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Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. — Jim Rohn
Thanks to Ann for this report: 'Hello?' 'Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?' 'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.' After a brief pause..., Daddy says, 'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.' 'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, Right Now.' Brief Pause.... 'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway..' 'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.' A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. 'I did it, Daddy.' 'And what happened, honey?' he asked. 'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!' 'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?' 'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water on the weekend to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.' Long Pause... Longer Pause ....... Even Longer Pause........... Then Daddy says, 'Swimming pool? .......Is this 486-5731?' 'No, I think you have the wrong number."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Danny Sanchez, 29, of Eureka Street, Bakersfield, CA
Truck thief takes cable guy for harrowing ride
The Bakersfield Californian | Last Updated: Monday, Jul 21 2008 7:04 AM
A northeast Bakersfield man faces charges after he stole a
Brighthouse Networks truck Saturday, while a cable company
employee in a bucket lift attached to the truck and elevated 25
feet in the air, repaired lines.
Police said Danny Sanchez, 29, of Eureka Street, entered the
vehicle and drove off around 6:30 p.m. The bucket lift tore
down several phone lines before Sanchez crashed the vehicle
into a utility pole, according to Bakersfield police Lt. Mike Cantrell.
Bright House employee Curtis Bartell, 50, remained in the
bucket during the ordeal. He complained of pain but apparently
suffered no major injuries, Cantrell said.
Sanchez fled the scene but was located by police Sunday
morning. He was arrested and charged on suspicion of hit-and-run,
automobile theft and false imprisonment.
http://www.bakersfield.com/hourly_news/story/501834.html
-----------------------
The sign on the lifts normally demand that the outriggers
be pumped down before entering the bucket. I bet Bartell
considers himself a Bonehead for forgetting to do that.
Thanks to Vickster for this story: The husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples alternate shot tournament at his club. He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway. Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife, "Just hit it toward the green. Anywhere around there will be fine." The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods. Undaunted, the husband said, "That's okay, sweetheart," and spent a full five minutes looking for the ball. He found it just in time, but in a horrible position. He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole. He told his wife to knock the ball in. His wife then proceeded to knock the ball off the green and into a bunker. Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker. He took the ball out of the hole and, while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey and that's okay. I think we can do better on the next hole." To which she replied, "Listen, dear, don't yell at me. Only two of those five shots were mine!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Donovan Re: Pre-Installed XP Dear Webby If Irene is anywhere near Medicine Hat, I sell HP computers with the "option" of having XP instead of Vista. In rare cases the option doesn't get exercised but I'm selling piles of these computers to individuals with XP. If I can help anyone in Alberta, Saskatchewan or anywhere else they're willing to cover a bit of shipping in return for a lot less grief, they can email me at donovan@memlane.com or call me at (403) 526-2288. Thanks, Donovan Dear Donovan Except for your town folks, people have to pay shipping anyway. No computer vendor donates the shipping, and I have a hunch that you mark it up less than they do. ---------- Donovan has been a subscriber for many years and has often contributed very useful and helpful advice. If you want a new computer with properly installed XP, without the BS and hassle the big vendors make you go through, call or email Donovan! Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Sandie for this story: When we put our house up for sale, I stressed emphatically that my sons make their beds each morning. I left for work before they left for school and I wanted to be sure the house looked presentable when the agent showed it to prospective buyers. I was surprised and impressed that my 15-year-old son's bed was perfectly made each day. Until, that is, one night when I went into his room, I discovered his secret. He was fast asleep on the floor in his sleeping bag.
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 080701@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
The Dangers of Co-Signing
With a co-signer a person with no credit or bad credit can
qualify for a loan that they wouldn't ordinarily be able to get.
However, co-signing for a loan is not something that should be
done lightly. If the loan goes into default, you will be held
responsible for the debt and it can impact your credit rating.
Only co-sign on a loan that you are prepared to pay off yourself
if necessary.
Visit ThriftyFun For Budget And Finance Tips By Clicking Here
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According to one 'Dr. Beverly Clark' in JUMA (Journal of the United Medical Association), there have been numerous attacks on unwary airline travelers in the restrooms of the planes. The attacker? It is none other than the dangerous and deadly Arachnius Gluteus. The attacks seem to have started in Chicago's Blare Airport after eating at 'Big Chappies'. Oh my! Sound scary? It is, not because it's true but because someone actually took the time to come up with this. There is no JUMA, no Dr. Beverly Clark writing medical material on spiders; the scientific name of the spider is bogus (butt spider?),there is no Blare airport, and no such restaurant called Big Chappies. Pure BS, just like gullible warming. By the way, to clarify my position re gullible warming: As I have stated since the ice age scare in the 70's, yes, according to the cycles plainly visible in bar code format in thousands of deep canyons, there WILL be an ice age. But first it will get a bit warmer. We are about 3/4 of the way up towards the warmest period, before it will gradually cool off towards the next ice age. According to my calculations, we will reach the warmest period on Thursday afternoon, around 3 PM, in about fourteen Thousand years. Cow farts, cars or Volcanoes won't change that one bit.
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