Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,  July 23

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Memphis Man Steals Date's Car, 
Goes on Another Date
Bonehead
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Today, July 23 in
1829 William Burt patented the typographer, which was the first typewriter. 
More of today in history at HIstory
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Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
--- Gail Godwin  
If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears,
however measured or far away.
--- Henry David Thoreau
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A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that
when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly
realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.  Turning to the man
next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth."

The man said, "No problem."

With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of
false teeth.  "Try these," he said.

The speaker tried them.  "Too loose," he said.

The man then said, "I have another pair... try these."

The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."

The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more
pair of false teeth... try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."
With that he ate his meal and gave his address.  After the dinner
meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had
helped him. 

"I want to thank you for coming to my aid.  Where is your office?
I've been looking for a good dentist."

The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."

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Amy and Jamie are Old Friends.
They have both been married to their husbands for a long time.
Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her
attractive anymore.

"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries.

"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more
beautiful every day." replies Jamie.

"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Kelton Griffin,
Memphis
Tennessee

Memphis Man Steals Date's Car, 
Goes on Another Date

Police in Memphis say a man stole his date's car 
And drove it to a date with another woman.

Police say a woman reported her car stolen after Kelton Griffin
went to her house to take her on a date. WMC-TV reports that
Griffin stopped at a gas station and asked the woman to get him
some cigars. A police report says while she was gone, he drove off
in her Volvo.

Later in the same Saturday evening, another woman contacted the
victim and told her that Griffin had taken her on a date. That
woman led police to a drive-in movie theater, where they found the
Volvo.

Griffin was in the driver's seat and police arrested him and
charged him with theft of property.



Tech Support Pits
From: Elizabeth
Re: What to do about spoofs

Dear Webby,

The weird characters you mentioned today also come from
mail written with Microsoft WEIRD and Microsoft Live Mail.
There apparently ARE ways to fix that and force their crap
to use standard encoding, but one would have to read the
instwuckshions. That unfortunately is not fashionable with
THAT crowd.

Now for today's question:
There is a real epidemic of spoofs coming into my mail box.
I know they are just caused by a virus, or rather by people
who are too stupid to protect their machines from viruses,
and I don't blame ebay or PayPal or Mypostcards or Hallmark
or Citibank for being spoofed about, but isn't there something
that can be done about it? 

We can put people into space and eavesdrop on terrorists, you'd
think these scammers could be nailed with today's technology! I
know the government is useless and the politicians are busy trying
to guarantee themselves a warm place to shit and have other
prioities than the tax payers, but can't the IT industry come up
with a solution? Yeah, I know, look at Vista! Some solution!

In the meantime, what do YOU suggest for dealing with this
unholy crap?
Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth
Yes, I know that the government COULD use the spamcops to
identify the scammers, but as you said, they have other priorities,
and most likely some bleeding heart liberal judges would make
identifying scammers just as illegal as eavesdropping on
terrorists. Look how it took Russian hackers to expose Broom
Hilda's crimes, which are now ignored and the witch hunt is about
who might have gotten groped or laid by Trump. 

As mentioned before, I use Mailwasher.
It recognizes those spoofs and marks them as KNOWN and to be
deleted. When you hit F6 to process, it dumps them without ever
downloading more than a few lines of the header.

You can even make filters. For example, if you don't know anybody
in Russia or Nigeria, then you can set it so that mail from there
gets dumped without even showing in the list. 

MailWasher of course looks at the actual and hidden sender address.
It completely ignores the faked one pretending to be your bank.

A lot of scammers forge your own address as the sender address,
even the underlying hidden address. No Problem, Mailwasher can deal
with that too. 

I have used the same addresses since 1993, and they are probably on
ever spammer's CD in the entire world. That does not bother me one
bit. MailWasher takes care of them all.

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

SCIENCE: BREAD IS DANGEROUS

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are
bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-
consuming households score below average on
standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was
baked in the home, the average life expectancy
was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were
unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth;
and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and
influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed
within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects
deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged
for bread after as little as two days.

6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the
user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut
butter, and even cream cheese.

7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the
human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows
that eating bread could lead to your body being taken
over by this absorptive food product, turning you into
a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person.

8. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 450
degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an
adult in less than two minutes.

10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable
to distinguish between significant scientific fact and
meaningless AlGorian statistical babbling.



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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of
the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational
psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained
that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks
visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-
grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a
living.

I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free pro-
fessional advice.  Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine
and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Unusual Wrapping Ideas
Use linens or towels to wrap gifts and the wrapping will be a
nice gift too. You also can use something as simple as a car
washing chamois.


Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

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The Theater That Shakespeare Stole
___________________________________________________

I had an offer from a large company and they offered to fly
me out to the meeting on business class. During the return
flight we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry,
I decided to save them for later, so I placed them in a sick
bag. After the plane landed I got up to leave and a stewardess
approached me. "Sir, would you like for me to dispose of that
for you?"

I said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


A couple had been married for 45 years and had
raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with
22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying
together all that time, the wife replied, "Many years
ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to
pack up and leave has to sort out all the accumulated stuff
and take all the kids."

____________________________________________________



Today, July 23 in
1715 The first lighthouse in America was authorized for
construction at Little Brewster Island, Massachusetts. 

1827 The first swimming school in the U.S. opened in Boston, MA. 

1829 William Burt patented the typographer, which was the first
typewriter. 

1877 The first municipal railroad passenger service began in
Cincinnati, Ohio. 

1886 Steve Brodie, a New York saloonkeeper, claimed to have made a
daredevil plunge from the Brooklyn Bridge into the East River. 

1904 The ice cream cone was invented by Charles E. Menches during
the Louisiana Purchase Exposition in St. Louis, MO. 

1914 Austria-Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia following the
killing of Archduke Francis Ferdinand by a Serb assassin. England
used that as an excuse to start World War I. 

1938 The first federal game preserve was approved by the U.S. Fish
and Wildlife Service. The area was 2,000 acres in Utah. 

1945 The first passenger train observation car was placed in
service by the Chicago, Burlington and Quincy Railroad. 

1952 Egyptian military officers led by Gamal Abdel Nasser overthrew
King Farouk I. 

1954 A law was passed that stated "The Secretary of the Navy is
authorized to repair, equip, and restore the United States Ship
Constitution, as far as may be practicable, to her original
appearance, but not for active service, and thereafter to maintain
the United States Ship Constitution at Boston, Massachusetts." 

1958 The submarine Nautilus departed from Pearl Harbor, Hawaii,
under orders to conduct "Operation Sunshine." The mission was to be
the first vessel to cross under the north pole by ship. The
Nautilus achieved the goal on August 3, 1958. 

1962 The "Telstar" communications satellite sent the first live TV
broadcast to Europe. 

1972 Eddie Merckx of Belgium won his fourth consecutive Tour de
France bicycling competition. 

1972 The U.S. launched Landsat 1 (ERTS-1). It was the first Earth-
resources satellite. 

1984 Miss America, Vanessa Williams, turned in her crown after it
had been discovered that nude photos of her had appeared in
"Penthouse" magazine. She was the first to resign the title. 

1985 Commodore unveiled the personal computer Amiga 1000. 

1986 Britain's Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson at Westminster
Abbey in London. They divorced in 1996. 

1998 U.S. scientists at the University of Hawaii turned out more
than 50 "carbon-copy" mice, with a cloning technique. 

2000 Lance Armstrong won his second Tour de France. 

2018  smiled.

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