Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, July 24

Have FUN!

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Woman who tried to shoplift vibrator by hiding device behind her child in stroller Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1987 Hulda Crooks, at 91 years of age, climbed Mt. Fuji. Hulda became the oldest person to climb Japan’s highest peak.
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I improve on misquotation. --- Cary Grant (1904 - 1986) There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it. --- Mary Wilson Little
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)
I was inspecting communications facilities in Alaska. Since I had little experience in flying in small planes, I was nervous when we approached a landing strip in a snow covered area. The pilot descended to just a dozen feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm. "I wonder why he didn't land," I said. "He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed," the man said. As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window. "It looks plowed to me," I commented. "No," my seat mate said. "It hasn't been cleared for some time." "How can you tell?" I asked. "Because," the man informed me, "I'm the guy who drives the plow, and I have been in Hawaii for two weeks."
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Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing his sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No, but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without asking."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture Click on the picture for the large version Let's GIT!
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Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver for reporting this: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Misty Ann Lee, 38, Spartanburg, SC Woman who tried to shoplift vibrator by hiding device behind her child in stroller A woman who allegedly tried to steal a vibrator from the “love section” of a Spencer’s gift shop in South Carolina was foiled when a store employee spotted her stashing the device behind her child, who was seated in a stroller, police report. Misty Ann Lee, 38, was nabbed Friday afternoon inside the WestGate Mall in Spartanburg, according to a police report. She was cited for shoplifting and booked into the county jail (from which she was released late Friday evening). A Spencer’s manager told cops that she saw Lee “select a vibrator from the love unit” and then move to the “t-shirt cube,” where she allegedly slid the item “behind a young child in the stroller.” Lee then departed the store, worker Dawn Hamilton told investigators. After Lee departed the business, she was stopped by Hamilton, who demanded the vibrator. “Ms. Hamilton stated Ms. Lee looked like she didn't know what she was talking about but eventually she retrieved the merchandise from the stroller,” according to a Spartanburg Police Department report. With vibrator in hand, Hamilton appeared content to let Lee skate. But when Lee subsequently sought to reenter Spencer’s, Hamilton decided to notify police. Lee, seen in the above mug shot, is free on a $2000 personal recognizance bond. The police report does not include the make, model, or retail price of the vibrator. Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Caps Locked text Dear Webby I am editing (pro bono) a local service club monthly bulletin and occasionally get a script IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. I don't mind going through two or three paragraphs, but it will take forever to rewrite several pages -- not to mention how boring it is. If anyone knows a shortcut, I figure it is you. CAN YOU HELP? Thanx, Jerry Dear Jerry Just send it back to them and tell them that they are giving AOL a bad name, again. Tell them that there is more to life than slouching on the couch, a bottle of Southern Comfort in one hand, and poking a Caps-Locked keyboard with the typo finger of the other hand. Jerry, you are not doing them a favor by lowering your standards to theirs! Bring them up to YOURS! He's a poor teacher, who has never been called a meanie. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Use Auto Sun Shades on Your House Windows Use windshield sun shades on windows and skylights to keep sun out and your living space cooler. By Marilyn from Duryea, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A Jewish woman's husband dies. He only had $30,000 to his name. After everything was done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is none of the $30,000 left. The friend asked, "How can that be?" The widow replied, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And of course I made a donation to the shul ..that was $500, and I spent another $500 for food and drinks for the people when I was sitting shiva. The rest went for the memorial stone." Her friend said, "$22,500 for the memorial stone? My, how big is it?" The widow said, "Three carats."
Waiting in a long, slow-moving line for security clearance at the Edmonton International Airport in Canada, I was annoyed to hear a loud male voice behind me. "Excuse me, excuse me," said the man as he pushed his way to the front. "I want to make sure I get a good seat." I resolved not to let this line-jumper get ahead of me. When I felt a tap on my shoulder, I whirled around, prepared to give the man a tongue-lashing -- but found myself face to face with a grinning pilot.

» Beaches

Today in 
1847 Mormon leader Brigham Young and his followers arrived 
 in the valley of the Great Salt Lake in present-day Utah.
1847 Richard M. Hoe patented the rotary-type printing press.
1923 The Treaty of Lausanne, which settled the boundaries 
 of modern Turkey, was concluded in Switzerland.
1948 Soviet occupation forces in Germany blockaded West Berlin. 
 The U.S.-British airlift began the following day.
1969 The Apollo 11 astronauts splashed down safely in the 
 Pacific Ocean.
1974 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that President 
 Nixon had to turn over subpoenaed White House tape recordings 
 to the Watergate special prosecutor.
1978 Billy Martin was fired for the first of three times as 
 the manager of the New York Yankees baseball team.
1987 Hulda Crooks, at 91 years of age, climbed Mt. Fuji. 
 Hulda became the oldest person to climb Japan’s highest peak. 
2014  smiled.
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