Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, May 21.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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You can't wait for inspiration. 
You have to go after it with a club.
--- Jack London (1876 - 1916)


The anesthesiologist at the outpatient surgery
center often chatted with patients before their
operations to help them relax.
One day he thought he recognized a woman as a
co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained.

When the patient confirmed that his hunch was
correct, he said,
"So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to
be?"

"Well," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."
 

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"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle.
"I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the
happiest day of your life."

"But I'm not getting married until tomorrow." protested 
his nephew.

"I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean."




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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Kassandra Martinez, 20, Dallas, Texas

Jailed After She Murdered Her Cousin 
For Gas Money

Reported by The Weekly vice
Kassandra Martinez, a 20-year-old Dallas woman, was jailed 
Sunday after she repeatedly ran over her cousin with her car 
during an argument over gas money.

She then drove home to get some sleep - obviously tuckered 
out from all that driving.

According to Dallas police, Martinez was at a club with her 
cousin and her cousin's two sisters when the girls began 
arguing about where to go next (home or out to eat somewhere).

Angry that she wasn't getting her way, Martinez left the club 
alone with the girls' purses in the trunk of her car. The 
three girls left behind at the club were forced to find a 
ride from a friend who was also at the club.

During the ride home, the girls noticed that Martinez had 
stopped off for gas at a local gas station, so they asked 
the driver to stop and let them out so they could retrieve 
their purses.

That's when Martinez reportedly began arguing with them, 
demanding that they give her gas money. When the girls 
refused, Martinez retorted "Well, if that's the way it is..." 
before backing over her cousin who had been waiting at 
the rear of the vehicle to get her purse.

After backing over the victim, Martinez then put the car 
into drive and then drove over her cousin a second time.

Martinez then drove home to go to bed while her cousin, 
identified as 24-year-old Yunel Aguilar, was rushed to 
Parkland Memorial Hospital. She was pronounced dead a 
short time later.

Surveillance video captured from the scene showed the 
entire incident as it unfolded. Investigators were able 
to use the video to identify Martinez's VW Passat, which 
was found at her residence.

Martinez was arrested when Aguilar's mother called and 
convinced her to come up to the hospital.

During a police interview, Martinez admitted that she did 
not have a driver's license, but claimed that she was not 
under the influence of drugs or alcohol when she ran over 
her cousin.

Martinez was booked into jail and charged with murder. She 
remains jailed in lieu of $150,000 bail.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Neil
Re: Safe Magnifier

Dear Webby,
Here is a link to a virtual magnifying glass that is free, does not screw with anything on your desktop, is customizable and once again, free. I have used this magnifier since win98, and never had an issue.

http://magnifier.sourceforge.net/

Neil

Thanks, Neil!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Remembering to Use Coupons
Occasionally I have forgotten to use my coupons at the 
checkout only to remember them when I get home. I've started 
highlighting the items that I have coupons for on my shopping 
list with bright neon highlighters, that way they constantly 
jog my memory as I read my grocery list. 

By mother of 5 from Canada  

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com



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A pretty girl asked the male clerk at a fabric counter,
"I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much
does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard, " he replied with a smirk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards.

With anticipation written all over his face, the clerk
hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then
held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little
old lady standing behind her.

"Grandma will pay the bill, "she smiled





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales
on display at the department store.
"Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked.

"Yeah, my mom has one," the other replied.

"What's it for?"

"It's a cussing machine," the second boy answered.
"Every time she stands on it, she starts cussing and
throwing stuff."



»  Forging - Legumes




Today, May 21, in
0996 Sixteen year old Otto III was crowned the Roman Emperor.
1471 King Henry VI was killed in the tower of London. 
 Edward IV took the throne.
1536 The Reformation was officially adopted in Geneva, CH
1602 Martha's Vineyard was first sighted by Captain 
 Bartholomew Gosnold.
1819 Bicycles were first seen in the U.S. in New York City. 
 They were originally known as "swift walkers."
1832 In the U.S., the Democratic Party held its first 
 national convention.
1840 New Zealand was declared a British colony.
1906 Louis H. Perlman received his patent for the demountable 
 tire-carrying rim.
1927 Charles A. Lindberg completed the first solo nonstop 
 airplane flight across the Atlantic Ocean. The trip began May 20.
1934 Oskaloosa, IA, became the first city in the U.S. to 
 fingerprint all of its citizens.
1956 The U.S. exploded the first airborne hydrogen bomb in the 
 Pacific Ocean over Bikini Atoll.
1968 The nuclear-powered U.S. submarine Scorpion, with 99 men 
 aboard, was last heard from. The remains of the sub were later 
 found on the ocean floor 400 miles southwest of the Azores.
1970 The National Guard was mobilized to quell disturbances at 
 Ohio State University.
1982 The British landed in the Falkland Islands and fighting began.
1998 An expelled student, Kipland Kinkel, in Springfield, OR, 
 killed 2 people and wounded 25 others with a semi-automatic 
 rifle. Police also discovered that the boy had killed his 
 parents before the rampage.
1998 In Miami, FL, five abortion clinics were hit by a 
 butyric acid-attacker. 
2013  smiled

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