Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, November 22

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
NJ woman fighting crosswalk ticket, 
saying she was scared of the padded duck.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in 
 a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally 
 was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson 
 was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
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A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. --- Thomas Mann (1875 - 1955) The first marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. The second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. The third marriage is the triumph of stupidity. -- Lydia (on my 4th) ______________________________________________________ One October my wife and I spent a vacation on Washington's Olympic Peninsula. We were eager to visit the rain forests near the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the conditions we might run into, we drove on. Sure enough, we had gone only a short way up the High Rain Forest road when we saw a sign: "Ice 10 miles." Five miles farther on there was another: "Ice 5 miles." The next one was: "Ice 1/2 mile." We practically crept that half-mile. We came to the last sign. It was outside a small grocery, and it read: "Ice 75 cents." ______________________________________________________ >From Laura When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us. "So what changed your mind?" I asked him. "I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?'" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dawn for sending this picture: Click through for the big picture Indiana Fall ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Karen Haigh River Edge, Fort Lee NJ Woman fighting crosswalk ticket, saying she was scared of the padded duck. Police in New Jersey used an undercover cop dressed in a Donald Duck costume to bust dozens of drivers for failing to yield to a pedestrian on Halloween. There are new traffic problems in Fort Lee — motorists who don’t yield to Donald Duck. Police in the New Jersey town used an undercover officer, dressed in a Donald Duck costume, to bust dozens of drivers for failing to yield to a pedestrian on Halloween. The costumed cop was hard to miss — the costume made the officers wearing it seem like they were 6-foot-4. Whenever Donald Duck stepped into a crosswalk and a motorist did not stop, uniformed cops pulled them over down the road and gave them a moving violation carrying a $230 fine, ABC News reported. Plus 2 points on their license. The cop was well padded in the high visibility duck costume to reduce injuries, when drivers did not stop, and was more than obvious enough, so that nobody could claim, they did not see him. One bimbo complained, that she was scared of the big duck! “They told me I was getting a ticket for not stopping for a duck,” motorist Karen Haigh told the TV station. “But it scared me. I’m a woman. This huge duck scared me.” Let's hope she will be charged with attempted murder! They need a cop dressed as a granny or grampa, and swinging a lead pipe to take out those expensive headlights, to mark the perps. Then painted fishlips won't have an excuse. Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Chrome Update Dear Webby! Dear Webby, Need you help once again. This morning McAfee advised of updates and one of those was for Chrome. The Chrome update needed to be accomplished directly from Chrome. I've attempted to download but once it shows the completion of the download it goes to the page screen printed below and I do not know what to do next. Chrome's site is not much help. Hence, I defer to you. Frank Dear Frank I use the "Downloads Button" from http://singleclickapps.com/downloads-app/ It shows in the left lower corner what has been downloaded. So I hit that and get the request to RUN the update. Without that button, you have to find where the update got saved to. In my case, that is in E:\Tools\Chrome but only you know where you saved it to on your machine. If you can't find it easily, just download it again, and this time park it in an easy to find spot. You might want to start some organization, like I do with E:\Tools\Chrome E:\Tools\FireFox E:\Tools\McAfee E:\Tools\RoboForm etc., and always save stuff where it belongs. Makes life a lot easier than having to search for it. You CAN search for "ChromeSetup.exe" or "ChromeSetup", and double-click that, when you find it. That will work too. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Wilbur got a job on the railways as a steward. For the first day he accompanied another steward to learn the ropes. "It's very simple," said his tutor, "Just use diplomacy." "What's diplomacy?" asked Wilbur. "Watch me I'll show you". Off they went down the train corridor, rattling compartment doors, opening them with special keys and offering tea or coffee. When the tutor steward flung open one door he was confronted with a buck naked woman. Without batting an eyelid he asked "Tea or coffee, sir?" The surprised woman took the cup of tea and he shut the door. "Wow, did you see that cutie!" Wilbur said excitedly. "She had no clothes on. But hey, why did you call her sir?" "That's diplomacy! I did not want to embarrass her". Wilbur was most impressed with his teacher. The next day, on his own now, he flung open a door to a compartment and found a couple making love on the bed. "Tea or coffee, sir?" "Tea" the man replied. "And for your brother?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Funnel Need a funnel in a pinch? Cut off the bottom of a 2 liter or 1/2 liter bottle. This works great, and only costs 10 cents (which is the deposit price in Michigan). You can make it as tall or short as you want. By melmarr from Michigan Gallon jugs with the nice and convenient handle work very well too, especially for making a funnel to top off the motor oil or windshield washer fluid. Put the funnel, that you use for motor oil, into an empty shopping bag, so that it does not attract dust. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for ths story: The parents in our cycling group were discussing the subject of teenagers and their appetites. Most agreed that teenagers would eat anything, anywhere and at any time. Some were concerned that such appetites always made it hard to judge when you should feed them because they were always grazing. A veteran parent of six children told us of his method for judging the true hunger of teenagers. "I would hold up a piece of cold, cooked broccoli, and if they were jumping and snapping at it, I figured they were hungry enough to be fed." ______________________________________________________ Co-workers sympathized as Ellie complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture. "Why don't you wait till your husband gets home?" someone asked. "I could," Ellie told the group," but the couch is easier to move when he's not on it."


Amphibious Machines

Today in 
1699 A treaty was signed by Denmark, Russia, Saxony and Poland 
 for the partitioning of the Swedish Empire. 
1718 English pirate Edward Teach (a.k.a. "Blackbeard") was 
 killed during a battle off the coast of North Carolina. 
 British soldiers cornered him aboard his ship and killed 
 him. He was shot and stabbed more than 25 times. 
1899 The Marconi Wireless Company of America was incorporated 
 in New Jersey. 
1910 Arthur F. Knight patented a steel shaft to replace wood 
 shafts in golf clubs. 
1928 In Paris, "Bolero" by Maurice Ravel was first performed 
 publicly. 
1935 The first trans-Pacific airmail flight began in Alameda, 
 CA, when the flying boat known as the China Clipper left for 
 Manila. The craft was carrying over 110,000 pieces of mail. 
1942 During World War II, the Battle of Stalingrad began. 
1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister 
 Winston Churchill and Chinese leader Chiang Kai-shek met in 
 Cairo to discuss the measures for defeating Japan. 
1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in 
 a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally 
 was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson 
 was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President. 
1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon lifted a ban on American 
 travel to Cuba. The ban had been put in place on February 8, 1963. 
1975 Juan Carlos I was proclaimed King of Spain upon the death of 
 Gen. Francisco Franco. 
1975 "Dr. Zhivago" appeared on TV for the first time. NBC paid 
 $4 million for the broadcast rights. 
1977 Regular passenger service on the Concorde began between 
 New York and Europe. 
1983 The Bundestag approved NATO's plan to deploy new U.S. 
 nuclear missiles in West Germany. 
1985 38,648 immigrants became citizens of the United States. 
 It was the largest swearing-in ceremony. 
1986 An Iranian surface-to-surface missile hit a residential 
 area in the Iraqi capital of Baghdad, wounding 20 civilians. 
1986 Mike Tyson became the youngest to wear the world 
 heavyweight-boxing crown. He was only 20 years and 4 months old. 
1989 Rene Moawad, the president of Lebanon, was assassinated less 
 than three weeks after taking office by a bomb that exploded 
 next to his motorcade in West Beirut. 
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and his wife, Barbara
 shared Thanksgiving dinner with U.S. troops in Saudi Arabia. 
1993 Mexico's Senate overwhelmingly approved the North American 
 Free Trade Agreement. 
1994 Inside the District of Columbia's police headquarters a 
 gunman opened fire. Two FBI agents, a city detective and 
 the gunman were killed in the gun battle. 
1994 In northwest Bosnia, Serb fighters set villages on fire 
 in response to a retaliatory air strikes by NATO. 
1998 CBS's "60 Minutes" aired a tape of Jack Kevorkian giving 
 lethal drugs in an assisted suicide of a terminally ill patient. 
 Kevorkian was later sentenced to 25 years in prison for 
 second-degree murder. 
2005 Angela Merkel was elected as Germany's first female chancellor. 
2013 The discovery of Siats meekerorum was announced. The dinosaur 
 skeleton, more than 30 feet long, was found in eastern Utah. 
2014  smiled.
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