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Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, May 29

June 2nd I have to go to  Calgary for injections into 
my eyeballs. There won't be any newsletters sent out on
June 3, 4 and 5.

Have FUN!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a NY Woman, who crashed car, went to nearby home for help. When police arrived, she ran off into the woods and fell off a cliff down 60 feet. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 29, in 1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, ending the Byzantine (Eastern half of Roman) Empire. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Traditions are a cozy way to ensure that the smart people don't have to learn everything the hard way. --- Socratex In a new interview, Uma Thurman says that when she wants to lose weight, she keeps her food intake down by eating in the nude. Actually, I tried that once, but I was kicked out of Denny's. ---Conan O'Brien _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night? Nurse: No change yet. With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
>From Alex One night at about 3am my wife was getting up from the toilet to return to bed when she heard a little noise. It was a suspiciously rodent like sound that seemed to be right in the bathroom with her. She, of course, froze and listened attentively for any further sign of invaders. After a moment, satisfied that she was alone, she took a step for the door. Rodent scratchy sounds again! She froze, not breathing. Silence. Her heart beat fast as she once again tried to retreat from the bathroom. This time the noise was accompanied by something touching the back of her leg! That was too much to bear. She literally flew the 8 feet to the bed, clearing the foot board by a couple feet, to land screaming by my side. The culprit was right there in plain sight, a trail of toilet paper neatly marked the path from bed to the bath- room. ______________________________________________________ >From Susan During my brother's wedding, my mother managed to keep from crying---until she glanced at my grandparents. My grandmother had reached over to my grandfather's wheelchair and gently touched his hand. That was all it took to start my mother's tears flowing. After the wedding, Mom went over to my grandmother and told her how that tender gesture triggered her outburst. "Well, I'm sorry to ruin your moment," Grandmother replied, "but I was just checking if the old fart was awake. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by NY Woman, who crashed car, went to nearby home for help. When police arrived, she ran off into the woods and fell off a cliff down 60 feet. Erika A. Barkman, 38, Voorheesville, New York The Albany County Sheriff’s Office coordinated a rope rescue at a 60-foot cliff in John Boyd Thacher State Park on Tuesday night, after a woman crashed her car against a guardrail, sought help from a nearby residence, then ran away and fell off a cliff. Erika A. Barkman, 38, of Voorheesville, was rescued while conscious and taken to Albany Medical Center. According to a hospital representative, no information about Barkman was available on Wednesday. The rescue took two hours, and began after police found the woman’s car just before 9 p.m. The bumper was missing from the front of the vehicle. An 8:49 p.m. report of an accident led sheriff’s deputies to find a green 1996 Volvo crashed into a guardrail on Thacher Park Road, its front end damaged, said a release from the sheriff's office. A witness at the scene said the driver had been tailgating and driving erratically before the crash and that she had asked the witness for help in finding her cell phone, the release said. “The witness stated the operator did not appear to be injured but was stumbling around and then climbed over the guide rail and fled into the woods,” the release said. The sheriff’s communication center then got a call from a Thacher Park Road resident saying a woman came to his door, asking for help and smelling like alcohol, the release says; she told the resident she was being “chased by cops.” When sheriff’s deputies arrived at the home, Barkman “fled into the woods,” the release says; a police dog began tracking her from the home through the woods to the edge of a cliff. “Sheriff’s deputies began yelling Erika’s name and they could hear her calling for help from the bottom of the cliff, but they were unable to see her,” the release says. The sheriff’s search and rescue unit was then called to lift her from the bottom of the cliff, the release says; once she was found, she was loaded into a rescue basket and hauled back up the cliff. Barkman was taken to Albany Medical Center by the Onesquethaw Ambulance Squad for non-life-threatening injuries sustained in the fall. “A lot of lives got put to risk tonight,” said Sheriff Craig Apple at a press conference Tuesday. He said that the police will “find out if alcohol was involved — what exactly was going on — and take it from there.” The car crash is still being investigated and officials believe alcohol may have been a contributing factor. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon S RE: Cleaning temporary Internet files Dear Webby in today's tech dept question re music that fades in & out occasionally, you mentioned cleaning out temporary internet file. Is that the same as deleting cookies? If so can you please tell me again how to do it. How often should it be done? Is rebooting the same as restart after doing this? Sharon S Dear Sharon Cookies are just some of the temporary Internet files. They are the smallest ones. To clear all temporary Internet files open the File Explorer: Windows Key E Highlight and right-click the C: drive Properties TAB, ENTER (or click on Disk Cleanup) Hit OK. Rebooting and restarting, yes, on Windows those two mean the same. How often? That depends on the machine and the type of work you do with it. Just do it whenever things slow down. Good Luck! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Teacher: Lucille, use "defeat," "defense" and "detail" in a sentence. Lucille: De horse run across de field, and defeat went over defence before detail. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Banana Peels and Tea Bags for Roses By MELISSA [2 Posts, 2 Comments] Give your rose bushes your used tea bags and banana peels. They will love you for it. Also hydrangeas will love your water from when you boil potatoes. You can also use the potato peels at the bottom of your plants. By tennis4two from Madison, IN ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The showers in Jane's daughter's dorm turned scalding hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To warn others, residents would yell out, "Flushing!" each time they flushed the toilets. During one of her daughter's visits home, a friend stopped by to chat for a while. Jane was explaining how her daughter was acting more distant now that she was in college, and that she didn't tell her all about her life the way she used to. Suddenly they heard the daughter call out from the bathroom, "Flushing!" "Good grief," said Jane's friend, "How much more do you want to know?" ___________________________________________________
kid recites NT books with surprise
____________________________________________________ A young minister, in his first days at his first parish, is obliged to conduct the funeral services for an eccentric man who has just died. At he funeral home, he stands before the open casket and tries to think of words to console the widow. Finally, the minister says, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Jones. But we must remember that what we see here is only the husk, the shell. The nut has gone to heaven." ____________________________________________________ An extremely shy fellow brought his date a bouquet of flowers. She was so overcome she threw her arms around him and kissed him long and hard. After the kiss, red-faced, he turned and bolted for the door. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to offend you." "You didn't," he replied. "I'm just running down to the cemetery for more flowers." ____________________________________________________
A different sort of sand art.

Today on May 29
1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, 
 ending the Byzantine (Eastern half of Roman) Empire.
1660 Charles II was restored to the English throne 
 after the Puritan Commonwealth.
1765 Patrick Henry denounced the Stamp Act before 
 Virginia's House of Burgesses.
1849 A patent for lifting vessels was granted to Abe  Lincoln.
1910 An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York City.
 The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize.
1911 The first running of the Indianapolis 500 took place.
1912 Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the 
 Curtis Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for 
 dancing the Turkey Trot while on the job.
1916 U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained 
 until 1924.
1922 Ecuador became independent.
1932 World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC. 
 to demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive 
 for another 13 years.
1951 C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the 
 North Pole in single engine plane.
1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became 
 first men to reach the top of Mount Everest and live.
1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured 
 in a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium.
1986 Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor 
 William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to 
 Iran were being diverted to the Contras.
1988 U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the 
 Soviet Union in Moscow.
1999 Space shuttle Discovery completed the first 
 docking with the International Space Station.
2000 Fiji's military took control of the nation and 
 declared martial law following a coup attempt by 
 indigenous Fijians in mid-May.
2001 In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden 
 were convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. 
 The crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. 
 embassies in Africa that killed 224 people.
2001 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer 
 Casey Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments.
2016  smiled.
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