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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Burglar Stuck In Chimney Dies After Homeowner Lights Fire Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, December 1, in 1835 Hans Christian Andersen published his first book of fairy tales. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Chateau Miaou According to the Journal of Medicine in 1985, five times more money was spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. It follows that in 30 years (from 1985) there will be great numbers of people walking around with huge breasts and erections unable to remember what to do with them. ______________________________________________________ Chicago Sun-Times, reported the following: ''News Item: Psychiatrists explore ways to treat Jerusalem Syndrome, in which as many as 1 in 100 pilgrims to Jerusalem imagine they are biblical figures, dress up in hotel bedsheets, sing psalms at the top of their lungs and preach to passersby.. Psychiatrists want to take all the fun out of being a pilgrim.'' ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Noella for this picture: ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ >Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by Cody CALDWELL, 19, Huron, California
Burglar Stuck In Chimney Dies After Homeowner Lights Fire A suspected burglar broke into a home in Fresno County, California, but was never actually able to leave. The man ended up getting stuck in the chimney of the home and then died on Saturday afternoon after the unsuspecting homeowner lit a fire. According to Fox News, the homeowner had no idea that a burglar, or anyone for that matter, was in his chimney. On Friday night, the burglar climbed up to the top of the top of a home in the city of Huron, California. He then lowered himself into the chimney in hopes of entering the home and robbing it of its belongings, but things didn’t go so well from there. The burglar ended up getting stuck in the chimney and just stayed there. On Saturday afternoon, the homeowner went to light a fire in his fireplace, but had no idea that anyone was actually stuck in the chimney. Just before 3 p.m. on Saturday, the homeowner heard the burglar scream from inside the chimney shortly after the fire was lit. He immediately worked at putting the fire out and it caused the home to fill up with smoke. Yahoo News reported that while the home was filling up with smoke, the homeowners contacted the authorities to let them know of the situation. They continued to try to put the fire out while waiting for firefighters to arrive. Cal Fire – Fresno County arrived on the scene at the home on the 16000 block of W. Gale Ave just about 10 minutes after the initial call. The suspect in the chimney was said to apparently still be breathing and moving while stuck inside of the chimney. Firefighters began tearing apart the chimney to get the burglar out of the chimney and after a short while, they were able to remove him. While attempting to rescue the man, they soon discovered that he was dead. A preliminary investigation done by the police show that no wrongdoing was done by the homeowner. No one within the home had any idea that someone was in the chimney at the time they lit the fire as the suspect had crawled into it overnight in an attempt to rob the home. The suspect’s body was removed from the scene in Fresno County, California, by the Coroner’s Office. An autopsy is going to be performed to identity not only the cause and exact manner of death, but also his identity.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Irene Re: How to send a Fax Dear Webby, I used to send faxes from my laptop for many years. Then suddenly it stopped. What can I do to send the occasional fax? I got W7, and the laptop is kinda ancient. Thanks Ireme Dear Irene There could be many reasons, from bad connection to hardware to Windows settings. Enough for a small book. I am in the same predicament. My laptop is probably older than you are, and I don't have the time to sort out all Windows problems, that could interfere with faxing. Since there are alot of people like us around, there are also a number of companies on the web, who will fax for us. Here are some: They are free for the first month, $16.50 after that You get a fax number, that you can put on your site or your stationery. Then there is Fax for free, receive for $3.95 a month. You get a fax number too, that you can use. With services like that just a click away, there is no point buying a fax machine for occasional faxing or to spend a lot of time messing with the Windows Fax. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Sid and Al were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in Mexico?" I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?" "I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Mexican Jews." "Are you sure?" Al asked. "I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere." When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Mexican Jews." "Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Mexican Jews." "Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Best Brownies As easy as a mix, but much better! Approximate Time: 25 min prep; 30 min bake Yield: 1 8-inch square pan Ingredients: 1/2 cup butter 1 cup sugar 2 large eggs 1 tsp vanilla extract (I always use vanilla paste, for more flavor) 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 1/4 tsp salt 1/4 tsp baking powder Steps: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour an 8-inch square baking pan. I used this recipe for my brownie bowls (recipe submitted separately), so I greased and floured muffin tins. In microwave, melt butter. Stir in the sugar, eggs and vanilla. Beat in the cocoa, flour, salt and baking powder. Spread the batter into the pan (I put the batter into the muffin tins). Bake 25-30 minutes. Do not overcook. Source: adapted from By Judy Pariser S. [39] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Little Harold was practing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake. can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!" ___________________________________________________
epic cat fight
____________________________________________________ Two elderly women were trying on shoes in a store. When Joe slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of his tie got caught beneath her heel. Unaware of his predicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds, Joe was crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her attention. "Look, Martha," her friend said. "He wants to go home with you!" ____________________________________________________ Way down the Mississippi River, two tugboat captains from Luisiana, who had been friends for years, would always cry, "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other. A new crewman asked his captain, "Hey, Pierre, why you do dat?" The captain looked surprised and replied, "Sacri Bleu, you dumb Cajun, your mother not read ta bible to you? You never hear of 'an aye for an aye an a toot for a toot' ?" ____________________________________________________ Noella's Blunders Gaslight Square in St. Louis was a thriving entertainment district known for gas lit street lamps and a jazzy sound. Entertainers like the Smothers Brothers, Barbra Streisand, Woody Allen and Miles Davis gained exposure there at the start of their careers. While the district was well known for its night clubs, there was a little coffee house just around the corner called The Exit - a play on words of the title of Jean-Paul Sartre's book, No Exit. The coffee house had an open mike and anybody could say anything, read anything, and they did. During the day, I worked with the guy who ran the place. He asked me to volunteer waiting tables for one night, I said I would. Now the decor was dark - everything was dark burgundy and black. At nightthe only lighting was a small candle at each table. My job was to take orders for drinks (coffee, tea, juice, etc.) I think it was my second table that I approached with a glass of water and ice. I sat the glass down and before I could ask for their order, I heard a cry - coming from MY table. Seems that since I really couldn't see the table, I'd set the glass on the edge and it'd tipped over onto the lady's lap. The rest of my volunteering that night was upstairs typing papers. Noella ____________________________________________________
Whew! I'm so glad I don't have to drive any of these roads!

Today, December 1, in
1835 Hans Christian Andersen published his first book of fairy tales. 
1909 The Pennsylvania Trust Company, of Carlisle, PA, became the 
 first bank in the in the U.S. to offer a Christmas Club account. 
1913 Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line that 
 ushered in the era of mass production. 
1913 The first drive-in automobile service station opened, 
 in Pittsburgh, PA. 
1925 The Locarno Pact finalized the treaties between World War I 
1934 Sergei M. Kirov, a collaborator of Joseph Stalin, was 
 assassinated at the Leningrad party headquarters. 
1941 In the U.S., the Civil Air Patrol was created. In April 
 1943 the Civil Air Patrol was placed under the jurisdiction of 
 the Army Air Forces. 
1942 In the U.S., nationwide gasoline rationing went into effect. 
1952 In Denmark, it was announced that the first successful 
 sex-change operation had been performed. 
1955 Rosa Parks, a black seamstress in Montgomery, AL, refused 
 to give up her seat to a white man. Mrs. Parks was arrested 
 marking a milestone in the civil rights movement in the U.S. 
1959 12 countries, including the U.S. and USSR, signed a treaty 
 that set aside Antarctica as a scientific preserve, which would 
 be free from military activity. 
1965 An airlift of refugees from Cuba to the United States began. 
1969 The U.S. government held its first draft lottery since WWII. 
1984 A remote-controlled Boeing 720 jetliner was deliberately 
 crashed into California's Mojave Desert to test an anti-flame 
 fuel additive. The test proved to be disappointing. 
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan said he would welcome an 
 investigation of the Iran-Contra affair if it were recommended 
 by the Justice Department. 
1987 Construction began on the Channel Tunnel between the 
 United Kingdom and France. 
1987 NASA announced four companies had been given contracts to 
 help build a space station. The companies were Boeing Aerospace, 
 G. E.'s Astro-Space Division, McDonnell Douglas Aeronautics, 
 and Rocketdyne Division of Rockwell International. 
1989 Dissidents in the Philippine military launched an unsuccessful 
 coup against Corazon Aquino's government. 
1989 East Germany's Parliament abolished the Communist Party's 
 constitutional guarantee of supremacy. 
1990 British and French workers digging the Channel Tunnel finally 
 met under the English Channel. 
1991 Ukrainians voted overwhelmingly for independence from the 
 Soviet Union. 
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin survived an impeachment 
 attempt by hard-liners at the opening of the Russian Congress. 
1994 The U.S. Senate gave final congressional approval to the 
 124-nation General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade. 
1998 Exxon announced that it was buying Mobil for $73.7 billion 
 creating the largest company in the world to date. 
2013 CEO Jeff Bezos revealed "Amazon Prime Air" on 
 "60 Minutes." The services was planned to use unmanned aerial 
 vehicles to deliver packages to customers. 
2015  smiled.
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