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Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, February 28

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an 
Iowa mother, who kicked daughter while drunk 
on hand sanitizer
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn 
 arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS California 
 had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 4 
 months and 21 days. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History

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Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. --- A. J. Liebling (1904 - 1963) ______________________________________________________ A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need but he knew that the Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size. "Murphy," he asked, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?" "Twenty" said Murphy. So the fellow bought the twenty rolls of paper and did the job. It looked wonderful, but he had 12 rolls of wallpaper left over. "Murphy," he said. "I bought twenty rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 12 left over!" "Dat's funny," said Murphy. "So did I." ______________________________________________________ Miss Prissy was going over Melvin's records with his anxious parents. On one page was the statement, "Melvin used fowl language today." Mr. Messpot, hoping to put the teacher in a bad light, snickered, "Ha! You spelled foul wrong." Miss Prussy corrected, "No, I meant F-O-W-L. Your child called me a 'dumb cluck' ." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Jennifer Jane Olney, 48, Des Moines, Iowa Kicked Daughter While Drunk On Hand Sanitizer A mother in West Des Moines, Iowa, is facing child endangerment charges after allegedly kicking her daughter while drunk on hand sanitizer. Jennifer Jane Olney, 48, was arrested Tuesday after officers responded to a report of medication and alcohol hand sanitizer overdose at her residence, reports. Police said Olney's speech was slurred and she was acting aggressively. Witnesses told the responding officers that Olney had been behaving erratically and threatened to take all of her medications at once. She allegedly called her daughter's elementary school to scream at employees, according to the Des Moines Register. Olney's mental state was such that her father went in her place to pick up the girl at school. After talking with Olney, officers gave her two choices: Turn her daughter over to the Iowa Department of Human Services, or check herself into a hospital for treatment, according to the New York Daily News. After much crying and yelling, Olney agreed to seek help. She then got off the couch and allegedly kicked her daughter in the leg, which caused the girl to burst into tears. When officers went to arrest Olney, she allegedly fought back by kicking and screaming, the Des Moines Register reports. Olney was charged with child endangerment and interference with official acts inflicting bodily injury. She’s being held at the Polk County Jail on $3,000 bond. The daughter was left in her grandfather’s care, according to the Associated Press. 4______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Puzzled Pat Re: turn pictures into wallpaper Dear Webby, Some of your pictures are very nice, and would look nice as wallpaper on my home page. When I right click on the icture, I do not wee options to SAVE AS WALLPAPER. Can you tell me step-by-step how to save the picture, and then use it as wallpaper on my computer? I would be grateful if you could. Signed, Puzzled Dear Puzzled Pat Most browsers have lost that ability. With Chrome you can get an extension to do that. Desktop Wallpaper Tool With that you can turn your own, saved images into wallpaper, or anything you can sang on the web. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear that word one more time, I'll quit!" Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the roads and sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your own wife fell three times this week already, and your daughter fell twice!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Damp Cloth Keeps Cutting Board from Slipping In order to keep the cutting board from sliding around while slicing potatoes, put a slightly damp washcloth under it. Here I am perilously close to a hundred and I didn't know this! Source: My son, Steve showed me this one. By Marty Dick [149] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Son: Why is Father singing to the baby so much tonight? Mother: He is trying to sing her asleep. Son: Well, If I were her, I'd pretend I was asleep. _____________________________________________________ A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope you don't mind Johnny being in there." "No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet shortly. It sounds like he found the poisons." _____________________________________________________
She's got you......

Today in 
1844 Several people were killed aboard the USS Princeton 
 when a 12-inch gun exploded. 
1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn 
 arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS California 
 had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 4 
 months and 21 days. 
1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50 
 slavery opponents began the new political group. 
1885 AT&T (American Telephone and Telegraph) was incorporated. 
 The company was capitalized on only $100,000 and provided long 
 distance service for American Bell. 
1893 Edward G. Acheson showed his patent for Carborundum. 
1911 Thomas A. Edison, Inc. was organized. 
1951 A Senate committee issued a report that stated that there 
 were at least two major crime syndicates in the U.S. 
 House and Senate?
1953 In a Cambridge University laboratory, scientists James D. 
 Watson and Francis H.C. Crick discovered the double-helix 
 structure of DNA. 
1956 A patent was issued to Forrester for a computer memory core. 
1983 "M*A*S*H" became the most watched television program in 
 history when the final episode aired. 
1986 Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was assassinated in 
1993 U.S. Federal agents raided the compound of an armed 
 religious cult in Waco, TX. The ATF had planned to arrest 
 the leader of the Branch Davidians, David Koresh, on federal 
 firearms charges. Four agents and six Davidians were killed 
 and a 51-day standoff followed. 
1994 NATO made its first military strike when U.S. F-16 
 fighters shot down four Bosnian Serb warplanes in violation 
 of a no-fly zone over central Bosnia. 
1995 The Denver International Airport opened after a 
 16-month delay. 
1998 Serbian police began a campaign to wipe out 
 "terrorist gangs" in the Yugoslav province of Kosovo. 
2001 The Northwest region of the U.S., including the state of 
 Washington, was hit by an earthquake that measured 6.9 on 
 the Richter Scale. There were no deaths reported. 
2002 In Ahmadabad, India, Hindus set fire to homes in a 
 Muslim neighborhood. At least 55 people were killed in 
 the attack. 
2002 Sotheby's auction house announced that it had identified 
 Peter Paul Reubens as the creator of the painting "The Massacre 
 of the Innocents." The painting was previously thought to be by 
 Jan van den Hoecke. 
2013 Benedict XVI resigned as pope. He was the first pope to 
 resign since Gregory XII in 1415 and the first to resign 
 voluntarily since Celestine V in 1294. 
2015  smiled.
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