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Good Morning, !

Today is Thursday, March 30

    

___________________________________________________
History: Today in
1936. Britain announced a naval construction program of 38
warships to prepaer for the planned WW11.
____________________________________________________   
Bonehead Award: 
Man dies after stealing police car, leading officers on chase
befoer jumping from moving car.
_____________________________________________
Q
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
--- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)   

I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.
--- Dan Quayle (1947)
________________________________________________

There is a new study out about women and
how they feel about their ass.

The results are pretty interesting.

85% of women think their ass is too big...

10% of women think their ass is too little...

The other 5% say that they don't care, they
love him and  would have married him anyway.
__________________________________________

A suburbanite tried gardening for the first time.
Tomatoes sounded easy to grow, so he set his plants;
tended and nurtured them carefully, and awaited his
crop.

By mid-summer his plants were bearing lots of large,
firm fruit, but it was all green...not a hint of pink
or red to be found.  None of his books or manuals
were any help, so he approached an old country boy at
work and asked his advice.

"Son," he was told, "you've got to make them blush
first.  At midnight, take off all your clothes, put
on a raincoat, go into the garden and flash the
plants.  Works every time!"

As insane as this suggestion seemed, the man was
desperate, so he did it, and damned if the tomatoes
weren't the most beautiful red the next morning!
The lady next door noticed the sudden change and,
having the same problem, asked the secret.  After
much coaxing, he offered the explanation. A few days
later he saw his neighbour in her garden and asked if
she had tried his technique.

"Oh, yes!" she replied.

"And....." he prompted.

"Well," she admitted, "my tomatoes are still green,
but my cucumbers are  T H I S  L O N G . . . .!!!"
__________________________________________

A doctor told a woman to give her husband one pill a day 
and one drink of whiskey to improve his stamina. 

A month later, when she came in for another visit, the
doctor 
asked, "How are we doing with the pill and the whiskey?" 

And she said, "Well, he's a little behind with the pills, 
but he's about six months ahead with the whiskey." 
___________________________________________________
If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it!
___________________________________________________

Ode To Spell Checker
 -----------------------
 Eye halve a spelling checker
 It came with my pea sea
 It plainly marks four my revue
 Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

 Eye strike a key and type a word
 and weight four it two say
 Weather eye am wrong oar write
 It shows me strait a weigh.

 As soon as a mist ache is maid
 It nose bee fore two long
 And eye can put the error rite
 Its rare lea ever wrong.

 Eye have run this poem threw it
 I am shore your pleased two no
 Its letter perfect awl the weigh
 My checker tolled me sew.
___________________________________________________

Dr. Seuss' lost tongue twister
See if you can do this:
Read each line aloud

This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from
the top Betcha you can't resist passing it on.
_________________________________________________



____________________________________________________

Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his
teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with
his parents. 
When she rang the bell, Little Johnny answered.  The
teacher smiled and said, "I'd like to talk to your mother
or father." 

Little Johnny said, "Sorry, but they ain't here." 

"Little Johnny!" she said, "what is it with your grammar?" 

And Little Johnny said, "Beats me, but dad sure 
was mad that they had to go bail her out again!" 
____________________________________________________

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what
do you think is the best thing about being 104?"

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
____________________________________________________



____________________________________________________

>From Irene
BEING IN PRISON VS BEING A HOUSEWIFE 

In prison you get three square meals a day. 
At home, you cook three square meals a day 
and try to get your kids to eat it. 

In prison you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise 
and mingle.  At home you get to clean the yard up, so you
can mow it, so your kids can spread more toys all over it,
so you can go out and clean it again because little Jr.
can't sleep without his latest lego creation. 

In prison you get to watch TV, cable even. 
At home you get to listen to your children fight over the 
remote control and get treated to hours and hours of 
mindless cartoons thanks to cable. 

In prison you can read whatever you want and 
attend college for free. 
At home you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane,

and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and
still be able to eat for the next twenty years. 

In prison all your medical care is free. 
At home you have to pawn your mother's silver and fill out 
trillions of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will

see you before you die. 

In prison, if you have visitors, all you do is go to a
room, sit, talk and then say "good-bye" when you are ready
or your time is up. 
At home, if you have visitors, you get to clean for days in

advance and then cook and clean up after your guests and 
hope that they will one day leave. 

In prison, the prison laundry takes care 
of all your dirty clothes. 
At home you get to take care of them yourself, plus 
everybody else's, and get yelled at because somebody's 
favorite shirt isn't clean. 

In prison they take you everywhere you need to go. 
At home you take everybody else where they need to go. 

In prison there are no screaming or whining children or 
spouses asking you to do something else for them, or 
screaming at you because you didn't. 
At home . . . stop me when I get to the downside of jail,
will ya? 
___________________________________________________

A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming
kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space.
Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign.
"Hey, lady, have you forgotten how to stop?" yelled an
irate man.

She rolled down her window and said, "What makes you
think these are all mine???"
_________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been reported
by Rock 

LOS ANGELES COUNTY, 
California,
USA

Man dies after stealing police car, leading officers on chase
befoer jumping from moving car.

A man suspected of stealing a patrol car and leading
California Highway Patrol officers on a high-speed police
chase through the Antelope Valley before jumping out of the
moving vehicle has died.

SkyFOX was live Tuesday afternoon and captured the moment the
suspect jumped out of the car traveling around 70 mph, headed
eastbound on the 138 Freeway.

The man was rushed to the hospital, where CHP said the
suspect was later pronounced dead. Prior to being taken to
the hospital, an officer was spotted performing chest
compressions on the suspect.

The driver jumped from the moving vehicle after one of the
rear tires went flat due to a spike strip, leaving him
struggling to control the cruiser.

The driverless cruiser wound up knocking down a power pole
before coming to a stop in a grassy area next to the freeway.

According to the CHP, the pursuit began sometime around 11:45
a.m. in the area of the 5 Freeway and Hasley Canyon Road. It
appears the suspect was involved in a two-car collision and
when CHP arrived on scene, the suspect somehow managed to
jump in the patrol car and drive off. 

There were no reports of an officer being injured, according
to the CHP. According to CHP, patrol cars are supposed to be
locked with the engine running. Several assault type weapons
were locked in the patrol car, and the suspect did not gain
access to them, CHP stated. 

The deceased suspect's identity has not been released.
_________________________________________________

DearWebby's Tech Support Pits
From: Elsie
Re: Is Hand Cleaner OK for keyboards?

Dear Webby,
My keyboards are getting rather filthy, as can be
expected with a family. Is it OK to use sanitizing hand
cleaner to clean them?
Thanks
Elsie

Dear Elsie
Yes, sure.
Almost all modern keyboards even survive a dishwasher.
However, they all survive a wet sponge with hand cleaner.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________

Today, March 30 in 
1533. Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of
Aragon.

1814. The allied European nations against Napoleon marched
into Paris.

1822. Florida became a U.S. territory.

1842. Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation
while his patient was anesthetized by ether.

1855. About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri
invaded the territory of Kansas and forced the election of a
pro-slavery legislature. It was the first election in Kansas.

1856. A peace treaty was signed between England and Russia.
(Treaty of Paris)

1858. Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil.

1867. The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million
dollars.

1870. The 15th amendment, guaranteeing the right to vote
regardless of race, was passed by the U.S. Congress.

1870. Texas was readmitted to the Union.

1903. Revolutionary activity in the Dominican Republic
brought U.S. troops to Santo Domingo to protect American
interests.

1905. U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt was chosen to mediate
in the Russo-Japanese peace talks.

1909. The Queensboro bridge in New York opened linking
Manhattan and Queens. It was the first double decker bridge.

1909. In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against meager
pay for government jobs.

1916. Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison in
Mexico.

1936. Britain announced a naval construction program of 38
warships.

1939. The comic book "Detective Comics #27" appeared on
newstands. This comic introduced Batman.

1940. The Japanese set up a puppet government called Manchuko
in Nanking, China.

1941. The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel
began its first offensive against British forces in Libya.

1944. The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines.

1945. The U.S.S.R. invaded Austria after World War II.

1946. The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive the
Nazi party in Frankfurt.

1947. Lord Mountbatten arrived in India as the new Viceroy.

1950. The invention of the phototransistor was announced.

1950. U.S. President Truman denounced Senator Joe McCarthy as
a saboteur of U.S. foreign policy.

1957. Tunisia and Morocco signed a friendship treaty in
Rabat.

1964. John Glenn withdrew from the Ohio race for U.S. Senate
because of injuries suffered in a fall.

1972. The British government assumed direct rule over
Northern Ireland.

1972. The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese
troops crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the
northern portion of South Vietnam.

1975. As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon
South Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation.

1981. U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded in
Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police officers
and Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded.

1982. The space shuttle Columbia completed its third and its
longest test flight after 8 days in space.

1984. The U.S. ended its participation in the multinational
peace force in Lebanon.

1987. Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" was bought for $39.85
million.

1993. In Sarajevo, two Serb militiamen were sentenced to
death for war crimes committed in Bosnia.

1993. In the Peanuts comic strip, Charlie Brown hit his first
home run.

1994. Serbs and Croats signed a cease-fire to end their war
in Croatia while Bosnian Muslims and Serbs continued to fight
each other.

1998. Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million
deal.

2002. An unmanned U.S. spy plan crashed at sea in the
Southern Philippines.

2002. Suspected Islamic militants set off several grenades at
a temple in Indian-controlled Kashmir. Four civilians, four
policemen and two attackers were killed and 20 people were
injured.

2009. The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey confirmed
that the new World Trade Center building would be officially
known by its legal name of "One World Trade Center."

2023,  smiled.

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, that's all for today.



Have FUN !

Dear Webby from Webby.com




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