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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, July 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh Kindergarten teacher harasses neighbor about barbecuing Details at Boneheads Today in 1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed. --- David Frost If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) "He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else." --- Benjamin Franklin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Barb Minister's Wife Jack goes to his friend Mike and says "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him back in church for an hour after service for me?" Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees. After the service, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied." The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says: "You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago". ______________________________________________________ When Liz went with her daughter to visit a prestigious university, their student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told them that the professors were the best in the world, and she recommended to Liz's daughter to apply early to improve her chances for admission. She said, "We get so many applicants because of the stature and reputation of the school." After the tour Liz asked their guide, "Why did you choose this school?" She said, "Oh, because my boyfriend works at the McDonalds just a block from here since he got his PhD three years ago." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for having used a picture, that had been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that some day somebody will demand payment, AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make off the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. Hopefully none of those have been uploaded for entrapment purposes. ______________________________________________________ An Army major, was conducting a field test when communications went dead, just when headquarters initiated a call to him. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station. When the major and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook the major's hand. "Don't congratulate me, sir," he said modestly as he pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing." The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. "Congratulations, Sergeant!" he said. "The major's wife just had a baby girl." ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Clyde: Mt AdamsTahklahk Lake, Washington ______________________________________________________ An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging. ______________________________________________________
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sue Godfirnon, 57, St. Petersburg, Floriduh
Floriduh Kindergarten teacher harasses neighbor about barbecuing A video of a Pinellas County code enforcement officer reprimanding two men about BBQ smoke from their grill is now viral. More than 4 million people have seen the video, that was shot July 22 outside the south St. Petersburg home. Godfirnon had in the past called the fire department, the cops, and filed at least 15 complaints with the county. Ajaya Satyal with Pinellas County Air Quality said: “Mostly the complaints have been filed after the fact but several occasions like the last incident our inspector found odor and smoke emanating from this property,” said Satyal about the 15 complaints made about the property on Alcola Way South. “I hope she leaves us alone, I hope she moves out of the neighborhood,” said Dwayne Matt. “I don’t think you know what all we’ve been through,” said Dwayne. The Matt brothers live in the house they grew up in, that they inherited from their parents. Godfirnon is relatively new to the neighborhood. She has not complained about her white neighbor barbecuing. Since the video was posted last week, it has been shared and viewed over 4 million of times. And the incident has become a rallying cry for both conservative bloggers who see government bureaucracy run amok, and African-American activists denouncing the confrontation as harassment. ---------------------- Earliest account of BBQ: Genesis 8:21 Then Noah built an altar to the LORD, and took of every clean animal and of every clean bird and offered barbebcued offerings on the altar. 21: The LORD smelled the soothing aroma; and the LORD said to Himself, "I will never again curse the ground on account of man, ... That is a bit before my time, but it is very clear that the smell of barbecuing is approved by the HIGHEST authority.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marlene Re: Old Excel for W8.1 Dear Webby, I have used an older version of excell for years. Just had to buy a new computer with windows 8.1. can I install the older version or must I buy the new one. thanks for all you do. BTW- you are really missed the days you go for treatment. is there anyway you could set up a "best of webby" for those day Marlene Dear Marlene The next injection trip will be in October. They are getting further and further apart. With Excel, I would try to install it, if you have the setup file. If not, try to find one on Ebay or Amazon. I am using a fairly ancient 2003 version occasionally, and it works OK. You can also install Open Office and use Open Office Calc, like most of Europe and Asia is. It can pick up Excel files from any version, and even save them back as Excel files. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Overheard in the elevator: I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane. It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver in my coffee, and it spilled all over the keyboard on my laptop! ______________________________________________________ Thinking about technology, my neighbor knew a lady who wanted a picture touched up of her late husband. She asked the photosho guru to take the hat off her husband's head in the picture, as well. He asked her, on her way out the door, what side her husband parted his hair on. She thought for a minute, and then said that she didn't remember, but he'd find out when he took the hat off. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leave Sugar Out of Cooked Foods I don't add sugar to my veggies. I just heat them, whether canned or frozen. I don't put sugar in my cornbread. I am not diabetic, I just don't require that all my food be sweetened. By Marty Dick [160] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A young woman meets her old, retired, parish priest and when he asks her how she is, she bursts out crying. "What's the matter child?" he asks. "Oh, Father," she says, "it's my boyfriend. He won't marry me because I'm Roman Catholic." "There, there child. Here's what you do. Explain to him the faith of the Church, the traditions, the ceremonies and the rites. That'll bring him around." Tearfully, the young woman says she'll try it. About a year later, they meet again, and again she bursts into tears when he asks how she is doing. "Is it your boyfriend, child?" he asks. "Yes, Father." "Did you explain about the Church as I suggested?" "Yes, Father," she says, "but that was the problem. He was so taken by it that he's now studying to be a priest." ____________________________________________________
Nearly naked dance with towels
____________________________________________________ Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" A voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!" ____________________________________________________
Wine bottle opener machine

Today in 
1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle 
 of Gravelines. 
1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 
 25-minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked 
 out Jean Petit from France. 
1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was 
 inaugurated when two people held a conversation between 
 New York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 
1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile 
 swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis 
 to Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. 
1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established. 
1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) 
 was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 
1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's 
 stance against artificial methods of birth control. 
1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to 
 lift collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government 
 welcomed the action and announced its intention to open 
 serious discussions with Cuba on normalization. 
1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were 
 married. 
1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would be 
 the home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant. 
1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio autoworker 
 John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard "Ivan the Terrible." 
 His death sentence was thrown out and he was set free. 
1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 40 years 
 after contaminated food fish were blamed for deaths and birth 
 defects. 
1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike against 
 General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion in lost revenues. 
2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a new planet 
 (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun.
2015  smiled.
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