Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
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Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, December 8
Today I have to go to Calgary for more injections into my
eyeballs. That means no newsletters get sent out on Friday,
Saturday or Sunday.

>From Master Chief Jim
Seventy five years ago today it was a cold, spitting snow
Sunday in North East Arkansas. I took my 22 rifle and ole Tip
and went hunting. It was so cold no game was moving out of
their nests, so it was a fruitless hunt. When I got home the
Radio was going and I learned that Pearl Harbor had been
attacked by the Japanese. I didn't even know Pearl and was
wondering what she did to cause the Japanese to attack her. I
learned what Pearl Harbor IS and soon joined the navy, and as
you say, the rest is history.  SUPPORT THE TROOPS. 
Master Chief Jim



Right now, the Gullible Warming that warms up the climate and makes the weather colder, if you believe the grant recipients, is -28 Celsius (-18 Fahrenheit) on the thermometer outside my window. In the Yukon it is -40, I heard. The days are getting longer. 7 1/2 minutes longer than in the days of Babylon. Theoretically, that should cause some warming! We need more muscle cars and cheaper gas. Recycle the grant recipients! Otherwise we will slip into another ice age! Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Couple uses stun gun on Walmart greeter asking for receipt Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, December 8 in 1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared war against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. Canada declared war on Japan the day before, on December 7. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. --- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945) He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. --- Chinese Proverb ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A sailor, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave. The sailor walked up to the man and asked, "When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?" The old Chinese man replied with a smile, "Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers." ______________________________________________________ A doctor sees an old man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. The next time the old man had an appointment, the doc says, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing what you told me, Doctor. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." "I didn't say that... I said, You've got a heart murmur, be careful!" "Too late!", the old man cackled, "I'm doing just fine with my interpretation!" ------- As soon as I win the lottery, I am going to switch to that interpretation too! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: These three dudes break out of prison. One is white, one black, and one Mexican. They are going through the woods trying to get away, and they hear the guard dogs coming. They come out of the woods to a swamp with alligators. The white man says, "I've got to try to swim across. If I don't, the dogs will get me." So he jumps in and swims about fifty feet, and the alligators eat him. The black guy is standing there looking at the swamp, and the dogs are getting closer, so he says, "I'm bigger and stronger than that white dude, I think I can out swim those alligators." So he jumps in, swims about a hundred feet, and the alligators eat him. The Mexican is standing there, afraid to jump in, when the dogs come out of the woods barking, so he jumps in, and he swims all the way across and gets away. A little alligator says to a big alligator, "Why did we eat the first two guys, but let the Mexican go?" The big alligator says, "The last time I ate a Mexican, my butt burned for three days!" ______________________________________________________ Come on out and play! ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Davis, Jr., 42, Natasha Hall, 38 Indian Trail, N.C. Couple uses stun gun on Walmart greeter asking for receipt A couple attempting to steal a TV from a Walmart used a stun gun on a 65-year-old store greeter who asked them for a sales receipt. The man and woman fled after Sunday morning's incident in Indian Trail, N.C. and police are still searching for the duo. The suspects, David Davis, Jr., 42, and Natasha Hall, 38, will be charged with common law robbery. Davis will face an additional charge for assault with a deadly weapon. The Charlotte Observer reports Davis committed a similar crime with a different partner in 2015 at a nearby Lowe's. In the previous encounter, Davis threatened the employee with a knife. Davis was charged with robbery with a dangerous weapon. There is no word on the condition of the female greeter. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Daniel RE: Not receiving the subscription Dear Webby, i am nor receiving you daily letter through email.i have to go to i.e. my isp could not get it either. daniel Dear Daniel Tell your ISP he is either lying or incompetent. Or both. Your newsletter does enter ATT.NET. What happens after it has entered ATT.NET is their responsibility, not mine. Many thousands of subscribers receive the Humor letter OK. If you can't get ATT.NET to fix their problem, get a Gmail address on the side. Have FUN! DearWebby
From Ross At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 34. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." Almost everybody who was waiting for the flight at Gate 35, next to my 34, picked up their luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice announced that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. Soon after that all those people trundled into the waitng ara again. Then the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program, we just found out that the plane for flight 570 is actually at gate 53, not 35. Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble dyslexic pilots!"
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Your Windshield Free of Snow and Ice By Brianna Southworth [75 Posts, 2 Comments] Winter in Alaska where we live can be so harsh! No matter where you live, though, scraping ice off of your car in the early morning is just no one's idea of fun. This is the BEST WAY to keep your windshield frost free. Wipe the windows and windshield of your vehicle down with white vinegar, undiluted, after you park your car for the night. This will prevent frost from building on your car, and who doesn't LOVE that? By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, Alaska
Jingle Bell Hoops
____________________________________________________ Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender. ____________________________________________________
Looks like a ghost is still fighting the Civil War! Watch the cannons.
A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer's garden. "I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine. "No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one." The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?" "Yes," replied the farmer, "I'll give you that one for two cents." "OK," said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Today on December 8
1765 Eli Whitney was born in Westboro, MA. Whitney invented
the cotton gin and developed the concept of mass-production
of interchangeable parts. 

1776 George Washington's retreating army in the American
Revolution crossed the Delaware River from New Jersey to
Pennsylvania. 

1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate
Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus, was
free of original sin from the moment she was conceived. 

1863 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln announced his plan for
the Reconstruction of the South. 

1863 Tom King of England defeated American John Heenan and
became the first world heavyweight champion. 

1886 At a convention of union leaders in Columbus, OH, the
American Federation of Labor was founded. 

1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared
war against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese
attacked Pearl Harbor. Canada declared war on Japan on the
day Japan attacked Pearl Harbor

1949 The Chinese Nationalist government moved from the
Chinese mainland to Formosa due to Communists pressure. 

1952 On the show "I Love Lucy," a pregnancy was acknowledged
in a TV show for the first time. 

1962 Workers of the International Typographical Union began
striking and closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike
lasted 114 days and ended April 1, 1963. 

1980 Zimbabwe’s manpower minister, Edgar Tekere, was found
guilty in the killing of a white farmer. He was freed under a
law that protected ministers acting to suppress terrorism. 

1982 Norman D. Mayer demanding an end to nuclear weapons held
the Washington Monument hostage. He threatened to blow it up
with explosives he claimed were inside a van. 10 hours later
he was shot to death by police. 

1984 In Roanoke, Virginia, a jury found Hustler magazine
publisher Larry Flynt innocent of libeling Reverend Jerry
Falwell with a parody advertisement. However Falwell was
awarded $200,000 for emotional distress. 

1987 U.S. President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S.
Gorbachev signed a treaty agreeing to destroy their nations'
arsenals of intermediate-range nuclear missiles. 

1987 The "intefadeh" (Arabic for uprising) by Palestinians in
the Israeli-occupied territories began. 

1989 Communist leaders in Czechoslovakia offered to surrender
their control over the government and accept a minority role
in a coalition Cabinet. 

1992 Americans got to see live television coverage of U.S.
troops landing on the beaches of Somalia during Operation
Restore Hope. (Due to the time difference, it was December 9
in Somalia.) 

1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the North
American Free Trade Agreement. 

1994 Bosnian Serbs released dozens of hostage peacekeepers,
but continued to detain about 300 others. 

1997 The second largest bank was created with the
announcement that Union Bank Switzerland and the Swiss Bank
Corporation would merge. The combined assets were more than
$590 billion. 

1997 Jenny Shipley was sworn in as the first female prime
minister of New Zealand. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police could not
search a person or their cars after ticketing for a routine
traffic violation. 

1998 The FBI opened its files on Frank Sinatra to the public.
The file contained over 1,300 pages. 

1998 Nkem Chukwu and Iyke Louis Udobi's first of eight babies
was born. The other seven were delivered 12 days later. 

1998 AT&T Corp. announced that it was buying IBM's data
networking business for $5 billion cash. 

1998 The first female ice hockey game in Olympic history was
played. Finland beat Sweden 6-0. 

1999 In Memphis, TN, a jury found that Rev. Martin Luther
King Jr. had been the victim of a vast murder conspiracy, not
a lone assassin. 

1999 Russia and Belarus agreed in principle to form an
economic and political confederation. 

2000 Mario Lemieux announced to the Pittsburgh Penguins that
he planned to return to the National Hockey League (NHL) as a
player at age 35. He would be the first modern owner-player
in U.S. pro sports.

2016  smiled.
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