Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, February 23

Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs.
That means no email will be answered for 3 days and no
newsletters will be sent out until the Monday issue.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Ex-NYPD shrink pleads guilty to shooting husband 
to be with lover. As former cop gets off easy.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, February 23 in
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
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______________________________________________________ Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. --- Bill Hoest History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. --- Napoleon Bonaparte History is the version of past events that the winners have decided to agree upon. --- Dwight D Eisenhower ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ In a high school science quiz, there was the question, "When water becomes ice, which of its physical properties increases?" Everyone answered, "Its volume increases," except , who wrote, "When water becomes ice, its price increases." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ After church on Sunday morning, suddenly announced to mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you decide to be a minister?" "Well," replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell and get paid for it, than to sit still and yawn and having to fork over my change for it." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Emily Dearden, 48, New York, NY Ex-NYPD shrink pleads guilty to shooting husband to be with lover. As former cop gets off easy. An ex-NYPD shrink pleaded guilty Friday to shooting her husband in the face, allegedly so she could start a new life with her married Texas lover. Emily Dearden, 48, was initially charged with attempted murder in the November 2013 shooting but not until AFTER he filed a civil suit against her, and faced up to 25 years in state prison. But under a negotiated deal, she pleaded guilty in Yonkers City Court to first-degree assault and will get just 3 1/2 years. She remains free on $150,000 bail and will be sentenced June 7. Emily was accused in a lawsuit by her husband, Kenneth, of trying to execute him with an antique derringer because she “had been having an on-and-off extramarital affair since at least early 2011.” She wanted to take him out of the picture to avoid a “contentious divorce,” according to the suit. Her lover, Warren Roudebush, ended his own marriage shortly before the November 2013 shooting and was pressuring Emily to do the same “so that they could be together,” according to the court papers filed in White Plains. “With [Kenneth] no longer in the picture, [Emily] could avoid a contentious divorce, keep the marital home and never admit the marriage infidelity to any family and friends,” the suit says. The bullet that struck Kenneth entered at the back of his neck, near the base of his skull, passed underneath his ear canal and lodged in his left cheek. He underwent surgeries to remove the bullet and to repair a severed artery to his brain. According to Kenneth’s suit, Emily claimed to have been knocked out by an intruder. But cops who responded to Kenneth’s 911 call “seemed skeptical” because there were no signs of forced entry, the home’s burglar alarm wasn’t tripped and the family’s pet Rottweiler didn’t react, the suit says. However, they did not charge her until AFTER he had filed a civil suit agaisnt her. Kenneth, a developer and vice chairman of the Yonkers Downtown/Waterfront Business Improvement District, and Emily have two teenage daughters and shared a colonial-style home on Pondfield Road in a posh section of Yonkers. Emily, who was hired in 2002, was responsible for evaluating potential NYPD hires. She’d been on desk duty since her arrest. On Friday after her conviction, the department suspended her pending a disciplinary hearing to fire her. Later in the day, she resigned. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cindy Re: PPS Dear Webby Please Help I have received a pps document which has the most amazing photos scenes of winter on. Now I would like to open this document so I can copy the files in to my pc so I can use them as wallpaper or even add them to my screen saver. I have searched all over but can only open the application and run it as a pps. I have attached the file so you can view it maybe you can help, as i know you have been able to assist me before with other issues. many thanks. Cindy Dear Cindy There is a free Microsoft PPS viewer, that lets you view it, but it is quite limited in what you can do. I use Libre Office 5 (Similar to Open Office 5). It lets you view and easily copy each picture and then paste it as a new image into the graphics program of your choice. Have FUN! DearWebby
Darling," a husband whispered to his wife late one night, "if I died, would you get married again?" "I suppose so," she replied. "Would you sleep in the same bed with him?" "Well, it's the only bed in the house, so I have no choice." "Would you make love to him?" "Honey," the woman said patiently, "he would be my husband." "Would you give him my car?" "No," she yawned, "He can't drive a stick shift. ... Sheeeet!"
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Daily tip from Cleaning a Toaster If your toaster is reluctant to accept the toast it's probably because crumbs have built up to point that the bread can no longer be pushed down all the way. Most toasters have a handy trap door on the bottom that allows you to remove any crumbs that have built up. First unplug the toaster. Make sure you open it over a garbage can or outside to avoid getting crumbs everywhere. To get it super clean, you can use some compressed air like you use for cleaning inside of electronic device. Never clean the inside with water. Turning it upside down over your bird feeder pan and giving it percussive maintenance (slapping it around a bit), does the trick too. If you can't take it outside, your vacuum cleaner's crevice tool does an excellent job. Unlike canned air, it does not fire glass hard and sharp old crumbs at your eyes and hair and down the front of your blouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
Prison Flash Mob
____________________________________________________ A swimming instructor at a Los Angeles university was quizzing a group of students on Red Cross life saving and water safety techniques. They answered all of her questions easily until she posed this one: "Which article of clothing would you remove last if you fell from a boat or dock fully clothed?" Everyone mentioned something different. It was evident that no one knew the correct answer, so the instructor helped out. "The blouse," she said, "because the air gets under the blouse and acts like a buoy!" The subsequent uproar ended the class. ___________________________________________________
The most expensive house in the US looks very cold and sterile to me. Not my taste. Click on the web site in blue to see a video of it.
A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through the night, she had already used up one handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that everyone at the table was looking at her. "What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues. She replied, "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived".
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on February 23
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots. 

1660 Charles XI became the king of Sweden. 

1792 The Humane Society of Massachusetts was incorporated. 

1813 The first U.S. raw cotton-to-cloth mill was founded in
Waltham, MA. 

1821 The Philadelphia College of Apothecaries established the
first pharmacy college. 

1836 In San Antonio, TX, the siege of the Alamo began. 

1847 Santa Anna was defeated at the Battle of Buena Vista in
Mexico by U.S. troops under Gen. Zachary, who attacked during
Siesta hour.

1861 U.S. President-elect Abraham Lincoln arrived secretly in
Washington to take his office after an assassination attempt
in Baltimore. 

1861 Texas became the 7th state to secede from the Union. 

1874 Walter Winfield patented a game called "sphairistike."
More widely known as lawn tennis. 

1875 J. Palisa discovered asteroid #143 (aka Adria). 

1886 Charles M. Hall completed his invention of aluminum. 

1887 The French/Italian Riviera was hit by an earthquake that
killed about 2,000. 

1896 The Tootsie Roll was introduced by Leo Hirshfield. 

1898 In France, Emile Zola was imprisoned for his letter,
"J'accuse," which accused the government of anti-Semitism and
wrongly jailing Alfred Dreyfus. 

1900 The Battle of Hart's Hill took place in South Africa
between the Boers and the British army. 

1904 The U.S. acquired control of the Panama Canal Zone for
$10 million. 

1905 The Rotary Club was founded in Chicago, IL, by Attorney
Paul Harris and three others. 

1910 In Philadelphia, PA, the first radio contest was held. 

1915 Nevada began enforcing convenient divorce law. 

1916 The U.S. Congress authorizes the McKinley Memorial $1
gold coin. 

1919 The Fascist Party was formed in Italy by Benito

1927 The Federal Radio Commission began assigning frequencies,
hours of operation and power allocations for radio
broadcasters. On July 1, 1934 the name was changed to the
Federal Communications Commission (FCC). 

1932 Robert Short became the first American to die in an arial
battle with the Japanese.

1940 Russian troops conquered Lasi Island. 

1940 Walt Disney's animated movie "Pinocchio" was released. 

1945 The 28th Regiment of the Fifth Marine Division of the
U.S. Marines reached the top of Mount Surabachi. A photograph
of the Marines raising the American flag was taken. 

1954 The first mass vaccination of children against polio
began in Pittsburgh, PA. 

1958 Juan Fangio, 5-time world diving champion, was kidnapped
by Cuban rebels. 

1966 The Bitar government in Syria was ended with a military

1970 Guyana became a republic. 

1974 The Symbionese Liberation Army demanded $4 million more
for the release of Patty Hearst. Hearst had been kidnapped on
February 4th. 

1980 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini declared that Iran's new
parliament would have to decide the fate of the hostages taken
on November 4, 1979, at the U.S. embassy in Tehran. 

1985 The TV show "Gimme a Break" was broadcast live before a
studio audience. It was the first TV sitcom to be seen live
since the 1950s. 

1991 During the Persian Gulf War, ground forces crossed the
border of Saudi Arabia into the country of Iraq. Less than
four days later the war was over due to the surrender or
withdraw of Iraqi forces. 

1993 Gary Coleman won a $1,280,000 lawsuit against his

1997 NBC-TV aired "Schindler's List." It was completely

1997 Ali Hassan Abu Kamal, a Palestinian teacher, opened fire
on the 86th-floor observation deck of New York City's Empire
State Building. He killed one person and wounded six more
before killing himself. 

1998 In central Florida, tornadoes killed 42 people and
damaged and/or destroyed about 2,600 homes and businesses. 

1999 In Ankara, Turkey, Abdullah Ocalan was charged with
treason. The prosecutors were seeking the death penalty for
the Kurdish rebel leader. 

1999 White supremacist John William King was found guilty of
kidnapping and murdering James Byrd Jr. Byrd was dragged
behind a truck for two miles on a country road in Texas. 

2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200
feet over an oncoming train. 

2005 The New York, NY, city medical examiner's office annouced
that it had exhausted all efforts to identify the remains of
the people killed at the World Trade Center on September 11,
2001, due to the limits of DNA technology. About 1,600 people
had been identified leaving more than 1,100 unidentified.

2017 NASA found 7 Earth-sized planets orbiting TRAPPIST-1, a
nearby star about 40 light-years over ==> thataway.
2017  smiled.

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