fix it without paying the idjits at the shop? By the way, I punished the a**hole with skunk oil in his keyboard and on his chair seat once a month, every month. Thanks Chris Dear Chris On single monitor setups it is easy: CTRL ALT (down Arrow) or Left or right arrow turns the screen. Don't get impatient and expect instant results. If you keep hitting that key combination, the action lags behind the keys and you and your machine will get as confused as the bozos at your computer repair shop. Try one combo, and count to 30 while you wait for your machine to recalculate the screen. If you have a 2 monitor setup, don't even try that method. It will make it worse. IN that case, forget all the easy or common sense approaches. Remember, you are dealing with Microsoft and really weird dope now. Right-Click a blank spot on the desktop. Slect SCREEN RESOLUTION. Don't ask me why. I don't smoke that stuff. In SCREEN RESOLUTION, use IDENTIFY to tell you which is monitor #1 and which is #2. SELECT the monitor, that needs to be turned. Sometimes you can upright one of the monitors with the key combos, but be really patient! Don't expect instant results! OK, so you select the naughty monitor and change the orientation in the pull-down to LANDSCAPE. Hit OK, and that monitor is OK. You may have to step through that rigmarole for the other monitor too. Just in case somebody else tries the same stunt, stock up on the skunk oil, and put some in his shoes too! Have FUN DearWebby
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, Honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The Math Professor. posed this problem: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-third is to go to his son from his first marriage, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" A student in the back of the room answered, "A lawyer?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Slicing Round Food To prevent an onion, bagel, or anything round from rolling while you slice it, cut a small slice from an edge and use that as a base. Then it it will not roll as easily and is much safer. By Janet Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ An eighty-five-year-old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly as a result of her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and a master bath suite with a sauna and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to new one that represented one of the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply: "This is heaven; you play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven; it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part: You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is heaven." With that, the old man threw down his hat, stomped on it, and shrieked wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here twenty years ago!"
World Easter, holy week fast facts.
___________________________________________________ A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days." The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?" "No," the husband retorted, "but you've heard of a widower marrying again, haven't you?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 1 in
0527 Justinianus became the emperor of Byzantium. 

1572 The Sea Beggars under Guillaume de la Marck landed in Holland
and captured the small town of Briel. 

1621 The Plymouth, MA, colonists created the first treaty with
Native Americans. 

1748 The ruins of Pompeii were found. 

1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, created the "$"
symbol. 

1793 In Japan, the volcano Unsen erupted killing about 53,000. 

1826 Samuel Mory patented the internal combustion engine. 

1853 Cincinnati became the first U.S. city to pay fire fighters a
regular salary. 

1863 The first wartime conscription law went into effect in the U.S.


1864 The first travel accident policy was issued to James Batterson
by the Travelers Insurance Company. 

1865 At the Battle of Five Forks in Petersburg, VA, Gen. Robert E.
Lee began his final offensive. 

1867 The International Exhibition opened in Paris. 

1867 Singapore, Penang & Malakka became British crown colonies. 

1873 The British White Star steamship Atlantic sank off Nova Scotia
killing 547. 

1881 Anti-Jewish riots took place in Jerusalem. 

1881 Kingdom post office in Netherlands opened. 

1889 The first dishwashing machine was marketed (in Chicago). 

1891 The London-Paris telephone connection opened. 

1891 The William Wrigley Jr. Company was founded in Chicago, IL. The
company is most known for its Juicy Fruit gum. 

1905 The British East African Protectorate became the colony of
Kenya. 

1905 Paris and Berlin were linked by telephone. 

1918 England's Royal Flying Corps was replaced by the Royal Air
Force. 

1924 Adolf Hitler was sentenced to five years in prison for high
treason in relation to the "Beer Hall Putsch." 

1924 Imperial Airways was formed in Britain. 

1927 The first automatic record changer was introduced by His
Master's Voice. 

1928 China's Chiang Kai-shek began attacking communists. 

1929 Louie Marx introduced the Yo-Yo. 

1930 Leo Hartnett of the Chicago Cubs broke the altitude record for
a catch by catching a baseball dropped from the Goodyear blimp 800
feet over Los Angeles, CA. 

1931 An Earthquake devastated Managua Nicaragua killing 2,000. 

1933 Nazi Germany began the persecution of Jews by boycotting Jewish
businesses. 

1935 The first radio tube to be made of metal was announced. 

1937 Aden became a British colony. 

1938 The first commercially successful fluorescent lamps were
introduced. 

1939 The U.S. recognized the Franco government in Spain at end of
Spanish civil war. 

1941 The first contract for advertising on a commercial FM radio
station began on W71NY in New York City. 

1945 U.S. forces invaded Okinawa during World War II. It was the
last campaign of World War II. 

1946 Weight Watchers was formed. 

1946 A tidal wave (tsunami) struck the Hawaiian Islands killing more
than 170 people. 

1948 The Berlin Airlift began. 

1950 Italian Somalia became a United Nations trust territory under
Italian administration. 

1952 The Big Bang theory was proposed in "Physical Review" by
Alpher, Bethe & Gamow. 

1960 France exploded 2 atom bombs in the Sahara Desert. 

1960 The U.S. launched TIROS-1. It was the first weather satellite. 

1963 Workers of the International Typographical Union ended their
strike that had closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike
ended 114 days after it began on December 8, 1962. 

1970 The U.S. Army charged Captain Ernest Medina in the My Lai
massacre. 

1970 U.S. President Nixon signed the bill, the Public Health
Cigarette Smoking Act, that banned cigarette advertisements to be
effective on January 1, 1971. 

1971 The United Kingdom lifted all restrictions on gold ownership. 

1972 North Vietnamese and Viet Cong troops renewed their offensive
in South Vietnam. 

1973 Japan allowed its citizens to own gold. 

1976 Apple Computer began operations. 

1979 Iran was proclaimed to be an Islamic Republic by Ayatollah
Ruhollah Khomeini after the fall of the Shah. 

1980 A failed assassination attempt against Iraqi vice-premier Tariq
Aziz occurred. 

1982 The U.S. transferred the Canal Zone to Panama. 

1985 World oil prices dropped below $10 a barrel. 

1986 The U.S. submarine Nathaniel Green ran aground in the Irish
Sea. 

1987 Steve Newman became the first man to walk around the world. The
walk was 22,000 miles and took 4 years. 

1987 U.S. President Reagan told doctors in Philadelphia, "We've
declared AIDS public health enemy No. 1." 

1991 Iran released British hostage Roger Cooper after 5 years. 

1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that jurors could not be barred
from serving due to their race. 

1991 The Warsaw Pact was officially dissolved. 

1992 Players began the first strike in the 75-year history of the
National Hockey League (NHL). 

1998 A federal judge dismissed the Paula Jones' sexual harassment
lawsuit against U.S. President Clinton saying that the claims fell
"far short" of being worthy of a trial. 

1999 In Zhytomyr, Ukraine, Anatoliy Onoprienko was sentenced to
death for the deaths of 52 men, women and children. 43 of the
killings occurred in a 6-month period. 

1999 The Canadian territory of Nunavut was created. It was carved
from the eastern part of the Northwest Territories and covered about
772,000 square miles. 

2001 China began holding 24 crewmembers of a U.S. surveillance
plane. The EP-3E U.S. Navy crew had made an emergency landing after
an in-flight collision with a Chinese fighter jet. The Chinese pilot
was missing and presumed dead. The U.S. crew was released on April
11, 2001. 

2001 Former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic was arrested on
corruption charges after a 26-hour standoff with the police at his
Belgrade villa. 

2003 North Korea test-fired an anti-ship missile off its west coast.


2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the Unborn Victims of
Violence Act. The bill made it a crime to harm a fetus during an
assault on a pregnant woman. 

2004 Gateway Inc. announced that it would be closing all of its 188
stores on April 9. 

2009 Albania and Croatia joined the North Atlantic Treaty
Organization (NATO). 

2010 The U.S. Congress cut Medicare reimbursements to physicians by
21%. 

2018  smiled.


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Family Tree Maker 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 31


Easter


Tonight there will be a Blue Moon.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Autistic boy, 11, raped by dad and girlfriend 
in Alabama ‘because they thought he was gay’
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 31 in
1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as its 
10th province. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to. --- Granville Hicks (1901 - 1982) Oregano is the spice of life. --- Henry J. Tillman _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One day, a man got drunk in a bar and started a fight. The police came and took the drunk man to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked him, "Where do you work?" The man said, "Here and there." The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?" The man said, "This and that." Then the judge said, "Take him away." The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get out?" The judge laughed and said, "Sooner or later" ______________________________________________________ "Did your wife have much to say when you got home last night?" "No, but that didn't keep her from yelling for two hours." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ <<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Learn to fly here Learn to land there <<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ "Are you saying that your wife is outspoken?" "Not by anyone I know of." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sean Cole, 29, Khadeijah Moore, 21 Huntsville, Alabama Autistic boy, 11, raped by dad and girlfriend in Alabama ‘because they thought he was gay’ Sean Cole, 29, and Khadeijah Moore, 21, face life in jail after being found guilty of the horrific crimes in Huntsville, Alabama. The 11-year-old, who lives with his mother in Georgia, had been visiting his father for Thanksgiving in 2016, when the sexual assault took place. The court heard how Cole found him in what he considered a ‘compromising position’ with another boy and became angry. In response, he made Moore have sex with the boy. Cole then instructed him to carry a sex act out on Moore. Tim Douthit, the prosecutor on the case, told AL.com: ‘It was solely that he was worried that his son was gay, or might become gay. There was no evidence he had a sexual attraction to his son or children. ‘He just thought he could, for lack of better words, ‘straighten him out’. The boy’s mother became suspicious when the boy returned to Georgia and began asking questions about sex. He eventually told her what had happened and she drove immediately to Huntsville to contact local police. The couple was arrested in January 2017. Douthit said that when a forensic interviewer asked the boy about the rape, the boy said he thought at the time: ‘Why is my dad doing this to me?’ Tech Support Pits From: Maggie Re: Family Tree Maker
Dear Webby, do you have a family tree maker? maggie Dear Maggie Unfortunately, I don't. There are lots of them available on the web, but I don't know which ones are good. But that reminds me of a story my dad told me about 50 years ago. Seems he overheard some kid telling his father that he had learned in school that people were descendants of apes. Apparently the father blew up and yelled at his kid: "Nonsense! YOU might have decended from an ape, but I sure didn't!" Have FUN DearWebby
Being a husband is like any other job. It helps a lot if you like the boss.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Chris for this story: My wife and her friend were talking about their labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway. Her friend said, "I love my new garage-door opener." "I love mine too," my wife replied, and she honked the horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A Girl Guide troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a couple was engaged in an activity that had their heads pointing in different dirctions. "Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!" But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing. "Well, err.... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!" "WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Standing Ninja Eggs By attosa [568 Posts, 3,046 Comments] Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three-year-old, "If you pretend you're asleep, he stops."
The Shirk Report
___________________________________________________ A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank!" Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you gave me hundred dollars too much. Bye. " ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 31 in
1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the
Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to convert to
Christianity. 

1779 Russia and Turkey signed a treaty concerning military action
in Crimea. 

1854 The U.S. government signed the Treaty of Kanagawa with Japan.
The act opened the ports of Shimoda and Hakotade to American
trade. 

1862 Skirmishing between Rebels and Union forces took place at
Island 10 on the Mississippi River. 

1870 In Perth Amboy, NJ, Thomas Munday Peterson became the first
black to vote in the U.S. 

1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely
illuminated with electric light. 

1885 Binney & Smith Company was founded in New York City. The
company later became Crayola, LLC. 

1889 In Paris, the Eiffel Tower officially opened. 

1900 The W.E. Roach Company was the first automobile company to
put an advertisement in a national magazine. The magazine was the
"Saturday Evening Post". 

1900 In France, the National Assembly passed a law reducing the
workday for women and children to 11 hours. 

1901 In Russia, the Czar lashed out at Socialist-Revolutionaries
with the arrests of 72 people and the seizing of two printing
presses. 

1902 In Tennessee, 22 coal miners were killed by an explosion. 

1904 In India, hundreds of Tibetans were slaughtered by the
British. 

1905 Kaiser Wilhelm arrived in Tangier proclaiming to support for
an independent state of Morocco. 

1906 The Conference on Moroccan Reforms in Algerciras ended after
two months with France and Germany in agreement. 

1908 250,000 coal miners in Indianapolis, IN, went on strike to
await a wage adjustment. 

1909 Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina. 

1917 The U.S. purchased and took possession of the Virgin Islands
from Denmark for $25 million. 

1918 For the first time in the U.S., Daylight Saving Time went
into effect. 

1921 Great Britain declared a state of emergency because of the
thousands of coal miners on strike. 

1923 In New York City, the first U.S. dance marathon was held.
Alma Cummings set a new world record of 27 hours. 

1932 The Ford Motor Co. debuted its V-8 engine. 

1933 The U.S. Congress authorized the Civilian Conservation Corps
to relieve rampant unemployment. 

1933 The "Soperton News" in Georgia became the first newspaper to
publish using a pine pulp paper. 

1939 Britain and France agreed to support Poland and start another
world war if Germany threatened invasion. 

1940 La Guardia airport in New York officially opened to the
public. 

1941 Germany began a counter offensive in North Africa. 

1945 "The Glass Menagerie" by Tennessee Williams opened on
Broadway. 

1946 Monarchists won the elections in Greece. 

1947 John L. Lewis called a strike in sympathy for the miners
killed in an explosion in Centralia, IL, on March 25, 1947. 

1948 The Soviets in Germany began controlling the Western trains
headed toward Berlin. 

1949 Winston Churchill declared that the A-bomb was the only thing
that kept the U.S.S.R. from taking over Europe. 

1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as its 10th
province. 

1958 The U.S. Navy formed the atomic submarine division. 

1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) began exile by
crossing the border into India where he was granted political
asylum. Gyatso was the 14th Daila Lama. 

1960 The South African government declared a state of emergency
after demonstrations led to the death of more than 50 Africans.

1966 An estimated 200,000 anti-war demonstrators march in New York
City. (New York) 

1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the first
spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit. 

1967 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson signed the Consular Treaty, the
first bi-lateral pact with the Soviet Union since the Bolshevik
Revolution. 

1970 The U.S. forces in Vietnam down a MIG-21, it was the first
since September 1968. 

1980 U.S. President Carter deregulated the banking industry. 

1981 In Bangkok, Thailand, four of five Indonesian terrorists were
killed after hijacking an airplane on March 28. 

1985 ABC-TV aired the 200th episode of "The Love Boat." 

1986 167 people died when a Mexicana Airlines Boeing 727 crashed
in Los Angeles. 

1987 HBO (Home Box Office) earned its first Oscar for "Down and
Out in America". 

1989 Canada and France signed a fishing rights pact. 

1991 Albania offered a multi-party election for the first time in
50 years. Incumbent President Ramiz Alia won. 

1991 Iraqi forces recaptured the northern city of Kirkuk from
Kurdish guerillas. 

1994 "Nature" magazine announced that a complete skull of
Australopithecus afarensis had been found in Ethiopia. The finding
is of humankind's earliest ancestor. 

1998 U.N. Security Council imposed arms embargo on Yugoslavia. 

1998 For the first time in U.S. history the federal government's
detailed financial statement was released. This occurred under the
Clinton administration. 

1999 Three U.S. soldiers were captured by Yugoslav soldiers three
miles from the Yugoslav border in Macedonia. 

2000 In Uganda, officials set the number of deaths linked to a
doomsday religious cult, the Movement for the Restoration of the
Ten Commandments, at more than 900. In Kanungu, a March 17 fire at
the cult's church killed more than 530 and authorities
subsequently found mass graves at various sites linked to the
cult. 

2004 Air America Radio launched five stations around the U.S. 

2004 Google Inc. announced that it would be introducing a free e-
mail service called Gmail. 

2018  smiled.


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Tripod substitute 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Easter


Tomorrow night there will be a Blue Moon.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wisconsin woman arrested for injecting children 
with meth, letting men sexually assault them
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 30 in
1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million
 dollars. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Life is a fatal complaint, and an eminently contagious one. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son-in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no return." ______________________________________________________ A pretty young woman visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully. "Miss Jones," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never had an eye examination." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The doctor has just finished giving the young man a thorough physical examination. "The best thing for you to do," the M.D. said, "is give up drinking and smoking, get to bed early and stay away from women." "Doc, I don't deserve the best," said the patient. "What's third best?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michelle Mayer, 39, Eau Claire, Wisconsin Wisconsin woman arrested for injecting children with meth, letting men sexually assault them A Wisconsin mother allegedly let men abuse two young children for years in exchange for drugs and money, according to WEAU. Michelle Mayer, 39, of Eau Claire, has been charged with two counts of repeated sexual assault of a child, party to a crime. The abuse apparently started years ago when Mayer allowed different men into her mother’s house, according to WTMJ. The men allegedly gave Mayer meth, cocaine and money, and, in return, she allowed them to sexually and physically assault two children she was trafficking, ages 6 and 9, according to a criminal complaint. Mayer would also allow the men to photograph the children naked and would inject them with meth to keep them awake, a confidential informant told police. The same informant estimated that the abuse happened “every other day” for up to nine years, WTMJ reports. If the children refused to cooperate, Mayer would beat them, including at least one instance when she struck one of them with a baseball bat, according to the informant. Mayer faces up to 80 years in prison, according to WQOW, and police are now investigating the men who allegedly assaulted the children. Tech Support Pits From: Erin Re: Tripod substitute
Dear Webby, What can I use as a substitute for a tripod? I really don't want to lug a tripod around. All it does is promote stupid questions. "Oh, you take pictures?" No, I bash idjits. Thanks Erin Dear Erin There is another type of camera rest that I have used quite a bit and that you can quickly make as a gift. It's called a Sand Pillow. Find an old, scuffed leather purse or even smaller. Fill it with dry sand or uncooked rice or corn meal. Avoid shiny patent leather. Save the Nauga! They are almost extinct! Ideal is limp old suede. A short length of sleeve from an old motorcycle jacket works quite nicely too. Sew or glue it shut after filling it. A sand pillow like that works beautifully on a car roof, rocks, wood, window sill, headboard, anything. You can nestle the camera into the pillow and it will hold it steady enough for even the longest zoom shots. Any serious photographer will definhitely appreciate a sand pillow as a gift and keep it around a lot longer than the current camera. DearWebby
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!" The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?" "I just saw both of your garters!" Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!" Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where do you think you're going?" she asks. "From what I just saw, my school days are over!"
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Two friends were driving to the store and on the way, they came upon an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red, but the driver went right through the red light. The passenger screamed at the driver, "What are you doing? You're going to get us killed!" The drive said, "Don't worry, my mother always drives like this." Later on, they came to another stoplight which was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, "I thought I told you, you're gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!" The driver said, "All right! I get it, but I told you my mother drives like this all the time." They came to another intersection, but this time the light was green. The driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car completely. The passenger yelled, "What are you doing now? This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?" The driver said, "My mother might be coming the other way."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>from Charles "My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Liquor Store Boxes Visit your local liquor store and see if they have any boxes to spare. They almost always do. Pick out some boxes with cardboard dividers which are used for shipping bottles. These boxes are great for storing and protecting breakable ornaments. Save your tissue paper and wrapping paper from presents to wrap your ornaments before putting them in the box. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Louise for this story: ONE DAY a young man came up to my window at the bank and whispered, "Please deposit this hundred dollars in my savings account." I handled the transaction and whispered back, "Have a good day." He started to leave but changed his mind. "I'm sorry we have to whisper," he said, "but if my car knows I've deposited money, it'll break down again." With his finger to his lips he tip-toed out.
Death Valley wild flowers.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sue for this story: The Students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand? Did they get both ears with one shot?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 30 in
1533 Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of Aragon. 

1814 The European nations allied against Napoleon marched into
Paris. 

1822 Florida became a U.S. territory. 

1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation while his
patient was anesthetized by ether. 

1855 About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri invaded
the territory of Kansas and forced the election of a pro-slavery
legislature. It was the first election in Kansas. 

1856 A peace treaty was signed between England and Russia. (Treaty
of Paris) 

1858 Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil. 

1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million
dollars. 

1870 The 15th amendment, guaranteeing the right to vote regardless
of race, was passed by the U.S. Congress. 

1870 Texas was readmitted to the Union. 

1903 Revolutionary activity in the Dominican Republic brought U.S.
troops to Santo Domingo to protect American interests. 

1905 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt was chosen to mediate in
the Russo-Japanese peace talks. 

1909 The Queensboro bridge in New York opened linking Manhattan
and Queens. It was the first double decker bridge. 

1909 In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against meager pay for
government jobs. 

1916 Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison in Mexico. 

1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 38
warships. 

1939 The comic book "Detective Comics #27" appeared on newstands.
This comic introduced Batman. 

1940 The Japanese set up a puppet government called Manchuko in
Nanking, China. 

1941 The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel began its
first offensive against British forces in Libya. 

1944 The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines. 

1945 The U.S.S.R. invaded Austria after World War II. 

1946 The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive the Nazi
party in Frankfurt. 

1947 Lord Mountbatten arrived in India as the new Viceroy. 

1950 The invention of the phototransistor was announced. 

1950 U.S. President Truman denounced Senator Joe McCarthy as a
saboteur of U.S. foreign policy. 

1957 Tunisia and Morocco signed a friendship treaty in Rabat. 

1972 The British government assumed direct rule over Northern
Ireland. 

1972 The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese troops
crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the northern portion
of South Vietnam. 

1975 As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon South
Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation. 

1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded in
Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police officers and
Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded. 

1982 The space shuttle Columbia completed its third and its
longest test flight after 8 days in space. 

1984 The U.S. ended its participation in the multinational peace
force in Lebanon. 

1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" was bought for $39.85
million. 

1993 In Sarajevo, two Serb militiamen were sentenced to death for
war crimes committed in Bosnia. 

1993 In the Peanuts comic strip, Charlie Brown hit his first home
run. 

1994 Serbs and Croats signed a cease-fire to end their war in
Croatia while Bosnian Muslims and Serbs continued to fight each
other. 

1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal. 

2002 An unmanned U.S. spy plane crashed at sea in the Southern
Philippines. 

2002 Suspected Islamic militants set off several grenades at a
temple in Indian-controlled Kashmir. Four civilians, four
policemen and two attackers were killed and 20 people were
injured. 

2009 The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey confirmed that
the new World Trade Center building would be officially known by
its legal name of "One World Trade Center." 

2018  smiled.


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Shade for camera LCD 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 29


Easter


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
PA DUI driver vomited out the window, 
swerved into oncoming traffic
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 28 in
1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. --- John Kenneth Galbraith A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. --- Evan Esar O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. --- Saint Augustine The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. --- Unknown And now there is FaceBook _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rubye for this story: Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when two people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling." Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds!" "And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for sending this story: Officer Candidate School at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, was tough. During an inspection, a fellow soldier received 30 demerits for a single penny found in his area. Ten demerits were for "valuables insecure," ten demerits because the penny wasn't shined, and ten more because Abraham Lincoln needed a shave. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Foxglove _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >From Ed Recently my girlfriend, Karen, got a job at a local hardware store. "The owner doesn't want us hanging out with our friends," she said. "If you stop by, tell them you're my brother." On my first visit I walked to the customer service desk and asked the older woman there, "Is Karen around?" When she looked at me quizzically, I added, "I'm her brother." She smiled. "What a nice surprise. I'm Karen's mother." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Bello, 30, Lancaster, Pennsylvania DUI driver vomited out the window, swerved into oncoming traffic Police arrested a man on St. Patrick’s Day who they say was driving under the influence and vomiting out the window at the same time in Lancaster County. Michael Bello, 30, of Lancaster, is charged with two counts of driving under the influence and driving on wrong side of roadway. Police said the incident happened around 2 p.m. in Manor Township and East Hempfield Township. “East Hempfield and Manor Township Police were notified by Lancaster County Radio of a possible DUI driving south on Rohrerstown Road near Columbia Avenue. The driver was to be vomiting out of the car and swerving into oncoming traffic,” police said. “The vehicle was stopped by police on Millersville Road at Charlestown Road. Bello was taken into custody and a chemical test of his breath confirmed he was Driving Under the Influence of Alcohol.” Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Shading Camera LCD
Dear Webby, I just read this letter. Thanks so much for the fun. Reading your tip on digital flash brought up a question I have had for some time now. I find it difficult to see what I am trying to take when taking pics in the sunlight, before actually taking the pic. I usually have the sun at my back. Do you have any suggestions on how I can cut the glare on the LCD screen? Thanks for the letter & help section. Sharon Dear Sharon Nothing new about that. Look at a drawing or picture of a photographer from 200 years ago. You will see them wear a stylish Count Dracula cape, but made from lightweight, black or navy satin. You just flip that forward over your head, and the camera is in the shade. Sure, you can do the same with a skirt if you don't mind some extra exposure. A large sombrero can also be helpful, and I have seen funnels made from stiff leather, but they are very cumbersome and awkward. You can make a cape from an old satin sheet or fake silk scarves, and I have seen some that were white or pearl on the outside and lined with black on the inside. A cape made from parachute rayon "silk" folds small enough to fit into a shirt pocket. Just don't lend your cape to another photographer. You'll never get it back. DearWebby
>From Bobbie Dave irritated everyone in our office. Whether it was the tone of his voice or his condescending attitude, we all steered clear. He must have suspected he was annoying, because he asked a co-worker, "Why does everyone take an instant dislike to me?" Larry responded, "It saves time."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Todd was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?" Todd replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!" The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?" Todd replied, "The same place where you got that silly train."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the items for sale is a large parrot. He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding proceeds hot and heavy with someone always bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot is finally sold to him for $1,500. When he goes to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer, "Can the bird talk?" The auctioneer replied, "Who do you think was bidding against you?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gift Wrapping Center I have an old dresser that I converted into a gift wrap center. The dresser has four good sized drawers to hold: tissue paper, cards, gift bags and bows. I keep my rolls of gift wrap in plastic boxes on top of the dresser with tape and a scissor. When I need to wrap a present, I just remove the two boxes of gift wrap from the top and I have a nice wrapping surface. By Tammy B. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ This woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?" The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone." The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? My goodness, how big was it?" Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats."
The most amazing archival treasures that were digitized in 2017
___________________________________________________ A synagogue honors its Rabbi for a quarter-century of service by sending him to Hawaii on a well-deserved vacation, all expenses paid. The President of the synagogue decides that in addition to the trip, the Rabbi should have fun and he makes arrangements to have a call-girl available for the Rabbi at all times. When the Rabbi walks into his hotel room, there is this nude girl lying on the bed and she informs the Rabbi that she is his at any time during his vacation. The Rabbi, stunned and extremely embarrassed, demands to know who arranged this little situation, and of course, the girl is compelled to tell him. The Rabbi immediately picks up the phone, calls the synagogue, and gets through to the President of the congregation. 'Where is your respect'? he growls. 'How could you do something like this?' 'I must be held in high esteem by each and every member of this congregation. As your Rabbi, I am very, very angry with you!' As he continues to berate the President, the girl rises sheepishly from the bed, not wanting to further embarrass the Rabbi. As she stands, the Rabbi says 'Where the heck are you going? I'm not mad at you!' ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 29 in
1461 Edward IV secured his claim to the English thrown by
defeating Henry VI’s Lancastrians at the battle of Towdon. 

1847 U.S. troops under General Winfield Scott took possession of
the Mexican stronghold at Vera Cruz. 

1848 Niagara Falls stopped flowing for one day due to an ice jam. 

1867 The British Parliament passed the North America Act to create
the Dominion of Canada. 

1901 The first federal elections were held in Australia. 

1903 A regular news service began between New York and London on
Marconi's wireless. 

1906 In the U.S., 500,000 coal miners walked off the job seeking
higher wages. 

1913 The Reichstag announced a raise in taxes in order to finance
the new military budget. 

1916 The Italians call off the fifth attack on Isonzo. 

1936 Italy firebombed the Ethiopian city of Harar. 

1941 The British sank five Italian warships off the Peloponnesus
coast in the Mediterranean. 

1943 In the U.S. rationing of meat, butter and cheese began during
World War II. 

1946 Gold Coast became the first British colony to hold an African
parliamentary majority. 

1951 The Chinese reject MacArthur's offer for a truce in Korea. 

1951 In the United States, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were
convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage. They were executed in
June 19, 1953. 

1962 Cuba opened the trial of the Bay of Pigs invaders. 

1967 France launched its first nuclear submarine. 

1971 Lt. William Calley Jr., of the U.S. Army, was found guilty of
the premeditated murder of at least 22 Vietnamese civilians. He
was sentenced to life imprisonment. The trial was the result of
the My Lai massacre in Vietnam on March 16, 1968. 

1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam. 

1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first spacecraft
to reach the planet Mercury. It had been launched on November 3,
1973. 

1975 Egyptian president Anwar Sadat declared that he would reopen
the Suez Canal on June 5, 1975. 

1979 The Committee on Assassinations Report issued by U.S. House
of Representatives stated the assassination of President John F.
Kennedy was the result of a conspiracy. 

1983 Erno Rubik was granted a patent for his Magic Cube. (U.S.
Patent 4,378,116) 

1987 Hulk Hogan took 11 minutes, 43 seconds to pin Andre the Giant
in front of 93,136 Wrestlemania III fans at the Silverdome in
Pontiac, MI. 

1992 Democratic presidential front-runner Bill Clinton said "I
didn't inhale and I didn't try it again" in reference to when he
had experimented with marijuana. 

1993 The South Korean government agreed to pay financial support
to women who had been forced to have sex with Japanese troops
during World War II. 

1995 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a constitutional
amendment that would have limited terms to 12 years in the U.S.
House and Senate. 

2004 Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia and
Slovenia became members of NATO. 

2010 In Japan, the Tokyo Skytree tower became the tallest
structure in Japan when it reached 1,109 feet. 

2018  smiled.


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Lighting for large indoor pictures 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 28

Easter

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Men use spaghetti sauce to try to 
start fire after burglary
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 28 in
2010 - china's zhejiang geely holding group co. Signed a deal to
buy ford motor co.'S volvo car unit.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There is nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only. The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large picnic basket. She stood right in front of the man and grabbed the overhead rail so the picnic basket was above the man's head. Being a gentleman, he offered his seat to her. She quickly declined as she was only going a short distance. Soon the picnic basket began to leak. The man felt something drop on top of his head. As he looked up it hit beside his nose and ran down across his lips. He tasted it, looked up at the lady and asked, "Pickles?" She replied, "No, no, puppies....." ______________________________________________________ The parish priest very furtively calls the mother superior into his office. This is how their conversation went: "Sister, I want to show you something." "What is it, Father? "Come into my private room & close the blinds." "WHAT?!" "I said....." "I heard what you said - I just can't believe you're saying it!" "Well, I really need you to come in." Curious, the nun does as she is told. "Here, sit on the bed beside me." "I have to get out of here." "Aren't you the least bit curious?" Well, the nun was so she sat down beside him. "Get under the covers." "WHAT?????!!!!!" The nun was really freaking out. "It doesn't work otherwise!" After much coaxing, the nun does get under the covers with him. He whispers: "Come closer." Nervously, she does get closer. "See," the priest whispers gleefully, "my new watch does glow in the dark!!!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ How the sun changed during the current 22 year cycle Click through for the big picture. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Bernice for this story: My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at my bank. The operator asked me what Ian's last name was and I explained that he hadn't left his surname. When she asked for his department, I said I didn't know. "There are 1500 employees in this building, ma'am," she advised me rather curtly. After a few more brusque comments, I asked her for her name. "Danielle," she said. "And your last name?" I asked. "Sorry," she replied, "we don't give out last names." "Fine!", I told her. "Tell Ian that if he doesn't call me in ten minutes I will blow his a** off." and slammed the phone. He called in two minutes. ----------------------- Yeah, when a woman says "Fine!", men know there is going to be trouble. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Derrick Irving, 36, John Silva, 28, Deland, Florida Men use spaghetti sauce to try to start fire after burglary Two men are accused of breaking into the home of a man they both dated, stealing several items, then leaving spaghetti sauce boiling on the stove with a washcloth placed near the burner in an attempt to start a fire, according to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office. The victim called 911 about 7 a.m. Tuesday because the security cameras in his home on Evergreen Terrace in DeLand detected motion and he believed someone was breaking in because a towel had been placed over one of the cameras, the report said. Deputies went to the residence and saw a red Lincoln Navigator attempting to leave the area. A stop was conducted and the driver, 28-year-old John Silva, and passenger, Derrick Irving, told the deputy that they had just picked up some clothes from the victim's home, according to the affidavit. The victim told News 6 that Irving was wearing a bull costume. The deputy said she could see a marijuana grinder in the center console and a vacuum, window A/C unit, flat-screen television and heater in the back seat. An empty jar of Ragu spaghetti sauce was also on the passenger's seat, the report said. Deputies said both men initially denied burglarizing the victim's home, instead saying that Irving told Silva he lived at the home and needed a ride there to retrieve some clothes and other items. The home reeked of smoke when deputies entered it, according to the report. A pot of spaghetti sauce was found burning on the stove with a white washcloth placed near the burner that had just begun to catch fire, according to the affidavit. "He was trying to make it look like I left the stove on but who gets up 2 a.m. and fixes sketti," the victim said. The deputy extinguished the flames then continued searching the home. Evidence at the scene revealed that Silva and Irving broke into the home, covered the security cameras, stole the items, then put the spaghetti sauce on the stove in an attempt to start a fire so the evidence would be destroyed, according to authorities. Silva and Irving told deputies that they both had romantic or sexual encounters with the victim in the past. "It started out as a relationship, that lasted about a week," the victim said. "I've let him use my car for four months, maybe he's angry about that. Or maybe he's angry because I gave him $150 to fix his teeth." Both men were charged with unarmed burglary, grand theft and arson. Silva is being held on $25,500 bond and Irving is being held without bond because officials say he violated his probation. Tech Support Pits From: Georgina Re: Lighting
Dear Webby I realize that flash ruins pictures, so what's your secret for indoor pictures? Thanks Georgina Dear Georgina You can use a flash, if it is a detachable or remote slave flash, held about as far away as you can reach. If you don't have a slave flash, get one of those rectangular Quartz work lights, that look like an outdoor security light but have a big alligator clip instead of a pipe mount, and can be clipped to a stepladder or shelf. They cost about $12 and provide a very nice and warm light. Again, the best location for the light is an arms length to the side of you and an arms length higher than the camera. You might have seen clip-art or drawings of potographers in the mid 1800s, where they held up a metal dust pan loaded with magnesium for a bright flash. Keep that in mind when placing your light. Have FUN! DearWebby
Asked by his teacher to spell "straight," the third-grade boy did so without error. "Excellent," said the teacher, "now, what does it mean?" "Without water."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl asked, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out & wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a grinning little old lady who was standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plant Cuttings for Gifts I often give plants that I have started from cuttings as gifts. To brighten these up I use a water pic from the florist with one or 2 blossoms from my yard to add a bit of color. I stick the pic into the soil, and make a bow that matches in color or compliments the flowers or the pot and voila! By Linda Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A prospective juror was being questioned by the District Attorney for a murder trial that had been in all the papers. "If the defendant were to be convicted tomorrow, could you kill him for his crime ?" "Well, no." replied the man. "But I could do it on Saturday if that would be OK."
Ceramics and Pottery Masters. I've always wanted to try this.
___________________________________________________ The manager of a large office noticed one of his department heads had hired a new man, so the boss called him into his office for a little orientation speech. "What is your name?" he asked. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last names only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. John Darling." "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..." __________ :D I remember "Shiny Shoes Robertson". ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 28 in
1774 Britain passed the Coercive Act against Massachusetts. 

1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine. 

1834 The U.S. Senate voted to censure President Jackson for the
removal of federal deposits from the Bank of the United States. 

1854 The Crimean War began with Britain and France declaring war
on Russia. 

1864 A group of Copperheads attack Federal soldiers in Charleston,
IL. Five were killed and twenty were wounded. 

1865 Outdoor advertising legislation was enacted in New York. The
law banned "painting on stones, rocks and trees." 

1885 The Salvation Army was officially organized in the U.S. 

1898 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a child born in the U.S. to
Chinese immigrants was a U.S. citizen. This meant that they could
not be deported under the Chinese Exclusion Act. 

1905 The U.S. took full control over Dominican revenues. 

1910 The first seaplane took off from water at Martinques, France.
The pilot was Henri Fabre. 

1922 Bradley A. Fiske patented a microfilm reading device. 

1930 Constantinople and Angora changed their names to Istanbul and
Ankara respectively. 

1933 In Germany, the Nazis ordered a ban on all Jews in
businesses, professions and schools. 

1938 In Italy, psychiatrists demonstrated the use of electric-
shock therapy for treatment of certain mental illnesses. 

1939 The Spanish Civil War ended as Madrid fell to Francisco
Franco. 

1941 The Italian fleet was defeated by the British at the Battle
of Matapan. 

1942 British naval forces raided the Nazi occupied French port of
St. Nazaire. 

1945 Germany launched the last of the V-2 rockets against England.


1947 The American Helicopter Society revealed a flying device that
could be strapped to a person's body. 

1962 The U.S. Air Force announced research into the use of lasers
to intercept missiles and satellites. 

1968 The U.S. lost its first F-111 aircraft in Vietnam when it
vanished while on a combat mission. North Vietnam claimed that
they had shot it down. 

1974 A streaker ran onto the set of "The Tonight Show starring
Johnny Carson." 

1979 A major accident occurred at Pennsylvania's Three Mile Island
nuclear power plant. A nuclear power reactor overheated and
suffered a partial meltdown. 

1981 In Bangkok, Thailand, Indonesian terrorists hijacked an
airplane. Four of the five terrorists were killed on March 31. 

1986 The U.S. Senate passed $100 million aid package for the
Nicaraguan contras. 

1986 More than 6,000 radio stations of all format varieties played
"We are the World" simultaneously at 10:15 a.m. EST. 

1990 In Britain, a joint Anglo-U.S. "sting" operation ended with
the seizure of 40 capacitors, which can be used in the trigger
mechanism of a nuclear weapon. 

1991 The U.S. embassy in Moscow was severely damaged by fire. 

1994 Violence between Zulus and African National Congress
supporters took the lives of 18 in Johannesburg. 

1999 Paraguay's President Raúl Cubas Grau resigned after protests
inspired by the assassination of Vice-President Luis María Argaña
on March 23. The nation's Congress had accused Cubas and his
political associate, Gen. Lino César Oviedo, for Cubas' murder.
Senate President Luis González Macchi took office as Paraguay's
new chief executive. 

2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal to buy
Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit.

2018  smiled.


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