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Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, May 30

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida Shoplifter, who stuffed an
AK-47 down his pants at pawn shop
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1431 Joan of Arc, 19, was burned at the stake in Rouen, France.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming. --- Wernher von Braun (1912 - 1977) ______________________________________________________ The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal. Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they moved out, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful - so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing." The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the man say, "I felt like a new man when I woke up!" ______________________________________________________ Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God. "God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud. To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?" Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?" Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate, "A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute." "Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?" "A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny." "Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. "You're so generous...can I have one of your pennies?" God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Iguazu Falls, Argentina
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Yesterday's bonehead was reported by Sailor. Thanks Sailor! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Marlon Paul Alvarez, 19, Fort Lauderdale Florida
Shoplifter stuffed AK-47 down pants at pawn shop Marlon Paul Alvarez, of Fort Lauderdale, made his first appearance in court Wednesday where Broward Judge John Hurley expressed concern about Alvarez's behavior. "You allegedly went into that pawn shop and removed an AK-47 rifle on display and stuck it down your pants," the judge read from the arrest report. "After a while, [you] pulled it out, put it back, then grabbed another assault rifle off another display [and] put that down your pants." The owner of Public Pawn and Gun at 6798 Stirling Rd. noticed Alvarez limping out of the store with the assault rifle down his pant leg about 11:30 a.m. Tuesday, police said. Owner Kevin Hughes confronted Alvarez outside and recovered the brand new $830 weapon before Alvarez ran off, the arrest report stated. Alvarez was seen on security video and the business owner was able to identify him when the suspect was arrested a short time later, police said. Alvarez said in court he had moved to Florida from New York about one year ago and the judge noted there was a New York injunction ordering Alvarez to stay away from guns. Assistant state attorney Eric Linder asked the judge to set a high bond. "It's one thing to try to steal a firearm, it's another thing trying to steal an AK47 and potentially trying to put a stolen firearm out on the street," Linder said. Hurley set bond at $25,000 for grand theft and the violation of a domestic violence injunction. He revoked bond for a May 15 arrest on theft and drug possession charges in Pembroke Pines, Florida Department of Law Enforcement records showed. "The court was just very concerned about your alleged behavior without even knowing your criminal background," Hurley said. According to the arrest report, Alvarez confessed to stealing the rifle. The report does not say whether it was the pawn shop owner or the police who gave him the facial decoration.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Anuk Re: Disk Clean Dear Webby There used to be a disk Clean in Windows. How do I find and use it? Anuk Dear Anuk Click on START, and into trhe RUN field type cleanmgr Then you get to choose the drive, that you want to clean up, and hit OK. It's not fast at all, and probably won't find much to clean, if you have run CrapCleaner on a regular basis. However, it should not hurt your system or speed. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use, on the average, only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat or explain everything they say. He replied, "What do you mean?" ______________________________________________________ A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say Grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it seems to me that I've blessed all this stuff already." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Old Encyclopedias for Gag Gift Cards Since old encyclopedia sets are hard to sell and no one has the space for them anymore, individual volumes make great "birthday" or event cards. Give the volume that is the initial of the person and say something pithy on the inside. As a joke I gave the S volume to a friend we dubbed the snake oil salesman - tabbing the Snake article of course! By Lynette C. [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ "Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils: people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing." - Tom Dreesen _____________________________________________________ Fortune cookie inserts: "Man who run in front of car get tired" "Man who run behind car get exhausted" "Two wrongs not make a right - Three lefts do" "Man who eat many prunes get good run for money." "War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left." "Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!" "Man who sit on tack get point!" "Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!" "Man who lives in glass house should change in basement" "If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient." The all-time favorite I ever got was this one, in the Shangri-La, a restaurant in Whitehorse in the 1970's. "Heed this advice" ____________________________________________________
Aging gracefully from infancy to old age. This is absolutely stunning and so beautifully done.

Today in 
1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church. 
1431 Joan of Arc, 19, was burned at the stake in Rouen, France.
1527 The University of Marburg was founded in Germany. 
1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in Florida 
 with 600 soldiers to search for gold. 
1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned 
 France to its 1792 borders. 
1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer. 
1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City 
 in a stampede after a rumor spread, that the Brooklyn Bridge 
 was in danger of collapsing.
1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York City. 
1903 In Riverdale, NY, the first American motorcycle hill 
 climb was held. 
1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the 
 time, it was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes 
 Race. Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles per hour. 
1913 The First Balkan War ended. 
1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves 
 to the Department of the Interior. 
1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu 
 from the Japanese during World War II. 
1958 Unidentified soldiers killed in World War II and the 
 Korean conflicts were buried at Arlington National Cemetery. 
1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row 
 in a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA. 
1967 The state of Biafra seceded from Nigeria and Civil 
 war erupted. 
1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off 
 on a journey to Mars. 
1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member. Spain was the first 
 country to enter the Western alliance since West Germany in 1955. 
1983 Peru's President Fernando Belaunde Terry declared a state 
 of emergency and suspended civil rights after bombings by 
 leftist rebels. 
1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was 
 erected in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators. 
1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson were granted 
 an uncontested decree ending their 10-year marriage. 
1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of 
 raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. 
 The 1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that 
 communities be notified when sex offenders move in. 
1998 A powerful earthquake hit northern Afghanistan killing 
 up to 5,000. 
2015  smiled.
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