Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday,  October 17
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Today, October 17 in 
1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was
sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939.
More of today in history at History
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Today's Bonehead Award:
Guilty Plea In Oral Demands Assault Case
                     
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Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much.
--- John Wayne (1907 - 1979)

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to
make it stop.
--- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) 

"The man who keeps busy helping the man below 
him won't have time to envy the man above him." 
--- Henrietta Mears 

"One day in retrospect, the years of 
struggle will strike you as the most 
beautiful."
--- Sigmund Freud
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A little girl and her mother were out and about. The
girl, out of the blue, asked her mother,
"Mommy, How old are you?"

The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about
their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing
women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you
grow up."

The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then
fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and
daddy get divorced?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions,
responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me
very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is
dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults
with her girlfriend about her and her mother's
conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do
is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license.
It's just a like a report card from school. It tells
you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother are out and
about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy,
Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are.
You're 32 years old."

The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how
do you know that?"

The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I
know how much you weigh. You weigh 175 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you
and daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."

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Thanks to Penny for this:


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by 

Amy Parrino, 
44,
Columbia,
Missouri


Guilty Plea In Oral Demands Assault Case

The naked Missouri woman who sat on her boyfriend's face and
demanded that he perform oral sex on her has pleaded guilty to a
domestic violence charge, according to court records.

Amy Parrino, 44, copped last month to a felony assault charge
and was sentenced to three years in custody, though a Circuit
Court judge stayed the execution of the prison term and placed
the Columbia resident on five years probation.

As part of a plea deal, prosecutors dropped a felony sexual
assault charge against Parrino, who worked prior to her arrest
as an embalmer's assistant at a mortuary.

Parrino had been locked up in the Boone County jail since her
arrest last December. She was released following her sentencing
and ordered to have no contact with the victim. Parrino is
pictured above in a mug shot snapped in late-September.

Police arrested Parrino following a violent confrontation in the
couple's Columbia home, according to a probable cause affidavit.
The victim told cops that Parrino punched him and struck him
with a variety of items, including a belt and a cell phone.

During the incident, Parrino, who was naked, chased the man
around the residence before shoving him to the ground. She then
sat atop the victim and directed him to  eat my pussy  while
perched on his face.

The man told police that he was briefly unable to breathe while
Parrino sat on his face, and that he was  scared to death 
during the domestic assault. The victim added that he told
Parrino to leave him alone and that he  didn't want to do
anything sexual  with her.

The affidavit reported that the victim had cuts on his arms and
a cut on the bridge of his nose (which the man said was  from
when Parrino sat on his face ). Red marks on his chest, the man
added, were a result of Parrino striking him with a belt.

Parrino is scheduled for a court hearing tomorrow to determine
the amount of court costs, fees, and restitution she will be
responsible for paying. 



DearWebby's Tech Support Pits

From: Carolyn
Re: What to unplug

Dear Webby, 
I have a Dell laptop and at night I unplug it. Should I also
turn off my 660 series that shows the Internet lights?
Carolyn

Dear Carolyn
I imagine that your "660 series" is your cable modem.
There is no need to shut the modem down. It has no moving 
parts that wear out.
Modems usually become obsolete and are replaced with faster 
ones, long before they die of old age.

If you use Voice Over IP telephone, then the modem also acts
as a splitter, to peel off the phone channel, and your phones
will stop working if you unplug the modem. 

As long as you have a surge protector before your power bar,
it is best to leave th modem and router plugged in.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 

On a visit to Chicago, Jill was eager to visit a posh
department store about a dozen blocks from their
hotel. Her husband obligingly hailed a cab. They got
in and he told the driver, "My wife wants to go to
Neiman Marcus."

The cabby looked over his shoulder at us and said,
"And the gentleman?  Does he want to go to the bank
or the pawn shop?"



If you can help with
the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




During a sermon the pastor stated that money wasn't important
in the afterlife, because in heaven, there is no money.  One
parishioner loudly stage-whispered to his wife,
"Did you hear that, Maude? We're already in heaven."

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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
font color="#009990">
Carry Extra Zip-Lock Bags When Traveling
When you travel, throw in a few extra zip-lock bags. They 
are great for wet swimsuits, a half-full bottle of shampoo, 
some animal crackers for the car, or even to fill with ice 
at the motel to use in the cooler while you drive.
thriftyfun.Com

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Hawaiian Wonderland

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Kathrina was visiting the modern art museum and turned to an
attendant standing nearby.
"This," she sneered, "I suppose, is one of those hideous
representations you call modern art?"

"Yes madam," replied the attendant. 
"That one's called 'The Mirror'."

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An elderly widow and widower were dating for about
five years. The man finally decided to ask her to
marry. She immediately said "yes".

The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember
what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so,
wait, no, she looked at me funny..."  After about an
hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on
the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he
admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the
marriage proposal.

"Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered
saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember
who it was."

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The gentleman stopped to talk to the small girl who was 
making mud pies on the sidewalk. 

"My word," he exclaimed, "you are pretty dirty, aren't 
you, little girl?" 

"Yes," she replied, "but I am prettier clean."

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Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.

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Today, October 17 in
1739 Thomas Coram was granted a Royal Charter from George II so
a "hospital for the maintenance and education of exposed and
deserted young children" in Londond, England.

1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga, NY. It
was the turning point in the American Revolutionary War.

1888 The first issue of "National Geographic Magazine" was
released at newsstands.

1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was
sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939.

1933 Nobel prize winner Dr. Albert Einstein moved to Princeton,
NJ, after leaving Germany.

1945 Colonel Juan Peron became the dictator of Argentina after
staging a coup in Buenos Aires.

1973 The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC)
began an oil-embargo against several countries including the
U.S. and Great Britain. The incident stemmed from Western
support of Israel when Egypt and Syria attacked the nation on
October 6, 1973. The embargo lasted until March of 1974.

1978 U.S. President Carter signed a bill that restored full U.S.
citizenship rights to Confederate President Jefferson Davis.

1979 Mother Teresa of India was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

1987 U.S. First Lady Nancy Reagan underwent a modified radical
mastectomy at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland.

1989 An earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale hit the
San Francisco Bay area in California. The quake caused about 67
deaths, 3,000 injuries, and damages up to $7 billion.

1994 Israel and Jordan initialed a draft peace treaty.

1994 The Angolan government and rebels agreed to a peace treaty
that ended their 19 years of civil war.

1997 The remains of revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara were
laid to rest in his adopted Cuba, 30 years after his execution
in Bolivia.

2000 In New York City, Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum opened to the
public. The 42nd Street location joined Tussaud's other
exhibitions already in London, Hong Kong, Amsterdam and Las
Vegas.

2001 Israel's tourism minister was killed. A radical Palestinian
faction claimed that it had carried out the assassination to
avenge the killing of its leader by Israel 2 months earlier.

2001 Pakistan placed its armed forces on high alert because of
troop movements by India in the disputed territory of Kashmir.
India said that the movements were part of a normal troop
rotation.

2001 Italian priest Giuseppe "Beppe" Pierantoni was kidnapped by
the terrorist group the "Pentagon." He was released on April 8,
2002.

2003 In the U.S., the Food and Drug Administration approved a
drug, known as memantine, to help people with Alzheimer's
symptoms.

2003 In Taipei, Taiwan, construction crews finished 1,676-foot-
tall-building called Taipei 101. The building was planned to
open for business in 2004.

2003 In northwest England, the Carnforth railway station
reopened as a heritage center.

2019  smiled.