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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 20

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Man Accused Of Arson, 
Microwaving Neighbor's Wallet
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1775 American troops began the siege of British-held Boston.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
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People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. --- Hermann Hesse (1877 - 1962) ______________________________________________________ A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check and cashed it in the store, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning." ______________________________________________________ A rather boring joke I heard today reminded me of a fun incicent. Many years ago when I was taking a required course in the process of becoming an electrician, we also had to take some basics physics. Personally, I always loved physics, probably because deep down inside I am still a kid that is fascinated by anything that makes noise or moves. Most of the people in the class hated physics, and one guy in particular did a lot of complaining about it and asking why it was necessary. Finally the instructor had enough and he told him that physics was required to save his live. Naturally the guy fell for that straight line and asked how physics would save his live. "It saves lives", the instructor yelled at him, "because it keeps you from finishing the course, and because if you passed my class and then later burned down a house with your lack of knowledge, I'd have to go and shoot you." That guy quit the course right there ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Looking East at sunset and storm clouds from my deck at 7:15PM. We’ve had lots of rain lightning and thunder today and expecting more tonight. I thought the light was pretty looking East.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mohammed Almarri, 21, Tampa, Florida Man Accused Of Arson, Microwaving Neighbor's Wallet A Florida man forced his neighbor onto a balcony and then microwaved his wallet during a bizarre dispute Sunday morning, police say. Mohammed Almarri, 21, allegedly broke into the neighbor's Tampa home and "threatened the owner of the apartment until he retreated to the balcony," TBO reports. Authorities say that Almarri took the homeowner's wallet and microwaved it, and then proceeded to stack several lighters near an electric heater. Firefighters responded to the luxury apartment building and smelled smoke, but found no active fire, according to the Tampa Bay Times. Almarri was arrested on charges including arson and false imprisonment. The damage to the apartment is estimated at approximately $1,000, according to WTSP. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: OR formula in Excel Dear Webby, That was brilliant putting the text onto other sheets, where they can be edited independently of the formulas, without having to touch the formulas. While you are in Excel, I got a problem with OR formulas. Can't get them to work the way i want them to. Can you explain them in your usual way, so that I can understand them? Thanks Ellen Dear Ellen The OR formula is just a YES/NO formula. To make it useful you have to combine it with the IF formula. =IF(OR(condition1,condition2)Result1,Result2) The way that works is like this: IF either condition1 OR condition2 is true, then it shows whatever is Result1, else, if neither condition is true, then it shows Result2 Condition 1 could be a date comparison like (T3>TODAY()-5) Condition 2 could be for example an invoice minimum set in $Z$1 like (R3>$Z$1) So, if the date in cell T2 is larger than Today - 5 OR the Invoice amount in R3 is larger than the minimum set in Z1, then show the text from Result1 else if neither condition is true, then show the text from Result2 I apologize to those of you, who are not familiar with spreadsheets. To you this must look like gobbledigook, but I assure you, to people who do use spreadsheets, this makes perfect sense. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Californians are a strange people. They'll put every chemical known to man up their nostrils, and get so warped from snorting, that they tell you it's bad for you if you put sugar in your coffee! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Gorilla Glue from Granite Soak the spot with Orange Glo. Take a sharp knife and gently scrape away the glue. Wipe off the dried glue and cover area again with the Orange Glo, let sit, and wipe clean. Easy! By jdarocy [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Frank Green of San Antonio Texas, when sentenced to seven years in jail, carried on about how seven was his unlucky number, pleading and begging the judge not to give him seven years. So the judge gave him eight years instead. _____________________________________________________ A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste for the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job. He decided to seek compensation for his ailment. Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department, he is interviewed by an assessor. Assessor: I see you work with radio-active materials and wish to claim compensation. Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick. Assessor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to protect you from radiation poisoning? Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job. Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive? Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined. Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept? Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead. Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept in a lead container. Trucker: Yeah, that's right. All lead. Assessor: Then I can't see how you could claim against him for radiation poisoning. Trucker: I'm not. I claiming for lead poisoning. ____________________________________________________
Creatures of the deep. Gigantic school of Rays, The most ever seen at one time.

Today in 
1139 The Second Lateran Council opened in Rome. 
1534 Jacques Cartier, a French explorer, set sail from 
 St. Malo to explore the North American coastline. 
1653 In England, Oliver Cromwell expelled the Long Parliament 
 for trying to pass the Perpetuation Bill that would have 
 kept Parliament in the hands of only a few members. 
1769 Ottawa Chief Pontiac was murdered by an Illinois 
 Indian in Cahokia. 
1775 American troops began the siege of British-held Boston. 
1792 France declared war on Austria, Prussia, and Sardinia. 
 It was the start of the French Revolutionary wars. 
1809 Napoleon defeated Austria at Battle of Abensberg, 
 Bavaria. 
1832 Hot Springs National Park was established by an act 
 of the U.S. Congress.
1841 In Philadelphia, PA, Edgar Allen Poe's first detective 
 story, "The Murders in the Rue Morgue," was published
1861 Robert E. Lee resigned from U.S. Army. 
1865 Safety matches were first advertised. 
1879 First mobile home (horse drawn) was used in a journey 
 from London to Cyprus. 
1902 Scientists Marie and Pierre Curie isolated the 
 radioactive element radium. 
1916 Sir Roger Casement landed in Ireland to incite rebellion 
 against the British. Casement, a British diplomat, was 
 captured within hours and was hanged for high treason 
 on August 3. 
1919 The Polish Army captured Vilno, Lithuania from the Soviets. 
1940 The First electron microscope was demonstrated by RCA. 
1942 Pierre Laval, the premier of Vichy France, in a radio 
 broadcast, establishes a policy of "true reconciliation 
 with Germany." 
1945 Soviet troops began their attack on Berlin. 
1945 During World War II, Allied forces took control of the 
 German cities of Nuremberg and Stuttgart. 
1951 General MacArthur addressed the joint session of Congress 
 after being relieved by U.S. President Truman. 
1953 Operation Little Switch began in Korea. It was the 
 exchange of sick and wounded prisoners of war. Thirty 
 Americans were freed. 
1953 The Boston marathon was won by Keizo Yamada with a record 
 time of 2:18:51. 
1961 FM stereo broadcasting was approved by the FCC. 
1962 The New Orleans Citizens' Council offered a free one-way 
 ride for blacks to move to northern states. 
1967 U.S. planes bombed Haiphong for first time during the 
 Vietnam War. 
1972 The manned lunar module from Apollo 16 landed on the moon. 
1981 A spokesman for the U.S. Navy announced that the U.S. was 
 accepting full responsibility for the sinking of the Nissho 
 Maru on April 9. 
1984 Britain announced that its administration of Hong Kong 
 would cease in 1997. 
1987 In Argentina, President Raul Alfonsin quelled a military revolt. 
1988 The U.S. Air Forces' Stealth (B-2) bomber was officially unveiled. 
1989 Scientist announced the successful testing of high-definition TV. 
1992 The worlds largest fair, Expo '92, opened in Seville, Spain. 
1998 Kenyan runner Moses Tanui, 32, won the Boston Marathon for the 
second time. He also registered the third fastest time with 2 hours 
7 minutes and 34 seconds. 
2015  smiled.
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