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Good Morning,  !
Wednesday,  May 14, 2008


All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow.
--- Evan Esar

The true test of character is not how much we know how to
do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do.
--- John Holt



John came from San Francisco to Depoe Bay and asked a native,

"Say, is this really a healthful place?"

"It sure is," the native replied. "When I came here I couldn't say one
word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to
walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out
of bed."

"That's wonderful!" said John. "How long have you been here?"

"I was born here."


YOUR ad could be here!


A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform
the other of the after life. The woman's biggest fear was that there was no
heaven. After a long life the husband was the first to go and true to his
word he made contact.

"Hello, Mary?"

"Oh, Bill! Is that you?"

"Yes, I have come back like we agreed."

"What is it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, I have sex,
I have lunch, then I have sex until supper, then sex till I sleep, then I
start all over again."

"Oh Bill, then you surely must be in heaven."

"Hell, no! I'm a bone tired rabbit in Kentucky."



Thanks to Joe for this picture:



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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to the government of Myanmar (Burma)

Aid workers might smarten up the population
May 12, 2008 - Thilawa, Myanmar - UPI
Rice exports were flowing through Myanmar's main port even 
as its military regime was restricting outside aid to cyclone 
victims, a report said Saturday. 

Four of the five berths at the port of Thilawa were empty 
recently, but sacks of rice bound for Bangladesh were being 
loaded for export, said drivers of at least 10 trucks waiting to 
deliver more rice to the docks. 

The decision by the military junta in Myanmar, formerly Burma, 
to bar foreign aid workers from helping distribute food and relief 
supplies in the wake of last week's cyclone has caused an outcry 
from the United Nations and humanitarian groups. However, that 
stance hasn't stopped the government from continuing to market 
its rice for export, despite a desperate need for food in the hard-hit 
Irrawaddy River delta. 

Outside aid is only accepted if it is delivered to the government,
for distribution by the government.

http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-345990-715592



More than anything, a young man from the city wanted to be
a cowboy. Eventually he found a rancher who took pity on him
and gave the lad a chance.

"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it
to catch cows."

"I see," said the man, trying to seem knowledgeable as he
examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Dianne
Re: Moitor choice


Dear Webby
I need a new monitor. I need it mostly for graphics work and
accounting, plus of course email.
What would you suggest, LCD or old fashioned?
Dianne

Dear Dianne
When there is graphics work involved, you need the old
fashioned big, bulky CRT type. Almost all LCD monitors
use a wide aspect ratio like 5 : 2, instead of the normal
4 : 3. 

Even though the wide aspect ratio seems to be popular with
the fake-Rolex yuppie crowd, it is a real nuisance for actual
work, and useless for graphics work. 99% of pictures are
in a 4:3 format. Wide aspect ratio hides the bottom third.
What you used to capture with one screen shot, takes two
separate shots and stitching together while size reduced, 
if you have a wide aspect ratio LCD monitor.

The same applies to working with maps. Get yourself the
biggest CRT monitor that you can fit onto your desk. 

Also, keep in mind that the difference in cost for the next
bigger size is considerably less than the cost of a new pair
of eye glasses!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Thanks to Linda for this story:
I was driving with my three young children one warm 
summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead 
of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was 
reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from 
the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"


Deeli's Kudos

May 12, 2008 - Alton, Illinois - AP 

Sandy Baumberger says she never expected to see her wallet again 
when it was stolen 35 years ago. But it has been found by a 30-year-old 
dental student who tracked her down and returned it. 

Eric Wherley says he found the wallet in a bathroom stall at 
school after a water pipe broke and loosened some ceiling tiles. 
The thief who stole the wallet apparently had hidden it in the 
drop ceiling. 

The dark-blue patent leather wallet contained Baumberger's driver's 
license, library cards and Social Security card. It also had her 
student ID, a grocery list, and cloth swatches from her 
bridesmaids' dresses. 

Baumberger says she and her husband are planning to give 
Wherley a gift for his efforts.

http://www.happynews.com/news/5122008/man-finds-ill-woman-wallet-stolen-1973-odd.htm



A man is a person who, if a woman says, "Never mind, I'll do it myself; lets her.

A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," 
and he lets her; gets mad.

A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," 
and he lets her and she get mad; says, "Now what are you mad about?"

A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," 
and he lets her and she get mad, and he says, "Now what are mad about?" says, 
"If you don't know I'm not going to tell you."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 080501@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
 .
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Removing a Broken Window
Apply pieces of masking tape to the window in a crisscross
pattern on both sides of the window. Then gently tap around the
outer edge of the window with a hammer until the glass breaks
out. The tape should help keep the window from shattering but be
sure to wear protective gloves.

Visit ThriftyFun For More Repair Tips
By Clicking Here
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Repair_1876.html

Personally, I prefer to use duck tape. It will hold even large pieces 
of glass. After taping the window, I remove it and lay it flat 
on a patio table or driveway. Then I remove the strips of wood, 
plastic or metal that hold the glass, and turn the frame upside 
down. It all comes out as one piece with minimal mess.

If it is an antique single pane window held with points and putty,
use a hair dryer or heat gun to soften the old putty. If you don't
soften the putty, you will probably have to use wood filler and 
sanding to get a reasonably smooth surface again.

Under the putty you will find glazier's points, triangle shaped
slivers of metal. Save every one of them, because they are
getting hard to find!

Then I can clean the frame, paint if necessary, and put
the new sealed unit or piece of glass into it. 

Professional glaziers take it out and lay it flat whenever
possible, and that works best for me too.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com 

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:




Thanks to Sue for this story:
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell 
me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and 
threw it in the garbage. 

Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my 
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and 
said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out 
too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
 

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Above and below the sea
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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



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