Voice message email 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, August 17

Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my
eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday, Saturday 
and Sunday. Enjoy your vacation!

>From Cajunbuckeye
Now I surely do miss your paper while  you are gone getting
your eyes medicated and all, but if I may suggest could you
not run reruns of your paper maybe the highest asked
question  of the week or month or so…I am so bored when I
have to waitt till Monday to get my dose of Dear Webby…
have a great weekennd
Cajunbuckeye

Dear Cajunbuckeye
The problem is not with the writing, but with the sending.
To prevent unauthorized hackers from abusing the sending
program, it is quite tricky.

That is the reason even Ophelia's newsletters get paused for
three days. I can't delegate the sending. I tried that one
time.

With an average of $30 in donations per good month, I
definitely can't pay anybody to do that for me.

You probably have saved old ones in your archive. Just scroll
through your archive.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Domestic Assault Suspect Rams Patrol Car
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 17 in
1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the
"Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its
successful round-trip to Albany. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Mistakes are the portals of discovery. --- James Joyce (1882 - 1941) We can have facts without thinking but we cannot have thinking without facts. --- John Dewey (1859 - 1952) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On the border of Kentucky and Tennessee there's a small forest. Half of the forest belongs to a Kentucky farmer, while the other half belongs to a Tennessee man. One day, while out for a walk in the woods, the Tennessee man comes across a wolf caught in a trap. He rushes back to his house and calls his Kentucky neighbor. "There's one of your wolves caught in a trap on my side of the forest." "How do you know it's one of *our* wolves?" the Kentucky farmer asked. "Well," the Tennessee man replied, "he's already chewed off three of his legs and he's still trapped." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Anyone who's ever ridden in a cab in Washington DC knows they're some of the world's most brazen drivers. Oddly enough though, their current accident rate isn't all that bad. I asked one of the drivers one day the reason for that. "Easy," he said. "all the really bad drivers are dead now." ______________________________________________________ Mt Tamalpais By Michael Hayashi _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Daniel Gaines, 35, Camdenton, Mo Domestic Assault Suspect Rams Patrol Car A man from Camdenton is jailed after he allegedly assaulted his wife and rammed a deputy patrol car while attempting to evade authorities. 35-year-old Daniel Gaines is accused of hitting his wife in the face and choking her on Monday night. Deputies got a 911 call at 10:20 p.m. Monday about the domestic disturbance off Hidden Drive in Camdenton but Gaines had left the scene before police arrived. Deputies located the man near Highway 54 and the North Highway 5 exit, according to a press release. Deputies with the Camden County Sheriff's Department briefly stopped Gaines' red 2010 F-150 truck around 11:53 p.m. before he sped off quickly. One deputy attempted to pass Gaines during the chase. Gaines rammed the patrol car numerous times on the dry gap bridge prior to the Niangua Bridge, eventually disabling the patrol vehicle. He then continued driving towards his home, through a ditch which eventually brought the chase to an end. Gaines then began to, as the press release states, "advance(d) on the deputies at which time a deputy’s taser was deployed." He was taken into custody and charged with first-degree assault, domestic assault, property damage, resisting arrest, and misdemeanor possession of marijuana. Gaines is being held without bond in Camden County Jail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Nadia Re: Voice message email Dear Webby, I keep getting these emails with "Click attachment to listen to Voice Message" supposedly an attachment from some number, name unavailable. Somehow I have a hunch that it probably is not safe to click on that, and besides, I don't like being told to do something by somebody I don't know. What's the story? Nadia Dear Nadia Just dump it. If you had MailWasher, it would have dumped it for you. That is malware from the "Bad Shit" category, to use kind and diplomatic language. You can even make a filter. If mail is FROM vm@(yourdomain.com) then delete it, automatically, without even showing it in the list. After that, you will never see that crap again. Have FUN! DearWebby

From Ireland OFFICE MEMO Please note that at this year's company party there will be only one cup of booze per person. Please bring your own cup.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bread Crumbs Save leftover bread in a bag in your freezer. Bagels, baguettes, biscuits, crackers, rolls, sandwich bread all work well. When the bag gets full or you need some bread crumbs, process the bread into very fine crumbs in your food processor or blender. Then store the leftover crumbs in the freezer. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com If you want gourmet crumbs (coarser, and from mostly crust) make bread sticks from any left over bread dough, let them dry a few days and then smash them to crumbs in a gallon jar by hitting them with a piece of wood. The difference in taste is well worth the effort! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Drawing mendhi on legs
____________________________________________________ >From Mona: I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. She asked, "Do I click the square?" I said yes. She asked me, "Single click or double click?" ___________________________________________________
Amazing places on our planet. 2017.
___________________________________________________ >From Belinda Looking in the mall for a nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its sexy lingerie. To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for. Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same item. This confirmed what I suspected all along: despite being over 50, I still have a very "with it" attitude. "I see we have the same taste," I said proudly to the 20- something behind me. "Yes," she replied. "I'm getting this for my grandmother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen. "Patty," he asked casually, "didn't you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?" "That I did." "And you are a bricklayer! It sure is a funny world. Things in life aren't divided equally, are they?" "No, that they ain't," agreed Patty, as he proudly slapped the mortar along the line of bricks. "My poor brother is such a klutz, he couldn't do this to save his life!" ____________________________________________________

Today, August 17, in 
1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia from
New York City. 

1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the
"Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its
successful round-trip to Albany. 

1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at the
island of St. Helena. 

1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first
time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with
100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles. 

1863 Federal batteries and ships cannons bombarded Fort
Sumter in Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War. 

1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack
discovering gold on Rabbit Creek in the Yukon. 

1903 Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia
University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name. 

1915 Charles F. Kettering received a patent for the first
electric ignition device. 

1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S. and
British forces entered Messina. 

1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their
independence from the Netherlands. 

1961 The Communist East German government completed the
construction of the Berlin Wall. 

1977 Florists Transworld Delivery (FTD) reported that in one
day the number of orders for flowers to be delivered to
Graceland had surpassed the number for any other event in the
company's history. 

1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became the
first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon
flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in
Miserey, France. 

1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that
granted permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had
arrived in the United States before 1977. 

1985 A year-long strike began when 1,400 Geo. A. Hormel and
Co. meat packers walked off the job. 

1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved with
Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter of Mia
Farrow, Allen's longtime companion. 

1996 A military cargo plane crashed in Wyoming killing eight
crew members and a Secret Service employee. The plane was
carrying gear for U.S. President Clinton. 

1996 Ross Perot was announced to be the Reform Party's
presidential candidate. It was the party's first-ever
candidate. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper
relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern. 

1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica merge to create the largest
U.S. bank. 

1998 Russia devalued the ruble. 

2002 In Santa Rosa, CA, the Charles M. Schulz Museum opened
to the public. 

2017  smiled.


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Making icons, step by step 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, August 16

Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for injections into my
eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday, Saturday 
and Sunday. Enjoy your vacation!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Robber who pepper-sprayed Walmart greeter
extradited back to Kentucky.
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 16 in
1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of
Bennington took place. New England's Minutemen routed the
British regulars. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. --- Robert Frost (1874 1963) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A mother was preparing pancakes for her 2 sons, the older 5 and the younger 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here," she said, "he would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two little girls were sitting in the lunchroom of an elementary school in Beverly Hills. "Guess what," one said. "Mommy's getting married again, so I'll have a new daddy." "Really," said the other girl. "Who's she marrying?" "Winston James, the famous director." "Oh, you'll like him," the other girl exclaimed. "He was my daddy last fall." ______________________________________________________ Pfeiffer Beach, California _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Jude, 35, Sandra Yeahquo 36, both of Oklahoma. Robber who pepper-sprayed Walmart greeter extradited back to Kentucky. The Mount Sterling, KY, Police Department issued two warrants in connection with a violent shoplifting incident at a Walmart store. After releasing surveillance images of the suspects, police identified them as Michael Jude, 35, and Sandra Yeahquo 36, both of Oklahoma. Police say they were involved in a shoplifting incident at Mt. Sterling Walmart over the weekend. Police say Jude pepper sprayed an 80-year-old employee who confronted him as he left the store with merchandise for which he didn't pay. Authorities captured Judge and Yeahquo in Oklahoma. Jude appeared in an Oklahoma courtroom on Thursday morning. He signed a waiver for extradition; An officer from Mount Sterling will now travel to Oklahoma to bring Jude back to Kentucky in handcuffs to face robbery charges. Pepper spraying an 80 year old is not going to go over easy! As for Yeahquo, court clerks in Oklahoma say she has outstanding charges in Tulsa, that she must face a judge for first. Her extradition hearing will take place next week. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dolores Re: Making Icons Dear Webby, I know you told us in the past how to make icons, but because I didn't need any,I didn't pay attention. Now, to use the trick you told mark today, I do need to know. Can you please tell us again? I do have a graphics program. Dolores Dear Dolores The biggest challenge is to decide, what you want on the icon. You can take any picture you want, but you will see that when you reduce it to icon size, most pitures will be a confusing mess. Usually, unless you have a very high contrast picture like today's or yesterday's picture of the day, it will be easier to just paint something. Create a new image, 64 x 64, and make the background the same as your desktop background. Save it as the name you want to give it, but with a .BMP extension. Yes, BMP, just like we used in the 80's. Microsoft insists that icons be backward compatible all the way back to DOS, just the user interface gets changed all the time to annoy you. Then take a contrasting color and paint a symbol or a number. You can even use the text tool and write a symbol. If you use the WingDingas font, then you get astrological signs, playing cards, and all kinds of neat stuff. Try that first on a bigger picture and write the whole alphabet to see which letter produces the symbol you want. Ok, once you have a recognizable high contrast picture, for example the flying (turned sideways) 69, that is the letter a in Wingding font, save it as for example 69.bmp and close the file. Now use the file explorer or DOS and rename the file to 69.ico. Make sure it is in a place, that you can find easily. Next go to the shortcut that should have that icon. Right-click it, Properties, Change Icon and browse to your new icon. Apply, OK Done. That is all there is to it. Next icon. All you have to remember is: 64 x 64 size, high contrast. Have FUN! DearWebby

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. Again, a week after the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens." "Wow!" the co-op man replies. "You must really be doing well!" "Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Energy When Using Your Oven Any time you open your oven the temperature drops 25 to 30 degrees. If you want to peek at the dish you are baking, use the window on the door and oven light instead. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com ____________________________________________________
Elephant plays piano
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for bringing back this steamboat classic: The Romantic Sailor A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the sailor. "Look, I'm off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe. Plus he's having me every night." "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry." ___________________________________________________
Amazing places on our planet. 2017.
___________________________________________________ >From Paula Dear Webby, can you please bring back that bricklayer's accident report? Paula Sure, Paula. I remember sen ding that around via fax before the Internet, and a few times since then. Here it is: It seems wrong to laugh at someone else's misfortune, but.... This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. This is a true story. Dear Sir I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-storey building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over, which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry. Leonard Cromley
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of first year medical students. "As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?" "Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 16, in 
1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of
Bennington took place. New England's Minutemen routed the
British regulars. 

1812 Detroit fell to Indian and British troops in the War of
1812. 

1829 The "Siamese twins," Chang and Eng Bunker, arrived in
Boston, MA. They had come to the Western world to be
exhibited. They were 18 years old and joined at the waist. 

1842 In New York City, the U.S. government took over
operations of the City Despatch Post. This was the first
congressionally authorized local postage delivery. 

1858 A telegraphed message from Britain's Queen Victoria to
U.S. President Buchanan was transmitted over the recently
laid trans-Atlantic cable. 

1861 U.S. President Lincoln prohibited the Union states from
trading with the states of the Confederacy. 

1923 Carnegie Steel Corporation put into place the eight-hour
workday for its employees. 

1930 The first British Empire Games were held at Hamilton,
Ontario, Canada. The event is now called the British
Commonwealth Games. 

1937 Harvard University became the first school to have
graduate courses in traffic engineering and administration. 

1954 Sports Illustrated was published for the first time. It
was claimed that 250,000 subscriptions had been sold before
the first issue came off of the presses. 

1960 Cyprus was granted independence by Britain. 

1960 The free-fall world record was set by Joseph Kittinger.
He fell more than 16 miles (about 84,000 feet) before opening
his parachute over New Mexico. 

1978 Xerox was fined for excluding Smith-Corona Mfg. from the
copier market. The fine was $25.6 million. 

1995 Voters in Bermuda rejected independence from Great
Britain. 

1999 In Russia, Vladimir V. Putin was confirmed as prime
minister by the lower house of parliament. 

2017  smiled.


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Uncomplicating Explorer 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, August 15

The Perseids meteor shower is not finished yet. 
Even in the thick smoke we have, the falling stars 
are still visible.

Thursday I have to go to Calgary for injections into my
eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday, Saturday 
and Sunday. Enjoy your vacation!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mom abandons 10-year-old son with 
special needs in woods
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 15 in
1945 The Allies proclaimed V-J Day a day after Japan 
agreed to surrender unconditionally. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Adventure is just bad planning. --- Roald Amundsen (1872 - 1928) Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to believe. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that the older generation didn't outgrow. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Anni was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend's yard sale, and said to her, "My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale." "I'm sure the old boy'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains," her friend replied. "Normally, yes," said Anni. "But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ On the outskirts of town, there was huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out toward the fence. Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery." He cycled down the road fast as he could and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls." The man said, "Shooo, you brat, can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is." But after several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been telling the truth. Let's see if we can see the devil himself." Shivering with fear, they peered through the fence, yet they were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those two nuts by the fence, and we'll be done." They say the old guy made it back to town five minutes before the boy with the bicycle. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Debra Wisler, 39, Millville City, New Jersey Mom abandons 10-year-old son with special needs in woods Debra Wisler, 39, of Millville City A New Jersey woman is accused of abandoning her 10-year-old son, who has special needs, in the woods. Debra Wisler, 39, of Millville City, is charged with endangering the welfare of a child, according to the New Jersey State Police. Troopers said that a passing motorist spotted the boy wandering Aug. 3 in a wooded area near the visitor's center at Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst near Trenton. The motorist contacted military personnel at the base, who took the boy in and gave him food, water and treated minor injuries he had suffered. The boy told his rescuers that his mother took him into the woods with his luggage and left him there, troopers said. He said he fell asleep, but woke up hungry. The boy was able to give them his mother's name and phone number. State police investigators and social workers placed the boy in a temporary home while they investigated the case, troopers said. When they talked to Wisler the next day, they determined that she was trying to enroll her son in a child program at the base. CBS New York reported that investigators believe she abandoned him nearby after learning that he was not eligible for the program. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mark Re: Uncomplicating Explorer Dear Webby, It irks me every time when I open the Windows file Explorer that it starts focused on Desktop, My documents instead of c:\ Is there a way to fix that ? Mark Dear Mark I agree that it's a silly nuisance to have to tippy-toe all the way up to the root first before you can start doing what you plan to do. Fortunately it's easy to fix the stupid rigmarole. Open the file explorer and click on TOOLS, FolderOptions. Select Classic, if you haven't already. Hit OK Go to the address bar on top and type in there C:\ and hit Enter. Drag the little icon to the left of the address bar onto your desktop, preferably near the START button. Touch that new shortcut icon and hit F2 to rename it to C: or something short. Done. Now, when you click that icon, the file explorer will open at the top of the C:\ drive. You can just as easily make shortcuts to your D: drive, your CD, your music folder, your spreadsheet folder, whatever. If you keep those shortcut names short, you can make a compact ribbon of the most used destinations. Making different icons for each is easy enough. Have FUN! DearWebby

A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police. "For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom." When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?" "What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?" "I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Plastic Wrap One way to save money on plastic wrap is to cut a roll in half. Then you have two narrow rolls that work great for small items like brownies and cookies. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com ____________________________________________________
Britain's Got Talent surprise
____________________________________________________ "How does Janice like being pregnant?" asked friend John. "Oh, she's not pregnant," John replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" asked. "Well, John explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet . . ." ___________________________________________________
Memoirs of a Playboy Bunny in New York. 2017.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: We were sitting in a fine restaurant when my wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. I said "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?" "Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago." I said, "That's remarkable, I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long." She hasn't spoken to me since - did I say something wrong?
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Jake had proposed to young Sarah and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. "Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked the suitor. "Yes, sir," replied Jake, "I'm sure I am." "Think carefully now," said Sarah's father. "There are twelve of us..." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 15, in 
1057 Macbeth, the King of Scotland, was killed by the son of
King Duncan. 

1848 The dental chair was patented by M. Waldo Hanchett. 

1877 Thomas Edison wrote to the president of the Telegraph
Company in Pittsburgh, PA. The letter stated that the word,
"hello" would be a more appropriate greeting than "ahoy" when
answering the telephone. 

1911 The product Crisco was introduced by Procter & Gamble
Company. 

1914 The Panama Canal was officially opened to commercial
traffic as an American ship sailed from the Atlantic to the
Pacific Ocean. The first vessel to pass through the canal was
the American cargo and passenger ship SS Ancon. 

1918 Diplomatic ties between the U.S. and Russia were
severed. 

1935 Will Rogers and Wiley Post were killed in an airplane
crash in near Point Barrow, AK. 

1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Hollywood, CA. Judy
Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over
the Rainbow." 

1943 Because of his special talent to use food scraps in both
unusual and appetizing recipes, the U.S. War Department
awarded Sgt. Edward Dzuba the Legion of Merit. 

1944 The Allied forces of World War II landed in southern
France. 

1945 The Allies proclaimed V-J Day a day after Japan agreed
to surrender unconditionally. 

1947 India became independent from Britain and was divided
into the countries of India and Pakistan. India had been
under British rule about 200 years. 

1948 The Republic of Korea was proclaimed. 

1949 In San Francisco, a stunt leap off the Golden Gate
Bridge was performed for the first time. 

1961 East German workers began construction of the Berlin
Wall. 

1970 Mrs. Pat Palinkas became the first woman to 'play' in a
pro football game when she held the ball for the Orlando, FL,
Panthers. 

1971 U.S. President Nixon announced a 90-day freeze on wages,
rents and prices. 

1986 The U.S. Senate approved a package of economic sanctions
against South Africa. The ban included the importing of
steel, uranium, textiles, coal, and produce from South
Africa. 

1992 Vietnam blamed Hollywood for creating the "myth"
concerning the issue of U.S. servicemen still being held
prisoner in Indochina. 

1997 The U.S. Justice Department decided not to prosecute FBI
officials in connection with the deadly 1992 Ruby Ridge siege
in Idaho. The investigation dealt with an alleged cover-up. 

2000 A group of 100 people from North Korea arrived in South
Korea for temporary reunions with relatives they had not seen
for half a century. Also, a group of 100 South Koreans
visited the North. 

2001 Astronomers announced the discovery of the first solar
system outside our own. They had discovered two planets
orbiting a star in the Big Dipper. 

2011 Google announced that it would acquire Motorola Mobility
for $12.5 billion. 

2017  smiled.


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Make a shortcut to the Music folder 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, August 14

Get out tonight to watch the Perseids meteor shower!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
DNA from unflushed toilet nailed 
California burglar
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 14 in
1919 About 1 million tons of ice and rock broke off of a
glacier near Mont Blanc, France. Nine people were killed in
the incident. It was not blamed on CO2 and Global Warming.
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. --- Paul Fix Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Cohens were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Cohen made it clear he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Cohen turned to his wife. "Show him your tooth, Sarah!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ During parachute class the instructor took time to anwser any of our silly First Timer Questions. One guy asked: "If our chute doesn't open.....and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have til we hit the ground?" Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan anwsered: "The whole rest of your life." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andrew David Jensen, 42, Thousand Oaks, California DNA from unflushed toilet nailed California burglar Police in Thousand Oaks, California, used DNA found in an unflushed toilet to finger a burglary suspect. Andrew David Jensen, 42, was arrested on July 28 on suspicion of committing a burglary last October. Detectives managed to sniff out the suspect after they found some fecal matter in a toilet at the crime scene and had it tested for DNA, according to the Ventura County Star. The sample was sent to the Ventura County Sheriff’s Office Forensic Services Bureau for processing before being submitted to the Combined DNA Information System to see if there was a match with a known suspect. Police got a DNA match on July 25 for Jensen, who they tracked down to his home in nearby Ventura. He was arrested three days later on suspicion of first-degree residential burglary, a felony, according to the Associated Press. His bail was set at $180,000. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Shortcut to music folder Dear Webby, Is there a way to create a short cut and thus a desk top icon to a music file folder that does not give that option when I right click on it? Getting to my music files is a small nuisance going through explorer & down several more clicks. Thank you!! Bonnie Dear Bonnie Just browse to that folder with the file explorer, drag the icon from the left side of the address bar in file Explorer to an open spot on your desktop. Highlight that icon Hit F2 and rename it to something shorter Right-click the icon and change the icon to something else. Hit APPLY, and OK. Done. Have FUN! DearWebby

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning. When Patty came into the office she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her. The first question was this. "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought. "What would happen if I poked out the other eye?" "I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files. When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" "I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told. This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed. But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Those Bread Bags! By marie cecchini [204 Posts, 2 Comments] Never toss those bags when you've finished a loaf of bread. They are great for storing home baked goods either to freeze or store in your cupboard - saves on using and washing your plastic containers - less time spent and water used. By Marie from West Dundee, IL ____________________________________________________
Keep the flour away from toddlers
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for this story: An old man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, "Operator, give me back the party!" She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over again." He says, "What do you want from my life? Give me back da party." She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again." He says, "Operator, ya know what? Take da telephone and shove it in you-know-where!" And he hangs up. Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, strapping guys standing there who say, "We came to take your telephone out." He says, "Why?" They say, "Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago. But if you'd like to call up and apologize, we'll leave the telephone here." He says, "Wait a minute, what's da rush, what's da hurry?" He goes to the telephone and dials. "Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello, Operator 28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted you? I told you to take da telephone and shove it in you-know-where?" She says, "Yes?" He says, "Well, get ready -- they're bringin' it to ya!" ___________________________________________________
Winners of the National Geographic travel photographer of the year contest 2017.
___________________________________________________ Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Gramma Jones tripped on the stairs and broke her leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that she wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off. Four months later he removed the cast and pronounced her well on the way to recovery. "Oh good," she responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?" "Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful." "I can't tell you what a relief it will be," she sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe to my fifth floor apartment all the time!" ____________________________________________________

Today, August 14, in 
1248 The rebuilding of the Cologne Cathedral in Cologne,
Germany, began after being destroyed by fire. 

1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tunis was signed on
board the USS Constitution. 

1880 The Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany was completed
after 632 years of rebuilding. 

1888 A patent for the electric meter was granted to Oliver B.
Shallenberger. 

1896 Gold was discovered in Canada's Yukon Territory. Within
the next year more than 30,000 people rushed to the area to
look for gold. 

1900 An international force, consisting of eight nations,
lifted the siege of Peking. It was the end to the Boxer
Rebellion, which was aimed at purging China of foreigners. 

1917 China declared war on Germany and Austria during World
War I. 

1919 About 1 million tons of ice and rock broke off of a
glacier near Mont Blanc, France. Nine people were killed in
the incident. It was not blamed on CO2 and Global Warming.

1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Social
Security Act into law. The act created unemployment insurance
and pension plans for the elderly. 

1936 The first basketball competition was held at the Olympic
Games in Berlin, Germany. The U.S. defeated Canada, 19-8. 

1941 The U.S. Congress appropriated the funds to construct
the Pentagon (approximately $83 million). The building was
the new home of the U.S. War Department. 

1941 U.S. President Roosevelt and British Prime Minister
Winston Churchill issued the Atlantic Charter. The charter
was a statement of principles that renounced aggression. 

1944 The federal government allowed the manufacture of
certain domestic appliances to resume on a limited basis. 

1945 It was announced by U.S. President Truman that Japan had
surrendered unconditionally. The surrender ended World War
II. 

1947 Pakistan became independent from British rule. 

1953 The wiffle ball was invented. 

1962 A U.S. mail truck was held up in Plymouth, MA. The
robbers got away with more that $1.5 million dollars. 

1969 British troops arrived in Northern Ireland to intervene
in sectarian violence between Protestants and Roman
Catholics. 

1973 The U.S. bombing of Cambodia ended. The halt marked the
official end to 12 years of combat in Indochina by the U.S. 

1980 People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) was
incorporated. 

1986 U.S. officials announced that a U.S. Drug Enforcement
agent had been abducted, interrogated and tortured by Mexican
police. 

1992 The U.S. announced that emergency airlifts of food to
Somalia would begin. The action was being taken to stop mass
deaths due to starvation. 

1995 Shannon Faulkner became the first female cadet in the
history of The Citadel, South Carolina's state military
college. She quit the school less than a week later. 

2000 Valujet was ordered to pay $11 million in fines and
restitution for hazardous waste violations in the crash that
killed 110 people in 1996. 

2015 In Havana, Cuba, the U.S. Embassy was re-opened after
being closed 54 years earlier. 

2017  smiled.


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He got hijacked 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, August 13

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man arrested for trying to strangle woman 
in Kentucky cemetery
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 13 in
1521 Present day Mexico City was captured by Spanish
conqueror Hernando Cortez from the Aztec Indians. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ This is the challenge of writing. You have to be very emotionally engaged in what you’re doing, or it comes out flat. You can’t fake your way through this. --- Gordon Atkinson "...that whoever is not a liberal when young has no heart, whoever is not a conservative when middle-aged has no head, and whoever is still either a liberal or a conservative at age seventy-eight has no sense of humor." --- Herbert Stein ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Man: "My wife has the worst memory I ever heard of." Friend: "Forgets everything, eh?" Man: "No, remembers everything." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rhonda for this story: Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady reappears, wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse." "But Father, I have a divine right," she informs. "Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this church." ______________________________________________________ Night over West Quoddy, Lubec, Maine West Quoddy Head Light sits on the easternmost point of the contiguous United States. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brice Gross, 19, Georgetown, Kentucky Man arrested for trying to strangle woman in Kentucky cemetery Georgetown Police arrested a man they say tried to strangle a woman in a cemetery, with the intent to kill her. Police say Brice Gross, 19, snuck up behind a woman on Saturday evening in the Georgetown Cemetery. Police say he attacked the woman and began to try to strangle her. The woman was able to fight him off, and Gross ran away, police said. Officers located Gross shortly after and arrested him. According to his arrest citation, Gross told police that he was going to strangle the woman until she was unconscious, then put her body in her own vehicle. He then told police he was going to place a rock on the car’s gas pedal and send it into a body of water. In an interview from jail, Gross told WKYT's Garrett Wymer that he was at the cemetery visiting his uncle's grave, when he blacked out and went into another personality. "I vaguely remember getting her to the ground and then running," Gross said. "That's just about it. I don't remember anything else." Gross said he has several hundred personalities that he deals with - though he says nothing violent like this has happened before. He said he thinks visiting his uncle's grave brought to the surface a lot of emotions that he says likely triggered the personality change on Saturday. He says he knows he needs medical help. Gross is now charged with attempted murder and kidnapping. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Hijacked Dear Webby, It looks like I've been high jacked by .hemailaccessonline.com/. Whenever I open a new tab in Firefox, the address automatically goes to .hemailaccessonline.com/. I checked on the internet and evidently this is not a virus, but it will redirect your browser to sites of their choice that may be malicious. The only repair that I could find were pay programs. I am sure you will have a better solution, as always. Thanks in advance. Bill Dear Bill That is just a Browser Hijacker. Search.hemailaccessonline.com is a browser hijacker that is bundled with other free software that you download off of the Internet. When installed this browser hijacker it will set the homepage and search engine for your web browser to https://search.hemailaccessonline.com. Malwarebytes will get rid of it. Pretty well all valid info I could find, mention MalwareBytes in the first or second step. When done, reset your home page and search engine. The cleaners just get rid of hemailaccessonline.com, they don`t know what you had in there before that hijacker deleted it. Btw., what did you download that had that hijacker as payload? Have FUN! DearWebby

>From Irene: During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did. When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refrigerator Pops Recipes By Darlene [52 Posts, 14 Comments] With summer almost here, I found some really good but healthy refrigerator pops for the kids. It took a while to dig them out but I did and thought I would share them with you! I hope your kids enjoy them. In fact, they really are good for adults as we have to watch those calories that are not there one day but somehow those shorts you just wore refuse to fit. So here goes, they are considered to be healthy snacking which is hard in the summer to find with all the wonderful looking desserts and fancy ice cream cones. It is hard to find good snacks but here are some. Good Luck and enjoy! Strawberry-Banana Cream Pops Ingredients: 2 (8 oz.) cartons of strawberry yogurt 1 cup sliced fresh strawberries 1 ripe banana 1 Tbsp. honey 8 (3 oz.) cold drink cups 8 wooden sticks Directions: In your blender or food processor bowl with metal blade, combine yogurt, strawberries, banana and honey; blend till smooth. Fill each cup with about 1/3 cup yogurt mixture. Place cups in freezer until partially frozen, (about 1 hour). Insert sticks, freeze until firm (about 2 hours). Remove drink cups and serve. MMMM, now I want one! I am not trying to be funny but I am thinking summer and having one of these! Pineapple Orange Pops Ingredients: 8 oz. carton plain yogurt 8 oz. can crushed pineapple, undrained 6 oz. can frozen pineapple-orange juice concentrate, thawed 8 (3 oz.) cold drink cups 8 wooden sticks Directions: In blender or food processor in bowl with metal blade, combine yogurt, pineapple and pineapple-orange juice concentrate, blend until smooth. Fill each cup with about 1/3 cup pineapple mixture. Place cups in freezer until partially frozen, (about 1 hr). Insert sticks then freeze till firm, about 2 hours. Remove cups and serve. Icy Watermelon Pops Cut watermelon into slices about 1 1/4 inches thick. Cut each slice into pie shaped wedges of desired size. Using a sharp knife, pierce rind, insert wooden stick. Place on waxed paper lined pan or tray, freeze till firm. Wrap individually in foil or plastic wrap. Store in freezer. ____________________________________________________
Weird things caught on camera
____________________________________________________ That reminds me of this one: After a day of grueling maneuvers in the muddy swamp under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks, exhausted, muddy from top to bottom, sweaty and smelly. "All right, ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?" Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row. "My recruiter." ___________________________________________________
I don't know if this artist saw this unique woodworking in visions or bad dreams.
___________________________________________________ Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher, "They say I died!!!" "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from???"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Dianne I asked the Lord to tell me Why my house is such a mess. He asked if I'd been 'putering', And I had to answer "yes." He told me to get off my butt And tidy up the house. And so I started cleaning up... The smudges off my mouse. I wiped and shined the topside. That really did the trick... I was just admiring my work... I didn't mean to 'click.' But click, I did, and oops I found A real absorbing site That I got SO way into... I was into it all night.<> Nothing's changed except my mouse It's very, very shiny. I guess my house will stay a mess... While I sit here on my hiney. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 13, in 
1521 Present day Mexico City was captured by Spanish
conqueror Hernando Cortez from the Aztec Indians. 

1704 The Battle of Blenheim was fought during the War of the
Spanish Succession, resulting in a victory for English and
Austrian forces. 

1792 French revolutionaries took the entire French royal
family and imprisoned them. 

1867 "Under the Gaslight", by Augustin Daly, opened in New
York City, NY. 

1876 The Reciprocity Treaty between the U.S. and Hawaii was
ratified. 

1889 A patent for a coin-operated telephone was issued to
William Gray. 

1912 The first experimental radio license was issued to St.
Joseph's College in Philadelphia, PA. 

1931 The first community hospital in the U.S. was dedicated
in Elk City, OK. 

1932 Adolf Hitler refused to take the post of vice-chancellor
of Germany. He said he was going to hold out "for all or
nothing." 

1934 Al Capp's comic strip "L'il Abner" made its debut in
newspapers. 

1942 Henry Ford unveiled his "Soybean Car." It was a plastic-
bodied car that weighed about 1000 lbs. less than a steel
car. The media did not like it and very few were sold.

1959 In New York, ground was broken on the $320 million
Verrazano Narrows Bridge. 

1960 "Echo I," a balloon satellite, allowed the first two-way
telephone conversation by satellite to take place. 

1961 Berlin was divided by a barbed wire fence to halt the
flight of refugees. Two days later work on the Berlin Wall
began. 

1985 The engagement of Maria Shriver and Arnold
Schwarzenagger was announced. 

1990 Iraq transferred $3-4 billion in bullion, currency, and
other goods seized from Kuwait to Baghdad. 

1994 It was reported that aspirin not only helps reduce the
risk of heart disease, but also helps prevent colon cancer.

2017  smiled.


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Alarm about aa.online-metrix.net 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, August 12

Thank you, Svend!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Anti-Trump fanatic” murders his Republican neighbor
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 12 in
1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the 
double-headed sewing machine. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ We always like those who admire us; we do not always like those whom we admire. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Father, passing thru the son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whaddya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!" replied the voice. "Dump him on the front porch and we'll drag him in in the morning..." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Wife: "I was a fool when I married you." Husband: "I guess you were, but I was so in love at the time I didn't notice for two years." ______________________________________________________ Protector and bodyguard in the wagon _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Clayton P. Carter, 51, Wesst Goshen, Pennsylvania Anti-Trump fanatic” murders his Republican neighbor The victim G. Brooks Jennings was murdered while his wife watched Clayton stand over her husband and shoot him in the head. Police have charged Clayton Carter, 51, in the shooting death of G. Brooks Jennings. Shortly before 8 p.m. Monday, police responded to the 300 block of Box Elder Drive for a dispute between Carter and Jennings about Carter cursing and noisy video recording in the back yard. Police said they were able to resolve that dispute. Then at approximately 1 a.m. Tuesday, police say the neighbors got into another dispute. Carter told police that Jennings shined a light into his eyes while he was outside. Carter then allegedly pulled a car onto his lawn, shining the high beams of the car on Jennings’ property. Carter then allegedly retrieved a .380 semi-automatic handgun from his house and confronted the victim again outside. Officials say Carter shot Jennings once in the head, knocking him to the ground. Carter then allegedly stood over Jennings’ body and shot him once more in the head. The victim was on his own property, police said. Jennings’ wife allegedly heard the first gunshot, then saw Carter stand over her husband as he fired the second shot. Police recovered two shell casings, the gun and a knife at the scene. One shell casing was located on Carter’s property. The second shell casing was found on the victim’s property, near Jennings’ body. Carter has been charged with murder and related offenses, and is currently being held at the Chester County Prison. Neighbor Brian Dougherty got emotional when speaking of Jennings. “You don’t want to sound cliche, you see this on TV all the time, but he is probably the nicest, best guy I’ve ever met in my whole life. Really, seriously,” Dougherty said. Police say Carter had disputes with a number of other neighbors, and even pulled a gun on Jennings during a past altercation. Neighbors say Carter was a quarrelsome, argumentative man. Court records claim Carter had a history of disputes with many neighbors. His front yard was crowded with cars and hand lettered anti-Trump signs. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Noella Re: Alarm about aa.online-metrix.net Dear Webby, I am getting an alarm about aa.online-metrix.net every now and then. Malwarebytes is catching it, but what is it? Noella Dear Noella That is just your W10 phoning the emperor (Microsoft) to fink on what you are wearing and what you are doing with W10. Don't worry about it. Microsoft doesn't care about what you are wearing or about you at all, otherwise we would still have a comfortable XP style user interface. Quite the opposite. They just care about how THEIR W10 is working. That is the data they ordered it to send to their metrix servers. Since you don't own your W10 installation, but are just kindly allowed to use it after paying for it, there is nothing you can do about that. Malwarebytes did an update this evening and is now no longer reporting that your computer is sending data to Microsoft's Metrix servers. They were apparently assured that the data is just metrics about W10 and does not include your bra number, just the cup letters. Just kidding. They are not interested in you. Have FUN! DearWebby

Husband shopping A Walmart store that sells husbands has just opened in town where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Wow" so she goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, loves kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me! So she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted she goes to the sixth floor and sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Wal Mart's Husband Store -
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Scale To Determine Postage By Chuck [22 Posts, 183 Comments] At times I wasn't certain if outgoing mail needed more than a 1 oz. first class stamp, so I'd have to drive to a post office. I decided to build my own scale and it works. A simple balance-beam scale is easy to build. Comparative mass for a one ounce weight (28.3 grams) is almost exactly the same as five modern US quarters (28.35 grams). In my picture I included five quarters in the packages at each end of the scale. It seems the loaded envelope plus stamp is a tiny bit heavier, so I need to add postage. All I needed was an inexpensive laundry hanger section, a few paper clips, and a tool or two, and I was set. By Chuck1 For rare and occasional weighing once or twice a year that sure beats paying $8 plus shipping for a digital kitchen scale from Amazon! ____________________________________________________
Larry the parrot dials an imaginary phone and has conversation.
____________________________________________________ Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn.. I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn...... Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No. Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the cops. ___________________________________________________
Handprint art.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for this: You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if..... The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.... People ask when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.... When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." Five guys and two women stand up. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." ) You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The choir is known as the "OK Chorale". You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Baptism is referred to as "branding". You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling. You Know Your Church! Is A Redneck Church if... People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Instead of a bell, you are called to service by a semi air horn. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.... The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink". You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Every pick-up truck in the church parking lot has at least 1/8 of a ton of junk, ahem, "potential resources" in the back. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now!! Ya hear!
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Dear Webby I recently purchased Mailwasher, and it's been a godsend! Thank you for posting the link! Dawn ____________________________________________________

Today, August 12, in 
1676 "King Phillip's War" came to an end with the killing of
Indian chief King Phillip. The war between the Indians and
the Europeans lasted for two years. 

1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the double-headed
sewing machine. 

1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery
by Joseph Lister. 

1867 U.S. President Andrew Johnson sparked a move to impeach
him when he defied Congress by suspending Secretary of War
Edwin M. Stanton. 

1877 Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the first
sound recording. 

1898 The Spanish-American War was ended with the signing of
the peace protocol. The U.S. acquired Guam, Puerto Rico and
the Philippines. Hawaii was also annexed. 

1915 "Of Human Bondage" by William Somerset Maugham was first
published. 

1918 Regular airmail service began between Washington, DC,
and New York City. 

1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Oconomowoc, WI. Judy
Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over
the Rainbow." The movie premiered in Hollywood on August
15th. 

1953 The Soviet Union secretly tested its first hydrogen
bomb. 

1960 The balloon satellite Echo One was launched by the U.S.
from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was the first communications
satellite. 

1962 The Soviet Union launched Pavel Popovich into orbit.
Popovich and Andrian Nikolayev, who was launch a day before,
both landed on August 15. 

1964 Mickey Mantle set a major league baseball record when he
hit home runs from both the left and ride sides of the plate
in the same game. 

1977 The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo
flight test. 

1981 IBM unveiled its first PC. 

1986 It was announced by NASA that they had selected a new
rocket design for the space shuttle. The move was made in an
effort at correcting the flaws that were believed to have
been responsible for the Challenger disaster. 

1988 The movie "The Last Temptation of Christ" opened. 

1992 The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced that the North
American Free Trade Agreement had been created after 14
months of negotiations. 

1993 U.S. President Clinton lifted the ban on rehiring air
traffic controllers that had been fired for going on strike
in 1981. 

1994 Major league baseball players went on strike rather than
allow team owners to limit their salaries. The strike lasted
for 232 days. As a result, the World Series was wiped out for
the first time in 90 years. 

1998 Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 billion as restitution
to World War II Holocaust victims. 

1999 Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her
feet on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a target
that was 16 feet and 5 inches away. 

2000 The Russian nuclear submarine Kursk sank and its 118-man
crew died during naval exercises in the Barents Sea. 

2004 The California Supreme Court voided the nearly 4,000
same-sex marriages that had been sanctioned in San Francisco
earlier in the year. 

2008 Russia halted its five-day assault on Georgia. 

2017  smiled.


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Quiet emergency power 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, August 11
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man kills AAA contract worker 
over response time
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 11 in
1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President Clinton. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. --- Albert Einstein "If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down." --- Ray Bradbury All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. --- George Orwell (1903 - 1950) in Animal Farm Animal Farm was the first English book I read. That was in 63 or 64. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters In Washington, DC for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure where the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered that when you press it, it plays 'Jingle Bells.'" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days." The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?" "No," the husband retorted, "but you've heard of widowers marrying again, haven't you?" ______________________________________________________ Long Eared Owl by Matteusz Piesiak _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jesus Esquivel, 63, Miami, Florida Florida man kills AAA contract worker over response time A man in Miami faces second-degree murder charges after police said he fatally shot a AAA contract worker over the amount of time he waited to get assistance. Jesus Esquivel, 63, initially threatened a 24-hour roadside AAA technician when he called him to fix a car battery at his home, WPLG reports. The technician then requested AAA dispatch to remove him from Esquivel’s service call, and an employee of a company contracted by AAA came to assist him instead. Once the employee arrived, police said Esquivel confronted him and shot him multiple times. Police said the victim died at the scene, according to WPLG. Police took Esquivel to Miami-Dade County Jail Wednesday after he confessed to fatally shooting the employee. Looks like he has his retirement home picked out. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helga Re: Quiet emergency power Dear Webby, I know you used to live in the arctic, and you were in the last hurricane, but you never missed a single Humor Letter. Obviously you must be a wizz with emergency power. OK, now that I have flattered you up, what free advice do I get about emergency power in an apartment where It would be frowned upon, if I ran a noisy generator in the hallway? I just need the power for the laptop and a few lights. The rest I can fake for a few days. Thanks Helga Dear Helga Just get a few car or truck batteries, an automotive battery charger, and a Stat-Power 12 Volt DC to 120 Volt AC inverter, like the ones you plug into a car cigarette lighter to convert the car's 12 Volt into regular household type electricity. If you keep the batteries charged beforehand, they will power a laptop and a few folded tube fluorescents for a week or more, even more if you get LED lights at the Dollar Tree. Keep in mind, they usually have the tiny end like a sewing machine light, and you may have to get an adapter from Home Depot or an electrical supply business. Printers are not easy on power. Try to avoid printing until the power returns. If you expect the power outage to last longer, you can get one of those cute little Yamaha briefcase style Inverter class generators or something like that. They are very quiet and, if you hang them outside a window, make less noise than a sewing machine. They have a 12 Volt outlet for battery charging built in. Don't hang it outside a window on the ground floor. It would walk away in a hurry! Have FUN! DearWebby

One day God and Adam were walking the garden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth. "Adam, you can start by kissing Eve." "Lord, what is a kiss?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord! That was great! What's next?" "Adam, I now want you to caress Eve." "Lord, what is caress?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord that was even better than a kiss! What's next?" "Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve." "Lord, what is make love?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush. A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get More Juice Out Of Your Lemon By Cajun [58 Posts, 327 Comments] Place lemon(s) in microwave for about 10-20 seconds (based on your microwave) until the lemon is very warm to the touch (almost hot). Wait until you feel comfortable handling the lemon, then cut and squeeze. You should be able to get at least 30-40% more juice than normal. ____________________________________________________
tractor square dance
____________________________________________________ >From Chris in Oz It was dead winter and colder than hell, when Billy noticed his outdoor toilet was full. Now that was a problem he didn't know how to handle, so Billy searched out Clem for advice. Clem told Billy that the thought they could use dynamite to clean out the hole. He just happened to have a few sticks left from a job he done the past summer. The next day Clem went over to Billy's house and they both looked down the hole. Clem said, "Yep, its full. I think this one will take two sticks!" So he and Billy got busy, put the dynamite in the hole and put a long fuse to it. They were standing behind the wood pile nearby when Billy's wife Sally came running out of the house and headed straight for the toilet. Billy and Clem both yelled and hollered for Sally to stop, but she kept going and said, "I don't have time to stop and talk, I gotta take care of business." WELL lo and behold, Sally no more than got seated and the whole toilet blew up. Boards and shit flew all over. Sally picked herself off the ground, looked at Billy and Clem and said, "WHEW, I am sure glad that I didn't let that one go in the house!" --------------------- Believe it or not, but that method is actually quite popular in the arctic. However, there outhouses are built on skids, and for blowing over the frozen pyramid down below, the outhouse is hitched up to the sled dogs and towed 20 feet upwind. Done that many times when I was living in the Yukon. ___________________________________________________
What a strange and wonderful mind this man has.
___________________________________________________ A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars. That was quite a lot of money in those days!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The King looked at all the pictures, but there were only two he really liked and he had to choose between them. One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for peaceful towering mountains were all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace. The other picture had mountains too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky from which rain fell, in which lightening played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the King looked, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest ... perfect peace. Which picture do you think won the prize? The King chose the second picture. Do you know why? "Because," explained the King, "peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 11, in 
1860 The first successful silver mill in America began
operations. The mill was in Virginia City, NV. 

1874 A patent for the sprinkler head was given to Harry S.
Parmelee. 

1877 The two moons of Mars were discovered by Asaph Hall, an
American astronomer. He named them Phobos and Deimos. 

1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the electric light
bulb socket with a pull-chain. 

1909 The American ship Arapahoe became the first to ever use
the SOS distress signal off the coast of Cape Hatteras, NC. 

1934 Alcatraz, in San Francisco Bay, received federal
prisoners for the first time. 

1941 The Atlantic Charter was signed by U.S. President
Franklin Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston
Churchill. 

1942 During World War II, Pierre Laval publicly announced
"the hour of liberation for France is the hour when Germany
wins the war." 

1945 The Allies informed Japan that they would determine
Emperor Hirohito's future status after Japan's surrender. 

1951 The first major league baseball game to be televised in
color was broadcast. The Brooklyn Dodgers defeated the Boston
Braves 8-1. 

1954 Seven years of fighting came to an end in Indochina. A
formal peace was in place for the French and the Communist
Vietminh. 

1962 Andrian Nikolayev, of the Soviet Union, was launched on
a 94-hour flight. He was the third Russian to go into space. 

1965 The U.S. conducted a second launch of "Surveyor-SD 2"
for a landing on the Moon surface test. 

1975 The U.S. vetoed the proposed admission of North and
South Vietnam to the United Nations. The Security Counsel had
already refused to consider South Korea's application. 

1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his
weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the
microphone, the President said of the Soviet Union, "My
fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you that I just signed
legislation that would outlaw Russia forever. We begin
bombing in five minutes." 

1990 Egyptian and Moroccan troops joined U.S. forces in
Saudia Arabia to help protect from a possible Iraqi attack. 

1991 The space shuttle Atlantis ended its nine-day journey by
landing safely. 

1992 In Bloomington, MN, the Mall of America opened. It was
the largest shopping mall in the United States. 

1994 A U.S. federal jury awarded $286.8 million to about
10,000 commercial fishermen for losses as a result of the
1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill. 

1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President Clinton.

1997 U.S. President Clinton made the first use of the line-
item veto approved by Congress, rejecting three items in
spending and tax bills. 

1998 British Petroleum became No. 3 among oil companies with
the $49 billion purchase of Amoco. It was the largest foreign
takeover of a U.S. company. 

2002 US Airways announced that it had filed for bankruptcy. 

2002 Jason Priestly crashed his car during practice for a
race in the Infiniti Pro Series. He suffered a spinal
fracture, a moderate concussion, a broken nose, facial
lacerations and broken bones in both feet. 

2003 Charles Taylor, President of Liberia, flew into exile
after ceding power to his vice president, Moses Blah. 

2003 In Kabul, NATO took command of the 5,000-strong
peacekeeping force in Afghanistan.

2017  smiled.


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Resizers 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, August 10

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
$1M bill deposit attempt leads to Iowa man’s 
drug arrest
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 10 in
1792 King Louis XVI was taken into custody by mobs during 
the French Revolution. He was executed the following January
after being put on trial for treason. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects. --- Lester B. Pearson (1897 - 1972) It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. --- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man came into a shop with a 'Salesman Wanted' sign in a window. He went up to the owner and said, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b." "I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment," said the owner. "I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!" said the man. "O.K. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them." said the owner. So the man went out and came back an hour later. "H-here-sss your m-m-money." said the man. The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him out. The man came back in two hours and said, "Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money." The owner said, "This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?" "W-welllll," said the man, "I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say 'H-Hel-Hello, M-m-maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w-want t-t t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m'me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Last night, my girlfriends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek. In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again. My relief was short-lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do? The woman in me took over! I got out my ATM card, swiped it down his butt, grabbed the eighty bucks, and left!!!! ----------------------- OK, that's it. I will NOT dance in Florida! ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dennis Strickland 33, Sioux City, Iowa $1M bill deposit attempt leads to Iowa man’s drug arrest Authorities say a man who tried to deposit what he presented as a $1 million bill has been charged with drug possession in Iowa. A criminal complaint says Sioux City police officers were called to a Northwest Bank branch Thursday to talk to a man who tried to deposit the bill into his account. The officers asked 33-year-old Dennis Strickland whether he had any more of the bills and that a baggie fell out when he emptied a pocket. The complaint says the baggie contained methamphetamine. The U.S. Treasury Department says it has never produced a $1 million bill. There was no mention yet about a counterfeiting charge. That used to be severely frowned upon. Iowa court records say Strickland is scheduled to be back in court Monday. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dick Re: Resizer Program Dear Webby, I noticed that someone wanted to resize a picture. I use Free Picture Resizer.exe. It's easy to use. The upload may want to add other programs, like Picmos Tools, but this is a useful/harmless program. Dick Dear Dick There are tons of resizer programs, but sooner or later she does need some kind of graphics program. For example, if she wants to cut off a few inches of empty sky or lawn, a resizer won`t help. Or for adding smart-ass captions, or for lightening, darkening, sharpening, etc. Even the simplest free graphics programs do that. Nowadays even MS-PAINT, long derided as an impotent piece of loon shit, can do that, and it is still included free with Windows. Unless you do graphics for 64 foot freeway billboards, you don`t need GIMP. However, even GIMP is still free. All you need is a basic and simple graphics program. Have FUN! DearWebby And From: Doug Re: PixResizer Dear Webby, For resizing pictures, PixResizer is absolutely the best I've found. You can resize one picture or groups of pictures with the click of the mouse. It's simple and easy. It's quick. And it's FREE!! Check it out at: http://bluefive.pair.com/pixresizer.htm I think you may just take a liking to it as I did. I used to use PaintShop or ThumbsPlus but no more. My resizing is all PixResizer. Especially since getting my new digital camera which take 5+ megapixex photos, I use it all the time because I wouldn't think of putting a picture of that size on a web page! I may link to the full sized photo. Thanks for you wisdom and humor each day. Doug

Robert and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence test. Though both of them found the test a breeze, except that they admitted to being momentarily stumped by the final question: "Name a 14 letter word for someone in charge of a plant." "How did you answer that last one?" asked Robert. "I thought it was tough at first.... then I thought of Superintendent." "I think I got it right too," Pete said. "But I wrote down Horticulturist."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pull Lettuce Apart Instead of cutting lettuce with a knife, tear it with your fingers. It will help prevent the edges from browning. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com ____________________________________________________
Hallelujah Chorus from Quinhagak, Alaska
____________________________________________________ A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it." ___________________________________________________
What a strange and wonderful mind this man has.
___________________________________________________ Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom & stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news & bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 10, in 
1792 King Louis XVI was taken into custody by mobs during the
French Revolution. He was executed the following January
after being put on trial for treason. 

1809 Ecuador began its fight for independence from Spain. 

1846 The Smithsonian Institution was chartered by the U.S.
Congress. The "Nation's Attic" was made possible by $500,000
given by scientist Joseph Smithson. 

1859 In Boston, MA, the first milk inspectors were appointed.


1869 The motion picture projector was patented by O.B. Brown.


1881 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Paris Electrical
Exhibition. 

1885 The first electric streetcar, to be used commercially,
was operated in Baltimore, MD, by Leo Daft. 

1914 Austria-Hungary invaded Russia. 

1921 Franklin D. Roosevelt was stricken with polio. 

1927 Mount Rushmore was formally dedicated. The individual
faces of the presidents were dedicated later. 

1944 U.S. forces defeated the remaining Japanese resistance
on Guam. 

1945 The day after the atomic bombing of Nagasaki, Japan
announced they would surrender. The only condition was that
the status of Emperor Hirohito would remain unchanged. 

1947 William Odom completed an around-the-world flight. He
set the solo record by completing the flight in 73 hours and
5 minutes. 

1948 On ABC, "Candid Camera" made its TV debut. The original
title was "Candid Microphone." 

1954 Construction began on the St. Lawrence Seaway. 

1988 U.S. President Reagan signed a measure that provided
$20,000 payments to Japanese-Americans who were interned by
the U.S. government during World War II. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton claimed presidential immunity
when he asked a federal judge to dismiss, at least for the
time being, a sexual harassment lawsuit filed by Paula Corbin
Jones. 

1995 Norma McCorvey, "Jane Roe" of the 1973 U.S. Supreme
Court decision legalizing abortion, announced that she had
joined the anti-abortion group Operation Rescue. 

1999 Near an India-Pakistan border area an Indian fighter jet
shot down a Pakistani naval aircraft. Sixteen people were
killed. 

2003 Ekaterina Dmitriev and Russian cosmonaut Yuri
Malenchenko were married. Malenchenko was about 240 miles
above the earth in the international space station. It was
the first-ever marriage from space. 

2017  smiled.


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Resizing picture on a page 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, August 9

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Airline passenger helps nab child molesters 
after seeing texts on their phone
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 9 in
1831 The first American steam locomotive began its 
first trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.' --- Sam Levenson (1911 - 1980) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On a recent flight I sat next to a lady who was on her way to meet a guy she had met over the net. She sat there during most of the flight messing with her make-up. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, foundation, mascara, toner, blush and stuff that I have no clue what it is called. Then she turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?" Well, the truth was that soap and water would have made her look a lot better than all that make-up. So I told her: "If your friend starts looking closely at your war paint, take that as a sign that you have your blouse buttoned up too high." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A husband and wife attend a small service at the local church one Sunday morning. The man was very moved by the preacher's sermon, so he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Reverend replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house." "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself... it was such a damn good sermon!" The Reverend replied, "Sir, please, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!" "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, that I put $5,000 in the collection plate." The Reverend's eyes opened wide as he remarked, "Holy Shit!!!! Five Thousand!!! Hot Digity Damn! That will fix the church roof!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Kellar, 56, Gail Burnworth, 50, Tacoma, Washington Airline passenger helps nab child molesters after seeing texts on their phone An eagle-eyed airline passenger is being credited with putting two suspected child molesters behind bars. Police say a man was texting about “sexually molesting young children” aboard a Southwest Airlines flight from Seattle, Washington, to San Jose, California, on Monday, when a woman seated behind him observed his illicit messages and reported it to the crew. The man, identified as 56-year-old Michael Keller, was using a large smartphone with an enlarged font. It allowed the woman to take photos of the text, Seattle police said in a release. “The content of the text messages was very disturbing to the witness as it involved comments about the sexual exploitation of children,” police said. The passenger’s photo revealed that Burnworth told Kellar that she would have the children to herself on Sunday and that she would drug them with Benadryl, then record herself molesting them while they slept, the complaint stated. She also agreed to film Kellar raping the victims while they slept, the complaint stated. The woman, who Mercury News reported is a Seattle-based preschool teacher, alerted the plane’s crew, which then contacted police working inside Mineta San Jose International Airport. Officers detained Keller. The suspected recipient of his messages, identified by police as Gail Burnworth, 50, was then tracked down to her home in Tacoma, Washington, where she was arrested. Two children located at her residence, ages 5 and 7, are believed to have been victimized, police said. Keller was booked on two counts of felony attempted child molestation and two counts of solicitation of sex crime, which is also a felony, according to a release by San Jose police. Burnworth was booked for sexual exploitation of a minor, a felony, first-degree rape of a child, also a felony, and dealing in depiction of a minor engaged in sexually explicit condition, also a felony. The woman who reported the text message to the flight crew is meanwhile being hailed a hero. Since it was not police, but a random passenger, who spotted the evidence, the evidence should stand up in court. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kitty Re: Resizing picture on a page Dear Webby, i just wanted to say think you again for all your tips. I kno Dianne died but I was looking thru my old Humor Letters and came across one of her links to: Hymalaian People pix that is an aussome site. is there a way to reset the size to the pictures? i have to use 800+600 and i don't know how to change it. Kitty Dear Kitty The pictures on that site are indeed awesome, but they don't auto-resize. Just click through to get the big picture, then save that picture, and then re-size it with PSP, or whatever your favorite graphics program is, to whatever size fits your screen or printer. Have FUN! DearWebby

During a phone conversation, my niece mentioned that she was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "oh, no!" she replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Cat Repellent By Rob [1 Post, 52 Comments] My friend had a big problem with cats peeing and pooing in his garden. His solution? He got a spray bottle and mixed water, Tabasco sauce, and pee. Yes, he used his own pee, not a lot. The mix was mostly water, so people could not smell it, even in hot summer. He hardly saw a cat, or cat mess in his garden after that. ____________________________________________________
Crazy lady flips out at Barnes & Noble (Do you "get"it?)
____________________________________________________ My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding to 18 holes. Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed away. It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on. When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand, a golf club in the other, and behind me was a clear-cut swath over 100 yards long. "There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to lose his ball!" ___________________________________________________
Extraordinary artistic carving
___________________________________________________ There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot. When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?" To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canarries and a 10 ton limit, so i have to keep half of them flying at all times."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck. Everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. "Look!" She said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up so surprise me!" He did just that. For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom Scale. Nobody has seen or heard from him since. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 9, in 
1790 The Columbia returned to Boston Harbor after a three-
year voyage. It was the first ship to carry the American flag
around the world. 

1831 The first American steam locomotive began its first trip
between Schenectady and Albany, NY. 

1842 The U.S. and Canada signed the Webster-Ashburton Treaty,
which solved a border dispute. 

1848 Martin Van Buren was nominated for president by the
Free-Soil Party in Buffalo, NY. 

1854 "Walden" was published by Henry David Thoreau. 

1859 The escalator was patented by Nathan Ames. 

1892 Thomas Edison received a patent for a two-way telegraph.


1910 A.J. Fisher received a patent for the electric washing
machine. 

1930 Betty Boop had her beginning in "Dizzy Dishes" created
by Max Fleischer. 

1936 Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin
Olympics. He was the first American to win four medals in one
Olympics. 

1942 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested Britain. He was not
released until 1944. 

1944 The Forest Service and Wartime Advertising Council
created "Smokey the Bear." 

1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The bombing
came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima. About 74,000
people were killed. Japan surrendered August 14. 

1945 The first network television broadcast occurred in
Washington, DC. The program announced the bombing of
Nagasaki, Japan. 

1956 The first statewide, state-supported educational
television network went on the air in Alabama. 

1965 Singapore proclaimed its independence from the Malaysian
Federation. 

1974 U.S. PresidentRichard Nixon formally resigned. Gerald R.
Ford took his place, and became the 38th president of the
U.S. 

1975 The New Orleans Superdome was officially opened when the
Saints played the Houston Oilers in exhibition football. The
new Superdome cost $163 million to build. 

1985 Arthur J. Walker, a retired Navy officer, was found
guilty of seven counts of spying for the Soviet Union. 

1988 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) was traded. The trade
was at Gretzky's request. He was sent to the Los Angeles
Kings. 

1996 Boris Yeltsin was sworn in as president of Russia for
the second time. 

1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired Prime Minister
Sergei Stepashin and his entire cabinet for the fourth time
in 17 months. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush announced he would support
federal funding for limited medical research on embryonic
stem cells. 

2004 Trump Hotel and Casino Resorts announced plans to file
for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

2017  smiled.


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Should you forward spam to the FTC ? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, August 8

Strange sunrise with the sun as red as a traffic light 
in the thick smoke. Sunrise is already almost an hour 
later than it was in the middle of June. 

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man set pregnant girlfriend on fire,
is still on the run.
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 8 in
1844 After the killing of Joseph Smith on June 27, 
Bringham Young was chosen to lead the Mormons. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. --- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a nation we don't dress well and we've no manners. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) First secure an independent income, then practice virtue. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At the gates of heaven there were two lines, with signs above them. One line was labeled "Hen Pecked Husbands", and the other was labeled "Not-Henpecked Husbands." The line labeled "Hen Pecked Husbands" was filled with men and it stretched as far far as the eye could see. The other line "Not-Hen Pecked Husbands" had only one skinny bald little man with thick glasses. After surveying the two lines, St. Peter walked over to the little man in the Not-Henpecked line, grabbed his hand and told him how amazed he was at his accomplishment, and asked him "how in the world did you do it? You are the only man in this line." The little man looked at St. Peter with a puzzled look on his face and said, "Gee mister I don't know what you are talking about, my wife told me to stand here." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students. My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf. "What are all these books?" he asked. Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias. "Really?" he said. "Someone printed out the whole CD?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Walter, the stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Noel Grullon, 32, Hialeah, Florida Florida man set pregnant girlfriend on fire, is still on the run. Police say a Hialeah man who allegedly set his pregnant girlfriend on fire last month is still on the run. Noel Grullon, 32, fled the home he shared with Allyson Rivera on July 27, the day police say he set the pregnant woman on fire after she ended their six month relationship. "He is one step ahead of us," said Hialeah Police spokesperson Carl Zogby. "He hasn't gone back to work and hasn't gone anywhere expected." A nationwide warrant has now been issued for Grullon and his name has been placed in the National Crime Information Center. The day after learning Rivera was ending their relationship, Grullon started pulling drawers off cabinets and throwing them on the floor. When Rivera asked him to stop, Grullon returned with a gasoline can, poured it over her head and set her on fire. Grullon also smashed Rivera's phone so she could not call 911. Grullon is believed to have fled in a 2007 black Ford 150 pickup truck with Florida license plate HVD-E62. Rivera was hospitalized after extinguishing the flames by running to the shower. A social worker reported the domestic violence incident to police. Anyone with information is urged to call 305-687-2525 or Miami-Dade Crime Stoppers at 305-471-TIPS. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ross Re: Forward spam to the FTC Dear Webby, If everyone forwarded their spam to FTC.... Maybe Mailwasher should have an Auto Send To FTC option? Ross Dear Ross I suggested that to Nick when MailWasher was still in the experimental stage about 20 years ago, however he felt that it could lead to abuse and never implemented that. The FTC does not read the spam anyway. They simply count the number of spams that were submitted in hopes that the FTC would do something about it. The submissions are simple counted and deleted. That number is then used to establish the gullibility index, which in turn is probably used by the gas stations to regulate the pump price. Since the Government gets a fixed percentage of that, this helps paying for Senators who promote spam with legislation like the CAN-SPAM law. Have FUN! DearWebby

A woman whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds - and girth - was being shown a Jeep by a salesman at an auto dealership. When the salesman's pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, "Now what would it take to get you into one of these?" Looking at the Jeep's high front seat, the woman replied, "A fork lift?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Microwave Corn on the Cob By Harlean [145 Posts, 453 Comments] You will never boil sweet corn in a kettle of water again. Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 5 to 8 minutes Total Time: 15 to 20 minute Yield: 1 or 2 Steps: Begin with ears of corn still in the husk. Cut the bottom end off, and rinse with cold water let drain. Do not peel back the husk. Place one or two ears in the microwave. Set the microwave for 5-8 minutes. If you are using 2 ears add another 3 minutes or so to the timer. You can always change the amount of time, if you like your corn cooked more. Use towel, mitts or potholders to remove the hot ears from the microwave and pull the husks off starting on the top end. The corn silk will come off clean and easily. Cut the husk off at the bottom of the ear. If you need more corn, just wrap the finished hot corn, still in the husk, in a towel while you cook more. Once the husk is removed place in a holder or on a plate and add butter and salt. You will never boil sweet corn in a kettle of water again. And then there is the traditional hillbilly method: 1) Toss the corn into the microwave and nuke it for 8 minutes 2) Cut it at the widest spot, just before it narrows to the stem. 3) Grab it at the hairy end (top) with a pot holder and squeeze hard. If you cut the stem end at the widest spot, the corn will slide out of the husk without any silk. Until you get the hang of that, you may have to re-cut the stem end. Holding it with the hairy end (top) up, and shaking it a bit also helps, if the corn is not that fresh and does not slide easily. 4) Rub some butter on the corn, sprinkle a bit of salt and fresh ground pepper, poke the two-pronged corn spikes into the ends, and enjoy! Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
When it's too hot for the dogs to swim outside
____________________________________________________ >From Linda I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor hold me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn't speak. The nurse patted my hand and said, "Don't worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it's not a dangerous procedure." "You're right. I'm being silly," I said, "Please continue." "Good," the nurse went on, "Now, do you have a living will?" ___________________________________________________
Interesting body painting.
___________________________________________________ An old farmer decided to visit a pond in the back of his property that he had not visited in a long time. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing. As he came closer, he discovered a bunch of young women were skinny dipping in his pond. He politely made the women aware of his presence, and soon they all moved to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The farmer replied, "Oh, don't worry about me. I didn't come down here to see you skinny dipping. I'm just here to feed the alligator."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ "I'd like the number for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the young man said to the 411 operator. "There are multiple listings for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the operator said. "Do you have a street name?" The young man hesitated a moment, "Well, uh, most people call me Bubba." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 8, in 
1356 Edward "the Black Prince" began a raid north from
Aquitaine. 

1815 Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for St. Helena in the South
Atlantic. The remainder of his life was spent there in exile.


1844 After the killing of Joseph Smith on June 27, Bringham
Young was chosen to lead the Mormons. 

1876 Thomas Edison received a patent for the mimeograph. The
mimeograph was a "method of preparing autographic stencils
for printing." 

1899 The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall. 

1900 In Boston, the first Davis Cup series began. The U.S.
team defeated Great Britain three matches to zero. 

1940 The German Luftwaffe began a series of daylight air
raids on Great Britain. 

1945 After the end of World War II, the Soviet Union declared
war on Japan. 

1953 The U.S. and South Korea initiated a mutual security
pact. 

1956 Japan launched an oil tanker that was 780 feet long and
weighed 84,730 tons. It was the largest oil tanker in the
world. 

1966 Michael DeBakey became the first surgeon to install an
artificial heart pump in a patient. 

1978 The U.S. launched Pioneer Venus II, which carried
scientific probes to study the atmosphere of Venus. 

1988 It was announced that a cease-fire between Iraq and Iran
had begun. 

1989 The space shuttle Columbia took off from Cape Canaveral,
FL. The trip was said to be a secret five-day military
mission. 

1990 American forces began positioning in Saudia Arabia. 

1991 John McCarthy, a British TV producer, was released by
his Lebanese kidnappers. He had been held captive for more
than five years. A rival group abducted Jerome Leyraud in
retaliation and threatened to kill him if any more hostages
were released. 

1991 The U.N. Security Council approved North and South Korea
for membership. 

1992 The "Dream Team" clinched the gold medal at the
Barcelona Summer Olympics. The U.S. basketball team beat
Croatia 117-85. 

1994 The first road link between Israel and Jordan opened. 

1994 Representatives from China and Taiwan signed a
cooperation agreement. 

1995 Saddam Hussein's two eldest daughters, their husbands,
and several senior army officers defected. 

2000 The submarine H.L. Hunley was raised from ocean bottom
after 136 years. The sub had been lost during an attack on
the U.S.S. Housatonic in 1864. The Hunley was the first
submarine in history to sink a warship.

2017  smiled.


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Clickbook vs Publisher 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, August 7

Take advantage of the full moon! 
Great time for a late evening stroll.
Would be even better if I could get somebody 
to come along! The orange moon in the wild fire smoke 
wafting over the Rockies from BC is gorgeous!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Roseville man charged after hitting and totalling 
occupied bus stop with truck and walking away
without helping the 6 victims.
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 7 in
1914 Germany invaded France. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. --- Sam Brown ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Milkman Notes These notes left for milkmen came from England, where milk apparently is still being delivered. "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one." "Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk." "Cancel one pint after the day after today." "Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it" "Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk." "Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bred today." "Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole." "Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks." "Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round." "When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you 'to give me a hand to turn the mattress. "Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea." "My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle." "Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me." "Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant." "Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it." "From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk." "My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight." "Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday." "When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. "No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in counter. As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?" "Are you trying to be funny?" she replied. "No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the tickets on it." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Walter, the stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gary Paul Daleo, 55, Roseville, Michigan Roseville man charged after hitting and totalling occupied bus stop with truck and walking away without helping the 6 victims. Gary Paul Daleo was behind the wheel of a Dodge Ram pickup truck when it slammed into a bus stop at 12 Mile and Van Dyke. Four people were pinned under his truck and five of the six victims remain hospitalized. Daleo, 55, from Roseville, was arraigned on a six count felony warrant, facing three counts of reckless driving causing serious bodily impairment and three counts of operating while impaired causing serious bodily impairment. Each count has a maximum penalty of five years in prison and or a $5,000 fine. Daleo was arraigned before Judge Michael Chupa of 37th District Court where a not guilty plea was entered and bond was set at $70,000 cash or surety only. His next court appearance is scheduled for Aug. 15. At the time of the crash Wednesday, Daleo is seen on video climbing out of his truck at the scene and swiftly walking past the victims to go inside Subway to use the bathroom. Some of the victims were still pinned under his Ram at the time. Subway employee Christopher Lofton witnessed the crash and spoke to FOX 2 that day. "He walked in calm collected and used the bathroom, then walked right out." he said. "It was just terrible." Witnesses said it looked like he went to the Subway bathroom to dispose of his drugs. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wes Re: Clickbook Dear Webby, What does ClickBook have that Microsoft Publisher doesnt have? Wes Dear Wes You CAN print simple booklets with WordPerfect, WORD, even Publisher, if you have lots of time and patience. If you don't have an excess of time and patience for re-shuffling, re-paginating, re-numbering, etc., and want to be able to print ANYTHING, from web pages to accounting spreadsheets, from CD-case inserts to genealogy charts by simply selecting the output format, then get Clickbook. You can even make it your default printer and print everything with a 75% saving on ink and paper. Where you really save is with invoices. We get our phone, electricity, and gas bills via email, and each one usually takes a page and a bit with regular printing. With Clickbook all pages of an invoice are on one sheet.of paper. Publisher would be quite useless for those. I would be lost without Clickbook. It is definitely one of the best tool investments I ever made. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, golly!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my ducks!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com High Protein Cheesy Breadsticks (Flourless) By attosa [382 Posts, 1,850 Comments] This is an awesome rendition of cheesy breadsticks. It contains no flour whatsoever so it is keto/low-carb friendly and super yummy. I pulsed 10 ounces of leftover rotisserie chicken for this recipe, but you can use canned cooked chicken, too. Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 25 minutes Total Time: 30 minutes Ingredients: 10 oz ounces cooked and ground chicken 1 oz Parmesan cheese 1 Tbsp dried oregano 1 raw egg 1/3 cup shredded cheese Steps: Preheat oven to 375 F. Put ground chicken in a large bowl and add the Parmesan cheese. Mix well. Mix in the oregano. Crack in the egg and stir well until the crumbly mixture turns into a moist dough. Press dough into a large square shape on a lightly greased baking sheet. Make sure it is at least 1/3 of an inch thick. With a pizza cutter or knife, cut into 1 inch wide sticks. Bake in oven for 20 minutes. Remove and sprinkle with cheese. If so desired, add a bit of garlic powder. I put it on half of this one for a guest who is not so keen on garlic. How dare they?:) Raise heat to 400 F and pop sticks back into the oven for five minutes or until edges are golden and cheese is slightly browned. Serve on its own or with a dipping sauce. ____________________________________________________
Daddy! It's a Pause!
____________________________________________________ To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it'll make her fat. "I won't do it any more, Mom," says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. "If I bite my fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I Mom?" "You'll be fatter than that," says her mother. They get on a bus, and sitting opposite them is a very pregnant lady. The little girl can't take her eyes off the woman's belly. The pregnant lady feels increasingly uncomfortable under this stare, and finally leans forward and says to the little girl, "Excuse me, but do you know me?" And the little girl says, "No, but I will never again do what you've been doing..." ___________________________________________________
Interesting body painting.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this story: The Texas preacher rose with an angry red face, saying, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie, and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this." "Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit that this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel wonderful. Now please stand and confess your transgression." Again all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde named Cathy, with a body that would stop traffic, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quavered as she spoke. "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding." "I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets!" The preacher fainted.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Betty: Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked 3-year-old Text-End to hold a flashlight high over mommy, so that he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently Text-End did as she was asked. The mother pushed and pushed, and after a little while the baby was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. The baby began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Text-End for the help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what Text-End thought about what had been going on. Text-End quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack his ass again." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 7, in 
1789 The U.S. War Department was established by the U.S.
Congress. 

1782 George Washington created the Order of the Purple Heart.


1888 Theophilus Van Kannel received a patent for the
revolving door. 

1914 Germany invaded France. 

1928 The U.S. Treasure Department issued a new bill that was
one third smaller than the previous U.S. bills. 

1934 The U.S. Court of Appeals upheld a lower court ruling
striking down the government's attempt to ban the
controversial James Joyce novel "Ulysses." 

1942 U.S. forces landed at Guadalcanal, marking the start of
the first major allied offensive in the Pacific during World
War II. 

1947 The balsa wood raft Kon-Tiki, which had carried a six-
man crew 4,300 miles across the Pacific Ocean, crashed into a
reef in a Polynesian archipelago. 

1959 The U.S. launched Explorer 6, which sent back a picture
of the Earth. 

1960 The Cuban Catholic Church condemned the rise of
communism in Cuba. Fidel Castro then banned all religious TV
and radio broadcasts. 

1964 The U.S. Congress passed the Gulf of Tonkin resolution,
which gave President Johnson broad powers in dealing with
reported North Vietnamese attacks on U.S. forces. 

1974 French stuntman Philippe Petit walked a tightrope strung
between the twin towers of New York's World Trade Center. 

1976 Scientists in Pasadena, CA, announced that the Viking 1
spacecraft had found strong indications of possible life on
Mars.

1983 AT&T employees went on strike. 

1987 The presidents of five Central American nations, met in
Guatemala City, and signed an 11-point agreement designed to
bring peace to their region. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered U.S. troops and
warplanes to Saudi Arabia to guard against a possible
invasion by Iraq. 

2003 Stephen Geppi bought a 1963 G.I. Joe prototype for
$200,000.

2017  smiled.


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She can't get her newsletters 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, August 6

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Baby sitters arrested for putting flea-infested 
kids in the back of a U-Haul truck
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 6 in
1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay,
dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The bomb
named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of Hiroshima,
Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed. (8:16am
Japanese time) 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it. --- Terry Pratchett Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves. --- Rudyard Kipling The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' --- Ronald Reagan ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Anna The Students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then two solemn voices called out, "How far away did they stand?" "Did they get both ears with one shot?" ______________________________________________________ Great Captain Island Light, Greenwich, Connecticut _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jamie Adkins, 25, Brian Dekam, 55, Elyria, Ohio Baby sitters arrested for putting flea-infested kids in the back of a U-Haul truck Two city workers thought something was amiss when they saw five children getting into the back of a U-Haul truck at a gas station. They stopped the driver from leaving and called 911. Elyria police and firefighters arrived Wednesday afternoon and found the children, ranging in age from 2 to 15, soaked with sweat, infested with lice and covered with flea and bedbug bites. A woman who described herself as the children's godmother was in the back of the U-Haul being driven by a 55-year-old man. Her fiance was a passenger in the truck's cab. The woman, 25-year-old Jamie Adkins, explained to officers that she had been caring for the four younger children the last two weeks and that they had left Cleveland early that morning to travel to a flea market in Amherst, a city in Lorain County near Elyria. Adkins said she had called the children's mother, who hadn't seen them for two weeks, and had told her where they were going and how they'd be getting there. Adkins told police the mother said she hoped the kids "would have fun." The 2-year-old, a boy, was taken to an Elyria medical center and then flown to a children's hospital in Cleveland to be treated for heat exhaustion. Elyria is about 30 miles (48 kilometers) west of downtown Cleveland. Adkins and the U-Haul driver, 55-year-old Brian Dekam, both Cleveland residents, were taken into custody and charged with multiple counts of child endangering. They were eventually released for medical reasons, police said. Court records don't indicate whether they have attorneys. The four older children, ages 3, 4, 6 and 15, have been placed in foster care in Cuyahoga County, which includes Cleveland. The 2-year-old also will be placed in county custody after leaving the hospital. Elyria police Capt. Chris Constantino on Friday called the two city workers heroes for having "intervened in the right way." He said the 2-year-old was bright red, nonresponsive and in "serious medical duress" on a day when temperatures rose above 80 degrees. "If they hadn't taken action, it could have been tragic," Constantino said. Luckily they knew that hauling kids in the back of a truck, without seatbelts, is highly illegal. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Carolyn Re: Newsletter Dear Webby, I am not receiving yours or the Angelwinks newsletter. The last one I received was two weeks ago. Also, I'm not getting the new cards either. I tried to re-enter my email address on the frequently asked questions site, but it won't take it. Please Advise Carolyn Dear Carolyn That's just your spam control. You have to manually white-list your subscriptions. Newsletters can't jump through the silly rigamarole and type in whatever passcode is on the Captcha verification graphic. Have FUN! DearWebby

Re that shoestore joke: >From Maddy Morgan DO NOT SEND ME ANOTHER ONE OF THESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >From Jessica whats the joke i dont get it >From UncWes: Heck with the internet or work... I am going into the shoe sales business... unk wes
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Woven Bacon Shell Breakfast Taco By attosa [382 Posts, 1,850 Comments] This low carb breakfast taco isn't only super delicious, it looks super cool! Weave the bacon, pop it in the oven, and fill with your favourite breakfast foods. This will be a hit for your family and friends. You can do the weaving straight on your baking sheet. I used a coloured silicone mat so you could see what I was doing more clearly and not get a reflection off the baking sheet's shine. Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 25 minutes Total Time: 30 minutes Yield: 1 huge taco to share Ingredients: 10 pieces raw bacon 1 raw egg 1/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese some chopped jalapeno Steps: Preheat oven to 425 F. Lay 5 strips of bacon across a baking sheet, making sure they are flush up against each other. The fatty sides should all face one direction and meaty sides should all face the other direction. Fold every other strip in half onto itself. Lay one strip of bacon perpendicular to those strips, flush up against the back of the folds. Unfold those flipped strips back over the perpendicular strip of bacon. Now fold every other strip in the alternating columns. Lay one strip of bacon perpendicular to those strips, flush up against the back of the folds. Unfold those strips back down over the perpendicular strip of bacon. Repeat again with the first set of strips. Do the same thing on the upper half of the weave. There should be the same number of strips going down as there are going across. Trim the edges of the woven bacon a bit to resemble a circle. Pop in the preheated oven for 15 minutes. When it's mostly cooked and holding its shape, remove from oven. Take two tin cans and lay metal tongs or a metal knife across the two to make a bridge. Lay the bacon disc over the bridge. Pop back in the oven for 10 minutes or so, until crisped. To make your quick scrambled eggs, crack your egg into a mug and whisk with a fork. Microwave on high for 45 seconds. Fill bacon shell with cheese, then egg, the more cheese. Sprinkle with jalapeno. Enjoy! Don't forget the Salsa! ____________________________________________________
Boys toys 2
____________________________________________________ A family had moved to Seattle from Texas, and each of them missed their old home. That December, when they went to pick up their first-grade son from school, his teacher told them about a conversation she overheard. One boy said, "We're Catholic, and we are going to Christmas Mass." "Were Jewish," said another child. "And we're going to have a Hanukkah celebration. "Madison chimed in, "We're Texans, and were going to have a barbecue." ___________________________________________________
Interesting body painting.
___________________________________________________ I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience, and realize that Belker would go gently. The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's Family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why." Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" Everyone shook their heads in agreement. The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. --- George Carlin
____________________________________________________

Today, August 6, in 
1787 At the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia
debate began on the first draft of the U.S. Constitution. 

1806 The Holy Roman Empire went out of existence as
Emperor Francis II abdicated. 

1825 Bolivia declared independence from Peru. 

1879 The first Australian rules football game to be played
at night took place at the Melbourne Cricket Ground. The
game was to promote the introduction of electricity to the
city of Melbourne. 

1914 Austria-Hungary declared war against Russia. Serbia
declared war against Germany. 

1926 Gertrude Ederle became the first American woman to
swim the English Channel. She was 19 years old at the
time. The swim took her 14 1/2 hours. 

1926 Warner Brothers premiered its Vitaphone system in New
York. The movie was "Don Juan," starring John Barrymore. 

1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay,
dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The
bomb named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of
Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed.
(8:16am Japanese time) 

1960 Nationalization of U.S. and foreign-owned property in
Cuba began. 

1962 Jamaica became an independent dominion within the
British Commonwealth. 

1965 The Voting Rights Act was signed by U.S. President
Lyndon B. Johnson. 

1969 The first fair ball to be hit completely out of
Dodger Stadium occurred. Willie "Pops" Stargell, of the
Pittsburgh Pirates, hit the ball 506 feet from home plate.


1981 Fire fighters in Indianapolis, IN, answered a false
alarm. When they returned to their station it was ablaze
due to a grease fire. 

1981 Lee Trevino was disqualified from the PGA
Championship in Duluth, GA when he had his scorecard
signed by Tom Weiskopf instead of himself. 

1985 The 40th anniversary of the Hiroshima atomic bombing
brought tens of thousands of Japanese and foreigners to
Hiroshima. 

1986 William J. Schroeder died. He lived 620 days with the
Jarvik-7 manmade heart. He was the world's longest
surviving recipient of a permanent artificial heart. 

1989 Jaime Paz Zamora was inaugurated as the president of
Bolivia. 

1990 The U.N. Security Council ordered a worldwide trade
embargo of Iraq. The embargo was to punish Iraq for
invading Kuwait. 

1993 Morihiro Hosokawa was elected prime minister of
Japan. 

1995 Thousands of glowing lanterns were set afloat in
rivers in Hiroshima, Japan, on the 50th anniversary of the
first atomic bombing. 

1996 NASA announced the discovery of evidence of primitive
life on Mars. The evidence came in the form of a meteorite
that was found in Antarctica. The meteorite was believed
to have come from Mars and contained a fossil. 

1997 Apple Computer and Microsoft agreed to share
technology in a deal giving Microsoft a stake in Apple's
survival. 

1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky spent 8 1/2
hours testifying before a grand jury about her
relationship with U.S. President Clinton. 

2012 The Mars rover Curiosity landed on the floor of Gale
Crater. The Mars Science Laboratory/Curiosity spacecraft
launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, FL, on
November 26, 2011.

2017  smiled.


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Copy music CD 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, August 5

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Welfare cheat who claimed she 'couldn't walk' 
caught out by holiday snaps snorkeling and 
ATV riding
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 5 in
1861 The U.S. federal government levied its first income tax.
The tax was 3% of all incomes over $800. The wartime measure 
was rescinded in 1872. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. --- Mel Brooks (1926 - ) To be great is to be misunderstood. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time. --- Honore de Balzac (1799 - 1850) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Groan Alert! Vintners in the Napa Valley who produce primarily Pinot Blancs and Pinot Grigios have developed a new hybrid grape, which acts as an anti-diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older person has to make to the bathroom during the night. They will be marketing the new wine as Pinot More. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: One day, a kindergarten teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll Give $2 to the child who can tell me who the most famous man who ever lived was." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Jock, that's not right either." Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I'll give you the $2." As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know, Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised that you said Jesus Christ." Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Linda Hoey, 59, Cannock, Staffordshire, UK Welfare cheat who claimed she 'couldn't walk' caught out by holiday snaps snorkeling and ATV riding Linda Hoey, from the UK, fraudulently claimed a total of £81,000 ($134,000) including £65,244 in Disability Living Allowance and £15,690 in toll charges using a disability card over a 14-year period. Hoey, 58, claimed that degenerative arthritis and back problems meant that she could only walk a metre a minute, and couldn’t stretch her arms above her head. However, she was caught out when pictures from her holiday in the Maldives were passed to the Department for Work and Pensions. Despite claiming that her arthritis meant she was unable to work, she was employed full-time for PartsWorld, a car accessory supplier in Cannock, Staffordshire, for 17 years. A court heard how she was also pictured on her knees altering her daughter’s wedding dress and bent over a pool table with a cue in her hand. Inquiries also revealed that she was a member of a gym, and had been attending regular swimming and badminton lessons. Hoey was found guilty of misrepresenting her benefit claim between 2001 and 2015 and misusing an exemption pass for the M6 Toll Road between 2004 and 2015 at Stafford Crown Court on Friday. Prosecutor Anthony Cartin said: “She had been working full time from 1997 in a desk job doing the exact thing — sitting for a long time in the same position — she said she could not do without pain. “She has lied and exaggerated, cheating you, me and the public out of money from the public purse. Stewart Halstead, Hoey’s former boss at PartsWorld — which she left in 2014 — said he was unaware of her claimed health problems. He revealed that he had never seen her use a stick, and that she would regularly walk up and down stairs with trays of hot drinks. The mum-of-four filed her first form claiming Disability Living Allowance in 1995, and successfully made an appeal for more money in April 2005. After the Department for Work and Pensions received a tip-off, police visited her home in February last year and spotted her walking down the stairs to answer the front door. Her home had not been adapted for her supposed disability. She has been found guilty and will be sentenced some time in the future. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Copy Music CD Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Thanks for the fun all year long. I received a music cd that my son made me. It is on a cd-r music cd. I have a cd writer on my pc. Can I make a copy of this like I save pics to cd-rw? There is no copywrite label on the cd & I would like to make a copy for my pastor. I am not wanting to resell them or anything like that. Thanks so much for the helpful hints. Sharon Dear Sharon Yes, sure. Just copy the contents into a new folder on your computer, then drag them to a fresh CD and burn them. Have FUN! DearWebby

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance. He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided his hands through this tender, often hidden territory, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need. Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!" Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her! As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again. He knew, deep down inside, that she would return to buy more shoes the next year, and the next, and the next.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money at Restaurants 1. Don't order alcoholic drinks. 2. Try meatless dishes, they are almost always cheaper. 3. Go out to lunch, instead of dinner. 4. Split large dishes between two people. 5. Order off the senior menu if you can. Lunch menus are usually significantly cheaper than dinner menus. Senior portions cost less and tend to be smaller portions. You may get a bit less food, but that is better for your waistline. Serving sizes are ridiculously large at most restaurants. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com Don't forget the BBQ! ____________________________________________________
oung Buck just asking for trouble
____________________________________________________ A rather Posh Lady was stalking around an exclusive London art gallery when she stopped by one particular exhibit. "I suppose this picture of a hideous witch is what you would call modern art?" she asked in a very pompous manner. "No, Ma'm," replied the gallery assistant, "We call that a mirror." ___________________________________________________
39 Bonsai
___________________________________________________ A very self-important college freshman at a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his own. "You grew up in a different, actually almost primitive, world," the student said condescendingly and loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "We young people today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars... We even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing...and uh.." Taking advantage of a pause for breath in the student's litany, the "wizened" one said, "You're right, Son. We didn't have those things when we were young. So we invented them, you snotnosed little bozo!! Now, what are you doing for the next generation, aside from lame and noisy hype ?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'"
____________________________________________________

Today in
1735 Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal of
John Peter Zenger. The writer of the New York Weekly Journal had
been charged with seditious libel by the royal governor of New
York. The jury said that "the truth is not libelous." 

1833 The village of Chicago was incorporated. The population was
approximately 250. 

1861 The U.S. federal government levied its first income tax.
The tax was 3% of all incomes over $800. The wartime measure was
rescinded in 1872. 

1884 On Bedloe's Island in New York Harbor, the cornerstone for
the Statue of Liberty was laid. 

1914 The first electric traffic signal lights were installed in
Cleveland, Ohio. 

1921 The first play-by-play broadcast of a baseball game was
done by Harold Arlin. KDKA Radio in Pittsburgh, PA described the
action between the Pirates and Philadelphia. 

1921 The cartoon "On the Road to Moscow", by Rollin Kirby, was
published in the "New York World". It was the first cartoon to
win a Pulitzer Prize. 

1923 Henry Sullivan became the first American to swim across the
English Channel. 

1924 In the New York "Daily News" debuted the comic strip
"Little Orphan Annie," by Harold Gray. 

1944 Polish insurgents liberated a German labor camp in Warsaw.
348 Jewish prisoners were freed. 

1953 During the Korean conflict prisoners were exchanged at
Panmunjom. The exchange was labeled Operation Big Switch. 

1960 For the first time two major league baseball clubs traded
managers. Detroit traded Jimmy Dykes for Cleveland's Joe Gordon.


1963 The Limited Test Ban Treaty was signed by the United
States, Britain, and the Soviet Union. The treaty banned nuclear
tests in space, underwater, and in the atmosphere. 

1964 U.S. aircraft bombed North Vietnam after North Vietnamese
boats attacked U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin. 

1966 In New York, groundbreaking for the construction of the
original World Trade Center began. 

1969 The Mariner 7, a U.S. space probe, passed by Mars.
Photographs and scientific data were sent back to Earth. 

1974 U.S. President Nixon said that he expected to be impeached.
Nixon had ordered the investigation into the Watergate break-in
to halt. 

1981 The U.S. federal government started firing striking air
traffic controllers. 

1984 Toronto’s Cliff Johnson set a major league baseball record
by hitting the 19th pinch-hit home run in his career. 

1986 It was revealed that artist Andrew Wyeth had secretly
created 240 drawings and paintings of his neighbor. The works of
Helga Testorf had been created over a 15-year period. 

1989 In Honduras, five Central American presidents began meeting
to discuss the timetable for the dismantling of the Nicaraguan
Contra bases. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush angrily denounced the Iraqi
invasion of Kuwait. 

1991 An investigation was formally launched by Democratic
congressional leaders to find out if the release of American
hostages was delayed until after the Reagan-Bush presidential
election. 

1991 Iraq admitted to misleading U.N. inspectors about secret
biological weapons. 

1992 Federal civil rights charges were filed against four Los
Angeles police officers. The officers had been acquitted on
California State charges. Two of the officers were convicted and
jailed on violation of civil rights charges. 

1998 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein began not cooperating with
U.N. weapons inspectors. 

2002 The U.S. closed its consulate in Karachi, Pakistan. The
consulate was closed after local authorities removed large
concrete blocks and reopened the road in front of the building
to normal traffic. 

2009 Google purchased its first public company. The company was
the video software maker On2 Technologies. 

2011 NASA announced that its Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter had
captured photographic evidence of possible liquid water on Mars
during warm seasons. 

2011 Juno was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station on
a mission to Jupiter. It was the first solar-powered spacecraft
to go to Jupiter. 

2011 Standard & Poor's Financial Services lowered the United
States' AAA credit rating by one notch to AA-plus. 

2017  smiled.


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Clickbook 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, August 4
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Arkansas man caught having sex with the 
neighbor's donkeys
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 2 in
1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three ships.
The voyage led him to what is now known as the Americas. He
reached the Bahamas on October 12. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "Accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory." --- General George S. Patton The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews, Scotland. He slices his opening drive out of bounds onto the beach, so he tees another one up and smacks it right down the middle. The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him that in America that is called a "Mulligan" and asks him if there is a name for it in Scotland. The caddy replies, "AYE, we call it a three." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A College student was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his drinking buddies. When they made it to the bedroom, they saw a big brass gong next to the bed. "What's a big brass gong doing in your bedroom?" one of his friends asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," he replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" askeds his astonished friend. "Yup," he replied. "How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "Quiet, you moron! It's three o'clock in the morning!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Everett Lee Compton, Jr., 49, Siloam Springs, Arkansas Arkansas man arrested after repeatedly having sex with neighbor's donkey A man from Arkansas is being accused of allegedly buggering his neighbors’ donkeys. On Monday, this man landed himself behind bars for several charges. He allegedly trespassed on his neighbors’ property in order to sexually assault their donkeys. Everett Lee Compton, Jr., 49, has been arrested by Siloam Springs police. He is being charged with four counts of bestiality, four counts of criminal trespassing and four counts of misdemeanor cruelty to animals. Emert and Joyce Whitaker set up a game camera because of repeatedly finding plastic bags on their property. The game camera showed them that a neighbor was putting the bags on their donkeys and having sex with them. They informed police about a man performing sexual acts on their donkey during the mornings of May 27th and June 4th. The couple had set up a game camera and has footage of the man and handed them over to authorities. The photos show the man placing a bag upon the head of one of the donkey, and later thrusting his pelvis into the animal. The Whitaker’s also captured this man allegedly performing illicit sexual acts on their donkeys on July 5th and 6th. In the photo, the suspect feeds a donkey from a bread bag while once having sex with the creature. At 1 A.M. on July 16th, the Whitaker’s called the police once again. They spotted the suspect in the field and began recording. This time, they captured footage of the suspect allegedly sexually assaulting their donkey. They described the incident as "some type of sexual interaction." A responding officer arrived on the scene and all egedly found the suspect hiding behind bushes. Compton claims that he was merely taking a walk. A police report obtained by Arkansas Online reports that officer questioned Compton about the donkeys, and the suspect replied that he had only fed the creatures carrots, but he did not have sex with them. Everett Lee Compton claims to not have had sexual relations with those donkeys. The responding officer told the suspect about the video footage taken from Whitaker's camera. Compton allegedly responded by casting the blame upon marijuana, claiming that the cannabis “makes him do sick things.” He has raked up multiple charges, including four counts of bestiality, four counts of criminal trespassing and four counts of misdemeanor cruelty to animals. Compton remains in the Benton County Jail on $5,000 bond. His court date is set for September 11, 2017. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dee Re: Clickbook Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Okay, just when I thought I had heard about all the programs .... What is 'ClickBook' ??? Dee Dear Dee ClickBook is a printer driver. You install that driver and all of a sudden you have an extra printer. When you print, you can choose it instead of your regular printer or fax. It just adds a whole lot more capabilities to your printer. When you click it, up pops a selector menu to choose a layout. Let's say you click on "Folded Half Size, 4 pages per sheet". (There are about 170 different layouts to choose from.) It prints the first side of all pages, and on top is a helper sheet that shows you how to put the stack back in for the back side. On my printer I simply take the stack, and without turning or flipping put it into the blank paper tray. Then you hit "Print Second Side" and it does that. Afterward you take the stack, fold it in half, bang some staples through the fold and your book is ready. Paperback book size, printed front and back, and all the pages in the right sequence. On a sheet you might have page 7 beside page 256, but when the stack is folded, the math has been done for you and all pages are sequenced properly. There are layouts for anything from CD sleeves to day-planner refills, store flyers, convention table "tents", restaurant menus, flip-down accounting ledgers, etc. Personally, I would be lost without it. Once upon a time, when I was young and beautiful, I used to be able to do that sort of thing by simply wasting an hour or two with a word processor, but I have turned into a spoiled, lazy old fart and forgot how to do it the hard way. Clickbook is not free. It's still only $50, but well worth it. You make that back the first time you print the programs and table tents for a wedding or club event. For printing eBooks 4 pages per sheet, nice and compact so that you can read it on today's narrow airplane seats, Clickbook is indispensable. instead of the long URL, the shortcut straight to it is http://webby.com/clickbook http://webby.com/clickbook Have FUN! DearWebby

>From RPC: Our local news anchor (picture a cute, bubbly cheerleader type) was commenting on the newest things allowed on airplanes. Among them were small scissors and screwdrivers. After the story was over, she looked at her co-anchor and said: "I don't know about you, but I've NEVER had a sudden urge to clip or screw ANYTHING on board an aircraft!" Her male co-anchor just looked at her and burst out laughing. LOL, needless to say they cut to commercial immediately!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Delicious Herb Dip By 15mhhm15 [209 Posts, 608 Comments] Total Time: 4 minutes Ingredients: basil chives parsley 1 clove garlic 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil 1/4 tsp salt 1/8 tsp pepper 2 Tbsp lemon juice Steps: I used a combination of herbs: basil, chives and parsley (no specific quantity just a handful of each and filled the 2 cup measuring cup). Dice garlic. Add garlic and herbs into food processor with salt and pepper. Pulse. Add olive oil and lemon juice. Blend until you get a nice dip consistency. Add more oil if needed. Don't forget the BBQ! ____________________________________________________
Nature by numbers
____________________________________________________ >From Chris in OZ At first sight we knew it was the perfect Christmas tree. Tall and full, with no bare spots. Even our grown children were impressed. "Wow," said my son, "if you didn't know it was real, it could easily pass as artificial." ___________________________________________________
What spray painting multiple layers of acrylic glass looks like.
___________________________________________________ Two older women, Coleen and Melinda, who were rivals in a social circle met at a Christmas party at their country club. "My dear," said Melinda, "Are those real pearls?" "They are," replied Coleen. "Of course the only way I could tell would be for me to bite them," smiled Melinda. Coleen responded, "Yes, but for that you would need to borrow some better dentures."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Bonnie: When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt, decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too. Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he'd found inside the dryer. He didn't know where it belonged, but he confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out once he got into the job. "I have the other parts," the clerk said, "but for the wire you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your wife's bra."
____________________________________________________

Today in
1735 Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal of
John Peter Zenger. The writer of the New York Weekly Journal had
been charged with seditious libel by the royal governor of New
York. The jury said that "the truth is not libelous." 

1753 George Washington became a Master Mason. 

1790 The Revenue Cutter Service was formed. This U.S. naval task
force was the beginning of the U.S. Coast Guard. 

1914 Britain declared war on Germany. The U.S. proclaimed its
neutrality. 

1922 The death of Alexander Graham Bell, two days earlier, was
recognized by AT&T and the Bell Systems by shutting down all of
its switchboards and switching stations. The shutdown affected
13 million phones. 

1944 Nazi police raided a house in Amsterdam and arrested eight
people. Anne Frank, a teenager at the time, was one of the
people arrested. Her diary would be published after her death. 

1954 The uranium rush began in Saskatchewan, Canada. 

1956 William Herz became the first person to race a motorcycle
over 200 miles per hour. He was clocked at 210 mph. 

1957 Florence Chadwick set a world record by swimming the
English Channel in 6 hours and 7 minutes. 

1957 Juan Fangio won his final auto race and captured the world
auto driving championship. It was his the fifth consecutive year
to win. 

1958 The first potato flake plant was completed in Grand Forks,
ND. 

1958 Billboard Magazine introduced its "Hot 100" chart, which
was part popularity and a barometer of the movement of potential
hits. The first number one song was Ricky Nelson's "Poor Little
Fool." 

1972 Arthur Bremer was found guilty of shooting George Wallace,
the governor of Alabama. Bremer was sentenced to 63 years in
prison. 

1983 New York Yankee outfielder Dave Winfield threw a baseball
during warm-ups and accidentally killed a seagull. After the
game, Toronto police arrested him for "causing unnecessary
suffering to an animal." 

1984 Upper Volta, an African republic, changed its name to
Burkina Faso. 

1990 The European Community imposed an embargo on oil from Iraq
and Kuwait. This was done to protest the Iraqi invasion of the
oil-rich Kuwait. 

1991 The Oceanos, a Greek luxury liner, sank off of South
Africa's southeast coast. All of the 402 passengers and 179
crewmembers survived. 

1994 Yugoslavia withdrew its support for Bosnian Serbs. The
border between Yugoslavia and Serb-held Bosnia was sealed. 

1997 Teamsters began a 15-day strike against UPS (United Parcel
Service). The strikers eventually won an increase in full-time
positions and defeated a proposed reorganization of the
company's pension plan. 

2007 NASA's Phoenix spacecraft was launched on a space
exploration mission of Mars. The Phoenix lander descended on
Mars on May 25, 2008. 

2009 North Korean leader Kim Jong-il pardoned two American
journalists, who had been arrested and imprisoned for illegal
entry earlier in the year. 

2017  smiled.


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Phony listing service 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday Aug 3

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
3 illinois burglars arrested during cellphone 
store bruglary while cops were watching
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 2 in
1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three ships.
The voyage led him to what is now known as the Americas. He
reached the Bahamas on October 12. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. --- Maureen Murphy Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. --- Lily Tomlin (1939 - ) It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress. --- Mark Twain ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Minnesota Story All of his life Olle had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink. So when Olle's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Olle stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Olle went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked into Olle's eyes and said, "Because, you dumb ass, your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, you were born in August, and the lake is not frozen." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland: Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, 'You need to join the Army of the Lord!' Jack replied, 'I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.' Pastor questioned, 'How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?' He whispered back, 'I'm in the secret service.' ______________________________________________________ Now THAT is a bouquet! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Danielle Mitchell, 28, Rockford, William Howard Sanders IV, 31, Rockford, Michael Picaseo Davis, 24, of Chicago, Illinois 3 illinois burglars arrested during cellphone store bruglary while cops were watching Three people from Illinois were arrested Saturday in Davenport after police say they broke into a cellphone store and stole more than $60,000 worth of phones. Danielle Mitchell, 28, William Howard Sanders IV, 31, both of Rockford, and Michael Picaseo Davis, 24, of Chicago, face charges of first-degree theft, third-degree burglary, conspiracy to commit a non-forcible felony and possession of burglary tools. They remained in the Scott County Jail Monday on a $10,000 cash- only bond. A preliminary hearing is scheduled for Aug. 9. At 4:46 a.m. Saturday, Davenport police were dispatched to U.S. Cellular, 351 W. Kimberly Road, for a burglary alarm. According to police, the three used a crowbar to enter the business and were wearing gloves to cover their hands. The three then took approximately $66,000 worth of cellphones from the business and tried to drive away from the area but were blocked by officers, according to police. Inside the vehicle, officers found 95 phones, according to police. The theft charge is a Class C felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison. The burglary and conspiracy charges are Class D felonies punishable by up to give years in prison. The possession of burglary tools charge is an aggravated misdemeanor punishable by up to two years in prison. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Martin Re: Listing Service Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Yesterday I rec'd a bill from Listing Corp (NY, NY) for the domain to the tune of $35.00. Was surprised as I thought I pay all such things through you. Is it something extra, to have it listed with the "10 search engines" or........? Martin Dear Martin That's just scam-spam. There is absolutely no reason to be listed in the Nigerian Pork Inquirer or the NY Listing Corp, or similarly obscure "Listing" services, that absolutely nobody ever looks up. Just trash the scam-spam. It's just some scammers trying to con gullibility tax out of you. If you want search engine listings, add relevant text. That is all that counts. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Ross: Friendship Between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship Between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fork as Barbecue Tongs By joanWZ [109 Posts, 39 Comments] When you're going to a picnic and you forget your tongs, that's not a problem anymore! I used two forks as my tongs for picking up my barbecued food. Simply attached the forks back to back and tie it with a rubber band. Now you have your fork tongs! Don't forget the BBQ! ____________________________________________________
The Lion Whisperer
____________________________________________________ "Get this." said a guy to his friends, "Last night, while I was down at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. "Did he get anything?" his friends asked. The guy said, "Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs." One of his friends ask, "Whoa! But...how???" The guy answered, "Well, it was really late at night and my wife thought it was *me* coming home drunk!!" ___________________________________________________
The art of making people look twice.
___________________________________________________ Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally, the 10-year-old said to her younger sister, "Well you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Eva I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry as they were trained professionals and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" -------------- That happened to me too once, in Las Vegas.
____________________________________________________

Today in
1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three ships.
The voyage led him to what is now known as the Americas. He
reached the Bahamas on October 12. 

1750 Christopher Dock completed the first book of teaching
methods. It was titled "A Simple and Thoroughly Prepared School
Management." 

1777 During the Siege of Fort Stanwix the first U.S. flag was
officially flown during battle. 

1900 Firestone Tire & Rubber Co. was founded. 

1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day World War I
began when Britain declared war on Germany. 

1933 The Mickey Mouse Watch was introduced for the price of
$2.75. 

1936 The U.S. State Department advised Americans to leave Spain
due to the Spanish Civil War. 

1936 Jesse Owens won the first of his four Olympic gold medals. 

1943 Gen. George S. Patton verbally abused and slapped a
private. Later, Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower ordered him to
apologize for the incident. 

1956 Bedloe's Island had its name changed to Liberty Island. 

1958 The Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North
Pole underwater. The mission was known as "Operation Sunshine." 

1979 "More American Graffiti" was released. 

1981 U.S. traffic controllers with PATCO, the Professional Air
Traffic Controllers Organization, went on strike. They were
fired just as U.S. President Reagan had warned. 

1985 Mail service returned to a nudist colony in Paradise Lake,
FL. Residents promised that they'd wear clothes or stay out of
sight when the mailperson came to deliver. 

1988 The Iran-Contra hearings ended. No ties were made between
U.S. President Reagan and the Nicaraguan Rebels. 

1988 The Soviet Union released Mathias Rust. He had been taken
into custody on May 28, 1987 for landing a plane in Moscow's Red
Square. 

1989 Hashemi Rafsanjani was sworn in as the president of Iran. 

1990 Thousands of Iraqi troops pushed within a few miles of the
border of Saudi Arabia. This heightened world concerns that the
invasion of Kuwait could spread. 

1992 The U.S. Senate voted to restrict and eventually end the
testing of nuclear weapons. 

1992 Russia and Ukraine agreed to put the Black Sea Fleet under
joint command. The agreement was to last for three years. 

1995 Eyad Ismoil was flown from Jordan to the U.S. to face
charges that he had driven the van that blew up in New York's
World Trade Center. 

2004 In New York, the Statue of Liberty re-opened to the public.
The site had been closed since the terrorist attacks on the U.S.
on September 11, 2001. 

2004 NASA launched the spacecraft Messenger. The 6 1/2 year
journey was planned to arrive at the planet Mercury in March
2011. On April 30, 2015, Messenger crashed into the surface of
Mercury after sending back more than 270,000 pictures. 

2009 Bolivia became the first South American country to declare
the right of indigenous people to govern themselves. 

2017  smiled.


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Swapping monitors 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, Aug 2

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Australias Weather Bureau Caught AGAIN 
Tampering With Climate Numbers to fake warming
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 2 in
1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. --- Jerome K. Jerome (1859 - 1927) Regret for the things, that you did not do, always hurts much more, than forgiveable guilt for the few misdeeds, which you actually did. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Old age is when former classmates are so gray, wrinkled, and bald they don't recognize you. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ "Daddy, how was I born?" Dad answered: "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together on Skype. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: "You've Got Male!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andrew Johnson, Director of Meteorology, Australia Australias Weather Bureau Caught AGAIN Tampering With Climate Numbers to fake warming Australian scientists at the Bureau of Meteorology (BOM) ordered a review of temperature recording instruments after the government agency was caught AGAIN tampering with temperature logs in several locations. Meteorologist Lance Pidgeon watched the 13 degrees Fahrenheit Goulburn recording from July 2 disappear from the bureau's website. The temperature readings fluctuated briefly and then disappeared from the government's website. "The temperature dropped to minus 10 (13 degrees Fahrenheit), stayed there for some time and then it changed to minus 10.4 (14 degrees Fahrenheit) and then it disappeared," Pidgeon said, adding that he notified scientist Jennifer Marohasy about the problem, who then brought the readings to the attention of the bureau. "The bureau's quality-control system, designed to filter out spurious low or high values was set at minus 10 minimum for Goulburn which is why the record automatically adjusted," a bureau spokeswoman told reporters Monday. BOM added that there are limits placed on how low temperatures are allowed to go in some areas of the country (so as not to show actual cooling). If temperatures were lower than Global Warming predictions, then they were automatically "adjusted" upward to suit the Global Warming and Carbon Tax activists. Bureaus Chief Executive Andrew Johnson told Australian Environment Minister Josh Frydenberg that the failure to record the low temperatures at Goulburn in early July was due to faulty equipment. A similar failure wiped out a reading of 13 degrees Fahrenheit at Thredbo Top on July 16, even though temperatures at that station have been recorded as low as 5.54 degrees Fahrenheit. Marohasy, for her part, told reporters that Johnson's claims are nearly impossible to believe given that there are screen shots that show the very low temperatures before being "quality assured" out. The equipment itself showed the correct temperature, before the fakers messed with the logs. It could take several weeks before the equipment is eventually tested, reviewed and ready for service, Johnson said. BOM has been put under the microscope before for similar manipulations. The agency was accused in 2014 of tampering with the country's temperature record to make it appear as if temperatures had warmed over the decades, according to reports in August 2014. Marohasey claimed at the time that BOM's adjusted temperature records are "propaganda" and not science. She analyzed raw temperature data from places across Australia, compared them to BOM data, and found the agency's data created an artificial warming trend. Marohasey said BOM adjustments changed Aussie temperature records from a slight cooling trend to one of "dramatic warming" over the past century. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lynn Re: Swapping Monitors Dear Webby, Love your newsletter! How hard is it to change monitors? I'm using a 2-yr-old, medium-quality 17" flat-panel model on my WinXP PC now and somebody gave me a brand new Dell 17" flat-panel monitor along with the User Documentation disc. Would it be very hard for a mostly computer-illiterate like me to do? --Lynn Dear Lynn The biggest challenge is opening the cardboard box and taking the new monitor out. Cut the tape on top, open the flaps all the way and tape them to the side. Take out any paperwork and styrofoam stuff. Turn the box upside down. Lift the box off the monitor. Lift the monitor from the floor or table to where it is needed. Then the fancy electical work: Unplug the cables at the old monitor. Knock the old monitor onto the floor or onto a soft easy chair. Push the new monitor in place. Plug the old cables into the new monitor. That's all there is to it. You can't plug the cables in wrong, there is only one way they will fit. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Ed for this: Wife to Husband... "I'll have you know that I stuck-up for you today". Husband..."Really? What happened". Wife..."Another woman at my card party said that you were so- sloppy that you wasn't fit to live with pigs... and I told her that you definitely ARE!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com How Do I Get Rid of that Fried Smell after Cooking? Place a couple of bowls of straight vinegar in the kitchen. By Lee-Ann I light a candle before I start cooking. It always works for me. By starla ____________________________________________________
Thank you Vietnam Vets
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this old favorite: The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right, dummy - Get in." ___________________________________________________
Venus, the second planet from the sun.
___________________________________________________ "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's women's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with." "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ During the wedding reception in the family mansion, the bride's Grandfather slipped her five $100 bills which she concealed in her glove, since he told her to keep it for "mad money". By tradition, the couple spent their first night together in the family's historic house. The bride's Grandmother saw her sneaking down the stairs later that night, and asked where she was going. "I left my gloves in the library, Grand-MaMa, and it's important that I have them." "Oh you youngsters!" the Grandmother sighed. "You march yourself right back upstairs and grab hold of him with your bare hands, just like I grabbed your Grandfather!"
____________________________________________________


1791 Samuel Briggs and his son Samuel Briggs, Jr. received a
joint patent for their nail-making machine. They were the first
father-son pair to receive a patent. 

1858 In Boston and New York City the first mailboxes were
installed along streets. 

1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire. 

1892 Charles A. Wheeler patented the first escalator. 

1926 John Barrymore and Mary Astor starred in the first showing
of the Vitaphone System. The system was the combining of picture
and sound for movies. 

1939 Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt
urging the U.S. to have an atomic weapons research program. 

1939 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the Hatch Act. The act
prohibited civil service employees from taking an active part in
political campaigns. 

1945 The Allied conference at Potsdam was concluded. 

1964 The Pentagon reported the first of two North Vietnamese
attacks on U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin. Apparently the
North Vietnamese did not like getting shelled by foreigners.

1990 Iraq invaded the oil-rich country of Kuwait. Iraq claimed
that Kuwait had driven down oil prices by exceeding production
quotas set by OPEC. 

1995 China ordered the expulsion of two U.S. Air Force officers.
The two were said to have been caught spying on military sites.

2017  smiled.


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Erratic typing on new laptop 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesnday, Aug 1

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Escaped inmate kidnaps, kills asst. warden's teen 
stepdaughter, later dies in shootout with guards
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, Aug 1 in
1498 Christopher Columbus landed on "Isla Santa" (Venezuela).
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. --- Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962) "Beware of the young doctor and the old barber." --- Benjamin Franklin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for her confession: Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you. The next day I stopped smoking. Twelve days ago, I read that red meat can kill you. The next day I stopped eating red meat. Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you. The next day I stopped drinking. Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you. This morning I stopped reading. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children... "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers. "Come on, Dick, we're leaving." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award, has been earned by Deltra Henderson, 39, Baton Rouge, Louisiana Escaped inmate kidnaps, kills asst. warden's teen stepdaughter, later dies in shootout with guards A prisoner abducted and killed an assistant warden's teenage stepdaughter after he escaped from a Louisiana prison, authorities said Friday. The inmate was later found dead after a standoff with police. Deltra Henderson, 39, walked away from his prison assignment at David Wade Correctional Center on Thursday afternoon, stole a car and kidnapped Amanda Carney, the Claiborne Parish Sheriff's Office said in a statement. The 18-year-old's body was found in a wooded area near the prison where Henderson crashed the car. Sheriff Ken Bailey said during a telephone interview that investigators believe Henderson stabbed Carney to death, but they're awaiting autopsy results. Henderson stole a second vehicle and crashed it, too, before he entered a nearby home on prison property and found a gun, authorities said. He barricaded himself inside after a gunfight with prison guards. Police found his body inside the home after the standoff ended. Investigators suspect Henderson was fatally wounded while he traded gunfire with prison guards, before police arrived, according to the sheriff. Carney, the girl, recently graduated from a local high school and was enrolling at Southern Arkansas University in the fall to study nursing, the sheriff said. Everybody knows everybody (here), the sheriff said. It's just tragic. The corrections department is offering grief counseling to staff members and inmates at the prison in Homer, which is in north Louisiana and can house up to 1,244 inmates. Henderson had been an inmate at the prison since June 2001. He arrived there about a month after he began serving a 30-year prison sentence for convictions on charges of cocaine distribution, attempted armed robbery and aggravated burglary. Henderson had a potential release date of March 28, 2025, the corrections department said. The News-Star reported that Henderson pleaded guilty to a 1999 armed robbery at a Farmerville home where a 14-year-old girl and her mother were seriously wounded by gunfire during the robbery. In 2015, Henderson petitioned a judge for a reduced sentence, expressing remorse and highlighting his status as a first offender, the newspaper reported. In his petition, Henderson wrote that he had completed programs in prison to become a better person and said he had been a young man, running around with the wrong crowd at the time of his offenses. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Erratic Toshiba laptop Dear Webby, I just got a new Toshiba Satellite laptop and cannot do word processing without text being jumbled like the next sentence. It is frustrating. Help! I just got a ndo word proceing cannot ew Toshiba Satellite Thanx Jerry Since you are probably using a mouse anyway, cover that silly touch-pad with a piece of cardboard. That way your thumbs won't accidentally touch it and move stuff around. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Roland for this press release from Lutheran Airlines WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTHERAN AIR IS NOW OPERATING FROM DULUTH AIRPORT YA SHURE, YA BETCHA! DIS IS DA LATEST AIR SERVICE TO SPROUT UP IN MINNYSOTA. ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA. If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran (Lutheran) Air, da no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is a upliftin experience. Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert. Basses and tenors! please sit in da rear of da aircraft. Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by free will offering and da plane will not land 'til da budget is met. Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air 599. Okay den, listen up. I'm only gonna say dis vonce. In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because we fly right around twenty tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodar with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes. You're gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair little holes. Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're going to have quite a bit of at twenny tousand feets, sort a like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it. In da event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us, which some people say "trespass against us," which isn't right, but what can you do? Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse da plane's navigation system, which is seat of da pants all da way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He would have put your mout on da side of your head. We start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style with da coffee pot up front. Den we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am going to be real upset and I am not kiddin! Right now I'll say Grace. "Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and ! let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may we land in Dulut or pretty close. Amen
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Spoons for an Impromptu Cooling Rack By NoRulesArt [40 Posts, 12 Comments] This is a great way to cool down a pan from the oven. My husband came up with this - AMAZING! He pulled 4 tablespoons out of the drawer turned them upside down and Voila! An instant rack for cooling. Works great if you don't own wire racks or if you don't have enough. By norulesart from Sunny Florida ____________________________________________________
Thank you Vietnam Vets
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..." "Dang!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!" "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?" "Did you steal it?" "Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!" "So, I go and stand behind the fence behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingy through the bushes, I clamp down and say: $20 or off it comes!" "Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?" "Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up." ___________________________________________________
This light dance performance is simply incredible!
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Betty for this story: Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm ! wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding! And I'll be there early."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death. One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch. The King quickly summo ned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and was touted as a hero. Upon returning to his chambers, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less, and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, shooed him away with no payment made. The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's shorts. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.
____________________________________________________

Today, on Aug 1, in
1498 Christopher Columbus landed on "Isla Santa" (Venezuela). 

1774 Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist Carl
Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly. 

1834 Slavery was outlawed in the British empire with an
emancipation bill. 

1873 Andrew S. Hallidie successfully tested a cable car. The
design was done for San Francisco, CA. 

1893 Shredded wheat was patented by Henry Perky and William
Ford. 

1894 The first Sino-Japanese War erupted. The dispute was over
control of Korea. 

1914 Germany declared war on Russia at the beginning of World
War I. 

1936 Adolf Hitler presided over the Olympic games as they opened
in Berlin. 

1943 In the Solomon Islands, the U.S. Navy patrol torpedo boat
PT-109 sank after being hit by the Japanese destroyer Amagiri.
The boat was under the command of Lt. John F. Kennedy. Eleven of
the thirteen crew survived. 

1944 In Warsaw, Poland, an uprising by Jews against Nazi
occupation began. The revolt continued until October 2 when the
Jewish forces surrendered. 

1946 In the U.S., the Atomic Energy Commission was established. 

1957 The North American Air Defense Command (NORAD) was created
by the United States and Canada. 

1973 The movie "American Graffiti" opened. 

1975 The Helsinki accords pledged the signatory nations to
respect human rights. 

1995 Westinghouse Electric Corporation announced a deal to buy
CBS for $5.4 billion. 

2006 Cuban leader Fidel Castro turned over absolute power when
he gave his brother Raul authority while he underwent an
intestinal surgery.

2017  smiled.


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Tape to DVD 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, July 31

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
NC teen arrested after he kidnapped, raped, robbed 
a couple of tourists, who were walking to hotel
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 31 in
1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the 
Western Hemisphere, bumped into the island of Trinidad. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ We are the people our parents warned us about. --- Jimmy Buffett ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number. "Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice. "You folks need all the practice you can get." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he left the bar some time later, he realized that his horse had been stolen. The cowboy rushed back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking, and then fired a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I did back in Texas. And let me tell you, I don't wanna have to do what I did back in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, then walked outside to find his horse was back. So, he saddled up and prepared to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and said, "Say partner, what happened in Texas anyway?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!" ______________________________________________________ Double _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tevin Quayshawn Williams, 19, Charlotte, North Carolina NC teen arrested after he kidnapped, raped, robbed a couple of tourists, who were walking to hotel A couple who was visiting Charlotte were reportedly kidnapped, robbed and sexually assaulted by a teenager who was later arrested, according to Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police. Police say the couple was returning to their hotel in uptown Charlotte early Thursday morning and was walking along the 200 block of E. Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard when they were approached by a man with a gun. That man, later identified as 19-year-old Tevin Quayshawn Williams, then forced the couple into an alley, bound the man and sexually assaulted the woman. He then reportedly robbed the couple and ran from the scene. He reportedly took their clothes, cellphones and wallets when he left. The couple, according to police, were able to run to a nearby hotel and call 911. Officers say they were able to provide a “very detailed” description of the man. Officers in the area began searching for the man with the police helicopter and K9 units. They later spotted him near Trade and Tryon streets in uptown Charlotte and say he appeared to be trying to avoid officers. He was arrested around 2:30 a.m. Thursday morning. Williams was charged with two counts of first-degree rape, three counts of first-degree sex offense, two counts of first-degree kidnapping, two counts of armed robbery, and possession of a stolen firearm. Arrest records show he was also charged with trespassing, resisting arrest, and urinating in public. Investigators say Williams was recently released from prison on a string of robberies from 2015. Just days ago police investigated a murder at an apartment in uptown. The CMPD offered a piece of advice for anyone traveling throughout the city. “Anytime you’re anywhere walking around at night you should always be aware of your surroundings and that goes without saying,” said Capt. Dave Johnson. Just being aware of the robbers and rapists in Charlotte won't help anybody. Being heavily armed and travelling in large groups might be more helpful. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Laura Re: Tape to CD Dear Webby, Thanks for your Humor letters -What a great way to start my day! Since you know so much about computers, I hope you have an answer for this question. I have some old cassette tapes (no longer available for purchase) that I'd like to use my computer to burn onto a CD. Is there an easy way to do this? Thanks, Laura Dear Laura Yes, there sure is. Connect a cable with male 1/8" headphone plugs on each end from the headphone socket on your tape player to the microphone socket on your computer, then record it with any sound recording software. Most sound cards come with some basic sound recording software, and you can find lots more with google. Recording quality is the same. The difference between different recording software is usually in how easy or complicated it is to splice and edit. Almost all of them are either free or have a free trial period. Just try a bunch of them and find the one that suits you the best. Save the music in MP3 format, so that you can play it in Audio CD and MP4 players. Have FUN! DearWebby
An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon and were in a pretty romantic mood. While sitting on their loveseat, the elderly woman looked at her companion and said, "I remember when you used to kiss me every chance you had." The old man feeling a bit obliged leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. Then she said, "I also remember when you used to hold my hand at every opportunity." The old man again feeling obligated reached over and gently placed his hand on hers. The elderly woman then stated, "I also remember when you used to nibble on my neck and send chills down my spine." This time, the old man had a blank stare on his face and started to get up off the couch. As he began to walk out of the living room, his wife asked, "Was it something I said, where are you going?" The old man looked at her and replied, " I'm going im de odder room do gep my teef!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Wood When Removing a Nail Put an old plastic spatula under the head of the hammer when trying to remove a nail. It protects the wood and is easy to find in your toolbox. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com ____________________________________________________
A Penny For Your Thoughts
____________________________________________________ An old Sailor and an old Marine were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career. "I did 30 years in the Corps," the Marine declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood- soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. "As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. "Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razorgrass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a firefight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!" "Ah," said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand, "just routine shore duty, huh?" ___________________________________________________
Standing above the clouds.
___________________________________________________ Jason went to a psychiatrist "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor yelled: "Next!" You got to be nuts to go to a shrink!
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man, you'll never hit her from here!"
____________________________________________________

Today, on July 31, in
1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the Western
Hemisphere, bumped into the island of Trinidad. 

1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins for his
process for making potash and pearl ashes. The substance was
used in fertilizer and gun powder. 

1792 The cornerstone of the U.S. Mint in Philadelphia, PA, was
laid. It was the first building to be used only as a U.S.
government building. 

1919 Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted. 

1928 MGM’s Leo the lion roared for the first time. He introduced
MGM’s first talking picture, "White Shadows on the South Seas." 

1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched a
series of cars under his name. 

1945 Pierre Laval of France surrendered to Americans in Austria.


1948 U.S. President Truman helped dedicate New York
International Airport (later John F. Kennedy International
Airport) at Idlewild Field. 

1955 Marilyn Bell of Toronto, Canada, at age 17, became the
youngest person to swim the English Channel. 

1959 The Euskadi Ta Askatasuna (ETA) was founded. The group is
known for being an armed Basque nationalist and separatist
organization. 

1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures of
the moon's surface. 

1971 Men rode in a vehicle on the moon for the first time in a
lunar rover vehicle (LRV). 

1982 Yugoslavia imposed a six-month freeze on prices. 

1989 A pro-Iranian group in Lebanon released a videotape
reportedly showing the hanged body of American hostage William
R. Higgins. 

1989 The Game Boy handheld video game device was released in the
U.S. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Soviet President
Mikhail Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty. 

1995 The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital
Cities/ABC in a $19 billion deal. 

1999 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect crashed into the moon. It was
a mission to detect frozen water on the moon's surface. The
craft had been launched on January 6, 1998. 

2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 million feature length
films sold.

2017  smiled.


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Computer goes onto Standby 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, July 30

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man robbed bank, stripped naked while fleeing
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 30 in
1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay Islands
off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it. --- Jef Mallett, Frazz, 04-04-07 Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. --- Ambrose Bierce ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Dora When my brother was little, he had muscle problems and my parents enrolled him in physical therapy. The therapist would come and work with his legs, often using a large yoga ball. She recommended to my mother that she buy a yoga ball for my brother to use daily. So mom goes to Toys R Us, stops the first little stock boy she sees, who was probably no more than 16, and asks him, "Excuse me, do you have big balls?" I don't know that I've seen anyone turn that color red since! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill." ______________________________________________________ Stuck on Sunday _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alexander Sperber, 25, Fort Lauderdale, Floriduh Florida man robbed bank, stripped naked while fleeing A 25-year-old Florida man robbed a Fort Lauderdale bank, stripped naked while fleeing on foot and threw cash into the air in an effort to launch his comedy career, the FBI says. Sperber told the teller he had a gun, pointed his finger at her & stole about $4,700 before his comical flight from the scene Alexander Hayden Sperber has been charged with bank robbery and faces several years in prison, according to court documents from the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of Florida. Sperber was arrested near the scene by Fort Lauderdale Police. The incident occurred in broad daylight in busy downtown Fort Lauderdale. He Told the FBI Agent He Woke Up Tuesday Morning & Decided to Rob the Bank to Launch His Career as a Comedian _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Katie Re: Standby Dear Webby, Love your Humor Letter! Can you tell me how to stop my computer from going into 'Stand by' mode on its own? I have it marked as 'never' on the properties page. That doesn't seem to make a difference. When it does this, I don’t know how to get it started again except to pull the plug and start from scratch. I would appreciate your input. Sincerely, Katie Dear Katie Maybe your computer is hibernating ? Check the power options setting for that. If you have NEVER on that too, then you either have a hard drive problem, or an overheating problem due to too many dust bunnies in the case. Have FUN! DearWebby
A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he'd been given. "This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said. "I know," the owner said. "But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained." The contractor said. "Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tater Tot Waffle Cheese and Bacon Sandwich By attosa [374 Posts, 1,793 Comments] Total Time: 12 minutes Yield: 1 huge sandwich that should probably be shared ;) Ingredients: 24 frozen tater tots, thawed 2 slices bacon 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese Steps: Preheat your waffle iron on high. Cut your bacon to fit in the sandwich. If you're using a big round Belgian press, you probably don't need to cut much. Cook them in a pan on both sides until crisp. Drain bacon and set aside. Place the thawed tater tots very close together in an even layer on the waffle iron. Close the lid and press it down. Cook until the tater tot waffle is crisp, about 5 minutes. My waffle maker seems to heat more on one side, so I like to flip them over and cook another few minutes to ensure they're super crisp. On one of the waffles, add half the cheddar cheese. Place cooked bacon on top of cheese. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Place the other waffle on top and press down the top of the iron. Cook for about 2 minutes, or until the cheese has melted. Serve! ____________________________________________________
Pilot lands Harrier Jet on stool when landing gear fails
____________________________________________________ "Periodic Elements" Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the periodic table (from Chemistry class)elements: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180+/-50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child)for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell. ___________________________________________________
A machine that prints short stories for you to read while you wait.
___________________________________________________ On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder. "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Good Grief!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A little town in southern Illinois had a sensational birth rate, and scientists decided to visit the place and find out the cause. So the sociologists, anthropologists, birth control specialists and other concerned scientists moved to the town prepared to do a six-month study of the causes of the town's high birth rate. The day the research testing and all was to begin, the director of the million-dollar project stopped off at the single cafe in town and ordered coffee. When the waitress delivered his drink, the scientist detained her for a moment and asked, "Can you give me an idea why your town, above all others in this country, has such a high birth rate?" The waitress thought a moment, then said, "I think I can. You see, every morning at 5:30, the C&A Railroad comes through town and blows its big air horns at all three street crossings. That wakes up the folks here and, as you can guess, it's too darn late to go back to sleep and too darn early to get up."
____________________________________________________

Today, on July 30, in
1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay Islands
off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage. 

1619 The first representative assembly in America convened in
Jamestown, VA. (House of Burgesses) 

1898 "Scientific America" carried the first magazine automobile
ad. The ad was for the Winton Motor Car Company of Cleveland,
OH. 

1932 Walt Disney's "Flowers and Trees" premiered. It was the
first Academy Award winning cartoon and first cartoon short to
use Technicolor. 

1942 The WAVES were created by legislation signed by U.S.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The members of the Women
Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service were a part of the U.S.
Navy. 

1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine.
The ship had just delivered key components of the Hiroshima
atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian. Only 316 out of
1,196 men aboard survived the attack. 

1956 The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the U.S.
national motto. 

1965 U.S. President Johnson signed into law Social Security Act
that established Medicare and Medicaid. It went into effect the
following year. 

1974 The U.S. House of Representatives Judiciary Committee voted
to impeach President Nixon for blocking the Watergate
investigation and for abuse of power. 

1987 Indian troops arrived in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, to disarm the
Tamil Tigers and enforce a peace pact. 

1990 In Spring Hill, TN, the first Saturn automobile rolled off
the assembly line. 

1991 In China, construction began on the Oriental Pearl Radio &
TV Tower. 

1998 A group of Ohio machine-shop workers (who call themselves
the Lucky 13) won the $295.7 million Powerball jackpot. It was
the largest-ever American lottery. 

2001 Lance Armstrong became the first American to win three
consecutive Tours de France. 

2003 In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagen Beetle rolled
off an assembly line. 

2017  smiled.


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Do not call regtistry 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, July 29

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman, 23, arrested after $2 million in liquid 
meth found in her car with 4-year-old
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 29 in
1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was
inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New
York, NY and San Francisco, CA.  
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A poem is never finished, only abandoned. --- Paul Valery (1871 - 1945) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turned to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the behind and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, "Take a sweater." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Katie, apparently true occurrence: Here's a quote from a government employee who witnessed a recent interaction between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in a Metro station in DC: There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one. An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (twentyish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined. The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, "Lady, don't you care about the children of Syria?" The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea, and a son in Vietnam. All three died so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our country. If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your stupid ass, and open it!" ______________________________________________________ Donegal, Ireland _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Seline Lizbeth Ayala, 23, Laredo, Texas Woman, 23, arrested after $2 million in liquid meth found in her car with 4-year-old A speeding driver’s suspicious behavior during a late night traffic stop tipped off officers that there might be more to the situation that meets the eye, so they called in a sniffer dog. Austin police say their K9 unit, Emma, arrived to the scene in the 5400 block of North Interstate 35 last Wednesday and alerted her handler to the presence of drugs in the vehicle. Officers searched the SUV and found three jugs of Purple Power degreaser. Except, police say those jugs contained about $2 million worth of liquid crystal methamphetamine (about 75 pounds) instead of degreaser. The driver, Seline Lizbeth Ayala, 23 of Laredo, was arrested and faces federal drug trafficking charges. Austin police say there was also a 4-year-old in the car as well. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Honor Re: Do Not Call registry Dear Webby, Do you happen to have among your famous facts, the information I need to get on the US 'don't call, don't email' list? I've moved fairly recently and haven't gotten signed up for that on my new numbers and addresses. I hope it isn't too late to do this! I always read your tips...don't always understand them... but some I just print off for future reference, like after I'm smarter! Thanks for all you do for your subscribers! Honor Dear Honor The US DO-NOT-CALL registry is at https://www.donotcall.gov/default.aspx There is no Do-NOT-EMAIL registry. Just use MailWasher, and nuke the mail from the bastids, unseen, like most of us do. Have FUN! DearWebby
A woman went to see her lawyer, taking with her a baby and four children under the age of five. "I want a divorce," she said. "On what grounds?" he asked. "Desertion, sir," she said. "Desertion?" he asked, looking at the five young children. "Well," she confided, "he does come home every now and then to apologize."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Pen Ink From Leaking in Your Purse A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted. When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried: "Daddy, where's Mommy?" ____________________________________________________
When you can walk away from this, you know there's a purpose for your life!
____________________________________________________ A Baptist preacher and his wife decided they needed a dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be Baptist. They visited an expensive kennel and explained their needs to the manager, who assured them he had just the dog for them. The dog was produced and the manager said, "Fetch the Bible." The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the manager. The manager then said "Find Psalms 23". The dog, showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed thru the Bible, found the correct passage, and pointed to it with his paw. Duly impressed, the couple purchased the dog. That evening a group of parishioners came to visit. The preacher and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were amazed. Finally, one man asked, "Can he do normal dog tricks too?" "Let's see" said the preacher. Pointing his finger at the dog, he commanded "Heel!" The dog immediately jumped up on a chair, placed one paw on the preacher's forehead and began to howl. The preacher turned to his wife and exclaimed "Good grief, we've bought a Pentecostal dog!" ___________________________________________________
Being a storm chaser has to be exciting with a big adrenalin rush. Check out some of his other photos.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for bringing back this classic: "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ The surrogate and the photographer The Heberts were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Hebert kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon". Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. Good morning madam. I've come to...." "Oh, no need to explain. Come in," Mrs. Hebert cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! My specialty is babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" Photographer - "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too. You can really spread out!" Wife - "Bathtub, couch, bed, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for my husband and me." Photographer - "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But! if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." Wife - "My, my, that's a lot of...." Photographer - "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." (Wife muttering)- "Don't I know it." The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus." Wife - "Oh my goodness!" Photographer - "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." Wife - "She was difficult?" Photographer - "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." Wife - "Four and five deep?" (eyes wide in amazement). Photographer - "Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Wife (leaning forward) - "You mean they actually chewed on your.....equipment?" Photographer - "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work." Wife - "Tripod?" photographer - "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!"
____________________________________________________

Today, on July 29, in
1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle of
Gravelines. 

1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 25-
minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked out Jean
Petit from France. 

1773 The first schoolhouse to be located west of the Allegheny
Mountains was built in Schoenbrunn, OH. 

1874 Major Walter Copton Winfield of England received U.S.
patent for the lawn-tennis court. 

1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was
inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New
York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 

1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile swim
down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to
Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. 

1950 Disney's adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson's "Treasure
Island" was released. 

1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established. 

1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 

1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's stance
against artificial methods of birth control. 

1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to lift
collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government welcomed
the action and announced its intention to open serious
discussions with Cuba on normalization. 

1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were
married. 

1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would be the
home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant.

1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio autoworker
John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard "Ivan the
Terrible." His death sentence was thrown out and he was set
free. 

1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 40 years
after contaminated food fish were blamed for deaths and birth
defects. 

1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike against
General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion in lost revenues.


2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a new planet
(Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun.

2017  smiled.


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"You have won" scams 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, July 28
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Happy independence Day to Cesar, Gretchen 
and all other friends in Peru!


Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman arrested for drunken, topless road-rage assault
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 28 in
1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for
the standardization of weights and measures throughout the
United States. 
The United States is still the only industrialized country in
the world that does not use the metric system as its predominant
system of measurement, 
except for electricians and scientists. After 150 years the
metric system is creeping in, though. Wine and pop is sold in
metric units, many grocery items have both metric and Imperial
British units printed on them, and while vehicles are still
advertised as so many feet long, below the paint everything is
metric. 
 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I went to the store the other day to pick out a new tie for an upcoming wedding (not mine!). I found one that matched my suit but it didn't have a price tag on it. So I asked the clerk, "Hey, buddy, how much is this tie?" He said, "Sixty-five dollars." I said, "What! I can buy a pair of shoes with that kind of money." He said, "Maybe, but with your neck, shoes would look silly." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ One day at the dry-cleaning shop at Charleston Air Force Base, I overheard a young airman describe in great detail how he wanted his uniform cleaned and pressed. When he finished, the counter clerk asked, "Are you getting an award, or do you have an important military function to attend?" "Nothing like that," the airman said. "I'm going home on leave, and my little brother is taking me to his second-grade class for 'Show-n-Tell.' " ______________________________________________________ He is MINE! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Thanks to Moe for reporting this one: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Susan Kettell, 39, Sandwich, Massawhosits Woman arrested for drunken, topless road-rage assault A woman in Massachusetts is facing several felony charges after allegedly waving a dagger at another driver while topless in an apparent drunken road-rage attack. Susan Kettell, 39, of Sandwich, was driving a blue Ford Explorer on Saturday when police received a call from another driver who claimed the woman tried to crash into the victim’s car. Kettell then pulled behind the victim’s vehicle at a red light and began waving a double-edged dagger, the Sandwich Police Department announced Monday. Kettell then allegedly got out of the Explorer and ripped off her shirt before running bare-chested toward the victim’s car while flailing the knife. The caller who contacted police, meanwhile, drove off, police said. Kettell, who police say was intoxicated at the time, was later found and placed under arrest. A male passenger inside her car was also intoxicated and was placed in protective custody, police said. Kettel was charged with operating under the influence, operating on a revoked driver’s license, assault with a dangerous weapon and other charges, police said. No injuries were reported. Sorry, that mugshot is the only picture of Susan Kettell on the web. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: "You have won" Dear Webby, I have gotten an e-mail from these people that I had won a prize. I have listed with 'Woman's Day' magazine for things to win. There was nothing in the e-mail about it being from Woman's Day magizine. I'm not sure if I should respond or not. Your information has always been the best so far on the web, can/could you help me with this one. It's isn't that much, but would help out the daughter if it's really true. Thanks again for the jokes/funnies/web help. Hope all is well with you and yours. Chris Dear Chris You may already be a winner, ... yeah sure. Trash it. They all want your address to send spam to you. Some of them even want money to supposedly get your winnings to you. Just trash their scam spam. If you really did win something, they would tell you outright, and not pester you with all kinds of confusion and hype. Have FUN! DearWebby
A newly married sailor was informed by the navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter. "My love," he wrote " we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not be so tempted? " So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying, "why don't you learn to play this?" Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife. "Darling" he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!" "First let's see you play that harmonica!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Pen Ink From Leaking in Your Purse One easy way to prevent pen ink from leaking in your purse or briefcase is to store your pens in plastic travel toothbrush holder. Even pens with caps can sometimes break and leak. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com ____________________________________________________
drinking helium infused beer
____________________________________________________ A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Oh no," he objected. "Any idiot can open an oyster." ___________________________________________________
Who wouldn't love to have a library like this in their home?
___________________________________________________ A Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean.When he gets to Nanaimo, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job. He walks into the MacMillan-Bloedel office and fills out an application as an "Experienced logger." It's his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone. But first, the bush foreman takes him for a ride in the bush in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows. The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree. "See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains." The Newfie promptly answers, "It's a Sitka Spruce and contains 383 board feet of lumber." The foreman is impressed. He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger door window. He asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class. "It's a Douglas Fir, it has 690 board feet." says the Newfie. Now the foreman is really impressed. The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator! One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window. "And what about that one?" Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, "A Yellow cedar,242 board feet." The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office. He's a little annoyrf because he thinks that the Newfie is smarter than he is. As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck, and asks the Newfie to step outside. He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "See that tree over there. I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree." The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot! How does he know which is the front of the tree? " When the Newfie reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the trunk. He comes back to the foreman and hands him the chalk. "That is the front of the tree," the Newfie states. The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the heck do you know that's the front of the tree?" The Newfie looks down at his feet, while moving the toe of his left boot clockwise in the gravel, replies, "Cuz someone used the back side for an outhouse." He got the job!!
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this valuable information: Installing a wireless security system in four easy steps 1. Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's well used work boots, a really big pair, at least a size 13. 2. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of 'Guns and Ammo' magazine. 3. Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dish. 4. Leave a note on your front door that says something like "Bubba, big Mike and I have gone to get more ammo, be back in 1/2 hour. Don't disturb the Pit Bulls, they've just been wormed and are a bit nasty."
____________________________________________________

Today, on July 28, in
1821 Peru declared its independence from Spain. 

1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for
the standardization of weights and measures throughout the
United States. 

1868 The Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was
declared in effect. The amendment guaranteed due process of law.


1896 The city of Miami, FL, was incorporated. 

1932 Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army" of World
War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC. They were
demanding money they were not scheduled to receive until 1945. 

1941 Plans for the Pentagon were approved by the U.S. House of
Representatives. 

1942 L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated
mailbox. The device stamped envelopes when money was inserted. 

1945 A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of New York
City's Empire State Building. 14 people were killed and 26 were
injured. 

1951 The Walt Disney film "Alice in Wonderland" was released. 

1965 U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the
number of American troops in South Vietnam from 75,000 to
125,000. 

1982 San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S. to ban
handguns. 

1998 Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal that
created the second-largest phone company. 

1998 Serbian military forces seized the Kosovo town of Malisevo.


1998 Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from prosecution
to testify before a grand jury about her relationship with U.S.
President Clinton. 

2006 Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles had been
found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and Opallionectes were the
first of their kind to be found in the period soon after the
Jurassic era.

2017  smiled.


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¸Ransom Pop-Ups 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, July 27

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Three arrested after striking Boone, IA, 
police chief with vehicle
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 27 in
1663 The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act,
which required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in
British ships from British ports. That did not go over well.
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. --- Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971) Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House? --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ So the woman calls the town psychiatrist and cries, "Doctor, you've got to come as soon as possible. My husband is in really bad shape!" The shrink rushes over. The worried wife says, "Thank God you are here, doctor. Just go down the hall. He's in the last room on the right." The shrink goes in the room and sees the woman's husband sitting on the edge of the bathtub, dangling a fishline in the toilet. He goes back to the wife and says, "Yes, this is very serious. But why didn't you call me sooner?" "Who had time?" the wife asks. "I've been cleaning fish all week." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ You can generally tell a man's age by the way he reacts to a female's smile. For example: When a teenage girl smiles at a young man, he tries to decide what makes him so sexy. When a young lady smiles at a man in his fifties, he turns around to see the handsome dude behind him. But when a female of any age smiles at a man of 80, he looks down to see if he's unzipped. ______________________________________________________ Just Me _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Erica Shales, 25, of Des Moines, Iowa Craig Collins, 35, of Nevada, Chanel Clark, 32, of Ames, Iowa Three arrested after striking Boone, IA, police chief with vehicle Three people were arrested Monday, after police said that they struck Boone Police Chief John Wiebold with their vehicle while attempting to flee. Erica Shales, 25, of Des Moines, was identified as the driver and charged with eluding, assault on a peace officer with a deadly weapon, possession of a controlled substance, and driving while suspended. She also had a warrant for her arrest out of Polk County Two passengers, Craig Collins, 35, of Nevada, and Chanel Clark, 32, of Ames, were also arrested. Collins was charged with possession of a controlled substance, and possession of drug paraphernalia. Clark was charged with two counts of possession of a controlled substance, and possession of drug paraphernalia. According to the Boone Police Department, officers responded to a report of an assault at the 600 block of Fifth Street around 3 p.m. When officers arrived, they saw a vehicle matching the description of one they were looking for, a silver Dodge Avenger, leaving eastbound from the area. The car traveled to the intersection of Fifth and Story streets where it was stopped because police vehicles were both in front and in back of it, police said. Police said Wiebold got out of his car in an attempt to contact the occupants of the suspect vehicle, at which point Shales accelerated, striking Wiebold before continuing north on Story Street. Wiebold suffered minor injuries and did not require medical treatment. Video shows him getting up and running to his truck. Then the chase was on! According to police, officers then engaged in chase northbound on Story Street and then eastbound on 12th Street at speeds reaching 55 mph, before the car carrying Shales, Collins, and Clark stopped in the 900 block of 12th Street. After stopping, Shales attempted to leave the area on foot but was quickly apprehended, according to police. Chief Wiebold looks like a pro football player. The report does not state who had the most bruises after he tackled Shales. The investigation is continuing. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Barb Re: Pop-Ups Dear Webby, First of all I love your "Humor Letter" and all the advice, pictures, tips, daily history and extra links in it. I need to pick your brain, is there any way to get rid of the pop-ups that pop up on certain websites like newspapers that want you to subscribe to them before you can read their stories or certain sites that want you to subscribe to them. I don't want to subscribe to every "Tom, Dick and Harry" just to read one article that I got to from another website. I know you will know how to handle them. Thanks in advance. Barb Dear Barb For many sites you can use the Google "Poper Blocker" Poper Blocker. It works quite well on the majority of sites, that use hostile pop-ups. However, some sites, like for example National Geogrqaphic, are too sleazy for that, and pop up their ransom demand anyway. You can sometimes get around the ransom demand by turning the Poper Blocker off and using CTRL F4 to close the ransom demand. Sites of large and extremely profitable sites like National Geographic can afford to hire the best programmers to defeat blockers, and newspaper sites quickly copy their tricks. Sometimes all you can do is find an alternate source for what you are looking for, or decide whether what you want to read is worth the demanded ransom. Have FUN! DearWebby
The judge looked at the docket and said, "Good God, man! You're charged with marrying six women. How could you do such a thing?" "Hey, judge, gimme a break," the man replied. "I was only trying to find one good one...."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lobster Mac and Cheese By attosa [366 Posts, 1,730 Comments] For special occasions, my husband and I like to order lobster mac and cheese. We've recently realized, as good as it is, it's just not worth $20 for a plate! Here's a recipe for lobster mac and cheese for under $3 a serving. Total Time: 1 hour Yield: 6 Ingredients: 16 oz pasta of choice 2 fresh lobster tails 2 Tbsp butter 1 onion, diced 2 cloves garlic, minced 10 black peppercorns 2 cups milk 4 Tbsp butter 4 Tbsp flour 2 cups Gruyere cheese, shredded 3 cups cheddar cheese, shredded 1 cup grated Parmesan 4 Tbsp breadcrumbs Steps: Fill a large pot with salted water and bring to a rolling boil. Stir in the dry pasta and return to a boil. Cook the pasta uncovered until it is firm to the bite, about 8 minutes. Reserve 2 cups of the hot pasta water, then drain the pasta in a colander set in the sink. Return the pasta water to the large pot and place the lobster tails in the pot, cut-side up. Return the water to a boil, then reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and steam the lobster just until the meat firms and turns opaque, about 3 minutes. Remove the lobster and allow to cool for a few minutes, then remove the meat and cut into bite sized pieces. Reserve the shells. Melt 2 tablespoons of butter in a saucepan over medium heat. Stir in the onion and cook until the onion has softened and turned translucent, about 5 minutes; scrape the onions into a small bowl and set aside. Place the reserved lobster shells, garlic, peppercorns, and milk into the saucepan. Bring to a gentle simmer over medium heat, and cook for 20 minutes. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Melt 4 tablespoons of butter in a saucepan over medium-low heat. Whisk in the flour and stir until the mixture becomes a light golden brown, about 10 minutes. Strain the lobster and milk mixture through a sieve. Gradually whisk the milk into the flour mixture, bring to a simmer over medium heat. Cook and stir until the mixture is thick and smooth, around 10 minutes. Stir the Gruyere and Cheddar cheeses into the thickened milk mixture until melted and smooth. Season to taste with salt and pepper, then stir in the reserved lobster, onions, and pasta. Pour the pasta into a 4 quart casserole and smooth the top. Sprinkle evenly with the breadcrumbs and Parmesan cheese. Bake in the preheated oven until the sauce is bubbly, and the top is golden brown, 8 to 12 minutes. ____________________________________________________
Woob, woob, woob
____________________________________________________ The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know. Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?" "Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale." "That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!" "Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?" Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson...." ___________________________________________________
Here's the part of the airplane that no passenger ever gets to see.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for her Italian Pasta Diet: ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !! 1.. You walka pasta da bakery. 2.. You walka pasta da candy store. 3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop. 4... You walka pasta da table and fridge. You will losa da weight!
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. CONCLUSION Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
____________________________________________________

Today, on July 27, in
1214 At the Battle of Bouvines in France, Philip Augustus of
France defeated John of England. 

1245 Frederick II was deposed by a council at Lyons after they
found him guilty of sacrilege. 

1663 The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act,
which required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in
British ships from British ports. That did not go over well.

1689 Government forces defeated the Scottish Jacobites at the
Battle of Killiecrankie. 

1694 The Bank of England received a royal charter as a
commercial institution. 

1775 Benjamin Rush began his service as the first Surgeon
General of the Continental Army. 

1784 "Courier De L’Amerique" became the first French newspaper
to be published in the United States. It was printed in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1777 The Marquis of Lafayette arrived in New England to help the
rebellious American colonists fight the British. 

1778 The British and French fleets fought to a standoff in the
first Battle of Ushant. 

1866 Cyrus Field successfully completed the Atlantic Cable. It
was an underwater telegraph from North America to Europe. 

1909 Orville Wright set a record for the longest airplane
flight. He was testing the first Army airplane and kept it in
the air for 1 hour 12 minutes and 40 seconds. 

1914 British troops invaded the streets of Dublin, Ireland, and
began to disarm Irish rebels. 

1918 The Socony 200 was launched. It was the first concrete
barge and was used to carry oil. 

1921 Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates
announced the discovery of the hormone insulin. 

1940 Bugs Bunny made his official debut in the Warner Bros.
animated cartoon "A Wild Hare." 

1944 U.S. troops completed the liberation of Guam. 

1947 The World Water Ski Organization was founded in Geneva,
Switzerland. 

1953 The armistice agreement that ended the Korean War was
signed at Panmunjon, Korea. 

1955 The Allied occupation of Austria ended. With no more need
to feed the allied troops, rationing stopped and all school
kids, including me, got their first hot-dog.

1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson sent an additional 5,000
advisers to South Vietnam. 

1965 In the U.S., the Federal Cigarette Labeling and Advertising
Act was signed into law. The law required health warnings on all
cigarette packages. 

1967 U.S. President Johnson appointed the Kerner Commission to
assess the causes of the violence in the wake of urban rioting. 

1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, died in a
hospital near Cairo, Egypt. 

1993 IBM's new chairman, Louis V. Gerstner, Jr., announced an
$8.9 billion plan to cut the company's costs. 

2003 It was reported by the BBC (British Broadcasting Corp.)
that there was no monster in Loch Ness. The investigation used
600 separate sonar beams and satellite navigation technology to
trawl the loch. Reports of sightings of the "Loch Ness Monster"
began in the 6th century. 

2006 Intel Corp introduced its Core 2 Duo microprocessors.

2017  smiled.


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Computer freezes when checking mail 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, July 26

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested after she tried twice to
run over ex-boyfriend
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 26 in
1907 The Chester was launched. It was the first 
steam turbine propelled ship. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Cookie: Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up praying a lot. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sheena Gordon, 32, Fort Lauderdale, Floriduh Florida woman arrested after she tried twice to run over ex-boyfriend A Fort Lauderdale woman was arrested Monday, a day after she tried to run over her ex-boyfriend with her vehicle, authorities said. Police said the incident was reported shortly after 1 p.m. Sunday at 2309 NW 20th St. Police said Sheena Gordon, 32, got into a verbal argument with her ex, because she was upset that he had moved in with someone else. Authorities said Gordon tried to strike the 35-year-old man with her car, but the victim was able to avoid being struck. Gordon then reversed her car and attempted to strike the man again with the vehicle, police said. Gordon was arrested Monday after being stopped in her car in the 2700 block of Northwest 13th Street. Records showed that Gordon had active warrants issued from the Fort Lauderdale Police Department for unrelated charges of aggravated battery, burglary and criminal mischief, police said. Gordon faces an additional aggravated assault charge for Sunday's incident. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Joyce Re: Computer freezes Dear Webby, When I click on a link in any email my computer freezes. Sometimes I can use Ctrl, Shift, Esc and close out my mail and go on. Other times I have to reboot. I'm running W7, use CCleaner, SpyBot and McAfee (all up to date). Thanks for any help. Look forward every day to your Humor Letter. Joyce Dear Joyce That sounds like you are using Outlook or Outlook Express. Clean out your IN, OUT, SENT and ANSWERED mailboxes, so that there are no more than 10 mails in each, and dump the trash. Everything will work fine after that. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this story: After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them." Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again." The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly. Finally, totally exhausted she stopped and sighed: "I'll need more power for this!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Gasoline and Diesel Fuel Odors From Clothing Best Answer 1 cup of Simple Green along with detergent and wash in hot or warm water. I found this recipe for getting gasoline and motor grease out of clothes, and it works! You won't see it at your grocery store. If you don't see it at your industrial or commercial suppliers, check for a supplier at http://simplegreen.com/ or for small quantities at Amazon. I have used it since the mid 80's. Oil and fuel soaked coveralls and gloves come out fresh and clean without any smell. It also works great on greasy and grimy electric motors and even on floors. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
The Ocean Is Way Deeper Than You Think!
____________________________________________________ An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "That way I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week." ___________________________________________________
What beautiful streets in Germany
___________________________________________________ At the end of his freshman year, Steve couldn't get home for his dad's birthday. So he sent hiom a set of inexpensive cuff links and a note reading: "Dear Dad, This is not much, but it's all you could afford."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A Scotsman is visiting a zoo in Edinburgh for the first time. At one cage, he's entranced by what he sees. "An whut animal would that be?" he asks the keeper. "That's a moose from Canada," the zookeeper replies. "A moose?!?" exclaims the Scotsman. "Hoot, mon. They must have rats like elephants over there."
____________________________________________________

Today, on July 26, in
1775 A postal system was established by the 2nd Continental
Congress of the United States. The first Postmaster General was
Benjamin Franklin. 

1881 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny execute a patent
application for a facsimile telegraph (U.S. Pat. 479,184). 

1893 Commercial production of the Addressograph started in
Chicago, IL. 

1907 The Chester was launched. It was the first turbine-
propelled ship. 

1945 Winston Churchill resigned as Britain's prime minister. 

1948 U.S. President Truman signed executive orders that
prohibited discrimination in the U.S. armed forces and federal
employment. 

1952 King Farouk I of Egypt abdicated in the wake of a coup led
by Gamal Abdel Nasser. 

1953 Fidel Castro began his revolt against Fulgencio Batista
with an unsuccessful attack on an army barracks in eastern Cuba.
Castro eventually ousted Batista six years later. 

1956 Egyptian President Gamal Abdel Nasser nationalized the Suez
Canal. 

1971 Apollo 15 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL. 

1998 AT&T and British Telecommunications PLC announced they were
forming a joint venture to combine international operations and
develop a new Internet system. 

1999 1,500 pieces of Marilyn Monroe's personal items went on
display at Christie's in New York, NY. The items went on sale
later in 1999. 

2017  smiled.


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Attachments, that won't open 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, July 25

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested after she duped
85-year-old widower for $300 K, left him bankrupt
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 25 in
0326 Constantine refused to carry out the traditional 
pagan sacrifices. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ And that's the world in a nutshell, an appropriate receptacle. --- Stan Dunn The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. --- Paula Poundstone People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. >From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big crash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says, 'Bridge Out' instead?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he indignantly answered. "How could you think I would forget?" Whereupon he left for the office. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolate and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful 'Hot Fudge Sundae Day' in all my life!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nancy Guy, 49, Pembroke Pines, Floriduh Florida woman arrested after she duped 85-year-old widower for $300 K, left him bankrupt A 49-year-old woman is accused of defrauding an 85-year-old Pembroke Pines man who was seeking a relationship after the death of his wife, police said. Nancy Guy was arrested Thursday on a first-degree grand theft charge. Woman arrested for trying to run over ex-boyfriend, police say Pembroke Pines police said Guy took more than $300,000 from the man, leaving him bankrupt. According to a Pembroke Pines police report, Guy contacted the man on an online dating website and became involved in a relationship with him. Police said she introduced herself as Anna Miller and told the man, during the course of their relationship, that she needed money to expand her business. Police said Nancy Guy claimed that a flood in her warehouse destroyed $400,000 worth of dresses that she had made and promised to pay him back if he helped her, advancing funds from his credit card to her PayPal account. The alleged scam went on from 2013 until November 2015, when the man told Guy that he didn't have any more money. He turned to his son for help, but his son wasn't buying it and alerted police. Police said Nancy Guy called the man and asked him why he had filed a police report about her. During their conversation, Nancy Guy claimed that her phone was broken and promised to call him when she got a new one, but that was the last he heard from her, according to the report. The man told police that he had his car repossessed and had to file for bankruptcy because of Nancy Guy's scam. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Mail attachments won't open Dear Webby, Sometime I try to open a piece of mail. A window comes down saying to large for word pad to open. And asks if I want note pad to open it,if i say yes it opens in computer language. which I cant read. What can I do about this. I am 73 yrs old and am a novice at the computer Thank you Lee Dear Lee If you get weird stuff like that, trash it. Trash it without even trying to open it. It's just not worth the hassle. If it does not open normally, it is probably some virus or worm and could really make life difficult. So, when in doubt, trash it. There is plenty of normal mail that opens without hassle. Have FUN! DearWebby
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her 21 year old roommate. "Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce." "Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so bad about that?" "He was the original owner, and his nurse was in the back seat."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Pet Hair Off Wood Floors Best Answer By Lizzyanny [9 Posts, 1,388 Comments] As a retired cleaning lady I have tried them all. My favorite is the Hoover Flair stick vacuum. It is light and easy to maneuver. You would need to find it online. My second favorite is a cottom dust mop. It is very effective except for having to occasionally wash the mophead. ____________________________________________________
Powers of 10
____________________________________________________ >From Kim At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yeth, they uthed to be," remorsed the patient. ___________________________________________________
Are you brave enough to ride some or all of these trains?
___________________________________________________ A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the Monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door: 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. 2. There are 10 Commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 Disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T" 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body. He did not say "Eat me." 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry." 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God. 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo, your country house caretaker." "Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died." "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?" "That's the one." "Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well...what did he die from?" "From eating rotten meat." "Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?" "Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses." "Dead horse? What dead horse, Mr. Arnaldo?" "Why those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all that work pulling the water cart." "Are you insane? What water cart?" "The one we used to put out the fire." "Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?" "The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire." "What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for???" "For the funeral." "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL???!!!!!" "Your mother-in-law's! She showed up one night, out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver." SILENCE.................... "Arnaldo, if you broke that driver, you are fired!"
____________________________________________________

Today, on July 25, in
0326 Constantine refused to carry out the traditional pagan
sacrifices. 

1394 Charles VI of France issued a decree for the general
expulsion of Jews from France. 

1564 Maximillian II became emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. 

1587 Japanese strong-man Hideyoshi banned Christianity in Japan
and ordered all Christians to leave. 

1593 France's King Henry IV converted from Protestantism to
Roman Catholicism. 

1759 British forces defeated a French army at Fort Niagara in
Canada. 

1799 Napoleon Bonaparte defeated the Ottomans at Aboukir, Egypt.


1805 Aaron Burr visited New Orleans with plans to establish a
new country, with New Orleans as the capital city. 

1845 China granted Belgium equal trading rights with Britain,
France and the United States. 

1850 Gold was discovered in the Rogue River in OR. 

1854 The paper collar was patented by Walter Hunt. 

1861 The Crittenden Resolution, which called for the American
Civil War to be fought to preserve the Union and not for
slavery, was passed by the U.S. Congress. 

1866 Ulysses S. Grant was named General of the Army. He was the
first American officer to hold the rank. 

1871 Seth Wheeler patented perforated wrapping paper. 

1907 Korea became a protectorate of Japan. 

1909 French aviator Louis Bleriot flew across the English
Channel in a monoplane. He traveled from Calais to Dover in 37
minutes. He was the first man to fly across the channel. 

1914 Russia declared that it would act to protect Serbian
sovereignty. 

1924 Greece announced the deportation of 50,000 Armenians. 

1941 The U.S. government froze all Japanese and Chinese assets. 

1943 Italian Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini was overthrown in
a coup. 

1946 The U.S. detonated an atomic bomb at Bikini Atoll in the
Pacific. It was the first underwater test of the device. 

1952 Puerto Rico became a self-governing commonwealth of the
U.S. 

1978 Louise Joy Brown, the first test-tube baby, was born in
Oldham, England. She had been conceived through in-vitro
fertilization. 

1984 Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya became the first woman
to walk in space. She was aboard the orbiting space station
Salyut 7. 

1994 Israel and Jordan formally ended the state of war that had
existed between them since 1948. 

1999 Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France. He was only the
second American to win the race. 

2010 WikiLeaks leaked to the public more than 90,000 internal
reports involving the U.S.-led War in Afghanistan from 2004-
2010. 

2017  smiled.


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Can you scan with the computer off? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, July 24

Last night as I came back from my walk I saw a deer in
the back yard snacking on the scraggly dandylions (arrigula)
and not appearing worried at all. 


Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Dopey dealer reports himself
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 24 in
1847 Mormon leader Brigham Young and his followers arrived in
the valley of the Great Salt Lake in present-day Utah. 
1847 Mormon leader Brigham Young and his followers arrived in
the valley of the Great Salt Lake in present-day Utah. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. --- Doug Larson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Newly wed Angus McKenzie comes in to the room and says to his wife, "I'm going to the pub. Get your coat on." The wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity, replies, "Does that mean that you are taking me with you, darling?" Angus replies, "No. I'm turning the off the heat." -------------- I would not be surprised if she comes over here to borrow a bible and warm up a bit. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Blackmon, 32, Okaloosa, Floriduh Dopey dealer reports himself He called the police to report that he had been robbed … of his stash of cocaine, according to the Miami Herald. Fort Walton Beach resident David Blackmon called sheriff’s deputies Sunday morning to report the theft of his cocaine stash — about a quarter ounce — and $50 from the center console of his vehicle, in the process actually informing the responding deputy that he was indeed a drug dealer. The Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office shared the incident on its Facebook page, no doubt to the amusement of their followers and supporters. Self Described Drug Dealer Calls OCSO to Report Theft of Cocaine A Fort Walton Beach man called the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office Sunday morning to report that someone had stolen a baggie of cocaine and cash from his car. 32-year old David Blackmon of 119 Carson Drive, who identified himself as a drug dealer, told the responding deputy that someone entered his car while it was parked at 400 Ed Street and stole $50.00 and about a quarter ounce of cocaine off the center console. The deputy however spotted cocaine still in that spot. He also found a crack pipe on the floorboard by the driver’s door and seat and a crack rock on the center console by the cocaine. The money was not located. Blackmon is charged with possession of cocaine, resisting arrest without violence, and possession of drug paraphernalia. Unfortunately for Blackmon, while he may have been the victim of a theft by another criminal, it was he himself who ended up in cuffs and the back of the deputy’s patrol vehicle, as a search of his own vehicle turned up some remnants of the stolen quarter ounce of cocaine and a crack rock on the center console, as well as a crack pipe on the driver’s side floorboard. According to The Washington Times, Blackmon was arrested and charged with possession of cocaine and resisting arrest without violence. He was released from the Okaloosa County jail on Monday after posting $4,000 bail. There was no word on when he is due back in court to face the felony cocaine possession charge he has been slapped with. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jaye Re: Scanning with computer off Dear Webby, I am wondering if my Computer is off will my Norton still do it's scheduled scan? I also have McAfee scanning my e-mail too. The Crap Cleaner is a neat program. But I am wondering if I am supposed to Analyze first, then Run or does it not make any difference. At one point of the scan it asks me if I really want to delete these files. I was not sure about this but did it anyway and so far does not seem to have hurt anything. Thank you for recommending it to one of your readers, I run it weekly. My son works with computers and all 18 of his business Computers are running well using the Crap Cleaner. Sincerely, Jaye When your computer is off, nothing happens, except for the dust bunnies having an orgy in the case. If you meant keeping the computer running but going off the Internet, that is indeed a good idea for while you are scanning. With Crap Cleaner the Analyze function is mainly to show you how much space you will reclaim when you run it. Regarding deleting files, you can uncheck stuff that you want to keep, for example cookies. Once you have set it to your preferences, it's quite safe to run it without analyzing, and deleting what it recommends to dump. Have FUN! DearWebby
On a recent radio station appearance, "Uncle" Larry Reeb was asked, "Are you a college man?" He replied, "Nope. I stayed HOME and got drunk. I couldn't afford that $20,000 cover charge."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Towel Rolls as Yarn Organizer By KIM HOGGAN Paper Towel Rolls as Yarn Organizer yarn wrapped around paper tubesHere is a way to keep yarn from being tangled using paper towel and toilet paper rolls. Get a roll and tie a knot at the end. Begin to wrap yarn around just by turning the roll. Once done cut a small slanted line at the edge to insert yarn until needed. ____________________________________________________
kitten tries to catch dog's wagging tail
____________________________________________________ The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "OK," said the man. "Now give me the latin term so I can tell my wife." ___________________________________________________
These wood sculptures look good enough to eat!
___________________________________________________ The fourth-grade class was studying the development of the auto industry. The teacher had emphasized the role played by Henry Ford, whose assembly lines decreased production costs. At the end of the unit, she gave a test including the question: "What did Henry Ford invent that made buying a car more affordable?" One of the brightest students in the class wrote: "0% financing."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ It was a sexual harassment case, and it had been a long day. The young lady accusing her boss said that she was too embarrassed to repeat the words that he said to her. The Judge suggested she write them down and that the words be shown to himself and the jury. She passed the note, which read - 'Go and take your knickers off, then come sit on my knee and have a drink with me tonight', to the Judge, who then passed it on to Fred, the foreperson of the jury. Fred went to pass it on to the next juror, a middle-aged spinster who had nodded off in the stuffy courtroom. He had to nudge her to bring back full consciousness. She woke, read the note, smiled, read it a second time, winked and nodded at Fred, then put the note in her handbag!
____________________________________________________

Today, on July 24, in
1847 Mormon leader Brigham Young and his followers arrived in
the valley of the Great Salt Lake in present-day Utah. 

1847 Richard M. Hoe patented the rotary-type printing press. 

1923 The Treaty of Lausanne, which settled the boundaries of
modern Turkey, was concluded in Switzerland. 

1948 Soviet occupation forces in Germany blockaded West Berlin.
The U.S.-British airlift began the following day. 

1969 The Apollo 11 astronauts splashed down safely in the
Pacific Ocean. 

1978 Billy Martin was fired for the first of three times as the
manager of the New York Yankees baseball team. 

1987 Hulda Crooks, at 91 years of age, climbed Mt. Fuji. Hulda
became the oldest person to climb Japan’s highest peak. 

2017  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, July 23

>From **grandma@yahoo.com
As you know, I am a Yahoo...  I had trouble receiving your
enewsletter until I discovered if I put your emagazine address
with a name I typed in myself.  I have had no more trouble
except when I get a virus or some screwy bug on my system.  I
don't know if it helps .ATT. but... It works for me.  Keep in
mind I don't know exactly what I am doing on this 'puter
business but I am learning.
Janice


Thanks, Janice!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Driver charged after dramatic video shows 
vicious attack of 74-year-old cyclist
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 23 in
1914 Austria-Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia following the
killing of Archduke Francis Ferdinand by a Serb assassin. That
regional dispute was used by far away England as an excuse to
start  World War I. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities. --- Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC) If money is your hope for independence, you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability. --- Henry Ford ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. "You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful." The boy looked up, "Really?" "Of course," said the grandmother. "Why just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles." The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Morris realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they cost ?" he asked the salesperson. "That depends," he said. "They run from $2.00 to $5,000." "Let's see the $2.00 model," said Morris the miser. The salesperson put the device around Morris' neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed. "How does it work?" , asked Morris. "For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesperson replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Fox, 65, Peterborough, Ontario Driver charged after dramatic video shows vicious attack of 74-year-old cyclist A driver has been charged after a dramatic video showed a 74- year-old cyclist viciously attacked on the side of the road with a club. Peterborough police said that just after 11 a.m. Tuesday, the cyclist was riding in the area of Erskine Ave. when an argument broke out between him and a truck driver. The driver climbed out of his truck and attacked the cyclist with a small club, police said. The video shows the cyclist on the ground with his attacker on top of him, striking him over and over in the head and torso. It shows the attacker stopping when witnesses approached and intervened. A truck sits beside them, with a bicycle crumpled on the street in front of the vehicle. The victim was seen bleeding profusely as he walked away. I'm filming all of this, the woman, who recorded the video, says as the driver gets back up and flicks blood off of his hands. The driver then fled the scene in his truck. Where am I bleeding? the cyclist asks the woman recording. Everywhere, she replys. The woman asked for her name to be withheld when later contacted by Peterborough This Week. The sound of the club hitting him was sickening, the woman told the newspaper. Blood was flying off it. She said she didn't witness what led to the encounter. They were flailing their arms around and the guy walked back to his truck, she said. She grabbed her phone to take a photo of the truck because she thought the cyclist might have been hit. Little did she know what the driver would do next. He became enraged and you could see him snap in the truck, she said. She continued recording and ran towards the men while yelling for the attacker to get off the bloodied man. When the woman and a handful of motorists came to the aid of the cyclist, the driver stopped, put the bloody club in his pocket and wiped blood from his own face. The woman helped the cyclist up from the ground and tried to stop the bleeding until paramedics arrived. I didn't know how bad it was because there was so much blood, she said. It was pouring down his face and he couldn't see out of his eyes. Additional witnesses tried to keep the driver in the area until police arrived but he drove off in his truck. The woman is afraid of what would have happened to the man if no one was around. He attacked a senior man and drove away, she said. Police made an arrest about an hour later. The cyclist was treated and released from Peterborough Regional Hospital. Police said the two men did not know each other. David Fox, 65, has been charged with aggravated assault and assault with a weapon. He was released from custody and scheduled to appear in court on Aug. 24. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Trish Re: Can't use links Dear Webby, I have a yet another (recent since changing to broadband) problem that perhaps you know the remedy for. I can't click on a 'link' to go to a website, I can copy and paste the 'shortcut to' but can't just click and go. If you have any ideas I would appreciate them, . I rang my provider and they said it was a Microsoft problem. I've tried Microsoft but too hard and they charge for help even if your registered can't find a way to contact McAfee on the internet as in "an email to them", as far as I can gather if it's not in the "FAQ's they don't want to know you, that goes for Microsoft as well. Thanks if you have an answer or even an address I can email for help from McAfee or Microsoft. Regards Trish Dear Trish That sounds like a mouse problem to me. Try adjusting the double-click speed in the control panel. If that does not help, try a different mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
One day a farmer's donkey fell into a well. The animal cried pitifully for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided that the donkey was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; so it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the animal. He invited all his neighbors to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well and was astonished; with every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up! Remember the five simple rules for happiness: Enough of that! The donkey later came back and kicked the last three meals out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. Moral: When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean Bathtub with Powdered Dish Detergent By Lynn [6 Posts, 2 Comments] When your bathtub really gets grimy looking and the bathroom cleaners don't seem to be working, try a scrubby sponge and a bit of powder dish washer soap. It doesn't scratch, but it will get things super clean. By Lynn from WV ____________________________________________________
kitten tries to catch dog's wagging tail
____________________________________________________ Two Jewish men are on a train across Poland, each on his way to meet a prospective bride on the other side of the country. Halfway there, the first turns to the second and says, "Forget about this whole marriage thing. I just don't like the idea." So he gets off at the next stop and makes his way back home. Meanwhile, the second man continues on and is met at the final destination by the mothers of the two prospective brides. When the mothers realize what has happened, they instantly begin to fight over whose daughter should wed this precious man. "He's mine!" cries one. "Not on your life," cries the other, "He will marry my daughter!" After bickering for a while, the man and the two mothers decide to go the local rabbi and ask him to resolve the situation. In the grand tradition of the ancients, the rabbi replies, "Well, there is only one solution to this problem. Cut the boy in half, and you each take half home with you." At this, the first mother looks shocked, while the second mother grins and cries emphatically, "Yah! Cut him in half!!" The rabbi points to the second mother and says, "THAT is the real mother-in-law. Case closed." ___________________________________________________
These wood sculptures look good enough to eat!
___________________________________________________ >From Kim: In my job with a credit union, I often run across accounts that are protected by password. The credit-union member, when withdrawing funds, must produce identification and then give the password to the teller. Recently, when I asked a woman for her password, she sighed, rolled her eyes and replied, "Save." I was puzzled until she explained, "My husband used that password so I'd have to say it every time I make a withdrawal."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Groan Alert! A local elementary school principal told his teachers about a workshop that would help them become better teachers. One of his new teachers decided to attend. When she came back boy was she fired up. She was so excited, the principal asked what happened. She said, "I went expecting to come back a better teacher. The first speaker was good and it was just an outstanding workshop. The final speaker summed it all up when she said all you teachers have to do is...follow a simple principal."
____________________________________________________

Today, on July 23, in
1715 The first lighthouse in America was authorized for
construction at Little Brewster Island, Massachusetts. 

1827 The first swimming school in the U.S. opened in Boston, MA.


1829 William Burt patented the typographer, which was the first
typewriter. 

1877 The first municipal railroad passenger service began in
Cincinnati, Ohio. 

1886 Steve Brodie, a New York saloonkeeper, claimed to have made
a daredevil plunge from the Brooklyn Bridge into the East River.


1904 The ice cream cone was invented by Charles E. Menches
during the Louisiana Purchase Exposition in St. Louis, MO. 

1914 Austria-Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia following the
killing of Archduke Francis Ferdinand by a Serb assassin. That
regional dispute was used by England as an excuse to start
World War I. 

1938 The first federal game preserve was approved by the U.S.
Fish and Wildlife Service. The area was 2,000 acres in Utah. 

1945 The first passenger train observation car was placed in
service by the Chicago, Burlington and Quincy Railroad.

1952 Egyptian military officers led by Gamal Abdel Nasser
overthrew King Farouk I. 

1958 The submarine Nautilus departed from Pearl Harbor, Hawaii,
under orders to conduct "Operation Sunshine." The mission was to
be the first vessel to cross the north pole by ship. The Nautils
achieved the goal on August 3, 1958. 

1962 The "Telstar" communications satellite sent the first live
TV broadcast to Europe. 

1972 Eddie Merckx of Belgium won his fourth consecutive Tour de
France bicycling competition. 

1972 The U.S. launched Landsat 1 (ERTS-1). It was the first
Earth-resources satellite. 

1984 Miss America, Vanessa Williams, turned in her crown after
it had been discovered that nude photos of her had appeared in
"Penthouse" magazine. She was the first to resign the title. 

1985 Commodore unveiled the personal computer Amiga 1000. 

1986 Britain's Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson at
Westminster Abbey in London. They divorced in 1996. 

1998 U.S. scientists at the University of Hawaii turned out more
than 50 "carbon-copy" mice, with a cloning technique. 

2000 Lance Armstrong won his second Tour de France. 

2017  smiled.


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ATT-Yahoo censoring subscriptions 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, July 22

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man loses it over AT&T trucks parked in 
front of house, shoots out their tires, radiator
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 22 in
1376 The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading 
rats out of town is said to have occurred on this date. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea. --- Robert Anton Wilson The truth is rarely pure and never simple. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) A man who has not been a socialist before 25 has no heart. If he remains one after 25 he has no head. --- King Oscar II of Sweden ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Martin: The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUV's in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the recorded last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh Sh*t!" In the state of Texas the words were different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold mah beer! Y'all watch this!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Aron: A new forestry graduate receives his first 5-year posting way out in the middle of a huge forest with no people around for dozens of miles. Much to his surprise, included in the survival gear that they give him, is a recipe for matzo balls. When he asks why he's receiving a matzo ball recipe, he is told, "Sometime, a few years down the road when the solitude *really* starts to get to you, you'll pull out this matzo ball recipe and start to mix it together. "Within five minutes you'll have a half a dozen Jewish women hovering over you telling you what you're doing wrong!" ______________________________________________________ Biloxi, Mississippi _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jorge Jove, 64, Hialeah, Florida Florida man loses it over AT&T trucks parked in front of house, shoots out their tires, radiator A Hialeah man who is accused of shooting up two AT&T trucks Wednesday that were parked near his home told police that he went "bananas," an arrest report said. Jorge Jove, 64, who is a retired firefighter, was released from jail at 2:25 a.m. Thursday after posting a $30,000 bond. According to Hialeah police Sgt. Carl Zogby, AT&T trucks were hanging lines on utility poles on a residential street in the 600 block of Southeast Fifth Place when Jove got upset and told the workers to move away from his home. An arrest report states that Jove was angry because he feared that the trucks would damage the pavers on his driveway, even though the trucks were parked in front of the driveway, not on it. Zogby said the workers told Jove that they would move as soon as possible, but needed to finish their work first and that they were parked on a public street. Authorities said Jove came out of his home about an hour after exchanging words with the workers and started shooting at the trucks with a Ruger .357 revolver. According to the arrest report, the shooting happened after the workers had already moved their trucks easterly on Fifth Place while running a cable service above ground. Cellphone video taken from one of the workers shows a man, believed to be Jove, shooting out the tires of the trucks. "He flattened their tires. He shot into the bodies of the trucks. He shot out one of the radiators of the truck," Zogby said. "He seemed to be a quiet man, and something made him snap today." A Hialeah police sergeant who responded to the scene said he witnessed Jove firing a shot at one of the workers who was elevated while working on a cable inside a bucket truck. Police said Jove missed and the worker was not injured. Authorities said Jove caused more than $1,000 in damage to the trucks. One truck had the passenger-side front and rear tires shot out. The other truck had bullet holes in all of its tires and a bullet hole in its radiator, the report said. "We're grateful nobody was hurt, and we're working with law enforcement in their investigation," an AT&T spokeswoman said in an email to Local 10 News. Authorities said police ordered Jove to drop his gun as they arrived, and Jove was taken into custody. Detectives said Jove told them that he "went bananas" and wanted to stop the workers from leaving before police arrived. Police said Jove denied shooting in the direction of the worker who was in the bucket truck or pointing his gun at any of the workers. Jove was arrested on two counts of aggravated assault with a firearm and two counts of felony vandalism. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: censored by ATT.NET Dear Webby, your email site is not going to my email.it ends up on the icon screen. I have tried everything to get it changed to the way I want it.i am the administrator,and the site is not even on the server. to: D.J. email: theold*******@att.net I even canceled and re-subscribed again.that didn't work either. am I missing a setting somewhere? daniel Hi Daniel How many times have I told you that ATT.net is just Yahoo with a phony front for those, who are ashamed of being called "silly yahoos"? I can't fix Yahoo or stop them from censoring your mail. As I have told you many times, either contact att.net support and get them to stop stealing your subscription, or else get a Gmail address on the side, and tell me what that gmail address is. You don`t have to dump your att.net address and can remain a yahoo. Just use the gmail address for important stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room. "Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes into labor!" The second one looks at the first and says, "What do you have to complain about? This is our honeymoon!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pet Rocks By Robyn Fed [391 Posts, 1,238 Comments] I always get a smile on my face when I see these around the house, their big painted on smiles and google eyes are so adorable. I get all my supplies except for the rocks at Walmart. ____________________________________________________
Love bird makes new tail
____________________________________________________ A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'...perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. Minutes passed, then the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh I was thinkin'...perhaps its noo aboot time for a wee cuddle." The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh I was thinkin'...perhaps its aboot time you let me pewt ma hand on yer leg." The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad, nodding. The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. And he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?" ___________________________________________________
These wood sculptures look good enough to eat!
___________________________________________________ If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough If OUGH can stand for O as in Dough If PHTH can stand for T as in Phthisis If EIGH can stand for A as in Neighbor If TTE can stand for T as in Gazette If EAU can stand for O as in Plateau Then the right way to spell POTATO should be: "GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy." He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly old hussy he's runnin' around with! At least he could find a better looking one!"
____________________________________________________

Today, on July 22, in
1376 The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats
out of town is said to have occurred on this date. 

1587 A second English colony was established on Roanoke
Island off North Carolina. The colony vanished under
mysterious circumstances. 

1796 Cleveland was founded by General Moses Cleaveland. 

1798 The USS Constitution was underway and out to sea for
the first time since being launched on October 21, 1797.

1812 English troops under the Duke of Wellington defeated
the French at the Battle of Salamanca in Spain. 

1926 Babe Ruth caught a baseball at Mitchell Field in New
York. The ball had been dropped from an airplane flying at
250 feet. 

1933 Wiley Post ended his around-the-world flight. He had
traveled 15,596 miles in 7 days, 18 hours and 45 minutes.

1943 American forces led by General George S. Patton
captured Palermo, Sicily. 

1941 Plans for the Pentagon were presented to the House
Subcommittee on Appropriations. 

1955 U.S. Vice-President Richard M. Nixon chaired a
cabinet meeting in Washington, DC. It was the first time
that a Vice-President had carried out the task. 

1975 Confederate General Robert E. Lee had his U.S.
citizenship restored by the U.S. Congress. 

1987 The U.S. began its policy of escorting re-flagged
Kuwaiti tankers up and down the Persian Gulf to protect
them from possible attack by Iran. 

1998 Iran tested medium-range missile, capable of reaching
Israel or Saudi Arabia. 

2000 Astronomers at the University of Arizona announced
that they had found a 17th moon orbiting Jupiter. 

2003 In northern Iraq, Saddam Hussein's sons Odai and
Qusai died after a gunfight with U.S. forces. 

2003 In Paris, France, a fire broke out near the top of
the Eiffel Tower. About 4,000 visitors were evacuated and
no injuries were reported. 

2004 The September 11 commission's final report was
released. The 575-page report concluded that hijackers
exploited "deep institutional failings within our
government." The report was released to White House
officials the day before. 

2009 The longest total solar eclipse of the 21st century,
lasting up to 6 minutes and 38.8 seconds, occurred over
parts of Asia and the Pacific Ocean. 

2017  smiled.


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infection via attached eml files  




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, July 21
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Arizona Woman Arrested After Entering Stranger’s 
Home, Cooking Naked and stealing stuff
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 21 in
2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis landed at Kennedy Space Center
in Florida. It was the last flight of NASA's space
shuttle program.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places. --- E. Joseph Cossman The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty. --- Eugene McCarthy (1916 2005) Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. --- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850) To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so. --- Robert Orben ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Bonnie I was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being only five feet tall, I had to stretch, but still couldn't grab the box. Fortunately, I have two six-foot-tall sons whom I often call to come to my rescue. "Hey, Brian!" I yelled to my second son, who was in the living room. "Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?" "Sure, Mom," he remarked as he bounded into the kitchen. "But next time, I'd prefer the title, 'Your Highness'." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Billie, , Janet and Bo Derek were all traveling somewhere in the same train compartment. After several minutes of the trip, the train passed through a dark tunnel and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When the train emerged from the tunnel, Billie had a big red hand print on his cheek. Janet thought: "That dirt-bag Billie laid his hands on Bo Derek and she slapped him." Bo Derek thought: "I bet that sleazy Bilie tried to touch me, but put his hand on Janet by mistake . . . and she slapped him." Billie thought: " must have put a hand on Bo Derek and she slapped me by mistake." thought: "I hope we go through another tunnel soon, so I can smack Billie again." ______________________________________________________ How reliable a witness are you? There is an angy man and a woman. Which one is on the right side? Now move back a couple of feet and tell me, who is on the right side now! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stacy Horton-Garcia Peoria, Arizona Arizona Woman Arrested After Entering Stranger’s Home, Cooking Naked and stealing stuff A woman claimed she went to the wrong house after she was arrested for cooking naked and stealing items from a stranger’s home in Peoria, Arizona, according to television KTVK in Phoenix. Stacy Horton-Garcia is suspected of entering a house through an unlocked door in the area of 91st and Peoria avenues around 3 p.m. on July 11, allegedly to steal the homeowner’s clothes from his closet, authorities said. A surveillance photo captured her cooking food naked inside the home, police said. She also allegedly took a shower before the homeowner returned. Surveillance video showed her running from the house with the homeowner’s belongings, which she dropped outside, police said. Horton-Garcia was later arrested. Police said she told them she was going to her boyfriend’s house and accidentally went to the wrong home. Horton- Garcia said her boyfriend’s name was Mike but she didn’t know his last name. She said she only met him a few days prior at a Circle K in the area. Horton-Garcia was booked on suspicion of second-degree burglary and first-degree criminal trespassing. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: RJR Re: eml Dear Webby, When I try to open certain emails that have the extension .eml I am getting the error box that says "this file does not have a program associated with it...etc." and to create one under settings, folder options. When I check there I do see EML already listed. Does this have something to do with AOL sent emails? I recently removed Earthlink Total Access, which is when I began seeing this error. Thanks for any ideas. Have a happy Thanksgiving. R. J. Dear RJ That's just a virus masquerading as an Outlook Depressed message. That is why some of us have called Outlook Depressed a "Virus Magnet" for many years. It opens that stuff! Turn on the settings for showing all extensions, even known ones, and for showing all hidden files. Probably that file was actually something like "password.eml.exe" but the second extension was hidden. Have FUN! DearWebby
The year is 2025 and the United States of America has recently elected the first woman as well as an openly Jewish President, a Susan Vineberg. So the President elect calls up her mother a few weeks after election day and says, "So ma, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?" "I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, and your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my gout is acting up again." "Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door." "I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy, I don't know what on Earth I would wear." "Oh mom," replies Susan, "don't worry about it. I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown by Christian Day." "Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat." The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the way. Mom, I want you to come." So Mom agrees and on January 21, 2025, Susan Vineberg is being sworn in as President of the United States of America. In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a Senator sitting next to her and says, "You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?" The Senator whispers back, "Yes I do." "Her brother's a doctor."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stuffed Mushroom Caps By Sandi/Poor But Proud [633 Posts, 2,527 Comments] These are the best appetizers and even a main course. They can be vegetarian if you leave out the bacon. Easy to make, and on the table in just 35 minutes. Total Time: about 35 minutes. Yield: 10 Source: Food.com has this and I just made it and put it on Pinterest. too. Ingredients: 10 Each large mushrooms ($2.00) 1/2 cup chopped onions ($.20) 1/2 cup breadcrumbs ($.50) 1/2 cup bacon, cooked and chopped ($.75) 4 Tbsp butter, melted ($.15) 2 Tbsp dry white wine ($1.00) 2 Tbsp parsley, freshly chopped ($.15) 2 Tbsp olive oil ($.25) 1 Tbsp garlic powder ($.15) 1 tsp oregano leaves, dried ($.15) salt and pepper to taste ($.02) 1 cup shredded co-jack or monterey jack cheese. ($.75) 1/4 cup olives, finely chopped ($.50) Steps: Wash the caps and remove stems, setting them aside. Dry the caps and place in buttered baking dish. Chop the stems to measure 1/2 cup. In a skillet saute' the stems, onions, olives and garlic in oil. Mix breadcrumbs, bacon, spices, melted butter and wine. Add to the skillet and mix. Let cool about 10 minutes. Roll the mix into balls and place in middle of the cap. Press down a little and cover with cheese mix. Cook 20 minutes in 350 degree F oven. ____________________________________________________
stacking beer bottles & placing golf ball on top with excavator
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this report: DUBLIN, Ireland - A nursing home in Ireland has hit on a cheering way to keep up the spirits of its elderly patients -- by providing its own pub. St Mary’s Hospital in County Monaghan, near the Irish border with Northern Ireland, believes ready access to a good pint may help its patients -- average age 85 -- actually live longer. “We would say the whole social aspect of life does extend the years -- it means the patients aren’t bored to death,” Rose Mooney, assistant director of nursing told Reuters. The pub, which opens at 11 a.m. and closes at 9 p.m. and charges normal bar prices, had also led to an increase in the number of visitors, she said. Having its own bar made the hospital, which has around 140 patients, unique in Ireland, she added. ___________________________________________________
These wood sculptures look good enough to eat!
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this one: One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?" The salesperson answers, "Which one? We have: Work out Barbie for $19.95 Shopping Barbie for $19.95 Beach Barbie for $19.95 Disco Barbie for $19.95 Divorced Barbie for $265.95". The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and all the others only $19.95?" The salesperson annoyingly answers : "Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and... One of Ken's Friends.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it". For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $75". The next day someone stole it.
____________________________________________________

Today, on July 21, in
1831 Belgium became independent as Leopold I was
proclaimed King of the Belgians. 

1861 The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began.
It was the Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA.
The Confederates won the battle. 

1925 The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T.
Scopes was convicted and fined $100 for violating the
state prohibition on teaching Darwin's theory of
evolution. The conviction was later overturned on a legal
technicality because the judge had set the fine instead of
the jury. 

1931 The Reno Race Track inaugurated the daily double in
the U.S. 

1940 Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia were annexed by the
Soviet Union. 

1944 American forces landed on Guam during World War II. 

1949 The U.S. Senate ratified the North Atlantic Treaty. 

1954 The Geneva Conference partitioned Vietnam into North
Vietnam and South Vietnam. 

1959 A U.S. District Court judge in New York City ruled
that "Lady Chatterley’s Lover" was not a dirty book. 

1961 Captain Virgil "Gus" Grissom became the second
American to rocket into a sub-orbital pattern around the
Earth. He was flying on the Liberty Bell 7. 

1968 Arnold Palmer became the first golfer to make a
million dollars in career earnings after he tied for
second place at the PGA Championship. 

1980 Draft registration began in the United States for 19
and 20-year-old men. 

1997 The U.S.S. Constitution, which defended the United
States during the War of 1812, set sail under its own
power for the first time in 116 years. 

1998 Chinese gymnast Sang Lan, 17, was paralyzed after a
fall while practicing for the women's vault competition at
the Goodwill Games in New York. Spinal surgery 4 days
later failed to restore sensation below her upper chest. 

2000 NBC announced that they had found nearly all of
Milton Berle's kinescopes. The filmed recordings of
Berle's early TV shows had been the subject of a $30
million lawsuit filed by Berle the previous May. 

2002 WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy
protection. At the time it was the largest bankruptcy in
U.S. history. 

2004 White House officials were briefed on the September
11 commission's final report. The 575-page report
concluded that hijackers exploited "deep institutional
failings within our government." The report was released
to the public the next day. 

2007 The seventh and last book of the Harry Potter series,
"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," was released. 

2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis landed at Kennedy Space Center
in Florida. It was the last flight of NASA's space shuttle
program. 

2017  smiled.


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Digital camera for kids 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, July 20

Saw the thinnest and reddest moon crescent in the smoke
tonight. It still smells like camp fire smoke from the
fires in BC, on the other side of the Rockies. I think BC
is waiting for a good rain.

 

The farmers of course love it. 
CO2 + H2O + a bit of sunshine = Carbohydrates (grain).

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
English woman, who sent abusive texts to HERSELF 
saying she was being harassed by an innocent man 
is jailed 18 months for wasting police time
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 20 in
1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E.
Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. --- Hubert H. Humphrey (1911 - 1978) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was sued by the mayor for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After sentencing he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A nun was sitting at a window in her convent one day when she was handed a letter from home. Upon opening it a $50 bill dropped out. She was most pleased at receiving the gift from her home folks, but as she read the letter her attention was distracted by the actions of a shabbily dressed stranger who was leaning against a lamp post in front of the convent. She couldn't get him off her mind and thinking that he might be in financial difficulties. She took the $50 bill and wrapped it in a piece of paper, on which she had written, "Don't despair, Sister Eulalia." She threw it out of the window to him. He picked it up, read it, looked at her with a puzzled expression, tipped his hat and went off down the street. The next day she was in her room saying her prayers when she was told that a man was at her door who insisted on seeing her. She went down and found the shabbily dressed stranger waiting for her. Without saying a word he handed her a roll of bills. When she asked what the bills were for he replied, "That's the four-hundred bucks you have coming. Don't Despair paid 7-1." ______________________________________________________ Snacker _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Emily-Jo Banks, 23, Kent, England Twisted woman, who sent abusive texts to HERSELF saying she was being harassed by an innocent man is jailed 18 months for wasting police time A woman who sent abusive texts to herself and claimed she was being persistently harassed by a man has been jailed for wasting police time. Emily-Jo Banks, 23, told police that a man was targeting her throughout August and September in 2015. She claimed the man, aged in his 20s, followed her home, spied on her while she was in her back garden, sent threatening texts, attacked her and climbed onto her garage. Officers visited her home in Folkestone, Kent, and acted on her concerns, but she was caught out after a number of suspicious incidents. Police attended the man's address in Dover and found the man had not sent any messages at the times Banks claimed she had received them. They also found the messages stopped while officers were inside her home. In one incident, Banks, who at the time was doing work in the back garden, claimed to have received two texts in quick succession concerning dogs outside the front of her home. Officers questioned how one person could view the front and rear of the property at the same time. They examined Banks' phone and found she was logged into the man's social media profiles and was sending herself threatening messages. Her phone was also linked to an email address she claimed the man had used to send information about herself to the social services and media organisations. She was arrested and subsequently appeared at Canterbury Crown Court on July 7 where she was sentenced to 18 months in prison. Investigating officer Detective Constable Natasha Russell said: 'Banks intentionally perverted the course of justice by lying to the police. 'Not only has she caused significant distress to the victim but she has also wasted the time of hardworking officers. 'The fact that she has received a prison sentence shows the seriousness of this offence. We do not take this issue lightly and anyone caught will be dealt with appropriately.' _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Shirley Re: Camera for kids Dear Webby, My grandkids, 6 and 7 years old will be visiting me for a couple or three weeks while my daughter has to go for an operation. I want to buy them digital cameras and teach them the basics of my hobby. What kind of camera would you suggest for complete novices of that age? Not too expensive, preferably. Thanks Shirley Dear Shirley Check Amazon for a Vivitar VXX14, for around $30. It is very small and lightweight and quite suitable for kids. The performance figures, though, will knock your socks off. 20 megapixels, 5200 x 3900 pictures, swivel monitor like a $500 Canon IS camera for shooting around corners, above the head, close to ground without lying down, or for taking selfies, which the kids really love doing. Controls are at an absolute minimum. The small lens makes it a real point and shoot camera. Don't worry about distance, focus, time or anything. Just point and shoot. It also takes movies. It comes with a standard tripod mounting socket, wrist strap, flash, USB cable and CD for handling the pictures on a computer. However, if you have any graphics program and a chip reader, you can transfer the pictures the same as with any camera. A very few years ago all that would have made professional photographers drool and kill for. It does not compare well with a $1500 2017 model SLR, though. The small point and shoot lens is great for daytime, but does not reach as far into the darkness as a camera with a large 2 pound lens. There is no optical zoom. The same as with any camera, the digital zoom is best ignored. You can do that much better once the picture is on the computer. For a kids camera or for a cheap camera in the car, or as a gift for a beginner, you can't really beat that Vivitar VXX14. You will have to get 3 AAA batteries and a camera memory chip separately. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this: Pipe Specifications of the Government 1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole. 2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe. 3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside. 4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date. 5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site. N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site. 6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe. 7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2km) in length must have the words "long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe. 8. All pipe over 6" (152mm) in diameter must have the words "large pipe" painted on it, so the Contractor will not mistake it for small pipe. 9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts quite separate from the big hole in the middle. 10. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbows, be sure to specify right hand or left hand; otherwise you will end up going the wrong way. 11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way. 12. All couplings should have either right hand or left hand thread, but do not mix the threads - otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is unscrewed from the other.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use for an Old Golf Bag Use an old golf bag as a tote to help lug your garden tools out to your garden. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com Ask around your neighborhood for a "Little red wagon". Lots of people still have one lurking in the garage or behind the house from when their kids used one. Even if it is dented up and the wheels wobble, it will still be fine for hauling garden tools to the garden and produce from it to the house. If it is too ratty looking, somebody is bound to offer you their li'l red wagon. You can even make some hoops with 1/2" black plastic pipe or willow shoots and cover them with tarp to make a covered wagon to keep your tools dry and your ice tea out of the sun. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
drunk squirrel
____________________________________________________ >From Dave: Best Out Of The Office messages: 1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 3. I will be unable to delete all the unread emails you send me until I return from vacation on September 30th. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $10.99 for the first ten words and $5.99 for each additional word in your message. 5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over). 6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 7. I've run away to join a different circus. 8. This is an automatic message to inform you that your email has been forwarded to the Vatican. They will delete emails for me until I return from my vacation. ___________________________________________________
Things found on the internet.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this: Inside information for Catholics only!! It must not be divulged to non-Catholics!! The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better off they are. AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range. RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE: Holy Smoke! JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams. JONAH: The original "Jaws" story. JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own. KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower. MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.) PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches. PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats. RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot. RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand. TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman. USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ "Information? I need the number of Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
____________________________________________________

Today, on July 20, in
1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of
Elisha Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on a
horse-driven wagon and presented to U.S. President Thomas
Jefferson at the White House. 

1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain. 

1868 Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed
on all cigarette packs was passed. 

1871 British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian
province. 

1881 Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since
the Battle of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal
troops. (Montana) 

1917 The draft lottery in World War I went into operation.


1942 The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary
Corps, (WACS) began basic training at Fort Des Moines,
Iowa. 

1944 An attempt by a group of German officials to
assassinate Adolf Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at
Hitler's Rastenburg headquarters. Hitler was only wounded.


1944 U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an
unprecedented fourth term of office at the Democratic
National Convention in Chicago. 

1961 "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off" opened in London.


1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E.
Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. 

1974 Turkish forces invaded Cyprus. 

1976 America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful
landing on Mars. 

1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of
comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely. 

1985 Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins
and silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de
Atocha." The ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of
Key West, FL. 

1992 Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet
Revolution against communism, stepped down as president of
Czechoslovakia. 

1998 Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the
International Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation
of its currency. 

2003 In India, elephants used for commercial work began
wearing reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during night
work.

2017  smiled.


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MSIE link 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, July 19

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mother arrested after leaving children in hot car
and assaulting rescuer
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 18 in
1799 The Rosetta Stone, a tablet with hieroglyphic
translations into Greek, was found in Egypt. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record. --- Tom Masson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes towards leftovers. "It gets rough," one said. "My husband is a Movie Producer and he calls them 'reruns'." "You think you have it bad," was the reply. "Mine is a Quality Control Engineer and he calls them 'rejects'!" "That's nothing compared to me," said the third lady. "My husband is a mortician. He calls them 'remains'!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Driving my friend Steve and his girlfriend to the airport, I passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer. Steve's girlfriend glanced up at it and announced, "I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I'd look like her." "No," Steve corrected. "If I drank a six-pack, you'd look like her." ______________________________________________________ If you step back a bit, you will see the face _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Linda An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Heather Query, 21, Indianapolis, Indiana Mother arrested after leaving children in hot car and assaulting rescuer A mother remains in jail after police say she knowingly endangered her two little boys by leaving them alone in a car with temperatures approaching 100 degrees. A total stranger found them in a parking lot outside a Kroger store on Southport Road. "They were screaming and crying. The oldest one was just pushing against the windows, just screaming, screaming, screaming. Face just blood red, tears coming down his face," says Heather Elliott, who found the boys, ages four and one, in that car. Elliot says her motherly instinct went into overdrive. "You just do what you have to do," she says. And what she says she was about to do was try and get into the car and get those boys out. "They looked like they had been there for a long time," Elliott adds. But before she could do that, Elliott says 21-year-old Heather Query, the boys' mom, came out of the south side Kroger. "I said, 'How long were you in there?' and she said, 'Excuse me?' I said, 'How long were you in that store?' I said 'It's 100 degrees outside," recounts Elliott. "She said, 'What do you care? Mind your own business' and she started cussing and came around the car and told me to mind my own business and then I said, 'I'm just concerned about your kids. I'm just thinking about the safety of your kids'." And then came something Elliott says she never expected. "She punched me and just kept coming and going so I just kept pushing back," Elliott explains. Someone called police. "I think it was 97 degrees heat index outside at that time," says IMPD Officer Anthony Schneider. "It's never suggested to leave your children in the car unattended first of all, let alone unattended when the heat index is a high as it was yesterday." Despite her bruised jaw, Elliott says she'd do the same thing again. "An adult, an animal, a child. I'd do it again. You don't think about it. You just do it. It's something that has to be done," Elliott adds. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lynn Re: MSIE Link Dear Webby, How can I put a link to a website that I use a *lot* in the Int. Explorer toolbar? I tried dragging the URL into a blank spot in the toolbar, but it didn't work (That's the way I do it in Firefox which I use most of the time; but this one particular website will only work correctly in Internet Explorer.) Thanks for any help you can give; love your humor letter! --Lynn Dear Lynn With IE the easiest way is to drag the icon from the address bar onto a blank spot on the desktop or drop it onto a desktop folder. You CAN enable links in the top bar, and drag it to there, but space there is limited, and if you narrow the window, the links are hidden. Personally, I prefer the first method and have a few shortcuts to thematic folders along the left margin of the desktop. For example, a music folder, a graphics folder, etc. Have FUN! DearWebby
The two men stood on the lonely lighthouse. Through the fog they could see a small boat making its way toward them, with a lonely occupant. Suddenly a squall lifted the craft and tossed the man into the water. The two men on shore sprang into action. Hurriedly they launched their own craft and fought their way through perilous and treacherous waters to reach the man. At last they got him aboard their boat. "It's a good thing you rescued me," the dripping man said gratefully. "I was coming out to see you about your income tax......" "OOOPS! He fell overboard!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making a Borax and Honey Ant Trap By Robyn [548 Posts, 936 Comments] Sugar ants come around the kitchen and other places looking for sweet stuff to eat. Other kinds of ants follow too but I generally call them sugar ants. Here is how to make a trap to put on the counter. Supplies: 1 tsp 20 Mule Team borax* 2 cups hot water 5 Tbsp honey folded paper towel empty plastic container *Borax is an natural laundry boosting powder available in the laundry section of the store, normally on the top shelf. Steps: Dissolve the borax in hot water. Stir in the honey. Dip the folded paper towel in the solution until it is soaked completely. Press the wet paper towel in the empty plastic applesauce container. Place in a location where you have seen the ants. This bait will be eaten by the ants and taken back to the nest and will then kill the entire nest. Keep away from children by placing on a countertop where they can't reach it. ____________________________________________________
Alone in the Wilderness Part 1
____________________________________________________ A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!" The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!" Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later...no centipede. 20 minutes later... no centipede. 30 minutes later...no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what's going on. So he goes to the front door, opens it... and there's the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, "Hey!! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!" The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just putting on my shoes and my skates!" ___________________________________________________
WOW! I'm glad these ginormous sharks aren't around anymore!
___________________________________________________ A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dummy named you Moses?" "The same dummy who called his Rottweiler Jesus."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement on the net were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store long before 8:30, the store's opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw by an irate grandmother and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line: "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
____________________________________________________

Today, on July 19, in
1525 The Catholic princes of Germany formed the Dessau
League to fight against the Reformation. 

1553 Fifteen-year-old Lady Jane Grey was deposed as Queen
of England after claiming the crown for nine days. Mary,
the daughter of King Henry VIII, was proclaimed Queen. 

1788 Prices plunged on the Paris stock market. 

1799 The Rosetta Stone, a tablet with hieroglyphic
translations into Greek, was found in Egypt. 

1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca
Fall, NY. Bloomers were introduced at the convention. 

1870 France declared war on Prussia. 

1939 Dr. Roy P. Scholz became the first surgeon to use
fiberglass sutures. 

1942 German U-boats were withdrawn from positions off the
U.S. Atlantic coast due to effective American anti-
submarine countermeasures. 

1943 During World War II, more than 150 B-17 and 112 B-24
bombers attacked Rome for the first time. 

1946 Marilyn Monroe acted in her first screen test. 

1971 In New York, the topping out ceremony for Two World
Trade Center (South Tower) took place. The ceremony for
One World Trade Center had taken place on December 23,
1970. 

1975 The Apollo and Soyuz spacecrafts separated after
being linked in orbit for two days. 

1979 In Nicaragua, the dictatorship of the Somozas was
overthrown by the Sandinista National Liberation Front 

1982 The U.S. Census Bureau reported that 14% of the
population had an income below the official poverty level
in 1981. 

1985 George Bell won first place in a biggest feet contest
with a shoe size of 28-1/2. Bell, at age 26, stood 7 feet
10 inches tall. 

1985 Christa McAuliffe of New Hampshire was chosen to be
the first schoolteacher to ride aboard the space shuttle.
She died with six others when the Challenger exploded the
following year. 

2017  smiled.


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