Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, February 26
___________________________________________________
Today, February 26 in 
1986 Corazon Aquino was inaugurated president of the
Philippines. Long time President Ferdinand Marcos went into
exile.

______________________________________________________
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
______________________________________________________




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Today's Bonehead Award:
Man stole bike to mark 
4 months clean

__________________________________________

Three guys, one Newfie, one Quebecois, and one Scottish are
out walking along the beach together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I
will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total,"
says the Genie.

The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad’s a
fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one
too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."
So, with a blink of the Genie’s eye "poof" the oceans were
teaming with fish.

The Quebecker was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around
Quebec, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all
eternity."
Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye "poof" there was a
huge wall around England.

The Newfie asks, "I’m very curious. Please tell me more
about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet
thick, protecting Quebec so that nothing can get in or out."
The Newfie says, "Please Fill it up with screech and put a
tap right HERE!"

__________________________________________

Thanks to Jean for sending this picture:



__________________________________________

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a
check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an
otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in
here?" 

The little girl stayed silent. Next, the
doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her
throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie
Monster down there?" 

Again, the little girl was silent.

Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he
listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll
hear Barney in there?"

"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in
my heart. Barney's on my underpants."

___________________________________________________



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
AND a DARWIN AWARD has been earned by 


Man stole bike to mark 
4 months clean

Jackson Hanley, 
29, 
Mesa,
Arizona

An Arizona man arrested for allegedly stealing a motorcycle
from a Kawasaki dealership told police he was “celebrating 4
months of sobriety and decided he wanted” a chopper,
according to court records.

Investigators say that Jackson Hanley, 29, was actually
intoxicated when he walked into a Mesa dealership earlier
this month and “grabbed a Kawasaki motorcycle and began
pushing it down the street.”

Hanley, who rode his bicycle to Kelly’s Kawasaki, had his
theft bid thwarted when a customer alerted an employee that
a crime was in progress. Police were then summoned and
Hanley was located about a mile away. “The defendant,” a cop
noted, was found “resting on a fence with the bike slightly
tipped over but still upright.”

Hanley, cops say, “admitted to stealing the motorcycle. He
said he was celebrating 4 months of sobriety and decided he
wanted a motorcycle.” Hanley reportedly said he was “going
to walk it back home and try and start it there.”

Seen above, Hanley “was admittedly drunk” due to his
consumption of vodka and Moscato wine, according to a
probable cause statement.

The Kawasaki suffered $3500 in damages to its exhaust due to
the way “the motorcycle was leaning against the asphalt”
when it was recovered by police.

Hanley was charged with felony theft in connection with the
February 11 incident.


DearWebby's Tech Support Pits

From: Moe
Re: Revo UNinstaller

Dear Webby
I use revo al the time. not figure out their target remover
gun site mode.but i even donate to them. ie  i use it all
the time.but think the paid version was too goofy.and went
back to an older Windows  7 free edition.but the key thing
to watch is that the targeted system may have its own
uninstaller that launches when REVO is run. then may say to
reboot to get rid of a few files that running. DO NOT
ReBoot!!!go find the still running REVO screen and complete
its purge of folders and registry entries. Then do a reboot
whenever.and never use on an Anti Virus. go to the AV site
and run their specialprogram  to do that function.and user
still must use CCleaner to check for goofy  jobs in Start Up
-and in the two Program Files, and Common files folders.also
can look at disk with SEARCH EVERYTHING. Funny how they all
their Uninstaller - REMOVE EVERYTHING. And REVO has a nice
tool bar of handy Windows tools. Side bar stuff too.cheers
,moe

Dear Moe
I agree 100%. 

For the few out there in the cold, who don't have REVO yet,
here is the link again:
REVO Uninstaller

Have FUN!
DearWebby





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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




____________________________________________________






This Is Your Internet 54 

_____________________________________________

 From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to
15 were
 asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."


 I believe you should live each day as if it is your last,
which is
 why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who
wants to
 wash clothes on the last day of their life? --Age 15


 Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace
to accept
 the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. --Age 13


 It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the
president's birthday,
 like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a
lot of people
 voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just
for the long
 weekends. --Age 8


 Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about
letting
 just any ol' person vote. --Age 10


 Home is where the house is. --Age 6


 I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer
as some
 people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he
stinks.
 --Age 15


 For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green
cheese. Then
 the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard
rock. That's
 what happens to cheese when you leave it out. --Age 6


 My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I
told him we
 get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies.
I guess I
 should have told him the truth--that most of us go to hell
and burn
 eternally-- but I didn't want to upset him. --Age 10


 I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to
myself, at
 which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I
imagine they
 appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate
over one's
 right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human
condition. I
 tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the
closest to
 Utopia, and I show him a copy of  the Constitution. I tell
Aristotle
 that we have found many more than four basic elements and I
show him a
 periodic table.  I get a box of kitchen matches and strike
one. They
 gasp with wonder.  We spend the rest of the night lighting
farts. --Age 15


 When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again.  But
he better have
 lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. --Age 5


 I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless
it was just
 a lawn mower. --Age 11


 I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I
imagine that
 the wet paint is a big fresh water lake that is the only
source of water
 for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier,
the population
 gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots.
 Once there was a big fire and everyone died. --Age 13


 As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set
aside a few
 minutes each day.  At the end of the year, you'll have a
couple of days
 saved up. --Age 7


 Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my
teacher. That
 is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. --Age 15


 It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into
an accident.
 No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it,
the blood
 would be right there. --Age 5


 Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then,
imagine if you
 had that many Twinkies.  Wow, that's five more than the
biggest number
 you could come up with! --Age 6


 The only stupid question is the one that is never asked,
except maybe
 "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?"
or "Isn't it
 morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was
speeding?"
 --Age 15


 Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who
had no feet.
 So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed
them, right?
 -Age 15


 If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and
visualize world
 peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be
until the
 looting started. --Age 15

_____________________________________________ 

This letter was sent in response to Dr Laura's claim that
homosexuality is an abomination because it's against the
Bible.

Dear Dr. Laura,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding
God's law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try
to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When
someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for
example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
states it to be an abomination. That used to be the end of
debate! However, now that the pope is a homosexual and a
communist, it gets rather confusing. 

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some
specific law and how to best follow them as a true believer.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem
is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I
deal with this? Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it
suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you
think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she
is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24).
The problem is, how do I tell?  I have tried asking, but
most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations
that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this
applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I
morally obligated to smite him myself or get him stoned?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is
an abomination (Lev. 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree.  Can you settle this?

Lev. 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God
if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear
prescription glasses.  Does my vision have to be 20/20, or
is there some wiggle room here?

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am
confident that you can help. Thank you again for reminding
us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

____________________________________________ 

After a two year-long study (at taxpayers expense), the
Department of Defense announced the following results on the
recreational preferences of military personnel:

1. The sport of choice for E-1, E-2 & E-3: Basketball.
2. The sport of choice for E- 4 & E-5: Bowling.
3. The sport of choice for E-6, E-7 & E-8: Football
4. The sport of choice for O-1, O-2 & O-3: Baseball or
Softball
5. The sport of choice for O-4, O-5 & O-6: Tennis
6. The sport of choice for 0-7 and above: is Golf.

Conclusion: the higher you are in the Chain of Command, the
smaller your balls become.

In the Pentagon they play with and frequently loose their
marbles.
 
____________________________________________


No sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

___________________________________________________



Today February 26 in

1815 Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. He
then began his second conquest of France.

1848 The second French Republic was proclaimed.

1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the National Currency
Act.

1870 In New York City, the first pneumatic-powered subway
line was opened to the public.

1881 S.S. Ceylon began its world-wide cruise, beginning in
Liverpool, England.

1907 The U.S. Congress raised their own pay to $7500.

1916 Mutual signed Charlie Chaplin to a film contract.

1919 In Arizona, the Grand Canyon was established as a
National Park with an act of the U.S. Congress.

1929 U.S. President Coolidge signed a bill creating the
Grand Teton National Park.

1930 New York City installed traffic lights.

1933 A ground-breaking ceremony was held at Crissy Field for
the Golden Gate Bridge.

1945 In the U.S., a nationwide midnight curfew went into
effect.

1952 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announced that
Britain had developed an atomic bomb.

1979 "Flatbush" debuted on CBS-TV.

1986 Corazon Aquino was inaugurated president of the
Philippines. Long time President Ferdinand Marcos went into
exile.

1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced on Baghdad
Radio that Iraqi troops were being withdrawn from Kuwait.

1993 Six people were killed and more than a thousand injured
when a van exploded in the parking garage beneath the World
Trade Center in New York City. The bomb had been built by
Islamic extremists.

1995 Barings PLC collapsed after a securities dealer lost
more than $1.4 billion by gambling on Tokyo stock prices.
The company was Britain's oldest investment banking firm.

1998 A Texas jury rejected an $11 million lawsuit by Texas
cattlemen who blamed Oprah Winfrey for price drop after on-
air comment about mad-cow disease.

1998 In Oregon, a health panel ruled that taxpayers must
help to pay for doctor-assisted suicides.

2001 A U.N. tribunal convicted Bosnian Croat political
leader Dario Kordic and military commander Mario Cerkez of
war crimes. They had ordered the systematic murder and
persecution of Muslim civilians during the Bosnian war.

2002 In Rome, Italy, a bomb exploded near the Interior
Ministry. No injuries were reported.

2009 Former Serbian president Milan Milutinovic was
acquitted by the International Criminal Tribunal for the
former Yugoslavia regarding war crimes during the Kosovo
War.

2009 The Pentagon reveresed its 18-year policy of not
allowing media to cover returning war dead. The reversal
allowsd some media coverage with family approval.

2020  smiled.


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