In this world there is always danger for those who are afraid of it. ---George Bernard Shaw Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability. ---George Bernard Shaw
Two Irish mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first Irish mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him one heck of a big party."
Maureen was feeling a bit ill, and not recovering from a night out anywhere near as fast as Paddy. So he sent her off to the doctor. She came back shortly with a puzzled frown and said: "Oh, Paddy, he wants a "Specimen", but fo the life o me I don't know if we have one or if we can affod t'buy one!" Paddy hemmed and hawed for a while, but couldn't figure it out either. So he finally suggested: "me lass, why don't you go upstairs and ask Maud O'Reilly, she used to work the streets in town and she'll know." So Maureen climbed up the stairs and knocked. Not a minute later, screaming and cussing and the noise of a ferocious fight echoed down the stairwell, soon followed by much banging and clatter as poor Maureen came tumbling down the stairs. As Paddy helped her up he asked her what happend. "Oh Paddy, she's so mean! All I did was ask her what a 'specimen' was, and she told me to 'piss in abottle'! So of course I told her to shit in a hat, and the fight was on."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to D'Ann Seidell Bochese, 45, of Windham, Maine
Too drunk and not wearing a seatbelt
STANDISH, Maine --
The Cumberland County Sheriff's Department said alcohol,
speed, and failure to wear seat belts played a major role in a
fatal crash over the weekend in the town of Standish.
Investigators said Tyler Gordon, 22, of Standish, was driving
westbound at a high-rate of speed on Oak Hill Road --
near Serena Lane -- when D'Ann Bochese, of Windham, attempted
to pass him. Bochese's car hit Gordon's and they both went
off the road and traveled through a field about 200 feet before
coming to a stop.
D'Ann Bochese, who had not been wearing a seatbelt, was ejected
from her vehicle and her body was found in a tree, 40 feet
above ground. She was killed instantly.
A passenger in her vehicle, Justin Gordon, 24, of Standish,
a brother of the driver of the car that she hit, who had also
not been wearing a seat belt, was also thrown from the vehicle.
He is in critical condition at Maine Medical Center.
Gordon's 1997 Subaru Legacy flipped end over end several times,
coming to rest on its wheels. He and his two passengers,
Chad Violette, 33, of South Portland and Zeke Malnchuck, 26, of Presque
Isle were able to get out of the vehicle and back to the road on their own
and were later sent to Maine Medical Center for a check-up.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joseph Re: Firewall turned off by malware Dear Webby. In response to the letter from Ann S in this issue. I kept getting the same messages and could not open any programs or E mails . Then at times I could and then the message would pop back up and mess up my computer again. To make a long story as short as possible the last popup said I needed to download XP 2010 anti virus to fix the problem . Looked like a legit site so gullible me , I did it after sending 50 bucks . Then the problems went away. But , I started thinking something was not right .No way to uninstall, and a lot of other things that did not seem right. E mailed the address on the web site and tried calling the phone number. No results from either . A few days later I checked my credit card account and found I was billed for 50 bucks from , would you believe, WORLDWIDE SOFT.COM -- MOSCOW RUS . I got screwed . Free anti virus installed at the time . Don't know if my computer is still infected but seems to be working ok now. Now have a 30 day free trial of Avast .Am waiting to decide on avast. What u tink? Also my internet provider ( Verizon) offers a antivirus program . Please use my experience for others if you wish but please don't use my name because I am embarrassed !. Thanks for all your good tips and advice and a great letter ! Joseph Dear Joseph Sometimes the free programs, that are not quite good enough to sell, are not quite good enough protection. "XP 2010 anti virus" is the same crap as "XP 2009 anti virus" or "XP 2008 anti virus". Just a phoney scam to extort money from you. Removal instructions are here: Remove XP 2010 Print them out and follow them step by step, marking each completed step with a highlighter or pencil. Have FUN! DearWebby
Why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and carousing?' said the do-gooder. 'It's too late,' replied Murphy. 'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous one. 'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Storing a Wet Paintbrush
If you use paint in your crafting you may find that, in the
middle of painting a project, you get called away from your
project but you know you will be back shortly. Instead of
rinsing out your paint brush, you can wrap it in a piece of
plastic or a sandwich bag. Twist the plastic so it stays closed,
keeping air from drying the paint on your brush. Then
when you get back to your project all you do is unwrap
your brush and go back to work. I have stored paint brushes
for a couple of days this way. As long as the plastic is
sealed the paint will not dry out, ruining your brush.
By Arlene from Fort Myers, Florida
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
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In Mulligan's bar, the young Salvation Army girl placed the collection box under the nose of Mick McCarthy and asked: 'Can you spare fifty pence for God?' 'How old are you?' asked Mick. Twenty-four,' she replied. 'Well, I'm sixty-eight, I'll see him before you do. I'll pay him meself.
| Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request . If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
 » Mini Bonsai |
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