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Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, July 21
Today I have to go to Calgary for injections
into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday,
Saturday or Sunday. Monday I'll be back.

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Todays Bonehead Award: Texas Waffle House Robber Armed with AK-47 is shot by customer armed witrh legal hand gun Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 21, in 1861 - The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began. It was the Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA. The Confederates won the battle. More of what happened on this day in history.
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______________________________________________________ Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice. --- George Jackson (1941 - 1971) "There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it." --- Mary Wilson Little ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At the exclusive restaurant where I work, a party of diners was exhausting the waiter with relentless demands. Through it all, he remained professional. Finally, after leavin a very shabby tip, one of the patrons asked the waiter to take the group's picture, and ranted at reunion they can have because some of them are getting too old to leace their nursing homes. He did take 3 pictures, from their necks on down.
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My Parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked. Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love to!" They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of it that Dad confessed. His question had actually been directed to the family dog, lying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor, and he had been afraid she might step back and trip over the dog. ______________________________________________________ My sister was bemoaning the fact that she had procrastinated cleaning and organizing her house for a long time. Since she was planning to entertain, she felt a lot of pressure to get moving. That afternoon she phoned, sounding glum. "I went to the bookstore," she explained, "and I bought a book on how to get organized. I was all fired up, and decided to clean out all the shelves in the living room. While I was working, I found two copies of the same darn book. I had bought them a few years ago." ______________________________________________________ Delonix ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Antoine Devon Cooper, 26, Dallas, Texas Texas Waffle House Robber Armed with AK-47 is shot by customer armed witrh legal hand gun A man armed with an AK-47 is alleged to have entered a Waffle House in DeSoto, Texas, in the early morning hours last Thursday. The robbery suspect was not counting on the presence of a Texan with a Handgun License to Carry. The alleged robber, described as a black man in his mid- twenties, entered the DeSoto Waffle House at about 2:30 a.m. on July 7, while armed with an AK-47 rifle, information obtained by Breitbart Texas from the DeSoto Police Department revealed. After robbing several of the customers, the man walked out of the diner. One of the customers followed the man out of the restaurant and attempted to stop him. The customer knew that his wife was on her way to the Waffle House and feared she might be in danger in the parking lot. He was afraid the armed man might harm her or others in the parking lot, officials said. After following the man out of the Waffle House, the customer called out to the robber who turned and pointed the rifle at him. The customer fired several shots from his handgun and stopped the robber. Police officers arrived on the scene a short time later and found the robber lying in the parking lot. He was transported to a local hospital where he remains in critical condition. Originally, the suspect had not yet been identified and police were asking for the public’s assistance in figuring out who the man is. Overnight, the police learned the man is 26-year-old Antoine Devon Cooper of Dallas, Sergeant Nic Bristow told Breitbart Texas Thursday morning. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lis RE: Spybot Dear Webby, You have mentioned Spybot a number of times. Where do I get it? Lis Dear Lis It is at or you can go to my tool box at and scroll down to the big blue button marked Spypot Search & Destroy. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. Thursday is YOUR day to drive, you Bozo!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Frosted Banana Bread Squares By Jackie H. Ingredients: 1-1/2 cup sugar 1 cup sour cream 3/4 cup butter (1 1/2 sticks), softened 2 jumbo eggs (I use only jumbo) 4-5 mashed ripened bananas 2 tsp vanilla 1 pkg (8oz) cream cheese, softened 2-1/2 cup all purpose flour 1 tsp baking soda 1 tsp baking powder 1 tsp nutmeg 3/4 tsp salt 1/2 cup chopped walnuts (opt) Brown Butter Cream Cheese Frosting 1/2 cup butter 1 pkg (8oz) cream cheese, softened 4 cups powdered sugar 1-1/2 tsp vanilla 3 Tbsp milk (I use vanilla dairy creamer) Steps: Preheat oven 375 degrees F. Grease and flour a 15x10 inch jelly roll pan. In a large bowl, beat together sugar, sour cream, butter, and eggs until creamy. Add softened cream cheese & vanilla. Then fold in the bananas. In another bowl, mix the flour, baking soda, powder, salt & nutmeg and stir. Add the flour mix to the cream mixture. Add walnuts if you choose. Blend for 1 minute. Spread batter evenly into pan. Bake for 20 - 25 minutes or until golden brown. Meanwhile, for frosting, heat butter in a large saucepan over medium heat until boiling. Let the butter turn a delicate brown and remove from the heat. Add powdered sugar, vanilla, softened butter, softened cream cheese & creamer or milk. Whisk together until all is very smooth. Frosting will be thicker than a glaze but thinner than a frosting. Using a spatula, frost the bars while still slightly warm. Enjoy! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Re Govt bigshots parking in student parking lots: Don't they realize that: (I'm talking about middle school or college students here) It takes 8 students 4 seconds to grunt a car onto it's roof. 16 students can lift a car and jog with it. (stick half inch iron water pipe through under the car and use the protruding ends as comfortable carry-handles) It takes 6 students, a bit of grunting, 4 cement blocks, 4 speed-wrenches and 20 seconds to remove 4 wheels and two license plates. Two students with a tube of Crazy Glue can "ice" both door locks while they walk past them, without slowing down. Girls like smearing a big gobs of ketchup with rubber tarantulas in it under the door handles. Macho guys prefer to use fibre-gum, a slow drying and VERY sticky roofing gunk. Splat's of white acrylic paint mixed with Poly-Filla make very authentic looking pigeon droppings that are very difficult to remove. It takes one student 4 seconds to pry the top of a car door open wide enough for the muzzle of a water gun, and completely soak the driver's seat with skunk-oil. It takes a skinny student about a minute to connect a wire from the brake pedal sensor to the horn relay. A roof rack with a pile of empty boxes, a few paint rollers and water soluble paint, and a fake fox tail on the antenna, is all you need to make a car, that has been carried over 4 spots, totally unrecognizable to it's owner. 4 students can lift a corner of a car enough to kick a skate board under the wheel. Makes it easy to inconspicuously move a car. Be careful on sloped parking lots! A mangled old shopping cart wedged solidly under a car, which has been partially lifted by a few students, will generally get the driver into the bad books of any cop led to the scene. Old baby strollers from the dump work even better. And then there's always the old skunk in the trunk trick. Oh, the good old days! ___________________________________________________
Never trust a monkey/chimp - whatever
____________________________________________________ There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot. When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?" To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canarries and a 10 ton limit, so i have to keep half of them flying at all times." ____________________________________________________ A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor. So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office. ____________________________________________________
A fun and somehow soothing video to watch.

Today on July 21
1831 - Belgium became independent as Leopold I was
proclaimed King of the Belgians. 

1861 - The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began.
It was the Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA. The
Confederates won the battle. 

1925 - The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T.
Scopes was convicted and fined $100 for violating the state
prohibition on teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. The
conviction was later overturned on a legal technicality
because the judge had set the fine instead of the jury. 

1930 - The Veterans Administration of the United States was

1940 - Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia were annexed by the
Soviet Union. 

1944 - American forces landed on Guam during World War II. 

1949 - The U.S. Senate ratified the North Atlantic Treaty. 

1954 - The Geneva Conference partitioned Vietnam into North
Vietnam and South Vietnam. 

1959 - A U.S. District Court judge in New York City ruled
that "Lady Chatterley’s Lover" was not a dirty book. 

1961 - Captain Virgil "Gus" Grissom became the second
American to rocket into a sub-orbital pattern around the
Earth. He was flying on the Liberty Bell 7. 

1968 - Arnold Palmer became the first golfer to make a
million dollars in career earnings after he tied for second
place at the PGA Championship. 

1980 - Draft registration began in the United States for 19
and 20-year-old men. 

1997 - The U.S.S. Constitution, which defended the United
States during the War of 1812, set sail under its own power
for the first time in 116 years. 

2000 - NBC announced that they had found nearly all of
Milton Berle's kinescopes. The filmed recordings of Berle's
early TV shows had been the subject of a $30 million lawsuit
filed by Berle the previous May. 

2002 - WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy
protection. At the time it was the largest bankruptcy in
U.S. history. 

2004 - White House officials were briefed on the September
11 commission's final report. The 575-page report concluded
that hijackers exploited "deep institutional failings within
our government." The report was released to the public the
next day. 

2007 - The seventh and last book of the Harry Potter series,
"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," was released. 

2011 - Space Shuttle Atlantis landed at Kennedy Space Center
in Florida. It was the last flight of NASA's space shuttle

2016  smiled.
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