Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 4

Started mowing this afternoon, but after doing the edges
had to stop. 50 degrees (120 in British Empire Fahrenheit)
is too hot without a wind. Well, the grass is not going to
run away. I'll go after it when it cools off in the morning.

Fort McMurray, the town north of here, known for oil sands, 
has a major wild fire. 70,000 people had to run. Forced
evacuation.

Forest fire erupts behind reporter

Shelter for the 70,000 + people is getting organized via
FaceBook and Skype.

Shelter for Ft McMurray Refugees




>From Bill M
Hello Webby,
In my version of Microsoft Word, to add or remove horizontal
and vertical scroll bars: 

Left-click the ball at the top left corner of the screen >
left-click on Word Options at the bottom of the dialog box >
left-click on Advanced in the Word Options dialog box >
scroll down to Display > check or uncheck the "Show
Horizontal scroll bar" and the Show vertical scroll bar".
Click on OK
I don't see a Tools menu.
Bill Moore

Thanks Bill


Have FUN!
DearWebby

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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Memphis Ministry prophetess, who stole $60K that were intended for a summer feeding program for low-income children. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 4, in 1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan Island. Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) for $24 in cloth and buttons. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A 6 year old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service, "And forgive us our gas passes, as we forgive those who passed gas against us." _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Bob and his wife have structured conversations: firstly, she gives him her opinion, then she gives him his opinion.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
>From Bobbie A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. Thasch why you alwaysch feel scho musch schmarter after a few beers. ______________________________________________________ Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old buddy Arthur, "How come you aren't married?" Arthur: "I haven't found the right woman yet." George: "So what are you looking for?" Arthur: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, - a good cook and house-keeper, and she's got to know how to handle money, a really nice and pleasant personality is a must - and money, she's got to have money...and a home, a nice big house, is what she has to have." George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU." Arthur: "Oh, it's okay if she is crazy." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeanette Jives-Nealy, 48, Memphis, Tennessee Ministry prophetess stole $60K that were intended for a summer feeding program for low-income children. Jeanette Jives-Nealy, worked at Kingdom Dominion Worldwide Ministries of Memphis, Tennessee. A former Memphis woman has been indicted in a TBI theft investigation. The woman is accused of stealing money intended to fund a summer program for low-income children. TBI According to a press release, 48-year-old Jeanette Jives-Nealy was indicted Tuesday by the Shelby County Grand Jury and charged with one count of Theft over $60,000. Nealy is a former prophetess of Kingdom Dominion Worldwide Ministries of Memphis. The release states the nonprofit organizationís financial statements were investigated for discrepancies in 2014 by TBI Special Agents. During the course of the investigation, investigators developed information that Nealy was the individual responsible for the missing funds, according to the release. Officials say the funds were provided by the Tennessee Department of Human Services and were intended to fund a 2014 summer program food feeding program for low-income children. Nealy currently resides in Tampa, Florida where she was arrested without incident Friday by the Florida Department of Corrections Tampa Circuit Office, according to authorities. Officials say Nealy was booked into the Hillsborough County, Florida Jail, where at the time of the release she was being held without bail, awaiting extradition to Shelby County, Tennessee. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: John RE: Vertical scroll bar in WORD Dear Webby, Good Morning Webby, My wife is running Vista Home and has run into a problem. ¬ She received a document that needs Adobe Reader XI to open. Is it safe to download Adobe Reader. Daily Voter, Bob Hi Bob ANY PDF reader will do. Adobe Reader is OK, but rather limited. I use Nitro, a PDF reader / Editor. With that you can even fill out PDF forms from the IRS. I routinely use that for any forms, not just tax, fill them out, paste my signature, then "print" it to FAX, and pint it on THEIR paper. Nitro is at https://www.gonitro.com/pdf-reader but nowadays, there are quite a few other free PDF editors available, Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Here is an oldie-goldie that came back to me today. Thanks to Ginnie for sending it! Two nuns who worked in a hospital were out driving in the country when they ran out of gas. As they were standing beside their car on the shoulder of the road, a truck approached them. Noticing the nuns in distress, the trucker stopped and offered to help. When the nuns explained they had run out of gas, the trucker said he would be more than happy to drain some from his tank, but he didn't have a bucket or a can. Hearing this, one of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan from the trunk and asked the trucker if it would do. He said it would and proceeded to drain a couple of quarts into the pan. He then handed the pan to the sisters, got back into his truck and waved goodbye. While the nuns were carefully pouring the precious fuel into their gas tank, a cop happened by. He stopped and watched them for a few moments, then said, "Sisters, somehow I don't think that's going to work, but if it does, I am going to become a Catholic!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Styrofoam Meat Trays I found another use for styrofoam meat trays! I needed a nice surface to put a hot pizza on that wouldn't heat up the counter top. These are invaluable for all kinds of things, but a hot pad was the one I thought was the most useful at the time. They are also great for under planters, draining bacon and sausage on with a paper towel or two, spoon and utensil rests when making multiple meals, and so much more. N-JOY! Source: My own need to keep the counters safe and clean. By Poor But Proud from Salem OR ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A linguistics professor was lecturing his class. "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A sarcastic voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah, right." ___________________________________________________
pontoon plane takes off from flatbed behind pickup
____________________________________________________ A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of myopera and that he and would have to wear contract lenses. That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a cadillac removed. Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon. __________________________________________________ The plane was only half-full. When an attractive young woman asked if the seat next to Paul was free, his male ego soared. Soon they were chatting pleasantly, and she told him it was her first flight. "Mom said to sit next to someone I thought I could trust," she confessed nervously. "And you look just like my dad." ____________________________________________________
There is so much beauty in just a drop of water.

Today on May 4
1471 In England, the Yorkists defeated the Landcastrians 
 at the battle of Tewkesbury in the War of the Roses.
1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world between 
 Spain and Portugal.
1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan Island. 
 Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) for 
 $24 in cloth and buttons.
1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding umbrella.
1776 Rhode Island declared its freedom from England two months 
 before the Declaration of Independence was adopted.
1795 Thousands of rioters entered jails in Lyons, France, 
 and massacre 99 Jacobin prisoners.
1814 Napoleon Bonaparte disembarked at Portoferraio on the 
 island of Elba in the Mediterranean.
1886 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the 
 gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph.
1916 Germany agreed to limit its submarine warfare after a 
 demand from U.S. President Wilson.
1930 Mahatma Gandhi was arrested by the British.
1932 Al Capone entered the Atlanta Penitentiary federal 
 prison for income-tax evasion.
1942 The Battle of the Coral Sea commenced as American and 
 Japanese carriers launched their attacks at each other.
1942 The United States began food rationing.
1946 A two-day riot at Alcatraz prison in San Francisco Bay 
 ended. Five people were killed.
1970 The Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on students 
 during an anti-Vietnam war protest at Kent State University. 
 Four students were killed and nine others were wounded.
1979 Margaret Thatcher became Britain's first woman 
 prime minister.
1989 Oliver North, a former White House aide was convicted 
 of shredding documents and two other crimes. He was acquitted 
 of nine other charges stemming from the Iran-Contra affair. 
 The three convictions were later overturned on appeal.
1998 Unabomber Theodore Kaczynski was given four life 
 sentences plus 30 years by a federal judge in Sacramento, CA. 
 The sentence was under a plea agreement that spared Kaczynski 
 the death penalty.
2000 Londoners elected their mayor for the first time.
2010 Pablo Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold for 
$106.5 million. 
2016  smiled.
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