Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, July 18

Today, July 18, I have to go to Calgary to have injections
into my eyeballs. Yes, they poke me into the eyeballs with 
very sharp needles, and squirt Lucentis into the Macular.

That means for three days I can see enough to sweep and vacuum,
mop floors, do laundry, and even mow the lawns. And cook.
However, I won't be able to work on the computer.
Nothing will be answered and nothing will be sent out on
Friday, July 19,
Saturday, July 20,
Sunday, July 21.

You can email me, 
but don't expect answers until Monday, July 22.

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Today, July 18 in 
1936 The Spanish Civil War began as Gen. Francisco Franco 
led an uprising of army troops based in Spanish North Africa. 
 More of today in history at History
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




Today's Bonehead Award: 
Man cuts off his wife's lover's penis
                                                                  
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

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1936 The first Oscar Meyer Wienermobile rolled out of
General Body Company's factory in Chicago, IL. 
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Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty.
--- Leo Rosten (1908 - ) 

It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority.
By definition, there are already enough people to do that.
--- G. H. Hardy (1877 - 1947)  
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A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been
feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and
comes back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor says,
"Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get
up.  Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch.
Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another
big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers,

"Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?"

Doctor says,
"You're not drinking enough water."

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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Alex Bonilla, 
49, 
Bell,
Floriduh

Man cuts off his wife's lover's penis

A gun-toting Florida Man broke into the home of his wife's lover
and cut off the man's penis with a pair of scissors, according
to police who said that the intruder fled the residence with the
severed organ.

The victim told cops that a neighbor, Alex Bonilla, 49, entered
his mobile home in the town of Bell Sunday morning and
threatened to kill him, according to a Gilchrist County
Sheriff's Office arrest report.

Once inside, cops say, Bonilla warned the victim that he would
kill him if he resisted. Bonilla then  took the Victim into his
bedroom, tied him up, and forcefully cut off the Victim's penis
with a pair of scissors.  Bonilla, cops added,  then fled the
Victim's residence with the Victim's severed penis in his
possession. 

Investigators reported that there were two juveniles in the home
when Bonilla--armed with a 9mm handgun--burst in through an
unlocked rear door.

According to the arrest report, Bonilla recently caught his wife
and the victim having sex. Bonilla lives directly across the
street from the victim.

Seen above, Bonilla, who works for a dairy, was charged with
multiple felony charges for  completely severing  the victim's
sexual organ. Bonilla is being held in the Gilchrist County jail
in lieu of $1.25 million bond.

The victim was transported to a local hospital for treatment.
The arrest report does not detail the man's condition or whether
the severed penis was recovered. 



DearWebby's Tech Support Pits

From: Louis
Re: Can I dump MSN?

Dear Webby,
Webby, you've probably heard that MSN is deleting groupsites 
and allowing an unknown "Multiply" to take over...any ideas or 
suggestions? Can I drop Microsoft all together and stay with 
google? Will I still need Internet Explorer to open my computer? 
You've always kept me informed, please, do it again and 
thanks for your website.
Louis

Dear Louis
There is absolutely no need for MSN.

You can use gmail
and you can do your personal and business chat on Skype.

Internet Explorer is just a browser. 
It doesn't open the computer.

If you are down by the bayou, where they don't have DSL or
cable,
and need a program to tell the computer, that it's time to
dial up, ANY Internet program will do that. ANY browser,
like FireFox, Google Chrome, Opera, etc. will do that just fine.
Of course, Internet Explorer will do that too.

You can set the browser home page to whatever you want. 
It does NOT have to be MSN.

You can, for example, set the Home page on Google Chrome 
to Google and customize it for weather, stock market, currency 
exchange, and financial markets.

Then beside that, you can use FireFox and make the FireFox HOME
the Humor Letter.

And in Opera, you can make AccuRadio Country Channel the HOME.
That way, when you hit the Opera icon, the Internet radio
starts.
Those are just examples. You can set the HOME page in any
browser to whatever you fell like, whether it is a religious
site or a fun site. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


"A judge in Ohio has ruled that homeless people are allowed 
to vote, and they can list their home address as a park 
bench. Ohio officials say that a park bench may not be the 
most traditional place to live, but it's still a lot nicer 
than Cleveland." 
--- Conan O'Brien 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




As an engineer in an upscale hotel, I was asked to repair 
or replace the television in a guest room. When I arrived, 
the couple was watching a picture one-third the size of the 
screen. I knew all our spare sets were in use, so I figured 
what the heck: I struck the side of the TV with the heel of 
my hand. Just my luck the picture returned to full size. 

"Look, honey," said the wife to her husband. "He went to the 
same repair school as you."

-----------------
We call that "Percussive Maintenance".

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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Halloween Candy recycling!
 Save your M and M tubes to make recycled art. My son won 
 a contest at the library for his aluminum ant friend he 
 created. We used silver spray paint and some pipe cleaners 
 and paper clips for wings. These tubes have many uses. 
 My son carries one in his lunch box to hold his change 
 for milk etc. They are great for beads too. You can always 
 refill them with M and M's! 
thriftyfun.Com


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The best of People Are Awesome

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Two hunters in 'Bama were dragging their dead deer
back to their car. Another hunter approached
pulling his along too.  "Hey, I don't want to
tell you how to do something, but I can tell
you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in
the other direction. Then the antlers won't
dig into the ground."

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other,
"You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

The other added "Yeah, but we're getting farther
and farther away from the truck!"

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Wicked Willie's Chain Letter
This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to
other tired and discouraged men.  Unlike most chain letters,
this one doesn't cost anything!

Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are
equally tired and discontent.

Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the
man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add
your name to the bottom of the list.

When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women.  One of
them is bound to be better than the one you already have.

At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already
received 184 women, of whom four were worth keeping, REMEMBER
this chain brings luck.

One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy
playmate.  An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed
mother was able to choose between a Hooter's waitress and a
Hollywood super model.

You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN!
One man broke the chain and got his wife back again.

Let's keep it going, men!  Just add your name to the list below!

>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Billie Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 B.  Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 William Jefferson Clinton
 ...snip...
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Mr.  Hillary Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Mr.  Willie Clinton

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Yeah, I know it's an old hoax and just like all chain letters,
does not work. 
Yes, ALL chain letters. 

Subscriber Eric asked me to write another rant about 
chain letters.

Worst are the tear jerker chain letters, promising that for
every forward, somebody would donate a penny to some
wacky cause. The truth is that absolutely NOBODY will donate
a dry fart to the fictitious cause mentioned in that chain
letter.

Those chain letters are simply attempts by a few crooks
to find the most gullible goofs on the net. If somebody is
so gullible that they think forwarding an email will help a
dying girl in Hogwashistan, then they are probably gullible
enough to buy new and improved snake-oil from spam.

That's right. If you forward chain letters, you get added
to spam lists. After all, you HAVE proved that you are
gullible. 

Here is a chainletter page I put up in 1994:
THE FERTILIZER
CLUB
Feel free to print it for the company bulletin board!

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Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


Red Hot Money 

Old George was a man who had worked hard all of his life, 
and he had saved every cent that wasn't essential. He was 
a real miser when it came to his money, never allowing his 
wife Marilyn to spend more then absolutely necessary. 
He loved money more than just about anything. 

Just before he died, he said to Marilyn, "Now I want you 
to listen to me, I want your solemn promise that when I die, 
you will take all of my money and put it in the casket with 
me. I plan to take my money to the afterlife with me. 

He made her promise with all her heart that when he died, 
she would put all of the money in the casket with him. 

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife 
was sitting there in black, and her friend Ann, was sitting 
next to her. 

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers 
got ready to close the casket, Marilyn said, "Wait a minute!' 
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put 
it in the casket. 

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled 
it away to the crematorium. 

Ann said, "Marilyn, I know you weren't foolish enough to put 
all that money in there with George!" 

She said, "Listen, I'm a Christian. I can't go back on my word. 
I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket 
with him. 

"You mean to tell me you really put all of that money in that 
casket to be cremated with him!!!!? 

"I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check for every 
last cent!" 

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Today, July 18 in
0064 The Great Fire of Rome began. 

1536 The authority of the pope was declared void in England. 

1789 Robespierre, a deputy from Arras, France, decided to back
the French Revolution. 

1812 Great Britain signed the Treaty of Orebro, making peace
with Russia and Sweden. 

1830 Uruguay adopted a liberal constitution. 

1914 Six planes of the U.S. Army helped to form an aviation
division called the Signal Corps. 

1932 The U.S. and Canada signed a treaty to develop the St.
Lawrence Seaway. 

1935 Ethiopian King Haile Selassie urged his countrymen to fight
to the last man against the invading Italian army. 

1936 The first Oscar Meyer Wienermobile rolled out of General
Body Company's factory in Chicago, IL. 

1936 The Spanish Civil War began as Gen. Francisco Franco led an
uprising of army troops based in Spanish North Africa. 

1942 The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to fly
in combat, made its first flight. 

1944 U.S. troops captured Saint-Lo, France, ending the battle of
the hedgerows. 

1944 Hideki Tojo was removed as Japanese premier and war
minister due to setbacks suffered by his country in World War
II. 

1947 U.S. President Truman signed the Presidential Succession
Act, which placed the Speaker of the House and the Senate
President Pro Tempore next in the line of succession after the
vice president. 

1971 New Zealand and Australia announced they would pull their
troops out of Vietnam. 

2001 A train derailed, involving 60 cars, in a Baltimore train
tunnel. The fire that resulted lasted for six days and virtually
closed down downtown Baltimore for several days. (Maryland) 

2015 The Ebay spin-off of PayPal into a separate publicly traded
company was completed. 

2019  smiled.