Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 31

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Robbers, who stole cash box from guirl guides 
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely 
 illuminated with electric light. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) ______________________________________________________ >From Jean Daughter: "Daddy, I am coming home to get married!! Take out your check book. Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia and he lives in the UK. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber. Dad, I need your blessings good wishes and a big wedding." Father: "Wow! Really??!! Then you can get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through PayPal. And if you get fed up with your husband just sell him on EBay. Best wishes and lots of love Sweetie!! ______________________________________________________ Help! Help" cried the young woman as she ran up the steps of the police station. "An Irishman molested me!" How do you know he was Irish? inquired the sergeant at the desk. "I had to help him" she gasped. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Pierre Thibault 20, Massachusetts Kayla Lonergan 19, Rochester New Hampshire Robbers stole cash box from guirl guides A group of Girl Scouts selling cookies outside a New Hampshire business had their cash box stolen Friday night by a man who escaped in a waiting getaway car, according to police. Rochester cops report that the Girl Scouts were selling cookies in front of a Walgreens pharmacy when a 5’ 8” black male wearing a winter hat and a New England Patriots jacket “grabbed their cash box which was located on the cookie table.” The man fled in a waiting Toyota Camry that had two occupants (and carried New Jersey plates). Shortly after the theft, police located the vehicle, but the suspects had already fled on foot after pulling into a driveway. One of the suspects, Kayla Lonergan was arrested yesterday afternoon in connection with the theft. The 19-year-old Lonergan, who was driving the getaway car, has been charged with a pair of misdemeanors. During police questioning, Lonergan reportedly confessed to driving the getaway car and said that Thibault came running back to the vehicle “with people chasing him.” According to a Rochester Police Department affidavit, cops noted that Lonergan said Thibault announced “something to the effect of ‘I robbed them,’” upon entering the car’s back seat. Lonergan, pictured above, was locked up in lieu of $7500 bail in advance of her arraignment this morning. Police have also secured an arrest warrant for Pierre Thibault, who allegedly swiped the cash box from the Girl Scouts (none of whom were harmed during the theft). Seen above from a previous mug-shot, Thibault, a 20-year old Massachusetts resident, remains at large. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Verna Re: Lost cursor Dear Webby, I remember those cardboard strips, that fit across the top of the keyboard and had all the commands for CTRL + Letter, number, ALT + Letter or number, F keys and and CTRL and ALT plus F keys to run all of Word Perfect without ever having to mouse around in menues. In those days we got paid according to how many letters we answered per shift, not by how cutesy they were. Good old times! Now I got a problem with my cursor sometimes going on a vacation and not coming back. How do I fix that? Thanks Verna Dear Verna That usually is a sign of a memory shortage. Crap cleaner helps. Make sure CrapCleaner is in the Start-Up menu. Then, when you need it, hit the Windoze key, and use the up / down arrows to highlight Crap Cleaner. Don't expect to configure it while in keyboard only mode. Configure it beforehand, right after start-up. Run the perfectly configured CrapCleaner to free some memory, and the cursor will return. If the mouse is so configured as to show target rings when you pound the CTRL key, that too works sometimes. Another method, that I have observed (from the distance), is pounding the mouse on the desk, cussing at it, and threatening it with taking the battery out. Believe it or not, that method has worked well for a certain lady. It is most likely the slamming onto the desk, that momentarily disconnected the battery, that did the trick. The cussing probably just helped her. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ I couldn't help overhearing a man at a nearby pay phone. "I know it's something you want," he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing. As long as you're living in my house, I think you should respect my wishes." I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly firmness. Then came the 'coup de grace': "Besides, Ma, you're 75 years old! A tatoo like that would look silly on you !" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Spray Paint Lamp Shades I have painted a few lamp shades with spray paint with good success By lavonneann [6] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ >From Jean A road crew supervisor in southern Ontario hired Herb from Newfoundland, to paint the yellow line down the middle of highway 10 heading up toward Wasaga Beach. He was skeptical about hiring him since he didn't have any painting background; however, he appeared enthusiastic and told him that he really needed the job. At least his wife Lorrie-Jane, told him so. He explained to Herb, that his work day would be to complete 2 miles of centerline on the road. He was set up with brushes and paint and his boss got him started. After the first day, the supervisor was pleased to find that he'd painted 4 miles of road in his 8 hour shift, instead of the two expected of him. He told Herb, that he did an excellent job, and said how pleased he was with his progress. On the second day, Herb completed painting just the 2 miles of road that was asked of him. His supervisor was surprised, because on the first day, he had completed twice as much work. But he didn't say anything, since 2 miles of road was the amount that the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it, and to look forward to the next day when he was sure that Herb would pick up the pace again. On day 3, the supervisor was disappointed to learn that in his 8 hour shift, Herb completed painting only 1 mile of road. Herb was called to the supervisor's office and asked what was the problem. "On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile of road. What's the problem, Herb?" "Well," Herb replied, "I'll tell you watt is da problem dare boy, but I taught a smart man like you would figger it out fer yourself. Every day I got farder and farder away from da paint can." _____________________________________________________ New Yorkers are a breed apart. A man was mugged but had no cash. Afraid he'd be hurt, he offered to write the guy a check. The mugger said dumbfounded, "A Check ? Why would I take a check from you? I don't even know you!" ____________________________________________________
Drywall art sculpture with Bernie Mitchell

Today in 
1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the 
 Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to 
 convert to Christianity. 
1776 Abigail Adams wrote to her husband John that women 
 were "determined to foment a rebellion" if the new 
 Declaration of Independence failed to guarantee their rights. 
1779 Russia and Turkey signed a treaty concerning military 
 action in Crimea. 
1854 The U.S. government signed the Treaty of Kanagawa with 
 Japan. The act opened the ports of Shimoda and Hakotade to 
 American trade. 
1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely 
 illuminated with electric light. 
1889 In Paris, the Eiffel Tower officially opened. 
1900 In France, the National Assembly passed a law reducing the 
 workday for women and children to 11 hours. 
1904 In India, hundreds of Tibetans were slaughtered by the British. 
1905 Kaiser Wilhelm arrived in Tangier proclaiming to support for 
 an independent state of Morocco. 
1908 250,000 coal miners in Indianapolis, IN, went on strike to 
 await a wage adjustment. 
1909 Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina. 
1917 The U.S. purchased and took possession of the Virgin Islands 
 from Denmark for $25 million. 
1921 Great Britain declared a state of emergency because of the 
 thousands of coal miners on strike. 
1932 The Ford Motor Co. debuted its V-8 engine. 
1933 The U.S. Congress authorized the Civilian Conservation Corps 
 to relieve rampant unemployment. 
1939 Britain and France agreed to support Poland if Germany 
 threatened invasion. 
1941 Germany began a counter offensive in North Africa. 
1946 Monarchists won the elections in Greece. 
1948 The Soviets in Germany began controlling the Western 
 trains headed toward Berlin. 
1949 Winston Churchill declared that the A-bomb was the only 
 thing that kept the U.S.S.R. from taking over Europe. 
1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as its 
 10th province. 
1966 An estimated 200,000 anti-war demonstrators march in 
 New York City. (New York) 
1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the first 
 spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit. 
1980 U.S. President Carter deregulated the banking industry. 
1986 167 people died when a Mexicana Airlines Boeing 727 crashed 
 in Los Angeles. 
1989 Canada and France signed a fishing rights pact. 
1991 Iraqi forces recaptured the northern city of Kirkuk from 
 Kurdish guerillas. 
2004 Air America Radio launched five stations around the U.S. 
2004 Google Inc. announced that it would be introducing a 
 free e-mail service called Gmail.
2015  smiled.
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