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___________________________________________________ History: on this  day,  December 5, in 1932, German physicist Albert Einstein was granted a visa making it possible for him to move to the U.S. ____________________________________________________      Bonehed Award: California man accused of throwing Motolov cocktail toward police _____________________________________________________ Q The future will be better tomorrow. --- Dan Quayle (1947 - ) ____________________________________________________ An airliner is coming in to land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on." The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too..." __________________________________________________ That reminds me of a landing in Burwash in the Yukon in 71. Burwash is at the end of Kluane Lake, beside Kluane National Park. Very scenic. Also the worlds windiest airport. There was a short dirt taxi-way and parking area between the gravel runway and the occasionally staffed airport building. We used an old Piper Cub to get from there to Tincup Lake, where another guy and me were pretending to be carpenters and built a big fishing lodge without anybody ever catching on that we were learning carpentry as we went. We stayed in tents at Tincup Lake and once a week flew out to Burwash for hot showers and a meal that we did not have to poach, to pick up nails and other supplies, and to flirt at the waitress. Top speed of the old souped up Cub was about 85 miles per hour when the tank was near empty. This one day the wind was 80, gusting to 90. Just before Burwash our route was near the Alaska Highway. Cars on the highway below sure looked fast whenever we were drifting backwards! When we finally got to the airport, we realized that there was just no way we would be able to taxi from the runway across the wind over to the parking area without getting flipped sideways. Gerry, who was just as crazy as me, hovered over the taxi way like a tethered kite and slowly forced the plane down to the tiedowns. The tiedowns were 55 gallon drums filled with cast iron engine blocks and old batteries. When we were low enough, I climbed out onto the wing to the wheel support strut, and while hanging on with one hand and one leg, fished for the rope on the first barrel. After a few tries I got hold of it and cinched down the left wing. With the engine still running at full blast, I clambered over to the other side, being careful not to touch the ground and taking any weight off the little plane, and finally tied down that side, just before we ran out fuel. After climbing out, Gerry tied the stick to the seat, -yes, the front had a real seat, not just a cooler- so that the wind forced the tail down. Then we carried a couple of 10 gallon drums filled with concrete and chains over to the tail to tie it down. It's amazing how fast you can run while carrying those drums, when you are in a hurry and you have an 80 mile per hour wind at your back! The waitress in Burwash didn't want us to fly back that night and managed to persuade us to spend the night. By morning the wind had slowed down considerably, but we didn't need the real runway. The width of the taxi strip was plenty. __________________________________________________   Reported by Rock:   An  International Bonehead Award has been earned by Cassidy Russ, 32, Corning, California, USA California man accused of throwing Motolov cocktail toward police A California man is accused of throwing a Molotov cocktail toward a police officer, not once but at least two times. According to police in Corning, California, officers were investigating a loud banging noise coming from just outside the department's building. When they checked outside, officers tried to contact 32-year-old Cassidy Russ, who was walking away from the police department's building. While trying to walk away and ignoring the officers trying to stop him, Russ began "fumbling with an item near the front of his waistband," Corning PD said in a press release. As the officers gave the suspect verbal commands, Russ lit a Molotov cocktail and threw it toward police. The Molotov cocktail missed the officer and blew up near a parked vehicle. Following the explosion, Russ led police on a foot chase before being tackled to the ground. Russ was eventually placed into custody and booked into jail after resisting baton strikes, Corning PD said in a press release. The fire started by Russ was eventually extinguished and as of Thursday evening, no injuries were reported. According to Corning PD, this wasn't the first time Russ tossed a Molotov cocktail toward cops. Russ is also accused of throwing a Molotov cocktail near Corning PD's staging area for marked patrol vehicles back in July 26, 2022. Russ is expected to face 3 attempted murder charges, Corning PD said. ___________________________________________________ © ___________________________________________________ A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair eating a snack cake while her dad gets his hair cut. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too." ___________________________________________________   If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ © The beauty of aloe vera flower. _________________________________________________ Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes towards leftovers: "It gets rough," one said. "My husband is a movie producer and he calls them reruns." "You think you have it bad," was the reply. "Mine is a quality control engineer and he calls them rejects!" "That's nothing compared to me," said the third lady. "My husband is a mortician. He calls them remains!" _______________________________________________ Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony. Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "It's a good thing she's not from Idaho." __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four." ________________________________________________________ The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if we're at the right funeral." ________________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elke Re: How big are those camera chips? Dear Webby Those caera chips that you recommend, how big are they? Elke Dear Elke The ones I use are about 3/4 inch wide by 1 inch long and less than a 1/8" thick. There ARE much smaller sizes, but I find that those are a nuisance with my big fingers. The amount of data they can hold ranges from 8 GB to 4 TB, which is probably way more than your hard drive can hold. Don't get too greedy! Figure out the different topics, for example one for each boyfriend or kid, or back-up for different machines. Then hold them or tape the end with the little gold strips, and spray paint the chip with a different color. That way they are nicely color coded. Finally, put them into a small zip-lock baggie and tape that to the side of the monitor or the fridge or the folder you take along to the bank. If you don't, you WILL loose some of thse tiny chips. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large city to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience. Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to omit them from their articles. One article that came out the next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that cannot be printed." _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's  News  no  sermon and not suitable for church, just  jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If  you  subscribe,  look  for  the double opt-in confirmation request.    ____________________________________________________ Today, December 5 in 1560, Charles IX succeeded as King of France on the death of Francis II. 1766, James Christie, founder of the famous auctioneers, held his first sale in London. 1776, In Williamsburg, VA, at the College of William and Mary the first scholastic fraternity in America, Phi Beta Kappa, was organized. 1782, The first native U.S. president, Martin Van Buren, was born in Kinderhook, NY. 1797, Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Paris to command forces for the invasion of England. 1812, Napoleon Bonaparte left his army as they were retreating from Russia. 1848, U.S. President Polk triggered the Gold Rush of '49 by confirming the fact that gold had been discovered in California. 1876, The Stillson wrench was patented by D.C. Stillson. The device was the first practical pipe wrench. 1904, The Russian fleet was destroyed by the Japanese at Port Arthur, during the Russo-Japanese War. 1908, At the University of Pittsburgh, numerals were first used on football uniforms worn by college football players. 1913, Britain outlawed the sending of arms to Ireland. 1932, German physicist Albert Einstein was granted a visa making it possible for him to move to the U.S. 1933, Prohibition came to an end when Utah became the 36th state to ratify the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. 1934, Fighting broke out between Italian and Ethiopian troops on the Somalian border. 1934, The Soviet Union executed 66 people charged with plotting against Joseph Stalin's government. 1935, In Montebello, CA, the first commercial hydroponics operation was established. 1936, The Soviet Union adopted a new Constitution under a Supreme Council. 1944, During World War II, Allied troops took Ravenna, Italy. 1945, The so-called "Lost Squadron" disappeared. The five U.S. Navy Avenger bombers carrying 14 Navy flyers began a training mission at the Ft. Lauderdale Naval Air Station. They were never heard from again. 1951, The first push button-controlled garage opened in Washington, DC. 1955, The American Federation of Labor and the Congress of Industrial Organizations merged to form the AFL-CIO. 1956, British and French forces began a withdrawal from Egypt during the Suez War. 1958, Britain's first motorway, the Preston by-pass, was opened by Prime Minister Macmillan. 1961, United Nations forces launched an attack in Katanga, the Congo, near Elizabethville. 1962, The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to cooperate in the peaceful uses of outer space. 1971, The Soviet Union, at United Nations Security Council, vetoed a resolution calling for a cease-fire in hostilities between India and Pakistan over Kashmir. 1976, Jacques Chirac re-founded the Gaullist party as the RPR (Rassemblement pour la République). 1977, Egypt broke diplomatic relations with Syria, Libya, Algeria, Iraq and South Yemen due to peaceful relations with Israel. 1978, The American space probe Pioneer Venus I, orbiting Venus, began beaming back its first information and picture of the planet. 1979, Sonia Johnson was formally excommunicated by the Mormon Church due to her outspoken support for the proposed Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution. 1983, In west Beirut, Lebanon, more than a dozen people were killed when a car bomb shattered a nine-story apartment building. 1984, Iran's official news agency quoted the hijackers of a Kuwaiti jetliner parked at Tehran airport as saying they would blow up the plane unless Kuwait released 14 imprisoned extremists. 1986, The Soviet Union said it would continue to abide by the SALT II treaty limits on nuclear weapons. This was despite the decision by the U.S. to exceed them. 1988, Jim Bakker and former aide Richard Dortch were indicted by a federal grand jury in North Carolina on fraud and conspiracy charges. 1989, Israeli soldiers killed five heavily armed Arab guerrillas who crossed the border from Egypt. The guerrillas were allegedly going to launch a terrorist attack commemorating the anniversary of the Palestinian uprising. 1989, East Germany's former leaders were placed under house arrest. 1992, Russian President Boris Yeltsin kept the power to appoint Cabinet ministers, defeating a constitutional amendment that would have put his team of reformers under the control of Russia's Congress. 1998, James P. Hoffa became the head of the Teamsters union, 23 years after his father was the head. His father disappeared and was presumed dead. 2001, In Germany, Afghan leaders signed a pact to create a temporary administration for post-Taliban Afghanistan. Two women were included in the cabinet structure. Hamid Karzai and his Cabinet were planned to take over power in Afghanistan on December 22. 2010, NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft became the longest- operating spacecraft ever sent to Mars. The Odyssey entered orbit around Mars on October 23, 2001. 2014, NASA's Orion Multi-Purpose Crew Vehicle (MPCV) debuted when it was launched for a four hour test flight. It landed in the Pacific Ocean. 2022 smiled.

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